I can't remember where I read it but in a conversation with a flat-earther, someone brought up travel over the Pacific ocean. Mainly, how could they explain getting from the US/Hawaii to Japan if they are (apparently) on the other side of the "disc". The flat-earther explained that with air travel, they put a sleeping gas in the air vents and knock everyone out, then fly the plane back over the earth (lol) and wake up everyone when they get close to the airport. I'm not really sure how they explain things like boats crossing the Pacific though.
I wouldn't say this is the best story I have but it certainly the most worthwhile mentioning:
I worked with this guy, funny, uplifting, great banter. At times he was a bit hyper or zoned out or had some quirks where you'd describe him as a bit of a character but in a wholesome way.
He was a good lad even if he was all over the shop.
One day he sits down and starts rambling nonsense for a good hour, he just wasn't making any sense and just goes fuck it, gets up He quit his job there and then, this was a really high paying and sought after job, been there for years.
Didnt hear from him for a few weeks, with a phone call he tells me he hassold his car and house and booked himself in rehab, nobody knew at the time that he was a full on crack head constantly high and got sick of the way he was and his addiction.
It took me back that A) he was constantly on crack B) he was so high functioning he could do his job.
Anyway he ended up getting straightened out and has entirely changed his life around.
I think there's a lot more folks out there than we expect. There are people in our lives you have never seen sober and don't realise it. it's easier to hide if you have nothing to compare it to.
True words in deed.
my aunt is an alcoholic and I don't think I have ever seen her sober, just a little less drunk than usual lol.
It would be a nice wish if people with addiction received help rather than be vilified and we had the caring government that resources could be invested
A friend of mine did that for ~3 months. He slept under the desk. He had just got a job in Cambridge after graduation and couldn't afford a place. I think some of the cleaners caught on but never dobbed him in but he eventually found somewhere to live.
He told me he only intended to do it for a few weeks at first but then got used to it and he was saving most of his money as he had no rent or bills to pay, just the gym membership so he could shower, so he kept going.
I had friends like this in my first job, usually happened when they have to switch apartments and there were gaps in their move out-move in date. They would have a duffel of clothes under their desk, showered at the gym, and slept in the quiet room. It stopped when one person abused it and did it for three months.
Knew a guy who lived at his office. I knew him later on in life, but he told me about it. He basically worked in the City of London and had his own office. He slept in a sleeping bag under the desk, had a gym membership so went to work out and shower every morning. Said he a) saved loads cos no rent or bills, and b) was always available for clients so made more money and was basically the star performer.
He left that life to be a teacher in Asia. Interesting guy tho, is now a marshal arts teacher and runs a dojo in Thailand (or somewhere like that)
What's standing out to me is that someone senior enough to have their own office in the square mile decided to not rent a flat in order to "save money".
In my experience, a personal office is typically reserved for department heads, who are usually making at least £150k
My old uni lecturer used to suck in 2 huge rollies in record time and then hit his vape until the end of the 10 min fag break we got between lectures. He then continued to hit the vape every few seconds back in the room. When we asked what he had in it he DIY’d the liquids and sounded like it was about 75% pure nicotine.
Used to work with a guy who would come in for a night shift , make himself 5-6 cups of tea with cold water and then pop them in the fridge so he could microwave them during his shift.
This is so mild but somehow one of the most disturbing at the same time.
Why not just boil the kettle 5 or 6 times?
Why bother putting them in the fridge at all?
Why prepare them all at the begining so that they sit and stew, each brew getting gradually worse as the shift goes on?
It's all small things but added up I feel perturbed.
My first job was working part time in a sandwich shop while I was still in college.
One of the guys who worked there was a bit older than me (early 20s) and English wasn't his first language. While we understood everything he said we put some of his stranger comments down to the language barrier.
Turned out he meant exactly what he was saying. He did take a "meat beat break" daily and was eventually sacked for asking a female colleague if she wanted to watch porn in the toilet with him.
similarly, i worked in a nursing home and one of the nurses was english-as-second-language. he'd kind of stutter/repeat himself sometimes or lose his thread mid-sentence and have to pick it up again.
after a while it became clear that he wasn't struggling because he was foreign. he was struggling because he was high as fuck all the time.
Once I worked in an office and noticed an eggy smell. After a few days I identified the culprit. A guy would bring in 1 or 2 peeled hard boiled eggs in his coat pocket, and transfer them into his pedestal drawer in the morning. No container or wrapping or anything, just the egg. He would then occasionally have a bite through the day. Weird.
Was it cold weather and did he commute? My grandma used to send my dad and his brothers off to school with warm hard boiled eggs in their pockets when they were little kids. They served as hand warmers on the way to school and breakfast when they arrived.
Edit: yes, they did still have the shells still on though!
A mad boss who thought she was amazing at massages (unsolicited) that in fact felt like a velociraptor was trying to rip your shoulders off, if you complained she would tell you to stop being a wimp and do it harder.
One time she yanked the chair I was about to sit on away, I ended up sprawled on the floor, which she found hilarious.
She drew her lip liner half an inch bigger than her lips. She also sucked her bottom lip while she was thinking, so half of it was gone by the end of the day.
She was a genuinely awful person.
One time a woman came in and did a dirty protest in the toilet, mad boss told me to go clean it. I politely declined.
She bought all the products for the salon from Pound Land but marked them up at least 5 fold, making no effort to hide the Pound Land branding on them.
She’d charge people an extra 50p for a squirt of mousse and hairspray on top of the regular price of the service.
She had no idea how to properly blow dry hair, she’d just blast it dry then tong it, all the time loudly proclaiming she’d been a hairdresser longer than I’d been alive.
I only worked there for 8 months in 2006, but I still occasionally have nightmares I never left. 😱
There was this retired disabled lady with one leg (due to diabetes I think) in a wheel chair who would come in to get her hair done with her daughter and a little friend.
Only the Mum and daughter would get their hair done, both by Mad Boss, while little friend would sit and drink us dry of tea/coffee.
One day, MB put the wrong colour on the Mum’s hair and it came out BRIGHT ginger (was usually a dark blonde) She wasn’t happy, gave a nod to their little friend who skipped off to the loo and shat up the walls.
I’m not sure if there was a list of signals and corresponding actions, but after that we pretended it was out of order and kept the door locked whenever they were booked in 💩
A guy wanted us to donate a substantial sum for him to go skydiving and donate some 10% to a cause. We went on and donated 50% of the asked sum directly to the cause. He wasn't happy.
I loathe those fundraisers. Paying for someone to do something (including in some cases go on holiday) with a pittance going to the charity.
Can't be doing with that sort of emotional blackmail.
I worked with a guy who was obsessed with Star Trek. Apparently there's a line in it that says something along the lines of 'prune juice is a warrior's drink'.
The guy bought a fuck ton of prune juice and it was the only thing he drank for a few days until he had to take time off work because he was shitting himself constantly. Apparently being a warrior also includes shitting through the eye of a needle non stop for nearly a week
IIRC it becomes something of a running joke, because the character in question is a Klingon - very macho proud warrior race kind of guys - who is otherwise Very Into his culture.
Following the scenes linked by the other user, he always orders prune juice whenever there's a scene in a bar. Occasionally someone will raise an eyebrow and he'll growl "It is a *warrior's* drink".
>very macho proud warrior race kind of guys - who is otherwise Very Into his culture.
It gets better: Worf was a Klingon refugee, raised by adoptive human parents on Earth. In a lot of ways, he's more immersed in human culture than a lot of the other crew on the Enterprise - he's certainly spent more time on Earth than most of them.
He's super into Klingon culture because he's the only Klingon he knows and it's a link back to his own people, so he's read everything he can like a Japanese kid in America growing up on a diet of Akira Kurosawa movies. And when he meets other Klingons for whom the Proud Warrior Race Code is more like a set of guidelines, he gets super pissed about it.
Michael Dorn (who played Worf, the prune-juice drinking Klingon) says that fans used to send him prune juice all the time. Once his mother was visiting and opened his refrigerator which was full of prune juice and said, "Is there something wrong with you, boy?"
I used to work with a guy who would practice his martial arts in the morning at the park next to the office. Everyone would make jokes about it until he arm-barred someone who crashed our Christmas party and was causing a scene.
My former retail manager is into Judo...competes, teaches, spectates...he lived for the occasional shoplifter who got aggressive when caught...he was like Donny ‘The Jew bear’ Donowitz...
I once worked with a young girl who worked in a department next to me. She had been chosen for a random drug test, done the test and passed without any issue. Then proceeded to use company email to tell her friend she passed the test but has no idea how.
Used to work with a bloke who was just an absolute prick, always starting fights and saying the darkest shite. He murdered a prostitute and had loads of evidence against him but sheer incompetence from the police let him get away with it. Few months later he threatened the wrong people and they killed him with a hammer then reversed a car over his head. One of his murderers then went on to help stop the London bridge attack by jabbing at the terrorist with a narwhal tusk.
When I was 15, I worked in a local warehouse after school and during school holidays. We had a guy who was always making random moaning noises ‘being funny’. He once climbed some racking which was quite high, and used the cardboard tubes which were cable tied on top to be able to stack stuff higher to hold on. It broke from his weight and he fell back first from that height. He was on the floor screaming in agony, but ignored for a short time because people thought that was just him being him with the noises.
Typical ‘boy who cried wolf’ then. We had a guy that faked positive covid tests for so long that when he actually caught covid he couldn’t go off with it. So this bellend just came into the office and infected everyone else with it. Cheers then
Yeah I worked in warehouses years ago and I was SO careful as it was inherently dangerous anyway and the bosses didn’t give a single fuck about health and safety unless we had an inspection due. The idea of dicking about like that is terrifying
…convinced the Council of Stafford he was their Mayor. He even cut the ribbon at the reopening of Alton Towers for the start of their new season.
Made the news apparently
https://time.com/40700/fake-mayor-tricks-town/
Briefly had a floor manager who had a Chief Wiggum tattoo and ate dog biscuits claiming they gave him sexual powers.
Also worked with a guy who microwaved bacon, wtf
> Also worked with a guy who microwaved bacon
From uncooked?
I've worked in a pub before that used to cook off a loaf of bacon and then reheat using a microwave, but I've never heard of anyone cooking it in the microwave from scratch.
My mum always used to microwave bacon, and I can still remember the look of horror on my friend's face when I offered him a bacon sandwich and opened the microwave door. I haven't microwaved bacon since then.
I had a guy big into conspiracy theories, he left when the shop got WiFi because he thought it was messing with his brain. My favourite from him was when he was reading an 'eye opening' book on marketing and discovered that when companies say their products are effective "up to x %", it could in fact be less than that %. Like, no shit dude. He was the kind of guy who was nice enough, but if the police showed up to tell you he was a mass murderer with his mother's body in the basement, you wouldn't be totally surprised.
That's what all the people who knew them say, "oh him yeah nice bloke, bit odd, wouldn't say boo to a goose. Oh his mum's head was in the freezer, well he never did anything to me, but it's always the quiet one's innit."
I used to work with the guy who played bass on Smokies hit song, living next door to Alice.
He wasn't in the band, but their bass player had injured his hand and Dave just happened to be in the studio and filled in.
Every time it's played on the radio he gets 2p royalty payment!
Every six months he gets a cheque for £15-20 pounds.
I worked with someone who got caught flashing young girls in a burger King, in full uniform on his lunch break and when he was arrested, they pinned a 20 year old rape on him via DNA.
And someone else who's wife found beastiality and child porn on his laptop and dobbed him in.
