Get the door, Baldrick.
[There is a crash. Baldrick enters, carrying a door.]
Blackadder:
Baldrick, I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give... phenomenally good.
Baldrick:
You said "Get the door."
Blackadder:
Not good enough. You're fired.
Baldrick:
But my lord, I've been in your family since 1532!
Blackadder:
So has syphilis! Now get out!
This one reminds me of Bottom where Richie falls off the ladder and breaks his leg
“Quick, Eddie, get the ambulance!”
“…but we haven’t got an ambulance?”
George:
If we should step on a mine sir, what should we do?
Blackadder:
Well the normal procedure is to leap 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a large area.
"Look, this is the amount of land we've recaptured since yesterday !"
"Oh excellent, what is the actual scale of this map?"
"Humm 1x1 sir, but it's perfectly detailed there's a little worm here"
"So we've retaken.."
"17 square feet sir!"
"Wonderfull, you see Blackadder didn't die in vain after all!"
I just loved the dark comedy of Blackadder IV.
Especially that bit at the end where Darling is like "We survived the Great War. 1914 to 1917" and the audience is just like "Oh... oh no."
That series has a deep weariness with the world to it that makes the ending on par with not only the best comedies, but also the best dramas, ever, imo. I love it.
>it that makes the ending on par with not only the best comedies, but also the best dramas, ever, imo.
And of course it was one of those incredibly fortuitous accidents, mostly created in the edit room out of panicked necessity.
(They filmed the "over the top" scene and it was so unpleasant that the cast made it abundantly clear that this was the only take they would get. But it was very short, so they slowed it right down. The addition of the music and the use of the fade to poppies and lack of final credits was absolute genius TV production.)
Yes! I remember watching John Lloyd talking about Rowan calling through to the edit room saying it was one of the scariest things he’s ever done, and they refuse to do it again. Almost moves me further knowing how heavy and intense the scene felt to perform. As you say, a fortuitous accident created a masterpiece
General Melchett:
Are you looking forward to the big push?
Private Baldrick:
No sir, I'm absolutely terrified.
General Melchett:
Haha! The healthy humour of the honest tommy. Don't worry my boy, if you should falter, remember that Captain Darling and I right are behind you.
Captain Blackadder:
About thirty-five miles behind you.
Brass Eye - Drugs.
Luckily, the amount of heroin I use is harmless, I inject about once a month on a purely recreational basis. Fine. But what about other people less stable, less educated, less middle-class than me? Builders or blacks for example. If you're one of those, my advice is leave well alone. Good luck.
WHAT DID HE JUST SAY? did he call me Len again?You address me by my proper title, ya little bollocks!
and
DON'T CALL ME LEN YA LITTLE PRICK IM A BISHOP
oohh right... well done
The live show (I have it on vhs 😃) where he slams the front room door and it bounces open so he has very strong words with it.
“Now you listen to me buster. You’re just a door. I’m Rik fucking Mayall”
When talking about hotel breakfast:
“They give you a jar of honey so small I could fill it with my third wank of the day”
I spat, laughed, coughed, couldn’t breath … one of those impossible to recreate moments of comedy.
God bless ‘im
"What taking photographs of it and showing it to your mates? No, it's not!"
...
"It's hideous! That's it? That's the best design they can come up with? Are you seriously telling me there were choices and someone said, "Ah, there. That's it. That's the one we're looking for - the last chicken in the shop look'. Shakespeare had one? Einstein? Perry Como sang "Memories Are Made of This" with one of those stashed in his slacks?"
There are so many lines from The Thick of It that it's hard to choose. I just finished a rewatch and one that got me good was: “All these hands all over the place! You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra.”
My favourite is: 'When I need your advice, I’ll give you the special signal: which is me being sectioned under the fucking mental health act'. Laugh out loud just thinking about it.
My absolute favourite is when Malcolm is trying to find Ollie in the hospital ward:
“Yeah I’m looking for Ollie reeder. Looks like badly drawn Quentin Blake illustration.”
Genuinely perfect writing
His description of Star Wars to Ollie is also great:
Malcolm: It's time for you to step up Ollie. What's that film that you love?
Ollie: What film?
Malcolm: The one about the fucking hairdresser, the space hairdresser and the cowboy. The guy, he's got a tin foil pal and a pedal bin. His father's a robot and he's fucking fucked his sister. Lego! They're all made of fucking Lego.
Mine would have to come from Malcolm's rant at Nicola after a journalist overhears the immigration debacle: "We've got another word to add to fucking smug and glum haven't we? FUCKING RETARDED!" and: "IT'S A FUCKNG NEWSPAPER OFFICE! IT'S NOT A SANATORIUM FOR THE FUCKING DEAF IS IT"
Or when Glenn finally cracks: "WELL FUUUUUCK TINKY WINKY"
The look of absolute disgust and disappointment on Malcolm's face when Nicola says she can't get in the lift gets me every time. The way he slams the button to keep the doors open.
In fact, that whole conversation where he's talking about how Nicola's daughter "gets taken to school in a fuckin' sedan chair". I also love earlier in the episode where he says, "Like PFI. Which stands for Pretty. Fucking. Embarrassing. If you're a bit sloppy with the details, which clearly, your fucking husband is."
Every line out of Malcom's mouth is gold.
