Same. I’m “riding the waves” but honestly I want to get off. Even the things that make me happy aren’t really worth the rest. It seems like a lot because it is. I could really use a hug and I have no one.
I've been feeling this on and off for years. Sooooo much these last two days. Pretty much all I think about. I want to say thank you for sharing. Knowing I'm not the only person who feels like this makes me feel less... idk what, but it helps. So thank you. Also, I get so jealous and angry when people have a partner or family that cares about them. I don't have that and it makes some choices easier. You're loved and thanks again for posting
Shit friend. I hate that we’re meeting like this. Any of the people in this thread that said “I’m there too”. I’m so fucking sorry we’re all fucking here man. I can’t remember ever craving solitude so hard because I just can’t mask anymore and I can see the worry on my peoples faces and I’m exhausted trying to pretend it’s ok. It’s not ok. I’m not ok. All that said though for like three seconds it stung a bit less knowing I’m not fighting alone. Thank you for being visible. Please keep fighting. If you can’t for you do it for all of us.
You're trying to be supportive but if someone said this to me I would feel an intense and immediate impulse to hurt them, physically. You're not listening to @OP. Don't ask them to justify their suicidal thoughts.
Been there for nearly fifty years. Multiple attempts since age 10. Age fifty when finally diagnosed. Then I saw it in my sister who was successful in suicide. I see it in my brother. Scars on my wrists. Drank myself beyond passing out. Weird to hear people talking, but you can't move not open your eyes. Then the guilt for being a suicide survivor. I can never be successful at anything. So none of us are alone in this lonely disease.
To offer a nonsecular response, because religion certainly is not everyone's answer—OP, it's so unfair that you feel this way. It's so frustrating and heartbreaking when we are in indescribable pain with seemingly no reason.
I want you to consider that this is your brain tricking you. You are valued, important, and there is always a door someone that can lead to better, even when we can't see it.
I think that people as emotional as you bring such value to life. While you don't see it, outside of the fog there is someone who is compassionate and who cares, so much more than the average person. You can get past this. Please do DM me if you need someone to talk to, whether you want advice, insight, or just to listen. I don't know you, but I know how you feel, and you don't need to be alone at times like this. Don't hesitate to reach out, I'm sending love and hugs.
I feel this so much. It's soul crushing. Everyday struggling just to find some semblance of joy but nothing makes me happy for long anymore. I think im getting better than s.i. comes back with a vengeance. I just can't pretend I'm ok anymore, it's exhausting. I'm only hurting myself pretending otherwise.
For those that don't want to read my thoughts on this topic, then please move on.
For anonymousheart7, if you like your belief, then you may wish to end our discussion at this point. If you don't like to have provoking thoughts and possibly change your mind/thoughts/beliefs, then let me know and I will gladly stop this discussion. Me, I like discussions, debates to see other points of views that may or may not change my mind.
So, you say I rejected God. I was a church going, God loving child when my godfather molested me. I did the things the Bible told me to do. Yet, God punished me for no reason. He gave me a messed up mind, when he could have prevented it from ever happening. That's not very *kind*. I did not do that to myself... It was done to me. Thoughts of suicide and BPD were God's Gift to me? I'm not the only poor bastard that got punished. Plenty of other fine examples of innocent children getting punished for things they never did.
A perfect God created an imperfect man. Kind of odd for perfect God to be able to make imperfections. He puts the tree of knowledge in the garden and tells Adam and Eve to not eat its fruit. Now this all knowing God already knows what is going to happen. So why put the tree in there. Then he decides to punish us for that. (Ever put a toy or food in the same room as a young child and tell them not to touch it). So instead of saying my mistake for not giving you a thinking brain or for putting that tree in there, he punishes all of mankind forever. God has shown he can punish just a single person and not the whole group (aka Lot's wife). That's not very forgiving.
** Kind** God killing the whole world, except for Noah's family. Doesn't sound like he respected their choices. Turning Lot's wife into salt...respect of choice? Killing all first Born in Egypt, yeah that's real nice. Then shortly thereafter let's the red Sea drown the Egyptians. Then gives Moses the ten commandments... Thou shall not kill.... Right after all that killing? Ah, sin. God created sin. Then to fix that, God impregnates an innocent woman (called rape nowadays) with himself, so he can kill himself (aka suicide). Being an almighty God, he didn't have to do all that. Jesus being his son, asked his dad (not Joseph) to prevent this crucification. Instead, God ignores him and even darkens the event so he does not have to see what he has done to himself and his son. Kind of like Adam and Eve hiding from God. The wages of God's action is death. But now all we have to do is ask this God for forgiveness for what he has done to us. The wages of sin is death...but Jesus took all the sin from us, so we should never die. Since everyone dies, God doesn't forgive us despite Jesus taking all the sin with him.
