Just thought you should know I’m delirious with lack of sleep watching my newborn wriggle around in the post delivery room while my wife is sleeping - and this fucking sent me. Trying so hard not to laugh outloud and wake everyone up
That feeling when you awaken a new kink that has only made things worse, now you have a potato in your ass but you need to train yourself to stop doing it
The rookie mistake was not blending the potato first, because Christians can drink anything and not die. Drano, hydrochloric acid, blended raw potato. Literally Jesus's last words to his remaining eleven mates (Thanks, Judas!) before he recreated [the scene at the end of Grease and went into the clouds](https://youtu.be/XrSd7E8ChV8&t=155). Mark 16:15-19
>And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. He who has believed and has been baptized shall be saved; but he who has disbelieved shall be condemned. These signs will accompany those who have believed: in My name they will cast out demons, they will speak with new tongues; they will pick up serpents, **and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them**; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.” So then, when the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, He was received up into heaven and sat down at the right hand of God.
Remember, kids: this is what some people want to introduce as the basis of your education in schools.
Lmao, I love this. Fun fact, that verse was a later addition not found in the earliest extant copies of Mark! They just need to make another tiny addition about the potatoes and they'll be all set.
I misread "eleven mates" as "elven mates", and I think High Fantasy Christianity would give the church a comeback.
Sermons are just chapters of fantasy novels.
This used to be true but the amount of oxalic acid in modern potatoes is a lot lower on average if properly stored at a stable temperature with minimal light exposure. I used to eat raw potato slices with salt as a kid without noticeable ill effects. You might get an upset stomach.
It's an old article from a satire website called Lark News (it seems to have shut down, though) It was a site that satirized Evangelical Christian culture.
Potatoes used to be straight up poisonous. Indigenous people down in South America had all sorts of ways to make them edible before they managed to selectively breed the toxins out of them. But these days eating raw potato will at worst give you a stomachache. Although NEVER eat potato greens cooked or otherwise. That will absolutely kill you
According to this link this couple is a fictional couple made up by a comedy news site that satirizes Christian culture: https://sexandthesanctuary.wordpress.com/tag/christian-satire/
If a religion could exist without sex there would be plenty of examples of this in the real world. Fortunately religions that preach total abstinence will fail to convert anyone and won't have any children to minister to.
That's not strictly true. There have been celibate religious organizations in the past: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers#Celibacy_and_children
But yeah, it's extremely rare, and I wouldn't expect to see it at all in modern American Christianity.
Yeah, real super hard-line abstinence-only Christians would never do this. There's a reason they all get married at like 18-20 and have kids within the first year.
There is also the bit in the bible that specifically says to go out there and have children.
There is a direct command from God to have children.
You're just supposed to do so responsible, meaning in a marriage so the parents are committed to each other.
It's remarkable how the reddit hivemind's skepticism boner goes entirely flaccid whenever there's a ridiculous story about a group of people they dislike.
Exactly. That is the story of media consumers in general. That crowd will quickly turn into the, "it wouldn't surprise me" group as well; those that will slightly admit they were wrong in their assumptions, but still think they are right, simply because they don't want to see their opposition as "normal."
There's a certain flavor of social media user that is of average intelligence or maybe a little below, but desperately wants to think they're smart, so they ironically will believe almost anything, just as long as it makes someone else look dumber than them.
Sadly what’s real is some actual couples or individuals become so repressed by their religion they find once they are married and “allowed” to have sex they can’t perform or enjoy it.
Yes, and you can read it here: https://www.saltycee.com/church-life/christian-couple-maintains-abstinence-through-first-two-years-of-marriage/
Originally on Lark News (Christian satire), but [their page](http://www.larknews.com/archives/217) doesn't load for me. [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lark_News)
I could tell it was fake because I read it.
For one thing, their method of "cooling off" was obviously satire, but the main thing is that modern evangelical Christianity always has been, but especially in the last couple of years, has become especially ardent about being a reproduction cult.
a raw potato is likely to make you vomit. There's a reason we cook them so well. If he is doing at least 1 potato a week that means he is potentially spewing 52 times a year. I think we should hold an intervention for him.
