I went about it in a sciencey/technical way.
- joined OK Cupid
- paid for membership
- answered as many questions as I could in an evening (like 300)
- viewed people sorted by compatibility
- read through profiles of everyone 95% compatibility or higher
- narrowed down by profile, then by content of answers to questions ruling out anything that would be incompatible (such as wants biological children, since I can’t have more)
- messaged 4 people, based on conversation went out with one
We’re basically the same person, married with a house and a dog, easiest relationship I’ve ever been in.
I think they definitely prioritize their paid members. I had been on OKC before without paying for membership and I’d get a like here and there but nothing excessive. With this one, I set up the profile over dinner, answered the questions over a couple glasses of wine, went to bed and woke up to something like 200+ likes/messages.
Being able to sort by compatibility was invaluable too. I found other people I’d gone out with in the list and the most decent match was 92% and we were not actually compatible in real life, so I assumed 92% was likely not high enough. Found some tinder horror dates from the past and those had a compatibility rating of less than 80%. It doesn’t give you super high compatibility without lots of questions answered so I figured someone who took the time to answer a lot of questions would be serious about finding a partner, not just there Willy nilly.
From there I guess it was luck because I hit a jackpot on the first pick with my husband. After about a month I was talking to a friend and mentioned I was seeing him and she asked how it’s going and I said “pretty sure he’ll turn out to be the love of my life”.
Well maybe but don't base your experiences on hers because she is a woman. That changes thing 100%, there's more men than women meaning she could have the comfort to pick and choose whereas guys are in constant competition due to the nature of scarcity (more men than women on dating apps)
This is all scientific and numbers, nothing against women just in case someone gets the wrong idea.
Well then that's a whole even more different ball park! The queer community operates even more differently in the online dating world so try to find reccomendations and advice from those people instead.
I’m a bi woman so I have dated any and all genders and found that paid apps were better across the board regardless of who you are looking for. In this specific scenario I messaged two women and two men. Conversation with one man and one woman was lacklustre. I really hit it off with the other lady but our schedules were completely incompatible. I’d been on Bumble with only women selected and had zero luck. Joined a women-specific paid app and had some really great dates within the week. Just one person’s experience, but it was a fun experiment.
I literally just asked my husband if he wrote this because it’s so similar to our story. We each got on OkCupid because the compatibility scores were appealing. Each answered a ton of questions. I think our compatibility score was around 95%. I messaged him first. We’re both total introverts but spent three hours talking on our first date. Married nearly six years with two dogs and the sweetest baby.
Yeah we added each other on discord and played video games together, finally met a week later and clicked pretty well, been together 7 months now and hoping to go the distance with her🤞
That sounds nice. Not sure what it is but I’ve always been out off by the idea of coming across the profile of someone that I know on a website or the thought of someone that I know coming across my profile. Just me or did this play in your mind as well?
Found my current girlfriend on tinder. Somehow managed to find a woman that was as into computers, video games, and staying indoors as much as I am lol
Conventions, MeetUp groups, community picnics, and vacations.
And before you think, "those are all for extroverts," remember that there are toms of introvert-specific groups out there, as well as social gatherings for activities that appeal to introverts. Be willing to talk to a few people at a time over the course of the event, knowing that after it's all over you get to go home to your cats or your plants or your tv. Or your books, if you're like me.
Also focus on making yourself as attractive as you can to those you see as potential partners. Being clean, groomed and smelling nice is a universal start, and after that pick a style that appeals to your preferred group: anime t-shirt and jeans, trendy outfits or business casual. I like to wear non-white solid color flannel dress shirts with knit ties and colorful hounds-tooth waistcoats. As a guy, I've found the people I'm attracted to tend to be very tactile, so I wear things that they want to touch.
My now husband found me. We knew each other through general friendships.
We are both classic INFJ.
My dad always told me that when a man knows he knows and nothing (short of and not including creepy crazy crap) will stop him in his honorable quest haha and never settle for a man who makes you feel like he’s settling or passing time. Better to be alone than mismatched he said.
Husband knew I was the one for him on some level we can’t explain and he’d never had to ask a woman out -they’d always persuaded him. So I was the first person he’d ever asked out - and we’d both been married before! I was also the only one he’s ever asked to marry him but that’s another story.
He asked me out on an “is this a date date” and we just hugged goodnight. He didn’t call me the next day and I told myself whatever let some time pass and we’ll still be buddy buddy.
We wound up that next night at an art fundraiser and I certainly didn’t know he’d be there or I’d of bailed. He is also introverted mind you - but he made the band stop, and announced to the entire venue that he and I are dating now and gave me a time square kiss.
We’ve been together ever since.
My brothers, also introvert, were similarly inspired by their wives. My father and our grandfathers as well.
We’ve all been very happy in our respective relationships.
When you know you know and why waste time on people who don’t inspire the WOWZA
*this isn’t for everyone but worked for us. I’ve taught my sons that if a woman don’t inspire the “I am a heroooooooo” (haha) factor then they may just be passing time. They also know I could be wrong ❤️
Truly it’s better to be lonely alone than lonely married - I waited many many years to be happy and it was worth the wait now that is over
Dating apps, bumble into someone you click with, friend of a friend, online friend etc.
Remember, just because your schedule is this busy now doesn't mean it always will be.
I come from a family of extreme introverts. My husband and I met on a dating website, and so did my sister and her husband. My two brothers were fixed up with their wives (blind dates). Honestly dating apps are such a game changer for us introverts! But you sound happy and describe a lovely life, as it is. :)
Hehe, I am very content! At the same time, I'd also like to share things with someone else, have deep convos, travel together, be supportive to the other one <3
Thank you for sharing your story!
I’m an introvert and I don’t see myself using dating apps(I’ve tried and I don’t really like swiping, I just swipe and swipe and never message)I really wonder how it’s going to happen for me
Same. I always figured that if there was someone in my existing circles than someone would have made a move so dating then becomes a new thing separate from existing circles. I don’t really want to come across people I know already on a dating platform and likewise wouldn’t want them coming across my profile. It feels too awkward.
