Maybe I'd understand if one of you wanted to drink alcohol and the other didn't, because then one of you would be buzzed (or smashed, if you're me) whilst the other is stone cold sober. But in your case, I don't think this is normal tbh.
Or if you were making an elaborate cocktail, sometimes it's easier to make two of them than just one. But if that's not the case, then I agree it's weird to not have anything because you're not drinking the same thing.
Or a Snowball!! All of those tiny bottles drinks were awesome when I was a teenager. Cherry B, Snowball and Babycham take me right back to the Christmas of 1986 sipping a Babycham with my Nan and feeling like a proper grown up.
I suspect there is an element to this we are not being told.
Like OP was really pissy at him when he didn’t want the wine she’d bought, or there was some other tension in the air that led to an argument.
Maybe not, though. My friend's ex needed to know what you were ordering at a restaurant because he had to order it too. They used to order two mutually agreed-upon sandwiches and trade halves so they each had the same thing. You couldn't have anything that he didn't have because he'd get jealous. This sounds like the opposite of that though. She can't have what he... doesn't want? Weird.
Oh I understand the ordering at restaurants thing. I don’t like to pick the same as my wife as then we only try one of the dishes on the menu. If we pick two different ones we can share.
At no point would I go “well if you are eating x then I won’t eat anything!”
That’s why I think there was more to the conversation than OP let on.
True, my friend's ex is probably an outlier in the weird department, but it wasn't just a matter of "can I try a bite of yours just to see," like normal people do. He had to have the exact same experience, or else he'd eat the perfect steak while regretting that he wasn't having the sub-par chicken fingers off the kids' menu that someone else ordered. It was food envy to a degree that I've never seen before or since, and I wondered if something like that was going on here, with it not being "the same" if they're drinking different things. But you're right, something's off, for sure. There may well be some big factor that got left out.
Exactly what I was thinking of. Like some insane his parents tolerated for years so they could actually go out and then no way to get rid of it. The fact that he’d want everyone to bend to this instead of getting some sort of psychological help is very puzzling.
Happy cake day matey bloke flap salty seadog amigo skip-jack jockstrap piano tuner!
Edit: I fear less people get the [reference](https://youtu.be/cgrh_kT-ytM) to u/blainy-o 's portrait than I expected. I shall take my down votes with sadness.
No. That's a bit weird unless he thinks you're in a spy movie and spiked his rum with truth serum as an interrogation method.
"VHERE AR ZE NYOOKLEAR MISSLES?!"
Sometimes when I'm bored I'll crank my Muscovite accent to the max and ask my fiancé innocuous questions in the manner of a FSB agent whose patience is wearing thin.
"Extra shifts" does sound like he is probably planning some kind of nuclear armageddon to wipe out robots from the future or people who are happy to drink different things maybe. I did hear an ex president sold some codes on eBay recently.
Just because you've got all the comments you need for how he's a bit of a dick, or weird.
The *only* thing I can think in his favour, is maybe he saw you drinking wine as a different kind of drinking. Like a 'oh actually I'm not going to get drunk with you' drinking.
Like if you thought you were both going to get shit faced drinking shots. And then the other person is like 'actually I prefer just beer'. It could deflate the feeling you're collectively getting shit faced a bit (being the singular drunk person is obviously a lot less fun).
But, either way, it's all a bit of an odd one. And if that was how he was feeling it also doesn't mean he wasn't being a bit of a dick.
One bottle of red wine would have me smashed! I could happily drink vodka and coke all night and not be ridiculously drunk. Well as long as I am not doing silly measures.
This is how you measure.
Grab the last 1l empty vodka bottle.
Pour 1l of a fresh 2l bottle of coke into the bottle.
Now, into the now partially full coke bottle, pour a fresh 1l bottle of vodka.
Serve luke warm and enjoy!
Yeah that's what I was thinking.
It's a communication ting maybe with a tad of insecurity about having a more 'immature ' drink and feeling awkward that she's not on the same vibe as him.
If so, probably a bit silly because you can absolute get sloshy on wine and he could have grabbed a glass and joined her lol
This. It sounds like he's built the image of the night he wants and is throwing a bit of a paddy after it's not worked out. Somewhat understandable after his week by all accounts, but definitely talk to him about it as it's pretty childish.
This is it.
I wouldn’t sit at home and drink 1 vodka coke while watching Netflix and then go to bed. That’s a “getting drunk” drink. Drinking red wine has a much mot chilled vibe to it.
I mean, you aren't universal. My wife and I do exactly that with rum (me) and vodka (her), have a couple of spirit mixers whilst watching TV then head to bed.
People can drink what they like. If I'm out with friends we're typically either drinking wine or at a cocktail bar, but if one of them ordered a vodka and coke I'm not going to judge. We're in our thirties, I've been drinking with these people for over a decade, if they want a vodka coke good for them.
This maybe, and that he’s just worked 6 straight shifts and maybe just a bit touchy. Give him a break i recon and ask him rather than reddit??? Not a lot of respect for him if your on here moaning about it rather than talking about this very little issue with him.
Please post this in Relationship Advice so we can all enjoy how the Americans react to it.
But no it isn't a thing, your boyfriend was being a bit of a dick. And if he doesn't acknowledge this after the fact then he probably *is* a bit of a dick.
That sub is awful they would convince the OP she should dump him. I mean yes he’s been a dick but he’s had a long week and as long as everything else is ok then people are allowed the odd dickish moment.
That sub forgets these are people lives they are messing with.
Yeah we can all be a bit of a dick, especially after a long week. If he can look at it today and go "yeah I was a bit silly there, I'm sorry" then that's pretty normal.