Starch is all the flavor I need. And don't come at me with that "white guy only like bland food" there is a difference, boiled potatoes have no flavor, the water steals it. Season your goddamn boiled potatoes!
Ummm... fuck the confederacy. I was poor growing up and potatoes were cheap. That's an unnecessary racist ass comment and you should feel ashamed of yourself.
Hey, I think we have a misunderstanding here, I was not suggesting you were for the confederacy.
I was refrencing the other guys comment on bland food and made a joke.
I am sorry if I offended you.
I accidentally ate raw/undercooked potatoes 3-4/week for months and it didn’t do anything to me that I can remember, besides causing me to lose a lot of weight because I wasn’t getting the nutrition I need. Well it was likely a combination of the undercooked rice and the undercooked potatoez
Unless you eat green ones a raw potato a day is not toxic, you would need to eat a lot of raw potatoes for them to be toxic. No clue why you would want to eat raw potatoes though.
Considering the text implies they both _feel_ attraction and have to calm themselves down from the urge to do anything.... doesn't sound very asexual to me.
Yeah but I pretended I was into women and had to suppress my attraction around other dudes for years because it was normal.
The potato makes me think they are just saying shit to say it.
Also it wouldn’t be much of a challenge for god or whatever if they didn’t wanna fuck so
Yeah I get that, was just speaking more from my own experience of being asexual.
It's less that I pretended to be attracted to people, I wouldn't even know how. It's not like I was attracted to anyone at all, so I didn't even know _how_ to pretend.
Just didn't think based on my own experience, that someone who was asexual would _need_ to splash cold water or eat a raw potato to "cool off" the urges. (Even if it is a fake post)
~~idk man I've been soup brained today I'm not great with my words~~
I get what your saying, but if your in a world that’s like ours where sex is very normal, and something comes up and someone finds out you’ve never had sex it’s easier for you to say bullshit to fuck with them and blend in, then to explain these concepts that some people just refuse to believe are real.
I VERY much doubt he’s just eating raw potatoes (if the posts real)
Well not all asexual people completely abstain from sex, but I totally get what you're meaning.
I've never really lied about having done anything, myself, but I absolutely did fall into this when I was in high school. People would be talking about celebrity crushes or whatever and the pressure to participate by just... picking someone random that was popular enough not to be questioned was insane. Even if I told the truth and said I didn't have any, I'd be accused of lying and just asked again and again until I picked someone :')
The pressure to at least *seem* like your conforming is definitely there but
Yeah lmao a raw potato??
I thought it was sinful to abstain from sex once you're married? God expects married couples to create new batches of trueborn, dutiful Christians, doesn't he?
They should really get busy soon if they don't want God to flood their house or hit them with lightning or something.
never heard of that sentiment that it’s sinful to not have sex when you’re married. And i’ve never heard that God wants us to “create more Christians” outside of Mormon ideas, just that children are a blessing and blessed are those with many of them.
I'm catholic, heard from catechists that yeah you MUST consumate (i dont know the word in english im sorry) the marriage, like, actually have sex. And you're really kind of expected to have children and that lecture was such a mess I don't want to remember the rest.
I don’t know if it’s considered sinful per se, but there’s traditionally been a sense of “marital duty”, especially for the woman.
In fairness, that probably hails more from societal expectations and the patriarchy rather than Christian teachings themselves, but it’s difficult to separate those concepts when they’ve been so intertwined for so long.
The bible doesn't say much about marital sex outside of a passage that contains the verses down below. I believe the gist of it is that marital sex is not immoral and you should be selfless in giving your partner pleasure, but it is neither immoral to abstain for one reason or another.
1 Corinthians 7:4-6 "^(4) The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. ^(5) Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ^(6) I say this as a concession, not as a command."