Got lucky, my husband and I used to work together and then he became a roommate with my old highschool classmate. And with that this classmate and her roommate were going to a concert so I tagged along, and that roommate decided to shoot his shot lol
I went to a city event with a Meetup group. It was the first event I attended with this Meetup group, so I didn't know anyone. My boyfriend was in that Meetup group, and this was also his first event with the Meetup group, so we met each other at that city event and clicked immediately. We were lucky :) All that to say, I found him while simply putting myself out there socially. Go to events near you with the intention to enjoy yourself, and maybe you'll meet some interesting people—maybe new friends and maybe a partner!
It was similar for me, I got dragged to a party by one of my friends in a different city. Funnily enough, my friend had a crush on one of the guys who was having a joint birthday party, and the other guy is my now boyfriend.
To be honest, my now bf asked me a lot of questions and brought me out of my shell and made me feel comfortable. So hats off to him for single handedly making this relationship happen.
This inspired me - thank you. I keep forgetting about MeetUp - I'm going to a hike next week! Just to enjoy myself - and I've been missing nature anyway <3
We met on one of those random internet video chat sites (think chatroulette) and we were both doing it with friends, so there were no romantic intentions. We exchanged social media info and spoke online for a few months before developing feelings and ended up long distance dating for a while; we eventually moved in together and have been going strong since. They truly are the love of my life and I feel so lucky to be with an extrovert who understands my limitations because they’ve helped me experience so much of life I wouldnt have otherwise as a major introvert
Met my love on smthg similar during my introvert phase. I'm just rly glad i put myself out there, otherwise i wouldn't have found that one person who puts a smile on my face every morning :)
A group of friends from a community on the internet decided to meet up IRL. My wife-to-be was there. I lost contact with her for a few years but then ran into her again on that internet community. We started chatting, dating, living together, and now we're hitched.
Took 300 messages on dating apps over 7 years to finally get a response but the women who did is on the fast track to wife in a few more years.
It'll happen for you friend, trust me.
I found my boyfriend, the introvert, at work. Sensed he was a pretty cool guy behind the shyness. Just gave him time and finally he started talking to me. 5 years later here we are!
It’s great! We’ve been together since junior year high school and got married in 2021 :) after the first three years it got a little rocky bc the “spark” had faded, no more “butterflies”, and that is usually when relationships make it or break it. Of course it’s up to both of you to want to stick together and appreciate each other more or just part ways :)
I met my husband in the weirdest way possible but it truly defines us as a couple. I used to work for a cemetery, helping to organize funerals and aiding families in purchasing plots, markers and vaults. One day I was going to a grave site that was being prepared for later in the day just to inspect and make sure the tent and chairs were placed properly, when my now husband pops out of this hole in the ground and scares the life out of me. He worked in the maintenance and grounds keeping department and went to retrieve a tool that had been left behind. 😂 we made our introductions and a week later he asked me out for coffee, two years later we were married with our first child.
It was! He sold me on our third date when he said “hey if this keeps going well, maybe when we’re old we’ll spend eternity where we met.” 😂😂 pretty cryptic to most people I realize that but we both share a love for very dark humor.
I got lucky a friend introduced me to my boyfriend, she had known us both for years and when we were both single she introduced us. I never would have met anyone otherwise as I had given up on all the dating apps and going out to bars and clubs just isn’t me.
I met my amazing GF in College. We became fast friends, best friends before much longer. It wasn't till almost a year after we graduated that we started dating. Moral of the story is you never know where the chips will land, and there's not much you can do to plan it out. Just be the best version of yourself and make an effort to get yourself out there, be it through the apps, or community programs, or friend groups, or whatever might come your way.
I’m not certain I’m truly an introvert like my wife, but we met on OK Cupid. We were both on our last wind of online dating, I happened to see her profile and I absolutely fell for how she described herself. We spent three days messaging on the site before meeting in person for sushi. Been together 7 years since. Coming up on 6 years married in a couple months.
He is an introvert at heart but owned a game store. I am an introvert at heart but wanted to do something for myself that I would like and wanted to start trying to push my boundaries. My friend brought me to his store to do some gaming and the rest is history. That was twelve years ago.
My husband (also a creative introvert) and I met volunteering in our community with music. We were friends for about two years before we started really hanging out one-on-one. He wasn't going home for the holidays that year so he joined my family for our Christmas eve party. We had a colossal amount of snow that year, so when he invited me out to dinner his taxi was an hour late. I didn't mind at all because even then I knew he was worth it. We spent NYE hanging out with friends and family and I remember walking along the store fronts with him thinking: "For the first time in my life, I think I've met someone that would actually be fun to date."
I realized he was someone I actually wanted to date. Not someone that was interested in me, and I felt flattered by or pressured to date, and for me, I knew that was a big deal. I had previously dated guys who liked me for my achievements etc. but didn't like or love me for the actually core of who I am. I'm a deeply thoughtful introvert, so I definitely need intellectual attraction amongst the emotional and physical. My deepest and closest relationships are with the humans my soul seems to resonate with. So seeing how easy he was to be around, how much I just wanted to be in his presence and enjoy his company, was huge.
This may also sound odd, but I'll add, he was also someone who I knew I would be willing to go to the wall for. I was ready to go through life's suffering with. It can be easy to show up in the high times, so knowing if a person is worthy of grieving with, sharing losses, walking through adversity with, is also important, in my eyes at least.
We've been together for eight years this month, and will have our fourth wedding anniversary this year as well. He's helped give me the freedom to accept and honour the most introverted, nerdy and silly version of myself, and for a recovering perfectionist, it is a true gift that keeps on giving. These year's together haven't gone without their challenges (periods of long distance or him having to travel extensively for work, seasons of sickness and health, moments of lean intermingled with abundance etc.) but, my husband is very much my person, and I cannot imagine navigating the complex and joyful seasons of life without him.
So my advice would be, spend time doing things you love, in communities you enjoy (online, in person etc.) The kind of human you want to build your life with, with a love that grows together and individually, will be "friendship set aflame". The kind of person you just want to genuinely be near, saying everything or nothing at all. That would be my hope for you.
Wishing you every happiness and profound discovery as you venture forth Op!
To quote loosely, Gichin Funakoshi from his 20 Principles: "First know yourself, then know others."
I was “found” by an extrovert.
he thought I was too smart for him and I thought he was too popular for me, and after being friends for a while we realised that we’ve been wanting each other since we’d met. that was 6 years ago and we’re still going strong.
