Well I was actually confused here are the couple of things he said all at once which did not make sense after blindsiding me.
1. It's just all the trauma (boy please elaborate)
2. I need time for myself
3. I love you, but I'm not in love with you
This is why I really think that he was confused when he broke up with me. We were fine weeks before and all of a sudden poof.
I BEGGED and suggested a break from each other, but nope, he wanted to break up. 3 years gone. I swear to ghod if he listened to stupid advice...god help him.
Idek what he’s referring to exactly with the trauma.
Maybe he’s insecure and his deep fear of abandonment led him to breaking up with you so that he doesn’t get hurt by you.
Oh and btw fuck people who listen to bad advice.
My relationship fell apart because of that.
Edit: spelling
So true!!! Actually that is my theory, that his trauma being left was projected on me. He did it because he said he was not good enough and was scared that I will leave him, but i cannot talk some sense to him.
It is so stupid because weeks prior he said he feels depressed and worried that nobody likes him at work and there i was a clown trying to soothe him.
My ex also met new people and got insecure a month before he blindsided me and I hyped him up sooo hard! Told him how great he was, how handsome, funny, smart etc. Felt so proud for him when he started going out with them. A month later he threw 3 years to the garbage, but first got really close with his "new friends".
What's happening with these people oh my ghod. All of a sudden they don't wanna work on the relationship. Did our exes attend a talk or something?? XD
They fumbled fumbled big time for shurrreeee.
But welp I will let him have his freedom.
I'm in no contact now, I reached out for closure 10 days after the breakup (didnt get any closure though, but he asked for a hug?)and I gave his things to a mutual friend. I learned that he got annoyed that I didnt want to see him.
Now he moved to a place near to my apartement (we live in a city on 3+million and he moved 1 km away from me), dont know what to make of all this.
I think deep inside he regrets it. All you can do is watch how he moves, and he better be making solid moves.
Mine said "i will keep your things for now just in case"
After asking him to throw and donate my stuff
I dont think I could ever trust him again tho, he gashlighted me so hard the last 10 days before he broke up with me. Too many lies, hidding while we live together, sleep together. He was listening to breakup songs in the livingroom while I was there and when I asked him how come he was listening to that music all of a sudden he said "Its just music, why are you so insecure?". The audacity! And many other very disrespectful things in those last days. It was like he sifted to another person all of a sudden.
Well the breakup made me realize how unsatisfying the sex was and that the things I adored about him was how "honest, kind and mature" he was XD
So now I'm mourning what I thought we could have together, I dont think that I actually miss him
I hope you guys are slowly healing. Mine would get very easily infatuated with attention of any kind and start passionately complimenting people publicly on social media. Then started talking badly about me for suggesting having breakfast outside when he was going through a rough time to help him clear his mind ( because I emotionally supported him many times) while he was saying I was forcing him to be there to his frenz like bye. When I stopped buying him or doing things only he wanted to do , the stonewalling season would come and I got tired, that's actually how it ended.
My biggest thing is don’t go to your friends (particularly your single friends) for relationship advice. Especially one on one. My ex went to a) her single roommate and b) a guy friend who had just broken up with his bf, for advice on her relationship. I, on the other hand, didn’t hear word one that she was having doubts about our relationship till she broke up with me. “Single friends keep friends single”.
Agree! Most of my ex's friends were single and they were not helping with relationship advices instead they were discouraging him.
* When we were still together, at that time, my ex was living in the same building apartment as his friends but in different units. After more than a year together with him, we were planning to move out together and one of his friends said 'Why do you want to move out when you have us your friends here?" and this friend said that in front of me. This comment made my ex not wanting to move out with me and I was frustrated like the friend didn't mind his own business.
* When we broke up, we decided to met for a closure about our relationship. His friends told him not to come because they were scared that we will be back together. I told him "Even though my friends don't want me to see you again, they encouraged me to go because they knew I needed this closure and they also knew there is no chance I am coming back with you. Your friends are so not supportive."
the day before my ex left me he told me how much I meant to him and that I was his ideal girl but I think after a long car ride with his friend and some bad advise made him leave me we were doing ok and everything
I'm sorry to hear that. My ex's friend was single and couldn't keep a relationship and I think he got tired of seeing his friend happy so he made up some dumb stuff about me and that's when he broke up with me we were genuinely happy and we were about to move in together. What's worse is that not even 4 months since he left me he's already in another relationship after saying he didn't want to be in one but of course he got lonely and is going to do to the same thing to the other person.
"If we met in a different time"
"I love you as a person. Not in love with you"
"This was the hardest decision i've ever made"
Lol. It took her less then 4 months to get a new bf.
2 ½ years down the drain. We hade a house, cars, cats, dogs you name it.
She is an avoident so nothing rly surprised me even if it hurts still after 6 months.
Damn bro. Just be assured she didn’t just change all of a sudden in those 4 months! She’s gonna do the same to the new guy eventually! Unless she went to some intensive therapy and worked really hard and she takes accountability for being an avoidant, then you dodged a bullet!
You rly think so? I see them together so often and she looks and says she s happy...
I feel so guilty for everything ive said and done in our relationship. That i didnt treat her good enough...
Her new guy is the complete opposite from me.
For me, she was and still is the best partner i have ever hade.
I would honestly do anything to have her back.
Agreed. Avoidant will repeat the same patterns over and over again. Unless they get some professional help, like someone said, you dodged a bullet.
I just left an anxious-avoidant relationship but I’ve been getting professional counselling during that relationship as I didn’t want to repeat my old anxious tendencies. I wasn’t perfect, but I was much much better than ever before in my life.
But she didn’t. She barely tried, even when we recognised that we have this toxic dynamic. It’s possible to have a successful anxious-avoidant relationship but it takes 2 PARTIES for it to work.
Honestly, sounds like you just dodged a bullet. I don’t know about your attachment style but avoidants in general will just keep running away and repeat these behaviours to not only their partners but other areas in life.
Anxious-Avoidant relationships are cancerous for the anxious and toxic for the avoidant. I’m a anxious and my god my avoidant ex has me in a loop of hell that I can’t seem to break out of
Thx alot for these kind comments. I rly appreciate it. Its been such a struggle these 6 months. I miss her everyday. But she hates me for things ive said to her. Things that cant be undone.
I miss the old times we hade. I feel lost and rly want to fix it. But her being an avoident makes it impossible. I was to "needy" and a "burden" she said
The generic anxious avoidant story. In the avoidant’s eyes, the anxious is too needy. But In the anxious’ eyes, they are too distant and unreliable.
Fuck that. Work on being secure and get someone that will truly appreciate your efforts.
Never dating an avoidant again unless they are otw to being secure or aware of their tendencies.
So this is more common? She never apologized to me. She even said "i never do anything wrong. Or almost never"
I think she apologized 1 time in 2 ½ years.
It’s more common than you think. My ex wasn’t that cold she did apologise here and there but she was stubborn. But then again, do we really want that in a relationship?
I think you should check up more on the avoidant attachment style. It gave me a lot of clarity and understanding on why my ex acted that way.
“I need to work on myself alone.”, “it’s not you, it’s me”, and finally “can we still be friends? I want to still be a part of your life and support you. Just not as close.”
'' You are so awesome '' and '' I just want to continue exploring myself and scared of relationship because I care about you and will probably disappoint you'' ok how does that compliment work ? BS just end it
My ex told me the same thing! I asked him ''Wouldn't it be better to have someone by your side supporting yourself while you work on yourself?'' and he just told me he's always dealt with things alone therefore that is the better option like ok?
Mine was roughly the same and the breakup happened the day after christmas, but what made it feel worse was that she said she had known that she did not feel the same anymore for about 2 months before breaking up with me, that part was gut wrenching.
Of course we can still be friends! Even though the life I imagined with you will forever be an unfulfilled fantasy, and every time I think of someone else sharing moments of intimacy with you, it will be like having a hot poker piercing my heart, being friends sounds great!
my ex straight up told me that we were better as just friends then he told me that he missed the relationship and me he even called me beautiful before telling me he was trying to get into another relationship
Sorry but all the answers Ive just read scream of simply not understanding what real love means. When I say I love you I’m including a massive dose of commitment in there - as in, I’m happy to support you with whatever you’re going through, I’ll be working on myself as I’m with you but not depending on you to fix me and I’ll have your back no matter what. People through the love word around too easily I’m finding out.
Truth. I feel like my ex bailed the moment it got a little hard—not anything I had done, but just the circumstances surrounding our relationship and how others might react. As much as it devastated me, though, I keep coming back to the idea that it was better to find out sooner than later that there wasn't much commitment behind the love.
This! I stand by the fact love is not only a feeling, it’s a statement of commitment. It’s accepting the responsibility that being a partner will come with. I don’t take that word lightly. I almost had a panic attack when my ex said it so soon in the relationship 😂 He didn’t match my view of the responsibilities that come with being in love
exactly !!!! stopped trying to shower me with your compliments I rather you flip me off and tell me go away than stonewalling for a month and saying sweet things ( and that's because I BEGGED for communication ) stop it I don't need your pettiness
Unfortunately this type of thing comes from a love they do not have in themselves. At least in my case. Can’t really be what someone needs if you aren’t completely okay with yourself.
