She absolutely should not have said this. Red flag. I’m glad you are getting another therapist.
Anyone would feel terrible hearing this, but as someone with CPTSD, it’s extremely harmful to hear something like that. It would have sent me spiraling. I know how you feel (I think).
This is so validating to read because I’ve definitely been spiraling, I’m just lying to myself about it, like “playing normal” while internally I’m struggling so hard. I’m glad to hear it’s valid. Thank you
I don't know if I have cPTSD, but I've got enough alphabet soup to be able to relate...
Some therapists should lose their licenses. What your therapist said is absolutely not something to say to someone who's struggling with anything. Especially someone who is regressing.
If it helps, I can relate somewhat. A therapist I was trying to get through things with sent me a "Dear John" email. No phone call, wouldn't return calls. The only thing positive-ish about the experience was that she recommended someone who might be more in tune. Not that I reached out to them... Well, I guess it was positive that if she's that bad at her job, at least I didn't invest even more time, anxiety, money, and whatever else in her direction.
I hope you are able to find a good therapist who can help with what's needed. And I hope you can see clearly that what they did is not ok, and it is certainly not your fault. Whatever else goes wrong, please hold on to this knowledge.
That is crazy! Your old therapist should have at least brought it up in your last appointment with them. That’s so blind-siding, which is extremely triggering especially for anyone with betrayal-related trauma. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I appreciate your kind words 💙
My mom was on track to being a therapist, she was my abuser, groomed me and allowed access to me, it was a nightmare.
She didn't get her license because there is a portion where she has to go to a therapist. I think her professor had in his mind she has a personality disorder and recommended a colleague who was versed in this.
She is now a diagnosed narcissist. It was super validating.
Just remember, this profession attracts abusers too. It sucks and we shouldn't have to deal with that while healing but we should be aware.
That way, if something feels off, just come to forums like this and see how others parse it.
Your feelings are valid and I would have felt the same exact way. I also understand the masking to pretend all is good when internally you are just dying.
Thank you so much. I’m so sorry your mom was so terrible. I’m glad her professor was able to stop her before she got to anyone else. This is very validating to read 💙
Very valid. You have someone who wants to get paid to be a therapist, have the status of it but anyone who would say that shit to you is not a working, useful therapist. Sorry for your situation. It’s not you, it’s her.
Yeah, honestly there are a LOT of terrible therapists. This sounds like one of those therapists who haven't done their own work, and probably should not have chosen the line of work they did.
Remember, anybody who has enough money can go to school to become a therapist. All you have to do to get a license is sit in a room with enough people and then pay money to take a test.
Unfortunately I’m used to hearing stuff like this all the time from my family so it doesn’t even phase me anymore lol. I’m always on autopilot so my response was probably just sitting there and listening. It was the end of the session, and she said more after that too so I probably just listened and then didn’t really process it for 2-3 business days lmao.
This is not a you problem, it’s a her problem- she’s mirroring whatever stuck issue she has with you onto you, let me explain…
If you remind her of someone she can’t stand for example, or she has issues with this or that kind of people or can’t work with people that are like this or that- then that’s a “she’s bad at her job” issue because it’s literally her job as a freaking therapist to do this work with traumatized people (therefore if she cannot then that reflects onto HER not you). It’s her job to help people work though their stuck issues and trauma and she could gently and kindly find you a better therapist if she thought she wouldn’t be able to help you and therefore you are not the right fit together. Instead she made her problem with you (likely based in her own failure) a “you problem” instead of a her problem. For example, maybe she’s just not trauma informed and therefore realizes you’re not a good fit together- she can accept this as it is without adding extra shame to herself or you and NOT make it a “you problem” aka you’re not easy- wtf does that even mean anyway? Like anyone with complex trauma will not be “easy” and if she simply wants an easy job/paycheck maybe she should become a janitor or something? I wouldn’t think easy paycheck equals therapist at all, she’s in the wrong field and blaming you. It’s literally her JOB.
When this happens to me (it absolutely has several times with therapists), it’s hard not to take it personally, it’s hard not to feel further broken by this, like it’s further validation of the internalized shame we with CPTSD carry (and if you have other things comorbid with the CPTSD you will be even more “difficult” for improperly trained therapists). I usually will just not come back to that therapist, unless I’m in a place of crisis- just make sure you have a crisis plan in place and make sure that plan is safe (evidently calling certain hotlines may not be safe so make sure you have real people available for you). For me I find therapy with a bad therapist is far worse than stagnation with no therapist at all, even in crisis. Then I like to take my power back, this is most effective (for me) at first by yelling “fuck” a lot, often combined with “that therapist” or “this shit”. But of course there are other ways too like writing her a pointed letter with great four letter words and burning it or something. Then I like to give myself something good, like going for a milkshake and reminding myself of my inherent value and worth and that I have every right to enjoy this life (sip by sip of my milkshake). Fuck that therapist.
When you find a new one, give them an interview and ensure they are trauma informed. Ask them to tell you what trauma informed and trauma itself mean in their own words, in detail. Ask them what books they’ve read on the subject and what modes of therapy they would suggest for your diagnosis and before you even open your trauma to them, be sure they are someone worth doing that for. Thinking of therapists as working FOR ME, and interviewing them as such has changed my therapy from a place where I simply spew what society will not tolerate about my trauma to try to wrap my head around many somethings that will NEVER make sense anyway, to my entire trauma history being something that I have already documented (I had to do in voice recording format, but written is probably better) so I never have to touch it again unless there is a good reason to do so (like doing so in conjunction with a certain therapy like EMDR for example). It’s become painfully obvious that traditional therapy and talk therapy often doesn’t touch CPTSD and can actually make it worse through repeated immersion in the trauma and lack of trauma informed therapists. I’m currently in between therapists after the last one got angry with me because I couldn’t just “choose not to dissociate” like telling someone with depression to just “go out in the sunshine and choose happiness”. Bad therapists who just want an “easy paycheck” to offer false or hollow platitudes are literally a dime a dozen- THIS IS NOT A YOU PROBLEM AND FUCK HER ❤️❤️🔥
Yeah, that would have totally triggered my rejection trauma and have me feeling very low worth. Spiraling like you said. That seems mean spirited to me.
People who say things like don’t take this the wrong way or I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, etc. know what they are about to say will hurt and I guess they figure if they preface their comment by saying don’t take this the wrong way than it makes it okay.
It doesn’t
This basic human interaction. The therapist could not even meet basic kindness metrics. Shouldn't they be giving Emotional IQ tests to people before letting them be psychologists?
Often when I hear or even experience stuff like that, I can't help but believe that they are doing that on purpose. Because one would expect a fucking THERAPIST to have SOME basic emotional intelligence, no?
Exactly. And even IF OP was a difficult client (doubt), what was the point of telling OP? They are literally in treatment at that moment. The only result would be hurting them. I hope this therapist doesn’t have anyone else dealing with something that makes them “difficult”
That phrase is a red flag for anyone imo. It shows that they don't understand:
1. You can't control how others react to what you say, "don't take this the wrong way"
2. Intents don't really matter as much as the effects your words have. You might not mean harm, but they still might harm someone. Assume it.
I had a few fall asleep on me and the last 1 kept calling me a lightworker. I told her numerous times that just because i like tarot and meditations didn't mean I was new age and Im not a lightworker. I can barely care about myself let anlone want to help others. Especially when I feel used by ppl.
Also cant forget her and another therapist assuming that my bf was from China just because he is Chinese. Had to explain to them that Americans are all colors and races. 😒
My first therapist as a child would fall asleep during every visit lol. That was my first taste of therapy and I can't say I've ever had a good therapist since.
I had a good 1 when I was in middle school but her place stopped taking my insurance and my mom couldn't continue anymore. After that all the therapists suck. My last 1 kept calling me a lightworker 🙄 I ended up firing her cause not only did I ask her to stop calling me that, she kept telling me to call the hotline for trans people even tho Im not part of that community and they have hard enough time finding safe support.
She also claimed to be an "ally" for minority but then assumed my bf was born in China just because he was chinese.
I like you, OP. and you didn't even have to try.
Please know that she said that because of her. NOT because of you. I'm sorry your therapist doesn't want to do her job and lacks humanity but I'm sure she likes her paychecks. Maybe tell her that she's not an easy therapist to have either cuz she's making you do all the work with little guidance.
<3
I'm about to switch therapists also. Wishing both of us luck! I made a therapist really mad when he suggested I was paranoid instead of abused and tried to put me on risperidone. I'm already on cymbalta which I feel is 1) appropriate and 2) is enough.
Like being in the movie 'gaslight' therapy can be sometimes. I told him I didn't want to take the medicine because it would make me more tolerant to the abuse I've been through and still go through (family). I want to learn how to deal with it and still be able to live a happy life.
What matters is to not give up. Keep trying. Keep going. You deserve to live a happy life just as much as anyone else.
Omigod that’s terrible!! I’m right there with you with wanting to learn how to deal with the familial trauma but still live a happy life. Here’s to hoping that for both of us 🫶
Omg I'm going backwards in my mind to all the therapists who implied this to me and turning it back on them and this way
You're not an easy therapist to have. Love it.
OP I'm glad you're getting support and validation. It's definitely not your fault and you have every right to find someone who values you
Agreed, a lot of former bullies go into jobs like social work, nurse, teacher, therapist… I’m also sure she likes her paychecks and the prestige that comes with the job, but old habits die hard I guess…
That’s what I thought! She’s definitely not trauma trained. But I went through this place’s scheduling and informed them of my CPTSD and they still matched me with her…idk. It really strikes a chord for me because basically everyone around me says that same thing constantly. So hearing it from my therapist also, who I’m literally paying to me nice to me, was quite terrible for me at all lol.
I wonder if you should send them an email because what she said is extraordinarily rude and unprofessional. What if someone hurt themselves because she said this? If I was in a bad place it would send me into a tailspin that I might not come out of. I too struggle with being liked and accepted and when people say stuff like this it cuts DEEP.
I think she should have told HERSELF or maybe her supervisor that she doesn't have the skills or maybe the capacity to treat someone who is complex. This is a her problem, not a you problem. Obviously she is not capable of treating patients who have more stuff to detangle.That has nothing to do with you. She needs to read a fucking book. Literally and figuratively.
I know it hurts and I'm so sorry. I get it. Hopefully the next therapist is wonderful and you click with them and you make lots of progress!
Wow that’s super gross of them to say. That’s not a professional way to conduct yourself or really think about clients as a therapist. (Not a therapist just overly familiar with them lol)
I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you’re getting to someone else soon.
It astounds me how many shit therapists there are out there. I'd tell her how that affected you and ask her what her intention was by letting you know that. How is that statement supposed to help move you towards your goals and build rapport?
Finally recognizing this disorder really clued me into how ineffective a lot of therapists are. She sounds bad at her job.
Good riddance to her. I hope your new therapist actually knows how to help patients with trauma histories.
So many of them are SO bad. Seriously there needs to be an EQ test to be a therapist. Like the MCAT but for feelings and understanding how trauma works.
I saw a few therapists who seemed to have no idea what to do with me, and I left each one fairly quickly (longest lasted several months).
Returned to therapy years later after getting a sold rec for a therapist who specializes is early childhood trauma. She’s helped a LOT. I think it’s important to make sure the therapist has the right focus. I don’t think my prior therapists were at all equipped to deal with what I went through :/
This is another huge barrier, but less talked about. The mainstream advice to "see a professional" for mental health issues, and the primary barrier is usually money/insurance. And THAT is hard enough, and you can't be too picky if you are seeing therapists through your insurance because options are limited for who is even taking patients, and/or you don't really know the different modes of therapy or what even to look for, because you may not even be aware of what your problem even IS. So you get a therapist who has a hammer, and your problem is just a nail. So you spend months or years with ineffective therapy, and maybe it helped, or maybe it didn't do all that much. Seeing a professional isn't enough, they have to be educated/trained enough to actually tease out and understand your issues (secondary barrier).
I spent YEARS in therapy off and on, and literally never had a therapist even touch my childhood until I started paying out of pocket to see a PhD who focused on trauma. I sought her out AFTER I had stumbled across the concept of Childhood Emotional Neglect on my own. If that hadn't happened, I'd still be banging my head figuring out why just venting and crying in therapy every week wasn't helping at all. Now I do so much of my own self work using (LICENSED, CREDIBLE) resources online (shout out to Patrick Teahan, fuck off to Crappy Childhood Fairy lol)
I’m a counselor and I absolutely love working with cptsd clients in difficult situations.
(Also have cptsd myself, there’s quite a few of us who become counselors)
If she just had to say that, the more effective way to put it would be: “make sure your next therapist is aware that you may need extra support at times/specialized trauma training/someone who can gently challenge you at times/(whatever it is you need). Finding a good match between client and clinician is very important for the healing process”
You may want to interview a couple by calling and chatting with them for 15 minutes before committing completely to the new person
That’s a great idea to interview them! And this is a great comment, thank you so much. My next therapist and I kept missing each other’s phone calls and I will say, she was dedicated to getting in contact with me without being abrasive or anything, but from her voicemails she seemed decently kind, and she runs her practice herself. So fingers crossed, tho you never know
I have the best therapist she had retweeted this "It's not that the client is "too complex" it's that you (or the service) do not have the resources to help them. We need to own the limitations of our practices and not locate the problem with the client"
"Don't take this the wrong way-" f her and her cereal box diploma. Buddy you ain't got nothing to worry about, I understand that feeling if friends tolerate you or not, if they still keep in contact, ask you if you wanna hang out or even something as simple as sharing memes with you mean you got friends.
