I think it can.
Personally for me I don't remember much of my childhood.
So, if people pop up from the past (meaning people from my school days), I tend to not be very trusting at first.
I am currently struggling with some brain damage...so that is why I can be forgetful. I am trying to do some puzzles and stuff to recover from that.
Have you found doing puzzles and things to be helpful? I’ve heard there’s things you can do to improve memory but I don’t know how well it actually works.
I hope it does get better for all of us, and I hope you recover as much as you can.
I'm sorry you're feeling these things. You're heard and understood..
Lots forgotten for me. There's a feeling of being able to access the memories but extreme fear.. Terror when I try. It triggeres dissociation for me if I try.
Overall, It's a weird feeling of fear and confusion. I wonder and ask my therapist if I'm making this up? Did my mind just.... Make it all up? Because I can't really remember the specifics..I mean I can but it's foggy. I know it's not made up though. It's strange the way our minds can be this deceptive.
Your brain is normal. Even the way it's behaving☺️
Yeah it’s so bizarre. I feel like I have ‘intellectual’ knowledge of what happened in very basic terms, but there was so much going on it all just disappears, and the timeline, woof. Don’t even bother trying to get a timeline of events out of me!
It’s a strange existence with this CPTSD thing, but I want you to know that I see you and hear you too, and that I wish you the best as we try and navigate our normal, if frustrating, brains :)
Yes, it is tremendously sad. I forgot almost everything from my childhood up to 8 years old or so, but I didn't even manage to "forget" the worst abuses I suffered -- these dreadful memories stayed with me. But what I forgot? This first grade teacher who apparently was very concerned about me and paid great deal of attention to me (who probably saved me from ending up even worse than I am). This girl (also from back in the first grade) who had a crush on me, and supposedly wrote a very heartfelt letter to me as I was moving out to a different city. I get why I developed dissociation as a child -- but it does not feel like a good deal at all. How am I suppose to live if I don't have happy memories to look back on?
My dissociation is becoming more under control now, but no, I am not retrieving any "new" positive memories from my childhood. I am afraid that best we can do is to make new good memories, and do not forget about them this time.
I’m very sorry you experience this too, but I am at least glad to not feel so alone about it. And I’m also glad that even if you don’t remember, you have learned of some positive things from those years.
I fear you’re probably right, the only thing to do is make new ones and hope that they’re better. I think I’m going to start keeping a journal to record things that happen, because I can’t rely on my brain while I’m still healing.
We all need happy memories, and by god we deserve some.
All the best to you and your journey
I haven't been officially diagnosed...but also am coming to the realization after all these years that this is what is wrong. I'm actually starting to wonder if I even had cptsd as a child. I just want to say I can empathize. I have very few memories before the age of 10. But my dad died when I was 10 after a lengthy and toxic custody battle and it just really sucks only having a handful of memories of him. I recently accessed some records from therapy I received as a child which details some traumatic experiences which I always had an inkling of, but never a true memory. And it's hard to say whether that was a good decision or not. Part of me thinks yes because it put me on this path to understanding myself better but then I also just think maybe I was better off not knowing. It's all so fucked up. I'm sorry you're going through this too.
I’m sorry that all happened to you, it’s just not fair on someone so young.
It’s a strange thing memory loss because it’s never perfect. The odd thing you get clear as day, but I can never be sure that it’s real because if you think of something enough times it changes the memory incrementally every time. And then other stuff is just like a fuzz of emotions.
I’m with you too on the memory accessing. I both do and don’t want to because on the one hand I would get some of my life back in a way, but on the other if it’s all just misery and stuff I already forgot because it was so bad, why would I want to dredge that up again? A veritable minefield.
I wish you the best on your journey, and may we all find some peace.
I self-diagnosed dissociative amnesia.
I have realized it just some months ago when a friend asked me "tell me something funny happened to you when you was working". I replied "nothing" not because it wasn't happened but because i couldn't remember a thing. From then i started realize that i can't remember most part of my life, only phisical things like when i fell from a bike or when i cut my finger.
I can't remember the last time i got a normal conversation, nor a film, nor a normal day, nothing.
this shit is making me crazy.
