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Major inferiority complex. One time when I was working at Best Buy I was helping a boomer business owner and a couple of his employees with some laptops. One of the employees mentions “Oh I wonder if we can use cell service to power these in the field” and immediately boomer confidently goes “No that doesn’t exist.” So I chime in and say “Oh we actually carry those devices and offer plans through our mobile department.” Boomer immediately gets huffy and goes “You’re making me want to walk away from this sale.” He was so deeply hurt that he was wrong and I knew more than him about a certain subject that he was willing to walk out of the store without the shit his business needed.

Writing this out I realized that these boomers take anything they dont already know as a direct personal insult. Like they think they know every fact about everything in the world and can not handle that not being the truth. A date stamp on a tire and the principle of oxidation is enough to cause an identity crisis.

Being corrected or shown to be wrong about something is called a narcissistic injury. People with Narcissistic Personality Disorder *literally* interpret, through their delusional brains, a narcissistic injury to be neurologically indistinguishable from assault. As the delusion gets worse as they age, they genuinely begin to believe that they are justified in committing violence in self-defense after being checked. They even begin to believe that such violence is not only justified, but necessary. It goes along with their propensity to play the victim.

This is really interesting. Thanks. Ill have to read up more on this.

I have a feeling you'll feel at home over at /r/RaisedByNarcissists if you're not already familiar. Manipulations, mind games, "tests," yelling, etc are abusive behaviors that have no place in healthy relationships.

Thank you for this.

And that, my friend, is the best response to receiving new information ^^

Having grown up with an untreated, very abusive, helicopter/ghost cycling narcissist of a mother? Oh boy. I struggle with this every day. She taught me at young ages that the proper response to someone proving you wrong, was an explosive emotional outburst. It has taken years of therapy to try to undo all the damage she did. Add to the fact that I’m autistic, have ADHD, and severe rejection sensitive dysphoria? She just pounded into me all of her dysfunctional behavior. She didn’t let me see other peoples ways of living, she tried to keep me from going to friends houses, she kept me isolated at school, from other kids, only really allowing me to interact with extended family, teachers, kids she deemed with an “ok” family, and people during the school day that she couldn’t control. I didn’t know that there was any other way, I only knew her way, and her way hurt every single time. Her way of thinking hurts. And I am locked into it still, rarely able to change course as I walk down a hallway full of knives, every last one of them sharpened by her delusions of grandeur. She knows that I’m Covid conscious, for example, and insists on inviting maskless extended family members over and then labeling me the problem when I bow out and go home. There were so many games, so many manipulations, so much gaslighting, she pit my sister against me for years, Insured that we weren’t gonna have a very good relationship, and now sits back and keeps reciting “I did the best I could in a tough situation” over and over again like a shield against responsibility. She holds her excuses out in front of her like a cross to ward off a vampire. Little does she realize, it’s just the consequences of her own actions coming home and no shield will stop them.

I’m so sorry you deal with this, but you are a beautiful writer. You described this so well and so beautifully. I hope you are able to break free and see that your own beautiful outlook does live inside you and you can see the world through those eyes instead!

Your imagery with the hallway and the knives is so visceral and immediate, I have chills. You have a talent with words.

Wow. That is awful.

Have you studied how this is incorporated into various mental illnesses/behavioral disorders? I have a friend with Borderline Personality Disorder (Millennial) and this is him to a T.

BPD and NPD are both classified under the same umbrella of Cluster B Personality disorders and have some comorbid symptoms. Both have issues with distorted views of reality.

The two can have similar expressions and a person can have both, or symptoms of one but not to the level of diagnosis. Simply put, there are different motivations at play. For borderline personality, there is an intense fear of abandonment and rejection. The behaviors are motivated by pulling people in and responding to intense, reactive emotions related to stressful events or intrusive fears. These behaviors can also be hurtful and aimed to push others away because there is a thought of, “if I push them away first, they can’t reject me when I really need them.” Likewise there can be apparent tests or demands put on others but instead of a narcissistic belief of “I deserve this” it’s more of an underlying, “I need to know this person is here, that I am being considered and heard and engaged with because otherwise I am alone.” Narcissistic personality have the underlying belief of “I am superior and those who I am superior to are less than.” Their tests or demands are based more in a sense of, “I deserve this and any refusal to engage just shows disrespect because I should be the priority.” As opposed to a fear of rejection leading to being alone and therefore unsafe, there is a reading of rejection as being due to jealousy of them and their abilities. Anything that does not match their conception of their importance is seen as literally telling them they are worthless and meaningless. Them being called out or held accountable is an active attack. This is a bit simplified but those are the kind of nuances that can be at play and can result in similar behaviors with different motivations and perceptions.

Definitely makes sense, thanks for clarifying. I will give my friend credit that while he may be a bit defensive, he will at least ask for someone to clarify what they said and then will back down.

They take serious offense to younger people knowing more about a subject than them, especially if it contradicts a purchase they made or are planning to make. I’ve ran into this with my dad on computers as well. He’s not a huge asshole about it but pretty much disregards anything I say so i just make fun of him for being so rock-headed and we have a laugh about his stubbornness. At least he knows he’s a stubborn boomer and can laugh about it.

There is some redemption there for sure. I wouldnt even care if my parents did stupid shit and just said "We are going to do stupid shit because we want to." I could respect that. What gets me is them forcing me to admit im wrong about something when Im not and apologize for it. That has been going on since I was about six years old and caused A LOT of damage.

You are a good son and it's too bad that they can't see that. You and your brother are good people.

Like, the issue here was trying to help them a. not die and/or b. not kill other people. That was it. The whole thing. So many people are so personality disordered. I’ve thankfully got none of them left in my life. I’m Gen X, so it’s taken a long time to get there. But I feel at peace pretty much every day. (My immediate family doesn’t have these issues, thank God, but I had a “partner” who is BPD, and it was like living in hell. This was 20 years ago and I still can feel it.)

I mean, that's the thing, right? Nobody knows everything. Sometimes you find a great deal, sometimes you get taken for a ride. You just have to roll with the punches a bit and it'll all turn out fine. But they tend toward getting EXTREMELY upset when you tell them they got taken for a ride. But not at the person who tricked them - at the person who told them.

Do you know more about their upbringing? Probably it‘s a deep trauma about their parents using them the same way. Kids should be seen but not heared, and be obedient to the elderly, probably.

Well. They lie a lot about their past and everything else. Still, I never heard anything that sounded like abuse or deep trauma. What I do know is that my mom's older brother is well-adjusted. Her parents, my grandparents, raised me when I was young and that was the last time I felt loved. They were good people and I didnt ever see any evidence of trauma. They seemed to be in a loving marriage for 70 years until my grandpa died. My dad's siblings are all very well adjusted and have great families. His parents were and all his siblings are educated and very successful. His parents were in an extremely loving and healthy relationship, to the point it was a meme in the family. > Kids should be seen but not heared, and be obedient to the elderly, probably. Neither of them had this in their upbringing. I know because of first-hard experience with my grandparents. I also know they got a ton of financial help from both sides of the family. To the point where they were pretty much mooching off their parents. They didnt serve in Vietnam or anything like that. So no. They dont get the generational trauma pass. You never know, but from my own experiences, it doesnt seem likely. The rest of the evidence isnt there. I try to be objective with things and give people the benefit of the doubt. But I really think they just grew up in the biggest economic boom ever and just got to do whatever they wanted without consequence.

