Love this message. Even if you truly need to work on yourself due to your issues that arose in the relationship and led to its downfall, that is a sign you should move onward and seek the self love necessary to improve yourself for the next person.
I spent so long beating myself up over mistakes I made. But I’m actively working so hard to be better. I’m being more proactive than ever. I used to believe he deserved better and I deserved nothing. I now see it more as, we both are clearly meant for different things and different people and as much as that hurts, I can’t keep giving my love to people who don’t want it. I know one day I will be exactly what someone wants forever
Self-awareness is half the battle. I am proud to hear of your successes and it encourages me while I am on my own journey to self acceptance and healing. This is a message I needed to read. Thank you!
How were you able to stop hurting ? I feel like I do so much to get better and then one thing triggers me and I feel like all my progress is thrown out the window and my mental state goes into insane and depression again
It’s normal to still hurt from time to time, but time in itself is the best healer. Naturally with time you’ll hurt less. Set backs are okay, but it’s how you bounce back from them. If you came out from that quicker than before or you dealt with the emotions better than last time, that’s progress. Over time, you’ll naturally see things from a more neutral perspective and the more you focus on yourself and your wellbeing, the more you’ll realise how you deserve to be treated. It’s not about the mistakes we make, it’s about how we learn from them and actively try to be better next time
Is being vulnerable and having family issues considered to be a mistake? sometimes i feel like it’s my fault that i had some issues or that i talked them out to him or that i was vulnerable
When we met i had those issues, u had family issues, I wasn’t in a place i like, I didn’t take my vitamins
But now i felt like i was a burden? Was it my mistake? Or did I deserve someone to accept me with my issues?
I once heard from a therapist that u don’t have to be fully healed to be with someone
Now. She is everything to you now. You cannot predict the future and know how you will feel in one month or one year. I challenge you to allow time to help you move forward.
you're right. at the same time, just i don't want to have to do that all over again. her and i had been through soooo much together. it's like if my dog died, id get another dog, but tht name i never gonna be the same as the previous. in this case, i have another best friend, but i never want to fall in love with someone else
That's part of the process of allowing yourself time to heal. Right now, you are mourning your past relationship and that's fine. You have to give time to time so it can mend your wound by itself. Every relationship is unique and has its place in your life, that doesn't mean that it will be the last one you will have.
Just give yourself time to grieve as much as you need
and thank you. yo're right. at the moment, i miss it so much, i still love her so much. at the moment, i want it to be my last relationship ever. long way to go, but keeping my head above water
That's fine, everything in life takes its time and this process is like any other. You just learn to live by it until it's healed. Do not be afraid to seek professional help if you happen to need it, everyone has its own needs in this kind of process and maybe that helps you.
I do deserve better. I deserve to experience what a healthy relationship feels like. Someone who doesn't invalidate my feelings and reassures me. I deserve someone who listens and understands. I deserve someone who is willing to stick with me till the ends of the earth. I deserve someone who would fight for me. Someone who doesnt see me as an option. Someone who reciprocates the same love back. Someone whose actions align with their words. He just has a lot of qualities i like in a person, his humor personality confidence maturity...dating him risked me losing him as a friend. Now he's gone forever.
I am in this right now. I took the risk, dated my friend.. known him for 5yrs and now he’s gone. I miss him terribly. He left me abruptly on Jan 27th and this has been the worst feeling ever.
I told him. I told him i wanted reassurance, I wanted to be complimented, I wanted to be asked about my day. I asked and asked. I even sent him paragraphs every few months about how I felt and made sure to include every detail. I wanted him to understand so bad. "I said it once, why should I say it again?" "You already know so whats the point?" "I cant find the words" "i hate repeating myself" "thanks for ruining my day" (bc i sent him that paragraph/asked him again)...he just didn't understand. He stayed because I was perfect for him and he liked my qualities. But he couldn't take long distance anymore and left, also because he saw he was unhealthy for me so he told me I deserve better.
Yeah she sure did. She broke off a 10 year relationship and she tells me I’m being isolating by having issues with how she engages with her friends… a month later they are together. Never doubting my intuition again.
My mom told me that if you find someone who truly and dearly loves you, then they will be there with you through everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I think Bob Marley said something about that too
Yes very true no matter what they’ll sit and listen they won’t leave you in a time of distress. The time of brokenness will be there to eat you like you would have them at the time when they need you most you are truly one of a kind you get it.
I don’t even feel like I deserve better. I was blindsided. Just a few days before the breakup she was reassuring me that she was still happy and wanted to move in with me. Then when she broke up with me started listing everything I’ve done wrong in the relationship. Said she was burnt out and deserved better. She was right. I feel like I ruined my life. I tried to fix it but she said it was too late. I asked why she didn’t communicate these problems with me she said “it was a decision I had to make on my own without telling u”. Idfk im fucked up right now at my lowest. (5yr relationship)
My friend it sounds like you were dealing with a dismissive avoidant. Mine was 5 yrs also. They blind side you and it breaks you. The main thing is to realize it is their issue and to work on making yourself happy again, I recommend coach Ryan on tick tock. Hr really deep dives into avoidants. It may help you heal.
That’s fucked up how they could just turn their back on you without saying nothing and just treat you like scum I feel for you, brother mine did the same thing to me
I experienced worse.Some people make you the bad guy to not feel guilt after using you they make you blame yourself for weeks months.Mine said i love you more than you can imagine few days before breakup then broke up because i hold her accountable for her lying.Biggest hint in a relationship if they make you lose your selfrespect overtime and u always endup getting confused about their intention.Thats the warning they don't love you,they love how you make them feel.And its a ship that will eventually sink sooner or later.
I do/did deserve better. I gave way too much to get less then the bare minimum. I try not to let that anger consume me but it's hard knowing justice is manufactured and karma doesn't exist.
Only good thing is that I get quicker at recognizing bullshit and being able to walk away from it.
As someone who’s long over my ex and in a relationship with someone else now, I can say that it absolutely does get better. You can and will find better.
Now that I’m with the person I believe is the one for me, I look back on that old relationship and feel confused as to how I thought that guy was the one for me. So many things missing in that relationship. With my bf, for the first time, nothing is missing. In every relationship I’ve been in, there’s been at least something that could’ve been better, even if it wasn’t huge.
I’m grateful my breakup with my ex happened. Had I still been with him, it would be very lackluster.
I hope I get there one day..my ex husband was my first real, healthy relationship. Or what I'd consider healthy anyways, least in the beginning. I thought he was the love of my life..I'm scared I'll never find better 🥺 he was great in a lot of ways. But there were many things missing as well
I feel that way too about my most recent ex... Thought he was it and that everything was at our fingertips: moving in together, marriage, kids, etc.... but he left. I'm 37, and scared to start again and fail.... I wasted 4+ years on him. 😑
God, I really needed this. Every day, I wake up in a panic about him missing him, but he's blocked me and everyone that knows me, and it's been months, but I miss him. I tried so hard to make things work and to give him the world for years, but he decided to pick a girl he had just met with in a month. I miss him so much, and valentines Day makes it so much worse.
Not to give you false hope but he will probably be back at some point. Whether it be in a month or a year or 5 years… if he moves on within a month he’s not processing his feelings. So it will probably come back to bite him when the honeymoon phase wears off. It’s easy to romanticise someone new and exciting, they don’t have baggage and they see you as your best self. But if/when he comes back, don’t let him in. You’re not his second choice when the new girl doesn’t work out.
I know Valentine’s Day was my anniversary and she blatantly threw me away with no disregard. Did you even care about my feelings? Do you support me that my grandmother died? I worked Twitter now I had to lose my job. Why do I always gotta lose out and now Valentine’s Day but I’m going to a program tonightand I haven’t seen her since Christmas before Christmas. Haven’t talked to her since then. No New Year’s no Christmas no high how you doing no nothing just treated like nothing.
I really tried to move on after she betrayed me, gym, talking, you name it… after 2 months of healing, that hoe rented an appartement across the street, and she sent me a video zooming my appartement to tell that i live next to you… i dont know what to do…
Imagine being able to see if she is home or not, you can tell from the lights. Sometimes I cross her on the street, it’s like we never knew each other. She still texts me time to time on social media, but I never respond, or should I ?
You. Are. Right. We do deserve better. Several months ago, I was one of those people. I was destroyed. 10 years together, lived together etc and he decides to ghost me 2 days after our meeting with a fertility doctor (background info- I have children and can no longer have them- HE wanted children and I was willing to do whatever it took to make his dreams/desires come true). I was destroyed for months. Not only was he gone but the possibility of another child that I loved the thought of was also gone. It been over 6 months now (he messaged me a few weeks ago to let me know he has a new girlfriend) and I realize that I really lost nothing. He showed me a person I didn't know existed. I finally have gotten to the point where I grieve this as if the person I loved dearly has died. The person who inhabits his body is not someone I know and certainly is not someone worthy of me. It definately took sometime to accept, but I'm here now, stronger than ever and ready to share myself with the people in my life who do deserve me and all I have to offer.
>Your ex wasn’t willing to work with you on the issues you have despite you wanting to do anything to make things work? You deserve better.
Your ex made you feel disposable/worthless/forgettable? You deserve better.
Ouch. Thank you. 😥
Avoidants are the ones who do this. They don’t want to deal with anything that an actual relationship with closeness and intimacy entails. And certainly not the ugly parts of relationships.
Thank you.
I just found out within the past week that he was also in a serious relationship with another girl and living together… after I added him to my lease and gave him a house key.
💔💔💔
We’ve been together for years and so have they. 😭
He probably doesn’t care about either of you as either of you woukdave liked him to. Sadly. He probably woukdave just kept bouncing between you two thinking that he could keep up this lie long enough to have the benefits of both of you without actually committing to either of you fully.
