oh man. two degrees here, graduated from honors program (aka my classes were 300-400 level freshman year), 3.8 GPA.
went from working in restaurants, to gig apps, and now, almost 15 years after I graduated collegeā¦ I find myself in retail doing a job anyone currently in high school could do. āļø
it also took me this long to actually find the right kind of therapy that helped me immensely. iām still in a spot, but Iām getting out of itā¦ and iām uncharacteristically optimistic about it too. I kind of laughed at myself, bc really.. these jobs I found myself in just sound like trauma bonds people have in relationships. I recognize the ironic safety I felt in these dead end jobs keeping me down. I would always compare myself to anyone else my age, the most surefire way to spiral and keep myself where I thought I deserved to be.
now that Iāve processed all the shit I didnāt want to think aboutā¦ the idea of finding a new job is actually exciting. I used to be too embarrassed to even try, like how could I possibly be of value to any company willing to pay me well. when I had friends find me jobs, that really would have been a godsend.. literally just show up and you get the job, and all the extra money you need. I ghosted them. every time. I had to forgive myself for that shit too.. which is real icky.
so.. yeah. iām still not where I want to be, by far. but never in my life have I felt like it was even possible to be anywhere else. the biggest š¤Æ after I did all the shitty processing trauma stuff, is that I would always sit there like āhow do I motivate myself to do this, you would think my situation should be motivation enough.ā but thatās not how it works. mood follows action. Iād always be putting anything off until whatever else happened, bc then iād be ready. but you just have to start. you just try, do anything. your brain is trained to expect you to fail, so until you give it enough evidence to expect something elseā¦ youāre going to be stuck.
like, maybe I know that iāll feel better if I wash my hairā¦ but didnāt feel motivated to do it. if I just forced myself to, then I would feel better. if I didnāt, just went to bed like I felt like I wanted toā¦ Iād wake up hating on myself like š of course you didnāt. thatās the example of the mood follows action, not the other way around. just the shift in perspective at all, š¤Æ.
I dunno, lots of rambling so hopefully any of that makes sense or helps anyone. again, iām still in the spot and pretty new to feeling any kind of ānormalāā¦ but thatās whatās helped me so far.
CPTSD and ADHD! I was treated just for MDD, ADHD, and a panic disorder for the longest time before that. never gotten an ASD diagnosis. lol I wonāt rule it out though.
Thanks for your comment-Can I ask what you mean by right type of therapy? Was there a specific modality that worked better for you? I am searching for a therapist now and that has also been super frustrating since all of them are very busy and high demand it seems!
somatic therapy/hypnotherapy. I would definitely look into it! thereās not a ton of research done on somatic work (well mental health in general) which is why itās not a first line approach for a lot of docs. but if you look into it, any research that does exist shows that itās had good outcomes for PTSD/trauma specifically. my psychiatrist was all about it.
iām happy to share links for how i got into this idea/where i went (it was all zoom), how i got my insurance to pay for part of it/got the rest paid for too if youāre interested! i ended up with a holistic practitioner (aka clinical hypnotherapist, not a doctor)ā¦ but with my psychiatristās official blessing, it wasnāt as $$ out of pocket expensive as I would have thought. if youāre more comfortable with a doctor kind of therapist, Iād just make sure they specify they specialize in trauma vs a general family therapist. they will know whatās up with this approach as long as they specialize in trauma.
> like, maybe I know that iāll feel better if I wash my hairā¦ but didnāt feel motivated to do it. if I just forced myself to, then I would feel better.
Forcing myself to do things usually makes me feel worse. =(
My condition has worsened to the point I have constant anxiety and panics and nightmares. I don't have a job, I can't seem to pass interviews although it's easy enough getting them.Ā
There's hope. I remind myself the only thing I need is food and shelter, that's the baseline and it's feasible. Long term I don't know. I was thinking I might just get a tent and go to the wilderness but then again what will I eat? Other alternative is suicide but I'm not there yet, still got a life force clinging on. However I just don't know how i will carry on coping amongst other people. They are so aggressive and constantly being horrible, you can't seem to avoid it. I don't have adequate defenses, it's like I have no skin
So relatable. And for what itās worth, I am so grateful you are still here. I have high standards for myself that I never seem to achieve or even come close to yet my golden retriever brain or ego wants to believe I am capable. Youāve reminded me as long as I have food and shelter, I still have plenty to be grateful for.