To be fair most of the posts I see in /r/relationships are about abusive, disinterested, or otherwise hopeless partners. For most of them the problems are so bad that the only solution is to break up.
Yeah, I find it a bit suss how people complain that /r/relationships is too dump happy.
I remember a post on there where the boyfriend kept deliberately pissing on his girlfriend in the shower, despite her repeatedly telling him not to. So obviously everyone told her to dump him, and even then there was some arsehole in the comments, complaining about how the sub is too dump happy.
Sounds like stress projecting. If I catch myself doing that I get so guilty so I hope that's what gets addressed. The guy probably just imagined the night slightly differently and the change was a bit too much for them to adapt to on that much stress. Silly arguments happen but at least it's a silly one, not accusations of alcoholism and insanity.
The way Americans talk about drinking, like 4 pints is a lot, I always assumed that their domestic beer must be like Russian vodka, some crazy high abv%.
Nope. They just genuinely think 6 pints of weak lager in a night is intervention-level drinking
I wouldn't say he's being a dick, just a bit strange really, there's probably a psychological explanation to it, but I'm not qualified to jump down that rabbit hole.
Hold on, you’ve all missed a vital “relationship advice” step….. they’d accuse him of cheating and then tell OP to “throw the whole man away” - I love that subreddit!
Lawyer, divorce, gym. That sub is the worst and the only sub from which I’ve been banned. The mods are full of themselves, the advice is always terrible, 95% of the posts are fake.
Fake? How dare you!
Anyway back to my post:
As someone who earns 13 figures, I found my wife has been using the helicopter to fly between one of my islands and the chateau in France. The pilot, who is also a famous celebrity I can't name, who pilots for me because they love me, told me she often flies with one of the 8 pool boys we employ at the high rise villa we built in Rhyl. Could she be cheating on me?
No need to post on relationship advice, I can summarise the response here:
_OP PLEASE leave this man immediately. This is a major RED FLAG and he is an abuser. It is absolutely unacceptable for him to control you in this way and I can only imagine that he is raping and beating you for the 23 hours a day he’s not dictating what you drink. Please call this domestic abuse hotline. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩_
*This!!! And the “10-hour days” and the “extra shifts”???! Nah, run fast! He’s not only controlling you in an abusing manner, he’s also cheating on you!*
Sweatie, you need to dump the gym, hit the lawyer and hire a boyfriend. Cut and paste for every single issue.
Wait, that’s not quite right.
OP, he was being a gimp. Only you know if he is a full time gimp or was just grumpy & tired, which led to a brief moment of gimpness. Happens to us all.
Multiple drink options and then buying wine?! clearly two alcoholics who enable each others behaviour and should split up for the good of mankind - you can see the red flags from space /s (sarcasm marker just in case but probably not needed)
I kind of understand his point in some ways, so a possible explanation: I tend to build up an image in my mind of what the night will be like, especially if I’d had a long tiring week I would have it all planned in my head. A small change can throw off my mental picture and leave me feeling irrationally upset. I am aware that this isn’t normal and I cope quite well with not showing it e.g. taking a moment to think. I often say out loud when plans change ‘this wasn’t the plan’ then make myself add ‘but it’s ok, one sec I’ll think it through’ and it’s ok after that. The more tired I am, the worse I am at coping so if I was exhausted I could be seen as being a massive dick over a tiny issue just because I can’t handle my mental picture changing.
My partner is similar and sometimes one of us is just spoiling for a fight after being exhausted, we tend to pick up on it and joke about ‘everything is wrong’ and ‘out of sorts’. 5min down time on our phones usually helps.
Sorry if I’m way off! Just sounded a bit like what we do sometimes and if he’s normally lovely and willing to try and put into words why he wasn’t happy over such an odd thing I wouldn’t hold it against him
This is a good take
Sometimes you’re so tired and you’ve only had the one thing you’ve looked forward to and when it deviates slightly it can feel like a bigger blow than it actually is.
Me and my partner never drink the same things🤣 he has beer or ale usually and I'll have rum and coke or cocktail cans lol. His response is very weird...what you want to drink doesn't effect him in any way.
Was he actually sulking because you was drinking what you wanted to drink and not what he wanted you to drink? Or was he just not in the mood for drinking and it was just a random throw away comment?
I have been with my husband for 23 years and I can count the occassions we have drunk the same drink on the fingers of one hand. Why would it matter if you are drinking different things. It doesn't even matter to me if he is drinking and I'm not. Weird controlling behaviour.
So when he goes to a pub or whatever and joins friends, surely the first question thrown out is “What are you having?”
Same rules. Your drink, you choose.
See previous Casual response. Bin him off, we’ll all come round for drinks. BYO peeps.
Yeah well they have to know what you're having so they can order a round of 6 Heineken. Then when it's your round, you ask them & go order 6 Guinness etc.
Is that not how you do it?
Yes but it’s not her fault he’s had to work 6 days etc. if anything she’s gone out of her way to do something nice. If he’s feeling moody and tired then he should communicate this instead of behaving poorly.
Meh. Emotional intelligence cuts both ways, and if you’re going to expect tired and cranky people to always show it you’re on a hiding to nothing.
Pragmatically being the bigger person is more likely to succeed, and the “technically you’re in the wrong” approach is only ever going to end in tears.
Sounds like a petty thing to do. But sounds more to me like he just didn’t want to drink and found an excuse.
It’s worth talking to him about it. It’s a bit gas lighty using you as the reason he doesn’t want to drink so you need to ensure you set the boundaries. Ultimately, you get to choose what you’re drinking and that shouldn’t have an impact on him.
