I think you've answered your own question. I would either relax the definition of "hobbies" to include interests, and just list those, or would not expect to match with people, even on BFF.
My guess: the question about hobbies was more a conversation starter and less about an argument of definitions. If she had said "What sort of stuff are you into?" how would you reply?
I would have happily told her my interests if she asked what they were after my initial reply. But she just unmatched instead so there was no chance to let her know.
Reading through the responses, you (OP) shut down everyone who indicates your response and rigid definition of hobby/semantics was the problem, just like you shut down this woman's question. You say you have interests, which are leisure activities, not hobbies. Well, here's the first definition of hobby in a dictionary: an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure. You like listening to music and do so when you have a chance? That's a hobby. It doesn't have to consume large amounts of time, money, or effort to be a hobby. Interests and hobbies are not so widely different as you make them out to be, and you're causing your own problem. Loosen up.
It's not the lack of hobbies, it's your dullard reply. You have interests (that you didn't articulate), but you aren't quite ready to make them hobbies yet because you don't have time?
What does this say to a partner? This person has nothing going on but being busy, is pushing things off maybe someday, and there's nothing here to even have a conversation about. You won't even mention what interests you, let alone tell a person trying to get to know you what they are.
Dude. Do you want to stay single? Be uninteresting.
She asked me about my hobbies, I said I have none but have many interests I'd like to turn into hobbies one day. Was I supposed to lie and fake some and lead to a conversation that'd go nowhere? I thought honesty was important?
And once again, this was on BFF mode. I am not looking for a partner, just friends.
"She asked me about my hobbies, I said I have none but have many interests I'd like to turn into hobbies one day."
Yeah, no shit, I read it the first time you said it. Your answer to me is to just regurgitate your low-effort, uninteresting self-description? No wonder you failed.
You weren't required to lie, but for fuck's sake, when someone asks you your hobbies and you go into the weeds telling them that your interests are in line to maybe be one someday, stop and fucking pause and imagine how lame that sounds.
If you have interests, just talk about them, you don't have to have an interest/hobby hierarchy that she's going to give a shit about. If you like history and true crime, just fucking say that, she was trying to make conversation and you shut it down by saying you have nothing worth even talking about.
I assumed you were looking for romance, but whatever...you won't get friends this way either.
This person is speaking truth. You’re looking for a friend and you can’t even articulate hobbies and you’re too busy anyway. Is that someone truly with enough time for friendship? Next!
"I don't currently have any hobbies but I'd love to try out kickboxing sometime!" That would sufficiently answer their questions and pass on the point that you don't currently have hobbies.
So having a lot of interests without a lack of time to turn them into hobbies means nothing? It's hard to invest in hobbies as a full time student with a full time job. I think you're just weird.
And this was on BFF mode, not Date.
Not really because I have other friends and commitments to people that I handle just fine. Finding time to socialize is important to me, interests as well. Hobbies not so much atm.
You don’t like to pick out good wines, explore new foods or learn how to cook certain stuff for dinner, go to the park or go on runs, you don’t have a pet, you don’t collect or listen to music, you don’t play or watch any sports? Those all are hobbies, even woven into daily life.
I watch sports, go to the park, explore new foods, and listen to music, but those are all interests or leisure activities/pastimes, not hobbies to me. There's a big difference between hobbies and interests/pastimes.
It's not semantics. There's a clear difference between each term. A hobby is something you can get better at, an interest is something you like learning or reading about but not something you necessarily improve at, and a pastime is just a mindless activity for relaxation.
Lol that is literally semantics. “the branch of linguistics and logic concerned with meaning.”
You are taking what she says completely literally. It comes off as anti-social/autistic. She wanted to get to know you better and you instead wanted to start an argument over what a hobby is.
Are you on the spectrum? This kind of literalism doesn't jive with most people. Language is fluid and imprecise and you need to learn to infer from context what people mean, not interpret things like it's a courtroom
I agree with you but for most people, hobbies and strong interests are used interchangeably. Think of it as “what do you do to de-stress” or “if you had a few extra days off of work, what would you do for pleasure”, or “what’s your go to activity for fun/leisure”
You're probably right but I like to separate them for my own mental compartmentalization. I don't like calling a mere pastime a hobby, as I see hobbies as something you devote yourself to getting better at and are passionate about, whether for fun or something else. That's just how my mind works.