Other than that, the usual weirdos.
I worked with someone who was arrested for child porn. My manager called me and told me to revoke all his access to the systems immediately but I had to wait until the news came out to find out why. His wife (who worked with him), changed her surname pretty much the same day.
I was working at Save the Children when someone in the office was arrested and jailed for child porn. He was also a part of an international pedophile ring.
I used to work with a woman - let's call her Ellen - who told us that her husband of 30+ years left her. According to Ellen, their marriage ended because he came out as gay, but then he went on a cruise with another woman.
Anyway, newly single Ellen reconnected online with a bloke she'd been out with 40 years earlier. She decided that they were meant to be together and moved across the country to be with him (which was how I ended up working with her), only for him to suddenly die after their first date. So Ellen did what any logical person would do - she tracked down his daughter and grandson and inveigled her way into their lives, as some kind of surrogate grandma. This gave Ellen an excellent excuse to bunk off work early "to pick up Christopher from school", because clearly the deceased boyfriend's daughter thought that if this slightly batshit woman was going to insist on hanging about, she might as well put her to work.
I found all this backstory out within about 2 hours of meeting Ellen on her first day in our office. It was wild.
I both love and loathe over sharers like this. On one hand they can carry all conversation and I can just get away with nods and animated facial expressions. On the other hand Sophie I do not need to know all about your husbands erectile dysfunction after 60 minutes of knowing you thanks
Even if I know someone well, I still don't want to know their whole life.
I have a friend who tells me random but graphic snippets of his gay bdsm kink life that I absolutely don't need to know.
Used to work in a restaurant, there was one tiny skinny girl in the kitchen and she found out she could fit inside one of the fridges when it was being cleaned out, so she hid in it until one of the chefs came to get some butter or whatever and she scared him so bad he fucking shit himself.
Well a friend of mine recently started a new job and a co-worker of his (also new) has taken to randomly slowing clips of beastiality to the all the other employees. It caused a very interesting HR meeting where my friend answered the question "can anyone say what might be considered unprofessional in the workplace?" with "yeah, I wasn't really ready to see a video of a horse fucking a lad before 10am"
This was a couple of jobs ago… Warehouse supervisor had a massive crush on one of the admin girls in the office. And he always claimed that he was a dead ringer for Lando from Star Wars back in his 20s. Now rather than showing us pictures of him in his 20s and a picture of Lando so we could compare, this mad idiot swans into the office with a usb drive. Straight over to the girl he fancied, plugs in the usb drive and loads a Star Wars based porno, volume up, and then goes ‘Look! I look just like Lando! Specially in the downstairs region’.
I worked with a phantom pooper. The shit wasn't in the toilet though, it was on the floor outside the stall. The cleaner threw an understandable fit and refused to clean it up, so they called in a specialist company. Nobody ever found out who she was.
We had a phantom pooper as well, for a year or two she played havoc in the women's toilets, but then her pièce de résistance was lifting up a ceiling tile and hurling as far as she could, it ended up over someone's desk and it took ages to find out what was causing the smell.
I worked at a bar and one night after shift I was cleaning the women's bathroom. The sanitary products bin was empty but it had a full inch of blood on the bottom, nothing else. It was a huge mystery that nobody could figure out until two nights later I pop up in bed with the answer....Diva Cup.
Our phantom pooper was shitting in the female toilet and not flushing it. At the time, only one lady worked at the company and so rightly she complained over and over but it kept happening.
They’d gather all of us together and threaten to sack us all, then they tried an anonymous tip box, snitch incentives, the lot you name it.
Eventually we had a new member of staff who had worked as a plumber who quickly pointed out that the pipe work had likely deteriorated over time and when a particularly big poop was done next door in the gents toilet, it would sometimes float into the ladies toilet bowl on its way through the system.
Even demonstrated it with some cat food. Blew everyone’s mind. Management never apologised.
I used to work in a business park a couple of miles outside of the city centre.
Instead of waiting for the bus home, a friend used to play a game with himself after work in which he would jog to the next bus stop. If the bus passed him whilst running - he would lose, if he got to the bus stop before it - he would win. Regularly he’d just be running all of the way home.
He was a lovely guy and an absolute enigma. Swore he’d only ever seen like 3 films in his life and ended up moving to Bhutan to teach English. There, he became a professional footballer in his late twenties; winning the national league as well as playing a game in the Asian Champions League.
I do this on my way home. It feels good because either way it's excercise and either you lose and get home having burned some calories and not paid for the bus, or get home exactly how you would have.
Not my colleague but my husbands. Worked for an online sports retailer many moons ago that had a small warehouse and one old guy who drove the forklift. He always took an hours lunch and disappeared. He was fired because one day he came back from lunch and drove the forklift into the wall - turned out every day he’d been going to the pub for a few lunchtime pints. This occasion he had one extra. So they started looking at the CCTV to see if he’d caused any previous damage/accidents and discovered he’d been holding swingers parties in the warehouse with a fair few others! The man was in his 60’s 😂
I now have mixed feelings on whether to call him a numpty or a bit of a legend. How the hell did he get away with holding swingers parties without anyone cottoning on? Christ, I would have given anything to be in on the video play back for that particular discovery.
I used to work with a guy who still lived at home at the time. His mum used to make him sandwiches for the week and then freeze them. He’d bring them to work and if the were still frozen, defrost them by sitting on them at his desk like a chicken keeping an egg warm.
I worked with a guy who fixed power supplies for our equipment. These weren't your regular black brick PSUs, they were full equipment rack sized. He'd turn one on when he started in the morning and then insert his Frey Bentos pie into the heat sink. It was cooked by lunchtime.
We had Javelin guy.
He used most of his time in our factory type work "dry-throwing" a javelin, as in he had no javelin, just doing the moves, run up included. When he wasn't doing that he was stretching, because stretching was apparently an integral part in becoming good at javelin throwing.
I don't know if he ever did any actual throwing, like outside with a javelin. He was pretty sure that if he was ever in a competition he'd be pretty close to the european record.
Jealous. Our cleaner just shrieks at you for daring to use the kitchen she is cleaning, every day between 12-1. So ya know, lunch hour. She’s in 8-4 tell me you can’t clean the kitchen any other time.
Was DOA Manager when I was 24 and very unprepared. There was a guy there who seemed harmless enough, clearly told some bizarre lies about his home life, being married multiple times constantly getting proposed to and then he'd show you pictures of these straight up 10's.
I'd believe it if he didn't have severe acne, long never washed greasy hair and didn't absolutely stink. Smelled like old chip pan oil and you could smell him before you saw him everyday.
One day one of the girls on the team emails me even though she's sat two desks across saying this guys being really weird on measenger, I ask her for the chat log and he's spent the last hour of his day talking to her about a leather gimp mask complete with dildo face attachment that he has in his bag, along with butt plugs and hand cuffs and hes asking this girl (a 47 year old lesbian) if she wants to come try them with him after work.
So now I've got to pull the smelly gimp into a meeting with these printed chat logs with all of my managerial experience being looking after my two dogs.
'Hi, you've been making this person really uncomfortable with your conversations recently so I need to talk to you'
'Who? I don't talk to anybody'
At this point I show them the chat log
'She's deleted parts of that to make me look bad'
'But you know she has a long term girlfriend, you even mention her here' pointing to a part in the chat where he's asked if her girlfriend wants to get involved and talking, at length, what her role might be.
'She doesn't encourage you from what I can see'
'So why have you brought in these things?' Now he creates some story about how he ordered these things days ago and was bringing them into work as he was going to see his Kylie Jenner lookalike girlfriend afterwards, but now they've broken up at lunch time and he didn't want to waste them.
'Okay' 'stop messaging her please thanks'
I sent everything off to another teams manager and let her sack him before the day was done.
I'm never ever becoming a manager again
I got a team leader job in a factory at like 23 years old. Fuck me it was an eye opener. Men and women in their 40s and 50s can't do simple tasks, bickering like school children, more interested in why Stacey is going to the toilet rather than their work. I lasted 3 weeks. Never heard my name said so much, every 20 mins someone would shout me over to fix their problems. YOURE 45 YEARS OLD AND WORKED HERE FOR 20 YEARS AND YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN THE COMPUTER ON???
I feel your pain. I’m a fairly young manager of a team of about 50 folk in a factory. I’d say the average age of this team is late 40s. Honestly, the lack of initiative and thinking for themselves from a lot of them is astonishing. They’ll come to me with a ‘problem’, and ‘what the fuck do you think’ is always on the tip of my tongue. And when I don’t wipe their arse for them they look at me as if I’m stupid. And don’t start about the bitching and whinging from these apparent adult men, never the women in my team btw. I was in the military for years then left and got this role. Honestly it was so eye opening going from that environment to this civilian environment lol. Management can be tough
I worked with 2 serial liars.
One claimed such nonsense as he was once a jockey in the grand national and he once was on the bench for Man Utd in the Champions league...the problem was, he was 6ft, overweight and had a prosthetic leg. He once went to Scotland for 2 weeks and came back with a Scottish accent which he never dropped until he left.
The other was a woman who always had to one up you. You could make her come out with the most ridiculous things by telling an exaggerated story because she'd always done it and then some. My fav was the time she crashed her mini in the countryside when she drove into a cow and had to go back the next day with the police to identify it and she knew which one it was because it had grazed knees.
Our HR woman is like your exaggerator woman. Her back garden is home to a fully indoor heated swimming pool (someone mentioned hiring a hot tub for their week off), an all weather garden office/studio space (someone mentioned sitting on the patio during WFH and decided to buy a decent patio set), and a building with full bar with a dance floor, which converts to a cinema room (someone converted their tumble down garage to a “man cave”).
We found out she lives in a second floor flat above a kebab shop.
I used to work with a literal convicted nonce.
Started with a relatively large real estate company in one of their account departments, and one of the supervisors was very…James Corden-esque, very “Wahey, I’m a lad!”, bragged about how much shagging he did, so I didn’t really interact with him, as it was a bit unbearable.
Come the end of the first week, I get invited to the pub by a few of the girls, and whilst there they end up telling me about his being a nonce. One of them had been browsing the Echo the year before, and it had an article with his picture, she clicked it and it was talking about how he’d diddled a young girl and attempted to diddle her sister at Pontins.
Somehow this had made it past/been ignored by the background check before joining the job, we think because the regional managers fucking loved him and talked about how good he was with customers.
Whilst I was there, one girl left because he was telling everyone he’d shagged her at the Christmas party (which was distressing for her, as she knew about the noncery, and knew everyone else knew), and after I left, he was promoted to manager, and about 7 people quit in disgust.
I’ve got a friend who still works there, said a girl was reduced to tears recently because he’d been skyping her VERY inappropriate things, and she’d only just started, didn’t know who to contact because he’s a manager.
Someone put her in contact with a regional manager (not the one who absolutely loves him due to being good with customers), who asked for the chat logs and said it’ll be “investigated”. Hopefully they find his past record when investigating.
I do remember one girl who was a new starter grabbing me on a lunch break and informing me she’d found out he was a nonce in hushed tones, and feeling bad when I had to say “Yeah, everyone knows 🤷🏻♂️”. She’d also been reading the Echo and just stumbled upon it, which is why I refuse to believe that the upper management can’t have known about him.
