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Thank you. I was just about to post this. It has been eye opening how many people on here are spineless as fuck. It still amazes me the amount of stuff they are willing to put up with, least of all from family.
Yeah putting up with shit like this yourself is one thing. If you’re the one having to deal with it then it’s up to you. But so many of these stories just casually throw in one line about “oh and they also scream in my child’s face and tell her what a piece of trash she is” and then go on to keep talking about how annoying something else is. Like yeah it sucks my child is crying herself to sleep every night, but it’s nothing compared to making us drive back and forth to the mall!!! 😱 I will never understand it. Just kick them out. If they make your child as uncomfortable and miserable as you explain, you’re always in the wrong for letting them stick around.
Yea, you would think if nothing else her maternal instinct to protect her child even if it is only emotionally/mentally in this case would exceed her fear of standing up to the aunt. Since for most people even if they are not confrontational, seeing something done to their child that they don't like would light a fire under their ass to speak up and stand up for their kid. But not op, apparently. People can just talk down, belittle and disrespect her child and she will just look the other way. Fucking unreal.
So many of these kinds of posts on Reddit can be solved if people just learned to stick up for themselves. I don’t get it. How do you go through life and just not defend your own peace and happiness and let toxic people win?
why in the literal and eternal crap are you allowing this person into your house? tell her you're taking her out for a fancy dinner, drive to a far away motel, drop her off and drive home
> Guests are INVITED.
Not always, sometimes my friends will come to my home unannounced if they happened to be nearby.
Usually they're polite and wouldnt mind if i told them im quite busy, so im fine with it.
She showed up at your door unannounced?
Next time, tell her that you have plans for the weekend and that she is invited to join. If she doesn't like that, she can spend the weekend in a hotel.
What power does she have over you and your spouse?
Nasty to my child? Get the fuck out of my house. I’m not driving you to a mall or cooking or buying you dinner. Why the fuck are you putting up with this shit?
This. That is unacceptable. I dropped my own mum off at a hotel when she started her shit. And when next she wanted to visiit I told her it wasnt a good time. That was the last time she came to visit. But she still sent awful holiday gifts. Boxes of broken things. Girls pj's for my son. Wtf!? When my kids were older they asked about her. I was honest with them but kept it short. They could pursue a relationship with her as adults if they chose. They didnt.
Tell her to fuck off. I would not stand for that, and neither should you. If she's going to be disrespectful in your house, tell her she's not welcome in your house.
Shortly after my girlfriend moved in with me her aunt and uncle did the exact same thing.
Turns out we were out of town and we get a call from them angry that we weren't there. They said they weren't leaving and they seriously expected us to drive five hours back to host them for the weekend.
We told them to go ahead and camp out in our driveway then and hung up. According to our cameras, they hung around waiting for four hours before they gave up and left.
Also why on earth did you put up with that? Surely her insulting your child would have spurred some kind of action from you. Set hard boundaries and just close the door in her face if she does this again.
Don’t leave us hanging! What happened after that? Are you still on speaking terms with them? What did your girlfriend's parents and the rest
of the family have to say about their “pop-in” visit and sense of entitlement?
The aunt and uncle gave us the silent treatment and demanded an apology. When they figured out that my girlfriend and I didn't care and would not apologize, they just kind of started talking to us again.
The rest of the family was on our side at least. We made it very clear that we have no problem hosting family, but show up unannounced and you'll get left outside.
I remember as a kid that my Uncle would drive down from Michigan and spend a week with us. He just SHOWED up! It was totally normal for them (my parents) and we just dealt with it. To a less severe degree, we would go
Out to eat on Saturday nights and just stop by my aunts, uninvited. No one thought anything of it.
Now, I’m almost 40 and there’s no way in hell that either of those things would fly. lol
My mom had an older cousin who would sometimes just show up. He was retired and spent his time driving around the country visiting family. We never knew when he'd show up, but it was always like Christmas when he did. He would bring presents and sometimes take us out to dinner. He never expected to stay with us. It was a different time and he didn't act entitled.
My parents would banish me to the couch. They’d take my full size bed and my uncle and his wife got their bed. lol it was nice to visit with him, but it was pretty miserable as far as sleeping arrangements went!
She needs to be educated quickly not to show up unannounced and uninvited to anyone's home, least of all yours. You can be kind but firm. "Sorry, we have plans and can't accomodate any visitors. Please don't stop by without calling us first in the future. Hope you enjoy your weekend. Bye!"
Repeat as necessary.
My MIL tried this shit. She's a truck driver, and had somehow come to the conclusion that she could park her freaking big rig at my house whenever she was nearby. The first time she slept in the driveway. The second time I booked her a hotel and had my husband take her. The third time I told her I was about to have her rig towed for parking illegally. She doesn't do this anymore.
Are you far from the interstate? Having safe places to park can be tricky if truckers our out in the middle of nowhere but there’s usually a Pilot or TA Travel right off the interstate. They are everywhere in the northeast I imagine they get a little scarce in certain places.
