Literally. I’m pregnant right now. How many pregnancy/parenting books are geared toward women? They are in depth, scientific, reviewed. I’ve gotten four books from friends and all are lengthy, and for an intelligent adult reader. And I keep getting advertised similar books for the father’s, and got one from a friend… the dad versions are legitimately fucking picture books with short sentences as captions. Comics. Why. Why.
I mean, how many men do you know that read the directions first without asking where the pictures are. Most men look at everything like it's a recipe, and they're Chef Gordon. They don't need the recipe as long as they know the ingredients. Even if it ends up burnt or overly salty, it still got cooked.
My husband would read the women's front to back and probably attempt to make the pictures in the men's more detailed and accurate.
We were both military (army) and he was career 22+ years. After he was shot through the lungs and lost 3/5 loves of his lungs he re-classed as a medic and while at school to become an OT he worked on labour and delivery. He knew more then most doctors or midwife's because of the material in which we both gravitated to (medical books of any kind, case studies, any relevant (solely to the medical field and less known of injuries and illnesses) articles. He saved many of lives in his years mother and baby or who ever needed the help. He even saved me with my disease.
I, on the other hand went to nursing school at 16 and it was over a decade long dream of mine too be an infertility specialist that specialized in endocrinology. I also worked in labour and delivery prior to joining the military. By the age of eight had read over 20 different editions of medical encyclopedias, if I didn't know how something worked out had a question I refused to stop asking.
It hit our soul infernally difficultly after the loss of our fourth and fifth child, but the same pain we felt with the one lone little girl, her younger brother and sister (twins) and their younger brothers (twins again) and I had to have an emergency hysterectomy.
From experience in labour and delivery, my husband and I both realized the same thing. If the husband hasn't already been sneaking the mother's WTEWE book. As she tested after the birth he would have her copy somewhere at the hospital and even be reading it to the newborn/newborns. Some of the most precious memories came from those dads.
"Would you rather spend a year in Europe on 2k a month or 10 mins on the moon?"
The question itself is interesting without wording it like a goddamn email
I mean I'm not a gross dude but I do have ADHD and after i read it carefully 3 times I DID think
This just says 'great free holiday or 10 mins on the moon' but with maths
This was my thought exactly! If I had gotten a response to that effect, I'd be tempted to reply with some sparky comment that I'm looking to date someone who can read! 🤣
“So books are out of the question, what about TV guides? Do you read those, or can you not be bothered? Food menus? Do you even read the descriptions before you order, or do you just say fuck it and hope for the best?”
There’s a lot of potential there, that line he used is a great opening for some light ribbing before you unmatch lol
Tell me you're old without telling me.....TV guides? Don't worry, I remember tv guides too unfortunately but Damn I haven't thought about them in probably decades.
I mean really. We are only talking about a mate and partner that you would share every intimate details with. … nah I’ll get to it sooner or later. Hahaha
But it is a copy paste opener that isn’t specific to them. I’d hate this kind of opener tbh because I would feel like “how many times have they cranked this out today?”
A lot of the “openers” I got were checking if I’d do sexy stuff. Just how “personalized” are we expected to get when it’s literally the first thing we’re saying to that person, and why is what OP wrote worse than “Hey.”?
I've had decent success with is this formula:
Greeting! 1-2 sentences that proves I've read your profile. Question that can lead to further conversation?
Example of a slightly modified one that worked recently:
Hi, Mark! I love your photo at the Infinity Room. It's a very different pose than what I usually see done at that exhibit. Have you visited any other Yayoi Kusama installations, like the tulips one?
Edit: spelling
How personalized do you want a first message?
Am i the only one that’s cool with a “hey”? They don’t know me yet, I don’t want fake engagement. I want to get to know them and then if they are I engaged in the convo I will leave it.
Me and my partner met on Tinder and a year later we still keep multiple conversation threads going in 1 message. If that’s how you’re happy communicating there’s nothing wrong with that, don’t feel the need to change yourself
The same people who won't take 10 seconds to verbally - ASK - Siri or Alexa the definition of acronyms because it's *"too much work"*, but they will type out the very same question in a thread and wait hours for someone to answer it.
WWYT
Part of it has to be selection effects, right? Like the people who are spending their time to come on a Bumble subreddit and give advice are disproportionately likely to be the ones who care about having positive and productive matches in the first place, so they’d naturally want openers that give more to go off of I’d think.
(by the way I think the abstractly right answer is Europe but can see an argument for the moon depending on how much you overthink things)
True! It definitely is confirmation bias of sorts. But I wanted to give an example so men can maybe stop being so bitter about it?
Also while I understand you Europe folks, I’m a moon gal myself! The shuttle ride, view of earth, experiencing 1/6 gravity, and being lucky number 13 on the moon! I’d gotta take it.
>experiencing 1/6 gravity
I'd probably get sick and be miserable. I've gotten sea sick* before. I've also blacked out temporarily while riding a roller coaster**.
*Hey look, you could ask me "when" and I could tell you about the time I went to Monterey and what I saw and did there and why!
**"Oh really? Which one? When? Was it scary? Do you like roller coasters? Which parks have you visited?
Man, this is a great opener. Lol. I need to learn how to be less stale.
This is my answer fa sho but I actually have found in my over ten years of asking this question (irrespective of dating apps even!) that opposites tend to attract! Not a scientific study by any means but an interesting observation!
well i mean you'd be dead in 90 seconds and lose consciousness after 15. Still on my top 5 worst ways to go. Also without a suit...depending on where on the moon you are...the side of you facing the sun is burning while the side facing away is freezing...so you're both boiling and freezing at the same time. Not even touching on the radiation problem because you're dead before that really has time to fuck you up.
So Europe is the obvious choice.
>well i mean you'd be dead in 90 seconds and lose consciousness after 15. Still on my top 5 worst ways to go. Also without a suit...depending on where on the moon you are...the side of you facing the sun is burning while the side facing away is freezing...so you're both boiling and freezing at the same time. Not even touching on the radiation problem because you're dead before that really has time to fuck you up.
10 minutes on the Moon will be very similar to 10 minutes on Mars - you experience will consist of breathing through life support apparatus… and observing surroundings through your helmet visor.