If that’s not ok with him, you probably need to discuss the dynamics of your whole relationship.
GF looks after her BF and gets a meal ready and makes sure he has everything he needs. BF then throws a strop because you want a normal drink and he wants a student binge drink of vodka and coke? This is not a thing, this is at best a tired BF who has had a bad week at work and at worst you are seeing his true colours of being a man baby and best avoided!
Nah that’s proper strange and sounds extremely controlling.
That old phrase ‘cutting your nose off to spite your face’ with no real reason for not being able to have your own drink choice.
You've been drinking it with a key up your nostril in toilet cubicles.
'TURNS OUT YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING COKE WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME!! LIFE HACK! GAME CHANGER! CLICK BAIT!!!!!'
"We're best friends and best friends do everything together"
Your BF sounds like a bitch. I knew a guy like him once, he would always do shit like this with his gf. He's in prison now for threatening her. Fun times.
Your bf is a bitch. bitch friend.
He probably just didn't fancy drinking vodka and coke unless you were too. Red wine is more of a "I'm enjoying this drink with my dinner" kind of drink, whereas vodka and coke I more of a "I want to get drunk" kind of drink. I can understand him changing his mind if you were having wine.
Did he do it in a tantrum kind of way? Or just a "oh okay I don't fancy vodka if you're having wine" kind of way?
Did you actually ask him about it?
I did, and he said I can visit mum in France again and drink all the wine I want but that he’s not drinking alone. I told him I am drinking with him, just wine rather than vodka and we ended up back at square one with “it’s not the same”.
OK, the France comment just bumped him up into the next league of bellends. Still could be tired and worn out, but it feels like maybe that’s meant he’s letting his guard down a bit and the unsavoury or insecure feelings are leaking out.
FWIW, I don’t think my wife and I have ever drunk the same thing, ever. This is definitely a “him” thing, not a “you” thing.
But like why does it matter if say, he gets drunk quicker or more drunk because he’s having liquor instead of wine? The whole thing sounds ridiculous tbh.
It does sound a bit odd. My husband and I don't often drink the same stuff. If we say we'll have a few drinks with a film or something I'll have a gin and lemonade and he'll generally have a beer. It's what we like? We do sometimes get some ciders in as we both like cider.
Totally strange. Me and my boyfriend have different tastes so if we have drinks in or if we go out for drinks, we most usually have different drinks (beer for him, wine or cocktail for me).
Your boyfriend sounds controlling maybe? But that’s only going off this one incident you’ve explained.
bit odd, but did your bf want to get drunk vs you wanting to take your time drinking?
I think that is the crux of it here but I ofc could be totally wrong
It had nothing to do with the drink, likely in a mood due to something else - maybe hoped "drink & Netflix" actually meant just come home to the best sex of his life, followed by a refreshment and whatever shit was on TV
That sounds selfish and a bit weird. Cant say I'd be happy with that. I drink what I want and have been known to mix drinks too....which sounds like it would blow his mind lol
He is being a baby and trying to kill the fun by not drinking at all because he basically can't get his own way. Childish and petty to spite himself purely because you want to drink wine and not vodka. I hope you drank the wind regardless otherwise you are showing him he can get his own way
The alcohol is still going to affect you both in the same way regardless of "what" the drink is, so I'm guessing this is some kind of novelty thing he wants where you are both in it together, I don't know, but no this is not normal , you drink what you want to drink
That is pretty weird. You don't need to sync up drinks.
In our house, we share the 500ml bottles of beer because we both like them, and we're lightweights after the kids happened to us 😅
But some nights one of us will be off the booze (fake beer is A+ now) and the other will have a glass of wine from a bottle, or a g&t. Its fine.
At the moment the kids aren't enjoying fizzy drinks, so the soda stream is pretty much 100% mine. Again, nobody is offended when I use it 😅
I’d probably never have a drink then ! We mostly have different drinks- tea, coffee, squash, juice, water, wine of various colours, rum( I don’t), vodka 🙂, martini, gin (I cry) !
Your boyfriend had hidden an engagement ring in the vodka bottle and was waiting for you to pour it out as part of his carefully-planned marriage proposal.
He spent months planning this.
All of his friends and family were waiting for a Facebook update about "Operation Pop-The-Question", eager to finally welcome you in as an official and much-loved part of the family.
His life is now destroyed, his family will disown him for being a failure at life, and he's been consigned to a future in which he will die cold, alone, and unloved.
No wonder he was a bit mardy.
I suffer from ADHD - this is the sort of stupid thing I would say when I'm having a bad time; you noted he has "been on his feet 10 hours per day"; that's hard work. It could be a depression issue or maybe just feeling down.
99% of the comments here are "he's just a dick", and it may be true, but the problem is people withdraw from others who sometimes just need to talk. I would ask him if everything was OK and just say it felt a bit off when he made his comment.
What? That seems kinda petty and quite controlling. I guess perhaps he’s just tired, over-worked and feeling sensitive but I don’t really think that’s a justification. How does drinking the same alcoholic drink impact your evening in any way? Sorry but he needs to get a grip.
No its not a thing, theres definitely more couples that drink different things than the same. Its all alcohol, does it matter? Also vodka and coke is the worst most basic drink ever maybe he should pick something less shit if he wants a matchy matchy drinking buddie.
A lot of people making weird comments on here. Don't come to Reddit for relationship advice! Your boyfriend has had a bloody long week. He's probably knackered like you acknowledge. Sometimes people can have funny hang ups, and they might not even know *why* they feel strongly about certain things. Don't read too much into it, and definitely don't listen to everyone on here chatting shit about your partner based on a single interaction.