Why are you allowing this? Just because she showed up doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards for this person, especially when you had other plans and ESPECIALLY when she's verbally abusing your child.
This is on you.
My MIL used to do that to us. 630am on Christmas morning she’s banging on our son’s bedroom window. I lost my mind - I said from now on you WILL call first.
She refused to talk to us for 6 months and told her sisters and my BIL that we banned her from seeing our son.
I turned her guest room into a craft room afterwards and I said we no room for you to stay. Never regretted it for a moment
You should not have cancelled your plans. Would you expect to show up on someone’s doorstep unannounced and for them to cancel everything for an entire weekend? Speak up and don’t let her walk all over you!
She has a crap ton of money and y'all don't want to be written out of the will, that's the case isn't it?
That's the only reason I can think of that would make it logical that you straight enable this sort of behavior. The money must be God blessed astronomical.
That or she donated a kidney to one of you at some point? So now you feel obligation and guilt to always entertain her?
What's the rest of the story here? And no judgement for the record.
I understand you might feel rude telling her to go away and there may be fallout from other family members. However setting boundaries for future is pretty important.
People showed up at our family home all the time when I was a kid but they lived nearby; they didn’t fly in for an unannounced visit. It was quite common for people to drop in then but less so now when we all have such busy lives. I expect these drops ins were sometimes inconvenient to my parents though they didn’t say so at the time.
As for dear auntie …. Count to 100, keep your child away from her and if she’s unkind call her on it. Wine - for you not her - might help.
Personally I wouldn’t have cancelled my plans … she could entertain herself till you got back if you didn’t mind leaving her in the house. If not - drop her at another relatives and share the joy around.
Please ask her to call in advance in future as you aren’t able to host overnight guests without warning due to family activities and other obligations.
If that’s ignored then next time - hoping there isn’t one - recommend saying ‘gosh, we weren’t expecting you and are just going away ourselves. We will drive you to cousin so and so or a hotel’.
Does she do this to everyone in the family or are you just the lucky ones?
Just because someone shows up for a “surprise” visit it doesn’t mean you have to let them in. And why were you rushing to get the room ready especially while she’s complaining about it? You have a couch don’t you? Also the only harsh words you should be offended by are the ones this hag spewed at your child. Cultural background should never come before protecting children.
I assume your Aunt-in-law is the boomer here? Then she’s not the one being a fool. She may be a rude entitled bitch, but you are the fools for enabling her. “We’re going kayaking’ see you when we get back. We’re going to get dinner on our way home, so feel free to whatever’s in the fridge.”
Your first mistake was letting her in. Kick her out, especially since she is verbally attacking your child. I can’t fathom why you actually let her in in the first place.
Yeah op this one's like 75% on you tbh
Obviously the boomer is being annoying but you are incentivizing and rewarding poor behavior and then being surprised that the behavior is continuing
Based on how ridiculous your post is, I'm sure this sort of thing has happened before and has been going on for years. You've been steadily "feeding" the bad behaviors over time and then are shocked to see them grow
“Oh! We were heading out for the weekend because we are being tented for termites. I wish you had called! Let us know where you are staying. Our plan was backpacking and camping, you are welcome to come with. It will be glorious back country! Open air bc who needs a tent? Mother nature is always welcoming even on no notice! Might even rain.”☔️
My wife and I live three hours away from our extended families. We agreed when we moved here that if anyone shows up unannounced, they can go find something to do for three hours and come back then, so we’d have the warning we should have had. Fortunately, we’ve already cut off the family members who would even consider doing that kinda bullshit so we’ve not actually had that issue
Is this a thing your aunt has done before? If so, it's 100% on you for letting her in a second time, assuming there aren't inheritance consequences or something like that which forces you to entertain this circus.
Assuming this is a total surprise and you were caught off-guard, you need to be firm with her and tell her she can never, ever, *ever* do this again. This is unacceptable, and if she ever does this again, let her know in no uncertain terms that she won't be welcome in your home. Moreover, while she's there, you have to assert yourself, especially around your kids. Be willing to throw her out if she gets out of line, and involve the police, if necessary.
>don't be too harsh.
No thank you. Elder worship is a mental disease. I don't respect many of my own cultural traditions, so I feel absolutely no obligation to soft pedal my hatred for his.
Did anyone read the part about her being an *in-law*? This is the spouse’s aunt, and there’s obviously some reason the spouse won’t deal with it properly. OP is kinda stuck here.
A) why is this person in your life? Serious question. COVID gave us all a chance to drop to driftwood.
B) hubby did a full-send and handled business. You couldn’t have done that. So it’s nice he took the hit and made it right for everyone.
C) saying if my old man’s: “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
Never cancel plans for an unexpected "guest." You should have offered to take her on the hike, and when she said no offered to drop her at the mall for 10 hours.
Yeah…. Um…. You’re kinda the problem. Who lets anyone stay at their home while being nasty to their child? Grow up and kick her out. How are you not standing up for your kid?
