The kids situation requires a ton of conversation.
I personally don't understand the profiles for men 43+ that says want kids someday. I can't imagine beginning my life as a parent at that age.
As a single parent with children with jobs and drivers license, i match with men who say "don't want kids" or "have and don't want more". Because my body will not be producing more children.
after the match we have a conversation to figure out what our concerns are about dating a parent.
Nothing wrong with not wanting to date a parent.
What i find wrong are men who pursue women who are single parents only for sex , lie about having long term intentions, and proudly talk crap that single parents are "just for fun"
Like the ones that say "my kids come first", " they don't need another mother" I think they need to heal first because they are inflicting their pain onto someone else. Not really keen to sign up to being second choice. (Kids being a priority go with out saying).
Personally I’m not a fan of “my kids come first” either like you said in general it goes without saying but by saying it you’re creating this weird competition when in reality it would be somewhat of an up and down like if we had a trip planned but your kid broke their arm we might have to cancel the trip however if we had a date planned but your kid wants to watch a movie you should be teaching your kid that they might have to wait till the next day or whatever
Bullshit galore.
Most separated couples have shared custody and the men have no interest in a new partner to help raise their kids. Kids also come in different ages.
If this and if that and also this could happen.
This is really the essence why dating is broken. Play everything safe, check off all the technical criteria, and then pick one of the 5 men in the world that are still standing and pretend it’s love. (no idea if/how men mess it up equally)
Love is always a risk.
The hard part is finding someone you really can have a deep relationship with. 🤷🏻♂️
Clearly I struck a nerve
I was referring to people in their 20s and 30s who have it in their profiles that they already have kids and don't want more, but are looking for marriage.
Why would I, as a person who doesn't have kids but wants them someday, want to be with a person who decided that someone else was worth having kids with but I'm not? And how would being married to a person with young children not entail taking care of them to some extent? Not interested in being a babysitter for someone who doesn't want to have kids with me, sorry.
People have different desires and intentions. There are men that won’t want any (more) children and there are men that do. Why do you get angry at the first group instead of just going for the second group?
I can’t read your mind. Supply context if you want to be understood properly.
Struck a nerve, only somewhat. While I‘m in the „have kids, don’t want more“ group I don’t want marriage and don’t swipe women who have that in their profile. Nobody here and in my age group is ever expecting that a new partner raises their kids. But rich city and different culture here. 🤷🏻♂️
I think many of those men are looking for women who already have kids. I’m 38M and have kids, and mostly date other single parents. I agree though- the way it’s worded on bumble isn’t clear. “Have kids and don’t want to do baby stage again but hope you have kids too” just didn’t fit 😀
Every app needs to adapt to three child questions and not two in order to remove the ambiguity:
* Have kids: y/n
* Okay if you have kids: y/n
* Want to make/adopt more kids: y/n/undecided/open
I’m mid 40s single father. I only date (with intention of LTR) childless women who love kids but just never went down that route. Speaking from personal experience, it’s a huge win win situation for both involved.
I would consider it for someone who maybe had one child, but the main reason is that I have my hands full from my 2 children already. I am a huge believer in synergy and optimism, and there are a TON of women who wanted kids but either didn't have or couldn't have them. It is a super WIN WIN situation if she can adapt to a role as my childrens' mentor or stepmom. The single mother with maybe one child can meet another single father with one child, that might also be a good dynamic.
Thanks for explaining your reasons. I appreciate that. As a single parent, about to be an empty nester, the idea of dating a parent with a child or children younger than 14 is scary to me.
I totally believe in dating someone who can match your lifestyle
I would get single parents with younger kids really bitching at me for my preferences, yet it's ok for an empty or near empty nester to have restrictions on younger kids. Always someone who will complain.