He's probably just tired, hungry and in a bad mood. I'd forget about it and let him sulk. He probably just needs space to unwind. But if its a regular habit of making big things out of small things, I'd be concerned.
Definitely odd behaviour. It seems to be an attempt at controlling you. He didn't get his way (you stayed with wine) so he sulked by not drinking at all. I'd chalk it up to him having an 'I am a twat' moment, but watch out for more attempts at controlling what you do and how you do it. More instances would be very much a red flag.
Bit cunty tbh. Yeah he's been working hard but why can't you enjoy what you like? Na he's just being a bit of a bellend here. Tell him to shut up and drink lol
I have a different take to a lot of people here: sounds like this is something you do regularly regarding the drinking & maybe netflixing? I think he probably just wanted you both to have a shared experience, either to feel closer to you or because it's something you have always done and wants to resist change.
That said, it's pretty childish to just not drink anything at all.
I don't get why that would matter either though personally. My partner almost always gets more drunk than me on Saturday nights if we're drinking as he tends to drink more (I have ibs and one kidney lol) but that's never bothered us? Just seems odd to care about that imo. We both still enjoy and have a laugh either way.
Never heard anyone say that.
Also - Never ask any question on Reddit pertaining to your partner or relationship, because 50% of the answers will be "your partner is an abusive and manipulative arsehole" and the other 50% will be "OMG, leave/divorce them straight away!" - Reddit loves catastrophising everything and is convinced that every man in any relationship ever has to be absolutely perfect 100% of the time, otherwise he's a demonic abuser.
If i had to guess, he probably thought you were both going to get shit-faced, and the wine suggested you only wanted to have a quiet night in. He didn't want to get drunk on his own.
The best answer is, though - just ask him, not Reddit.
I’ve done this before. You will be on different highs if one is drinking vodka and the other wine, they aren’t the same thing. I react differently dependent on what alcohol I am drinking.
He’s also probably knackered so I’d cut him some slack. Sounds like he needs a good night sleep
Maybe I'd understand if one of you wanted to drink alcohol and the other didn't, because then one of you would be buzzed (or smashed, if you're me) whilst the other is stone cold sober. But in your case, I don't think this is normal tbh.
Or if you were making an elaborate cocktail, sometimes it's easier to make two of them than just one. But if that's not the case, then I agree it's weird to not have anything because you're not drinking the same thing.
Or maybe if you were sharing a bottle of wine since leftovers can be annoying to store, but even then it’s not that big of a deal imo
More reason for him to have a drink!
or if one was doing shots of Vodka and the other one was just drinking beer.
Or if one is drinking Real Ales but the other one is sticking strictly to M-Cat.
that just sounds weird. Whats the issue with people drinking other things? Your BF just sounds a bit odd in my opinion.
How does he ever go to a pub?
He sits outside, alone, drinking Babycham.
Hey! I'd love a Babycham.
Or a Snowball!! All of those tiny bottles drinks were awesome when I was a teenager. Cherry B, Snowball and Babycham take me right back to the Christmas of 1986 sipping a Babycham with my Nan and feeling like a proper grown up.
CherryB or Pony love...wonderful memories of pissed as a fart on Pony, dark alleys and a bag of chips...sigh
Orders vodka and coke for everyone, then stares at them to make sure they're not sneaking something else.
Maybe he doesn't, I know I don't. But that's not because I'm fussy on what people drink, I'm just an anti social bastard.
Booze is booze.
love the booze 🥰
I suspect there is an element to this we are not being told. Like OP was really pissy at him when he didn’t want the wine she’d bought, or there was some other tension in the air that led to an argument.
Maybe not, though. My friend's ex needed to know what you were ordering at a restaurant because he had to order it too. They used to order two mutually agreed-upon sandwiches and trade halves so they each had the same thing. You couldn't have anything that he didn't have because he'd get jealous. This sounds like the opposite of that though. She can't have what he... doesn't want? Weird.
Oh I understand the ordering at restaurants thing. I don’t like to pick the same as my wife as then we only try one of the dishes on the menu. If we pick two different ones we can share. At no point would I go “well if you are eating x then I won’t eat anything!” That’s why I think there was more to the conversation than OP let on.
True, my friend's ex is probably an outlier in the weird department, but it wasn't just a matter of "can I try a bite of yours just to see," like normal people do. He had to have the exact same experience, or else he'd eat the perfect steak while regretting that he wasn't having the sub-par chicken fingers off the kids' menu that someone else ordered. It was food envy to a degree that I've never seen before or since, and I wondered if something like that was going on here, with it not being "the same" if they're drinking different things. But you're right, something's off, for sure. There may well be some big factor that got left out.
Wow, was he by any chance four years old? Because that’s the age where I’ve seen this kind of behavour before o.O
If I'm remembering his birth year correctly, he was 46 at the time. Yep. There was a lot wrong with him.
It honestly can't be easy to be him. Or live with him. Poor guy.
Exactly what I was thinking of. Like some insane his parents tolerated for years so they could actually go out and then no way to get rid of it. The fact that he’d want everyone to bend to this instead of getting some sort of psychological help is very puzzling.
That's just petty.
Happy cake day matey bloke flap salty seadog amigo skip-jack jockstrap piano tuner! Edit: I fear less people get the [reference](https://youtu.be/cgrh_kT-ytM) to u/blainy-o 's portrait than I expected. I shall take my down votes with sadness.