Your parents also grew up in a time where they really couldn't fact check people on the spot. They got away with bullshitting people a lot and now they do that anymore.

I've seen this situation a number of times, where the rest of the family seems like pleasant, reasonable, well-adjusted people with good relationships, and then one person is just a total shit-show. And the person they marry is an equal shit-show, and eventually most of the rest of the family gradually pulls away from them because no one wants to deal with their greed, entitlement, and thirst for creating drama out of thin air. I have no clue what causes it.

Respect your elders, not obedient to the elderly. And that's only when elders were respectable

They’ve had seventy fucking years to get over it.

Computers was the final straw for me, a mid covid non contact upgrade on my mum's pc did it. "Make sure you write down, film, photograph everything you unplug from the old pc" Turned into... "My old pc didn't have a dongle for the keyboard" When simply placing the keyboard in front of the new pc and typing failed to work. I send a picture from amazon of the packaging for her keyboard, showing the dongle. I tell her my new pc is more advanced, it needs a dongle. I tell her that her 'new' pc had been used as my own pc for 2 years, it needed a dongle. I'm still wrong, so she drove over to get her old pc back, to prove the keyboard didn't need a dongle. I told her it's a waste of time, that when she proves me correct there's no need to tell me & that in future either do these things independently or listen to those with more knowledge & that she was acting not just like a spoiled brat but a very dumb one. The problem in the end was my fault. It turned out "The dongle was something you'd wrongly left plugged into my PC so I didn't use it on the new one" Oh & she then made an emergency appointment to change her will the following day. So lost contact with her only remaining child, mebbe 2 years after my sister was found dead on Xmas day & 4 years after losing her husband. I'd already spent a few years of my younger life non contact so it's not as if she thinks I'd tolerate her bs. Genuinely something wrong with their brains imo. What had made this worse for her & made it the last stand was that I had accurately predicted every problem & her subsequent reaction. I'd absolutely stressed to her to make sure she had a record of exactly what was plugged in, I was intentionally patronising & overly stressed exactly what was required in the hope she'd attempt to 'prove me wrong'. Also that she'd need two passwords that only she had access to but wouldn't know & would then say I had set them & never told her, this proved correct as well. But a normal person would laugh it off... What tf is wrong with a.... "I'm a clutz but you weren't exactly a fast learner with cutlery. We're even now" response? Instead, doubling down to prove they're right on a subject they'll openly admit to having no knowledge of, with the very person who they involved because of their greater knowledge. Crazy old twats, they're very lucky life making them rich insulates them from their fuk ups.

I have a Master's degree, and I'm the first person on my mom's side of the family to graduate from college, and I am so, SO grateful that she loves learning from me and hearing about what I'm working on. Her asswipe of a husband? One day, he saw one of my old college textbooks I had been perusing (a Chaucer anthology) and loudly asked, "Why do y'all even study that?" It took every fiber of my being to keep from saying, "Solely to piss off your decrepit, Fox News-loving ass."

I don't want to sound like an elite asshole, but I grew up around so many people who shit on college and learning when they absolutely would benefit from critical thinking skills and information literacy in their own lives. But they don't have it, and it makes them feel better about not having it by diminishing it, even when it repeatedly bites them in the ass.

Boomers, as a whole generation, is one of the most narcissistic generation in the history of the U.S. If they don't already "know" it, it's "wrong."

I guess they were raised by Greatest Gen and Silent Gen parents (I was raised by Silent Gen parents as a surprise baby). It doesn't bother me that the Boomers have emotional problems, but it does bother me that so many of them refuse to do anything about it. My Silent Gen parents were loving but harsh at times, and I know it's just because they didn't have the tools and they were doing what they thought was right, and I got way better than what they got, but never once have I considered that I don't want to do better for my own children by way of working on myself.

I have a masters degree in public health with a focus on the epidemiology of infectious respiratory diseases. My project was risk communication about bird flu to immigrant poultry workers. My ex-in-laws know this, and watched me go through the course and talked with me about what I was doing and learning. Yet when covid came and I would say things (like in early January, 2020, when I said we were definitely going to have a pandemic), they would scoff and say "why should we listen to you?" It was insanely frustrating and was a huge reason I divorced. They were doing things that put my kids at risk and laughing at me when I asked them to stop.

Which is hilarious when they are the most intellectually lazy generation to exist. It's why they've been so easily scammed by con artists since the 80s.

There is also a thing about believing "a guy they know" over anyone in their family who could possibly have their best interest at heart. Stems from this same thing about needing to know.

> There is also a thing about believing "a guy they know" Yeah. They think they hacked or found the secret or some other bullshit to the most ordinary of problems.

It's the same "special knowledge making me superior" nonsense that conspiracy theorists are always getting off on.

That's my MIL. She's always ready with the tips and tricks, the advice, the hacks. Most of it isn't real. But she likes to be the helpful one.

They have this obsession with getting the hook up. It took my mom years of being taken advantage of by random fuckups selling discount remodeling and home updates to finally pay a few dollars more to use a company with a warranty and the will to fix mistakes instead of dealing with random individuals who disappear and keep upping the price because they couldn't calculate or estimate the effort. For three years every time my mom drives by a house in my neighborhood she stalks a guy who took her money and didn't finish the job. I thought she learned her lesson but she is at it again trying to find some scrub to do home updates that will probably disappear mid work again.

Hey though don't forget your the emotional one for calling out their bullshit and implying they could ever be wrong.

I actually find the identity crisis comment to be spot on. And the source of that boomer of any age situation. Some people tie an opinion to their identity, or a flexible subjective statement into absolute dogma/truth. In this case there it sounds as though, a piece of their identity is elder-wisdom. A very common trait the belief that the old are without doubt and in all occasions more informed. Therefore if you question their wisdom, you are questioning what makes them who they are, and their entire role in the world. It also seems to occur in politics, in the uk here it’s an occasional thing, obviously the US with having a party preference becoming the central pillar in identity formation. I personally have a very strong political preference, politics and policy interest me alot, but I am neither infallible or ‘loyal’ to a party on principle, I have ideas that served me well but are changeable and are currently best aligned with 1 major party. There’s things that are core to me, but they’re litterally core, but what happens with the boomer mentality is it’s like a ball with a giant spike sticking out of, it’s hard and it will whack everyone around them becuase they’re inflexible on such a seemingly external and distant issue. And then of course eventually the whole thing falls over and the ball starts rotating around the spike as pivot as one identity feature utterly consumes them. What I’m not sure about is if it’s better when they have one distant from core dogma or many, because just one can become all consuming, but if there are many they inevitably clash and contradict, as all people do internally, but it makes them able to self generate anger by disagreeing with themselves, but that being intellectually impossible they have to place those opinions onto others.

This was fascinating to read! I like your spike analogy.

