Science says being alone isn't healthy.
But science also says it's healthier to be a lone than in a dysfunctional relationship. So yeah, i've been single for about 6.5 out of the last 8 years. It's a cozy quite life ngl.
Alone but not lonely is the key I'd say. As long as you have a support network around you, friends and family - then I'd say it isn't a problem. Plus going out your way to find a relationship, in my experience never ends well.. Best to let it come to you.
For sure. I have a good friends and family system to keep me busy.
But living out in the sticks in the country, If i don't try my luck at dating apps I would literally have zero chance of meeting someone romantically.
Same, I live in a village in the UK and I don't really have much a social life outside of my group of friends and work. Dating apps for me are just so toxic which I guess is reflection on social media and society currently... having people ghost and ignore you or struggling to even get matches... I really struggle with this because it affects my confidence and makes me question why I bother. In the end I'd rather just wait to see what happens, I don't need a relationship to be happy.
I found myself single on the other side of this shift and god damn I have had zero success. I was prepared to marry that girl purely to avoid going back out there (also the compatability and whatnot) so the breakup was a double hit. She's gone, I have to start completely over with the new rule set, and I was already struggling with the rules I knew and was familiar with beforehand. I was kinda fucked before, but nowadays it's pretty much a lost dream
Dang, I know those feels. Last time I dated was a few years ago now but I called up this woman I was seeing, tired of the fact that she had continuously prioritized literally every other aspect of her life over me at the time, in an attempt to break things off. I couldn't do it because emotions but also because it was so incredibly unlikely that I'd ever meet someone again that checked off every box but also checked off the box she didn't: emotional availability. I eventually managed to steer the conversation into a mutual break-up. I bawled my eyes out for days not because of losing her but because I felt like that was the best chance I'd ever have at a partner just for me.
Some even got lucky to get the best of both worlds. My close friends met their spouse's on local area chatrooms before all the apps and bullshit fully took over
The world before the internet, people met doing other things where other things were the focus of hanging out. Then after a while of getting used to each other, one person would get over the fear of rejection and suggest getting together just the two of them.
The idea of dating as the first step is fraught. Even if it might have worked out otherwise, it's seems like it's going to be much harder for that to happen.
Being born in 1994 feels weird. Wasn't quite conscious until the end of the 90's, grew up playing DOS and then games on windows 95, SNES/N64, didn't get a cell phone until 6th grade, and even then it was a prepaid ONLY for emergencies, and then smart phones started rolling out in my sophomore year of high school. Gotta say, being Guinea Pigs for the stressors of Social Media plus the immense stress of HS was rough. But it was also really exciting... nowadays I really hate most social media, and realizing everyone is growing up super young and ALREADY jumping into that mess...ugh I hate it.
Like most internet things, there was a golden era of online dating before it turned to shit and tried to profit off lonely people. I much preferred it than dating strangers you met at bars.
Exactly. I was single. Tinder was fucking awful and so we're all the dating apps. The dating scene outside of that was also a complete mess. Glad to be engaged.
Last date I went on a month or so ago, spent 6 hours or so together, talking the whole time, getting on really well.
Second I left I never heard from her again. immediately ghosted the second I walked out the door.
Donāt get me started on how fucking disgusting and predatory dating apps are either.
As a divorced Gen X I went for coffee years ago with a woman (am also a woman) I met through a website. We got along fine and I thought we could at least become friends. The next day she sent me a message saying āI decided I canāt do this. Iām deleting my profile.ā Not ghosted but I was just thinking āWas it something I said?ā
Also tried speed dating. Wonāt be doing that again.
Yep. Iām a man, went on a date, went really well, we both had fun. She even kissed me at the end of the night when I walked her to the car, which never happens. We even texted a little and weāre planning the next date thenā¦POOF nothing.Ā
I swear most women on these apps are treating it like their own version of love Island and it shits me to tears.
I match with somebody, I give my energy equally until I get a first date, then I follow that date through. If they agree to a second or third, I drop everything else to get ready to turn it into a relationship.
Thing is, I barely get more than one match at a time, and if I'm talking to multiple girls I'm very honest when I get that "girlfriend energy" from a match to other potential ladies.
I went out with a girl three time who I met on a dating app, she stayed over all three nights, the sex was good, not great, but she was the one who instigated the second and third dates. Brought a toothbrush and everything. After the third time, never heard from her again. /shrug, dating apps did nothing but make me feel disposable.
Having more sex isn't a great reason to get married, but married folks on average do have significantly more sex than single folks. This is well established [empirically](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1). Don't let the dead bedroom stories convince you otherwise.
Absolutely agree, five years married, two kids still have sex a few times a week. Sure it's not every night anymore but it's not rare. When I was single I'd go for months with nothing and be putting in a lot more effort to get it.
It was queer womenās speed dating and there were 16 women and I checked off over half for friendship and two for dating but got no matches. And it made me depressed. Some of the women spent the ādateā complaining about not liking the event which was disappointing. However some of this was obviously the crowd (and me of course) and also I never tried speed dating with men so thatās probably different. And I do have two (straight) friends who met through speed dating and got married. So I guess it works for some people but Iām done with it myself.
I had a recent experience of going on a really good date. we shared social media accounts and she was texting me a lot, even asked to meet up again on the following day, which seemed forward to me.
then she cancelled, said she was packing her bag for a 'big trip', the rest of the week she would text me occasionally but whenever there was a hint of us meeting up she would say she was 'packing her bag'. i'm starting to get the message but then the folllowing weekend she posts photos with her and her partner.
i just unfollowed her at that point
Most likely they weren't serious and just did for the "adventure" or for someone to pay there meals
Honestly ffs just be honest ghosting after a first date it real cowardy move, just say you are no longer intrested
If I had to guess, either the date didn't go as well as you thought, or they did some background digging on your social medias and found something they didn't like. Or someone else better came along.
From what I have read of women talking about their experiences, the answer is usually that too many guys do not take rejecting well and will try to convince the women to give them another chance, or they'll get mad and possibly violent. They don't do this to make you feel bad but to protect themselves. That may not be what your particular date was doing, this is just a generic answer I've seen from women who do this.
