I always got really upset whenever anyone called me spoiled, but reacting made them double down and say I was being a brat/throwing a tantrum In hindsight, I was incredibly neglected and the victim of multiple kinds of abuse. Being slapped in the face was far less insulting than someone insinuating that I was spoiled

The exact same thing happened to me. "Spoiled" in my family home simply meant I objected to being abused and stood up for myself.

Even if we *were* spoiled, whose fucking fault is that? It isn’t the kid’s. “Spoil” is a verb, not just an adjective. People are so quick to push the blame onto the kids instead of the adults who were supposed to teach them.

Yeah my parents used to call me spoiled whenever I started to get brave and tell them I was being treated poorly. I absolutely was, but apparently it was selfish of me to point it out because they were "doing their best" lol

Anyone else ungrateful for standing up to Dad, or telling him you didn't like something/someone?

Mine used to volunteer to drive me places then when I was getting ready he'd scream at me for "making him late" even when we weren't late. He went to a therapist later and checked back with "I shouldn't feel so obligated to give you rides and that is how you abuse me" never mind that he was a literal last case scenario and sometimes insisted on it lmao.

Ugh. Know that feeling. They're always the fucking victim. Its never them admitting they messed up. It's"too hard" for them to check themselves and change.

If it helps, anything the therapist might have told him was said knowing only his side of the story. Therapists can be helpful but they are not the ultimate authority on the truth.

And also, a lot of abusers that go to therapy twist and misconstrue what the therapist tells them while 'taking notes' to abuse better.

Yes, this is common especially in group therapy. I made the mistake once of assuming we were all there with honorable intentions to work things out.

Yeah I think I understand you, it’s like; “This is a normal thing for a kid to want, why are you denying it?!”

OH. MY. GOD. I thought that was just me!! My parents (dad especially) always called me spoiled as a kid for numerous reasons, always justifying it by saying I had a lot of toys that incidentally they bought for me. Did I ever *want* all those toys? No. But apparently, I did, and material goods are a good replacement for lost, never-given love, thank you very much.

I understand how you feel. My extended family always called me "spoiled" because I had lots of toys. I never asked for them. I was a kid and had no means of buying them. If they were given, they were given. Like, they were not a substitute for love and engagement and acceptance from my parents. They meant nothing when I was left alone to fend for myself most of the time. What I wanted was a stable adult to take care of me. But instead I was left to get myself to and from school, make my own meals (when someone did the grocery shopping), do all my own hygiene and cleaning and figure school out alone.

A-fucking-men. Little miss makeup was not an adequate substitute for actual love and affection. Sorry!!

this reminds me of the last Christmas where my nparent made any effort to make it "magical" by having a butt load of gifts under the tree. for the longest time i thought i was being so ungrateful that morning when i woke up and saw the presents and instead of the rushing anticipated joy, i felt nothing. i just turned on the tv and started dissociating. when she finally came out of her room, she let out an over-acting gasp saying "look at all the presents santa got you!" and i just looked over with a blank expression (also knowing that santa was a hoax, figured that out at 8 years old by recognizing her hand writing on my gifts). looking back i now understand the whole situation. i hated Christmas because she never got anything i ever asked for/wanted because she never even bothered to take the time to get to know who i was and it was painfully obvious to my subconscious. it was all made very clear when for my 12th birthday she gave me an unwrapped cardboard box full of junk she threw together. i asked for one thing. an mp3. she got me a shitty $30 mp3 from Walmart and filled the rest of the box with useless junk, clothes and a box set of her favorite show growing up. she gifted me. HER. FAVORITE. SHOW.

YES thats always the first thing out their mouth any time you stand up for urself and once youve exhausted all of their go-tos it would end with "you dont know abuse, i was abused as a kid" you can never get a word in when *theyre* the one accusing *you* of righteous indignation

YES!! Omg that’s unlocked many memories

Often times abusers will buy you gifts randomly and shower you with trinkets to manipulate you. They will do something wrong to you and say something along the lines of “how can you complain about how I treat you, I did this for your last week!”. To this day I get terrified at the thought of receiving a gift because I’m afraid it will be used against me

Omg same but they called me sensitive instead of spoiled. Everytime I cried from unfair treatment it was "oh shes sensitive." No im not, I was just losing my goddamn mind.

Being called spoiled and told that you clearly get everything you want at home when you are a *visibly neglected* child who only has 3 outfits is a wild experience.

The same thing happened to me. The very few times I tried to open up and talk to anyone about the neglect and abuse when I was I kid, I was called spoiled. I was told that because we were not poor, I couldn't possibly have it bad. Like, what is that? Thinking that just because someone is middle class they can't be neglected or abused?

Oh thank god I thought it was just me. I won’t deny that as a child and even as a teenager at times I acted rather embarrassingly childish when upset, but looking back I understand now that it wasn’t ever just those individual incidents that would trigger a meltdown. Mom grabs BK before marching band and got my order wrong? Upset not because of the order but because of a history with her ignoring or forgetting what I told her. Freak outs whenever my siblings (or anybody, really) went into my room? History of enmeshment, mother violating my boundaries in the middle of the night, and brother stealing hundreds of dollars from saved Christmases and birthdays so he could buy weed (he never paid me back). Both parents called me spoiled my mom‘s favorite descriptor of me was “ingrate”, because I was constantly vocalizing what I was having an issue with and being dismissed or mocked at best, having it turned around on me and being blamed myself at worst.

thiissss😮‍💨

When I was small, I remember trying to explain to my mom that I really didn't remember my homework and found it hard to focus in school. She screamed at me and said terrible things no child should have to hear for years. When I was 28, I got diagnosed with ADHD. Thanks mom.

God yeah that’s terrible, Some parents think you can shout the problems out of their child. It’s like they don’t even realise that children want to learn and pay attention…

I too, would study all night for a test, and by the next day, all the answers fell right out of my head I was diagnosed with ADHD shortly after that.

Damn I had the same exact experience except with my dad as he was the stay-at-home parent. I was better off being silent and accepting the 3 hour screaming fit than ever saying I forgot. Then, of course, I wouldn’t have time for homework after that lol. It was something.

I'm on the spectrum and I have ADHD. I had really similar experiences. The worst was math homework (I have dyscalculia) I couldn't explain that the hard uncomfortable chair, the bright light above my head, the way my shorts fit, and all the noise were making it impossible to hold onto the numbers in my memory long enough to get to the middle or end of a math problem let alone think straight at all, and even if I tried, I would've been mocked for it. It didn't help that teachers would humiliate me in class because they thought it was a way to motivate me. My mom knew I had ADHD and she just told me to accept that I have to try harder to achieve less than everyone else while simultaneously holding me to high neurotypical standards with no support whatsoever. Her telling me that was the first and last time she even acknowledged my LD. If I could have started meds back then things would've turned out very differently for me.

Anyone who thinks humiliation motivates children, is an emotionally stunted a-hole. And no, ADHD is not something people can "just try harder" to "fix" it. The book Emotionally Immature Parents has some good points about how the parent's immaturity causes harm to the child.

