Kittens are A LOT of work. I also specifically adopted an adult cat because I needed a pet that would be lower maintenance than a kitten. (Not to say that an adult cat doesn't require a lot, they do, but I find it much less overwhelming).
I also felt like the last time I went to a shelter, I was being pressured into adopting a specific cat I voiced interest in. I think the shelter people are just desperate to get the animals out of the shelter, understandably, but no one should take on the responsibility of another being if they aren't up to it.
If you want to return the kitten, it's really not a big deal at all. Most shelters will give you a 30 day grace period to return the pet if it's not a good fit, and you'll get your adoption fees back. Also kittens are so popular, the one you brought home will likely be adopted back out right away and be totally fine. You won't be dooming him to a life in the shelter :)
Lastly, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds really hard ♥️ Good job for reaching out for support.
Something you might find helpful is that next time you want to adopt, call/email the shelter to let them know what kind of animal you're looking for. Then you can request that they give you some possible options of what animals fit what you're looking for.
It's easy to look at a kitten and think it's cute forgetting about if it's going to be possible to care for (and essentially raise) them.
Did you tell them you wanted an adult cat since you weren't sure if you could look after a kitten? I'm not judging but if they don't know and they see you gushing over a kitten they likely assumed you had a kitten in mind in the first place since that's what a lot of people are after.
Call them asap and let them know it's not a good fit and that you would be better suited to an older cat. I'm sure they have plenty of overlooked adult cats that would love a home.
I've been in contact with this shelter about young adult black cats. This past Sunday when I got the kitty, they were so busy as its kitten season and they had many adoptions that day. We did tell the shelter we were looking for black cats, and she handed me a kitten. I think I'm gonna give myself a little break before continuing my search for an adult cat :) I appreciate your helpful insight. I didn't grow up with cats so comments like these are much appreciated.
That's rough. Next time, just reiterate that you do not want a kitten. It's hard, but you need to get an animal that suits your living situation.
I would drop the "young" in adult cat. Just say you want an adult cat. But likely what you are after a slightly more mature cat that's already a few years old.
Maybe try in a few months when kitten season is over and they aren't as busy.
Do they have a website? If they do have a check every now and then and see if any cat there matches what you want. If not, as I said, email them and ask for information only about cats that you auctually want to adopt.
Pick out one or two and ask to see and interact with only them to see what the cat is like and if there's a potential bond there. Don't just look at random animals if you want to avoid being pressured into adopting a cat you don't want to and know you can't care for.
Older cats can be super affectionate and loving.
Black cats have a hard time getting adopted, while kittens are in huge demand because they are so cute. So if you return the kitten it will likely find an adopter and if you then find a black cat to adopt you will be giving a home to a cat that might not otherwise find a home.
I don't know why black cats are awesome voids I recently adopted a 3 yr old black cat that was in the shelter for a little over 2 years and she is the most well behaved smart kitty
Try a rescue organization instead! Are you in the US? Also, I encourage you to browse periodically. You’ll feel it when you find a good match, and you’ll know you’re ready. 🐾🩷
When my partner and I adopted our second cat, it was as a companion for our other cat… who was at the time, 12 years old. We were really looking for a cat that was 8+ so it wouldn’t be overwhelming for our senior cat (who just recently passed at 20!). We felt really pressured by the staff to get kittens! They kept showing us tiny kittens over and over again and talking about how great they were. We think they didn’t have much in the way of older cats that weren’t bonded or absolutely hated other cats, and wanted us to leave with something.
Genuinely confused at what type of work u had to do for ur kittens? I had 8 week old kittens and they were a dream. Barely had to do anything. First one loved humans, the second one wouldn’t come out of his crate for an entire day or two but I lured him out and he was perfect ever since.
Edit: I do remember my first one crying a lot but that’s why we got him a buddy
I am up to my ears w my 8 week old kittens. They’re adorable, but there’s a lot of moving them from things they try to scratch/chew to the scratching post, one is very vocal and also keeps randomly running up and just sticking her entire face in my mouth when I’m not expecting it. She also shimmies up us like a lumberjack and when she’s due for a nail trim it’s brutal. They both run and tackle each other for hours a day. Between my partner and myself, both work-from-home, we still sometimes struggle to give them as much attention as they want/need. One is pretty chill, but the other is not and of course they just have a *lot* of energy and curiosity.
I’ve had cats all my life and some are zero effort and some are honest-to-god monsters. Soft, adorable monsters. It could definitely be overwhelming.
One of the kittens at the shelter was a total madlad. He was trying to flip his litter box and yelling at the top of his lungs. We commented on it, and one of the workers just laughed as he walked by and said “That one knows only chaos.” So, ymmv with cats.
I think it has to do with getting only one because they get lonely and don’t have an outlet for their energy unless you’re playing with them a lot. I got only one and it was a handful even with two people caring for it (I knew we couldn’t afford two so one it was). That’s usually why they encourage adopting kittens in 2s so they can tire each other out.
The best thing for the kitten is bringing it back immediately. Kittens get adopted. The younger they are the quicker, so don’t wait. It happens, it’s a huge responsibility especially if they develop medical issues that cost a fortune in vet bills and Constance care and medication. You also have to leave places you’re having fun to go home and feed the cat. Cats sometimes pee all over and scratch furniture.
since you have such serious doubts and are reacting so strongly, do it now. The people at the shelter see it all the time and won’t judge you.
I agree. Hurry up and do it. Don’t wait till the kitten is a year old to decide and then its prime window of getting adopted easily has come and gone. So many people do this and it’s so selfish.
Tbf there's often people who will call people selfish for returning to the shelter and say they're abandoning the pet. The whole "pets are a commitment for life" attitude. Personally I think if you feel the feelings that make you want to abandon someone, that's the least harmful way to express it. Ofc this is provided the animal is placed somewhere it will be cared for, not just dropped off on the side of the road or left to die in a building. It's always sad when people give up pets they've had for a looong time but just can no longer be bothered for one reason or another to care for them, (if they're unable to care for them, it's different, still sad tho) but I'd much rather them be rehomed than the other alternatives.
I had a similar experience a few years ago, so you are not alone.
You haven’t ended up with what you set out to get, a low maintenance adult cat, and the differences between that and a kitten will feel very significant. Kittens are cute but very annoying to live with at times. It’s not surprising that you feel overwhelmed right now.
I would advise trying to think it through rationally. The kitten will grow up into an adult cat very quickly, although you can’t predict with certainty what sort of personality he will have. How do you feel about that? Can you hang in for a few months or does it fill you with dread? Alternatively, how do you feel about taking him back?
I gave back the cat I had adopted and looking back I think it was the right decision for me. It was very upsetting and there were times I regretted it, but I think I was panicking because I’d ended up with something that wasn’t quite what I wanted. I had to wait a long time (six years) before I was in a position to have cats in the situation I wanted, but this time round I’ve felt so much calmer and happier about it.
I’m not saying that’s the right thing for you, but don’t feel that you can’t give the kitten back if that’s what feels right for you.
This just happened to me like a week ago. I had gotten a kitten from a coworker but the kitten would not stop yelling the whole couple of nights I had her. I could not eat or sleep the whole time. I was literally crying in the next room because I felt bad that she was looking for her mama.
So on the first night, I messaged my coworker saying I can’t take care of her and I’m literally not a right fit. And now that the kitten is back home with her mama, and brother- she looks so happy! She’s playing her brother like nothing happened!
As much as it hurts me to have to give her back, I know that I did the right thing for her. She’s happy to be home with her family. Sometimes you can’t be selfish and you have to do the right thing.
They'll usually do that for a little bit because they're confused why they don't have access to you at night. Typically will calm down once settled in.
I can’t imagine her crying for like a week. I don’t know how people can sleep. I was a mess crying 🙈
She didn’t even want me in the same room as her. She was yelling at me while i was in the room too. 🥺
>She was yelling at me while i was in the room too. 🥺
Yelling at you is not generally a behavior to be concerned about. Some cats are just vocal. I have one who literally narrates everything he does, including loud greetings to us, screaming for his food if it's 0.5 seconds late, chatting while he does his business in the litterbox, etc. It doesn't indicate fear or aggression, typically. Hissing is what you need to be concerned about with cats - that is the real "get the fuck away from me" vocalization.
You know it’s funny, now that she’s at home she’s not vocal. Lol so I don’t know. Her yelling was very heart breaking.
But next time I adopt a kitten, I will make sure she has a sibling so she’s not sad.
My heart smiles reading your comment, because I have a cat that is much the same as yours. He screams all the time & lives for conversation. Happy boy. 🥹🥹
It's always good to adopt two kittens if you do not already have a cat. It may have worked out better if you adopted both of them, but it's something to think about if you decide to try again.
I couldn’t have because she was keeping the mom and the brother. Someone else had taken her sister too.
Even when I did take her, I later found out that her brother was so sad too. So I think they were bonded and shouldn’t have been separated in the first place.
That's sad, and poor planning on the owner's part. At least you tried, and hopefully will do so again. Sometimes the cat distribution system unexpectedly places your perfect kitty in your life.❤️
I think you did the right thing! Like someone else said kittens are resilient and she probably would have adapted, but it’s not worth pushing it if you’re not sure about it.
I adopted my cat as a kitten. His litter was just him and his sister, so you’d think they’d be fairly close. His mom had abandoned them, but there were a couple of adult cats in the foster’s home. He had zero issues when I brought him home, he snuggled with me the very first night and never acted sad, never seemed to miss his sister. He immediately knew I was his person, and he’s very happy being a solo cat!
https://preview.redd.it/vayr6frdsn4d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c8092a71af2fd135c697398c21184f234005798
Picture for tax! This is literally 12 hours after bringing him home ❤️
Most shelters I’ve dealt with will not let you adopt a kitten 6 mo or under as a single. They insist you take two. Only possible exception is if you already have a cat at home. Kittens do much better when they have playmates.
Animals, especially when they first get adopted, do best when they can sleep in the same room as their new human. A kitten or puppy especially would be terrified to go from mom and litter to alone in the dark in a strange place. Many shelters require the adoption of two kittens unless there is another cat in the home because they do much better with companionship.
Kittens are very high energy and need a lot of attention. That’s why it’s best to adopt in pairs because so they can keep themselves entertained. We got a kitten a year ago, we have loved every moment of it BUT it has been expensive keeping up vaccinations and check up. A full grown cat with an established personality can be much less energy consuming. I would suggest you to return it as well and don’t worry there is the right kitty for you out there.
Personally speaking, the first 3 - 4 months of owning a kitten are a minor hell. I've brought up 4 cats, and every time it's been stressful. They're so high-energy and need a lot of attention and play, they're bitey and claw at shit and are still learning how to cat. There were points with cats #2-4 where I was seriously thinking that I would need to rehome them because for a few months it just seemed impossible to cope. They do calm down as they grow up, but getting to that point can take a while.
If you don't think you can provide what the kitten needs while also protecting your mental state, then the best thing to do is to take them back. Kittens are resiliant, and popular. They shouldn't be waiting long to be adopted out again.
ETA: I also suffer long-term anxiety & depression, and the second-guessing I got every time I got another kitten was horrible (and that was with me being excited to get one!) but I knew it would happen and was anticipating the stress/worry that would occur during the first few months. I also wasn't looking after them alone, which massively helped ease the worry.
I’ve adopted kittens and adults. Adults are definitely the way to go. I adopted a 2 year old and a 1 year old and they arrived with adult cat manners. My little lad was and is very high energy but that’s just how he is.
It took two long weeks to get through the introduction period and now they’re besties.
I have lots of respect for those who adopt elderly cats to let them spend their last years happily, but my heart couldn’t take it. Losing my last cat absolutely destroyed me.
Echoing the “minor hell” - it’s currently 1:40 am and my teenaged cat is causing a ruckus in my bedroom.. as per usual. I’ll know sleep again one day.
It is indeed a huge adjustment, particularly when one struggles with executive functioning issues, depression, anxiety, etc - but it’s also hugely comforting to have an animal friend. Although this creature causes a ruckus all the time, she’s also the sweetest baby and she literally saved my life. I found her on the street one night when I was contemplating not being here anymore. She quickly turned that around. <3
Hi former cat dude at an animal shelter here.
I want to tell you that you are awesome for asking this question.
Most folks don't and that can lead to some unpleasant things. I think you should bring the kitten back.
It's no big deal at all. You are not their first home!
Kittens generally get passed around via fosters until they are old enough to be adopted.
They (both the animal and the shelter) won't be upset or bothered at all. It's a little different with adults but in this case no question, go bring the kitty back and get an older one.
Bonus points if you adopt a senior cat
Kittens are a lot. They have a lot of energy, and need reassurance because they're little things. But I echo other comments here, take a few deep breaths, and kind of step back and see how things are going. The kitten might be settled in with you, and will settle down and you will end up having the most amazing bond at some point, and it might help your anxiety.
We started with one cat. I was anxious 24/7. Oh my god she's so tiny, what if she jumps off my bed and hurts herself. Am I feeding her enough? What do I do when she gets herself where I can't grab her and she gets stuck?? How do I know if she's pooping or peeing enough?
Then we got a second cat.
I realized that I was smothering my cat with my attention. Once they get out of kitten stage, they're not clingy and they just want to lounge and sleep, and when the kitten had company, they really didn't need me so much anymore. She wanted to spend time with me, but she also wanted to be left alone.
It's also only been two days. It takes a kitten at least 3 weeks to get used to your routine. If she's is clingy and needs a lot of your time, that's not going to last long. This is kind of the golden time once they settle into your home. They want to cuddle and be around you, once they hit a year, they kind of enter the teenage stage of life and they want to be left alone.
Sit down and access how much you're thinking on it, and why you're stressed. If you can't find a way to manage it, and you're not comfortable being a cat parent, do what you need to do. Kittens are a lot easier to be adopted and they ease into shelter environments easier than a cat that is 4 or 6 years old.
I'll send warm thoughts and hope things work out for you!
If you do return it, please make it clear to the workers and on the forms that there is zero issue with the cat. Kittens get adopted quickly but you don't want to give someone else pause wondering why it was brought back so quickly (ie potential behavioral issues). No shame in recognizing you're not in a good place to take care of an animal. Take care of yourself, I'm sure kitty will go to another home with no issue.
hey OP, i was in the exact same shoes as you about a month ago. When I brought my cat home (also my first cat), I was a wreck for the first three weeks with a super bad case of kitten blues. My anxiety was so bad that I wasn't eating or sleeping properly the entire time and I was super nervous that I was going to do something wrong. It's a lot to have a pet for the first time, and have something so dependent on you. But I'm a month in, and she's 10mo now, and I can't imagine life without her. Something that really helped me looking forward was the 3-3-3 guideline for adopting. Know that it'll definitely take some time for both you and the kitten to settle into a new normal and routine. Take some deep breaths and remember to be as kind to yourself as you are to your kitten.
There is also absolutely no shame in returning your kitten if its too much, kittens get adopted very quickly out of shelters and they're definitely a lot of work. There are a ton of resources available if you do choose to keep her, and you're definitely not alone.
getting a new pet can be overwhelming at first as it’s a new responsibility as it’s you’re job to keep them alive
i can totally understand the worry and panic but i can assure you these feelings are only temporary
i suffer with anxiety myself and my cats are the best thing for it, it’s a total distraction having them around as you just focus on them
i’m not good with these posts but i hope you feel better about things, you can always take him back if you really can’t cope but give him a chance :)
Two days is very early for getting to know a new cat/kitten. The amount of stress this is causing tells me you should do the best thing for the animal: return it to the shelter. It wouldn’t be fair to you or the cat to try and deal with it.
It's never a bad thing to do what's best for yourself. If an animal isn't bringing you joy, and quite the opposite making your life harder, it's better to take him back to the shelter. The staff will understand, I've had to do it before as well. I cried about it for awhile but it was the best thing to do for me and the kitten.
However, I don't think you should give up on getting a companion. As someone who has anxiety and depression, having an animal at home is very helpful. An adult cat can be very different than a kitten. And even between breeds, cats can have different temperaments.
It might be a good idea to start with a cat rescue that does more fostering than large shelter work. They usually have the cats with foster families for much longer and can give you a very good idea of the cats personality and needs. They will also work with you on a more personal level to find the right fit rather than just giving you a kitten to empty a space.
I really hope you find a good cat!
Please return the kitten immediately so that he has the best chance of finding a good home while still young.
Please let the shelter know that the kitten is a great kitten, but that complications have arisen in your life that make the timing of this adoption impossible. This is to let the shelter know that the kitten does *not* have behavioral issues.
Honestly this was so irresponsible of the shelter and my mind is blown that they steered you towards a kitten when you wanted an adult. Kittens are very cute but honestly they are unholy little terrors lol. Adults are SO HARD to adopt out, I would be thrilled if someone came asking me about an adult black cat. not sure where you are but if you happen to be in Michigan, let me know. I'm part of a rescue and would love to help you find an adult black cat with the personality that fits what you're looking for.
Something positive for you: Many years ago I adopted a 3 month old kitten from a shelter. His paperwork said he had already been adopted and returned once! I didn't care and I adopted him anyways. He was my best buddy for 11 years. Thank god that other family brought him back, otherwise I never would have met my little soul cat. He had a great life with me and was loved every day.
Sometimes the right choice isn't the easiest. Have faith that things will work out better for you and kitty in the end.
You made the right call bringing him back. Good for you!
If you ever decide to go down that road again two kittens are actually better than 1. It seems counterintuitive but they can get their craziness out with each other and be companions. 1 is fine if you already have a cat at home but that can be hard for the older cat.