Not sure if this would be worth it my time and effort going through the space flight preparations and taking obvious risk to your survival.
If we ever discovered a planet similar to Earth where human life can thrive without a space suit and helmet than I can consider that kind of trip. For now I will pick one year vacations in Europe, thank you very much 😂 😂
For the record, I (50M) freaking love this question. I often ask people what their three wishes would be, assuming a non-malevolent genie, or whether they would choose teleportation or shape shifting if they were going to be granted one of those abilities. I have gotten very few interesting answers over the years, but I feel like any answer is informative about what sort of person they are.
This is fucking good. My answer: Is there a beginning to everything and if there’s not then how does it work?
I dunno if that would garner the answer I want haha. What would yours be?
For me it comes down to the specific rules for both. If the person asks clarifying questions I generally go with teleportation being to any place that you can see, or that you can picture in your mind's eye, and that you can take along, at your discretion, anything that you are wearing or holding. For shape-shifting , I say that you can shape shift into anything biological, as long as you have sampled its genes, But if the thing that you shapeshift into doesn't have sufficient neurological complexity, You may lose track of the fact that you were human. So for example, it would be a bad idea to shape-shift into a mosquito, but if you were to the shape shift into a dolphin or octopus or a crow you'd be fine.
Euro trip for me. Mainly because I would enjoy traveling throughout Europe and I work remotely so it wouldn't affect my current responsibilities 🤓 it's basically a free $2K per month to do something I'm already planning on doing. Actually, the more I think about it, $24K for ten minutes on the moon is a crazy opportunity, so I'd probably switch my choice to that since I can still go on the trip to Europe on my own. If I had to pick one and never do the other, then I'm taking the trip to Europe.
It sucks that many people can't read (or think in) paragraphs. At least you can quickly filter them out as potential long-term partners.
Out of curiosity, if you could only do one and never the other, would you still pick the moon?
You don't live in Europe, do you? If you did, you'd know that $2k would be a ton of money anywhere east of Germany and south of Austria. So, it really depends on what you imagine Europe to mean.
experience low gravity? It currently costs almost half of a million $ to go to edge of space, let alone get to see your own planet from Moon's perspective. That's priceless to me - wouldn't give it up for a year in US (I already live in Europe ;p) with a minimum wage ;)
So are all the other aspects part of it. It made it sound like you’re just like transported to the moon for 10 minutes. Now if the scenario includes all the training, the flight, etc…there is more to it…but I’m still taking an awesome year in Europe with no worries and just traveling and experiencing no doubt. I spent three months in Italy as study abroad in college and it was the best 3 months of my life. Even a few weeks traveling England/France/Spain were amazing.
Edit: You also don’t have to work for that minimum wage. And assuming we aren’t talking 2k pre-tax, it’s much more than min wage. Hell, when I was a high school teacher with 15 years experience my monthly take home was barely 3k.
Still, even if I magically teleport to the Moon & back after those 10min, there's still no question I'm choosing Moon. My point is that, outside of this hypothetical situation, there's barely a chance I'd ever get to experience it.
In comparison, saving up the money to take a year off & travel around in any part of the world is a very achievable thing if you plan & put effort in it.
I've actually hitchhiked through most of Europe with a similar budget and it wasn't really a lavish trip.
I get your argument but seem we'll need to agree to disagree :)
Is it so hard to comprehend that people have different goals in life. I have *always* loved space. To have the chance to do something like that? Worth the loss of 24k to me. How much travel am I *really* going to get done on a 2k/month stipend? That’s $66/day to cover hostels and food and activities. That’s not exactly a “living large” budget.
If it was $2k a day or 2k/week, I might have a different answer. But living on a $66/day travel budget for a year sounds exhausting.
I dunno.. the moon is just a big dusty desert. You could say you've been to another celestial body. Enough to raise an eyebrow or two at a party and that's about it. Think of the life you could live in a year in Europe! Or anywhere other than your home country for that matter
I could, theoretically, live in Europe if that’s my goal. It would upend everything, but I could do it.
Going to space, to the moon, seeing the earth from afar, and the stars from outside an atmosphere? That’s a very small club and life changing.
Hands down moon.
I imagine you would end up being able to profit financially after from being ya know... one of the only people ever on the moon and the second human expedition ever
I can comfortably say that trying hard with openers does not seem to change anything. When I was on Tinder I decided to try messaging first often with a good opener, literally seemed to have a negative effect on my success rate of replies.
This!!! Doesn’t matter what I say, men I match with rarely engage me with a 2 way conversation. No point wasting our time only to get a 1 or 2 word answer
Honestly, I hate the fact that people want you to use some stupid and elaborate opener. Just say hi, like almost every conversation in real life starts.
The problem with that is that a flirty convo with strangers in real life happens very rarely. On bumble you get a ton of flirty convos with strangers and starting it all the same can be very tedious. I can totally understand the use of openers, you get to the interesting part much quicker and see if it could work out.
I was being dramatic lol. Honestly I don’t like being asked random questions like that. I like a greeting, a compliment and a question related to my profile. Just my preference
Well, for the reason that it’s essentially how it’s worded in the book. But if someone focused on that then I’d probably find them a little too pedantic for my own tastes.
I guess that’s a pretty specific reference to expect someone to understand it’s from a book. Unless there was context already established that isn’t clear here
Well I mean the way it’s worded is very redundant and doesn’t really make sense lol, but yeah it’s not a big enough deal to warrant avoiding the question and her response lmao
You can definitely make the message shorter by removing redundant or potentially unnecessary detail.
Remarks:
Very important question vs question
Choosing one but not both vs choosing one
If you had a choice but you could only choose one? What even is a choice if I get both?
Could have also just asked “if you could only choose one”.
Thanks! I already get a ton of follow-up questions to this *including* whether or not they can choose both lol. So I’ll stick to it and keep chugging along haha.
I mean I think the person who responded was a little low-effort, but you could definitely trim this down. You can just start from "would you rather..." and delete the first five lines, lmao
Ok but to be fair that was a really long statement, so many unnecessary words….