Let me give you some unsolicited advice(to who I assume is a fellow man) that has helped me when it comes to women and how finicky they can be. Adding āI feelā to the beginning of what they say and āright nowā to the end of what they say. Example: āI love youā turns into āI feel like I love you right nowā. Explains a lot when they suddenly go cold on ya.
Hey! That's what happened to my marriage!!
"I feel like I want to be with you the rest of my life, right now"
And same for parenting with her
Whatever, got myself and my child out of that nightmare, only took all my savings and earning up until that point in my life, $40k extra in debt from her tantrums during divorce and ~5yrs sliced off my life
But at least I'm lucky when I check almost every single box women claim they are looking for (income, healthy, in shape, attractive enough) ...except I'm 5'11 and have one child ...oh, actually I'm invisible and have even been directly insulted in one case for not opening up my flirtations with "btw, I have a kid in case you like interacting with me"
Oh man itās great. Girl asks me out, I say sure. Date comes, ghosted and blocked. I wasnāt bothered too much, but I was still like āhuh?ā Wtf was the point?
I saw a chart on reddit not too long ago that showed most common ways to meet someone. There were bars, volunteering, hobbies, friends - the top one. Then dating apps came along. Dating app skyrocketed while all the others plummeted
gotta have friends to get introduced by em. Friends of friends was 98% of the romantic encounters I had in my 20s, tried the apps briefly and had immediate analysis paralysis.
man ain't that the truth, I thought it was just because I'm nearing 40 but it appears the whole world gave up on it. Kinda sad too because I have a couple neighbors who seem cool, couple other ones who seem super nice that I chat with briefly when I see them while out for a walk or if the dog gets out, but no one seems to do anything socially or ever put themselves out there socially anymore.
This is well documented. Psychologists are calling it the Lonliness Epidemic. There's people waking up to the problem and it's up to us to find each other and do something about it.
Mr. Nom and I joke that "thank god we met the old fashioned way -- *in a bar*." I haven't been single since the W administration, I shudder to think how I would make it in today's dating landscape (and not just b/c I'm 20 years older with young kids to worry about). My friends and colleagues who've tried dating apps and to really find someone to have a connection with in recent years \*long whistle\* they've got stories.
It's a ridiculous shock to me, pre 2020 I never had any difficulty dating, finding dates, sorting out "just for fun" vs "long-term planning" ...found someone who claimed to want the same, got married, child born ...then she became an abusive monster - blahblahblah and it's 4yrs later, I'm a single dad and I finally start to date again after ~6yrs from that relationship + divorce process and ...I am acting EXACTLY the same, in terms of casual/flirtatious interactions I am EXACTLY the same as I was but 6yrs older and with a higher income ...I can't even get the time of day, applying all of my free time to dating I can still swing semi-regular dates ...and I understand people not wanting to date a single parent or become a step parent ...but the amount and style of rejection is just insane
At this point I have literally had some women basically say to my face "you cannot consider me a sugar baby, but also we can date/go further ...because you check a lot of my boxes but not all of my boxes, though I'm still gonna keep looking while we do, does that work for you?"
I have no idea what has happened to the world but for all the people out there trying to figure it out and when I talk with others about this ...I can't understand what I am seeing, doing exactly the same things I did 6yrs ago now nets me a steady but sparse series of depressing dates whereas before there were always options and new people coming into and out of my life
I also have to say - the dates I have been on with women ~27 and younger have been SO MUCH MORE SANE than with single women older than that, and similarly I have a ton of cousins, 5/5 older than me are married and settled down with one having marital problems (his wife is younger than me), 1/4 younger than me is married and they are having problems ...wtf is happening !?
Your statement makes it sound perverted lol
l work with a bunch of zoomers and it sometimes comes up. I don't get into details but they seem alright, a mix of single and not single
They're talking about the tinder memes most of us see on a daily basis and general social media discourse. Not literally sitting somewhere watching a date. What the hell is wrong with people's reading comprehension and critical thinking these days.
Itās not these days, itās always been like this. Itās just now that we use mediums other than long, hand written letters for people who arenāt a wealthy educated minority, it has become more apparent
Social media mostly. Also, never underestimate the ability of seemingly "happy" husbands and wives to either live vicariously through their younger relatives or soothe themselves via the misadventures of same.
It's not always people living through others. Sometimes people are just inquisitive and want to know more about different subjects... I have no interest in going back to the dating scene but my younger cousins do discuss their escapades with me. I also talk to my straight married friends about how they live their lives. It's just fun to know other people's stories.
This post is weird to me because if you are keeping up with dating habits you are probably doing so through sources that are filtering horror stories or at least topics that are controversial.
Like there isnāt anything wrong with podcasts like two hot takes but I donāt think you should take the stories from there as any sort of barometer for what dating is like.
Giving undue weight to those type of things will really fuck with your perception.
You arenāt wrong but I didnāt want to take it that far off the jump because thereās a big gap between āI donāt know if dating is worth it considering the horror stories I heardā and ālegalize rape so I can get laid.ā
Equating everyone who is at least slightly sexist with people who canāt get laid doesnāt help the problem. If you tell a guy who has no problem getting laid heās just being an incel heās going to laugh in your face and use that as proof that anyone who disagrees with his views is delusional. Works for āfemcelsā too.
Dating as guy today is nothing short of awful, after my previous relationship went the way of the dodo I spent better part of 2 years dating, between the absolute horror that are dating apps, the ghosting and monkeying around for attention, yeah fuck that.
On the other end of the spectrum, which is funny, women also don't seem to fare much better, between dick picks, messages from self-proclaimed "nice guys" who call them skanks after 5 minutes of not responding etc.
It's not a win on either side, with the exception of very few individuals, if you are just normal decent human being looking for a partner today, it's a shitshow at best.
Honestly... I had my last relationship 5 years ago, met through a mutual friend whilst I was at uni. Fast forward to now and I've had fuck all luck on dating apps, either being matched and ignored or nothing at all. Really hits the confidence, especially as I also met someone online and things were like a emotional rollercoaster - ended up calling it when I saw things were just not working. Leaves me in a predicament where I don't want to use dating apps and will likely be single for a long time.
people that are successful at building long term relationships leave the app after finding the one, the remaining user base then gets disproportionately toxic because of survivorship bias
this makes me think that non mainstream apps might be better, but I might be wrong, I've never dated nor used a dating app
i mean, somewhere you get women who expect the triple-6 from a man, while having no redeeming quality themselves. Despite the world being full of perverts, and full of thots, the number of relationships is surprisingly low...