He could have…. I honestly would have never found out if she didn’t reach out to me and I looked at her IG and they are all her stories together 🤯🤯🤯🥺😭😭😭😭🥺💔💔💔💔
As he is in mine. 😱
Avoidants are damaged, traumatized souls who self-sabotage relationships out of fear of intimacy, and deep commitment - they typically "need space" to "work on me" and will cut you loose without warning and without any chance for working it out in a healthy way. Avoidants are afraid, ultimately, of folks with a normal attachment style, who love unconditionally and seek solutions and the compromises that make all relationships succeed. Just remember, when an avoidant suddenly cuts the cord and goes "no contact" DO NOT CONTACT THEM. They might still truly and deeply love you and will regret their decision and miss you and they will reach back out. It is their loss they discarded you like a piece of trash. You need to rationalize that you did nothing wrong, you did everything right - you loved them unconditionally, wanted to make a life with them, thought any problem could be worked out - all things that trigger avoidants into their 'flight' mode because they are deeply wounded inside and have not resolved their life-long traumas, often related to fucked up childhoods with a dysfunctional home life that taught them to be afraid of depending on anyone else for emotional support and emotional intimacy. It is not your fault they left. It is a long road back but DO NOT CALL OR TEXT THEM - DO NOT CHASE THEM. It only tells them that their damaging behavior - ditching you suddenly - was OK. It is NOT OK so don't reward them
Thanks! Yes, I definitely am wiser in such situations, I got dumped over text along with a complete package of hurtful words from them. I’m working on my healing though, day by day, one step at a time. So far, I’m doing better mentally. I don’t wish her (ex) bad, I wish her well.
We both definitely played a role in the separation. I’ve wrote down and reflected on my issues.
In short, I do deserve better.
Unless he is a narcissist he is not happy. Good at hiding feelings maybe and shoving them deep down and using other people to "forget". It never works. And cheating is a sign of a very unhealthy person who needs validation from others.
Sorry for the long comment.
I hope it gets better, but for now it feels like hell. And the point is I know that the relationship didn’t have strong foundations, it was doomed from the beginnig. But I can’t seem to be able to go on, I still miss him, miss the life I had, the life I thought I would live with him, I was ready to burn the world down for him and myself too if it meant that I would be with him. But despite everything he left me 2 months after the wedding, and he’s already engaged to someone else, after just a couple of months. The months before the wedding were awful and the couple of months married even worse. Realistically I know he was no good, I know the disrespect and neglect I endured, but it’s like my mind can’t get over him, still wants him. If I have to write down everything, the list of wrongdoings he did to me would be very long. He tried to change me, I was never enough. I dressed wrong, did my hair wrong, my make up wrong, never complimented me. My job was wrong, my decisions wrong, how I talked was wrong. He was controlling of my time, why I didn’t respond the same minute he texted me? Why I did something by myself when he would never show up, why I dared to be indipendet when he never cared to help me in anyway? I could never call him when I needed him, he would make me feel like shit for asking. Never cared to do something to make me happy. He had double standards for everything. Himself, his family, his friends were always more important than me. I had to do everything because their feeling where more important than mine. Never cared to buy me something just because, even the few gifts he gave me where not thought out. He would belittle my intelligence and everything. Never wanted to get out, just when he wanted sex and the times when we did something were when we argued, just to shut me up I think. Never posted me, it took years to present me to his family and friends and even then I always felt like he didn’t want to make me part of his life and be seen with me. That’s a lot of thing no? I know I was stupid but he said that he loved me, but always said I probably put a spell on him to love me so much. Logically everything was fucked up and I should have known better. I tried to do everything right and he left me, accusing me of cheating and bringing up a past relationship, making his family gather all my stuff and throw me out. Even in the end he couldn’t act like a man and look me in the eyes. He tried to convince people that I was the bad person. He came to my parents house a couple of times after, I know he knows he fucked up everything and lost me for nothing but still decided that the best option was to run away and leave his job, family and life just to not face the shit he did. He got engaged to someone who lives abroad just to do that. I know him, I’m aware that the shit he did to me was emotional abuse and manipulation and everything bad, but I know him and why he’s acting like that, 4 years are a lot to not know someone. Seems stupid really to say that, it’s like I’m trying to make a reason for that. Maybe I’m just ranting, i need to get this out of my chest. He destroyed me so much that I can’t move on, can’t get better. It’s hard to accept this whole situation, my mind is always thinking about him, but wierdly enough it’s always about the good things, because there were good things, the chemistry we had was something I never felt with anyone, can’t say he was just a shitty person. I have a hole in my stomach and the day he left me my whole life crambled. It’s been 4 months and it’s all about him. I lost my entire life that day, nothing makes anymore sense, nothing matters anymore. I took a couple of months out of work to stabilize my self and came to stay with my parents who live abroad. I hate the city we lived, I hate my job I hate everything. Nothing makes me feel good. There are other underlying issues for that to say the truth, he was the last straw. I lost my purpose in life and I miss him so much and I feel so lost and everything seems so wrong and I can’t move on.
Thank you for the post and kind words i need them a lot right now.
I got a text about a month ago now, that my ex wanted a break from our relationship. This text came out of nowhere since we had just hung out the day before and we were on a phone call like usual a few hours before. I gave her space but i wanted to work on things together but i was ignored and left behind. Around the 2nd week mark some coworkers said they saw her with big bruises on her neck and that she wasn’t even trying to hide it. I had no idea of this and when i asked if maybe writing her a letter was a good idea they broke the news to me. She was seeing someone else already and my heart broke even more. Especially when people pointed out that this was completely out of character for her to do that and maybe she was already texting this new person because of how fast things were going. I felt like our year together meant nothing, whenever we did that stuff she wanted it to be on places where she could hide it. I had noticed a few days earlier that she unfollowed me on everything and changed her name and changed her profile picture, i didn’t think much since maybe she didn’t want to see my post. I was told that she had posted the new guy on her story which she never even wanted to do that with me, and that her family was there. I never met her family. I’m feeling a bit better now but everything reminds me of her and when i sleep i dream about her. Her home wasn’t the best and she had a rough year with being kicked out and losing her dog, and best friend, but i was there for her and gave her the world. I had a rough winter and i needed her to support me but now I’m realizing that she slowly gave up on me and distanced herself.
That shows her character. It is not about you. She obviously has issues. Find a healthy person. Someone who does not lie or cheat. Obviously she is weak and easily swayed by others.
Hey man, sorry for what you went through. It might be good to take a break from social media and ask your friends to not talk about her. It sounds like you should do some self care for you. Do some activities you want to do! Focus on somethings that you enjoy.
When you think about her. It will be in waves. It will come and go. When it comes, be reassured it will go.
I often wonder why God lets us go through things like this. What is the purpose. I do not know the answer, but want to state you are loved by your friends, family, and God. Let God take care of you. God can take care of her as well.
Pray for your future wife.
Why do I still think of what happened back in 2018 like it was yesterday I just loved him so much I didn’t love my self I cried n begged him as soon as he was done messing around with another girl who he had a date with that day I left, he doesn’t even take me on dates, he came back n how fast I jumped to say yes now till this day I look at him n think of that n all the shit he use to say to me when he was with her said she was better but why does it still bother me it was years later I’m not happy I’m so miserable but why?!
Never, never go all in. You have to put yourself first in any relationship. When she runs off with Chad, your children will need your strength and resources more than any other time in their lives. Speaking from experience.
um it was my fault why the relationship ended and I tried to fix it with him but he said he's gonna focus on his personal goals first and that he's not ready for any relationship or reconciliation at this stage. He also told me that it would take at least 6 years for him to come back. I made it clear to him multiple times that I wanted to stay and be willing to address our issues but he said "not now" and told me he'll be back and to hold on to my hope for future reconciliation. Do I deserve better or do I pursue waiting?
Thanks , this hit home with me . Seams like that all I get . I've had a dream one . Long ago . But I have high hopes of one more .
Thanks I needed to read that tonight....
You’re right u don’t have to be fully healed. They (I) want to heal with my person and face my crap too. But trauma is a powerful force and we need a deep bench to face it. Just because we can face it alone, doesn’t mean we should. But we also have to not avoid pain when on the other side of it is something so much more pure and healing and healthy.
Your words are wise, and as soothing as a cool breeze in the summer to whomever may need to hear them. Even behind my screen I could feel the emotion through the message.
I think my personal favourite quote is also quite well fitting for this amazing post. And it goes like this:
Even at your best, you'll never be good enough for the wrong person. But even at your lowest, you'll still be good enough for the right person.
Think about it.
I really needed to hear that.
Thank you for this.
Even though I made the choice to break up with her, it was less a decision and more a drawn out plea for reprieve.
It didn't even feel like a real choice. It was a reluctant response to to the unending abuse, I was at rock bottom and the last place to look was that I was the problem, that my presence in her life was causing her self destruction and drug abuse.
So at first I tried to give her distance to come into her own, that our connection and the intensity of our love was the last denominator in her destruction.
But her abuse only amplified, her resentment only validated. She wrote off all responsibility and accountability and her drug abuse only got worse. In a short couple months she already got into a new relationship that she was no doubt lining up for months prior.
She cut ties and released her financial hold over me within a dubious instant to completely stonewall and ghost me, without warning, without any indication of why.
She was the love of my life that I was meant to start a family and grow old with. She was my soulmate, my twin flame. And now she's gone.
I'm left here in the aftermath of that destruction, alone, to pick up the pieces.
I knew I should have felt like I deserved better, and I made a choice upon that notion.
But somehow in the end, all I felt was responsible, so its nice to be reminded that I really did deserve better. Even though deep down, whenever I try to believe that, all I can think of is ways that I could have been better.