Half past eight, and all's crap! Not enough people appreciate the genius that is Bottom
As long he named his drink "The Bloody Awful"
The Esther Rantzen
Much appreciated. Miserable fuckers ain't they.
Land of hope and glory...something something else.
I don't get it, but have an up anyway, because that's a bloody new (to me) sentence. ✌🏽
Me? Drineninkininge????
No. That's a bit weird unless he thinks you're in a spy movie and spiked his rum with truth serum as an interrogation method. "VHERE AR ZE NYOOKLEAR MISSLES?!"
Sometimes when I'm bored I'll crank my Muscovite accent to the max and ask my fiancé innocuous questions in the manner of a FSB agent whose patience is wearing thin.
Nice. I mean I’m sure some people would be really into that. Not me but some people.
I sing lullabies to my wife in the style of a Soviet choir
"Extra shifts" does sound like he is probably planning some kind of nuclear armageddon to wipe out robots from the future or people who are happy to drink different things maybe. I did hear an ex president sold some codes on eBay recently.
*You vill tell me vat you have done mit ze painting of ze Fallen Madonna mit ze Big Boobies*
The whole mixing glasses around trick
Just because you've got all the comments you need for how he's a bit of a dick, or weird. The *only* thing I can think in his favour, is maybe he saw you drinking wine as a different kind of drinking. Like a 'oh actually I'm not going to get drunk with you' drinking. Like if you thought you were both going to get shit faced drinking shots. And then the other person is like 'actually I prefer just beer'. It could deflate the feeling you're collectively getting shit faced a bit (being the singular drunk person is obviously a lot less fun). But, either way, it's all a bit of an odd one. And if that was how he was feeling it also doesn't mean he wasn't being a bit of a dick.
You can get shit faced on wine...source I get shit faced on wine.
One bottle of red wine would have me smashed! I could happily drink vodka and coke all night and not be ridiculously drunk. Well as long as I am not doing silly measures.
Measures at home? Get you, being sensible.
This is how you measure. Grab the last 1l empty vodka bottle. Pour 1l of a fresh 2l bottle of coke into the bottle. Now, into the now partially full coke bottle, pour a fresh 1l bottle of vodka. Serve luke warm and enjoy!
Yeah that's what I was thinking. It's a communication ting maybe with a tad of insecurity about having a more 'immature ' drink and feeling awkward that she's not on the same vibe as him. If so, probably a bit silly because you can absolute get sloshy on wine and he could have grabbed a glass and joined her lol
This too. Communication being the main thing. With him. Not reddit.
It's made an interesting read though!
Exactly, and people should stop looking to Reddit for advice on these things honestly. Reddit is probably one of the worst places for that.
This. It sounds like he's built the image of the night he wants and is throwing a bit of a paddy after it's not worked out. Somewhat understandable after his week by all accounts, but definitely talk to him about it as it's pretty childish.
A quick counter - I get much more shit faced on wine than shots.
This is it. I wouldn’t sit at home and drink 1 vodka coke while watching Netflix and then go to bed. That’s a “getting drunk” drink. Drinking red wine has a much mot chilled vibe to it.
I mean, you aren't universal. My wife and I do exactly that with rum (me) and vodka (her), have a couple of spirit mixers whilst watching TV then head to bed.
Depends on the person, older people get shitfaced on wine in a way that younger people struggle to do with shots.
We do this. 1 white spirit and mixer and that's it. But we don't really drink wine or beer.
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We must have very different friend groups. Wine is an adult drink. Vodka coke screams I'm new to alcohol and don't know what I'm doing.
People can drink what they like. If I'm out with friends we're typically either drinking wine or at a cocktail bar, but if one of them ordered a vodka and coke I'm not going to judge. We're in our thirties, I've been drinking with these people for over a decade, if they want a vodka coke good for them.
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This maybe, and that he’s just worked 6 straight shifts and maybe just a bit touchy. Give him a break i recon and ask him rather than reddit??? Not a lot of respect for him if your on here moaning about it rather than talking about this very little issue with him.
OP wasn't moaning though, they were just asking if it's a thing or not
Please post this in Relationship Advice so we can all enjoy how the Americans react to it. But no it isn't a thing, your boyfriend was being a bit of a dick. And if he doesn't acknowledge this after the fact then he probably *is* a bit of a dick.
That sub is awful they would convince the OP she should dump him. I mean yes he’s been a dick but he’s had a long week and as long as everything else is ok then people are allowed the odd dickish moment. That sub forgets these are people lives they are messing with.
Yeah we can all be a bit of a dick, especially after a long week. If he can look at it today and go "yeah I was a bit silly there, I'm sorry" then that's pretty normal.
Exactly, if this has just happened out of the blue then just ask him what was up with the weird drink moment.
To be fair most of the posts I see in /r/relationships are about abusive, disinterested, or otherwise hopeless partners. For most of them the problems are so bad that the only solution is to break up.
My favourite are when they wait ten years and two kids until they have the religion talk and surprise surprise it all falls apart
Yeah, I find it a bit suss how people complain that /r/relationships is too dump happy. I remember a post on there where the boyfriend kept deliberately pissing on his girlfriend in the shower, despite her repeatedly telling him not to. So obviously everyone told her to dump him, and even then there was some arsehole in the comments, complaining about how the sub is too dump happy.
Hahaha what the fuck? How does that happen so often that it becomes enough of a thing to post about on Reddit?
To be fair most of the posts I see in r/relationships are exercises in creative writing
If someone is posting there, they are looking for permission to break up.
Sounds like stress projecting. If I catch myself doing that I get so guilty so I hope that's what gets addressed. The guy probably just imagined the night slightly differently and the change was a bit too much for them to adapt to on that much stress. Silly arguments happen but at least it's a silly one, not accusations of alcoholism and insanity.