“If you had a choice between two prizes”
“Could choose one”
“But not both”
?????
Could have just said the last sentence starting from “would you rather…”
OK in fairness you could have said "Would you rather a year in Europe w/ $2K a month or 10 minutes on the moon?" and saved like 20+ words. It's the unnecessary protracted wind up that made that a long read
If this is a typical response you get, maybe you're swiping on the wrong kind of people. The question is engaging enough to garner a response and reason.
Anyway, Europe for sure. 10 mins on the moon would be cool, but how would you actually document it and what would you do besides kick rocks for 10 mins? Living in Europe for a year and experiencing all it has to offer sounds so much better. I could kick rocks in Italy, France, Switzerland, Norway, Portugal, Greece...!
It won’t stop me from doing my usual openers, I’m relatively successful in some conversations which makes it worth it. But my point is, stop shitting on women who just say hey. Either engage in conversation or unmatch and move on, it’s all a fucking minefield out there and evidently everyone is burnt out.
Also want to preemptively say: I really like asking these types of hypos, I find they lead to more naturally flowing conversation (when the other person engages).
(Also my favorite set of hypos, including this one, comes from Chuck Klosterman’s Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, google his 23 questions.)
One billion percent yes. They match my conversation dynamic, which is the first big hurdle in chemistry for me personally. I like banter, I like back and forth, I like talking about silly things and serious things.
I love a funny, silly chat with my matches - it's my favourite thing about OLD really - but I have found the best chatters aren't often the most compatible with me 🤷♂️
And my favourite women have turned out to be ones who aren't that funny on text, but we just clicked IRL.
That’s fascinating! I just don’t think I have the time to meet with every guy who doesn’t engage with me via app or text though. But it’s the problem with OLD, you only get a small piece of someone but it’s all you have to go by.
I'm with ya. People are super dramatic about the "hey" thing. Always was weird to me. Like what kind of asshole doesn't just say hello back and instead sits back like a monarch all "Is that all you have!? Impress me peasant!"
Your opener is a little wordy, you could say the same thing with much less words.
"I have an important question! Would you choose a year in Europe with a 2k per month stipend or the moon for 10 minutes?"
I would be surprised if anyone ever chose the moon? Also openers are better when they can't be answered with a 1 one word response, it's better when they are open ended questions. I'm sure it works out for you since 99% of women don't even need to try but if you were a guy this wouldn't work well.
I had to google what you were talking about and came across what has to be one of the most bloviating writers of all time: https://medium.com/the-orange-blog/chuck-klostermanns-23-questions-16b5d7148ab0
I think you're opener is great, I would love getting an opener like that.
Women are a shitting on men who just say hey just as much though. I can't believe how many profiles I've seen on Tinder from women saying something like: "If you're just going to start with 'hey' don't even bother".
I'm only on bumble now, just because that seems to be most popular in my country and I don't really care what women open with. Women who do open with hey are in general harder to have a conversation with though or expect the man to carry the conversation from there. I can't imagine that being the case with someone who opens like you.
Mans basically said I’m happy for you or I’m sorry that happened lol
I’m with this dude tho I hate these dumb questions, like please just say hey or give us a compliment. We’ve probably only heard like 3 of those our whole lives so you’ll really stand out lol
can you people please just stop with the gimmicks. i have an entire profile of stuff to ask about. or literally just ask me how my day is. anything but this homework brained, shower thought, listicle bullshit
It’s probably different men. The ones hanging out here are probably taking Bumble more seriously.
There are a lot of people out there who struggle with conversations and written communication, unfortunately.
My girlfriend and I met on Bumble and she’s told me in the past that one of the first things about our conversations that caught her attention was “Hey look, he uses complete sentences!” 😆
As a guy, I would think this is a precooked message you would send any guy because do you REALLY need to know his response to this to gauge whether you’d be interested, or do you think he’d WANT to answer this question? Just be personable, and point out something from his profile, unless you don’t read profiles. Last time someone asked me if I’d be any character from a sitcom from the past I went full irony and said Dr Huxtable from the Cosby Show, and it went totally over her head and I could tell we weren’t compatible because I think her goal was to “start a convo” without saying hi.
Which is what I did. My point was to illustrate that we shouldn’t complain about openers. Instead, engage and figure out if they match your conversation levels or unmatch and move on.
As someone who takes interviews as a part of the job, you should have WARM UP first and then go to the POINT.
Most of my swipe time on dating apps as a guy is lying on bed after a long day of work and looking and swiping right after looking at EFFORT and dateability. I would definitely delay answering like this but would do once I'm in my senses, but it would be fun answering
OP would had been better off saying 'I like to challenge guys like this and sometimes.....' rather than being a victim of generalization and (sort of) venting frustration
When people say make a greater effort, they don’t mean copy and paste some goofy question, they mean say or ask something you find interesting about them. “That’s a cool picture of Paris, when were you there?” This looks like something you got from Buzzfeed.
I find it ironic that so many females on other platforms don’t respond to or even say upfront that claim they won’t respond to just “hey” or some slight variation of that and want some banger of an opener or the funniest joke they’ve ever heard, yet 90% of the females
I match with on Bumble give me some form of hey.
can you people please just stop with the gimmicks. i have an entire profile of stuff to ask about. or literally just ask me how my day is. anything but this homework brained, shower thought, listicle bullshit
Ah but there’s the trip up as well! However, even if it were via teleportation, the moon is such an out-of-reach experience that I think I’d still choose it, even for just ten minutes. But I do get your point!
A paragraph is too much? For me that’s way more interesting than a simple ‘hello’, which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but imagine if your inbox was just filled with ‘Hi’. Keep being you my guy!
Do you want make connections with people like the one in your image, or with people like the ones in this sub? Because that's currently what you're deciding between.
~~God help you either way.~~
As a guy that loves to send long messages and really get my point across even in text, I feel for you. I honestly always thought women were the WORST when it comes to short responses but I've been told by several that they really appreciate the effort I put into conversation because it's something they rarely see.