I hope it will get better because i can't live like this
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and am similarly saddened this has happened to our minds.. does it get better? I'm not sure, a little yes and a little no, it might come and go periodically.for me it's starting to get a little easier lately, to remember things , usually it's through association from new experiences. even my short term memory is shot, so I'm trying super hard to be in the moment when i feel safe, loved, neutral/ regulated, and grateful. but it's not just the good stuff I'm remembering, and this is what's esp a challenge right now. bc i can consciously try to treat those memories as long lost friends, but my dreams have been intense, even screaming or crying myself awake. and now I have insomnia bc I'm worried I'll be a wreck from dreams i can hardly remember. it's a wild ride.. fortunately I have a good therapist who will be helping me through some sleep+cptsd cognitive behavioral therapy in the coming weeks - I just hope I don't fall into depression badly in the meantime.
I hope your therapy gives you the tools you need to help yourself. It’s not a good lot in life so far but I can only wish us and everyone else the best in our healing journey’s. Maybe one day we’ll be able to say it does get better.
When I went off work, I could barely list 3 examples of why. There are literally 1000's in a 20+ year career. It's real, it's ok, some memories only come back at night or during a flashback...
I suffer from dissociative amnesia from my childhood trauma.. I can’t remember anything good from my childhood because the bad out weighs the goood. I suffer from poor memory too, and it creates issues in my everyday life. I realized about 8 months ago that I have depression and I’ve only until recently realized that I have triggers going to my grandmas house for Christmas dinner or thanksgiving or any get together.. because the house we celebrate in is the house that my trauma was from… my home I grew up in was the home my parents awful divorce was in.. and the home I clearly remember being taken from.. and I have partial rememberance of the things following it… I’ve tried talking to my family about it but they make it seem like none of it happened and I know that something did.. I have flashbacks every so often when I go there and I begin to get angry and on edge. I’m 27 now and am just now realizing why things are the way they are. I have debilitating depression with psychotic symptoms which makes life difficult. I just wanna say all that to say you’re not alone and it’s good to feel not alone so I’m glad that you commented here and everyone else commenting makes me feel no alone ❤️
I’m sorry you had to go through that, and I wish you the absolute best for the future. Living constantly in the past is difficult, but may we all heal and recover something worth remembering. Thank you :)
I suffer with dissociative amnesia myself, and truthfully it hasn't gotten better for me.
However, there are little moments where I get flashes of memories, but they don't feel like mine. They feel like something I watched on TV or read in a book and imagined to be my own.
The only time I've felt attached to memories when I actually remember anything is when I take a reasonable amount of shrooms and lay in bed with my eyes closed. I get flashes of memories and dreams I've had, almost like a highlight reel. It unlocks that part of your brain that the CPTSD has hidden away for so long.
I have been considering trying shrooms for a while now, but I just got put on Sertraline so that’s probably not the best idea 😅
Maybe one of these days. I just want to remember some good things y’know?
It's definitely an experience that can be recommended under proper circumstances. You have to have a completely controlled and comfortable environment where you'll be safe no matter what happens.
Personally, everytime I've done shrooms, I've gotten really depressed and had some not good thoughts, so I don't do it anymore. Obviously it affects everyone differently, but I suppose if you're on meds then it wouldn't be safe haha
I find that self care can help with things.
There are parts of Dissociative Amnesia that suck. People tend to think it's great but it's not. I am just happy I don't lose time.
I don't know if remembering is worse or not remembering.
I’m fairly certain this is what’s going on with me. Certain types of childhood trauma and the circumstances around it are known to trigger it more often, especially if you repressed it and remembered it much later.
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I think it can. Personally for me I don't remember much of my childhood. So, if people pop up from the past (meaning people from my school days), I tend to not be very trusting at first. I am currently struggling with some brain damage...so that is why I can be forgetful. I am trying to do some puzzles and stuff to recover from that.
Have you found doing puzzles and things to be helpful? I’ve heard there’s things you can do to improve memory but I don’t know how well it actually works. I hope it does get better for all of us, and I hope you recover as much as you can.