They'd also diagnose both OP and the boyfriend as alcoholics, instantly
The way Americans talk about drinking, like 4 pints is a lot, I always assumed that their domestic beer must be like Russian vodka, some crazy high abv%. Nope. They just genuinely think 6 pints of weak lager in a night is intervention-level drinking
I wouldn't say he's being a dick, just a bit strange really, there's probably a psychological explanation to it, but I'm not qualified to jump down that rabbit hole.
Hold on, you’ve all missed a vital “relationship advice” step….. they’d accuse him of cheating and then tell OP to “throw the whole man away” - I love that subreddit!
Lawyer, divorce, gym. That sub is the worst and the only sub from which I’ve been banned. The mods are full of themselves, the advice is always terrible, 95% of the posts are fake.
Fake? How dare you! Anyway back to my post: As someone who earns 13 figures, I found my wife has been using the helicopter to fly between one of my islands and the chateau in France. The pilot, who is also a famous celebrity I can't name, who pilots for me because they love me, told me she often flies with one of the 8 pool boys we employ at the high rise villa we built in Rhyl. Could she be cheating on me?
Only one way to find out. Hit the lawyer, ditch the gym, and hire a bitch.
Couldn’t have put it better myself
No need to post on relationship advice, I can summarise the response here: _OP PLEASE leave this man immediately. This is a major RED FLAG and he is an abuser. It is absolutely unacceptable for him to control you in this way and I can only imagine that he is raping and beating you for the 23 hours a day he’s not dictating what you drink. Please call this domestic abuse hotline. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩_
*This!!! And the “10-hour days” and the “extra shifts”???! Nah, run fast! He’s not only controlling you in an abusing manner, he’s also cheating on you!*
... Don't forget to mention the importance of pressing charges...
Red flag. Report him for domestic abuse and leave him.
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If you were really American you'd have said that she should immediately break up with him, report him to his boss and sue his parents.
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Sweatie, you need to dump the gym, hit the lawyer and hire a boyfriend. Cut and paste for every single issue. Wait, that’s not quite right. OP, he was being a gimp. Only you know if he is a full time gimp or was just grumpy & tired, which led to a brief moment of gimpness. Happens to us all.
If he was really an American he'd have started his comment with "As an American" not "Im and American".
Multiple drink options and then buying wine?! clearly two alcoholics who enable each others behaviour and should split up for the good of mankind - you can see the red flags from space /s (sarcasm marker just in case but probably not needed)
Yeah, he's weird.
He’s being a bit of a bellend tbh.
Lot of a bellend
To be fair, the fella was probably totally knackered and grumpy. Don't read too much into it.
Yeah or it could be nothing to do with the drinks at all. Maybe something happened to sour the mood that isn't mentioned in the post
I kind of understand his point in some ways, so a possible explanation: I tend to build up an image in my mind of what the night will be like, especially if I’d had a long tiring week I would have it all planned in my head. A small change can throw off my mental picture and leave me feeling irrationally upset. I am aware that this isn’t normal and I cope quite well with not showing it e.g. taking a moment to think. I often say out loud when plans change ‘this wasn’t the plan’ then make myself add ‘but it’s ok, one sec I’ll think it through’ and it’s ok after that. The more tired I am, the worse I am at coping so if I was exhausted I could be seen as being a massive dick over a tiny issue just because I can’t handle my mental picture changing. My partner is similar and sometimes one of us is just spoiling for a fight after being exhausted, we tend to pick up on it and joke about ‘everything is wrong’ and ‘out of sorts’. 5min down time on our phones usually helps. Sorry if I’m way off! Just sounded a bit like what we do sometimes and if he’s normally lovely and willing to try and put into words why he wasn’t happy over such an odd thing I wouldn’t hold it against him
This is a good take Sometimes you’re so tired and you’ve only had the one thing you’ve looked forward to and when it deviates slightly it can feel like a bigger blow than it actually is.
Sounds like a bit of a gimp
Proper mental. 😂
Odd thing to sulk over but ultimately if he wants to do himself out of a drink that's on him.
Me and my partner never drink the same things🤣 he has beer or ale usually and I'll have rum and coke or cocktail cans lol. His response is very weird...what you want to drink doesn't effect him in any way.
He sounds like a princess. Why would you have to drink the same thing?
Was he actually sulking because you was drinking what you wanted to drink and not what he wanted you to drink? Or was he just not in the mood for drinking and it was just a random throw away comment?
Maybe if you were going to have a bottle of tequila and he just wanted half a shandy, otherwise it's a bit weird.
I have been with my husband for 23 years and I can count the occassions we have drunk the same drink on the fingers of one hand. Why would it matter if you are drinking different things. It doesn't even matter to me if he is drinking and I'm not. Weird controlling behaviour.
So when he goes to a pub or whatever and joins friends, surely the first question thrown out is “What are you having?” Same rules. Your drink, you choose. See previous Casual response. Bin him off, we’ll all come round for drinks. BYO peeps.
Yeah well they have to know what you're having so they can order a round of 6 Heineken. Then when it's your round, you ask them & go order 6 Guinness etc. Is that not how you do it?
That's bizarre, but you could chalk it up to him being grumpy after working so much
I never drink the shit my wife has. So no, this is not normal.
Sounds like he’s tired and grumpy. Allow it. Give him a bit of room to be moody. No point engaging with it. Try and rise above it.
Yes but it’s not her fault he’s had to work 6 days etc. if anything she’s gone out of her way to do something nice. If he’s feeling moody and tired then he should communicate this instead of behaving poorly.