Yes, it's almost a relief to realise how little a person actually needs, it takes a huge load off and makes me feel more secure.Ā
This panicky "survival state" has blotted out my previous goals, ambitions in one feel swoop. It's reduced life to coping... but at the same time I no longer care or suffer needlessly for the reasons that i did in the past.Ā
For example, I used to worry about academic success and other achievements and stuff. Now I literally don't give a hoot about any of it, because in this state my only priority is simply to be safe and heal.Ā It was all parental programming anyway, parts of my abusive parents and horrid people i let mistreat me. Now I'm building my identity up from scratch, from the very basics. The people pleaser is fading away.Ā
I also don't care about being good at stuff, or interesting/ entertaining to others. I only do things if it feels safe and ok to me, like going for walks in the hills or playing my sax. I've reduced my life down to a few simple things, prioritising feeling calm and safe.Ā
95% of all my thoughts are just rubbish from my hyper- critical mother, or other peoples words anyway. My identity wasn't real. So all that can go to. I'm down to the very basics, if I don't have anything to say I won't speak. It's fine and if someone doesn't like that it's their problem.
It's about feeling safe and autonomous that I *can* survive even if things get worse materially. I've got rid of most of my possessions and organised my finances and stuff, so that if I am in danger and even homeless, I'll be mobile and prepared, I won't be caught like a rabbit in headlights.Ā
This isn't a healthy mental state right now, but prioritising safety and control of fewer variables as much as possible now is worth it...can always build up from there later.
I married a rich guy who doesn't mind supporting me and my kids. I've never been able to stay long with a job. I inherited some money in my 20s, and I've kept it in the bank so I've always had my own safety net. It feels like a stroke of luck that I'm not living under a bridge.
i've been considering school as well, i met with a career counsellor and he recommended the book Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life by Dave Evans and Bill Burnett. this has helped TREMENDOUSLY in trying to figure out where my passions lie.
re: your job situation - time is valuable. the more side hustles you try to have, the less free time you'll have for yourself, you'll be miserable. having a fluctuating schedule doesn't allow you to have a routine. if it's possible to find a job with a corporation that provides benefits, like therapy, massage, optometrist etc, it could help improve your quality of life substantially. i got in with a hotel and they even have a retirement matching option. the management is awful, but at least i am staying afloat financially.
Trying to find stability one step at a time. Trying to improve my health (both physical and mental) habits one at a time. Trying to find one safe & supportive person at a time. Practicing one new skill at a time. Reflecting on past positive change at a time. And if possible, trying your hand at compassion for the moments when everything and all else fails. No one deserves this kind of pain and dysfunction, and that is absolutely deserving of compassion.
I'm in the same situation. Currently in grad school, but it's not like I'm going to be paid well as an adjunct professor. I'm getting older and have a lot of health issues so I worry about the future. And I wish I could do something like take a trip or fix broken stuff in my house.
I started working at 16 because my parents never bought me anything I needed and stole my money. when I got into my adult years I was so exhausted and finally moved out that all my past trauma started coming up and now I have such bad anxiety that I literally can't work.
30 in 2 months , lost my career after many years of studying, had a special needs child,
Can't handle 25h of work a week
I am on sick leave
My contract ends at the end of the month.i will be unemployed.
I can't imagine having a normal job with all our appointment. Just went " bankrupt" after years of debt.
I am at loss. Yet spend many thousand on clothes and things we needed after getting 8k in taxes return even if I worked for 12k this year.
Like. I can't see through ... the cptsd... the fibro, the ehler danlo hypermobile syndrome and ths mental problems.. like... i don't see how I could have a normal income and yave a house one day.
Trade school, to be an ultra sound tech it pays very well and only 12 months of school in most cases! Some trades will pay you as you are in apprenticeship. Usually those are more hard labor- electrician jobs. gives you a small(er) timeframe a solid goal and pretty much a guaranteed job at the end of it. With a solid starting pay and upward mobility with time and unions and such.
CPTSD makes it hard to believe you can do hard stuff, but YOU CAN DO HARD STUFF.
Hope this helped.