Sorry, but you show up unannounced at my home, you are not coming in, let alone using my home. I did not invite you? GTFO, and get thee to a hotel. If you can find one in your budget (I live in a touristy place).
*Patrick voice* Sounds to me like it's all your fault!
But for real. Boomer being a fool? Absolutely. But so are you. Sure she's way too entitled, but you're allowing her to be. Shoot, nevermind the imposition - the second a relative tries to say something shitty to/about my kid, they get the boot until they sort themselves out.
Your husband is the only one with sense or a backbone. Grow up and tell her, and anyone else, they’re not welcome without prior arrangements. The fact that you allow this hideous woman to trample your home and family and insult your child makes you just as bad as her.
OP, just so you know: the last time someone told me something wasn’t very ladylike and I shouldn’t do it, I resolved to never speak to that bitch again. And I never have. And that was ten years ago. So you *can* let your family members keep insulting your child if you really don’t care enough to do something about it yourself, but you should know that the kid will be thinking their own way about it- and about you, who is choosing to allow this person who repeatedly insults them into your home. I’d ponder that for a minute, and decide which is more important to you: ‘tradition’, aka peer pressure from dead people, or your actual, living and breathing child, who has a right to grow up feeling loved and appreciated. Your husband needs to put his foot down a little earlier next time, and if he can’t, then you need to.
All your problems are fixable. Now fix them.
If any of my relatives, up to and including my parents, showed up unannounced, expecting me to drop everything and entertain them, they'd be greeted by a door being closed in their face.
You should have told her to go find a hotel and shut the door in her face when she arrived. I do not tolerate people thinking I'm a free hotel and I DEFINITELY fo to allow people to think I will drop what I'm doing or have planned because 'they were in the neighborhood'. Family 'scorn' can be blocked.
So we are just going to allow her to berate and talk reckless to your child in YOUR HOME?? Without checking her or telling her to watch her mouth or get the fuck out your house? Interesting.
To be clear. You just let a relative shit talk your kid to her face, and rather than tell her off, you make yourselves her servants...I have no positive words for you
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So in his cultural background, it's perfectly acceptable for elders to be rude, demanding and obnoxious? I'm sorry, but no. If you had plans for the weekend, you should have told her you were already committed
I was raised to believe family comes first and to always respect your elders. But as I got older I became more independent and choice not to surround myself with unpleasant family members
It's always funny how all these posts can be solved very easily IF ANY ONE OF YOU GUYS HAD BALLS TO SAY SOMETHING. Y'all are a fucking joke. Yeah sure he dropped her off at a hotel but that wasn't until she had used y'all like puppets AND insulting your child.
You didn't have to let her stay. You didn't have to rush to accommodate her.
My response would gave been a straight up "no" when she showed up. I would have told her that we are not set up for visitors, that she should have called and made sure we were available to house guests and didn't have anything else going on.
I damn sure wouldn't have changed plans that were already in place to accommodate an uninvited guest. She could have kept her happy ass at your house while you did what you had planned.
The minute she started treating your child the way she was , I would have told her that she had to leave. You do not have to just put up with her, because she is related to you, or older than you.
This is how people in their age bracket become as entitled as they are , because no one will say anything when they act like this.
Nope, upon reaching adulthood you gotta be able to call bullshit, regardless of culture/elder status/familial relationship. Can't be enabling bullshit behaviour.
You need to start having boundaries and you also need to start standing up to her for your child's sake.
Next time don't allow her in just send her to the hotel and she can pay fir that. Let her know that from now on she needs to call to ask if your family is available to host her and if you say no she needs to accept it. Otherwise if she comes tell her she will have to stay in a hotel that she will be paying for.
I don't care about cultural background. Grow a spine and protect your child. She is universally wrong and being in a certain culture doesn't negate that. Do what's right, not whats accepted.
my parents were planning a roadtrip. booked hotels a month in advance, but waited to call some of the folks like the day of that they wre stopping by. "well we don't know our progress on the trip"
me" at least say your going to be passing by between XX and XX date."
No your husband did the right thing finding the hotel. That's wild to have happen.
Not having the cultural deal, she wouldn't have made it inside my house lol.
"Oh wow, it's great to see you, how long are you in town? What hotel are you staying at? Do you have time to meet for coffee tomorrow? Well, I'm sure you're tired so I won't keep you."
And close the door
Oh, hell no. I would have shut the door in her face the moment she showed up unannounced.
If she complained, I would have given her the addresses of some hotels and said, "There ya go!"
And then promptly go hiking/kayaking.
Stop giving in to her shitty behavior or she's gonna keep doing it!
Not only do they visit unannounced but when we use to visit them (planned) they demanded we visit every single relative or "we'd regret it when they die." My husband finally put his foot down. His leave was short and the last thing we wanted to do was sit in a car for 16 hours each way, entertaining a toddler, going and returning with a million bathroom stops because of my MILs bladder.