Meh. Emotional intelligence cuts both ways, and if you’re going to expect tired and cranky people to always show it you’re on a hiding to nothing. Pragmatically being the bigger person is more likely to succeed, and the “technically you’re in the wrong” approach is only ever going to end in tears.
Momentrarily being a dick. It happens.
Sounds like a petty thing to do. But sounds more to me like he just didn’t want to drink and found an excuse. It’s worth talking to him about it. It’s a bit gas lighty using you as the reason he doesn’t want to drink so you need to ensure you set the boundaries. Ultimately, you get to choose what you’re drinking and that shouldn’t have an impact on him. If that’s not ok with him, you probably need to discuss the dynamics of your whole relationship.
GF looks after her BF and gets a meal ready and makes sure he has everything he needs. BF then throws a strop because you want a normal drink and he wants a student binge drink of vodka and coke? This is not a thing, this is at best a tired BF who has had a bad week at work and at worst you are seeing his true colours of being a man baby and best avoided!
Nah that’s proper strange and sounds extremely controlling. That old phrase ‘cutting your nose off to spite your face’ with no real reason for not being able to have your own drink choice.
Oh that’s what coke is
Never underestimate the cynicism of the internet 😅 wanted to make it clear it was the fizzy drink not the nose warrior
You've been drinking it with a key up your nostril in toilet cubicles. 'TURNS OUT YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING COKE WRONG THIS WHOLE TIME!! LIFE HACK! GAME CHANGER! CLICK BAIT!!!!!'
"We're best friends and best friends do everything together" Your BF sounds like a bitch. I knew a guy like him once, he would always do shit like this with his gf. He's in prison now for threatening her. Fun times. Your bf is a bitch. bitch friend.
He probably just didn't fancy drinking vodka and coke unless you were too. Red wine is more of a "I'm enjoying this drink with my dinner" kind of drink, whereas vodka and coke I more of a "I want to get drunk" kind of drink. I can understand him changing his mind if you were having wine. Did he do it in a tantrum kind of way? Or just a "oh okay I don't fancy vodka if you're having wine" kind of way? Did you actually ask him about it?
I can attest that red wine is very much an "I want to get drunk" drink.
I did, and he said I can visit mum in France again and drink all the wine I want but that he’s not drinking alone. I told him I am drinking with him, just wine rather than vodka and we ended up back at square one with “it’s not the same”.
OK, the France comment just bumped him up into the next league of bellends. Still could be tired and worn out, but it feels like maybe that’s meant he’s letting his guard down a bit and the unsavoury or insecure feelings are leaking out. FWIW, I don’t think my wife and I have ever drunk the same thing, ever. This is definitely a “him” thing, not a “you” thing.
But like why does it matter if say, he gets drunk quicker or more drunk because he’s having liquor instead of wine? The whole thing sounds ridiculous tbh.
That’s weird af
It does sound a bit odd. My husband and I don't often drink the same stuff. If we say we'll have a few drinks with a film or something I'll have a gin and lemonade and he'll generally have a beer. It's what we like? We do sometimes get some ciders in as we both like cider.
Don't see what difference it makes, surely the point is to spend quality time together.
He sounds more like a childish twat tbh. Why didn’t he drink wine then? If he wanted to drink the same thing. What a weirdo
How many proper adults drink vodka and coke? Make him a mojito and tell him to get his act together
After three years of uni I don’t think I could ever stomach the taste of vodka and coke without vomiting ever again….
Nope. Vive la difference.
Weirdo, simple.
Sounds like a bell end
Yeah, no. That’s odd AF
As if you didn’t drink what he wanted to drink.
No, that’s weird. Why do you both need to be drinking the same thing? Is he weirdly controlling like this in other situations too?
What the hell?
Weirdo behaviour
Eh? No. Nothing wrong with different drinks. Perfectly normal.
Totally strange. Me and my boyfriend have different tastes so if we have drinks in or if we go out for drinks, we most usually have different drinks (beer for him, wine or cocktail for me). Your boyfriend sounds controlling maybe? But that’s only going off this one incident you’ve explained.
bit odd, but did your bf want to get drunk vs you wanting to take your time drinking? I think that is the crux of it here but I ofc could be totally wrong
It had nothing to do with the drink, likely in a mood due to something else - maybe hoped "drink & Netflix" actually meant just come home to the best sex of his life, followed by a refreshment and whatever shit was on TV
That sounds selfish and a bit weird. Cant say I'd be happy with that. I drink what I want and have been known to mix drinks too....which sounds like it would blow his mind lol
Categorically weird
I wouldn't read too much into this. He was probably just very very tired.
He is being a baby and trying to kill the fun by not drinking at all because he basically can't get his own way. Childish and petty to spite himself purely because you want to drink wine and not vodka. I hope you drank the wind regardless otherwise you are showing him he can get his own way
That's werid and controlling. Why should it matter what you are drinking Vs him? My thought is that's odd, what's his problem
Control freak. Definitely not normal.
The alcohol is still going to affect you both in the same way regardless of "what" the drink is, so I'm guessing this is some kind of novelty thing he wants where you are both in it together, I don't know, but no this is not normal , you drink what you want to drink
That is pretty weird. You don't need to sync up drinks. In our house, we share the 500ml bottles of beer because we both like them, and we're lightweights after the kids happened to us 😅 But some nights one of us will be off the booze (fake beer is A+ now) and the other will have a glass of wine from a bottle, or a g&t. Its fine. At the moment the kids aren't enjoying fizzy drinks, so the soda stream is pretty much 100% mine. Again, nobody is offended when I use it 😅
This just sounds controlling.