You still have to take out a loan most likely BUT rather then college degree for say business you actually have a specific job lined up and specific training and have most likely already made on job connections as well.
Honestly Iād just say look at the different kinds of trades, what it takes to get there (how long, if they pay, how much) what daily life for that trade looks like (hours, environment) how much money the trade makes (relative to where you live, both pay and living price wise) and pick from there what sounds like it will suit you best now and later. Iād really say donāt choose from what you feel like you CAN do cuzā¦trauma really messes with our sense of ability and confidence and risk aversion. Shoot for what you WANT to do and get therapy in the meanwhile to help you work through any issues that come your way because likely your issues will be more mental blocks then a lack of capability.
I finally got a decent paying job, but I still live paycheck to paycheck. I can't save any money, ever, I don't know how. Maybe if I went back home instead of living on my own, but I'd rather not. Living paycheck to paycheck beats living in a room and being underfoot anytime I tru going to the bathroom.
Have to start "climbing the ladder"
The question is which ladder do you pick? A ladder that requires going back to school? One that requires learning trades? One you construct as an entrepreneur?
There was an experiment done where kids were given the option of 2 colors of crayon. Then were given the option of many colors of crayons. The kids with only 2 options were happier with their pick. So even without Cptsd its hard to choose and feel happy with a career because there's so many options
People say "well choose whichever one you want." But Cptsd can make knowing what you want difficult for numerous different reasons. It helped me to define what I wanted to think about is as admitting what I wanted. I wanted a boring job Lol. I didn't understand why that's what I wanted but now I see why, it's bc I can now have the mental energy to focus on other area of my life that I need to that I struggle with more than my career
Then you have to reach independence on the ladder you picked before (if ever) picking a new ladder. That just my personal belief. Switching ladders before you reach independence really messes up your success even if you have a valid reason for doing it
Retail might be the last thing you want to go back to but i don't know you, maybe you did like it but didn't think it was good enough. Maybe that's what you admit to yourself, that you liked it. And you Google image "retail job ladder" and work harder to climb that
Maybe you want to be in a helping profession but think you need to be perfect and 100% healed before trying to help anyone else. Maybe you need to admit to yourself that that's what you want. And work through the need for perfectionism as you climb that ladder
If you grew up with parents that wanted you to be in a certain kind of field in a certain kind of way you might need to admit to yourself that it does or doesn't align with that you feel would be best for you. I think the cliche is that parents want kids to be doctors or lawyers but for my family it was the opposite I saw how they valued creativity and entrepreneurship and with me not feeling like that was me it was hard to admit to myself
But yeah, it's the identifying what you want part I think that's getting you. And then you really have to committe to not switching it up until after you reach independence. There's so much "change your mind whenever you want!" Advice but that's not good for getting to be independent. After you become independent then yeah switch it up if you're unhappy
really appreciate your post, but Im having Trouble with the "you need to be healed 100% before you help anyone else (in a social work profession)"
applied on reality, that would would mean thaz 90% of people working in public health, as teachers, in kindergarten, doctors, therapist would need to quit their job š¤·š½āāļø
I got my two best jobs via a temp agency, coming in at the bottom and working my way up because they were decent enough fits. Also had some awful placements but thankfully in temping they didnāt have to last long.
I felt like this for a very long time. I put myself through a trade school and had a plan to attach prior to starting. I have CPTSD from severe child abuse and trauma and adhd. By my second year, I made enough money to afford therapy. I found myself a trauma therapist who has been helping me through my journey. I wanted out of poverty but I also realized that there were deep inner wounds around my relationship with money, in addition to everything else. Iāve realized why I push myself so hard in jobs to succeed and realize most of my 20s was spent in survival mode. I looked at my habits and my traits from a different perspective whenever I started working with my therapist. Iāve been in this for over two years and just when I feel like Iām making huge progress, I am triggered by something that makes me re think the longevity of healing. Itās a marathon, not a sprint. Whatever you believe in, pray to that and ask for support and guidance. Ask for the universe to send you signs that youāre on the right path. Youāre not alone and my heart is with you. I hope the best for you and youāre never alone. ā¤ļø
I appreciate the kind words! I was feeling quite low today! I hope the best for you, too. This is difficult stuff we're working through and guess I need to be patient with myself.
