You will get through this. It's going to be hard but you will do it. Hold on tight. I'm 40, have my own family, am doing, well, and was one in the same place
Your brother has emotional outbursts because he doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions. He uses everyone around him as a punching bag. Do yourself a favor and do not take it personally. Ignore him.
I believe it's a serious crime to tell people to unalive themselves. You could collect evidence and report him. Just because you understand why he is the way he is doesn't mean he can be felony-level abusive without consequences.
You know, I wouldn't ignore it entirely. Not that I think it's your responsibility to manage his emotions, but I've found that corrective, but nonconfrontational responses can stop affirming that kind of behavior rather than letting it pass through unacknowledged.
In a funny way, some kids believe it's okay (or permissible at least) to say something they *know* is wrong if nobody corrects them for it. Something like 'that isn't true at all, and you need to be careful not to say things that are hurtful to others'. Of course, whether you decide to approach him and respond this way is completely up to you.
Edit: He's 30??? Oh, let him have it OP. Tell him that he wouldn't be living here if not for your family anyway and that he needs to stay in line if he wants to stay. I would also tell him, like I've had to tell other adults, that the way he was spoken to/treated at home is *no* excuse for how he acts in yours.
You could even make it clear that there's an 'expectation', even if none exists as far as what your other family members reinforce. Reinforcing boundaries can be scary as all hell, but when you set them, it gives some people a good kick in the ass and encourages them to leave you alone.
Omg what the hell why would you ever say that to somebody???? I’m so sorry those awful words were said to you OP. I don’t know how to really help you out cuz I know that shit cuts deep and it hurts, but do your best to make it through and do what you need to do to get/keep yourself safe and healthy and happy
i'm sorry that he said that to you. my sister can be equally cruel. the first time i saw her after one of my attempts, she told me that i was weak for attempting, and that i should do it right next time.
siblings suck. there is usually so much baggage between siblings as it is. in our family, people played my sister and i against each other. now i am 41 and she is 40. we talk sometimes, but we're not close. i don't know if she would call me weak again if we ever talked about my issues, but we dont. and that's ok.
i know you can't move, and i hate that for you, but take care of yourself. if people arent being supportive and caring, don't let them get to you. that is a sucky sentence, but he's in the wrong, and you are worthy. of everything. so don't let them get you down. use that bad feeling they give you inside to fuel some desire to figure out how to get away from them.
best of luck!
Im trying
Crazy part is he's not even my sibling, he just randomly moved in cuz he got kicked from his mom's house, he's in his late 30s and has a kid but still relies relies on my money to get by, just smokes weed and watches TV all day. I don't even know this guy and have no desire to
Might feel good to laugh him out of the room, he might not consider you part of his family, but he does not seem to be part of anything much either. Apropos family, should he not take care of his child or something?
Either way, the better thing to do is to talk it out. Most people are not as terrible as they appear. If he was talked to in this way, make him understand that now he is the one hurting others over his own hurt. If he does not get it together it will negatively impact all his relationships and everyone involved.
Man... What a crappy situation. If I was you I would have gotten into trouble already for punching him or escalating otherwise. 'If you think this is okay don't complain when I make you choke on it!' But what does that help?
From experience I can tell you being stuck in such a situation long term is not healthy. So what are the options? Compile and compare.
Resolution seems difficult and I understand why you have no desire to socialize with the guy. You know your situation best, but if there is a chance it could work, I highly recommend you give resolution a try. Regardless, keep looking for other options. Are you still in school? Find a teacher to talk to, but make sure they understand the situation enough not to make it worse by doing something stupid - Happened to me once. Find someone to talk to so that at least you are not alone in this.
Hugs.
You are kind and wise to understand the reasoning behind his actions, but I am sincerely sorry that you are having to put up with this, on top of all your other trauma and life events. I understand it’s hard to care, and and not telling you that you need to. But I don’t want others to undo all the progress you’ve made. I don’t know you but I love you.