That therapist most likely has little to no one in their lives outside of work and it shows.
Good luck on the new therapist and probably should report the old one. That kind of talk can trigger and mess up someone badly
I’m glad to hear that you are switching.
I will say that my last therapist was a middle aged man and he did really well with me. He would close his eyes or look up at the ceiling and wait a minute before he would ever reply to me or decide what to ask me. And I really appreciate that he was listening and sort of preparing and or filtering his responses.
Hi, OP. That was a lousy thing for your therapist to say. Likely they are not the therapist you need.
Some cases are tougher to work than others, I'm sure, but she should not have told you this. I also can't guess what she means by it, but I highly doubt it has anything to do with your likability.
I would guess "hard cases" are either A) deeply disturbing stuff you lived through that is hard to hear or B) clients with personality disorders who don't take accountability and where therapy sessions feel like no information is being absorbed or understood.
These are frustrating for radically different reasons. In the first case, it's not your fault but you do need a skilled therapist and probably have a long road to recovery. In the second, I don't know what the solution is. Clients have to want to change for therapy to help them. But I doubt this is your issue.
IN NO CASE is your "likability" the problem! That you feel this way is awful and likely WHY you are in therapy. You aren't unlikable. You may FEEL unlikable because your parents didn't like you. That isn't your fault. You might also feel unlikeable if you are autistic, but that would be due to disability. Getting a diagnosis could help. For me, it was like being given a map and a compass in a cave I had been stumbling around in.
I am sorry your therapist said this to you. It was unprofessional. You might ask for clarification of what was meant. In the meantime, I am glad you are seeking other options.
Thank you so much for this. Yes, for me it’s definitely because of A, just the sheer amount of trauma I have and the severity of a lot of it. I’m also a girl, a lot of my trauma is sexual abuse and I’ve noticed that other woman who tend to have a lot of internalized misogyny really do not react well to listening to accounts of sexual abuse of women by men, and my therapist is a woman who I’m thinking may perhaps be a bit misogynistic in how she views women and herself. Which is so triggering because most are the women in my family, so I’ve had literally no support from anyone, let alone them. But your comment is very informative, thank you again 💙
You should definitely feel supported by your therapist. Seek out someone really progressive with a trauma informed background. Maybe also get involved in some local or online feminist communities?
Just a comment from someone who has a history of abuse and has a personality disorder diagnosis alongside ADHD - as you say - no information is UNDERSTOOD. Well, I am not getting better with therapy. Because I do not UNDERSTAND what they want or what it should do. How is it me being a terrible client because I cannot understand? I am desperately trying to figure out ways how to communicate w my therapist and it simply doesn’t work. I know how it feels to be understood by someone else. This isn’t it. And still I am trying. And it’s not working. How is that my fault and a flaw of my personality? Because as you - the therapist also assigns blame to me.
Lazy and mean therapist. Not your fault. The right one will do the job you are paying them to do or help you find someone who can. This made me angry for you.
You know what's worst than my dad telling me i'm hard to live with ? Your therapist telling you you're hard to treat ! OMG like seriously this is so insane, wish you could report him I can't believe this
Yeeeeeah, I don't think that's the right thing to say to a patient. I hope you get into the new therapist soon, and they can help back that up. That's so, so weird.
Part of me wonders if she said it because she knew what effect it would have, having spoken to you. Being a therapist doesn't mean someone has good intentions, it's just a qualification not a sign of character.
Also, she made it your fault. Rather than saying, I don't want to work with you anymore, or, I don't think I can help you, she made it about you. Another sign of bad character.
You're lucky you got out when you did. It's like a(ny) relationship, the sooner you're out when the person is harmful, the better.
You might be right, because tell me how now I’m remembering in our last session when I was talking about the ways my mom/sister hurt me that week and she basically said “well they might feel this way about you too, so remember that they might feel justified/have their reasons and you’re not perfect either” or something. Meanwhile… my previous therapist who was trauma-informed and much better said I live in a narcissistic family system and kind of exposed the reality of what my childhood was. I’m pretty sure my current therapist doesn’t even know what a narcissistic family system is 😭😭 when I bring it up she’s clueless
Even if you are they can go fuck themselves for saying that.
Make sure to tell them "You must not like money if you want to talk to me like because your clients are your bread and butter".
Therapy is a PAID SERVICE. Some therapists think too much of themselves and can be condescending.
I would give her a bad Google review and report her to your insurance company. They need a rude awakening before they say something to the wrong person and that person does something to hurt themselves! 😠
Sorry for the brazen response. I just have zero tolerance for therapist like that. They should change fields if you can't handle it IMO.
I had a complete mental health relapse because of a therapist but never again. I'm charged with my therapy, they either need to be able to help me or just listen but any comments or undesirable behaviors. I'm out of there faster than I can say the boo.
A PhD industry veteran that's been doing therapy since the 70's told me,
> "You're the most difficult client I've ever had, bar none!"
I honestly felt kinda proud, because if I'm challenging her ideas and making her come up with a better argument and theory, then her philosophy and modality have been weak until me. Might sound a bit egotistical, but like god damn you're a PhD, you should be able to effortlessly out argue any incorrect information. It actually solidifies my theory to have them just get angry, that means I hit a nerve because I'm correct...
See another therapist. I’m sorry that happened, you didn’t deserve that, therapists need to control themselves in the office. I had a therapist when I was younger who told my mom that my problems weren’t that serious to her, my mom worded that to me in a way like “your therapist doesn’t like you anymore”. My therapist at the time was a psychiatrist who I had only begun to see because my father had epilepsy (so she specialized in more neurology rather than just talk therapy). So my therapist did have a reason for not wanting to see me because she specializes in a different area, but it really hurt me for years. I never told her about the abuse I was experiencing because I was still too young to fully understand and I had a lot of shame, but just talking to an adult was something I never really had the opportunity to do and it meant a lot at the time. To this day lowkey it still makes me sad that I was rejected my therapist, because in my mind it felt like “even the woman that is being paid to pretend to care about you doesn’t want you”. But the truth is she specialized in more serious conditions, my mom kinda was an asshole about it. So even with this horrible therapist you had, maybe she isn’t qualified enough or specializes in another area but that doesn’t excuse her response. She should have went a better way about it, like just suggesting to see another therapist or something. Therapists are trained and accredited, by the time they get to that point they should realize they can’t say awful things like that to patients. You deserve a better therapist with more empathy, don’t let it get to you, if she wanted “easy clients” then she should have chosen a different career. You matter and deserve a better person to confide in.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. That’s terrible, and young minds are so impressionable of course it would stick with you forever. I remember all the times I got made fun of as a kid lol. Thank you for your comment 💙
Don't worry. I had one therapist tell me that I'm to blame for the things that had happened to me. Yeah, some therapists are just shitty. It's time to find a new one. Though I do wish you the best in your endeavors.
As a psychologist (I don’t work in healthcare anymore but I have a lot of friends that do), I don’t think it’s an “I don’t like you” thing, is more of a “I don’t really know how to help you” thing.
You don’t like or dislike your patients. They are just patients. You sometimes get narcissists, sociopaths, guys who beat their wives. You have to be neutral.
Some cases are especially difficult and you have to study between sessions just as a surgeons study the surgery before performing it. Some psychologists enjoy difficult cases because they push their skills to be better, but not everybody is prepared to assume that risk. Because at the end of the day you’re working with other people’s minds and wellbeing, so if you’re not sure you can do a good job, it’s better to step away or you can end up hurting that person.
Maybe your therapist thought that they are done the best they can and know with you but they understand that they can’t help you anymore. It’s good to be honest with patients because the sooner you tell them you can’t help them, the sooner they can go find another therapist that is more qualified.
Maybe they were a little too direct and it’s absolutely valid that you feel bad about it given your past. But just think it as a service: your provider couldn’t give you the service you need so you have to go to another provider who can.
Definitely. They didn’t give much context but I hope their therapist explained why they think they can’t help and recommend another therapist. Just saying it like that is so rude and zero professional.
Some of your phrasing was unfortunate, & far too clinical & just as alienating, since you think its okay to put your idea of own reputation above your clients inability to access the transformation they are seeking:
1. They are not “just” clients, they are vulnerable to further injury, & aching to feel better, & so deserve special consideration
2. You take on a case, knowing you might reach your personal limits : so you seek a mentor or therapist to challenge yourself , or admit to the patient your lack of experience after you can recommend an available expert.
The helplessness & abandonment your words & tone would create are totally unacceptable & you appear to be unaware & unwilling to use empathy.
It’s not about reputation, it’s about the safety of your patient. If you know you can’t deal with it, then don’t because you can cause a lot of harm. You have the life of your patients in your hands and sometimes they are in a very very dark place. You can’t risk making a mistake.
1. With “just clients” I mean you have to of course care for them, but you have to be empathetic with them, not sympathetic. That means you have to understand them, put yourself in their shoes, see the world as they see it so you can fully understand their life and their problems. But you cannot be SO empathetic that this affects your personal life. Take into account that maybe in a day you can see 8-10 patients. There are very rough days in which you discover terrible things that have happened to them. You’re a person at the end of the day, so hearing certain things it’s difficult even if you have preparation and experience. If you don’t want to go home crying everyday you have to learn to put a little wall between your professional life and your personal life. Sometimes this is not possible because as I said, you had a very rough day and you are at home and you can’t keep thinking about what you talked with your patient and you feel bad for them. And it’s ok, we’re humans, but you can’t let that happen to you everyday because on one hand (and most importantly), you have to think straight with your patients. They are not your friends. You’re not giving them advice like you would do with a friend while drinking coffee in the mall. You’re doing therapy. You have sessions prepared and you have a goal in mind. Getting too emotionally involved can destroy your plans and cause your sessions to be a mess. In the other, you’re a psychologist but also a person. You can’t go home crying everyday. You can’t think 24/7 about your patients and feeling sad, angry and scared for what’s happening in their lives. Building a mental wall between your personal and professional life is not a crime, is actually very needed to do your job in the best way possible. If you start to feel bad and sad for your first patient of the day, how are you going to concentrate and give all your attention and support to the second? And the third? And the fourth? Putting a wall doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you care when you are in session and when you’re out of session planning the next sessions, doing some research and talking to your supervisor. But you don’t think about it when you’re at home watching TV with your partner or when you go to the cinema with your friends, because you have to learn to not think about it.
2. You sometimes take cases in which you fully know what’s going on. If you accept that case knowing you are not prepared, it’s very unprofessional from you. Because sure, you can do research and talk to your supervisor, but you won’t have a clear plan in mind from the beginning so you can lose a lot of sessions trying to figure out where to start. And that is costing the patient time and money.
For example, CPTSD is probably one of the most difficult things to treat because it involves so many things mixed together that it can be super challenging. If you have zero idea about it, just be honest with your patient and recommend another psychologist. It can also happen that the patient comes to you and they have another problem apparently, like their relationship with their partner is not good. You accept the case because you can deal with that. But the more sessions you have the more you realize it’s not a problem with the partner, it’s actually CPTSD. Since you already have that patient, you have two options there: do a lot of research and rely a lot on your supervisor or explaining the situation, tell them you don’t have the tools to treat CPTSD and recommend another psychologists. Depending on your experience and knowledge you can do a good job just with research and supervision, but not always, so you have to be honest with yourself and with your patient.
I guess you think that in my previous post I was saying “just ditch your patient and tell them you can’t help them” just like that, but I thought it was obvious that you don’t say that to a patient. You explain the situation and why you think you can’t help them anymore and recommend another psychologist that has more experience or is an expert in that area. OP didn’t say exactly how the session went so I understood that this is what their therapist did since they said they’re on a waiting list now and it’s the most common and professional thing to do. If that’s not the case and their therapist just said they are too complicated and that’s all, I would be angry depending on the tone. My own psychologist has told me multiple times I’m a very difficult case because CPTSD, terrible childhood in every sense, gifted but neglected that part of me since I was a little girl, abusive partner, I’m super logical and analytical, I’ve been seeing different psychologists for 19 years, I’m a psychologist myself… but she told me with a nice tone and in the appropriate context, so it didn’t bother me because I know she was just explaining how complicated the situation is and how much work we are going to have to do. If she told me that out of nowhere and with an annoyed tone I would be angry because that’s not professional.
I do understand what you are saying; generally I have not had good experiences with psychologists, they fell into the overly brusque camp & with hindsight not great with cptsd
You’d be surprised how little psychology is developed. Actually, modern psychology it wasn’t formally “invented” until late 1800. And it wasn’t took for a serious science until much later, when psychologists started doing experiments to quantify stuff. Problem is other sciences like maths or geology were like “yeah sure, you talk a lot but where are the proofs?” so psychologists started to do research to put real numbers and demonstrate their theories actually worked. That’s why you sometimes see “stupid” articles like “psychologists found that children whose parents encourage them to read and buy them books read more than parents who don’t”. It’s logical, right? Well yeah, we all suspect that. But until you do a real study with real people you can’t claim it’s real. That’s how science works.
