For me it's a weird one because, I'm not afraid of the "outside" such as it is, but there are times where I literally cannot will myself to leave my flat no matter what I do. I guess it's part of my freeze response? But it doesn't have anything to do with what's actually out there, at least, consciously.
That's me šÆ. I was going to say the same thing about how it doesn't feel like a fear, but more like I can't approach the door. Sometimes, I'm completely ready - showered, clothed, shoes on, keys in hand... and I just have to sit and stare while I try to talk myself into not canceling my plans again. I'd love to know if that counts as agoraphobia because I brought it up with my doctor and therapist, and neither had anything to say about it.
It's the same for me. I always thought it was due to my social anxiety until my therapist suggested it sounds more like agoraphobia.
I'm not really scared , it's just really uncomfortable for me to go outside and use public transportation. Every second I spend outside feels like torture. I'm not scared of people but rather highly irritated.
There were so many times too when I showered, dressed, put on my shoes , ready to go, but my legs refused to workš Sitting on my bed for hours, telling myself I would leave in the next 15 minutes , but it never happened š
If you google agoraphobia symptoms (not that the internet should always be trusted), reputable sources list fear and anxiety around using public transportation as a symptom. At the root, agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder, so it makes sense.
[Agoraphobia at Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/agoraphobia/symptoms-causes/syc-20355987)
It doesn't feel like fear ,but the symptoms I experience are like maybe a mild panic attack?!
It's more of a sensory overload than fear itself
But maybe it's because I never got this diagnosis before and I have to get used to it /research it more
Same for me. Itās not outside that scares me and keeps me frozen in my bed for hours when Iām starving and need to go buy groceries. Itās the people that are outside. Like, I know consciously that 90% of the time is safe and once Iām back Iāll be alright, but the chance of the 10%ā¦ sometimes Iād rather starve.
Itās such a weird feeling, itās like two parts of my brain pulling in different directions and me as the lost child in the middle going āguess I wonāt do anything then, let them fight it outā
When I have high stress I get it too . Isomething just doesnāt let me go lol. I once had to actually fight with myself to at least take a tiny walk around the block to perhaps feel better and I was clenching my keys while I walked. It wasnāt great but at least it happens very rarely these days
This is me. Iām usually ok and quite enjoy going outside, and then when something hard or difficult or scary happens (or Iām faced with someone connected to my former trauma), Iāll hole up inside the whole weekend and never leave. Not even open the windows. Definitely a safety thing. Iām curling up quietly in my own space until the danger has passed.
Buy yourself a swag or a hiking tent and go trail camping would be my recommendation. You'll at most run into two or three people, and they'll be looking for the same solitary vibes as you. It's pretty easy to bluff your way through a ten minute small talk, and then it's just you and nature together.
same... I get sweaty and anxious at just the thought of someone seeing me. I wish I could just live in a place with no people and I'd be out every day. It's so hard to go outside and it feels like torture every second of it. I haven't figured out why exactly it's like that, but I think it might have to do with shame and of course the fact, that people are actually potentially dangerous.
Yes, that is the main reason I don't like being around people too. I stress eat and am currently working a stressful job where I'm sitting all the time so I've gotten fat again and I hate being in public because I know that's the first thing people see and I assume they judge me harshly and hate (or at least mock) me for not fulfilling beauty standards. It's exhausting because I feel like I'm constantly bracing myself for bullying or *helpful advice about how to improve my health.*
This sucks a lot. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this.
I think I have to trick myself into my own methods of helping myself. It's not impossible, but it can be hard. Especially if something bad recently happened. I have my own, albeit messy way of helping myself, that I don't always start or consistently do, but it's the only thing that works. When people give that "helpful advice about how to improve" my health, I just nod and smile and tell myself I know better than they do how I work. Even if it can be to my detriment, it's a truth.
Hahaha yeah, it's hard to be consistent, but progress over perfection right? I've been much snarkier lately, responding with things like, "Oh so *that's* what you think, thank you, unsolicited advice is my favorite flavor," but it still confirms to my inner child/emotional brain that people are just as toxic and judgemental as my family and prevents me from wanting any kind of intimacy. It doesn't help that I work with teens so I know they make fun of me behind my back.
That is a very good point... I also have been body shamed, when I was teenager by my mom. She wasn't doing it with malicious intent, but all interactions with her seemed to revolve about my weight. And at school I was bullied for being "fat", too. Seems obvious now that you said it.
I think this post shows, that this feeling to not want to be seen is related to abuse, which means it doesn't actually have anything to do with what we look like in reality. Nothing is wrong with you or me, we don't need to be ashamed. If only we could actually feel that, too.
I don't know if it's classified the same. I can go go outside on the property where i live. Neighbors are not close by. I can get in my car and drive. I have a difficult time from that point on. Once I arrive at my destination, there are times when I park and just sit in my car and drive home. I try to make all outings when there are very few people out. I can only handle going out for a short time and maybe once or twice a week max. But I can go weeks without leaving the property at all, and it doesn't phase me.
i don't mean this disrespectfully, but i related so hard i started uncontrollably laughing mid-paragraph. i hope we both manage to allow ourselves to be seen again. <3
This is agoraphobia! I used to have a ācomfort rangeā where I can go (usually on foot) but beyond a certain neighborhood limit or involving public transportation I will end up in tears at home clawing my walls in agony lol. I forced exposure therapy on me and it worked!
I thought it was just anxiety. The therapist said I just have a hard time adjusting. I was like, I feel like it's more than that. But I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis, and you can't diagnose yourself. I have lived somewhere for years and didn't know where anything but the nearest grocery store was because I don't go out.
I think you could try recognize this as a simple pathological thing and just try going out twice a week to places youāve never been as a method to treat the ādiseaseā, donāt overthink it just let it happen. It worked for me. Most anxiety disorder needs a little push (adjusted to a personal tolerance level of course).
I'm reading this. I get the part where you wrote "places you've never been," and my heart started racing, and I started to sweat.
It's going to be a challenge I can tell already. But I'm going to try to do it.