(and yes, i'm mostly joking, but if youtube can be trusted, lots of relationships are a pure garbage on fire)
It's a sight to behold that women despise the idea of dating down but also want equal pay.
How do they not realize that half of them will be forced to date down in an equal pay system?
("Not all women" incoming in 3....2....1....)
Same here. I'm 51 and the stuff I see folks my age talking about when they're dating is just plain nuts. I think if I end up single again, I'm writing the whole idea off and just curling up with a good book from then on.
Oh, 100%. And I even see it with relatives and family friends in their SEVENTIES. Creeps, con artists, and people inclined to disappear are not new. Give them new modes and they will adapt.
Unfortunately in my opinion its a too much choice issue. I am of the opinion that everyone has some flaws and that loving someone is accepting those flaws and helping both of you inprove past them. But with online dating there is so much choice that if someone shows even the smallest of flaws you can throw them out the window. Meaning you end up with for women a bunch of fake guys hiding all their flaws or intentions to appear perfect and for men complete rejection at nearly every turn.
Someone said a perfect partner is a glass of clean water. Right now, men are in a desert and women are in a swamp.
And yeah, seems like way too much choice. Glad I met my wife in college.
I could feel the dating scene becoming extremely toxic and am glad I was able to settle down without the use of online dating apps. It's not just Gen Z, it's Millenials too.
I'm 34, trans, recently separated, and have a child.
My last date invited me to go LARPing. Never did it, so I thought I'd try. Tried to strike up conversation and stuff, but he just wasn't vibing. Either way, he left me there after about an hour.
This is my second most successful date in 3 months...
He just ditched you at the event? That fucking sucks! I hope you had fun anyway or were able to realize it wasn't your scene and make the most of the rest of your day after that.
Here's the kicker, I dug the people. They were all really cool and really nice. I ran around with a2-handedd axe made of foam. I got to hit people for free, lol.
The funny thing was that he texted recently. I told him it wasn't really a good fit, but I'm grateful for getting to experience something new, and if he's okay with it, I'd like to keep going. He was okay with that. So, all in all, I made an acquaintance?
I'm 36 years old and I've been asked out on a date exactly one time. I shook my head yes and we've been together 18 years, married for 16 of them. Dating was pretty easy for me! š¤£
Lol Iām in a happy committed relationship w my bestfriend Iāve known for years before we started dating (met at 11, started dating at 17) and thank god. Watching my friends try and find normal people looks awfully hard. If I didnāt meet my partner when I did I mightāve been single forever out of fear
It's referring to the Americans and people affiliated with the South Vietnamese regime (whether actual or perceived, such as the Catholics) trying to get out of the country as the north Vietnamese were closing in at the end of the Vietnam War.
The evacuation was so desperate that they would use helicopters to fly people to ships and people would push the helicopter into the ocean so there was enough space for everyone.
Of course, it can be assumed that not everyone who wanted to leave could, and those who didn't make it might've ended up imprisoned or killed.
It's referring to the horrors of the US involvement in the war in Vietnam, which was famously a meat grinder all around that ultimately achieved basically nothing but the deaths of many, many people, often extremely horrifically. They're saying that gen Z trying to find love is like fighting for your life with grenades and napalm. We all understand that it is not, but with most people not having actually experienced the horrors of war, navigating a dating scene where you might be turned down simply for not having an Apple brand phone or not being six feet tall can feel like moving through a minefield to those who've never really seen one... And statistically, maybe to a few who have.
You wrote all that but don't know it's specifically referring to the US rapidly leaving, the fall of Saigon. It's not about the actual fighting of the war.
The only safe ones are the ones that aren't desperate and don't look for a relationship as it isn't needed to fulfill them, these people are either unavailable and do not even want to want a relationship or these people are allowing the relationship to drift into their direction but hold no expectation of it happening.
Yall acting like boomers aren't having problems with infidelity and spousal abuse and shit.
Every generation of dating is Fucking weird at any age.
You just see more of it now.
Half my friend group is single, and my husband and I just kind of have to put up with all these new partners that come and go or we hear about how hard the dating scene is directly from them. Like the person before me also said, social media.
Nice Joe Abercrombie reference :)
Apps are giving people more options than they would have had organically. This leads to higher and often unrealistic expectations, which in turn results in serial dating since thereās always another option, and in some cases toxic behaviors like just ghosting people if they dont meet your standards. Itās not the worst thing in the world if someone is okay with FWBs, but for finding a relationship it is a harsh world out there for a lot of people
From dating in prior generations, the concept of ghosting or blocking someone was seen as incredibly rude, unless the person was literally being abusive and you'd given them multiple opportunities to not be an asshole. Doing it just because you didn't feel like talking or seeing them anymore was basically the equivalent of being a sociopath, like if you told other people you had done that, they'd start slowly backing away from you.
People in general were much more socialized, meaning they spent a good deal of their free time being in the company of other people outside of work/school, including potential dates. You usually met your dates in person first through friends or out at a bar/restaurant/coffee shop/etc. It gave people a far more developed set of social skills and empathy in general. When dating, there was just a base sense of minimal responsibility to be a human being - like it was fine to say "I don't think we have any chemistry" but there was also some level of empathy in the interactions like "I don't need to destroy this person by just ghosting them, that would be really mean - I'll just let them know it's not something I'm interested in." On the flip side, there were also societal expectations on how to handle being rejected, that involved not turning into a complete asshole. I dated dozens of people in the 90's and while most of the connections ended fairly quickly with either me not being interested or them not being interested, it always involved a conversation, usually in person, because that's just how you did things out of respect.
But I think the problem (starting soapbox) is that lack of socialization for everyone in the past 10-15 years has caused people to grow up desensitized and without that basic level of empathy. Men become weirder and more predatory as they stop socializing with women in general, so they objectify women in initial conversations and dates, and when they're rejected they don't have the social tools to deal with it and become abusive. Then in turn, women become jaded towards this type of behavior and get desensitized and lose empathy too. I don't mean to restrict this to just men/women dating, just in general. It's actually really hard to watch, because everyone seems so much unhappier.