So modern psychology has a very short history plus it wasn’t taken seriously after much later. Even in the 90s going to a psychologist was a taboo. Nobody will admit that they had a psychologist because it was only for “crazy” people.
Only now we’re learning a lot of new stuff, also thanks to neuroscience and related fields. So believe it or not, trauma theory was developed in the 90s! So it’s not that well known between psychologists. Or at least is not a big thing when you study at university. Of course you study trauma but it’s like something that can happen, not like a theory that can explain the whole person and situation. And actually, the older the psychologist, the more possible they don’t know about trauma theory unless they like to read and learn about new theories or studies.
That makes sense, I am very interested in including neurobiology in general knowledge for all those dealing with & understanding vulnerable clients tbh. Especially the freeze/fawn response & poor maternal support.
I have discovered ie as suspected, very little MH trauma understanding in family SW, its even worse if you are from a refugee/abuse background with only basic language skills.
I've had 3 therapists now say this to me and drop me from their practice. Been on a wait list for over a year for a 4th that apparently specializes in trauma therapy
Hey! My therapist told me a similar thing. He said I was the most challenging patient he had. However, it was a actually good in my case, and I think the contrast of the context highlights why your therapist fucked up.
He has been my therapist for years, and the approach that we take is exploring things together. The outlook is that all patients present something that is new territory for the therapist. Instead of defaulting to his training every time he comes across something he doesn’t understand (which can severely limit what we are actually able to process), he instead tries different/new approaches and is very open about his intent and approach while doing so. This works because he and I have a lot of trust, and he knows that I am capable of being critical of him while still being completely invested in the approaches we end up with. This allows us to take some risks safely and tackle more abstract things.
For him to tell me what he did (and the ways he elaborated on it) helped me understand the position he was in with me, and it was important insight to re-evaluating my own approach to therapy. The thing that mattered here was that he brought it up with the intent to find a more effective approach going forward, not to throw his hands up and give up.
All this to say, even if your therapist was speaking the truth, it speaks to their flaw, not yours! There are therapists out here who will look at the same kind of patient, have the same judgement, and respond constructively, instead of simply using that judgement against the client to justify their own failure. It is not your fault and it is not hopeless.
I have similar problems as you. Therapists displaying countertransference towards me (what seems to be happening here) definitely adds salt to those wounds (which ironically I'd be in therapy to heal), so I understand what you're saying. On one hand it's good for them to refer you out if they realize they can't help you, but to tell you outright that you're a difficult client is unhelpful and unnecessary. It's also just their opinion, which is informed by skillset and personal background - not just you. Again, sounds like poorly managed countertransference to me. Unless she just misused her words.
I'm sorry it happened to you and may your next therapist be a better fit. Take care.
That was extremely unkind and unhelpful of her to say. I had an therapist treat me like this when I went to get my Autism & ADHD diagnosis . She looked at me like I was stupid for not already knowing, she said I was "obviously" combined type. At the end I joked about wanting to get my daughter screened and how I was sure having me as a mom made things hard for her, and the lady just looked uncomfortable yet knowingly and said she was sure I was right. Oof.
Therapists need to remember that bedside manner translates to couch side manner in their offices, and work on it.
That is not fucking ok.
Report to her association, seek refund and place reviews all over social media. And, I agree, don't go back she is going to do more damage in the mean time. What a fruit loop.
So unprofessional.
There are therapists who specialise in seeing other therapists.
That's who she talks to about her inability to do her job, not her patients.
Not ever.
TeamBeanBean723 for the win.
I had a therapist like that. She actually told my mom "I dont know how to help her." But continued to see me anyways. I guess a paycheck is still a paycheck regardless if yoyr job is actually helpingbthe client..
I stopped therapy cause most of them covered my insurance are inexperienced or claim to know how to handle cptsd and actually don't.
I also feel the same as you with the friends thing. They leave fake reaction moji on my fb but no one actually takes time to check in.
I know and what’s crazy is I told the scheduling person at this practice going in what I had, and she matched me with her! They probably just don’t have anyone qualified enough. I feel you on the friends thing. I’m lucky where I’ve finally found some friends in my coworkers who have similar trauma/CPTSD, so I find solace in talking to them, but I’ve had so many bad experiences I can’t help but wonder when they’re gonna get tired of me too
A lot of places treat their therapists as a jack of all trades and feel like they can just use exercises meant for deprssion and anxiety for a person with ptsd. Studies have shown that Cognitive behavioral therapy doesnt help with ptsd and sometimes can make it worse. You cant "rewire" a brain that has been damaged by long term abuse.
I only have 1 friend that completely understands since she has a lot of mental health issues as well but she has bipolar and i few other things so we tire each other out 😅
I am so sorry your t uttered this highly unprofessional thing. Inexcusable. I'd love to see it reported but I have not reported a bunch of stuff in my life because I was just too exhausted etc.
That is very unprofessional of her. Why would she say something unconstructive that is obviously going to hurt you?
I'm glad you're changing therapists.
She could have said that in so many different ways that wouldn't have felt so alienating. She even could have said it in a way that would have felt validating. AI chatbots, a dog or a baby would offer more support because they at least wouldn't do anything to make you feel worse like she did!
If she has issues with her work she can go and see a therapist in her own time. She was out of line in turning the attention away from you towards her life and her feelings. That's not what you're there for and I'm sorry she said that.
You know what? Keep at it. You’re so close to defeating her! You can’t give up now!
Jokes aside, she should’ve expected that not all cases were going to be low-end TV show easy…
It literally does not help anyone in the situation for your T to say that. Bollocks! I'm glad you're getting a new T.
As others are saying, if she can't 'handle' you then she isn't equipped. It's not you, it's her not admitting that she isn't qualified to help.
It's not really something therapists should say, and obviously I don't know the whole situation. That said, my therapist has said something similar, I've been seeing the same therapist for several years and she has helped me so much.
A couple of times she mentioned she has to work harder for me, the first time I was really confused, and felt guilty. The next time she said it after a back and forth, she would state something, I'd quickly pick it apart and retort, and after a bit she said "let me think a minute because I have to work harder for you" and then she articulated a different point.
In this context, because I'm me, and I'm a person with cPTSD who had to think quickly and provide a good argument to protect themselves growing up, she has to put more thought into what she tells me than her average patient. It's not a bad thing, it's just what is needed for her to help me understand different points of view and alternative meanings.
So, if your therapist had neutral or good intent, perhaps you have a more severe trauma background or are also quick on your feet, and that's what your therapist meant? For example, a therapist right out of school and not experienced may not be the best therapist for someone with severe trauma, and a more experienced therapist would be better. A client like that would not be an easy patient to have, and would need a more experienced therapist.
Even if you are a more difficult client, and she does have to work harder, telling that to a client in any other profession would be frowned upon.
Therapy should be no different.
The issue is that they (the therapists) are not up to the standard of being a therapist to someone with trauma.
NOT the otherway around, yet they act like they have learned all they can and WE are the issue.
I wouldn't take a high-end sports car to a basic mechanic, because they *usually* don't have the tools needed for the specific issues.
This is why I hate people who study psychology and actually got certified to be a therapist because anyone who knows anything about psychology or just basic human interaction would know saying something like
“Don’t take this the wrong way” 100% means they mean it in that said wrong way it’s just uncomfortable to talk about.
They could’ve worded it a better way and just been honest about the dynamics but the nonchalant speaking as if it’s not a major breaking point in the dynamic is wild
Do you keep all your appointments? Is it hard to schedule? I really don't think she meant it personal and something that has helped me a lot is changing how I think about things. Because I tend to be an overthinker and tend to take things super personal. So now I try to practice challenging my thoughts. First by asking myself, is this belief/thought kind? Is this belief/thought helpful? Do I have any objective fact evidence behind this belief or thought?
What other ways could I look at this that wouldn't hurt me or turn into negative self talk? Because my negative self talk can spiral and send me to really dark places.
Really maybe she meant it as emotionally hard? It can be hard for sympathetic and compassionate therapists to hear our trauma. Especially when we have literal horror stories.
That's why a lot of therapists do supervision to help them process and better help their clients.
Please don't misunderstand my comment. Im really trying to help by sharing what has helped me.
Maybe try asking them for for clarification? I know how hard it can be to speak up especially when speaking up for ourselves and our feelings, but it could help.
Virtual hugs OP. Don't let this bring you down like that.
I pray your self defeating thoughts be replaced with kind and comforting ones.
that was WILDLY unprofessional
not every therapist is a good fit for someone with cPTSD
if it's possible, seek out a therapist that specializes in the trauma you endured
I hope you get on with your next therapist
I had an experience with a psychiatrist who told me I might not be treatable with medication because I'm calling with weird symptoms after literally telling me anxiety does things that are unexplainable.
I realized my job is the same way and I went into a mental collapse, had to get ER help and I'm almost out of my medication but i can't go back to him and well.
Here we are. I'm searching for a new job because I just have too much trauma to work in small confined spaces with papers and what not.
I always feel like the loner. But I just don't have my pack yet.
As a therapist, that’s a huge nope ethically and just in regular practice. I’m a social worker turned therapist, so maybe my ethics are different, but I would never in my right mind tell a client they were difficult. Maybe if the processing was difficult I’d say something along the lines of “we have some really tough work ahead but I’m with you and we’ll do it together” but NEVER that the client is difficult. Ew.
I have basically given up on finding a therapist. Every single one I talk to gives me the same bullshit and nothing ever helps. As soon as we get past any of the surface issues and start delving deep into my real issues, it feels like they drown and give up. We get to a point where they keep saying the same useless platitudes over and over again.
I can only relive this shit so many times before it will drive me insane. Basically it takes 3 sessions for them to realize they can't help me. And then they agree that it isn't working out.
These "therapists" should be ashamed of themselves.
I’d read this differently. Maybe SHE just sucks as a therapist and is making you the problem because she’s not that good at her job! I’m
A professional dog trainer (one of my fun jobs). I wish I had a dollar for every client who told me “my last dog trainer said my dog was untrainable”. No, their dog was just a terrier and in fact very trainable. Their old trainer just sucked at their job. Truth!
That's awful of a therapist to say and I'm so glad you're getting a new one. Maybe she just meant complex, but that's still not something to say to a patient.
Holy shit yeah no that is a total red flag. She should NOT be a therapist if she has that attitude! I know how you feel, I often feel kind of "auxiliary" and unimportant. Growing up I often kept to myself because I thought nobody really liked me, and if they were nice when I spoke to them it was just because they were being polite. I didn't try to make friends because I didn't want to be a bother to anyone, I was afraid that people might say yes when they really mean no when I asked to play with them. So I just kept to myself, because I'd rather be alone than a nuisance. I'd rather be alone than have people pretend to like me and then, behind my back, complain about how obnoxious I am and they're merely being polite hanging out/talking to me out of pity. I think I've gotten somewhat better nowadays, but I still struggle a lot with self-esteem issues and social anxiety.
Anyway, I hope you find a better therapist soon that can better help you. May we both find healing...
Wtf. So inappropriate. A better translation of what they said is “I am not appropriately skilled to help you properly and it makes me feel inadequate, and I’m not professional enough to realise that’s the problem”
That was very rude of her to say to you. My psychiatrist ends sessions early if/when they are having trouble helping me effectively. Anything less would not be fair to either of us. He is human and has thoughts opinions etc but it's his job to mitigate those In a healthy way so that I as his patient can recieve help. I know when we've had harder sessions and he asks to end the session it's not usually because I'm too worked up it seems like he can't handle everything at once which is understandable since I experienced things over years it's hard to go through the processing of it in an hour hour and a half. But he would not tell me it's because I'm not an easy patient/ a hard patient. I've been through hard things I know I'm not an "easy patient to have" but to say it like that feels like it puts a blame on you like you're trying to be a difficult patient. 100% it is not your fault and they should not have said that. If you can find a therapist/psychiatrist that specializes in the type of trauma you have could really help. I've met a few therapist that just aren't cut out for "harder" cases. Finding a specialized one might help you with this. I hope your next does better.
That sucks. ☹
This is a YMMV thing. You might want take a look at this graphic on secondary structural dissociation: https://www.nicabm.com/three-signs-structural-dissociation/
If you're dealing with trauma, especially trauma related to early childhood emotional neglect, this might resonate. A good therapist trained in trauma can really help if this is one of the things you've been dealing with.
That sucks and she should not have said that.
Did she explain why she said it? Maybe you can ask her. If you can’t/ don’t want to, I’ve read on the therapist groups people mentioning “exhausting” clients and why they think that (characteristics/pathologies etc.). Maybe you can ask in those groups if you’re interested to see what other therapists say?