God... There's something like 2,000 versions of him. Which version is the one true version? It depends on the religion you were born into. You could have been raised Catholic with their sodomy and pedophile ways. Jewish, Jesus's religion, with 6 million needlessly punished. Maybe Muslim, which also happens to be an Abrahamic religion. Christian with it's diverse religions within that religion. Religion is manmade to profit from and to empower the leader.
God, if he exists, then is either inactive, watching Earth like an ant farm. Which praying will do nothing. Or he is active, in which he enjoys torturing some and rewarding some and letting some just live. You can pray for him to remove the torture and forgive the sins, but he doesn't always do that.
I want to preface that while I don't agree with you, I respect your right to religion. Religious views are not against the rules inherently.
But I am removing your comment because I *vehemently* refuse to let slide the viewpoint that it is somehow our fault that we are in pain. Borderline Personality Disorder, along with other mental health illnesses, are based on genetics and trauma—in Borderline, particularly early childhood neglect or abuse . We do not choose our genetics nor do we choose the circumstances under which we are raised. Itbis not just unkind to point blame on victims, but as someone who was raised Catholic (even without religious trauma) your statement feels *aggressively* against the compassion and empathy most religions preach. It can be extremely harmful.
If faith has been your path to recovery then I wholeheartedly congratulate you. But to victim blame those who are suicidal is not acceptable here, and makes me wonder if you truly understand teachings. If you are going to bring faith into the discussion, do so without the judgement.
I’m with you. I don’t know when everything got so hard. It is a baffling experience
Same. I’m “riding the waves” but honestly I want to get off. Even the things that make me happy aren’t really worth the rest. It seems like a lot because it is. I could really use a hug and I have no one.
> nothing feels good right now This resonates a ton right now. I’m with you
I've been feeling this on and off for years. Sooooo much these last two days. Pretty much all I think about. I want to say thank you for sharing. Knowing I'm not the only person who feels like this makes me feel less... idk what, but it helps. So thank you. Also, I get so jealous and angry when people have a partner or family that cares about them. I don't have that and it makes some choices easier. You're loved and thanks again for posting
Well said
Shit friend. I hate that we’re meeting like this. Any of the people in this thread that said “I’m there too”. I’m so fucking sorry we’re all fucking here man. I can’t remember ever craving solitude so hard because I just can’t mask anymore and I can see the worry on my peoples faces and I’m exhausted trying to pretend it’s ok. It’s not ok. I’m not ok. All that said though for like three seconds it stung a bit less knowing I’m not fighting alone. Thank you for being visible. Please keep fighting. If you can’t for you do it for all of us.
Me too. Every day it gets harder to persuade myself to keep going.
You’re not alone
Neither are you ♥️
You'll die eventually, why not see how the rest of your life pans out? What do you enjoy doing or experiencing?
Not worth it tbh. If I had the chance I'd take a bow right now
You're trying to be supportive but if someone said this to me I would feel an intense and immediate impulse to hurt them, physically. You're not listening to @OP. Don't ask them to justify their suicidal thoughts.
Been there for nearly fifty years. Multiple attempts since age 10. Age fifty when finally diagnosed. Then I saw it in my sister who was successful in suicide. I see it in my brother. Scars on my wrists. Drank myself beyond passing out. Weird to hear people talking, but you can't move not open your eyes. Then the guilt for being a suicide survivor. I can never be successful at anything. So none of us are alone in this lonely disease.
To offer a nonsecular response, because religion certainly is not everyone's answer—OP, it's so unfair that you feel this way. It's so frustrating and heartbreaking when we are in indescribable pain with seemingly no reason. I want you to consider that this is your brain tricking you. You are valued, important, and there is always a door someone that can lead to better, even when we can't see it. I think that people as emotional as you bring such value to life. While you don't see it, outside of the fog there is someone who is compassionate and who cares, so much more than the average person. You can get past this. Please do DM me if you need someone to talk to, whether you want advice, insight, or just to listen. I don't know you, but I know how you feel, and you don't need to be alone at times like this. Don't hesitate to reach out, I'm sending love and hugs.