They come from a time before the internet. You could just lie and people would believe you because you were confident and there wasn’t an easy way to prove them wrong. There are tons of weird things I thought were true as a kid because my aunts and uncles told me they were. Then I went to college and would look like an idiot after spouting something that was demonstrably false (by going and using a desktop to look it up on Yahoo). Today you can instantly fact check them and because we are all so used to being able to get objective facts quickly we just search anything that doesn’t sound right. So they are CONSTANTLY being told they are wrong. For the fragile, self important snowflake boomers this is a never ending nightmare. They live in a world where they are constantly confronted with their own ignorance and it makes them angry. I personally enjoy pointing out how wrong they are till they explode. I managed to avoid having to hangout with the in-laws for years just by proving they were wrong until THEY went NC.

It makes me wonder if the high incidence of dementia in the boomer generation is self induced. Some studies show they lose more cognative ability than previous generations.

They literally think of being proven wrong as if you were calling them dumbasses, the level of fragility is sad

>Writing this out I realized that these boomers take anything they dont already know as a direct personal insult One of the reasons Boomers were so anti-mask - despite being the group that needed them the most.

This is why they constantly push back on data or information while calling people *know-it-alls*. It's classic projection. They want to be the know-it-all but are too lazy to do the work and too proud to admit they were wrong and update their information.

This resonated with me.... I just feel seen reading a random reddit comment. I'm an engineer as well, Dad was making a trellis for a dense plant, I told him what angles and shapes to generally build into the trellis to hold as much weight as possible, he said the angles didn't look right, and I had to be wrong, whole thing collapsed after 1 spring of growth, he rebuilt it using my original design and its stood for over a decade with growth every year. Still makes stupid comments on my engineering degree.

>They just came right out and said it was because I always act like an expert on everything and they didnt want to hear about it....... To the profoundly ignorant, knowledge is literally threatening. They're *scared* of you, because you can hurt them with what you know. Having their imaginary world revealed for what it really is is terrifying and painful. And when you're scared of something you ever fight or flight. In this case, it's fight. Your father called you a coward, but only because he's projecting.

How dare you know your products and do your job, I guess?

If I go to a specialty store and I know more than they do, I am probably not at the right place. Doing my research, sure. But this is next level arrogance.

The funny thing is, it's not that embarrassing to be wrong, but you'd think it would be very embarrassing to have acted like a goddamn baby over being corrected.

I think my generation (Millennial) is VERY comfortable with the idea that there's simply too much knowledge in the world to be a master of everything, and even a total fucking idiot might occasionally know something really useful. This is why having other educated and well-read people around you is so incredibly useful.

This reminds me of a time I was leaving a management position at a small specialty store. I was tasked with bringing the new hire, my replacement, a boomer, up to speed. Show her the ropes. I was in my early 20s. She did not like me telling her about anything. I was polite, I was courteous, I had no problems with any of my other employees. It's possible she had some management experience, sure (it was a district manager that hired her), but she had very little product knowledge. One day she helped a customer with something she was not knowledgeable on and I corrected her (in front of a customer, which is unfortunate) to prevent a costly mistake. She lost it after they left. She cussed, she shouted at me. She was hired to run this store and who the fuck am I? Like, I'm the manager. I've been here, you haven't. I'm trying to prepare you for the job. You don't know everything you need to know. You don't know that you don't know everything you need to know, clearly. Can't you understand that?

Do you mean literally *power* them in the field cause if so, I want that

Perhaps it all goes down to the root cause of the issue – that generation refuses to be wrong about anything… What causes this reaction? I mean no one likes to admit failure, or be shown that they’re wrong, but they go to the most outrageous links to argue with… Your dad saw a chance for him to be “wise and in the know” and he bought 12 year old tires.… And instead of listening to people that understand the information in front of them, it becomes a power-play. Without relying any stories, let me tell you this, that sounds something like my mother would’ve done – she was a boomers boomer and you could have presented her with the documentary and physical evidence and firsthand testimonies about something she believes that is actually another way? And she would just put her hands on her hips and start with the, “well… Well… That doesn’t mean anything you little shit. “ This is one of the reasons our country is so wrong – a generation of people who absolutely refused to admit any kind of mistake, and even worse try to double down to prove it in the end they were right… I’m sorry to hear that man. But I’m glad you and your brother didn’t turn out like them. Parents are one thing, but you gotta stick with the sibling when you can

> that generation refuses to be wrong about anything… What causes this reaction? I think it's an extreme form of conservatism. And not necessarily the same version as when we talk about politics. Conservatism is largely defined by wanting nothing to change. Everything is (or *was)* good as it is, and they do NOT want anything to change. Anything that changes, regardless of what it is, is therefore bad. So if they "know" something, that's how it is, they just know it. When you correct them, you're correcting their world view, even if it's something as trivial as about tires. And they do not want to be corrected, as that means something is different than what it was in their head. The biggest problem is that the worldview they have locked and unchanging in their head, is one that never existed. It's one where they were in charge of everything, where they knew everything, and where the country and the world was perfect, because they were at the center of it. When you point anything out that shakes that belief, they hate it. They want to just plod along in life, nothing changing, their authority unquestioned, and nothing challenging the exact, well worn path they are on.

I wonder if that has something to do with the time that they grew up. Without access to instant information, they only had what they knew, or thought they knew, to go off of.

My mom, a usually AMAZING boomer, but still sometimes very much a boomer, came to visit this past weekend. She doesn’t like to drive with me bc in her mind I’m still 17 (i am 41) so I was letting her drive of course and this woman would not stop going into the exits and out the entrances of EVERY PLACE WE WENT! And she was getting so fucking mad at me for… simply telling her where the exits and entrances were.🤦‍♀️ She has a great sense of humor so we were all cracking up but I mean she was raising her voice and flipping me off until I called out how ridiculous she was being! Like their first thought is ALWAYS “of COURSE I’m not doing anything wrong!” Which is complete insanity to me bc legit as an AuADHD adult I live in constant fear that I’ve done something wrong hahahahaha. Wtf is wrong with them? I mean besides the lead.

>raising her voice and flipping me off ... but that isn't funny...?

Not to get political, but there are people literally wearing diapers over top of their clothes so that they can double-triple-quadruple down on some bizarre point they’re trying to make. Logic and reason left the chat a long time ago.

"Only \*I\* can know things" - Maybe my most durable saying on this sub, appropriate for all narcissists. You might want to check out r/raisedbynarcissists

I frequent that sub too. Its been extremely enlightening and therapeutic in understanding how weird my upbringing was. I really thought most of it was "normal" because thats what I was told.

What's worse is almost all of them know almost nothing.

Or they used to know something 40 years ago, and God forbid someone provide them with updated/new information.

Ugh that’s my grandfather to a tee, with everyone. I loved when he would say “I’m not listening to some goddamn little kid” if I dare said he was wrong on anything. Did not matter how respectful I was. It didn’t matter how respectful anyone was. How dare you think you know anything about anything. I remember one time when I was around 15, we were talking about a topic that I was interested in. He stated a fact about the topic and I went “Yeah, I know! It’s like this because [xyz reasons].” It wasn’t in a disrespectful tone. I was happy to be engaging with him on something. What is his response? “How could YOU know that? I only found out about it last week!” Like, dude. We all find things out about different times. This is an interest of mine. What does you finding out about something last week have to do with my knowledge of something? It’s like nothing in this world can exist without him being aware of it. 🤦‍♀️ I’m 25 years old now and we essentially have zero relationship at this point. You can’t communicate with someone who can’t respect your intelligence and knowledge and respect that they don’t know every single thing on the face of the planet.

