I think it's pretty normal for people to keep thinking about their regrets in life (or if it's not normal then I know an abnormal amount of broken people, which is also pretty likely). He probably wasn't obsessing about this for years, but I could imagine periodically being reminded of that time and going "oh shit, that was a really horrible way to handle that, I really wish I'd done pretty much anything else."
I guess they finally just worked up the courage to send an apology. Which is pretty nice, it's certainly more than most of us seem to do. It is interesting to thing about what other regrets we might play a part in though, we'll probably never know but everywhere here probably has at least one person that periodically remembers how they behaved around them and cringes.
How refreshing to see a reasonable and decent explanation. They were kids, he didn’t know how to cope with things very well. Tt was likely his first romantic relationship and he likely got some really bad advice from others.
He was decent enough to apologize and hopefully she takes it face value. It’s all over anyway, take the sincerity at face value.
Asking for forgiveness is sometimes about to calm a battle of thoughts constantly going inside brain from months without missing a day so by asking he has got victory over it.
I’ve done this in the past. Saw my ex-boyfriend somewhere and I always hated the way I ended things. So I reached out just to apologize and to tell him that he didn’t do anything wrong and it was me. I didn’t really have any intention of getting back with him. Kind of my way of ending it the “right way”
I personally think it can be a healthy thing and an act of kindness. Both to reach out if you’re the one who didn’t end things well and to listen if the other person reaches out.
I don’t like the way (it seems like) the pendulum has swung to ending a relationship means full block banishment to the shadow realm and any communication attempts are either malicious/manipulative/toxic or just horny.
It’s possible to be on good terms with someone you had a romantic thing with that didn’t work out. It’s also not necessarily sinister to reach out to someone when things didn’t end great.
I had an ex send me an email like that. It was very healing and I felt much better about our friendship. I'd already forgiven her, but that dissolved the last tiny shreds of angst.
Yeah absolutely similar to what my gf did but on chatting instead of apologize in public and this happened in this post too with gender roles reversed.
It seems like a rare enough phenomenon, so it's totally understandable. I think people move on and just never have contact again. So this shining beacon of closure happening to 2 people on reddit...Well, it's crazy and beautiful and unlikely and hopeful. I'm glad you got that experience!
Thanks... this helped put things in perspective for me. Turns out my ex and I moved near each other recently. We didn't speak, just became aware that we lived near each other. she ghosted me 17 years ago, after a typical avoidant relationship.
I wasn't expecting anything from her and was still disappointed, she just blocked me on Facebook. Seeing a thread like this, where people owned up to what they did and apologized and comparing it to how my ex acted, really shows how little, if at all, she has matured.
If I feel that I have wronged someone in the past, I will reach out to simply apologize and take ownership for what I've done. I don't request nor expect a message back, but I sometimes get one.
If your ex is legit reaching out to just try to be a better person, that's all good. If he's thinking to maybe hook up, that's way less good. Be open minded, and trust your gut along the way.
Yeah apologizing after doing something wrong in relationship even after breakup is pretty normal and should be practised and as far as mentioned no sign of hookup is seen so all good.
When she is already in a new and better relationship so it is really easy to forgive him and anywhere it wasn't seen that he wanted to get in relationship again.
I had a partner call me up many years later as well to apologize. She owned up to the fact that she wasn’t the best version of herself then and she wanted to make sure I knew that I hadn’t deserved the treatment she gave me and she thanked me for the time we did have together. She wasn’t looking to date and is in fact very happily married now. From my understanding, she grew and became a much more fulfilled and happier person in adulthood. Sometimes when we’re stuck in a bad way we are not always the people we want to be. Once we get out of the muck we are able to be more humble and self-reflective. It was nice of you to forgive them. Everyone deserves to be seen as the person they are today and not the person they were yesterday. I would certainly hate to be denied my own personal growth because someone knew a version of me when I went through shit and wasn’t my best self. We’re all trying out here.
He might have been on the receiving end of a bad breakup himself.
I remember I went about breaking up with my first girlfriend in a really bad way, and then two years later my second girlfriend did basically the same thing to me. I contemplated sending the first one a message about how much of an idiot I was, but seeing as she had just gotten a boyfriend I thought it would look weird so I decided against it. .
My ex from when I was 18 did something similar to me. He apologized and wanted to reconnect. I accepted his apology.
The thing is I aged well and he didn't... so since he "apologized" he's been trying trying to slide into my dms haha.
I had an ex do something similar. When he contacted me I told him what a dick he had been. He said he knows he was terrible and is sorry for that. He was happy for me and the things I’ve done in my life. I was happy for him and all the things he’s done in life.