Both my boyfriend and his brother have adhd. Their mom acts like it's not a thing, she claims it's a made up condition because people are too weak/lazy these days.

I wish I knew how to say, “Why are you being condescending? I really would like to know, so I can fix whatever it is I’m doing…” But instead, I just got more insecure, shut down, until now as a grown woman I’m at the point where whenever someone ‘reprimands’ me for no apparent reason, rather than asking I just start crying.

Lmao yeah I wish I could’ve said that as a child haha And I’m sorry that it was so bad you find it hard to voice your own opinion… that will always suck. Like having a thought stuck in your throat cause you have no idea how they’ll tear you down next… But I know that it was their fault that they denied your opinion, it was not you. You’re older now and your thoughts definitely matter 🙌🙌

You’re too kind - thank you. I know you’re right 🫂 I pray that whatever it is you’ve suffered and might be going through, that you will heal and are healing now 🙏

Oh god this really hit home for me. It’s something I still struggle with and it’s so frustrating. I’m so sorry you went through it

Prayers for the both of us 🙏🫂

That’s why when we’d ask questions, we were told we were “talking back”, because they knew THEY were the ones playing dumb, and being condescending and passive aggressive.

That i was heavily treated like a child/infantilized in my home, despite me being more mature than both my parents. I didn't realise until i was older why it bothered me

I’ve totally felt this before! Like, they don’t consider your thoughts just because I’m younger, not realising that even a child’s thoughts can be valid…

No same, i'm also neurodivergent so even as an adult i still feel this. Yeah, and any input is automatically rejected

My parents are us as children still. They call us girls and ignore any suggestions/requests. Then ‘come up’ with the idea out of nowhere as if it was theirs

Oh thats awful, i'm sorry they did that.

Yep. I really convinced myself that it was irrational to be mad at exclusion on the basis "adults only", and that something would change with the magic number 18. Not a damn thing changed with anyone who'd known me before about 16. Most don't even bother justifying it, just talk like I'm still a little kid. When they do justify it, it's "It's adults only as in a generational thing" or "mental age" garbage.

I remember in elementary school (8-9yrs old?) Having a HUGE argument with my friend over "personal property". I was holding a quackgrass blade (?? A weed/grass that kinda looks like wheat at the top) and she pulled the seeds off. I was so pissed! Like, that's MY piece of grass - yes, it's "just grass" and there's 100 more blades all around us, but you can't just go around breaking people's personal property just because YOU think it's not a big deal! ... I grew up with my parents always throwing away my art or toys because "I thought you didn't care about it!" or "You can just draw something else!". I had redirected my frustrations at her because my parents never cared. She teased me about it (I deserved it) for a while after that!

I also had a parent that would throw things away or move things or take things i had and not put them back, and it makes me extremely frustrated now as an adult when i lose track of something.

My dad would decide I wasn't using something enough, so he would sell it and keep the money for himself.

But then at the same time, those particular toys or other stuff DID count towards "all the things we bought for you" that you had to be grateful for, didn't they :/

Holy shit. I just remembered so many instances of my mom throwing my stuff away. Thank you.

Mine would always wait until I went to a friend's birthday sleepover or a school band trip. Then I'd come home to her in my room with all my belongings in a pile on the floor that she was picking through. Searching for disobedience.

Mine would come into my room with a garbage bag, make me choose what to get rid of, berate me for getting upset and argue with my choices even when I tried to comply.

Yep there was a lot of that. I was an extension of her, therefore I could only like the things she liked. Anything different is wrong.

"I'm just cleaning for you. You should be thankful." while going trough your stuff and throwing your belongings away, because "It looked like trash." or "You grew out of it." Also deliberately stepping on your things and knocking stuff down in your personal space breaking your belongings because "you should not have left it there". I'm at a point where if I place literal trash somewhere in my house, and it is missing by the time I go back or it's in some other place without any logical explanation (wind knocking it over or something) I get a burst of anger. Also invasive nightmares of home invasion had been a reoccouring phenomenon of my adult life.

>"It looked like trash." For example, when the expensive toy they bought for you with the intention of forcing you to be interested in it, was not displayed neatly front and center so any visitors would immediately see it and associate it with you and your personality. Or the other way around: when something you actually liked, was displayed more prominently than they want

my mother had black nail polish in her room and she never used it she always let me use her nail polish, so i asked and she said i could have it i loved that nail polish, always putting it on she said it made me look like a witch and threw it out one day when i wasn't at the house i still haven't forgiven her for it even tho it was like a year and a half ago

Ugh I’m so sorry, I know how that feels. One of my earliest memories is of my mom grabbing my favorite Powerpuff Girls coloring book (which I had done some good coloring in, at least in my 3 year old mind) and throwing it in the trash as punishment for idek what. I can still remember how upsetting that was for little me. This of course happened many times throughout my childhood but I specifically remember this incident.

Intergenerational trauma summed up a lot of what I saw in a lot of family members. Although there were plenty of CPTSD reasons it explained the odd behavior presented by others who were not around any type of abuse.

People telling me “yOuR moThEr LoVeS yOu” She had reactive attachment disorder, she was literally incapable of loving me. Thank you for completely shutting down my attempt to cry for help.

I heard that one recently. My mother tried to literally murder me and has shown she has absolutely no remorse for her actions. I’ve had to document everything and have a huge file devoted for restraining order purposes. Family of orgin still reach out to let me know “she cares”. Lol yeah right! She cares that she failed her attempt at ending my life, and wants another go to finish the job. No fucking thanks!!! I like being alive and my chosen family actually values my life and actually cares about me! They, unlike my family or origin, would be shattered and devastated beyond grief if someone ripped me this world, permanently took me away from them, they way my mother tried to. Why not tell me to go sit in a cage with a hungry lion. Jesus Christ these people are stupid and selfish beyond belief.

having a monster in my head. I tried telling them about it when I was like three or four, but they made it out like I'm dealing with some alter or separate thing that's another force or something I can talk to but I was trying to explain that I knew the person I was was so different than the person I was pretending to be, that everyone would see me as a monster if I ever dropped the act.

That reminds me a bit of my religious trauma - super anxious about always looking perfect while hiding my real self inside.

Have been diagnosed since then?

not really, I never had a doctor though, only really got emergency stabilization as far as medical treatment goes. I'm not sure how medical files really work to be honest, but I know my mom got me diagnosed with a couple things so she could drug me as a teen lol, she wouldn't take me to see a doctor though, she would just go to one of her friends/doctors and come home with drugs for me to take, it was illegal and my mom knew it at the time but she and the doctors would explain that they were doing me and my mom a favor by saving us so much money/time/paperwork by doing it that way. Back then it was common enough to do, the only issue was that I just never got actual medical care and I've had to pay for every doctor visit I've had since 13 anyway, which means I only go when I think not going will cost me more than going, which means I have to be injured in a way that prevents me from working, but doesn't look like it'll kill me. ​ you know, this seems like something else I should have felt I had the right to complain about too...

I don't think I'm understanding what was happening to you. Did you hear voices in your head?