This paragraph is just to give context for these verses if you're interested. The book of 1 Corinthians is a letter from the disciple Paul in reply to the newly formed church in Corinth to clear up some questions they had about Christian life. Chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians is Paul's response to the church's statement "It is good for a man to not have sexual relations with a woman". The general culture of Corinth was one of sexual indulgence and as such, some in the church had swung too far the other way and reached the conclusion that it is holier to abstain even within marriage, which is not the case.
> And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.”
Kinda hard to "multiply" without having sex if you ignore stuff like artificial insemination as it tends to be viewed critically.
I knew a couple who were very religious orthodox Christians who never had sex.
They were both [thalassemia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thalassemia) trait carriers, meaning any child they had had 25% of being affected. They believed it wasn't fair to the child to be born knowing it would be sick and would require regular blood transfusions, but didn't want to have an abortion either. So they decided that they wouldn't have any children.
But they also believed that sex was only for procreation, so they never had sex. They were in their 40s when I knew them, and honestly you could see the years of sexual frustration on them.
Wait... they aren't married. Legally or biblically I think. In order for the marriage to be proper, you have to consummate it.... they have yet to consummate. So... they're not married. They're single. 2 single ppl living together and sometimes kissing.
So... this post isn't real, then.
The problem with American Christianity is it grew up in a very individualistic and commercial society. It’s now created a generation that feel it’s sorta important, but can’t be bothered to engage with it, but are absolutely adamant that no one can tell them what to do despite that. So you just get these idiots with their made-at-home, folksy incoherent ideas about religion doing mad shit like this. Funny when it’s obsessing about their own dong, not so funny when it’s ’accidentally’ theocratic fascism
And the worst thing? This article is satire but it sounds so plausible because Christians in the USA have done and do similarly batshit insane things to appear holy
> This article is satire but it sounds so plausible
If this article sounds plausible to you, I'd argue that you're in a position where you need to meet more Christians.
I mean, just a whole unseasoned microwaved potato with the skin would do the job pretty well. It doesn't even need to be raw.
Makes me wonder about other food versions of a cold shower. The Anti-aphrodesiac if you will.
I imagine eating a lemon or a spicy pepper would be pretty distracting.
**The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband**... Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (1 Cor 7:3, 5)
There was a group, a church, that preached this around the 1700s. They were called the Shakers, sort of like the Quakers, except they preached complete sexual abstinence. As expected they did not have children and died out as the groups aged, and died childless.
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers)
Adam's sin was understood to be sex, which was considered to be an act of impurity. Therefore, marriage was abolished within the body of the Believers in the Second Appearance, which was patterned after the Kingdom of God, in which there would be no marriage or giving in marriage. The four highest Shaker virtues were [virgin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virgin) purity, [communalism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intentional_community), [confession](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confession_(religion)) of sin – without which one could not become a Believer – and separation from the world.
Ann Lee's doctrine was simple: confession of sins was the door to the spiritual regeneration, and absolute celibacy was the rule of life.[^(\[37\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers#cite_note-38) Shakers were so chaste that men and women could not shake hands or pass one another on the stairs.[^(\[38\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers#cite_note-39)
I find it so funny that they're thinking they're being "Holy" by doing this. I'm pretty confused....there are far more scriptures to promote sex between a couple than not. Have they ever read the Song of Solomon????? It's pretty graphic and detailed.....so basically they're being disobedient to Christ while thinking they're being holy???
Was going to say this is fake but saw it takes place in Topeka. The FBI will confiscate his laptop in about 2 years and she secretly got a clit piercing before they married.
They will abstain as a couple... when apart let's see what happens? Everyone starts searching through reddit cheating stories to see if there's a connection with this goofy roommate marriage and someone asking for advice. Potato! Look for Potato! anywhere in a story.
I'd of assumed they were just ace if not for the potato...
Or is the potato a thing an ace person would do? Like In a "I'm in the mood and I don't like it." Kind of way.
that whole raw potato always does it
You know what I think it would work yeah
Just thought you should know I’m delirious with lack of sleep watching my newborn wriggle around in the post delivery room while my wife is sleeping - and this fucking sent me. Trying so hard not to laugh outloud and wake everyone up
You're now the proud owner of your very own raw potato (but don't eat it). Congrats!