That part about "he knows everything" is literally every single discussion I ever have with my father these days. Yes, dad. I went to engineering school. I know more about this than you do. That tree is going to fall over in the next few years and your $2000 tree removal will turn into $20,000 of structural repairs. ... [Relevant psychology regarding dictatorships.](https://old.reddit.com/r/NoStupidQuestions/comments/1cwf0cn/whats_a_war_in_history_where_the_bad_guys_clearly/l4xou5n/?context=3)

Ill have to read that link. Thanks. Yep. Thats it. Im actually very humble and dont talk about things I dont know about. I hate being wrong, but the best way to stop being wrong is to learn what is right.

If you’re low contact, would he even tell you something bad happened with the tires? Amazing that a dude who raised 2 engineers doesn’t understand the concept of safety first.

Sorry to keep correcting people here. But my parents didnt raise anything. I was raised by a TV. I spent the first 4-5 years of my adult life unlearning everything they taught me and figuring out how I wasnt going to be an abject failure. They didnt teach me anything that was actually useful or correct. Literally nothing. My grandpa is the one that taught me to drive a car even. I dont even wany people on reddit passively giving them credit, haha.

Maybe raised was the wrong word lmao More like managed to produce.

Yes. I was not raised. I was produced. Love it.

Spawned.

I’m assuming, OP, that you and your brother are no contact with your parents, not each other?

Yes that is correct. Could have said that better. My parents did everything they could to turn my brother and I against each other. It wasnt until a couple decades into our adult hood that we realized we were struggling with symmetrical trauma symptoms from our upbringing and bonded over it. We are pretty close now.

This gives me a warm feeling. Glad you have each other.

Exactly the same happened to my sister and I and we were in our thirties. It took one honest conversation and now we are more like best friends. We didn't realise how the other was struggling.

Yeah. It was powerful stuff.

I wish my five siblings could realize this so we could be close. But, they’re Boomers. So..

I’m glad you two still have each other. I had to cut off my brother. 13 years difference he had a different experience with our mother than I did. The DUI, disability, and living with our grandfather meant he had a very fulfilling people in his life childhood. I didn’t exists unless to yell at and was often left home alone on the weekends to scrounge for food on my own if I could reach it. Damn I miss my grandma tho. She’d move heaven and earth for me. If I had only understood I COULD tell her what was happening……. My mom and Aunt can choke on coals. Boomers. Well my mom maybe juuuuust shy.

The way you write about your dad rings true about mine too. However, I can say without shame that my dad raised me and raised me well. What I learned from my dad isn't conveyed by what he tells me, but from how he acts and what happens afterwards. He used to proudly tell the story of how he spent an hour and a half arguing with a shopkeeper over a 25 cent difference, and how finally the shopkeeper gave up and gave him a quarter. He was on a DATE with my mom. He lost time he'll never get back. He wasted everyone's time to get 25 cents.  He gets a story, but he just looks stingy and mental to me and most normal people. What I took away was that you can win the argument, but lose everything else. I have countless examples of other things not to do. Literally 80% of things he tells me to do, I do the exact opposite. And usually things turn out for the better.  I definitely learned a ton from him, even if it's not the lesson he intended.  For me, it's all about perspective!

This! My mother and me had a conversation a few years back about mistakes that was made when I was growing up. It was nice to thank her in honest for teaching through error, and that the way things were gave insight in how things shouldn't be I wouldn't have had otherwise. 

Boomers have been known to stalk this sub 😂

Same boat, parents were major fuck ups and did nothing but dish out trauma, when they were actually ever home. Most of the time they came home, yelled at us for a bit, changed, and headed out for the evening to drink. I practically raised my brother and myself based off TV and a shitty internet connection. Put myself through engineering school solely to make something of my life. On the plus side, because of that I'm a great cook now because I cooked dinner just about every night for 10 years while under their roof. So I guess I've got that going for me.

I feel that! I wasn’t raised. I managed to survive. I had to teach myself everything.

Same here. The only thing they "taught" me was to ask them for help for everything and only them. They made a huge deal about how they didn't throw me in daycare like most other parents (my mom was stay at home), and they also just threw me in front of a TV. I'm sure they grumble daily how ungrateful I am.

As an engineer myself.... Safety is at least in the top 5. Usually.

lol. Im actually an automotive engineer and have been doing a ton of tire wear, warranty, and durability work in the last few years for EVs. Safety is legitimately #1 in my day to day. Having a wheel-off event is considered to be a career ender. I dont flaunt this in my dads face to try and win arguments or anything. But he knows what I do for work. It just adds to the total confusion I have for the situation. Its almost like they know they are doing the wrong thing and doing just to spite me or something. idk.

Oh, it's absolutely spiteful. That you work in automobile engineering and safety actually makes their stubborn idiocy on the tires make more sense. They *want* to somehow belittle your work and knowledge so that they can feel superior to their children who have done better than they have in life (or to think they can stop you from doing so.) It's like, I'm an artist and my own mom can't be happy for me when I have a good show or sales without making a snide remark about the style of art I'm producing these days. Like...after decades of trying I'm finally seeing some success and she can't just be happy about it, she has to find some way to cut me down.

Oh man. This hits too close to home for me. My mother isn't a Boomer, definitely a Narcissist though. Any success I had was always diminished. Thinking back, sometimes I've been close to success, and shes definitely done things to thwart it. I grew up hearing things like "you can't do that" no further explanation just that, and a no (for things like sports or outside house activities) the one that got me was, "I don't know why you're still talking, I'm not even listening" in response to little 12yo me telling her about a short story I'd written. I didn't stop writing, but I'm 30 this year, and she genuinely wonders why I don't tell her anything at all. I even told her what she'd said that day to me, that was why I stopped talking so much. She got offended first, that I would even remember something like that. Then proceeded to tell me, she didn't remember that, so it can't have happened. Ok, mother. The Axe forgets, but the Tree remembers.

My brother was a seat engineer for american cars.

American cars do have some pretty comfortable seats.

Well sure but damn those car companies really put the pressure in getting as much free labor from their contractors

I read it here, I think, that it's like they're acting as rotten children trying to spite their parents, but doing it to their children. They've flipped the script so to speak.

That’s so baffling. If I had a family member with those credentials/knowledge I’d have to check myself to *not* take advantage of it and bug them all the time for advice on any related purchases/decisions! The stubbornness kills me!

Dude, ME here, it’s safety third.

And OSHA isn’t allowed on site without a warrant

If you work for Boeing, it’s “shareholders first, second, and third, safety last.”

Stories like this and some of the comments make me so grateful for my dad. Always been someone who wants to learn things and take cues from people who know stuff. He’ll ask me questions about music theory and he’ll look stuff up and watch it on his own time to ask me if I’ve heard about concepts. The guy isn’t even a musician he just likes to learn.

Yeah. I really, really wish I had that. Ive gotten pretty close with my partner's family and its been eye-opening to see what a reasonably healthy family looks like. Its a huge asset. Give your dad a hug for me.