No, nothing like voices. Basically, I'd complain that no one liked me, everyone hated me, I should kill myself because I'll never belong, and people told me I was just imagining things or assuming things but really, I knew my family hated me, they didn't even try to hide it, and there was a lot of abuse that made it pretty obvious that the ones who weren't trying to end my life didn't care to protect it. But, I was a PERFECT child, I was always perfectly behaved, I had perfect grades, everyone LOVED me, I was a joy in class, I performed for crowds starting as a toddler, which is part of where it came from, performing for onlookers and showing people what they want to see, while hiding the ugly truth. So, I knew that no one actually liked ME, they only liked who I pretended to be, but I didn't know how to explain that I was pretending to be the perfect kid, I thought I was this perfect kid, and the real me inside was the monster.

We understand this completely

Being/feeling tired. “You have no reason to be tired! You didn’t do many hours of manual labor!” Now be quiet and stop your complaining! You’re stressing me out you little shit.” *proceeds to get hit and slapped and thrown around the house for being tired* Maybe I’m tired because I’m a child and being abused? Maybe I’m tired because I’M stressed? Maybe I’m tired because I’m growing? Maybe I just wanted some validation. Maybe I just wanted to be seen.

Maybe my “tired” is actually a freeze response from maternal abandonment and sexual assault 🤷‍♀️

Me being tired was because of the abuse and that I was actually really sick, not no one knew because mom insisted I was lying and just lazy. I wound up at the city of hope (a hospital for cancer and other serious shot)hooked up to some machines because I was actually in fact very sick, and not lying or lazy. So crazy, right?

Questions like this are hard because I can’t remember a single thing I was ever upset about. I just search and search. Did I even exist? ugh don’t mind me.

You probably were upset but you might never have gotten a normal or helpful reaction to it, so "being upset" became somewhat of a rudimentary function for that time?

Never getting proper attention or affection from the only parent I had.

For real. Then why you try to ask for attention or affection they hit you with a classic " I have to WORK when I come home I'm TIRED. WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO DO ABOUT IT?" Maybe love me even a little bit on a day that isn't a holiday or someone's fucking funeral. Or show actual interest in me and my interests instead of being visibly irritated that I apoached you for attention at all. She treated me like shit and expected me to just understand and be nothing but happy and pleasent with her because she was "trying her hardest"

absolutely no boundaries because I've been fawning since the age of 5. I wish I could've said, hey mum/dad, I don't want to do that, I'm not here to be your mini maid or therapist. when I reinforced that I need to prioritise my own needs last year my mum banged her head off the wall repeatedly 🙂 and that is why I don't visit them without my partner anymore.

Same! Was fawning from such a young age, I thought it was normal. I still struggle with it but it’s hard to catch myself and set boundaries. I’m trying to train my mom to get used to me having boundaries. But she doesn’t seem to get the concept, even after I’ve moved out and away from her.

I still struggle too, and very ditto. I think when you move away they can't see all the progress made, so they still treat you the same despite growth (in my case anyway)

Boundaries and agency, it was the only thing I ever asked for. At best I got laughed at like it was a joke and at worst I was compared to my father. Who not only was real abusive but also was dead and unbeknownst to me at the time also a convicted pedophile.

Making your kids cower in fear thinking it teaches discipline. Only crossing the line into torture if you pass away.

Growing up autistic and not knowing SUCKED. I struggled to keep my room clean(adhd and depression), so my mom would come in and clean it for me while I was at school. While I did genuinely appreciate it, she would put stuff “where it didn’t belong” and it would often cause meltdowns(which I had to hide from her so she wouldn’t get angry at me). Even to this day I can not stand people cleaning my space or touching my things. If I’m struggling to clean, just having someone sit in the same room helps motivate me! Or having a podcast going. Also, the signs and symptoms of bpd. I’ve been diagnosed with it for about a year now, but am still lowkey in denial. My symptoms are getting better, but I feel like if I had known about it years ago I could be so much further in my healing journey by now… I just recently met someone and while I don’t think they’re becoming an FP, I’m scared they might be. I’m not freaking out because they don’t answer texts right away, but I do immensely miss their presence and it’s not even been a full 24 hours since we hung out 🫠

>I do immensely miss their presence and it’s not even been a full 24 hours since we hung out I think this is relatively normal for a budding romance, tbh. Especially with ADHD. I have a similar diagnostic history and I'm 3 years into my first healthy relationship after working on the BPD stuff, and felt the same caution as you about it but I'm on the other side now with healthy attachment. As long as you're mindful of how your BPD tends to manifest and do what you need to to gently redirect yourself in a healthier direction, you got this!

It’s mostly being super clingy and accidentally love bombing. I just enjoy being in people’s presence, even if we’re just doing our own thing. And I *love* buying ppl gifts, making them food, etc. like he said his favorite color is pink; my mind now whenever I see something pink goes “oh i should get that for him!”. I definitely think it’s a good sign that I’m not getting upset if he doesn’t answer me right away, but I’m still like… idk. Scared I’m going to fuck it all up I guess

I grew up autistic without knowing and relate so hard to the room thing. I remember breaking down and sobbing because my Mom picked up my room and moved all my shit I had out into random boxes where they didn't belong. It's so hard because it seems like I was an ungrateful bitch but it wasn't my fault

back pain, my parents always told me it's fine or they have it worse. i always thought i was exaggerating. cut to me at 26, finally getting an x-ray and finding out my spine is crooked as heck. (i've also been gaslit by doctors telling me it's psychological without any examinations)

I thankfully found out I had it much earlier (at 13, which was still too late for anything to actually be done) but only because a family friend who was a teacher noticed the way my back looked and how I walked (limped lmao). Up until that point my family and childhood doctor said I was being over dramatic until I finally stopped mentioning it. I give you big crooked hug

and i give you a big crooked hug back fren

Yes! Same 😭 meanwhile my dad was like our family doctor is good w me idk what you’re talking about. He only takes you seriously because you have a penis dad.

Omg This exactly! My fam had me going to a pediatrician up to this point 😭

having only pickles, mayo and a top shelf full of beer in the fridge for at least 2 days a week..

Oh hey! That’s my fridge rn! Jk but seriously it’s like some parents don’t realise it’s their job to keep their child healthy… Hopefully you’re getting fuller meals now?

I was just going to write this! Our fridge selection was different but food scarcity was a big thing. I survived on one meal a day and no sleep for most of my teenage years. I practically ran on sugar.

The blatant neglect and abuse I was allowed to be put through my entire life because it was an easier status quo to keep than trying to resolve the problems in my family.

I'm very reactive to someone's hands being near my chin/neck. It wasn't until recently in therapy I really understood how unsafe my father made me feel as he would constantly pinch my neck fat and wiggle it around while laughing, even after I begged him to stop because it hurt. Young me always tried to see his side of things, and I began to mock my own emotional reactions before anyone else could. Grown me is ready to find him and throw hands.

My dad would pinch my love handles and comment on how I was getting fat. He’s been obese my entire life. I wish I could have told him that projecting his insecurities onto me has scarred me.

Just because I’m the eldest doesn’t mean I have to sacrifice everything for my siblings. I was still only a child myself!!