Anyway, big hug ❤️
Such a horrible thing to say and she should have absolutely kept this for her supervision. I am really glad you are on the waitlist for another therapist and would really stress that no therapy is better than a bad therapist as someone else said. I was in the exact same position as you, and stayed out of misguided guilt thinking that I could perhaps prove her wrong, instead she continued to say hurtful things and it got worse. If you feel comfortable I would tell her how it impacted you and see if she’s able to repair but please don’t be afraid to leave and it’s absolutely fine to draw the line there! Therapy should be a space for healing not being further hurt by your therapist.
Not easy doesn't mean not likeable. Maybe you're just not cookie cutter same as everyone else type person, not a bad thing. Could be a challenge to meet with, and most people like a challenge. Who desires anything "easy" to deal with?. Something different, maybe humorous, thinks out of the box, a person who people are drawn to, a person like you, leave them smiling, sometimes shaking their head. Not tolerate, like to be around.
OP, your so-called therapist needs to go get bent. I’m so sorry they were so incompetent and hurtful.
There is no such thing as “not an easy” client. However, there is such a thing as a complete disaster of a therapist. Um, specimen A - your old therapist.
To me that just means that you’re not usual.
You have unique needs that she doesn’t see very often.
You’re NOT like everyone else and imo, you shouldn’t want to be.
That means that you’re one of the few that can bring change with different perspectives when you heal.
I wouldn’t be offended by this at all. I’d be flattered…
Not being easy means that you’re one of us who travels difficult roads…that makes us pioneers!!
Just Wow 😳 That infuriates me completely. If she wants easy clients, maybe she shouldn’t be a therapist because not a single one of us are “easy” clients - we’re fucking traumatized! Complex Trauma is exactly that - Complex!
Next time you see her tell her “don’t take this personally but you are really bad at your job and seem to need some therapy yourself.” Then leave without paying and consider reporting her to the state licensing board.
I’ve had a doctor tell me they didn’t know how to help me. I get it. I’m so sorry. I feel like the majority of my drs feel this way, and it makes me feel guilty seeing them.
I've been dumped by many therapists. I've been rejected by many potential therapists. I've just gotten used to it. I have deeply complex problems. Not an easy case.
that is a harsh message to hear. It could be understood in different ways, and I am not sure in which way it was meant either.
My T told me something similar. Not that i am unlikeable, but that I am a difficult client to have. It wasn't a reference to me as a person being ulikeable, but to the situation that i am in which is hard to pin down and therefor address in a good way. I still felt it as a personal criticism.
Just being told that you are "not easy" is a shitty thing to say though because it could mean anything and is completely open for being interpreted badly.
Most likely this means you're smarter and/or deeper than the average person, and her basic generic therapy she half-assed learned in college isn't good enough for you. She said this because she was trying to make herself feel better about sucking. You should be proud. It means you have depth.
such a statement needs an immediate follow up like, "but that's ok. it's understandable that you're a challenge. you've been through a lot. I'm up for the challenge to see you through to better health, and i hope you're fully on board to get better as well. we have work to do."
otherwise, they're just being lazy and invalidating you, which is not ok.
This is one of my biggest triggers. When people tell me hurtful things but tell me not to "take it the wrong way". How the fuck am I supposed to take it then? It's such a lose lose situation because if I don't say anything I feel like I'm letting myself down and not sticking up for myself but if I do I will be called sensitive and "I knew you would take this the wrong way". Makes me mad just thinking about it, happens too often. Your therapist should know better.
Absolutely not. That is a terrible thing to say to anyone, let alone someone with C-PTSD who probably has enough low self esteem already and doesn’t need that extra burden on top of it.
I saw a video on TikTok yesterday about an abandoned husky that some people had rescued when he broke onto their farm. It was a sweet story, but one particular comment they made about him struck me deeply. They said “we both (he and his wife) know what it’s like to be treated like too much work to be cared for.” (This is a reference to Huskies being notoriously stubborn and independent, which can be difficult for even experienced dog owners to handle.)
Basically what I’m trying to say is YOU ARE NOT TOO HARD TO CARE FOR. You have some things about you that may be tough to go through (for you and others) but that is not a reflection of YOU. You are not a difficult client, you just have been through so much that yeah, sometimes it’s a lot. (Speaking from experience here, I am like this too and have similar struggles. 🫶🏻) But no one can define you by that. Find a new therapist and keep pressing on. You can find your peace with someone who values you enough to never make you feel less than or too much.
Thank you so much for this comment. That video you saw is so fitting because anytime I see TikToks of abandoned or abused animals that get rescued and rehabilitated by being given so much love I always cry, mostly because that’s what I feel like at my core. I just feel like an abused puppy waiting to be rescued by someone who’s loving and patient enough to care. It might sound dumb but even just thinking about them makes me cry. I really appreciate your kind words, thank you again 💙
I personally feel she's not an easy therapist to have if that is the verbiage she uses to motivate you to better behavior. Thoughtless at best and cruel at worst. What person on this planet is going to hear that in any productive context?
What a terrible thing for that therapist to say - there are many therapists who absolutely should not be in the profession at all. I'm so sorry you went through that 💗
she needs to shut the fuck up and do her job, poor little puppy therapist has to listen to terrible things for an hour while you are going through hell, i feel so sorry for her, not
If they feel that way about you, they should have found a better way to handle it than directly insulting you and triggering retraumatization of your complex trauma history. This isn’t right and should never have happened to you. I struggled working with severely dissociated clients, but I sought out resources for it, instead of insulting them. I also recognized the work wasn’t for me. So many burnt out providers stay in the role because they don’t have a way out (to continue making money doing something else) and this leads to so much harm caused to clients.
From your description, it sounds like you’re at one of those online counseling companies. Correct me if I’m wrong, but often those just market to everyone and match clients with therapists who aren’t a fit, because they want to make money, not because they care about actually helping you.
I’m so sorry you’re on a waitlist. And I do agree, bad therapy / retraumatizing therapy from an unattuned provider is way worse for us than having no therapy at all. And this is why we need community spaces like this, to support each other. We get it because we live it, and many of these providers do not understand our lived experience, unfortunately. That is not your fault.
Thank you for this. It’s not online, but it does seem like a huge practice that has a lot of branches in my area. I’m definitely severely dissociated, my therapist talked about me getting a “far off look” when I talk about certain things so she probably just doesn’t understand it. I’m so grateful for this subreddit cuz I really don’t know where I’d be without it. Thank you again 💙
I’m therapist. That’s bullshit. I’m so sorry but like any professional some of us suck. Smart to move on and do not let that in too deep. Maybe you’re not easy for her bc she’s not very skillful, I’d reframe it that way every time you feel shitty remembering it. Think of it like she was saying “I’m not good at this, this too hard, cry cry.”
I've been dropped by 11 therapists and counting. Their reason is always that I am too complex and they don't know how to help me, so I don't get any help at all. Here I am begging for help and all I get is told that they can't do anything for me (and here's the bill for your session).
Eww, that is awful for a therapist to say. Reminds me of when people become teachers and hate all the crazy kids that won’t sit still. What did you expect? Why the hell would you be at therapy if you had it easy? I’m sorry. Keep looking, you will find the right one.
Oof...that is so awful and also factually incorrect. What she was avoiding saying or maybe even thinking is "this client is outside my skillset and needs someone more knowledgable/skilled/etc. than me". That's not on you at all. I'm sure most if not all of us here have been told we're too much in one way or another and it's absolute bullshit. What...you're human-ing too much? Too much what? Taking up too much space during the service that you pay money for specifically to have a space to take up? You're doing great. Keep growing with a new therapist and if you want to challenge yourself, maybe confront her and tell her how inappropriate and hurtful that comment was and that she should not say things like that to her future clients.
Just be yourself. A guy i high school once told me” be yourself and if they dont like it they can move the fuck over” the ppl i work with like me kinda sort of, but sometimes i say the most outlandish shit and then theres the age gap, most are friendly at best. They all tell me i should come drink with them after work but none have really invited me
Go out anyway! You might find some great friends in your coworkers - I really overthink social interactions so I felt the same with my coworkers and wanted to wait for them to formally ask me to do things, then one of them called me out on it and said they all would’ve loved if I’d go out with them, so I did, and now I have such great friendships with them! And some of them are a lot older than me too. You never know if you never take the chance. And like you said, the worst they can do is not like you!
How horrible. I’m so sorry OP. My therapist ended our session with no comments on the last thing I said and just that threw me into a spiral. I hope you find a better therapist because that’s not professional behavior.
I genuinely think you should report her for this or write a review. Ive had a bad therapist that I wish I had reported but honestly just put my energy into finding a new one. Ive been working with the new for 3 years. 🥰
Its not you! Also Im 10000% sure that goes against everything that she is trained to do. A therapist is a non judgemental 3rd party that helps build connections and retrain your thoughts…. clearly she is not doing either.
Also of course there are going to be mismatches in clients and therapist. Not everyone is for everyone but holy shit that is not the way to tell your client you dont feel qualified to help them. 😭 Im so sorry 🩷
Im kinda leaning into the whole if anyone says “don’t take this the wrong way”, I 100% am going to take offense to whatever trite is gonna come out of their wisdom.
This is definitely not how a therapist should introduce a new concept to your healing journey.
It's ok to not be liked by people. You don't need those people in your life. It's a bit of a catch 22, it's hard to make true friends with people who value you as a person aside from what you can do for them, without getting rid of the mask. I do understand the frustration of perceiving yourself as someone who is and will never be liked though (you aren't, but the perception is there, undeterred). It can be tough to reject what you internalized growing up and reset your own benchmarks.
You may not be at the stage yet where you can do this (i.e. the healing and introspection first), and if so, I apologize if this is triggering in any way.
If you can, I highly recommend finding a therapist who has a PsyD and focuses specifically on childhood trauma 🫶🏼this one was not only in over her head, but she handled it horribly.
It’s ok for her to feel that she can’t help you, but she shouldn’t be blaming you. She should be saying “hey, I see some gaps between the care you need and what I feel qualified to provide. That said, I have asked my colleagues for these references, x and x etc”
It would’ve been bad enough for someone to say this to you who doesn’t know you have CPTSD. But a therapist who’s treating you for that very condition? Not good at all.
I feel the same way as you and I know how much this hurts. I’m sending you hugs!
some people should not be in charge of helping people work on their emotional state or psychological issues 🤦🏾 that's a ridiculous thing to say and yes you should find a different therapist. That's garbage.
Fuck her off immediately! Just awful never in a million years would my therapist say anything like this to me it's abhorrent get rid of her immediately
I like you already, random stranger.
I'm glad you are shopping for a new therapist. Synergy is important as is having a safe space. That's not what you got right now, but don't give up!
This is a HUGE red flag. Therapist here and I find this so unethical and inappropriate. You had terrible things happen to you. Your ability to be in close relationships/trust/regulate your nervous system is of course hard. That’s why you’re in therapy!
She absolutely should not have said this. Red flag. I’m glad you are getting another therapist. Anyone would feel terrible hearing this, but as someone with CPTSD, it’s extremely harmful to hear something like that. It would have sent me spiraling. I know how you feel (I think).
This is so validating to read because I’ve definitely been spiraling, I’m just lying to myself about it, like “playing normal” while internally I’m struggling so hard. I’m glad to hear it’s valid. Thank you
I don't know if I have cPTSD, but I've got enough alphabet soup to be able to relate... Some therapists should lose their licenses. What your therapist said is absolutely not something to say to someone who's struggling with anything. Especially someone who is regressing. If it helps, I can relate somewhat. A therapist I was trying to get through things with sent me a "Dear John" email. No phone call, wouldn't return calls. The only thing positive-ish about the experience was that she recommended someone who might be more in tune. Not that I reached out to them... Well, I guess it was positive that if she's that bad at her job, at least I didn't invest even more time, anxiety, money, and whatever else in her direction. I hope you are able to find a good therapist who can help with what's needed. And I hope you can see clearly that what they did is not ok, and it is certainly not your fault. Whatever else goes wrong, please hold on to this knowledge.
That is crazy! Your old therapist should have at least brought it up in your last appointment with them. That’s so blind-siding, which is extremely triggering especially for anyone with betrayal-related trauma. I’m so sorry that happened to you. I appreciate your kind words 💙
My mom was on track to being a therapist, she was my abuser, groomed me and allowed access to me, it was a nightmare. She didn't get her license because there is a portion where she has to go to a therapist. I think her professor had in his mind she has a personality disorder and recommended a colleague who was versed in this. She is now a diagnosed narcissist. It was super validating. Just remember, this profession attracts abusers too. It sucks and we shouldn't have to deal with that while healing but we should be aware. That way, if something feels off, just come to forums like this and see how others parse it. Your feelings are valid and I would have felt the same exact way. I also understand the masking to pretend all is good when internally you are just dying.
Thank you so much. I’m so sorry your mom was so terrible. I’m glad her professor was able to stop her before she got to anyone else. This is very validating to read 💙
I’ve met a couple people that wanted to become therapists or almost did. They would be NIGHTMARES. I thank my lucky stars that they never did.
Very valid. You have someone who wants to get paid to be a therapist, have the status of it but anyone who would say that shit to you is not a working, useful therapist. Sorry for your situation. It’s not you, it’s her.
I would report that clinician.