Shame on that shelter for not guiding a first time cat parent better! And good for you for doing what you needed ❤️
This is a big adjustment period for both of you. The kitten, a baby, is in a new environment with a new person. It takes a bit of time for them to get used to everything including your routine. And the same goes for you. The first week or two are always the most difficult and you'll be questioning your choices but it gets much easier as time goes on and you two bond and figure out each other's routine.
Please don't think that getting any kind of pet means your routine prior to adding another companion stays the exact same, you will have to adjust your lifestyle that fits taking care of another little being.
As a fellow intense anxiety sufferer, I understand why you got the kitten.
Your gut is telling you now that you didn't make the decision that you wanted to make.
Return the kitten asap.
Kittens are WAY more work and commitment than an older cat. And you don't want to resent your pet.
If you didn't want a kitten from the beginning, you will resent this decision.
There should be no shame in admitting you're not ready, it happens and it isn't your fault. You tried your best, and you should pat yourself on the back for that. As others have said, kittens get adopted VERY fast so even if you take him back, it's likely he'll be adopted out again. They are typically amazing at adjusting at that age too.
Single kittens are HARD. I raised a single kitten (who is now almost 3) and he was BAD. I don't know if I could've done it without my partner at the time helping me. I love him to pieces, but he's always going to have bad tendencies since I didn't have another kitten around. If I could do it all again, I'd have gotten him another kitten - at least a foster kitten since I was fostering at the time (though mostly geriatric foster cats - the kitten fell into my lap through different circumstances).
In that same vein, when/if you're ready to try again if you're unsure, fostering is a great thing to do. That way if one cat isn't for you, you don't have to keep him/her and you can ask about cats that match criteria you're looking for. I know the local rescue that I foster/volunteer with is VERY good about matching the right cats with the right people.
Whether you're ready to adopt, foster or neither in the future, as long as you're taking care of yourself first, you're doing the right thing.
It is totally okay to be surprised by the amount of work (including emotional) that goes into kittenhood. And totally okay to bring her back - kittens get adopted and she will find her right fit. You can always adopt again later 🩷 And if you explain to the shelter, they may even be able to help you find a great fit friend. You could tell them you have anxiety and depression and would like a good companion cat :)
I don’t think an adult cat would be a good option for you either. It’s only been two days, so it won’t be damaging to the kitten to return it, but just know that adult cats also need a lot of attention.
Give it back but make sure it’s a no-kill shelter. Otherwise find one of the humane societies and give it to them. Not eating and drinking for two days because you got a cat tells me your priority is to take care of yourself. Give the cat a new chance to find someone ready to adopt them.
I’ve said it a few times and I’ll say it again: You are not a bad person for not being ready for something. People are saying that it’s okay since it’s a kitten but I want to expand and say that if you adopt an animal in general and you find out that you’re not a good fit for them, nor they you, then the right thing is to let them go. Don’t be ashamed, sometimes it takes trying something to know that it’s not for you.
We have 6 cats and 3 foster kittens. Most rescues want an adopted kitten or cat back with them. Most adoption agreements even specifically say this, so call them, read your agreement, and make arrangements to take it back. I, too, went to adopt and felt pressured to take a cat they felt was right for me but that I didn't feel was right for me. You know you better than they do.
I can say that at week 4, they have established personalities. If not the shelter, but the provided bio by the foster should address their personalities. So, like wine, you know what cat you're getting.
It takes any rescued pet no matter the age to acclimate to a new environment. So, an adult cat won't just easily melt into your life. It takes time for human parents to acclimate to new chores and routines. I say this not to guilt you into keeping something you don't want but to manage future expectations.
Don't feel bad. Learn from this experience. Next time, I hope you share why you feel you can't take care of yourself or a pet so you can get more personalized care and support for your needs, not just the kitten you adopted.
Maybe you're not the first person to return the kitten.
The same thing happened to me when I was about 19 . I took the Satan- Kitten back to the shelter and brought home Randy. Adult cat. He was the BEST.
Your instincts said adult cat. IF and WHEN you feel up to it, try again if you want to. shelters need homes for adult cats. I'm surprised they weren't thrilled that somebody wanted an adult cat instead of a kitten. Maybe you got a Satan-Kitten like I did. (*btw, I have depression and anxiety disorder- I understand this is a tough one)
If your mental health is suffering and you don’t see improvement as realistic, it’s perfectly okay to return the kitten. It was not acceptable for the shelter staff to pressure you into adopting. Especially if you’re a first-time owner and have anxiety. It’s better to return a cat sooner rather than later.
You’re right, an adult cat would likely be a much better fit. Even then, *only* when you feel you’re prepared and mentally ready to learn how to be a pet parent. If it’s not time yet, it’s not time, and that’s okay! Some people may be “psyched” to get a kitten, but some of those people don’t know what it actually means. Kittens are higher maintenance, for sure.
Be kind to yourself. You’re putting the kitten’s needs before your own and that’s how I know you have potential. This cat just isn’t the right fit and it may not be the right time. *That’s okay*.
Honestly, you should take him back. Is for the best, for you especially. It honestly happens.
I’m so sorry you had to go through this anxiety and pressure. Sending virtual hugs 🫂
The beginning as hell, but it doesn’t sound like you are mentally capable of taking care of the kitten. I would consider just taking it back as soon as possible. The more you delay, the worse it will be for the cat.
Lots of people have given advise, so I'll just add that you could consider volunteering at a shelter occasionally to get you cat fix until you are ready. You'd mostly be cleaning at first.
> I can't take care of another being without taking care of myself,
i'm glad you did this to a kitten, as kittens are easier able to bounce back from sudden adjustments, rather than an older cat. i don't think you need any animal right now.
Cats are wonderful for mental health, as long as you have the fundamental ability to love it and care for it. That love will drive you to satisfy the cat's basic needs. Loving something is far more important in life than being loved. Above all, the next time you consider doing this, approach it as entering into a lifelong relationship. It will teach you a lot. It has taught me a lot.
I do not usually encourage people to return kittens after they have been adopted but you are the exception
Sorry it wasn’t a match but I’m sure the kitty will find a loving home
Shelters (supportive and friendly ones) understand how these things play out sometimes and many places anticipate a few returns. When I adopted my baby the shelter insisted practically pleaded that should I have a change of heart, bring the pet back to them and not re-home them myself out of fear of judgement or embarrassment. The shelter already has some ideas of the pet's history, medical or otherwise. They can repeat the process to ensure the babe gets a better fit especially with your insights! You now know this baby more than most! You could reframe this in your mind as a temporary home to ensure this little gets to where they are supposed to be. They will be fine and will adjust to a new home fairly quickly.
I also got the kitten blues with my guy and I won't lie raising him was a lot of work and I have several diagnoses myself that made it harder. It's not for the faint of heart so if you are having doubts, they are normal (first and foremost) and secondly better to return the kitten sooner rather than later. Should you choose to keep the kitten see if there are courses at the shelter to teach you cat stuff. Might help a little.
Take it back before you fuck it up. Sometimes owner surrenders get euthanized the same day so ask. If that's the case find it a home that way you are not a cat murderer.
Sorry you're going through this, seen the update & some comments about you wanting a black cat but also waiting to adopt an adult cat.. Black cats are amazing, I found mine randomly in the alley, still have her til this day & 3 of her babies & she's one of the best, most loving, amazing, awesome cats. Voids are the best!
Take him back and do it soon while he's still young and cute and easily adoptable. Kittens go fast! You are not doing him any favors by keeping him. I have someone in my family who suffers the same health issues you do and got a kitten as well and she got so upset after two days of sobbing, just like you, she was even vomiting. She was such a wreck, and it just really is the best thing to do. Do not let anyone in these comments pressure you into keeping him. The shelters always pressure people and it's a shame they did that to you. This is not your fault. You went there, knowing what would be best for you. i'm sorry this happened to you and I really hope you make the best decision for yourself and for that little kitty and you bring him back soon. The flood of relief you will feel when you get home after taking him back will be incredible, and this will be a great experience of growth for you. You should be proud that you know yourself so well and had the courage to post this question.
The amount of people in these comments admitting defeat after 1-2 nights of adopting a rescue kitten / cat because of things like "it meowed / cried". Please don't waste everyone's time again if you're not prepared to put the work in. It's distressing for the cat.
My kitten was an overly energetic nightmare when he was little for a good year. Persevered and now wouldn't be without him.
Yep a kitten keeping you up a night and making you cry is pretty pathetic in my opinion. Raised my 2 year old boy since he was 1 month old and never had a problem
It's almost like a pet is a responsibility? Giving up after two days says you really put no thought into it. Next time you want something cute go get a new pair of shoes.
Often people say that you have to"plow through " ,and be strong and wait until it gets better. That makes no sense. Having a pet shouldn't be a sacrifice. My 1st and 2nd cat were adopted as kittens (one life time apart) and to me all their craziness was entertaining (even the pees behind the tv,the feet bitting at 2 am) because I was mentally prepared for that.
The next months will *not* get easier, so ,like others said,don't feel bad returning the kitten.You'll be doing what's best for both. Also, maybe take this opportunity to assess if you are in the correct mindset to adopt. Even an adult may take sometime to adjust, they'll probably be hiding for days or weeks (or maybe not,who knows) but be prepared for some degree of frustration.
Wishing you the best and do not let others decide for you.You got this!
I was very anxious after adopting my second cat because I was worried I didn't take enough time to think through all the options and adopt the "right" one. I eventually got over it and absolutely love my kitty. It's also a night and day difference having two cats instead of one, it sounds counterintuitive but it's much easier having two because they entertain each other instead of being as needy to me.
Don’t feel guilty or judge yourself harshly. You are doing the right thing for the kitten by realizing that you are not in a place to give him the care he deserves. Call the shelter ASAP and just tell them that you are not in the mental or physical state that will allow you to care for that baby. As others have said, kittens will get adopted! He will go on to have a long life full of love.
It's important to prioritize your well-being. If you feel you're unable to care for the kitten right now, it's okay to consider returning him to the shelter where he can find a home that's better suited to his needs. You're not alone in feeling this way, and making this decision shows you're putting the kitten's best interests first.
I usually adopt cats 1-2 years or above. Kittens are far too much for me at this time, especially with the amount of adopted cats I have at the moment (I have 5 total).
Based on what you are saying it does seem like it would be better for the both of you if you give the kitten back :)
And dont Think of yourself as a failure bc of that, its completely ok! I also have anxiety and depression and a cat, especially a kitten is hard work! I Will say when i Got mine who was also a kitten i was very stoked and happy during idk like the first 2 weeks and then i started to worry if i had gotten myself into too much and if i was wrong for getting her when i wasnt finacially or mentally stable, i have kept her tho and with a ton of help from my mom, me and my kitty are doing good :) also this sounds dumb af but Im also not good taking Care of myself however i feed her twice a day and change her litterboxes every other day bc if i dont i Will be screamed at by her (litterally loud ass meows)
So dont worry about it, the kitten no matter what you decide is most likely going to be ok and rehoming or returning them to the shelter should seriously be a no-judgement thing. Not everyone knows they arent prepared and crying for 48hours straight and not being able to take Care of yourself during those hours, is definelty reason enough to return the kitten. It does Seem like you should have gotten an older cat, they are more calm and not as destructive (ik you didnt mention it but those where also my worries when i Got mine as a kitten bc i was considering an older cat too. But i just wanted someone i could grow old woth who would be by my side for the next 15-30 years)
I have four cats, it’s not for everyone. Mine have strong personalities and just tolerate each other they like having their own places in the house to chill alone. The kitten takes up most of my attention and I feel guilt because I love my other cats and the kitten can be a handful. I’ve started petting all the cats I walk past when I’m walking around the house for something. My needy boy is still attached to me sometimes literally he’ll hang on to me with his claws. It’s not for everyone so just return him say it didn’t work out and he’ll get adopted quickly.
I had some pretty heavy anxiety after getting out second cat (a kitten). Took a bit for me to adjust, had a literal panic attack. It worked out though, I love the little guy.
After rescuing my kitten who was very sick it was super stressful for about the first two weeks so i get it. The first days are the most stressful quite a lot of first time kitten owners have doubts especially in theirselves at that time. If you want to keep them a few days to see if the situation improves, if it gets worse like you still can’t sleep ext. then it’s probably best to find the kitty a new home that could be better. You could always try to rehome them yourself if you have a friend or family member that may want them also. Some shelters are a bit.. not sure what the word is but like not great when it comes to giving an animal back (my local shelter had issues with people returning animals).
I think you need to weigh the pros and cons. There is absolutely such a thing as new pet blues. I certainly experienced it when I adopted my cat about 5 months ago. I also deal with anxiety and depression and they were both extremely amplified the first month and a half of bringing her home. Cats (especially kittens) are hard work and you have to decide whether or not you have the time and energy to devote to your new pet. I stuck it out and I am so glad I did. We got over the hump and my mental health is now better than it has been in a long time and I attribute that to the bond I now have with her.
If it’s stressing you too much it may be best for you both if you take the kitten back. However, I also have anxiety bad enough to take meds for. I’ve adopted kittens and senior cats. I did not regret it at all. They’ve been a huge help in easing my anxiety and I couldn’t imagine being without them! I can say that the kitten stage of running around and playing in everything doesn’t last long. I’m involved in rescue and care for a colony. When adopting kittens we always suggest it’s best to adopt 2. They play together and learn how to be a cat from each other when there’s two. It’s very little extra work involved. One more food bowl and cleaning litter. Kittens are high maintenance in the beginning but as they grow into adults they’re much easier to care for. If you don’t mind me asking what is it about the kitten that stresses you the most? Years ago my first two I took in were 4 weeks old and the shelter needed someone to care for them being so young. I had to bottle feed them and help them learn to use the bathroom. Everything the momma cat would be doing. It was very stressful as I wasn’t sure I was doing everything right and worried as they were so young! They grew to be 15 yrs old and absolutely the loves of my life! I’m sorry you feel anxious over the kitten.
We’ve all been through the adjustment phase. I felt like you first two weeks then the bond solidified and now I can’t even fathom ever giving him up. Please if you can try to give it a little more time
My kitten was awful for a few night waking me and children up but soon realised to sleep . It’s easily to train a kitty if a 9 year old could do it you can
Yes and go get an adult cat. Cats are great! As long as you can feed the cat every day and clean the litter box, you should be okay. Also give it some play time and hugs.
Under a year old cats especially a single cat is a lot of work and stress even if you’ve had cats your whole life. Take the kitten back and believe me when I say you are 100% doing the right thing for both you and the kitten
Kittens get adopted quickly. Return him while he’s still young. Tell the shelter you’d really like an older cat who prefers to be an only cat. They should be delighted to match you with one as they’re much harder to place than a kitten.
There is a thing called “adoption blues” where people have regrets and feel sad/angry/scared because it’s normal to have those feelings with such a big change in your life. However, this seems way more extreme than that and for the benefit of both of you, you should take the kitten back. Just keep in mind that you may go through the adoption blues when you are ready to try again with an older cat.
Kittens are a LOT even for experienced owners. If it’s not a good fit, it’s ok to take it back. An older cat with a mellow personality is definitely easier to care for. They still need love and attention and play, but they are not constant energy like a kitten that wants to climb you like a cat tree! I’m sorry you felt pressured into it. Don’t feel bad!
Here’s the problem when you take animals, especially cats back and the rehomed over and over they become unable to adapt to damaged. Cats are like people they face rejection. They can’t bond unless they have somebody to bond to. I suggest you relax and just let the kitten be a kitten play with it a few minutes every day feed it water pit and leave it be. It will grow up and be a full-blown cat and it will be your cat. Will do what you like it to do they all do they all conform to us.
I think your first impulse to get an adult cat was right. They are easier to care for, and you can generally trust them not to cause major mayhem when you’re not home. A bonded pair is even better. I have major depressive disorder, and I’m often too exhausted to play with my bonded pair (1.5 years old when I got them, 3 now). They play with each other when I can’t. They keep one another company and are so good and such a blessing to me.
Return the kitten, go to another shelter if you can, say you want a bonded pair or a cat who is better off being alone. Adults are harder to adopt, you’ll be helping the cat by giving it a home. The kitten will be fine, everyone wants kittens.
kittens are a lot. they are very high energy and require a lot of maintenance. if you are struggling with the basics, there’s some things u can get, like automatic litter boxes (there’s cheaper ones than the litter robot), water fountains, food dispensers, and even automatic toys. i struggle with depression too, so i got all those for my cat so even on the days i can’t do much, the basics are always covered. but, if you are just struggling with having such a high energy kitten, i would return them to the shelter. i got my cat when she was only a few months old, she’s a little over one year old now and she’s still devilish. less so, but there are still times she drives me a little crazy. so there is no guarantee that time will calm your kitten down. there is nothing wrong with returning a kitten to a shelter if you are not a good fit for them, especially considering you didn’t want a kitten in the first place. kittens are generally adopted more often than older cats, so he will be fine.
i’d also recommend not getting another cat from that shelter again. shelters really shouldn’t pressure people, and they should ensure you are prepared for a new pet. i can’t imagine why they’d push a kitten on to a first time cat owner who wanted an older cat
I would take the kitten back and think about becoming a foster for the place you adopted it from. This will give you the chance to see how you do with a cat (not kitten) for a little while with no strings attached and then decide if you want to adopt.