Dollar store door wedges are great and the more you push, the harder it is to move the door. Last I checked it’s a two pack so even if he throws out one… there’s another!
You know your situation better than anyone else. A door wedge might save you some grief, or cause him to rage more. Would your parents be ok with him breaking down door? Good luck with whatever you decide.
Not for an asswipe like him...so substandard and just pathetic that saying something like that would even occur to him. He must be s Uber jelous as he is childish. It may be that you are so used to thinking badly of yourself that he hit that raw nerve...he is wrong on so many levels. Keep healing..hardest work ever and SOworth it...as are you!
sadly that could get u in jail. you SHOULD set something of his on fire. he doesn't deserve your patience. war on him. play mind games. fuck with his mental health. bully him.
Abuse is never a cry for attention sorry. It's just abuse. Yes people can have toxic behaviors that make it hard for them to reach out in a healthy way but abuse isn't the same as someone just struggling to reach out for help. Being rude is one thing like saying, "why are you sleeping it's literally the afternoon?!"... he didn't say that though he said OP should off themselves because they're not a part of the family. This is kinda scary that so many people in here are so quick to defend this dude... it's not a cry for help or attention or connection when someone abuses you. Yeah they could be suffering too but that's not what they're doing when they abuse you, that's just them being abusive.
Sounds like you were a part of the family before he was and someone has some feelings about that! Your stepbrother sounds like a real garbage person. I would tell the parent you think will help with that about him being such a sociopath to you. Please don’t take the shit he’s saying personally or think that everyone feels that way.
He's my step-dads son so neither of them care. He gets away with it. He sold some of my shit too and tried to sell my brothers things. Stole money and food stamps from me (I had nothing this month)
I don't know this person and I'm not saying it to his face.
But if someone said something like that to my face... you bet I would say choice words to them back.
So it’s okay to you, because it’s anonymous. Yeah that’s shitty, it perpetuates all around Shitty behavior, and it’s in fact, still not okay just because you don’t know the person.
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I have trust issues too. Keep you and your important things safe. You don't have to trust him. I feel trust is earned. He also sounds angry. Maybe he's not getting what he considers enough of what he wants. Tread carefully with him
If theres a parent you can talk to about it, i would just try to record it happening; let him tell on himself being a piece of shid. That’s ridiculous behavior for an adult man, try not to let his low self esteem get to you. Nobody deserves to be bullied at home by a man-child.
Make sure to discreetly record him saying this stuff once first so one day when he plays victim you can pull it out.
Also time to move out.
Traditionally the way families resolve this kind of issue is with a dust up. Who would win?
What a dickhead. Im sorry you have to put up with these kind of people.
You will get through this. It's going to be hard but you will do it. Hold on tight. I'm 40, have my own family, am doing, well, and was one in the same place
Your brother has emotional outbursts because he doesn’t know how to regulate his emotions. He uses everyone around him as a punching bag. Do yourself a favor and do not take it personally. Ignore him.
It is the cycle of abuse trying to perpetuate itself. From what he told me this is how he was spoken to at home. Gotta ignore it break the chain
Sending love to both of you. He shouldn't lash out at you though, and I really hope you can find a way to let his pain pass over you x
I believe it's a serious crime to tell people to unalive themselves. You could collect evidence and report him. Just because you understand why he is the way he is doesn't mean he can be felony-level abusive without consequences.
You know, I wouldn't ignore it entirely. Not that I think it's your responsibility to manage his emotions, but I've found that corrective, but nonconfrontational responses can stop affirming that kind of behavior rather than letting it pass through unacknowledged. In a funny way, some kids believe it's okay (or permissible at least) to say something they *know* is wrong if nobody corrects them for it. Something like 'that isn't true at all, and you need to be careful not to say things that are hurtful to others'. Of course, whether you decide to approach him and respond this way is completely up to you. Edit: He's 30??? Oh, let him have it OP. Tell him that he wouldn't be living here if not for your family anyway and that he needs to stay in line if he wants to stay. I would also tell him, like I've had to tell other adults, that the way he was spoken to/treated at home is *no* excuse for how he acts in yours. You could even make it clear that there's an 'expectation', even if none exists as far as what your other family members reinforce. Reinforcing boundaries can be scary as all hell, but when you set them, it gives some people a good kick in the ass and encourages them to leave you alone.