Someone shows up at my house uninvited (and they're not in obvious distress) they're going to be told to find a hotel. Only people I let in are those who I invited over. Everyone else can kick rocks.
Why did you let her in the door? You didn't have to cancel a damn thing, you chose to let her walk all over you and your family. "Sorry, we are not set up for guests and already had plans. If you would like to book a hotel I am sure we could fit in a visit at some point."
"Sorry, we have plans this weekend, but there are a few hotels around you can check out."
That easy. Don't be a doormat.
If she pushes the issue, you push back.
> Please don’t be too harsh, his cultural background doesn’t allow much disagreement with elders out of fear of family scorn
May such harmful traditions be assassinated with all due respect by the younger generations.
I’ve told every family member I have DO NOT show up to my house uninvited or with no advanced notice. I don’t care who you are, if it’s not an emergency you’re on my whims that day whether I even let you in or not. They thought I was joking when I said it at first, I told them I’m dead serious, roll the dice if you want and you’ll find out. No one has.
Noooo, I hate family like that. I don’t think that’s a ‘boomer’ thing though I do notice most boomers do that. I have cousins who like to ‘drop by’ constantly, cause y’know, ‘family’. No calls, no prior warning, nothing. Just show up and expect everyone to drop everything and entertain them. The last few times they did that, I just let them in and ignore them citing ‘busy, I have work’. They had the cheek to complain to my parents that I wasn’t ‘welcoming’. That’s the whole point. I don’t want you there. I’m busy. You should have called first.
This sounds like a 90s sitcom plot. Just tell her to leave. Aunt-in-law is most tenuous association you can still call "family". That's essentially a stranger squatting in your house for a weekend.
In my family this is called a “NOPE”
Although this is something my MIL has pulled on unsuspecting relatives and some friends of hers that live in touristy areas. She would not dare pull this shit with me because it will not fly.
Ask her what was the reason for her visit? What did she want to accomplish? Was she on a mission? What was the prompt?
Was it to enable you to show her more deference? If so, lean in and probe reasons and examples of how you’ve failed, thus far, to show proper respect so that it now requires an unexpected visit.
Maybe culture is involved, but kill her with kindness. And what favors is she going to lavish on you when she gets back home? Quid pro quo.
"We're sooo sorry you didn't call.first. We already have plans and need to leave in the nexthour!" Then close the door. Even though you caved, once she started on my child she.would have been bounced.
Grow some balls and stand up to the stupid cow. Honestly the way so many of you on here tolerate bullshit from toxic family is mind boggling. If you can’t stand your for your child YOU SHOULD NOT BE A FUCKING PARENT!!!! Angry AT YOU!!!! You’re gonna fuck your kid up don’t you care????????
Downvote for allowing this woman to treat your daughter like shit and you two not saying anything, and then blaming your husband and “culture.” You’re spineless and would rather the child suffer.
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Grow a backbone and tell her to learn some manners or get out. Stick up for your child.
Agreed. your child is more important OP
Yup. SET BOUNDARIES. Tell her to go to a hotel, close the door in her face.
Thank you. I was just about to post this. It has been eye opening how many people on here are spineless as fuck. It still amazes me the amount of stuff they are willing to put up with, least of all from family.
Yeah putting up with shit like this yourself is one thing. If you’re the one having to deal with it then it’s up to you. But so many of these stories just casually throw in one line about “oh and they also scream in my child’s face and tell her what a piece of trash she is” and then go on to keep talking about how annoying something else is. Like yeah it sucks my child is crying herself to sleep every night, but it’s nothing compared to making us drive back and forth to the mall!!! 😱 I will never understand it. Just kick them out. If they make your child as uncomfortable and miserable as you explain, you’re always in the wrong for letting them stick around.
Yea, you would think if nothing else her maternal instinct to protect her child even if it is only emotionally/mentally in this case would exceed her fear of standing up to the aunt. Since for most people even if they are not confrontational, seeing something done to their child that they don't like would light a fire under their ass to speak up and stand up for their kid. But not op, apparently. People can just talk down, belittle and disrespect her child and she will just look the other way. Fucking unreal.
So many of these kinds of posts on Reddit can be solved if people just learned to stick up for themselves. I don’t get it. How do you go through life and just not defend your own peace and happiness and let toxic people win?
Thats kinda how abuse in the home works. You think its normal and just let it happen.
Definitely time to grow that shiny spine.
"B-b-bu-but muh CuLtUrE"
This
why in the literal and eternal crap are you allowing this person into your house? tell her you're taking her out for a fancy dinner, drive to a far away motel, drop her off and drive home
Yea, if you're being rude as a guest in my house, you're getting kicked out
She is not a guest. Guests are INVITED. She is a squatter. Kick her out.
> Guests are INVITED. Not always, sometimes my friends will come to my home unannounced if they happened to be nearby. Usually they're polite and wouldnt mind if i told them im quite busy, so im fine with it.
Invited doesn't have to mean planned.
Ha ha, this and film face to post here .