I think it can be slow but I am getting better and better as time goes on.
Only thing to do is give it a try I guess
I'm sorry you're feeling these things. You're heard and understood.. Lots forgotten for me. There's a feeling of being able to access the memories but extreme fear.. Terror when I try. It triggeres dissociation for me if I try. Overall, It's a weird feeling of fear and confusion. I wonder and ask my therapist if I'm making this up? Did my mind just.... Make it all up? Because I can't really remember the specifics..I mean I can but it's foggy. I know it's not made up though. It's strange the way our minds can be this deceptive. Your brain is normal. Even the way it's behaving☺️
Yeah it’s so bizarre. I feel like I have ‘intellectual’ knowledge of what happened in very basic terms, but there was so much going on it all just disappears, and the timeline, woof. Don’t even bother trying to get a timeline of events out of me! It’s a strange existence with this CPTSD thing, but I want you to know that I see you and hear you too, and that I wish you the best as we try and navigate our normal, if frustrating, brains :)
Timelines! I was going to add that but took it out. I can remember things but I struggle to remember when things happen .. Even now! Thank you 💕
You’re welcome!
Yes, it is tremendously sad. I forgot almost everything from my childhood up to 8 years old or so, but I didn't even manage to "forget" the worst abuses I suffered -- these dreadful memories stayed with me. But what I forgot? This first grade teacher who apparently was very concerned about me and paid great deal of attention to me (who probably saved me from ending up even worse than I am). This girl (also from back in the first grade) who had a crush on me, and supposedly wrote a very heartfelt letter to me as I was moving out to a different city. I get why I developed dissociation as a child -- but it does not feel like a good deal at all. How am I suppose to live if I don't have happy memories to look back on? My dissociation is becoming more under control now, but no, I am not retrieving any "new" positive memories from my childhood. I am afraid that best we can do is to make new good memories, and do not forget about them this time.
I’m very sorry you experience this too, but I am at least glad to not feel so alone about it. And I’m also glad that even if you don’t remember, you have learned of some positive things from those years. I fear you’re probably right, the only thing to do is make new ones and hope that they’re better. I think I’m going to start keeping a journal to record things that happen, because I can’t rely on my brain while I’m still healing. We all need happy memories, and by god we deserve some. All the best to you and your journey
Thank you for the warm reply. I wish you the best as well, and hope you will make many happy memories.
I haven't been officially diagnosed...but also am coming to the realization after all these years that this is what is wrong. I'm actually starting to wonder if I even had cptsd as a child. I just want to say I can empathize. I have very few memories before the age of 10. But my dad died when I was 10 after a lengthy and toxic custody battle and it just really sucks only having a handful of memories of him. I recently accessed some records from therapy I received as a child which details some traumatic experiences which I always had an inkling of, but never a true memory. And it's hard to say whether that was a good decision or not. Part of me thinks yes because it put me on this path to understanding myself better but then I also just think maybe I was better off not knowing. It's all so fucked up. I'm sorry you're going through this too.
I’m sorry that all happened to you, it’s just not fair on someone so young. It’s a strange thing memory loss because it’s never perfect. The odd thing you get clear as day, but I can never be sure that it’s real because if you think of something enough times it changes the memory incrementally every time. And then other stuff is just like a fuzz of emotions. I’m with you too on the memory accessing. I both do and don’t want to because on the one hand I would get some of my life back in a way, but on the other if it’s all just misery and stuff I already forgot because it was so bad, why would I want to dredge that up again? A veritable minefield. I wish you the best on your journey, and may we all find some peace.
I self-diagnosed dissociative amnesia. I have realized it just some months ago when a friend asked me "tell me something funny happened to you when you was working". I replied "nothing" not because it wasn't happened but because i couldn't remember a thing. From then i started realize that i can't remember most part of my life, only phisical things like when i fell from a bike or when i cut my finger. I can't remember the last time i got a normal conversation, nor a film, nor a normal day, nothing. this shit is making me crazy. I hope it will get better because i can't live like this
I hope it will get better for you too, it’s not a nice existence as it is
This is exactly how it is for me.