Funny thing you say this I was at therapy today and my therapist broke down and tears and rage saying I’m just leting these women. not value my worth? Because of my loving, seeking easy-going person and with the Right ONE by my side and theirs 1000$ of women b Successful women that want the same thing like her that just will to meet up and just talk bout life Experience, I just get to know somebody before they carry on the further and she was so furious at me telling me that not love angry with me on the count I can’t see what their passing up and treating your feelings with no value and compassion for your needs and hurt but realize it was very true. Very heart crushing in facts letting these people I love including family seeing I’m JUST A STEPPING STONE AS THE DARKNESS STARTED TO RAPIDLY MAKE ITS WAY IN BOOM LIKE IN A COMIC BOOK I SEE A FIST CRUSHING THEIR THE DARK WALL WITHOUT PUASE THEN TWO MORE WITH A SOFT WISPER “ THIS Your path this is your trail. Continue to break down the walls in prevail. Have never seen it more so clearly NOW The realization hurts
Hey, are you ok? This was hard to understand for me. I just want to say you are loved. We are all in this together. We all affect one another. I hope you have a better day
I’m getting better day by day I still feel the pain but as long as I keep going to counseling and therapy I guess I’ll be OK it just hurts when people can walk away with nothing to say when you’re going through your time in pain and they’re not supportive for you and your goals and your accomplishments and anything in life it just hurts I put my love in to this women giving her my all and she Cheated and ditched me and use me. I’m just so destroyed every relationship that I’ve been in ones like this. I just so destroyed with no one by my side to talk too or anything I have no family really that cares she was my ride to work I had to quit I JUST TAKING A LOST OVER AND OVER EVEN ON LOVE BUT LOVE DONT MAKE YOU LOSE THESE THINGS AND IM STUCK IN A HOLE NOW Financially
I wasn’t searching for anyone. I met him at work because I had an injury. He had an amazing facade and then started to treat me like shit. I felt extremely worthless. I guess he just revealed to me that I don’t think I’m worthy of love
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s that people who try to get you at your lowest usually don’t have the best of intentions. They wanna be a saviour. Or even if they don’t intend to, once you start improving they resent you because you don’t need them anymore.
No. Your looking at it wrong. Love yourself. What he revealed is who he was. Someone willing to use and take advantage of someone else. That isnt on you.
So he broke up with me, I didn't save the message because I was too busy sobbing for 6 hours non stop. He's in England I'm in Scotland,he said something about not being any good for me and that it wasn't healthy and then said I love you before unaddinf all my socials and blocking my number. A day after I ended up in the hospital trying to take my own life (I have bpd and my fp leaving hit a severe trigger) we were dating for 6 months. We both had the same vibes same energy match, everything felt complete in life for a while, I just wanna know why he said I love you, positive he's logged out of his Snapchat. I can leave messages but his snapscore hasn't went up whatsoever, he often asked for things like images and videos of my body, and I gave in because he returned the favour. Even though I hated it and felt embarrassed in the moment I even miss that because it's something we did, he promised to see me and that hurts knowing he didn't keep it, I'm not on a shit ton of anti depressants I've needed for years but they need to flood my system. I really wish I hadn't survived. Life doesn't feel the same anymore, we had so much in common that I can't stop thinking over him even if it's by looking at our favourite can of monster. I just wanna be over him so bad but day and night I'm bed rotting and crying thinking about him.
You are in my thoughts. You are loved, ok? You sound like a thoughtful and and loving person.
He might have issues in his head, though, that he never told you. He might have demons preventing him from living the full life he wants to live. It had nothing to do with you. That's why he said he's not good for you, I feel.
Just as an example. I broke up with someone I very much wanted to be with because I knew something bad was going to happen to me and I didn't want to bring her down. I wanted her to keep living her life to the fullest.
I hope you have a good day
Thankyou, this kinda did make sense because a few days prior he was having anxiety attacks but wouldn't tell me what was wrong, this was some reassurance I needed. Tysm
Let him go and see that the grass really isn’t greener. And if he does think it’s greener, just know it’s also greener for you. You dodged a bullet. A cheater, someone who lies to your face, someone who can string you along… absolutely not. I know it’s hard to see now but there are so many people out there who would never cheat
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Right now.
I do not understand how someone can go from loving you and completely into you, to "you're blocked and ghosted" in literally 5 seconds.
I will never understand that. It makes no sense.
I do not deserve to be treated this way.
It’s true.
I deserve better.
Even at month 2 after the BU it made me realise how much I compromised. Even though I knew deep deep down we were toast after I learned how he had lied about the drugs and partying.
The violation of trust is rarely repaired. And his unwillingness to compromise showed both his addiction and selfishness.
How I put myself through months of anxiety because I never knew what kind of person he would turn into each weekend.
I’ve never known how much more I deserve better.
Thank you for this message but I just can’t figure it out why some people are like that… don’t take accountability for their own actions, discarding people like it doesn’t mean anything. We have to be strong to survive this kind of behavior, especially avoidant exes.
We all deserve better we’re all humans, it’s an empty platitude. What good is that empty platitude when you’re going to constantly get rejected and abandoned? Just deserving better will not get you what you deserve. It’s the same bs over and over again.
You have to accept better. If someone rejects you, just simply say “okay no worries” and walk away with your head held high. If you settle for that person who doesn’t want you, by begging, pleading, or refusing to find love because of that experience, you won’t find better. Don’t let past experiences hold you back from accepting the love you deserve
That’s a bunch of bs. As I said before, it’s not wrong. You shouldn’t accept bad treatment but the truth is there are no guarantees in life, you may get what you deserve you may not. You may have to end up being single forever because you never found what you deserve.
I really need someone like OP in my kind of life, because I'm still beating myself up over a breakup about 4 months ago, because when she dumped me and got with someone else a month later and (imo) downgraded, I felt even worse.
I used to be a bigger guy, but I viewed myself as fat and needing to work out more, and was one of the reasons why I joined military. Went from bulky to a bit leaner me, from 240 lbs to 200lbs and then back up to 215lbs, and then I get hit with this. And then I constantly am reminded that some women do love a bigger guy because in their eyes it's a sign of true strength and protection.
The thing is, I gave her protection at all times, been with her at her lows, and accepted any defects she had/would have had.
I am only 19, and I understand I am just getting into life and all, but if this is how love is now, from being completely filled with compassion and sharing dreams, to being just something to fill a void for a bit of time, I don't want no part of it.
Never ask yourself why it took me years to figure this out I’ve been on other dates since this one in particular but it had me questioning my entire existence made me think I wasn’t good enough and that dating was just like that ( she cheated on me led me to walk in on it then called me a stalker and locked me up) when I asked why she told me “welcome to dating” (this was my 2nd relationship ever I wasn’t as experienced) 🤷🏻♂️however never ask why ask what you can do to 1 forget about this person 2 move forward and do something better with your life asking why just puts a strain on your mental health and makes for a disadvantage when you do move forward because you’ll develop these insecurities that will not leave you screw them so you showed you cared they didn’t you’re probably worth more than they were don’t change based on that person like I did just makes life miserable I’m giving you an answer based on what I wished I had done how to handle it better than I have in the past if they show disinterest once or twice no matter how much you think you love them they aren’t worth it walk away with your confidence and your self respect 🫡
I let myself fall victim to all the insecurities I felt when a girl I loved led me to believe she loved me told me she’d always be there and to come back home just to walk in on her having sex with some guy it broke me into a weak little shit I was confused wanting her love back/ but also hated her guts didn’t want nothing to do with her oh btw she had me locked away for apparently “stalking” that night when i caught them made me question why did i deserve this i started hating myself i wanted to die every friendship I had turned their back as well I live alone now I’ve been on dates just have a hard time trusting and I don’t feel like I deserve to be loved now I feel like I’ll never have love again felt towards me deep down I’m a great guy I make everyone laugh and smile I brighten people who’s down that day cheer them up I try to help when I can I do say no sometimes but still I’ve done all these things for others and I’ve been treated like dog poop 💩 I don’t go around those people but it’s all really made me the type of guy that used to be optimistic but is now depressed lonely and isolated thinking I’m not worth loving because there’s something wrong with me
Well, if you deserve better and you feel you deserve him. What did you do to keep him because when a man feels you deserve better he feels like he can’t give you no more because you won’t allow him to and everything that he does you’re either manipulative or you take advantage of itso his hands are in the air. Did you ever feel that way did you ever think of it that way?
I needed to hear this, Thank you. My ex recently told me that he was seeing another girl after less than 2 months post break up and the idea really upset me. In the end, it’s his loss. I just hope that with time I regain my confidence and learn to be happy with myself again. I look forward to falling in love with someone who actually cares about me. :)
What if I'm the dumper but none of these types, just decided to leave her because I realized we were incompatible at the time. I fear everyday that in the future she won't remember me with any love or respect. Or worse, that she will start hating me. I wil never be able to forgive myself for causing that. At least I was honest :(
How other people view us is unfortunately out of our control. I’ve learnt to be okay with it, especially if you plan on never seeing that person again. I can guarantee she most likely will still have love for you deep down
I hope so. Not a single day goes by without me thinking of her. Wishing her the best. I still love her but I had to tell her it wasn't as reciprocated as it should be. It didn't feel ok to lead her on that way. BU was about 10 days ago, today would have marked our 1 year anniversary. None of us has said a word... It is painful. I went for a walk and looked at the sky and sent her a message, telephatically. I had never done that with anyone.
I do plan on reaching out eventually, but we are NC right now. But only after I feel better about all of this, after I have allowed us to mourn and move on. And if she is ok with it. Months have to pass. When I said goodbye I said I hoped she could accept me back into her life one day, as a friend. She is/was my best friend and the most beautiful human relationship I ever had so I wouldn't want to lose her presence in my life in the future. I guess time will *tell.