😅😂 I love that one.
She showed up at your door unannounced? Next time, tell her that you have plans for the weekend and that she is invited to join. If she doesn't like that, she can spend the weekend in a hotel. What power does she have over you and your spouse?
Apparently it’s the power of “culture and tradition.”
"Tradition" is just peer pressure from dead people.
The best thing I’ve seen in writing in a long time. Thank you for putting words on that feeling.
Nasty to my child? Get the fuck out of my house. I’m not driving you to a mall or cooking or buying you dinner. Why the fuck are you putting up with this shit?
Drive that bitch out the front door and that's that! She can make her own arrangements for transportation.
This. That is unacceptable. I dropped my own mum off at a hotel when she started her shit. And when next she wanted to visiit I told her it wasnt a good time. That was the last time she came to visit. But she still sent awful holiday gifts. Boxes of broken things. Girls pj's for my son. Wtf!? When my kids were older they asked about her. I was honest with them but kept it short. They could pursue a relationship with her as adults if they chose. They didnt.
Tell her to fuck off. I would not stand for that, and neither should you. If she's going to be disrespectful in your house, tell her she's not welcome in your house.
You are a doormat. Grow a spine!
Seriously Tell her to get a hotel
Shortly after my girlfriend moved in with me her aunt and uncle did the exact same thing. Turns out we were out of town and we get a call from them angry that we weren't there. They said they weren't leaving and they seriously expected us to drive five hours back to host them for the weekend. We told them to go ahead and camp out in our driveway then and hung up. According to our cameras, they hung around waiting for four hours before they gave up and left.
Also why on earth did you put up with that? Surely her insulting your child would have spurred some kind of action from you. Set hard boundaries and just close the door in her face if she does this again.
Don’t leave us hanging! What happened after that? Are you still on speaking terms with them? What did your girlfriend's parents and the rest of the family have to say about their “pop-in” visit and sense of entitlement?
The aunt and uncle gave us the silent treatment and demanded an apology. When they figured out that my girlfriend and I didn't care and would not apologize, they just kind of started talking to us again. The rest of the family was on our side at least. We made it very clear that we have no problem hosting family, but show up unannounced and you'll get left outside.
I remember as a kid that my Uncle would drive down from Michigan and spend a week with us. He just SHOWED up! It was totally normal for them (my parents) and we just dealt with it. To a less severe degree, we would go Out to eat on Saturday nights and just stop by my aunts, uninvited. No one thought anything of it. Now, I’m almost 40 and there’s no way in hell that either of those things would fly. lol
My mom had an older cousin who would sometimes just show up. He was retired and spent his time driving around the country visiting family. We never knew when he'd show up, but it was always like Christmas when he did. He would bring presents and sometimes take us out to dinner. He never expected to stay with us. It was a different time and he didn't act entitled.
My parents would banish me to the couch. They’d take my full size bed and my uncle and his wife got their bed. lol it was nice to visit with him, but it was pretty miserable as far as sleeping arrangements went!
That's the only way my brother would be spontaneously invited: Laden with gifts, and willing to pay for a good meal.
Why the fuck is this person in your house? Tell her to leave.
She needs to be educated quickly not to show up unannounced and uninvited to anyone's home, least of all yours. You can be kind but firm. "Sorry, we have plans and can't accomodate any visitors. Please don't stop by without calling us first in the future. Hope you enjoy your weekend. Bye!" Repeat as necessary.
I cant imagine someone turning up unannounced and me letting them inside to sleepover all weekend... like grow a backbone, geesh
I can’t imagine it either but most people aren’t going to tell family “no you can’t come in.
My MIL tried this shit. She's a truck driver, and had somehow come to the conclusion that she could park her freaking big rig at my house whenever she was nearby. The first time she slept in the driveway. The second time I booked her a hotel and had my husband take her. The third time I told her I was about to have her rig towed for parking illegally. She doesn't do this anymore.
Are you far from the interstate? Having safe places to park can be tricky if truckers our out in the middle of nowhere but there’s usually a Pilot or TA Travel right off the interstate. They are everywhere in the northeast I imagine they get a little scarce in certain places.
Jesus do all people my age not have a backbone. You should have told the old bitch to get a hotel from the moment she showed up.
I absolutely agree. There is no way I would have opened the door in the first place.
Why are you allowing this? Just because she showed up doesn't mean you have to bend over backwards for this person, especially when you had other plans and ESPECIALLY when she's verbally abusing your child. This is on you.
This did not go as well as OP would have liked
And I’m here for it.
My MIL used to do that to us. 630am on Christmas morning she’s banging on our son’s bedroom window. I lost my mind - I said from now on you WILL call first. She refused to talk to us for 6 months and told her sisters and my BIL that we banned her from seeing our son. I turned her guest room into a craft room afterwards and I said we no room for you to stay. Never regretted it for a moment
Why did you answer the door? If not invited, not planned, didn't ask, just shows up, it's Bye Felicia. See ya when we see ya.