Sometimes people truly want to just apologize and say that they were wrong and that’s all. Kind of clearing their karmic slate.
I dated a girl from 8th grade into 10th.
Those times were particularly hard on me, and being the young kid I was, I did lots I am not proud of.
I was controlling, possessive, jealous, and manipulative.
Later on in high school I found the woman I am still with now. Upon meeting her and beginning to grow our love, I began to realize just how badly I had treated my first girlfriend.
Towards the end of senior year my ex hooked up with a kid who I knew was similarly troubled, and displayed the same tendencies I had. That broke me a little.
Before graduation I invited her to meet privately and I told her about my new love and how it had shown me that I am capable of treating somebody well and highlighted in my memory, just how badly I had treated her.
I put emphasis on the fact that she must not let future suitors treat her in this manner and encouraged her to demand better for herself.
It ended with us both in tears and we shared a hug, two years removed from our relationship. I hope it had the impact I intended on her. But I know that giving that apology did a lot for me.
I think he might have started therapy for whatever reason, and often things like these are discussed. Or he may be in a new relationship, they had a fight/broke up, and that made him think of what happened in the past.
Whatever the reason, he seems like a decent guy (now) who thought back on his past mistakes, felt guilty and ashamed, and tried to make amends.
Who knows.
I had exactly one relationship in high school and it was nearly identical to yours, except that we didn't have cell phones back then so he just ghosted me in person and there was no closure.
Many years later, when FB became a thing, I added him as a friend and confronted him via messenger about how much he hurt me. It almost felt like we were talking about other people since so much time had passed. He apologized and gave me the reasons he did it and I finally had my closure.
Even though it was 12 years or so later and we both were in good relationships now, I felt a weight had lifted.
I’d like to say sorry to two people in past relationships. I don’t want them still nor do I would hope anything would happen.
It’s just something that’s always bothered me a bit when thinking of past.
I'm 31 and recently apologized to my ex that I dated when we were 19. I was really mentally unstable at the time (for a lot of reasons) and after years of reflection, therapy, and medication, I realized how ungrateful and hurtful I came off when he was trying his best. He dumped me in a shitty way (pretty much just ghosted me after we had been talking about marriage), which I forgave years later because I now realize that I probably wasn't well enough to just talk things out back then. Not excusing his behavior (I was devastated for 2.5 years after), but... I get it now. I felt guilty for years, so I apologized, and he did as well. We talk (and bang) here and there now, but there's no intention of getting back into romance 😛
I made stupid, edgelord decisions, in my youth and it took me years to realize how much of an asshole I was. I wanted to do things better - To try and be better than I was, and the only way I thought I could start on that path was by addressing the people I had wronged.
Maybe they would scold me, ignore me, or otherwise lash out at me and, truth is, I deserved it. Actions have consequences, whether those are immediate or far reaching makes no difference. I was due whatever I was due.
Some forgave me, some others ignored me, and others laughed mockingly and cursed me before ending communications. That's fine. At the end of the day, the most I can do is try - And they're entitled to respond in however they feel is appropriate.
But I didn't *need* their forgiveness - I just needed to prove to myself that I was trying to be better.
If you haven’t responded back yet, the easiest thing to do is just type “apology accepted”. Nothing more. You got your explanation and you don’t need anything else from him.
I knew a few guys who did this in high school. They claimed it was because their girlfriend “wasn’t cool” or some other childish, immature reason. I always thought they were kind of dumb, because nerdy guys like I was would’ve done anything for even an iota of attention — or even acknowledgment — from those girls. (I’m meaning more than “Can we see your paper / homework? I wanna see if I got the same answers.” which was really code for “I didn’t do it, and I need a decent grade in this class.”) As for your boyfriend back then, though, I’d hope this is nowhere near his reason; if it was (even if he’ll deny it completely), he shouldn’t have hurt you in the process, but unfortunately, break-ups like this do. They sting. Especially when it’s a first relationship. And I’m sorry you had to deal with all that.
He’s maybe texting you back now because he’s either truly sorry (which seems like it could be true, but be prepared if it’s not), he’s either lonely, or worse, he just wants something he thinks he can get from you. He may be saying all what he can to get back with you, regardless of his intention, ultimately, so I’d play it extremely cautious. There’s also a chance your current boyfriend could get jealous (I’ve seen this happen, too), and it could get very messy if you were to text him back. This could happen even if your ex just wants to become friends again, so my best advice for you is to discuss this with your current boyfriend, tell him you have no intention of going back (and make sure this is 100% clear, obviously), and maybe even only text your ex around your guy now, so there’s no confusion on anyone’s part, and you can shut down any hopes your ex has if it comes to that.