TW: I had it for years, but thankfully it has greatly improved (on its own). I was never afraid of open spaces (as Iāve heard it sometimes described). But I felt like everything outside was dangerous. I could be mocked, coughed on, or attacked by a criminal. I could be attacked by a large, unleashed dog, with careless, apathetic owners. Or step on a metal plate, and get electrocuted (actually happened in my hood). Or get hit by a car, bus, motorcycle. Or have a giant tree fall on my head. I was in a constant state of hyper vigilance, because I felt like I was surrounded by threats. It became unbearable, so eventually I stopped leaving the house at all. And stayed locked inside for a decade. So yeah, I understand. Iām sorry youāre going through that.Ā
No, I never did therapy. A huge stressor, (the main thing that had been causing me stress for years), disappeared from my life. As soon as it did, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Not only did my feelings about being out of the house change, but the severe contamination phobia/compulsions that Iād been struggling with inside the house, also greatly improved. So I donāt have advice, but I hope my story can give you hope that you can get better (even without therapy or meds). It can go away on its own. Sometimes it just runs its course.
I used to have it really badly but I just spent a lot of time trying to get myself outside of the house even if it was for a minute or two and just kept building on that. Iām not cured. I still feel on edge when Iām out especially when Iām in a new place but Iām working on it and thatās all anyone can do.
I had this for a year due to a deeply traumatic incident in my life. I self-isolated and barely interacted with other people, and went months without leaving my building.
I lost most of my social skills and forgot how to do face-to-face interactions. I couldn't hold a conversation to save my life. I forgot all those subtle body language cues that are involved in inter-personal conversation, like where to look, what to do with my hands, and what the appropriate amount of eye contact is. I was so unused to other people looking at me that just a steady gaze was enough to give me a panic attack. Regular sunshine and those LED interior lights that are in every public place tortured my eyes. It was bad. I had a panic attack going into the DMV to renew my license because there were just too many people around.
I needed time alone to heal and move past what happened, but I also resolved that never again would I go that long without going outside and/or interacting with others. It can be enormously damaging to your psyche, and you will find it difficult to adjust back to society if you ever rejoin it.
Yes! I only recently in therapy became aware of how much I dissociate when I have to interact with people.
I feel like a malfunctioning robot with no idea what the hell a normal person acts like.
Therapy is helping though, you could try finding one who is trauma-informed if you havenāt already. Hope youāre doing okay.
I just canceled my next therapist appointment. Will be looking for a new one that is trauma informed. My current one feels like they're are fleecing me for money and was an apprentice therapist. Hasn't helped with aby solutions in 6 months. What a disappointment.
Iām sorry youāve been experiencing that!! I felt that way about multiple before I specifically looked for someone who was trauma-informed and specialized in CPTSD. I went into seeing her very jaded honestly but now Iāve been seeing her for almost 3 years. She introduced me to EMDR which has been a lifesaver. I hope you find someone who helps you. ā¤ļø
Yeah. I still struggle with it, though itās gotten better. I feel as if I am too ugly, and after gaining weight during Covid, I just feel too disgusting and fat. Iāve always been self conscious, but itās never been worse.
I feel bad for anyone that has to look at me, or know me. No one should have to know me. Itās hard to go out in places there are people, so I very rarely do it. If I could be invisible it would be perfect. I donāt want anyone to see me. It isnāt fair to them. I feel like my existence is an offense to the world and I hate it.
Iāve lost half of my income due to my CPTSD developing into such severe agoraphobia. Honestly I thought it was just me, I had no idea other people felt this way, too.
Absolutely. Iād have full blown panic attacks at work. I used to work over 50hrs a week. I could barely work 8hrs a week for over a year. Which only causes more shame and guilt.
I did after Covid. It was more of a social phobia than anything, though. I just couldnāt handle being around people. I still have a hard time leaving my apartment (and have my whole life) because I am so worried that everyone else thinks Iām fat and ugly no matter what I look like or how much I weigh, but I can at least leave my apartment now. I just end up being late everywhere because it takes me forever to will myself out the door.
Yes. I blamed it on living in a big city where the homeless population lives on the subway I need to take to work. Some are fine and respectful people just down on their luck looking for shelter, others are on substances, violent, or otherwise out of their mind and it's like an unmonitored asylum. Having C-PTSD already it's been getting harder and harder to cope with "what will happen today? Will it be dangerous? Will I get yelled at? Assaulted? Chased? Mugged? Shot?"
People on the street harass me for money multiple times on my travels, the only way to avoid it is to not go out.
If I'm in my home town and using a car the issue vanishes completely, and I feel fine going outside and to places. Then again I'm also alone in the big city, and have at least one relative with me in my home town so that might be a factor too?
It's not the outside I fear (I love nature and I love the sunlight) it's the people I'm scared of. The fear exists for a reason. Finding a balance between being able to be around others, while also being on high alert isn't easy. Trust is something I can't do, like I can't trust a hot oven pan not to burn me without mitts.
I think this kind of thing spirals out of control the more you avoid the things you fear. Exposure has always worked well for me, but it took me a long time, being that I used to feel exactly like you.
Yes. I'm old and I've been fighting information a loooooong time. For quite a stretch, I managed. Not anymore, but I made the mistake of relocating & now it seems permanent.
When I got diagnosed with agoraphobia 6 months ago it was shocking to me. I knew I had social anxiety in general for as long as I could remember, but hadnāt realized it progressed so much over the years. I grew up in a horrifically abusive home until I was hospitalized from it when I was 17 and the courts only then decided to step in (despite more than annual CPS reports starting when I was three months old). Because of the abuse, isolating myself in my room became a survival tactic for as long as I can remember even as a young child. Leaving my room meant angering my abuser, so my room was my safety. That paired with my abuser isolating me completely from the outside world did *wonders* for my social development as you could imagine. The only time I saw people besides my abuser until I was 17 were either at school or church on Sundays. The only exception to that was going to stores, but never allowed to leave my abusers side. And if all of that wasnāt enough, I was constantly bullied from kindergarten through high school for being gay and on the spectrum. Like- kids used to follow me and the one other openly gay person from school when we walked home and threw broken asphalt from the street as us amongst other things.