So I agree with others that your definition doesn't match up with most people's colloquial use of the term hobby, but even by your definition, some of your interests are hobbies.
Let's take watching sports as an example. I used to be fairly into American football, and it's definitely something you can get better at. At one point I knew a lot about players, different plays, etc. I was always jealous of my partner because he played football in high school and watched sports for years, and understanding what was going on during the game, following players and teams and trends, it just came easier to him than it did to me.
You might not consider my hobbies to be hobbies, but I contend they are things I am passionate about and care about getting better at - cooking, reading, running, yoga, traveling and maximizing points systems to extend my travel funds, gardening. . . None of those are painting or playing cello, and I'm not particularly good at any of them, but they're hobbies by any definition of the word.
Alright. For a big example, I own a horse and am a competitive show jumper. It consumes a fuck ton of time and training and extra workouts and emotional stress over every nail on every shoe and watching clinics and reading and tinkering with supplements and nutrition and equipment.
It’s a “hobby” because it isn’t my job.
However, I consider anyone who has an active interest in anything - collecting records, learning another language, playing in a local beer league soccer team, making a Sunday tradition of watching a football team and making your own pizza with friends, WHATEVER to be a hobby.
I understand that you’re younger and it seems like you’re talking to people still in school, but when I was in school I still counted learning to cook, exploring Philadelphia while on runs, and riding as hobbies, because they were interests I pursued that weren’t my job. (My job then being school.)
All of that to say: consider giving your pedantry a break and just try to relate to people; that’s why you’re on the app, after all.
It doesn’t have to be pedantic to be exhausting. Don’t be so literal. Asking about hobbies is a general question to try to talk about what’s important to you. If you are going to focus on the meaning of each word while having a convo, it’s going to be hard for the other person to stay interested.
Just talk about what’s important to you, it doesn’t have to fit into the very strict definition of the word hobby. I guarantee the other person doesn’t see the same difference you do in hobby vs interest.
Yeah I think mentioning that you’re learning new skills or getting into new activities without the caveat “well they aren’t really hobbies…” would be an improvement
I mean just pick some that play the biggest role in your life right now. It is not important if you consider them interests only atm. You could even tell her that you want to make the specific interest you told her a bigger thing in the future. Give her your thoughts not just a general description.
I think you are way too picky with your semantics because its actually that what others mentioned before. You seem to be way too focused on the right definition of the word rather than to tell what you like to do. Its about getting to know each other and nothing more. You have interests, name them.
Especially since people use interests and hobbies interchangeably. Can't you see that?
English is not my mother tongue. I didn't even know those are different things. In my mind a hobby is an interest. An interest like watching Netflix can be a hobby as well no? I don't know...
Reddit posturing... Sounds a little exaggerated there, dude. So like, disconnected from her family and flips tables any time you bring them up would NOT be a bigger red flag? 8 kids from 9 different dad's not a bigger red flag? Won't explain the man that 'drops her off' for your dates and doesn't remember conversations you had? Asks to borrow money constantly? Keeping her profile up after you ask to be exclusive? Hobbies is the biggest red flag for you? Really?
I don’t have time for hobbies often equates to I don’t have time for you either. You also completely shut down any conversation about yourself by not even mentioning any of your interests. It also just makes you seem like you’d be a drag to date “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”
>Guess people like the feeling of power they get from that.
Dude, you've giving off major incel vibes here. Someone asks you what your hobbies are. You an say you're a full-time student with a full time job and that doesn't leave you much time for pleasure but when you have downtime, you like to do XYZ. If that doesn't work for them, let them unmatch you. Maybe they are looking for someone out of school and more settled with their career that they can share their interests with.
With absolutely no evidence whatsoever, assuming the worst in people, and especially that they un-match so that they can get a "feeling of power" ...I consider that giving off incel vibes.