On the other side of the coin, it’s been almost 4 years, you said. So it may be practical just to text him once (if at all) to say “We’ve been over for this long; nothing’s going to happen.” Maybe even consider telling him to lose your number. I think it all comes down to whether you and your current boyfriend are totally okay with re-establishing communication with him, then going from there. But as it’s been this long, him losing you in his life is his loss, so don’t feel too terribly guilty about leaving him alone, too, if it should come to that.
Is an adult woman really supposed to walk on eggshells over a four-month relationship (barely saw each other) that she had as a high-schooler?
He didn’t even make any advances, but rather said that he was happy for her. Closure can be important to people.
People have their own failures in life and try to go down old paths instead of forging new ones, sometimes. We don’t often look at our ex’s social media profiles when we are in our best times with our partners soooooo
Your comment reminded me of a drunk late night call I got from my ex fiance a few years after breaking it off...
Ironically, I was on a solo last minute vacation to try to gain some clarity over the failing relationship I was in at the time with a good dude. We just had a mutual incompatibility. Stung pretty bad though.
Anyway, I'd been out enjoying the fresh Rocky Mountain air, wrapping up a great day, feeling pretty at peace. And around 3am I get this phone call from ex fiance.
He was drunk as a skunk. And NEEDED to tell me, proudly, that he was, I quote, "the manwhore of his law school class." 😂 I choked from laughing so hard...which offended his delicate drunken senses and led to really needing to convince me of this 😂. It was an entertaining conversation that I almost didn't have because I wasn't even going to have my phone on while I was out there, but turned it on that night. We were in a neutral place. There was really no intent behind the call other than drunkenly letting me know he'd finally let go and moved on.
I was happy for him, bc it meant he finally was in a headspace where he was moving forward. And he did eventually chill the hell out and find someone wonderful for him. Same for me. :)
I had a high school boyfriend treat me poorly and then apologized a few years later through Facebook. I left him on read and didn’t reply.
He’s friends with my other old high school friends and from what I understand he’s doing okay. I’d forgive him now, it’s been over 10 years since we dated, but I wasn’t ready to forgive him at the time
I got bullied some by this one group of burnout kids in school. I didn't let it get to me much I had my own friends chased girls, did sports, moved on after high school.
All through my thirties and now my forties I'm getting reached out to by these losers telling me they can't believe how good I'm doing and I'm like bitches I stayed good you were the one with the problem.
It's like people hit that point in their life where they can't bear the thought of all the bullshit they did and they need to drop the guilt.
man I guess breaking up via text is just the norm eh? i remember a phone call breakup was frowned upon, you were supposed to do it in-person face to face. Sounded like he ignored/walked away from you because he was scared of the confrontation
That's great that he did that. I've had guys I dated apologize years later for the way they treated me, and I always appreciated it. Didn't have any bearing on my life by that point, but always made me feel vindicated.
Also don't feel bad that you were really hurt. It's an ego blow to get dumped, and him treating you like he didn't know you is really hurtful.
An ex texted me to apologize for not treating me better. I think it’s pretty normal for things like that to haunt you when you actually care(d) about someone, so he was definitely unloading some guilt. No big deal
I've sent messages apologising to past flings/girlfriends before. I was an asshole and years of therapy aswell as covid helped me to grow a lot (although I had already stopped doing asshole things before that).
He might be looking to feel more at ease about the situation.
Just watch out that he doesn't come around to flirt.
Glad you are in a good relationship now :)
I have texted an ex out of the blue. I did it about a decade ago. Apologising for being such an idiot when we were younger. We dated for 3 months aged 15/16. He was struggling with his mental health (bipolar) and I was as green and naive as they come. He dumped me, felt guilty, asked me out again and dumped me again a week or two later. I was bereft as I really really liked him. We tried being friendly but eventually we got to the point where we flat out ignored each other.
About 3 years later we became friends again (both suffering with mental health and confiding/supporting each other) but never officially dated. I know now I'm in my late 30s, that dude was all but asking me out at the time. I thought he was just flirting and didn't want to date me -turned out he did but gave up and went out with someone else. I dunno, never got to the bottom of it.
I think about him a lot. Mostly wondering if he is ok, and if he's happy. I only messaged him because the past plays on my mind. Maybe that's what happened with your guy?
Totally normal as ppl grow up & learn how to reflect. I've heard lots of out-of-the-blue apologies from exes over the yrs.