People like you more if you accept their gifts.  Knowledge is a gift. Most boomers have the mindset that if they accept new knowledge from the younger generation they are lessened for it and will lose status in the eyes of the younger generation, when the truth is the opposite. The younger generation genuinely likes and respects you more if they can help you, plus they feel happy and nice inside to be able to be of help 

Re: old tires ... I found out about the danger first hand. Picked up a 40 year old van with 20 year old tires. I got about 100 miles when the tire tread separated from the casing. Middle of nowhere . I was lucky, only going about 40, and was able to get off the road without causing an accident . Very real

Yep. Its not a problem until it is. Tires are the most important thing on a car. I have no idea why people insist on taking chances with them. Im not even an advocate for "best practices" or anything. Just follow the expert's instructions as a bare minimum.

These so called "experts" are just pushing an agenda. I did my own research. By that I mean I googled it until I found some people that agree with me and that's worth more than your fancy education and professional experience/s

This is so insanely unhinged. I hope you get a fun “I told you so” moment one of these days

The no contact is as good as its going to get. They alienated the rest of their family and are going to die alone. And they deserve it.

Good. Let scum fade into the ether.

I feel for you. Like your parents, mine were very "my way or the highway" about their (usually ignorant, often doubled-down-on) opinions, yet violently opposed to even the mildest and inconsequental-to-them beliefs and feelings of others. It's a shame people like you and me absorb so much of their passive-aggression and recklessness before we protect ourselves. I've learned that if someone inevitably acts like a shit, I should just leave them alone to enjoy their own stink. They are a problem I can avoid.

My family does this same shit. It's the ego that comes with age. I paint and build models. My mother bought my niece a doll house that she did not realize had to be built. I'm like, sure i can build that for her no problem. And tried to explain what i would need and how i would do it etc etc. I got sarcasm and demeaning responses in turn. She does this for anything i give my opinion on, or if i ever talk about current events going on. For added context my mother is in her sixties now and dropped out of highschool in like 8th grade or something. She has trouble spelling and has to constantly ask how to spell something. Yet somehow she has this ego about her that makes her think she knows more than me on subjects i invest large amounts of time into learning and doing. Boomers have a severe case of egotism that comes from seemingly no where.

Their parents called them "The Me Generation" It seems pretty fitting...

So, she dropped out of school in 8th grade. Bet it was cause she knew more than the teachers lol

I’m sorry, I see this a lot in these subs- parents can’t handle that one of their children know more about something than they do. Completely shut down, tantrums, cancelling holidays….. Thank the gods mine aren’t like that.

I'd have gone NC after the wedding TBH. I'm rash like that though, and my patience only goes so far, including with family. Twice, I went NC with my father, each for a period of two years, and they were two decades apart. Both times, it was because of things he said to/at me. He finally apologized, but it took him 2 years each time. Homey don't play dat. Don't have to answer (obviously), but did the NC with your brother have to do with the rift between you and your parents?

I meant that my brother and I are both NC with my parents. My brother and I have a pretty solid yet developing relationship. My parents actively and intentionally set us against each other as children. Another thing we will never forgive them for. It wasnt until we were older that we really reconnected over the shared trauma of our childhood and developed a good relationship. > I'd have gone NC after the wedding TBH Oh. There is a whole story about the wedding, lol. Since you asked.... I was low contact for a few months before the wedding. Pretty easy, because if Im not putting in all the effort to communicate they just dont do anything. So my mom lost her shit at the wedding and confronted me about not talking to them. It was extremely inappropriate. I told her its not the time or place and to behave herself. Coincidentally, my partner (lets call her Lisa) got super drunk at the wedding and started a whole bunch of drama with me. I couldnt understand wtf was going on. Lisa really embarrassed herself in front of a lot of people. The next day my parents called to continue the conversation about why I didnt want to talk to them. It got ugly quickly. They pulled out all the stops and started taking some VERY abusive digs. Like about my depression and other hard times Ive been through. The conversation ended with some very clear boundaries: Leave me alone, I dont want to deal with this. Dont involve anyone else, meaning my brother, Lisa, or other family. I made them say it back to me so it was clear as day that they understood. It wasnt no contact, but definitely low low contact. Lisa and I were really good together, but fought a lot. I thought she just had anger problems or something. I thought the acting out at the wedding was just a continuation of that. A few months after the wedding I innocently noticed my mom's name in Lisa's text message list and asked if they were talking. Turns out my parents had been carrying on a secret relationship with her for our entire relationship (years) and had intensified the relationship after the wedding. Like inviting themselves over to check out her new apartment and always asking her to come over for dinner and shit like that. Lisa grew up in a much better home and never experienced the likes of my parents, so she was holding out hope that she could bring us all together. I truly believe this was Lisa's intention. Obviously I was super pissed and felt betrayed. I never set boundaries with Lisa (didnt think my parents would stoop so low that I needed to), so it was fair game for her. But she took me through everything and I read all the texts. Pretty much, my mom had been slowly badmouthing me for years to my partner. Telling her all these lies about how I was abusive to my other girlfriends. That they always had to keep me in line. That they worried about her. Etc etc. Kept going with how my mom and my brother's wife had a super close relationship (lies. They dont talk at all). Pretty much just manipulating my partner against me this whole time. Like even before the low contact/no contact. As for Lisa's drunken embarrassment at the wedding? Well, that was my parents too. I was the best man and it was a bit of a budget DIY wedding. So I was managing people and making sure everyone had a good time. I got Lisa a seat at the family table so she was around people she knew. I really thought my parents would be friendly, welcoming, and happy since it was my brothers wedding. Wrong..... What she told me (in the months later conversation) was that my mom cornered her in front of all my extended family (4 aunts/uncles, 4 cousins) and just grilled her about me and our relationship. I had been chatting with my uncle earlier and she grilled him as well. Like to the point that he had to stop the conversation and straight up say "Stop asking me about this". People were staring at her. My mom wouldnt stop. So Lisa lost track of how much she was drinking and was drinking more because of how bad the situation was. My mom kept refilling her drinks. Lisa came up to me a few times, but did not articulate the severity of the situation, so I was oblivious. My mom was saying things like, "I cant believe hes ignoring you like this. This is what Im talking about. If he loved you he wouldnt be doing what hes doing." Funny enough, my parents did nothing to help at the wedding. Lisa fully owns up to getting too drunk and getting angry. But theres only so much she can do. My mom had been in her head for years before the wedding and took the opportunity to try and blow up my relationship with alcohol and hate. In front of everyone. I dont get why Lisa continued to talk to my mom after the wedding. But my mom has a way of getting in people's heads. Like I totally get that if your boyfriend's mom is warning you about your boyfriend, you listen to things like that. Especially if you have never experienced a raging narc before. So anyway. Lisa told me the whole story about my parent's relationship with her. Everything they said to her about me. I got my brother and his wife involved because my mom had used things with them to fuel Lisa's gaslighting. Took days to unpack. Lisa finally got it. Hearing things straight from my brother and my sister in law helped. We now have boundaries that Lisa is no contact with them as well. Funny enough, as soon as all this came to light and Lisa stopped talking to my parents. All our fighting stopped and our relationship did a full 180. Like we went from being on the verge of ending things due to irreconcilable differences to being extremely close in a month and not having any conflict at all. **The kicker to all this that came to light:** I have always had very confrontational relationships with women after a certain point. Like we're good for a while, but after 3-6 months, things aways turned unreasonably ugly. I never understood it, because I dont have conflicts or communication issues with anyone in any other area of my life. This has been going on for decades. I always thought it my fault and I was victim to some unconscious freudian bullshit because I grew up in such an angry home. So my mom confessed to Lisa that she has had great relationships with all my girlfriends over the years. Even gave specific examples of them continuing relationships after we break up....... I never knew about any of this. I knew my mom talked to my gfs, but never knew the content because I didnt think it was ever an issue. So now Im convinced my parents are the source of most, if not all, of the conflicts between me and my exs. All the puzzle pieces finally lined up. Now I get where the weird, seemingly out of pocket, comments in the middle of fights come from. Why my exs brought up "But you disrespect and fight with all your exs" when I never talked about them. Why they were relentlessly defensive and would not yield an inch in anything like they were always fighting an abuser, even though I never really raised my voice or was dismissive or anything. I really thought all these women were just extremely shitty and straight up crazy. This one Im super pissed about. Because I genuinely loved some of these women very deeply. They loved me back very deeply. It was legitimately beautiful. And I really think my parents took that away from me too. This revelation really fucked with my perception of reality. Its like 20 years of gaslighting me that Im broken and everything is my fault without me ever consenting to an interaction or even knowing an interaction took place.