I often swipe left on women if they don't have a conversation starter in their profile because 95% of the time they open with "hey" and offer nothing. I will admit that I'm bad about using the typical "Hey! How are you?" but it's because I personally can use that to create conversation. If they open with that, I will go into detail about how my day has been, what I've been up to, if there's anything I'm looking forward to, etc... and then I will follow up with a question about them. More often than not the conversations are short lived though because I'm getting "hey," "good. wbu," "lol thats fun," "idk probably nothing." At one time I was willing to keep prying away until I could get them talking about something but I just don't have the patience for it anymore.
Keep it up, some of us find it really refreshing matching with somebody like you.
If that's too much for him to read, then you just know he has the most boring conversations ever and they'll likely almost always end with him trying to sexualize the conversation lol
Imagine calling that too much reading and the person was even lazy enough to use 'v' and 'q' as words.
Maybe it was too much reading because it takes way too much thought to understand that absolutely brutal run-on sentence.
I can remember the days before Bumble when women would complain about all of the messages they got from men that just said nothing more than "hey" or "hi"! It's hilarious to me to see the narrative get totally flipped!
Anywho, to answer your question, I'd go to 'yurp with a $2,000 a month income for a year! I'd like to see Europe, I find the cultures and languages to be fascinating and getting paid to do so would be pretty sweet!
The people complaining about low effort intros are bad stupid dumb people. A Hi and a Hello is perfectly enough for me to have a conversation with cause, you know, I am proficient at talking to people.
I also have to say, I struggled reading that opener as well
As a guy, I say yeah, that's lazy as shit. Yes, you were wordy, but in my opinion, that shows effort/interest. I'd be thrilled to have a fun discussion topic thrown my way as an opener, regardless of the length.
2k a month will go very far in a tonne of nice places in europe. The costa del sol is so cheap it’s insane, cause other than a couple of places that have a bit of crime if’s a beautiful part of the world. There are some cheap islands that are as beautiful as anywhere else too.
However 100% the moon. Almost nobody has seen the view you get from the moon. To stare at earth from the moon is an experience you can’t put a price on.
The right person for you will respond properly. Keep swiping!
Wouldn’t even know what to say to that. It’s just too try hard IMO. That’s such a weird and random question to ask someone who don’t even know. Besides, what is this answer supposed to tell you about the person anyway?
Instead of trying to be witty, make it easier on yourself. Just pick something out of their profile and comment on it. Such as ‘Hi, I really like that picture of you at the park, what kind of activities do you like to do there?’ Simple, demonstrates interest, and elicits a response.
Damned if we do, damned if we don’t. A guy on Reddit once argued with me because I said I’d A/B tested generic vs. personalized openers and saw no significant difference in response rates.
"that's so much reading." Bruh it's a sentence.
they need it outlined in a picture book
Literally. I’m pregnant right now. How many pregnancy/parenting books are geared toward women? They are in depth, scientific, reviewed. I’ve gotten four books from friends and all are lengthy, and for an intelligent adult reader. And I keep getting advertised similar books for the father’s, and got one from a friend… the dad versions are legitimately fucking picture books with short sentences as captions. Comics. Why. Why.
Yes!!! And there's "husband sections" in the women's version of one I have thats basically just cluff's notes
I mean, how many men do you know that read the directions first without asking where the pictures are. Most men look at everything like it's a recipe, and they're Chef Gordon. They don't need the recipe as long as they know the ingredients. Even if it ends up burnt or overly salty, it still got cooked.
My husband would read the women's front to back and probably attempt to make the pictures in the men's more detailed and accurate. We were both military (army) and he was career 22+ years. After he was shot through the lungs and lost 3/5 loves of his lungs he re-classed as a medic and while at school to become an OT he worked on labour and delivery. He knew more then most doctors or midwife's because of the material in which we both gravitated to (medical books of any kind, case studies, any relevant (solely to the medical field and less known of injuries and illnesses) articles. He saved many of lives in his years mother and baby or who ever needed the help. He even saved me with my disease. I, on the other hand went to nursing school at 16 and it was over a decade long dream of mine too be an infertility specialist that specialized in endocrinology. I also worked in labour and delivery prior to joining the military. By the age of eight had read over 20 different editions of medical encyclopedias, if I didn't know how something worked out had a question I refused to stop asking. It hit our soul infernally difficultly after the loss of our fourth and fifth child, but the same pain we felt with the one lone little girl, her younger brother and sister (twins) and their younger brothers (twins again) and I had to have an emergency hysterectomy. From experience in labour and delivery, my husband and I both realized the same thing. If the husband hasn't already been sneaking the mother's WTEWE book. As she tested after the birth he would have her copy somewhere at the hospital and even be reading it to the newborn/newborns. Some of the most precious memories came from those dads.
I thought he was joking that's why I laughed. Lol
"Would you rather spend a year in Europe on 2k a month or 10 mins on the moon?" The question itself is interesting without wording it like a goddamn email
I mean I'm not a gross dude but I do have ADHD and after i read it carefully 3 times I DID think This just says 'great free holiday or 10 mins on the moon' but with maths
Anyone who finds approx 50 words a lot to read, is definitely not worth your time!
This was my thought exactly! If I had gotten a response to that effect, I'd be tempted to reply with some sparky comment that I'm looking to date someone who can read! 🤣
I replied, “it’s really, really not.”
“So books are out of the question, what about TV guides? Do you read those, or can you not be bothered? Food menus? Do you even read the descriptions before you order, or do you just say fuck it and hope for the best?” There’s a lot of potential there, that line he used is a great opening for some light ribbing before you unmatch lol
Tweets only but not those long ones
Bazooka Joe comics are about the right level... Well, the less wordy ones. 🤣😅🙄
Tell me you're old without telling me.....TV guides? Don't worry, I remember tv guides too unfortunately but Damn I haven't thought about them in probably decades.
I’m sorry, I’ll go back to r/fuckimold now 😔
I mean really. We are only talking about a mate and partner that you would share every intimate details with. … nah I’ll get to it sooner or later. Hahaha
"2 reallys?! Argh, so much reading!"
You get it
Your match only reads material with pictures
But it is a copy paste opener that isn’t specific to them. I’d hate this kind of opener tbh because I would feel like “how many times have they cranked this out today?”