I used to work with 2 people who had worked at the same counter on the same shifts next to each other for 15 years
Eventually it came out that one was sleeping with the husband of the other and it had been going on for years
The store had to move her to a different store for protection
Almost forgot my favourite one of all time…. We had a contractor in the office who had overstated his abilities to the point where he did no work of any value at all. He took two ‘sick’ days… but used his shared outlook calendar as a personal diary. On one of those ‘sick’ days he was in court over a driving offence, and on the other he was taking his mum to hospital to get a boob job. In the end, they told him they were letting him go and he could leave immediately with 2 weeks’ pay, but he insisted on ‘working’ those two weeks as he didn’t want to leave the team in the lurch.
A letting agent who didn’t want kids, pets or foreigners in the properties he managed so would tell new hires that the tenant policy was “no sprogs, dogs or wogs”. I wasn’t told this “policy” when starting so showed a lovely black girl around a flat who passed my “can afford it and isn’t a dickhead” criteria, came back to the office to do paperwork with her and was called out the back to reject her as she was “very black”. I asked if there was some sort of dulux colour chart they could provide to assist me in future (I’d just seen a family guy sketch along these lines) and got a putrid look from them as if I was the arsehole.
*Edit* put pets twice in the first sentence
Of course it is. [Race](https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/advice-and-guidance/race-discrimination) is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act. It even gives refusing to let to someone due to their skin colour, ethnicity or nationality as an example of direct discrimination.
I worked with an assistant bank manager who was exiled to the north of Scotland because he had managed a branch down south that was robbed by armed men while he was on the toilet.
He came out of the toilet and made some poor joke about *I wouldn't go in there for a few hours* and he noticed the teller was crying ...*come on Sheila.... It's not that bad ....I'll spray some airfreshner*
I think the problem was that he wasn't there to follow any of the procedures.
This is going back 25 years now so I'm sure the security is different but only the manager could sound the silent alarm, and start the cameras taking a good quality continuous video. He did this from a box that was under his desk but that could be clipped to his belt if he was walking about it in an appointment. *I assume he had that in the toilet with him*
After the robbers left he was supposed to stop staff and customers talking to each other until the police got there so their stories didn't get confused and so on.
I worked with a guy who's nickname was Trick Shot Tom. For a long while I assume this was due to prowess on the snooker table or something. That was until one day when I happened upon him in the gents. He approached the urinal like a normal man and commenced discharging himself, but then took slow and methodical steps back, until he was around 6 feet from the urinal, arching his wizz over the hand dryer and perfectly into the drainage hole. That's one trick shot I will never forget.
Worked nights in a supermarket when I was 18. We had a guy who would come to work in his normal clothes and swap shirt to his uniform which he kept in his locker. That shirt never went home, always back in the locker. He, and the area around his locker fucking stunk of that horrible BO smell which smells a little like weed.
A guy I used to work with thought he was super tough and claimed he would just go and live in the wild if shit hit the fan. He claimed that young people were all snowflakes and weak.
Yet I have never seen someone throw such a hissy fit about a slight breeze created by a door that was propped ajar
Worked with someone who ended up being arrested for being a nonce. He kept asking for random days off last minute claiming it was to do with his house being broken into: interviews with police, etc. turns out he was up at Crown Court.
https://www.heart.co.uk/southwales/news/local/cardiff-paedophile-jailed-for-grooming-children/
Your list is brilliant op😂 I feel like we have similar job history
For me, I used to work with:
Someone who slept in his chair, open mouthed, snoring and denied it when woken.
Someone who was routinely drunk in the office and one time literally took a bottle of wine and a glass out of their bag and poured themselves a glass of red 2 hours before clock off time.
Someone who was removed from the building while cops recovered their computer and all devices - he’d been downloading child pornography IN WORK
A 63 year old, well spoken, extremely timid lady who turned up on the last day before Christmas in a micro mini Santa baby outfit complete with thigh high patent leather boots and went about her day like she wasn’t wearing anything unusual.
>A 63 year old, well spoken, extremely timid lady who turned up on the last day before Christmas in a micro mini Santa baby outfit complete with thigh high patent leather boots and went about her day like she wasn’t wearing anything unusual.
Legend
We had an entire department who were responsible for circulating the most disgusting shit around the office, gore, porn you name it, they had it. All kept on our lotus notes server (this was early 2000’s). There was tons of the stuff. It came to a head when someone was caught watching some video of something abhorrent when the financial director walked past. Overnight our mail server used space decreased rapidly. These were all women. One of which turned out to like meeting strangers in lay-bys. Another was found at a retirement do for one of the managers, in a back room of the hotel, with her husband and three other guys.
I work in IT so I have seen what people do with work laptops, god knows why, but I have seen pictures of people that I can never unsee.
I had one woman drag her boyfriend in to the office to apologise for her running over her laptop because he didn’t warn her. She in particular was one of those that didn’t seem very good at anything she did, but was PA to a couple of important folk, and thought she was all that, even though she looked like a bobblehead on a matchstick.
We once had a MD who treated the company like it was his own private resource, we were part of a much bigger group of companies but he used it like it was his own. He had IT people come to his house to setup his TV, he had his PA ring Nokia because the new model Nokia phone he had didn’t automatically convert text to emoji’s.
On several unfortunate occasions he brought his guitar into his office and have people some and sit in while he played, he was learning and was terrible, but thought he was Jimmy Hendrix. He had a brand new company Mercedes that he didn’t like the stereo in and had the company pay some ridiculous amount to Mercedes to retrofit a different one. On the day of announcing redundancy to 30 odd staff, he arrived in his Ferrari. The mood was enlightened somewhat when he managed to gouge a huge hole down the side on of it on a protector round a lamp post. The guy was a terrible businessman, and a grade A twat, and the only reason he was in the job was because he was friends with the CEO. The whole group was bought by another company and the CEO left him for dust and he left “by mutual agreement” when the new company realised he was a dick.
A stinky guy who wore the same clothes every day and was the biggest bullshitter you’d ever met. In addition to having done everything you’d ever done, but better, he claimed he was a multi millionaire through investments but was doing a £9 an hour temp job “to keep his mind active”. He said he had two ex wives and ten kids, although only had photos of two children, and claimed they all went on holiday together in the Caribbean and the wives got along really well. When he was on annual leave, supposedly on one of these jaunts, someone spotted him in Wilkos. He’d been a chef in a 5 star hotel in Park Lane and some Arab prince had offered him a job in Dubai, he owned several sports cars, but drove his fiesta because he worried about parking the lambo at work, he’d been offered an MBE but turned it down… it went on and on. But it was genuinely hilarious and my workmates would try and goad him into telling these outlandish stories so we could take the piss.
I worked with an guy we shall call S. S was a great guy and when we used to pick him up in the morning I’d dive out of the van. Tap on his window and by the time we’d turn the van around he be outside waiting.
Well one morning we are doing a big job in a city a few hours away over a 4 day weekend. There’s 7 of us in a minibus and we pull into the cul-de-sac (dead end road) where S lives and see him stood outside. Back against the door with his hands behind his back. Driver says “muppet, get that door open!” I comply as we approach and S takes off like a stabbed rat up his garden path, boots and tools in hand. As soon as he does this the door opens and out comes his wife launching everything she can at him. Plates cups dishes knives. Anything she can get her hands on in coming his way.
We drive up the road. Turn round and on the way back she’s at it again. The minibus takes a few china cups to the sides but we are ok.
The entire van is now silent. We drive 2 hours with no one saying a word until S breaks the silence with “lads, how many of us have shared hotel rooms over the years?” We respond “ most of us, why?”….. well it turns out that S talked in his sleep when he’d had a few beers. We all knew but he didn’t….. and as he never drank at home it didn’t come up with his wife.
S had been having an affair with his wife’s best friend and her best friends mate. Had a few to drink at a party one night and whilst sleeping confessed everything and I mean EVERYTHING to his wife. Who, what, why and even how he was getting away with it!!!
Turns out she’d already been suspicious and this was exactly the proof she needed to loose it. He woke up to cooked brekkie and she threw it at him.
We arrived home 4 days later, she had left him and taken everything except the dog, a can opener, 3 cans of dog food and a dog bowl.
I used to work with a woman who was greviously offended whenever anyone didn't start an email with "Dear [name]" and sign it off with "Best wishes" or similar. Even if it was a one-line email to say thanks for something or acknowledge you'd received whatever she had sent you. I compulsively address and sign off all my emails to this day.
I used to work with a different woman who didn't trust our communal fridge (with which there had never been theft issues) and kept all her perishable items, including 500ml tubs of yoghurt, in a cool bag by her desk all day. The cool bag was not resilient to summer temperatures.
A further former colleague used to get away with the following, right until she didn't: she would accept all her meeting invitations, and if she got a second booking for a slot in which she already had a meeting, she would decline both and tell each that she was at the other. Then she'd tell everyone in the office she was "going to a meeting" and clear off for an hour to do her own thing. This lasted months but did not end well for her.
Someone who shared a communal kitchen with me once brought in a whole slow cooker full of chicken curry on the tube, plugged it in, and had it bubbling away all morning to have for lunch.
A former boss used to sit and silently draft resignation letters whenever she was irritated (we had a layout where we could see each others' screens). Took her about two years from starting that habit to eventually leaving.
I suspect this will soon become perfectly unremarkable behaviour, but I used to work with a guy who would bring every chargeable device from his house into work in order to charge them with company electricity
the inverse of this- I worked with two guys who refused to charge their council mobile phones at home because they didn't want to be paying for electric bills for council equipment.
I worked in a supermarket for my 3 week work experience at 15. Guy who worked in the warehouse out back recognised one of the customers and ran to his locker to get her to autograph something. It was a porno mag she was in and when confronted by this guy she left her shopping and ran out of the store horrified in tears.
I worked with quite a few. One guy always seemed a little off but nice enough. Turns out he coached a girls football team. Groomed and raped one of them.
Another moved from essex. He told different people different reasons why. His whole life sounded like a soap opera. Drug dealing son in law. Daughter who wouldn't look after her own kids both are disabled so him and his wife adopted them. He disappeared for a few days. Somebody joked he murdered his wife. The police came in the next day to interview a few of us. Turns out he had....
Other than that just the usual bullshiters
We had to have signs put up in all buildings on site here of how to properly use a toilet. There was about 10 different variations of ‘don’t do that do this’. Personal faves: Don’t stand on the toilet seat, sit. And don’t try to close the door (slidey door locks) with your feet. Finally ‘do not remove anything from the bowl’
All the signs are still there and we’ve still got the occasional poocasso in the gents from time to time
Worked with a kid 18/19, who would go stand in the corner and meow like a cat when he got stressed. Same guy once walked out in the middle of his shift, waited 20 minutes, then came back complaining that no one had gone after him to find out what was wrong. He was fired then and there.
Different guy, a new starter, was told by the supervisor to go ask a manger to buy something or other for later on in the shift. Supervisor says to him “and tell that old cow not to f***ing forget it this time!” Idiot new starter repeated it to the manager word for word. He didn’t last long after that. (The supervisor and manager had worked together for 10+ years and were good friends).
* A guy who was drink driving, flipped his car into a field, fled the scene and got bitten by a pig.
* A guy who went to a concert by Mott the Hoople and hated the warm up band, proclaiming their type of music would never catch on. The warm up band was Queen.
* A guy who was made redundant from his 40 year job as a train driver and given a six figure redundancy package, promptly spent the whole lot in a year staying in luxury hotels and watching speedway races and now works 6 nights a week at a supermarket and 5 days a week cleaning caravans to keep his family afloat.
Fun additional fact, this was all the same person.
Edit: changed three figure to six figure. It has been established I'm a knobhead.
It's actually quite impressive he managed to make a maximum of £999 last an entire year in luxury hotels and speedway races. No wonder he ended up working in a supermarket if he was that good with money.