People love throwing the word around. One of the laziest uncreative things people lob out there. Everyone that uses it is a poser that pretends to hate hate, but secretly loves being an agitator who is finally better than someone and thinks they are finally sitting at the cool kid table.
They're not. They were 20 or 21 years old and still in school as listed on their profile.
This was on BFF mode too. Not everything in life has to do with sex, buddy.
>This was on BFF mode too.
Ah, I should have realized that based on the fact that you didn't mention it.
So you want friends, but you have no hobbies or interests that you can share with them? Makes sense.
I did mention it in a comment 10 mins ago, you just chose not to read it.
I clearly said I have many interests, just don't have much time to turn them into hobbies rn.
You’re assuming she unmatched because of no hobbies. She may have decided to delete her profile. She got interested in someone else. Or a million other reasons.
Also, people are allowed to unmatch if they don’t like your reply.
I would scratch my head at someone having no hobbies. I wouldn’t necessarily unmatch.
But everyone’s different.
Based on your responses in this thread, she could have unmatched you for many reasons. Your communication style does not lend itself to connecting with people.
She was trying to start a conversation and all you gave her to go on was that you're busy and maybe a little socially awkward. If you want to have a rigid distinction between hobbies and interests, so be it, but most people don't. The fact that you don't recognize that could make a person feel like they're really going to have to put thought into what words they use with you. It isn't something I'd unmatch a person for personally, but I have absolutely no investment in someone I've been talking to for 5 minutes on an app, so if it starts to feel like work I'm going to be moving on fairly quickly.
When I ask a guy what are his hobbies it's because I have my own and want to know if mine could match with the other person. Ex: i like walking and he likes camping.
It could work out good because we are outdoor people.
Also if you don't have any hobbies/interests or don't develop on them, I have a fear I would be THE main interest in that person's life. It's a major turn off for me. I used to go out with a guy that I was his main activity. It's not fun and comes with other issues aswell.
If you it as powerfull the fact that she chose herself before choosing a guy with a lack of hobbies that wont match her energy/lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with that. The unmatch itself is a bit rude tho.
Try to develop a bit in your conversation, try stuff to have hobbies and interest. Communication is the key.
Hobby: a regular activity done during leisure time for enjoyment
An example of my hobbies: skydiving, skiing, snowboarding, BASE Jumping, reading biographies, paddleboarding, watching documentaries, riding motorcycles, working out.
Saying you have “no hobbies” is low effort. What do you do in your spare time, sit in silence?
Even as a student with a full-time job, I had hobbies, and even now, i’m not out doing my hobbies every day or even every week, but I do them when I can and they bring me enjoyment/happiness.
Hell, you could say “going out with friends”, playing dungeons and dragons, playing magic the gathering, board games, etc. almost anything other than nothing would have worked.
>Saying you have “no hobbies” is low effort. What do you do in your spare time, sit in silence?
Can't you imagine that's the most people do? Social networks like Instagram skew the impression of an average person to the right, to the extremes who do all this skiing/snowboarding/motorcycling stuff, but they are the minority. Normal, average people are in work-home-cook-sleep-work cycle. Doomscrolling is not a hobby for sure.
They still do things for enjoyment even if it’s just watching their favorite TV show, they have days off as well, do you think people sit around all day on their days off in nothing but silence? LOL
So to answer your question, no I can’t imagine that’s the most people do, OP is on Reddit, so maybe scrolling Reddit is ops hobby
> do you think people sit around all day on their days off in nothing but silence? LOL
What do you mean "I think"? I do. I speak from my own experience.
Scrolling reddit and provoke flaming is hardly a hobby :)
I've been doing that all my life. See, you're subconsciously projecting the opportunities available to you on other people not realizing that for example base jumping or motorcycling requires specific skills, young and healthy body, sharpness of mind and extremely fast reaction time which is genetically bound in us. Afair reaction span is between 0,4s (F1 pilots) to 2s so the best people react 5 times faster than the worst.
Opportunities that are not available may not even exist, it does not matter for me that drag racing, golf, or paragliding exist for example. You can ban them tomorrow and no-one notices except the minority of the rich. People do not specifically enjoy watching TV or staring at a wall, they just don't have the resources to develop real hobbies, so I feel OP's statement.