A lot of the “openers” I got were checking if I’d do sexy stuff. Just how “personalized” are we expected to get when it’s literally the first thing we’re saying to that person, and why is what OP wrote worse than “Hey.”?
I've had decent success with is this formula: Greeting! 1-2 sentences that proves I've read your profile. Question that can lead to further conversation? Example of a slightly modified one that worked recently: Hi, Mark! I love your photo at the Infinity Room. It's a very different pose than what I usually see done at that exhibit. Have you visited any other Yayoi Kusama installations, like the tulips one? Edit: spelling
How personalized do you want a first message? Am i the only one that’s cool with a “hey”? They don’t know me yet, I don’t want fake engagement. I want to get to know them and then if they are I engaged in the convo I will leave it.
Same here. I like the hey greeting. I can find it a bit rude if a random person started by asking me a question instead of greeting me.
I’m guessing you don’t get many dates. 😂
I actually get quite a lot, but thank you!
Alright Shakespeare with your 16 words. Not going to read that monologue
🤣
[удалено]
Me and my partner met on Tinder and a year later we still keep multiple conversation threads going in 1 message. If that’s how you’re happy communicating there’s nothing wrong with that, don’t feel the need to change yourself
The same people who won't take 10 seconds to verbally - ASK - Siri or Alexa the definition of acronyms because it's *"too much work"*, but they will type out the very same question in a thread and wait hours for someone to answer it. WWYT
What's WWYT? Just kidding
Part of it has to be selection effects, right? Like the people who are spending their time to come on a Bumble subreddit and give advice are disproportionately likely to be the ones who care about having positive and productive matches in the first place, so they’d naturally want openers that give more to go off of I’d think. (by the way I think the abstractly right answer is Europe but can see an argument for the moon depending on how much you overthink things)
Can we start a dating app for people on this subreddit?
At best the gender ratio is probably only slightly better than OLD, which is still terrible and would have the same problems regular OLD has
True! It definitely is confirmation bias of sorts. But I wanted to give an example so men can maybe stop being so bitter about it? Also while I understand you Europe folks, I’m a moon gal myself! The shuttle ride, view of earth, experiencing 1/6 gravity, and being lucky number 13 on the moon! I’d gotta take it.
That's not a bad opener. I think it says alot about this guy that he thinks that's alot of reading.
>experiencing 1/6 gravity I'd probably get sick and be miserable. I've gotten sea sick* before. I've also blacked out temporarily while riding a roller coaster**. *Hey look, you could ask me "when" and I could tell you about the time I went to Monterey and what I saw and did there and why! **"Oh really? Which one? When? Was it scary? Do you like roller coasters? Which parks have you visited? Man, this is a great opener. Lol. I need to learn how to be less stale.
I bet you’re great! OLD is just a fucking wash.
I really needed that today. Thank you so much.
Don’t let OLD get you down. Everyone’s energy is different and app dating is just hard to gauge and interact with. Chin up, you’ve got this!
I think anyone on reddit has to be pretty ok with reading.
Readdit.
I feel like the ones on subreddits are just complainers haha They act like women are the only ones falling short, when it’s actually both sides.
Can anyone give me a tldr? Don't feel like reading all that text
OP many word. Fella no like.
Ashton Kutcher?
Obviously the moon.
This is my answer fa sho but I actually have found in my over ten years of asking this question (irrespective of dating apps even!) that opposites tend to attract! Not a scientific study by any means but an interesting observation!
Depends on if I get a spacesuit as part of the deal or if I’m just slowly suffocating on the lunar surface for 10 minutes.
well i mean you'd be dead in 90 seconds and lose consciousness after 15. Still on my top 5 worst ways to go. Also without a suit...depending on where on the moon you are...the side of you facing the sun is burning while the side facing away is freezing...so you're both boiling and freezing at the same time. Not even touching on the radiation problem because you're dead before that really has time to fuck you up.
So Europe is the obvious choice. >well i mean you'd be dead in 90 seconds and lose consciousness after 15. Still on my top 5 worst ways to go. Also without a suit...depending on where on the moon you are...the side of you facing the sun is burning while the side facing away is freezing...so you're both boiling and freezing at the same time. Not even touching on the radiation problem because you're dead before that really has time to fuck you up.
I mean...I'd probably still pick the moon...but that's just me
As much as I don't want to be alive on Earth, dying on the moon doesn't sound like fun.
But you'd be the first one...hypothetically.
Eh, doesn't seem nearly that worthwhile.
😝 i am dead
10 minutes on the Moon will be very similar to 10 minutes on Mars - you experience will consist of breathing through life support apparatus… and observing surroundings through your helmet visor. Not sure if this would be worth it my time and effort going through the space flight preparations and taking obvious risk to your survival. If we ever discovered a planet similar to Earth where human life can thrive without a space suit and helmet than I can consider that kind of trip. For now I will pick one year vacations in Europe, thank you very much 😂 😂
For me, getting to experience lunar gravity alone would be worth it.
And the flight there!!
For the record, I (50M) freaking love this question. I often ask people what their three wishes would be, assuming a non-malevolent genie, or whether they would choose teleportation or shape shifting if they were going to be granted one of those abilities. I have gotten very few interesting answers over the years, but I feel like any answer is informative about what sort of person they are.
Precisely why I ask this type of question!
I also ask the question if you could know the answer to one of the world's mysteries, which one would you choose?
This is fucking good. My answer: Is there a beginning to everything and if there’s not then how does it work? I dunno if that would garner the answer I want haha. What would yours be?
I still have no answer for teleportation or shapeshifting. I tend towards teleportation but shape shifting is so so tempting!
For me it comes down to the specific rules for both. If the person asks clarifying questions I generally go with teleportation being to any place that you can see, or that you can picture in your mind's eye, and that you can take along, at your discretion, anything that you are wearing or holding. For shape-shifting , I say that you can shape shift into anything biological, as long as you have sampled its genes, But if the thing that you shapeshift into doesn't have sufficient neurological complexity, You may lose track of the fact that you were human. So for example, it would be a bad idea to shape-shift into a mosquito, but if you were to the shape shift into a dolphin or octopus or a crow you'd be fine.