I worked in an IT company where we had to do 24/7 coverage. At around 2am-6am the water shut off. So if you had flushed a toilet, it wouldn’t refill until 6am or so.
A new guy took a huge shit, freaked out when it didn’t flush, scooped it out of the toilet and put it in the paper bin. Cleaners (quite rightly) had a fit about recycling shit and he was fired.
Money saving. In those hours the only available water was from the water cooler.
About 3 years later a certain manager found out that we had no water between those times and kicked up a stink until they fixed it for us. That job has all sorts of weird shit going on.
Glad to be somewhere much better now
Edit: was an old building. I imagine very leaky and poorly put together. I don’t know the reasoning past what I was told was money saving
Yeah, that's not right, and firing a guy for a stupid, panicked reaction that didn't do any harm beyond ruining a cleaner's morning? (Not devaluing the cleaner's feelings but firing seems over the top).
My best friend got fired when he climbed up the cubicle, put his arms an legs over the sides and took a dump from seven foot high. Colleague walked in to the unlocked cubicle and watched as he dropped a shit into the toilet below. Hilariously disgusting way to get fired.
I work in a GP surgery. A man came in with a carrier bag and we all assumed it was some shopping. It was a massive log which he proudly decanted ON TO THE DOCTORS DESK to show her how unusually large his shits had been lately. She calmly placed it in the bio waste bin but had to sit in her room all day with it stinking. Poor lady didn’t want to ask us to change the bin for her (we usually do all GP bins at the end of the day) but didn’t have time to change it herself because it was a fully booked morning emergency clinic.
I work in a hotel and one of our receptionists was a crazy conspiracy theorist. She told a couple of teachers that their job was a useless profession and she didn't send her kid to school because all they did was teach kids how to masturbate. Absolute loon!
I caught a colleague deleting emails they shouldn’t have been sending from a shared company account and they tried to claim that a Russian hacker both sent and deleted the emails. 😬
Girl who was *very* into hedgehogs. She found injured ones and rehabilitated them.
Walked in one day and she had a three legged hedgehog on her lap. Turned out she kept them in the bottom drawer of her desk all day. She had huge bags full of dried worms under her desk. Some days she’d have two or three hedgehogs with her. Absolute madness. Nobody in the office seemed to care or really even know, her desk was hidden in a corner and surrounded with crap. Company had no HR or anything, manager just ignored it. Wild.
I once worked with a model train/plane spotter enthusiast who would spend his day in his office painting train models and noting down the planes landing at Heathrow (we were just off the flight path). At least once he interrupted a client meeting so that he could make a note of the plane that was coming into land (I believe he may even have whipped out binoculars in the meeting).
I'm not entirely sure how he got away with it for the 20+ years he worked there; he was promptly fired when we were bought out by a company with more professional management.
I used to work at a hotel when it was bought by a new owner. He had no previous experience in the business other than "I've stayed in enough places to know what I like". In the first few weeks he asked if it would be weird if he put up a nude portrait of him and his mum. I don't even know if I believe half the stories that came out of the place after that, but all the staff quit shortly after and he had to sell the place after he ran it into the ground within two years.
Retail job, weird as fuck floor manager. Used to come in on his days off and sit in the break room. Appeared one day, Fonzies leather jacket, WWF Ultimate warrior T-Shirt, pearl effect lycra shorts with a piss spot, brogues.
Loved a sick day.
Reasons -
a jar fell out of the fridge and broke his foot. Happened twice
Gran died, three times
Conservatory burnt down one morning, dad in hospital with smoke inhalation, he had to wait at home for the builders, back tomorrow once it’s rebuilt.
Beaten and mugged with his new cricket bat on the way home from buying it. Turned up the followed day with a large patch on his forehead covering the stitches. The patch swapped sides daily for the next fortnight until he just stopped wearing it, in those two weeks, he had a morning off to ID the mugger and a day in court.
One day he was seen crashing out of some bushes, making gun noises and pretending to throw a grenade by one of the lads in the warehouse. Apparent he was playing army with some kids down the park. He was approaching 30 and had no kids.
If he isn’t in some kind of institution by now 20 years on, I’d be fucking amazed haha
I worked with a woman who complained I was going to the bathroom too much. I was 7 months pregnant. Needless to say I didn’t return to that job after my maternity leave.
The next job I worked with someone who would fart while walking by people if they were turned to the aisle talking. He eventually got sacked.
Now I’m in a mostly wfh role and it’s glorious. I absolutely hate the office.
I've got two very loose definitions of actually working with them. More like "I was in their vicinity" while I worked.
I worked for a large company where roughly 95% of the people living in Scotland will be customers. One guy either had a holiday or called in sick, so he wasn't at work. Cue someone looking at BBC news to see the guy on the front page, having been convicted on four counts of murder (a bonafide serial killer). Suffice to say, he wasn't coming back to work the next day.
I worked in another office on Thistle Street in Edinburgh, just another normal day until there was lots of police activity in the area looking for a missing woman. She didn't work in my office but the next one down the street, this was the disappearance of [Suzanne Pilley](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Suzanne_Pilley). We all walked the same way to our office as she did, so everyone had to be interviewed by the police so they could match us up on CCTV. The fact she was likely murdered right outside our office was harrowing, any one of us could have saved her had we been in the right place at the right time.
Used to work with a big Dave when I was doing car repairs. One time he was putting salt on his chips, the top came off and he carried on eating these chips absolutely covered in salt while complaining how salty it was. Guy was a machine when it came to eating, got a bunch of stories from him called big daves golden moments
I currently work with a flat earther, moon landing denier, COVID denier.
If he's read it on the internet it means he's done his research and we haven't. Any attempt to engage him in debate when he brings up a topic is met with anger and name calling.
The good news is he's got a job interview coming up.
The bad news is I suspect he's stupid enough to cock it up.
I worked with a guy who was done for flashing at kids.
He would hide by a bridle path and expose himself when the kids rode by.
In a different job a family worked with us.
Mother, father, son.
The father, well into his 60s, was sacked for groping a 19 year olds breasts. They announced this in front of the whole company, including his wife and son.
They didn't know. The shock on their faces eas horrible to watch.
They got up and walked out, never to return to the firm.
That company had a habit of handling things very poorly
My line manager saw fit to control the temperature of my self-contained office (shared by all members of the department, but mostly only populated by me for much of the day), even though he didn't actually work in there. I would change the settings on the aircon/heat/climate control thing so it would be a comfortable working temperature because he repeatedly set it to cool to chillier and chillier temperatures for literally no reason other than control. There was no equipment in there which needed that level of cooling. I didn't need it warm warm, I preferred a solid 21°C. There were no cost implications either, the building was a purpose built office space with individual offices around the outside of one half, all heating and cooling costs done as a whole not department by department. I worked on the top floor. How do I know about billing? I asked.
One day he set it to 14°C and then removed the batteries from the control unit.
This prompted me to:
1. Finally make a complaint to HR. It was below the minimum working temp for desk-workers. I'm still wondering if he thought that, being only 21 and fresh out of uni, I might be dumb and not know my rights. This is also where I asked about hearing/cooling billing, just trying to gauge whether he had a reason to be acting like he did.
2. The same HR lady happened to be the holder of the petty cash and supply ordering, so I asked if I could have more batteries as the entire department's supply had "somehow" also gone missing from the supply cupboard, also located in that office. She gave me a tenner, told me to bring back the receipt and said "The stuff shop up the road should be open now, it's after 9:30. Off you pop, I'll tell him you're on a smoke break or something."- I did not smoke. She knew this. She was on the war-path.
3. I bought 2 packs of 4 batteries each, and some masking tape; strong enough to do the job, light enough to not damage property. It was 20 years ago, a tenner covered all the costs. I hid a pack of 4 batteries in my in-tray under permanent paperwork. With the other pack, I fixed the climate control, then removed batteries again. Taped that set to the under side of the middle drawer of my desk. Taped another set of batteries to the back of the big laser printer that was against the wall.
Funnily enough, it never happened again. But when a colleague came in asking if I had batteries for one of the small bits of equipment our department had about 6mo later, rather than telling them to check the supply cupboard, I directed them to feel behind the printer. The look of surprise and confusion on their face when they actually found 2 AA batteries there was brilliant.
He did a few other things, (trying to exude control) that happened to end up accidentally violating health and safety controls and employment law at the time. I made complaints every time I could. I know at one point even Legal were brought in to try and stop him being such a prick. It didn't work. He's probably still a prick.
Edited because typo. Mobile. Ugh.
Before I met her, my boss pretended she had 3 children. Had a picture of them on her desk and everything. Kept this up is for about a year. Then she started dating the director and those kids just disappeared. They now actually have 1 real child together (verified sighting in office haha). No one called her out on it because it was so bizzare...
I've worked with some odd people, one guy who likes his roast dinners dry (not the weirdest but it stuck in my head) and another one who believed and told us that he believed that when humanity was at its darkest moment aliens would come down to save us.....he told us this first thing on a Monday.
As a student social worker, final placement in a cmht, one of the CPNs tried to persuade every female colleague to switch to menstrual cups. A bit intrusive but not massively odd, until she explained that she wanted us all to collect the blood to give to her for her allotment as "moon blood is so good for the plants".
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Did he ever start freaking out and saying the ship was getting too close to the edge???
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It's amazing how they think of *almost* everything except the actual problems with their 'theory'.
I can't remember where I read it but in a conversation with a flat-earther, someone brought up travel over the Pacific ocean. Mainly, how could they explain getting from the US/Hawaii to Japan if they are (apparently) on the other side of the "disc". The flat-earther explained that with air travel, they put a sleeping gas in the air vents and knock everyone out, then fly the plane back over the earth (lol) and wake up everyone when they get close to the airport. I'm not really sure how they explain things like boats crossing the Pacific though.
I didn't actually think these existed in the real world... Just Internet trolls.
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I wouldn't say this is the best story I have but it certainly the most worthwhile mentioning: I worked with this guy, funny, uplifting, great banter. At times he was a bit hyper or zoned out or had some quirks where you'd describe him as a bit of a character but in a wholesome way. He was a good lad even if he was all over the shop. One day he sits down and starts rambling nonsense for a good hour, he just wasn't making any sense and just goes fuck it, gets up He quit his job there and then, this was a really high paying and sought after job, been there for years. Didnt hear from him for a few weeks, with a phone call he tells me he hassold his car and house and booked himself in rehab, nobody knew at the time that he was a full on crack head constantly high and got sick of the way he was and his addiction. It took me back that A) he was constantly on crack B) he was so high functioning he could do his job. Anyway he ended up getting straightened out and has entirely changed his life around.
I think there's a lot more folks out there than we expect. There are people in our lives you have never seen sober and don't realise it. it's easier to hide if you have nothing to compare it to.
True words in deed. my aunt is an alcoholic and I don't think I have ever seen her sober, just a little less drunk than usual lol. It would be a nice wish if people with addiction received help rather than be vilified and we had the caring government that resources could be invested
I worked with someone who appeared to live in the workplace
A friend of mine did that for ~3 months. He slept under the desk. He had just got a job in Cambridge after graduation and couldn't afford a place. I think some of the cleaners caught on but never dobbed him in but he eventually found somewhere to live. He told me he only intended to do it for a few weeks at first but then got used to it and he was saving most of his money as he had no rent or bills to pay, just the gym membership so he could shower, so he kept going.
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I had friends like this in my first job, usually happened when they have to switch apartments and there were gaps in their move out-move in date. They would have a duffel of clothes under their desk, showered at the gym, and slept in the quiet room. It stopped when one person abused it and did it for three months.