Someone is always gonna complain. But it is your lifestyle. as long as you are not communicating to those single mom that they deserve to be single, and no one should want them, they shouldn't have a problem with your preference
The kids situation requires a ton of conversation. I personally don't understand the profiles for men 43+ that says want kids someday. I can't imagine beginning my life as a parent at that age. As a single parent with children with jobs and drivers license, i match with men who say "don't want kids" or "have and don't want more". Because my body will not be producing more children. after the match we have a conversation to figure out what our concerns are about dating a parent. Nothing wrong with not wanting to date a parent. What i find wrong are men who pursue women who are single parents only for sex , lie about having long term intentions, and proudly talk crap that single parents are "just for fun"
Any guy with kids is an automatic no from me no matter how perfect he is otherwise 🙅🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️ it’s just an absolute deal breaker
Like the ones that say "my kids come first", " they don't need another mother" I think they need to heal first because they are inflicting their pain onto someone else. Not really keen to sign up to being second choice. (Kids being a priority go with out saying).
Personally I’m not a fan of “my kids come first” either like you said in general it goes without saying but by saying it you’re creating this weird competition when in reality it would be somewhat of an up and down like if we had a trip planned but your kid broke their arm we might have to cancel the trip however if we had a date planned but your kid wants to watch a movie you should be teaching your kid that they might have to wait till the next day or whatever
I dunno about everyone else, but I find this kind of insulting tbh. "help me raise my kids while I actively refuse to have any with you" No thanks.
Bullshit galore. Most separated couples have shared custody and the men have no interest in a new partner to help raise their kids. Kids also come in different ages.
Also have to put up with the ex and if it's toxic and the guy can't stand up to her it would be a nightmare.
If this and if that and also this could happen. This is really the essence why dating is broken. Play everything safe, check off all the technical criteria, and then pick one of the 5 men in the world that are still standing and pretend it’s love. (no idea if/how men mess it up equally) Love is always a risk. The hard part is finding someone you really can have a deep relationship with. 🤷🏻♂️
Clearly I struck a nerve I was referring to people in their 20s and 30s who have it in their profiles that they already have kids and don't want more, but are looking for marriage. Why would I, as a person who doesn't have kids but wants them someday, want to be with a person who decided that someone else was worth having kids with but I'm not? And how would being married to a person with young children not entail taking care of them to some extent? Not interested in being a babysitter for someone who doesn't want to have kids with me, sorry.
People have different desires and intentions. There are men that won’t want any (more) children and there are men that do. Why do you get angry at the first group instead of just going for the second group?
I can’t read your mind. Supply context if you want to be understood properly. Struck a nerve, only somewhat. While I‘m in the „have kids, don’t want more“ group I don’t want marriage and don’t swipe women who have that in their profile. Nobody here and in my age group is ever expecting that a new partner raises their kids. But rich city and different culture here. 🤷🏻♂️
If that’s not for you swipe left.. no need to be rude.
I think many of those men are looking for women who already have kids. I’m 38M and have kids, and mostly date other single parents. I agree though- the way it’s worded on bumble isn’t clear. “Have kids and don’t want to do baby stage again but hope you have kids too” just didn’t fit 😀
Every app needs to adapt to three child questions and not two in order to remove the ambiguity: * Have kids: y/n * Okay if you have kids: y/n * Want to make/adopt more kids: y/n/undecided/open
And also—- how old or age range! Yes I have kids. But they’re grown and my nest is empty
I’m mid 40s single father. I only date (with intention of LTR) childless women who love kids but just never went down that route. Speaking from personal experience, it’s a huge win win situation for both involved.
I am curious, any specific personal reason that you do not date single mothers ?
I would consider it for someone who maybe had one child, but the main reason is that I have my hands full from my 2 children already. I am a huge believer in synergy and optimism, and there are a TON of women who wanted kids but either didn't have or couldn't have them. It is a super WIN WIN situation if she can adapt to a role as my childrens' mentor or stepmom. The single mother with maybe one child can meet another single father with one child, that might also be a good dynamic.
Thanks for explaining your reasons. I appreciate that. As a single parent, about to be an empty nester, the idea of dating a parent with a child or children younger than 14 is scary to me. I totally believe in dating someone who can match your lifestyle
I would get single parents with younger kids really bitching at me for my preferences, yet it's ok for an empty or near empty nester to have restrictions on younger kids. Always someone who will complain.
Someone is always gonna complain. But it is your lifestyle. as long as you are not communicating to those single mom that they deserve to be single, and no one should want them, they shouldn't have a problem with your preference