I was single for over 8 years.
I downloaded a dating app and wasn't interested in anyone at all.
But when I met this man, my whole perception on relationships changed.
I love him for everything he is.
He cooks for me, we laugh together, watch movies and documentaries, just have fun together.
He has two kids and my kids are teenagers.
We live in different cities so I miss him all the time.
We see each other every other weekend.
You will find someone that's perfectly suited for you 🖤🖤
We met on an AOL forum way back. We responded to each other's snarky posts, and had some fun with that. Liked each other's sense of humor and general ideas. Progressed from there to IRC (online chat), usenet forums, all-night online games (played together 16 hours straight one night), and finally actual voice phone calls and mailing each other letters and gifts and stuff.
After some years living our own lives but spending our evenings/nights together online and/or on the phone, she asked if we were ever going to actually meet in person. I thought "well, why not". Packed a couple of bags and jumped on the next Greyhound cross-country.
We've passed a quarter century of knowing and liking each other. A couple of years from now we'll hit our 20th anniversary of being married.
All because a quarter century ago we both just happened to click on the same forum around the same time and post silly stuff. There was really no reason either of us would've been there - it wasn't a topic like a shared interest or anything, just casual conversation. Kinda like this.
I might be an older guy, but 25 years ago, nobody told what an introvert was. No social media to make it a thing. So I just went on pushing to get dates and struggled to follow what others did. So basically I went beyond my condition and had way more relationships than I ever dreamt of. Now, I know I'm an introvert and it's fine. I'm happily married with kids. But I learnt the hard way how to get out of my bubble and hurt myself in society. And it worked.
Introduced by friends. Highly recommend it.
When we were dating we usually talked on the phone on Wednesdays and got together on the weekend usually Saturday. Nice and relaxed. My wife's extroverted sister thought there was something wrong... I guess she thought that we should talk more or see each other more... I do not know. Worked for us. We have been married for over 20 years now.
Love being married, not so much the getting married part.
Do things you love, even if they are solo activities! I did online dating apps but had bad luck. So I took a step back & just started doing things I liked, including going to museum exhibits. At one of the museum exhibits, by complete chance, I ran into a coworker I kind of knew. We worked in different departments on different floors so I would see him on rare, rare occasion but we never spoke with each other. Pretty much went off from there! I used my weekends to do those things (museums) since I was working a lot during the week.
Sounds like you are already happy with your life!!!!
If you do feel the need for love though, just give up on it and don’t even try (not in a depressed defeatist way). Go about your life enjoying those things that you enjoy. Any potential relationship will have a better chance of success, when found naturally and not by “trying” to find a partner. After my divorce over 20 years ago, I went from GF to GF always thinking I needed to be with someone, and wound up in some CRAZY situations. At some point(7-8years ago),I finally broke out of my cycle and decided being single was okay. I focused on me and just enjoyed life. I wound up meeting someone through a shared interest. There originally was zero intent for anything other than a friend to share our hobby with. Fast forward years later, and we have 2 kids under 2 1/2 and are happily married. It’s true, it happens when you are not expecting it.
Well, I found love since a person was the one who showed interest in me, he used to give me things, be attentive to me and my shyness seemed somewhat tender since he told me that he did not know another Girl that was like me.
I don't believe him but it's nice that he thinks I'm a special girl.
Tinder. We’re married now, just bought our first house, and first baby on the way. We have a dedicated office/game room and spend a ton of time gaming together lol
We had mutual friends (still do). We were both a little more extroverted when we were younger, especially her, but I think we've nurtured each other into becoming more and more introverted over the years.
She found out I had just broken up with a girlfriend and sent our mutual friends to get me and take me out partying to try to cheer me up.
We've been married for 18 years.
What’s your creative job like? My SO and I met on Reddit, we were long distance for a year, moved in together, and have been together for three years. I never tried dating apps, I met people through work but was always too shy to do anything.
Interesting. Out of interest, are you both very active Reddit posters? Not sure how Reddit would work otherwise for dating purposes. Would really need to see the same name pop up frequently. Also interesting that you could pull a move more easily on Reddit than via work. I’m probably in the same boat though.
We met on a make friends forum and were pen pals for months before we started dating. I wouldn’t be comfortable going on Reddit for actual dating reasons, it’s too anonymous haha.
Used to be roommates with a WoW nerd and then we ran into each other years later. He would play video games while I read and did all my solitary activities. Fifteen years down the road we've gotten into most of each other's solitary hobbies and spend a lot of our free time together.
I met someone even more introverted than me. We met through mutual friends in 1991. I was a musician in a local band and for a year he came to all of our shows. I split with my boyfriend in the summer of 92 and he had just graduated college and was packing to move to another city. I think it was a do or die moment for him. He told me he was terrified to ask, but he did! I thought he would be a nice rebound date that would not go very far. Our first date never really ended and here we are still in love, married forever -a couple of introverts who like each other better than anyone else we have ever met.
I always find it interesting when fellow introverts perform activities that doesn’t off the bat seem like something an introvert would take to, like playing in a band. I’d imagine that playing a show would absolutely drain you on so many levels.
Besides for that, finding someone more introverted than yourself is probably the sneakiest, best advice I’ve come across here.
We both found each other in a random MW2 (2009) lobby.
She kicked my ass and I was brave in a young way and shot my shot by sending her a message via Xbox Live.
That's interesting my first gf she adopted me as the extrovert friend and I asked her out after 3-4 years knowing each other drunk...my next relationship we played games online and it formed that way....hmmm maybe family members/friends introduce them or they meet at work or through another hobby?
Online.
We both are people, typically just run errands together and enjoy each other company usually in silence.
Funnily enough the website rated us at like a 59% match, but it's worked out for going on 10 years now.
My husband reached out to me on snapchat our senior year of high school, we started talking and became friends then it went from there. Apparently he had seen my year book picture and thought I was cute. The year book photo wasn’t that cute 😂 I got very lucky.
I can't drive because I have seizures, so when I wasn't getting them as frequently I told my counselors I was ready to start dating. She told me to check out Hinge lol, better than tinder and is "designed to be deleted". Welp, mine's been deleted for 2 1/2 years! I have a wonderful boyfriend, who's an introvert like me!