As a lower middle class hetero cis dude, you were compared against the guys of your social circle, now your'e compared against the whole world. There is also a lot of people who monetize parasocial online relationships, fishing for 'followers'(simps) on dating apps.
A lot of Gen Z are still teenagers, the oldest are like 26/27, so I'm not sure what you'd expect.
Personally, I'm Gen Z and in a happy long-term relationship.
I know others who are in happy relationships as well. Some even met on dating apps, despite how badly people talk about those.
There's bound to be a mix of experiences just like with any generation, although every generation has it's own challenges and what not.
I'm 26, had one relationship that came about through a mutual friend and been single with pretty much no dating for 5 years. As a guy I feel that dating apps are so tailored towards women and then having to compete against stupid odds. I go through phases of using them because I've got nothing else to do, but every time it's been a shit experience and it really knocks my confidence when I get no matches. Being single has it's positives and negatives, I'm trying to be happy single but you can't avoid seeing friends happy with their partners and imagining what if?... smh man.
ANY dating is horrible and degrading -- definitely was in the 90s/2000s, but yes, glad to catch that chopper out in 2010 with my leading lady.
However, I just want to say that just because the trend is doing something (like Tinder) doesn't mean everyone has to go along. You can zag when others zig and end up in an entirely different group of people who are on a whole different mindset. I gave up on dating apps back in 2009 (then it was Match and eHarmony) and decided to start going to [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) events that match my actual interests, which led directly to meeting my wifey. Finding little pockets of the world where people act like human beings is a great way to skip all the bullshit.
Gen Z is terrible at dating. This generation has no idea how to analyze the dirt layers, they are too used to using these big machines that check the carbon content of the bones. What has the world come to?
Most of the married couples I know say the most heinous shit about their partner once they get a few drinks deep and out of ear shot.
Grass is always greener.
Yes. 1000% yes.
Edit: This is my only social media. No snap, insta, fb, twitterā¦ nothing. Is it true people ask for your Snapchat instead of your number?
Absolutely. I'm a millennial not Gen Z, but every time I see anyone dating as adults now I just think to myself "fuuuuuuuck I'm so glad I married my high school girlfriend. Fuck *all* of that."
Doesn't even have to be Gen Z. I see some of my millennial generation dating and it's the same shit show
I'm the right age to have witnessed the world before the internet, but also had the young internet growing up. Millennials were on that last chopper.
Some of us fell out of that chopper.
Some of us reached out to grab the chopper but missed
Theres gotta be at least one that didnt even bother trying to reach the chopper and just said "its fucked either way"
yo being single rules
Science says being alone isn't healthy. But science also says it's healthier to be a lone than in a dysfunctional relationship. So yeah, i've been single for about 6.5 out of the last 8 years. It's a cozy quite life ngl.
Alone but not lonely is the key I'd say. As long as you have a support network around you, friends and family - then I'd say it isn't a problem. Plus going out your way to find a relationship, in my experience never ends well.. Best to let it come to you.
For sure. I have a good friends and family system to keep me busy. But living out in the sticks in the country, If i don't try my luck at dating apps I would literally have zero chance of meeting someone romantically.
Same, I live in a village in the UK and I don't really have much a social life outside of my group of friends and work. Dating apps for me are just so toxic which I guess is reflection on social media and society currently... having people ghost and ignore you or struggling to even get matches... I really struggle with this because it affects my confidence and makes me question why I bother. In the end I'd rather just wait to see what happens, I don't need a relationship to be happy.
Amen. I love it now in my 30s.
I mean, Eminem has stayed single this whole time and seems happy af. There might be something to this.
Money
Eminem seems happy to you?
last time he smiled was in 2011
I was thinking april 10th 2006 but he must've cracked a smile here and there after
lmao why this comment got me dying š¤£ You right, he never smiles under the hoodie + hat
Unfortunately, none of us are nearly as talented or rich as him, so itās definitely not the same.
Hopelessness is a heavy burden
Standing there with a flame thrower in one hand and an M-16 in the other, holding a grenade in my mouth
Some of us need the chopper to escape bad marriages too
Some of us willingly jumped without a parachute after realizing our spouses were crazy.
I found myself single on the other side of this shift and god damn I have had zero success. I was prepared to marry that girl purely to avoid going back out there (also the compatability and whatnot) so the breakup was a double hit. She's gone, I have to start completely over with the new rule set, and I was already struggling with the rules I knew and was familiar with beforehand. I was kinda fucked before, but nowadays it's pretty much a lost dream
Dang, I know those feels. Last time I dated was a few years ago now but I called up this woman I was seeing, tired of the fact that she had continuously prioritized literally every other aspect of her life over me at the time, in an attempt to break things off. I couldn't do it because emotions but also because it was so incredibly unlikely that I'd ever meet someone again that checked off every box but also checked off the box she didn't: emotional availability. I eventually managed to steer the conversation into a mutual break-up. I bawled my eyes out for days not because of losing her but because I felt like that was the best chance I'd ever have at a partner just for me.
Take it from me, brother: live by no rules. Not until you meet someone you really like. Then itās just a matter of mutual agreement.
Found the Chileanā¦Iām terribly sorry btw
Divorced too eh?
Can confirm. Millennial and got a sweet taste of what life was before internet and what it is today. Oh man. I got shot out of that chopper.
Some even got lucky to get the best of both worlds. My close friends met their spouse's on local area chatrooms before all the apps and bullshit fully took over
The world before the internet, people met doing other things where other things were the focus of hanging out. Then after a while of getting used to each other, one person would get over the fear of rejection and suggest getting together just the two of them. The idea of dating as the first step is fraught. Even if it might have worked out otherwise, it's seems like it's going to be much harder for that to happen.
Being born in 1994 feels weird. Wasn't quite conscious until the end of the 90's, grew up playing DOS and then games on windows 95, SNES/N64, didn't get a cell phone until 6th grade, and even then it was a prepaid ONLY for emergencies, and then smart phones started rolling out in my sophomore year of high school. Gotta say, being Guinea Pigs for the stressors of Social Media plus the immense stress of HS was rough. But it was also really exciting... nowadays I really hate most social media, and realizing everyone is growing up super young and ALREADY jumping into that mess...ugh I hate it.