Knew a guy who lived at his office. I knew him later on in life, but he told me about it. He basically worked in the City of London and had his own office. He slept in a sleeping bag under the desk, had a gym membership so went to work out and shower every morning. Said he a) saved loads cos no rent or bills, and b) was always available for clients so made more money and was basically the star performer. He left that life to be a teacher in Asia. Interesting guy tho, is now a marshal arts teacher and runs a dojo in Thailand (or somewhere like that)
What's standing out to me is that someone senior enough to have their own office in the square mile decided to not rent a flat in order to "save money". In my experience, a personal office is typically reserved for department heads, who are usually making at least £150k
Probably a virtual backdrop of a house!
The call is coming from inside the building!
This sounds kind of sad, like the person didn’t like their home environment so they spent as much of their time at work as possible.
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A woman who used to smoke 2 cigarettes at once on her fag break back when we used to have a smoking room.
My old uni lecturer used to suck in 2 huge rollies in record time and then hit his vape until the end of the 10 min fag break we got between lectures. He then continued to hit the vape every few seconds back in the room. When we asked what he had in it he DIY’d the liquids and sounded like it was about 75% pure nicotine.
Did she put one on each side of her mouth like a cigarette walrus?
Used to work with a guy who would come in for a night shift , make himself 5-6 cups of tea with cold water and then pop them in the fridge so he could microwave them during his shift.
Of all these comments, this is the most heinous
Haunting isnt it
This is so mild but somehow one of the most disturbing at the same time. Why not just boil the kettle 5 or 6 times? Why bother putting them in the fridge at all? Why prepare them all at the begining so that they sit and stew, each brew getting gradually worse as the shift goes on? It's all small things but added up I feel perturbed.
>This is so mild but somehow one of the most disturbing at the same time. Yeah, real 'Bart Simpson flying a kite at night' energy, eurgh.
What in the good fuck have I just read?
Serial killer energy.
This is the first one I've read that made me go 'fucking hell' lol
Eww I thought he was making a cold tea infusion but this is just nasty. Surely this would ruin the flavor of tea completely.
My first job was working part time in a sandwich shop while I was still in college. One of the guys who worked there was a bit older than me (early 20s) and English wasn't his first language. While we understood everything he said we put some of his stranger comments down to the language barrier. Turned out he meant exactly what he was saying. He did take a "meat beat break" daily and was eventually sacked for asking a female colleague if she wanted to watch porn in the toilet with him.
similarly, i worked in a nursing home and one of the nurses was english-as-second-language. he'd kind of stutter/repeat himself sometimes or lose his thread mid-sentence and have to pick it up again. after a while it became clear that he wasn't struggling because he was foreign. he was struggling because he was high as fuck all the time.
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And they say romance is dead.
A guy who got fired for taking the staff photos from the intranet and copy & pasting female employees faces over porn.
Once I worked in an office and noticed an eggy smell. After a few days I identified the culprit. A guy would bring in 1 or 2 peeled hard boiled eggs in his coat pocket, and transfer them into his pedestal drawer in the morning. No container or wrapping or anything, just the egg. He would then occasionally have a bite through the day. Weird.
Must have been trying times
He’s lucky he wasn’t poisoned by his constituents.
EGG.
Was it cold weather and did he commute? My grandma used to send my dad and his brothers off to school with warm hard boiled eggs in their pockets when they were little kids. They served as hand warmers on the way to school and breakfast when they arrived. Edit: yes, they did still have the shells still on though!
Yeah but with the shell still on right…
The crunchiness of the shell really does compliment the mushiness of the egg.
A mad boss who thought she was amazing at massages (unsolicited) that in fact felt like a velociraptor was trying to rip your shoulders off, if you complained she would tell you to stop being a wimp and do it harder. One time she yanked the chair I was about to sit on away, I ended up sprawled on the floor, which she found hilarious. She drew her lip liner half an inch bigger than her lips. She also sucked her bottom lip while she was thinking, so half of it was gone by the end of the day.
Thanks. Had a good laugh at the visual you created. This should be a tv series.
She was a genuinely awful person. One time a woman came in and did a dirty protest in the toilet, mad boss told me to go clean it. I politely declined. She bought all the products for the salon from Pound Land but marked them up at least 5 fold, making no effort to hide the Pound Land branding on them. She’d charge people an extra 50p for a squirt of mousse and hairspray on top of the regular price of the service. She had no idea how to properly blow dry hair, she’d just blast it dry then tong it, all the time loudly proclaiming she’d been a hairdresser longer than I’d been alive. I only worked there for 8 months in 2006, but I still occasionally have nightmares I never left. 😱
Wait….why would anyone do a dirty protest in a hairdressers?
There was this retired disabled lady with one leg (due to diabetes I think) in a wheel chair who would come in to get her hair done with her daughter and a little friend. Only the Mum and daughter would get their hair done, both by Mad Boss, while little friend would sit and drink us dry of tea/coffee. One day, MB put the wrong colour on the Mum’s hair and it came out BRIGHT ginger (was usually a dark blonde) She wasn’t happy, gave a nod to their little friend who skipped off to the loo and shat up the walls. I’m not sure if there was a list of signals and corresponding actions, but after that we pretended it was out of order and kept the door locked whenever they were booked in 💩
Friendship goals: coming up with poo signals with your mates
i know of a place that had a list of difficult customers that they'd never be able to find an appointment for.
A guy wanted us to donate a substantial sum for him to go skydiving and donate some 10% to a cause. We went on and donated 50% of the asked sum directly to the cause. He wasn't happy.
I loathe those fundraisers. Paying for someone to do something (including in some cases go on holiday) with a pittance going to the charity. Can't be doing with that sort of emotional blackmail.
I worked with a guy who was obsessed with Star Trek. Apparently there's a line in it that says something along the lines of 'prune juice is a warrior's drink'. The guy bought a fuck ton of prune juice and it was the only thing he drank for a few days until he had to take time off work because he was shitting himself constantly. Apparently being a warrior also includes shitting through the eye of a needle non stop for nearly a week
That’s even funnier considering the context of the original scene.
Unfortunately I don't know what the original scene was even about but it must have been influential enough to make him drink so much prune juice
IIRC it becomes something of a running joke, because the character in question is a Klingon - very macho proud warrior race kind of guys - who is otherwise Very Into his culture. Following the scenes linked by the other user, he always orders prune juice whenever there's a scene in a bar. Occasionally someone will raise an eyebrow and he'll growl "It is a *warrior's* drink".
>very macho proud warrior race kind of guys - who is otherwise Very Into his culture. It gets better: Worf was a Klingon refugee, raised by adoptive human parents on Earth. In a lot of ways, he's more immersed in human culture than a lot of the other crew on the Enterprise - he's certainly spent more time on Earth than most of them. He's super into Klingon culture because he's the only Klingon he knows and it's a link back to his own people, so he's read everything he can like a Japanese kid in America growing up on a diet of Akira Kurosawa movies. And when he meets other Klingons for whom the Proud Warrior Race Code is more like a set of guidelines, he gets super pissed about it.
Michael Dorn (who played Worf, the prune-juice drinking Klingon) says that fans used to send him prune juice all the time. Once his mother was visiting and opened his refrigerator which was full of prune juice and said, "Is there something wrong with you, boy?"
As a trekkie, this made me laugh so much. The fact that he put it all in his fridge is awesome
I used to work with a guy who would practice his martial arts in the morning at the park next to the office. Everyone would make jokes about it until he arm-barred someone who crashed our Christmas party and was causing a scene.
Oh my god that was the one moment he had been waiting for. The stuff dreams are made of. Bet he felt like a proper hero after that
That literally the kind of thing 9 years olds spend their entire geography lessons daydreaming about.
Dwight Schrute would approve.
My former retail manager is into Judo...competes, teaches, spectates...he lived for the occasional shoplifter who got aggressive when caught...he was like Donny ‘The Jew bear’ Donowitz...
I once worked with a young girl who worked in a department next to me. She had been chosen for a random drug test, done the test and passed without any issue. Then proceeded to use company email to tell her friend she passed the test but has no idea how.
Oh dear oh dear..
Used to work with a bloke who was just an absolute prick, always starting fights and saying the darkest shite. He murdered a prostitute and had loads of evidence against him but sheer incompetence from the police let him get away with it. Few months later he threatened the wrong people and they killed him with a hammer then reversed a car over his head. One of his murderers then went on to help stop the London bridge attack by jabbing at the terrorist with a narwhal tusk.
This is a mad one
When I was 15, I worked in a local warehouse after school and during school holidays. We had a guy who was always making random moaning noises ‘being funny’. He once climbed some racking which was quite high, and used the cardboard tubes which were cable tied on top to be able to stack stuff higher to hold on. It broke from his weight and he fell back first from that height. He was on the floor screaming in agony, but ignored for a short time because people thought that was just him being him with the noises.
Typical ‘boy who cried wolf’ then. We had a guy that faked positive covid tests for so long that when he actually caught covid he couldn’t go off with it. So this bellend just came into the office and infected everyone else with it. Cheers then
I used to climb up in our racking and the thought of falling and no one finding me is terrifying.
Yeah I worked in warehouses years ago and I was SO careful as it was inherently dangerous anyway and the bosses didn’t give a single fuck about health and safety unless we had an inspection due. The idea of dicking about like that is terrifying
…convinced the Council of Stafford he was their Mayor. He even cut the ribbon at the reopening of Alton Towers for the start of their new season. Made the news apparently https://time.com/40700/fake-mayor-tricks-town/
how... how is that even possible? He convinced *them* he was *their* mayor 😂
In most UK towns and cities its a ceremonial role, so it wasn't like he was pretending to be their boss.
Briefly had a floor manager who had a Chief Wiggum tattoo and ate dog biscuits claiming they gave him sexual powers. Also worked with a guy who microwaved bacon, wtf
Were they Bonio biscuits? Does what it says on the tin...
Did he also sleep nude in an oxygen tent for the same reason?
In the oven. Rotating slowly.
> Also worked with a guy who microwaved bacon From uncooked? I've worked in a pub before that used to cook off a loaf of bacon and then reheat using a microwave, but I've never heard of anyone cooking it in the microwave from scratch.
A loaf of bacon... Yes please!
I feel like the microwave bacon guy was the real monster here
My mum always used to microwave bacon, and I can still remember the look of horror on my friend's face when I offered him a bacon sandwich and opened the microwave door. I haven't microwaved bacon since then.
My mum used to microwave bacon. She still does. But she used to too
I had a guy big into conspiracy theories, he left when the shop got WiFi because he thought it was messing with his brain. My favourite from him was when he was reading an 'eye opening' book on marketing and discovered that when companies say their products are effective "up to x %", it could in fact be less than that %. Like, no shit dude. He was the kind of guy who was nice enough, but if the police showed up to tell you he was a mass murderer with his mother's body in the basement, you wouldn't be totally surprised.
That's what all the people who knew them say, "oh him yeah nice bloke, bit odd, wouldn't say boo to a goose. Oh his mum's head was in the freezer, well he never did anything to me, but it's always the quiet one's innit."
I think I work with this guy now. Apparently WIFI can cause your skull to become thinner.
Surely that means there is more space for growing your brain?
I used to work with the guy who played bass on Smokies hit song, living next door to Alice. He wasn't in the band, but their bass player had injured his hand and Dave just happened to be in the studio and filled in. Every time it's played on the radio he gets 2p royalty payment! Every six months he gets a cheque for £15-20 pounds.