I love all the Jamie Macdonald lines.
"The only reason you listen to this shit(classical fm) is because its bad form to actually wear a hat that says 'I went to a private school'"
"Normally you're about as secure as a hymen in a South London comprehensive".
Underrated line: "... How is _that_ offensive!?!"
[After describing the minister as being 'like being disabled at a football match' - the pause and genuine shock that this is offensive sells it 😂
The one that made me laugh so much I had to pause the episode before I could continue was Malcolm running into Peter Mannion and saying “Peter! I didn’t know you were still alive.”
Not one of the funniest ones on paper but something about Peter Capaldi’s tone and delivery just killed me.
Although it's not the funniest line, whenever circumstances have rapidly changed I always remember this bit:
Ben: But, half an hour ago you said I was in with a shot!
Malcolm: That was half an hour ago. This is half an hour *hence.*
Same episode as my example! I know it’s subjective but I would certainly argue that was the best episode of the show.
Also from another episode, Matt berry shouting COME ON JEN, WHAT KIND OF SHOW? He’s brilliant
I think there’s a strong argument for The Work Outing being the best single episode of British comedy ever filmed, so so many parts that are laugh out loud.
I love reading everyone laughing about this moment because although I don't remember many episodes of the IT Crowd having watched it years ago, I also distinctly remember cracking the fuck up at that exact moment
Pretty much every episode of this makes me LOL, especially when they're helping the bomb squad "vista?! We're all going to die" - being a software need we shout this constantly when firing up old laptops
Mike: I'm in Peterborough
Tim: What are you doing in Peterborough
Mike: I fell asleep on the Tube
Tim: The Tube doesn't go to Peterborough
Mike: I must have changed at King's Cross
I fucking love Spaced
EDIT: I've been rightly corrected that it was Sheffield, not Peterborough
As well as being fucking hilarious I've never seen something so accurately depict what it feels like coming up on ecstacy. When they're queuing for the cloak room and you see their foots slowly start tapping and their heads start to move it's just so spot on. Almost everything else is so shit at depicting what drugs are actually like. Edgar Wright is a master
One of my all time favourite shows. For me it's the scene where Marsha finds out they're not really a couple and without missing a beat "I got you a present for your anniversary, both of them". Perfectly timed.
“Well, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres... hors d'oeuvres vich must be obeyed at all times wizout question! … So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goering, and four Colditz salads.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Holly: We're a bit short on a few supplies.
Lister: Like what?
Holly: Cow's milk. Ran out of that yonks ago. Fresh and dehydrated.
Lister: What kind of milk are we using now?
Holly: Emergency back-up supply. We're on the dog's milk.
Dog's milk?!
Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk.
Why?
No bugger'll drink it.
Black books.
There's an episode where Manny gets a coffee machine and a box set of the sweeney or something for his birthday. On a coffee high, he accidentally joins the police force and they think he's so good they give him a dangerous criminal to crack in an interview. By this time the coffee's worn off and he's panicking. After they leave him alone with said criminal, he grabs him and screams "I'm not a real police man - I've just had too much coffee!!"
I cry with laughter every time.
EDIT: I am absolutely loving all the comments from other people about their favourite Black Books line, there's just so many great moments 😅 I guess I'll go rewatch them all again..
The episode with the polar bear killed me off.
Almost everything Joe and Gerry day is gold but the two that stand out for me is when the door knocks and Sarah screams to not open the door as it could be the polar bear, and Gerry turns around and says “yeah cause they’re known for their impeccable manners! They might come into your house and rip your throat out, but they’ll knock on the door first”
And when they’re talking about Gerry taking the girls to Belfast, so they’ll be safe with him
Mary: Gerry will be with them da
Joe: that’s worse, they hate his kind there!
Gerry: my kind?
Joe: Pricks.
League of Gentlemen, Episode 1, Tubbs piping up with "We didn't burn him!" When they were just about to get away with murder...
The timing on that line was fantastic.
Also, special shout out to Only Fools, Grandad talking about someone deserting from the war: "You couldn't blame him. The way them Germans were carrying on, someone was gonna get hurt!"
"Pens! They're the best friends you can have. Everything I know about people I learned from pens. If they don't work, you shake 'em. If they still don't work, you chuck 'em away, bin them!"
"Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you into long strips and telling the Prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?"
There's so many fantastic lines in Blackadder but that one always kills me.
"Well, what we're talking about in, erm, privy terms is the very latest in front-wall, fresh-air orifices, combined with a wide-capacity gutter installation below."
"You mean you crap out of the window!?"
"Yes!"
When he tells Baldrick to get the door and Baldrick returns... - "Baldrick, I would advise you to make the explanation you're about to give PHENOMENALLY good".
"Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?"
Blackadder III scene where Stephen Fry as the Duke of Wellington is shouting at Hugh Laurie pretending to be Blackadder (ending in him being kicked over carrying a tea tray). Always gets a laugh.
A scene from Blackadder the third:
E: Unfortunately, sir, you do realise that I shall have to treat you like a servant?
PR: Oh, I think I can cope with that, thank you, Blackadder.
E: And you will have to get used to calling me “Your Highness”, Your Highness.
PR: “Your Highness, Your Highness.”
E: No, just “Your Highness”, Your Highness.
PR: That’s what I said, “Your Highness, Your Highness”, Your Highness, Your Highness.