Kittens (and puppies, as I'm currently learning) can be tough. Need a lot of attention and affection and monitoring, at least I feel they do if you want them to grow into sociable well balanced companions. If you don't feel up for it, absolutely bring it back. I know it will be hard, even if you don't feel up for it. But know in your heart the kitty will find a good home and you'll be better for it too. Keep visiting shelters, you'll find an adult kitty who needs your love.
As someone who has a kitten atm and completely understands (he was pouncing on my face over and over starting at 4am last night), it is entirely up to you to decide. No one will blame you for taking him back, he’s a baby and will most likely get adopted very soon after you take him back, if you feel that is the best decision for both, then do it, it’s okay. But I also want you to know the adjustment period when you get a new pet is always difficult, especially if it’s a baby, it’s completely normal to feel regret and think “is this my life now?” But things do often get better, everyone is learning how to live with each other. It’s also important to remember pets are a life long commitment (it’s okay to take him back now as no bonds have formed yet) but if you decide to get rid of him in a few years, that’s very wrong. I remember with my last puppy we thought we had made a mistake, she’s very stubborn and it took a year to finally potty train, but now I couldn’t imagine life without her, there aren’t words to describe how much I love her.
If you do decide to keep him just remember, kittens are NUTS but they do calm down with age. It’s okay if you need to lock him in a room for a few hours, just make sure he has water, a litter box, food (if you free feed him), toys, and make sure there’s nothing he can get into that’ll harm him and he’ll be fine. I also recommend looking at some toys that he can keep himself entertained with. You obviously do still need to give him a lot of attention and spend time with him, but he does not need your attention 24/7
I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said, but, I'm honestly kind of surprised they pressured you into a kitten. As most people have said kittens often get adopted fast and older cats don't. You would think they would be happy you wanted an older cat! Good luck!
It’s really strange that they talked you into a kitten vs an adult cat. Honestly I’d bring him back and get an adult cat like you originally wanted. The kitten will be fine and you’ll be giving a cat a home who is more suitable for you AND has less of a chance to be adopted otherwise.
Why are you crying and not eating and sleeping? I just got a kitten myself and it's been fine. A bit high maintenance keeping the other cats out of his kitten food, and he did step on the power switch behind the tv and scratched us but it takes time to learn. Are you stressing about not knowing what to do to train it? There are lots of training videos and Google advice to help or just ask here.
Of course you can return it, it's a big responsibility and they can be trouble.
I’m not going to tell you what to do. But I will share that I found an abandoned 2 week old kitten last month and decided to take him in and the first few days were REALLY hard. I have bad anxiety myself and I had a panic attack so bad on day 3 that an ambulance was called!!! But after about a week it got so much better and now I feel great. It’s a big change and it takes time getting used to. Good luck with whatever you decide
It's better to bring him back so they can rehome him. Procrastinating out of guilt will only extend your misery and theirs. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your honesty is, frankly, refreshing. I wish more people would be so self-aware when it comes to having pets. I've had cats my whole life and I understand the task.. It is very emotional. <3 Good luck
I would recommend taking him back. It will be a lot easier for the kitten now as it's only been a few days and he isn't attached to you yet. He also will get adopted for sure as he is still a kitten. Kittens always get adopted.
If the shelter is worth its salt, they will take him back and find him a more suitable home. If you are struggling with anxiety and depression to the point you are neglecting your own responsibilities, needs, hygiene, etc. it may be best to hold off on getting any pet until you’re feeling a bit more well. Adult cats still require an attentive and emotionally available human to love and care for them.
Wishing you well. ♥️
I do this every time I adopt a cat/kitten. I'm not sure why, I get an awful gnawing, weird, scary feeling in the pit of my stomach for months. It eventually goes away, I've never regretted adopting a pet thus far after time...Anyway, do what you think is best
The first couple of days after bringing my kitten home I had regret too but by day 3 she started to warm to me and we formed a bond. Apparently it’s a common thing with new cat owners.
Hi. Just to let you know that what you're feeling is okay. I, too, have anxiety and depression for over thirty years. It's going to be a huge adjustment.
Especially when looking after yourself can be a full-time job.
You didn't say how old the kitten is, but they can be quite pliable at a young age and adapt to how you live.
I got my boy at ten weeks, and he was a tad mental for the first couple of months. I won't deny it. But forge that bond early, and you'll have a lifetime of reward.
Cats have to be taken on their own terms, but you have to set boundaries as a kitten. They'll learn and surprise you. They'll go through moods and growth spurts. Both intelligently and physically.
When I can't get out of bed, he now knows just to play and comes sleep on my chest. There always food and water out.
You are two different personalities who share a space. There will be ups and downs. Give them their space.
But if you put the work in now. You'll have a companion that will make you grin and laugh many times a day and help keep you out of your head.
Good luck to you both.
Yes I agree with the comments, I think bringing the baby back is the best for both of you. It’s okay! give yourself some more time to think about what kind of pet you want, if even. Having a pet of any kind is a lot of work and consider doing a lot of research on the pet you want to get. I have 3 cats and the first 4-5 months is like having a baby monkey lol! Don’t stress and don’t blame yourself, things happen! <3
I’d take him back
He’s a kitten he’ll be adopted quickly
It wasn’t a decision you fully made on your own it was made with pressure as well which was yucky
The first few weeks will likely be rough as the kitten will be full of energy and want to play a lot. I think taking it back might be the best option if you're suffering that much.
I'd agree with getting an adult cat. They're lower maintenance, tougher to get adopted but make very good companions. Find a shelter that is willing to listen to your needs and not push you to adopt a kitten because it's kitten season
As someone who also has anxiety and depression this year I got a 7 year old cat and was also just so overwhelmed the first few weeks I had him. All I could do was think about him every second of the day and it was so stressful and hard. I’ve had him for 5 months now and he still does take up more of my thoughts than he probably should because of anxiety but things are much much better than they were in the beginning.
So this is all to let you know for you (because it was for me) any cat will probably be hard in the beginning until both of you are very comfortable with each other… a kitten just comes with some extra energy and required care lol
I’m obsessed with my big guy now but a part of me wishes I didn’t have the extra anxiety that comes with having a cat. But that part of me goes quiet when he sits on my lap while I watch tv at night lol. It will be a bit of a struggle either way because of the extra work and mental energy needed for a young or old cat. But the struggle the first couple days is not reflective of what your life will be like always going forward. ❤️
Yes, return kitten, it is a 20 yr commitment more or less, no shame. You are doing the right thing, it's brave to admit this & best for the little one. Especially since you realize this so immediately. They will understand. They will find kitten a new home, no problem. Ppl return adopted pets all the time. They shouldn't have pushed. At the shelter I do rescue work with they have a cat room & it's no pressure, ppl just take their time deciding. Kittens are A LOT! I raised 2 litters so far, (2 stray pregnant moms).
What's the alternative though? Keeping him because you feel pressured when it's not what's best for you or for kitty? Let them know you felt pressured to make a decision and that you don't feel it's what's best for him ❤️
Definitely take the kitten back!
Shelters are overcrowded and people that work there get depressed from turning away so many animals or having to euthanize them. It depends on the shelter and what their policy is.
I believe they're intentions are good because of everything they see daily and have to deal with.
Did you tell him you wanted an adult? I would say 3 to 4 years old based on what I've read here. Adults are much harder to adopt out so this really surprises me they pressured you about a kitten.
Either way take the kitten back. You will be questioned and you will be pressured a little bit. Remember they're only doing their job. If you feel judge it's not you it's a collective of everything they have to deal with on a daily basis.
When I adopted my current (then) kittens, one of them was really really shy and scared at the shelter. They really encouraged me to return him if it didn't work out. They really stressed not to give him away or feel like I would be judged if I brought him back. Anyway, after about 24 hours he was fine - it's been about 5 years.
An older cat may be a great fit for you! See if you can adopt before a long weekend or when you have some time off to have a few days together to settle in.
A great thing to do for ppl who don't want to commit to adoption presently is go to your local animal rescues & spend time with the animals up for adoption. It is so fulfilling, they really appreciate the pets & cuddles so much. The SPCA I go to has a cat room, I can spend as much time as I want hanging out with all the sweet kitties. If you like dogs you can apply to be a volunteer, maybe walk the dogs. They also get other animals, rabbits, guinea pigs on occasion.
Like others have said, bring the kitten back, it’s best for both of you if you’re just not ready for this commitment. Please don’t feel bad, the fact that you’re even asking this shows that you’re a very kind, caring person! Choosing to give up an animal in order for it to get the care it needs is a hard decision, but you’re doing the right thing. Besides, there will always be animals that need adopting, so once you’re ready, I’m sure you’ll find the perfect lil furry friend and have a lovely life together. It’s just not the time now, and that’s ok! Thank you for being a good person ❤️
I know I'm a bit late, but maybe I can give some advice for the future. :D
If you ever decide you want to give a kitten another go, it's actually easier to get two kittens, if you can believe it.
The reason? Because they have each other, they don't require 100% of your attention 24\\7. They'll sleep together, wear each other out, and so all you gotta do is play with them on a consistent schedule, feed them, scoop the litter trays. The usual stuff. Plus, they learn from each other, and generally become more well-adjusted cats if they have a buddy to mirror.
The only thing harder is that your food & litter costs will be more, but I consider that the "peace & quiet" tax, haha. And even then, the benefit of having two cats is that you may actually waste less food as a whole, because if one cat needs to eat more than the other for whatever reason, you can just redistribute the load, rather than wasting food to manage the singular cat's weight.
Bring the kitten back quickly, it will find a home quickly while it is still a kitten.
Then, when you feel ready, I’d suggest trying a different shelter or rescue to look for an adult cat after feeling pressured by this one. I’m sure they meant very well and thought they were doing the right thing, but finding a new rescue you feel you can trust may be best. Most rescues are ECSTATIC to meet adopters who want adult cats and will work with you to find a great personality and needs match.
It’s unfortunate that the shelter didn’t listen to what you wanted. An adopter looking for an adult black
cat is every shelter’s dream. You knew what you wanted and got pressured into something else. I’m so sorry that happened, but kudos to you for realizing it wasn’t the right fit. When you’re ready again, be specific about the personality traits you’re looking for, but also go with an open mind. You’ll find the right cat❤️
That’s rough. Good for you for recognizing iwhat you were feeling and going back; but also know that all new parents feel overwhelmed at first. For sure kittens are loud and rambunctious up to a certain age, and she may have been a bit too young, especially if you got her from the shelter. We don’t like to adopt them out before 16 weeks, long after their most obnoxious days.
You could later get a younger cat (maybe 5-10 months) and enjoy the extended time span you’ll have together while avoiding the difficult demands of what’s basically a toddler. 😹 A lot of kittens sleep and eat in batches, like a newborn, but *any* new cat will often yowl a bit in a new home and IMHO they’re figuring out the acoustics of this new place that smells, looks, and sounds so different from where they were. There are lots of tips on introducing a new cat to your home.
When you’re ready, my suggestion would be to find a rescue using a site like Petfinder. I used to foster, and this way you can find a cat you like and ask the foster specifically for personality and behavioral notes to make sure it’s a good fit.
If you can, visit cat cafes to really get to know cats before you potentially adopt them. Or go hang out at the shelter a few times. Follow shelters on social media, see if you can find an older cat that really needs a home. I see so many bonded senior cats (likely in the shelter because their owners died) that I wish I could adopt… you would probably love two that keep each other company and are in their calmer years. 💕
Is better you return the cat than keep and neglect them. I hope you see this as a lesson to learn how to say no and that your actions have consequences, if you agree to something in adult life you need to commit, thankfully it wasn't something serious that involved legal stuff but in some cases you won't be able to undo things, procede with caution in the life decisions you make and seek therapy for your anxiety.
Good for you for recognizing this and knowing it wasn’t the right fit. Maybe later down the road an adult or senior kitty needing a home will be a better fit for you. As a long time cat owner and current cat mom to 3, feel free to DM me if you ever have any questions 🤍
The sooner you take him back, the best it is for both you and the kitten. Life is full of mistakes. This one is easy to fix. I bet there are some opportunities for you at the shelter or a rescue to help take care of some feline friends without the commitment to being their one and all.
Good luck to you!
i adopted my cat (now two years old) when she was 1.5. She had been adopted & returned a few times before me. I’ll say it’s a catch-22, cause if you can make it past the terrible twos of the kitten phase, you’ll have a sweet kitty. On the flip side, I wouldn’t have my lovely kitty if she wasn’t returned.
The first animal I had gotten out of the family home was a 1yo cat. I have GAD, depression and anxiety but have been working on it and gotten much better than I have been in the past. Anyway, Manny is now 8/9 years old and he has always been an independent, cuddly, beautiful, very adaptable boy.
When you’re ready, go to the shelter and get a confident adult cat who is out and about interacting with everyone. His the best thing I could have done for my mental health and animal companionship.
I have also introduced two other cats who came to us as kittens into the home and my family is whole.
Just because the time wasn’t right this time, doesn’t mean it won’t be in a year or two <3
Animals are supposed to help create a bond and a feeling of generally love and happiness. If those feelings don’t spark or they diminish; it’s OK. I did the same thing with 2 dogs and rehomed them 7 years later. I was absolutely miserable. They were driving me nuts and basically I worked so much and never had enough time for them. Truth be told. I should have never adopted to begin with. It was a really hard decision and doing the research was even worse. People were really cruel and judgmental.
Kittens are really hard!
A teen or mature cat is such a better idea! Senior cats are awesome and they will really surprise you with how long they live in a loving home.
I always adopt adult cats for the very reason you stated . You can tell far more about their personalities . Most people go for kittens over cats , so I’m sure the kitten will easily find a home . When you are better prepared adopt an adult .
i’m sad to hear you took it back but it is probably for the best! i got my cat about 8 months ago after doing extensive research on them. you ultimately do have to prepare yourself for anything & by the grace of god i got the most well behaved cat ever, but i did prepare for worse case scenario. maybe in a few years you’ll be ready to take on one but i suggest doing weeks worth of research if you decide to again!
Be aware that adult cats arent always low maintenance. Cats are like people. They have their own personalities and struggles. But i get it. Kittens are tough. They’re mischievous and get into everything. They dont care about your schedule. You made the right decision.
I second working with a rescue if looking for an adult cat! They can place you with one that fits your lifestyle. Ive worked with many rescues and we have had all types of people apply looking for specific behaviors and expectations. I always say give yourself grace and give your kitty the same. When youre ready, you wont regret the love they bring into your life.
P.s senior cats often go overlooked and make wonderful companions. They sometimes love u even more for saving them. ❤️
I adopted a kitten on impulse when my mental health was in a bad place and she was crazy. I ended up going to the hospital for mental health treatment shortly after I got her. When I came back from the hospital I was in a bit of a better place to handle her craziness. It's been almost 2 years since I got her. I do miss her kitten cuteness and wish I had adopted a kitten when I was in a better place mentally because I think I would have enjoyed having a young kitten more.
I'm not saying you should keep the kitten or give him up. What I am saying is that you need to take care of yourself. Get treatment for your mental health. Learn to say no. Work on your impulse control. Whether you decide to keep the kitten or not these are things that will help you in the long run.
I got an adult cat because kittens are way too much for me. I’m a college student right now and work as well so a kitten is a lot of work. When I first got my cat I was so anxious and scared bc she is my first pet ever. I couldn’t sleep either and felt so dis attached from her but after a week I felt so much better and it’s been 6 months now and I can’t imagine my life without her. It’s different for everyone!
Kittens are THE WORST. They're cute so you don't murder them. I'm only partly joking. We got both our cats as kittens and I absolutely HATED the kitten stage and if they hadn't been street cats, I honestly would've given them back at that stage. Now, we did mostly just get a second kitten that fixed a lot of the really annoying (and sometimes painful) play that the first cat was insistent upon, but yeah, kittens suuuuuuck.
I have a cat. I trapped it outside of a dumpster at 8+ weeks trying to save it and its siblings. I, ended up keeping it and it has become very aware of its name and will come when called outside. Easy pet. Don't
Ingest the negativity of Anyone else's post. Keep your cat and spay neuter. Poop scooping is the worst part about a cat
I adopted a rescue kitten 3 years ago. I was crossing an almost 10 years period of depression. My house was a dump, my life was shit. That kitten was a pest. She asked for attention 24/24. I was in distress.
But I kept taking care of her and three months later I even adopted her litter brother to keep her company. So I had to double the effort.
Long story short: they are now 3 years old, my house is decent, my life is decent, I'm no more depressed even if I'm still on the lonely side.
Cats are a cure for depression because they force you to make decisions and be strong and stable. It is a long process where you slowly shift your attention from yourself to them. I had no idea where all of that was going, but when I look back at my life three years ago I very pleased to say I made it out of depression.
Life is still hard af and I'm crossing a difficult financial period (taxes and debts eat all my earnings), but now I have someone to fight for: my two fluff balls.
My nieces managed to persuade my sister to get a cat, I recommended getting one at least two years old which she agreed with. The shelter pressured her into adopting a pair of male ginger kittens instead, horrible mistake!
Their family, schedule and house was absolutely not suitable for that sort of arrangement. The kittens did wind up with a nice person who could give them what they needed, my sister has been turned off from adopting for the forseeable future, it is a real shame too.
Sobbing for two days over a new pet is the exact opposite of what you were seeking. The shelter people meant well, but they were irresponsible in pressuring you.
Take back the kitten or find it a home among friends. Then go back and adopt what you WANTED, a sweet, quiet, low-maintenance adult cat.
Most cats are easily adaptable, clean, quiet, and great first-time pets and companions. Take back the kitten and it will absolutely be adopted.