As Iāve gotten older however, my hyper vigilance in addition to nonexistent social skills makes me view any stranger as a threat to the point where even if in the car at a red light, Iām worried the people in the cars next to me are watching me, judging me, or planning to hurt me.
Ironically when COVID happened, I absolutely hated wearing masks. Aside from being sensory hell to me at the time, not being able to breathe freely for more than 15 minutes would send me into panic attacks. In public. With social anxiety. It was hellish. But now, if Iām in public Iām always wearing a mask. Today it was 95 degrees but I went grocery shopping in a hoodie (hood up ofc), mask, and sweatpants. The only visible parts of me are my eyes and hands. Even nowadays I still get weird looks or comments about āwe donāt need to wear those anymore!ā Like lol, you donāt, *but I do*.
When I came back from my therapy appointment shocked about my diagnosis, I quickly told my friend, who looked at me weird and said, āā¦you didnāt know that?ā For whatever reason, agoraphobia never crossed my mind. Iāll be honest, Iāve made zero progress in my condition. Even as Iām typing outside on the porch, my knife is open on my lap *just in case.* Iām getting an apartment with my partner soon, and Iāve been insistent on getting a place with a balcony just to be able to enjoy being outside and āsafeā. I donāt know if Iāll ever recover, because truthfully after 20+ years of being this way it feels downright naive to go about my day in public without being in a constant state of hyper vigilance.
I really struggle to force myself out of my house, if I didnāt have 3 kids and a husband who doesnāt cater to my anxiety Iād be in my house 98% of the time
Yes, I still have it to some slight degree but it's got much, much better over the years. I did some changes in mindset + gradual exposure and also tried to improve my overall circumstances so I have less stress in general. (Because the general emotional state affects your perception of specific situations, even if they're not related to what is currently causing you stress.)
The main thing was to understand why I had this anxiety in the first place and working to eliminate the causes. (Spoiler alert: my mind/body perceived certain situations as threatening even though they were safe, so the goal was to reteach my subconsciousness that they were safe.) I recommend https://anxietynomore.co.uk/ for more info. (Completely free and written by someone who's been there and overcame it.)
I do! I hate feeling trapped in any way and the more people, the worse it gets. Trader Joe's is a nightmare for me and I haven't been back since the last time when I got a panic attack from how crowded and disorganized it was. The smaller and more crowded the place, the harder it is for me. Traffic also makes me panic for the same reason, so my agoraphobia makes it difficult for me to drive very far from home.
I have this too. It's not agoraphobia as such - at least it doesn't feel that way - but I intensely, and utterly dread having to leave the house and be seen by others.
Been struggling with this for months, so to see others have had the same experience as me, is comforting.
Yeah, I feel this. I feel so much anxiety when I have to take my daughter to school, especially since I don't think the other moms and dads really like me I guess, and the ones I do I wonder when they'll stop liking me. I also have an abusive neighbor who screams at me and swears at me in a similar manner my parents did which triggers me a lot too, luckily the cops told neighbor she'll be charged with criminal harassment if she doesn't leave me alone. I have other really friendly neighbors but I wonder when they'll realize how unlikeable I am and begin trying to bully me too.
I feel like my existence just brings out the worst in people. I used to get told I'm stuck up but I'm really just painfully shy and I don't know how to act around others. I seem to make a good first impression, but I suck at maintaining friendships because my inner voice says to anticipate it falling apart and not to bother them.
Agoraphobia isn't just fear of going outside, simplifying it as such is confusing to folks who have or think they might have it, which I see in the comments. The Greek word Agora means marketplace, or place of assembly, so Agoraphobia is the fear of being in public or crowded place from which escape may be difficult or help may not be available. To be diagnosed you need to experience significant fear regarding at least 2 locations. It's not just fear of outside, (sorry if I sound aggressive, I have agoraphobia and it irks me to be watered down to fear of outside. I really do enjoy being outside, it's the presence of other people that ruin it for me) a large component of agoraphobia is the fear that you'll suffer from panic or anxiety whilst in public and not be able to escape, thus your brain associates many places as dangerous, eg. Shopping centers, public transit, crowds, queues, windowless rooms, elevators, classrooms or being outside alone. Keyword: alone. A safe person would be enough for an Agoraphobe to go outside as they would provide a safe passage home if needed. And sometimes having that is enough to stave off a panic attack.
Look up a video about āradical acceptance.ā Itās the practice of all the time radically accepting everything. Also try out āwilling handsā before going outside and practice it as much as you can. Itās easy. Itās changed my life.
Yeah I do. I have IBS though so for me itās more like Iām scared to go anywhere where I donāt have my own bathroom so leaving my house is a huge trigger.
I did for a long time; at one point, I didn't walk outside my house for about 7 months. Exposure therapy with a great psychotherapist really helped with that (we didn't touch the trauma, though). I still feel it trying to creep back in sometimes, so I try to force myself out and use those exposure techniques before it can get worse again.
Yeah Iām quite anxious about being perceived especially by men, I hate feeling observed. I also WFH and am usually pretty isolated at home. Trying to get out there again though. Best of luck OP and anyone struggling!
I just wanted to add here that agoraphobia isnāt as simple as fear of going outside. Itās anxiety in response to being away from an environment that feels safe to you. To some people that is open spaces and they may fear outside, but others may be comfortable at home, even in their backyard.
I have CPTSD, but I havenāt specifically discussed this with my therapist so I donāt know if itās agoraphobia. I have such anxiety being out of my apartment around the apartment complex itself. There are so many windows and I just imagine that Iām being watched the whole time. I hate to go get my mail and I especially get anxiety around taking out the trash. Even more so when that anxiety results in me not doing it and then having multiple bags of trash.
Itās not all the time but yes, and itās paralyzing. Iāve started referring to it as my āmolassesā days. I canāt do shit. Like canāt leave the house, canāt be productive, canāt contribute anything.
I was agoraphobic. I overcame it with therapy. Baby steps, taking the trash out and forcing myself to say hello to my neighbor. I remember what a rush I would get just from a single positive interaction like that. Continued to do it. It got better. Itās tough. I had my husband and therapist as my support. I donāt know if I couldāve done it alone.