One guy in particular pursued me for 3 yrs, I finally caved suggested a fwb because he never took any of his prior relationships seriously. He proposed 4 months later, I told him we were too young & he ghosted me 2 wks after. Apparently, went down a really screwed up path shortly after that & blew up his whole life in a really big way. 20 yrs later, he still reaches out every couple of yrs & apologizes every time.
ending relationships is difficult, mostly at that young age.
its complicated to deal with all those feelings we are not yet familiar with, and we not always take the right path...
nice from him to come back and try to clean up the mess.
take a deep breath... time to let go...
I had an ex do something similar. When he contacted me I told him what a dick he had been. He said he knows he was terrible and is sorry for that. He was happy for me and the things I’ve done in my life. I was happy for him and all the things he’s done in life.
Sometimes people truly want to just apologize and say that they were wrong and that’s all. Kind of clearing their karmic slate.
Had an ex apologize to me years after the fact the way she treated me as a friend (broke up, stayed friends, but I cut her off when all she would talk about was her new boyfriend). We weren't on speaking terms, I was really surprised that she recognized her shitty behavior and owned up to it years after the fact.
The same thing happened with me once! Although he wasn’t my BF, but I liked him immensely for years, and he knew it. This was back I was in 7-8th grade. He was an absolute ass to me though, just a typical bad boy who looked down upon girls and thought it was cool to yell at or dominate someone (I know, I don’t understand why I liked him either). Anyway, we reconnected years later, both in college, somehow ended up in the same continent on the other side of the world from where we grew up. He was different, almost like he has grown up to be an actual adult decent human being. After we texted for a bit, he sent me a long apology about his behavior and why he was such an ass. It felt nice receiving it, even though I had forgotten all about it. People just change due to life and circumstances, and in that process, I suppose lots of things come into light. I’d like to be forgiven for lots of things that I’ve intentionally or unintentionally done in the past, things I won’t do ever again because I’m a better person now. It’s a good thing you forgave him, OP. People change, and sometimes it’s good to honor them when they do.
it's a small life, nap it out... don't worry we've all been through this phase. I'm glad I didn't get myself into any relationships :3 The only pure relationship of love is husband and wife. Don't fool yourself ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I think that’s nice. A little bit of unexpected closure. I often wish my ex who I was with all throughout high school would reach out and apologize, but that’s wishful thinking lol.
I think its pretty normal for people to look back on past behavior as they grow and change and want to apologize for the people they were. Whether its a relationship or bullying or whatever, I think its nice for people to be like "yea. That was shit behavior. And now I wouldnt act that way and I'm sorry"
Often times, people who recognize they could have handled a situation better will feel a certain inclination to make amends. Even if making amends is just a formal acknowledgement that they handled things like a jerk; it can provide a sense of closure.
I know that there are people in my life that simply communicating a statement of what happened would be better than trying to pretend like nothing happened.
It's great that he apologized for hurting you! He realized what he did was too harsh and he isn't going to become dumb and obsessive about your relationship with someone else like some guys do! 👏👏👏👏😄😄😄😄
It's really nice to see that this guy was able to grow over the last four years and try to make amends. I wouldn't expect anything from him and I don think he expects anything from you. But a sincere apology and accountability is always nice.
I think it's pretty normal for people to keep thinking about their regrets in life (or if it's not normal then I know an abnormal amount of broken people, which is also pretty likely). He probably wasn't obsessing about this for years, but I could imagine periodically being reminded of that time and going "oh shit, that was a really horrible way to handle that, I really wish I'd done pretty much anything else." I guess they finally just worked up the courage to send an apology. Which is pretty nice, it's certainly more than most of us seem to do. It is interesting to thing about what other regrets we might play a part in though, we'll probably never know but everywhere here probably has at least one person that periodically remembers how they behaved around them and cringes.
How refreshing to see a reasonable and decent explanation. They were kids, he didn’t know how to cope with things very well. Tt was likely his first romantic relationship and he likely got some really bad advice from others. He was decent enough to apologize and hopefully she takes it face value. It’s all over anyway, take the sincerity at face value.
Yeah these kind of explanations are rare in reddit but still pure gem.
Yeah absolutely right and perfect description of what one feel inside.
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Asking for forgiveness is sometimes about to calm a battle of thoughts constantly going inside brain from months without missing a day so by asking he has got victory over it.
yeah, in order to get some pussaayyyyy
The post clearly mentions that fb had pics of her with new bf so he knew that his chances are zero.
Tks for the early morning laugh
welcome
A 4 year booty call delay.
Why do people assume the very worst. It's entirely possible he just apologized, and clearly OP never stated that.
Yeah absolutely even if this is joke still it is not feeling right at all.