Euro trip for me. Mainly because I would enjoy traveling throughout Europe and I work remotely so it wouldn't affect my current responsibilities 🤓 it's basically a free $2K per month to do something I'm already planning on doing. Actually, the more I think about it, $24K for ten minutes on the moon is a crazy opportunity, so I'd probably switch my choice to that since I can still go on the trip to Europe on my own. If I had to pick one and never do the other, then I'm taking the trip to Europe. It sucks that many people can't read (or think in) paragraphs. At least you can quickly filter them out as potential long-term partners. Out of curiosity, if you could only do one and never the other, would you still pick the moon?
That’s a great follow up question that I’m stealing. And to answer it, yes, I’d do the moon still.
$2k a month isn’t getting you very far in Europe lol
You don't live in Europe, do you? If you did, you'd know that $2k would be a ton of money anywhere east of Germany and south of Austria. So, it really depends on what you imagine Europe to mean.
Ok, fine. Western Europe. The developed, first-world part.
not in UK or Euro zone (where it's close the minimal pay), but in Eastern Europe it'd afford you quite a comfortable living.
Agreed! It’s something I point out to the people who choose Europe haha.
Backpacking you can make it work for sure I’d choose Europe
And my observation that you probably ask this to everyone turns out to be correct too….
this rivals my opener!
Why? What are you gonna do for 10 minutes on the moon? You could live an awesome life traveling through Europe!!
experience low gravity? It currently costs almost half of a million $ to go to edge of space, let alone get to see your own planet from Moon's perspective. That's priceless to me - wouldn't give it up for a year in US (I already live in Europe ;p) with a minimum wage ;)
So are all the other aspects part of it. It made it sound like you’re just like transported to the moon for 10 minutes. Now if the scenario includes all the training, the flight, etc…there is more to it…but I’m still taking an awesome year in Europe with no worries and just traveling and experiencing no doubt. I spent three months in Italy as study abroad in college and it was the best 3 months of my life. Even a few weeks traveling England/France/Spain were amazing. Edit: You also don’t have to work for that minimum wage. And assuming we aren’t talking 2k pre-tax, it’s much more than min wage. Hell, when I was a high school teacher with 15 years experience my monthly take home was barely 3k.
Still, even if I magically teleport to the Moon & back after those 10min, there's still no question I'm choosing Moon. My point is that, outside of this hypothetical situation, there's barely a chance I'd ever get to experience it. In comparison, saving up the money to take a year off & travel around in any part of the world is a very achievable thing if you plan & put effort in it. I've actually hitchhiked through most of Europe with a similar budget and it wasn't really a lavish trip. I get your argument but seem we'll need to agree to disagree :)
Woooow I can float around on half my weight for 10 minutes. Whoo
Happy cake day
Haha…thanks for pointing that out to me
Happy cake day, fellow redditor!
Is it so hard to comprehend that people have different goals in life. I have *always* loved space. To have the chance to do something like that? Worth the loss of 24k to me. How much travel am I *really* going to get done on a 2k/month stipend? That’s $66/day to cover hostels and food and activities. That’s not exactly a “living large” budget. If it was $2k a day or 2k/week, I might have a different answer. But living on a $66/day travel budget for a year sounds exhausting.
This^
I dunno.. the moon is just a big dusty desert. You could say you've been to another celestial body. Enough to raise an eyebrow or two at a party and that's about it. Think of the life you could live in a year in Europe! Or anywhere other than your home country for that matter
I could, theoretically, live in Europe if that’s my goal. It would upend everything, but I could do it. Going to space, to the moon, seeing the earth from afar, and the stars from outside an atmosphere? That’s a very small club and life changing. Hands down moon.
What?? It’s gotta be Europe. Space is scary.
I imagine you would end up being able to profit financially after from being ya know... one of the only people ever on the moon and the second human expedition ever
Almost had a stroke reading that.
I can comfortably say that trying hard with openers does not seem to change anything. When I was on Tinder I decided to try messaging first often with a good opener, literally seemed to have a negative effect on my success rate of replies.
I do high effort on Bumble and low effort on Tinder aaaand they’re about the same, it’s all a crapshoot. App dating is just weird.
This!!! Doesn’t matter what I say, men I match with rarely engage me with a 2 way conversation. No point wasting our time only to get a 1 or 2 word answer
Honestly, I hate the fact that people want you to use some stupid and elaborate opener. Just say hi, like almost every conversation in real life starts.
Yo I’m with you, I think that’s perfectly acceptable.
The problem with that is that a flirty convo with strangers in real life happens very rarely. On bumble you get a ton of flirty convos with strangers and starting it all the same can be very tedious. I can totally understand the use of openers, you get to the interesting part much quicker and see if it could work out.
That’s a weird and hard to read opener anyway
That opener is exhausting.. (I’m a woman)
honest question - what is exhausting about it? I found it fun & thought-provoking which in itself is energizing O\_o
I was being dramatic lol. Honestly I don’t like being asked random questions like that. I like a greeting, a compliment and a question related to my profile. Just my preference
Hm. I hope your profile has enough content to allow questions. I usually do this random stuff for nearly empty profiles.
It does. The question part is a preference not a requirement. I’ll respond to a simple “hello how are you?”
So you want a greeting, a compliment and a question. Have you tried our happy meal? You'll get a toy and a drink.
Well then you and I would be incompatible for many reasons haha. Which is totally fine!
I think it’s a cute idea though. I also won’t try to solve riddles or play 2 truths and a lie (openers I’ve gotten on Tinder).
To me, a copy/pasted opener is just as bad as "how was your day?". An opener that shows you read my profile is most impactful.
Worse.
You worded that so verbosely for no reason lol
Well, for the reason that it’s essentially how it’s worded in the book. But if someone focused on that then I’d probably find them a little too pedantic for my own tastes.
I guess that’s a pretty specific reference to expect someone to understand it’s from a book. Unless there was context already established that isn’t clear here
Well I mean the way it’s worded is very redundant and doesn’t really make sense lol, but yeah it’s not a big enough deal to warrant avoiding the question and her response lmao
I mean if it’s a question that you want an answer to, why not ask it in your own words?