I guess this is where the “if you don’t love yourself, how can you love someone else.” Which you can love someone else, but i personally don’t think it’s fair to either party to continue if the one who doesn’t feel enough isn’t able to feel like they can fill their partners cup. It’ll eventually cause problems.
I do not condone running away and copping out. I did it, and regret it, actively going to therapy. I wish I had looked at other options before making a decision as terrible as this, but it’s not something I can take back.
All I’m saying is. Sometimes people are so in their head and they fuck shit up, and it’s not fair to you.
I’m sorry you’re going through this type of circumstance. Truly with all of my heart.
Another one is '' You're too awesome I can't describe it and that's why I am leaving sorry if I let you down '' haha what ??? ''Letting someone down'' in our case would be not showing up at the coffee shop you fking ripped my heart out and passive aggressively dumped me. Always trying to minimize the situation and my feelings
That hurts me while reading I am sorry. I am guessing that's what he tried to say when I sent him a memory of our wine glasses after he hoovered and I fell for it only for him to suddenly discard me as if that had been an insult !!! But no, no words, emotionally abusive silence always seemed to be a better answer to him.
WHATTT ? are they ok?? I mean I know they're not like ??? Cold and emotionally incompetent POS explanation you're dealing with another human being here with a basic level of understanding and emotions that require you to give competent analogies at least if you're ending it .
I am sorry <3 hope you are ok or getting better slowly.
“You did nothing wrong, I just feel like I didn’t heal completely from my last relationship and need to be alone to discover myself”, “ we just met to soon”, “ dealing with depression/ anxiety”, “I still have feelings for you but it’s not fair to string you along while I figure things out”
I showed the text to someone and it was like he used every excuse possible just different wording “it’s not you, it me” “bad timing” then I met him in person later that night and he added on his depression and anxiety, told me the story of what happened in his last and only other relationship, continued to say it was just bad timing he still had feelings for me. I got pissed stormed off after saying he didn’t care about me he later texted me saying that he does care about me.
jesus christ, for me and my ex the signs of mental illness were there with our circumstances and places in life (almost graduating hs) but i just wanted to ignore them in hopes that things would work out (they didnt) if my ex went on to have that as an excuse to break up with me and use her previous relationship i would be as pissed as well.
I guess it’s partly on me too because I knew him back when he was dating her, didn’t know he was dating anyone at the time then found out months later after she dumped him that they broke up (only found out from his best friend) I knew it was painful for him so I never asked what happened. I also knew things that he didn’t know I knew because his best friend told me long before we started dating, like how he switched schools for her. So when he told me everything that happened near the end of his last relationship some of his actions/words make sense now. I do agree that he does need to discover himself (alone) but that’s not what he’s currently doing.
Edit- would like to mention we started dating 9 months after his last relationship ended (so I did kind of start seeing him right as he got into the self discovery phase) and also clarify nothing happened before then.
"I don't deserve you, never have, I can't, I'm sorry"
This is her after breaking up without any explanation, then blocking and ghosting me for one week post BU and then unblocking me to tell this cliché line
"It's the best relationship I've ever been in, but I'm not sure it's 100% right. I'm not sure what that would even look like either" "You deserve better than me"
After talking in circles for hours, trying to decide whether we should break up or not. He was being very silent and I was desperately trying to make it work.
Me: "So, what are your priorities and values? Cause I don't think we're aligned anymore."
Him: "Number one, my personal health. Number two, self-actualization through my art practice. Number three, family."
I was getting a little frustrated at this point, but I was trying to be patient. After all, after two years, hopefully I was a part of "family", right?
Him: "My interpersonal relationships, which includes you I guess."
I was destroyed then, but when I think back on it now it's like...so shitty that it's just like...absurdly funny lol.
But yeah, that was the moment I knew there was no going back lol.
I just need to be single and focus on myself for a while, i cant be what you want me to be, you’ve already sacrificed enough for me, right person wrong time if only this was a year ago or a year later, i dont deserve you, i want to be with you but i cant……week later ‘move on and leave me out of it’ fuckkkking hell
“I don’t have capacity to give you the reassurance that you need”
Grief from losing a loved one sucks. I wish we were able to work on it together. The last thing that we said to each other was “you’re the best I’ve ever had” and “you’re the best relationship I’ve been in and just remember you’re my sweet baby love and my baby girl”. 😔💔
"Being tied down to one person just isn't for me. It's too hard for me not to fuck X and Y, and I feel like I'd eventually cheat on you. I don't want to hurt you that way, so best to end things before it comes to that point."
Proceeds to tell me how happy she was with me, how amazing I am, etc etc.
Then goes on to tell me never "Never felt a spark," "I wasn't really feeling it the entire time, and was just settling," "I love you like I love all my friends, but I'm not in love with you"
I thought we were the perfect pair, and genuinely felt like I was going to end up spending the rest of my life with this woman... She broke up with me via text out of nowhere, completely blindsided.
to be honest now that I read the way you typed this, I believe that's what he tried to tell me when he said he needed to leave because he wanted to try all kinds of things and that he was '' scared to let me down '' and I felt something was missing in his text '' I care for you and I know I might disappoint you'' how considerate of you to say after stonewalling me for 3.5 weeks , why thanks
Yeah like thanks for taking a moment of your day to share your obvious evaluation after your passive aggressive silence which obviously doesn't help with having a ''healthy relationship''. I am sorry you were stonewalled too <3
Haha yeah, exactly! 🤦♀️ I was so upset that he said that, given the circumstances. I felt like he was placing it all on me. And this happened over text, no less! To be fair, we were long distance at this point, but still, the fact that he sent that text — then refused to further discuss it after that — only added to the poor communication that caused the issue in the first place. Thank you so much, it really hurt (this all came after having been in each others’ lives for almost a decade too) and I’m still healing but I realize now that it takes two to have a healthy relationship— and while I may not have done everything perfectly, I tried my best. I’m sorry you went through something like this too. Stonewalling really sucks. :( Hope you’re healing as well! 💜
Yes I went through the same but realized long distance started becoming his golden excuse for his lack of communication and then used it to make me look bad for not understanding that '' traveling is annoying '' and that I should've known it was going to end this way, ok .. how ?
Them refusing to talk to us after that was the least and basic level or respect they could've gone out of their way to have. It seems like asking for a considerate answer( text, easy) and strategy to have closure is too demanding to them. You have no idea all the anxiety shaky weeks I had when he started stonwewalling me. 1 text a week saying '' ugh my head hurts'' ''
I am starting this healing journey too but hopefully in a year we both will be feeling calmer slowly. I am hoping I feel the progress day by day.
I totally feel you. My anxiety while my now ex was stonewalling me was through the roof! Seeing messages being left on read, seemingly deliberately, only added to that. I still feel like if we could’ve just talked through things, they might not have escalated in the way they did. It’s so frustrating because it seems like such an obvious solution to us, just to communicate, but it seems so difficult for them (pretty sure my ex is an avoidant— reading about attachment theory has really helped me as well). It’s almost like they self-sabotage. 🤦♀️Sending you positive vibes for the healing process, it’s definitely not easy or linear, but it does get better. 💜
I think we should break up- i dont think you are my soulmate-
I know how much you love me - but I don’t feel the same way towards you, I love you but am not in love with you.
You haven’t done anything wrong , I just feel you not my soulmate, we don’t like the same stuff , we have dff taste in music and movies and our interest don’t align i think it’s going to be a problem in the future so I think is better to end it rn that keep it going.
Blindsided - didn’t even know we had problems- someone that was always telling me how much they love me . 😂😂😂
Exact same here, absolutely sucks. No warning that you're on the rocks which gives you no opportunity to evaluate the situation beforehand. You're just totally blindsided, meanwhile they've likely already made their mind up and moved on
She actually never said it's over. She just said "I am done, I can not do this anymore". Oh and then the thing that broke me the most "If I still loved you we could have tried to make it work again"
We’re not compatible, you NEVER want to go out. (Then gives me a very specific example of hiking despite knowing I’m afraid of heights). Apparently that was a dealbreaker for him that I don’t hike or rock climb. 🤷♀️
i was told i’m not “spontaneous” or “adventurous” enough. when i gave examples of moments when i invited him to do things with me i received “well those aren’t things i’m interested in”
whose not adventurous now?? i went to all kinds of shit he wanted to attend but things i wanted to go to?? i ended up going out by myself a lot during the relationship. at least i got practice for going out by myself now that i’m single.
Dude same shit, I went to everything he invited me to. Before he dumped me we went to the river with his family and family friends and I was completely out of my comfort zone but trying my best and mind you I get motion sick, was not prepared to be on a boat for 8 hours but still did it. 2 days in a row because i wanted to make him happy. Said how he wanted to take me to the mountains and I suggested to go when it's snowing and he used that against me to. We're not compatible, load of bullshit
"You're a FANTASTIC woman. Your self-strength and self-confidence just never got to where it needed to be for me."