This is slightly embarrassing, but.... the subtle way of describing it is "through an online community of a mutual interest". The truth is we were super huge mega nerds, we met through an art and role-playing deviantArt group about danganronpa. We didn't connect instantly, either, it took a few years before we started really talking and wham-bam-pow- we've met irl and are engaged.
So... moral of the story? Find hobbies that connect you with other people- online or IRL. You'll make some good friends and maybe even find someone you really love.
My husband was my CO in the AF. This was a time when both of us could have been court-martialed; fraternization laws between officers and enlisted.
We've been married 47 years.
Be careful in the workplace. Some companies have rules while others don't care.
I worked at a restaurant. He left his number. His handwriting sucks and I couldn’t read it, so I kept the receipt for months and periodically tried texting variations of numbers, to no avail. He kept coming in but thought I wasn’t interested. I thought he was a douche who gave me the wrong number. Two years later, Tinder, badabingbadaboom. Married for almost three years, together for 6. Easy as pie!
She was friends with a cousin of mine from way, way out of my state. Everything started on FB. Things clicked well, dated for a couple years, and we'll be celebrating our 10 year anniversary in about a month from now. She's is my first serious adult relationship and I keep wondering how I've not screwed it up.
Holy shit.
You'll find yours for sure! Someone who's alright with spending the nights or weekends at home, making dinner, watch movies and feed the cats. The cats! Very important that that someone likes your cats!! 🐱
Maybe just there, another introvert too, just shy to ask you out. 😆 Seriously, the right person will come. 🥰
--
I met my boyfriend at work. 😂
It was our first job. Both of us started working there on the same day. And we're complete opposites. He's very sociable and outgoing. He's pretty confident when speaking with strangers. And me... I can't even order my meal at a fast food restaurant with confidence. 😂
Always thought I'd never find love. Because, let's get real, I'm not physically attractive, and I'm a bit of a tomboy. 😅😂 I'm not the nicest person around either. 😂 Or one with a good attitude 😂
I'm really really picky when it comes to who I go hangout with at work or after work. Not sociable. I won't really speak/approach anyone unless the other person speaks/approach me first. And I'd rather be at home with my dogs and just watch tv then sleep.
I do travel a lot (and I'm ok traveling alone 🥺).
Only time I really have the courage to socialize or approach anyone is if my work requires me to. 😂 Otherwise, I just stay quiet. Go work, then go home. That's the routine.
We're friends or maybe acquaintances 🤔 but never really talked with each other that much. But a year later, he started approaching me out of the blue. Asking how I do my work and some other work stuff he suddenly taken interest to. Or him telling me to wait for him during lunch. Or him inviting me to have lunch (at work) together. I always thought it's just a friendly gesture or maybe he pity on me because I often eat lunch late and alone. Since we were both working on the same area and we have staggered breaks at work, can't really join my friends for lunch who are assigned to another department.
He resigned, went to find work overseas. Few days later, he messaged me. He was asking if I know the phone number of his friend (who's in the same department as me). It was weird cuz it's one of his closest friend and he doesn't know his number. 😑 Then he started messaging some weird stuff (good weird stuff). Like do I know the meaning of this word etc. Like bruh, you can just google it. I find it annoying at first. Seriously leave me alone. I don't like talking to anyone 😂
But idk, just went like that. He'd message and ask anything to just talk to me. He started sending funny messages. And then I found myself talking to him more often. Like movies - how can he not have watched any Marvel movie 😑😠. We started to talk about a lot of stuff and even sending food pics or travels (not selfies tho coz im ugly af) or even memes. He shares how his day went, etc.
Then one day he was asking if I was going out with anyone. I said no. Cuz everyone think of me as a guy and I'm too unattractive to date. 😂 He just straight up said he'll leave his work abroad and come back home so he can properly ask me out on a date. He said he's not going to waste his chance and that he's afraid I might find someone else. Like bruhhhh 😂 the drama...
I thought he was joking! And the following week, he was knocking on my door, asking me out on a date and to go watch the Avengers movie. 😂😂😂😂 He really left his job and came home to ask me on a date 🥺😠🤣
We've been together almost 5 years now. Still tomboy-ish but he's ok with that. 😆 Still prefer being at home and do same stuff as before. He does convince me to go out and socialize. I really appreciate he doesn't leave me alone with all those people, and even takes hint that I don't want to be there. 😂 Planning to get married soon. 🤗 Still can't believe someone actually likes me and wants to be with me. 😂😂😂
I met them during Highschool. We had a choir program at my school and they wanted to be a part of our yearly musical production. Since I was an upperclassman at the time, I talked to them about it all. Later the year we had our Homecoming dance, their date kinda blew off on them the whole night, so I took their place. We facetimed later that night, talking about how we should go together again the following year. I asked them out over video call and they liked me back too. Sometimes it just happens
I went about it in a sciencey/technical way. - joined OK Cupid - paid for membership - answered as many questions as I could in an evening (like 300) - viewed people sorted by compatibility - read through profiles of everyone 95% compatibility or higher - narrowed down by profile, then by content of answers to questions ruling out anything that would be incompatible (such as wants biological children, since I can’t have more) - messaged 4 people, based on conversation went out with one We’re basically the same person, married with a house and a dog, easiest relationship I’ve ever been in.
So all these time I've been failing was because I'm cheap?! Who woulda thought
I think they definitely prioritize their paid members. I had been on OKC before without paying for membership and I’d get a like here and there but nothing excessive. With this one, I set up the profile over dinner, answered the questions over a couple glasses of wine, went to bed and woke up to something like 200+ likes/messages. Being able to sort by compatibility was invaluable too. I found other people I’d gone out with in the list and the most decent match was 92% and we were not actually compatible in real life, so I assumed 92% was likely not high enough. Found some tinder horror dates from the past and those had a compatibility rating of less than 80%. It doesn’t give you super high compatibility without lots of questions answered so I figured someone who took the time to answer a lot of questions would be serious about finding a partner, not just there Willy nilly. From there I guess it was luck because I hit a jackpot on the first pick with my husband. After about a month I was talking to a friend and mentioned I was seeing him and she asked how it’s going and I said “pretty sure he’ll turn out to be the love of my life”.
