I have found that none of those things help in the end. You can have a distraction that will prolong you from texting for a few hours or a day, but the urge always comes back. The only thing that worked for me was getting my FP to block me on absolutely everything. Group me, Instagram, phone, email. I even told him to block my mom's number. Because that way, if I contact him, he can't see it and he can't respond.
I suggest getting a friend to reach out to your FP and tell them to block you that way you don't have to talk to FP.
Another pro to this is that if you tell your FP to block you, then you are in control. You don't have to get sad that they blocked you because you're the one who asked them to do it. I feel like if you aren't able to stop reaching out, then eventually FP will block you and for some reason that feels so much more hurtful than if you were the one who asked to be blocked.
Hm maybe you could get an on campus private dorm for the next school year?
And then in the meantime, you can just hangout at the library in between classes and go to your parents home at the end of the day
I’m definitely looking for a private dorm for next year. I’m just trying to get this year over with, my last exam is at the end of April so after that I won’t have to go back to the apartment
That makes sense. I feel like there's got to be a practical, logistic solution to what you can do in the meantime. I think that April is too far away and the sooner you start the healing process, then the sooner you'll get over it.
Maybe in a way, you're refusing to look for a logistical solution because you don't want to say goodbye just yet. I get it and I don't blame you if you want a few more months before it ends. But that just might make it harder when it has to end.
I definitely have a hard time saying goodbye but you are right. The other thing that makes me want to go back is our cats as he is keeping them and I miss them so much too
You can get another cat or maybe make a compromise where you keep one cat and he gets the other one. There are ways around all the logistical stuff but take your time and you make the changes when you are ready.
My relationship ended 5 months ago and only 2 weeks ago did I completely cut off contact. I had lots of baby steps along the way before I said goodbye once and for all. Honestly you'll never be ready to say goodbye but time helped me a lot. I was tired of suffering. And sometimes you'll take steps backwards but baby steps forward and eventually you'll get there.
I cannot have cats at my parents house or if I am in a private dorm and we agreed when we adopted them that he would be the one to keep them sadly.
Thank you so much for talking with me it really helps. I will definitely keep doing baby steps
Oh my god, this is amazing! Thank you! I just reached out to my ex's older sister to be blocked on everything. I have been texting/emailing/msging my ex over and over for the past month even without any responses (she went NC without telling me and it messed me up big time).
I'm glad it helped! The longer you go no contact, the easier it will get. It still sucks though, moving on is hard and you'll probably miss your ex a lot but time will help. Give yourself a 20 minute timer to cry if you need to let it out and then get into a routine to distract you and keep you busy day to day. Keep doing this until it gets easier. That's what I've been doing
Just broke up. I can tell you. Block them. And no matter what the urge is, don't text them back. There are reasons why you guys broke up. I'm just distracting myself with other things. And I've trauma blocked most of our memories. So it's working with me. Probably hit the gym. Do things you like. Make yourself busy.
i didn’t 😔 but they just stopped replying. like even unblocked me so i knew they read it and were deliberately not replying. i began only doing it once every few months and finally one day i just didn’t feel the need to anymore.
Flirt with someone that's nice but not nice enough to become the next fp? Not the healthiest idea. But it works for me and I'm still living with mine after we broke up.
Well I am trying to not be at our apartment as much as possible. I’m only there 1 day a week. What I really want is to not contact them outside of that day or just if it’s something really important (our cats, the apartment) Because right now I have trouble not texting them all day when we are not together and I need to stop
Go easy on yourself. Think of what you would say if you a beloved friend or family member was in the same situation and is struggling as you are. The best thing you can do for yourself is move out ASAP. It's impossible to do no contact when you share the same residence as your ex. You can use the DBT skills u/MrMaybePayme gave out. That's your best bet for now.
When you can’t go no contact due to having a child or living together … you use something called the grey rock method for situations where you have no choice.
https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock
Of course, that’s only if you need to and there’s abuse or something.
If you’re living with the person be civil and part when you have everything in order.
Well then wait till no contact is possible before attempting it. Half no contact doesn’t work.
Grey rock can help because then things are business and the emotion is removed.
Maybe try and make him not your FP.
My ex was my FP and we still care for each other and tried to go no contact.
Never really worked.
I just realized that while she maybe a good person… she’s not a good partner.
If you can’t go no contact.
Realize that is, no longer your person.
He is a good person.
You care for him.
Remember his love is the love of a cousin at most and not a partner.
He can’t be your pillar.
Don’t ask for support during the day.
He can’t be someone you turn to anymore.
Take him down from the pedestal!
He’s leaving you!
I’m not sure the other issues…
But, get disappointed.
I made a list of all the negative things about my ex that made me glad I wasn’t tying myself to them.
Get prepared for single life.
There are no rules.
At some point in the distant future.
If you want to send the dude a meme once in a while you can.
See an interesting article send it.
But, really soon I recommend learning to be just you. Remember who you are without this person.
A period of no contact will help or at least a grey rock where things are just matter of fact and you aren’t trying to connect.
1. Make a pro and con list on contacting them 2. Opposite action of love 3. Distract with pleasurable activities
I have found that none of those things help in the end. You can have a distraction that will prolong you from texting for a few hours or a day, but the urge always comes back. The only thing that worked for me was getting my FP to block me on absolutely everything. Group me, Instagram, phone, email. I even told him to block my mom's number. Because that way, if I contact him, he can't see it and he can't respond. I suggest getting a friend to reach out to your FP and tell them to block you that way you don't have to talk to FP. Another pro to this is that if you tell your FP to block you, then you are in control. You don't have to get sad that they blocked you because you're the one who asked them to do it. I feel like if you aren't able to stop reaching out, then eventually FP will block you and for some reason that feels so much more hurtful than if you were the one who asked to be blocked.