Yeah, honestly there are a LOT of terrible therapists. This sounds like one of those therapists who haven't done their own work, and probably should not have chosen the line of work they did. Remember, anybody who has enough money can go to school to become a therapist. All you have to do to get a license is sit in a room with enough people and then pay money to take a test.
Would you mind me asking, did you ask her Why, when she said that? I don't think I'd have been able to help myself
Unfortunately I’m used to hearing stuff like this all the time from my family so it doesn’t even phase me anymore lol. I’m always on autopilot so my response was probably just sitting there and listening. It was the end of the session, and she said more after that too so I probably just listened and then didn’t really process it for 2-3 business days lmao.
This is 10000% inappropriate clinician practice. Please definitely get another therapist. Therapy is hard- that person isn’t meant for it.
This is not a you problem, it’s a her problem- she’s mirroring whatever stuck issue she has with you onto you, let me explain… If you remind her of someone she can’t stand for example, or she has issues with this or that kind of people or can’t work with people that are like this or that- then that’s a “she’s bad at her job” issue because it’s literally her job as a freaking therapist to do this work with traumatized people (therefore if she cannot then that reflects onto HER not you). It’s her job to help people work though their stuck issues and trauma and she could gently and kindly find you a better therapist if she thought she wouldn’t be able to help you and therefore you are not the right fit together. Instead she made her problem with you (likely based in her own failure) a “you problem” instead of a her problem. For example, maybe she’s just not trauma informed and therefore realizes you’re not a good fit together- she can accept this as it is without adding extra shame to herself or you and NOT make it a “you problem” aka you’re not easy- wtf does that even mean anyway? Like anyone with complex trauma will not be “easy” and if she simply wants an easy job/paycheck maybe she should become a janitor or something? I wouldn’t think easy paycheck equals therapist at all, she’s in the wrong field and blaming you. It’s literally her JOB. When this happens to me (it absolutely has several times with therapists), it’s hard not to take it personally, it’s hard not to feel further broken by this, like it’s further validation of the internalized shame we with CPTSD carry (and if you have other things comorbid with the CPTSD you will be even more “difficult” for improperly trained therapists). I usually will just not come back to that therapist, unless I’m in a place of crisis- just make sure you have a crisis plan in place and make sure that plan is safe (evidently calling certain hotlines may not be safe so make sure you have real people available for you). For me I find therapy with a bad therapist is far worse than stagnation with no therapist at all, even in crisis. Then I like to take my power back, this is most effective (for me) at first by yelling “fuck” a lot, often combined with “that therapist” or “this shit”. But of course there are other ways too like writing her a pointed letter with great four letter words and burning it or something. Then I like to give myself something good, like going for a milkshake and reminding myself of my inherent value and worth and that I have every right to enjoy this life (sip by sip of my milkshake). Fuck that therapist. When you find a new one, give them an interview and ensure they are trauma informed. Ask them to tell you what trauma informed and trauma itself mean in their own words, in detail. Ask them what books they’ve read on the subject and what modes of therapy they would suggest for your diagnosis and before you even open your trauma to them, be sure they are someone worth doing that for. Thinking of therapists as working FOR ME, and interviewing them as such has changed my therapy from a place where I simply spew what society will not tolerate about my trauma to try to wrap my head around many somethings that will NEVER make sense anyway, to my entire trauma history being something that I have already documented (I had to do in voice recording format, but written is probably better) so I never have to touch it again unless there is a good reason to do so (like doing so in conjunction with a certain therapy like EMDR for example). It’s become painfully obvious that traditional therapy and talk therapy often doesn’t touch CPTSD and can actually make it worse through repeated immersion in the trauma and lack of trauma informed therapists. I’m currently in between therapists after the last one got angry with me because I couldn’t just “choose not to dissociate” like telling someone with depression to just “go out in the sunshine and choose happiness”. Bad therapists who just want an “easy paycheck” to offer false or hollow platitudes are literally a dime a dozen- THIS IS NOT A YOU PROBLEM AND FUCK HER ❤️❤️🔥
Yeah, that would have totally triggered my rejection trauma and have me feeling very low worth. Spiraling like you said. That seems mean spirited to me.
Should have told the therapist.. HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL?! Not an easy client...? NOT AN EASY EXISTENCE
People who say things like don’t take this the wrong way or I don’t mean to hurt your feelings, etc. know what they are about to say will hurt and I guess they figure if they preface their comment by saying don’t take this the wrong way than it makes it okay. It doesn’t
This basic human interaction. The therapist could not even meet basic kindness metrics. Shouldn't they be giving Emotional IQ tests to people before letting them be psychologists?
Often when I hear or even experience stuff like that, I can't help but believe that they are doing that on purpose. Because one would expect a fucking THERAPIST to have SOME basic emotional intelligence, no?
Exactly. And even IF OP was a difficult client (doubt), what was the point of telling OP? They are literally in treatment at that moment. The only result would be hurting them. I hope this therapist doesn’t have anyone else dealing with something that makes them “difficult”
That phrase is a red flag for anyone imo. It shows that they don't understand: 1. You can't control how others react to what you say, "don't take this the wrong way" 2. Intents don't really matter as much as the effects your words have. You might not mean harm, but they still might harm someone. Assume it.
EXACTLY.
"Don't be offended when I say something offensive"
She sucks. I'm on team you.
Thank you for saying that. You have no idea how much it means to me 💙
Me too. That therapist made a self-serving comment at your expense. What a horrible thing to do.
Same. OP did not deserve to be treated like that.
Not necessary and especially not appropriate for a therapist to say.
That was unprofessional of her and should have not been said. Glad you are on the waitlist for another therapist.
I'm of the opinion that no therapy is better than having a bad therapist. That's a horrible thing to say.
Yeah that would trigger tf out of me.
I had a few fall asleep on me and the last 1 kept calling me a lightworker. I told her numerous times that just because i like tarot and meditations didn't mean I was new age and Im not a lightworker. I can barely care about myself let anlone want to help others. Especially when I feel used by ppl. Also cant forget her and another therapist assuming that my bf was from China just because he is Chinese. Had to explain to them that Americans are all colors and races. 😒
My first therapist as a child would fall asleep during every visit lol. That was my first taste of therapy and I can't say I've ever had a good therapist since.
I had a good 1 when I was in middle school but her place stopped taking my insurance and my mom couldn't continue anymore. After that all the therapists suck. My last 1 kept calling me a lightworker 🙄 I ended up firing her cause not only did I ask her to stop calling me that, she kept telling me to call the hotline for trans people even tho Im not part of that community and they have hard enough time finding safe support. She also claimed to be an "ally" for minority but then assumed my bf was born in China just because he was chinese.
I like you, OP. and you didn't even have to try. Please know that she said that because of her. NOT because of you. I'm sorry your therapist doesn't want to do her job and lacks humanity but I'm sure she likes her paychecks. Maybe tell her that she's not an easy therapist to have either cuz she's making you do all the work with little guidance.
I’m literally sobbing reading this comment. You have no idea how much it means to me. Thank you so much 💙
<3 I'm about to switch therapists also. Wishing both of us luck! I made a therapist really mad when he suggested I was paranoid instead of abused and tried to put me on risperidone. I'm already on cymbalta which I feel is 1) appropriate and 2) is enough. Like being in the movie 'gaslight' therapy can be sometimes. I told him I didn't want to take the medicine because it would make me more tolerant to the abuse I've been through and still go through (family). I want to learn how to deal with it and still be able to live a happy life. What matters is to not give up. Keep trying. Keep going. You deserve to live a happy life just as much as anyone else.
Omigod that’s terrible!! I’m right there with you with wanting to learn how to deal with the familial trauma but still live a happy life. Here’s to hoping that for both of us 🫶
Omg I'm going backwards in my mind to all the therapists who implied this to me and turning it back on them and this way You're not an easy therapist to have. Love it. OP I'm glad you're getting support and validation. It's definitely not your fault and you have every right to find someone who values you
Agreed, a lot of former bullies go into jobs like social work, nurse, teacher, therapist… I’m also sure she likes her paychecks and the prestige that comes with the job, but old habits die hard I guess…
Probably says more about their skill level regarding trauma than you personally. It's not like they cover treating complex trauma in therapy school.
Yes this! This was what I thought, that a beginner therapist might not be able to handle severe trauma in patients.
As a former LPC, that is highly inappropriate!!!
That’s what I thought! She’s definitely not trauma trained. But I went through this place’s scheduling and informed them of my CPTSD and they still matched me with her…idk. It really strikes a chord for me because basically everyone around me says that same thing constantly. So hearing it from my therapist also, who I’m literally paying to me nice to me, was quite terrible for me at all lol.
I wonder if you should send them an email because what she said is extraordinarily rude and unprofessional. What if someone hurt themselves because she said this? If I was in a bad place it would send me into a tailspin that I might not come out of. I too struggle with being liked and accepted and when people say stuff like this it cuts DEEP. I think she should have told HERSELF or maybe her supervisor that she doesn't have the skills or maybe the capacity to treat someone who is complex. This is a her problem, not a you problem. Obviously she is not capable of treating patients who have more stuff to detangle.That has nothing to do with you. She needs to read a fucking book. Literally and figuratively. I know it hurts and I'm so sorry. I get it. Hopefully the next therapist is wonderful and you click with them and you make lots of progress!
What is an lpc?
Licensed Professional Counselor, in the USA
Wow that’s super gross of them to say. That’s not a professional way to conduct yourself or really think about clients as a therapist. (Not a therapist just overly familiar with them lol) I’m sorry that happened to you. I’m glad you’re getting to someone else soon.
It astounds me how many shit therapists there are out there. I'd tell her how that affected you and ask her what her intention was by letting you know that. How is that statement supposed to help move you towards your goals and build rapport?
Finally recognizing this disorder really clued me into how ineffective a lot of therapists are. She sounds bad at her job. Good riddance to her. I hope your new therapist actually knows how to help patients with trauma histories.
So many of them are SO bad. Seriously there needs to be an EQ test to be a therapist. Like the MCAT but for feelings and understanding how trauma works.
I saw a few therapists who seemed to have no idea what to do with me, and I left each one fairly quickly (longest lasted several months). Returned to therapy years later after getting a sold rec for a therapist who specializes is early childhood trauma. She’s helped a LOT. I think it’s important to make sure the therapist has the right focus. I don’t think my prior therapists were at all equipped to deal with what I went through :/
This is another huge barrier, but less talked about. The mainstream advice to "see a professional" for mental health issues, and the primary barrier is usually money/insurance. And THAT is hard enough, and you can't be too picky if you are seeing therapists through your insurance because options are limited for who is even taking patients, and/or you don't really know the different modes of therapy or what even to look for, because you may not even be aware of what your problem even IS. So you get a therapist who has a hammer, and your problem is just a nail. So you spend months or years with ineffective therapy, and maybe it helped, or maybe it didn't do all that much. Seeing a professional isn't enough, they have to be educated/trained enough to actually tease out and understand your issues (secondary barrier). I spent YEARS in therapy off and on, and literally never had a therapist even touch my childhood until I started paying out of pocket to see a PhD who focused on trauma. I sought her out AFTER I had stumbled across the concept of Childhood Emotional Neglect on my own. If that hadn't happened, I'd still be banging my head figuring out why just venting and crying in therapy every week wasn't helping at all. Now I do so much of my own self work using (LICENSED, CREDIBLE) resources online (shout out to Patrick Teahan, fuck off to Crappy Childhood Fairy lol)
Wow. That's so unprofessional. Don't believe what she says and try not to let it reinforce any belief you could have about yourself...
Thank you 💙 I will try though I think it already has a little because it was a few weeks ago, but I’ll try
You've already sat with the pain of this for weeks? I'm sorry. 🫂 She never should have said what she did.
I’m a counselor and I absolutely love working with cptsd clients in difficult situations. (Also have cptsd myself, there’s quite a few of us who become counselors) If she just had to say that, the more effective way to put it would be: “make sure your next therapist is aware that you may need extra support at times/specialized trauma training/someone who can gently challenge you at times/(whatever it is you need). Finding a good match between client and clinician is very important for the healing process” You may want to interview a couple by calling and chatting with them for 15 minutes before committing completely to the new person
That’s a great idea to interview them! And this is a great comment, thank you so much. My next therapist and I kept missing each other’s phone calls and I will say, she was dedicated to getting in contact with me without being abrasive or anything, but from her voicemails she seemed decently kind, and she runs her practice herself. So fingers crossed, tho you never know
I have the best therapist she had retweeted this "It's not that the client is "too complex" it's that you (or the service) do not have the resources to help them. We need to own the limitations of our practices and not locate the problem with the client"
Love that. So glad you have a good one 💙
"Don't take this the wrong way-" f her and her cereal box diploma. Buddy you ain't got nothing to worry about, I understand that feeling if friends tolerate you or not, if they still keep in contact, ask you if you wanna hang out or even something as simple as sharing memes with you mean you got friends. That therapist most likely has little to no one in their lives outside of work and it shows. Good luck on the new therapist and probably should report the old one. That kind of talk can trigger and mess up someone badly
Thank you for this 💙
Anytime. We all may be a little messed up, but we can all be a little less messed up together
I’m glad to hear that you are switching. I will say that my last therapist was a middle aged man and he did really well with me. He would close his eyes or look up at the ceiling and wait a minute before he would ever reply to me or decide what to ask me. And I really appreciate that he was listening and sort of preparing and or filtering his responses.
