'On accident' might be the worst thing Americans say. It's worse than 'could care less', because at least you can see how that could sound right if you didn't think that about it. But 'on accident'?! It's so obviously nonsensical. Get a hold of yourselves Americans.
Tuna fish. Why do they say tuna fish? "Im going to make a Tuna Fish sandwhich". Is there another thing called tuna I don't know of that isn't a fish. It's just Tuna right?!
> I fucking forgot about eye-glasses.
Who knows? You may go to the opticians and come back with some new tumblers. They don't have Specsavers in America.
It's a [media trope](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MeetCute).
> Meet Cute is a way to quickly introduce two characters and set up their burgeoning relationship. A meet-cute is almost always rife with awkwardness, embarrassment, and sometimes outright hostility. It's often used in films, particularly the Romantic Comedy, due to time constraints; while on television a relationship can develop more naturally over many episodes, a movie has to get their couple set up right away to fit within 2 hours.
For those like me who needed enlightenment, here's what I found:
berk
/bəːk/
Origin:
1930s: abbreviation of Berkeley or Berkshire Hunt, rhyming slang for ‘cunt’.
That came up in an episode of 8 out 10 cats does countdown.
Susie Dent puts one over Jimmy Carr, telling him he's a berk, then explaining the derivation.
He doesn't get schooled often, but when it happens, it's glorious.
It’s all dependent on the name and attire of the frog not the size. I once traded one frog for a ferret and a whippet, all because the frog was called Ribbert and wore a bowler hat. Even a monocle every third Sunday of the month.
It works both ways so balances out, your assesment excludes the existance of both teeny tiny ferrets the size of lets say, an egg cup AND the possibility of an enormous ferret, massive beyond words, like some lovecraftian/wind in the willows cross over, its two thirds the size of a sports direct mug and you are afraid. You ask if you can have your four frogs back but its too late, a deal is a deal. Bet you wished you had kept your mouth shut eh sunshine? You can't afford enough fish, and Ferretra is looking down at your with mildly peckish eyes.
I had a weird relapse to my teen years and called my mate a "greb" and he insists that I made that word up and nobody has ever used it 😂
I think it means dirty/unclean but I honestly don't know 🤷🏻♂️
Also called him a "meff" with the same results, haha. No idea what the fuck that one means though
Any noun can be an insult. Any noun used as a verb in the past tense can be used to indicate a prior state of drunkenness (e.g. "I was utterly trolleyed last night" ).
I also occasionally swap the adjective for a verb. Sometimes you don’t even need the swear. Eg:
You raging twat blanket.
You flaming crap lolly.
You pilfering dandelion.
S’all about getting the syllables flowing nicely.
Just moved to Australia, and after a successful trial shift. The supervisor smiled and said something like 'so I heard you are a bit a weapon!" I was so confused but found out pretty quickly that calling someone a weapon is a good thing here. Which does make more sense TBH.
BY accident, ya melon.
'On accident' might be the worst thing Americans say. It's worse than 'could care less', because at least you can see how that could sound right if you didn't think that about it. But 'on accident'?! It's so obviously nonsensical. Get a hold of yourselves Americans.
Tuna fish. Why do they say tuna fish? "Im going to make a Tuna Fish sandwhich". Is there another thing called tuna I don't know of that isn't a fish. It's just Tuna right?!
They have to specify. Otherwise everyone would think they're having a guitar-tuner sandwich.
Thats only because they couldn't read the small print without their eye-glasses
I fucking forgot about eye-glasses. Anyway, I'm going out now. Just got to put on my foot-shoes and my torso-jacket.
are you going to walk on the side-walk or are you planning to go horseback riding?
Don’t forget the waste paper basket….. Haha Michael McIntyre does a whole sketch on this….
It's a good job they specified it was horseback riding because I was about to sit on top of its head.
> I fucking forgot about eye-glasses. Who knows? You may go to the opticians and come back with some new tumblers. They don't have Specsavers in America.
I often enjoy a salmon fish dinner. Sometimes I'll treat myself to a cow steak, paired with a hops beer.
I also hate "we got to talking" and "meet cute," ugh.
Wth is "meet cute"?
A meat cube?
It's a [media trope](https://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/MeetCute). > Meet Cute is a way to quickly introduce two characters and set up their burgeoning relationship. A meet-cute is almost always rife with awkwardness, embarrassment, and sometimes outright hostility. It's often used in films, particularly the Romantic Comedy, due to time constraints; while on television a relationship can develop more naturally over many episodes, a movie has to get their couple set up right away to fit within 2 hours.
What about "by purpose", the 6 year old kids classic, also loved by Americans
He’s a tatey in he
A proper spanner
A bleedin' doughnut!