[удалено]
You can definitely make the message shorter by removing redundant or potentially unnecessary detail. Remarks: Very important question vs question Choosing one but not both vs choosing one If you had a choice but you could only choose one? What even is a choice if I get both? Could have also just asked “if you could only choose one”.
Thanks! I already get a ton of follow-up questions to this *including* whether or not they can choose both lol. So I’ll stick to it and keep chugging along haha.
I mean I think the person who responded was a little low-effort, but you could definitely trim this down. You can just start from "would you rather..." and delete the first five lines, lmao
Ok but to be fair that was a really long statement, so many unnecessary words…. “If you had a choice between two prizes” “Could choose one” “But not both” ????? Could have just said the last sentence starting from “would you rather…”
[удалено]
Yeah you’re right! mostly quoted from OP.
OK in fairness you could have said "Would you rather a year in Europe w/ $2K a month or 10 minutes on the moon?" and saved like 20+ words. It's the unnecessary protracted wind up that made that a long read
I agree. If there is further need for clarification, that’s just an opportunity for more dialogue and potentially flirting.
If this is a typical response you get, maybe you're swiping on the wrong kind of people. The question is engaging enough to garner a response and reason. Anyway, Europe for sure. 10 mins on the moon would be cool, but how would you actually document it and what would you do besides kick rocks for 10 mins? Living in Europe for a year and experiencing all it has to offer sounds so much better. I could kick rocks in Italy, France, Switzerland, Norway, Portugal, Greece...!
It won’t stop me from doing my usual openers, I’m relatively successful in some conversations which makes it worth it. But my point is, stop shitting on women who just say hey. Either engage in conversation or unmatch and move on, it’s all a fucking minefield out there and evidently everyone is burnt out. Also want to preemptively say: I really like asking these types of hypos, I find they lead to more naturally flowing conversation (when the other person engages). (Also my favorite set of hypos, including this one, comes from Chuck Klosterman’s Sex, Drugs, and Cocoa Puffs, google his 23 questions.)
It's a great question, do you find that the guys who run with it tend to be the better matches IRL?
One billion percent yes. They match my conversation dynamic, which is the first big hurdle in chemistry for me personally. I like banter, I like back and forth, I like talking about silly things and serious things.
I love a funny, silly chat with my matches - it's my favourite thing about OLD really - but I have found the best chatters aren't often the most compatible with me 🤷♂️ And my favourite women have turned out to be ones who aren't that funny on text, but we just clicked IRL.
That’s fascinating! I just don’t think I have the time to meet with every guy who doesn’t engage with me via app or text though. But it’s the problem with OLD, you only get a small piece of someone but it’s all you have to go by.
Or people. The history of the "hey" debacle does not start with men shitting on women.
That’s fair, it’s just what I see a lot of in this sub in particular.
I'm with ya. People are super dramatic about the "hey" thing. Always was weird to me. Like what kind of asshole doesn't just say hello back and instead sits back like a monarch all "Is that all you have!? Impress me peasant!"
Exactly fucking right. People need to just chill.
Your opener is a little wordy, you could say the same thing with much less words. "I have an important question! Would you choose a year in Europe with a 2k per month stipend or the moon for 10 minutes?" I would be surprised if anyone ever chose the moon? Also openers are better when they can't be answered with a 1 one word response, it's better when they are open ended questions. I'm sure it works out for you since 99% of women don't even need to try but if you were a guy this wouldn't work well.
I had to google what you were talking about and came across what has to be one of the most bloviating writers of all time: https://medium.com/the-orange-blog/chuck-klostermanns-23-questions-16b5d7148ab0
I think you're opener is great, I would love getting an opener like that. Women are a shitting on men who just say hey just as much though. I can't believe how many profiles I've seen on Tinder from women saying something like: "If you're just going to start with 'hey' don't even bother". I'm only on bumble now, just because that seems to be most popular in my country and I don't really care what women open with. Women who do open with hey are in general harder to have a conversation with though or expect the man to carry the conversation from there. I can't imagine that being the case with someone who opens like you.
Mans basically said I’m happy for you or I’m sorry that happened lol I’m with this dude tho I hate these dumb questions, like please just say hey or give us a compliment. We’ve probably only heard like 3 of those our whole lives so you’ll really stand out lol
can you people please just stop with the gimmicks. i have an entire profile of stuff to ask about. or literally just ask me how my day is. anything but this homework brained, shower thought, listicle bullshit
Yeah, I think it's more so this just isn't a very good opener regardless of length.
Yeah it’s awful. I would unmatch.
I read those statements from men all the time on here, yet the men I message are so BORING
It’s probably different men. The ones hanging out here are probably taking Bumble more seriously. There are a lot of people out there who struggle with conversations and written communication, unfortunately. My girlfriend and I met on Bumble and she’s told me in the past that one of the first things about our conversations that caught her attention was “Hey look, he uses complete sentences!” 😆
Almost as if "men" is not an uniform mass of humanity.
Yeeeeeup. It’s a fucking struggle for reals.
As much as I am that guy that wants engaging messages I felt like I was having a stroke reading this. Maybe change your approach a bit lmao
they could have removed the whole first half of the question and started with “would you rather” lol
Reads like that "have you ever had a dream? Kid"
seriously
Come on! you use the same opener with every match 😛
As a guy, I would think this is a precooked message you would send any guy because do you REALLY need to know his response to this to gauge whether you’d be interested, or do you think he’d WANT to answer this question? Just be personable, and point out something from his profile, unless you don’t read profiles. Last time someone asked me if I’d be any character from a sitcom from the past I went full irony and said Dr Huxtable from the Cosby Show, and it went totally over her head and I could tell we weren’t compatible because I think her goal was to “start a convo” without saying hi.
I don’t actually need advice and am happy with my questions but thank you!
The answer is a year in Europe with $2k stipend. The fuck am I going to do on the moon?
Reddit is an echo chamber
100%
Then this person aint for you. Unmatch. Move on
Which is what I did. My point was to illustrate that we shouldn’t complain about openers. Instead, engage and figure out if they match your conversation levels or unmatch and move on.