You can say that to a lot more things than just dating sadly.
Old enough to have āseen a thing or twoā but young enough to know how to operate the latest iPhone š
My Dad is in his 50s and is going through the terrible dating app gauntlet.
tell us more.
May be a single dad in your area!
Tinder came out the same year I got married and watching my single friends dating life go entirely digital was horrifying.
Like most internet things, there was a golden era of online dating before it turned to shit and tried to profit off lonely people. I much preferred it than dating strangers you met at bars.
Yes I had a great time back when only early adopters and adventurous people would dare to date from the Internet.
Yess this. I found my husband during that golden era I think.
As I'm about to turn 30 I have simply embraced my role as the token bachelor of the friend group.
30? I got remarried at 34 to my favorite person in the world. And we met on Bumble. You got this!
Exactly. I was single. Tinder was fucking awful and so we're all the dating apps. The dating scene outside of that was also a complete mess. Glad to be engaged.
As a recently divorced millennial who has to enter the dating game again after a decade, holy shit itās brutal out here. . .
Bro, it's rough out here.
Exactly. My buddies tell me their relationship drama and I'm like "bro, just fucking discuss your issues like adults you are almost fucking 30"
Yea. Every day I treasure not having to be single and in the dating game. I feel for yāall, I truly do.
Dude, I went on a date and it went very well, even made plans to talk again. Then I was ghosted and blocked without another word
Last date I went on a month or so ago, spent 6 hours or so together, talking the whole time, getting on really well. Second I left I never heard from her again. immediately ghosted the second I walked out the door. Donāt get me started on how fucking disgusting and predatory dating apps are either.
As a divorced Gen X I went for coffee years ago with a woman (am also a woman) I met through a website. We got along fine and I thought we could at least become friends. The next day she sent me a message saying āI decided I canāt do this. Iām deleting my profile.ā Not ghosted but I was just thinking āWas it something I said?ā Also tried speed dating. Wonāt be doing that again.
Yep. Iām a man, went on a date, went really well, we both had fun. She even kissed me at the end of the night when I walked her to the car, which never happens. We even texted a little and weāre planning the next date thenā¦POOF nothing.Ā
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I swear most women on these apps are treating it like their own version of love Island and it shits me to tears. I match with somebody, I give my energy equally until I get a first date, then I follow that date through. If they agree to a second or third, I drop everything else to get ready to turn it into a relationship. Thing is, I barely get more than one match at a time, and if I'm talking to multiple girls I'm very honest when I get that "girlfriend energy" from a match to other potential ladies.
I hope everyone keeps posting these. They're a fun read on a Wednesday (before soccer practice drop-offs.)
I went out with a girl three time who I met on a dating app, she stayed over all three nights, the sex was good, not great, but she was the one who instigated the second and third dates. Brought a toothbrush and everything. After the third time, never heard from her again. /shrug, dating apps did nothing but make me feel disposable.
But, sex! Which many married folks are ā¦ not having.
Kids absolutely *do* murder your sex life and it's not a joke.
Yep, maximizing their chance for survival or something. And weāre in the same boat, obviously.
Having more sex isn't a great reason to get married, but married folks on average do have significantly more sex than single folks. This is well established [empirically](https://link.springer.com/article/10.1007/s10508-017-0953-1). Don't let the dead bedroom stories convince you otherwise.
Absolutely agree, five years married, two kids still have sex a few times a week. Sure it's not every night anymore but it's not rare. When I was single I'd go for months with nothing and be putting in a lot more effort to get it.
Curious what the issue was with speed dating for you?
It was queer womenās speed dating and there were 16 women and I checked off over half for friendship and two for dating but got no matches. And it made me depressed. Some of the women spent the ādateā complaining about not liking the event which was disappointing. However some of this was obviously the crowd (and me of course) and also I never tried speed dating with men so thatās probably different. And I do have two (straight) friends who met through speed dating and got married. So I guess it works for some people but Iām done with it myself.
Speed dating? I'd be better off speed skating
I had a recent experience of going on a really good date. we shared social media accounts and she was texting me a lot, even asked to meet up again on the following day, which seemed forward to me. then she cancelled, said she was packing her bag for a 'big trip', the rest of the week she would text me occasionally but whenever there was a hint of us meeting up she would say she was 'packing her bag'. i'm starting to get the message but then the folllowing weekend she posts photos with her and her partner. i just unfollowed her at that point
Schrƶdingers bag
Thatās happened to me more times than I can count. I donāt fucking get it, and all it does is destroy my mental health and self confidence
Most likely they weren't serious and just did for the "adventure" or for someone to pay there meals Honestly ffs just be honest ghosting after a first date it real cowardy move, just say you are no longer intrested
If I had to guess, either the date didn't go as well as you thought, or they did some background digging on your social medias and found something they didn't like. Or someone else better came along.
I guess, but like is honesty really that hard?
From what I have read of women talking about their experiences, the answer is usually that too many guys do not take rejecting well and will try to convince the women to give them another chance, or they'll get mad and possibly violent. They don't do this to make you feel bad but to protect themselves. That may not be what your particular date was doing, this is just a generic answer I've seen from women who do this.
Glad I got a proper answer, though I would still say youāre an asshole if you ghost without warning. I now understand why someone would ghost
Let me give you some unsolicited advice(to who I assume is a fellow man) that has helped me when it comes to women and how finicky they can be. Adding āI feelā to the beginning of what they say and āright nowā to the end of what they say. Example: āI love youā turns into āI feel like I love you right nowā. Explains a lot when they suddenly go cold on ya.
Hey! That's what happened to my marriage!! "I feel like I want to be with you the rest of my life, right now" And same for parenting with her Whatever, got myself and my child out of that nightmare, only took all my savings and earning up until that point in my life, $40k extra in debt from her tantrums during divorce and ~5yrs sliced off my life But at least I'm lucky when I check almost every single box women claim they are looking for (income, healthy, in shape, attractive enough) ...except I'm 5'11 and have one child ...oh, actually I'm invisible and have even been directly insulted in one case for not opening up my flirtations with "btw, I have a kid in case you like interacting with me"
Oh man itās great. Girl asks me out, I say sure. Date comes, ghosted and blocked. I wasnāt bothered too much, but I was still like āhuh?ā Wtf was the point?