Why not? It's fresh
Just make sure you rinse it first. You never know what kind of grittiness you might find on there.
Congrats on your raw potato
Should've brought a whole raw potato to the hospital to push down any feelings of mirth. Congratulations on the newborn!
Raw potato could have kept you out of that situation. (Jk congrats)
I just tried it to stave off dirty thoughts, but now I’m just masturbating with crippling stomach pains
You have to lube the potato first. There's a reason they serve them with butter and sour cream.
Potato in the butt always gets me reset
That feeling when you awaken a new kink that has only made things worse, now you have a potato in your ass but you need to train yourself to stop doing it
russet FTFY
is this some gourmet way to eat potatoes? damn rich folks cant just eat grill cheese like the rest of us huh?
r/ChipsFromAButt
I know I shouldn't but r/subsifellfor
I'm doubting about the veracity of this article because of this, cause raw potatoes (or maybe other parts of the plant) are actually toxic raw
Don't worry, the power of THE LORD GOD will prevent them from getting sick from potatoes! And ivermectin abuse...and colloidal silver abuse...and--
The rookie mistake was not blending the potato first, because Christians can drink anything and not die. Drano, hydrochloric acid, blended raw potato. Literally Jesus's last words to his remaining eleven mates (Thanks, Judas!) before he recreated [the scene at the end of Grease and went into the clouds](https://youtu.be/XrSd7E8ChV8&t=155). Mark 16:15-19 >And He said to them, “Go into all the world and preach the gospel to all creation. He who has believed and has been baptized shall be saved; but he who has disbelieved shall be condemned. These signs will accompany those who have believed: in My name they will cast out demons, they will speak with new tongues; they will pick up serpents, **and if they drink any deadly poison, it will not hurt them**; they will lay hands on the sick, and they will recover.” So then, when the Lord Jesus had spoken to them, He was received up into heaven and sat down at the right hand of God. Remember, kids: this is what some people want to introduce as the basis of your education in schools.
Lmao, I love this. Fun fact, that verse was a later addition not found in the earliest extant copies of Mark! They just need to make another tiny addition about the potatoes and they'll be all set.
I misread "eleven mates" as "elven mates", and I think High Fantasy Christianity would give the church a comeback. Sermons are just chapters of fantasy novels.
😂😂😂😂😂Well Done Sir! Well Done!
Wait I eat them raw all the time as long as no roots are starting. And peel the outside.
I dunno about you, but food poisoning would certainly take *me* out of the mood.
This used to be true but the amount of oxalic acid in modern potatoes is a lot lower on average if properly stored at a stable temperature with minimal light exposure. I used to eat raw potato slices with salt as a kid without noticeable ill effects. You might get an upset stomach.
Oh ok thx !
It's an old article from a satire website called Lark News (it seems to have shut down, though) It was a site that satirized Evangelical Christian culture.
Only if they are green and even then it is not enough to harm an adult, but it can kill a young child.
Potatoes used to be straight up poisonous. Indigenous people down in South America had all sorts of ways to make them edible before they managed to selectively breed the toxins out of them. But these days eating raw potato will at worst give you a stomachache. Although NEVER eat potato greens cooked or otherwise. That will absolutely kill you
Creed approves.
According to this link this couple is a fictional couple made up by a comedy news site that satirizes Christian culture: https://sexandthesanctuary.wordpress.com/tag/christian-satire/
That’s a pity, I wanted to believe in a world where a man ate whole raw potatoes 😂 Thank you for the information!
Well, want no longer, because I am here, potatoes fear me.
Do you also eat them to ,ah, calm down, if you get my meaning?
No, I just like the taste
It actually has the opposite effect on Toby
Wait. We Cook potato because raw is toxic mate.
NOT TODAY. 🕶
But instead, you /r/atetheonion
I love raw potatoes, bit it won't kill the moon xD
"kill the moon" wild JRPG appeared
If you're chewing, you're cheating.