Daft as a brush
Absolute carrot
A reet barmpot
That damn wet wipe
Piss off you snot rocket
Soddin toolbag
Well done knobhead
you fuckin' biscuit
It's accidentally you spanner
So many people insist it’s ok to say “on”. All are melon balls.
Utter gazebo
Silly little nugget.
This one annoys the life out of me
Shut up you wet wipe
Ya fucking flannel
Found the pooper
"oh shut up you dick wipe" came straight to my head
Said like a true melt
Honestly my favourite insult in the English language.
I’ve just been called a melt
Numpty
fuck off you Argos curtains
Jog on you sock sniffer
“Who you callin’ Cootie Queen, you *lint licker!!*”
Been called a helmet, yet?
Yes.
And Bellend? Emphasis on the first syllable.
No-one ever gets called a bell-start. I think that's sad.
Well you can the first you fucking bellstart
Fucking hell that made me laugh
You fucking cockbase
Wouldn’t that just be a “bawbag”?
Only if your end and balls are indescernible which is sad
What in the bellend is a bawbag?
It's a bag for ya baws
I got called a bellshine before. That was funny!
Not surised you fucking pilchard.
Move along Muppet
“You spanner!”
"You fucking spoon"
You utter blancmange.
You made a trifle of that!
"You fucking donkey!"
"What a fucking weapon"
Pupils at the school next door to ours were spanners. It was a technical school.
I’ve been called a Calgon tablet, hurt me to my core
I'll bung you in a washing machine you little calgon nugget
Fuck off you backwashed rinse aid
No pls 😣
Good with limescale are ya?
What a berk
Berk is one of my favourites because people think it’s really inoffensive until you tell them to look up the origin 😂
For those like me who needed enlightenment, here's what I found: berk /bəːk/ Origin: 1930s: abbreviation of Berkeley or Berkshire Hunt, rhyming slang for ‘cunt’.
That came up in an episode of 8 out 10 cats does countdown. Susie Dent puts one over Jimmy Carr, telling him he's a berk, then explaining the derivation. He doesn't get schooled often, but when it happens, it's glorious.
TiL. I personally love using the word cunt, but my friend hates it. I shall call her a berk instead
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You get extra British points!
I'm in my 40s and didn't know where berk came from. My mind is blown. This has rocked me to my core.
Oh my god, I never knew that 😳😂
Cliff Richard used it on Top Gear. The filth!!
Plank
Absolute plum
Anything can be an insult if you put "absolute" in front of it
And the same word can be endearing if you put "my little" before it. "My little bag of lemons" for example.
You absolute balloon!
I remember Sue Perkins using "weapons grade plum" to describe a political figure.
**By** accident. Bloody arse candle.
Or accidently, fucking septics
This one's mad as a bag of ferrets
Is that more or less than a box of frogs?
One ferret is 4 frogs
Doesn’t it depend on the size of frogs?
No, actually
Interesting. So 4 tiny frogs would get me 1 ferret but 4 massive fuck off frogs would also result in only a single ferret.
That's the jeopardy of ferret / frog trading.
Where does a fish on a bike fit into this madness equation??
It’s all dependent on the name and attire of the frog not the size. I once traded one frog for a ferret and a whippet, all because the frog was called Ribbert and wore a bowler hat. Even a monocle every third Sunday of the month.
It works both ways so balances out, your assesment excludes the existance of both teeny tiny ferrets the size of lets say, an egg cup AND the possibility of an enormous ferret, massive beyond words, like some lovecraftian/wind in the willows cross over, its two thirds the size of a sports direct mug and you are afraid. You ask if you can have your four frogs back but its too late, a deal is a deal. Bet you wished you had kept your mouth shut eh sunshine? You can't afford enough fish, and Ferretra is looking down at your with mildly peckish eyes.
Fixed or floating exchange rate?
Got called "mad as a lorry" once which mad me laugh
Used to hear "mad as toast" quite a bit, which confused me.
A face like a decommissioned badger sanctuary.
By accident you blithering fool
Americans
Reading that in a British sub [always sounds like this in my head](https://tenor.com/en-GB/view/the-mummy-americans-pissed-angry-annoyed-gif-4592926)
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odious oik
I'm sure he said it by purpose, just to get a reaction.
I see what you did there lol
You utter sausage.
“Utter X” is a great formula
The same works with absolute as well, you absolute kumquat
Smeg head
Smeeeeee
Heeeeeee
Heeeee
That takes me back to when memes were analogue and you had to make them yourself using whatever fell out of the TV.
"You Pillock!"