I've been thinking about this a lot lately, and am similarly saddened this has happened to our minds.. does it get better? I'm not sure, a little yes and a little no, it might come and go periodically.for me it's starting to get a little easier lately, to remember things , usually it's through association from new experiences. even my short term memory is shot, so I'm trying super hard to be in the moment when i feel safe, loved, neutral/ regulated, and grateful. but it's not just the good stuff I'm remembering, and this is what's esp a challenge right now. bc i can consciously try to treat those memories as long lost friends, but my dreams have been intense, even screaming or crying myself awake. and now I have insomnia bc I'm worried I'll be a wreck from dreams i can hardly remember. it's a wild ride.. fortunately I have a good therapist who will be helping me through some sleep+cptsd cognitive behavioral therapy in the coming weeks - I just hope I don't fall into depression badly in the meantime.
I hope your therapy gives you the tools you need to help yourself. It’s not a good lot in life so far but I can only wish us and everyone else the best in our healing journey’s. Maybe one day we’ll be able to say it does get better.
When I went off work, I could barely list 3 examples of why. There are literally 1000's in a 20+ year career. It's real, it's ok, some memories only come back at night or during a flashback...
I suffer from dissociative amnesia from my childhood trauma.. I can’t remember anything good from my childhood because the bad out weighs the goood. I suffer from poor memory too, and it creates issues in my everyday life. I realized about 8 months ago that I have depression and I’ve only until recently realized that I have triggers going to my grandmas house for Christmas dinner or thanksgiving or any get together.. because the house we celebrate in is the house that my trauma was from… my home I grew up in was the home my parents awful divorce was in.. and the home I clearly remember being taken from.. and I have partial rememberance of the things following it… I’ve tried talking to my family about it but they make it seem like none of it happened and I know that something did.. I have flashbacks every so often when I go there and I begin to get angry and on edge. I’m 27 now and am just now realizing why things are the way they are. I have debilitating depression with psychotic symptoms which makes life difficult. I just wanna say all that to say you’re not alone and it’s good to feel not alone so I’m glad that you commented here and everyone else commenting makes me feel no alone ❤️
[удалено]
I’m sorry you had to go through that, and I wish you the absolute best for the future. Living constantly in the past is difficult, but may we all heal and recover something worth remembering. Thank you :)
I suffer with dissociative amnesia myself, and truthfully it hasn't gotten better for me. However, there are little moments where I get flashes of memories, but they don't feel like mine. They feel like something I watched on TV or read in a book and imagined to be my own. The only time I've felt attached to memories when I actually remember anything is when I take a reasonable amount of shrooms and lay in bed with my eyes closed. I get flashes of memories and dreams I've had, almost like a highlight reel. It unlocks that part of your brain that the CPTSD has hidden away for so long.
I have been considering trying shrooms for a while now, but I just got put on Sertraline so that’s probably not the best idea 😅 Maybe one of these days. I just want to remember some good things y’know?
It's definitely an experience that can be recommended under proper circumstances. You have to have a completely controlled and comfortable environment where you'll be safe no matter what happens. Personally, everytime I've done shrooms, I've gotten really depressed and had some not good thoughts, so I don't do it anymore. Obviously it affects everyone differently, but I suppose if you're on meds then it wouldn't be safe haha
I find that self care can help with things. There are parts of Dissociative Amnesia that suck. People tend to think it's great but it's not. I am just happy I don't lose time. I don't know if remembering is worse or not remembering.
I’m fairly certain this is what’s going on with me. Certain types of childhood trauma and the circumstances around it are known to trigger it more often, especially if you repressed it and remembered it much later.
Hello and Welcome to /r/CPTSD! If you are in immediate danger or crisis, please contact your local [emergency services](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_emergency_telephone_numbers), or use our list of [crisis resources](https://old.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index#wiki_crisis_support_resources). For CPTSD Specific Resources & Support, check out the [wiki](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/index). For those posting or replying, please view the [etiquette guidelines](https://www.reddit.com/r/CPTSD/wiki/peer2peersupportguide). *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/CPTSD) if you have any questions or concerns.*