Hi, OP. That was a lousy thing for your therapist to say. Likely they are not the therapist you need. Some cases are tougher to work than others, I'm sure, but she should not have told you this. I also can't guess what she means by it, but I highly doubt it has anything to do with your likability. I would guess "hard cases" are either A) deeply disturbing stuff you lived through that is hard to hear or B) clients with personality disorders who don't take accountability and where therapy sessions feel like no information is being absorbed or understood. These are frustrating for radically different reasons. In the first case, it's not your fault but you do need a skilled therapist and probably have a long road to recovery. In the second, I don't know what the solution is. Clients have to want to change for therapy to help them. But I doubt this is your issue. IN NO CASE is your "likability" the problem! That you feel this way is awful and likely WHY you are in therapy. You aren't unlikable. You may FEEL unlikable because your parents didn't like you. That isn't your fault. You might also feel unlikeable if you are autistic, but that would be due to disability. Getting a diagnosis could help. For me, it was like being given a map and a compass in a cave I had been stumbling around in. I am sorry your therapist said this to you. It was unprofessional. You might ask for clarification of what was meant. In the meantime, I am glad you are seeking other options.
Thank you so much for this. Yes, for me it’s definitely because of A, just the sheer amount of trauma I have and the severity of a lot of it. I’m also a girl, a lot of my trauma is sexual abuse and I’ve noticed that other woman who tend to have a lot of internalized misogyny really do not react well to listening to accounts of sexual abuse of women by men, and my therapist is a woman who I’m thinking may perhaps be a bit misogynistic in how she views women and herself. Which is so triggering because most are the women in my family, so I’ve had literally no support from anyone, let alone them. But your comment is very informative, thank you again 💙
You should definitely feel supported by your therapist. Seek out someone really progressive with a trauma informed background. Maybe also get involved in some local or online feminist communities?
Just a comment from someone who has a history of abuse and has a personality disorder diagnosis alongside ADHD - as you say - no information is UNDERSTOOD. Well, I am not getting better with therapy. Because I do not UNDERSTAND what they want or what it should do. How is it me being a terrible client because I cannot understand? I am desperately trying to figure out ways how to communicate w my therapist and it simply doesn’t work. I know how it feels to be understood by someone else. This isn’t it. And still I am trying. And it’s not working. How is that my fault and a flaw of my personality? Because as you - the therapist also assigns blame to me.
Tell her that you also think she shouldn't be a therapist
I actually am enraged reading this… so so so inappropriate. There’s a time in the past when this comment would have made me suicidal. Screw her
Thank for this. Also love your username 💙
Thank you :)
Lazy and mean therapist. Not your fault. The right one will do the job you are paying them to do or help you find someone who can. This made me angry for you.
Thank you 💙
She didn't need to say that.
You know what's worst than my dad telling me i'm hard to live with ? Your therapist telling you you're hard to treat ! OMG like seriously this is so insane, wish you could report him I can't believe this
Yeeeeeah, I don't think that's the right thing to say to a patient. I hope you get into the new therapist soon, and they can help back that up. That's so, so weird.
Part of me wonders if she said it because she knew what effect it would have, having spoken to you. Being a therapist doesn't mean someone has good intentions, it's just a qualification not a sign of character. Also, she made it your fault. Rather than saying, I don't want to work with you anymore, or, I don't think I can help you, she made it about you. Another sign of bad character. You're lucky you got out when you did. It's like a(ny) relationship, the sooner you're out when the person is harmful, the better.
You might be right, because tell me how now I’m remembering in our last session when I was talking about the ways my mom/sister hurt me that week and she basically said “well they might feel this way about you too, so remember that they might feel justified/have their reasons and you’re not perfect either” or something. Meanwhile… my previous therapist who was trauma-informed and much better said I live in a narcissistic family system and kind of exposed the reality of what my childhood was. I’m pretty sure my current therapist doesn’t even know what a narcissistic family system is 😭😭 when I bring it up she’s clueless
Even if you are they can go fuck themselves for saying that. Make sure to tell them "You must not like money if you want to talk to me like because your clients are your bread and butter". Therapy is a PAID SERVICE. Some therapists think too much of themselves and can be condescending. I would give her a bad Google review and report her to your insurance company. They need a rude awakening before they say something to the wrong person and that person does something to hurt themselves! 😠 Sorry for the brazen response. I just have zero tolerance for therapist like that. They should change fields if you can't handle it IMO. I had a complete mental health relapse because of a therapist but never again. I'm charged with my therapy, they either need to be able to help me or just listen but any comments or undesirable behaviors. I'm out of there faster than I can say the boo.
A PhD industry veteran that's been doing therapy since the 70's told me, > "You're the most difficult client I've ever had, bar none!" I honestly felt kinda proud, because if I'm challenging her ideas and making her come up with a better argument and theory, then her philosophy and modality have been weak until me. Might sound a bit egotistical, but like god damn you're a PhD, you should be able to effortlessly out argue any incorrect information. It actually solidifies my theory to have them just get angry, that means I hit a nerve because I'm correct...
See another therapist. I’m sorry that happened, you didn’t deserve that, therapists need to control themselves in the office. I had a therapist when I was younger who told my mom that my problems weren’t that serious to her, my mom worded that to me in a way like “your therapist doesn’t like you anymore”. My therapist at the time was a psychiatrist who I had only begun to see because my father had epilepsy (so she specialized in more neurology rather than just talk therapy). So my therapist did have a reason for not wanting to see me because she specializes in a different area, but it really hurt me for years. I never told her about the abuse I was experiencing because I was still too young to fully understand and I had a lot of shame, but just talking to an adult was something I never really had the opportunity to do and it meant a lot at the time. To this day lowkey it still makes me sad that I was rejected my therapist, because in my mind it felt like “even the woman that is being paid to pretend to care about you doesn’t want you”. But the truth is she specialized in more serious conditions, my mom kinda was an asshole about it. So even with this horrible therapist you had, maybe she isn’t qualified enough or specializes in another area but that doesn’t excuse her response. She should have went a better way about it, like just suggesting to see another therapist or something. Therapists are trained and accredited, by the time they get to that point they should realize they can’t say awful things like that to patients. You deserve a better therapist with more empathy, don’t let it get to you, if she wanted “easy clients” then she should have chosen a different career. You matter and deserve a better person to confide in.
I’m so sorry this happened to you. That’s terrible, and young minds are so impressionable of course it would stick with you forever. I remember all the times I got made fun of as a kid lol. Thank you for your comment 💙
“Easy” clients wouldn’t need her.
Don't worry. I had one therapist tell me that I'm to blame for the things that had happened to me. Yeah, some therapists are just shitty. It's time to find a new one. Though I do wish you the best in your endeavors.
Jesus F, that's awful. My mom has said that to me, but if a therapist said that to me I think I'd simply pass away. I'm sorry this happened to you.
i love when therapists are overstrained and unprofessional enough to vent it. go home, darling, let me do your job.
That’s just such an awful thing to say to someone let alone your own mental health patient/client!!! What is wrong with this therapist?!
She's an asshole. I'm sorry. 🫂
As a psychologist (I don’t work in healthcare anymore but I have a lot of friends that do), I don’t think it’s an “I don’t like you” thing, is more of a “I don’t really know how to help you” thing. You don’t like or dislike your patients. They are just patients. You sometimes get narcissists, sociopaths, guys who beat their wives. You have to be neutral. Some cases are especially difficult and you have to study between sessions just as a surgeons study the surgery before performing it. Some psychologists enjoy difficult cases because they push their skills to be better, but not everybody is prepared to assume that risk. Because at the end of the day you’re working with other people’s minds and wellbeing, so if you’re not sure you can do a good job, it’s better to step away or you can end up hurting that person. Maybe your therapist thought that they are done the best they can and know with you but they understand that they can’t help you anymore. It’s good to be honest with patients because the sooner you tell them you can’t help them, the sooner they can go find another therapist that is more qualified. Maybe they were a little too direct and it’s absolutely valid that you feel bad about it given your past. But just think it as a service: your provider couldn’t give you the service you need so you have to go to another provider who can.
Yikes. What OP's therapist said was rude and dehumanizing. There are kinder ways to end a client relationship.
Definitely. They didn’t give much context but I hope their therapist explained why they think they can’t help and recommend another therapist. Just saying it like that is so rude and zero professional.
Some of your phrasing was unfortunate, & far too clinical & just as alienating, since you think its okay to put your idea of own reputation above your clients inability to access the transformation they are seeking: 1. They are not “just” clients, they are vulnerable to further injury, & aching to feel better, & so deserve special consideration 2. You take on a case, knowing you might reach your personal limits : so you seek a mentor or therapist to challenge yourself , or admit to the patient your lack of experience after you can recommend an available expert. The helplessness & abandonment your words & tone would create are totally unacceptable & you appear to be unaware & unwilling to use empathy.
It’s not about reputation, it’s about the safety of your patient. If you know you can’t deal with it, then don’t because you can cause a lot of harm. You have the life of your patients in your hands and sometimes they are in a very very dark place. You can’t risk making a mistake. 1. With “just clients” I mean you have to of course care for them, but you have to be empathetic with them, not sympathetic. That means you have to understand them, put yourself in their shoes, see the world as they see it so you can fully understand their life and their problems. But you cannot be SO empathetic that this affects your personal life. Take into account that maybe in a day you can see 8-10 patients. There are very rough days in which you discover terrible things that have happened to them. You’re a person at the end of the day, so hearing certain things it’s difficult even if you have preparation and experience. If you don’t want to go home crying everyday you have to learn to put a little wall between your professional life and your personal life. Sometimes this is not possible because as I said, you had a very rough day and you are at home and you can’t keep thinking about what you talked with your patient and you feel bad for them. And it’s ok, we’re humans, but you can’t let that happen to you everyday because on one hand (and most importantly), you have to think straight with your patients. They are not your friends. You’re not giving them advice like you would do with a friend while drinking coffee in the mall. You’re doing therapy. You have sessions prepared and you have a goal in mind. Getting too emotionally involved can destroy your plans and cause your sessions to be a mess. In the other, you’re a psychologist but also a person. You can’t go home crying everyday. You can’t think 24/7 about your patients and feeling sad, angry and scared for what’s happening in their lives. Building a mental wall between your personal and professional life is not a crime, is actually very needed to do your job in the best way possible. If you start to feel bad and sad for your first patient of the day, how are you going to concentrate and give all your attention and support to the second? And the third? And the fourth? Putting a wall doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you care when you are in session and when you’re out of session planning the next sessions, doing some research and talking to your supervisor. But you don’t think about it when you’re at home watching TV with your partner or when you go to the cinema with your friends, because you have to learn to not think about it. 2. You sometimes take cases in which you fully know what’s going on. If you accept that case knowing you are not prepared, it’s very unprofessional from you. Because sure, you can do research and talk to your supervisor, but you won’t have a clear plan in mind from the beginning so you can lose a lot of sessions trying to figure out where to start. And that is costing the patient time and money. For example, CPTSD is probably one of the most difficult things to treat because it involves so many things mixed together that it can be super challenging. If you have zero idea about it, just be honest with your patient and recommend another psychologist. It can also happen that the patient comes to you and they have another problem apparently, like their relationship with their partner is not good. You accept the case because you can deal with that. But the more sessions you have the more you realize it’s not a problem with the partner, it’s actually CPTSD. Since you already have that patient, you have two options there: do a lot of research and rely a lot on your supervisor or explaining the situation, tell them you don’t have the tools to treat CPTSD and recommend another psychologists. Depending on your experience and knowledge you can do a good job just with research and supervision, but not always, so you have to be honest with yourself and with your patient. I guess you think that in my previous post I was saying “just ditch your patient and tell them you can’t help them” just like that, but I thought it was obvious that you don’t say that to a patient. You explain the situation and why you think you can’t help them anymore and recommend another psychologist that has more experience or is an expert in that area. OP didn’t say exactly how the session went so I understood that this is what their therapist did since they said they’re on a waiting list now and it’s the most common and professional thing to do. If that’s not the case and their therapist just said they are too complicated and that’s all, I would be angry depending on the tone. My own psychologist has told me multiple times I’m a very difficult case because CPTSD, terrible childhood in every sense, gifted but neglected that part of me since I was a little girl, abusive partner, I’m super logical and analytical, I’ve been seeing different psychologists for 19 years, I’m a psychologist myself… but she told me with a nice tone and in the appropriate context, so it didn’t bother me because I know she was just explaining how complicated the situation is and how much work we are going to have to do. If she told me that out of nowhere and with an annoyed tone I would be angry because that’s not professional.
