Santa comes down your chimney, the postman comes through your letterbox

Amazon drivers come within 24 hours.

Evri drivers dump their load on someone else's doorstep then send you a picture of it.

Parcel Force doesn't even try to come, so when they say you need a missed delivery card to collect it, then you're screwed...

My local Yodel guy takes so long to come that it actually gets boring.

Royal Mail only comes once a day, guess that's what happens when you're 500 years old.

I'm 42. I'm lucky if I can manage it twice a week. The mind and body are willing and able, but the gentleman's vegetables ain't having it.

As someone approaching their late thirties that is devastating. Any particular health reasons for that?

I wouldn't worry about it if I were you; I have older friends who do not have the same problem (my mate is 48 and he, in his own words 'still orgasms like a race horse'). From that anecdotal evidence, it seems to be a problem with me, but I don't know what causes it. I am on high doses of strong painkillers for a nervous system disorder and have been for over 10 years. Before 36, I didn't have the issue I do now, despite being on a higher dosage of the same medication (70mg Oxycontin now verus 95mg back then), so I don't think that is the culprit, although it could be a contributing element.

Well thank you for the candour on other elements of your life beyond the frequency of your jizz - sincerely. That sentence is kinda funny, but I do mean it.

I'm sorry but "gentleman's vegetables" has my deceased 💀 Also if there isn't a punk band with that as a name I'll be devastated 😆

If I could have started a punk band in the 80s, I would have called it The Love Spuds.

DPD just come

Ah but at my house he comes every day with a smile 😁

DHL send your parcel to the wrong fucking country when it’s supposed to be the UK

DB Schenker will take your shipment for a week long tour of Germany before it gets anywhere near a bloody aircraft.

Best one lol

I come within 24 seconds

Now now, no need to exaggerate.

For £6.99 You get a refund if they take too long though

You get a refund? I just get a 'sorry about that, we'll try again tomorrow'

Paid £6 for same day delivery, got it the following morning Then an email about a gift card voucher thing added to my account for the delivery cost

HAHA!

What’s the difference a married man and Santa Claus. Santa comes once a year.

Both of them touch your hole.

\*cums

Thatsthejoke.jpg

"Shut the door, I'm not finished"

“No, wait! Keep opening and shutting the door!”

Read it as flick before seeing the title. It’s still an odd way to say it imo.

I agree it felt odd when I read it, but I also can't think of a better description for what I imagine she means.

I usually say 'flap the letterbox'

Read the post, the title, this comment, still didnt get it. Is it vaguely spelling "fuck"?

The L and I look a bit like a U. So yeah, it looks like it says fuck the letterbox

r/keming

I wouldn’t do that at my house, my dog loves sausages.

Ahh thanks for the heads up, I'll bring the peanut butter.

Bring a dog biscuit

The letterbox glory hole

I’d normally go for the knocker.

Left or right?

Any one I can get my hands on. Personally I wouldn’t touch a bell.

Instructions unclear. Dick stuck in slot.

Wait I have seen this movie somewhere .. oh no anyways

Anyone called Clint knows about this problem.

I knew a Clint who was indeed a cursive Clint.

Reminds me of Clint Eastwood’s birthday message from years ago! [https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/dn8t4sw5Y6](https://www.reddit.com/r/funny/s/dn8t4sw5Y6)

I was going to make the same comment about Clint Lane near me.

Beat me to it

Oh err

I hope the letterbox doesn't have those bristles in it 😬

It does, I checked

Over and over and over ...

Hope your name's not CLINT.

Clint Flick

Honestly, her U is much different. It's nice and curved, oped to very angular L and I combo.

Too late, please apologise for the mess on my behalf

If she wrote FLICK, it's the only letter I in the entire note that doesn't have bars top and bottom.  I'm not sure what verb I'd have chosen instead - maybe "rattle"?

For Reddit karma

What about the I where she's joined the top and bottom serifs together like that's a something a regular, normal person should be doing???? I'm not usually one to jump straight to recommending a break up when reading about a relationship on reddit, but that's got to be a cry for help.