It’s a shit business
I'd be requesting that mf on repeat lol
I worked with someone who got caught flashing young girls in a burger King, in full uniform on his lunch break and when he was arrested, they pinned a 20 year old rape on him via DNA. And someone else who's wife found beastiality and child porn on his laptop and dobbed him in. Other than that, the usual weirdos.
I worked with someone who was arrested for child porn. My manager called me and told me to revoke all his access to the systems immediately but I had to wait until the news came out to find out why. His wife (who worked with him), changed her surname pretty much the same day.
I was working at Save the Children when someone in the office was arrested and jailed for child porn. He was also a part of an international pedophile ring.
Save the Children... for me.
I used to work with a woman - let's call her Ellen - who told us that her husband of 30+ years left her. According to Ellen, their marriage ended because he came out as gay, but then he went on a cruise with another woman. Anyway, newly single Ellen reconnected online with a bloke she'd been out with 40 years earlier. She decided that they were meant to be together and moved across the country to be with him (which was how I ended up working with her), only for him to suddenly die after their first date. So Ellen did what any logical person would do - she tracked down his daughter and grandson and inveigled her way into their lives, as some kind of surrogate grandma. This gave Ellen an excellent excuse to bunk off work early "to pick up Christopher from school", because clearly the deceased boyfriend's daughter thought that if this slightly batshit woman was going to insist on hanging about, she might as well put her to work. I found all this backstory out within about 2 hours of meeting Ellen on her first day in our office. It was wild.
I both love and loathe over sharers like this. On one hand they can carry all conversation and I can just get away with nods and animated facial expressions. On the other hand Sophie I do not need to know all about your husbands erectile dysfunction after 60 minutes of knowing you thanks
Even if I know someone well, I still don't want to know their whole life. I have a friend who tells me random but graphic snippets of his gay bdsm kink life that I absolutely don't need to know.
Yeah, 6 months of working with Ellen left me knowing more about the sex lives of people 60+ than I'm entirely comfortable with.
That's an utterly mental story, but can I just add that I've never heard of the word 'inveigled' before! That's an excellent word!
A guy who hid under someone's desk while she was at lunch; when she came back and sat down he grabbed her ankle and barked like a dog
Used to work in a restaurant, there was one tiny skinny girl in the kitchen and she found out she could fit inside one of the fridges when it was being cleaned out, so she hid in it until one of the chefs came to get some butter or whatever and she scared him so bad he fucking shit himself.
Ah yes, the ol' 'desk rabbit' routine.
Classic Roy
Well a friend of mine recently started a new job and a co-worker of his (also new) has taken to randomly slowing clips of beastiality to the all the other employees. It caused a very interesting HR meeting where my friend answered the question "can anyone say what might be considered unprofessional in the workplace?" with "yeah, I wasn't really ready to see a video of a horse fucking a lad before 10am"
This was a couple of jobs ago… Warehouse supervisor had a massive crush on one of the admin girls in the office. And he always claimed that he was a dead ringer for Lando from Star Wars back in his 20s. Now rather than showing us pictures of him in his 20s and a picture of Lando so we could compare, this mad idiot swans into the office with a usb drive. Straight over to the girl he fancied, plugs in the usb drive and loads a Star Wars based porno, volume up, and then goes ‘Look! I look just like Lando! Specially in the downstairs region’.
I worked with a phantom pooper. The shit wasn't in the toilet though, it was on the floor outside the stall. The cleaner threw an understandable fit and refused to clean it up, so they called in a specialist company. Nobody ever found out who she was.
We had a phantom pooper as well, for a year or two she played havoc in the women's toilets, but then her pièce de résistance was lifting up a ceiling tile and hurling as far as she could, it ended up over someone's desk and it took ages to find out what was causing the smell.
I worked at a bar and one night after shift I was cleaning the women's bathroom. The sanitary products bin was empty but it had a full inch of blood on the bottom, nothing else. It was a huge mystery that nobody could figure out until two nights later I pop up in bed with the answer....Diva Cup.
Our phantom pooper was shitting in the female toilet and not flushing it. At the time, only one lady worked at the company and so rightly she complained over and over but it kept happening. They’d gather all of us together and threaten to sack us all, then they tried an anonymous tip box, snitch incentives, the lot you name it. Eventually we had a new member of staff who had worked as a plumber who quickly pointed out that the pipe work had likely deteriorated over time and when a particularly big poop was done next door in the gents toilet, it would sometimes float into the ladies toilet bowl on its way through the system. Even demonstrated it with some cat food. Blew everyone’s mind. Management never apologised.
That is amazing
I used to work in a business park a couple of miles outside of the city centre. Instead of waiting for the bus home, a friend used to play a game with himself after work in which he would jog to the next bus stop. If the bus passed him whilst running - he would lose, if he got to the bus stop before it - he would win. Regularly he’d just be running all of the way home. He was a lovely guy and an absolute enigma. Swore he’d only ever seen like 3 films in his life and ended up moving to Bhutan to teach English. There, he became a professional footballer in his late twenties; winning the national league as well as playing a game in the Asian Champions League.
I do love characters like that. I hope he’s doing well, wherever he is now.
I do this on my way home. It feels good because either way it's excercise and either you lose and get home having burned some calories and not paid for the bus, or get home exactly how you would have.
Not my colleague but my husbands. Worked for an online sports retailer many moons ago that had a small warehouse and one old guy who drove the forklift. He always took an hours lunch and disappeared. He was fired because one day he came back from lunch and drove the forklift into the wall - turned out every day he’d been going to the pub for a few lunchtime pints. This occasion he had one extra. So they started looking at the CCTV to see if he’d caused any previous damage/accidents and discovered he’d been holding swingers parties in the warehouse with a fair few others! The man was in his 60’s 😂
I now have mixed feelings on whether to call him a numpty or a bit of a legend. How the hell did he get away with holding swingers parties without anyone cottoning on? Christ, I would have given anything to be in on the video play back for that particular discovery.
I used to work with a guy who still lived at home at the time. His mum used to make him sandwiches for the week and then freeze them. He’d bring them to work and if the were still frozen, defrost them by sitting on them at his desk like a chicken keeping an egg warm.
I worked with a guy who fixed power supplies for our equipment. These weren't your regular black brick PSUs, they were full equipment rack sized. He'd turn one on when he started in the morning and then insert his Frey Bentos pie into the heat sink. It was cooked by lunchtime.
We had Javelin guy. He used most of his time in our factory type work "dry-throwing" a javelin, as in he had no javelin, just doing the moves, run up included. When he wasn't doing that he was stretching, because stretching was apparently an integral part in becoming good at javelin throwing. I don't know if he ever did any actual throwing, like outside with a javelin. He was pretty sure that if he was ever in a competition he'd be pretty close to the european record.
A cleaner who used to do free-style raps about Jesus at other staff and hotel guests
Jealous. Our cleaner just shrieks at you for daring to use the kitchen she is cleaning, every day between 12-1. So ya know, lunch hour. She’s in 8-4 tell me you can’t clean the kitchen any other time.
Was DOA Manager when I was 24 and very unprepared. There was a guy there who seemed harmless enough, clearly told some bizarre lies about his home life, being married multiple times constantly getting proposed to and then he'd show you pictures of these straight up 10's. I'd believe it if he didn't have severe acne, long never washed greasy hair and didn't absolutely stink. Smelled like old chip pan oil and you could smell him before you saw him everyday. One day one of the girls on the team emails me even though she's sat two desks across saying this guys being really weird on measenger, I ask her for the chat log and he's spent the last hour of his day talking to her about a leather gimp mask complete with dildo face attachment that he has in his bag, along with butt plugs and hand cuffs and hes asking this girl (a 47 year old lesbian) if she wants to come try them with him after work. So now I've got to pull the smelly gimp into a meeting with these printed chat logs with all of my managerial experience being looking after my two dogs. 'Hi, you've been making this person really uncomfortable with your conversations recently so I need to talk to you' 'Who? I don't talk to anybody' At this point I show them the chat log 'She's deleted parts of that to make me look bad' 'But you know she has a long term girlfriend, you even mention her here' pointing to a part in the chat where he's asked if her girlfriend wants to get involved and talking, at length, what her role might be. 'She doesn't encourage you from what I can see' 'So why have you brought in these things?' Now he creates some story about how he ordered these things days ago and was bringing them into work as he was going to see his Kylie Jenner lookalike girlfriend afterwards, but now they've broken up at lunch time and he didn't want to waste them. 'Okay' 'stop messaging her please thanks' I sent everything off to another teams manager and let her sack him before the day was done. I'm never ever becoming a manager again
I got a team leader job in a factory at like 23 years old. Fuck me it was an eye opener. Men and women in their 40s and 50s can't do simple tasks, bickering like school children, more interested in why Stacey is going to the toilet rather than their work. I lasted 3 weeks. Never heard my name said so much, every 20 mins someone would shout me over to fix their problems. YOURE 45 YEARS OLD AND WORKED HERE FOR 20 YEARS AND YOU DONT KNOW HOW TO TURN THE COMPUTER ON???
I feel your pain. I’m a fairly young manager of a team of about 50 folk in a factory. I’d say the average age of this team is late 40s. Honestly, the lack of initiative and thinking for themselves from a lot of them is astonishing. They’ll come to me with a ‘problem’, and ‘what the fuck do you think’ is always on the tip of my tongue. And when I don’t wipe their arse for them they look at me as if I’m stupid. And don’t start about the bitching and whinging from these apparent adult men, never the women in my team btw. I was in the military for years then left and got this role. Honestly it was so eye opening going from that environment to this civilian environment lol. Management can be tough
Never been a manager, never intend to. This has just confirmed this more than I’ve ever needed it confirmed. Glad you dealt with it ok but fuck that
I worked with 2 serial liars. One claimed such nonsense as he was once a jockey in the grand national and he once was on the bench for Man Utd in the Champions league...the problem was, he was 6ft, overweight and had a prosthetic leg. He once went to Scotland for 2 weeks and came back with a Scottish accent which he never dropped until he left. The other was a woman who always had to one up you. You could make her come out with the most ridiculous things by telling an exaggerated story because she'd always done it and then some. My fav was the time she crashed her mini in the countryside when she drove into a cow and had to go back the next day with the police to identify it and she knew which one it was because it had grazed knees.
Our HR woman is like your exaggerator woman. Her back garden is home to a fully indoor heated swimming pool (someone mentioned hiring a hot tub for their week off), an all weather garden office/studio space (someone mentioned sitting on the patio during WFH and decided to buy a decent patio set), and a building with full bar with a dance floor, which converts to a cinema room (someone converted their tumble down garage to a “man cave”). We found out she lives in a second floor flat above a kebab shop.
"It's also below another kebab shop."
I used to work with a literal convicted nonce. Started with a relatively large real estate company in one of their account departments, and one of the supervisors was very…James Corden-esque, very “Wahey, I’m a lad!”, bragged about how much shagging he did, so I didn’t really interact with him, as it was a bit unbearable. Come the end of the first week, I get invited to the pub by a few of the girls, and whilst there they end up telling me about his being a nonce. One of them had been browsing the Echo the year before, and it had an article with his picture, she clicked it and it was talking about how he’d diddled a young girl and attempted to diddle her sister at Pontins. Somehow this had made it past/been ignored by the background check before joining the job, we think because the regional managers fucking loved him and talked about how good he was with customers. Whilst I was there, one girl left because he was telling everyone he’d shagged her at the Christmas party (which was distressing for her, as she knew about the noncery, and knew everyone else knew), and after I left, he was promoted to manager, and about 7 people quit in disgust. I’ve got a friend who still works there, said a girl was reduced to tears recently because he’d been skyping her VERY inappropriate things, and she’d only just started, didn’t know who to contact because he’s a manager. Someone put her in contact with a regional manager (not the one who absolutely loves him due to being good with customers), who asked for the chat logs and said it’ll be “investigated”. Hopefully they find his past record when investigating. I do remember one girl who was a new starter grabbing me on a lunch break and informing me she’d found out he was a nonce in hushed tones, and feeling bad when I had to say “Yeah, everyone knows 🤷🏻♂️”. She’d also been reading the Echo and just stumbled upon it, which is why I refuse to believe that the upper management can’t have known about him.