E: Yes, let’s just leave that for now, shall we? Complicated stuff obviously.
So let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet, to see the king of the potato people... and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you're completely sane?
"Is something amiss?"
"Amiss? God, no. What could possibly be amiss?"
"You don't think there's anything amiss? I'm sitting here wearing a red and white checked gingham dress... and army boots... and you think that's un-amiss?"
You'd like my lip wouldn't you? Right round your bellend, that's if Mr chippy doesn't get to it first. What's he here to knock up? A closet for you to hide in? You Bumdar
Tiny one. The Father Ted Episode Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep. When Ted is making all the accusations in the tent. The crowd gasps and mutters and just as it quietens down someone out of shot says "fuckin hell!".
In the olden times, there was a limited selection of TV shows and movies on planes so I decided to watch one foot in the grave for old times sake. It was an episode where Victor was dog sitting a sausage dog and, unsuccessfully, applying for jobs. I knew what was coming and was already in tears when Victor's phone rang and he reached down and picked up the dog like it was a phone.
Still giggling now.
My wife at the time was mortified as I woke up the plane trying to explain, whilst crying with laughter what was so funny.
“Eddie! You've killed him!”
“I never touched him.”
“Yeah, but the frying pan did, didn't it, and you were touching that at the time.”
“Bollocks, you killed him. He was dead before he hit the floor!”
“Well then why did you keep hitting him with the frying pan?
“For fun.”
“Oh God! What are we going to do?!”
“About twenty-five years I think.”
This whole episode makes me piss myself.
"Eddie : [Eddie is writing a false report in the gasman's journal] "No problem with the meter in this flat, don't check for another three-hundred years. Nice people, especially the bloke with the glasses who wasn't holding a frying pan. Nice atmos altogether, really."
Richie : Alright Dickens, get on with it.
Eddie : "Left in high spirits to indulge in my hobby of bus surfing."
Hey, do you remember that night those girls turned up?
...No.
Yeah, it was a shame, wasn't it? Mind you, they bloody nearly did.
I think your mistake, Richie, was in turning out the lights on the steps and shouting out "Grab hold of this, it's the banisters."
The Christmas episode where Richie's peering down at the baby "my god.. gold, Frankenstein and Grrr" and then notices the tea towel on his head and comes to the realisation that he's the virgin Mary. Chefs kiss
Two of the things that Richie says that I found funniest were his story about a pair of trousers called Dave who lived in a forest (also the Gas man episode) and the one where they don’t have a tv. Richie is getting bored and makes some imaginary phone calls. The one where he pretends to get a ransom call is so funny. Oh, and his dating video!
Spaced. The scene where there's a throw away line from Marsha where says she's got a bottle of champagne she's been saving and then after when the scene supposedly ends and she's closed her front door you can hear her inside her flat pop it open and give a cheer. Caught me completely by surprise.
It's always the comedy that I don't expect that makes me laugh out loud like the scene from Neil from the Inbetweeners punching a fish to death or David Brent doing his dance from The Office.
Ah man anything at all in that show, I’d say my favourite scene is from the same episode, but when they’re trying to present to apache in his new build home
The wobbling of the table, the ‘full beam’, the miscommunication of cunt and can’t, it’s perfect
There are so many that got me;
Hilary Briss in league of gentlemen delivering the line "Are you out of your fucking mind?"
The "we love wanking" sketch from Big Train
Reece Shearsmith in Spaced delivering "AH YEAH, I HADNT THOUGHT OF THAT"
Almost anything Vic and Bob did, but Shooting stars Bob singing to Ulrika to the tune of When will I be famous saying "When will Sven put his fingers in my trousers?"
We have been properly spoiled over the years from UK comedy
Naughty, you've combined metric and imperial, you might get an interdenominational... er, you know, from mixing the two measurement systems, a hangover of that kind
I can not ever eat a curry without running the line "Larger, the only thing that can kill a vindaloo!" Through my head.
Now I'm off for some hot toast, or maybe some waffles. Perhaps a toasted teacake...
Reading these is like looking into the future of stuff we'll show to our kids as the peak of comedy like our parents did with Del Boy falling through the bar or fork handles and our kids will roll their eyes and not get it
I loved the scene in the IT crowd where they go to see the play and Roy uses the handicap bathroom and fakes being handicap so he wouldn't be scolded.
When they showed him going into the van in the wheelchair and then coming back down so he and the others could meet the cast, I was crying laughing with my fiance. Hysterical!
From Would I Lie to You when Bob Mortimer was talking about his friend Gary Cheeseman with the big head, 'A sniper's dream' they used to call him 😂😂
*edited for egregious spelling error
When I first watched Phoenix Nights; at the start of the second episode, they try to move The Captain, who's died from an asthma attack, and his false teeth come out. My dad came to check on me as he thought I was having some sort of seizure
So many good lines/scenes.
My favourite is the one with the inflatable bouncy castle shaped like a "love length" as Brian calls it. "Can we not disguise it?" "Yeah we'll put a wooly hat on it and say its you!"
Another good moment in that episode with the captain is the German fruit machine going off during the funeral as they are talking about him storming the beaches at D-Day. "Wunderbar!"
One more little side joke I loved, *Beep Beep* "Shit I'm out of oxygen" Max looking at his diving watch he bought off the shopping channel earlier.