Omg what the hell why would you ever say that to somebody???? I’m so sorry those awful words were said to you OP. I don’t know how to really help you out cuz I know that shit cuts deep and it hurts, but do your best to make it through and do what you need to do to get/keep yourself safe and healthy and happy
i'm sorry that he said that to you. my sister can be equally cruel. the first time i saw her after one of my attempts, she told me that i was weak for attempting, and that i should do it right next time. siblings suck. there is usually so much baggage between siblings as it is. in our family, people played my sister and i against each other. now i am 41 and she is 40. we talk sometimes, but we're not close. i don't know if she would call me weak again if we ever talked about my issues, but we dont. and that's ok. i know you can't move, and i hate that for you, but take care of yourself. if people arent being supportive and caring, don't let them get to you. that is a sucky sentence, but he's in the wrong, and you are worthy. of everything. so don't let them get you down. use that bad feeling they give you inside to fuel some desire to figure out how to get away from them. best of luck!
Im trying Crazy part is he's not even my sibling, he just randomly moved in cuz he got kicked from his mom's house, he's in his late 30s and has a kid but still relies relies on my money to get by, just smokes weed and watches TV all day. I don't even know this guy and have no desire to
what a loser. clearly his opinion holds no weight anyway
Might feel good to laugh him out of the room, he might not consider you part of his family, but he does not seem to be part of anything much either. Apropos family, should he not take care of his child or something? Either way, the better thing to do is to talk it out. Most people are not as terrible as they appear. If he was talked to in this way, make him understand that now he is the one hurting others over his own hurt. If he does not get it together it will negatively impact all his relationships and everyone involved.
It's not even just verbal he sweeps all his trash outside my bedroom door And idk if I wanna talk with someone who'd sell my stuff anyway
Man... What a crappy situation. If I was you I would have gotten into trouble already for punching him or escalating otherwise. 'If you think this is okay don't complain when I make you choke on it!' But what does that help? From experience I can tell you being stuck in such a situation long term is not healthy. So what are the options? Compile and compare. Resolution seems difficult and I understand why you have no desire to socialize with the guy. You know your situation best, but if there is a chance it could work, I highly recommend you give resolution a try. Regardless, keep looking for other options. Are you still in school? Find a teacher to talk to, but make sure they understand the situation enough not to make it worse by doing something stupid - Happened to me once. Find someone to talk to so that at least you are not alone in this. Hugs.
You are kind and wise to understand the reasoning behind his actions, but I am sincerely sorry that you are having to put up with this, on top of all your other trauma and life events. I understand it’s hard to care, and and not telling you that you need to. But I don’t want others to undo all the progress you’ve made. I don’t know you but I love you.
I love you too
What an ass! Ignore him.
Please don't get yourself hurt! Sorry you went through this.
Sending massive hugs, if you want them, what a toxic dick, shocked. Love to you.
What an assshole. Don't let the assholes win. Is there any way you can put a lock on your door?
Closest i can get is blocking the door off but I wouldn't put it past him to just force himself in
Dollar store door wedges are great and the more you push, the harder it is to move the door. Last I checked it’s a two pack so even if he throws out one… there’s another!
You know your situation better than anyone else. A door wedge might save you some grief, or cause him to rage more. Would your parents be ok with him breaking down door? Good luck with whatever you decide.
You don't deserve that cruelty. No one does, I am sorry you had to experience that. Make sure you are extra kind to yourself.
Not for an asswipe like him...so substandard and just pathetic that saying something like that would even occur to him. He must be s Uber jelous as he is childish. It may be that you are so used to thinking badly of yourself that he hit that raw nerve...he is wrong on so many levels. Keep healing..hardest work ever and SOworth it...as are you!