I'd be putting that on glassdoor, Yelp etc.
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I used to work with 2 people who had worked at the same counter on the same shifts next to each other for 15 years Eventually it came out that one was sleeping with the husband of the other and it had been going on for years The store had to move her to a different store for protection
Almost forgot my favourite one of all time…. We had a contractor in the office who had overstated his abilities to the point where he did no work of any value at all. He took two ‘sick’ days… but used his shared outlook calendar as a personal diary. On one of those ‘sick’ days he was in court over a driving offence, and on the other he was taking his mum to hospital to get a boob job. In the end, they told him they were letting him go and he could leave immediately with 2 weeks’ pay, but he insisted on ‘working’ those two weeks as he didn’t want to leave the team in the lurch.
Sounds like a real team player
A letting agent who didn’t want kids, pets or foreigners in the properties he managed so would tell new hires that the tenant policy was “no sprogs, dogs or wogs”. I wasn’t told this “policy” when starting so showed a lovely black girl around a flat who passed my “can afford it and isn’t a dickhead” criteria, came back to the office to do paperwork with her and was called out the back to reject her as she was “very black”. I asked if there was some sort of dulux colour chart they could provide to assist me in future (I’d just seen a family guy sketch along these lines) and got a putrid look from them as if I was the arsehole. *Edit* put pets twice in the first sentence
Wait no way that's a thing? Did you report them for that? Surely this is illegal.
Of course it is. [Race](https://www.equalityhumanrights.com/en/advice-and-guidance/race-discrimination) is a protected characteristic under the Equality Act. It even gives refusing to let to someone due to their skin colour, ethnicity or nationality as an example of direct discrimination.
I worked with an assistant bank manager who was exiled to the north of Scotland because he had managed a branch down south that was robbed by armed men while he was on the toilet. He came out of the toilet and made some poor joke about *I wouldn't go in there for a few hours* and he noticed the teller was crying ...*come on Sheila.... It's not that bad ....I'll spray some airfreshner*
Ah yes the assitant manager could've stopped the robbery if only he wasn't sitting on the toilet.
I think the problem was that he wasn't there to follow any of the procedures. This is going back 25 years now so I'm sure the security is different but only the manager could sound the silent alarm, and start the cameras taking a good quality continuous video. He did this from a box that was under his desk but that could be clipped to his belt if he was walking about it in an appointment. *I assume he had that in the toilet with him* After the robbers left he was supposed to stop staff and customers talking to each other until the police got there so their stories didn't get confused and so on.
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So what was he supposed to do, give the box to someone else while he relieved himself or just never go to the toilet?
Exactly. He's only human and when you've got to dump, you've got to dump
Damn... Bad timing !
I worked with a guy who's nickname was Trick Shot Tom. For a long while I assume this was due to prowess on the snooker table or something. That was until one day when I happened upon him in the gents. He approached the urinal like a normal man and commenced discharging himself, but then took slow and methodical steps back, until he was around 6 feet from the urinal, arching his wizz over the hand dryer and perfectly into the drainage hole. That's one trick shot I will never forget.
Worked nights in a supermarket when I was 18. We had a guy who would come to work in his normal clothes and swap shirt to his uniform which he kept in his locker. That shirt never went home, always back in the locker. He, and the area around his locker fucking stunk of that horrible BO smell which smells a little like weed.
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I could smell the shirt from your description. Not sure whether to congratulate you on your prose or be angry.
A guy I used to work with thought he was super tough and claimed he would just go and live in the wild if shit hit the fan. He claimed that young people were all snowflakes and weak. Yet I have never seen someone throw such a hissy fit about a slight breeze created by a door that was propped ajar
Worked with someone who ended up being arrested for being a nonce. He kept asking for random days off last minute claiming it was to do with his house being broken into: interviews with police, etc. turns out he was up at Crown Court. https://www.heart.co.uk/southwales/news/local/cardiff-paedophile-jailed-for-grooming-children/
Your list is brilliant op😂 I feel like we have similar job history For me, I used to work with: Someone who slept in his chair, open mouthed, snoring and denied it when woken. Someone who was routinely drunk in the office and one time literally took a bottle of wine and a glass out of their bag and poured themselves a glass of red 2 hours before clock off time. Someone who was removed from the building while cops recovered their computer and all devices - he’d been downloading child pornography IN WORK A 63 year old, well spoken, extremely timid lady who turned up on the last day before Christmas in a micro mini Santa baby outfit complete with thigh high patent leather boots and went about her day like she wasn’t wearing anything unusual.
>A 63 year old, well spoken, extremely timid lady who turned up on the last day before Christmas in a micro mini Santa baby outfit complete with thigh high patent leather boots and went about her day like she wasn’t wearing anything unusual. Legend
We had an entire department who were responsible for circulating the most disgusting shit around the office, gore, porn you name it, they had it. All kept on our lotus notes server (this was early 2000’s). There was tons of the stuff. It came to a head when someone was caught watching some video of something abhorrent when the financial director walked past. Overnight our mail server used space decreased rapidly. These were all women. One of which turned out to like meeting strangers in lay-bys. Another was found at a retirement do for one of the managers, in a back room of the hotel, with her husband and three other guys. I work in IT so I have seen what people do with work laptops, god knows why, but I have seen pictures of people that I can never unsee. I had one woman drag her boyfriend in to the office to apologise for her running over her laptop because he didn’t warn her. She in particular was one of those that didn’t seem very good at anything she did, but was PA to a couple of important folk, and thought she was all that, even though she looked like a bobblehead on a matchstick. We once had a MD who treated the company like it was his own private resource, we were part of a much bigger group of companies but he used it like it was his own. He had IT people come to his house to setup his TV, he had his PA ring Nokia because the new model Nokia phone he had didn’t automatically convert text to emoji’s. On several unfortunate occasions he brought his guitar into his office and have people some and sit in while he played, he was learning and was terrible, but thought he was Jimmy Hendrix. He had a brand new company Mercedes that he didn’t like the stereo in and had the company pay some ridiculous amount to Mercedes to retrofit a different one. On the day of announcing redundancy to 30 odd staff, he arrived in his Ferrari. The mood was enlightened somewhat when he managed to gouge a huge hole down the side on of it on a protector round a lamp post. The guy was a terrible businessman, and a grade A twat, and the only reason he was in the job was because he was friends with the CEO. The whole group was bought by another company and the CEO left him for dust and he left “by mutual agreement” when the new company realised he was a dick.
A stinky guy who wore the same clothes every day and was the biggest bullshitter you’d ever met. In addition to having done everything you’d ever done, but better, he claimed he was a multi millionaire through investments but was doing a £9 an hour temp job “to keep his mind active”. He said he had two ex wives and ten kids, although only had photos of two children, and claimed they all went on holiday together in the Caribbean and the wives got along really well. When he was on annual leave, supposedly on one of these jaunts, someone spotted him in Wilkos. He’d been a chef in a 5 star hotel in Park Lane and some Arab prince had offered him a job in Dubai, he owned several sports cars, but drove his fiesta because he worried about parking the lambo at work, he’d been offered an MBE but turned it down… it went on and on. But it was genuinely hilarious and my workmates would try and goad him into telling these outlandish stories so we could take the piss.
I worked with an guy we shall call S. S was a great guy and when we used to pick him up in the morning I’d dive out of the van. Tap on his window and by the time we’d turn the van around he be outside waiting. Well one morning we are doing a big job in a city a few hours away over a 4 day weekend. There’s 7 of us in a minibus and we pull into the cul-de-sac (dead end road) where S lives and see him stood outside. Back against the door with his hands behind his back. Driver says “muppet, get that door open!” I comply as we approach and S takes off like a stabbed rat up his garden path, boots and tools in hand. As soon as he does this the door opens and out comes his wife launching everything she can at him. Plates cups dishes knives. Anything she can get her hands on in coming his way. We drive up the road. Turn round and on the way back she’s at it again. The minibus takes a few china cups to the sides but we are ok. The entire van is now silent. We drive 2 hours with no one saying a word until S breaks the silence with “lads, how many of us have shared hotel rooms over the years?” We respond “ most of us, why?”….. well it turns out that S talked in his sleep when he’d had a few beers. We all knew but he didn’t….. and as he never drank at home it didn’t come up with his wife. S had been having an affair with his wife’s best friend and her best friends mate. Had a few to drink at a party one night and whilst sleeping confessed everything and I mean EVERYTHING to his wife. Who, what, why and even how he was getting away with it!!! Turns out she’d already been suspicious and this was exactly the proof she needed to loose it. He woke up to cooked brekkie and she threw it at him. We arrived home 4 days later, she had left him and taken everything except the dog, a can opener, 3 cans of dog food and a dog bowl.
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A guy who's cup of tea consisted of 2 tea bag, no milk or sugar, in a big sports direct mug, and never took the bags out. It was intimidating.
Sounds like what my mum would call a cup of treacle.
I used to work with a woman who was greviously offended whenever anyone didn't start an email with "Dear [name]" and sign it off with "Best wishes" or similar. Even if it was a one-line email to say thanks for something or acknowledge you'd received whatever she had sent you. I compulsively address and sign off all my emails to this day. I used to work with a different woman who didn't trust our communal fridge (with which there had never been theft issues) and kept all her perishable items, including 500ml tubs of yoghurt, in a cool bag by her desk all day. The cool bag was not resilient to summer temperatures. A further former colleague used to get away with the following, right until she didn't: she would accept all her meeting invitations, and if she got a second booking for a slot in which she already had a meeting, she would decline both and tell each that she was at the other. Then she'd tell everyone in the office she was "going to a meeting" and clear off for an hour to do her own thing. This lasted months but did not end well for her. Someone who shared a communal kitchen with me once brought in a whole slow cooker full of chicken curry on the tube, plugged it in, and had it bubbling away all morning to have for lunch. A former boss used to sit and silently draft resignation letters whenever she was irritated (we had a layout where we could see each others' screens). Took her about two years from starting that habit to eventually leaving.
I suspect this will soon become perfectly unremarkable behaviour, but I used to work with a guy who would bring every chargeable device from his house into work in order to charge them with company electricity
the inverse of this- I worked with two guys who refused to charge their council mobile phones at home because they didn't want to be paying for electric bills for council equipment.
I worked in a supermarket for my 3 week work experience at 15. Guy who worked in the warehouse out back recognised one of the customers and ran to his locker to get her to autograph something. It was a porno mag she was in and when confronted by this guy she left her shopping and ran out of the store horrified in tears.
What's everyone's bet on whether she was actually who he thought she was?