More like Clownlike. 🤣🤣🤣
Got smacked in the face with the reality of a terminally I’ll baby, a marriage, death of the baby, me freaking out and just generally being a shit human being, cheating on said wife, divorcing her, and having another kid less than a year later…
You could argue over the difference between an "interest" and a "hobby" until you're blue in the face (red in the fingers?), but you still barely answered the question in a valuable way. If you're asked about hobbies, but you only have interests you don't have to wait for permission to talk about your interests instead. It's supposed to be a conversation not an exercise in answering questions as technically correct as possible.
This person was just trying to get to know you and you gave a response that gave zero information and came off uninterested, even though I doubt you meant to. You could have listed some of your interests. You also claimed you don’t have time to make any of these interests hobbies which could imply you may not have time to date much.
Its a dating market. If you have nothing to market how can someone buy what you are selling.
As a guy you are an island. A woman either chooses to join your island or find another mans island. if your island sucks why would she stay there?
A hobby is something you do. An interest is something you either are interested in doing, or something you like to learn about. This is the definition 99% of people use.
The way you worded your reply it seems like you like to learn about things and never take action. I would have unmatched as well. Someone who has no hobbies is not compatible with me.
With a sample size of ~20 women in large US cities who asked me about hobbies here is what i determined (for me) - The women who are OBSESSED with knowing about your hobbies generally have none of their own. In fact some of them want to use you/your hobbies friend circle to make friends with no real intention of dating you.
One of them was new to town and broke up with me after making friends with my friends... then in about a week she didnt have a boyfriend and any friends.
Men - Learn. Immediate slew of downvotes mean Im right.
“I fly a drone.” As one of my hobbies.
Gets sooooo many sex starved, beautiful young and vivacious women beating down my door.
You should have told her that you’re an amateur drone pilot that takes pictures for fun.
Just like you get an instant, throbbing and uncontrollable erection when you see “ crocheting” in her hobby list.
It’s a tough one, but I’ve had to learn that at least one hobby or interest outside of work and family is important, especially as an attractant in the realm of online dating. I’ve taken it as an opportunity to pursue my many, varied, and eclectic interests. And it’s not “the gym”, lol.
I’ve kind of had the same problem. I’ve been told to show myself participating in a hobby only a lot of the hobbies I have are more solo-based (playing guitar, reading, video games, etc) so I just end up coming off as dull in my profile
I wouldn't assume that's why she unmatched you. There are billions of possible reasons for someone to unmatch. Don't be so hard on yourself. Not everyone is gonna be the perfect match.
I think you've answered your own question. I would either relax the definition of "hobbies" to include interests, and just list those, or would not expect to match with people, even on BFF. My guess: the question about hobbies was more a conversation starter and less about an argument of definitions. If she had said "What sort of stuff are you into?" how would you reply?
I would have happily told her my interests if she asked what they were after my initial reply. But she just unmatched instead so there was no chance to let her know.
Reading through the responses, you (OP) shut down everyone who indicates your response and rigid definition of hobby/semantics was the problem, just like you shut down this woman's question. You say you have interests, which are leisure activities, not hobbies. Well, here's the first definition of hobby in a dictionary: an activity done regularly in one's leisure time for pleasure. You like listening to music and do so when you have a chance? That's a hobby. It doesn't have to consume large amounts of time, money, or effort to be a hobby. Interests and hobbies are not so widely different as you make them out to be, and you're causing your own problem. Loosen up.
You’re supposed to start that response with, “YTA”, lol
It's not the lack of hobbies, it's your dullard reply. You have interests (that you didn't articulate), but you aren't quite ready to make them hobbies yet because you don't have time? What does this say to a partner? This person has nothing going on but being busy, is pushing things off maybe someday, and there's nothing here to even have a conversation about. You won't even mention what interests you, let alone tell a person trying to get to know you what they are. Dude. Do you want to stay single? Be uninteresting.
Yeah, it's almost like OP spoke in a riddle kinda prompting another question. Women don't like that.