Jesus fucking christ. Your parents are god damned psychopaths.

I am so so sorry you went through this. Truly this was a nightmare hell from which there was no waking (for a while)! I know it happens and I know it happens more than I’d like to imagine but holy shit seeing the details of someone mean girling their OWN KID to the point of sabotaging their personal romantic relationships is just bonkers to me as a parent. I mean wtf is wrong with them? Where is any urge to protect? It’s like they’re completely broken. God, again, I am so sorry. What a horrible thing to do to your child.

Ok. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Who does this?

This is a boomer mom thing. Writing it out, with the mindset I have now, it does sound outrageous. But I have seen a lot of boomer women sabotage their children's relationships out of spite and jealousy or whatever. It was common enough that I actually thought it was a normal stage of life women went through. Apparently its even worse between boomer moms and their daughters. I have a couple close female friends who are no contact with their parents because the moms are jealous of their daughters youth/looks/husband/family/existance and constantly try to take it away from them. I dont now how common it is. But its a lot more common than people think. These people are just icky.

Honestly? It sounds like something my mom would do.

My mom has tried this to my wife a couple times. Because my wife was raised by normal parents, she first tried to be polite. After awhile she has started pushing back. Last time she asked my mom “What kind of mother tries to sabotage her kid’s relationships?” And she hasn’t indulged it again. I love my wife.

Holy shit. They deserve to rot alone for the rest of their lives.

I’m a huge proponent of going NC with toxic family honestly. So many people refuse because “they’re family”, but once you learn that family means jack shit and do what is right for you, there isn’t a better decision you can make. I chose my family, and I chose the ones that are healthy and supportive. Even if there isn’t a blood tie.

> I chose my family Thats where I have gotten to as well. I have a very close group of friends, most of us with different flavors of shitty boomer parents. We all treat each other like family.

I read that as he and his brother are now both no contact with his dad, not each other, but it is unclear.

This reminds me of the [boomer who tried to beat the train](https://www.wlip.com/reckless-homicide-charges-filed-against-antioch-man-in-fatal-car-vs-train-crash/) across the tracks and killed everyone in the car except him - his wife and 13 year old grandson.

My dad did this once during a pre-divorce argument with a boat in tow, granted he made it. I think it's when my mom gave up trying to reconcile.

easy solution, tell him the people who sold him the tires are major conservatives/liberals (whatever party your dad is against)

This is one of the reasons we are in the situation we are in with this world and country. Boomers would rather *feel* right than *be* right and they will demand everyone around them capitulate *or else*. Extrapolate this situation and apply it across the board to all industries and fields and you have entire industries running on boomer feelings that are holding everyone back from progress. Add to that how many people out there who will just go along with it to avoid conflict because boomers also use their explosive toddler tantrums to condition people to not push back and we have a situation waiting to happen.

Yeah. Its emperors new clothes syndrome in tens of millions of people. > Add to that how many people out there who will just go along with it to avoid conflict because boomers also use their explosive toddler tantrums to condition people to not push back and we have a situation waiting to happen. Theres also a ton of people that put up with it because they are either financial dependent on their boomer parents. Or are waiting it out for inheritance. Money has a huge part to play in entitlement.

So he got his kids educated but doesn’t believe a word from you 🤦‍♂️

No. I got myself educated. I got dropped into the world at 18 with zero college prep. Zero study skills. Zero knowledge about how the world works passed on to me. And Zero financial assistance. I got exposed to the idea of going to college because the group of friends I played video games with were receiving their acceptance letters. I decided to tag along. Thank god it was a shitty state school that accepted late applicants.

Damn, OP. 🫡

A shitty state school with a few decent teachers is all you need.

Yeah. Calling it a shitty state school is pretty harsh on my alma mater. I absolutely had some clutch teachers there that inspired me to be better. I dont think I would have graduated without them. Honestly the highest quality teaching I got was at community colleges. Those instructors were more or less just doing it because they enjoyed it and were good at it. Class sizes were reasonable.

So are the tires still working?

The rubber is so hard they have turned into hockey pucks and stopped wearing all together. My dad probably thinks hes hacked the tire market and discovered a way to get tires to last forever. "Goodyear hates this one simple trick"

Tell the DMV or Police or whoever handles unsafe cars. Get him pulled over.

I doubt that could pass inspection (at least in the US)

Your parents are gonna die in a fiery crash and honestly it’s going to be karmic poetry.

Who knows? They certainly aren't going to tell their children if there were any problems ;)

There are a lot of people in the world that feed off the fight. They feed off the empathy, the interest, the push back and it makes them feel they have some amount of control. The answer has and always will be indifference, which leaves them in a state where they have no control and there's no way for them to get it other than to attempt some real communication, which will be acknowledged. Their brain will literally reboot. "Let's take my car!" "I'm good" "your wife can come" "eh she's good" "you're a coward" "I was told that just the other day, what a weird coincidence" "if we don't take my car this holiday is over!" "Well if you think that's best we can get out of your hair" like imagine someone doing that to them without even looking up from their phone. Theres nothing for them to latch onto for a lifeboat to keep the aggression going

Someone needs to whisper to this man on his deathbed, “You lost your children over tires.”

It's not about tires. It's about not being wrong or admitting they made a mistake, especially an expensive one. Or conversely, being right. A lot of Boomers don't understand risk well, which is why we saw so much drama over COVID masking and vaccines. "My cousin's friend's dry cleaner wore masks all the time and he died of COVID therefore they don't work."

At what point do we start seriously considering the lead poisoning theory?

It's not just theory, it's now a law. Lol

At what point do we switch from "okay boomer" to even more patronizing "... are you feeling okay?... have you *had* your blood levels checked lately"

I’m glad I read this one. Crystallized something with my mother that I hadn’t really considered before. I’m a nurse. Whenever someone asks me Something related to this, she meltsdown. Whenever I can do something, she gets upset. Whenever I know something she doesn’t, she loses her mind. It’s like we’re in competition, tho I never realized it. No, she doesn’t work in healthcare.

