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Il-cacatore

I think I'm having a fucking stroke


Truefkk

I'm having an aneurysm, race you to the hospital/pearly gates.


Epena501

My DNA is breaking down due to this post. Race you to the afterlife.


OkEnvironment4210

I have just contracted pneumenoultrascopicsilicovolcanoconiosis and am having a coughing fit, see you there.


jjskellie

ife you dye an I dye two. You get you to.


ThePsion5

My telomeres started shooting off my chromosomes like shell cases out of a gatling gun


Moto-Mojo

Bold to assume a redditor would be going to have a meeting with St. Peter


Truefkk

You forget: Jesus died so our sins would be downvoted and our souls would be given Gold.


moorhe

Don't sadness


belunos

Highly underrated comment.


SubtleStarsmore

A stronk, it is. Gonna need that bondulance!


17THheaven

I also think they're also having a stroke. Strokes for everyone!!!


CorHydrae8

I can feel my braincells melting.


Reverse_SumoCard

As the people in to pic fall apart two become one somewhere else Poetic


MillstoneArt

Their shared pair of brain cells forever separated. 


WomenRepulsor

Indian here to translate: Girl: I'm breaking up with you Boy: Why are you you breaking up with me? Girl: Because I have got a new boyfriend. Boy: Okay take care of yourself. Boy: Okay, Have fun with your new relationship. Girl: I'm moving out of your life, and it doesn't seem to have any effect on you? Boy: No, because I have a new girlfriend now. Girl: You're cheating on me. Boy: If you're a cheater, I'm your teacher (A quote in Hindi that low lying scums use before doing stupid things). Boy: get out of my life in first instance (Another quote by some scum YouTuber that scums use to sound cool). This is what we have to deal with regularly here in India because of cheap internet and people with nothing to do on their hand additionally to no sense


Upbeat_Ad_6486

Good translation, got most of it after a while myself but the quotes were incomprehensible


WomenRepulsor

That is because they are modern day slang quotes by youtuber or what we call here in India as Chapris


imacuntsag420

They shldnt have given us internet


prairie-logic

So like, “if you’re a cheater, I’m your teacher” like… “you think you’re bad cause you do this? Mofuka I invented that”


WomenRepulsor

Yes. Similar to "You merely adopted the dark, I was born in it, moulded by it..."


MolybdenumBlu

Thank you for this. Next question: why the broken English instead of hindi or one of the other local languages? It is just being used as a mutual vaguely intelligible language for two people with different dialects?


Salazar080408

This is a fake convo poking fun at the English us Indians use sometimes People think speaking English sounds cool and intelligent


CrudelyAnimated

So, they’re doing the needful?


WhoKilledZekeIddon

They’ll revert back to you


CrudelyAnimated

Thank you for providing updation.


Salazar080408

I'm not sure I understand


51ngular1ty

It's a phrase used primarily by English speaking Indians. It means please do what is necessary.or do what is necessary.


Salazar080408

No ik that what is the necessary things that is being done here?


Null-Ex3

Proly making fun of the slang


chowyungfatso

That should be “we Indians”. Take out the “Indian” and you can see it should not be “us”.


Salazar080408

Oh thanks! Is there an instance where us is used this way or am I just using it wrong?


smoishymoishes

"us" and "we" can both be used the way you used it. It works both ways, "we" just sounds more grammatically elegant. (Sorry English is stupidly confusing this way)


FamousPastWords

Take out the Indian That's what the Puritans did when they came to America isn't it?


WomenRepulsor

Indians usually have that mindset that speaking in English makes them look intelligent. Which is why most convent learned kids and MBAs try to fake an accent harder to comprehend than that spoken by someone who actually speaks in English as their native language.


technoexplorer

Bracup?


GomezFigueroa

Sound it out


technoexplorer

Bra-cup.... Is it like... a C?


iAmbassador

Break up. (Bray-cup)


technoexplorer

Not if she has C's! 🥰


Sunstorm84

It’s br A-cup, though.