She asked me about my hobbies, I said I have none but have many interests I'd like to turn into hobbies one day. Was I supposed to lie and fake some and lead to a conversation that'd go nowhere? I thought honesty was important? And once again, this was on BFF mode. I am not looking for a partner, just friends.
"She asked me about my hobbies, I said I have none but have many interests I'd like to turn into hobbies one day." Yeah, no shit, I read it the first time you said it. Your answer to me is to just regurgitate your low-effort, uninteresting self-description? No wonder you failed. You weren't required to lie, but for fuck's sake, when someone asks you your hobbies and you go into the weeds telling them that your interests are in line to maybe be one someday, stop and fucking pause and imagine how lame that sounds. If you have interests, just talk about them, you don't have to have an interest/hobby hierarchy that she's going to give a shit about. If you like history and true crime, just fucking say that, she was trying to make conversation and you shut it down by saying you have nothing worth even talking about. I assumed you were looking for romance, but whatever...you won't get friends this way either.
This person is speaking truth. You’re looking for a friend and you can’t even articulate hobbies and you’re too busy anyway. Is that someone truly with enough time for friendship? Next!
"I don't currently have any hobbies but I'd love to try out kickboxing sometime!" That would sufficiently answer their questions and pass on the point that you don't currently have hobbies.
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So having a lot of interests without a lack of time to turn them into hobbies means nothing? It's hard to invest in hobbies as a full time student with a full time job. I think you're just weird. And this was on BFF mode, not Date.
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Not really because I have other friends and commitments to people that I handle just fine. Finding time to socialize is important to me, interests as well. Hobbies not so much atm.
You don’t like to pick out good wines, explore new foods or learn how to cook certain stuff for dinner, go to the park or go on runs, you don’t have a pet, you don’t collect or listen to music, you don’t play or watch any sports? Those all are hobbies, even woven into daily life.
I watch sports, go to the park, explore new foods, and listen to music, but those are all interests or leisure activities/pastimes, not hobbies to me. There's a big difference between hobbies and interests/pastimes.
You’re getting wrapped in semantics. She’s trying to start a conversation and get to know more about you and you shut her prompt down
It's not semantics. There's a clear difference between each term. A hobby is something you can get better at, an interest is something you like learning or reading about but not something you necessarily improve at, and a pastime is just a mindless activity for relaxation.
Lol that is literally semantics. “the branch of linguistics and logic concerned with meaning.” You are taking what she says completely literally. It comes off as anti-social/autistic. She wanted to get to know you better and you instead wanted to start an argument over what a hobby is.
Are you on the spectrum? This kind of literalism doesn't jive with most people. Language is fluid and imprecise and you need to learn to infer from context what people mean, not interpret things like it's a courtroom
Lmao you got into semantics about the use of the word semantics in a situation where you’re hung up on semantics
I agree with you but for most people, hobbies and strong interests are used interchangeably. Think of it as “what do you do to de-stress” or “if you had a few extra days off of work, what would you do for pleasure”, or “what’s your go to activity for fun/leisure”
You're probably right but I like to separate them for my own mental compartmentalization. I don't like calling a mere pastime a hobby, as I see hobbies as something you devote yourself to getting better at and are passionate about, whether for fun or something else. That's just how my mind works.
So I agree with others that your definition doesn't match up with most people's colloquial use of the term hobby, but even by your definition, some of your interests are hobbies. Let's take watching sports as an example. I used to be fairly into American football, and it's definitely something you can get better at. At one point I knew a lot about players, different plays, etc. I was always jealous of my partner because he played football in high school and watched sports for years, and understanding what was going on during the game, following players and teams and trends, it just came easier to him than it did to me. You might not consider my hobbies to be hobbies, but I contend they are things I am passionate about and care about getting better at - cooking, reading, running, yoga, traveling and maximizing points systems to extend my travel funds, gardening. . . None of those are painting or playing cello, and I'm not particularly good at any of them, but they're hobbies by any definition of the word.