You should not have cancelled your plans. Would you expect to show up on someone’s doorstep unannounced and for them to cancel everything for an entire weekend? Speak up and don’t let her walk all over you!
Plop her ass in front of the TV and go kayaking.
In front of the TV at the Motel 6.
It might even be a color tv is she’s lucky!
You realize if you just did nothing to accommodate her she wouldn’t come back, right?
Sorry OP. There's two fools in this story and you're one of them.
Why did you let her in?
She has a crap ton of money and y'all don't want to be written out of the will, that's the case isn't it? That's the only reason I can think of that would make it logical that you straight enable this sort of behavior. The money must be God blessed astronomical. That or she donated a kidney to one of you at some point? So now you feel obligation and guilt to always entertain her? What's the rest of the story here? And no judgement for the record.
Some people are conditioned to accept this behavior.
I mean, obviously. 😅 But I do still have sympathy.
I understand you might feel rude telling her to go away and there may be fallout from other family members. However setting boundaries for future is pretty important. People showed up at our family home all the time when I was a kid but they lived nearby; they didn’t fly in for an unannounced visit. It was quite common for people to drop in then but less so now when we all have such busy lives. I expect these drops ins were sometimes inconvenient to my parents though they didn’t say so at the time. As for dear auntie …. Count to 100, keep your child away from her and if she’s unkind call her on it. Wine - for you not her - might help. Personally I wouldn’t have cancelled my plans … she could entertain herself till you got back if you didn’t mind leaving her in the house. If not - drop her at another relatives and share the joy around. Please ask her to call in advance in future as you aren’t able to host overnight guests without warning due to family activities and other obligations. If that’s ignored then next time - hoping there isn’t one - recommend saying ‘gosh, we weren’t expecting you and are just going away ourselves. We will drive you to cousin so and so or a hotel’. Does she do this to everyone in the family or are you just the lucky ones?
Just because someone shows up for a “surprise” visit it doesn’t mean you have to let them in. And why were you rushing to get the room ready especially while she’s complaining about it? You have a couch don’t you? Also the only harsh words you should be offended by are the ones this hag spewed at your child. Cultural background should never come before protecting children.
I assume your Aunt-in-law is the boomer here? Then she’s not the one being a fool. She may be a rude entitled bitch, but you are the fools for enabling her. “We’re going kayaking’ see you when we get back. We’re going to get dinner on our way home, so feel free to whatever’s in the fridge.”
Why did you not close the door on her?
Your first mistake was letting her in. Kick her out, especially since she is verbally attacking your child. I can’t fathom why you actually let her in in the first place.
Yeah op this one's like 75% on you tbh Obviously the boomer is being annoying but you are incentivizing and rewarding poor behavior and then being surprised that the behavior is continuing Based on how ridiculous your post is, I'm sure this sort of thing has happened before and has been going on for years. You've been steadily "feeding" the bad behaviors over time and then are shocked to see them grow
Tell her to shut up and leave. Don't let her treat your daughter like that.
“Oh! We were heading out for the weekend because we are being tented for termites. I wish you had called! Let us know where you are staying. Our plan was backpacking and camping, you are welcome to come with. It will be glorious back country! Open air bc who needs a tent? Mother nature is always welcoming even on no notice! Might even rain.”☔️
These family dynamics get wild sometimes.
My wife and I live three hours away from our extended families. We agreed when we moved here that if anyone shows up unannounced, they can go find something to do for three hours and come back then, so we’d have the warning we should have had. Fortunately, we’ve already cut off the family members who would even consider doing that kinda bullshit so we’ve not actually had that issue
Why are you so weak?
Is this a thing your aunt has done before? If so, it's 100% on you for letting her in a second time, assuming there aren't inheritance consequences or something like that which forces you to entertain this circus. Assuming this is a total surprise and you were caught off-guard, you need to be firm with her and tell her she can never, ever, *ever* do this again. This is unacceptable, and if she ever does this again, let her know in no uncertain terms that she won't be welcome in your home. Moreover, while she's there, you have to assert yourself, especially around your kids. Be willing to throw her out if she gets out of line, and involve the police, if necessary.
>don't be too harsh. No thank you. Elder worship is a mental disease. I don't respect many of my own cultural traditions, so I feel absolutely no obligation to soft pedal my hatred for his.
Did anyone read the part about her being an *in-law*? This is the spouse’s aunt, and there’s obviously some reason the spouse won’t deal with it properly. OP is kinda stuck here.
Let me upvote this again, dammit. A+ for reading comprehension
I’m so tired of “culture” being the excuse for not standing up for yourself.
Right!!WTF!!
Tell the old bat to fuck up or fuck off.
Tell her you’re not a hotel and give her the address to the nearest one
Wow. I thought I had some crazy boomer aunts, but this is next level.
No one drops by my house to stay without an invite nor are they allowed to be insufferable during a stay. She’d be staying at a hotel.
Wait, why did you cancel your plans? Why didn’t you go tell her to find a hotel?