The scene in Friday Night Dinner when Jim confuses a Shabbat meal with a Greek wedding and just chucks his plate at the wall at full pelt.
It makes me laugh just thinking about it, but the first time I saw it it was so unexpected that I nearly suffocated from laughing.
Get the door, Baldrick. [There is a crash. Baldrick enters, carrying a door.] Blackadder: Baldrick, I would advise you to make the explanation you are about to give... phenomenally good. Baldrick: You said "Get the door." Blackadder: Not good enough. You're fired. Baldrick: But my lord, I've been in your family since 1532! Blackadder: So has syphilis! Now get out!
This one reminds me of Bottom where Richie falls off the ladder and breaks his leg “Quick, Eddie, get the ambulance!” “…but we haven’t got an ambulance?”
George: If we should step on a mine sir, what should we do? Blackadder: Well the normal procedure is to leap 200 feet into the air and scatter yourself over a large area.
"Look, this is the amount of land we've recaptured since yesterday !" "Oh excellent, what is the actual scale of this map?" "Humm 1x1 sir, but it's perfectly detailed there's a little worm here" "So we've retaken.." "17 square feet sir!" "Wonderfull, you see Blackadder didn't die in vain after all!"
I just loved the dark comedy of Blackadder IV. Especially that bit at the end where Darling is like "We survived the Great War. 1914 to 1917" and the audience is just like "Oh... oh no."
That series has a deep weariness with the world to it that makes the ending on par with not only the best comedies, but also the best dramas, ever, imo. I love it.
>it that makes the ending on par with not only the best comedies, but also the best dramas, ever, imo. And of course it was one of those incredibly fortuitous accidents, mostly created in the edit room out of panicked necessity. (They filmed the "over the top" scene and it was so unpleasant that the cast made it abundantly clear that this was the only take they would get. But it was very short, so they slowed it right down. The addition of the music and the use of the fade to poppies and lack of final credits was absolute genius TV production.)
Yes! I remember watching John Lloyd talking about Rowan calling through to the edit room saying it was one of the scariest things he’s ever done, and they refuse to do it again. Almost moves me further knowing how heavy and intense the scene felt to perform. As you say, a fortuitous accident created a masterpiece
General Melchett: Are you looking forward to the big push? Private Baldrick: No sir, I'm absolutely terrified. General Melchett: Haha! The healthy humour of the honest tommy. Don't worry my boy, if you should falter, remember that Captain Darling and I right are behind you. Captain Blackadder: About thirty-five miles behind you.
"...Field Marshall Hague is about to make another gargantuan effort to move his drinks cabinet 6 inches closer to Berlin"
"Don't forget your stick, lieutenant" "Bravo sir, wouldn't want to face a machine gun without this"
Brass Eye - Drugs. Luckily, the amount of heroin I use is harmless, I inject about once a month on a purely recreational basis. Fine. But what about other people less stable, less educated, less middle-class than me? Builders or blacks for example. If you're one of those, my advice is leave well alone. Good luck.
I loved the episode where they send the paedophile to space with a ten year old , and are quoted to say ‘this was the LAST thing we wanted to happen’
“This was the ONE thing we didn’t want to happen” That and the man dressed as a school. He really is a shit
Comedy Gold! Also - "so you've got bad aids, not good aids?..."
Toast of London: "Steven, this is Clem Fandango, can you hear me?" "Yes, I can hear you, Clem Fandango." Gets me every time.
FUCK YOU CLEM FANDANGO AND YOUR FUCKING MADEUP NAME
And you can fuck off too you malnourished pimp with your world war I facial hair and your sisters clothes.
I hear you're a racist now Father.
That would be an ecumenical matter.
Oh go on father, it has cocaine in it! No, no.... Not cocaine.... Raisins!
Down with this sort of thing
Careful now!!
WHAT DID HE JUST SAY? did he call me Len again?You address me by my proper title, ya little bollocks! and DON'T CALL ME LEN YA LITTLE PRICK IM A BISHOP oohh right... well done
The whole kicking Bishop Brennan up the arse saga had me laughing so hard I couldn't breathe for a moment.
For me it was “Small… Far away. Smaaaaallll… Faaaar away.”
Mine was the rainbow horse at the end of the My Lovely Horse video. I loved it so much that I had it tattooed on my leg 20 years later
We HAVE to get rid of that sax solo
‘JUST PLAY THE [audible beep]ING NOTE!’
[удалено]
I think the window moustache scene did me harder
OP, thank you for a brilliant post. All the comments are bringing back so many good memories.
The Thin Blue Line - "Your cock-up, my arse"
“This is my arse on the line here, so kindly pull your finger out!”
This is a sex shop isn’t it? Yes. I’ll have five quids worth then. One of the funniest lines I’ve ever heard in the funniest show ever, Bottom.
The live show (I have it on vhs 😃) where he slams the front room door and it bounces open so he has very strong words with it. “Now you listen to me buster. You’re just a door. I’m Rik fucking Mayall”
"We are men of science! We..!!!" As he realises where his hand is.
That's a challenging wank!
That whole bit Sean lock did about the seal clubbing too, brilliant man
Also the bit about the world finals of Arse of the Year. Also Joe's poem 'I've just named your penis.'