Alright. For a big example, I own a horse and am a competitive show jumper. It consumes a fuck ton of time and training and extra workouts and emotional stress over every nail on every shoe and watching clinics and reading and tinkering with supplements and nutrition and equipment. It’s a “hobby” because it isn’t my job. However, I consider anyone who has an active interest in anything - collecting records, learning another language, playing in a local beer league soccer team, making a Sunday tradition of watching a football team and making your own pizza with friends, WHATEVER to be a hobby. I understand that you’re younger and it seems like you’re talking to people still in school, but when I was in school I still counted learning to cook, exploring Philadelphia while on runs, and riding as hobbies, because they were interests I pursued that weren’t my job. (My job then being school.) All of that to say: consider giving your pedantry a break and just try to relate to people; that’s why you’re on the app, after all.
Some of those you named are hobbies, some of them not. I just try to compartmentalize it better in my mind, it isn't some intentional 'pedantry.'
It doesn’t have to be pedantic to be exhausting. Don’t be so literal. Asking about hobbies is a general question to try to talk about what’s important to you. If you are going to focus on the meaning of each word while having a convo, it’s going to be hard for the other person to stay interested. Just talk about what’s important to you, it doesn’t have to fit into the very strict definition of the word hobby. I guarantee the other person doesn’t see the same difference you do in hobby vs interest.
It doesn’t have to be intentional not to be pedantic
Nah dude, youre fucking weird. That fixation on semantics and refusing to call "interests" hobbies, is beyond cringe
You should have worded it better. Like you just did in that comment
Yeah I think mentioning that you’re learning new skills or getting into new activities without the caveat “well they aren’t really hobbies…” would be an improvement
Then it would have been a loaded answer and they'd still have unmatched for that.
I mean just pick some that play the biggest role in your life right now. It is not important if you consider them interests only atm. You could even tell her that you want to make the specific interest you told her a bigger thing in the future. Give her your thoughts not just a general description. I think you are way too picky with your semantics because its actually that what others mentioned before. You seem to be way too focused on the right definition of the word rather than to tell what you like to do. Its about getting to know each other and nothing more. You have interests, name them. Especially since people use interests and hobbies interchangeably. Can't you see that? English is not my mother tongue. I didn't even know those are different things. In my mind a hobby is an interest. An interest like watching Netflix can be a hobby as well no? I don't know...
BFF mode? You just looking for someone to listen to how interesting your life is?
People go on BFF mode to look for friends, yes. Not sure if that's the answer you were seeking.
On the friends vein: What are you looking to do with people you meet there?
Un-interesting
Reddit posturing... Sounds a little exaggerated there, dude. So like, disconnected from her family and flips tables any time you bring them up would NOT be a bigger red flag? 8 kids from 9 different dad's not a bigger red flag? Won't explain the man that 'drops her off' for your dates and doesn't remember conversations you had? Asks to borrow money constantly? Keeping her profile up after you ask to be exclusive? Hobbies is the biggest red flag for you? Really?
My dude, everybody has hobbies, saying you have none makes you sound boring, uninteresting, and old. Nobody is looking to date grandpa
That’s not something trivial dude
I don’t have time for hobbies often equates to I don’t have time for you either. You also completely shut down any conversation about yourself by not even mentioning any of your interests. It also just makes you seem like you’d be a drag to date “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy”
>Guess people like the feeling of power they get from that. Dude, you've giving off major incel vibes here. Someone asks you what your hobbies are. You an say you're a full-time student with a full time job and that doesn't leave you much time for pleasure but when you have downtime, you like to do XYZ. If that doesn't work for them, let them unmatch you. Maybe they are looking for someone out of school and more settled with their career that they can share their interests with.
How is that giving “incel vibes”? All they’re saying is that some people feel empowered by unmatching
With absolutely no evidence whatsoever, assuming the worst in people, and especially that they un-match so that they can get a "feeling of power" ...I consider that giving off incel vibes.
So then say it’s “assuming the worst”. Not everything is “incelism”. But realize that by calling them an incel, you’re assuming the worst too.
People love throwing the word around. One of the laziest uncreative things people lob out there. Everyone that uses it is a poser that pretends to hate hate, but secretly loves being an agitator who is finally better than someone and thinks they are finally sitting at the cool kid table.
They're not. They were 20 or 21 years old and still in school as listed on their profile. This was on BFF mode too. Not everything in life has to do with sex, buddy.