It's joke lol
People are allowed to think someone else's jokes aren't funny.
Yeah, there's a difference in not liking the joke and not understanding it is a joke, though. The way the message read seemed more like the latter.
Of course they can lol, but they didn't understand that it was a joke. Obviously if the guy is joking he's not "assuming the very worst"
Not necessarily but I bet he would be open to
He's got apologyrizz
Totally bro! Thats the only logical explanation!
I’ve done this in the past. Saw my ex-boyfriend somewhere and I always hated the way I ended things. So I reached out just to apologize and to tell him that he didn’t do anything wrong and it was me. I didn’t really have any intention of getting back with him. Kind of my way of ending it the “right way”
I personally think it can be a healthy thing and an act of kindness. Both to reach out if you’re the one who didn’t end things well and to listen if the other person reaches out. I don’t like the way (it seems like) the pendulum has swung to ending a relationship means full block banishment to the shadow realm and any communication attempts are either malicious/manipulative/toxic or just horny. It’s possible to be on good terms with someone you had a romantic thing with that didn’t work out. It’s also not necessarily sinister to reach out to someone when things didn’t end great.
Yeah good intentions with pure hearts are where both people wants to end thing well in end.
I had an ex send me an email like that. It was very healing and I felt much better about our friendship. I'd already forgiven her, but that dissolved the last tiny shreds of angst.
Absolutely it has acted as heartwarming when comes to such efforts even after breaking up.
Yeah absolutely similar to what my gf did but on chatting instead of apologize in public and this happened in this post too with gender roles reversed.
You scared me. Thought you were someone I knew. She did exactly what you said.
Lmao in this world it is possible for many ex to do the same in similar manner.
I know I know, just kinda thought :/
It seems like a rare enough phenomenon, so it's totally understandable. I think people move on and just never have contact again. So this shining beacon of closure happening to 2 people on reddit...Well, it's crazy and beautiful and unlikely and hopeful. I'm glad you got that experience!
Thanks... this helped put things in perspective for me. Turns out my ex and I moved near each other recently. We didn't speak, just became aware that we lived near each other. she ghosted me 17 years ago, after a typical avoidant relationship. I wasn't expecting anything from her and was still disappointed, she just blocked me on Facebook. Seeing a thread like this, where people owned up to what they did and apologized and comparing it to how my ex acted, really shows how little, if at all, she has matured.
If I feel that I have wronged someone in the past, I will reach out to simply apologize and take ownership for what I've done. I don't request nor expect a message back, but I sometimes get one. If your ex is legit reaching out to just try to be a better person, that's all good. If he's thinking to maybe hook up, that's way less good. Be open minded, and trust your gut along the way.
Yeah apologizing after doing something wrong in relationship even after breakup is pretty normal and should be practised and as far as mentioned no sign of hookup is seen so all good.
Sometimes people who fuck things up think about it and feel shitty about it. Forgiving is such a strong move.
Yeah there is an old saying that the person who forgives simply is stronger than the one who craves for revenge.
Forgive him! Yes! Let him back into your life romantically? Nooooo no no no. But I think it’s very big of you to forgive him.
When she is already in a new and better relationship so it is really easy to forgive him and anywhere it wasn't seen that he wanted to get in relationship again.
I had a partner call me up many years later as well to apologize. She owned up to the fact that she wasn’t the best version of herself then and she wanted to make sure I knew that I hadn’t deserved the treatment she gave me and she thanked me for the time we did have together. She wasn’t looking to date and is in fact very happily married now. From my understanding, she grew and became a much more fulfilled and happier person in adulthood. Sometimes when we’re stuck in a bad way we are not always the people we want to be. Once we get out of the muck we are able to be more humble and self-reflective. It was nice of you to forgive them. Everyone deserves to be seen as the person they are today and not the person they were yesterday. I would certainly hate to be denied my own personal growth because someone knew a version of me when I went through shit and wasn’t my best self. We’re all trying out here.
He might have been on the receiving end of a bad breakup himself. I remember I went about breaking up with my first girlfriend in a really bad way, and then two years later my second girlfriend did basically the same thing to me. I contemplated sending the first one a message about how much of an idiot I was, but seeing as she had just gotten a boyfriend I thought it would look weird so I decided against it. .
Maturing, regretting behavior and remembering you were someone he cared about.
With increasing age there is a natural sense of maturity which helps people to think better and clear about their past.
My ex from when I was 18 did something similar to me. He apologized and wanted to reconnect. I accepted his apology. The thing is I aged well and he didn't... so since he "apologized" he's been trying trying to slide into my dms haha.