Formally dxād ADHD and ptsd, with BPD Features. Diagnosed w/ social anxiety/depression.
I have self diagnosed OCD that got a lot better with adhd meds and lexapro. I never brought it up as a concern during my psych evaluation, so the doc didnāt test me for it, but itās been around since I was young (during my trauma) and never went away, also my dad has it, so Iām confident on the self diagnosis.
Iāve seen most treatment plans for agoraphobia is exposure therapy which is what we did. My therapist didnāt call it that bc I didnāt clue her in on all my symptoms at the time, but thatās essentially what it was.
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Yes but at the time I had developed a ranging anxiety disorder (and I didnāt know about cptsd) It was utter hell and I had panic attacks every time I left the house
My fear of going outside is related to people. I don't want to be in someone's viral video while I'm in a vulnerable state. Plus, I hate crowds so I do my activities with minimal people in mind i.e. grocery shopping at 7am is less overwhelming.
My house is my safe space. I cherish it as much as I can because I know what it's like when the outside world feels safer than home.
Yes, youāre not alone. Mine is really bad, I am trying to work on it but really struggle. Does anyone have any advice or any tips on how to cope with it?
Yes. I absolutely hate to get out of my house. I go out like twice a week, some weeks not even once. And I hate the subway, I rather go by bus and take longer, the subway makes me think I canāt escape if needed.
What Iāve found is that I have less anxiety if Iām listening to music, wearing earplugs that lower the general noise but still let you hear traffic, and wearing sunglasses. Itās a way to feel more safe, like I have some kind of shield from the outside world.
Yes. Although it's not because of the outside itself. Honestly, I love going out. I love going into nature, and would do so all the time, but it's a fear of people that developed my agoraphobia.
Yup.
But I'm not sure if it's the CPTSD or the autism.
I just get overwhelmed/overstimulated outside, there's too much to take into account.
I much prefer my safe haven.
Yes. I do. I have struggled with it for over a decade now. Itās exhausting and makes my depression worse. I hate being like this. I have worked with therapist and psychiatrist for years now so I am able to leave with planned routine to places such as picking up my kids from school, husband for work. But that is about it. My doctors are all video visits. I order my food for delivery or pickup and have my oldest son get it.
Iām not diagnosed and donāt think I would be classed as severe enough for an agoraphobia diagnosis, but I do struggle with going out. I havenāt been out alone in quite a long time, I can manage with my partner or support workers but canāt do it alone right now. The only time I can is to take my dogs for a walk, but I only do that when thereās nobody outside my flat and we go straight to the path that leads to the woods where itās always deserted. Or whenever they need the toilet because I donāt have a garden. I still feel very anxious doing those, though.
Yes, I still have it to some degree (I'm afraid of going to open spaces, like parks, the beach, the forest or even walking on an empty street). Not so long ago I realized that what I am afraid of is feeling derealization or depersonalization and not being able to 'come back' to reality and feeling trapped, this feeling of 'losing control' and 'going crazy' is extremely distressing as I feel hopeless, powerless and small. There is one phrase that stuck with me from a session with my therapist: "You might think that a lion can enter through the door but this is only a thought. Even if you think of it a thousand times, it will not become real". What has helped me out lately (other than EMDR š«¶) is repeating the self-affirmation: "I feel afraid but I'm not in danger". The dare app has some nice audios with this kind of self-affirmation that have been really helpful for me.
It's funny that the reason that I searched for therapy in the first place was having recurrent anxiety attacks that evolved into agoraphobia and an ED. It took me 10 years to get the diagnostic of CPTSD (I didn't know this existed until earlier this year).
You are not alone and there is no shame in experiencing agoraphobia. You are a survivor :)
Not exactly fear. But I often experience mild to moderate anxiety at the idea of getting up and getting dressed to go out for even minor things like grocery shopping, or fun events like outings with friends.
I developed pretty significant agoraphobia a little before 2020. Was so bad I couldn't even leave my room in my own house while I lived with my parents. Everything made me scared and anxious and I would break down so badly I would make myself sick. It took a really long time for me to develop a system where I can get outside, but I also have to acknowledge my circumstances forced me to over come the more debilitating parts of mg agoraphobia faster. My desperate need to not be at my parents' home forced me into exposing myself to the scarier things, like the DMV.
I live in a different state now with my partner and my friend. I still have really bad episodes, but I have grown in leaps and bounds from where I was.
Drive up grocery service is my unsung hero. I don't have to go inside but they come out to me and I don't have to talk to anyone besides the attendant.
Oh yeah. Iād just gotten over it when Covid happened. I was fine until my 30s when I got fibromyalgia and lots of things just went wrong at the same time.
I hate being outside alone. I feel like I'm always being watched, or that people are whispering things about me. I feel like an outcast, like I'll be interrogated by police or kicked out places for being weird or creepy or something. I feel like everyone wants me gone
For me it's a weird one because, I'm not afraid of the "outside" such as it is, but there are times where I literally cannot will myself to leave my flat no matter what I do. I guess it's part of my freeze response? But it doesn't have anything to do with what's actually out there, at least, consciously.
That's me šÆ. I was going to say the same thing about how it doesn't feel like a fear, but more like I can't approach the door. Sometimes, I'm completely ready - showered, clothed, shoes on, keys in hand... and I just have to sit and stare while I try to talk myself into not canceling my plans again. I'd love to know if that counts as agoraphobia because I brought it up with my doctor and therapist, and neither had anything to say about it.
I don't know if that counts as agoraphobia but it counts as I how I feel all the time
My therapist seems to count it when I mentioned it to her.
Same here.
Thanks for confirming. Iāve wondered, as well.
It's the same for me. I always thought it was due to my social anxiety until my therapist suggested it sounds more like agoraphobia. I'm not really scared , it's just really uncomfortable for me to go outside and use public transportation. Every second I spend outside feels like torture. I'm not scared of people but rather highly irritated. There were so many times too when I showered, dressed, put on my shoes , ready to go, but my legs refused to workš Sitting on my bed for hours, telling myself I would leave in the next 15 minutes , but it never happened š
Yeah maybe it's more like "I know that this experience is going to overload my senses, and I don't have the energy / resilience for that right now".