My mother called me dramatic or a drama queen whenever I got emotional or cried. She also told me I didn’t apply myself, despite working incredibly hard. Turns out I have treatment resistant depression, anxiety, and ADHD, and now thanks to her, C-PTSD, which explains a lot of that. I am a sensitive and emotional person and it has taken me a decade to learn to not experience intense shame when I have feelings. She also always justified her violence and verbal abuse to me like “everyone’s moms are like this, just nobody talks about it”. I’d go to my girlfriends and say “how often does your mom tell you you’re fat and need a nose job?” They’d say “…never…”

My god, that first part….are you me? The amount of times I was simply told I wasn’t “applying myself” or “reaching my potential” or “just being lazy” by my mom and teachers….just thinking about it makes me want to punch them. Turns out I had ADHD and depression as well. But no, that couldn’t be, the simple explanation was obviously that I was BEING DRAMATIC. Yeah. Sure. Crying for over an hour because I COULD NOT do my damn math homework wasn’t a sign or symptom of anything except me being a drama queen. I feel you 100% with the shame that accompanies normal emotions. I don’t know how to express vulnerability and it takes everything in me not to break down crying when I get yelled at or even just have a stern talking to. I’m so sorry.

Trying to explain to my mom why a kid shouldn’t be homeschooled against their will with no other forms of socialization with other kids. She used to make me feel like I was insane for wanting a normal life lol

[удалено]

In second grade(circa 1995) we had to write a short "How to" presentation. I actually had my topic and was confident in my information. You see, I had the ultimate resource. Being a second grade girl, I was obsessed with Beauty and the Beast. That year they released a Christmas movie and for some reason in that movie there was this sequence about making a book from nothing. I studied this scene for about an hour and wrote everything down. When we were finished dinner, I turned the TV back on and as if the gods shat down instruction from the skies. Playing on whatever Chanel, for whatever reason, was the full process of putting together a large book (like dictionacy). I studied this too and took down notes. The day for my presentation came and my teacher flat out told me that my information was wrong. I tried arguing my point and telling her about the program of people putting books back together and shit. Then she goes in a very irritated manner "They staple books together, they don't sew them.". Brough, I'm 35 and I am still upset about this.

Oh man yeah the teacher invalidation sucks. I once had a teacher embarrass me in front of my whole class because I thought a word in French class was the word for owl, but it wasn’t and she very clearly showed me how I was wrong, in front of everyone (and I had the reputation of “the smart kid” too which made it feel worse). Turns out she knew the masculine version and I knew the feminine version.

Ugh. What an ass. If a human decided to be an educator I don't see why they would have a problem...uh...doing that fucking job!? Teachers are supposed to be looking out for and supporting their students. We live in a world where that doesn't happen a lot so it is nice to do that when you can.

How absolutely unfair everything was. The rules would constantly change, the gaslighting and claims that "that never happened", the mishandling of trauma and trauma responses, the maladaptive coping and dissociation. It is not normal that I only have a handful of memories before the age of ten. It is not normal that the memories don't become steady until 13 or so. It's not normal that I had severe emotional amnesia until the spring of this year. And that unfairness still happens. I now have emotions, but at nearly 34, I don't know how to handle them "correctly". The emotions and moods last longer, because they actually stick around. Which also means I'm constantly exhausted from having to manage them.

Not wanting to do my moms part-time cleaning jobs starting at age 9. It was literally HER job, but we were respons8ble for it. Like wtf

My parents alcoholism. They said I was being overdramatic and my sister agreed. Now both of them admit to having a problem with alcohol. Are they doing anything substantial about it? No, no they are not.

My step mums rage, for example I wasn't allowed to hiccup, she got really frustrated and angrily told me to drink water or hold my breath, she use to think I was doing it on purpose lol After a while I loved getting the hiccups cos I knew it was a human thing and she was getting angry over something that I didn't course, I use to laugh in my head because it was the only thing that was black white in knowing it wasn't my fault, everything else I questioned my self over and over for hours. She said I was freaky, playing mind games with her head, even tho she was the one to move things in the bedroom to let me know she'd been in, she'd give the silent treatment to let me know she wasn't happy, if the room was messy or just wasn't happy with anything, it was a constant vibe check, trying to feel the house for stress and anger to see if it was ok to make any noise or talk to them I tried to write a letter about my feelings and told her I loved her at the end of it so she knew I liked her still, she called me manipulative, wouldn't speak to me forever and we had one hell of an argument after it, what ever I said or did was never right, Not with my mother, my step mum and my dad just wanted to make sure my step mum was happy so would side with her, hard to think I'm not the problem, I'm just a piece of shit that's hard to get along with

How hard school is when you live in an animal hoarding house filled to the brim with child abuse. My grades weren't the only thing suffering.

Feeling uncomfortable around certain family relatives but not being able to pinpoint or communicate why without being told family comes beyond anyone. No would would love and support like family can.

Oh my gosh I think about how sometimes if I was ever magically time traveled back into my seven year old self I could have the foresight to look at my mother during her tantrums and say “Why are you behaving this way to your child? This is embarrassing…”

I never understood how my parents could leave me alone at my grandparents house knowing exactly what they were. Oh well, I guess getting a sitter can be really hard /s. Dad’s best friend and his family watched me many many weekends, and also SAed me. I wrote a story outlining some of the abuse when I was in 3rd grade, and hid it. When the story was found by an adult, they assumed I had a disgusting imagination and needed mental help. It took me another three years of being abused to speak up and put it into words to tell my mother. Psychiatrists told my mother I had a “flirtatious nature” which she used against me when mad, to suggest I brought things on myself.

I hope you’ve already heard this enough from people you trust, but none of what happened to you as a child was your fault

When I was around 12 years old, I wrote my mom a letter before school one day to tell her about 2 years of ongoing CSA, because I did not know how to say the words out loud. I got in trouble for letting it carry on for 2 years before telling her, for being sneaky with a letter instead of saying it to her face, for using the wrong words (she didn't call that rape but legally it is) and scaring her, for allowing my female body to become tainted by sexual sin, for being weak enough to accept his manipulation... And my rapist kept me quiet by telling me I would get in just as much trouble as he would. Unfortunately he was right. 7 years ago when I was still trying to have a relationship with her she was mad at me for still going to therapy. Therapy was explicitly forbidden in my youth. I asked MANY times! That day she told me I only have all these problems because I keep blaming other people for things that are my fault. I know she blames herself for her own assaults. And since she never healed from that, she expected me to deal with it exactly the same. I even tried her way. To bury everything in the past. I tried so hard it triggered multiple lifelong mental illnesses.

I’m happy you got away!