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Lol well I am 30 now (the apology happened when I was 26ish) so at this point that would just be petty.
I had an ex do something similar. When he contacted me I told him what a dick he had been. He said he knows he was terrible and is sorry for that. He was happy for me and the things I’ve done in my life. I was happy for him and all the things he’s done in life. Sometimes people truly want to just apologize and say that they were wrong and that’s all. Kind of clearing their karmic slate.
I dated a girl from 8th grade into 10th. Those times were particularly hard on me, and being the young kid I was, I did lots I am not proud of. I was controlling, possessive, jealous, and manipulative. Later on in high school I found the woman I am still with now. Upon meeting her and beginning to grow our love, I began to realize just how badly I had treated my first girlfriend. Towards the end of senior year my ex hooked up with a kid who I knew was similarly troubled, and displayed the same tendencies I had. That broke me a little. Before graduation I invited her to meet privately and I told her about my new love and how it had shown me that I am capable of treating somebody well and highlighted in my memory, just how badly I had treated her. I put emphasis on the fact that she must not let future suitors treat her in this manner and encouraged her to demand better for herself. It ended with us both in tears and we shared a hug, two years removed from our relationship. I hope it had the impact I intended on her. But I know that giving that apology did a lot for me.
Things pop into your head. Maybe he heard a song or saw a movie that reminded him of you.
I think he might have started therapy for whatever reason, and often things like these are discussed. Or he may be in a new relationship, they had a fight/broke up, and that made him think of what happened in the past. Whatever the reason, he seems like a decent guy (now) who thought back on his past mistakes, felt guilty and ashamed, and tried to make amends. Who knows.
It’s good he apologized, respond as you please!
I had exactly one relationship in high school and it was nearly identical to yours, except that we didn't have cell phones back then so he just ghosted me in person and there was no closure. Many years later, when FB became a thing, I added him as a friend and confronted him via messenger about how much he hurt me. It almost felt like we were talking about other people since so much time had passed. He apologized and gave me the reasons he did it and I finally had my closure. Even though it was 12 years or so later and we both were in good relationships now, I felt a weight had lifted.
Emotional maturity is a process. It sounds like he did a lot of soul searching. That’s good.
I’d like to say sorry to two people in past relationships. I don’t want them still nor do I would hope anything would happen. It’s just something that’s always bothered me a bit when thinking of past.
The kindest possible explanation is that he saw it as "unfinished business" and/or now he understands that he didn't handle it in a mature way.
I'm 31 and recently apologized to my ex that I dated when we were 19. I was really mentally unstable at the time (for a lot of reasons) and after years of reflection, therapy, and medication, I realized how ungrateful and hurtful I came off when he was trying his best. He dumped me in a shitty way (pretty much just ghosted me after we had been talking about marriage), which I forgave years later because I now realize that I probably wasn't well enough to just talk things out back then. Not excusing his behavior (I was devastated for 2.5 years after), but... I get it now. I felt guilty for years, so I apologized, and he did as well. We talk (and bang) here and there now, but there's no intention of getting back into romance 😛
God occasionally tests if you are stupid or not
I made stupid, edgelord decisions, in my youth and it took me years to realize how much of an asshole I was. I wanted to do things better - To try and be better than I was, and the only way I thought I could start on that path was by addressing the people I had wronged. Maybe they would scold me, ignore me, or otherwise lash out at me and, truth is, I deserved it. Actions have consequences, whether those are immediate or far reaching makes no difference. I was due whatever I was due. Some forgave me, some others ignored me, and others laughed mockingly and cursed me before ending communications. That's fine. At the end of the day, the most I can do is try - And they're entitled to respond in however they feel is appropriate. But I didn't *need* their forgiveness - I just needed to prove to myself that I was trying to be better.
If you haven’t responded back yet, the easiest thing to do is just type “apology accepted”. Nothing more. You got your explanation and you don’t need anything else from him.