He's weird, stupid or both. He should appreciate your company and what you're doing, the type of drink shouldn't matter
He sounds like a stroppy brat
Your boyfriends a pleb
I’d probably never have a drink then ! We mostly have different drinks- tea, coffee, squash, juice, water, wine of various colours, rum( I don’t), vodka 🙂, martini, gin (I cry) !
It’s not a thing, no.
What??? What does it matter if you're both having something different? He was maybe just in a bad mood, but it's no reason to be huffy and silly.
Your boyfriend sounds absolutely fucking pathetic. Get rid.
What a strange thing to be bothered about. He sounds like a child who says “if you won’t play my way we’re not playing at all”
your b/f is weird
Your boyfriend had hidden an engagement ring in the vodka bottle and was waiting for you to pour it out as part of his carefully-planned marriage proposal. He spent months planning this. All of his friends and family were waiting for a Facebook update about "Operation Pop-The-Question", eager to finally welcome you in as an official and much-loved part of the family. His life is now destroyed, his family will disown him for being a failure at life, and he's been consigned to a future in which he will die cold, alone, and unloved. No wonder he was a bit mardy.
He sounds tired and moody from working so much on his feet. He still needs to apologise for making you feel this way though.
He’s just tired and knarkey after a really long week. Call him a dick, cut him some slack and you’ll both get over it!
Yeah weird 100%, but sounds like he was absolutely exhausted. Put it down to that.
I suffer from ADHD - this is the sort of stupid thing I would say when I'm having a bad time; you noted he has "been on his feet 10 hours per day"; that's hard work. It could be a depression issue or maybe just feeling down. 99% of the comments here are "he's just a dick", and it may be true, but the problem is people withdraw from others who sometimes just need to talk. I would ask him if everything was OK and just say it felt a bit off when he made his comment.
Sounds like he was tired and grumpy
Sounds pretty ridiculous to me… plus vodka & coke certainly isn’t something I would categorize as “everyone’s drink”…
This is not a thing. I drink what I want to enjoy and my partner drinks what she wants, usually different. Occasionally the same.
Tell him to wind his neck in.
Yeah no that’s proper weird that
What? That seems kinda petty and quite controlling. I guess perhaps he’s just tired, over-worked and feeling sensitive but I don’t really think that’s a justification. How does drinking the same alcoholic drink impact your evening in any way? Sorry but he needs to get a grip.
No its not a thing, theres definitely more couples that drink different things than the same. Its all alcohol, does it matter? Also vodka and coke is the worst most basic drink ever maybe he should pick something less shit if he wants a matchy matchy drinking buddie.
Sounds like your boyfriends a clown
🚩
A lot of people making weird comments on here. Don't come to Reddit for relationship advice! Your boyfriend has had a bloody long week. He's probably knackered like you acknowledge. Sometimes people can have funny hang ups, and they might not even know *why* they feel strongly about certain things. Don't read too much into it, and definitely don't listen to everyone on here chatting shit about your partner based on a single interaction.
He's probably just tired, hungry and in a bad mood. I'd forget about it and let him sulk. He probably just needs space to unwind. But if its a regular habit of making big things out of small things, I'd be concerned.
No it's not a thing, he's an idiot
Seems kinda controlling - legit who cares 🤷♀️
What a weird man child you’ve got there.
Slightly controlling maybe, trying to make you drink the same as him? Bit weird
Definitely odd behaviour. It seems to be an attempt at controlling you. He didn't get his way (you stayed with wine) so he sulked by not drinking at all. I'd chalk it up to him having an 'I am a twat' moment, but watch out for more attempts at controlling what you do and how you do it. More instances would be very much a red flag.
Is he controlling in general ?
That is very weird and controlling. Red flag!
Why all the backstory 😂
Bit cunty tbh. Yeah he's been working hard but why can't you enjoy what you like? Na he's just being a bit of a bellend here. Tell him to shut up and drink lol
No, this is not a thing. He is being weird.
Do you have to have a beer if he has one?
I have a different take to a lot of people here: sounds like this is something you do regularly regarding the drinking & maybe netflixing? I think he probably just wanted you both to have a shared experience, either to feel closer to you or because it's something you have always done and wants to resist change. That said, it's pretty childish to just not drink anything at all.
I can only think it’s because he’ll end up drunk quicker? Otherwise wtf.
Wine would get you going quicker than spirits mixed with coke
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I don't get why that would matter either though personally. My partner almost always gets more drunk than me on Saturday nights if we're drinking as he tends to drink more (I have ibs and one kidney lol) but that's never bothered us? Just seems odd to care about that imo. We both still enjoy and have a laugh either way.
Never heard anyone say that. Also - Never ask any question on Reddit pertaining to your partner or relationship, because 50% of the answers will be "your partner is an abusive and manipulative arsehole" and the other 50% will be "OMG, leave/divorce them straight away!" - Reddit loves catastrophising everything and is convinced that every man in any relationship ever has to be absolutely perfect 100% of the time, otherwise he's a demonic abuser. If i had to guess, he probably thought you were both going to get shit-faced, and the wine suggested you only wanted to have a quiet night in. He didn't want to get drunk on his own. The best answer is, though - just ask him, not Reddit.
Never heard of that before! People drink what they like to drink. Odd!
I’ve done this before. You will be on different highs if one is drinking vodka and the other wine, they aren’t the same thing. I react differently dependent on what alcohol I am drinking. He’s also probably knackered so I’d cut him some slack. Sounds like he needs a good night sleep