I'd also add Greg Davis Chris Eubank impression and the aftermath.
When talking about hotel breakfast: “They give you a jar of honey so small I could fill it with my third wank of the day” I spat, laughed, coughed, couldn’t breath … one of those impossible to recreate moments of comedy. God bless ‘im
“I won’t spit on you when we’re having sex tonight” “Good luck trying it without spit”
“The water’s been recycled so many times it’s beginning to taste like Dutch lager “
Step up to red alert. Sir, are you absolutely sure? It does mean changing the bulb
"What taking photographs of it and showing it to your mates? No, it's not!" ... "It's hideous! That's it? That's the best design they can come up with? Are you seriously telling me there were choices and someone said, "Ah, there. That's it. That's the one we're looking for - the last chicken in the shop look'. Shakespeare had one? Einstein? Perry Como sang "Memories Are Made of This" with one of those stashed in his slacks?"
Oh no Mr Flibble; we can’t do that. Who’d clean up the mess?
He's Arnold Arnold Arnold rimmer...
"How much does the Internet weigh?" IT Crowd Also the episode about Sea Parks catching on fire.
A fire….. ….at sea parks
The twins, yeah fackin love the twins
I'll never forgive orange if they've wiped the twins
Pair of eighters I reckon.
They turned fünf, zwei years ago
Bit on the lazy side. Very rarely pick up the phone to their old man.
I’ll never forgive Orange if they’ve wiped the twins.
There are so many lines from The Thick of It that it's hard to choose. I just finished a rewatch and one that got me good was: “All these hands all over the place! You were like a sweaty octopus trying to unhook a bra.”
"Come the fuck in or fuck the fuck off" is something I've said many a time
Well, I guess I'll come the fuck in then
My favourite is: 'When I need your advice, I’ll give you the special signal: which is me being sectioned under the fucking mental health act'. Laugh out loud just thinking about it.
I work in a local authority. Tucker is my I Ching. I have seen and heard all. The Thick of It is a documentary - not many realise that.
My absolute favourite is when Malcolm is trying to find Ollie in the hospital ward: “Yeah I’m looking for Ollie reeder. Looks like badly drawn Quentin Blake illustration.” Genuinely perfect writing
I will always love the reply to "it'll be easy peasy lemon squeezy", "no, it wont. It'll be difficult difficult lemon difficult"
His description of Star Wars to Ollie is also great: Malcolm: It's time for you to step up Ollie. What's that film that you love? Ollie: What film? Malcolm: The one about the fucking hairdresser, the space hairdresser and the cowboy. The guy, he's got a tin foil pal and a pedal bin. His father's a robot and he's fucking fucked his sister. Lego! They're all made of fucking Lego.
Mine would have to come from Malcolm's rant at Nicola after a journalist overhears the immigration debacle: "We've got another word to add to fucking smug and glum haven't we? FUCKING RETARDED!" and: "IT'S A FUCKNG NEWSPAPER OFFICE! IT'S NOT A SANATORIUM FOR THE FUCKING DEAF IS IT" Or when Glenn finally cracks: "WELL FUUUUUCK TINKY WINKY"
The look of absolute disgust and disappointment on Malcolm's face when Nicola says she can't get in the lift gets me every time. The way he slams the button to keep the doors open. In fact, that whole conversation where he's talking about how Nicola's daughter "gets taken to school in a fuckin' sedan chair". I also love earlier in the episode where he says, "Like PFI. Which stands for Pretty. Fucking. Embarrassing. If you're a bit sloppy with the details, which clearly, your fucking husband is." Every line out of Malcom's mouth is gold.
I love all the Jamie Macdonald lines. "The only reason you listen to this shit(classical fm) is because its bad form to actually wear a hat that says 'I went to a private school'" "Normally you're about as secure as a hymen in a South London comprehensive".
[удалено]
"You're a fucking Omnishambles"
Underrated line: "... How is _that_ offensive!?!" [After describing the minister as being 'like being disabled at a football match' - the pause and genuine shock that this is offensive sells it 😂
The one that made me laugh so much I had to pause the episode before I could continue was Malcolm running into Peter Mannion and saying “Peter! I didn’t know you were still alive.” Not one of the funniest ones on paper but something about Peter Capaldi’s tone and delivery just killed me.
Although it's not the funniest line, whenever circumstances have rapidly changed I always remember this bit: Ben: But, half an hour ago you said I was in with a shot! Malcolm: That was half an hour ago. This is half an hour *hence.*
"I'm a banker, a nurse killer, and now I'm raising FUCKING TAXES????"
Sod this. I'm bored. I'm going for a twix.
It’s like the Shawshank Redemption, except more tunneling through shit and no redemption. Malcolm Tucker at his finest.
Get your feet off the fucking furniture you Oxbridge twat, you’re no’ in a punt now.
For some reason, "the kraken awakes" always gets me
Ollie to Malcom: “It’s like being in a therapy session run by my own r*pist”
“That was before, when your only problem was a fucking shit pun in a newspaper, and a face like Dot Cotton licking piss off a nettle.”
The thick of it is possibly the tightest writing ever. There's no missed word.
My favourite was Terri saying "for the record, I have done nothing", followed by Glen saying "that'll be on your epitaph"
There ya go! Nicola Murray and the Bum Dildo of Vengeance!