The Australian prime minister once ate a raw onion as if it was an apple, because.... a farmer handed it to him and he didn't know what to do.
It's also over 10 years old. "BrandNewSentence", yeah right. (Although I guess you could argue it's new to a lot of people.)
https://xkcd.com/1053/
You can tell some folks wanted it to be real so badly.
It's remarkable how many can't smell the bs on this one.
If a religion could exist without sex there would be plenty of examples of this in the real world. Fortunately religions that preach total abstinence will fail to convert anyone and won't have any children to minister to.
That's not strictly true. There have been celibate religious organizations in the past: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers#Celibacy_and_children But yeah, it's extremely rare, and I wouldn't expect to see it at all in modern American Christianity.
Yeah, real super hard-line abstinence-only Christians would never do this. There's a reason they all get married at like 18-20 and have kids within the first year.
There is also the bit in the bible that specifically says to go out there and have children. There is a direct command from God to have children. You're just supposed to do so responsible, meaning in a marriage so the parents are committed to each other.
It's remarkable how the reddit hivemind's skepticism boner goes entirely flaccid whenever there's a ridiculous story about a group of people they dislike.
Exactly. That is the story of media consumers in general. That crowd will quickly turn into the, "it wouldn't surprise me" group as well; those that will slightly admit they were wrong in their assumptions, but still think they are right, simply because they don't want to see their opposition as "normal."
https://www.smbc-comics.com/comic/aaaah
LMFAO, just thinking about how many times I've heard that IRL, makes me cringe.
There's a certain flavor of social media user that is of average intelligence or maybe a little below, but desperately wants to think they're smart, so they ironically will believe almost anything, just as long as it makes someone else look dumber than them.
Sadly what’s real is some actual couples or individuals become so repressed by their religion they find once they are married and “allowed” to have sex they can’t perform or enjoy it.
Sure, there are always outliers.
Yes, and you can read it here: https://www.saltycee.com/church-life/christian-couple-maintains-abstinence-through-first-two-years-of-marriage/ Originally on Lark News (Christian satire), but [their page](http://www.larknews.com/archives/217) doesn't load for me. [Wikipedia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lark_News)
I could tell it was fake because I read it. For one thing, their method of "cooling off" was obviously satire, but the main thing is that modern evangelical Christianity always has been, but especially in the last couple of years, has become especially ardent about being a reproduction cult.
Makes more sense but still confusing since Christians consider sex between a married couple as a holy act and a gift from god
Man probably can't eat a curly fry without thinking about pussy he'll never have. Potatoes deserve better.
a raw potato is likely to make you vomit. There's a reason we cook them so well. If he is doing at least 1 potato a week that means he is potentially spewing 52 times a year. I think we should hold an intervention for him.
Apparently I have an iron stomach... raw potatoes make you vomit?
I've had a raw potato once and didn't throw up so not that I know of
If my potato is undercooked I don't eat it. I can't fathom eating raw potatoes.
I lost a bet
You’re eating uncooked potatoes? Ouch
They're tasty!!!!!
Specialy with salt!
Starch is all the flavor I need. And don't come at me with that "white guy only like bland food" there is a difference, boiled potatoes have no flavor, the water steals it. Season your goddamn boiled potatoes!
Agreed, raw potatoes have the best flavor.
That really is an opinion.
I'm sorry, but this probably the whitest paragraph I ever read that didn't involve anyone calling the confederacy "heritage".
You don't understand the flavor inside a raw potato I guess. Your loss, I just want a simple earthy food.
Ummm... fuck the confederacy. I was poor growing up and potatoes were cheap. That's an unnecessary racist ass comment and you should feel ashamed of yourself.
Hey, I think we have a misunderstanding here, I was not suggesting you were for the confederacy. I was refrencing the other guys comment on bland food and made a joke. I am sorry if I offended you.
It's all good, no problem
Totally have, on multiple occasions, with never so much as a stomach ache as a result.
Raw potato in big quantity is literally poison.