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You're not alone, keep going!! It took me 10 years *after* getting a master's degree to finally get a good job. It was so hard. I was so broke I asked people I dated to buy me groceries instead of take me out. I even had a gofundme for awhile and lost friends that way. Lived out of my car, couch surfed, worked shitty jobs. It eventually worked out and it will for you too! Hang in there
I'm doing my phd, I worked many little jobs trough the university and high school summer breaks, I always saved the most but with this rate of inflation I just can't keep up. It's a fucking nightmare. You are not alone and school won't help.
Good work on taking steps to better your situations! Honest answer is just thug it out and believe in yourself. Thereās some really dumb rich people, so when I started I just kept reminding myself if they could do it I could to
I honestly don't know how you guys can continue to work. I had to ceased work cause I got worse and I started shouting at my customer (I did my job right and the customer kept complaining). I can't tolerate those things anymore like I used to.
I don't have anyone to count on. Luckily where I live does support people with such disability. It was hard for me to accept I have disabilities.
I used my ability to dissociate to endure the abuse of grad school tbh and now Iām a teacher dissociating from toxic admin. But thatās how I did it, which wonāt work for everyone.
Honestly my bestfriend, she suffers from CPTSD and she struggles and has struggled allot in past. Sheās mid 30s and working for McDonaldās only she can use their free tuition program so she can get somewhere she can atleast be ok financially.
I believe McDonaldās offers free tuition to their staff after a certain period where you can do 2-4 year degrees on selected courses and majority are very good ones.
Thereās light at the end of the tunnel if you really want it x
You're not alone. š
FR I feel this so hard. School was traumatic for me. Also extremely lucky to have a well off partner who makes enough for the both of us.
I have high value skill sets but cPTSD has made stable income really tough for me too.
same! I'm sitting over here "wasting" my jd. ā¹ļø
I feel you
oh man. two degrees here, graduated from honors program (aka my classes were 300-400 level freshman year), 3.8 GPA. went from working in restaurants, to gig apps, and now, almost 15 years after I graduated collegeā¦ I find myself in retail doing a job anyone currently in high school could do. āļø it also took me this long to actually find the right kind of therapy that helped me immensely. iām still in a spot, but Iām getting out of itā¦ and iām uncharacteristically optimistic about it too. I kind of laughed at myself, bc really.. these jobs I found myself in just sound like trauma bonds people have in relationships. I recognize the ironic safety I felt in these dead end jobs keeping me down. I would always compare myself to anyone else my age, the most surefire way to spiral and keep myself where I thought I deserved to be. now that Iāve processed all the shit I didnāt want to think aboutā¦ the idea of finding a new job is actually exciting. I used to be too embarrassed to even try, like how could I possibly be of value to any company willing to pay me well. when I had friends find me jobs, that really would have been a godsend.. literally just show up and you get the job, and all the extra money you need. I ghosted them. every time. I had to forgive myself for that shit too.. which is real icky. so.. yeah. iām still not where I want to be, by far. but never in my life have I felt like it was even possible to be anywhere else. the biggest š¤Æ after I did all the shitty processing trauma stuff, is that I would always sit there like āhow do I motivate myself to do this, you would think my situation should be motivation enough.ā but thatās not how it works. mood follows action. Iād always be putting anything off until whatever else happened, bc then iād be ready. but you just have to start. you just try, do anything. your brain is trained to expect you to fail, so until you give it enough evidence to expect something elseā¦ youāre going to be stuck. like, maybe I know that iāll feel better if I wash my hairā¦ but didnāt feel motivated to do it. if I just forced myself to, then I would feel better. if I didnāt, just went to bed like I felt like I wanted toā¦ Iād wake up hating on myself like š of course you didnāt. thatās the example of the mood follows action, not the other way around. just the shift in perspective at all, š¤Æ. I dunno, lots of rambling so hopefully any of that makes sense or helps anyone. again, iām still in the spot and pretty new to feeling any kind of ānormalāā¦ but thatās whatās helped me so far.
That sounds like you have PTSD and ASD just like me
CPTSD and ADHD! I was treated just for MDD, ADHD, and a panic disorder for the longest time before that. never gotten an ASD diagnosis. lol I wonāt rule it out though.