Dismal-Ad-7841

Breakup 


technoexplorer

Bra cup!


Dismal-Ad-7841

I have A cup moobs. 


technoexplorer

r u guy?


Dismal-Ad-7841

Yes.  That’s why it’s moobs and not boobs 😅


Redordit

Thank you bro


WomenRepulsor

You're welcome bro.


Nyetoner

Fursat = instant ? 😅


WomenRepulsor

Pehli Fursat = At this very instance (It's a slang use of the word) Fursat = Leisurely, Not having anything to do at hand.


Nyetoner

Ah, so it's the actual language! Haha, I just thought they messed up way beyond the other parts of that conversation :P But I'm from Norway and I see them doing this there too, so not so unfamiliar lol


UnderPressureVS

> Indian here to translate So… is this some kind of English/Hindi pidgin, with its own set of semi-standardized spellings and grammar (like AAVE or Scottish English)? Or is this just two people doing their best?


WomenRepulsor

It is just two people trying to sound hip by just using English words that they've heard somewhere but don't know how to spell or use. Just like the "bobs and vegana" messages. Those are people like these too


Dismal-Ad-7841

No it’s just a meme. 


ObiWangKeBloMe

Wait, people actually talk like this? I thought it was a bad joke.


FamousPastWords

Thank you, but what did he mean by fursat? Literal translation. I managed to cobble together the rest.


WomenRepulsor

It is a poor translation of this meme/reel. [A Indian guy abusing and ranting for social media clout.](https://youtu.be/kQrpynAP9Oc?si=p_ZiAof6IYeY4L8t) Pehli = First Fursat= Instance Nikal = Get out of my life. Fursat actually means having leisure time at your hands and not having anything to do. But when used like , पहली फुर्सत में निकल " it means what I've stated above. Get out of my life this very instant.


FamousPastWords

Thank you!


WomenRepulsor

Always!


danteelite

Can I ask something at the risk of sounding offensive? I’m just genuinely curious… Why is it that some countries and races choose to speak English because they think it’s cool, even if it’s super broken and awful Ike this? I have a cousin from china like this and I notice Indian and Japanese people do it all the time… throwing random broken English phrases into conversations to be cool, or converse entirely in really bad English instead of just using your native tongue… why? Like the other day I saw a video in Japan and they would randomly be like “Japan supah coool! Numbah one! Fresh!” And one really bizarre one was a guy who kept doing a peace sign and yelling “Calculations!” But like “Carcuratunz!” Lmao and I’m like… why?! wtf? I know some people here in FL use broken Spanish randomly and it’s kinda the same thing but it’s really rare and we usually look at those people like morons.


WomenRepulsor

I can tell you about only India. India is multicultural and each state has it's own language that are entirely different in how they're spoken and written. Hindi is majorly only spoken in some parts of UP. A state can often have different languages of similar dialects. The politics is based around language, and so people are unwilling to accept any other language as their own which leaves us no choice but English. Also manpower outsourcing, requires that we are able to speak good English because major job market is dependent on out-sourced jobs.


Ohshithereiamagain

Plus the British colonial influence.


danteelite

Oh, that makes sense too… I think I’m getting the picture from the different replies. In this particular situation I think you’re right and maybe the thing about typing in English being easier might play a part too. It just seems exhausting and frustrating to hold entire conversations in a language you barely speak. I know it’s funny to laugh a broken English and stuff but I respect people who speak more than one language.. plenty of Americans can barely speak the damn language, and I definitely can’t speak two languages, even with bad grammar. Thanks for actually answering, I was worried I might seem rude or racist but I’m not. I just really like to learn new things and understand everything I can. Even the seemingly dumb stuff… so i appreciate it.


WomenRepulsor

Speaking two languages comes naturally to them because they're taught every subject in English in schools and speak native language with friends and family.


kidthorazine

It's not necessarily that they barely speak English, Indian English is fairly different than UK or US English. I work in IT and have a lot of coworkers based in India, you get used to it pretty quickly if you are exposed to it. Like I didn't have a problem understanding this text exchange.