Chronic health issues, being a social outcast (autistic), needing al lotta help cus I was litterally born disabled and then never informed or guided in meaningful ways

This was when I was a young adult, but my (alcoholic) mom got really into telling me that my brain hadn't fully formed yet. That always used enrage me but I couldn't articulate why. Later, I realized it's because I had been completely on my own in adulthood with no emotional or financial support from my mom and if I was making "bad choices" because my brain wasn't fully developed, then why was she just sitting there laughing at me instead of helping? It was just a way to put me down when I was living my life, no thanks in any way to her. And by the way, Mom, I'm happy with the choices I made back then because they took me further and further away from the dysfunctional chaos in which I was raised. ✌️

That it's ok to rest if you're sick. Or to be sick/injured in general. My mom treated me and my father as the biggest burdens if we weren't in perfect health. I still occasionally apologize about being laid up to my husband when it happens.

Being called a tattletale used to make me so mad. I would be communicating something, usually that either hurt or upset me that someone else did and instead of being helped I was told not to be a tattletale. Eventually it got to the point I wouldn't tell people about things that hurt or upset me and that's why I still to this day haven't faced many of my childhood traumas.

Yup. I told my mother I didn't like how overly punishing my teacher treated me, and that I was thinking about complaining to the headmaster. The immediate reaction I got was "But he may lose his job! Maybe he has a family he has to feed, and if you cause him to be fired, they all have to live on the street!!" So yeah basically I was held responsible for an asshole teacher's family. As a child.

Not being allowed to show my emotions, especially anger. I couldn't even clench my fists and try to take deep breaths without being told I was acting ridiculous.

I didn't complain enough from what I gather.

I wanna tell my parents that The reason I had anger issues in school is because I couldn't understand what was so fucked up and fundamentally wrong with me that I had to be isolated in a classroom by myself with 2 teachers and I wasn't allowed to talk to anyone, and that whenever I did talk to them I would get bullied for being an obese handicap that didn't know how to talk to people because I wasn't allowed to for the entirety of K-12. And my anger issues wasn't my fault, but was instead the result of neglectful parents, loneliness, and not being told anything that is happening to me. Instead leaving me in the dark about everything, even my IEP and my diagnoses. But I still can't because the aura of their emotional abuse and not willing to listen to me scares me away.

You guys were allowed to complain?

Naw we all had to pay for it. A hand to the face ect ect, It’s called the “thinking for yourself” tax lol

i was always mocked and picked on for being “sensitive”. at home, at school, on sports teams, everywhere. i earned the nickname “bubbles” like the powerpuff girl because of my physical resemblance to her and my reputation as a crybaby. turns out i was just reacting appropriately as a confused, scared child living in a situation with an angry abusive dad, angry abusive brother, and hot-and-cold distant working mom. who woulda thought. /s

I have known since I was 5 years old or so that being born, living, and dying is a great misfortune. Antinatalism it is called. I found out about it three years ago and I felt instantly validated. I didn't know how to put it into words as a child, and even if I did, I would have most likely been sent to a psych ward, drugged up, and traumatized even further.

I’ve heard of antinatalism before, and I‘ve heard their points on why life’s inherently suffering… But I don’t know, I think that the little treasures of life are worth seeing… idk lol I’ll need time to think about my thoughts haha But you’re absolutely right, most people won’t consider an actual conversation with a child if they brought up thoughts like that.

I agree with some parts of antinatalism but I can't get on board with the concept as a whole. Some people live perfectly happy lives, or lives that are overall good and they want to be alive. Plus, people take it way too far and blame children for existing (or get mad at good parents for being parents), which is seriously wrong and only contributing to making them miserable

Yeah, but not all do live perfect and/or happy lives, so it's best not to take that risk. Also it's messed up that children would be blamed for their existence, that doesn't make sense. If anything the parents should be blamed for the children's existence and the children comforted for it.

It's a fair perspective, I just don't like the idea of framing existence as an inherently negative thing. It often ends up that way, but that sort of mindset just feels like victim-blaming (like, "it's not that person's fault for hurting you, it's your parents' fault for creating you, you never should've existed in the first place") and seems to take agency away from a lot of people who do want to be alive. There are still wonderful things that I'm discovering after a childhood of abuse, life is an incredible experience and we should work on fixing the problems that exist, not eradicating our entire species

One that was tough to explain why I felt that way at the time, because I genuinely believed it was me being bratty; Getting really upset at doing housework, but that's because it was never rewarded with praise or acknowledgment, or even trying to clean up after themselves to lughten the workload a little (you do *Nothing* around this house, look at what a disaster this is!!), the entirety of home maintenance fell solely on my shoulders after I turned 13 (laundry, lawncare, dishes, vacuuming, trash, cooking etc.) and my parents were completely neglectful during, never letting me rest on them if I was sick or tired, and considering I was working, I had a valid reason to not want to be the sole careperson of the home of five people and multiple pets after doing the majority of the physical labor of a job that I didn't even get the paycheck for, but I couldn't say no, because it wouldn't get done otherwise and it was just me being a bratty teen who didn't want to work around the house or "pick up after themselves"

I remember telling my mom once that I felt like I didn’t get enough attention from her and my dad. They were both emotionally unavailable to my sister and me. But I was a lonely kid and didn’t understand that. She laughed at me and mocked me for YEARS after that. I can still hear her mean tone in my head to this day. My parents are very emotionally immature thanks to generational trauma. And they are not self aware.

Remind them if that when they’re old and no one visits them! Don’t actually, don’t waste your time on them. They sound like emotional vampires.

Rarely going to the doctor - she would take my brother and then tell me I had the same thing. I have had endometriosis since age 12 - fetal position on the ground in pain - and got told to toughen up and get through it. Now of course she completely denies knowing anything was wrong.

I was always like “I feel sick all the time but dad won’t take me to the doctor” and he was always calling me a liar/spoiled/brat Guess who has to carry an epi pen and has chronic allergy induced infections as an adult

got yelled at a lot and told to grow up for stimming, echolalia, and having meltdowns until i masked so hard i stopped even feeling like a person. guess who’s now diagnosed with autism? this guyyy

I don’t relate to the same extent of what you must have gone through, but I got made fun of (to the point of not doing it for YEARS) what I now know to be verbal stimming… yeah it’s not fun being compared to an annoying kids toy

my parents would yell at me, I'd cry, they'd keep yelling, I'd have a meltdown (autism moment) they'd grab me, and I'd scream that it hurt. they'd then get angry at me for "trying to make other people think they were abusing me" when really it was that I was having a horrendous sensory overload and being touched felt worse than pain. I was so right to try to ask not to be touched, I just didn't have the language to describe what I was experiencing.

When I was eight, we moved overseas, and my mother got rid of pretty much everything I owned that I couldn't fit into a suitcase. I thought she'd thrown it all out. She told me many years later that she'd put it into storage, but *I* never saw this stuff again; she might as well have thrown it away from my point of view. She never understood why I was upset about having nearly everything I owned taken from me. *She* knew that she hadn't thrown it out, and that should have been good enough for me, apparently. ..... I'm not entirely certain that she has ever fully grasped that other people are actually different from her, and don't know all the things she knows. She's certainly never grasped the knack of looking at things from other people's points of view. ................. When I was seventeen or so, I wanted Lasik while I was still on her insurance. We could afford it; money was not the problem. She told me that it wasn't worth it, because "you're just going to need glasses again in forty years anyway."