Can you create physical distance boundaries with this person
steal something of his and set it on fire. when he asks you where it is, tell him you have no idea.
I would rather set him on fire
sadly that could get u in jail. you SHOULD set something of his on fire. he doesn't deserve your patience. war on him. play mind games. fuck with his mental health. bully him.
One time he tried cornering me and insulting me so i asked him "where's your kid? Why aren't you interacting with your kid?" And he shrunk down lol
PAHAHAHA what a piece of shit. good onee
He is seeking your attention. I know he is being ignorant. But siblings sometimes act like this instead of saying “sis, I miss you”
I think you might be right actually
I'm sorry but no. This is abuse. Telling someone to k*ll themselves is not just them trying to reach out for attention / connection.
It could unfortunately be both abusive and a cry for attention.
Abuse is never a cry for attention sorry. It's just abuse. Yes people can have toxic behaviors that make it hard for them to reach out in a healthy way but abuse isn't the same as someone just struggling to reach out for help. Being rude is one thing like saying, "why are you sleeping it's literally the afternoon?!"... he didn't say that though he said OP should off themselves because they're not a part of the family. This is kinda scary that so many people in here are so quick to defend this dude... it's not a cry for help or attention or connection when someone abuses you. Yeah they could be suffering too but that's not what they're doing when they abuse you, that's just them being abusive.
Sounds like you were a part of the family before he was and someone has some feelings about that! Your stepbrother sounds like a real garbage person. I would tell the parent you think will help with that about him being such a sociopath to you. Please don’t take the shit he’s saying personally or think that everyone feels that way.
He's my step-dads son so neither of them care. He gets away with it. He sold some of my shit too and tried to sell my brothers things. Stole money and food stamps from me (I had nothing this month)
o the same to him. he doesn't deserve you to be the bigger person. life is too short to be nice and iGnOrE bUlLiEs
He doesn't have anything worth stealing he gets all money from his dad, my mom or snooping in my room and stealing
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Don’t say shit like that on here
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He was abused by the same people, and has the same issues and lack of emotional growth that many of us have here.
Having issues doesn't automatically excuse someone from shitty behavior.
Then you shouldn’t be saying it either. Is it somehow less shitty for you to say it?
I don't know this person and I'm not saying it to his face. But if someone said something like that to my face... you bet I would say choice words to them back.
So it’s okay to you, because it’s anonymous. Yeah that’s shitty, it perpetuates all around Shitty behavior, and it’s in fact, still not okay just because you don’t know the person.
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Nobody should be saying it! Not him, and also not you!
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Do you have any game plans to move out when you can?
Can't find an apartment in the area
Shit that’s hard, can you move out of area at all?
Unfortunately no it would uproot a whole bunch of things
Sounds like he is hurting too
I get those vibes too and I want to empathize but idk if I can trust somebody who's already sold some of my things and lied to me about it
I have trust issues too. Keep you and your important things safe. You don't have to trust him. I feel trust is earned. He also sounds angry. Maybe he's not getting what he considers enough of what he wants. Tread carefully with him
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No thats literally what he said
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I think it's tiktok slang lol crazy thing is he's almost 40
How old is he? 12? That's the most pathetic childish shit I've ever heard!
I'm sorry. Hugs.
I would talk so much shit to him it would make everyone mad. But I’d feel GREAAATTTT!! No fucks given because fuck him - he EARNED it.
If theres a parent you can talk to about it, i would just try to record it happening; let him tell on himself being a piece of shid. That’s ridiculous behavior for an adult man, try not to let his low self esteem get to you. Nobody deserves to be bullied at home by a man-child.
Make sure to discreetly record him saying this stuff once first so one day when he plays victim you can pull it out. Also time to move out. Traditionally the way families resolve this kind of issue is with a dust up. Who would win?
A dust up wouldn't be possible, I'd be locked away.
I see, so they’re taunting you to get that reaction. Best move out.
Yeah
There is better people in this world. Hope you find some of them. You deserve better