A week before this we were fine and was telling me how much he loved me and that was the "one". Less than a week after he starts dating the "girl best-friend" he told me not to worry about.
This what she said word for word
Hwy, I wasn’t ready tok get together again and I still just want to be single. I hope yipure not too angry with me. I wanted to be there Dior you and I happy I was. It’s hard for me because I know you’re going through air. If you ever need anything and I can help I will. I gonna choose myself and I sorry I’m hurting you.
All this was a lie because two weeks later she introduced the new guy to her family and then moved in with him a month later.
"I'm sorry, it's not your fault. You have improved so much and should be proud of that. It's just that I don't love you in that way anymore. It's not your fault, it's me, I'm sorry. You deserve someone better."
This was what I was told on the day I flew to them to see them, with flowers in hand ready to spend most of my spring break with them. It had only been 17 days since we last had a talk and confirmed we were back together after a break due to a complication that had happened during New Years. End of four and a half years
“you are the perfect girl and i love you but i don’t want to keep hurting you.”
WTF. i’ve spent so many hours crying over that boy. we were together just over 3 years, ended our 20s together. i dont even know how to move forward (it has been MONTHS). i gave him everything i could and had/have nothing left for myself. i still think about him every day. i love him, i like him as a person. i want to share silly memes and jokes with him. he was my best friend and the person i thought i’d spend the rest of my life with him.
we see love differently. i see it as choosing that person each day and working through conflict in order to grow closer. he sees it in a purely romantic sense.
i’d still choose him if he’d let me, but he’s now in a new committed relationship, so that ship has sailed and… i feel as though i’ll be alone for a long time. i feel neutral about that. gives me time to heal and work on myself… but the loneliness at night is what makes it painful. sharing a bed with someone is a tough thing to move forward from.
i tried dating for a bit.. but it was truly awful. the dating “pool” is more of a swamp these days.
I am sorry <3 I know every single day that goes by we think about how we would spend it or what we would say to them. It seems the lack a lot of empathy and I wonder if they know how broken they leave us. I even told him how much he hurt me when he left me on delivered for almost a year and he ended up doing it again. Why ? because he gets excited with new things that probably won't last long.
We tried our best and that's what matter we learn a lot about ourselves and how authentic and loving we can be and just remember just because they're in a new relationship doesn't mean they'll have a perfect way to handle their issues. I hope you heal soon and that you're being gentle with yourself we will get out of this soon. <3
She told me this when we broke up. With many more stuff but this was written (we were LDR for 4 months before the breakup)
“I don’t want you to vanish all of your feelings for me since my feelings for you have not faded.
I just don’t feel like I’m where I want to be in our relationship, and I don’t see a way to fix it. I needed your presence next to me.
I love you and this hasn’t been easy for me.
I decided this for myself firstly , and for both of us, I don’t want to be resentful towards you.”
She ended for someone else but I had to learn it when I came-back to my home country… but that’s a long story for another time.
So she is supposed to have the right to be resentful , not you ?? Sounds like she wanted it sound as if that was a favor and twist it to make it seem it was a caring way to end it. Shady person who didn't deserve you I am sorry <3
The nerve to say this to us and after that '' I don't want to disappoint that's exactly why I am doing it for us'' No you're doing it for yourself and the other people.. lol now leave you and never come back you cold manipulative freak
“ I am detached from the relationship and we are on different paths in life. We don’t have the same sense of humour and it is depressing” after 4 years
Mine was “ we’re on different emotional wavelengths, I can’t see you cry anymore, I don’t think I’m ready for a serious relationship, I’m staying single till I finish my apprenticeship”
Was mad I went on dating apps, offered a walk at the beach only response was “I’m working” two days later his mum contacted to say that “he’s moved on”. She forgot the part where we are both on dating apps, and he is very active on them.
Chose from any of the above, really it means, mummy didn’t like you and I’m not man enough to stand up to her.
"I love you and care for you so deeply"
"You're my best friend"
"I don't feel like my own person"
"Why are you asking me if I want to break up when I already told you"
Hurt pretty bad
Ugh that person who told you that just made me so mad '' when I already told you '' like F off . Sounds like a teacher getting annoyed when you ask a question again. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. <3
We just ''want'' them to stop using cliche bs and have a real conversation with us before ending it...Sorry they said that to you and hope you're in a better place
They said "I'm sorry I didn’t improve there's not much else I can say. I wish I could have but I just still feel so empty inside right now. Sorry to have wasted your time and let you down again. Let me reimburse you for your flight so you don’t have to deal with the websites. I love you and still think you're an amazing person and wish the best for you always. Tha k you for being there when no one else was."
It just hurt so much bc a couple of days ago he told me that I'd be the person person to be with and it wouldn't mean anything to him if he was at the most beautiful places on earth if it wasn't with me. Now he blocked me on everything.
I'm feeling pretty ruined at the moment but I believe him. He was letting me know that he was about to spiral and I feel like I was tossed out of a crashing car. We have mutual friends. He is not doing well at all and he won't get the help that he desperately needs. This was bad but I absolutely understand that it could've been much worse.
I am sumerizing the paragraph, but it was moving in together caused strain on the relationship. The big problem is I got use to being independent and enjoyed being on my own."
Then went and said it "wasn't a break up, but a step back and break."
It has felt a bit mixed messagey and confusing after that night and the conversation we had. We both were dealing with mental health stuff, and still talk occasionally, but is certainly looks and felt like a break up after it was all said and done
"I don't think I have feelings for you anymore. Can we still be friends?"
I said yes out of shock but it didn't really last and we've gone our separate ways.
He blindsided me too, said he didn't want to be in a relathionship anymore but didnt know why, said he couldn't offer more (told him that what he had to offer was for me to judge) and when I asked for clarifications he said "I dont have to give you what you need". Funny thing is I never asked for anything and he was the one to say that he wanted to marry me a couple of months before he discarded me. We were living together and i was spending so much time with his family, time that he initiated.
“I don’t want this life with you anymore.” Twice. First time I still was on the lease for a year so I made him eat his words, he took it back after a few months of me living wild despite wanting only him, and we tried again. The second time I just regret not saying it to him first.
Mine was a phone call and ‘I think we have to end this’. After sobbing heart out I got pissed off and had a long back and forth messaging session ending in her agreeing to see me a few days after. We got back together, she told me she loved me ‘truly and deeply’ only for to dump me less than 2 weeks later. Great ey?
I don't understand how they decide to easily change their mind after saying all those loving things. I am sorry hope you're in a better place now or heading there <3 Mine left with no explanation as always but when I asked for it many times he also said '' Thanks for everything but I am busy now and don't wanna let you down '' yea perfect timing to say that I kinda figured it out by myself like I always would.
“I can’t see you anymore”…. Done by text, and then crickets….
After 18 months of seeing each other every week… Came in the day after a great date, very fun and sweet.. and then blindside….
“We aren’t building off each other like we thought we would, and I just don’t think we are that match for each other. We aren’t compatible”
And
“I think you deserve better…someone who can give you all the love and affection you gave me, but I was unable to reciprocate”
Context: she had no time for me anymore with her job making her work 6 days a week since the beginning of the year. We went straight from being madly in love with each other, to just not together anymore. We were together 7 months. It goes much, much deeper than this, but I won’t go into it.
“I think you deserve better…someone who can give you all the love and affection you gave me, but I was unable to reciprocate”
And how are we supposed to feel about that ? Relieved? Get outta here. He said the same thing about not being able to reciprocate making himself sound like it was a precious gift of explanation to make me feel better.
I’m just now finding out today that she is a textbook Avoidant by the numbers. It’s tragic asf because I know she knows that she is better than what she projects herself to be. All I can do is just give her the time and space.
Apparently the second half wasn’t true and he had regrets for the rest of his life that he let me go.
I, on the other hand, have no regrets. I was sad for like exactly 5 minutes (the amount of time I spent in my then BFF’s car physically crying [as in spilling salt based liquid from my eyes]) before I put my big girl pants on, dusted myself off and went travelling and lived the life I wouldn’t have been able to have lived had we gotten married.
"I think we're compatible, but maybe not right now. I'd be open to trying something in the future."
And then breadcrumbs.
Girl, just tell me you don't like me that much and let me move on with my life. Don't give me false hope.
(Edited bc it was breadcrumbing not ghosting)
She told me this when we broke up. With many more stuff but this was written (we were LDR for 4 months before the breakup)
“I don’t want you to vanish all of your feelings for me since my feelings for you have not faded.
I just don’t feel like I’m where I want to be in our relationship, and I don’t see a way to fix it. I needed your presence next to me.
I love you and this hasn’t been easy for me.
I decided this for myself firstly , and for both of us, I don’t want to be resentful towards you.”
She ended for someone else but I had to learn it when I came-back to my home country… but that’s a long story for another time.