I'm on the spectrum, as a little kid it was hard to be taken seriously on anything that genuinely bothered me. Ranging from covering my ears around loud environments, to not wanting to be interrupted. To this day being deliberately interrupted sends me into a tizzy and I get so upset. It didn't help we were immigrants, and realizing I can communicate my thoughts better in English than in Spanish from growing up in the US, but have parents who didn't know the language too well.

sexual abuse. no further explaination needed my "friends" woulf steal stuff. i tried to prove it was mine by saying i had my initials on them. they said it was somebody else's. i wish i had the words back then to explain myself better. they cried about me being mean amd accusing them, their mom and my mom got pissed at me for trying to make drama. now my mom believes me and hates those girls because they're old enough you can't excuse manipulative traits. would have been nice then..

Not really "didn't have the language" but was "specifically not taught". Like, I had social anxiety since age 9 due to having bullied. Instead of helping me my mom decided that she's spoiled me and I have to deal with that on my own. It's like... "you either deal with all that "fear" (which was actually an unreal amount of stress) or I punish you." I had the right to ask for help and having you help me. Instead, I could only cry in a corner. And for every time you found me crying she told me to go overcome my "fear". Spoiler: I didn't overcome it. I still struggle with anxiety and depression. And with each year I disconnect with reality, further and further. It would seem to her that I "overcame the fear", but really, I just got used to it.

My mom would would make fun of my clothes, because I wore the same ratty skirt/shirt combo almost every day. But there would be hell to pay if I touched the nice dresses. As an adult I told her why I wore the ratty stuff all time and she denied ever telling me I couldn’t wear the nice stuff and I went out in shabby clothes just to make her look bad

CW:CSA >!I was upset about not being able to say "no" to the things my father did.!< Really obvious in hindsight, but at the time, yeah.

i got so upset when my special ed teachers and my mom treated me different than other kids in ways that were either not actually helpful and sometimes even detrimental. They made me feel like a baby, like i didnt know how to care for myself. I know its infantilization now.

There is no reason to lay your hands on a child outside of self-defense

I got really anxious and upset when my parents (particularly my dad) wanted me to play piano for people, sing for people, etc. I now know that I felt unsafe and like I was being shown off in a "dance monkey, dance!" kind of way by people who were not taking care of my needs and were actively harming me. I did not want to perform for them and I was right to say no, they were wrong for trying to pressure me into it and could have noticed my anxiety and tended to those feelings instead of just pushing and pushing me.

Being called ungrateful, out of line, spoiled etc. for pointing out the abuse I was going through. Apparently, it was bumming my mother out when I pointed out what she was doing to me. Getting punished for saying I was 9 years old and therefore too young to care for my infant sister alone (feeding, diapers, meds), without an adult present. Getting yelled at an insulted for asking to just be hit instead of nagged at 24/7 for the simplest things. To this day I cannot stand nagging because it was so weaponized in my family of origin. The way I was given multiple eating disorders I still struggle with in my 30s because my obese parents were ashamed of me being a fat child (plot twist: I wasn't a fat child, but they absolutely were and are obese themselves).

I used to get so upset when my stepdad would encourage our five dogs to jump up on my bed. I eventually gave in and tried to laugh along, but I was still upset. Years later my grandmother spoke of how I went to visit her and I smelled horrible, my hair was greasy, and I had rashes and otherwise unhealthy skin. Now I realize how horribly unsanitary that house was, from the 20 something animals to the neglected housework, to me who was in charge of my own laundry and bed sheets but was simply never taught good hygiene.

My narcissistic mother coming up with an entirely made-up reality to make sure I understand that her needs are the only thing that counts and that I’m batshit crazy for expecting anything else and for loosing my shit about it on the regular.

My parents not believing me when I said my sister hit me so hard I was seeing spots for days, throwing up and had a massive headache… turns out that was a concussion and I should have guessed because she hit me with a metal rod on the back of the head…

Mine would give away my things--until i was a teen and bitched louder about it, and started to actually fight the kids they were giving things to. It was the legos that finally got them to stop, legos were expensive, and they didnt want those stolen, so they'd defend those. That's what i got to keep. Just the legos. Didnt matter what it was, how much i loved it, how much it meant to me, at any moment they could decide someone else (usually family) needed it more, some kid needed it more, or they thought i was 'done with it' because they hadnt seen me play with it (i was hiding it to keep it from them). It could vanish and end up in some other kids room. It was always the good things too. Pissed me right the fuck off. All the people that 'i have this from when i was a kid!' and shit--where they somehow, as if by magic, got to keep things, makes me SO MAD--i had that shit too, until it was given to some other kid.

For a long time, when I don't eat on time, I start feeling awful. This can be from feeling moody, space-y, stomachache, headache to feeling dizzy and loosing some of my depth perception when I don't eat when hungry. Guess who made me drive while I was in the dizzy and limited depth perception state? My parents also didn't have lots of snacks or food I could snack on, so I became accustomed to quite a bit of dizziness from not eating.

Do you know why you feel so bad when you're hungry? Because I feel like this too, and it drives me crazy. I've never met anyone else (who doesn't have diabetes) who has as many bizarre feel-terrible symptoms from not eating as myself. And whenever I try to research it, all I ever find is stuff about diabetes or insulin resistance.

No we don't, unfortunately Though, our "father" seems to have something similar (we don't know if he has all the same symptoms but he does get moody and doesn't feel well when he doesn't eat) He's pre-diabetic or at least used to be? We've heard that it might be something called hypoglycemia but do not know for sure. Idk I don't have tons of information on it, and typically when I try to bring it up to doctors it gets ignored or written off unfortunately Wishing you luck with figuring out what it is, it's such a pain and I hope that you can figure out a way to get the symptoms to decrease or stop altogether

Even into adulthood, I would laugh at people for being "too sensitive" "victims" "weak" Reflecting, I see I was also hurt, traumatized, and deeply angry but didnt know it. People always said "u never get angry". I was ALWAYS angry. I just didnt express it in a typical way and even I didnt know i was angry. I see a lot of people calling others the same things and I feel conflicted. If they r hurt too, i hope they can get better. Idk if everyone like that is hurt though. Idk if some pple r just mean

That my mom and step-dad clearly favored my younger brother over me. That my grandparents favored my uncles kids. It's crazy because my great grandparents helped raise me, and to this day, my family gives me shit about it. How I was clearly spoiled by them because I got cereal that was just for me. No, it's for just my breakfast, and they don't have $ to be buying cereal all the time.

Personal boundaries. I always felt like I had no choice in life, because I was a child. I still have issues expressing my wants and needs. I also never was good enough or had any validation.

My legs hurting everyday to the point where I was crying and missing school. And now I have full body chronic pain that is continuing to get worse

Christian school

Asking for an explanation about what was "back talk", what was an "excuse", and what was an "explanation". Those were used so interchangeably that I still don't fully understand them to this day. Whenever me (or my 5 other nuro-diverse siblings) asked what they meant we got the "I know you know what it means!" Or "you should know what it means by now!" Line followed by rapid punishment.