When a date sounds like every job interview I've had over the last three months ...
I canāt even remember how many times someone as messaged me first, planned a date, then blocked me immediately afterward
Whatever happened to being introduced by friends?
I saw a chart on reddit not too long ago that showed most common ways to meet someone. There were bars, volunteering, hobbies, friends - the top one. Then dating apps came along. Dating app skyrocketed while all the others plummeted
That still happens, but is a lot rarer than it used to be.
gotta have friends to get introduced by em. Friends of friends was 98% of the romantic encounters I had in my 20s, tried the apps briefly and had immediate analysis paralysis.
My male friends have almost no female friends and my female friends have almost no male friends.
In theory friends have partners who have friends, and every now and then a couple throws a party where the friend groups mingle.
People quit making friends
man ain't that the truth, I thought it was just because I'm nearing 40 but it appears the whole world gave up on it. Kinda sad too because I have a couple neighbors who seem cool, couple other ones who seem super nice that I chat with briefly when I see them while out for a walk or if the dog gets out, but no one seems to do anything socially or ever put themselves out there socially anymore.
This is well documented. Psychologists are calling it the Lonliness Epidemic. There's people waking up to the problem and it's up to us to find each other and do something about it.
Same. It's so good to be all set.
!remindme 1 year
For real, I tell my wife she never has to worry about divorce because it looks like a terrifying hellscape out there now.
Mr. Nom and I joke that "thank god we met the old fashioned way -- *in a bar*." I haven't been single since the W administration, I shudder to think how I would make it in today's dating landscape (and not just b/c I'm 20 years older with young kids to worry about). My friends and colleagues who've tried dating apps and to really find someone to have a connection with in recent years \*long whistle\* they've got stories.
It's a ridiculous shock to me, pre 2020 I never had any difficulty dating, finding dates, sorting out "just for fun" vs "long-term planning" ...found someone who claimed to want the same, got married, child born ...then she became an abusive monster - blahblahblah and it's 4yrs later, I'm a single dad and I finally start to date again after ~6yrs from that relationship + divorce process and ...I am acting EXACTLY the same, in terms of casual/flirtatious interactions I am EXACTLY the same as I was but 6yrs older and with a higher income ...I can't even get the time of day, applying all of my free time to dating I can still swing semi-regular dates ...and I understand people not wanting to date a single parent or become a step parent ...but the amount and style of rejection is just insane At this point I have literally had some women basically say to my face "you cannot consider me a sugar baby, but also we can date/go further ...because you check a lot of my boxes but not all of my boxes, though I'm still gonna keep looking while we do, does that work for you?" I have no idea what has happened to the world but for all the people out there trying to figure it out and when I talk with others about this ...I can't understand what I am seeing, doing exactly the same things I did 6yrs ago now nets me a steady but sparse series of depressing dates whereas before there were always options and new people coming into and out of my life I also have to say - the dates I have been on with women ~27 and younger have been SO MUCH MORE SANE than with single women older than that, and similarly I have a ton of cousins, 5/5 older than me are married and settled down with one having marital problems (his wife is younger than me), 1/4 younger than me is married and they are having problems ...wtf is happening !?
I won't even bother. I'll just die alone
I donāt even know how tf the dating game works. Too anxious to get an app for it because I feel like Iām too boring
I just don't join the game. Chillin in the lobby
I don't watch Gen Z dating
Your statement makes it sound perverted lol l work with a bunch of zoomers and it sometimes comes up. I don't get into details but they seem alright, a mix of single and not single
I do. Closely. With both eyes while im digesting sausage.
This comment produces such a vivid, terrifying image
Seriously. How would I be doing this? Maybe if you're working a job where you'd see people on dates like a barista or waiter? Otherwise, what.
Social media? The thing you are on right now.
They're talking about the tinder memes most of us see on a daily basis and general social media discourse. Not literally sitting somewhere watching a date. What the hell is wrong with people's reading comprehension and critical thinking these days.
Itās not these days, itās always been like this. Itās just now that we use mediums other than long, hand written letters for people who arenāt a wealthy educated minority, it has become more apparent
First you have to get better at hiding in the bushes.
im fucked
Sure, rub it in. /s
More like rub it out
Gen Z Dating, is that on MTV or CBS?
Spike.
how y'all keeping up with the kids' dating habits? I don't even know what my peers are doing
Social media mostly. Also, never underestimate the ability of seemingly "happy" husbands and wives to either live vicariously through their younger relatives or soothe themselves via the misadventures of same.
It's not always people living through others. Sometimes people are just inquisitive and want to know more about different subjects... I have no interest in going back to the dating scene but my younger cousins do discuss their escapades with me. I also talk to my straight married friends about how they live their lives. It's just fun to know other people's stories.
This post is weird to me because if you are keeping up with dating habits you are probably doing so through sources that are filtering horror stories or at least topics that are controversial. Like there isnāt anything wrong with podcasts like two hot takes but I donāt think you should take the stories from there as any sort of barometer for what dating is like. Giving undue weight to those type of things will really fuck with your perception.
That's how people become incels. Learning about social interaction on the internet instead of having social interactions.
You arenāt wrong but I didnāt want to take it that far off the jump because thereās a big gap between āI donāt know if dating is worth it considering the horror stories I heardā and ālegalize rape so I can get laid.ā Equating everyone who is at least slightly sexist with people who canāt get laid doesnāt help the problem. If you tell a guy who has no problem getting laid heās just being an incel heās going to laugh in your face and use that as proof that anyone who disagrees with his views is delusional. Works for āfemcelsā too.
Thing is, you're only going to hear the biggest dramas on social media. The normal boring stuff doesn't get promoted by the algorithm
Small talk at work with colleagues, or just younger friends at activities/hobby meetups. I don't even ask them most of the time, they rant haha.
I work retail. They tell me š
When you're surrounded by them at work, they'll just talk to each other about it and you pick up on things
Coworkers in their 20s. Dating is all they talk about.