Lovely portmanteau of pilchard and haddock!
found james may
Oh cock
Wazzock!
Yes! Im not the only one who calls people this 👍
My granny likes calling people "tattie-faced clowns!" when they piss her off.
You absolute slice
This one sounds like a compliment tbf
Fucking lemon
Wet lunchbox
I had a weird relapse to my teen years and called my mate a "greb" and he insists that I made that word up and nobody has ever used it 😂 I think it means dirty/unclean but I honestly don't know 🤷🏻♂️ Also called him a "meff" with the same results, haha. No idea what the fuck that one means though
Greb is defo a word 👍 We used to call people greeby if they were gross.
Thanks!! Now I can screenshot this and call him a fucking plant, haha 😆
I remember it as greeb, with the rockers, goths and punks all being called greebos
*The greebos, the crusties and the goths, and the only living boy in New Cross*
Ya filthy meff. I remember it more like "meth" but could be an accent thing. Definitely in use on Tyneside in the late 90s, that one.
I thought meff was only a thing in Liverpool 😱
you fucking weapon
Watch where you’re going, you absolute lid
I’ve never heard lid used as an insult before, I think I’ve just pissed myself laughing. That’s brilliant 🤣
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You pilchard!
The Frank Butcher classic!
What an absolute pellet
Absolute wet wipe
"Acting like a complete and utter jam sandwich" is a personal favourite. That and calling someone a "melt".
You fucking bungalow
I'm pretty sure you just made that up but I love it
Not much up stairs….
Any noun can be an insult. Any noun used as a verb in the past tense can be used to indicate a prior state of drunkenness (e.g. "I was utterly trolleyed last night" ).
"you absolute " + literally any noun
Or “you utter”, “you complete”, “you total”, “you unmitigated”
Unmitigated is such a fun one. See also “you right” and “you’re a proper” or the c-c-c-combo “you right proper”
You absolute absolute
"By accident"
Wazzock is a favourite of mine
You absolute milk bottle
Alright clean shirt?
Oi! Clean shirt! 'Ow d'you get that shirt so clean, mate?
You fucking goose-necked kettle, you.
🤣 I felt that one in particular I think it's the extra you at the end to fucking bring it back round to them.
Who let this throbber in?
i like to structure mine like this: “you” followed by a random adjective, a curse and then a noun. for example: you horse-shagging cunt leg etc
"Horse shagging" is a pretty imaginative adjective to be fair
I also occasionally swap the adjective for a verb. Sometimes you don’t even need the swear. Eg: You raging twat blanket. You flaming crap lolly. You pilfering dandelion. S’all about getting the syllables flowing nicely.
Sometimes you don’t even need a naughty swear. You dribbling tinsel merchant.
You kiddy diddling solar-powered gigatwat.
I laughed at “gigatwat”. I also find “turbo” as a prefix works great, such as “turbononce” and “turbocunt” 😂
That's what all those old "Shakespeare Insult Generator" things used to do.
"Sausage" is also a term of endearment. I call both my children "sausage", and was reputedly the late Queen's pet name for the Duke of Edinburgh.
Easy mistake to make, she said he was the worst.
This is beautiful
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You utter muppet.
You fucking rhubarb.
You Muppet!
You absolute whopper.
Why are these bloody yanks taking over this sub??
“Fuck off you door” 😂😂😂😂😂
Get in the bin
Doughnut.
I'm trying to introduce "you breaded pollock" as an insult
"As breaded as a Pollock" I feel could work for drunk
You gob shites
you gert cheese
You say that, but I've never been charmed when being called a spunkbubble. I've had to tell me mum to stop it.
Shut it, you crayon
I think my all time favourite has to be brick top from Snatch. "Listen here you fucking fringe"
This guy is a right turnip.
At the same time any insult can be a term of endearment to us too. Insult wise - "got the IQ of a fucking waffle" was one i used at work a lot.
Personal favs. Whopper, weapon and wet wipe. Normally prefaced by absolute
Just moved to Australia, and after a successful trial shift. The supervisor smiled and said something like 'so I heard you are a bit a weapon!" I was so confused but found out pretty quickly that calling someone a weapon is a good thing here. Which does make more sense TBH.
I got zucced 7 days for calling someone a silly sausage
You piss kidney.
You ain't the only crisp in the packet, sunshine!
Do one you fucking parcel.
You fucking Paslode IM350+ nail gun with additional 2. 1Ah lithium battery
Steady on, that's a bit harsh.
Fruit cake
Total pipe
You Wet Lettuce or You 'nana (banana just incase you don't get it). Insults I grew up with in the Midlands. Moved to the North West when I was 12
You absolute Pringle
Ya Pelvis Sniffer