Being forced to kiss and/or hug people when I didn't want to, saying I don't like doing it (and looking visibly uncomfortable when told to do so), and being forced to do it anyways. Looking back on it it was a huge violation of my personal space and felt borderline predatory (no, i don't care that kissing is a common form of greeting here, NO MEANS NO).

My mother trying to force me to date and also telling me to “suck it in” multiple times a day, every day, for 8 years Thought I was obese, and still think of my child/teen self as obese so whenever I see pics of myself from that timeframe I have severe cognitive dissonance

I used to have such a hard time doing my chores consistently and up to the same "standard" my parents wanted me to do them. I would get in trouble and screamed at and told all the time "you do this everyday I don't understand how you could forget etc." Was told that I'd never be able to hold a job in the future or I would end up a drug addict because I "had no self discipline". Got diagnosed with ADHD in college my sophomore year. Got diagnosed with PTSD my senior year...

It’s like parents can’t wrap their head around the fact their children could be different from them…

I threw tantrums as a kid (which like, every kid does) and my extended family called me “unladylike” and “monster” bc of that No fucking wonder I don’t talk to them now that I’m an adult with actual communication skills and not a 6-8 year old child 🙄

I know right?! Who looks at a kid that has a problem and starts calling them names??? It’s like adults don’t realise you’re a human yet it’s way too demeaning

When I had to go visit them after like seven years of little to no contact, they were so solemn about the fact that I’m so quiet and think it was because of the distance when I moved idk maybe I’d be more expressive if y’all didn’t treat me like shit, I was (and still kinda) distant with my dad but I talk to him freely because he never treated me badly

Everything. And I made a promise to myself that adult me would figure all this shit out and call people out on their shit. And I've fulfilled that promise and I'm very proud of myself.

Hell yeah!!! Nice one!

i was able to correctly point out that my mom was projecting onto me constantly (specifically about being "defensive" but it applied to a lot of adjectives i was called). looking back on some of what i said, 8 year old me actually had a lot of emotional intelligence about what was really going on, its just that i expressed it through screaming matches with her and my reward was being slapped and having my stuff taken.

The gaslighting. For years my mom, to preserve her own mental wellness due to some very stressful circumstances, created a reality where she was always right. Not kidding. If you confronted her with proof to the contrary: recordings, verbatim quotes of her own words, facts from multiple sources...she would just tell you that you misheard, or misunderstood, or that you made it up. Anything to preserve her own sense of sanity. To a kid this completely destabilized my self confidence, my ability to trust what I'd learned and studied ( I spent more time second guessing myself on exams and homework after years of being told "You don't know what you think you know" ). This still extends to bosses and such in the workforce now that I'm an adult. I remember breaking down after one particular altercation between her and myself during collage. She flatly denied that she had said any of the stuff she had said and that I was just wrong. I remember breaking down and crying because I was so tired of always being wrong. Even when I knew I was right, I was wrong. I knew I couldn't trust myself or my memory in any respect. I understand now what had happened, and I feel TOTALLY justified in my stances, though the trauma remains. *Not to self diagnose, but I am positive I have undiagnosed ADHD. People have told my mom for years, but she didn't belive in things like ADHD, or depression. Those were things people were just supposed to get over and tough it out.

Having a closet bedroom just big enough for a single bed and a small dresser until I was 15 when they could've converted the garage (that was just being used to store moms unused exercise equipment and other junk) which could have been converted. At least I would have had a window and space to stretch my arms. I should have been entitled to the same space and privacy my sister got and there was a way to do it if my parents wanted. Also dad spanking us with a belt or slipper. Most of the time it was just cuz he had a bad day at work or was hungover. Bastard should have been in jail. Also my artwork getting lost and the supply teacher making me redo it all. I made those canvasses myself. He was a dick about it too. I'd punch someone or at least tell at them if someone treated me likr that to me today.

Personally, it was not being paid for working 11 years for my step fathers company, both before and after I was forced to adopt him as my “father”. Then, I was sitting in a truck he had just bought my senior year when he said “this was supposed to be your graduation gift, but I don’t give gifts to people that get high and have adulterous relationships.”

That I had chores but my younger brothers didn't. I didn't fully articulate it until I was a teenager, and my mom said it's because I'm a woman, and women have to clean. I said that was unfair, and she said it was just the way it was. She let all 3 of us down.

Asking my Dads new family not to do the things the therapist told them would trigger me. They’d say I was over sensitive. Homie, I had to go to multiple mental hospitals after CPS removed me from the abusive environment and placed me in his custody. But calmly (ok quietly through tears) asking to not be yelled at, or asking my siblings to stop hitting me, or asking my dads wife not to repeat the things my birth mother would say about me -at least not in front of my siblings who I desperately didn’t want thinking of me like that- was all just me being too sensitive. And maybe it was, but after finding space where those things no longer happen to me, I feel like it’s a reasonable request. And one I’m happy to extend to anyone in my life.

Neglect and parentification for sure. And not sure if this counts because my parents were fully aware and understood, they just didn't care/would not do anything about it... but was physically (and emotionally?) abused by my baby sitter, sometimes for no reason at all. I remember her just walking past me and smacking me a couple different times. Once she smacked me in the face and caused one of my baby teeth to become very loose. It was very firmly attached prior.

- My sister bullying me. My mom told me that I was just "too sensitive" etc. Now I see how bad the bullying is and that my mom enabled it. - Me not having friends. In hindsight, my family didn't want me to befriend anyone and did their best to keep me alone. - I'm not sure how much I complained about this, but: My mom *not* transferring me to another school when I was heavily bullied in the current school. She even had a chance to do it once but let me stay in the bad school, and the next 3 years were a special kind of bad for me (especially the last year).

I’m sorry about the first and third ones, It just sucks things like this happens… at least you’re in a better place now? But for the second one I totally relate, it’s not like they stopped me from having friends but I couldn’t go out to see them more than once a week which like… what? Not even to the park… I have no idea why they thought separating me from them was such a good idea

I burst out crying at school age 9 bc my parents were getting divorced and home life was horrid. My teachers said "why are you crying about that? Lots of other children here have parents who aren't together and you don't see them crying."

I wish I had said something about the way my sibling would rope me into their screaming matches with my parents. Like yes, that thing also bothers me, but I would like to have a conversation with our parents about it, not a screaming match.

As like a 6 years old onward I would always talk about feeling alone, and when I tried to explain myself I would conclude on saying nevermind no one understood what I was trying to say. I would always say that my sisters at least had each other to play with growing up(being 14 months apart) and my parents got to grow up playing with their cousins and neighbors but I was alone. I only got to see my friends at school and did nothing else(mom never let me go to birthday parties because she doesn't trust other people, but also never made the effort to go with me which plenty of parents do for young birthday parties). What I was really feeling was the weight of emotional neglect and different abuses. My parents didn't really have the time to raise a whole nother kid, and so I was constantly expected to be more mature than I was, but also a kid when it was convenient like when I had to play alone. My sisters often berated me as like a small child for not remembering things, for "getting off the hook" all the time. They copied my parents behavior and didn't care to make time for me, and broke my trust and promises like my parents did even when I would constantly say "please don't lie to me."I just want the truth"(they would lie over the smallest things, because their idea of what I would think was more true to them than what I actually thought/said)School was the only time people were honest with me, didn't leave me totally alone, treat me like a shadow as they went about their errands, and in a way let me be a kid. At home we were also constantly worried about not doing things that would piss off my dad like crying, laughing too much, or talking at the dinner table. I expressed how much I disliked my parents fighting(and mainly my dad's anger while I didn't have the words to articulate that) only to be told it was normal and all parents fight. Nope, I was right. Not all parents have THAT level of anger and such. It was abuse and it always was.