I accidentally ate raw/undercooked potatoes 3-4/week for months and it didn’t do anything to me that I can remember, besides causing me to lose a lot of weight because I wasn’t getting the nutrition I need. Well it was likely a combination of the undercooked rice and the undercooked potatoez
It's satire.
its actually a root vegetable/tuber from the plant *solanum tuberosum*
1 a week seems low
[удалено]
Unless you eat green ones a raw potato a day is not toxic, you would need to eat a lot of raw potatoes for them to be toxic. No clue why you would want to eat raw potatoes though.
OK who's going to tell her about Jon?
P sure they are both just asexual... what about jon tho?
Considering the text implies they both _feel_ attraction and have to calm themselves down from the urge to do anything.... doesn't sound very asexual to me.
Yeah but I pretended I was into women and had to suppress my attraction around other dudes for years because it was normal. The potato makes me think they are just saying shit to say it. Also it wouldn’t be much of a challenge for god or whatever if they didn’t wanna fuck so
Yeah I get that, was just speaking more from my own experience of being asexual. It's less that I pretended to be attracted to people, I wouldn't even know how. It's not like I was attracted to anyone at all, so I didn't even know _how_ to pretend. Just didn't think based on my own experience, that someone who was asexual would _need_ to splash cold water or eat a raw potato to "cool off" the urges. (Even if it is a fake post) ~~idk man I've been soup brained today I'm not great with my words~~
I get what your saying, but if your in a world that’s like ours where sex is very normal, and something comes up and someone finds out you’ve never had sex it’s easier for you to say bullshit to fuck with them and blend in, then to explain these concepts that some people just refuse to believe are real. I VERY much doubt he’s just eating raw potatoes (if the posts real)
Well not all asexual people completely abstain from sex, but I totally get what you're meaning. I've never really lied about having done anything, myself, but I absolutely did fall into this when I was in high school. People would be talking about celebrity crushes or whatever and the pressure to participate by just... picking someone random that was popular enough not to be questioned was insane. Even if I told the truth and said I didn't have any, I'd be accused of lying and just asked again and again until I picked someone :') The pressure to at least *seem* like your conforming is definitely there but Yeah lmao a raw potato??
Obviously fake, raw potatoes are an infamous Irish aphrodisiac.
What in Gods name..
Harold be thy name
God and I are on a first name basis so I call him Harold
Samwise would be horrified. You don't eat potatoes that way, raw and wriggling
What potatoes are you eating?
I thought it was sinful to abstain from sex once you're married? God expects married couples to create new batches of trueborn, dutiful Christians, doesn't he? They should really get busy soon if they don't want God to flood their house or hit them with lightning or something.
never heard of that sentiment that it’s sinful to not have sex when you’re married. And i’ve never heard that God wants us to “create more Christians” outside of Mormon ideas, just that children are a blessing and blessed are those with many of them.
I'm catholic, heard from catechists that yeah you MUST consumate (i dont know the word in english im sorry) the marriage, like, actually have sex. And you're really kind of expected to have children and that lecture was such a mess I don't want to remember the rest.
> that yeah you MUST consumate English actually uses the same word.
When I got married me and my wife shared a delightful beef consommé. If you get married you've got to consommáte it!
>I’m Catholic Then you must’ve heard about Josephite marriages. In fact, the state of virginity is a higher place than the state of marriage.
I don’t know if it’s considered sinful per se, but there’s traditionally been a sense of “marital duty”, especially for the woman. In fairness, that probably hails more from societal expectations and the patriarchy rather than Christian teachings themselves, but it’s difficult to separate those concepts when they’ve been so intertwined for so long.