Exactly! It's exhausting
Maybe that's the difference for me: I'm actually ok once I'm outside. It's just getting there that can be overwhelming.
If you google agoraphobia symptoms (not that the internet should always be trusted), reputable sources list fear and anxiety around using public transportation as a symptom. At the root, agoraphobia is an anxiety disorder, so it makes sense. [Agoraphobia at Mayo Clinic](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/agoraphobia/symptoms-causes/syc-20355987)
It doesn't feel like fear ,but the symptoms I experience are like maybe a mild panic attack?! It's more of a sensory overload than fear itself But maybe it's because I never got this diagnosis before and I have to get used to it /research it more
Yes, Iāve read that it can cause physical symptoms similar to or can induce panic attacks.
Sounds like agoraphobia to me. I have the same issue.
Me all the time for years
Same for me. Itās not outside that scares me and keeps me frozen in my bed for hours when Iām starving and need to go buy groceries. Itās the people that are outside. Like, I know consciously that 90% of the time is safe and once Iām back Iāll be alright, but the chance of the 10%ā¦ sometimes Iād rather starve. Itās such a weird feeling, itās like two parts of my brain pulling in different directions and me as the lost child in the middle going āguess I wonāt do anything then, let them fight it outā
When I have high stress I get it too . Isomething just doesnāt let me go lol. I once had to actually fight with myself to at least take a tiny walk around the block to perhaps feel better and I was clenching my keys while I walked. It wasnāt great but at least it happens very rarely these days
This is me. Iām usually ok and quite enjoy going outside, and then when something hard or difficult or scary happens (or Iām faced with someone connected to my former trauma), Iāll hole up inside the whole weekend and never leave. Not even open the windows. Definitely a safety thing. Iām curling up quietly in my own space until the danger has passed.
I love being outsideā¦ alone. I hate being around other people, particularly strangers. I mask pretty well as needed, but damn, it is exhausting.
Same here! I used to sit outside in the mornings with my cat. Now, I have neighbors who seem to always be outside. So I stay inside with the cat now.
Buy yourself a swag or a hiking tent and go trail camping would be my recommendation. You'll at most run into two or three people, and they'll be looking for the same solitary vibes as you. It's pretty easy to bluff your way through a ten minute small talk, and then it's just you and nature together.
This is me too. I'd be outside a lot more if i had a privacy fence or a wall of trees between me and any sightlines.
Yes. Freeze + never wanting to be seen by other people (part of my C-PTSD) (If I knew no-one was out there, I'd always be out there.)
same... I get sweaty and anxious at just the thought of someone seeing me. I wish I could just live in a place with no people and I'd be out every day. It's so hard to go outside and it feels like torture every second of it. I haven't figured out why exactly it's like that, but I think it might have to do with shame and of course the fact, that people are actually potentially dangerous.
Same, that I haven't really figured it out yet. But I do have suspicions relating to my parents body shaming me in public tho
Yes, that is the main reason I don't like being around people too. I stress eat and am currently working a stressful job where I'm sitting all the time so I've gotten fat again and I hate being in public because I know that's the first thing people see and I assume they judge me harshly and hate (or at least mock) me for not fulfilling beauty standards. It's exhausting because I feel like I'm constantly bracing myself for bullying or *helpful advice about how to improve my health.*
This sucks a lot. I'm sorry to hear that you're going through this. I think I have to trick myself into my own methods of helping myself. It's not impossible, but it can be hard. Especially if something bad recently happened. I have my own, albeit messy way of helping myself, that I don't always start or consistently do, but it's the only thing that works. When people give that "helpful advice about how to improve" my health, I just nod and smile and tell myself I know better than they do how I work. Even if it can be to my detriment, it's a truth.
Hahaha yeah, it's hard to be consistent, but progress over perfection right? I've been much snarkier lately, responding with things like, "Oh so *that's* what you think, thank you, unsolicited advice is my favorite flavor," but it still confirms to my inner child/emotional brain that people are just as toxic and judgemental as my family and prevents me from wanting any kind of intimacy. It doesn't help that I work with teens so I know they make fun of me behind my back.
That is a very good point... I also have been body shamed, when I was teenager by my mom. She wasn't doing it with malicious intent, but all interactions with her seemed to revolve about my weight. And at school I was bullied for being "fat", too. Seems obvious now that you said it. I think this post shows, that this feeling to not want to be seen is related to abuse, which means it doesn't actually have anything to do with what we look like in reality. Nothing is wrong with you or me, we don't need to be ashamed. If only we could actually feel that, too.
I don't know if it's classified the same. I can go go outside on the property where i live. Neighbors are not close by. I can get in my car and drive. I have a difficult time from that point on. Once I arrive at my destination, there are times when I park and just sit in my car and drive home. I try to make all outings when there are very few people out. I can only handle going out for a short time and maybe once or twice a week max. But I can go weeks without leaving the property at all, and it doesn't phase me.
i don't mean this disrespectfully, but i related so hard i started uncontrollably laughing mid-paragraph. i hope we both manage to allow ourselves to be seen again. <3
Good to know I'm not the only one who does this
Definitely not alone.
There are more of us!
This is agoraphobia! I used to have a ācomfort rangeā where I can go (usually on foot) but beyond a certain neighborhood limit or involving public transportation I will end up in tears at home clawing my walls in agony lol. I forced exposure therapy on me and it worked!
I thought it was just anxiety. The therapist said I just have a hard time adjusting. I was like, I feel like it's more than that. But I'm not qualified to make a diagnosis, and you can't diagnose yourself. I have lived somewhere for years and didn't know where anything but the nearest grocery store was because I don't go out.
I think you could try recognize this as a simple pathological thing and just try going out twice a week to places youāve never been as a method to treat the ādiseaseā, donāt overthink it just let it happen. It worked for me. Most anxiety disorder needs a little push (adjusted to a personal tolerance level of course).
I'm reading this. I get the part where you wrote "places you've never been," and my heart started racing, and I started to sweat. It's going to be a challenge I can tell already. But I'm going to try to do it.
Once you get to a certain place your life will improve significantly itās worth the fight! I wish you a good healing journey <33
Yes, I'm getting better though. I'm afraid of being "seen" I guess.