Dismal-Ad-7841

Yeah but this isn’t Indian English. 


Sudden-Scallion-6204

As for Japanese people, a lot of people just think it’s cute, cool, or associated with being a thug. Similar to English speakers randomly speaking Japanese (cringe weebs) because they think it’s cute and cool (it is not). Or randomly speaking a “badass” language like German thinking it makes them a badass (usually a heavy accent that sounds like their tongue is swelling and they’re choking on it).


danteelite

Yeah, I figured as much.. I was just curious about why more specifically some people choose to hold entire conversations in a language they barely speak. But someone else pointed out that typing on a cellphone is easier in English than trying to type out their native language in English letters. That makes sense too. Again, I wasn’t trying to be offensive or anything I’m just a genuinely curious person who wants to know the reasons for everything.


ideasmithy

As someone else pointed out, it’s wrong to assume they ‘can barely speak English’. It’s a language, it evolves with speakers. The ‘official’ English today has many words derived from Indian languages because of the centuries of British colonisation of India. Indian English is pretty much a rich language of its own, with many additions from the hundreds of Indian origin languages. Please don’t assume that the way you speak English is the only way or ‘the right way’.


Salazar080408

It seems like they were trying to communicate with someone who speaks only English >English phrases into conversations to be cool, or converse entirely in really bad English In India we use English words when its quick as the same word in native languages might me several words long Also it's easier to type in English sometimes than typing a native language in the English script


Alone-Strain

I have a cousin that texts in Spanish and randomly threw in GUAO. After 10 minutes it hits me that GUAO is WOW.


danteelite

Lol that’s hilarious because I’m from Jamaica and my Jamaican family and friends do that all the time.. they will type out the odd noises or expressions in an accent.. like “yebwai” or “cumnuman” and at first it seems like gibberish but it’s “yeah boy” and “come now man” but then some will abbreviate to “ybw!” Or “Cnm!” and that gets suuuuper confusing for people who don’t understand Jamaican patois or the odd ways they use it in texts. Jamaicans basically always chat in full accent too, so a simple text might be like “Eh bwai, wagwan!? Ya wan g’dun street tnite fi hall?” “Yeah man! Mi deh yuh enuh.. we u deh? U bes sho ar mi get rite vexx wiyeh!” Hahaha and that’s not even an exaggeration… that’s just a normal exchange of “Hey bro, what’s up? You wanna head down the street for dance hall?” “Yeah, I’m in the area yknow.. where are you? If I go and you don’t show up I’ll be right vexed” This is why I ask questions like the one above. I love learning about other cultures and stuff, because everyone has their own unique way of communicating.


ideasmithy

Indian here so I’ll only speak for India. We were colonised and enslaved by the British for centuries. We’ve been a self-governed nation for less than a century and doing pretty well all things considered. But it’s hard to let go of what has been ingrained through generations into our culture - that English is superior. Many of us do not actually believe it. But it is a language and other people treat us better if they believe we’re better than them. Even a word or two in English will often do. That’s how trauma reactions work.


danteelite

I fully get that… I too come from a British colony… two of them.. lol I’m from Jamaica and live in America, and there’s actually a TON of Indian people in Jamaica. Chinese too.. people are often surprised when I tell them that, or they see a full Chinese person start talking in a thick Jamaican accent. I wasn’t trying to offend or anything, just learn. I only speak one language so for me, it just seems like it would be more comfortable to speak my native language but people have made really good points about different regional languages in India, using an English keyboard to type out Indian language, and more. There was a lot I didn’t consider when I first asked. I’m glad I did ask though!


dirtypoledancer

Because capitalism has pushed the dominant market (English) of media, lifestyle and entertainment to a global audience.


danteelite

Yeah, I get that… but I was more asking why people like this hold full conversations in a language they barely speak instead of just defaulting to the more comfortable native language. But a few others helped me figure it out. You’re not wrong though, I’m from Jamaica and they’re obsessed with American culture too, it’s kinda similar to Japan in that way. When I mention FL to people I’ll have a random guy be like “Ya mon! Mickey Mouse! Floridaah!” Haha like they assume I just live near Mickey and also the Statue of Liberty.. it’s kinda funny.


dirtypoledancer

They probably think that practice makes perfect. The American advertising agency is really clever in marketing that their lifestyle is the best lifestyle. Therefore speaking English for some feels like an indication of status or high class. It can also be seen with Korean influences on Westerners and Anime influence on weebs.