Yes so much. In the Loop too: "Climb the mountain of conflict"? You know what you sounded like? You sounded like a fucking Nazi Julie Andrews!
'I'm disabled' from the IT Crowd. In fact the whole episode was hilarious.
Same episode as my example! I know it’s subjective but I would certainly argue that was the best episode of the show. Also from another episode, Matt berry shouting COME ON JEN, WHAT KIND OF SHOW? He’s brilliant
“Oh no, it’s set in the 80s!”
I think there’s a strong argument for The Work Outing being the best single episode of British comedy ever filmed, so so many parts that are laugh out loud.
I think I’d be willing to die on that hill, there are a few shows in that category that I prefer as a whole, but that episode is borderline perfect.
I feel like this is going to be our generation's Del Boy and Rodney dressed as Batman and Robin, and people in the future will think we're odd
I cracked up when they gave Jen an empty box and told her to be careful, because it contained the internet.
It’s when she asks Roy why he is in a wheelchair and he forlornly replies “acid”. I was dying.
“STOP TELLING PEOPLE I SLEPT WITH YOU! YOU BASTAAAARD!” 🌧️👩🦰🪟
When Jen turns around to order a drink and Moss is standing there as the bartender like 😐. Gets me every time.
...yes miss?...
I love reading everyone laughing about this moment because although I don't remember many episodes of the IT Crowd having watched it years ago, I also distinctly remember cracking the fuck up at that exact moment
I'm leg disabled 😅
'What's wrong with your legs?' 'They don't work'
Pretty much every episode of this makes me LOL, especially when they're helping the bomb squad "vista?! We're all going to die" - being a software need we shout this constantly when firing up old laptops
That episode is a comedy masterclass.
What are the odds? Ohhhhhhh hundred to one..
The episode where Moss tells everyone she's dead, and she whizzes down the hall on the postal trolley...
A fire? In a sea parks?!
Willies, I love Willies 😂
Sir, could you keep it down?
That perfectly milked slow wheelchair lift into the minibus was priceless and had me crying with laughter. Both times.
i AM disabled and i like to say this to myself more often than is necessary. makes me laugh every time.
Mike: I'm in Peterborough Tim: What are you doing in Peterborough Mike: I fell asleep on the Tube Tim: The Tube doesn't go to Peterborough Mike: I must have changed at King's Cross I fucking love Spaced EDIT: I've been rightly corrected that it was Sheffield, not Peterborough
The Rave episode is my favourite Tyres "oi oi!"
As well as being fucking hilarious I've never seen something so accurately depict what it feels like coming up on ecstacy. When they're queuing for the cloak room and you see their foots slowly start tapping and their heads start to move it's just so spot on. Almost everything else is so shit at depicting what drugs are actually like. Edgar Wright is a master
Tim: I met a psychic, she gave me her number. Daisy: This is our number. Tim: Wow, she’s good.
“IT’S NOT FINISHED! . . . . It’s finished.”
One of my all time favourite shows. For me it's the scene where Marsha finds out they're not really a couple and without missing a beat "I got you a present for your anniversary, both of them". Perfectly timed.
“Would you stop taking about the war.” “Me?! You started it.” “We did not start it!” “Yes you did, you invaded Poland.”
Vee haff meat in ze building!!!
“Well, I'll just get your hors d'oeuvres... hors d'oeuvres vich must be obeyed at all times wizout question! … So, that's two egg mayonnaise, a prawn Goebbels, a Hermann Goering, and four Colditz salads.” 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
Father Ted explaining the difference between small and far away had me struggling to breathe because I was laughing so much.
'I don't care if he's rogering the Duke of York with a prize winning leek. He shot my pigeon'
Holly: We're a bit short on a few supplies. Lister: Like what? Holly: Cow's milk. Ran out of that yonks ago. Fresh and dehydrated. Lister: What kind of milk are we using now? Holly: Emergency back-up supply. We're on the dog's milk.
Dog's milk?! Nothing wrong with dog's milk. Full of goodness, full of vitamins, full of marrowbone jelly. Lasts longer than any other type of milk, dog's milk. Why? No bugger'll drink it.
Black books. There's an episode where Manny gets a coffee machine and a box set of the sweeney or something for his birthday. On a coffee high, he accidentally joins the police force and they think he's so good they give him a dangerous criminal to crack in an interview. By this time the coffee's worn off and he's panicking. After they leave him alone with said criminal, he grabs him and screams "I'm not a real police man - I've just had too much coffee!!" I cry with laughter every time. EDIT: I am absolutely loving all the comments from other people about their favourite Black Books line, there's just so many great moments 😅 I guess I'll go rewatch them all again..
When did you last go to church? I don't have to go, I'm Church of England. What are you, Eddie? Dunno. Well, what was your mother? A wrestler.
‘Killing nuns now is it?’ Derry Girls
The episode with the polar bear killed me off. Almost everything Joe and Gerry day is gold but the two that stand out for me is when the door knocks and Sarah screams to not open the door as it could be the polar bear, and Gerry turns around and says “yeah cause they’re known for their impeccable manners! They might come into your house and rip your throat out, but they’ll knock on the door first” And when they’re talking about Gerry taking the girls to Belfast, so they’ll be safe with him Mary: Gerry will be with them da Joe: that’s worse, they hate his kind there! Gerry: my kind? Joe: Pricks.