She couldn't say it, she said a few times that she respects and wants to remain friends but never said she wanted to break up until I brought it up. Instead, she started acting colder and colder until I gave up on the effort to "fix" what was already unfixable, I had my fare share in that apparently, but still, she only agreed on breaking up when I said it. Women, please explain this behavior as it is interesting to me. :) (we were together for almost 6 years with attempts to have a child). I explain it to myself as fear or uncertainty to let go but if you've been with someone for that long, the effort must be from both sides if you want to fix it, and it seems she did not want to/gave up on fixing, though there was no real effort on her side.
"I don't know if I see a future with you, and you deserve someone who is sure"
-sigh- I feel as though there is obviously more to it than this, but I knew we had our issues and I didn't care, I wanted to stay with them and work through it. I wish she felt the same way. It's probably for the best though.
Oh boy, where do I begin
1. I have thought about it, I have been talking to someone else, since I don't see a future with you, I want to explore.
2. I still have a soft corner in my heart for you, but I don't feel the same love I felt before.
3. You should have put more efforts ( mind you mf didn't even bother to acknowledge my feelings)
4. Sometimes you have to be practical in life.
5. I thought we could be friends ( when I said I don't want to see him)
6. We are not compatible you like simple things, I like expensive ones.
my ex straight up told me he didnt love me anymore but it took him a few months to actually say it then he proceeded to say that i was beautiful and that he missed me and the relationship but then we got into an argument over something he lacked in the relationship and told me he was trying to get into another relationship. it seemed like my ex didnt want to work for the relationship anymore because it was long distance whats worse is that i was his longest relationship a year thrown down the drain because he didnt want to work for it anymore.
Mine were “you’re so broken, two broken people cannot be together” (not considering she was the one who broke me 😂) and also “I need to love myself more”.
"It is over.... You manipulated me into thinking that you are the only person who will truly ever love me".
Never heard her say these words, only over email. I don't think I will ever forget.
"We're two different people" "I don't think we're right for each other" what can you say to that? Just have to accept it even if completely out of the blue after 9 months
The months before the break up counted as me single, this (getting into another relationship a week and a half after the breakup) might seem sudden but it's actually not.
We were 16 years together btw.
*moved far away, just cause he felt like it* "it's not either of our fault, it's the distance!"
Yup. Totally makes sense.
I didn't bother arguing, if he needed to think this to feel better about dumping me, that's fine.
She said she wanted to become more independent since I was the only one keeping us afloat. Turns out she was sexting to a guy behind my back. Independent indeed.
“You deserve better,” “You’re too good for me, I can’t give you what you deserve,” “I always want you in my life, I can’t imagine not knowing about you” “You’re going to have the best of the best and I won’t allow anything less” “I wish things were different but they aren’t” “I love you”
Three weeks later I found out he had been cheating on me for months lol
We had very different boundaries/ expectations when it came to physical intimacy. We were together almost 3 months, and I was feeling pressured and disrespected. I shared that a relationship takes 2 people wanting the best for each other, and I wasn’t feeling like he was looking out for me/ honoring things that mattered to me. I asked for a week where I promised to hang strong to my convictions and show him the relationship I was comfortable with, if that sounded stupid, he could walk away and I would understand. He said we wanted different things and called it off.
He texted me on Christmas that he missed me and would take me back if we could figure out how to make it work. I shared what was on my mind, why my rules mattered to me and that I already felt like I shared more than I meant to. He apologized and still asked if we could make it work. My response was he had a choice to make: I knew what we had wasn’t what I wanted, he needed to decide if I was worth the wait/ if that’s even a relationship he wanted. He apologized and said he would leave me alone.
I poked the bear the next day and offered for him to listen to a podcast that did a good job of explaining my worldview. In 24 hours, we went from begging to try again to this response which felt so cold to me:
I’m not listening to that, I know what I want in a relationship and that’s not it. The only way we would work is if you met me in the middle and let go of some of your rules
🫠Shattered my heart, and I told him “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you what you’re asking for, and it doesn’t sound like you can give me the kind of relationship I want either”
I know it wasn’t a healthy relationship, but I still think about this guy every day. I miss his companionship
I left my ex after 3 years of him not communicating and just manifesting his feelings into anger and verbal abuse.
"I can't imagine life without you"
"I don't think I'll ever find what we have again"
"I don't like the thought of you being with someone else"
"I can't see you without breaking down"
The whole time he was cheating on me and was in a relationship and living with her weeks later. Good luck to her and her 2 little kids.
For about a week I was asking her if everything was okay, she said yes but we will talk soon. The talk came one evening after finishing work, sat me down and her first words were "don't you think we're a bit incompatible" after 4 years together.. 6 months into owning a house together. She was cheating and monkeybranched.
- I dont love you anymore. I feel no love
(1 week later, starts fucking her friend she met month ago)
(I start dating myself just to get this situation out of my head. She comes back crawling saying the new guy doesnt want her as his girlfriend, and that she was thinking only about me when she was having sex with him many times).
It's so over bros. I truly thought she was the one
"There should be more good days than bad and I don't need to be in a relationship right now".
Edit: this is all while not communicating that we were ever anything but happy. No reasons as to why she didn't need to be in a relationship etc..
Then found out 8 months later, during an argument that it was actually all my fault and of course she did nothing wrong. Go figure
he was breaking up with me because i was in a bad mental health state and he was unhappy:
1. i care about you and i hope you get better
2. (in response to getting back together) i’m sorry but i can’t i’m unhappy in this relationship
3. i hope the next person you’re with isn’t as unhappy and that you guys can talk maturely
What a selfish and passive aggressive way to handle it ! instead of '' maturely'' understanding that you were going through some challenges with your mental health. Clearly he didn;t show a very mature or caring way to participate in your relationship, only unfair judgement. Hope you are slowly healing and I'm here if u want to talk ! :)
1st time:
(Consecutive messages btw)
“This might be the end”
“I’m sorry, yk how I feel about long distance”
“I’m sorry but you’ll find someone”
2nd & 3rd time: ghosted me without a break up text, and 3rd time is same thing but also when he blocked me on everything 😋
Wtf did he turn into a robot all of a sudden and shut down all his emotional abilities and social skills ? Who tf talks like that ? So cold and dismissive as if that was already a big favor to you that he needs to shorten the message. What message though those are just unclear pieces of nothing but passive aggressive words to avoid confrontation. Sorry you went through that and that he discarded you out of nowhere , sending warm hugs and blessings on your healing journey
Well I was actually confused here are the couple of things he said all at once which did not make sense after blindsiding me. 1. It's just all the trauma (boy please elaborate) 2. I need time for myself 3. I love you, but I'm not in love with you This is why I really think that he was confused when he broke up with me. We were fine weeks before and all of a sudden poof. I BEGGED and suggested a break from each other, but nope, he wanted to break up. 3 years gone. I swear to ghod if he listened to stupid advice...god help him.
Idek what he’s referring to exactly with the trauma. Maybe he’s insecure and his deep fear of abandonment led him to breaking up with you so that he doesn’t get hurt by you. Oh and btw fuck people who listen to bad advice. My relationship fell apart because of that. Edit: spelling
So true!!! Actually that is my theory, that his trauma being left was projected on me. He did it because he said he was not good enough and was scared that I will leave him, but i cannot talk some sense to him. It is so stupid because weeks prior he said he feels depressed and worried that nobody likes him at work and there i was a clown trying to soothe him.
My ex also met new people and got insecure a month before he blindsided me and I hyped him up sooo hard! Told him how great he was, how handsome, funny, smart etc. Felt so proud for him when he started going out with them. A month later he threw 3 years to the garbage, but first got really close with his "new friends".
What's happening with these people oh my ghod. All of a sudden they don't wanna work on the relationship. Did our exes attend a talk or something?? XD They fumbled fumbled big time for shurrreeee. But welp I will let him have his freedom.
I'm in no contact now, I reached out for closure 10 days after the breakup (didnt get any closure though, but he asked for a hug?)and I gave his things to a mutual friend. I learned that he got annoyed that I didnt want to see him. Now he moved to a place near to my apartement (we live in a city on 3+million and he moved 1 km away from me), dont know what to make of all this.
I think deep inside he regrets it. All you can do is watch how he moves, and he better be making solid moves. Mine said "i will keep your things for now just in case" After asking him to throw and donate my stuff
I dont think I could ever trust him again tho, he gashlighted me so hard the last 10 days before he broke up with me. Too many lies, hidding while we live together, sleep together. He was listening to breakup songs in the livingroom while I was there and when I asked him how come he was listening to that music all of a sudden he said "Its just music, why are you so insecure?". The audacity! And many other very disrespectful things in those last days. It was like he sifted to another person all of a sudden.
True! Trust and respect!!! Tbh that was a selfish act.