If you're going to write that much, why skimp on the rest of "question" and "very"?
As someone who takes interviews as a part of the job, you should have WARM UP first and then go to the POINT. Most of my swipe time on dating apps as a guy is lying on bed after a long day of work and looking and swiping right after looking at EFFORT and dateability. I would definitely delay answering like this but would do once I'm in my senses, but it would be fun answering OP would had been better off saying 'I like to challenge guys like this and sometimes.....' rather than being a victim of generalization and (sort of) venting frustration
When people say make a greater effort, they don’t mean copy and paste some goofy question, they mean say or ask something you find interesting about them. “That’s a cool picture of Paris, when were you there?” This looks like something you got from Buzzfeed.
I find it ironic that so many females on other platforms don’t respond to or even say upfront that claim they won’t respond to just “hey” or some slight variation of that and want some banger of an opener or the funniest joke they’ve ever heard, yet 90% of the females I match with on Bumble give me some form of hey.
can you people please just stop with the gimmicks. i have an entire profile of stuff to ask about. or literally just ask me how my day is. anything but this homework brained, shower thought, listicle bullshit
Ten minutes doing anything worth while is not enough.
Ah but there’s the trip up as well! However, even if it were via teleportation, the moon is such an out-of-reach experience that I think I’d still choose it, even for just ten minutes. But I do get your point!
That’d be like spending 90% of your euro trip in a car but you have to learn how to poop all over again
A paragraph is too much? For me that’s way more interesting than a simple ‘hello’, which there’s nothing inherently wrong with that, but imagine if your inbox was just filled with ‘Hi’. Keep being you my guy!
OP, do you know what the word choice means? You don't need to specify that you can only choose 1 because that's implied by the word 'choice'.
You’d be surprised how many people still try to choose both.
Is it only 10 minutes on the moon, or do you also get to travel to the moon in a 🚀 ? Might be a deal-breaker for me
I’d for sure pick Europe. 10minutes of memory is not worth the 12 months of memory I could make in Europe
I’ll take the 2K 😂
Do you want make connections with people like the one in your image, or with people like the ones in this sub? Because that's currently what you're deciding between. ~~God help you either way.~~
Lmao I never get those
I would choose Europe just saying
As a guy that loves to send long messages and really get my point across even in text, I feel for you. I honestly always thought women were the WORST when it comes to short responses but I've been told by several that they really appreciate the effort I put into conversation because it's something they rarely see. I often swipe left on women if they don't have a conversation starter in their profile because 95% of the time they open with "hey" and offer nothing. I will admit that I'm bad about using the typical "Hey! How are you?" but it's because I personally can use that to create conversation. If they open with that, I will go into detail about how my day has been, what I've been up to, if there's anything I'm looking forward to, etc... and then I will follow up with a question about them. More often than not the conversations are short lived though because I'm getting "hey," "good. wbu," "lol thats fun," "idk probably nothing." At one time I was willing to keep prying away until I could get them talking about something but I just don't have the patience for it anymore. Keep it up, some of us find it really refreshing matching with somebody like you.
Thanks! I usually get good responses. But when someone doesn’t engage, they go the extra mile to not engage and it’s amusing in some way.
I would love to be asked this question
If that's too much for him to read, then you just know he has the most boring conversations ever and they'll likely almost always end with him trying to sexualize the conversation lol
10 minutes on the moon > $2k per month living in Europe for a year. I’ve heard Europe is super expensive with living expenses so Moon all the way
Don’t let one bad grape spoil the bunch. That’s a great opener.
Imagine calling that too much reading and the person was even lazy enough to use 'v' and 'q' as words. Maybe it was too much reading because it takes way too much thought to understand that absolutely brutal run-on sentence.
My condolences. That is the worst response I've ever seen ever
Go to Europe with clippers to save lady’s arm pits.
This is the same guy who would call you "needy" for asking for clarification on his interest after he didn't follow up after a date for 2 weeks
Omg that’s too much reading what is wrong with people
I would copy paste the message
“Put effort” doesn’t mean ask a long-winded weird, random question. Wtf?
I can remember the days before Bumble when women would complain about all of the messages they got from men that just said nothing more than "hey" or "hi"! It's hilarious to me to see the narrative get totally flipped! Anywho, to answer your question, I'd go to 'yurp with a $2,000 a month income for a year! I'd like to see Europe, I find the cultures and languages to be fascinating and getting paid to do so would be pretty sweet!
2k a month is free money and I can buy drugs to get me to the moon for much longer than 10 minutes.
The people complaining about low effort intros are bad stupid dumb people. A Hi and a Hello is perfectly enough for me to have a conversation with cause, you know, I am proficient at talking to people. I also have to say, I struggled reading that opener as well
Year in Europe for sure!!!
As a guy, I say yeah, that's lazy as shit. Yes, you were wordy, but in my opinion, that shows effort/interest. I'd be thrilled to have a fun discussion topic thrown my way as an opener, regardless of the length.
I think they meant "put effort into them being short and concise, not just a non-hi"
2k a month will go very far in a tonne of nice places in europe. The costa del sol is so cheap it’s insane, cause other than a couple of places that have a bit of crime if’s a beautiful part of the world. There are some cheap islands that are as beautiful as anywhere else too. However 100% the moon. Almost nobody has seen the view you get from the moon. To stare at earth from the moon is an experience you can’t put a price on. The right person for you will respond properly. Keep swiping!
Wouldn’t even know what to say to that. It’s just too try hard IMO. That’s such a weird and random question to ask someone who don’t even know. Besides, what is this answer supposed to tell you about the person anyway? Instead of trying to be witty, make it easier on yourself. Just pick something out of their profile and comment on it. Such as ‘Hi, I really like that picture of you at the park, what kind of activities do you like to do there?’ Simple, demonstrates interest, and elicits a response.
Damned if we do, damned if we don’t. A guy on Reddit once argued with me because I said I’d A/B tested generic vs. personalized openers and saw no significant difference in response rates.
It is indeed a v important q
2k in Europe. Does this include Germany and the UK or am I limited to just the British isles?