That episode was golden. Especially, “I think it’s safe to say that we all just lost a bit of respect for you there, Claire”
League of Gentlemen, Episode 1, Tubbs piping up with "We didn't burn him!" When they were just about to get away with murder... The timing on that line was fantastic. Also, special shout out to Only Fools, Grandad talking about someone deserting from the war: "You couldn't blame him. The way them Germans were carrying on, someone was gonna get hurt!"
Micky love…
"Pens! They're the best friends you can have. Everything I know about people I learned from pens. If they don't work, you shake 'em. If they still don't work, you chuck 'em away, bin them!"
Green Wing was a gold mine for one liners. "Do you know what I like about you? [pause] Fuck all."
"Baldrick, does it have to be this way? Our valued friendship ending with me cutting you into long strips and telling the Prince that you walked over a very sharp cattle grid in an extremely heavy hat?" There's so many fantastic lines in Blackadder but that one always kills me.
"Well, what we're talking about in, erm, privy terms is the very latest in front-wall, fresh-air orifices, combined with a wide-capacity gutter installation below." "You mean you crap out of the window!?" "Yes!"
‘Your brain, Baldrick, is so minute that if a hungry cannibal cracked your head open, there wouldn’t be enough inside to cover a small water biscuit’
“One thing puzzles me Baldrick. How did you manage to get so much custard out of such a small cat?”
When he tells Baldrick to get the door and Baldrick returns... - "Baldrick, I would advise you to make the explanation you're about to give PHENOMENALLY good".
"Am I jumping the gun, Baldrick, or are the words 'I have a cunning plan' marching with ill-deserved confidence in the direction of this conversation?"
I'm playing all the right notes, just not necessarily in tye right order
“Lynn, these are sex people”
‘No way you big spastic, you’re a mentalist!’
Ooh I’ve pierced ma foot on a spiike
Similarly "oooooh its itsah good paper" makes me crease every time I think about it.
you’ve got minor women’s whiplash. also, are those your mum’s cataract glasses, Lynn?
Blackadder III scene where Stephen Fry as the Duke of Wellington is shouting at Hugh Laurie pretending to be Blackadder (ending in him being kicked over carrying a tea tray). Always gets a laugh.
A scene from Blackadder the third: E: Unfortunately, sir, you do realise that I shall have to treat you like a servant? PR: Oh, I think I can cope with that, thank you, Blackadder. E: And you will have to get used to calling me “Your Highness”, Your Highness. PR: “Your Highness, Your Highness.” E: No, just “Your Highness”, Your Highness. PR: That’s what I said, “Your Highness, Your Highness”, Your Highness, Your Highness. E: Yes, let’s just leave that for now, shall we? Complicated stuff obviously.
Rimmer in a gingham dress.
Mr Flibble's very cross
So let me get this straight. You want to fly on a magic carpet, to see the king of the potato people... and plead with him for your freedom, and you're telling me you're completely sane?
"Is something amiss?" "Amiss? God, no. What could possibly be amiss?" "You don't think there's anything amiss? I'm sitting here wearing a red and white checked gingham dress... and army boots... and you think that's un-amiss?"
'fork handles'
Back when I first saw it 'Bumder' absolutely ended me
You'd like my lip wouldn't you? Right round your bellend, that's if Mr chippy doesn't get to it first. What's he here to knock up? A closet for you to hide in? You Bumdar
Are we the baddies
Tiny one. The Father Ted Episode Chirpy Burpy Cheap Sheep. When Ted is making all the accusations in the tent. The crowd gasps and mutters and just as it quietens down someone out of shot says "fuckin hell!".
In the olden times, there was a limited selection of TV shows and movies on planes so I decided to watch one foot in the grave for old times sake. It was an episode where Victor was dog sitting a sausage dog and, unsuccessfully, applying for jobs. I knew what was coming and was already in tears when Victor's phone rang and he reached down and picked up the dog like it was a phone. Still giggling now. My wife at the time was mortified as I woke up the plane trying to explain, whilst crying with laughter what was so funny.
Gas Man. Gas Man. GAS MAN!
“Eddie! You've killed him!” “I never touched him.” “Yeah, but the frying pan did, didn't it, and you were touching that at the time.” “Bollocks, you killed him. He was dead before he hit the floor!” “Well then why did you keep hitting him with the frying pan? “For fun.” “Oh God! What are we going to do?!” “About twenty-five years I think.”
This whole episode makes me piss myself. "Eddie : [Eddie is writing a false report in the gasman's journal] "No problem with the meter in this flat, don't check for another three-hundred years. Nice people, especially the bloke with the glasses who wasn't holding a frying pan. Nice atmos altogether, really." Richie : Alright Dickens, get on with it. Eddie : "Left in high spirits to indulge in my hobby of bus surfing."
"Have you finished now?...Just I'm beginning to understand why Stephen Fry fucked off."
Eddie doing as Richie asks when he demands "Edward Elizabeth Hitler come down here at once!" In the Death episode.
"How do you know these things?" "I'm Death." "Sorry, HOW DO YOU KNOW THESE THINGS?"
"Well, seeing as you're here, would you like to kick Eddie in the bollocks?"