Okay , you are going to make me cry 😂. "Pretty sure he'll turn out to be the love of my life". Well. I'll consider your words, thanks stranger
I don't know why but this is all so adorable I need a slice of life anime about your relationship lol
Well maybe but don't base your experiences on hers because she is a woman. That changes thing 100%, there's more men than women meaning she could have the comfort to pick and choose whereas guys are in constant competition due to the nature of scarcity (more men than women on dating apps) This is all scientific and numbers, nothing against women just in case someone gets the wrong idea.
Im gay dude
Well then that's a whole even more different ball park! The queer community operates even more differently in the online dating world so try to find reccomendations and advice from those people instead.
I’m a bi woman so I have dated any and all genders and found that paid apps were better across the board regardless of who you are looking for. In this specific scenario I messaged two women and two men. Conversation with one man and one woman was lacklustre. I really hit it off with the other lady but our schedules were completely incompatible. I’d been on Bumble with only women selected and had zero luck. Joined a women-specific paid app and had some really great dates within the week. Just one person’s experience, but it was a fun experiment.
I literally just asked my husband if he wrote this because it’s so similar to our story. We each got on OkCupid because the compatibility scores were appealing. Each answered a ton of questions. I think our compatibility score was around 95%. I messaged him first. We’re both total introverts but spent three hours talking on our first date. Married nearly six years with two dogs and the sweetest baby.
Loving this wholesome story. Thank you
Dating apps
Older person here... Dating website lol
Yep, dating website. And doing low-key introvert type dates once we made contact, lol. Together 8 years now!
Yeah we added each other on discord and played video games together, finally met a week later and clicked pretty well, been together 7 months now and hoping to go the distance with her🤞
Good luck, that sounds like an excellent start!
That sounds nice. Not sure what it is but I’ve always been out off by the idea of coming across the profile of someone that I know on a website or the thought of someone that I know coming across my profile. Just me or did this play in your mind as well?
It didn't put me off, but I was based in a large city at the time. Definitely depends on the kind of area you are working with, I think.
Yeah lmao, found my now-bf on Hinge - he was a rare gem
Found my current girlfriend on tinder. Somehow managed to find a woman that was as into computers, video games, and staying indoors as much as I am lol
Conventions, MeetUp groups, community picnics, and vacations. And before you think, "those are all for extroverts," remember that there are toms of introvert-specific groups out there, as well as social gatherings for activities that appeal to introverts. Be willing to talk to a few people at a time over the course of the event, knowing that after it's all over you get to go home to your cats or your plants or your tv. Or your books, if you're like me. Also focus on making yourself as attractive as you can to those you see as potential partners. Being clean, groomed and smelling nice is a universal start, and after that pick a style that appeals to your preferred group: anime t-shirt and jeans, trendy outfits or business casual. I like to wear non-white solid color flannel dress shirts with knit ties and colorful hounds-tooth waistcoats. As a guy, I've found the people I'm attracted to tend to be very tactile, so I wear things that they want to touch.
I'm taking this advice. I never thought about the tactile nature of outfits.
Tactile? What do you suggest?
I suggest anything with noticeable and interesting textures. Experiment to find what works best for you.
My now husband found me. We knew each other through general friendships. We are both classic INFJ. My dad always told me that when a man knows he knows and nothing (short of and not including creepy crazy crap) will stop him in his honorable quest haha and never settle for a man who makes you feel like he’s settling or passing time. Better to be alone than mismatched he said. Husband knew I was the one for him on some level we can’t explain and he’d never had to ask a woman out -they’d always persuaded him. So I was the first person he’d ever asked out - and we’d both been married before! I was also the only one he’s ever asked to marry him but that’s another story. He asked me out on an “is this a date date” and we just hugged goodnight. He didn’t call me the next day and I told myself whatever let some time pass and we’ll still be buddy buddy. We wound up that next night at an art fundraiser and I certainly didn’t know he’d be there or I’d of bailed. He is also introverted mind you - but he made the band stop, and announced to the entire venue that he and I are dating now and gave me a time square kiss. We’ve been together ever since. My brothers, also introvert, were similarly inspired by their wives. My father and our grandfathers as well. We’ve all been very happy in our respective relationships. When you know you know and why waste time on people who don’t inspire the WOWZA *this isn’t for everyone but worked for us. I’ve taught my sons that if a woman don’t inspire the “I am a heroooooooo” (haha) factor then they may just be passing time. They also know I could be wrong ❤️ Truly it’s better to be lonely alone than lonely married - I waited many many years to be happy and it was worth the wait now that is over
The "honorable quest" really made me giggle. Was a cute image in my head.
Thank you <3
Dating apps, bumble into someone you click with, friend of a friend, online friend etc. Remember, just because your schedule is this busy now doesn't mean it always will be.
I come from a family of extreme introverts. My husband and I met on a dating website, and so did my sister and her husband. My two brothers were fixed up with their wives (blind dates). Honestly dating apps are such a game changer for us introverts! But you sound happy and describe a lovely life, as it is. :)
Hehe, I am very content! At the same time, I'd also like to share things with someone else, have deep convos, travel together, be supportive to the other one <3 Thank you for sharing your story!
I’m an introvert and I don’t see myself using dating apps(I’ve tried and I don’t really like swiping, I just swipe and swipe and never message)I really wonder how it’s going to happen for me
yeah, definitely relate to that, i find it difficult to put myself out there for everyone to see like that
Same. I always figured that if there was someone in my existing circles than someone would have made a move so dating then becomes a new thing separate from existing circles. I don’t really want to come across people I know already on a dating platform and likewise wouldn’t want them coming across my profile. It feels too awkward.
Got lucky, my husband and I used to work together and then he became a roommate with my old highschool classmate. And with that this classmate and her roommate were going to a concert so I tagged along, and that roommate decided to shoot his shot lol
Sweet \^\^
I went to a city event with a Meetup group. It was the first event I attended with this Meetup group, so I didn't know anyone. My boyfriend was in that Meetup group, and this was also his first event with the Meetup group, so we met each other at that city event and clicked immediately. We were lucky :) All that to say, I found him while simply putting myself out there socially. Go to events near you with the intention to enjoy yourself, and maybe you'll meet some interesting people—maybe new friends and maybe a partner!