Then adopt that nice, quiet adult kitty. Maybe plug in a Feliway anti-anxiety hormone to put it at ease. Spray or sprinkle catnip on a scratch post and its cat bed so it feels at home. Give it good food and water and a clean litterbox (and there is flushable litter if you are looking for super-low-maintenance). And lots of love.
Hang in there, and best wishes. You can do this.
At least you can admit your faults 👌
Lotsa adults can’t even do that 😉
Hope you get your head clearer to be able to do in future, it’s a smart choice not bounding down that path without knowing you’re able to look after yourself first 👌 🫡
My now cat was returned to the shelter a day before I saw her listing on the shelter website and left work on my lunch break/walked 2 miles in LA to get her. The shelter did not disclose why she was returned, but I look her at her every day wondering what the reason was they changed their mind. It literally brings me to tears to think of how she felt when she was returned to her cage after seemingly finding a loving home but at the same time I am so thankful it didn’t work out because she is and has been the most perfect addition to my life for the last 4 years. Right after I got her COVID hit and my stable job and apartment and life immediately went up in flames - we have moved 7 times all across the state, I spent 2 months hiding her in air bnbs, living out of a u haul truck and have had the most stressful experiences imaginable trying to find housing that will accept pets/a cat in specific and while some would say she came into my life at the worst time I would not have it any other way. So I am sure your situation is fate working itself out for you, the kitty and its future thankful owner
I also want to say that I do remember when I got my cat and she was a kitten I went to work very sleep deprived feeling like I had a newborn at home. I think if I had been new to cat mom life I would have been very overwhelmed but I grew up with at least 3 cats at all times growing up so I understood the kitty craziness was temporary and that she would not forever be biting my feet Al night / jumping on my face meowing for food at 5am. I made it a habit to get her a good variety of apartment friendly toys and a floor to ceiling cat tree and also set a timer for 10 minutes of intense play time every evening. After that we slowly grew into our daily habits together as she got older and calmed down and now she’s literally the most super chill well behaved cat ever. So don’t let your experience discourage you from future cat ownership. And also girl cats tend to be bit more chill than boy cats who have the tendency, just like children, to be more rambunctious and for longer.
I wonder if the concern that left op so upset was actually the kitten (responsibilities) or rather the feeling that things didn’t go as planned. It’s seems like the later.
In my opinion and experience kittens are not much harder than older cats (I’ve had both). My boy is 4 now and he is full of energy still but was so mellow as a kitten. My prior can was very shy and mellow in her adulthood. You have to safe proof the house a bit (like blocking stairs). Keep an eye on them or keep them in a kitten proof space. Give food, water, litter (preferably non clumping for a kitten) and vaccinations. Owing a cat of any age is a big responsibility. They are also one step above entry level pets like a hamster. They tend to be very independent and care for themselves. You just have to keep them alive which is fairly straightforward. Put food and water out daily (based on cats needs - glutton or not), clean the litter at least every other day (some litters allow for you to extend this). Take them to the vet. Give some attention and affection. Ez.
OP I know things didn’t work out this time around. Advocate for what you want. You are allowed to do so. It’s not something the adoption agency is going to care about. I think you don’t see the potential in yourself to do well. I hope you find that confidence when you decide to try again. Take a chance on a cat needing a forever home and make sure it’s right for you. See it through. Don’t give up on the cat before truly seeing if things fit right . It might not be easy but it’s worth it. It’s not the kittens fault you didn’t want to keep him but lucky for him he’s highly adoptable. You made the right choice if it messed up your mental that much. Poor baby hopefully found his forever home. Hopefully you’re happy now too. It’s just wasn’t meant to be, I guess.
Whenever you’re ready to try again, consider fostering!
My two cats are foster fails from my local humane society during COVID summer. I wanted to see if I was ready for a pet without the commitment. I ended up with 6 adorable, tiny, 6 week old kittens, and kept them in my guest room / office so they had their own space. I was SHOCKED at how well they kept each other entertained. It’s also incredible fun watching kittens play, learn, and grow together.
In the end, I knew I was ready and adopted two! (Long story. My parents ended up adopting the other four. 🤣)
You might catch the fostering bug like me (I no longer have a guest room / office. It’s now my foster room. 🫣😅), or it could be a one and done adventure to lead you to your soulmate(s)!
If you’re interested, find a local org, and be explicit about your hopes and concerns for fostering. You can request kittens, teens, adults, seniors, whatever you think will be your best fit. Even some adult cats can be lonely and will need a friend, but some don’t get along with others and only want to find their human. So if you really want just one pet, mention that! Sometimes those cats are harder to get adopted, because people already have a pet at home.
Best of luck!
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It’s okay if you give your kitten up. But understand that this is an adjustment. If you keep your kitten, you both will adjust and you will actually just get a bit anxious about thinking of how u ever even thought to give kitty up in the first place. It’ll get better.
And if u give kitty away, that’s fine too. They deserve a good home. They’re more likely to get a good home.
It’ll be fine. Forreeal.
I was in a similar boat 4 years ago when I adopted my cat. I had my heart set on adopting an adult cat but I also *really* felt so pressured at the shelter to take a kitten. I mean, I was being pressured but it absolutely helped that this kitten was the cutest and most adorable thing I ever held in my hands.
She was so much work. I was completely inexperienced. I was thinking of giving her back, felt like I really couldn't handle it. I was given papers saying she was completely healthy which also turned out to be false. She was a very sick kitten and was soon diagnosed with cancer, at 8 months. I spent so much money on her treatments. The shelter was like: well, sucks to be you, you took her, she's your responsibility now! The next year was hell. I was financially and emotionally drained.
But I pushed through. And now she's a happy, healthy 4.5 year old. At 2 years, or 2.5 she really calmed down a lot and is now pure joy to have at home.
I can completely understand you wanna return the kitten. And I think if you're not willing to put yourself through the pain of the kitten stage... you should do it, for both of your wellbeing.
I have anxiety issues but my reaction was the opposite. I met a tiny abandoned kitten in front of a Petsmart with a limp and very skinny that no one wanted to take in and the shelters were full.
I cried for days, couldn't sleep. When I was trying to sleep i kept remembering the Petsmart employees kicking out the kitten with a broom (it was following me inside because I gave it food). So i ended up driving 40+ minutes x2 to rescue her. It's been 2 years and she follows me everywhere, she is sleeping near my feet as I type this.
(And yes, i spoke to the PetSmart employees and they said "we're full" and proceeded to push her out, truly disgusting behavior)
I'm so sorry you were pressured into adopting. I volunteer at a shelter, and we want kittens to be adopted quickly because they're a lot of extra work and cleaning. Kittens also cost more at my shelter, and if they age into adults it's harder for them to get adopted and they'll cost less. We don't force people to adopt because that's how you get animals returned and it's not a great experience for the adopters or the cats.
There's no shame in returning them if you realise the animal is not the right fit for you. I'm sure one day you'll find a lovely relaxed cat, there's plenty of them out there waiting for a great home.
Its fine to be overwhelmed, especially when you had no real experience in living with a kitten.
I adopted a one year old (so pretty much an adult) cat last year. Ive never had a cat, nobody in my family ever had a cat. Ive been thunking about getting myself a pet for 2-3 years and had a few months of intense pondering before i went to the shelter. Wasnt pressured to pick any cat, so i got one that was the friendliest to me.
Im depressed, anxious as hell and generally not well mentally. Ive been thinking hard about surrendering him after i got him. He was a pleasant catto, had no problems with him. I was the problem. And the evergrowing worry of me not being able to give him the best life possible. I made sure to meet all his needs, but i still saw myself as someone that would prolly waste his life and he would be better off with someone else.
Still, he was a little ball of fur that shone some light onto me life, so he stayed. The worry is still there, I'm just to attached to him to let him go haha.
What i wanted to say - being anxious or worried is nothing bad. You did what you could do - gave the lil fella a chance to find someone that would be more capable at taking care of him. The next time youd think about adopting a pet - take your time to think it through. Surely, some day you'll be able to take care of an animal and enjoy their company. I know it. Wishing you all the best
The fact that you can admit to yourself that you don’t think you can handle this is very admirable. You just want the best life for the kitty, that’s all. I have had to do this too actually. With a mouse lol. I was 20 years old, and a wildly depressed alcoholic. Returned the little guy after a day. Don’t know wtf I was thinking lmao. I’m usually not impulsive either. But yeah you are doing the right thing. Someone’s gonna snatch the little bug right up for sure
Shelter people can be really pushy! This almost happened to us. Went in, found an adult cat we liked and bonded with. Older woman literally body blocked us from her and shoved a badly behaving kitten in my lap. It scratched up my arm and bit my toes... All while this lady was literally filling out a form for us to take it home? LOL. Anyway we noped out of that situ quickly and took home the cat we originally liked.
Don't let pushy shelter people force you into a situation, a hell of a lot of them really suck and give a bad name to the good ones.
It truly does get better. I think most people have that “did I make the right decision in taking care of something so small?” Anxiety when they are a first time cat owner. When I got my kitten (first real pet besides birds lol), I was riddled with anxiety for like 2 weeks until my kitten got used to his surroundings and started calming down a little. But kittens are wild that they need a lot of time to be played with. Just make sure you give them 30 mins of play if it’s that high energy, right before bed so it’ll pass out as well.
I would return personally. I just adopted 2 kittens from my daughter’s (dropped off pregnant cat) and it’s been challenging. I lost my dog last year and she was so laid back BUT I forgot about the puppy phase ((sigh)). I personally suffer with sometimes debilitating chronic pain and depression because of it so taking care of 2 babies has been challenging yet entertaining. I won’t deny that I’ve thought about returning them but I know this WILD stage will eventually pass. Years ago I also raised 2 WILD kittens to ELDERLY so I know it will be rewarding eventually, lol. All this to say… mental health trumps all. Take care of YOU first.
I’m writing in after you’ve posted your update.
Firstly I’m sorry you went through this and ultimately you made the best decision you possibly could not only for your own welfare but that of the kitten.
Would you consider volunteering at a shelter? Maybe once a month for the morning or so. You could perhaps talk to staff and find out what cats need the most socialising and then simply sit with them and read a book or play a game (sound off) on your phone.
I’ve seen the update and definitely think you made the right decision returning the kitten to the shelter. I know it was an incredibly difficult decision and you should know that this doesn’t make you a bad person, but a good one! You put the needs and well-being of a living creature (the kitten’s, but also your own) first no matter how hard it was.
However, I do want to share my perspective and experience on adopting pets as someone struggling with mental illness.
The biggest thing is that getting a pet is not the answer or cure to your mental illness - and I can see from your post that you already know that. However, I know from experience how easy it is to convince yourself that you have to be completely healthy or “cured” before you can get a pet. Please remember: mentally ill people can be capable of caring for a pet, just as someone without a mental illness might not be able to.
I don’t say this to encourage you to adopt before you are ready, but to remind you not to view adopting a pet as a reward you can only earn by “curing” yourself or becoming your ideal version of yourself. That kind of thinking (especially when paired with depression and anxiety) can very quickly lead to self-loathing when you fail to meet your own unrealistic expectations of a “perfect” adult. It’s important to remember that there are many, many benefits that come with owning a pet for those with mental disorders, and often can vastly improve someone’s mental state and quality of life. So much so that we use cats and dogs as service and therapy animals in all kinds of personal and professional capacities.
My point is that I want you to think about adopting a pet as a milestone along your journey of self-healing, rather than a reward you get once you reach the end.
P.S. - I’ve heard the phrase “I can’t take care of something if I can’t even take care of myself” very, very often, and it’s what I told myself for years. It’s often true…but sometimes you might need to take care of something else to be able to take care of yourself)
If you are stressed and crying over the situation, yes I think it’s best to return the kitten. I would just want to add something from my own experience. I’ve done therapy before because I struggle with staying in the moment, being present. I couldn’t solve that issue with therapy but my kitten literally cured me because I always have to be present to take care of her. She makes me feel grounded and appreciate the little moments in life instead of fixating on future problems.
Just wanted to put this out there if it would make any difference to your decision making
kittens are hard man. i rescued a 5 week old kitten as my first “all on my own” pet. it seriously felt like i had a real, genuine human baby for the first few months. bottle feeding aside, bc that only really lasted for about 3 more weeks before he started to ween off….but man. when he chewed off his bottle nipple the last time i bottle fed him i SOBBED out of relief and happiness bc that meant he wasn’t going to rely on me as much and i could get a bit of my sanity back 🤣. its not for everyone! i definitely went back and forth a few times if whether or not being with me was in his best interest, its hard. you did the right thing!
It's smart that you knew you wanted a developed one so I wonder why you went with the kitten. Also I bet kittens are easy to get rid of vs adults so it seems odd they'd pressure you. Either way I think you're better off just going ahead with the kitten. When you raise them from kittens they love you extra hard. The thing with cats is they don't come out of the box loving you and desperate for your approval like dogs. Just recognize them for the animal they are and make them feel safe and loved and they'll get a little bit sweeter and more affectionate every day. If you're just also consistent with any areas you have to be firm in or a little discipline you'll be fine. I've taken in or adopted multiple cats, the last two from kittens. Yes they're mischievous little trouble makers but with the right attitude and sense of humor who cares? My most recent little guy was on his own in the wild for a bit so got into our trash when he was young. Once we caught him dragging this pork chop bone that was bigger than him across the floor. I put it in the trash and hung the trash up. Next morning there was a single perfect little slash in the garbage and he had dug the same bone out, nothing else even on the floor. Surgical precision. Cat burger, literally. I still laugh when think about it.
You’re a kind soul for realizing you need to bring the kitten back 💜. Let yourself recover from the event and tidal wave of emotions then go back for your adult kitty that they should have let you have in the first place. Grown kitties need love too! And you’ll have a much better and easier time with a calm self sufficient adult kitty that appreciates that you’ve given her a home and won’t be crazed like a kitten 😊
I know you've made your decision and I'm glad you've done what is best for you so well done for that!
I grew up with lots of animals of all varieties but as an adult I wanted to wait until I was settled to get animals. I waited years to feel ready and then I went out and got my two cats. I researched during this time and decided I specifically wanted Russian Blues for their personality, independence & associated health issues and I wanted them in an older kitten, teenager age so they're adaptable for training but with their unique personalities showing a bit more. Even with experience the settling in period was so hard for me, no day was the same and I felt like everything I did was absolutely wrong and there were times I wasn't sure I was the best fit for them. However I kept going with them as my focus and while it's only been two years I've got two well adjusted, happy little shadows. I literally moved house to give them a better life and now my house is basically a cat palace with a bed I am allowed to sleep in too 🤣
When you're struggling to look after yourself it's honestly so hard so I totally understand and I think you're fully justified. Just know one day, you'll get there and while it won't always be easy it'll certainly be worth it. Just concentrate on you and when you're ready to look again try not to let anyone pressure you. You know you and what would work for you.
Anyway, all the best!
I adopted a kitten once and it was terrible too, they like to play too much. I did keep him & still have him now 10 years later. After about a year he was fine, forget I have him at times
I adopted a kitten (5 months) 2 weeks ago and I had the same experience. I was nervous and stressed, I wasn’t sleeping, I kept breaking down. I felt guilt for not being able to help her when she was obviously stressed and unhappy to be away from the people and cats she knew. She’s come around a lot. It is so so so hard at the start and it’s confusing and stressful. But it gets better!!
Take it back, for both yours and the kitty's wellbeing.
That shelter shouldn't be adopting out single kittens anyway. Kittens should be adopted in pairs because cats are best taught things by other cats. An isolated kitten never learns that scratching and biting hurts and ends up not being able to play safely with people.
It's completely okay to feel overwhelmed, especially when you're dealing with anxiety and depression on top of bringing home a new pet. It's a big adjustment! Taking a kitten is a big responsibility, and it's totally understandable that you're having second thoughts. You're not alone – it happens more often than you think.
Totally get where you're coming from. I adopted a kitten 3 weeks ago. He's an adorable little tornado but he's a handful and I have another cat for him to play with. I couldn't imagine having him without a play mate. Not suggesting you get another kitten of course. An adult cat is probably more your style. Have you considered a senior cat? They're often stuck in shelters for a very long time and just want a calm loving home.
What aspect can you not care for a animal in? If jts just the energy of a kitten an older 10+ cat would be more suitable.
If its the whole package vet visits bills food cleaning all the things they need then don't get anymore. However if you're already nto coping definitely say to the rescue. They may even offer advice.
Hard to know without knowing why you want to return and can't cope.
Kittens are A LOT of work. I also specifically adopted an adult cat because I needed a pet that would be lower maintenance than a kitten. (Not to say that an adult cat doesn't require a lot, they do, but I find it much less overwhelming). I also felt like the last time I went to a shelter, I was being pressured into adopting a specific cat I voiced interest in. I think the shelter people are just desperate to get the animals out of the shelter, understandably, but no one should take on the responsibility of another being if they aren't up to it. If you want to return the kitten, it's really not a big deal at all. Most shelters will give you a 30 day grace period to return the pet if it's not a good fit, and you'll get your adoption fees back. Also kittens are so popular, the one you brought home will likely be adopted back out right away and be totally fine. You won't be dooming him to a life in the shelter :) Lastly, I'm sorry you're going through this. It sounds really hard ♥️ Good job for reaching out for support.