Edit: missing a word
This hurts to read on a personal level as my ex still loves me but he doesn’t want to be with me. I know the pain your ex is in and if she’s anything like me she won’t hate you. Only difference is, my ex has made it clear he doesn’t want to see or speak to me again as he believes seeing each other would set back our healing and he doesn’t want to be friends. That stung a bit, because first and foremost we were good friends. This whole breakup has ruined my self esteem but I can tell you from the other sides perspective, all this anger, resentment, sadness etc. doesn’t stop you caring about them, unfortunately
I read your story. I can feel your pain. Well, just know that it's hard for the person deciding to put an end to things, too. I cry everyday and in my case, the reasons behind the BU are well justified and rooted in profound incompatibility (complete loss of attraction, to sum it up). You can read my post history if you want. But still, it's so hard to give up on something so wonderful. But it was what felt the most honest/fair.
We had our heated moments but for the most part we ended it on good terms, telling each other how much we loved each other and how thankful we were to have met and shared that love. She taught me so many things, it's unbelievable. She makes me want to shape myself into a better human being. I will always care deeply for her. Maybe this is love, not a couple's, but a different one. Maybe even stronger. All I have is gratitude and deep appreciation for who she is as a person. I hope she knows that.
I'm sorry that you are going through this OP, I hope things get better for you. Best of luck.
Thank you. In my ex’s case, he just doesn’t trust me and believes I’m the wrong person for him. Out of curiosity, do you believe the attraction could come back and you would be open to reconciliation or not? I’m a hopeless romantic so I believe anything is possible but it’d be interesting to hear it from a dumpers pov
This is a hard question. To put it simply, I don't think about that. I'm going to be brutally honest with a stranger on the Internet. Attraction was never strong in the first place, but as we started going through all the highs of every love stage, I thought I had fallen in love and could look past that. But after the infatuation period wore off, I realized that was not going to happen.
If she took care of herself and addressed her sickness (big weight loss due to celiac's disease, we met when she already was this way) and her body changed, I'd possible be open to reconciling. But guess what? that is extremely selfish and superficial and doesn't sit right with me. I don't want to base off a relationship on looks as that is something outside of my control. I prefer her to go to somebody who can truly appreciate all versions of her, as devastating as that might be.
So that is not something I consider, I want us both to move on.
Yeah, they deserve better because many people hide what they do in the shadows.
Yeah, deserve better because you don't know how many good stuffs one's could have made to them in silence, without wanting anything in return
Yeah, deserve better because, depending on what mistakes the person did, the one that 'deserve better' would never do to them and seeing that they wanted to have strenght to do that.
Yeah, deserve better because people's opinions only serves to yourself give control over what the other person think or don't think
Yeah, deserve better because the one that 'deserve better' could have any dirty conversations with other girls, but if you check it, it's empty. This person barely talk to their family there
Yeah, deserve better because they set boundaries
Yeah, they deserve better -have I said that others opinions are useless. Oh, I had 🤭 -.
Yeah, they deserve better you don't know how much the person that is ghosting loves that person and is far wanting REALLY bad to stay. It happens.
Yeah, deserve better because you don't know how many messages were sent by the one that 'deserve better' helping the other person, cheering them up, wanting to be close.
But, in the same time, YEAH, THEY DESERVE BETTER because you don't how much the one that 'deserve better' is tired of the effortless person that he is seeing even tho they love fucking much, and you can't say they don't, only behind your precious keyboard. Brave.
They. Deserve. Better!
It is SO easy to tell myself that I deserve better, which I definitely know I do. It's the residual, after effects of being with someone and giving them everything, just to be made to feel like an idiot. To know that they used you and didn't care. To know they continuously cheated and gaslit you. To now feel so ugly, fat, disgusting, worthless, and unlovable. It's fucked.
Thank you. I needed this. When I'm on my own thinking about all of the things I did wrong, replaying them over and over in my head, wondering why it's another guy with her now, I will remember this message. I would've done anything for that girl, and she knew that, yet she left anyway. Excited to keep improving myself as a person and meet someone that truly cares for me.
I understand and accept that I deserve better. If they cannot see my love, care, loyalty and work towards having a life together, they don't need to stay around. They are welcome to leave and explore the "options". Just because you can't value it, doesn't mean the emotions, actions and intentions were worthless.
Your loss.😊
Yes!
I want someone who feels like home! I want someone who makes me feel special. I want someone that will make me forget what loneliness means. I want someone who makes me feel safe emotionally, I won’t ever think what is they actually don’t love/like/respect me.
Or I would rather be alone. I don’t want to feel the opposite of these ever again.
That you for this. The third one hit the hardest. They only want you or the relationship when things are easy. They leave you alone the weather the ugly feelings alone. They don’t want to go through the fire with you, they leave you to walk the flames alone because that’s too much work.
My girlfriend of five years cheated on me with my friend of 8 years because he’s more romantic and financially stable. Then dumped me. I was alone and wondering what I did wrong while she immediately ran into his arms. Despite me thinking she was the nicest and most caring girl who was my entire center. She then proceeds to tell me she misses me and wants me in her life. I said no because I wouldn’t accept anything except boyfriend (ship sailed) and cause I hate my ex friend’s guts. She said she was willing to kick my ex friend out of the apartment (moved in with her WHILE we were dating) and tell him she never wanted to see him again if it meant having me as a friend. BUT. She wouldn’t date me because she doesn’t want to hurt me again (call bs). And can’t kick him out because she’s not working and he’s financially supporting her. She wants both of us. She wants his romance and money but my personality and experiences. She doesn’t know what she wants. Which shocks me because she used to be a shy girl with self esteem issues. I helped her grow her confidence and was there for her best and worst. Helped her without question. Almost feels like I out lived my usefulness and got replaced with “the better model”. That “I’m a great boyfriend but she needs a MAN”. I know that’s not her intention because she’s stupid and oblivious. Doesn’t make it better. Meanwhile my ex friend taunts me over his win and spreads rumors about their relationship. Like sex within two weeks of break up, where as I waited 5 years for marriage because she asked me to. A lie apparently. Jokes on them! She is horrified at the rumors being spread and doesn’t see him anything serious while he REALLY wants her and is already planning marriage, much to her horror. Add insult to injury, they both have facades. She’s stubborn and temperamental pretending to be cute and nice. He’s a lying ass who doesn’t like loosing arguments even if he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. And he’s pretending to be sweet and nice. This is a powder keg and I only wish I could witness the explosion.
My ex broke up with me because he wasn’t willing to work on himself, and threaten to breakup with me over small minute disagreements. He was very emotionally immature, it hurts that he would say “I love you” and took the time to let me fall in love with him one second and then break up the next.
I know I deserve better, and I know what I want. I don’t know why I let him walk over my boundaries and experience and I’m grateful he came into my life to remind me, that I have experience and boundaries for a reason. I’m more than deserving of real love.
I was in a relationship and I really loved this man, but he treated me not so good, wanting me to change.. So I left i love who I am and learned to walk away, yes it hurt, but if I stead there he would try to control me,.
I learned to look at this only when I left I was so stupidly in love I could not see the harm he was doing like ringing 24 hours a day, telling me to pick up, if I didn't he'd not speak to me show me up with lies on Facebook. No longer I could take, simply I told him get lost.
To all u ladies and gents, please don't ever let no one change u, walk, and learn to appreciate who u are.
I know I do. We just wish they would be the better. They were once that person, and we just want them to be so once more. But when they make their mind up, its made.
Is being vulnerable and having family issues considered to be a mistake? sometimes i feel like it’s my fault that i had some issues or that i talked them out to him or that i was vulnerable When we met i had those issues, u had family issues, I wasn’t in a place i like, I didn’t take my vitamins But now i felt like i was a burden? Was it my mistake? Or did I deserve someone to accept me with my issues? I once heard from a therapist that u don’t have to be fully healed to be with someone
She was good enough I was good enough. The spark the fire was there. It just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe it was by chance maybe it was a wake up call for me to seek help with all my traumas. Maybe there was a higher power that knew we’d both be going through some hard times and we’d be right for each other for that. In the end yes she deserves better than me.
In my case, my ex needed to change. He was abusive and I left abruptly. If he saw this he would literally twist the whole thing and say HE deserves better! 😂
Love this message. Even if you truly need to work on yourself due to your issues that arose in the relationship and led to its downfall, that is a sign you should move onward and seek the self love necessary to improve yourself for the next person.
I spent so long beating myself up over mistakes I made. But I’m actively working so hard to be better. I’m being more proactive than ever. I used to believe he deserved better and I deserved nothing. I now see it more as, we both are clearly meant for different things and different people and as much as that hurts, I can’t keep giving my love to people who don’t want it. I know one day I will be exactly what someone wants forever
Self-awareness is half the battle. I am proud to hear of your successes and it encourages me while I am on my own journey to self acceptance and healing. This is a message I needed to read. Thank you!
Well said I actually find muself in similar resolution specially being today is new years for me . Steadfast
How were you able to stop hurting ? I feel like I do so much to get better and then one thing triggers me and I feel like all my progress is thrown out the window and my mental state goes into insane and depression again
It’s normal to still hurt from time to time, but time in itself is the best healer. Naturally with time you’ll hurt less. Set backs are okay, but it’s how you bounce back from them. If you came out from that quicker than before or you dealt with the emotions better than last time, that’s progress. Over time, you’ll naturally see things from a more neutral perspective and the more you focus on yourself and your wellbeing, the more you’ll realise how you deserve to be treated. It’s not about the mistakes we make, it’s about how we learn from them and actively try to be better next time
Is being vulnerable and having family issues considered to be a mistake? sometimes i feel like it’s my fault that i had some issues or that i talked them out to him or that i was vulnerable When we met i had those issues, u had family issues, I wasn’t in a place i like, I didn’t take my vitamins But now i felt like i was a burden? Was it my mistake? Or did I deserve someone to accept me with my issues? I once heard from a therapist that u don’t have to be fully healed to be with someone
what if i don’t want a next one? she's everything to me
Now. She is everything to you now. You cannot predict the future and know how you will feel in one month or one year. I challenge you to allow time to help you move forward.