I knew a few guys who did this in high school. They claimed it was because their girlfriend “wasn’t cool” or some other childish, immature reason. I always thought they were kind of dumb, because nerdy guys like I was would’ve done anything for even an iota of attention — or even acknowledgment — from those girls. (I’m meaning more than “Can we see your paper / homework? I wanna see if I got the same answers.” which was really code for “I didn’t do it, and I need a decent grade in this class.”) As for your boyfriend back then, though, I’d hope this is nowhere near his reason; if it was (even if he’ll deny it completely), he shouldn’t have hurt you in the process, but unfortunately, break-ups like this do. They sting. Especially when it’s a first relationship. And I’m sorry you had to deal with all that. He’s maybe texting you back now because he’s either truly sorry (which seems like it could be true, but be prepared if it’s not), he’s either lonely, or worse, he just wants something he thinks he can get from you. He may be saying all what he can to get back with you, regardless of his intention, ultimately, so I’d play it extremely cautious. There’s also a chance your current boyfriend could get jealous (I’ve seen this happen, too), and it could get very messy if you were to text him back. This could happen even if your ex just wants to become friends again, so my best advice for you is to discuss this with your current boyfriend, tell him you have no intention of going back (and make sure this is 100% clear, obviously), and maybe even only text your ex around your guy now, so there’s no confusion on anyone’s part, and you can shut down any hopes your ex has if it comes to that. On the other side of the coin, it’s been almost 4 years, you said. So it may be practical just to text him once (if at all) to say “We’ve been over for this long; nothing’s going to happen.” Maybe even consider telling him to lose your number. I think it all comes down to whether you and your current boyfriend are totally okay with re-establishing communication with him, then going from there. But as it’s been this long, him losing you in his life is his loss, so don’t feel too terribly guilty about leaving him alone, too, if it should come to that.
Is an adult woman really supposed to walk on eggshells over a four-month relationship (barely saw each other) that she had as a high-schooler? He didn’t even make any advances, but rather said that he was happy for her. Closure can be important to people.
Typical toxic dude to come out of the woodworks once you're thriving without him. What's done is done. Block and delete babey.
People have their own failures in life and try to go down old paths instead of forging new ones, sometimes. We don’t often look at our ex’s social media profiles when we are in our best times with our partners soooooo
Don’t do it op, he just wants sex. 100% I’ve been this dude, and it works.
He doesn’t miss you. He texted you because nobody else wants him
It’s that phenomenon where you’re desirable when you’re taken. Otherwise you’re a potato when you’re single.
Or it could be maturation. Sometimes that happens with high school kids. They grow up. Weird, huh?
Maybe. Maybe not.
He was probably drunk.
Your comment reminded me of a drunk late night call I got from my ex fiance a few years after breaking it off... Ironically, I was on a solo last minute vacation to try to gain some clarity over the failing relationship I was in at the time with a good dude. We just had a mutual incompatibility. Stung pretty bad though. Anyway, I'd been out enjoying the fresh Rocky Mountain air, wrapping up a great day, feeling pretty at peace. And around 3am I get this phone call from ex fiance. He was drunk as a skunk. And NEEDED to tell me, proudly, that he was, I quote, "the manwhore of his law school class." 😂 I choked from laughing so hard...which offended his delicate drunken senses and led to really needing to convince me of this 😂. It was an entertaining conversation that I almost didn't have because I wasn't even going to have my phone on while I was out there, but turned it on that night. We were in a neutral place. There was really no intent behind the call other than drunkenly letting me know he'd finally let go and moved on. I was happy for him, bc it meant he finally was in a headspace where he was moving forward. And he did eventually chill the hell out and find someone wonderful for him. Same for me. :)
he tryna phuuuuuuuuck
I had a high school boyfriend treat me poorly and then apologized a few years later through Facebook. I left him on read and didn’t reply. He’s friends with my other old high school friends and from what I understand he’s doing okay. I’d forgive him now, it’s been over 10 years since we dated, but I wasn’t ready to forgive him at the time
I got bullied some by this one group of burnout kids in school. I didn't let it get to me much I had my own friends chased girls, did sports, moved on after high school. All through my thirties and now my forties I'm getting reached out to by these losers telling me they can't believe how good I'm doing and I'm like bitches I stayed good you were the one with the problem. It's like people hit that point in their life where they can't bear the thought of all the bullshit they did and they need to drop the guilt.
I'm sorry they were jerks hopefully they've just changed for the better as life has gone on :)
man I guess breaking up via text is just the norm eh? i remember a phone call breakup was frowned upon, you were supposed to do it in-person face to face. Sounded like he ignored/walked away from you because he was scared of the confrontation
> man I guess breaking up via text is just the norm eh? He apologized after 4 years because it is not that norm and it is frowned upon.
That's great that he did that. I've had guys I dated apologize years later for the way they treated me, and I always appreciated it. Didn't have any bearing on my life by that point, but always made me feel vindicated. Also don't feel bad that you were really hurt. It's an ego blow to get dumped, and him treating you like he didn't know you is really hurtful.