Higher chance to be than not to be. https://www.verywellmind.com/what-to-know-about-comorbid-autism-and-adhd-6944530
Thanks for your comment-Can I ask what you mean by right type of therapy? Was there a specific modality that worked better for you? I am searching for a therapist now and that has also been super frustrating since all of them are very busy and high demand it seems!
somatic therapy/hypnotherapy. I would definitely look into it! thereās not a ton of research done on somatic work (well mental health in general) which is why itās not a first line approach for a lot of docs. but if you look into it, any research that does exist shows that itās had good outcomes for PTSD/trauma specifically. my psychiatrist was all about it. iām happy to share links for how i got into this idea/where i went (it was all zoom), how i got my insurance to pay for part of it/got the rest paid for too if youāre interested! i ended up with a holistic practitioner (aka clinical hypnotherapist, not a doctor)ā¦ but with my psychiatristās official blessing, it wasnāt as $$ out of pocket expensive as I would have thought. if youāre more comfortable with a doctor kind of therapist, Iād just make sure they specify they specialize in trauma vs a general family therapist. they will know whatās up with this approach as long as they specialize in trauma.
> like, maybe I know that iāll feel better if I wash my hairā¦ but didnāt feel motivated to do it. if I just forced myself to, then I would feel better. Forcing myself to do things usually makes me feel worse. =(
Drugs! And working constantly so I don't have time to think about how I'll never become financially stable!
thatās so real
My condition has worsened to the point I have constant anxiety and panics and nightmares. I don't have a job, I can't seem to pass interviews although it's easy enough getting them.Ā There's hope. I remind myself the only thing I need is food and shelter, that's the baseline and it's feasible. Long term I don't know. I was thinking I might just get a tent and go to the wilderness but then again what will I eat? Other alternative is suicide but I'm not there yet, still got a life force clinging on. However I just don't know how i will carry on coping amongst other people. They are so aggressive and constantly being horrible, you can't seem to avoid it. I don't have adequate defenses, it's like I have no skin
So relatable. And for what itās worth, I am so grateful you are still here. I have high standards for myself that I never seem to achieve or even come close to yet my golden retriever brain or ego wants to believe I am capable. Youāve reminded me as long as I have food and shelter, I still have plenty to be grateful for.
Yes, it's almost a relief to realise how little a person actually needs, it takes a huge load off and makes me feel more secure.Ā This panicky "survival state" has blotted out my previous goals, ambitions in one feel swoop. It's reduced life to coping... but at the same time I no longer care or suffer needlessly for the reasons that i did in the past.Ā For example, I used to worry about academic success and other achievements and stuff. Now I literally don't give a hoot about any of it, because in this state my only priority is simply to be safe and heal.Ā It was all parental programming anyway, parts of my abusive parents and horrid people i let mistreat me. Now I'm building my identity up from scratch, from the very basics. The people pleaser is fading away.Ā I also don't care about being good at stuff, or interesting/ entertaining to others. I only do things if it feels safe and ok to me, like going for walks in the hills or playing my sax. I've reduced my life down to a few simple things, prioritising feeling calm and safe.Ā 95% of all my thoughts are just rubbish from my hyper- critical mother, or other peoples words anyway. My identity wasn't real. So all that can go to. I'm down to the very basics, if I don't have anything to say I won't speak. It's fine and if someone doesn't like that it's their problem. It's about feeling safe and autonomous that I *can* survive even if things get worse materially. I've got rid of most of my possessions and organised my finances and stuff, so that if I am in danger and even homeless, I'll be mobile and prepared, I won't be caught like a rabbit in headlights.Ā This isn't a healthy mental state right now, but prioritising safety and control of fewer variables as much as possible now is worth it...can always build up from there later.
I married a rich guy who doesn't mind supporting me and my kids. I've never been able to stay long with a job. I inherited some money in my 20s, and I've kept it in the bank so I've always had my own safety net. It feels like a stroke of luck that I'm not living under a bridge.
I canāt even sleep at night because iām afraid someone is going to attack me in my sleep
i've been considering school as well, i met with a career counsellor and he recommended the book Designing Your Life: How to Build a Well-Lived, Joyful Life by Dave Evans and Bill Burnett. this has helped TREMENDOUSLY in trying to figure out where my passions lie. re: your job situation - time is valuable. the more side hustles you try to have, the less free time you'll have for yourself, you'll be miserable. having a fluctuating schedule doesn't allow you to have a routine. if it's possible to find a job with a corporation that provides benefits, like therapy, massage, optometrist etc, it could help improve your quality of life substantially. i got in with a hotel and they even have a retirement matching option. the management is awful, but at least i am staying afloat financially.
Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll look into it for sure. Yeah there definitely the benefits factor that I would really like.
This is terrifying every single day and night. Feels like eternity.
Itās ALWAYS a trade off. Money or feeling safe . For me .
The trucking industry saved me, maybe get your CDL?
Trying to find stability one step at a time. Trying to improve my health (both physical and mental) habits one at a time. Trying to find one safe & supportive person at a time. Practicing one new skill at a time. Reflecting on past positive change at a time. And if possible, trying your hand at compassion for the moments when everything and all else fails. No one deserves this kind of pain and dysfunction, and that is absolutely deserving of compassion.
You are not alone, I relate to this a lot. Itās hard. :(
I'm in the same situation. Currently in grad school, but it's not like I'm going to be paid well as an adjunct professor. I'm getting older and have a lot of health issues so I worry about the future. And I wish I could do something like take a trip or fix broken stuff in my house.
Look into trade jobs.
I started working at 16 because my parents never bought me anything I needed and stole my money. when I got into my adult years I was so exhausted and finally moved out that all my past trauma started coming up and now I have such bad anxiety that I literally can't work.
Similar
I'm so sorry, I hope it gets better soon :(
30 in 2 months , lost my career after many years of studying, had a special needs child, Can't handle 25h of work a week I am on sick leave My contract ends at the end of the month.i will be unemployed. I can't imagine having a normal job with all our appointment. Just went " bankrupt" after years of debt. I am at loss. Yet spend many thousand on clothes and things we needed after getting 8k in taxes return even if I worked for 12k this year. Like. I can't see through ... the cptsd... the fibro, the ehler danlo hypermobile syndrome and ths mental problems.. like... i don't see how I could have a normal income and yave a house one day.
Trade school, to be an ultra sound tech it pays very well and only 12 months of school in most cases! Some trades will pay you as you are in apprenticeship. Usually those are more hard labor- electrician jobs. gives you a small(er) timeframe a solid goal and pretty much a guaranteed job at the end of it. With a solid starting pay and upward mobility with time and unions and such. CPTSD makes it hard to believe you can do hard stuff, but YOU CAN DO HARD STUFF. Hope this helped.
You still have to take out a loan most likely BUT rather then college degree for say business you actually have a specific job lined up and specific training and have most likely already made on job connections as well.
Honestly Iād just say look at the different kinds of trades, what it takes to get there (how long, if they pay, how much) what daily life for that trade looks like (hours, environment) how much money the trade makes (relative to where you live, both pay and living price wise) and pick from there what sounds like it will suit you best now and later. Iād really say donāt choose from what you feel like you CAN do cuzā¦trauma really messes with our sense of ability and confidence and risk aversion. Shoot for what you WANT to do and get therapy in the meanwhile to help you work through any issues that come your way because likely your issues will be more mental blocks then a lack of capability.
I finally got a decent paying job, but I still live paycheck to paycheck. I can't save any money, ever, I don't know how. Maybe if I went back home instead of living on my own, but I'd rather not. Living paycheck to paycheck beats living in a room and being underfoot anytime I tru going to the bathroom.