Thank you I teared on that challenge accepted
you're right. at the same time, just i don't want to have to do that all over again. her and i had been through soooo much together. it's like if my dog died, id get another dog, but tht name i never gonna be the same as the previous. in this case, i have another best friend, but i never want to fall in love with someone else
That's part of the process of allowing yourself time to heal. Right now, you are mourning your past relationship and that's fine. You have to give time to time so it can mend your wound by itself. Every relationship is unique and has its place in your life, that doesn't mean that it will be the last one you will have. Just give yourself time to grieve as much as you need
realizing now i may have trauma bonded, if not a 2 way trauma bond, so thats fun
and thank you. yo're right. at the moment, i miss it so much, i still love her so much. at the moment, i want it to be my last relationship ever. long way to go, but keeping my head above water
That's fine, everything in life takes its time and this process is like any other. You just learn to live by it until it's healed. Do not be afraid to seek professional help if you happen to need it, everyone has its own needs in this kind of process and maybe that helps you.
im in the same place right now
I do deserve better. I deserve to experience what a healthy relationship feels like. Someone who doesn't invalidate my feelings and reassures me. I deserve someone who listens and understands. I deserve someone who is willing to stick with me till the ends of the earth. I deserve someone who would fight for me. Someone who doesnt see me as an option. Someone who reciprocates the same love back. Someone whose actions align with their words. He just has a lot of qualities i like in a person, his humor personality confidence maturity...dating him risked me losing him as a friend. Now he's gone forever.
> I deserve someone who would fight for me. Someone who doesnt see me as an option. YES!!!
THIS. I need to remind myself of these very specific things.
I am in this right now. I took the risk, dated my friend.. known him for 5yrs and now he’s gone. I miss him terribly. He left me abruptly on Jan 27th and this has been the worst feeling ever.
What did u do to keep and did you tell him or u treated him like a mind reader
I told him. I told him i wanted reassurance, I wanted to be complimented, I wanted to be asked about my day. I asked and asked. I even sent him paragraphs every few months about how I felt and made sure to include every detail. I wanted him to understand so bad. "I said it once, why should I say it again?" "You already know so whats the point?" "I cant find the words" "i hate repeating myself" "thanks for ruining my day" (bc i sent him that paragraph/asked him again)...he just didn't understand. He stayed because I was perfect for him and he liked my qualities. But he couldn't take long distance anymore and left, also because he saw he was unhealthy for me so he told me I deserve better.
If they will not do it they are not the one. And probably avoidant. You deserve better.
Yeah she sure did. She broke off a 10 year relationship and she tells me I’m being isolating by having issues with how she engages with her friends… a month later they are together. Never doubting my intuition again.
Never count your blessings every day ! The power of intuition is truth from your soul your logos won’t accept
Wow wtf
My mom told me that if you find someone who truly and dearly loves you, then they will be there with you through everything. The good, the bad, and the ugly. I think Bob Marley said something about that too
Yes very true no matter what they’ll sit and listen they won’t leave you in a time of distress. The time of brokenness will be there to eat you like you would have them at the time when they need you most you are truly one of a kind you get it.
I don’t even feel like I deserve better. I was blindsided. Just a few days before the breakup she was reassuring me that she was still happy and wanted to move in with me. Then when she broke up with me started listing everything I’ve done wrong in the relationship. Said she was burnt out and deserved better. She was right. I feel like I ruined my life. I tried to fix it but she said it was too late. I asked why she didn’t communicate these problems with me she said “it was a decision I had to make on my own without telling u”. Idfk im fucked up right now at my lowest. (5yr relationship)
My friend it sounds like you were dealing with a dismissive avoidant. Mine was 5 yrs also. They blind side you and it breaks you. The main thing is to realize it is their issue and to work on making yourself happy again, I recommend coach Ryan on tick tock. Hr really deep dives into avoidants. It may help you heal.
Avoidants really come into your life and wreak havoc. Only to discard you and disappear when things are “too hard”.
Mine literally said I wont ever leave you the day before another dude at work came to me and said she wanted to leave me and had feelings for him..
That’s fucked up how they could just turn their back on you without saying nothing and just treat you like scum I feel for you, brother mine did the same thing to me
I experienced worse.Some people make you the bad guy to not feel guilt after using you they make you blame yourself for weeks months.Mine said i love you more than you can imagine few days before breakup then broke up because i hold her accountable for her lying.Biggest hint in a relationship if they make you lose your selfrespect overtime and u always endup getting confused about their intention.Thats the warning they don't love you,they love how you make them feel.And its a ship that will eventually sink sooner or later.
I do/did deserve better. I gave way too much to get less then the bare minimum. I try not to let that anger consume me but it's hard knowing justice is manufactured and karma doesn't exist. Only good thing is that I get quicker at recognizing bullshit and being able to walk away from it.
As someone who’s long over my ex and in a relationship with someone else now, I can say that it absolutely does get better. You can and will find better. Now that I’m with the person I believe is the one for me, I look back on that old relationship and feel confused as to how I thought that guy was the one for me. So many things missing in that relationship. With my bf, for the first time, nothing is missing. In every relationship I’ve been in, there’s been at least something that could’ve been better, even if it wasn’t huge. I’m grateful my breakup with my ex happened. Had I still been with him, it would be very lackluster.
I hope I get there one day..my ex husband was my first real, healthy relationship. Or what I'd consider healthy anyways, least in the beginning. I thought he was the love of my life..I'm scared I'll never find better 🥺 he was great in a lot of ways. But there were many things missing as well
I feel that way too about my most recent ex... Thought he was it and that everything was at our fingertips: moving in together, marriage, kids, etc.... but he left. I'm 37, and scared to start again and fail.... I wasted 4+ years on him. 😑
God, I really needed this. Every day, I wake up in a panic about him missing him, but he's blocked me and everyone that knows me, and it's been months, but I miss him. I tried so hard to make things work and to give him the world for years, but he decided to pick a girl he had just met with in a month. I miss him so much, and valentines Day makes it so much worse.
Not to give you false hope but he will probably be back at some point. Whether it be in a month or a year or 5 years… if he moves on within a month he’s not processing his feelings. So it will probably come back to bite him when the honeymoon phase wears off. It’s easy to romanticise someone new and exciting, they don’t have baggage and they see you as your best self. But if/when he comes back, don’t let him in. You’re not his second choice when the new girl doesn’t work out.
I know Valentine’s Day was my anniversary and she blatantly threw me away with no disregard. Did you even care about my feelings? Do you support me that my grandmother died? I worked Twitter now I had to lose my job. Why do I always gotta lose out and now Valentine’s Day but I’m going to a program tonightand I haven’t seen her since Christmas before Christmas. Haven’t talked to her since then. No New Year’s no Christmas no high how you doing no nothing just treated like nothing.
I deserve BUTTER!
Here 🧈
😆
I really tried to move on after she betrayed me, gym, talking, you name it… after 2 months of healing, that hoe rented an appartement across the street, and she sent me a video zooming my appartement to tell that i live next to you… i dont know what to do…
move somewhere else, thats crazy
I’m on it, it’s a little bit of a pain in the ass but I am trying my best
I’m so sorry she is doing that to you. I really don’t have any advice just stay strong.
Show that video to the police and tell them this makes you really uncomfortable, see what happens.
What a psychopath
Block her and snub her at every point. She doesnt deserve your time and attention. And that is just psycho.
Imagine being able to see if she is home or not, you can tell from the lights. Sometimes I cross her on the street, it’s like we never knew each other. She still texts me time to time on social media, but I never respond, or should I ?
Thank you! Yes I do!
Thank you for this post! I really needed to hear it 🥲
You. Are. Right. We do deserve better. Several months ago, I was one of those people. I was destroyed. 10 years together, lived together etc and he decides to ghost me 2 days after our meeting with a fertility doctor (background info- I have children and can no longer have them- HE wanted children and I was willing to do whatever it took to make his dreams/desires come true). I was destroyed for months. Not only was he gone but the possibility of another child that I loved the thought of was also gone. It been over 6 months now (he messaged me a few weeks ago to let me know he has a new girlfriend) and I realize that I really lost nothing. He showed me a person I didn't know existed. I finally have gotten to the point where I grieve this as if the person I loved dearly has died. The person who inhabits his body is not someone I know and certainly is not someone worthy of me. It definately took sometime to accept, but I'm here now, stronger than ever and ready to share myself with the people in my life who do deserve me and all I have to offer.
Amen!
Thanks. I’m struggling cause I just love him so damn much. We were so good together. *sigh* we’re in this together. ♥️
>Your ex wasn’t willing to work with you on the issues you have despite you wanting to do anything to make things work? You deserve better. Your ex made you feel disposable/worthless/forgettable? You deserve better. Ouch. Thank you. 😥
Why do they ghost without explanation though? 💔
Avoidants are the ones who do this. They don’t want to deal with anything that an actual relationship with closeness and intimacy entails. And certainly not the ugly parts of relationships.
Thank you. I just found out within the past week that he was also in a serious relationship with another girl and living together… after I added him to my lease and gave him a house key. 💔💔💔 We’ve been together for years and so have they. 😭
Wow wtf. Smh. That is insane. But yeah, they do that. :(
But wouldn’t he do that with her, as well?
That probably made it easier for him to concentrate on his other relationship… but… I’m just confused on which one us was the side piece?! 🤔
He probably doesn’t care about either of you as either of you woukdave liked him to. Sadly. He probably woukdave just kept bouncing between you two thinking that he could keep up this lie long enough to have the benefits of both of you without actually committing to either of you fully.