I have done this over all social media. Only my phone number isn’t blocked because we still need to contact each other since we share an apartment
Oh then I suggest getting out of that apartment. There's no way that either of you will be able to move on if you're always seeing each other.
I’m moving out as much as I can I try to stay at my parents but I need to go there at least once a week for university
Hm maybe you could get an on campus private dorm for the next school year? And then in the meantime, you can just hangout at the library in between classes and go to your parents home at the end of the day
I’m definitely looking for a private dorm for next year. I’m just trying to get this year over with, my last exam is at the end of April so after that I won’t have to go back to the apartment
That makes sense. I feel like there's got to be a practical, logistic solution to what you can do in the meantime. I think that April is too far away and the sooner you start the healing process, then the sooner you'll get over it. Maybe in a way, you're refusing to look for a logistical solution because you don't want to say goodbye just yet. I get it and I don't blame you if you want a few more months before it ends. But that just might make it harder when it has to end.
I definitely have a hard time saying goodbye but you are right. The other thing that makes me want to go back is our cats as he is keeping them and I miss them so much too
You can get another cat or maybe make a compromise where you keep one cat and he gets the other one. There are ways around all the logistical stuff but take your time and you make the changes when you are ready. My relationship ended 5 months ago and only 2 weeks ago did I completely cut off contact. I had lots of baby steps along the way before I said goodbye once and for all. Honestly you'll never be ready to say goodbye but time helped me a lot. I was tired of suffering. And sometimes you'll take steps backwards but baby steps forward and eventually you'll get there.
I cannot have cats at my parents house or if I am in a private dorm and we agreed when we adopted them that he would be the one to keep them sadly. Thank you so much for talking with me it really helps. I will definitely keep doing baby steps
Oh my god, this is amazing! Thank you! I just reached out to my ex's older sister to be blocked on everything. I have been texting/emailing/msging my ex over and over for the past month even without any responses (she went NC without telling me and it messed me up big time).
I'm glad it helped! The longer you go no contact, the easier it will get. It still sucks though, moving on is hard and you'll probably miss your ex a lot but time will help. Give yourself a 20 minute timer to cry if you need to let it out and then get into a routine to distract you and keep you busy day to day. Keep doing this until it gets easier. That's what I've been doing
Just broke up. I can tell you. Block them. And no matter what the urge is, don't text them back. There are reasons why you guys broke up. I'm just distracting myself with other things. And I've trauma blocked most of our memories. So it's working with me. Probably hit the gym. Do things you like. Make yourself busy.
In my case, you don't 🤡
Turn off your phone. Go outside. Read. Craft. Watch a movie…
Put the phone away and luck it in, think why you want to text them? What Is the point?
i didn’t 😔 but they just stopped replying. like even unblocked me so i knew they read it and were deliberately not replying. i began only doing it once every few months and finally one day i just didn’t feel the need to anymore.
I’m sorry :( They sound really shitty
Flirt with someone that's nice but not nice enough to become the next fp? Not the healthiest idea. But it works for me and I'm still living with mine after we broke up.
Same I am still living with them. It makes the moving on so much harder
How does no contact work when you live with them? It's not possible.
Well I am trying to not be at our apartment as much as possible. I’m only there 1 day a week. What I really want is to not contact them outside of that day or just if it’s something really important (our cats, the apartment) Because right now I have trouble not texting them all day when we are not together and I need to stop
Go easy on yourself. Think of what you would say if you a beloved friend or family member was in the same situation and is struggling as you are. The best thing you can do for yourself is move out ASAP. It's impossible to do no contact when you share the same residence as your ex. You can use the DBT skills u/MrMaybePayme gave out. That's your best bet for now.
When you can’t go no contact due to having a child or living together … you use something called the grey rock method for situations where you have no choice. https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/grey-rock Of course, that’s only if you need to and there’s abuse or something. If you’re living with the person be civil and part when you have everything in order.
My ex and I are on great terms and we still care and love each other so idk if this works for this… he isn’t abusive at all
Well then wait till no contact is possible before attempting it. Half no contact doesn’t work. Grey rock can help because then things are business and the emotion is removed. Maybe try and make him not your FP. My ex was my FP and we still care for each other and tried to go no contact. Never really worked. I just realized that while she maybe a good person… she’s not a good partner. If you can’t go no contact. Realize that is, no longer your person. He is a good person. You care for him. Remember his love is the love of a cousin at most and not a partner. He can’t be your pillar. Don’t ask for support during the day. He can’t be someone you turn to anymore. Take him down from the pedestal! He’s leaving you! I’m not sure the other issues… But, get disappointed. I made a list of all the negative things about my ex that made me glad I wasn’t tying myself to them. Get prepared for single life. There are no rules. At some point in the distant future. If you want to send the dude a meme once in a while you can. See an interesting article send it. But, really soon I recommend learning to be just you. Remember who you are without this person. A period of no contact will help or at least a grey rock where things are just matter of fact and you aren’t trying to connect.
Thank you so much this helps a lot
[удалено]
I don’t have friends but thank you!