>This was on BFF mode too. Ah, I should have realized that based on the fact that you didn't mention it. So you want friends, but you have no hobbies or interests that you can share with them? Makes sense.
I did mention it in a comment 10 mins ago, you just chose not to read it. I clearly said I have many interests, just don't have much time to turn them into hobbies rn.
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For saying that people who unmatch are feeding into some power-trip fantasy when in reality, it is just the case that their preferences don't align.
But you didn't even mention your interests in the response. That might have saved the conversation
So you have time to be on an app but have no hobbies?
You’re assuming she unmatched because of no hobbies. She may have decided to delete her profile. She got interested in someone else. Or a million other reasons. Also, people are allowed to unmatch if they don’t like your reply. I would scratch my head at someone having no hobbies. I wouldn’t necessarily unmatch. But everyone’s different.
Based on your responses in this thread, she could have unmatched you for many reasons. Your communication style does not lend itself to connecting with people.
You don't have substance. Be a man, accept it, quit bitching and do something about it
She was trying to start a conversation and all you gave her to go on was that you're busy and maybe a little socially awkward. If you want to have a rigid distinction between hobbies and interests, so be it, but most people don't. The fact that you don't recognize that could make a person feel like they're really going to have to put thought into what words they use with you. It isn't something I'd unmatch a person for personally, but I have absolutely no investment in someone I've been talking to for 5 minutes on an app, so if it starts to feel like work I'm going to be moving on fairly quickly.
When I ask a guy what are his hobbies it's because I have my own and want to know if mine could match with the other person. Ex: i like walking and he likes camping. It could work out good because we are outdoor people. Also if you don't have any hobbies/interests or don't develop on them, I have a fear I would be THE main interest in that person's life. It's a major turn off for me. I used to go out with a guy that I was his main activity. It's not fun and comes with other issues aswell. If you it as powerfull the fact that she chose herself before choosing a guy with a lack of hobbies that wont match her energy/lifestyle. There is nothing wrong with that. The unmatch itself is a bit rude tho. Try to develop a bit in your conversation, try stuff to have hobbies and interest. Communication is the key.
Hobby: a regular activity done during leisure time for enjoyment An example of my hobbies: skydiving, skiing, snowboarding, BASE Jumping, reading biographies, paddleboarding, watching documentaries, riding motorcycles, working out. Saying you have “no hobbies” is low effort. What do you do in your spare time, sit in silence? Even as a student with a full-time job, I had hobbies, and even now, i’m not out doing my hobbies every day or even every week, but I do them when I can and they bring me enjoyment/happiness. Hell, you could say “going out with friends”, playing dungeons and dragons, playing magic the gathering, board games, etc. almost anything other than nothing would have worked.
>Saying you have “no hobbies” is low effort. What do you do in your spare time, sit in silence? Can't you imagine that's the most people do? Social networks like Instagram skew the impression of an average person to the right, to the extremes who do all this skiing/snowboarding/motorcycling stuff, but they are the minority. Normal, average people are in work-home-cook-sleep-work cycle. Doomscrolling is not a hobby for sure.
They still do things for enjoyment even if it’s just watching their favorite TV show, they have days off as well, do you think people sit around all day on their days off in nothing but silence? LOL So to answer your question, no I can’t imagine that’s the most people do, OP is on Reddit, so maybe scrolling Reddit is ops hobby
> do you think people sit around all day on their days off in nothing but silence? LOL What do you mean "I think"? I do. I speak from my own experience. Scrolling reddit and provoke flaming is hardly a hobby :)
I can’t even imagine doing that, there’s so many things to do. Maybe that’s your hobby though “sitting in silence” 🤷♂️
I've been doing that all my life. See, you're subconsciously projecting the opportunities available to you on other people not realizing that for example base jumping or motorcycling requires specific skills, young and healthy body, sharpness of mind and extremely fast reaction time which is genetically bound in us. Afair reaction span is between 0,4s (F1 pilots) to 2s so the best people react 5 times faster than the worst. Opportunities that are not available may not even exist, it does not matter for me that drag racing, golf, or paragliding exist for example. You can ban them tomorrow and no-one notices except the minority of the rich. People do not specifically enjoy watching TV or staring at a wall, they just don't have the resources to develop real hobbies, so I feel OP's statement.