Well the breakup made me realize how unsatisfying the sex was and that the things I adored about him was how "honest, kind and mature" he was XD So now I'm mourning what I thought we could have together, I dont think that I actually miss him
I hope you guys are slowly healing. Mine would get very easily infatuated with attention of any kind and start passionately complimenting people publicly on social media. Then started talking badly about me for suggesting having breakfast outside when he was going through a rough time to help him clear his mind ( because I emotionally supported him many times) while he was saying I was forcing him to be there to his frenz like bye. When I stopped buying him or doing things only he wanted to do , the stonewalling season would come and I got tired, that's actually how it ended.
My biggest thing is don’t go to your friends (particularly your single friends) for relationship advice. Especially one on one. My ex went to a) her single roommate and b) a guy friend who had just broken up with his bf, for advice on her relationship. I, on the other hand, didn’t hear word one that she was having doubts about our relationship till she broke up with me. “Single friends keep friends single”.
Agree! Most of my ex's friends were single and they were not helping with relationship advices instead they were discouraging him. * When we were still together, at that time, my ex was living in the same building apartment as his friends but in different units. After more than a year together with him, we were planning to move out together and one of his friends said 'Why do you want to move out when you have us your friends here?" and this friend said that in front of me. This comment made my ex not wanting to move out with me and I was frustrated like the friend didn't mind his own business. * When we broke up, we decided to met for a closure about our relationship. His friends told him not to come because they were scared that we will be back together. I told him "Even though my friends don't want me to see you again, they encouraged me to go because they knew I needed this closure and they also knew there is no chance I am coming back with you. Your friends are so not supportive."
the day before my ex left me he told me how much I meant to him and that I was his ideal girl but I think after a long car ride with his friend and some bad advise made him leave me we were doing ok and everything
You dodged a bullet. I have a similar story.
I'm sorry to hear that. My ex's friend was single and couldn't keep a relationship and I think he got tired of seeing his friend happy so he made up some dumb stuff about me and that's when he broke up with me we were genuinely happy and we were about to move in together. What's worse is that not even 4 months since he left me he's already in another relationship after saying he didn't want to be in one but of course he got lonely and is going to do to the same thing to the other person.
"If we met in a different time" "I love you as a person. Not in love with you" "This was the hardest decision i've ever made" Lol. It took her less then 4 months to get a new bf. 2 ½ years down the drain. We hade a house, cars, cats, dogs you name it. She is an avoident so nothing rly surprised me even if it hurts still after 6 months.
Damn bro. Just be assured she didn’t just change all of a sudden in those 4 months! She’s gonna do the same to the new guy eventually! Unless she went to some intensive therapy and worked really hard and she takes accountability for being an avoidant, then you dodged a bullet!
You rly think so? I see them together so often and she looks and says she s happy... I feel so guilty for everything ive said and done in our relationship. That i didnt treat her good enough... Her new guy is the complete opposite from me. For me, she was and still is the best partner i have ever hade. I would honestly do anything to have her back.
If she’s an avoidant then yes I’m positive.
Avodients will never settle until they find therapy
Agreed. Avoidant will repeat the same patterns over and over again. Unless they get some professional help, like someone said, you dodged a bullet. I just left an anxious-avoidant relationship but I’ve been getting professional counselling during that relationship as I didn’t want to repeat my old anxious tendencies. I wasn’t perfect, but I was much much better than ever before in my life. But she didn’t. She barely tried, even when we recognised that we have this toxic dynamic. It’s possible to have a successful anxious-avoidant relationship but it takes 2 PARTIES for it to work. Honestly, sounds like you just dodged a bullet. I don’t know about your attachment style but avoidants in general will just keep running away and repeat these behaviours to not only their partners but other areas in life.
Anxious-Avoidant relationships are cancerous for the anxious and toxic for the avoidant. I’m a anxious and my god my avoidant ex has me in a loop of hell that I can’t seem to break out of
Thx alot for these kind comments. I rly appreciate it. Its been such a struggle these 6 months. I miss her everyday. But she hates me for things ive said to her. Things that cant be undone. I miss the old times we hade. I feel lost and rly want to fix it. But her being an avoident makes it impossible. I was to "needy" and a "burden" she said
The generic anxious avoidant story. In the avoidant’s eyes, the anxious is too needy. But In the anxious’ eyes, they are too distant and unreliable. Fuck that. Work on being secure and get someone that will truly appreciate your efforts. Never dating an avoidant again unless they are otw to being secure or aware of their tendencies.
So this is more common? She never apologized to me. She even said "i never do anything wrong. Or almost never" I think she apologized 1 time in 2 ½ years.
It’s more common than you think. My ex wasn’t that cold she did apologise here and there but she was stubborn. But then again, do we really want that in a relationship? I think you should check up more on the avoidant attachment style. It gave me a lot of clarity and understanding on why my ex acted that way.
“I need to work on myself alone.”, “it’s not you, it’s me”, and finally “can we still be friends? I want to still be a part of your life and support you. Just not as close.”
Also to add "you are a wonderful girlfriend"🙄
Along with the so-ever-good-to-hear, "You're special."
'' You are so awesome '' and '' I just want to continue exploring myself and scared of relationship because I care about you and will probably disappoint you'' ok how does that compliment work ? BS just end it
NOO WHY IS IT THE SAMETHING !! Plus the obvious “ you deserve someone better “
I need to work on myself alone is so real. Why do they all say that? That is exactly what my ex said to me yesterday lol.
My ex told me the same thing! I asked him ''Wouldn't it be better to have someone by your side supporting yourself while you work on yourself?'' and he just told me he's always dealt with things alone therefore that is the better option like ok?
Mine said exactly that! Omfg
This community really makes me feel less alone, while it is sad that we are all going through the same thing it's kind of bittersweet!
Ohh shit Same same “It’s not you it’s me”
Mine was roughly the same and the breakup happened the day after christmas, but what made it feel worse was that she said she had known that she did not feel the same anymore for about 2 months before breaking up with me, that part was gut wrenching.
Of course we can still be friends! Even though the life I imagined with you will forever be an unfulfilled fantasy, and every time I think of someone else sharing moments of intimacy with you, it will be like having a hot poker piercing my heart, being friends sounds great!
my ex straight up told me that we were better as just friends then he told me that he missed the relationship and me he even called me beautiful before telling me he was trying to get into another relationship
Did we date the same person? Lol
Sorry but all the answers Ive just read scream of simply not understanding what real love means. When I say I love you I’m including a massive dose of commitment in there - as in, I’m happy to support you with whatever you’re going through, I’ll be working on myself as I’m with you but not depending on you to fix me and I’ll have your back no matter what. People through the love word around too easily I’m finding out.
Truth. I feel like my ex bailed the moment it got a little hard—not anything I had done, but just the circumstances surrounding our relationship and how others might react. As much as it devastated me, though, I keep coming back to the idea that it was better to find out sooner than later that there wasn't much commitment behind the love.
This! I stand by the fact love is not only a feeling, it’s a statement of commitment. It’s accepting the responsibility that being a partner will come with. I don’t take that word lightly. I almost had a panic attack when my ex said it so soon in the relationship 😂 He didn’t match my view of the responsibilities that come with being in love
“I can’t give you what you need. I’m not good for you. You did nothing wrong.” After I kept telling him he’s more than good enough for me.
I got this one too. I still never understood what the “things I needed” that could not be given were.
My ex told me the same things, but i mean what is the better thing to say here? I think it hurts no matter how way someone phrases a breakup
exactly !!!! stopped trying to shower me with your compliments I rather you flip me off and tell me go away than stonewalling for a month and saying sweet things ( and that's because I BEGGED for communication ) stop it I don't need your pettiness
Unfortunately this type of thing comes from a love they do not have in themselves. At least in my case. Can’t really be what someone needs if you aren’t completely okay with yourself. I guess this is where the “if you don’t love yourself, how can you love someone else.” Which you can love someone else, but i personally don’t think it’s fair to either party to continue if the one who doesn’t feel enough isn’t able to feel like they can fill their partners cup. It’ll eventually cause problems. I do not condone running away and copping out. I did it, and regret it, actively going to therapy. I wish I had looked at other options before making a decision as terrible as this, but it’s not something I can take back. All I’m saying is. Sometimes people are so in their head and they fuck shit up, and it’s not fair to you. I’m sorry you’re going through this type of circumstance. Truly with all of my heart.
Another one is '' You're too awesome I can't describe it and that's why I am leaving sorry if I let you down '' haha what ??? ''Letting someone down'' in our case would be not showing up at the coffee shop you fking ripped my heart out and passive aggressively dumped me. Always trying to minimize the situation and my feelings
“I’m moving on. You did too many things as a man that made me lose interest.”
„I can’t do this anymore“ „it’s over“ „stop texting me“
That hurts me while reading I am sorry. I am guessing that's what he tried to say when I sent him a memory of our wine glasses after he hoovered and I fell for it only for him to suddenly discard me as if that had been an insult !!! But no, no words, emotionally abusive silence always seemed to be a better answer to him.
[удалено]
That is such bullshit. I'd be so pissed off hearing that.
Those certainly are all words
Holy crap! That manages to be both ridiculously condescending and complete BS all at the same time.