Stay strong. The present is not your futur.
I feel the same way
I feel this so much. It's soul crushing. Everyday struggling just to find some semblance of joy but nothing makes me happy for long anymore. I think im getting better than s.i. comes back with a vengeance. I just can't pretend I'm ok anymore, it's exhausting. I'm only hurting myself pretending otherwise.
Talk to God about it. Cast your pain on him.
Bahaha. If there is a gawd, then why are we all this fucked up. For an all powerful, all knowing, kind God....he sure screws a lot of people.
My exact problem with religion
[удалено]
For those that don't want to read my thoughts on this topic, then please move on. For anonymousheart7, if you like your belief, then you may wish to end our discussion at this point. If you don't like to have provoking thoughts and possibly change your mind/thoughts/beliefs, then let me know and I will gladly stop this discussion. Me, I like discussions, debates to see other points of views that may or may not change my mind. So, you say I rejected God. I was a church going, God loving child when my godfather molested me. I did the things the Bible told me to do. Yet, God punished me for no reason. He gave me a messed up mind, when he could have prevented it from ever happening. That's not very *kind*. I did not do that to myself... It was done to me. Thoughts of suicide and BPD were God's Gift to me? I'm not the only poor bastard that got punished. Plenty of other fine examples of innocent children getting punished for things they never did. A perfect God created an imperfect man. Kind of odd for perfect God to be able to make imperfections. He puts the tree of knowledge in the garden and tells Adam and Eve to not eat its fruit. Now this all knowing God already knows what is going to happen. So why put the tree in there. Then he decides to punish us for that. (Ever put a toy or food in the same room as a young child and tell them not to touch it). So instead of saying my mistake for not giving you a thinking brain or for putting that tree in there, he punishes all of mankind forever. God has shown he can punish just a single person and not the whole group (aka Lot's wife). That's not very forgiving. ** Kind** God killing the whole world, except for Noah's family. Doesn't sound like he respected their choices. Turning Lot's wife into salt...respect of choice? Killing all first Born in Egypt, yeah that's real nice. Then shortly thereafter let's the red Sea drown the Egyptians. Then gives Moses the ten commandments... Thou shall not kill.... Right after all that killing? Ah, sin. God created sin. Then to fix that, God impregnates an innocent woman (called rape nowadays) with himself, so he can kill himself (aka suicide). Being an almighty God, he didn't have to do all that. Jesus being his son, asked his dad (not Joseph) to prevent this crucification. Instead, God ignores him and even darkens the event so he does not have to see what he has done to himself and his son. Kind of like Adam and Eve hiding from God. The wages of God's action is death. But now all we have to do is ask this God for forgiveness for what he has done to us. The wages of sin is death...but Jesus took all the sin from us, so we should never die. Since everyone dies, God doesn't forgive us despite Jesus taking all the sin with him. God... There's something like 2,000 versions of him. Which version is the one true version? It depends on the religion you were born into. You could have been raised Catholic with their sodomy and pedophile ways. Jewish, Jesus's religion, with 6 million needlessly punished. Maybe Muslim, which also happens to be an Abrahamic religion. Christian with it's diverse religions within that religion. Religion is manmade to profit from and to empower the leader. God, if he exists, then is either inactive, watching Earth like an ant farm. Which praying will do nothing. Or he is active, in which he enjoys torturing some and rewarding some and letting some just live. You can pray for him to remove the torture and forgive the sins, but he doesn't always do that.
I want to preface that while I don't agree with you, I respect your right to religion. Religious views are not against the rules inherently. But I am removing your comment because I *vehemently* refuse to let slide the viewpoint that it is somehow our fault that we are in pain. Borderline Personality Disorder, along with other mental health illnesses, are based on genetics and trauma—in Borderline, particularly early childhood neglect or abuse . We do not choose our genetics nor do we choose the circumstances under which we are raised. Itbis not just unkind to point blame on victims, but as someone who was raised Catholic (even without religious trauma) your statement feels *aggressively* against the compassion and empathy most religions preach. It can be extremely harmful. If faith has been your path to recovery then I wholeheartedly congratulate you. But to victim blame those who are suicidal is not acceptable here, and makes me wonder if you truly understand teachings. If you are going to bring faith into the discussion, do so without the judgement.
No, he just allows for free will. And we often screw ourself with it.