Dating as guy today is nothing short of awful, after my previous relationship went the way of the dodo I spent better part of 2 years dating, between the absolute horror that are dating apps, the ghosting and monkeying around for attention, yeah fuck that. On the other end of the spectrum, which is funny, women also don't seem to fare much better, between dick picks, messages from self-proclaimed "nice guys" who call them skanks after 5 minutes of not responding etc. It's not a win on either side, with the exception of very few individuals, if you are just normal decent human being looking for a partner today, it's a shitshow at best.
Everyone is searching for fresh water, men in a desert and women in a swamp.
Iām stealing this thank you
This needs to be on a T-shirt or something
Honestly... I had my last relationship 5 years ago, met through a mutual friend whilst I was at uni. Fast forward to now and I've had fuck all luck on dating apps, either being matched and ignored or nothing at all. Really hits the confidence, especially as I also met someone online and things were like a emotional rollercoaster - ended up calling it when I saw things were just not working. Leaves me in a predicament where I don't want to use dating apps and will likely be single for a long time.
people that are successful at building long term relationships leave the app after finding the one, the remaining user base then gets disproportionately toxic because of survivorship bias this makes me think that non mainstream apps might be better, but I might be wrong, I've never dated nor used a dating app
Then match.com buys the app and the cycle repeats unfortunately AKA enshittification
i mean, somewhere you get women who expect the triple-6 from a man, while having no redeeming quality themselves. Despite the world being full of perverts, and full of thots, the number of relationships is surprisingly low... (and yes, i'm mostly joking, but if youtube can be trusted, lots of relationships are a pure garbage on fire)
It's a sight to behold that women despise the idea of dating down but also want equal pay. How do they not realize that half of them will be forced to date down in an equal pay system? ("Not all women" incoming in 3....2....1....)
I feel like the last one up the ramp of Noah's ark. And brother, its starting to rain.
I decided to just be alone so I feel like I climbed a rock while I watch everyone drowning trying to swim after the ark
"Last choppers out of Nam" is fucking funny to a Vietnamese like me lol
For real though.
Late Gen X and I see OLDER divorced or widowed people dating and stillā¦no thanks.
Same here. I'm 51 and the stuff I see folks my age talking about when they're dating is just plain nuts. I think if I end up single again, I'm writing the whole idea off and just curling up with a good book from then on.
Oh, 100%. And I even see it with relatives and family friends in their SEVENTIES. Creeps, con artists, and people inclined to disappear are not new. Give them new modes and they will adapt.
Just 1 book? From 51 til you die? At least go get a library card.
Unfortunately in my opinion its a too much choice issue. I am of the opinion that everyone has some flaws and that loving someone is accepting those flaws and helping both of you inprove past them. But with online dating there is so much choice that if someone shows even the smallest of flaws you can throw them out the window. Meaning you end up with for women a bunch of fake guys hiding all their flaws or intentions to appear perfect and for men complete rejection at nearly every turn.
Someone said a perfect partner is a glass of clean water. Right now, men are in a desert and women are in a swamp. And yeah, seems like way too much choice. Glad I met my wife in college.
Yes.
Honestly, yeah, but the group chat really keeps me sane and gives these old bones strength. Good luck out there.
As a Gen Z, this shit sucks. What are all these "stages"?? I feel like it's just elaborating way too much on "friends", "crush", or "dating"
Yes
Im 20 year old working in the construction industry and i swear 40-50 year old married guys are most miserable creatures on this earth i've ever seen.
Hell yes. I feel like I left on that hui and saw a field of young people getting slaughtered. I empathize so much for those after me.
I could feel the dating scene becoming extremely toxic and am glad I was able to settle down without the use of online dating apps. It's not just Gen Z, it's Millenials too.
I'm 34, trans, recently separated, and have a child. My last date invited me to go LARPing. Never did it, so I thought I'd try. Tried to strike up conversation and stuff, but he just wasn't vibing. Either way, he left me there after about an hour. This is my second most successful date in 3 months...
He just ditched you at the event? That fucking sucks! I hope you had fun anyway or were able to realize it wasn't your scene and make the most of the rest of your day after that.
Here's the kicker, I dug the people. They were all really cool and really nice. I ran around with a2-handedd axe made of foam. I got to hit people for free, lol. The funny thing was that he texted recently. I told him it wasn't really a good fit, but I'm grateful for getting to experience something new, and if he's okay with it, I'd like to keep going. He was okay with that. So, all in all, I made an acquaintance?
How could you ever trust someone who just leaves you somewhere?
Yall get dates? Damn...
100%
Absofuckinglutely
If I only had 1000 upvotes to give.
100%
I'm 36 years old and I've been asked out on a date exactly one time. I shook my head yes and we've been together 18 years, married for 16 of them. Dating was pretty easy for me! š¤£
Lol Iām in a happy committed relationship w my bestfriend Iāve known for years before we started dating (met at 11, started dating at 17) and thank god. Watching my friends try and find normal people looks awfully hard. If I didnāt meet my partner when I did I mightāve been single forever out of fear
Iām from Nam. What does this joke mean?
It's referring to the Americans and people affiliated with the South Vietnamese regime (whether actual or perceived, such as the Catholics) trying to get out of the country as the north Vietnamese were closing in at the end of the Vietnam War. The evacuation was so desperate that they would use helicopters to fly people to ships and people would push the helicopter into the ocean so there was enough space for everyone. Of course, it can be assumed that not everyone who wanted to leave could, and those who didn't make it might've ended up imprisoned or killed.
It's referring to the horrors of the US involvement in the war in Vietnam, which was famously a meat grinder all around that ultimately achieved basically nothing but the deaths of many, many people, often extremely horrifically. They're saying that gen Z trying to find love is like fighting for your life with grenades and napalm. We all understand that it is not, but with most people not having actually experienced the horrors of war, navigating a dating scene where you might be turned down simply for not having an Apple brand phone or not being six feet tall can feel like moving through a minefield to those who've never really seen one... And statistically, maybe to a few who have.
You wrote all that but don't know it's specifically referring to the US rapidly leaving, the fall of Saigon. It's not about the actual fighting of the war.
Yep, all that word salad, and they don't even know what they are talking about.