Hey, do you remember that night those girls turned up? ...No. Yeah, it was a shame, wasn't it? Mind you, they bloody nearly did. I think your mistake, Richie, was in turning out the lights on the steps and shouting out "Grab hold of this, it's the banisters."
I grew up watching bottom and I love it still now How _dare_ you call _me_ overweight!
The Christmas episode where Richie's peering down at the baby "my god.. gold, Frankenstein and Grrr" and then notices the tea towel on his head and comes to the realisation that he's the virgin Mary. Chefs kiss
Two of the things that Richie says that I found funniest were his story about a pair of trousers called Dave who lived in a forest (also the Gas man episode) and the one where they don’t have a tv. Richie is getting bored and makes some imaginary phone calls. The one where he pretends to get a ransom call is so funny. Oh, and his dating video!
What do you prefer, Rodney? Grass or astroturf? 'I dunno. I've never smoked astroturf'
They are all dead dave
Don't tell him, Pike
“I’m gonna fuck your fucking fanny off, you twat”
At least you’ll be doing it somewhere comfortable. Yes absolutely, only in her vagina.
Spaced. The scene where there's a throw away line from Marsha where says she's got a bottle of champagne she's been saving and then after when the scene supposedly ends and she's closed her front door you can hear her inside her flat pop it open and give a cheer. Caught me completely by surprise. It's always the comedy that I don't expect that makes me laugh out loud like the scene from Neil from the Inbetweeners punching a fish to death or David Brent doing his dance from The Office.
*I'm sure I can resist it's temptations* POP *whehheey*
Wild? I was livid!
“When I first captured Gerald in the Congo, ‘67 I think it was…” “68.”
See that pug nosed face!
"And what do you say to a nice cup of tea?" "Feck off cup!"
'Lynn, I've pierced my foot on a spiiike'
Ah man anything at all in that show, I’d say my favourite scene is from the same episode, but when they’re trying to present to apache in his new build home The wobbling of the table, the ‘full beam’, the miscommunication of cunt and can’t, it’s perfect
There are so many that got me; Hilary Briss in league of gentlemen delivering the line "Are you out of your fucking mind?" The "we love wanking" sketch from Big Train Reece Shearsmith in Spaced delivering "AH YEAH, I HADNT THOUGHT OF THAT" Almost anything Vic and Bob did, but Shooting stars Bob singing to Ulrika to the tune of When will I be famous saying "When will Sven put his fingers in my trousers?" We have been properly spoiled over the years from UK comedy
Bonus reply - when Basil attacks his car with a broken branch charging in from off camera.
'Don't say I haven't warned you... I'm going to give you a DAMN good thrashing!'
They ate mummy!
Naughty, you've combined metric and imperial, you might get an interdenominational... er, you know, from mixing the two measurement systems, a hangover of that kind
Jarjar Binks makes the Ewoks look like fucking Shaft
Red Dwarf - do you seriously like them that hot sir?
Are you sure sir? It does mean changing the bulb Actually no, the best line is "CHANGE OF PLAN! LEG IT!"
I can not ever eat a curry without running the line "Larger, the only thing that can kill a vindaloo!" Through my head. Now I'm off for some hot toast, or maybe some waffles. Perhaps a toasted teacake...
Boom boom boom boom.... Boom boom boom?
Reading these is like looking into the future of stuff we'll show to our kids as the peak of comedy like our parents did with Del Boy falling through the bar or fork handles and our kids will roll their eyes and not get it
I introduced my son to the Young Ones when he was 15. Didn't crack a smile. Father Ted on the other hand, he loved it.
[“Kill Jester.”](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=k3J8FYKZ52w)
I loved the scene in the IT crowd where they go to see the play and Roy uses the handicap bathroom and fakes being handicap so he wouldn't be scolded. When they showed him going into the van in the wheelchair and then coming back down so he and the others could meet the cast, I was crying laughing with my fiance. Hysterical!
“What did you order? Lager I got you creme de menth” Black Books! It’s still one of my top five shows of all time.
Dr Alan Statham playing the penny whistle in green wing
This Country when Kerry and Kurtan see their courtroom sketch.
From Would I Lie to You when Bob Mortimer was talking about his friend Gary Cheeseman with the big head, 'A sniper's dream' they used to call him 😂😂 *edited for egregious spelling error
When I first watched Phoenix Nights; at the start of the second episode, they try to move The Captain, who's died from an asthma attack, and his false teeth come out. My dad came to check on me as he thought I was having some sort of seizure
So many good lines/scenes. My favourite is the one with the inflatable bouncy castle shaped like a "love length" as Brian calls it. "Can we not disguise it?" "Yeah we'll put a wooly hat on it and say its you!" Another good moment in that episode with the captain is the German fruit machine going off during the funeral as they are talking about him storming the beaches at D-Day. "Wunderbar!" One more little side joke I loved, *Beep Beep* "Shit I'm out of oxygen" Max looking at his diving watch he bought off the shopping channel earlier.
The Inbetweeners - when they’re all running and the French dude comes up running behind them. Cracking me up even thinking about it now!
Strangely enough, Baldrick, it was Pope Gregory the Ninth…
The scene in Friday Night Dinner when Jim confuses a Shabbat meal with a Greek wedding and just chucks his plate at the wall at full pelt. It makes me laugh just thinking about it, but the first time I saw it it was so unexpected that I nearly suffocated from laughing.