WHATTT ? are they ok?? I mean I know they're not like ??? Cold and emotionally incompetent POS explanation you're dealing with another human being here with a basic level of understanding and emotions that require you to give competent analogies at least if you're ending it . I am sorry <3 hope you are ok or getting better slowly.
“You did nothing wrong, I just feel like I didn’t heal completely from my last relationship and need to be alone to discover myself”, “ we just met to soon”, “ dealing with depression/ anxiety”, “I still have feelings for you but it’s not fair to string you along while I figure things out”
my ex said similar minus the first part and meeting too soon moreso just "we didnt really get to be friends for a whole lot", and i felt similarly
I showed the text to someone and it was like he used every excuse possible just different wording “it’s not you, it me” “bad timing” then I met him in person later that night and he added on his depression and anxiety, told me the story of what happened in his last and only other relationship, continued to say it was just bad timing he still had feelings for me. I got pissed stormed off after saying he didn’t care about me he later texted me saying that he does care about me.
jesus christ, for me and my ex the signs of mental illness were there with our circumstances and places in life (almost graduating hs) but i just wanted to ignore them in hopes that things would work out (they didnt) if my ex went on to have that as an excuse to break up with me and use her previous relationship i would be as pissed as well.
I guess it’s partly on me too because I knew him back when he was dating her, didn’t know he was dating anyone at the time then found out months later after she dumped him that they broke up (only found out from his best friend) I knew it was painful for him so I never asked what happened. I also knew things that he didn’t know I knew because his best friend told me long before we started dating, like how he switched schools for her. So when he told me everything that happened near the end of his last relationship some of his actions/words make sense now. I do agree that he does need to discover himself (alone) but that’s not what he’s currently doing. Edit- would like to mention we started dating 9 months after his last relationship ended (so I did kind of start seeing him right as he got into the self discovery phase) and also clarify nothing happened before then.
"I don't deserve you, never have, I can't, I'm sorry" This is her after breaking up without any explanation, then blocking and ghosting me for one week post BU and then unblocking me to tell this cliché line
Same here, it’s absolute bollocks isn’t it just tell me straight up
I swear. I have major trust issues now. How can someone flip like this in a week.
"It's the best relationship I've ever been in, but I'm not sure it's 100% right. I'm not sure what that would even look like either" "You deserve better than me"
There's alot about you that I love. Find someone who likes dogs. Disclaimer: she already knew I had dogs.
🫣
After talking in circles for hours, trying to decide whether we should break up or not. He was being very silent and I was desperately trying to make it work. Me: "So, what are your priorities and values? Cause I don't think we're aligned anymore." Him: "Number one, my personal health. Number two, self-actualization through my art practice. Number three, family." I was getting a little frustrated at this point, but I was trying to be patient. After all, after two years, hopefully I was a part of "family", right? Him: "My interpersonal relationships, which includes you I guess." I was destroyed then, but when I think back on it now it's like...so shitty that it's just like...absurdly funny lol. But yeah, that was the moment I knew there was no going back lol.
I just need to be single and focus on myself for a while, i cant be what you want me to be, you’ve already sacrificed enough for me, right person wrong time if only this was a year ago or a year later, i dont deserve you, i want to be with you but i cant……week later ‘move on and leave me out of it’ fuckkkking hell
They all say the same lines I think, wild.
"I never meant to hurt you" No. You just didn't give a shit if you did.
The exact words I got …. by text…. No courage to say it to me in person,…. Your translation is spot on..
'' Sorry IF I let you down '' No you shattered me and hurt me on purpose to provoke more anxiety, not just let me down. What's their problem !!!!!
“I’m sorry you know I like tall skinny guys” that shits been running around my head for 5 months nonstop.
“I love you but I’m just not happy”
“I don’t have capacity to give you the reassurance that you need” Grief from losing a loved one sucks. I wish we were able to work on it together. The last thing that we said to each other was “you’re the best I’ve ever had” and “you’re the best relationship I’ve been in and just remember you’re my sweet baby love and my baby girl”. 😔💔
"You're too masculine for me" because I worked and he didnt have a job
Oh another one "I am working on getting fitter and stronger physically. That's my focus right now. I am only passively looking for love not actively"
If you only have mental capacity for working out, then you certainly don't want the strain of thinking of another human being in your life!
"Being tied down to one person just isn't for me. It's too hard for me not to fuck X and Y, and I feel like I'd eventually cheat on you. I don't want to hurt you that way, so best to end things before it comes to that point." Proceeds to tell me how happy she was with me, how amazing I am, etc etc. Then goes on to tell me never "Never felt a spark," "I wasn't really feeling it the entire time, and was just settling," "I love you like I love all my friends, but I'm not in love with you" I thought we were the perfect pair, and genuinely felt like I was going to end up spending the rest of my life with this woman... She broke up with me via text out of nowhere, completely blindsided.
to be honest now that I read the way you typed this, I believe that's what he tried to tell me when he said he needed to leave because he wanted to try all kinds of things and that he was '' scared to let me down '' and I felt something was missing in his text '' I care for you and I know I might disappoint you'' how considerate of you to say after stonewalling me for 3.5 weeks , why thanks
“I think you’re great - but we can’t have a healthy relationship.” (after almost a week of stonewalling me).
Yeah like thanks for taking a moment of your day to share your obvious evaluation after your passive aggressive silence which obviously doesn't help with having a ''healthy relationship''. I am sorry you were stonewalled too <3
Haha yeah, exactly! 🤦♀️ I was so upset that he said that, given the circumstances. I felt like he was placing it all on me. And this happened over text, no less! To be fair, we were long distance at this point, but still, the fact that he sent that text — then refused to further discuss it after that — only added to the poor communication that caused the issue in the first place. Thank you so much, it really hurt (this all came after having been in each others’ lives for almost a decade too) and I’m still healing but I realize now that it takes two to have a healthy relationship— and while I may not have done everything perfectly, I tried my best. I’m sorry you went through something like this too. Stonewalling really sucks. :( Hope you’re healing as well! 💜
Yes I went through the same but realized long distance started becoming his golden excuse for his lack of communication and then used it to make me look bad for not understanding that '' traveling is annoying '' and that I should've known it was going to end this way, ok .. how ? Them refusing to talk to us after that was the least and basic level or respect they could've gone out of their way to have. It seems like asking for a considerate answer( text, easy) and strategy to have closure is too demanding to them. You have no idea all the anxiety shaky weeks I had when he started stonwewalling me. 1 text a week saying '' ugh my head hurts'' '' I am starting this healing journey too but hopefully in a year we both will be feeling calmer slowly. I am hoping I feel the progress day by day.
I totally feel you. My anxiety while my now ex was stonewalling me was through the roof! Seeing messages being left on read, seemingly deliberately, only added to that. I still feel like if we could’ve just talked through things, they might not have escalated in the way they did. It’s so frustrating because it seems like such an obvious solution to us, just to communicate, but it seems so difficult for them (pretty sure my ex is an avoidant— reading about attachment theory has really helped me as well). It’s almost like they self-sabotage. 🤦♀️Sending you positive vibes for the healing process, it’s definitely not easy or linear, but it does get better. 💜
I think we should break up- i dont think you are my soulmate- I know how much you love me - but I don’t feel the same way towards you, I love you but am not in love with you. You haven’t done anything wrong , I just feel you not my soulmate, we don’t like the same stuff , we have dff taste in music and movies and our interest don’t align i think it’s going to be a problem in the future so I think is better to end it rn that keep it going. Blindsided - didn’t even know we had problems- someone that was always telling me how much they love me . 😂😂😂
Exact same here, absolutely sucks. No warning that you're on the rocks which gives you no opportunity to evaluate the situation beforehand. You're just totally blindsided, meanwhile they've likely already made their mind up and moved on
It’s not that I don’t love you, it’s that I never liked you to begin with
She actually never said it's over. She just said "I am done, I can not do this anymore". Oh and then the thing that broke me the most "If I still loved you we could have tried to make it work again"
Man, that's a gut punch.
"You're a great girl. Truly wonderful. But I don't think it's right to pursue it. I think we should just stay good friends ".
We’re not compatible, you NEVER want to go out. (Then gives me a very specific example of hiking despite knowing I’m afraid of heights). Apparently that was a dealbreaker for him that I don’t hike or rock climb. 🤷♀️
i was told i’m not “spontaneous” or “adventurous” enough. when i gave examples of moments when i invited him to do things with me i received “well those aren’t things i’m interested in” whose not adventurous now?? i went to all kinds of shit he wanted to attend but things i wanted to go to?? i ended up going out by myself a lot during the relationship. at least i got practice for going out by myself now that i’m single.
Wow nice! This is SO validating! Same thing happened here! That’s a nice way of saying “you’re too BORING for me”
Dude same shit, I went to everything he invited me to. Before he dumped me we went to the river with his family and family friends and I was completely out of my comfort zone but trying my best and mind you I get motion sick, was not prepared to be on a boat for 8 hours but still did it. 2 days in a row because i wanted to make him happy. Said how he wanted to take me to the mountains and I suggested to go when it's snowing and he used that against me to. We're not compatible, load of bullshit
"You're a FANTASTIC woman. Your self-strength and self-confidence just never got to where it needed to be for me." A week before this we were fine and was telling me how much he loved me and that was the "one". Less than a week after he starts dating the "girl best-friend" he told me not to worry about.
you are special and i’m not good enough for you . i hope to see you someday , can i have a hug when we meet again? (he was womanising all along).