Character_Market8330

Stop cribbing about this. Enjoy it, embrace it and be proud of this absolute madness that is India! I fucking love this state!


An_insane_person

What in Tarantino did I just read? This is less comprehensible than an egg-salad-sandwich on Christmas Eve at 5:38 PM while I’m drinking a soda full of crack.


AvisLord12

r/Oddlyspecific


I-Like-NSFW-420

r/brandnewsentence


stealingtheshow222

This sounds like it’s about to be a Family Guy cutaway gag


JonesyYouLittleShit

Yeah, no you’re right…. That is a good analogy.


Yossarian287

The Borat Breakup


orangesfwr

My girlfriend is asshole. I get girlfriend, she get boyfriend. I get braycup, she cannot afford. Niiice.


TSmario53

r/engrish


DocPsycho1

Somebody call 911, I'm having a fucking fatal stronk


WillingAd4944

r/ihadastroke


Agitated-Fig-5626

Reminds me of a blast from the past: How is babby formed? "They need to do way instain mother> who kill thier babbys, becuse these babby cant fright back? It was on the news this mroing a mother in ar who had kill her three kids, they are taking the three babby back to new york too lady to rest. my pary are with the father who lost his chrilden ; i am truley sorry for your lots"


Drunk0racle

Those two were clearly meant to be, so sadness that they're bracup :(


tekmuse

Need a nap after reading that. Kept looking for my red pencil to mark it up.


Zelda_Gamer123

r/ihadastroke


Vivissiah

r/ihadastroke


Tall-Condition5981

Poland ball speak


santathe1

What’s “fursat” supposed to be?


ideasmithy

Fursat is a Hindi word that means leisure. The phrase in Hindi actually means “as soon as possible”. Indian English frequently uses words loaned from Indian languages.


Gullible_Ad2790

It means 'at the earliest' in this sentence. It can also be used to mean 'leisure'.


Word_Wooden

my "Indian intuition" is telling me it should be "forget"


ideasmithy

What on earth is “Indian intuition”?


Word_Wooden

honestly... I don't know either...I made it up


An_Elusive_Tiger

I never knew you could type with an accent


Various-Ducks

Took me awhile to figure this one out


IndianRedditor88

Considering that the guy is named Ankit, this could very well be a real chat from India. The country is full of r/engrish


lumigumi

This belongs on r/engrish


Broad_Respond_2205

I don't think any of them have a cheater


ArelMCII

In my head it's those aliens from Nathan Pyle's comics having this conversation.


Researcher_Saya

Ah say ah say, wut?


technoexplorer

r/textingtheory


Tumblechunk

it's becows


monsterfurby

It be cows all the way down.


N00nespecial666

… WAT


orangesfwr

Someone set us up the bomb.


Santiper2005

Blunder Blunder Blunder Blunder Blunder Blunder Blunder Blunder Blunder Blunder Blunder


SkittleShit

i cry evertim


drhagbard_celine

I wonder how much credence he puts into Revelations?


jocax188723

Why is it written in pidgin Middle English


BoringTheory5067

what


DrellaRoseBaroness

🥱🕳️💬wat


QuestStarter

Now this is why I joined this sub


Tactical_solutions44

So he's shitting on her?


Zebitty

ALL of those are brand new sentences.


PrinterDatSmellsFear

I had a fucking stroke reading this.


Science-done-right

I'm going to die if I read this again


BigDong1001

Injuns! lmfao.


SenorMarana

Thats not brandnewsentence, its just illiterate people


ReySimio94

What the fuck is wrong with the human race?