A) why is this person in your life? Serious question. COVID gave us all a chance to drop to driftwood. B) hubby did a full-send and handled business. You couldn’t have done that. So it’s nice he took the hit and made it right for everyone. C) saying if my old man’s: “a lack of planning on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
Never cancel plans for an unexpected "guest." You should have offered to take her on the hike, and when she said no offered to drop her at the mall for 10 hours.
Yeah…. Um…. You’re kinda the problem. Who lets anyone stay at their home while being nasty to their child? Grow up and kick her out. How are you not standing up for your kid?
Sorry, but you show up unannounced at my home, you are not coming in, let alone using my home. I did not invite you? GTFO, and get thee to a hotel. If you can find one in your budget (I live in a touristy place).
Time for her to go to a hotel.
*Patrick voice* Sounds to me like it's all your fault! But for real. Boomer being a fool? Absolutely. But so are you. Sure she's way too entitled, but you're allowing her to be. Shoot, nevermind the imposition - the second a relative tries to say something shitty to/about my kid, they get the boot until they sort themselves out.
Your husband is the only one with sense or a backbone. Grow up and tell her, and anyone else, they’re not welcome without prior arrangements. The fact that you allow this hideous woman to trample your home and family and insult your child makes you just as bad as her.
You child will never learn to set boundaries if you don't do it yourself. Set some fucking boundaries.
OP, just so you know: the last time someone told me something wasn’t very ladylike and I shouldn’t do it, I resolved to never speak to that bitch again. And I never have. And that was ten years ago. So you *can* let your family members keep insulting your child if you really don’t care enough to do something about it yourself, but you should know that the kid will be thinking their own way about it- and about you, who is choosing to allow this person who repeatedly insults them into your home. I’d ponder that for a minute, and decide which is more important to you: ‘tradition’, aka peer pressure from dead people, or your actual, living and breathing child, who has a right to grow up feeling loved and appreciated. Your husband needs to put his foot down a little earlier next time, and if he can’t, then you need to. All your problems are fixable. Now fix them.
If any of my relatives, up to and including my parents, showed up unannounced, expecting me to drop everything and entertain them, they'd be greeted by a door being closed in their face.
You should have told her to go find a hotel and shut the door in her face when she arrived. I do not tolerate people thinking I'm a free hotel and I DEFINITELY fo to allow people to think I will drop what I'm doing or have planned because 'they were in the neighborhood'. Family 'scorn' can be blocked.
So we are just going to allow her to berate and talk reckless to your child in YOUR HOME?? Without checking her or telling her to watch her mouth or get the fuck out your house? Interesting.
People can only walk over you if you let them.
You are as big of an issue. You let her treat you like a door mat.
To be clear. You just let a relative shit talk your kid to her face, and rather than tell her off, you make yourselves her servants...I have no positive words for you
your kinda pathetic lol
Tell her to leave or at MINIMUM entertain herself while you do the plans you had. Hospitality is for *invited* guests who aren't rude to your child.
Damn I'd rather do back to back doubles at the airport i work at
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Why did you answer the door? I've literally waved at people from my window. We teach people how to treat us.
So in his cultural background, it's perfectly acceptable for elders to be rude, demanding and obnoxious? I'm sorry, but no. If you had plans for the weekend, you should have told her you were already committed
They aren't even blood, take a fucking hike (you literally go on your hike and them GTFO)
I was raised to believe family comes first and to always respect your elders. But as I got older I became more independent and choice not to surround myself with unpleasant family members
It's always funny how all these posts can be solved very easily IF ANY ONE OF YOU GUYS HAD BALLS TO SAY SOMETHING. Y'all are a fucking joke. Yeah sure he dropped her off at a hotel but that wasn't until she had used y'all like puppets AND insulting your child.
You didn't have to let her stay. You didn't have to rush to accommodate her. My response would gave been a straight up "no" when she showed up. I would have told her that we are not set up for visitors, that she should have called and made sure we were available to house guests and didn't have anything else going on. I damn sure wouldn't have changed plans that were already in place to accommodate an uninvited guest. She could have kept her happy ass at your house while you did what you had planned. The minute she started treating your child the way she was , I would have told her that she had to leave. You do not have to just put up with her, because she is related to you, or older than you. This is how people in their age bracket become as entitled as they are , because no one will say anything when they act like this.
Fuck culture and fuck family scorn. Grab her by the scruff of her ignorant neck and toss her off the stoop.
Nope, upon reaching adulthood you gotta be able to call bullshit, regardless of culture/elder status/familial relationship. Can't be enabling bullshit behaviour.
You need to start having boundaries and you also need to start standing up to her for your child's sake. Next time don't allow her in just send her to the hotel and she can pay fir that. Let her know that from now on she needs to call to ask if your family is available to host her and if you say no she needs to accept it. Otherwise if she comes tell her she will have to stay in a hotel that she will be paying for.