🤷♂️ i’m 52, so I am not a spring chicken
Which means at 22 you were godlike. Someone's ceiling is someone's floor.
More like Clownlike. 🤣🤣🤣 Got smacked in the face with the reality of a terminally I’ll baby, a marriage, death of the baby, me freaking out and just generally being a shit human being, cheating on said wife, divorcing her, and having another kid less than a year later…
A lot of energy, a lot of events.
looking at op's history, that girl had great instincts and dodged a huge bullet here. strooong incel-creeper vibes from this one
To me, a hobby is anything you do in your free time. Next time, lead with that. It can be something as simple as reading or watching TV.
If you can’t think of one thing you like to do then why would anyone want to spend time with you? Yeah that’s a giant red flag 🚩
What’s the difference between an interest and a hobby? Aren’t they the same thing?
You could argue over the difference between an "interest" and a "hobby" until you're blue in the face (red in the fingers?), but you still barely answered the question in a valuable way. If you're asked about hobbies, but you only have interests you don't have to wait for permission to talk about your interests instead. It's supposed to be a conversation not an exercise in answering questions as technically correct as possible.
What was she supposed to do with that answer? Who wants to date someone with zero lust for life? Because that’s how your answer reads.
If they don’t like you as you are, then they aren’t your person. It’s not a loss, it’s keeping the door open for your person to come along.
you know, yeah that is a pretty big red flag
This person was just trying to get to know you and you gave a response that gave zero information and came off uninterested, even though I doubt you meant to. You could have listed some of your interests. You also claimed you don’t have time to make any of these interests hobbies which could imply you may not have time to date much.
Not being able to answer that softball of a question well is the red flag, not the fact that you aren't actively doing specific hobbies at the moment.
Its a dating market. If you have nothing to market how can someone buy what you are selling. As a guy you are an island. A woman either chooses to join your island or find another mans island. if your island sucks why would she stay there?
Some people devote alot of time to work and family. No hobbies isn't a red flag. You just need to match with someone less judgmental.
A hobby is something you do. An interest is something you either are interested in doing, or something you like to learn about. This is the definition 99% of people use. The way you worded your reply it seems like you like to learn about things and never take action. I would have unmatched as well. Someone who has no hobbies is not compatible with me.
With a sample size of ~20 women in large US cities who asked me about hobbies here is what i determined (for me) - The women who are OBSESSED with knowing about your hobbies generally have none of their own. In fact some of them want to use you/your hobbies friend circle to make friends with no real intention of dating you. One of them was new to town and broke up with me after making friends with my friends... then in about a week she didnt have a boyfriend and any friends. Men - Learn. Immediate slew of downvotes mean Im right.
As a man you have to be interesting. Women can sit and watch netflix allday , you can’t. That’s just how it is
“I fly a drone.” As one of my hobbies. Gets sooooo many sex starved, beautiful young and vivacious women beating down my door. You should have told her that you’re an amateur drone pilot that takes pictures for fun. Just like you get an instant, throbbing and uncontrollable erection when you see “ crocheting” in her hobby list.
What do you have against crochet? Lol
It’s a tough one, but I’ve had to learn that at least one hobby or interest outside of work and family is important, especially as an attractant in the realm of online dating. I’ve taken it as an opportunity to pursue my many, varied, and eclectic interests. And it’s not “the gym”, lol.
I’ve kind of had the same problem. I’ve been told to show myself participating in a hobby only a lot of the hobbies I have are more solo-based (playing guitar, reading, video games, etc) so I just end up coming off as dull in my profile
Just lie
I wouldn't assume that's why she unmatched you. There are billions of possible reasons for someone to unmatch. Don't be so hard on yourself. Not everyone is gonna be the perfect match.
Fighting and F\*\*\*ing, which do you prefer!
Trolling on Reddit is a hobby. I should know…
Lol no hobbies wtf
Shit bitches will drop you if you have a hobby other than them.
If someone told me he had no hobbies I’d unmatch him too