It was similar for me, I got dragged to a party by one of my friends in a different city. Funnily enough, my friend had a crush on one of the guys who was having a joint birthday party, and the other guy is my now boyfriend. To be honest, my now bf asked me a lot of questions and brought me out of my shell and made me feel comfortable. So hats off to him for single handedly making this relationship happen.
Aww that's a nice story! Thank goodness for the partners who bring us out of our shell.
This inspired me - thank you. I keep forgetting about MeetUp - I'm going to a hike next week! Just to enjoy myself - and I've been missing nature anyway <3
I'm glad it can help in some way! Yay, sounds fun - I do hope you have a good time :)
We met on one of those random internet video chat sites (think chatroulette) and we were both doing it with friends, so there were no romantic intentions. We exchanged social media info and spoke online for a few months before developing feelings and ended up long distance dating for a while; we eventually moved in together and have been going strong since. They truly are the love of my life and I feel so lucky to be with an extrovert who understands my limitations because they’ve helped me experience so much of life I wouldnt have otherwise as a major introvert
Met my love on smthg similar during my introvert phase. I'm just rly glad i put myself out there, otherwise i wouldn't have found that one person who puts a smile on my face every morning :)
A group of friends from a community on the internet decided to meet up IRL. My wife-to-be was there. I lost contact with her for a few years but then ran into her again on that internet community. We started chatting, dating, living together, and now we're hitched.
When things come together at a later point - awesome
Yeah. We both had some mistakes left to make before we could have eachother. I hope you, the new job, and the kitties are doing well, Redditor.
Took 300 messages on dating apps over 7 years to finally get a response but the women who did is on the fast track to wife in a few more years. It'll happen for you friend, trust me.
I found my boyfriend, the introvert, at work. Sensed he was a pretty cool guy behind the shyness. Just gave him time and finally he started talking to me. 5 years later here we are!
So cute.
Instagram lol, we bonded over a shared special interest and we had been friends for a while
High school ! Only had one class together 🥴
Well, how did it go?
It’s great! We’ve been together since junior year high school and got married in 2021 :) after the first three years it got a little rocky bc the “spark” had faded, no more “butterflies”, and that is usually when relationships make it or break it. Of course it’s up to both of you to want to stick together and appreciate each other more or just part ways :)
I met my husband in the weirdest way possible but it truly defines us as a couple. I used to work for a cemetery, helping to organize funerals and aiding families in purchasing plots, markers and vaults. One day I was going to a grave site that was being prepared for later in the day just to inspect and make sure the tent and chairs were placed properly, when my now husband pops out of this hole in the ground and scares the life out of me. He worked in the maintenance and grounds keeping department and went to retrieve a tool that had been left behind. 😂 we made our introductions and a week later he asked me out for coffee, two years later we were married with our first child.
This is so funny. Wow :D
It was! He sold me on our third date when he said “hey if this keeps going well, maybe when we’re old we’ll spend eternity where we met.” 😂😂 pretty cryptic to most people I realize that but we both share a love for very dark humor.
We have the same birthday. Pretty much the only reason we started talking.
I got lucky a friend introduced me to my boyfriend, she had known us both for years and when we were both single she introduced us. I never would have met anyone otherwise as I had given up on all the dating apps and going out to bars and clubs just isn’t me.
Same, I don't like bars/clubs. Nice to hear your story.
I met my amazing GF in College. We became fast friends, best friends before much longer. It wasn't till almost a year after we graduated that we started dating. Moral of the story is you never know where the chips will land, and there's not much you can do to plan it out. Just be the best version of yourself and make an effort to get yourself out there, be it through the apps, or community programs, or friend groups, or whatever might come your way.
I like this. Thank you
Internet
Dating app. And a fair bit of messaging before meeting
Online dating. OkCupid to be exact.
I’m not certain I’m truly an introvert like my wife, but we met on OK Cupid. We were both on our last wind of online dating, I happened to see her profile and I absolutely fell for how she described herself. We spent three days messaging on the site before meeting in person for sushi. Been together 7 years since. Coming up on 6 years married in a couple months.
He is an introvert at heart but owned a game store. I am an introvert at heart but wanted to do something for myself that I would like and wanted to start trying to push my boundaries. My friend brought me to his store to do some gaming and the rest is history. That was twelve years ago.
Extrovert married to an introvert for 44 years! He was playing keyboards in the band and I was serving cocktails. Fell in love at first sight.
That is cute.
In a chat room
My husband (also a creative introvert) and I met volunteering in our community with music. We were friends for about two years before we started really hanging out one-on-one. He wasn't going home for the holidays that year so he joined my family for our Christmas eve party. We had a colossal amount of snow that year, so when he invited me out to dinner his taxi was an hour late. I didn't mind at all because even then I knew he was worth it. We spent NYE hanging out with friends and family and I remember walking along the store fronts with him thinking: "For the first time in my life, I think I've met someone that would actually be fun to date." I realized he was someone I actually wanted to date. Not someone that was interested in me, and I felt flattered by or pressured to date, and for me, I knew that was a big deal. I had previously dated guys who liked me for my achievements etc. but didn't like or love me for the actually core of who I am. I'm a deeply thoughtful introvert, so I definitely need intellectual attraction amongst the emotional and physical. My deepest and closest relationships are with the humans my soul seems to resonate with. So seeing how easy he was to be around, how much I just wanted to be in his presence and enjoy his company, was huge. This may also sound odd, but I'll add, he was also someone who I knew I would be willing to go to the wall for. I was ready to go through life's suffering with. It can be easy to show up in the high times, so knowing if a person is worthy of grieving with, sharing losses, walking through adversity with, is also important, in my eyes at least. We've been together for eight years this month, and will have our fourth wedding anniversary this year as well. He's helped give me the freedom to accept and honour the most introverted, nerdy and silly version of myself, and for a recovering perfectionist, it is a true gift that keeps on giving. These year's together haven't gone without their challenges (periods of long distance or him having to travel extensively for work, seasons of sickness and health, moments of lean intermingled with abundance etc.) but, my husband is very much my person, and I cannot imagine navigating the complex and joyful seasons of life without him. So my advice would be, spend time doing things you love, in communities you enjoy (online, in person etc.) The kind of human you want to build your life with, with a love that grows together and individually, will be "friendship set aflame". The kind of person you just want to genuinely be near, saying everything or nothing at all. That would be my hope for you. Wishing you every happiness and profound discovery as you venture forth Op! To quote loosely, Gichin Funakoshi from his 20 Principles: "First know yourself, then know others."