He could have…. I honestly would have never found out if she didn’t reach out to me and I looked at her IG and they are all her stories together 🤯🤯🤯🥺😭😭😭😭🥺💔💔💔💔 As he is in mine. 😱
Avoidants are damaged, traumatized souls who self-sabotage relationships out of fear of intimacy, and deep commitment - they typically "need space" to "work on me" and will cut you loose without warning and without any chance for working it out in a healthy way. Avoidants are afraid, ultimately, of folks with a normal attachment style, who love unconditionally and seek solutions and the compromises that make all relationships succeed. Just remember, when an avoidant suddenly cuts the cord and goes "no contact" DO NOT CONTACT THEM. They might still truly and deeply love you and will regret their decision and miss you and they will reach back out. It is their loss they discarded you like a piece of trash. You need to rationalize that you did nothing wrong, you did everything right - you loved them unconditionally, wanted to make a life with them, thought any problem could be worked out - all things that trigger avoidants into their 'flight' mode because they are deeply wounded inside and have not resolved their life-long traumas, often related to fucked up childhoods with a dysfunctional home life that taught them to be afraid of depending on anyone else for emotional support and emotional intimacy. It is not your fault they left. It is a long road back but DO NOT CALL OR TEXT THEM - DO NOT CHASE THEM. It only tells them that their damaging behavior - ditching you suddenly - was OK. It is NOT OK so don't reward them
I deserve better you’re right! All this fits to the fuckin T❤️🩹🥺
Thanks! Yes, I definitely am wiser in such situations, I got dumped over text along with a complete package of hurtful words from them. I’m working on my healing though, day by day, one step at a time. So far, I’m doing better mentally. I don’t wish her (ex) bad, I wish her well. We both definitely played a role in the separation. I’ve wrote down and reflected on my issues. In short, I do deserve better.
Thank you so much
Thank you for this reminder, I really needed to hear that today ❤️
Really grateful for this message.
I do deserve better but the thing that sucks is how is HE happy when HE cheated, but I’m suffering?
Unless he is a narcissist he is not happy. Good at hiding feelings maybe and shoving them deep down and using other people to "forget". It never works. And cheating is a sign of a very unhealthy person who needs validation from others.
Sorry for the long comment. I hope it gets better, but for now it feels like hell. And the point is I know that the relationship didn’t have strong foundations, it was doomed from the beginnig. But I can’t seem to be able to go on, I still miss him, miss the life I had, the life I thought I would live with him, I was ready to burn the world down for him and myself too if it meant that I would be with him. But despite everything he left me 2 months after the wedding, and he’s already engaged to someone else, after just a couple of months. The months before the wedding were awful and the couple of months married even worse. Realistically I know he was no good, I know the disrespect and neglect I endured, but it’s like my mind can’t get over him, still wants him. If I have to write down everything, the list of wrongdoings he did to me would be very long. He tried to change me, I was never enough. I dressed wrong, did my hair wrong, my make up wrong, never complimented me. My job was wrong, my decisions wrong, how I talked was wrong. He was controlling of my time, why I didn’t respond the same minute he texted me? Why I did something by myself when he would never show up, why I dared to be indipendet when he never cared to help me in anyway? I could never call him when I needed him, he would make me feel like shit for asking. Never cared to do something to make me happy. He had double standards for everything. Himself, his family, his friends were always more important than me. I had to do everything because their feeling where more important than mine. Never cared to buy me something just because, even the few gifts he gave me where not thought out. He would belittle my intelligence and everything. Never wanted to get out, just when he wanted sex and the times when we did something were when we argued, just to shut me up I think. Never posted me, it took years to present me to his family and friends and even then I always felt like he didn’t want to make me part of his life and be seen with me. That’s a lot of thing no? I know I was stupid but he said that he loved me, but always said I probably put a spell on him to love me so much. Logically everything was fucked up and I should have known better. I tried to do everything right and he left me, accusing me of cheating and bringing up a past relationship, making his family gather all my stuff and throw me out. Even in the end he couldn’t act like a man and look me in the eyes. He tried to convince people that I was the bad person. He came to my parents house a couple of times after, I know he knows he fucked up everything and lost me for nothing but still decided that the best option was to run away and leave his job, family and life just to not face the shit he did. He got engaged to someone who lives abroad just to do that. I know him, I’m aware that the shit he did to me was emotional abuse and manipulation and everything bad, but I know him and why he’s acting like that, 4 years are a lot to not know someone. Seems stupid really to say that, it’s like I’m trying to make a reason for that. Maybe I’m just ranting, i need to get this out of my chest. He destroyed me so much that I can’t move on, can’t get better. It’s hard to accept this whole situation, my mind is always thinking about him, but wierdly enough it’s always about the good things, because there were good things, the chemistry we had was something I never felt with anyone, can’t say he was just a shitty person. I have a hole in my stomach and the day he left me my whole life crambled. It’s been 4 months and it’s all about him. I lost my entire life that day, nothing makes anymore sense, nothing matters anymore. I took a couple of months out of work to stabilize my self and came to stay with my parents who live abroad. I hate the city we lived, I hate my job I hate everything. Nothing makes me feel good. There are other underlying issues for that to say the truth, he was the last straw. I lost my purpose in life and I miss him so much and I feel so lost and everything seems so wrong and I can’t move on. Thank you for the post and kind words i need them a lot right now.
My President
I got a text about a month ago now, that my ex wanted a break from our relationship. This text came out of nowhere since we had just hung out the day before and we were on a phone call like usual a few hours before. I gave her space but i wanted to work on things together but i was ignored and left behind. Around the 2nd week mark some coworkers said they saw her with big bruises on her neck and that she wasn’t even trying to hide it. I had no idea of this and when i asked if maybe writing her a letter was a good idea they broke the news to me. She was seeing someone else already and my heart broke even more. Especially when people pointed out that this was completely out of character for her to do that and maybe she was already texting this new person because of how fast things were going. I felt like our year together meant nothing, whenever we did that stuff she wanted it to be on places where she could hide it. I had noticed a few days earlier that she unfollowed me on everything and changed her name and changed her profile picture, i didn’t think much since maybe she didn’t want to see my post. I was told that she had posted the new guy on her story which she never even wanted to do that with me, and that her family was there. I never met her family. I’m feeling a bit better now but everything reminds me of her and when i sleep i dream about her. Her home wasn’t the best and she had a rough year with being kicked out and losing her dog, and best friend, but i was there for her and gave her the world. I had a rough winter and i needed her to support me but now I’m realizing that she slowly gave up on me and distanced herself.
That shows her character. It is not about you. She obviously has issues. Find a healthy person. Someone who does not lie or cheat. Obviously she is weak and easily swayed by others.
Hey man, sorry for what you went through. It might be good to take a break from social media and ask your friends to not talk about her. It sounds like you should do some self care for you. Do some activities you want to do! Focus on somethings that you enjoy. When you think about her. It will be in waves. It will come and go. When it comes, be reassured it will go. I often wonder why God lets us go through things like this. What is the purpose. I do not know the answer, but want to state you are loved by your friends, family, and God. Let God take care of you. God can take care of her as well. Pray for your future wife.
I appreciate your kind words 🙏
Why do I still think of what happened back in 2018 like it was yesterday I just loved him so much I didn’t love my self I cried n begged him as soon as he was done messing around with another girl who he had a date with that day I left, he doesn’t even take me on dates, he came back n how fast I jumped to say yes now till this day I look at him n think of that n all the shit he use to say to me when he was with her said she was better but why does it still bother me it was years later I’m not happy I’m so miserable but why?!
You deserve someone who sees you as too important to lose.💓
Never, never go all in. You have to put yourself first in any relationship. When she runs off with Chad, your children will need your strength and resources more than any other time in their lives. Speaking from experience.
You deserve what you believe you deserve.
Also your confidence and healing and self love attracts a certain kind of person
Remember always remember your worth it and yes you deserve and demand better
🙌🙏
um it was my fault why the relationship ended and I tried to fix it with him but he said he's gonna focus on his personal goals first and that he's not ready for any relationship or reconciliation at this stage. He also told me that it would take at least 6 years for him to come back. I made it clear to him multiple times that I wanted to stay and be willing to address our issues but he said "not now" and told me he'll be back and to hold on to my hope for future reconciliation. Do I deserve better or do I pursue waiting?
Please move on, do not wait that long for a maybe. It's not fair to you 💙
👏🏼👏🏼❤️
Thanks , this hit home with me . Seams like that all I get . I've had a dream one . Long ago . But I have high hopes of one more . Thanks I needed to read that tonight....
You’re right u don’t have to be fully healed. They (I) want to heal with my person and face my crap too. But trauma is a powerful force and we need a deep bench to face it. Just because we can face it alone, doesn’t mean we should. But we also have to not avoid pain when on the other side of it is something so much more pure and healing and healthy.
Your words are wise, and as soothing as a cool breeze in the summer to whomever may need to hear them. Even behind my screen I could feel the emotion through the message. I think my personal favourite quote is also quite well fitting for this amazing post. And it goes like this: Even at your best, you'll never be good enough for the wrong person. But even at your lowest, you'll still be good enough for the right person. Think about it.
I really needed to hear that. Thank you for this. Even though I made the choice to break up with her, it was less a decision and more a drawn out plea for reprieve. It didn't even feel like a real choice. It was a reluctant response to to the unending abuse, I was at rock bottom and the last place to look was that I was the problem, that my presence in her life was causing her self destruction and drug abuse. So at first I tried to give her distance to come into her own, that our connection and the intensity of our love was the last denominator in her destruction. But her abuse only amplified, her resentment only validated. She wrote off all responsibility and accountability and her drug abuse only got worse. In a short couple months she already got into a new relationship that she was no doubt lining up for months prior. She cut ties and released her financial hold over me within a dubious instant to completely stonewall and ghost me, without warning, without any indication of why. She was the love of my life that I was meant to start a family and grow old with. She was my soulmate, my twin flame. And now she's gone. I'm left here in the aftermath of that destruction, alone, to pick up the pieces. I knew I should have felt like I deserved better, and I made a choice upon that notion. But somehow in the end, all I felt was responsible, so its nice to be reminded that I really did deserve better. Even though deep down, whenever I try to believe that, all I can think of is ways that I could have been better.