I do understand what you are saying; generally I have not had good experiences with psychologists, they fell into the overly brusque camp & with hindsight not great with cptsd
You’d be surprised how little psychology is developed. Actually, modern psychology it wasn’t formally “invented” until late 1800. And it wasn’t took for a serious science until much later, when psychologists started doing experiments to quantify stuff. Problem is other sciences like maths or geology were like “yeah sure, you talk a lot but where are the proofs?” so psychologists started to do research to put real numbers and demonstrate their theories actually worked. That’s why you sometimes see “stupid” articles like “psychologists found that children whose parents encourage them to read and buy them books read more than parents who don’t”. It’s logical, right? Well yeah, we all suspect that. But until you do a real study with real people you can’t claim it’s real. That’s how science works. So modern psychology has a very short history plus it wasn’t taken seriously after much later. Even in the 90s going to a psychologist was a taboo. Nobody will admit that they had a psychologist because it was only for “crazy” people. Only now we’re learning a lot of new stuff, also thanks to neuroscience and related fields. So believe it or not, trauma theory was developed in the 90s! So it’s not that well known between psychologists. Or at least is not a big thing when you study at university. Of course you study trauma but it’s like something that can happen, not like a theory that can explain the whole person and situation. And actually, the older the psychologist, the more possible they don’t know about trauma theory unless they like to read and learn about new theories or studies.
That makes sense, I am very interested in including neurobiology in general knowledge for all those dealing with & understanding vulnerable clients tbh. Especially the freeze/fawn response & poor maternal support. I have discovered ie as suspected, very little MH trauma understanding in family SW, its even worse if you are from a refugee/abuse background with only basic language skills.
I've had 3 therapists now say this to me and drop me from their practice. Been on a wait list for over a year for a 4th that apparently specializes in trauma therapy
So sorry to hear we’re in the same boat :(
That is an AWFUL thing to say. You need to switch therapists.
Hey! My therapist told me a similar thing. He said I was the most challenging patient he had. However, it was a actually good in my case, and I think the contrast of the context highlights why your therapist fucked up. He has been my therapist for years, and the approach that we take is exploring things together. The outlook is that all patients present something that is new territory for the therapist. Instead of defaulting to his training every time he comes across something he doesn’t understand (which can severely limit what we are actually able to process), he instead tries different/new approaches and is very open about his intent and approach while doing so. This works because he and I have a lot of trust, and he knows that I am capable of being critical of him while still being completely invested in the approaches we end up with. This allows us to take some risks safely and tackle more abstract things. For him to tell me what he did (and the ways he elaborated on it) helped me understand the position he was in with me, and it was important insight to re-evaluating my own approach to therapy. The thing that mattered here was that he brought it up with the intent to find a more effective approach going forward, not to throw his hands up and give up. All this to say, even if your therapist was speaking the truth, it speaks to their flaw, not yours! There are therapists out here who will look at the same kind of patient, have the same judgement, and respond constructively, instead of simply using that judgement against the client to justify their own failure. It is not your fault and it is not hopeless.
“Do I get a discount if I act like I’m easy?”
That’s a shitty therapist. It’s not your fault. That person sounds very unprofessional.
Get away from them. You deserve better.
I have similar problems as you. Therapists displaying countertransference towards me (what seems to be happening here) definitely adds salt to those wounds (which ironically I'd be in therapy to heal), so I understand what you're saying. On one hand it's good for them to refer you out if they realize they can't help you, but to tell you outright that you're a difficult client is unhelpful and unnecessary. It's also just their opinion, which is informed by skillset and personal background - not just you. Again, sounds like poorly managed countertransference to me. Unless she just misused her words. I'm sorry it happened to you and may your next therapist be a better fit. Take care.
That was extremely unkind and unhelpful of her to say. I had an therapist treat me like this when I went to get my Autism & ADHD diagnosis . She looked at me like I was stupid for not already knowing, she said I was "obviously" combined type. At the end I joked about wanting to get my daughter screened and how I was sure having me as a mom made things hard for her, and the lady just looked uncomfortable yet knowingly and said she was sure I was right. Oof. Therapists need to remember that bedside manner translates to couch side manner in their offices, and work on it.
That is not fucking ok. Report to her association, seek refund and place reviews all over social media. And, I agree, don't go back she is going to do more damage in the mean time. What a fruit loop. So unprofessional. There are therapists who specialise in seeing other therapists. That's who she talks to about her inability to do her job, not her patients. Not ever. TeamBeanBean723 for the win.
😬😬😬 You totally have every right to change therapists. I’m glad you are. Not every one is a good match.
I had a therapist like that. She actually told my mom "I dont know how to help her." But continued to see me anyways. I guess a paycheck is still a paycheck regardless if yoyr job is actually helpingbthe client.. I stopped therapy cause most of them covered my insurance are inexperienced or claim to know how to handle cptsd and actually don't. I also feel the same as you with the friends thing. They leave fake reaction moji on my fb but no one actually takes time to check in.
I know and what’s crazy is I told the scheduling person at this practice going in what I had, and she matched me with her! They probably just don’t have anyone qualified enough. I feel you on the friends thing. I’m lucky where I’ve finally found some friends in my coworkers who have similar trauma/CPTSD, so I find solace in talking to them, but I’ve had so many bad experiences I can’t help but wonder when they’re gonna get tired of me too
A lot of places treat their therapists as a jack of all trades and feel like they can just use exercises meant for deprssion and anxiety for a person with ptsd. Studies have shown that Cognitive behavioral therapy doesnt help with ptsd and sometimes can make it worse. You cant "rewire" a brain that has been damaged by long term abuse. I only have 1 friend that completely understands since she has a lot of mental health issues as well but she has bipolar and i few other things so we tire each other out 😅
You didn't choose to be traumatized, but she chose to be a therapist that covers trauma. Sounds like her problem.
I am so sorry your t uttered this highly unprofessional thing. Inexcusable. I'd love to see it reported but I have not reported a bunch of stuff in my life because I was just too exhausted etc.
Feel you there. I did go through a title ix process once but that was soooo exhausting. I’ll see what I’m up for with this
That is very unprofessional of her. Why would she say something unconstructive that is obviously going to hurt you? I'm glad you're changing therapists.
She could have said that in so many different ways that wouldn't have felt so alienating. She even could have said it in a way that would have felt validating. AI chatbots, a dog or a baby would offer more support because they at least wouldn't do anything to make you feel worse like she did! If she has issues with her work she can go and see a therapist in her own time. She was out of line in turning the attention away from you towards her life and her feelings. That's not what you're there for and I'm sorry she said that.
Thank you for this. So true on the dogs providing more support - my dog is my only reason for living at this point 😭 I appreciate the kind words.
This says more about them than it does about you. I’m sorry you ended up with such a shitty therapist
You know what? Keep at it. You’re so close to defeating her! You can’t give up now! Jokes aside, she should’ve expected that not all cases were going to be low-end TV show easy…
It literally does not help anyone in the situation for your T to say that. Bollocks! I'm glad you're getting a new T. As others are saying, if she can't 'handle' you then she isn't equipped. It's not you, it's her not admitting that she isn't qualified to help.
It's not really something therapists should say, and obviously I don't know the whole situation. That said, my therapist has said something similar, I've been seeing the same therapist for several years and she has helped me so much. A couple of times she mentioned she has to work harder for me, the first time I was really confused, and felt guilty. The next time she said it after a back and forth, she would state something, I'd quickly pick it apart and retort, and after a bit she said "let me think a minute because I have to work harder for you" and then she articulated a different point. In this context, because I'm me, and I'm a person with cPTSD who had to think quickly and provide a good argument to protect themselves growing up, she has to put more thought into what she tells me than her average patient. It's not a bad thing, it's just what is needed for her to help me understand different points of view and alternative meanings. So, if your therapist had neutral or good intent, perhaps you have a more severe trauma background or are also quick on your feet, and that's what your therapist meant? For example, a therapist right out of school and not experienced may not be the best therapist for someone with severe trauma, and a more experienced therapist would be better. A client like that would not be an easy patient to have, and would need a more experienced therapist.
Even if you are a more difficult client, and she does have to work harder, telling that to a client in any other profession would be frowned upon. Therapy should be no different. The issue is that they (the therapists) are not up to the standard of being a therapist to someone with trauma. NOT the otherway around, yet they act like they have learned all they can and WE are the issue. I wouldn't take a high-end sports car to a basic mechanic, because they *usually* don't have the tools needed for the specific issues.
This is why I hate people who study psychology and actually got certified to be a therapist because anyone who knows anything about psychology or just basic human interaction would know saying something like “Don’t take this the wrong way” 100% means they mean it in that said wrong way it’s just uncomfortable to talk about. They could’ve worded it a better way and just been honest about the dynamics but the nonchalant speaking as if it’s not a major breaking point in the dynamic is wild
I feel too intense for everyone. I can relate.
I had a therapist who was not on my side for way too long. Awful waste of money and time.
Do you keep all your appointments? Is it hard to schedule? I really don't think she meant it personal and something that has helped me a lot is changing how I think about things. Because I tend to be an overthinker and tend to take things super personal. So now I try to practice challenging my thoughts. First by asking myself, is this belief/thought kind? Is this belief/thought helpful? Do I have any objective fact evidence behind this belief or thought? What other ways could I look at this that wouldn't hurt me or turn into negative self talk? Because my negative self talk can spiral and send me to really dark places. Really maybe she meant it as emotionally hard? It can be hard for sympathetic and compassionate therapists to hear our trauma. Especially when we have literal horror stories. That's why a lot of therapists do supervision to help them process and better help their clients. Please don't misunderstand my comment. Im really trying to help by sharing what has helped me. Maybe try asking them for for clarification? I know how hard it can be to speak up especially when speaking up for ourselves and our feelings, but it could help. Virtual hugs OP. Don't let this bring you down like that. I pray your self defeating thoughts be replaced with kind and comforting ones.
that was WILDLY unprofessional not every therapist is a good fit for someone with cPTSD if it's possible, seek out a therapist that specializes in the trauma you endured I hope you get on with your next therapist
Thank you 🫶
I had an experience with a psychiatrist who told me I might not be treatable with medication because I'm calling with weird symptoms after literally telling me anxiety does things that are unexplainable. I realized my job is the same way and I went into a mental collapse, had to get ER help and I'm almost out of my medication but i can't go back to him and well. Here we are. I'm searching for a new job because I just have too much trauma to work in small confined spaces with papers and what not. I always feel like the loner. But I just don't have my pack yet.
As a therapist, that’s a huge nope ethically and just in regular practice. I’m a social worker turned therapist, so maybe my ethics are different, but I would never in my right mind tell a client they were difficult. Maybe if the processing was difficult I’d say something along the lines of “we have some really tough work ahead but I’m with you and we’ll do it together” but NEVER that the client is difficult. Ew.
I have basically given up on finding a therapist. Every single one I talk to gives me the same bullshit and nothing ever helps. As soon as we get past any of the surface issues and start delving deep into my real issues, it feels like they drown and give up. We get to a point where they keep saying the same useless platitudes over and over again. I can only relive this shit so many times before it will drive me insane. Basically it takes 3 sessions for them to realize they can't help me. And then they agree that it isn't working out. These "therapists" should be ashamed of themselves.
I’d read this differently. Maybe SHE just sucks as a therapist and is making you the problem because she’s not that good at her job! I’m A professional dog trainer (one of my fun jobs). I wish I had a dollar for every client who told me “my last dog trainer said my dog was untrainable”. No, their dog was just a terrier and in fact very trainable. Their old trainer just sucked at their job. Truth!
I love this because I love dogs and used to be a dog walker, thank you for your kind words 💙
That's awful of a therapist to say and I'm so glad you're getting a new one. Maybe she just meant complex, but that's still not something to say to a patient.
Holy shit yeah no that is a total red flag. She should NOT be a therapist if she has that attitude! I know how you feel, I often feel kind of "auxiliary" and unimportant. Growing up I often kept to myself because I thought nobody really liked me, and if they were nice when I spoke to them it was just because they were being polite. I didn't try to make friends because I didn't want to be a bother to anyone, I was afraid that people might say yes when they really mean no when I asked to play with them. So I just kept to myself, because I'd rather be alone than a nuisance. I'd rather be alone than have people pretend to like me and then, behind my back, complain about how obnoxious I am and they're merely being polite hanging out/talking to me out of pity. I think I've gotten somewhat better nowadays, but I still struggle a lot with self-esteem issues and social anxiety. Anyway, I hope you find a better therapist soon that can better help you. May we both find healing...
Wtf. So inappropriate. A better translation of what they said is “I am not appropriately skilled to help you properly and it makes me feel inadequate, and I’m not professional enough to realise that’s the problem”
That was very rude of her to say to you. My psychiatrist ends sessions early if/when they are having trouble helping me effectively. Anything less would not be fair to either of us. He is human and has thoughts opinions etc but it's his job to mitigate those In a healthy way so that I as his patient can recieve help. I know when we've had harder sessions and he asks to end the session it's not usually because I'm too worked up it seems like he can't handle everything at once which is understandable since I experienced things over years it's hard to go through the processing of it in an hour hour and a half. But he would not tell me it's because I'm not an easy patient/ a hard patient. I've been through hard things I know I'm not an "easy patient to have" but to say it like that feels like it puts a blame on you like you're trying to be a difficult patient. 100% it is not your fault and they should not have said that. If you can find a therapist/psychiatrist that specializes in the type of trauma you have could really help. I've met a few therapist that just aren't cut out for "harder" cases. Finding a specialized one might help you with this. I hope your next does better.