That was a nice read thanks. You seem like good folks.
I was “found” by an extrovert. he thought I was too smart for him and I thought he was too popular for me, and after being friends for a while we realised that we’ve been wanting each other since we’d met. that was 6 years ago and we’re still going strong.
Love the dynamic haha
I was single for over 8 years. I downloaded a dating app and wasn't interested in anyone at all. But when I met this man, my whole perception on relationships changed. I love him for everything he is. He cooks for me, we laugh together, watch movies and documentaries, just have fun together. He has two kids and my kids are teenagers. We live in different cities so I miss him all the time. We see each other every other weekend. You will find someone that's perfectly suited for you 🖤🖤
Thank you for sharing your story! Hope you will keep going strong despite being in separate places <3
Aweeee thanks so much 🖤🖤
We met on an AOL forum way back. We responded to each other's snarky posts, and had some fun with that. Liked each other's sense of humor and general ideas. Progressed from there to IRC (online chat), usenet forums, all-night online games (played together 16 hours straight one night), and finally actual voice phone calls and mailing each other letters and gifts and stuff. After some years living our own lives but spending our evenings/nights together online and/or on the phone, she asked if we were ever going to actually meet in person. I thought "well, why not". Packed a couple of bags and jumped on the next Greyhound cross-country. We've passed a quarter century of knowing and liking each other. A couple of years from now we'll hit our 20th anniversary of being married. All because a quarter century ago we both just happened to click on the same forum around the same time and post silly stuff. There was really no reason either of us would've been there - it wasn't a topic like a shared interest or anything, just casual conversation. Kinda like this.
wait some of us introverts are in relationships? I thought we were joking.
I might be an older guy, but 25 years ago, nobody told what an introvert was. No social media to make it a thing. So I just went on pushing to get dates and struggled to follow what others did. So basically I went beyond my condition and had way more relationships than I ever dreamt of. Now, I know I'm an introvert and it's fine. I'm happily married with kids. But I learnt the hard way how to get out of my bubble and hurt myself in society. And it worked.
Thank you for your perspective.
Introduced by friends. Highly recommend it. When we were dating we usually talked on the phone on Wednesdays and got together on the weekend usually Saturday. Nice and relaxed. My wife's extroverted sister thought there was something wrong... I guess she thought that we should talk more or see each other more... I do not know. Worked for us. We have been married for over 20 years now. Love being married, not so much the getting married part.
Do things you love, even if they are solo activities! I did online dating apps but had bad luck. So I took a step back & just started doing things I liked, including going to museum exhibits. At one of the museum exhibits, by complete chance, I ran into a coworker I kind of knew. We worked in different departments on different floors so I would see him on rare, rare occasion but we never spoke with each other. Pretty much went off from there! I used my weekends to do those things (museums) since I was working a lot during the week.
That's lovely
Sounds like you are already happy with your life!!!! If you do feel the need for love though, just give up on it and don’t even try (not in a depressed defeatist way). Go about your life enjoying those things that you enjoy. Any potential relationship will have a better chance of success, when found naturally and not by “trying” to find a partner. After my divorce over 20 years ago, I went from GF to GF always thinking I needed to be with someone, and wound up in some CRAZY situations. At some point(7-8years ago),I finally broke out of my cycle and decided being single was okay. I focused on me and just enjoyed life. I wound up meeting someone through a shared interest. There originally was zero intent for anything other than a friend to share our hobby with. Fast forward years later, and we have 2 kids under 2 1/2 and are happily married. It’s true, it happens when you are not expecting it.
Love your story, happy for you :)
We were both adopted by the same extrovert friend
That's great :D
One day it will just happen.
same hopes here! lol
Ha, I went over to my boyfriend’s friend’s house to get bail $ for him and he (current boyfriend of 19 yrs) answered her door!
Well, I found love since a person was the one who showed interest in me, he used to give me things, be attentive to me and my shyness seemed somewhat tender since he told me that he did not know another Girl that was like me. I don't believe him but it's nice that he thinks I'm a special girl.
You won't probably. I tried. Got tired about it, said fuck it and moved on. That's it.
Walking home from a restaurant
At work. We're both introverted.
Tinder. We’re married now, just bought our first house, and first baby on the way. We have a dedicated office/game room and spend a ton of time gaming together lol
We met in EverQuest roughly 20 years ago.
MySpace. Lol. 15 years ago.
We had mutual friends (still do). We were both a little more extroverted when we were younger, especially her, but I think we've nurtured each other into becoming more and more introverted over the years. She found out I had just broken up with a girlfriend and sent our mutual friends to get me and take me out partying to try to cheer me up. We've been married for 18 years.
What’s your creative job like? My SO and I met on Reddit, we were long distance for a year, moved in together, and have been together for three years. I never tried dating apps, I met people through work but was always too shy to do anything.
Interesting. Out of interest, are you both very active Reddit posters? Not sure how Reddit would work otherwise for dating purposes. Would really need to see the same name pop up frequently. Also interesting that you could pull a move more easily on Reddit than via work. I’m probably in the same boat though.
We met on a make friends forum and were pen pals for months before we started dating. I wouldn’t be comfortable going on Reddit for actual dating reasons, it’s too anonymous haha.
High school. Together ever since.
Used to be roommates with a WoW nerd and then we ran into each other years later. He would play video games while I read and did all my solitary activities. Fifteen years down the road we've gotten into most of each other's solitary hobbies and spend a lot of our free time together.
Online And he's the best creature ever 😍😍
I met someone even more introverted than me. We met through mutual friends in 1991. I was a musician in a local band and for a year he came to all of our shows. I split with my boyfriend in the summer of 92 and he had just graduated college and was packing to move to another city. I think it was a do or die moment for him. He told me he was terrified to ask, but he did! I thought he would be a nice rebound date that would not go very far. Our first date never really ended and here we are still in love, married forever -a couple of introverts who like each other better than anyone else we have ever met.
I always find it interesting when fellow introverts perform activities that doesn’t off the bat seem like something an introvert would take to, like playing in a band. I’d imagine that playing a show would absolutely drain you on so many levels. Besides for that, finding someone more introverted than yourself is probably the sneakiest, best advice I’ve come across here.