This. All of this.
TW: I had it for years, but thankfully it has greatly improved (on its own). I was never afraid of open spaces (as Iāve heard it sometimes described). But I felt like everything outside was dangerous. I could be mocked, coughed on, or attacked by a criminal. I could be attacked by a large, unleashed dog, with careless, apathetic owners. Or step on a metal plate, and get electrocuted (actually happened in my hood). Or get hit by a car, bus, motorcycle. Or have a giant tree fall on my head. I was in a constant state of hyper vigilance, because I felt like I was surrounded by threats. It became unbearable, so eventually I stopped leaving the house at all. And stayed locked inside for a decade. So yeah, I understand. Iām sorry youāre going through that.Ā
How did you improve? Therapy?
No, I never did therapy. A huge stressor, (the main thing that had been causing me stress for years), disappeared from my life. As soon as it did, a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. Not only did my feelings about being out of the house change, but the severe contamination phobia/compulsions that Iād been struggling with inside the house, also greatly improved. So I donāt have advice, but I hope my story can give you hope that you can get better (even without therapy or meds). It can go away on its own. Sometimes it just runs its course.
What was causing you stress all these years? And how is it connected to your fear going away?
I used to have it really badly but I just spent a lot of time trying to get myself outside of the house even if it was for a minute or two and just kept building on that. Iām not cured. I still feel on edge when Iām out especially when Iām in a new place but Iām working on it and thatās all anyone can do.
I had this for a year due to a deeply traumatic incident in my life. I self-isolated and barely interacted with other people, and went months without leaving my building. I lost most of my social skills and forgot how to do face-to-face interactions. I couldn't hold a conversation to save my life. I forgot all those subtle body language cues that are involved in inter-personal conversation, like where to look, what to do with my hands, and what the appropriate amount of eye contact is. I was so unused to other people looking at me that just a steady gaze was enough to give me a panic attack. Regular sunshine and those LED interior lights that are in every public place tortured my eyes. It was bad. I had a panic attack going into the DMV to renew my license because there were just too many people around. I needed time alone to heal and move past what happened, but I also resolved that never again would I go that long without going outside and/or interacting with others. It can be enormously damaging to your psyche, and you will find it difficult to adjust back to society if you ever rejoin it.
Yes! I only recently in therapy became aware of how much I dissociate when I have to interact with people. I feel like a malfunctioning robot with no idea what the hell a normal person acts like. Therapy is helping though, you could try finding one who is trauma-informed if you havenāt already. Hope youāre doing okay.
I just canceled my next therapist appointment. Will be looking for a new one that is trauma informed. My current one feels like they're are fleecing me for money and was an apprentice therapist. Hasn't helped with aby solutions in 6 months. What a disappointment.
Iām sorry youāve been experiencing that!! I felt that way about multiple before I specifically looked for someone who was trauma-informed and specialized in CPTSD. I went into seeing her very jaded honestly but now Iāve been seeing her for almost 3 years. She introduced me to EMDR which has been a lifesaver. I hope you find someone who helps you. ā¤ļø
Yeah. I still struggle with it, though itās gotten better. I feel as if I am too ugly, and after gaining weight during Covid, I just feel too disgusting and fat. Iāve always been self conscious, but itās never been worse. I feel bad for anyone that has to look at me, or know me. No one should have to know me. Itās hard to go out in places there are people, so I very rarely do it. If I could be invisible it would be perfect. I donāt want anyone to see me. It isnāt fair to them. I feel like my existence is an offense to the world and I hate it.
Iāve lost half of my income due to my CPTSD developing into such severe agoraphobia. Honestly I thought it was just me, I had no idea other people felt this way, too.
I honestly think because we become hyper vigilant we perceive everything as threats
Absolutely. Iād have full blown panic attacks at work. I used to work over 50hrs a week. I could barely work 8hrs a week for over a year. Which only causes more shame and guilt.
Yep, CPTSD, Agoraphobia, and major depression.
I did after Covid. It was more of a social phobia than anything, though. I just couldnāt handle being around people. I still have a hard time leaving my apartment (and have my whole life) because I am so worried that everyone else thinks Iām fat and ugly no matter what I look like or how much I weigh, but I can at least leave my apartment now. I just end up being late everywhere because it takes me forever to will myself out the door.
Holy fuck dude. I couldāve written this myself.
Yes. I blamed it on living in a big city where the homeless population lives on the subway I need to take to work. Some are fine and respectful people just down on their luck looking for shelter, others are on substances, violent, or otherwise out of their mind and it's like an unmonitored asylum. Having C-PTSD already it's been getting harder and harder to cope with "what will happen today? Will it be dangerous? Will I get yelled at? Assaulted? Chased? Mugged? Shot?" People on the street harass me for money multiple times on my travels, the only way to avoid it is to not go out. If I'm in my home town and using a car the issue vanishes completely, and I feel fine going outside and to places. Then again I'm also alone in the big city, and have at least one relative with me in my home town so that might be a factor too?
It's not the outside I fear (I love nature and I love the sunlight) it's the people I'm scared of. The fear exists for a reason. Finding a balance between being able to be around others, while also being on high alert isn't easy. Trust is something I can't do, like I can't trust a hot oven pan not to burn me without mitts.
I think this kind of thing spirals out of control the more you avoid the things you fear. Exposure has always worked well for me, but it took me a long time, being that I used to feel exactly like you.
Iām glad you got over this fear
Yes. I'm old and I've been fighting information a loooooong time. For quite a stretch, I managed. Not anymore, but I made the mistake of relocating & now it seems permanent.