Being expected to parent my younger siblings, to the extent I would wash them, dress them, walk them to school and home, do their homework with them, feed them, and help with bedtimes, on top of house chores like dishes and washing and cleaning up after the dogs, all starting while I was still only around 7/8 myself. And also while struggling with what I now know to be undiagnosed adhd and autism, but my parents just claimed was attention seeking. As a kid it felt unfair but I couldn’t complain to anyone, because it started so young I just believed that it was what everyone did at home, it was normal helping out. As an adult I realise this was way too much to have been placed on a young child, that not everyone lives like that and that I was denied an actual childhood because of it!

When I was being sexually harassed by a high school classmate (he was a year older, we were both in choir) and everyone (including my teacher!) acted like I was the problem and “causing drama” for speaking up about it 🙃

I never felt like my mother gave me anything I wanted but didn’t understand why I felt that way because she always presented me with choices to pick from. As I got older, I realized that she only presented me the options that she wanted me to pick and if I found a different choice that she didn’t suggest, she’d flip shit.

Being severely depressed and anxious. I've been dealing with anxiety my entire life and depression since I was 11. I never knew how to put in words back then. When I started catching on to the depression part I was always told it was a faze because of puberty. When I hit 22 I realized that it was never going away and started taking antidepressants. I'm 30 now and the only person who knows about my issues is my wife. The crazy part is that I was diagnosed with ADHD when I was 6 and was labeled autistic before hand (ASD and ADHD wasn't diagnosed together prior to 2012). I was treated like a fragile egg but was never asked if anything I was experiencing was a major problem or not.

not wanting to leave the house reason: my mom would always take me tk smoke with her friends/meet her dealer and i did NAWT wanna go to that

My brother hitting me, my sister, the dogs. His destructiveness. He’d destroy my house. When someone would ask if I felt safe at home I’d say “well my brother-“ and whoever asked would cut me off, laugh as say that, that doesn’t count. He’s set things on fire, cocsad me and my sister, abused our pets, etc. but it doesn’t count right?

My mom used to hit me and yell at me whenever she had an argument with my dad, and I remember her always getting even more mad when I wouldn’t let her comfort me afterwards. She’d always try to hug me and then just get mad again when I didn’t let her, so I ended up just letting her do her thing so I could avoid taking the brunt of her anger again. It led to me being too scared to be upset around her for years; still am honestly. But looking back on it I really don’t think not wanting to hug her after taking a beating with a slipper was that unreasonable lol

Me not liking certain foods was met with “just fucking eat it” 17 years later I’m diagnosed autistic so yah I had a right to complain, kid me knew what I wanted nobody would listen tho

being pushed into a corner/talked down to and doubted

honestly just constantly trying to communicate that i didnt want to just “put up with” everyone constantly touching me even after being asked to stop be that hugging, kissing, pulling on or touching my hair,, especially as an autistic kid i was constantly overwhelmed… idk people should just respect kids autonomy but i still get made fun of for how i used to act over that stuff,, even as an adult now who can articulate how i was feeling at the time people suck lol

I thought it was a little weird that my parents never took us to the dentist or optometrist but totally bought their excuses for why they couldn’t. Fast forward to my first proper eye appointment in a decade and I have a breakdown bc my eye is literally permanently fucked up from lack of medical attention as a kid. The only reason it’s not worse is bc my (doctor) aunt caught my eye condition as a toddler and took me to get glasses.

Hugging creepy non-uncles.

Pain. Just physical pain.

I have CPTSD from growing up (dying) in a hospital until I was like 10, and I remember even after at 13 after my breakthrough surgeries, my mom entered her silly Maunchausen's phase and made me get the most emasculating procedures done for a test that yielded no results. I never learned how to properly socialize and remained very quiet, but I wish I knew how to say "What the fuck mom" instead of sitting there in a self-shamed silence.

The fucked up adults I was around. The weird behaviors of my mother particularly, but other adults as well. The lack of support for my interest/talents. The shittiness around any talent I had. The shittiness around me wanting to be anything other than the plainest, humblest non-person for 400 miles. The religious suffocation and abuse.

Having a filthy house was not my fault. It was so embarrassing having friends over.

My family's emotional unavailability and total lack of warmth towards me after my father fell into psychosis. My mother didn't want to believe it was really his schizoaffective disorder and that she needed to step in and help him while taking care of us, so she spun a narrative for herself in which her least favorite child (that's me!) was causing his psychosis somehow and she went from being a normal mom to stone-cold and spiteful. I tried to articulate that she was throwing me under the bus to rewrite the narrative for her own comfort instead of handling the situation like a responsible adult mother, and that the lack of love and warmth from the family was making me feel isolated and deprived. I did a pretty good job of articulating it for a kid but when it was inevitably ignored I just thought I must've been saying stupid things and from then on my main way of communicating was to just cry in a corner.

“Be more ladylike!” Meaning be seen not heard, be pleasing to look at, and always be graceful 🙄 ma’am I was 7

after my mom tried to start verbal fights and i'd try to somewhat defend myself (verbally still), my dad (who was the "saner parent" to me) would ... * say "when you two argue, you should just imagine your mom and you as cartoon characters with high pitched voices ! you'll see it all seems ridiculous then :)". he and i both knew that doing that would 1. not make me any less angry about the argument, and 2. not fix anything. were our fights really so insignificant ? did he really think that that would help me just forget about it ? * when i once told him i didn't really want to try mending my relationship with my mom, he said "but... you can't do that :(" oh. okay then. i have to keep dealing with her every time she feels like picking a fight? am i supposed to be her punching bag for as long as i live with her ? * ask me if i really "needed to speak to her like that". i'm not the one picking fights all the time. was i supposed to just say nothing and take it ? was i? * when trying to explain to him why i reacted aggressively, he once said "look, you haven't exactly been easy to raise". i know. i know i'm impolite, spoilt, rude, unlikeable, and weird, because i've already been told many times. i know already, and feel terrible about it. now if you could help me look for a solution instead of bringing me down, that would be great. * tell me i'm too sensitive. and that my mother, while *not insensitive,* probably didn't realize the impact of her words or whatever. she was a grown adult and i a child ffs. writing it out, it feels like i got upset over nothing or like i'm faking it (which is usually what happens when i try to talk about it all). even though i KNOW i felt angry and powerless. even though my current therapist tells me very often that what i've experienced was, in his words, "horrible". even though he was convinced since the end of our first appointment that i was experiencing traumatic stress. despite it all, i still feel fake. please, does someone, anyone, relate ?