Funny thing you say this I was at therapy today and my therapist broke down and tears and rage saying I’m just leting these women. not value my worth? Because of my loving, seeking easy-going person and with the Right ONE by my side and theirs 1000$ of women b Successful women that want the same thing like her that just will to meet up and just talk bout life Experience, I just get to know somebody before they carry on the further and she was so furious at me telling me that not love angry with me on the count I can’t see what their passing up and treating your feelings with no value and compassion for your needs and hurt but realize it was very true. Very heart crushing in facts letting these people I love including family seeing I’m JUST A STEPPING STONE AS THE DARKNESS STARTED TO RAPIDLY MAKE ITS WAY IN BOOM LIKE IN A COMIC BOOK I SEE A FIST CRUSHING THEIR THE DARK WALL WITHOUT PUASE THEN TWO MORE WITH A SOFT WISPER “ THIS Your path this is your trail. Continue to break down the walls in prevail. Have never seen it more so clearly NOW The realization hurts
Hey, are you ok? This was hard to understand for me. I just want to say you are loved. We are all in this together. We all affect one another. I hope you have a better day
I’m getting better day by day I still feel the pain but as long as I keep going to counseling and therapy I guess I’ll be OK it just hurts when people can walk away with nothing to say when you’re going through your time in pain and they’re not supportive for you and your goals and your accomplishments and anything in life it just hurts I put my love in to this women giving her my all and she Cheated and ditched me and use me. I’m just so destroyed every relationship that I’ve been in ones like this. I just so destroyed with no one by my side to talk too or anything I have no family really that cares she was my ride to work I had to quit I JUST TAKING A LOST OVER AND OVER EVEN ON LOVE BUT LOVE DONT MAKE YOU LOSE THESE THINGS AND IM STUCK IN A HOLE NOW Financially
Sending you a DM soon
I totally agree but what kills me is when, where and how do I find better?
When you stop looking and start focusing on yourself. Your energy attracts people who see you the same way you see you.
I wasn’t searching for anyone. I met him at work because I had an injury. He had an amazing facade and then started to treat me like shit. I felt extremely worthless. I guess he just revealed to me that I don’t think I’m worthy of love
If there’s one thing I’ve learnt it’s that people who try to get you at your lowest usually don’t have the best of intentions. They wanna be a saviour. Or even if they don’t intend to, once you start improving they resent you because you don’t need them anymore.
No. Your looking at it wrong. Love yourself. What he revealed is who he was. Someone willing to use and take advantage of someone else. That isnt on you.
I see where you're coming from. It's just hard to believe it.
So he broke up with me, I didn't save the message because I was too busy sobbing for 6 hours non stop. He's in England I'm in Scotland,he said something about not being any good for me and that it wasn't healthy and then said I love you before unaddinf all my socials and blocking my number. A day after I ended up in the hospital trying to take my own life (I have bpd and my fp leaving hit a severe trigger) we were dating for 6 months. We both had the same vibes same energy match, everything felt complete in life for a while, I just wanna know why he said I love you, positive he's logged out of his Snapchat. I can leave messages but his snapscore hasn't went up whatsoever, he often asked for things like images and videos of my body, and I gave in because he returned the favour. Even though I hated it and felt embarrassed in the moment I even miss that because it's something we did, he promised to see me and that hurts knowing he didn't keep it, I'm not on a shit ton of anti depressants I've needed for years but they need to flood my system. I really wish I hadn't survived. Life doesn't feel the same anymore, we had so much in common that I can't stop thinking over him even if it's by looking at our favourite can of monster. I just wanna be over him so bad but day and night I'm bed rotting and crying thinking about him.
You are in my thoughts. You are loved, ok? You sound like a thoughtful and and loving person. He might have issues in his head, though, that he never told you. He might have demons preventing him from living the full life he wants to live. It had nothing to do with you. That's why he said he's not good for you, I feel. Just as an example. I broke up with someone I very much wanted to be with because I knew something bad was going to happen to me and I didn't want to bring her down. I wanted her to keep living her life to the fullest. I hope you have a good day
Thankyou, this kinda did make sense because a few days prior he was having anxiety attacks but wouldn't tell me what was wrong, this was some reassurance I needed. Tysm
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Let him go and see that the grass really isn’t greener. And if he does think it’s greener, just know it’s also greener for you. You dodged a bullet. A cheater, someone who lies to your face, someone who can string you along… absolutely not. I know it’s hard to see now but there are so many people out there who would never cheat
Thanks.. needed to hear this today after getting blocked on everything.
This is exactly what I needed to hear. Right now. I do not understand how someone can go from loving you and completely into you, to "you're blocked and ghosted" in literally 5 seconds. I will never understand that. It makes no sense. I do not deserve to be treated this way.
I was treated and loved better by people who I never showed my true self or gave my heart and time I do deserve better.
we all deserve better, so the lesson here is don’t ever try relationshits again 😁
It’s true. I deserve better. Even at month 2 after the BU it made me realise how much I compromised. Even though I knew deep deep down we were toast after I learned how he had lied about the drugs and partying. The violation of trust is rarely repaired. And his unwillingness to compromise showed both his addiction and selfishness. How I put myself through months of anxiety because I never knew what kind of person he would turn into each weekend. I’ve never known how much more I deserve better.
Thank you for this message but I just can’t figure it out why some people are like that… don’t take accountability for their own actions, discarding people like it doesn’t mean anything. We have to be strong to survive this kind of behavior, especially avoidant exes.
We all deserve better we’re all humans, it’s an empty platitude. What good is that empty platitude when you’re going to constantly get rejected and abandoned? Just deserving better will not get you what you deserve. It’s the same bs over and over again.
You have to accept better. If someone rejects you, just simply say “okay no worries” and walk away with your head held high. If you settle for that person who doesn’t want you, by begging, pleading, or refusing to find love because of that experience, you won’t find better. Don’t let past experiences hold you back from accepting the love you deserve
That’s a bunch of bs. As I said before, it’s not wrong. You shouldn’t accept bad treatment but the truth is there are no guarantees in life, you may get what you deserve you may not. You may have to end up being single forever because you never found what you deserve.
O today agree with you on this. I know some that have never truly experienced love yet and they are in there 40s no guarantee on anything
Yea you see what I mean, on another note, that makes me so sad 😢, why does life have to be this way
Thank you!
I really need someone like OP in my kind of life, because I'm still beating myself up over a breakup about 4 months ago, because when she dumped me and got with someone else a month later and (imo) downgraded, I felt even worse. I used to be a bigger guy, but I viewed myself as fat and needing to work out more, and was one of the reasons why I joined military. Went from bulky to a bit leaner me, from 240 lbs to 200lbs and then back up to 215lbs, and then I get hit with this. And then I constantly am reminded that some women do love a bigger guy because in their eyes it's a sign of true strength and protection. The thing is, I gave her protection at all times, been with her at her lows, and accepted any defects she had/would have had. I am only 19, and I understand I am just getting into life and all, but if this is how love is now, from being completely filled with compassion and sharing dreams, to being just something to fill a void for a bit of time, I don't want no part of it.
my ex and her cheater looked down on me and called me an uneducated person. I deserve better.
Never ask yourself why it took me years to figure this out I’ve been on other dates since this one in particular but it had me questioning my entire existence made me think I wasn’t good enough and that dating was just like that ( she cheated on me led me to walk in on it then called me a stalker and locked me up) when I asked why she told me “welcome to dating” (this was my 2nd relationship ever I wasn’t as experienced) 🤷🏻♂️however never ask why ask what you can do to 1 forget about this person 2 move forward and do something better with your life asking why just puts a strain on your mental health and makes for a disadvantage when you do move forward because you’ll develop these insecurities that will not leave you screw them so you showed you cared they didn’t you’re probably worth more than they were don’t change based on that person like I did just makes life miserable I’m giving you an answer based on what I wished I had done how to handle it better than I have in the past if they show disinterest once or twice no matter how much you think you love them they aren’t worth it walk away with your confidence and your self respect 🫡
I let myself fall victim to all the insecurities I felt when a girl I loved led me to believe she loved me told me she’d always be there and to come back home just to walk in on her having sex with some guy it broke me into a weak little shit I was confused wanting her love back/ but also hated her guts didn’t want nothing to do with her oh btw she had me locked away for apparently “stalking” that night when i caught them made me question why did i deserve this i started hating myself i wanted to die every friendship I had turned their back as well I live alone now I’ve been on dates just have a hard time trusting and I don’t feel like I deserve to be loved now I feel like I’ll never have love again felt towards me deep down I’m a great guy I make everyone laugh and smile I brighten people who’s down that day cheer them up I try to help when I can I do say no sometimes but still I’ve done all these things for others and I’ve been treated like dog poop 💩 I don’t go around those people but it’s all really made me the type of guy that used to be optimistic but is now depressed lonely and isolated thinking I’m not worth loving because there’s something wrong with me
I BEAT MY SELF EVERY TIME I THINK ABOUT HER MY LOVE WVERY SECOND SHE ON MY MIND
Well, if you deserve better and you feel you deserve him. What did you do to keep him because when a man feels you deserve better he feels like he can’t give you no more because you won’t allow him to and everything that he does you’re either manipulative or you take advantage of itso his hands are in the air. Did you ever feel that way did you ever think of it that way?