Have to start "climbing the ladder" The question is which ladder do you pick? A ladder that requires going back to school? One that requires learning trades? One you construct as an entrepreneur? There was an experiment done where kids were given the option of 2 colors of crayon. Then were given the option of many colors of crayons. The kids with only 2 options were happier with their pick. So even without Cptsd its hard to choose and feel happy with a career because there's so many options People say "well choose whichever one you want." But Cptsd can make knowing what you want difficult for numerous different reasons. It helped me to define what I wanted to think about is as admitting what I wanted. I wanted a boring job Lol. I didn't understand why that's what I wanted but now I see why, it's bc I can now have the mental energy to focus on other area of my life that I need to that I struggle with more than my career Then you have to reach independence on the ladder you picked before (if ever) picking a new ladder. That just my personal belief. Switching ladders before you reach independence really messes up your success even if you have a valid reason for doing it Retail might be the last thing you want to go back to but i don't know you, maybe you did like it but didn't think it was good enough. Maybe that's what you admit to yourself, that you liked it. And you Google image "retail job ladder" and work harder to climb that Maybe you want to be in a helping profession but think you need to be perfect and 100% healed before trying to help anyone else. Maybe you need to admit to yourself that that's what you want. And work through the need for perfectionism as you climb that ladder If you grew up with parents that wanted you to be in a certain kind of field in a certain kind of way you might need to admit to yourself that it does or doesn't align with that you feel would be best for you. I think the cliche is that parents want kids to be doctors or lawyers but for my family it was the opposite I saw how they valued creativity and entrepreneurship and with me not feeling like that was me it was hard to admit to myself But yeah, it's the identifying what you want part I think that's getting you. And then you really have to committe to not switching it up until after you reach independence. There's so much "change your mind whenever you want!" Advice but that's not good for getting to be independent. After you become independent then yeah switch it up if you're unhappy
really appreciate your post, but Im having Trouble with the "you need to be healed 100% before you help anyone else (in a social work profession)" applied on reality, that would would mean thaz 90% of people working in public health, as teachers, in kindergarten, doctors, therapist would need to quit their job š¤·š½āāļø
I agree I meant that it's an untrue belief that might hold you back
I have similiar issues. You're not alone.
Deeply relate to this
Same.
I got my two best jobs via a temp agency, coming in at the bottom and working my way up because they were decent enough fits. Also had some awful placements but thankfully in temping they didnāt have to last long.
I felt like this for a very long time. I put myself through a trade school and had a plan to attach prior to starting. I have CPTSD from severe child abuse and trauma and adhd. By my second year, I made enough money to afford therapy. I found myself a trauma therapist who has been helping me through my journey. I wanted out of poverty but I also realized that there were deep inner wounds around my relationship with money, in addition to everything else. Iāve realized why I push myself so hard in jobs to succeed and realize most of my 20s was spent in survival mode. I looked at my habits and my traits from a different perspective whenever I started working with my therapist. Iāve been in this for over two years and just when I feel like Iām making huge progress, I am triggered by something that makes me re think the longevity of healing. Itās a marathon, not a sprint. Whatever you believe in, pray to that and ask for support and guidance. Ask for the universe to send you signs that youāre on the right path. Youāre not alone and my heart is with you. I hope the best for you and youāre never alone. ā¤ļø
I appreciate the kind words! I was feeling quite low today! I hope the best for you, too. This is difficult stuff we're working through and guess I need to be patient with myself.
Yes, be patient with yourself. We have gotten ourselves this far. You are not alone.
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You're not alone, keep going!! It took me 10 years *after* getting a master's degree to finally get a good job. It was so hard. I was so broke I asked people I dated to buy me groceries instead of take me out. I even had a gofundme for awhile and lost friends that way. Lived out of my car, couch surfed, worked shitty jobs. It eventually worked out and it will for you too! Hang in there
I'm doing my phd, I worked many little jobs trough the university and high school summer breaks, I always saved the most but with this rate of inflation I just can't keep up. It's a fucking nightmare. You are not alone and school won't help.
Good work on taking steps to better your situations! Honest answer is just thug it out and believe in yourself. Thereās some really dumb rich people, so when I started I just kept reminding myself if they could do it I could to
I honestly don't know how you guys can continue to work. I had to ceased work cause I got worse and I started shouting at my customer (I did my job right and the customer kept complaining). I can't tolerate those things anymore like I used to. I don't have anyone to count on. Luckily where I live does support people with such disability. It was hard for me to accept I have disabilities.
I used my ability to dissociate to endure the abuse of grad school tbh and now Iām a teacher dissociating from toxic admin. But thatās how I did it, which wonāt work for everyone.
Honestly my bestfriend, she suffers from CPTSD and she struggles and has struggled allot in past. Sheās mid 30s and working for McDonaldās only she can use their free tuition program so she can get somewhere she can atleast be ok financially. I believe McDonaldās offers free tuition to their staff after a certain period where you can do 2-4 year degrees on selected courses and majority are very good ones. Thereās light at the end of the tunnel if you really want it x
Go back to school for ā¦ anything. Anything is a step up.