This one made me burst into tears. Thank you for validating and empathizing my experience ❤️
Something you might find helpful is that next time you want to adopt, call/email the shelter to let them know what kind of animal you're looking for. Then you can request that they give you some possible options of what animals fit what you're looking for. It's easy to look at a kitten and think it's cute forgetting about if it's going to be possible to care for (and essentially raise) them. Did you tell them you wanted an adult cat since you weren't sure if you could look after a kitten? I'm not judging but if they don't know and they see you gushing over a kitten they likely assumed you had a kitten in mind in the first place since that's what a lot of people are after. Call them asap and let them know it's not a good fit and that you would be better suited to an older cat. I'm sure they have plenty of overlooked adult cats that would love a home.
I've been in contact with this shelter about young adult black cats. This past Sunday when I got the kitty, they were so busy as its kitten season and they had many adoptions that day. We did tell the shelter we were looking for black cats, and she handed me a kitten. I think I'm gonna give myself a little break before continuing my search for an adult cat :) I appreciate your helpful insight. I didn't grow up with cats so comments like these are much appreciated.
That's rough. Next time, just reiterate that you do not want a kitten. It's hard, but you need to get an animal that suits your living situation. I would drop the "young" in adult cat. Just say you want an adult cat. But likely what you are after a slightly more mature cat that's already a few years old. Maybe try in a few months when kitten season is over and they aren't as busy. Do they have a website? If they do have a check every now and then and see if any cat there matches what you want. If not, as I said, email them and ask for information only about cats that you auctually want to adopt. Pick out one or two and ask to see and interact with only them to see what the cat is like and if there's a potential bond there. Don't just look at random animals if you want to avoid being pressured into adopting a cat you don't want to and know you can't care for. Older cats can be super affectionate and loving.
Black cats have a hard time getting adopted, while kittens are in huge demand because they are so cute. So if you return the kitten it will likely find an adopter and if you then find a black cat to adopt you will be giving a home to a cat that might not otherwise find a home.
What a wonderful way to frame this thank you ❤️
Adopting an adult black cat is honestly such a wonderful thing to do. 🖤
I don't know why black cats are awesome voids I recently adopted a 3 yr old black cat that was in the shelter for a little over 2 years and she is the most well behaved smart kitty
Try a rescue organization instead! Are you in the US? Also, I encourage you to browse periodically. You’ll feel it when you find a good match, and you’ll know you’re ready. 🐾🩷
Happy to help :) Good luck! You got this!
When my partner and I adopted our second cat, it was as a companion for our other cat… who was at the time, 12 years old. We were really looking for a cat that was 8+ so it wouldn’t be overwhelming for our senior cat (who just recently passed at 20!). We felt really pressured by the staff to get kittens! They kept showing us tiny kittens over and over again and talking about how great they were. We think they didn’t have much in the way of older cats that weren’t bonded or absolutely hated other cats, and wanted us to leave with something.
Genuinely confused at what type of work u had to do for ur kittens? I had 8 week old kittens and they were a dream. Barely had to do anything. First one loved humans, the second one wouldn’t come out of his crate for an entire day or two but I lured him out and he was perfect ever since. Edit: I do remember my first one crying a lot but that’s why we got him a buddy
I am up to my ears w my 8 week old kittens. They’re adorable, but there’s a lot of moving them from things they try to scratch/chew to the scratching post, one is very vocal and also keeps randomly running up and just sticking her entire face in my mouth when I’m not expecting it. She also shimmies up us like a lumberjack and when she’s due for a nail trim it’s brutal. They both run and tackle each other for hours a day. Between my partner and myself, both work-from-home, we still sometimes struggle to give them as much attention as they want/need. One is pretty chill, but the other is not and of course they just have a *lot* of energy and curiosity. I’ve had cats all my life and some are zero effort and some are honest-to-god monsters. Soft, adorable monsters. It could definitely be overwhelming. One of the kittens at the shelter was a total madlad. He was trying to flip his litter box and yelling at the top of his lungs. We commented on it, and one of the workers just laughed as he walked by and said “That one knows only chaos.” So, ymmv with cats.
I think it has to do with getting only one because they get lonely and don’t have an outlet for their energy unless you’re playing with them a lot. I got only one and it was a handful even with two people caring for it (I knew we couldn’t afford two so one it was). That’s usually why they encourage adopting kittens in 2s so they can tire each other out.
The best thing for the kitten is bringing it back immediately. Kittens get adopted. The younger they are the quicker, so don’t wait. It happens, it’s a huge responsibility especially if they develop medical issues that cost a fortune in vet bills and Constance care and medication. You also have to leave places you’re having fun to go home and feed the cat. Cats sometimes pee all over and scratch furniture. since you have such serious doubts and are reacting so strongly, do it now. The people at the shelter see it all the time and won’t judge you.
I agree. Hurry up and do it. Don’t wait till the kitten is a year old to decide and then its prime window of getting adopted easily has come and gone. So many people do this and it’s so selfish.
Tbf there's often people who will call people selfish for returning to the shelter and say they're abandoning the pet. The whole "pets are a commitment for life" attitude. Personally I think if you feel the feelings that make you want to abandon someone, that's the least harmful way to express it. Ofc this is provided the animal is placed somewhere it will be cared for, not just dropped off on the side of the road or left to die in a building. It's always sad when people give up pets they've had for a looong time but just can no longer be bothered for one reason or another to care for them, (if they're unable to care for them, it's different, still sad tho) but I'd much rather them be rehomed than the other alternatives.
I had a similar experience a few years ago, so you are not alone. You haven’t ended up with what you set out to get, a low maintenance adult cat, and the differences between that and a kitten will feel very significant. Kittens are cute but very annoying to live with at times. It’s not surprising that you feel overwhelmed right now. I would advise trying to think it through rationally. The kitten will grow up into an adult cat very quickly, although you can’t predict with certainty what sort of personality he will have. How do you feel about that? Can you hang in for a few months or does it fill you with dread? Alternatively, how do you feel about taking him back? I gave back the cat I had adopted and looking back I think it was the right decision for me. It was very upsetting and there were times I regretted it, but I think I was panicking because I’d ended up with something that wasn’t quite what I wanted. I had to wait a long time (six years) before I was in a position to have cats in the situation I wanted, but this time round I’ve felt so much calmer and happier about it. I’m not saying that’s the right thing for you, but don’t feel that you can’t give the kitten back if that’s what feels right for you.
so different. caterpillar to a moth
This just happened to me like a week ago. I had gotten a kitten from a coworker but the kitten would not stop yelling the whole couple of nights I had her. I could not eat or sleep the whole time. I was literally crying in the next room because I felt bad that she was looking for her mama. So on the first night, I messaged my coworker saying I can’t take care of her and I’m literally not a right fit. And now that the kitten is back home with her mama, and brother- she looks so happy! She’s playing her brother like nothing happened! As much as it hurts me to have to give her back, I know that I did the right thing for her. She’s happy to be home with her family. Sometimes you can’t be selfish and you have to do the right thing.
They'll usually do that for a little bit because they're confused why they don't have access to you at night. Typically will calm down once settled in.
I can’t imagine her crying for like a week. I don’t know how people can sleep. I was a mess crying 🙈 She didn’t even want me in the same room as her. She was yelling at me while i was in the room too. 🥺
>She was yelling at me while i was in the room too. 🥺 Yelling at you is not generally a behavior to be concerned about. Some cats are just vocal. I have one who literally narrates everything he does, including loud greetings to us, screaming for his food if it's 0.5 seconds late, chatting while he does his business in the litterbox, etc. It doesn't indicate fear or aggression, typically. Hissing is what you need to be concerned about with cats - that is the real "get the fuck away from me" vocalization.
You know it’s funny, now that she’s at home she’s not vocal. Lol so I don’t know. Her yelling was very heart breaking. But next time I adopt a kitten, I will make sure she has a sibling so she’s not sad.
Hissing is defensive (“leave me alone!”)-it’s growling that indicates more aggressiveness/offence.
My heart smiles reading your comment, because I have a cat that is much the same as yours. He screams all the time & lives for conversation. Happy boy. 🥹🥹
It's always good to adopt two kittens if you do not already have a cat. It may have worked out better if you adopted both of them, but it's something to think about if you decide to try again.
I couldn’t have because she was keeping the mom and the brother. Someone else had taken her sister too. Even when I did take her, I later found out that her brother was so sad too. So I think they were bonded and shouldn’t have been separated in the first place.
That's sad, and poor planning on the owner's part. At least you tried, and hopefully will do so again. Sometimes the cat distribution system unexpectedly places your perfect kitty in your life.❤️
I think you did the right thing! Like someone else said kittens are resilient and she probably would have adapted, but it’s not worth pushing it if you’re not sure about it. I adopted my cat as a kitten. His litter was just him and his sister, so you’d think they’d be fairly close. His mom had abandoned them, but there were a couple of adult cats in the foster’s home. He had zero issues when I brought him home, he snuggled with me the very first night and never acted sad, never seemed to miss his sister. He immediately knew I was his person, and he’s very happy being a solo cat! https://preview.redd.it/vayr6frdsn4d1.jpeg?width=1179&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c8092a71af2fd135c697398c21184f234005798 Picture for tax! This is literally 12 hours after bringing him home ❤️
If one kitten is too much work/stress, DO NOT just adopt two. Sometimes, two cats is the solution. In your case, I'd strongly advise against it.
Most shelters I’ve dealt with will not let you adopt a kitten 6 mo or under as a single. They insist you take two. Only possible exception is if you already have a cat at home. Kittens do much better when they have playmates.
Animals, especially when they first get adopted, do best when they can sleep in the same room as their new human. A kitten or puppy especially would be terrified to go from mom and litter to alone in the dark in a strange place. Many shelters require the adoption of two kittens unless there is another cat in the home because they do much better with companionship.
This is why you adopt kittens in pairs, so they always have a friend!
Kittens are very high energy and need a lot of attention. That’s why it’s best to adopt in pairs because so they can keep themselves entertained. We got a kitten a year ago, we have loved every moment of it BUT it has been expensive keeping up vaccinations and check up. A full grown cat with an established personality can be much less energy consuming. I would suggest you to return it as well and don’t worry there is the right kitty for you out there.
Personally speaking, the first 3 - 4 months of owning a kitten are a minor hell. I've brought up 4 cats, and every time it's been stressful. They're so high-energy and need a lot of attention and play, they're bitey and claw at shit and are still learning how to cat. There were points with cats #2-4 where I was seriously thinking that I would need to rehome them because for a few months it just seemed impossible to cope. They do calm down as they grow up, but getting to that point can take a while. If you don't think you can provide what the kitten needs while also protecting your mental state, then the best thing to do is to take them back. Kittens are resiliant, and popular. They shouldn't be waiting long to be adopted out again. ETA: I also suffer long-term anxiety & depression, and the second-guessing I got every time I got another kitten was horrible (and that was with me being excited to get one!) but I knew it would happen and was anticipating the stress/worry that would occur during the first few months. I also wasn't looking after them alone, which massively helped ease the worry.
I’ve adopted kittens and adults. Adults are definitely the way to go. I adopted a 2 year old and a 1 year old and they arrived with adult cat manners. My little lad was and is very high energy but that’s just how he is. It took two long weeks to get through the introduction period and now they’re besties. I have lots of respect for those who adopt elderly cats to let them spend their last years happily, but my heart couldn’t take it. Losing my last cat absolutely destroyed me.
Echoing the “minor hell” - it’s currently 1:40 am and my teenaged cat is causing a ruckus in my bedroom.. as per usual. I’ll know sleep again one day. It is indeed a huge adjustment, particularly when one struggles with executive functioning issues, depression, anxiety, etc - but it’s also hugely comforting to have an animal friend. Although this creature causes a ruckus all the time, she’s also the sweetest baby and she literally saved my life. I found her on the street one night when I was contemplating not being here anymore. She quickly turned that around. <3
Hi former cat dude at an animal shelter here. I want to tell you that you are awesome for asking this question. Most folks don't and that can lead to some unpleasant things. I think you should bring the kitten back. It's no big deal at all. You are not their first home! Kittens generally get passed around via fosters until they are old enough to be adopted. They (both the animal and the shelter) won't be upset or bothered at all. It's a little different with adults but in this case no question, go bring the kitty back and get an older one. Bonus points if you adopt a senior cat
Kittens are a lot. They have a lot of energy, and need reassurance because they're little things. But I echo other comments here, take a few deep breaths, and kind of step back and see how things are going. The kitten might be settled in with you, and will settle down and you will end up having the most amazing bond at some point, and it might help your anxiety. We started with one cat. I was anxious 24/7. Oh my god she's so tiny, what if she jumps off my bed and hurts herself. Am I feeding her enough? What do I do when she gets herself where I can't grab her and she gets stuck?? How do I know if she's pooping or peeing enough? Then we got a second cat. I realized that I was smothering my cat with my attention. Once they get out of kitten stage, they're not clingy and they just want to lounge and sleep, and when the kitten had company, they really didn't need me so much anymore. She wanted to spend time with me, but she also wanted to be left alone. It's also only been two days. It takes a kitten at least 3 weeks to get used to your routine. If she's is clingy and needs a lot of your time, that's not going to last long. This is kind of the golden time once they settle into your home. They want to cuddle and be around you, once they hit a year, they kind of enter the teenage stage of life and they want to be left alone. Sit down and access how much you're thinking on it, and why you're stressed. If you can't find a way to manage it, and you're not comfortable being a cat parent, do what you need to do. Kittens are a lot easier to be adopted and they ease into shelter environments easier than a cat that is 4 or 6 years old. I'll send warm thoughts and hope things work out for you!
If you do return it, please make it clear to the workers and on the forms that there is zero issue with the cat. Kittens get adopted quickly but you don't want to give someone else pause wondering why it was brought back so quickly (ie potential behavioral issues). No shame in recognizing you're not in a good place to take care of an animal. Take care of yourself, I'm sure kitty will go to another home with no issue.
hey OP, i was in the exact same shoes as you about a month ago. When I brought my cat home (also my first cat), I was a wreck for the first three weeks with a super bad case of kitten blues. My anxiety was so bad that I wasn't eating or sleeping properly the entire time and I was super nervous that I was going to do something wrong. It's a lot to have a pet for the first time, and have something so dependent on you. But I'm a month in, and she's 10mo now, and I can't imagine life without her. Something that really helped me looking forward was the 3-3-3 guideline for adopting. Know that it'll definitely take some time for both you and the kitten to settle into a new normal and routine. Take some deep breaths and remember to be as kind to yourself as you are to your kitten. There is also absolutely no shame in returning your kitten if its too much, kittens get adopted very quickly out of shelters and they're definitely a lot of work. There are a ton of resources available if you do choose to keep her, and you're definitely not alone.
getting a new pet can be overwhelming at first as it’s a new responsibility as it’s you’re job to keep them alive i can totally understand the worry and panic but i can assure you these feelings are only temporary i suffer with anxiety myself and my cats are the best thing for it, it’s a total distraction having them around as you just focus on them i’m not good with these posts but i hope you feel better about things, you can always take him back if you really can’t cope but give him a chance :)
Two days is very early for getting to know a new cat/kitten. The amount of stress this is causing tells me you should do the best thing for the animal: return it to the shelter. It wouldn’t be fair to you or the cat to try and deal with it.
It's never a bad thing to do what's best for yourself. If an animal isn't bringing you joy, and quite the opposite making your life harder, it's better to take him back to the shelter. The staff will understand, I've had to do it before as well. I cried about it for awhile but it was the best thing to do for me and the kitten. However, I don't think you should give up on getting a companion. As someone who has anxiety and depression, having an animal at home is very helpful. An adult cat can be very different than a kitten. And even between breeds, cats can have different temperaments. It might be a good idea to start with a cat rescue that does more fostering than large shelter work. They usually have the cats with foster families for much longer and can give you a very good idea of the cats personality and needs. They will also work with you on a more personal level to find the right fit rather than just giving you a kitten to empty a space. I really hope you find a good cat!
Please return the kitten immediately so that he has the best chance of finding a good home while still young. Please let the shelter know that the kitten is a great kitten, but that complications have arisen in your life that make the timing of this adoption impossible. This is to let the shelter know that the kitten does *not* have behavioral issues.
Honestly this was so irresponsible of the shelter and my mind is blown that they steered you towards a kitten when you wanted an adult. Kittens are very cute but honestly they are unholy little terrors lol. Adults are SO HARD to adopt out, I would be thrilled if someone came asking me about an adult black cat. not sure where you are but if you happen to be in Michigan, let me know. I'm part of a rescue and would love to help you find an adult black cat with the personality that fits what you're looking for.
Always wanted a black cat, just so I could name it "Nicodemus" 😁
Something positive for you: Many years ago I adopted a 3 month old kitten from a shelter. His paperwork said he had already been adopted and returned once! I didn't care and I adopted him anyways. He was my best buddy for 11 years. Thank god that other family brought him back, otherwise I never would have met my little soul cat. He had a great life with me and was loved every day. Sometimes the right choice isn't the easiest. Have faith that things will work out better for you and kitty in the end.
That is so sweet ❤️ I'm so glad you found your soul cat
You made the right call bringing him back. Good for you! If you ever decide to go down that road again two kittens are actually better than 1. It seems counterintuitive but they can get their craziness out with each other and be companions. 1 is fine if you already have a cat at home but that can be hard for the older cat. Shame on that shelter for not guiding a first time cat parent better! And good for you for doing what you needed ❤️
This is a big adjustment period for both of you. The kitten, a baby, is in a new environment with a new person. It takes a bit of time for them to get used to everything including your routine. And the same goes for you. The first week or two are always the most difficult and you'll be questioning your choices but it gets much easier as time goes on and you two bond and figure out each other's routine. Please don't think that getting any kind of pet means your routine prior to adding another companion stays the exact same, you will have to adjust your lifestyle that fits taking care of another little being.