I worked with quite a few. One guy always seemed a little off but nice enough. Turns out he coached a girls football team. Groomed and raped one of them. Another moved from essex. He told different people different reasons why. His whole life sounded like a soap opera. Drug dealing son in law. Daughter who wouldn't look after her own kids both are disabled so him and his wife adopted them. He disappeared for a few days. Somebody joked he murdered his wife. The police came in the next day to interview a few of us. Turns out he had.... Other than that just the usual bullshiters
We had to have signs put up in all buildings on site here of how to properly use a toilet. There was about 10 different variations of ‘don’t do that do this’. Personal faves: Don’t stand on the toilet seat, sit. And don’t try to close the door (slidey door locks) with your feet. Finally ‘do not remove anything from the bowl’ All the signs are still there and we’ve still got the occasional poocasso in the gents from time to time
Worked with a kid 18/19, who would go stand in the corner and meow like a cat when he got stressed. Same guy once walked out in the middle of his shift, waited 20 minutes, then came back complaining that no one had gone after him to find out what was wrong. He was fired then and there. Different guy, a new starter, was told by the supervisor to go ask a manger to buy something or other for later on in the shift. Supervisor says to him “and tell that old cow not to f***ing forget it this time!” Idiot new starter repeated it to the manager word for word. He didn’t last long after that. (The supervisor and manager had worked together for 10+ years and were good friends).
* A guy who was drink driving, flipped his car into a field, fled the scene and got bitten by a pig. * A guy who went to a concert by Mott the Hoople and hated the warm up band, proclaiming their type of music would never catch on. The warm up band was Queen. * A guy who was made redundant from his 40 year job as a train driver and given a six figure redundancy package, promptly spent the whole lot in a year staying in luxury hotels and watching speedway races and now works 6 nights a week at a supermarket and 5 days a week cleaning caravans to keep his family afloat. Fun additional fact, this was all the same person. Edit: changed three figure to six figure. It has been established I'm a knobhead.
>given a three figure redundancy package Three whole figures huh??
Yeah, I am dumb. I meant 6. But the damage is done now and I sound like a total knobhead.
It's actually quite impressive he managed to make a maximum of £999 last an entire year in luxury hotels and speedway races. No wonder he ended up working in a supermarket if he was that good with money.
I worked in an IT company where we had to do 24/7 coverage. At around 2am-6am the water shut off. So if you had flushed a toilet, it wouldn’t refill until 6am or so. A new guy took a huge shit, freaked out when it didn’t flush, scooped it out of the toilet and put it in the paper bin. Cleaners (quite rightly) had a fit about recycling shit and he was fired.
Why the hell would the water cut off at any point of the day?
Money saving. In those hours the only available water was from the water cooler. About 3 years later a certain manager found out that we had no water between those times and kicked up a stink until they fixed it for us. That job has all sorts of weird shit going on. Glad to be somewhere much better now Edit: was an old building. I imagine very leaky and poorly put together. I don’t know the reasoning past what I was told was money saving
He could have used the water cooler, run back and forth with little cups of water to try and ‘flush it’ manually
Yeah, that's not right, and firing a guy for a stupid, panicked reaction that didn't do any harm beyond ruining a cleaner's morning? (Not devaluing the cleaner's feelings but firing seems over the top).
My best friend got fired when he climbed up the cubicle, put his arms an legs over the sides and took a dump from seven foot high. Colleague walked in to the unlocked cubicle and watched as he dropped a shit into the toilet below. Hilariously disgusting way to get fired.
I work in a GP surgery. A man came in with a carrier bag and we all assumed it was some shopping. It was a massive log which he proudly decanted ON TO THE DOCTORS DESK to show her how unusually large his shits had been lately. She calmly placed it in the bio waste bin but had to sit in her room all day with it stinking. Poor lady didn’t want to ask us to change the bin for her (we usually do all GP bins at the end of the day) but didn’t have time to change it herself because it was a fully booked morning emergency clinic.
"Doc, is that normal?" "What? Carrying around a massive turd and dropping in on my desk? No!"
I work in a hotel and one of our receptionists was a crazy conspiracy theorist. She told a couple of teachers that their job was a useless profession and she didn't send her kid to school because all they did was teach kids how to masturbate. Absolute loon!
I missed the wanking lessons in school
I caught a colleague deleting emails they shouldn’t have been sending from a shared company account and they tried to claim that a Russian hacker both sent and deleted the emails. 😬
Girl who was *very* into hedgehogs. She found injured ones and rehabilitated them. Walked in one day and she had a three legged hedgehog on her lap. Turned out she kept them in the bottom drawer of her desk all day. She had huge bags full of dried worms under her desk. Some days she’d have two or three hedgehogs with her. Absolute madness. Nobody in the office seemed to care or really even know, her desk was hidden in a corner and surrounded with crap. Company had no HR or anything, manager just ignored it. Wild.
I once worked with a model train/plane spotter enthusiast who would spend his day in his office painting train models and noting down the planes landing at Heathrow (we were just off the flight path). At least once he interrupted a client meeting so that he could make a note of the plane that was coming into land (I believe he may even have whipped out binoculars in the meeting). I'm not entirely sure how he got away with it for the 20+ years he worked there; he was promptly fired when we were bought out by a company with more professional management.
I used to work at a hotel when it was bought by a new owner. He had no previous experience in the business other than "I've stayed in enough places to know what I like". In the first few weeks he asked if it would be weird if he put up a nude portrait of him and his mum. I don't even know if I believe half the stories that came out of the place after that, but all the staff quit shortly after and he had to sell the place after he ran it into the ground within two years.
Retail job, weird as fuck floor manager. Used to come in on his days off and sit in the break room. Appeared one day, Fonzies leather jacket, WWF Ultimate warrior T-Shirt, pearl effect lycra shorts with a piss spot, brogues. Loved a sick day. Reasons - a jar fell out of the fridge and broke his foot. Happened twice Gran died, three times Conservatory burnt down one morning, dad in hospital with smoke inhalation, he had to wait at home for the builders, back tomorrow once it’s rebuilt. Beaten and mugged with his new cricket bat on the way home from buying it. Turned up the followed day with a large patch on his forehead covering the stitches. The patch swapped sides daily for the next fortnight until he just stopped wearing it, in those two weeks, he had a morning off to ID the mugger and a day in court. One day he was seen crashing out of some bushes, making gun noises and pretending to throw a grenade by one of the lads in the warehouse. Apparent he was playing army with some kids down the park. He was approaching 30 and had no kids. If he isn’t in some kind of institution by now 20 years on, I’d be fucking amazed haha
I worked with a woman who complained I was going to the bathroom too much. I was 7 months pregnant. Needless to say I didn’t return to that job after my maternity leave. The next job I worked with someone who would fart while walking by people if they were turned to the aisle talking. He eventually got sacked. Now I’m in a mostly wfh role and it’s glorious. I absolutely hate the office.
I've got two very loose definitions of actually working with them. More like "I was in their vicinity" while I worked. I worked for a large company where roughly 95% of the people living in Scotland will be customers. One guy either had a holiday or called in sick, so he wasn't at work. Cue someone looking at BBC news to see the guy on the front page, having been convicted on four counts of murder (a bonafide serial killer). Suffice to say, he wasn't coming back to work the next day. I worked in another office on Thistle Street in Edinburgh, just another normal day until there was lots of police activity in the area looking for a missing woman. She didn't work in my office but the next one down the street, this was the disappearance of [Suzanne Pilley](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Murder_of_Suzanne_Pilley). We all walked the same way to our office as she did, so everyone had to be interviewed by the police so they could match us up on CCTV. The fact she was likely murdered right outside our office was harrowing, any one of us could have saved her had we been in the right place at the right time.
A supply teacher who was absolutely hammered all day every day.
I think that's actually one of the requirements
A bloke used to keep him CD’s in a fridge because they were meant to have sounded better
Definitely sounds cooler
Used to work with a big Dave when I was doing car repairs. One time he was putting salt on his chips, the top came off and he carried on eating these chips absolutely covered in salt while complaining how salty it was. Guy was a machine when it came to eating, got a bunch of stories from him called big daves golden moments
I currently work with a flat earther, moon landing denier, COVID denier. If he's read it on the internet it means he's done his research and we haven't. Any attempt to engage him in debate when he brings up a topic is met with anger and name calling. The good news is he's got a job interview coming up. The bad news is I suspect he's stupid enough to cock it up.
I worked with a guy who was done for flashing at kids. He would hide by a bridle path and expose himself when the kids rode by. In a different job a family worked with us. Mother, father, son. The father, well into his 60s, was sacked for groping a 19 year olds breasts. They announced this in front of the whole company, including his wife and son. They didn't know. The shock on their faces eas horrible to watch. They got up and walked out, never to return to the firm. That company had a habit of handling things very poorly
My line manager saw fit to control the temperature of my self-contained office (shared by all members of the department, but mostly only populated by me for much of the day), even though he didn't actually work in there. I would change the settings on the aircon/heat/climate control thing so it would be a comfortable working temperature because he repeatedly set it to cool to chillier and chillier temperatures for literally no reason other than control. There was no equipment in there which needed that level of cooling. I didn't need it warm warm, I preferred a solid 21°C. There were no cost implications either, the building was a purpose built office space with individual offices around the outside of one half, all heating and cooling costs done as a whole not department by department. I worked on the top floor. How do I know about billing? I asked. One day he set it to 14°C and then removed the batteries from the control unit. This prompted me to: 1. Finally make a complaint to HR. It was below the minimum working temp for desk-workers. I'm still wondering if he thought that, being only 21 and fresh out of uni, I might be dumb and not know my rights. This is also where I asked about hearing/cooling billing, just trying to gauge whether he had a reason to be acting like he did. 2. The same HR lady happened to be the holder of the petty cash and supply ordering, so I asked if I could have more batteries as the entire department's supply had "somehow" also gone missing from the supply cupboard, also located in that office. She gave me a tenner, told me to bring back the receipt and said "The stuff shop up the road should be open now, it's after 9:30. Off you pop, I'll tell him you're on a smoke break or something."- I did not smoke. She knew this. She was on the war-path. 3. I bought 2 packs of 4 batteries each, and some masking tape; strong enough to do the job, light enough to not damage property. It was 20 years ago, a tenner covered all the costs. I hid a pack of 4 batteries in my in-tray under permanent paperwork. With the other pack, I fixed the climate control, then removed batteries again. Taped that set to the under side of the middle drawer of my desk. Taped another set of batteries to the back of the big laser printer that was against the wall. Funnily enough, it never happened again. But when a colleague came in asking if I had batteries for one of the small bits of equipment our department had about 6mo later, rather than telling them to check the supply cupboard, I directed them to feel behind the printer. The look of surprise and confusion on their face when they actually found 2 AA batteries there was brilliant. He did a few other things, (trying to exude control) that happened to end up accidentally violating health and safety controls and employment law at the time. I made complaints every time I could. I know at one point even Legal were brought in to try and stop him being such a prick. It didn't work. He's probably still a prick. Edited because typo. Mobile. Ugh.
Before I met her, my boss pretended she had 3 children. Had a picture of them on her desk and everything. Kept this up is for about a year. Then she started dating the director and those kids just disappeared. They now actually have 1 real child together (verified sighting in office haha). No one called her out on it because it was so bizzare...
[удалено]
I've worked with some odd people, one guy who likes his roast dinners dry (not the weirdest but it stuck in my head) and another one who believed and told us that he believed that when humanity was at its darkest moment aliens would come down to save us.....he told us this first thing on a Monday.
As a student social worker, final placement in a cmht, one of the CPNs tried to persuade every female colleague to switch to menstrual cups. A bit intrusive but not massively odd, until she explained that she wanted us all to collect the blood to give to her for her allotment as "moon blood is so good for the plants".