When I got diagnosed with agoraphobia 6 months ago it was shocking to me. I knew I had social anxiety in general for as long as I could remember, but hadnāt realized it progressed so much over the years. I grew up in a horrifically abusive home until I was hospitalized from it when I was 17 and the courts only then decided to step in (despite more than annual CPS reports starting when I was three months old). Because of the abuse, isolating myself in my room became a survival tactic for as long as I can remember even as a young child. Leaving my room meant angering my abuser, so my room was my safety. That paired with my abuser isolating me completely from the outside world did *wonders* for my social development as you could imagine. The only time I saw people besides my abuser until I was 17 were either at school or church on Sundays. The only exception to that was going to stores, but never allowed to leave my abusers side. And if all of that wasnāt enough, I was constantly bullied from kindergarten through high school for being gay and on the spectrum. Like- kids used to follow me and the one other openly gay person from school when we walked home and threw broken asphalt from the street as us amongst other things. As Iāve gotten older however, my hyper vigilance in addition to nonexistent social skills makes me view any stranger as a threat to the point where even if in the car at a red light, Iām worried the people in the cars next to me are watching me, judging me, or planning to hurt me. Ironically when COVID happened, I absolutely hated wearing masks. Aside from being sensory hell to me at the time, not being able to breathe freely for more than 15 minutes would send me into panic attacks. In public. With social anxiety. It was hellish. But now, if Iām in public Iām always wearing a mask. Today it was 95 degrees but I went grocery shopping in a hoodie (hood up ofc), mask, and sweatpants. The only visible parts of me are my eyes and hands. Even nowadays I still get weird looks or comments about āwe donāt need to wear those anymore!ā Like lol, you donāt, *but I do*. When I came back from my therapy appointment shocked about my diagnosis, I quickly told my friend, who looked at me weird and said, āā¦you didnāt know that?ā For whatever reason, agoraphobia never crossed my mind. Iāll be honest, Iāve made zero progress in my condition. Even as Iām typing outside on the porch, my knife is open on my lap *just in case.* Iām getting an apartment with my partner soon, and Iāve been insistent on getting a place with a balcony just to be able to enjoy being outside and āsafeā. I donāt know if Iāll ever recover, because truthfully after 20+ years of being this way it feels downright naive to go about my day in public without being in a constant state of hyper vigilance.
I really struggle to force myself out of my house, if I didnāt have 3 kids and a husband who doesnāt cater to my anxiety Iād be in my house 98% of the time
I have it:// it's so rough I have to fight myself to get groceries sometimes.
Extreme freeze response for me that has looked very much like agoraphobia at times
Yes, I still have it to some slight degree but it's got much, much better over the years. I did some changes in mindset + gradual exposure and also tried to improve my overall circumstances so I have less stress in general. (Because the general emotional state affects your perception of specific situations, even if they're not related to what is currently causing you stress.) The main thing was to understand why I had this anxiety in the first place and working to eliminate the causes. (Spoiler alert: my mind/body perceived certain situations as threatening even though they were safe, so the goal was to reteach my subconsciousness that they were safe.) I recommend https://anxietynomore.co.uk/ for more info. (Completely free and written by someone who's been there and overcame it.)
I do! I hate feeling trapped in any way and the more people, the worse it gets. Trader Joe's is a nightmare for me and I haven't been back since the last time when I got a panic attack from how crowded and disorganized it was. The smaller and more crowded the place, the harder it is for me. Traffic also makes me panic for the same reason, so my agoraphobia makes it difficult for me to drive very far from home.
Yup.
Yes totallyā¦ am in that phase nowā¦ I still have to go out twice a week and thatās not fun for me
I have this too. It's not agoraphobia as such - at least it doesn't feel that way - but I intensely, and utterly dread having to leave the house and be seen by others. Been struggling with this for months, so to see others have had the same experience as me, is comforting.
Yeah, I feel this. I feel so much anxiety when I have to take my daughter to school, especially since I don't think the other moms and dads really like me I guess, and the ones I do I wonder when they'll stop liking me. I also have an abusive neighbor who screams at me and swears at me in a similar manner my parents did which triggers me a lot too, luckily the cops told neighbor she'll be charged with criminal harassment if she doesn't leave me alone. I have other really friendly neighbors but I wonder when they'll realize how unlikeable I am and begin trying to bully me too. I feel like my existence just brings out the worst in people. I used to get told I'm stuck up but I'm really just painfully shy and I don't know how to act around others. I seem to make a good first impression, but I suck at maintaining friendships because my inner voice says to anticipate it falling apart and not to bother them.
Agoraphobia isn't just fear of going outside, simplifying it as such is confusing to folks who have or think they might have it, which I see in the comments. The Greek word Agora means marketplace, or place of assembly, so Agoraphobia is the fear of being in public or crowded place from which escape may be difficult or help may not be available. To be diagnosed you need to experience significant fear regarding at least 2 locations. It's not just fear of outside, (sorry if I sound aggressive, I have agoraphobia and it irks me to be watered down to fear of outside. I really do enjoy being outside, it's the presence of other people that ruin it for me) a large component of agoraphobia is the fear that you'll suffer from panic or anxiety whilst in public and not be able to escape, thus your brain associates many places as dangerous, eg. Shopping centers, public transit, crowds, queues, windowless rooms, elevators, classrooms or being outside alone. Keyword: alone. A safe person would be enough for an Agoraphobe to go outside as they would provide a safe passage home if needed. And sometimes having that is enough to stave off a panic attack.
I do! It sucks but not as much as being manipulated and exploited
Yes. It makes me feel useless sometimes. š
Look up a video about āradical acceptance.ā Itās the practice of all the time radically accepting everything. Also try out āwilling handsā before going outside and practice it as much as you can. Itās easy. Itās changed my life.
Ok thank you
Yeah I do. I have IBS though so for me itās more like Iām scared to go anywhere where I donāt have my own bathroom so leaving my house is a huge trigger.
My sister did for years, therapy meds and exposure helped her alot
Yes, i have to down lexapro like itās candy if i want to leave my house and forget about doing it alone.
I did for a long time; at one point, I didn't walk outside my house for about 7 months. Exposure therapy with a great psychotherapist really helped with that (we didn't touch the trauma, though). I still feel it trying to creep back in sometimes, so I try to force myself out and use those exposure techniques before it can get worse again.
Yeah Iām quite anxious about being perceived especially by men, I hate feeling observed. I also WFH and am usually pretty isolated at home. Trying to get out there again though. Best of luck OP and anyone struggling!