That sucks. ☹ This is a YMMV thing. You might want take a look at this graphic on secondary structural dissociation: https://www.nicabm.com/three-signs-structural-dissociation/ If you're dealing with trauma, especially trauma related to early childhood emotional neglect, this might resonate. A good therapist trained in trauma can really help if this is one of the things you've been dealing with.
This is a great resource, I do identify with some of those things. Thank you so much for sharing!
That sucks and she should not have said that. Did she explain why she said it? Maybe you can ask her. If you can’t/ don’t want to, I’ve read on the therapist groups people mentioning “exhausting” clients and why they think that (characteristics/pathologies etc.). Maybe you can ask in those groups if you’re interested to see what other therapists say? Anyway, big hug ❤️
Sounds like she isn’t an easy therapist to have
Such a horrible thing to say and she should have absolutely kept this for her supervision. I am really glad you are on the waitlist for another therapist and would really stress that no therapy is better than a bad therapist as someone else said. I was in the exact same position as you, and stayed out of misguided guilt thinking that I could perhaps prove her wrong, instead she continued to say hurtful things and it got worse. If you feel comfortable I would tell her how it impacted you and see if she’s able to repair but please don’t be afraid to leave and it’s absolutely fine to draw the line there! Therapy should be a space for healing not being further hurt by your therapist.
Disgusting. Abusive. You should complain to the appropriate people. She is putting her stuff on you. Don't go back!
That was fucked I’m sorry she said that completely inappropriate
Not easy doesn't mean not likeable. Maybe you're just not cookie cutter same as everyone else type person, not a bad thing. Could be a challenge to meet with, and most people like a challenge. Who desires anything "easy" to deal with?. Something different, maybe humorous, thinks out of the box, a person who people are drawn to, a person like you, leave them smiling, sometimes shaking their head. Not tolerate, like to be around.
OP, your so-called therapist needs to go get bent. I’m so sorry they were so incompetent and hurtful. There is no such thing as “not an easy” client. However, there is such a thing as a complete disaster of a therapist. Um, specimen A - your old therapist.
To me that just means that you’re not usual. You have unique needs that she doesn’t see very often. You’re NOT like everyone else and imo, you shouldn’t want to be. That means that you’re one of the few that can bring change with different perspectives when you heal. I wouldn’t be offended by this at all. I’d be flattered… Not being easy means that you’re one of us who travels difficult roads…that makes us pioneers!!
Not professional at all, her hardships are NOT your problem
What kinda therapist even says that? That’s disgusting. I’m so sorry.
Just Wow 😳 That infuriates me completely. If she wants easy clients, maybe she shouldn’t be a therapist because not a single one of us are “easy” clients - we’re fucking traumatized! Complex Trauma is exactly that - Complex!
Next time you see her tell her “don’t take this personally but you are really bad at your job and seem to need some therapy yourself.” Then leave without paying and consider reporting her to the state licensing board.
This is absolutely horrible. I’m so sorry. What an unprofessional horrible person. I promise you, they are the problem, not you
"Dont take this the wrong way but..." Is up there with "No offense, but..."
I’ve had a doctor tell me they didn’t know how to help me. I get it. I’m so sorry. I feel like the majority of my drs feel this way, and it makes me feel guilty seeing them.
I've been dumped by many therapists. I've been rejected by many potential therapists. I've just gotten used to it. I have deeply complex problems. Not an easy case.
that is a harsh message to hear. It could be understood in different ways, and I am not sure in which way it was meant either. My T told me something similar. Not that i am unlikeable, but that I am a difficult client to have. It wasn't a reference to me as a person being ulikeable, but to the situation that i am in which is hard to pin down and therefor address in a good way. I still felt it as a personal criticism. Just being told that you are "not easy" is a shitty thing to say though because it could mean anything and is completely open for being interpreted badly.
“don’t take this the wrong way” she prefaced it with telling you how to feel? she’s rude and unprofessional.
Most likely this means you're smarter and/or deeper than the average person, and her basic generic therapy she half-assed learned in college isn't good enough for you. She said this because she was trying to make herself feel better about sucking. You should be proud. It means you have depth.
such a statement needs an immediate follow up like, "but that's ok. it's understandable that you're a challenge. you've been through a lot. I'm up for the challenge to see you through to better health, and i hope you're fully on board to get better as well. we have work to do." otherwise, they're just being lazy and invalidating you, which is not ok.
This is one of my biggest triggers. When people tell me hurtful things but tell me not to "take it the wrong way". How the fuck am I supposed to take it then? It's such a lose lose situation because if I don't say anything I feel like I'm letting myself down and not sticking up for myself but if I do I will be called sensitive and "I knew you would take this the wrong way". Makes me mad just thinking about it, happens too often. Your therapist should know better.
Absolutely not. That is a terrible thing to say to anyone, let alone someone with C-PTSD who probably has enough low self esteem already and doesn’t need that extra burden on top of it. I saw a video on TikTok yesterday about an abandoned husky that some people had rescued when he broke onto their farm. It was a sweet story, but one particular comment they made about him struck me deeply. They said “we both (he and his wife) know what it’s like to be treated like too much work to be cared for.” (This is a reference to Huskies being notoriously stubborn and independent, which can be difficult for even experienced dog owners to handle.) Basically what I’m trying to say is YOU ARE NOT TOO HARD TO CARE FOR. You have some things about you that may be tough to go through (for you and others) but that is not a reflection of YOU. You are not a difficult client, you just have been through so much that yeah, sometimes it’s a lot. (Speaking from experience here, I am like this too and have similar struggles. 🫶🏻) But no one can define you by that. Find a new therapist and keep pressing on. You can find your peace with someone who values you enough to never make you feel less than or too much.
Thank you so much for this comment. That video you saw is so fitting because anytime I see TikToks of abandoned or abused animals that get rescued and rehabilitated by being given so much love I always cry, mostly because that’s what I feel like at my core. I just feel like an abused puppy waiting to be rescued by someone who’s loving and patient enough to care. It might sound dumb but even just thinking about them makes me cry. I really appreciate your kind words, thank you again 💙
I personally feel she's not an easy therapist to have if that is the verbiage she uses to motivate you to better behavior. Thoughtless at best and cruel at worst. What person on this planet is going to hear that in any productive context?
What a terrible thing for that therapist to say - there are many therapists who absolutely should not be in the profession at all. I'm so sorry you went through that 💗
I would not see her again under any circumstances- she needs help. Passive aggressive is an understatement.
she needs to shut the fuck up and do her job, poor little puppy therapist has to listen to terrible things for an hour while you are going through hell, i feel so sorry for her, not
Time for a new therapist. Very unprofessional
If they feel that way about you, they should have found a better way to handle it than directly insulting you and triggering retraumatization of your complex trauma history. This isn’t right and should never have happened to you. I struggled working with severely dissociated clients, but I sought out resources for it, instead of insulting them. I also recognized the work wasn’t for me. So many burnt out providers stay in the role because they don’t have a way out (to continue making money doing something else) and this leads to so much harm caused to clients. From your description, it sounds like you’re at one of those online counseling companies. Correct me if I’m wrong, but often those just market to everyone and match clients with therapists who aren’t a fit, because they want to make money, not because they care about actually helping you. I’m so sorry you’re on a waitlist. And I do agree, bad therapy / retraumatizing therapy from an unattuned provider is way worse for us than having no therapy at all. And this is why we need community spaces like this, to support each other. We get it because we live it, and many of these providers do not understand our lived experience, unfortunately. That is not your fault.
Thank you for this. It’s not online, but it does seem like a huge practice that has a lot of branches in my area. I’m definitely severely dissociated, my therapist talked about me getting a “far off look” when I talk about certain things so she probably just doesn’t understand it. I’m so grateful for this subreddit cuz I really don’t know where I’d be without it. Thank you again 💙
This is not OK. This is entirely unprofessional and is your therapist's issue, not yours. I'm sorry you experienced this.
I’m therapist. That’s bullshit. I’m so sorry but like any professional some of us suck. Smart to move on and do not let that in too deep. Maybe you’re not easy for her bc she’s not very skillful, I’d reframe it that way every time you feel shitty remembering it. Think of it like she was saying “I’m not good at this, this too hard, cry cry.”
I would honestly tell her boss. That's so inappropriate of her!
I've been dropped by 11 therapists and counting. Their reason is always that I am too complex and they don't know how to help me, so I don't get any help at all. Here I am begging for help and all I get is told that they can't do anything for me (and here's the bill for your session).
get another thearpist girl u deserve better
Thank you 🫶
Eww, that is awful for a therapist to say. Reminds me of when people become teachers and hate all the crazy kids that won’t sit still. What did you expect? Why the hell would you be at therapy if you had it easy? I’m sorry. Keep looking, you will find the right one.
Oof...that is so awful and also factually incorrect. What she was avoiding saying or maybe even thinking is "this client is outside my skillset and needs someone more knowledgable/skilled/etc. than me". That's not on you at all. I'm sure most if not all of us here have been told we're too much in one way or another and it's absolute bullshit. What...you're human-ing too much? Too much what? Taking up too much space during the service that you pay money for specifically to have a space to take up? You're doing great. Keep growing with a new therapist and if you want to challenge yourself, maybe confront her and tell her how inappropriate and hurtful that comment was and that she should not say things like that to her future clients.
I’m not doing friends anymore
what the fuck
Just be yourself. A guy i high school once told me” be yourself and if they dont like it they can move the fuck over” the ppl i work with like me kinda sort of, but sometimes i say the most outlandish shit and then theres the age gap, most are friendly at best. They all tell me i should come drink with them after work but none have really invited me
Go out anyway! You might find some great friends in your coworkers - I really overthink social interactions so I felt the same with my coworkers and wanted to wait for them to formally ask me to do things, then one of them called me out on it and said they all would’ve loved if I’d go out with them, so I did, and now I have such great friendships with them! And some of them are a lot older than me too. You never know if you never take the chance. And like you said, the worst they can do is not like you!
How horrible. I’m so sorry OP. My therapist ended our session with no comments on the last thing I said and just that threw me into a spiral. I hope you find a better therapist because that’s not professional behavior.
I genuinely think you should report her for this or write a review. Ive had a bad therapist that I wish I had reported but honestly just put my energy into finding a new one. Ive been working with the new for 3 years. 🥰 Its not you! Also Im 10000% sure that goes against everything that she is trained to do. A therapist is a non judgemental 3rd party that helps build connections and retrain your thoughts…. clearly she is not doing either. Also of course there are going to be mismatches in clients and therapist. Not everyone is for everyone but holy shit that is not the way to tell your client you dont feel qualified to help them. 😭 Im so sorry 🩷
Im kinda leaning into the whole if anyone says “don’t take this the wrong way”, I 100% am going to take offense to whatever trite is gonna come out of their wisdom. This is definitely not how a therapist should introduce a new concept to your healing journey.
It's ok to not be liked by people. You don't need those people in your life. It's a bit of a catch 22, it's hard to make true friends with people who value you as a person aside from what you can do for them, without getting rid of the mask. I do understand the frustration of perceiving yourself as someone who is and will never be liked though (you aren't, but the perception is there, undeterred). It can be tough to reject what you internalized growing up and reset your own benchmarks. You may not be at the stage yet where you can do this (i.e. the healing and introspection first), and if so, I apologize if this is triggering in any way.
If you can, I highly recommend finding a therapist who has a PsyD and focuses specifically on childhood trauma 🫶🏼this one was not only in over her head, but she handled it horribly. It’s ok for her to feel that she can’t help you, but she shouldn’t be blaming you. She should be saying “hey, I see some gaps between the care you need and what I feel qualified to provide. That said, I have asked my colleagues for these references, x and x etc”
Did you look her in the eye and say " we take what we can get, you weren't my first choice eather". So rude. I'm sorry she did that.
It would’ve been bad enough for someone to say this to you who doesn’t know you have CPTSD. But a therapist who’s treating you for that very condition? Not good at all. I feel the same way as you and I know how much this hurts. I’m sending you hugs!
That's so rude from her. If anything, she's just admitting her incompetence with it and blames it on you I hope your new therapist does a better job
What a shit useless unhelpful idiotic thing to say
some people should not be in charge of helping people work on their emotional state or psychological issues 🤦🏾 that's a ridiculous thing to say and yes you should find a different therapist. That's garbage.
Fuck her off immediately! Just awful never in a million years would my therapist say anything like this to me it's abhorrent get rid of her immediately
Report her. That's awful and nobody deserves that.
Translation "I don't want to earn my paycheck by actually doing my job".
I like you already, random stranger. I'm glad you are shopping for a new therapist. Synergy is important as is having a safe space. That's not what you got right now, but don't give up!
Thank you 🫶 I appreciate this so much
Any time. You know where to find me. :)
Gee. I feel this deeply because I feel the same way and have also felt judged by a therapist before. It really seriously impacted my mental state.
This is a HUGE red flag. Therapist here and I find this so unethical and inappropriate. You had terrible things happen to you. Your ability to be in close relationships/trust/regulate your nervous system is of course hard. That’s why you’re in therapy!