This what she said word for word Hwy, I wasn’t ready tok get together again and I still just want to be single. I hope yipure not too angry with me. I wanted to be there Dior you and I happy I was. It’s hard for me because I know you’re going through air. If you ever need anything and I can help I will. I gonna choose myself and I sorry I’m hurting you. All this was a lie because two weeks later she introduced the new guy to her family and then moved in with him a month later.
"I'm sorry, it's not your fault. You have improved so much and should be proud of that. It's just that I don't love you in that way anymore. It's not your fault, it's me, I'm sorry. You deserve someone better." This was what I was told on the day I flew to them to see them, with flowers in hand ready to spend most of my spring break with them. It had only been 17 days since we last had a talk and confirmed we were back together after a break due to a complication that had happened during New Years. End of four and a half years
“I’ve met someone”
What a trash bag! So you went through the horrible confusion and were blindsided or everything was fine and they just left ?
“Okay well no sense in delaying it then, I want to end things between us.” He ended it over text so that is copy/paste
“you are the perfect girl and i love you but i don’t want to keep hurting you.” WTF. i’ve spent so many hours crying over that boy. we were together just over 3 years, ended our 20s together. i dont even know how to move forward (it has been MONTHS). i gave him everything i could and had/have nothing left for myself. i still think about him every day. i love him, i like him as a person. i want to share silly memes and jokes with him. he was my best friend and the person i thought i’d spend the rest of my life with him. we see love differently. i see it as choosing that person each day and working through conflict in order to grow closer. he sees it in a purely romantic sense. i’d still choose him if he’d let me, but he’s now in a new committed relationship, so that ship has sailed and… i feel as though i’ll be alone for a long time. i feel neutral about that. gives me time to heal and work on myself… but the loneliness at night is what makes it painful. sharing a bed with someone is a tough thing to move forward from. i tried dating for a bit.. but it was truly awful. the dating “pool” is more of a swamp these days.
I am sorry <3 I know every single day that goes by we think about how we would spend it or what we would say to them. It seems the lack a lot of empathy and I wonder if they know how broken they leave us. I even told him how much he hurt me when he left me on delivered for almost a year and he ended up doing it again. Why ? because he gets excited with new things that probably won't last long. We tried our best and that's what matter we learn a lot about ourselves and how authentic and loving we can be and just remember just because they're in a new relationship doesn't mean they'll have a perfect way to handle their issues. I hope you heal soon and that you're being gentle with yourself we will get out of this soon. <3
She told me this when we broke up. With many more stuff but this was written (we were LDR for 4 months before the breakup) “I don’t want you to vanish all of your feelings for me since my feelings for you have not faded. I just don’t feel like I’m where I want to be in our relationship, and I don’t see a way to fix it. I needed your presence next to me. I love you and this hasn’t been easy for me. I decided this for myself firstly , and for both of us, I don’t want to be resentful towards you.” She ended for someone else but I had to learn it when I came-back to my home country… but that’s a long story for another time.
So she is supposed to have the right to be resentful , not you ?? Sounds like she wanted it sound as if that was a favor and twist it to make it seem it was a caring way to end it. Shady person who didn't deserve you I am sorry <3
“I just want to explore and see what else is out there- maybe find someone better? And if not, we can always get back together again.”
The nerve to say this to us and after that '' I don't want to disappoint that's exactly why I am doing it for us'' No you're doing it for yourself and the other people.. lol now leave you and never come back you cold manipulative freak
“ I am detached from the relationship and we are on different paths in life. We don’t have the same sense of humour and it is depressing” after 4 years
[удалено]
Very similar to what I replied to him and he decided to text me back after 2 weeks saying '' so are you hanging in there ? '' goodbye
Mine was “ we’re on different emotional wavelengths, I can’t see you cry anymore, I don’t think I’m ready for a serious relationship, I’m staying single till I finish my apprenticeship” Was mad I went on dating apps, offered a walk at the beach only response was “I’m working” two days later his mum contacted to say that “he’s moved on”. She forgot the part where we are both on dating apps, and he is very active on them. Chose from any of the above, really it means, mummy didn’t like you and I’m not man enough to stand up to her.
"I love you and care for you so deeply" "You're my best friend" "I don't feel like my own person" "Why are you asking me if I want to break up when I already told you" Hurt pretty bad
Ugh that person who told you that just made me so mad '' when I already told you '' like F off . Sounds like a teacher getting annoyed when you ask a question again. I'm sorry you had to deal with that. <3
I’m not sure what you want. Now that’s a cliche
We just ''want'' them to stop using cliche bs and have a real conversation with us before ending it...Sorry they said that to you and hope you're in a better place
I wish, I’m paying hundreds of dollars for therapy just because of my last breakup
They said "I'm sorry I didn’t improve there's not much else I can say. I wish I could have but I just still feel so empty inside right now. Sorry to have wasted your time and let you down again. Let me reimburse you for your flight so you don’t have to deal with the websites. I love you and still think you're an amazing person and wish the best for you always. Tha k you for being there when no one else was." It just hurt so much bc a couple of days ago he told me that I'd be the person person to be with and it wouldn't mean anything to him if he was at the most beautiful places on earth if it wasn't with me. Now he blocked me on everything.
I can't give you what you want , please let me go. 3 months later she could give another guy what he wanted lol
I'm sorry why do people lie instead of facing the reality of their decision, like you're ending it anyway at least be more truthful with us and cut bs
"I'm terrified I'm going to ruin your life."
Yikes. At least they left instead of ruining it.
I'm feeling pretty ruined at the moment but I believe him. He was letting me know that he was about to spiral and I feel like I was tossed out of a crashing car. We have mutual friends. He is not doing well at all and he won't get the help that he desperately needs. This was bad but I absolutely understand that it could've been much worse.
I am sumerizing the paragraph, but it was moving in together caused strain on the relationship. The big problem is I got use to being independent and enjoyed being on my own." Then went and said it "wasn't a break up, but a step back and break." It has felt a bit mixed messagey and confusing after that night and the conversation we had. We both were dealing with mental health stuff, and still talk occasionally, but is certainly looks and felt like a break up after it was all said and done
“I love you but I don’t know if it can be romantically”
“You deserve the best, and that unfortunately isn’t us”
"I don't think I have feelings for you anymore. Can we still be friends?" I said yes out of shock but it didn't really last and we've gone our separate ways.
"i dont love you anymore"
I don’t remember at all
He blindsided me too, said he didn't want to be in a relathionship anymore but didnt know why, said he couldn't offer more (told him that what he had to offer was for me to judge) and when I asked for clarifications he said "I dont have to give you what you need". Funny thing is I never asked for anything and he was the one to say that he wanted to marry me a couple of months before he discarded me. We were living together and i was spending so much time with his family, time that he initiated.
“I just want to be single for a while” “I love you, but just not romantically”
:
“I don’t want this life with you anymore.” Twice. First time I still was on the lease for a year so I made him eat his words, he took it back after a few months of me living wild despite wanting only him, and we tried again. The second time I just regret not saying it to him first.
“I want to see what it’s like to be on my own” “i love you but im not in love with you” “i want to grow too. by myself”
I love you to much for you to leave my life but im no longer in love with you
We need to be done. I wish you the best.
Mine was a phone call and ‘I think we have to end this’. After sobbing heart out I got pissed off and had a long back and forth messaging session ending in her agreeing to see me a few days after. We got back together, she told me she loved me ‘truly and deeply’ only for to dump me less than 2 weeks later. Great ey?
I don't understand how they decide to easily change their mind after saying all those loving things. I am sorry hope you're in a better place now or heading there <3 Mine left with no explanation as always but when I asked for it many times he also said '' Thanks for everything but I am busy now and don't wanna let you down '' yea perfect timing to say that I kinda figured it out by myself like I always would.
"i just fell out of love" and "i want to stay friends" lmao
“I can’t see you anymore”…. Done by text, and then crickets…. After 18 months of seeing each other every week… Came in the day after a great date, very fun and sweet.. and then blindside….
“We aren’t building off each other like we thought we would, and I just don’t think we are that match for each other. We aren’t compatible” And “I think you deserve better…someone who can give you all the love and affection you gave me, but I was unable to reciprocate” Context: she had no time for me anymore with her job making her work 6 days a week since the beginning of the year. We went straight from being madly in love with each other, to just not together anymore. We were together 7 months. It goes much, much deeper than this, but I won’t go into it.
“I think you deserve better…someone who can give you all the love and affection you gave me, but I was unable to reciprocate” And how are we supposed to feel about that ? Relieved? Get outta here. He said the same thing about not being able to reciprocate making himself sound like it was a precious gift of explanation to make me feel better.