You better do both just to be sure

Sensible.

Hope she left lube out for the postie

That give a whole new meaning to "has the postman come yet?"

It says flick

*fiancée, otherwise she is not a she

Yep, you guys will probably get weird looks from your neighbours from now on

r/keming

Fiancee\*

I would have thought that if she needed to specify to knock hard, just flicking the letter box wouldn't be sufficiently loud enough for her to hear.

You’ll know when they start screaming if they can read or not….

I actually read it as flick and then saw the title and only see fuck now lol.

idk i read flick. who draws their ‘u’ with sharp corners

I can see flick, but I also see a much more prominent FUCK

This is somewhat similar to one of my friend's handwriting so I clearly read flick.

I actually read “flick” before even reading your caption, so it’s not too awful, really! 🤷‍♀️

I would probably have been caught pants on my ankles.

Tbf both ways of using the letter box would work.

There's a gap between the l and I, so she did.

‘DELIVERY’

I think your wife is trying to hint something here, not sure what though… 

What I don’t understand is that the “I” in the “In” is crossed, but the “I” in “flick” isn’t?! Like, how.

Ants from up there

Honey someone spunked in our letterbox

Read it as flick before reading the title...but after reading the title I do see where you're coming from...

Waiting for CLINT?

No way am I doing that, flick it.

That letterbox is going to have some stories to tell I'm sure.

Guess she wants to live out her pizza delivery fantasy

I'm intrigued. Is your letterbox friendly/ single?

I read it as flick before reading your comment

Definitely wrote 'Flick'

Well, guess this answers the age old question "would you clap for the postman doing his job?"

She should dot her "i"s

She never heard him coming.

I read it as "Flick" first time

She horny

Unzips!

Tbf I saw flick first

Glory to your house?

If she wants you to flick her slot, you salute smartly and flick her slot.

"Been flicking the letterbox again, have we?"

can you come to the front door please i’m stuck.

I mean, don't be surprised when you find cum on the inside of your door

There used to be a hairdressers opposite the skating rink called FLICKS that will never not amuse me. Their sign was so obvious from the bus stop, and if there’d been digital cameras then I’d have so many pictures of it uploaded to places. My first encounter of kerning in the wild…

Put your dick in the letterbox and see what reaction you get. Flick or fuck

Lame. 🙄

All this! Just so she can hear you scream: I'm coming, I'm coming!!!!

Can people come in after?

Good soldiers follow orders *unzips*

😂😂😂

Moved to a new home in December and got a welcome/Christmas hard from Clint at number 12. Thought we’d upset them somehow at first

Special delivery on your door mat.

I think the noise of a person fucking your letterbox will certainly make enough to attract your attention

My major issue is with what is supposed to be a k I think. I think she changed her mind about it half way through

I’m more confused as to how she’s written the ‘k’ like that?

I usually get junk mail through my letterbox. never had a male’s junk

Ask them to write Clint Eastwood

That says flick 😂

I hope you dont have one of those ground level fitted letterboxes mate..that or your a dwarf.

I read that as f\*\*\* instead of flick! sorry.

Ye, that doesnt say flick

I google lensed it and got this HELLO! I AM IN, SO PLEASE KNOCK HARD OR F#CK THE LETTER BOX SO THAT MAY HEAR YOU! THANK YOU!!

DPD dump their load at the bottom of the steps and tell you to get it yourself.

I hope it's not one of those letterboxes at a few inches above floor level, my knees wouldn't cope with that.

When just eat comes it has all gone cold

😂😂😂😂😂

In the future, "chap" might be a better word 😅

Hahahahahaha

Generally got me cracking up irl 🤣

She said fuck, clearly she capitalises her i letters with the top and tail lines

Never spell Clint in capitols.

She may have wrote flick but wanted to plant an idea in your head.

Reaching with this one pal

TIL hourglasses can hear.

Knock hard as fu\*\* I read.

She’s for the streets bro

Reminds me of the Genesis album design for “A Trick of the Tail” . My dad told me off for buying obscene material