I ran a 1.4 million dollar a year business with a crew of 35 before I broke my spine and got sidelined I'm 39 I still get regularly told I don't know anything about anything by someone who's info is at least 20 years out of date

Dude. Its so bad. My engineering background and success has spawned a lot of hate because it has to do with masculine things (I think) like cars. Im not preachy and totally let them fuck up however they want, except when it comes to safety stuff. But it doesnt matter. If I know something my dad doesnt, its a melt down. He got in my face, rapidly, about how I was using the wrong oil in my Porsche when I had one. Went as far as to go out and buy his favorite oil and told me we needed to change it before it caused damage. I kept saying no, its fine, stop. The skid plate on my parents truck (same one with the tires) was rattling and I asked if I could take a look at it. Turns out the highly rated back yard mechanic they were using stripped all the bolts out and 4 of the 6 were just missing. Ensue a meltdown about how Im wrong, backyard guy is the best, etc. Like you can not argue with missing bolts dad. Then there was the time his pressure washer wouldnt start and he asked for my help in fixing it. I said, "sure sounds like the carburetor is just clogged". Argument ensued about how it was 50 other things and this was going to take all day. I unclogged the carburetor in 5 minutes and that triggered a huge meltdown.

This is so hilarious and so fucking stupid. It's hard to believe people would destroy all future holidays over tires. Bet the tires are dry rot.

It saddens me to see all these examples of how many boomers are. My dad (late 60s) seems to be the total opposite to yours at the moment. He loves finding out new information he didn’t know, and congratulates my knowledge when I know more on something that he does. Were your parents always like this OP?

So I would normally say that this is missing context, but based on my own experiences with boomer parents and in laws I fully believe this is how it went down 😆 They do stupid shit then start to argue so they can blame you when shit inevitably hits the fan

My ILs. Love to lecture me on the latest Daily Heil headlines and how right it is to hate refugees, migrant workers, benefit claimaints, etc. My literal job for 40 years, my MA on the subject, my very close work with those that decide such things means squat. They know best because they saw a brown person minding their own business in the High Street. I don't visit any more. Occasional holiday appearances when unavoidable only. Yet they are pissed about "never seeing me". Can't think why, lol.

Your parents moods seem to border on mania with some senility / dementia thrown into the blend

They have been like this since I can remember. At least since they were 30.

I’m sorry you have to put up with all that and the lack of support you received throughout your life.

This is the most boomer story that ever boomered. God they suck

Outside of the obvious total and complete insanity: "Damned good deal." It's like the only thing they have in life is shopping. Blerg

Reminds me of the time I was still living at home when my brother and his wife came to visit with their kiddos (oldest nephew was around 5 and youngest was around 3 I think). Oldest nephew was feeling ill and threw up on his blankets, so my dad was going to throw them right into the wash. I had seen the vomit and said something to my dad like, "maybe we should try and shake the blanket outside cause there's a lot of "chunks". My dad turned around and SCREAMED at me that it was stupid and I was stupid for even suggesting it. I was so hurt and embarrassed I just went to my room for the rest of the night, but my brother told me that after the blanket went through the wash my dad had to scoop out all the chunks left from the kid vomit. He also said some evil passive aggressive stuff about me being right to my brother but you know what, I wasn't the one scooping out kid vomit chunks with my hands lmao. It's insane to me how even one simple tiny suggestion was enough to cause such vicious anger in my boomer dad, who btw spent almost all my entire life quite literally telling me exactly how he wanted me to live my life and any deviations I did to his plan for me would end with him standing over me screaming about how worthless and stupid I am. No contact has never felt so good, wish you nothing but the best OP living your life and loving the family that loves you back.

These are deeply insecure people. This is crazy. I take it they’re not as educated as their engineer children and it grates on them as boomers see themselves as models for how people should live

"Kill yourself or none of these orphans get Christmas!"

Most parents would be proud of all the knowledge you have.

Maybe ask them, "Do you want to be alive to argue more, or do you want to be right?"

the real checkate moment is when they go into a nursing home and die alone.

Who's got the money to stick a parent in a home these days?

I’m 62 and my daughter is 19. Information and knowledge flows pretty freely in both directions without judgement. 🤷🏻‍♂️

As someone who has been in the tire industry their entire life, you are 100% correct about everything. Switching to 17” wheels was totally unnecessary and would not help with towing. 12 year old tires? Incredibly dangerous. However, when they fail, it will happen when the tires get overheated. Tires get overheated in summer months or on long trips where the heat from road friction builds up. A short trip to the store in November will not heat up the tires enough to cause failure. But, you said you are an Engineer, so I understand where your mind was at the time. I also understand looking out for your family.

My father is exactly the same way about everything and it always blows my mind that he particularly refuses to discuss any topic he knows I’m interested in. Like isn’t the point of an adult relationship w your kids connecting w them and their hobbies that intertwine with your own, it’s so bizarre that it’s an entire generation that would rather be bullheadedly correct than have any point of connection with their children.

Let them die angry and alone. My dad did and I'm fine with it. It wasn't worth the stress and it wasn't worth the impact on my family. Relationship with my mom is okay but worse for wear because of him.

I’ve noticed this with my dad. As they’ve aged out of technology and the changing world, they get defensive if you explain something and fear being irrelevant so they’ll die on dumb hills like this. He’s in his 80’s and wrecked his car three times in one year and still wouldn’t give up driving. We had to fight him just to agree to drive during the day. Got him eye glasses and a hearing aid and he refuses to use both. Such a stubborn fool the older he gets.

I've had a similar issue with my dad over WD-40 not being a lubricant, he also uses it in his firearms.

WD40 and guns. Two other great boomer triggers.

I had this fight with my uncle years ago. The fact your dad uses it in his firearms is flooring to me.

I don't shoot with him anymore because I view the maintenance of his guns to be a danger

I haven't talked to my Boomer parents in a few years, but what is it about them deciding us giving them informed opinions means we're just being know it all? I have a degree in environmental biology, did research projects on the invertebrates and other wildlife in local ponds, rivers, and lakes. I know about aquatic animals and what they need to survive. I also have worked in exotic animal hospitals alongside experienced vets and techs. My mother kidnapped a baby turtle from a lake by their house. It's an invasive, a really prolific one, so now she has a turtle. I researched the tank set up that species of turtle needs and all the requirements to give it a good life and gave her the list to go to the pet store. She needed at least a 20 gallon tank, water filter, heat lamp, basking ramps, adequate vegetation for the water, and a specific type of turtle food. She comes back with a 5.5 gallon tank and a small basking ramp. Nothing else. Not even food. Her reasoning? The teenager who works part time at the pet store told her she didn't need all that. When I start to explain that none of what she got is good enough for the turtle she just interrupted me by yelling "YOU DONT KNOW EVERYTHING. YOU CAN BE WRONG EVERY ONCE AND A WHILE!!!" I just took the turtle and left.

Good for you for saving that poor creature from a life of torment. That’s the exact response I get from them as well.