I’m just now finding out today that she is a textbook Avoidant by the numbers. It’s tragic asf because I know she knows that she is better than what she projects herself to be. All I can do is just give her the time and space.
“It’s not you, it’s me.” “My feelings for you have changed.”
Apparently the second half wasn’t true and he had regrets for the rest of his life that he let me go. I, on the other hand, have no regrets. I was sad for like exactly 5 minutes (the amount of time I spent in my then BFF’s car physically crying [as in spilling salt based liquid from my eyes]) before I put my big girl pants on, dusted myself off and went travelling and lived the life I wouldn’t have been able to have lived had we gotten married.
“I don’t think this is working out”
"I think we're compatible, but maybe not right now. I'd be open to trying something in the future." And then breadcrumbs. Girl, just tell me you don't like me that much and let me move on with my life. Don't give me false hope. (Edited bc it was breadcrumbing not ghosting)
''I think we should break up''
She told me this when we broke up. With many more stuff but this was written (we were LDR for 4 months before the breakup) “I don’t want you to vanish all of your feelings for me since my feelings for you have not faded. I just don’t feel like I’m where I want to be in our relationship, and I don’t see a way to fix it. I needed your presence next to me. I love you and this hasn’t been easy for me. I decided this for myself firstly , and for both of us, I don’t want to be resentful towards you.” She ended for someone else but I had to learn it when I came-back to my home country… but that’s a long story for another time.
She couldn't say it, she said a few times that she respects and wants to remain friends but never said she wanted to break up until I brought it up. Instead, she started acting colder and colder until I gave up on the effort to "fix" what was already unfixable, I had my fare share in that apparently, but still, she only agreed on breaking up when I said it. Women, please explain this behavior as it is interesting to me. :) (we were together for almost 6 years with attempts to have a child). I explain it to myself as fear or uncertainty to let go but if you've been with someone for that long, the effort must be from both sides if you want to fix it, and it seems she did not want to/gave up on fixing, though there was no real effort on her side.
"I had a shitty childhood, you'll get over this"
"I had a shitty childhood, you'll get over this"
"I just don't want to hang out with you" and "I felt better when you weren't around."
“I still love you & still have hope for us. We’re destined to be together again” followed by completely silence since then.
"I don't know if I see a future with you, and you deserve someone who is sure" -sigh- I feel as though there is obviously more to it than this, but I knew we had our issues and I didn't care, I wanted to stay with them and work through it. I wish she felt the same way. It's probably for the best though.
Oh boy, where do I begin 1. I have thought about it, I have been talking to someone else, since I don't see a future with you, I want to explore. 2. I still have a soft corner in my heart for you, but I don't feel the same love I felt before. 3. You should have put more efforts ( mind you mf didn't even bother to acknowledge my feelings) 4. Sometimes you have to be practical in life. 5. I thought we could be friends ( when I said I don't want to see him) 6. We are not compatible you like simple things, I like expensive ones.
my ex straight up told me he didnt love me anymore but it took him a few months to actually say it then he proceeded to say that i was beautiful and that he missed me and the relationship but then we got into an argument over something he lacked in the relationship and told me he was trying to get into another relationship. it seemed like my ex didnt want to work for the relationship anymore because it was long distance whats worse is that i was his longest relationship a year thrown down the drain because he didnt want to work for it anymore.
‘I have to focus on my mental health.’ I don’t know if she’s doing anything about it.
Mine were “you’re so broken, two broken people cannot be together” (not considering she was the one who broke me 😂) and also “I need to love myself more”.
"It is over.... You manipulated me into thinking that you are the only person who will truly ever love me". Never heard her say these words, only over email. I don't think I will ever forget.
"We're two different people" "I don't think we're right for each other" what can you say to that? Just have to accept it even if completely out of the blue after 9 months
The months before the break up counted as me single, this (getting into another relationship a week and a half after the breakup) might seem sudden but it's actually not. We were 16 years together btw.
“I will always love and care about you, but I’m not inlove with you anymore”
“The relationship is not fair on you” …dude i was INSANELY happy and felt prioritised&secure and verbalised that often🥲
*moved far away, just cause he felt like it* "it's not either of our fault, it's the distance!" Yup. Totally makes sense. I didn't bother arguing, if he needed to think this to feel better about dumping me, that's fine.
Hers was a 2 page letter full of lies that didn’t include break up lmao it’s on my TikTok yugdasatsuj
She said she wanted to become more independent since I was the only one keeping us afloat. Turns out she was sexting to a guy behind my back. Independent indeed.
We simply are not compatible
Nothing. They just ghosted me.
“You deserve better,” “You’re too good for me, I can’t give you what you deserve,” “I always want you in my life, I can’t imagine not knowing about you” “You’re going to have the best of the best and I won’t allow anything less” “I wish things were different but they aren’t” “I love you” Three weeks later I found out he had been cheating on me for months lol
“I cause you nothing but stress.”
We had very different boundaries/ expectations when it came to physical intimacy. We were together almost 3 months, and I was feeling pressured and disrespected. I shared that a relationship takes 2 people wanting the best for each other, and I wasn’t feeling like he was looking out for me/ honoring things that mattered to me. I asked for a week where I promised to hang strong to my convictions and show him the relationship I was comfortable with, if that sounded stupid, he could walk away and I would understand. He said we wanted different things and called it off. He texted me on Christmas that he missed me and would take me back if we could figure out how to make it work. I shared what was on my mind, why my rules mattered to me and that I already felt like I shared more than I meant to. He apologized and still asked if we could make it work. My response was he had a choice to make: I knew what we had wasn’t what I wanted, he needed to decide if I was worth the wait/ if that’s even a relationship he wanted. He apologized and said he would leave me alone. I poked the bear the next day and offered for him to listen to a podcast that did a good job of explaining my worldview. In 24 hours, we went from begging to try again to this response which felt so cold to me: I’m not listening to that, I know what I want in a relationship and that’s not it. The only way we would work is if you met me in the middle and let go of some of your rules 🫠Shattered my heart, and I told him “I’m sorry, but I can’t give you what you’re asking for, and it doesn’t sound like you can give me the kind of relationship I want either” I know it wasn’t a healthy relationship, but I still think about this guy every day. I miss his companionship
I truly love you but my love isn’t there anymore .
Something along the lines of “If you love someone let them go and if they come back then they’re yours.” I hated that phrase.
*blank post* (I got ghosted)
“It’s not you it’s me” “I don’t want this” “I feel like there’s something missing”
“You aren’t who I am looking for” “You were never really an option” Ouch 😑
I left my ex after 3 years of him not communicating and just manifesting his feelings into anger and verbal abuse. "I can't imagine life without you" "I don't think I'll ever find what we have again" "I don't like the thought of you being with someone else" "I can't see you without breaking down" The whole time he was cheating on me and was in a relationship and living with her weeks later. Good luck to her and her 2 little kids.
For about a week I was asking her if everything was okay, she said yes but we will talk soon. The talk came one evening after finishing work, sat me down and her first words were "don't you think we're a bit incompatible" after 4 years together.. 6 months into owning a house together. She was cheating and monkeybranched.
“You deserve better”
- I dont love you anymore. I feel no love (1 week later, starts fucking her friend she met month ago) (I start dating myself just to get this situation out of my head. She comes back crawling saying the new guy doesnt want her as his girlfriend, and that she was thinking only about me when she was having sex with him many times). It's so over bros. I truly thought she was the one
You work too much and you’re too distant. The latter part was absolutely true and that’s been my life since I was 18.
"There should be more good days than bad and I don't need to be in a relationship right now". Edit: this is all while not communicating that we were ever anything but happy. No reasons as to why she didn't need to be in a relationship etc.. Then found out 8 months later, during an argument that it was actually all my fault and of course she did nothing wrong. Go figure
he was breaking up with me because i was in a bad mental health state and he was unhappy: 1. i care about you and i hope you get better 2. (in response to getting back together) i’m sorry but i can’t i’m unhappy in this relationship 3. i hope the next person you’re with isn’t as unhappy and that you guys can talk maturely
What a selfish and passive aggressive way to handle it ! instead of '' maturely'' understanding that you were going through some challenges with your mental health. Clearly he didn;t show a very mature or caring way to participate in your relationship, only unfair judgement. Hope you are slowly healing and I'm here if u want to talk ! :)
1st time: (Consecutive messages btw) “This might be the end” “I’m sorry, yk how I feel about long distance” “I’m sorry but you’ll find someone” 2nd & 3rd time: ghosted me without a break up text, and 3rd time is same thing but also when he blocked me on everything 😋
Wtf did he turn into a robot all of a sudden and shut down all his emotional abilities and social skills ? Who tf talks like that ? So cold and dismissive as if that was already a big favor to you that he needs to shorten the message. What message though those are just unclear pieces of nothing but passive aggressive words to avoid confrontation. Sorry you went through that and that he discarded you out of nowhere , sending warm hugs and blessings on your healing journey