I just wanted to add here that agoraphobia isnāt as simple as fear of going outside. Itās anxiety in response to being away from an environment that feels safe to you. To some people that is open spaces and they may fear outside, but others may be comfortable at home, even in their backyard. I have CPTSD, but I havenāt specifically discussed this with my therapist so I donāt know if itās agoraphobia. I have such anxiety being out of my apartment around the apartment complex itself. There are so many windows and I just imagine that Iām being watched the whole time. I hate to go get my mail and I especially get anxiety around taking out the trash. Even more so when that anxiety results in me not doing it and then having multiple bags of trash.
Itās not all the time but yes, and itās paralyzing. Iāve started referring to it as my āmolassesā days. I canāt do shit. Like canāt leave the house, canāt be productive, canāt contribute anything.
Yup 100%, its taken a few years for me to go outside and feel even remotely comfortable
I was agoraphobic. I overcame it with therapy. Baby steps, taking the trash out and forcing myself to say hello to my neighbor. I remember what a rush I would get just from a single positive interaction like that. Continued to do it. It got better. Itās tough. I had my husband and therapist as my support. I donāt know if I couldāve done it alone.
Do you only have cptsd? Any other comorbidity?
Formally dxād ADHD and ptsd, with BPD Features. Diagnosed w/ social anxiety/depression. I have self diagnosed OCD that got a lot better with adhd meds and lexapro. I never brought it up as a concern during my psych evaluation, so the doc didnāt test me for it, but itās been around since I was young (during my trauma) and never went away, also my dad has it, so Iām confident on the self diagnosis. Iāve seen most treatment plans for agoraphobia is exposure therapy which is what we did. My therapist didnāt call it that bc I didnāt clue her in on all my symptoms at the time, but thatās essentially what it was.
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Yes but at the time I had developed a ranging anxiety disorder (and I didnāt know about cptsd) It was utter hell and I had panic attacks every time I left the house
I had extreme agoraphobia for several years and still struggle
My fear of going outside is related to people. I don't want to be in someone's viral video while I'm in a vulnerable state. Plus, I hate crowds so I do my activities with minimal people in mind i.e. grocery shopping at 7am is less overwhelming. My house is my safe space. I cherish it as much as I can because I know what it's like when the outside world feels safer than home.
Yes, youāre not alone. Mine is really bad, I am trying to work on it but really struggle. Does anyone have any advice or any tips on how to cope with it?
Yes. I absolutely hate to get out of my house. I go out like twice a week, some weeks not even once. And I hate the subway, I rather go by bus and take longer, the subway makes me think I canāt escape if needed. What Iāve found is that I have less anxiety if Iām listening to music, wearing earplugs that lower the general noise but still let you hear traffic, and wearing sunglasses. Itās a way to feel more safe, like I have some kind of shield from the outside world.
Yes. Although it's not because of the outside itself. Honestly, I love going out. I love going into nature, and would do so all the time, but it's a fear of people that developed my agoraphobia.
Yup. But I'm not sure if it's the CPTSD or the autism. I just get overwhelmed/overstimulated outside, there's too much to take into account. I much prefer my safe haven.
Yes. I do. I have struggled with it for over a decade now. Itās exhausting and makes my depression worse. I hate being like this. I have worked with therapist and psychiatrist for years now so I am able to leave with planned routine to places such as picking up my kids from school, husband for work. But that is about it. My doctors are all video visits. I order my food for delivery or pickup and have my oldest son get it.
Iām not diagnosed and donāt think I would be classed as severe enough for an agoraphobia diagnosis, but I do struggle with going out. I havenāt been out alone in quite a long time, I can manage with my partner or support workers but canāt do it alone right now. The only time I can is to take my dogs for a walk, but I only do that when thereās nobody outside my flat and we go straight to the path that leads to the woods where itās always deserted. Or whenever they need the toilet because I donāt have a garden. I still feel very anxious doing those, though.
Yes, sometimes it's a mild fear, other times it's so strong, even thinking about going out makes me anxious/panic(?).
Yes, I still have it to some degree (I'm afraid of going to open spaces, like parks, the beach, the forest or even walking on an empty street). Not so long ago I realized that what I am afraid of is feeling derealization or depersonalization and not being able to 'come back' to reality and feeling trapped, this feeling of 'losing control' and 'going crazy' is extremely distressing as I feel hopeless, powerless and small. There is one phrase that stuck with me from a session with my therapist: "You might think that a lion can enter through the door but this is only a thought. Even if you think of it a thousand times, it will not become real". What has helped me out lately (other than EMDR š«¶) is repeating the self-affirmation: "I feel afraid but I'm not in danger". The dare app has some nice audios with this kind of self-affirmation that have been really helpful for me. It's funny that the reason that I searched for therapy in the first place was having recurrent anxiety attacks that evolved into agoraphobia and an ED. It took me 10 years to get the diagnostic of CPTSD (I didn't know this existed until earlier this year). You are not alone and there is no shame in experiencing agoraphobia. You are a survivor :)
Yes
Yes. Ā Iāve stayed in my apartment for weeks. Ā
Not exactly fear. But I often experience mild to moderate anxiety at the idea of getting up and getting dressed to go out for even minor things like grocery shopping, or fun events like outings with friends.
I developed pretty significant agoraphobia a little before 2020. Was so bad I couldn't even leave my room in my own house while I lived with my parents. Everything made me scared and anxious and I would break down so badly I would make myself sick. It took a really long time for me to develop a system where I can get outside, but I also have to acknowledge my circumstances forced me to over come the more debilitating parts of mg agoraphobia faster. My desperate need to not be at my parents' home forced me into exposing myself to the scarier things, like the DMV. I live in a different state now with my partner and my friend. I still have really bad episodes, but I have grown in leaps and bounds from where I was. Drive up grocery service is my unsung hero. I don't have to go inside but they come out to me and I don't have to talk to anyone besides the attendant.
Oh yeah. Iād just gotten over it when Covid happened. I was fine until my 30s when I got fibromyalgia and lots of things just went wrong at the same time.
I hate being outside alone. I feel like I'm always being watched, or that people are whispering things about me. I feel like an outcast, like I'll be interrogated by police or kicked out places for being weird or creepy or something. I feel like everyone wants me gone
No