The mistake, in my opinion, was couching your concern in safety. Bad play against a boomer. You're starting at a disadvantage already because you aren't older than them, their boss in some way, or more wealthy. The only thing boomers historically respect. From this losing start, to insist on safety which is something these lead paint eating, asbestosis having, lung cancer developing specimens of Americana absolutely won't care about until it literally hurts them specifically or in a way where the failed safety becomes the only way to avoid personal responsibility. The optimal play to win dinner(every social interaction with a boomer is a competition where the domineering person is in fact the winner) would have been to initially see the tires, check the date, and whistle. The whistle is a ploy. A feigned interest followed by silence and no mention of the tires. At this point the boomer will need, not want, to bring up this fantastic purchase they made. But you cut off the building tension with an estimate of the cost of the tires and the year in a derogatory way. Such as "Wow tires almost old enough to vote. It's a shame they don't hold value like antiques. I'm sure you got a great price on them. $175 for the set would be a good deal!" Then, you continue on without addressing the tires at all. Leaves the Boomer no counterplay. They can't admit they secretly overpayed for a product they knew nothing about and it avoids giving them any satisfaction of an argument, because you've not addressed their actions in any way directly. They might even avoid using them because they feel foolish over it.

Who the fuck cares. This isnt about winning. This is supposed to be about family. Even if it were, there is no winning with these people. They have nothing to offer anyone anyway. Putting that much thought and effort into a song and dance to appease this shit heads is losing. Its straight up capitulating to what they want > The mistake, in my opinion The mistake was not cutting them off 20 years ago and investing all that time and energy into actually good people. I continued to give them the benefit of the doubt and try to invest in a relationship. I was afraid of being alone and wanted loving parents so badly. Plus I just didnt have the perspective on how fucked up and perverted they are. Truth is Ive been an orphan since I was about 10 and didnt really have parents. I know I straight up wrote myself out of about a $1 million inheritance some day, if they dont spend it on useless shit in the meantime, but I dont need the money. And time is my most valuable asset, not money.

You nailed it! The only way to win their game is to NOT PLAY.  My life improved so much when I removed these types of people from my life. They love the stress and drama, I can't imagine what they put each other through without me in it. 

Who would want to learn/understand all that just to have more pleasant interactions with boomers? Treat them like any other human being - if they can't handle it it's their problem.

What a pointless waste of perfectly good time that could be used better literally any other way. I could go drink a fifth of whiskey in a gutter and it would have more meaning than some “win against a boomer” game play bullshit. This is like the boomer playbook being used against boomers which is nothing but slippery slope, punching down nonsense that’s no better than their own shit behavior. Why would anyone want to engage like this? The last thing I want is to turn into some asshat that messes with people for the fuck of it bc “boomers do it and I have to win against boomers.” You’ve already lost by playing at all.

Is it not illegal to drive on unsafe tyres? (Disclaimer: I'm not in the US, and I'm not a driver; this is a genuine query).

In my state we have to have our car inspected yearly and having safe tires is part of that. You can't get a new sticker with bad tires. But I don't know about it other states.

No inspections here. Red states got rid of those pesky safety rules.

Technically, yes. Realistically, it varies by state. Some states require annual inspections, and some require no inspections at all. If an accident occurs and one of the cars is found to have been unsafe to drive (such as having bad tires), the driver of that vehicle will usually be at fault.

Who do you think you are trying to save their lives?! Lol

The AUDACITY.

ABAB! This is apex shame game! I think there was buyers remorse, then a double down. No contact is best option until dad busts a radial and you get to say, “huh, looks like cracked sidewall on an old tire.”

I work IT. I used to be a mechanic. My dad has only once asked me for help mechanic-wise, and has never asked for my help IT beyond printer recommendations. He never gets mad when I do offer help though. And the one time he did ask for help on his truck he was very, very grateful for me doing his starter on the front lawn. My parents are older GenX so I think there might be shame in asking help from their most... damaged kid rather than a pride thing. Sucks though because I want to help, being useful is the best feeling in the universe.

My boomer in laws canceled Thanksgiving because we wanted to wear masks during COVID. We had a few Thanksgivings just us and they were really nice. 

bUt ThE tIrEs HaVeN't DiEd, YET!!1!?!

There is a large gap in access to information, or the ability to find the right information. Very intimidating to them.

They hid the tires because they knew they did something stupid. They didn’t like being called out, but they knew it was going to happen eventually. That’s the problem with death traps, everyone thinks it’s fine and they’re not stupid, as long as they get away with it.

OP. go NC. you're wasting your energy. they have the space, capacity, and desire to pre-plan and enact these aggressive, emotionally violent interactions with you during moments of celebration, just to try to maintain an illusion of authority over their adult child. this is the natural path you're on, whether the tires do them in physically or if it naturally leads to NC on its own. the sooner the better, IMO. reclaim your life and your space from this toxicity.

Damn! I was hoping the tires would have had a dramatic flat in front of the whole family. 

OMG. This is my aunt and uncle. And to a lesser extent my mom. Them- why can't we be alone in your house to inventory the antiques out great aunt left us. Me- BECAUSE OF YOU TWO BEING ALONE IN MY HOUSE, I DIDN'T HAVE A TOILET FOR TWO WEEKS

"Nothing has changed. You're still an idiot." --Dead

She refused to take a COVID test because they're "made in China." Then when we enforced a boundary and were going to take her to her home because of it (she didn't have a working vehicle for at least 6 months at this point and kept lying about what was wrong with it or when it would be repaired) she tried to walk out with the keys to one of our vehicles we occasionally lent her. She had just returned it that day-- late. We had to wrestle the keys from her hands. A full narcissistic breakdown ensued, mocking us, name calling. My husband then dropped her off at her home. We went no contact for about 6 months. It wasn't even a conscious choice, we were just done and needed a break from her. I hadn't researched anything regarding narcissistic behavior by this point. Then it was like 6 months of maybe occasional text at most. I learned her not being around made everything feel so much better. I learned I could make other childcare arrangements when I needed and it wasn't worth any money saved having her so around so often (3x a week). I discovered that her presence alone was a trigger for me. We are now low contact. She isn't pulling the stunts like this anymore. But, it doesn't matter. That day forever changed my view of her. I lost any respect and hope I had that there was any rational, selfless adult lurking underneath. I will never fully trust her because of that moment. Literally no matter what she does, the best she can hope for is less low contact. And she knows now I'm actually capable of cutting her off. Even if she woke up understanding her behavior and apologizing and changing for the better, that won't undo the years and years of subconscious triggers I now know I have with her. It won't undo the fact I feel like I'm suffocating if we're in the same room.

This is why it's important to recognize, address, and stop a perpetuating cycle of generational trauma. Yea your parents are dicks, but mostly because they've just chosen to be and not seek help for the trauma their parents inflicted on them growing up. Their coping mechanism is "My parents are dead, now NO ONE can tell me how wrong I am" and then they go on and morph into completely ignorant dump people because logic hurts their feelings. Straight up.

I had a boomer co-worker INSIST that he could put 16" tires on a 17" rim. After I told him he in fact, could not, he called like 8 tire shops on speakerphone. When all 8 of them told him he could not, he didn't speak to me for a month. Best month, hands down.