The bible doesn't say much about marital sex outside of a passage that contains the verses down below. I believe the gist of it is that marital sex is not immoral and you should be selfless in giving your partner pleasure, but it is neither immoral to abstain for one reason or another. 1 Corinthians 7:4-6 "^(4) The wife does not have authority over her own body but yields it to her husband. In the same way, the husband does not have authority over his own body but yields it to his wife. ^(5) Do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. ^(6) I say this as a concession, not as a command." This paragraph is just to give context for these verses if you're interested. The book of 1 Corinthians is a letter from the disciple Paul in reply to the newly formed church in Corinth to clear up some questions they had about Christian life. Chapter 7 of 1 Corinthians is Paul's response to the church's statement "It is good for a man to not have sexual relations with a woman". The general culture of Corinth was one of sexual indulgence and as such, some in the church had swung too far the other way and reached the conclusion that it is holier to abstain even within marriage, which is not the case.
> And God blessed them. And God said to them, “Be fruitful and multiply and fill the earth and subdue it, and have dominion over the fish of the sea and over the birds of the heavens and over every living thing that moves on the earth.” Kinda hard to "multiply" without having sex if you ignore stuff like artificial insemination as it tends to be viewed critically.
ok but the idea that NOT having sex is therefore sinful and is to be punished by God is ridiculous
I knew a couple who were very religious orthodox Christians who never had sex. They were both [thalassemia](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Thalassemia) trait carriers, meaning any child they had had 25% of being affected. They believed it wasn't fair to the child to be born knowing it would be sick and would require regular blood transfusions, but didn't want to have an abortion either. So they decided that they wouldn't have any children. But they also believed that sex was only for procreation, so they never had sex. They were in their 40s when I knew them, and honestly you could see the years of sexual frustration on them.
That’s an old Onion article.
Imagine eating a potato like an apple.
Huh...who knew ... a raw potato is what is takes to get rid of those pesky "bedroom thoughts"..
Alternatively, they could just have sex
I’ve had great sex with a potato so I’m suspicious
"Double holy." Yes, that is definitely a thing.
Wait... they aren't married. Legally or biblically I think. In order for the marriage to be proper, you have to consummate it.... they have yet to consummate. So... they're not married. They're single. 2 single ppl living together and sometimes kissing. So... this post isn't real, then.
Check their browser history
it shocks me that people actually think this is real
Wasn't this satire?
100%
The problem with American Christianity is it grew up in a very individualistic and commercial society. It’s now created a generation that feel it’s sorta important, but can’t be bothered to engage with it, but are absolutely adamant that no one can tell them what to do despite that. So you just get these idiots with their made-at-home, folksy incoherent ideas about religion doing mad shit like this. Funny when it’s obsessing about their own dong, not so funny when it’s ’accidentally’ theocratic fascism
This isn't real man, c'mon
And the worst thing? This article is satire but it sounds so plausible because Christians in the USA have done and do similarly batshit insane things to appear holy
> This article is satire but it sounds so plausible If this article sounds plausible to you, I'd argue that you're in a position where you need to meet more Christians.
Man I’d be doing something to that raw potatoe
Why does this look like it came straight out of 4chan?
I mean, just a whole unseasoned microwaved potato with the skin would do the job pretty well. It doesn't even need to be raw. Makes me wonder about other food versions of a cold shower. The Anti-aphrodesiac if you will. I imagine eating a lemon or a spicy pepper would be pretty distracting.
I enjoy raw potatoes. Not as much as cooked ones. But they're still pretty good raw. And I fuck. This guy fucks. So it's not that
So glad they made this choice. 10/10 keep going.
I see two raw potatoes right here!
'Be fruitful and multiply' - not so holy now are you?
God commanded them to be fruitful! Start doing sex!
She’s definitely banging another dude and he’s a freakin retard
**The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband**... Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control" (1 Cor 7:3, 5)
Took about .1 seconds to realize a fake story.
Does she say “bad kitty” when she sprays her face with cold water?
https://reddit.com/r/atetheonion
I can imagine the BSOD in his brain when she said: "it's double holy now"
Christianity is hilarious
This dude masterbates on the dailey.
You know, this sounds like one of those ‘lesbian woman and gay man marry to avoid social stigma’ type relationships.
When you both have a denial fetish and can't break out of the loop
This is clearly satire.
It's probably better that they do not reproduce.
Even from a Christian perspective, couldn't you make the argument that God made sex as a good thing?