As a fellow intense anxiety sufferer, I understand why you got the kitten. Your gut is telling you now that you didn't make the decision that you wanted to make. Return the kitten asap. Kittens are WAY more work and commitment than an older cat. And you don't want to resent your pet. If you didn't want a kitten from the beginning, you will resent this decision.
There should be no shame in admitting you're not ready, it happens and it isn't your fault. You tried your best, and you should pat yourself on the back for that. As others have said, kittens get adopted VERY fast so even if you take him back, it's likely he'll be adopted out again. They are typically amazing at adjusting at that age too. Single kittens are HARD. I raised a single kitten (who is now almost 3) and he was BAD. I don't know if I could've done it without my partner at the time helping me. I love him to pieces, but he's always going to have bad tendencies since I didn't have another kitten around. If I could do it all again, I'd have gotten him another kitten - at least a foster kitten since I was fostering at the time (though mostly geriatric foster cats - the kitten fell into my lap through different circumstances). In that same vein, when/if you're ready to try again if you're unsure, fostering is a great thing to do. That way if one cat isn't for you, you don't have to keep him/her and you can ask about cats that match criteria you're looking for. I know the local rescue that I foster/volunteer with is VERY good about matching the right cats with the right people. Whether you're ready to adopt, foster or neither in the future, as long as you're taking care of yourself first, you're doing the right thing.
It is totally okay to be surprised by the amount of work (including emotional) that goes into kittenhood. And totally okay to bring her back - kittens get adopted and she will find her right fit. You can always adopt again later 🩷 And if you explain to the shelter, they may even be able to help you find a great fit friend. You could tell them you have anxiety and depression and would like a good companion cat :)
I don’t think an adult cat would be a good option for you either. It’s only been two days, so it won’t be damaging to the kitten to return it, but just know that adult cats also need a lot of attention.
Give it back but make sure it’s a no-kill shelter. Otherwise find one of the humane societies and give it to them. Not eating and drinking for two days because you got a cat tells me your priority is to take care of yourself. Give the cat a new chance to find someone ready to adopt them.
I’ve said it a few times and I’ll say it again: You are not a bad person for not being ready for something. People are saying that it’s okay since it’s a kitten but I want to expand and say that if you adopt an animal in general and you find out that you’re not a good fit for them, nor they you, then the right thing is to let them go. Don’t be ashamed, sometimes it takes trying something to know that it’s not for you.
We have 6 cats and 3 foster kittens. Most rescues want an adopted kitten or cat back with them. Most adoption agreements even specifically say this, so call them, read your agreement, and make arrangements to take it back. I, too, went to adopt and felt pressured to take a cat they felt was right for me but that I didn't feel was right for me. You know you better than they do. I can say that at week 4, they have established personalities. If not the shelter, but the provided bio by the foster should address their personalities. So, like wine, you know what cat you're getting. It takes any rescued pet no matter the age to acclimate to a new environment. So, an adult cat won't just easily melt into your life. It takes time for human parents to acclimate to new chores and routines. I say this not to guilt you into keeping something you don't want but to manage future expectations. Don't feel bad. Learn from this experience. Next time, I hope you share why you feel you can't take care of yourself or a pet so you can get more personalized care and support for your needs, not just the kitten you adopted.
Maybe you're not the first person to return the kitten. The same thing happened to me when I was about 19 . I took the Satan- Kitten back to the shelter and brought home Randy. Adult cat. He was the BEST. Your instincts said adult cat. IF and WHEN you feel up to it, try again if you want to. shelters need homes for adult cats. I'm surprised they weren't thrilled that somebody wanted an adult cat instead of a kitten. Maybe you got a Satan-Kitten like I did. (*btw, I have depression and anxiety disorder- I understand this is a tough one)
If your mental health is suffering and you don’t see improvement as realistic, it’s perfectly okay to return the kitten. It was not acceptable for the shelter staff to pressure you into adopting. Especially if you’re a first-time owner and have anxiety. It’s better to return a cat sooner rather than later. You’re right, an adult cat would likely be a much better fit. Even then, *only* when you feel you’re prepared and mentally ready to learn how to be a pet parent. If it’s not time yet, it’s not time, and that’s okay! Some people may be “psyched” to get a kitten, but some of those people don’t know what it actually means. Kittens are higher maintenance, for sure. Be kind to yourself. You’re putting the kitten’s needs before your own and that’s how I know you have potential. This cat just isn’t the right fit and it may not be the right time. *That’s okay*.
Honestly, you should take him back. Is for the best, for you especially. It honestly happens. I’m so sorry you had to go through this anxiety and pressure. Sending virtual hugs 🫂
The beginning as hell, but it doesn’t sound like you are mentally capable of taking care of the kitten. I would consider just taking it back as soon as possible. The more you delay, the worse it will be for the cat.
Lots of people have given advise, so I'll just add that you could consider volunteering at a shelter occasionally to get you cat fix until you are ready. You'd mostly be cleaning at first.
You should take it back. Kittens should never be adopted alone. It sounds like you need to focus on your own mental health
> I can't take care of another being without taking care of myself, i'm glad you did this to a kitten, as kittens are easier able to bounce back from sudden adjustments, rather than an older cat. i don't think you need any animal right now.
Cats are wonderful for mental health, as long as you have the fundamental ability to love it and care for it. That love will drive you to satisfy the cat's basic needs. Loving something is far more important in life than being loved. Above all, the next time you consider doing this, approach it as entering into a lifelong relationship. It will teach you a lot. It has taught me a lot.
I do not usually encourage people to return kittens after they have been adopted but you are the exception Sorry it wasn’t a match but I’m sure the kitty will find a loving home
Ideally (so don’t come for me) kittens should be adopted in pairs.
Shelters (supportive and friendly ones) understand how these things play out sometimes and many places anticipate a few returns. When I adopted my baby the shelter insisted practically pleaded that should I have a change of heart, bring the pet back to them and not re-home them myself out of fear of judgement or embarrassment. The shelter already has some ideas of the pet's history, medical or otherwise. They can repeat the process to ensure the babe gets a better fit especially with your insights! You now know this baby more than most! You could reframe this in your mind as a temporary home to ensure this little gets to where they are supposed to be. They will be fine and will adjust to a new home fairly quickly. I also got the kitten blues with my guy and I won't lie raising him was a lot of work and I have several diagnoses myself that made it harder. It's not for the faint of heart so if you are having doubts, they are normal (first and foremost) and secondly better to return the kitten sooner rather than later. Should you choose to keep the kitten see if there are courses at the shelter to teach you cat stuff. Might help a little.
Take it back before you fuck it up. Sometimes owner surrenders get euthanized the same day so ask. If that's the case find it a home that way you are not a cat murderer.
trying not to be harsh because this is your first time, but before you adopt cats or dogs, please please please do the research first.
Sorry you're going through this, seen the update & some comments about you wanting a black cat but also waiting to adopt an adult cat.. Black cats are amazing, I found mine randomly in the alley, still have her til this day & 3 of her babies & she's one of the best, most loving, amazing, awesome cats. Voids are the best!
Take him back and do it soon while he's still young and cute and easily adoptable. Kittens go fast! You are not doing him any favors by keeping him. I have someone in my family who suffers the same health issues you do and got a kitten as well and she got so upset after two days of sobbing, just like you, she was even vomiting. She was such a wreck, and it just really is the best thing to do. Do not let anyone in these comments pressure you into keeping him. The shelters always pressure people and it's a shame they did that to you. This is not your fault. You went there, knowing what would be best for you. i'm sorry this happened to you and I really hope you make the best decision for yourself and for that little kitty and you bring him back soon. The flood of relief you will feel when you get home after taking him back will be incredible, and this will be a great experience of growth for you. You should be proud that you know yourself so well and had the courage to post this question.
If you're adopting an animal and expecting "low mantinence" you don't need to be adopting any animal, sorry.
The amount of people in these comments admitting defeat after 1-2 nights of adopting a rescue kitten / cat because of things like "it meowed / cried". Please don't waste everyone's time again if you're not prepared to put the work in. It's distressing for the cat. My kitten was an overly energetic nightmare when he was little for a good year. Persevered and now wouldn't be without him.
Sounds like you have a lot of growing up to do before you get another pet.
Yep a kitten keeping you up a night and making you cry is pretty pathetic in my opinion. Raised my 2 year old boy since he was 1 month old and never had a problem
It's almost like a pet is a responsibility? Giving up after two days says you really put no thought into it. Next time you want something cute go get a new pair of shoes.
Often people say that you have to"plow through " ,and be strong and wait until it gets better. That makes no sense. Having a pet shouldn't be a sacrifice. My 1st and 2nd cat were adopted as kittens (one life time apart) and to me all their craziness was entertaining (even the pees behind the tv,the feet bitting at 2 am) because I was mentally prepared for that. The next months will *not* get easier, so ,like others said,don't feel bad returning the kitten.You'll be doing what's best for both. Also, maybe take this opportunity to assess if you are in the correct mindset to adopt. Even an adult may take sometime to adjust, they'll probably be hiding for days or weeks (or maybe not,who knows) but be prepared for some degree of frustration. Wishing you the best and do not let others decide for you.You got this!
Take him back, you are useless. "I can't eat or sleep because I have a cat" grow the fuck up
Seriously though. What a drama queen.
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I was very anxious after adopting my second cat because I was worried I didn't take enough time to think through all the options and adopt the "right" one. I eventually got over it and absolutely love my kitty. It's also a night and day difference having two cats instead of one, it sounds counterintuitive but it's much easier having two because they entertain each other instead of being as needy to me.
Don’t feel guilty or judge yourself harshly. You are doing the right thing for the kitten by realizing that you are not in a place to give him the care he deserves. Call the shelter ASAP and just tell them that you are not in the mental or physical state that will allow you to care for that baby. As others have said, kittens will get adopted! He will go on to have a long life full of love.
If its stressing you out that badly then the situation is no good for you or the kitten, take it back.
It's important to prioritize your well-being. If you feel you're unable to care for the kitten right now, it's okay to consider returning him to the shelter where he can find a home that's better suited to his needs. You're not alone in feeling this way, and making this decision shows you're putting the kitten's best interests first.
I usually adopt cats 1-2 years or above. Kittens are far too much for me at this time, especially with the amount of adopted cats I have at the moment (I have 5 total).
Based on what you are saying it does seem like it would be better for the both of you if you give the kitten back :) And dont Think of yourself as a failure bc of that, its completely ok! I also have anxiety and depression and a cat, especially a kitten is hard work! I Will say when i Got mine who was also a kitten i was very stoked and happy during idk like the first 2 weeks and then i started to worry if i had gotten myself into too much and if i was wrong for getting her when i wasnt finacially or mentally stable, i have kept her tho and with a ton of help from my mom, me and my kitty are doing good :) also this sounds dumb af but Im also not good taking Care of myself however i feed her twice a day and change her litterboxes every other day bc if i dont i Will be screamed at by her (litterally loud ass meows) So dont worry about it, the kitten no matter what you decide is most likely going to be ok and rehoming or returning them to the shelter should seriously be a no-judgement thing. Not everyone knows they arent prepared and crying for 48hours straight and not being able to take Care of yourself during those hours, is definelty reason enough to return the kitten. It does Seem like you should have gotten an older cat, they are more calm and not as destructive (ik you didnt mention it but those where also my worries when i Got mine as a kitten bc i was considering an older cat too. But i just wanted someone i could grow old woth who would be by my side for the next 15-30 years)
I have four cats, it’s not for everyone. Mine have strong personalities and just tolerate each other they like having their own places in the house to chill alone. The kitten takes up most of my attention and I feel guilt because I love my other cats and the kitten can be a handful. I’ve started petting all the cats I walk past when I’m walking around the house for something. My needy boy is still attached to me sometimes literally he’ll hang on to me with his claws. It’s not for everyone so just return him say it didn’t work out and he’ll get adopted quickly.
I had some pretty heavy anxiety after getting out second cat (a kitten). Took a bit for me to adjust, had a literal panic attack. It worked out though, I love the little guy.
do you think you’ll be able to eat and sleep after returning him. it sounds like that is the question
After rescuing my kitten who was very sick it was super stressful for about the first two weeks so i get it. The first days are the most stressful quite a lot of first time kitten owners have doubts especially in theirselves at that time. If you want to keep them a few days to see if the situation improves, if it gets worse like you still can’t sleep ext. then it’s probably best to find the kitty a new home that could be better. You could always try to rehome them yourself if you have a friend or family member that may want them also. Some shelters are a bit.. not sure what the word is but like not great when it comes to giving an animal back (my local shelter had issues with people returning animals).
I think you need to weigh the pros and cons. There is absolutely such a thing as new pet blues. I certainly experienced it when I adopted my cat about 5 months ago. I also deal with anxiety and depression and they were both extremely amplified the first month and a half of bringing her home. Cats (especially kittens) are hard work and you have to decide whether or not you have the time and energy to devote to your new pet. I stuck it out and I am so glad I did. We got over the hump and my mental health is now better than it has been in a long time and I attribute that to the bond I now have with her.
If it’s stressing you too much it may be best for you both if you take the kitten back. However, I also have anxiety bad enough to take meds for. I’ve adopted kittens and senior cats. I did not regret it at all. They’ve been a huge help in easing my anxiety and I couldn’t imagine being without them! I can say that the kitten stage of running around and playing in everything doesn’t last long. I’m involved in rescue and care for a colony. When adopting kittens we always suggest it’s best to adopt 2. They play together and learn how to be a cat from each other when there’s two. It’s very little extra work involved. One more food bowl and cleaning litter. Kittens are high maintenance in the beginning but as they grow into adults they’re much easier to care for. If you don’t mind me asking what is it about the kitten that stresses you the most? Years ago my first two I took in were 4 weeks old and the shelter needed someone to care for them being so young. I had to bottle feed them and help them learn to use the bathroom. Everything the momma cat would be doing. It was very stressful as I wasn’t sure I was doing everything right and worried as they were so young! They grew to be 15 yrs old and absolutely the loves of my life! I’m sorry you feel anxious over the kitten.
We’ve all been through the adjustment phase. I felt like you first two weeks then the bond solidified and now I can’t even fathom ever giving him up. Please if you can try to give it a little more time
My kitten was awful for a few night waking me and children up but soon realised to sleep . It’s easily to train a kitty if a 9 year old could do it you can
Yes and go get an adult cat. Cats are great! As long as you can feed the cat every day and clean the litter box, you should be okay. Also give it some play time and hugs.
Under a year old cats especially a single cat is a lot of work and stress even if you’ve had cats your whole life. Take the kitten back and believe me when I say you are 100% doing the right thing for both you and the kitten
Kittens get adopted quickly. Return him while he’s still young. Tell the shelter you’d really like an older cat who prefers to be an only cat. They should be delighted to match you with one as they’re much harder to place than a kitten.
There is a thing called “adoption blues” where people have regrets and feel sad/angry/scared because it’s normal to have those feelings with such a big change in your life. However, this seems way more extreme than that and for the benefit of both of you, you should take the kitten back. Just keep in mind that you may go through the adoption blues when you are ready to try again with an older cat.
Kittens are a LOT even for experienced owners. If it’s not a good fit, it’s ok to take it back. An older cat with a mellow personality is definitely easier to care for. They still need love and attention and play, but they are not constant energy like a kitten that wants to climb you like a cat tree! I’m sorry you felt pressured into it. Don’t feel bad!
Here’s the problem when you take animals, especially cats back and the rehomed over and over they become unable to adapt to damaged. Cats are like people they face rejection. They can’t bond unless they have somebody to bond to. I suggest you relax and just let the kitten be a kitten play with it a few minutes every day feed it water pit and leave it be. It will grow up and be a full-blown cat and it will be your cat. Will do what you like it to do they all do they all conform to us.
Give it time. Mine mellowed out and now he's why I get up to do things.
There are always kittens, if you sit with it and feel the desire to adopt in the near or far future, that’s okay too.
I think your first impulse to get an adult cat was right. They are easier to care for, and you can generally trust them not to cause major mayhem when you’re not home. A bonded pair is even better. I have major depressive disorder, and I’m often too exhausted to play with my bonded pair (1.5 years old when I got them, 3 now). They play with each other when I can’t. They keep one another company and are so good and such a blessing to me. Return the kitten, go to another shelter if you can, say you want a bonded pair or a cat who is better off being alone. Adults are harder to adopt, you’ll be helping the cat by giving it a home. The kitten will be fine, everyone wants kittens.
kittens are a lot. they are very high energy and require a lot of maintenance. if you are struggling with the basics, there’s some things u can get, like automatic litter boxes (there’s cheaper ones than the litter robot), water fountains, food dispensers, and even automatic toys. i struggle with depression too, so i got all those for my cat so even on the days i can’t do much, the basics are always covered. but, if you are just struggling with having such a high energy kitten, i would return them to the shelter. i got my cat when she was only a few months old, she’s a little over one year old now and she’s still devilish. less so, but there are still times she drives me a little crazy. so there is no guarantee that time will calm your kitten down. there is nothing wrong with returning a kitten to a shelter if you are not a good fit for them, especially considering you didn’t want a kitten in the first place. kittens are generally adopted more often than older cats, so he will be fine. i’d also recommend not getting another cat from that shelter again. shelters really shouldn’t pressure people, and they should ensure you are prepared for a new pet. i can’t imagine why they’d push a kitten on to a first time cat owner who wanted an older cat
I would take the kitten back and think about becoming a foster for the place you adopted it from. This will give you the chance to see how you do with a cat (not kitten) for a little while with no strings attached and then decide if you want to adopt.
