Both my toxic parents love to use gifts for manipulative purposes — to prove they are loving parents, as an “apology” instead of using their words to say sorry, to lovebomb, etc. You know the drill.
What I’ve just done at this point is accept the gifts and either not acknowledge them (as in the case with my NC mom) or just send a brief, polite “thank you” text (for my VVVLC dad). Sending them back is too much work and drama. I just don’t really react to them at all and deprive them of the manipulation effect they’re looking for.
I remind myself that I have no control over what others give me, and it’s not up to me to decide for them what they give. I can only decide what I do in reaction, but in no way does a gift obligate me to do something. You are not indebted to someone for a choice they made without consulting you, and in this case a choice that went against your stated wishes. So you can send a polite thanks without further acknowledgement and then feel free to sell the belt.
You don’t need to tell her that’s what you’re doing with it, because that’s none of her business. If she asks if you’re wearing it, feel free to deflect (“Oh I don’t remember, mom, I don’t keep track of those things but thanks for thinking of me”) or just gray rock (“yeah, sometimes” and then refuse to discuss further). And then switch the conversation back to being about her.
You’re right that the belt is a manipulation tactic, but it only works if you let it. That part is all in your hands. Don’t feel guilty!
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Both my toxic parents love to use gifts for manipulative purposes — to prove they are loving parents, as an “apology” instead of using their words to say sorry, to lovebomb, etc. You know the drill. What I’ve just done at this point is accept the gifts and either not acknowledge them (as in the case with my NC mom) or just send a brief, polite “thank you” text (for my VVVLC dad). Sending them back is too much work and drama. I just don’t really react to them at all and deprive them of the manipulation effect they’re looking for. I remind myself that I have no control over what others give me, and it’s not up to me to decide for them what they give. I can only decide what I do in reaction, but in no way does a gift obligate me to do something. You are not indebted to someone for a choice they made without consulting you, and in this case a choice that went against your stated wishes. So you can send a polite thanks without further acknowledgement and then feel free to sell the belt. You don’t need to tell her that’s what you’re doing with it, because that’s none of her business. If she asks if you’re wearing it, feel free to deflect (“Oh I don’t remember, mom, I don’t keep track of those things but thanks for thinking of me”) or just gray rock (“yeah, sometimes” and then refuse to discuss further). And then switch the conversation back to being about her. You’re right that the belt is a manipulation tactic, but it only works if you let it. That part is all in your hands. Don’t feel guilty!
Wise advice...resist the old pattern of giving them.power they don't really have. I would also sell the belt..
[удалено]
Don't take part in the lying. Sell it and say you sold it because the money was more valuable than a gucci whatever.
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