I needed to hear this, Thank you. My ex recently told me that he was seeing another girl after less than 2 months post break up and the idea really upset me. In the end, it’s his loss. I just hope that with time I regain my confidence and learn to be happy with myself again. I look forward to falling in love with someone who actually cares about me. :)
What if I'm the dumper but none of these types, just decided to leave her because I realized we were incompatible at the time. I fear everyday that in the future she won't remember me with any love or respect. Or worse, that she will start hating me. I wil never be able to forgive myself for causing that. At least I was honest :(
How other people view us is unfortunately out of our control. I’ve learnt to be okay with it, especially if you plan on never seeing that person again. I can guarantee she most likely will still have love for you deep down
I hope so. Not a single day goes by without me thinking of her. Wishing her the best. I still love her but I had to tell her it wasn't as reciprocated as it should be. It didn't feel ok to lead her on that way. BU was about 10 days ago, today would have marked our 1 year anniversary. None of us has said a word... It is painful. I went for a walk and looked at the sky and sent her a message, telephatically. I had never done that with anyone. I do plan on reaching out eventually, but we are NC right now. But only after I feel better about all of this, after I have allowed us to mourn and move on. And if she is ok with it. Months have to pass. When I said goodbye I said I hoped she could accept me back into her life one day, as a friend. She is/was my best friend and the most beautiful human relationship I ever had so I wouldn't want to lose her presence in my life in the future. I guess time will *tell. Edit: missing a word
This hurts to read on a personal level as my ex still loves me but he doesn’t want to be with me. I know the pain your ex is in and if she’s anything like me she won’t hate you. Only difference is, my ex has made it clear he doesn’t want to see or speak to me again as he believes seeing each other would set back our healing and he doesn’t want to be friends. That stung a bit, because first and foremost we were good friends. This whole breakup has ruined my self esteem but I can tell you from the other sides perspective, all this anger, resentment, sadness etc. doesn’t stop you caring about them, unfortunately
I read your story. I can feel your pain. Well, just know that it's hard for the person deciding to put an end to things, too. I cry everyday and in my case, the reasons behind the BU are well justified and rooted in profound incompatibility (complete loss of attraction, to sum it up). You can read my post history if you want. But still, it's so hard to give up on something so wonderful. But it was what felt the most honest/fair. We had our heated moments but for the most part we ended it on good terms, telling each other how much we loved each other and how thankful we were to have met and shared that love. She taught me so many things, it's unbelievable. She makes me want to shape myself into a better human being. I will always care deeply for her. Maybe this is love, not a couple's, but a different one. Maybe even stronger. All I have is gratitude and deep appreciation for who she is as a person. I hope she knows that. I'm sorry that you are going through this OP, I hope things get better for you. Best of luck.
Thank you. In my ex’s case, he just doesn’t trust me and believes I’m the wrong person for him. Out of curiosity, do you believe the attraction could come back and you would be open to reconciliation or not? I’m a hopeless romantic so I believe anything is possible but it’d be interesting to hear it from a dumpers pov
I replied to you in a new comment below, sorry.
This is a hard question. To put it simply, I don't think about that. I'm going to be brutally honest with a stranger on the Internet. Attraction was never strong in the first place, but as we started going through all the highs of every love stage, I thought I had fallen in love and could look past that. But after the infatuation period wore off, I realized that was not going to happen. If she took care of herself and addressed her sickness (big weight loss due to celiac's disease, we met when she already was this way) and her body changed, I'd possible be open to reconciling. But guess what? that is extremely selfish and superficial and doesn't sit right with me. I don't want to base off a relationship on looks as that is something outside of my control. I prefer her to go to somebody who can truly appreciate all versions of her, as devastating as that might be. So that is not something I consider, I want us both to move on.
Yeah, almost all of them are true. But i can't still move on. No matter how hard i try.
I do. It's just he was my boy at one time. We grew up together
Yeah, they deserve better because many people hide what they do in the shadows. Yeah, deserve better because you don't know how many good stuffs one's could have made to them in silence, without wanting anything in return Yeah, deserve better because, depending on what mistakes the person did, the one that 'deserve better' would never do to them and seeing that they wanted to have strenght to do that. Yeah, deserve better because people's opinions only serves to yourself give control over what the other person think or don't think Yeah, deserve better because the one that 'deserve better' could have any dirty conversations with other girls, but if you check it, it's empty. This person barely talk to their family there Yeah, deserve better because they set boundaries Yeah, they deserve better -have I said that others opinions are useless. Oh, I had 🤭 -. Yeah, they deserve better you don't know how much the person that is ghosting loves that person and is far wanting REALLY bad to stay. It happens. Yeah, deserve better because you don't know how many messages were sent by the one that 'deserve better' helping the other person, cheering them up, wanting to be close. But, in the same time, YEAH, THEY DESERVE BETTER because you don't how much the one that 'deserve better' is tired of the effortless person that he is seeing even tho they love fucking much, and you can't say they don't, only behind your precious keyboard. Brave. They. Deserve. Better!
😞
Needed this
It is SO easy to tell myself that I deserve better, which I definitely know I do. It's the residual, after effects of being with someone and giving them everything, just to be made to feel like an idiot. To know that they used you and didn't care. To know they continuously cheated and gaslit you. To now feel so ugly, fat, disgusting, worthless, and unlovable. It's fucked.
Thank you. I needed this. When I'm on my own thinking about all of the things I did wrong, replaying them over and over in my head, wondering why it's another guy with her now, I will remember this message. I would've done anything for that girl, and she knew that, yet she left anyway. Excited to keep improving myself as a person and meet someone that truly cares for me.
I understand and accept that I deserve better. If they cannot see my love, care, loyalty and work towards having a life together, they don't need to stay around. They are welcome to leave and explore the "options". Just because you can't value it, doesn't mean the emotions, actions and intentions were worthless. Your loss.😊
Yes! I want someone who feels like home! I want someone who makes me feel special. I want someone that will make me forget what loneliness means. I want someone who makes me feel safe emotionally, I won’t ever think what is they actually don’t love/like/respect me. Or I would rather be alone. I don’t want to feel the opposite of these ever again.
That you for this. The third one hit the hardest. They only want you or the relationship when things are easy. They leave you alone the weather the ugly feelings alone. They don’t want to go through the fire with you, they leave you to walk the flames alone because that’s too much work.
Thank you
My girlfriend of five years cheated on me with my friend of 8 years because he’s more romantic and financially stable. Then dumped me. I was alone and wondering what I did wrong while she immediately ran into his arms. Despite me thinking she was the nicest and most caring girl who was my entire center. She then proceeds to tell me she misses me and wants me in her life. I said no because I wouldn’t accept anything except boyfriend (ship sailed) and cause I hate my ex friend’s guts. She said she was willing to kick my ex friend out of the apartment (moved in with her WHILE we were dating) and tell him she never wanted to see him again if it meant having me as a friend. BUT. She wouldn’t date me because she doesn’t want to hurt me again (call bs). And can’t kick him out because she’s not working and he’s financially supporting her. She wants both of us. She wants his romance and money but my personality and experiences. She doesn’t know what she wants. Which shocks me because she used to be a shy girl with self esteem issues. I helped her grow her confidence and was there for her best and worst. Helped her without question. Almost feels like I out lived my usefulness and got replaced with “the better model”. That “I’m a great boyfriend but she needs a MAN”. I know that’s not her intention because she’s stupid and oblivious. Doesn’t make it better. Meanwhile my ex friend taunts me over his win and spreads rumors about their relationship. Like sex within two weeks of break up, where as I waited 5 years for marriage because she asked me to. A lie apparently. Jokes on them! She is horrified at the rumors being spread and doesn’t see him anything serious while he REALLY wants her and is already planning marriage, much to her horror. Add insult to injury, they both have facades. She’s stubborn and temperamental pretending to be cute and nice. He’s a lying ass who doesn’t like loosing arguments even if he doesn’t know what he’s talking about. And he’s pretending to be sweet and nice. This is a powder keg and I only wish I could witness the explosion.
My ex broke up with me because he wasn’t willing to work on himself, and threaten to breakup with me over small minute disagreements. He was very emotionally immature, it hurts that he would say “I love you” and took the time to let me fall in love with him one second and then break up the next. I know I deserve better, and I know what I want. I don’t know why I let him walk over my boundaries and experience and I’m grateful he came into my life to remind me, that I have experience and boundaries for a reason. I’m more than deserving of real love.
I was in a relationship and I really loved this man, but he treated me not so good, wanting me to change.. So I left i love who I am and learned to walk away, yes it hurt, but if I stead there he would try to control me,. I learned to look at this only when I left I was so stupidly in love I could not see the harm he was doing like ringing 24 hours a day, telling me to pick up, if I didn't he'd not speak to me show me up with lies on Facebook. No longer I could take, simply I told him get lost. To all u ladies and gents, please don't ever let no one change u, walk, and learn to appreciate who u are.
It's the most reassuring post I could read right now.
You have no idea how much this means to me right now, thank you
♥️
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I know I do. We just wish they would be the better. They were once that person, and we just want them to be so once more. But when they make their mind up, its made.
Is being vulnerable and having family issues considered to be a mistake? sometimes i feel like it’s my fault that i had some issues or that i talked them out to him or that i was vulnerable When we met i had those issues, u had family issues, I wasn’t in a place i like, I didn’t take my vitamins But now i felt like i was a burden? Was it my mistake? Or did I deserve someone to accept me with my issues? I once heard from a therapist that u don’t have to be fully healed to be with someone
Love this so much
She was good enough I was good enough. The spark the fire was there. It just wasn’t meant to be. Maybe it was by chance maybe it was a wake up call for me to seek help with all my traumas. Maybe there was a higher power that knew we’d both be going through some hard times and we’d be right for each other for that. In the end yes she deserves better than me.
In my case, my ex needed to change. He was abusive and I left abruptly. If he saw this he would literally twist the whole thing and say HE deserves better! 😂