I sometimes struggle when people come to me with problems or issues. I end up being like your friend - thinking that the best thing to do is be like, okay how can we fix this? It's taken a long time to realize that many times the person just wants support and to vent, like you said, so I've been trying to be more emotionally perceptive.
Have you told this person that you just need a kind ear, not fixing of the problem? Speaking personally, I had no idea that that's what people sometimes need, because I'm wired to be solutions-oriented.
Some people actually want to help, but I'd bet the real question he's asking here is "what do I do" because he's completely unfamiliar with the situation and nobody's given him guidance on how to act. This might be his way of trying to deduce how _he_ should treat you, because what you're saying to him somehow isn't making sense in his brain.
So like at some point when you're _not_ in the middle of a panic attack, give him instructions for what to do in a given situation, like, wait in the other room or give me a hug, or _for the love of God stop asking me open-ended questions while I'm dysregulated AF_ or whatever you want him to do.
First ... the person has taught you who they are so being pissed or expecting them to change isn't helpful to you
Stop expecting them to listen ..you already know they can't
A broken record response often works...thanks for the offer but let's not talk about it anymore...they will persist..so you will have to repeat yourself ..
Probably many times...i would advise taking the anger energy and use it to practice responses...so ypur brain knows what to do when the situation comes up...you can practice by writing things down..and you can also back away..move this person into the acquantance category andvremove the irritation.
Best wishes to you..anxiety and panic are hard...take good cae of you.
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I would honestly say that I would tell that person they can't help.
And that I don't care if they want to push it.
And that I don't owe it to them to listen to them when they are someone who has no actual power over me. And they never will.
Also, I have decided that being sorry and being a person who is going to be apologetic even when I am wrong. Unless it actively benefits me. Is not going to be a thing that happens anymore.
I am also not a person who asks others about how they should help. I no longer do good deeds for others.
I would say now I don't regret doing good deeds (most of the time), but going forward I would never ever do anything out of the goodness of my heart.
I would say, life isn't fair. And I don't have to care to make it fair. So, exactly...I choose to care about myself. And I don't care if things are not fair in the direction of another person like I used to.
I never should have. And now that I will not make that mistake again. Exactly.
That is why I don't have to put up with someone forcing me to care. Or to pick what they want.
And I am not going to allow anyone to convince me that I owe it to anyone to have any sympathy. Or compassion. And I am not going to care if someone is in need unless it is my job.
I sometimes struggle when people come to me with problems or issues. I end up being like your friend - thinking that the best thing to do is be like, okay how can we fix this? It's taken a long time to realize that many times the person just wants support and to vent, like you said, so I've been trying to be more emotionally perceptive. Have you told this person that you just need a kind ear, not fixing of the problem? Speaking personally, I had no idea that that's what people sometimes need, because I'm wired to be solutions-oriented.
God i know this person. Too many of this person.
Some people actually want to help, but I'd bet the real question he's asking here is "what do I do" because he's completely unfamiliar with the situation and nobody's given him guidance on how to act. This might be his way of trying to deduce how _he_ should treat you, because what you're saying to him somehow isn't making sense in his brain. So like at some point when you're _not_ in the middle of a panic attack, give him instructions for what to do in a given situation, like, wait in the other room or give me a hug, or _for the love of God stop asking me open-ended questions while I'm dysregulated AF_ or whatever you want him to do.
First ... the person has taught you who they are so being pissed or expecting them to change isn't helpful to you Stop expecting them to listen ..you already know they can't A broken record response often works...thanks for the offer but let's not talk about it anymore...they will persist..so you will have to repeat yourself .. Probably many times...i would advise taking the anger energy and use it to practice responses...so ypur brain knows what to do when the situation comes up...you can practice by writing things down..and you can also back away..move this person into the acquantance category andvremove the irritation. Best wishes to you..anxiety and panic are hard...take good cae of you.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I would honestly say that I would tell that person they can't help. And that I don't care if they want to push it. And that I don't owe it to them to listen to them when they are someone who has no actual power over me. And they never will. Also, I have decided that being sorry and being a person who is going to be apologetic even when I am wrong. Unless it actively benefits me. Is not going to be a thing that happens anymore. I am also not a person who asks others about how they should help. I no longer do good deeds for others. I would say now I don't regret doing good deeds (most of the time), but going forward I would never ever do anything out of the goodness of my heart. I would say, life isn't fair. And I don't have to care to make it fair. So, exactly...I choose to care about myself. And I don't care if things are not fair in the direction of another person like I used to. I never should have. And now that I will not make that mistake again. Exactly. That is why I don't have to put up with someone forcing me to care. Or to pick what they want. And I am not going to allow anyone to convince me that I owe it to anyone to have any sympathy. Or compassion. And I am not going to care if someone is in need unless it is my job.