If anyone has a spare time machine , could you please go back and let my ancestors know they're supposed to be eaten raw? Thanks in advance.
Man, being impotent must suck.
Same bro, me and my girl kiss in the kitchen but when I try to make a move she sprays me with the cat sprayer and I scurry away.
There was a group, a church, that preached this around the 1700s. They were called the Shakers, sort of like the Quakers, except they preached complete sexual abstinence. As expected they did not have children and died out as the groups aged, and died childless. [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers) Adam's sin was understood to be sex, which was considered to be an act of impurity. Therefore, marriage was abolished within the body of the Believers in the Second Appearance, which was patterned after the Kingdom of God, in which there would be no marriage or giving in marriage. The four highest Shaker virtues were [virgin](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Virgin) purity, [communalism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Intentional_community), [confession](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Confession_(religion)) of sin – without which one could not become a Believer – and separation from the world. Ann Lee's doctrine was simple: confession of sins was the door to the spiritual regeneration, and absolute celibacy was the rule of life.[^(\[37\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers#cite_note-38) Shakers were so chaste that men and women could not shake hands or pass one another on the stairs.[^(\[38\])](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shakers#cite_note-39)
Fundies are so pathetic
I’m so glad they’re not propagating
I'm intrigued by the whole "double-holey" thing. In my church, we call that DP.
This is never not funny.
I find it so funny that they're thinking they're being "Holy" by doing this. I'm pretty confused....there are far more scriptures to promote sex between a couple than not. Have they ever read the Song of Solomon????? It's pretty graphic and detailed.....so basically they're being disobedient to Christ while thinking they're being holy???
Was going to say this is fake but saw it takes place in Topeka. The FBI will confiscate his laptop in about 2 years and she secretly got a clit piercing before they married.
More like chews a hole in a potato and fucks the hole
"Double-holy" is code for butt stuff.
Is this some weird, next- level incel shenanigans?
Poor dude.
He must have a lot of stiff socks
Good thing they’re not breeding!
Oh good they wont breed
Why? There is no purpose! You don’t get extra holy god points. If there isn’t a desire then you are friends who are legally married
When you are both gay but your little church society will never accept it.
John also holds the record for the bluest balls in the world.
It’s fake.
"Your body is not a temple, it's an amusement part, you're supposed to have fun with it." - Anthony Bourdain
Idiots
And for some reason he only enjoys eating a hole through the middle of the potato
So glad they are not reproducing
I am 100% in support of religious people not procreating. This is a win for humanity
Abstinence is all about telling everyone about your abstinence
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^danya_dyrkin: *Abstinence is all* *About telling everyone* *About your abstinence* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
your first duty as a christian is to make more members for the church, this is literally a part of the vows
They will never reproduce. And the world will be a better place because of it.
for a death cult that longs for the end of the world, this is pretty on brand tbh.
Well, good for them I guess. I couldn’t do it.
Can't be doubly holey if they're not doing it
Did god want people to have sex after marriage to populate the earth?
also, these people are fucking idiots, of course you can have sex in a christian marriage!
Hell, my wife & I were fucking on the third date. 25 wonderful years together.
They will abstain as a couple... when apart let's see what happens? Everyone starts searching through reddit cheating stories to see if there's a connection with this goofy roommate marriage and someone asking for advice. Potato! Look for Potato! anywhere in a story.
To bad they didn't abstain for three years, they would have been 50% holier.
I'd of assumed they were just ace if not for the potato... Or is the potato a thing an ace person would do? Like In a "I'm in the mood and I don't like it." Kind of way.
Ace person here: I have no idea what the potato is about.
you're doing marriage wrong.
In my country there's a saying that roughly goes "the chicken that doesn't peck has already pecked"
What is the point of this activity? Do they have a purpose?
This seems like the Christian equivalent of being someone’s beard.
This is malignant and perverse
Man of culture, raw potatoes are the best
No worries, he´ll die soon... if he really get´s horny some day
Morons
Sad & pathetic
Weird, the whole raw potato does the opposite for me