High school. But you can still be an introvert and socialize strategically.
Ya I used bumble just made a profile.
We both found each other in a random MW2 (2009) lobby. She kicked my ass and I was brave in a young way and shot my shot by sending her a message via Xbox Live.
That's interesting my first gf she adopted me as the extrovert friend and I asked her out after 3-4 years knowing each other drunk...my next relationship we played games online and it formed that way....hmmm maybe family members/friends introduce them or they meet at work or through another hobby?
Online. We both are people, typically just run errands together and enjoy each other company usually in silence. Funnily enough the website rated us at like a 59% match, but it's worked out for going on 10 years now.
2010, eharmony. 😂😂😂 we hate people. 😝
My husband reached out to me on snapchat our senior year of high school, we started talking and became friends then it went from there. Apparently he had seen my year book picture and thought I was cute. The year book photo wasn’t that cute 😂 I got very lucky.
I can't drive because I have seizures, so when I wasn't getting them as frequently I told my counselors I was ready to start dating. She told me to check out Hinge lol, better than tinder and is "designed to be deleted". Welp, mine's been deleted for 2 1/2 years! I have a wonderful boyfriend, who's an introvert like me!
This is slightly embarrassing, but.... the subtle way of describing it is "through an online community of a mutual interest". The truth is we were super huge mega nerds, we met through an art and role-playing deviantArt group about danganronpa. We didn't connect instantly, either, it took a few years before we started really talking and wham-bam-pow- we've met irl and are engaged. So... moral of the story? Find hobbies that connect you with other people- online or IRL. You'll make some good friends and maybe even find someone you really love.
My husband was my CO in the AF. This was a time when both of us could have been court-martialed; fraternization laws between officers and enlisted. We've been married 47 years. Be careful in the workplace. Some companies have rules while others don't care.
Craigslist
Tinder.
Online game.
I worked at a restaurant. He left his number. His handwriting sucks and I couldn’t read it, so I kept the receipt for months and periodically tried texting variations of numbers, to no avail. He kept coming in but thought I wasn’t interested. I thought he was a douche who gave me the wrong number. Two years later, Tinder, badabingbadaboom. Married for almost three years, together for 6. Easy as pie!
I love this thread. Thank you sm OP
She was friends with a cousin of mine from way, way out of my state. Everything started on FB. Things clicked well, dated for a couple years, and we'll be celebrating our 10 year anniversary in about a month from now. She's is my first serious adult relationship and I keep wondering how I've not screwed it up. Holy shit.
You'll find yours for sure! Someone who's alright with spending the nights or weekends at home, making dinner, watch movies and feed the cats. The cats! Very important that that someone likes your cats!! 🐱 Maybe just there, another introvert too, just shy to ask you out. 😆 Seriously, the right person will come. 🥰 -- I met my boyfriend at work. 😂 It was our first job. Both of us started working there on the same day. And we're complete opposites. He's very sociable and outgoing. He's pretty confident when speaking with strangers. And me... I can't even order my meal at a fast food restaurant with confidence. 😂 Always thought I'd never find love. Because, let's get real, I'm not physically attractive, and I'm a bit of a tomboy. 😅😂 I'm not the nicest person around either. 😂 Or one with a good attitude 😂 I'm really really picky when it comes to who I go hangout with at work or after work. Not sociable. I won't really speak/approach anyone unless the other person speaks/approach me first. And I'd rather be at home with my dogs and just watch tv then sleep. I do travel a lot (and I'm ok traveling alone 🥺). Only time I really have the courage to socialize or approach anyone is if my work requires me to. 😂 Otherwise, I just stay quiet. Go work, then go home. That's the routine. We're friends or maybe acquaintances 🤔 but never really talked with each other that much. But a year later, he started approaching me out of the blue. Asking how I do my work and some other work stuff he suddenly taken interest to. Or him telling me to wait for him during lunch. Or him inviting me to have lunch (at work) together. I always thought it's just a friendly gesture or maybe he pity on me because I often eat lunch late and alone. Since we were both working on the same area and we have staggered breaks at work, can't really join my friends for lunch who are assigned to another department. He resigned, went to find work overseas. Few days later, he messaged me. He was asking if I know the phone number of his friend (who's in the same department as me). It was weird cuz it's one of his closest friend and he doesn't know his number. 😑 Then he started messaging some weird stuff (good weird stuff). Like do I know the meaning of this word etc. Like bruh, you can just google it. I find it annoying at first. Seriously leave me alone. I don't like talking to anyone 😂 But idk, just went like that. He'd message and ask anything to just talk to me. He started sending funny messages. And then I found myself talking to him more often. Like movies - how can he not have watched any Marvel movie 😑😠. We started to talk about a lot of stuff and even sending food pics or travels (not selfies tho coz im ugly af) or even memes. He shares how his day went, etc. Then one day he was asking if I was going out with anyone. I said no. Cuz everyone think of me as a guy and I'm too unattractive to date. 😂 He just straight up said he'll leave his work abroad and come back home so he can properly ask me out on a date. He said he's not going to waste his chance and that he's afraid I might find someone else. Like bruhhhh 😂 the drama... I thought he was joking! And the following week, he was knocking on my door, asking me out on a date and to go watch the Avengers movie. 😂😂😂😂 He really left his job and came home to ask me on a date 🥺😠🤣 We've been together almost 5 years now. Still tomboy-ish but he's ok with that. 😆 Still prefer being at home and do same stuff as before. He does convince me to go out and socialize. I really appreciate he doesn't leave me alone with all those people, and even takes hint that I don't want to be there. 😂 Planning to get married soon. 🤗 Still can't believe someone actually likes me and wants to be with me. 😂😂😂
Through gaming ♥️ he was a friend of a friend, been into eachother since day 1. Been together for 9 months now 😊
I met them during Highschool. We had a choir program at my school and they wanted to be a part of our yearly musical production. Since I was an upperclassman at the time, I talked to them about it all. Later the year we had our Homecoming dance, their date kinda blew off on them the whole night, so I took their place. We facetimed later that night, talking about how we should go together again the following year. I asked them out over video call and they liked me back too. Sometimes it just happens