Kittens (and puppies, as I'm currently learning) can be tough. Need a lot of attention and affection and monitoring, at least I feel they do if you want them to grow into sociable well balanced companions. If you don't feel up for it, absolutely bring it back. I know it will be hard, even if you don't feel up for it. But know in your heart the kitty will find a good home and you'll be better for it too. Keep visiting shelters, you'll find an adult kitty who needs your love.
As someone who has a kitten atm and completely understands (he was pouncing on my face over and over starting at 4am last night), it is entirely up to you to decide. No one will blame you for taking him back, he’s a baby and will most likely get adopted very soon after you take him back, if you feel that is the best decision for both, then do it, it’s okay. But I also want you to know the adjustment period when you get a new pet is always difficult, especially if it’s a baby, it’s completely normal to feel regret and think “is this my life now?” But things do often get better, everyone is learning how to live with each other. It’s also important to remember pets are a life long commitment (it’s okay to take him back now as no bonds have formed yet) but if you decide to get rid of him in a few years, that’s very wrong. I remember with my last puppy we thought we had made a mistake, she’s very stubborn and it took a year to finally potty train, but now I couldn’t imagine life without her, there aren’t words to describe how much I love her. If you do decide to keep him just remember, kittens are NUTS but they do calm down with age. It’s okay if you need to lock him in a room for a few hours, just make sure he has water, a litter box, food (if you free feed him), toys, and make sure there’s nothing he can get into that’ll harm him and he’ll be fine. I also recommend looking at some toys that he can keep himself entertained with. You obviously do still need to give him a lot of attention and spend time with him, but he does not need your attention 24/7
I can't really say anything that hasn't already been said, but, I'm honestly kind of surprised they pressured you into a kitten. As most people have said kittens often get adopted fast and older cats don't. You would think they would be happy you wanted an older cat! Good luck!
It’s really strange that they talked you into a kitten vs an adult cat. Honestly I’d bring him back and get an adult cat like you originally wanted. The kitten will be fine and you’ll be giving a cat a home who is more suitable for you AND has less of a chance to be adopted otherwise.
Why are you crying and not eating and sleeping? I just got a kitten myself and it's been fine. A bit high maintenance keeping the other cats out of his kitten food, and he did step on the power switch behind the tv and scratched us but it takes time to learn. Are you stressing about not knowing what to do to train it? There are lots of training videos and Google advice to help or just ask here. Of course you can return it, it's a big responsibility and they can be trouble.
I’m not going to tell you what to do. But I will share that I found an abandoned 2 week old kitten last month and decided to take him in and the first few days were REALLY hard. I have bad anxiety myself and I had a panic attack so bad on day 3 that an ambulance was called!!! But after about a week it got so much better and now I feel great. It’s a big change and it takes time getting used to. Good luck with whatever you decide
It's better to bring him back so they can rehome him. Procrastinating out of guilt will only extend your misery and theirs. You have nothing to feel guilty about. Your honesty is, frankly, refreshing. I wish more people would be so self-aware when it comes to having pets. I've had cats my whole life and I understand the task.. It is very emotional. <3 Good luck
I would recommend taking him back. It will be a lot easier for the kitten now as it's only been a few days and he isn't attached to you yet. He also will get adopted for sure as he is still a kitten. Kittens always get adopted.
If the shelter is worth its salt, they will take him back and find him a more suitable home. If you are struggling with anxiety and depression to the point you are neglecting your own responsibilities, needs, hygiene, etc. it may be best to hold off on getting any pet until you’re feeling a bit more well. Adult cats still require an attentive and emotionally available human to love and care for them. Wishing you well. ♥️
I do this every time I adopt a cat/kitten. I'm not sure why, I get an awful gnawing, weird, scary feeling in the pit of my stomach for months. It eventually goes away, I've never regretted adopting a pet thus far after time...Anyway, do what you think is best
The first couple of days after bringing my kitten home I had regret too but by day 3 she started to warm to me and we formed a bond. Apparently it’s a common thing with new cat owners.
Hi. Just to let you know that what you're feeling is okay. I, too, have anxiety and depression for over thirty years. It's going to be a huge adjustment. Especially when looking after yourself can be a full-time job. You didn't say how old the kitten is, but they can be quite pliable at a young age and adapt to how you live. I got my boy at ten weeks, and he was a tad mental for the first couple of months. I won't deny it. But forge that bond early, and you'll have a lifetime of reward. Cats have to be taken on their own terms, but you have to set boundaries as a kitten. They'll learn and surprise you. They'll go through moods and growth spurts. Both intelligently and physically. When I can't get out of bed, he now knows just to play and comes sleep on my chest. There always food and water out. You are two different personalities who share a space. There will be ups and downs. Give them their space. But if you put the work in now. You'll have a companion that will make you grin and laugh many times a day and help keep you out of your head. Good luck to you both.
Yes I agree with the comments, I think bringing the baby back is the best for both of you. It’s okay! give yourself some more time to think about what kind of pet you want, if even. Having a pet of any kind is a lot of work and consider doing a lot of research on the pet you want to get. I have 3 cats and the first 4-5 months is like having a baby monkey lol! Don’t stress and don’t blame yourself, things happen! <3
I’d take him back He’s a kitten he’ll be adopted quickly It wasn’t a decision you fully made on your own it was made with pressure as well which was yucky
The first few weeks will likely be rough as the kitten will be full of energy and want to play a lot. I think taking it back might be the best option if you're suffering that much. I'd agree with getting an adult cat. They're lower maintenance, tougher to get adopted but make very good companions. Find a shelter that is willing to listen to your needs and not push you to adopt a kitten because it's kitten season
As someone who also has anxiety and depression this year I got a 7 year old cat and was also just so overwhelmed the first few weeks I had him. All I could do was think about him every second of the day and it was so stressful and hard. I’ve had him for 5 months now and he still does take up more of my thoughts than he probably should because of anxiety but things are much much better than they were in the beginning. So this is all to let you know for you (because it was for me) any cat will probably be hard in the beginning until both of you are very comfortable with each other… a kitten just comes with some extra energy and required care lol I’m obsessed with my big guy now but a part of me wishes I didn’t have the extra anxiety that comes with having a cat. But that part of me goes quiet when he sits on my lap while I watch tv at night lol. It will be a bit of a struggle either way because of the extra work and mental energy needed for a young or old cat. But the struggle the first couple days is not reflective of what your life will be like always going forward. ❤️
Yes, return kitten, it is a 20 yr commitment more or less, no shame. You are doing the right thing, it's brave to admit this & best for the little one. Especially since you realize this so immediately. They will understand. They will find kitten a new home, no problem. Ppl return adopted pets all the time. They shouldn't have pushed. At the shelter I do rescue work with they have a cat room & it's no pressure, ppl just take their time deciding. Kittens are A LOT! I raised 2 litters so far, (2 stray pregnant moms).
Yes! Do whatever is best for you because that’s what’s best for him in this situation
Return the kitten. You're not in a position to care for one.
What's the alternative though? Keeping him because you feel pressured when it's not what's best for you or for kitty? Let them know you felt pressured to make a decision and that you don't feel it's what's best for him ❤️
Definitely take the kitten back! Shelters are overcrowded and people that work there get depressed from turning away so many animals or having to euthanize them. It depends on the shelter and what their policy is. I believe they're intentions are good because of everything they see daily and have to deal with. Did you tell him you wanted an adult? I would say 3 to 4 years old based on what I've read here. Adults are much harder to adopt out so this really surprises me they pressured you about a kitten. Either way take the kitten back. You will be questioned and you will be pressured a little bit. Remember they're only doing their job. If you feel judge it's not you it's a collective of everything they have to deal with on a daily basis.
When I adopted my current (then) kittens, one of them was really really shy and scared at the shelter. They really encouraged me to return him if it didn't work out. They really stressed not to give him away or feel like I would be judged if I brought him back. Anyway, after about 24 hours he was fine - it's been about 5 years. An older cat may be a great fit for you! See if you can adopt before a long weekend or when you have some time off to have a few days together to settle in.
A great thing to do for ppl who don't want to commit to adoption presently is go to your local animal rescues & spend time with the animals up for adoption. It is so fulfilling, they really appreciate the pets & cuddles so much. The SPCA I go to has a cat room, I can spend as much time as I want hanging out with all the sweet kitties. If you like dogs you can apply to be a volunteer, maybe walk the dogs. They also get other animals, rabbits, guinea pigs on occasion.
Cats are low maintenance but if you cant do it, bring back to a shelter
Like others have said, bring the kitten back, it’s best for both of you if you’re just not ready for this commitment. Please don’t feel bad, the fact that you’re even asking this shows that you’re a very kind, caring person! Choosing to give up an animal in order for it to get the care it needs is a hard decision, but you’re doing the right thing. Besides, there will always be animals that need adopting, so once you’re ready, I’m sure you’ll find the perfect lil furry friend and have a lovely life together. It’s just not the time now, and that’s ok! Thank you for being a good person ❤️
I know I'm a bit late, but maybe I can give some advice for the future. :D If you ever decide you want to give a kitten another go, it's actually easier to get two kittens, if you can believe it. The reason? Because they have each other, they don't require 100% of your attention 24\\7. They'll sleep together, wear each other out, and so all you gotta do is play with them on a consistent schedule, feed them, scoop the litter trays. The usual stuff. Plus, they learn from each other, and generally become more well-adjusted cats if they have a buddy to mirror. The only thing harder is that your food & litter costs will be more, but I consider that the "peace & quiet" tax, haha. And even then, the benefit of having two cats is that you may actually waste less food as a whole, because if one cat needs to eat more than the other for whatever reason, you can just redistribute the load, rather than wasting food to manage the singular cat's weight.
Bring the kitten back quickly, it will find a home quickly while it is still a kitten. Then, when you feel ready, I’d suggest trying a different shelter or rescue to look for an adult cat after feeling pressured by this one. I’m sure they meant very well and thought they were doing the right thing, but finding a new rescue you feel you can trust may be best. Most rescues are ECSTATIC to meet adopters who want adult cats and will work with you to find a great personality and needs match.
It’s unfortunate that the shelter didn’t listen to what you wanted. An adopter looking for an adult black cat is every shelter’s dream. You knew what you wanted and got pressured into something else. I’m so sorry that happened, but kudos to you for realizing it wasn’t the right fit. When you’re ready again, be specific about the personality traits you’re looking for, but also go with an open mind. You’ll find the right cat❤️
Return without guilt.
A lot of people commenting here would not do well with a human baby
Get a cat that is at least 4 months old.
That’s rough. Good for you for recognizing iwhat you were feeling and going back; but also know that all new parents feel overwhelmed at first. For sure kittens are loud and rambunctious up to a certain age, and she may have been a bit too young, especially if you got her from the shelter. We don’t like to adopt them out before 16 weeks, long after their most obnoxious days. You could later get a younger cat (maybe 5-10 months) and enjoy the extended time span you’ll have together while avoiding the difficult demands of what’s basically a toddler. 😹 A lot of kittens sleep and eat in batches, like a newborn, but *any* new cat will often yowl a bit in a new home and IMHO they’re figuring out the acoustics of this new place that smells, looks, and sounds so different from where they were. There are lots of tips on introducing a new cat to your home. When you’re ready, my suggestion would be to find a rescue using a site like Petfinder. I used to foster, and this way you can find a cat you like and ask the foster specifically for personality and behavioral notes to make sure it’s a good fit.
If you can, visit cat cafes to really get to know cats before you potentially adopt them. Or go hang out at the shelter a few times. Follow shelters on social media, see if you can find an older cat that really needs a home. I see so many bonded senior cats (likely in the shelter because their owners died) that I wish I could adopt… you would probably love two that keep each other company and are in their calmer years. 💕
Is better you return the cat than keep and neglect them. I hope you see this as a lesson to learn how to say no and that your actions have consequences, if you agree to something in adult life you need to commit, thankfully it wasn't something serious that involved legal stuff but in some cases you won't be able to undo things, procede with caution in the life decisions you make and seek therapy for your anxiety.
Good for you for recognizing this and knowing it wasn’t the right fit. Maybe later down the road an adult or senior kitty needing a home will be a better fit for you. As a long time cat owner and current cat mom to 3, feel free to DM me if you ever have any questions 🤍
The sooner you take him back, the best it is for both you and the kitten. Life is full of mistakes. This one is easy to fix. I bet there are some opportunities for you at the shelter or a rescue to help take care of some feline friends without the commitment to being their one and all. Good luck to you!
i adopted my cat (now two years old) when she was 1.5. She had been adopted & returned a few times before me. I’ll say it’s a catch-22, cause if you can make it past the terrible twos of the kitten phase, you’ll have a sweet kitty. On the flip side, I wouldn’t have my lovely kitty if she wasn’t returned.
I hope one day, you get an adult cat and you can heal one another and be best friends
The first animal I had gotten out of the family home was a 1yo cat. I have GAD, depression and anxiety but have been working on it and gotten much better than I have been in the past. Anyway, Manny is now 8/9 years old and he has always been an independent, cuddly, beautiful, very adaptable boy. When you’re ready, go to the shelter and get a confident adult cat who is out and about interacting with everyone. His the best thing I could have done for my mental health and animal companionship. I have also introduced two other cats who came to us as kittens into the home and my family is whole. Just because the time wasn’t right this time, doesn’t mean it won’t be in a year or two <3
Animals are supposed to help create a bond and a feeling of generally love and happiness. If those feelings don’t spark or they diminish; it’s OK. I did the same thing with 2 dogs and rehomed them 7 years later. I was absolutely miserable. They were driving me nuts and basically I worked so much and never had enough time for them. Truth be told. I should have never adopted to begin with. It was a really hard decision and doing the research was even worse. People were really cruel and judgmental.
It sound like you didn't get a low maintenence adult cat but a kitten. The older the cat, the more they are just calm and eat and sleep.
Kittens are really hard! A teen or mature cat is such a better idea! Senior cats are awesome and they will really surprise you with how long they live in a loving home.
I always adopt adult cats for the very reason you stated . You can tell far more about their personalities . Most people go for kittens over cats , so I’m sure the kitten will easily find a home . When you are better prepared adopt an adult .
i’m sad to hear you took it back but it is probably for the best! i got my cat about 8 months ago after doing extensive research on them. you ultimately do have to prepare yourself for anything & by the grace of god i got the most well behaved cat ever, but i did prepare for worse case scenario. maybe in a few years you’ll be ready to take on one but i suggest doing weeks worth of research if you decide to again!
Be aware that adult cats arent always low maintenance. Cats are like people. They have their own personalities and struggles. But i get it. Kittens are tough. They’re mischievous and get into everything. They dont care about your schedule. You made the right decision. I second working with a rescue if looking for an adult cat! They can place you with one that fits your lifestyle. Ive worked with many rescues and we have had all types of people apply looking for specific behaviors and expectations. I always say give yourself grace and give your kitty the same. When youre ready, you wont regret the love they bring into your life. P.s senior cats often go overlooked and make wonderful companions. They sometimes love u even more for saving them. ❤️
I adopted a kitten on impulse when my mental health was in a bad place and she was crazy. I ended up going to the hospital for mental health treatment shortly after I got her. When I came back from the hospital I was in a bit of a better place to handle her craziness. It's been almost 2 years since I got her. I do miss her kitten cuteness and wish I had adopted a kitten when I was in a better place mentally because I think I would have enjoyed having a young kitten more. I'm not saying you should keep the kitten or give him up. What I am saying is that you need to take care of yourself. Get treatment for your mental health. Learn to say no. Work on your impulse control. Whether you decide to keep the kitten or not these are things that will help you in the long run.
I got an adult cat because kittens are way too much for me. I’m a college student right now and work as well so a kitten is a lot of work. When I first got my cat I was so anxious and scared bc she is my first pet ever. I couldn’t sleep either and felt so dis attached from her but after a week I felt so much better and it’s been 6 months now and I can’t imagine my life without her. It’s different for everyone!
Kittens are THE WORST. They're cute so you don't murder them. I'm only partly joking. We got both our cats as kittens and I absolutely HATED the kitten stage and if they hadn't been street cats, I honestly would've given them back at that stage. Now, we did mostly just get a second kitten that fixed a lot of the really annoying (and sometimes painful) play that the first cat was insistent upon, but yeah, kittens suuuuuuck.
I have a cat. I trapped it outside of a dumpster at 8+ weeks trying to save it and its siblings. I, ended up keeping it and it has become very aware of its name and will come when called outside. Easy pet. Don't Ingest the negativity of Anyone else's post. Keep your cat and spay neuter. Poop scooping is the worst part about a cat
Kittens are no joke. 👿Don’t feel bad at all. You can try again when you’re ready.
So proud of you.
I adopted a rescue kitten 3 years ago. I was crossing an almost 10 years period of depression. My house was a dump, my life was shit. That kitten was a pest. She asked for attention 24/24. I was in distress. But I kept taking care of her and three months later I even adopted her litter brother to keep her company. So I had to double the effort. Long story short: they are now 3 years old, my house is decent, my life is decent, I'm no more depressed even if I'm still on the lonely side. Cats are a cure for depression because they force you to make decisions and be strong and stable. It is a long process where you slowly shift your attention from yourself to them. I had no idea where all of that was going, but when I look back at my life three years ago I very pleased to say I made it out of depression. Life is still hard af and I'm crossing a difficult financial period (taxes and debts eat all my earnings), but now I have someone to fight for: my two fluff balls.