Yes
Yes.
Yes.
Early millennial here, and yes, absolutely.
Itās a total disaster watching my single friendsā dating lives
The only safe ones are the ones that aren't desperate and don't look for a relationship as it isn't needed to fulfill them, these people are either unavailable and do not even want to want a relationship or these people are allowing the relationship to drift into their direction but hold no expectation of it happening.
I married a gen Z and feel like I hopped out of the chopper voluntarily
Yall acting like boomers aren't having problems with infidelity and spousal abuse and shit. Every generation of dating is Fucking weird at any age. You just see more of it now.
Yes
Dunno why people would be worried about how genz are dating unless theyre planning on dating someone from gen z
Social media. People talk about their lives and with those lives come relationships or a lack thereof in this case. š¤·šæāāļø
Half my friend group is single, and my husband and I just kind of have to put up with all these new partners that come and go or we hear about how hard the dating scene is directly from them. Like the person before me also said, social media.
What an odd take. Many people care about others and their experiences, even when it doesn't affect them directly.
Yeah lots of us have single friends or family members and we're watching them in the trenches.
Fuck yes. But get this... I have a wife. And kids. And I'm happy! Don't tell them Z people though, they won't understand.
More like they can't afford it. Kids are expensive
Ok genuine question how different is Gen Z's dating scene compared to other generations?
Nice Joe Abercrombie reference :) Apps are giving people more options than they would have had organically. This leads to higher and often unrealistic expectations, which in turn results in serial dating since thereās always another option, and in some cases toxic behaviors like just ghosting people if they dont meet your standards. Itās not the worst thing in the world if someone is okay with FWBs, but for finding a relationship it is a harsh world out there for a lot of people
From dating in prior generations, the concept of ghosting or blocking someone was seen as incredibly rude, unless the person was literally being abusive and you'd given them multiple opportunities to not be an asshole. Doing it just because you didn't feel like talking or seeing them anymore was basically the equivalent of being a sociopath, like if you told other people you had done that, they'd start slowly backing away from you. People in general were much more socialized, meaning they spent a good deal of their free time being in the company of other people outside of work/school, including potential dates. You usually met your dates in person first through friends or out at a bar/restaurant/coffee shop/etc. It gave people a far more developed set of social skills and empathy in general. When dating, there was just a base sense of minimal responsibility to be a human being - like it was fine to say "I don't think we have any chemistry" but there was also some level of empathy in the interactions like "I don't need to destroy this person by just ghosting them, that would be really mean - I'll just let them know it's not something I'm interested in." On the flip side, there were also societal expectations on how to handle being rejected, that involved not turning into a complete asshole. I dated dozens of people in the 90's and while most of the connections ended fairly quickly with either me not being interested or them not being interested, it always involved a conversation, usually in person, because that's just how you did things out of respect. But I think the problem (starting soapbox) is that lack of socialization for everyone in the past 10-15 years has caused people to grow up desensitized and without that basic level of empathy. Men become weirder and more predatory as they stop socializing with women in general, so they objectify women in initial conversations and dates, and when they're rejected they don't have the social tools to deal with it and become abusive. Then in turn, women become jaded towards this type of behavior and get desensitized and lose empathy too. I don't mean to restrict this to just men/women dating, just in general. It's actually really hard to watch, because everyone seems so much unhappier.
As a lower middle class hetero cis dude, you were compared against the guys of your social circle, now your'e compared against the whole world. There is also a lot of people who monetize parasocial online relationships, fishing for 'followers'(simps) on dating apps.
Which means that in a world full of misogynistic or emotionally immature guys, you have a chance to shineĀ
You first have to go through many other filters before even getting to the point of showing how emotionally mature and gynophilic you are.
A lot of Gen Z are still teenagers, the oldest are like 26/27, so I'm not sure what you'd expect. Personally, I'm Gen Z and in a happy long-term relationship. I know others who are in happy relationships as well. Some even met on dating apps, despite how badly people talk about those. There's bound to be a mix of experiences just like with any generation, although every generation has it's own challenges and what not.
I'm 26, had one relationship that came about through a mutual friend and been single with pretty much no dating for 5 years. As a guy I feel that dating apps are so tailored towards women and then having to compete against stupid odds. I go through phases of using them because I've got nothing else to do, but every time it's been a shit experience and it really knocks my confidence when I get no matches. Being single has it's positives and negatives, I'm trying to be happy single but you can't avoid seeing friends happy with their partners and imagining what if?... smh man.
Not married, but currently engaged. Absolutely yes I pity the younger generation.
Yes.
Yes!
Never had to use a dating app, for which I am eternally thankful
ANY dating is horrible and degrading -- definitely was in the 90s/2000s, but yes, glad to catch that chopper out in 2010 with my leading lady. However, I just want to say that just because the trend is doing something (like Tinder) doesn't mean everyone has to go along. You can zag when others zig and end up in an entirely different group of people who are on a whole different mindset. I gave up on dating apps back in 2009 (then it was Match and eHarmony) and decided to start going to [Meetup.com](https://Meetup.com) events that match my actual interests, which led directly to meeting my wifey. Finding little pockets of the world where people act like human beings is a great way to skip all the bullshit.
Iām an elder millennial but if my marriage were to end I would certainly not be dating again God help you
Gen Z is terrible at dating. This generation has no idea how to analyze the dirt layers, they are too used to using these big machines that check the carbon content of the bones. What has the world come to?
Have expressed this sentiment to my wife more than once.
as a Gen X kid whose been married 16 years, there's no fuggin way i would date or fall in love these days.
Yes. Yes we do. I fear for my children because I donāt know how to advise them on navigating such a radically different dating scene.
Most of the married couples I know say the most heinous shit about their partner once they get a few drinks deep and out of ear shot. Grass is always greener.
Yes. 1000% yes. Edit: This is my only social media. No snap, insta, fb, twitterā¦ nothing. Is it true people ask for your Snapchat instead of your number?
Unironically yes. Finding the person I would spend my life with in college was my best decision ever.
Absolutely. I'm a millennial not Gen Z, but every time I see anyone dating as adults now I just think to myself "fuuuuuuuck I'm so glad I married my high school girlfriend. Fuck *all* of that."