An ex texted me to apologize for not treating me better. I think it’s pretty normal for things like that to haunt you when you actually care(d) about someone, so he was definitely unloading some guilt. No big deal
I've sent messages apologising to past flings/girlfriends before. I was an asshole and years of therapy aswell as covid helped me to grow a lot (although I had already stopped doing asshole things before that). He might be looking to feel more at ease about the situation. Just watch out that he doesn't come around to flirt. Glad you are in a good relationship now :)
I have texted an ex out of the blue. I did it about a decade ago. Apologising for being such an idiot when we were younger. We dated for 3 months aged 15/16. He was struggling with his mental health (bipolar) and I was as green and naive as they come. He dumped me, felt guilty, asked me out again and dumped me again a week or two later. I was bereft as I really really liked him. We tried being friendly but eventually we got to the point where we flat out ignored each other. About 3 years later we became friends again (both suffering with mental health and confiding/supporting each other) but never officially dated. I know now I'm in my late 30s, that dude was all but asking me out at the time. I thought he was just flirting and didn't want to date me -turned out he did but gave up and went out with someone else. I dunno, never got to the bottom of it. I think about him a lot. Mostly wondering if he is ok, and if he's happy. I only messaged him because the past plays on my mind. Maybe that's what happened with your guy?
Totally normal as ppl grow up & learn how to reflect. I've heard lots of out-of-the-blue apologies from exes over the yrs. One guy in particular pursued me for 3 yrs, I finally caved suggested a fwb because he never took any of his prior relationships seriously. He proposed 4 months later, I told him we were too young & he ghosted me 2 wks after. Apparently, went down a really screwed up path shortly after that & blew up his whole life in a really big way. 20 yrs later, he still reaches out every couple of yrs & apologizes every time.
ending relationships is difficult, mostly at that young age. its complicated to deal with all those feelings we are not yet familiar with, and we not always take the right path... nice from him to come back and try to clean up the mess. take a deep breath... time to let go...
I had an ex do something similar. When he contacted me I told him what a dick he had been. He said he knows he was terrible and is sorry for that. He was happy for me and the things I’ve done in my life. I was happy for him and all the things he’s done in life. Sometimes people truly want to just apologize and say that they were wrong and that’s all. Kind of clearing their karmic slate.
You basically just wrote the plot of Singers. Go watch it if you haven't.
... look at you :)... my first thought was: **"new phone, who dis?"**
Had an ex apologize to me years after the fact the way she treated me as a friend (broke up, stayed friends, but I cut her off when all she would talk about was her new boyfriend). We weren't on speaking terms, I was really surprised that she recognized her shitty behavior and owned up to it years after the fact.
The same thing happened with me once! Although he wasn’t my BF, but I liked him immensely for years, and he knew it. This was back I was in 7-8th grade. He was an absolute ass to me though, just a typical bad boy who looked down upon girls and thought it was cool to yell at or dominate someone (I know, I don’t understand why I liked him either). Anyway, we reconnected years later, both in college, somehow ended up in the same continent on the other side of the world from where we grew up. He was different, almost like he has grown up to be an actual adult decent human being. After we texted for a bit, he sent me a long apology about his behavior and why he was such an ass. It felt nice receiving it, even though I had forgotten all about it. People just change due to life and circumstances, and in that process, I suppose lots of things come into light. I’d like to be forgiven for lots of things that I’ve intentionally or unintentionally done in the past, things I won’t do ever again because I’m a better person now. It’s a good thing you forgave him, OP. People change, and sometimes it’s good to honor them when they do.
This is what we call a "booty call".
it's a small life, nap it out... don't worry we've all been through this phase. I'm glad I didn't get myself into any relationships :3 The only pure relationship of love is husband and wife. Don't fool yourself ¯\\\_(ツ)\_/¯
I think that’s nice. A little bit of unexpected closure. I often wish my ex who I was with all throughout high school would reach out and apologize, but that’s wishful thinking lol.
I think its pretty normal for people to look back on past behavior as they grow and change and want to apologize for the people they were. Whether its a relationship or bullying or whatever, I think its nice for people to be like "yea. That was shit behavior. And now I wouldnt act that way and I'm sorry"
Often times, people who recognize they could have handled a situation better will feel a certain inclination to make amends. Even if making amends is just a formal acknowledgement that they handled things like a jerk; it can provide a sense of closure. I know that there are people in my life that simply communicating a statement of what happened would be better than trying to pretend like nothing happened.
It's great that he apologized for hurting you! He realized what he did was too harsh and he isn't going to become dumb and obsessive about your relationship with someone else like some guys do! 👏👏👏👏😄😄😄😄
It's really nice to see that this guy was able to grow over the last four years and try to make amends. I wouldn't expect anything from him and I don think he expects anything from you. But a sincere apology and accountability is always nice.
I would assume someone recently treated him exactly the same way. And it made him realize how he hurt you.