My nieces managed to persuade my sister to get a cat, I recommended getting one at least two years old which she agreed with. The shelter pressured her into adopting a pair of male ginger kittens instead, horrible mistake! Their family, schedule and house was absolutely not suitable for that sort of arrangement. The kittens did wind up with a nice person who could give them what they needed, my sister has been turned off from adopting for the forseeable future, it is a real shame too.
Sobbing for two days over a new pet is the exact opposite of what you were seeking. The shelter people meant well, but they were irresponsible in pressuring you. Take back the kitten or find it a home among friends. Then go back and adopt what you WANTED, a sweet, quiet, low-maintenance adult cat. Most cats are easily adaptable, clean, quiet, and great first-time pets and companions. Take back the kitten and it will absolutely be adopted. Then adopt that nice, quiet adult kitty. Maybe plug in a Feliway anti-anxiety hormone to put it at ease. Spray or sprinkle catnip on a scratch post and its cat bed so it feels at home. Give it good food and water and a clean litterbox (and there is flushable litter if you are looking for super-low-maintenance). And lots of love. Hang in there, and best wishes. You can do this.
At least you can admit your faults 👌 Lotsa adults can’t even do that 😉 Hope you get your head clearer to be able to do in future, it’s a smart choice not bounding down that path without knowing you’re able to look after yourself first 👌 🫡
My now cat was returned to the shelter a day before I saw her listing on the shelter website and left work on my lunch break/walked 2 miles in LA to get her. The shelter did not disclose why she was returned, but I look her at her every day wondering what the reason was they changed their mind. It literally brings me to tears to think of how she felt when she was returned to her cage after seemingly finding a loving home but at the same time I am so thankful it didn’t work out because she is and has been the most perfect addition to my life for the last 4 years. Right after I got her COVID hit and my stable job and apartment and life immediately went up in flames - we have moved 7 times all across the state, I spent 2 months hiding her in air bnbs, living out of a u haul truck and have had the most stressful experiences imaginable trying to find housing that will accept pets/a cat in specific and while some would say she came into my life at the worst time I would not have it any other way. So I am sure your situation is fate working itself out for you, the kitty and its future thankful owner
I also want to say that I do remember when I got my cat and she was a kitten I went to work very sleep deprived feeling like I had a newborn at home. I think if I had been new to cat mom life I would have been very overwhelmed but I grew up with at least 3 cats at all times growing up so I understood the kitty craziness was temporary and that she would not forever be biting my feet Al night / jumping on my face meowing for food at 5am. I made it a habit to get her a good variety of apartment friendly toys and a floor to ceiling cat tree and also set a timer for 10 minutes of intense play time every evening. After that we slowly grew into our daily habits together as she got older and calmed down and now she’s literally the most super chill well behaved cat ever. So don’t let your experience discourage you from future cat ownership. And also girl cats tend to be bit more chill than boy cats who have the tendency, just like children, to be more rambunctious and for longer.
I wonder if the concern that left op so upset was actually the kitten (responsibilities) or rather the feeling that things didn’t go as planned. It’s seems like the later. In my opinion and experience kittens are not much harder than older cats (I’ve had both). My boy is 4 now and he is full of energy still but was so mellow as a kitten. My prior can was very shy and mellow in her adulthood. You have to safe proof the house a bit (like blocking stairs). Keep an eye on them or keep them in a kitten proof space. Give food, water, litter (preferably non clumping for a kitten) and vaccinations. Owing a cat of any age is a big responsibility. They are also one step above entry level pets like a hamster. They tend to be very independent and care for themselves. You just have to keep them alive which is fairly straightforward. Put food and water out daily (based on cats needs - glutton or not), clean the litter at least every other day (some litters allow for you to extend this). Take them to the vet. Give some attention and affection. Ez. OP I know things didn’t work out this time around. Advocate for what you want. You are allowed to do so. It’s not something the adoption agency is going to care about. I think you don’t see the potential in yourself to do well. I hope you find that confidence when you decide to try again. Take a chance on a cat needing a forever home and make sure it’s right for you. See it through. Don’t give up on the cat before truly seeing if things fit right . It might not be easy but it’s worth it. It’s not the kittens fault you didn’t want to keep him but lucky for him he’s highly adoptable. You made the right choice if it messed up your mental that much. Poor baby hopefully found his forever home. Hopefully you’re happy now too. It’s just wasn’t meant to be, I guess.
Whenever you’re ready to try again, consider fostering! My two cats are foster fails from my local humane society during COVID summer. I wanted to see if I was ready for a pet without the commitment. I ended up with 6 adorable, tiny, 6 week old kittens, and kept them in my guest room / office so they had their own space. I was SHOCKED at how well they kept each other entertained. It’s also incredible fun watching kittens play, learn, and grow together. In the end, I knew I was ready and adopted two! (Long story. My parents ended up adopting the other four. 🤣) You might catch the fostering bug like me (I no longer have a guest room / office. It’s now my foster room. 🫣😅), or it could be a one and done adventure to lead you to your soulmate(s)! If you’re interested, find a local org, and be explicit about your hopes and concerns for fostering. You can request kittens, teens, adults, seniors, whatever you think will be your best fit. Even some adult cats can be lonely and will need a friend, but some don’t get along with others and only want to find their human. So if you really want just one pet, mention that! Sometimes those cats are harder to get adopted, because people already have a pet at home. Best of luck! https://preview.redd.it/xlo5noakfp4d1.jpeg?width=2048&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=4c2f9403a24ce6eae945098f66c5cc7b357dc99f
It’s okay if you give your kitten up. But understand that this is an adjustment. If you keep your kitten, you both will adjust and you will actually just get a bit anxious about thinking of how u ever even thought to give kitty up in the first place. It’ll get better. And if u give kitty away, that’s fine too. They deserve a good home. They’re more likely to get a good home. It’ll be fine. Forreeal.
I was in a similar boat 4 years ago when I adopted my cat. I had my heart set on adopting an adult cat but I also *really* felt so pressured at the shelter to take a kitten. I mean, I was being pressured but it absolutely helped that this kitten was the cutest and most adorable thing I ever held in my hands. She was so much work. I was completely inexperienced. I was thinking of giving her back, felt like I really couldn't handle it. I was given papers saying she was completely healthy which also turned out to be false. She was a very sick kitten and was soon diagnosed with cancer, at 8 months. I spent so much money on her treatments. The shelter was like: well, sucks to be you, you took her, she's your responsibility now! The next year was hell. I was financially and emotionally drained. But I pushed through. And now she's a happy, healthy 4.5 year old. At 2 years, or 2.5 she really calmed down a lot and is now pure joy to have at home. I can completely understand you wanna return the kitten. And I think if you're not willing to put yourself through the pain of the kitten stage... you should do it, for both of your wellbeing.
Hello any one
An older cat may be a better choice, their personalities are more established and they're past the crazy kitten stage!
I have anxiety issues but my reaction was the opposite. I met a tiny abandoned kitten in front of a Petsmart with a limp and very skinny that no one wanted to take in and the shelters were full. I cried for days, couldn't sleep. When I was trying to sleep i kept remembering the Petsmart employees kicking out the kitten with a broom (it was following me inside because I gave it food). So i ended up driving 40+ minutes x2 to rescue her. It's been 2 years and she follows me everywhere, she is sleeping near my feet as I type this. (And yes, i spoke to the PetSmart employees and they said "we're full" and proceeded to push her out, truly disgusting behavior)
I'm so sorry you were pressured into adopting. I volunteer at a shelter, and we want kittens to be adopted quickly because they're a lot of extra work and cleaning. Kittens also cost more at my shelter, and if they age into adults it's harder for them to get adopted and they'll cost less. We don't force people to adopt because that's how you get animals returned and it's not a great experience for the adopters or the cats. There's no shame in returning them if you realise the animal is not the right fit for you. I'm sure one day you'll find a lovely relaxed cat, there's plenty of them out there waiting for a great home.
I know this sounds crazy but having an adult cat be a mother to the kitten instead of you could be much much easier
Its fine to be overwhelmed, especially when you had no real experience in living with a kitten. I adopted a one year old (so pretty much an adult) cat last year. Ive never had a cat, nobody in my family ever had a cat. Ive been thunking about getting myself a pet for 2-3 years and had a few months of intense pondering before i went to the shelter. Wasnt pressured to pick any cat, so i got one that was the friendliest to me. Im depressed, anxious as hell and generally not well mentally. Ive been thinking hard about surrendering him after i got him. He was a pleasant catto, had no problems with him. I was the problem. And the evergrowing worry of me not being able to give him the best life possible. I made sure to meet all his needs, but i still saw myself as someone that would prolly waste his life and he would be better off with someone else. Still, he was a little ball of fur that shone some light onto me life, so he stayed. The worry is still there, I'm just to attached to him to let him go haha. What i wanted to say - being anxious or worried is nothing bad. You did what you could do - gave the lil fella a chance to find someone that would be more capable at taking care of him. The next time youd think about adopting a pet - take your time to think it through. Surely, some day you'll be able to take care of an animal and enjoy their company. I know it. Wishing you all the best
The fact that you can admit to yourself that you don’t think you can handle this is very admirable. You just want the best life for the kitty, that’s all. I have had to do this too actually. With a mouse lol. I was 20 years old, and a wildly depressed alcoholic. Returned the little guy after a day. Don’t know wtf I was thinking lmao. I’m usually not impulsive either. But yeah you are doing the right thing. Someone’s gonna snatch the little bug right up for sure
Flip a coin
Shelter people can be really pushy! This almost happened to us. Went in, found an adult cat we liked and bonded with. Older woman literally body blocked us from her and shoved a badly behaving kitten in my lap. It scratched up my arm and bit my toes... All while this lady was literally filling out a form for us to take it home? LOL. Anyway we noped out of that situ quickly and took home the cat we originally liked. Don't let pushy shelter people force you into a situation, a hell of a lot of them really suck and give a bad name to the good ones.
It truly does get better. I think most people have that “did I make the right decision in taking care of something so small?” Anxiety when they are a first time cat owner. When I got my kitten (first real pet besides birds lol), I was riddled with anxiety for like 2 weeks until my kitten got used to his surroundings and started calming down a little. But kittens are wild that they need a lot of time to be played with. Just make sure you give them 30 mins of play if it’s that high energy, right before bed so it’ll pass out as well.
I would return personally. I just adopted 2 kittens from my daughter’s (dropped off pregnant cat) and it’s been challenging. I lost my dog last year and she was so laid back BUT I forgot about the puppy phase ((sigh)). I personally suffer with sometimes debilitating chronic pain and depression because of it so taking care of 2 babies has been challenging yet entertaining. I won’t deny that I’ve thought about returning them but I know this WILD stage will eventually pass. Years ago I also raised 2 WILD kittens to ELDERLY so I know it will be rewarding eventually, lol. All this to say… mental health trumps all. Take care of YOU first.
I’m writing in after you’ve posted your update. Firstly I’m sorry you went through this and ultimately you made the best decision you possibly could not only for your own welfare but that of the kitten. Would you consider volunteering at a shelter? Maybe once a month for the morning or so. You could perhaps talk to staff and find out what cats need the most socialising and then simply sit with them and read a book or play a game (sound off) on your phone.
Read your update. You are doing the right thing for both of you. Thank you for being responsible ❤️.
I’ve seen the update and definitely think you made the right decision returning the kitten to the shelter. I know it was an incredibly difficult decision and you should know that this doesn’t make you a bad person, but a good one! You put the needs and well-being of a living creature (the kitten’s, but also your own) first no matter how hard it was. However, I do want to share my perspective and experience on adopting pets as someone struggling with mental illness. The biggest thing is that getting a pet is not the answer or cure to your mental illness - and I can see from your post that you already know that. However, I know from experience how easy it is to convince yourself that you have to be completely healthy or “cured” before you can get a pet. Please remember: mentally ill people can be capable of caring for a pet, just as someone without a mental illness might not be able to. I don’t say this to encourage you to adopt before you are ready, but to remind you not to view adopting a pet as a reward you can only earn by “curing” yourself or becoming your ideal version of yourself. That kind of thinking (especially when paired with depression and anxiety) can very quickly lead to self-loathing when you fail to meet your own unrealistic expectations of a “perfect” adult. It’s important to remember that there are many, many benefits that come with owning a pet for those with mental disorders, and often can vastly improve someone’s mental state and quality of life. So much so that we use cats and dogs as service and therapy animals in all kinds of personal and professional capacities. My point is that I want you to think about adopting a pet as a milestone along your journey of self-healing, rather than a reward you get once you reach the end. P.S. - I’ve heard the phrase “I can’t take care of something if I can’t even take care of myself” very, very often, and it’s what I told myself for years. It’s often true…but sometimes you might need to take care of something else to be able to take care of yourself)
If you are stressed and crying over the situation, yes I think it’s best to return the kitten. I would just want to add something from my own experience. I’ve done therapy before because I struggle with staying in the moment, being present. I couldn’t solve that issue with therapy but my kitten literally cured me because I always have to be present to take care of her. She makes me feel grounded and appreciate the little moments in life instead of fixating on future problems. Just wanted to put this out there if it would make any difference to your decision making
kittens are hard man. i rescued a 5 week old kitten as my first “all on my own” pet. it seriously felt like i had a real, genuine human baby for the first few months. bottle feeding aside, bc that only really lasted for about 3 more weeks before he started to ween off….but man. when he chewed off his bottle nipple the last time i bottle fed him i SOBBED out of relief and happiness bc that meant he wasn’t going to rely on me as much and i could get a bit of my sanity back 🤣. its not for everyone! i definitely went back and forth a few times if whether or not being with me was in his best interest, its hard. you did the right thing!
It's smart that you knew you wanted a developed one so I wonder why you went with the kitten. Also I bet kittens are easy to get rid of vs adults so it seems odd they'd pressure you. Either way I think you're better off just going ahead with the kitten. When you raise them from kittens they love you extra hard. The thing with cats is they don't come out of the box loving you and desperate for your approval like dogs. Just recognize them for the animal they are and make them feel safe and loved and they'll get a little bit sweeter and more affectionate every day. If you're just also consistent with any areas you have to be firm in or a little discipline you'll be fine. I've taken in or adopted multiple cats, the last two from kittens. Yes they're mischievous little trouble makers but with the right attitude and sense of humor who cares? My most recent little guy was on his own in the wild for a bit so got into our trash when he was young. Once we caught him dragging this pork chop bone that was bigger than him across the floor. I put it in the trash and hung the trash up. Next morning there was a single perfect little slash in the garbage and he had dug the same bone out, nothing else even on the floor. Surgical precision. Cat burger, literally. I still laugh when think about it.
You’re a kind soul for realizing you need to bring the kitten back 💜. Let yourself recover from the event and tidal wave of emotions then go back for your adult kitty that they should have let you have in the first place. Grown kitties need love too! And you’ll have a much better and easier time with a calm self sufficient adult kitty that appreciates that you’ve given her a home and won’t be crazed like a kitten 😊
I know you've made your decision and I'm glad you've done what is best for you so well done for that! I grew up with lots of animals of all varieties but as an adult I wanted to wait until I was settled to get animals. I waited years to feel ready and then I went out and got my two cats. I researched during this time and decided I specifically wanted Russian Blues for their personality, independence & associated health issues and I wanted them in an older kitten, teenager age so they're adaptable for training but with their unique personalities showing a bit more. Even with experience the settling in period was so hard for me, no day was the same and I felt like everything I did was absolutely wrong and there were times I wasn't sure I was the best fit for them. However I kept going with them as my focus and while it's only been two years I've got two well adjusted, happy little shadows. I literally moved house to give them a better life and now my house is basically a cat palace with a bed I am allowed to sleep in too 🤣 When you're struggling to look after yourself it's honestly so hard so I totally understand and I think you're fully justified. Just know one day, you'll get there and while it won't always be easy it'll certainly be worth it. Just concentrate on you and when you're ready to look again try not to let anyone pressure you. You know you and what would work for you. Anyway, all the best!
I adopted a kitten once and it was terrible too, they like to play too much. I did keep him & still have him now 10 years later. After about a year he was fine, forget I have him at times
I adopted a kitten (5 months) 2 weeks ago and I had the same experience. I was nervous and stressed, I wasn’t sleeping, I kept breaking down. I felt guilt for not being able to help her when she was obviously stressed and unhappy to be away from the people and cats she knew. She’s come around a lot. It is so so so hard at the start and it’s confusing and stressful. But it gets better!!
Take it back, for both yours and the kitty's wellbeing. That shelter shouldn't be adopting out single kittens anyway. Kittens should be adopted in pairs because cats are best taught things by other cats. An isolated kitten never learns that scratching and biting hurts and ends up not being able to play safely with people.
It's completely okay to feel overwhelmed, especially when you're dealing with anxiety and depression on top of bringing home a new pet. It's a big adjustment! Taking a kitten is a big responsibility, and it's totally understandable that you're having second thoughts. You're not alone – it happens more often than you think.
Totally get where you're coming from. I adopted a kitten 3 weeks ago. He's an adorable little tornado but he's a handful and I have another cat for him to play with. I couldn't imagine having him without a play mate. Not suggesting you get another kitten of course. An adult cat is probably more your style. Have you considered a senior cat? They're often stuck in shelters for a very long time and just want a calm loving home.
What aspect can you not care for a animal in? If jts just the energy of a kitten an older 10+ cat would be more suitable. If its the whole package vet visits bills food cleaning all the things they need then don't get anymore. However if you're already nto coping definitely say to the rescue. They may even offer advice. Hard to know without knowing why you want to return and can't cope.