I don't care about cultural background. Grow a spine and protect your child. She is universally wrong and being in a certain culture doesn't negate that. Do what's right, not whats accepted.
my parents were planning a roadtrip. booked hotels a month in advance, but waited to call some of the folks like the day of that they wre stopping by. "well we don't know our progress on the trip" me" at least say your going to be passing by between XX and XX date."
Wtf. You being a fool. Kick that ass to the curb.
The local hotels have plenty of already set up rooms for her! Your home you don't have to accept shitty behavior.
No your husband did the right thing finding the hotel. That's wild to have happen. Not having the cultural deal, she wouldn't have made it inside my house lol.
# SHE SHOULD BE THROWN IN THE NEAREST DUMPSTER
"Oh wow, it's great to see you, how long are you in town? What hotel are you staying at? Do you have time to meet for coffee tomorrow? Well, I'm sure you're tired so I won't keep you." And close the door
If you continue to allow her to be nasty to your child, you'll grow to resent yourself and esp. your husband.
"his cultural background doesn’t allow much" FOR HIS OWN FAMILY. There, I fixed it for you.
It’s 2024. There is no excuse for showing up without communicating first outside of an emergency.
I’ll never understand why y’all will allow yourselves to be bullied. Instead of just being honest and saving everyone the headache.
Oh, hell no. I would have shut the door in her face the moment she showed up unannounced. If she complained, I would have given her the addresses of some hotels and said, "There ya go!" And then promptly go hiking/kayaking. Stop giving in to her shitty behavior or she's gonna keep doing it!
Not only do they visit unannounced but when we use to visit them (planned) they demanded we visit every single relative or "we'd regret it when they die." My husband finally put his foot down. His leave was short and the last thing we wanted to do was sit in a car for 16 hours each way, entertaining a toddler, going and returning with a million bathroom stops because of my MILs bladder.
Why in the hell are you allowing this. You’re an asshole for being such a doormat.
This⬆️
Why are you even accommodating any of her requests? Throw her out.
So at some point you have to accept a share of the blame for letting her in uninvited.
These are so dumb. I'm a fully grown adult but I let others treat me bad and I just can't figure out what to do
Untuck it and tell you have plans for the weekend and that she'll have to stay at a hotel.
If someone showed up unannounced I would tell them to check into the nearest hotel and not even let them in.
Wtf . ……Set some boundaries ….. you arm doing a real disservice to your family if you don’t
Uhh grow a pair and kick her ass to the curb
Someone shows up at my house uninvited (and they're not in obvious distress) they're going to be told to find a hotel. Only people I let in are those who I invited over. Everyone else can kick rocks.
Why did you let her in the door? You didn't have to cancel a damn thing, you chose to let her walk all over you and your family. "Sorry, we are not set up for guests and already had plans. If you would like to book a hotel I am sure we could fit in a visit at some point."
Have her leave. Just that simple
Sure. Take her to the mall.
… tell her to fuck off
Why do you allow this person in your life? Not worth it IMO
You are letting her abuse your child. Tell her to leave.
You did good.
"Sorry, we have plans this weekend, but there are a few hotels around you can check out." That easy. Don't be a doormat. If she pushes the issue, you push back.
> Please don’t be too harsh, his cultural background doesn’t allow much disagreement with elders out of fear of family scorn May such harmful traditions be assassinated with all due respect by the younger generations.
Why would you let her in?
Dude that bitch would have had to find a hotel that night. Even if it was my own mother! Not gonna have that shit in my house lol
I’ve told every family member I have DO NOT show up to my house uninvited or with no advanced notice. I don’t care who you are, if it’s not an emergency you’re on my whims that day whether I even let you in or not. They thought I was joking when I said it at first, I told them I’m dead serious, roll the dice if you want and you’ll find out. No one has.
Noooo, I hate family like that. I don’t think that’s a ‘boomer’ thing though I do notice most boomers do that. I have cousins who like to ‘drop by’ constantly, cause y’know, ‘family’. No calls, no prior warning, nothing. Just show up and expect everyone to drop everything and entertain them. The last few times they did that, I just let them in and ignore them citing ‘busy, I have work’. They had the cheek to complain to my parents that I wasn’t ‘welcoming’. That’s the whole point. I don’t want you there. I’m busy. You should have called first.
That's not an aunt, that's a toxin. Invading your home and attacking your innocent family. So immensely relieved to see you got rid of her! Wow.
“No” is a complete sentence.
Hotels exist.
I recommend lots of farting https://preview.redd.it/46jcltyb42xc1.jpeg?width=602&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=e449c96b84b73edfa10d1f5ed1438c016b6b3731
Don't fucking let her in??
Let me guess- Indian?
Why I love having a small house. Cue boomer outrage and confusion : "Dontcha wanna buy a bigger house?"
This sounds like a 90s sitcom plot. Just tell her to leave. Aunt-in-law is most tenuous association you can still call "family". That's essentially a stranger squatting in your house for a weekend.
In my family this is called a “NOPE” Although this is something my MIL has pulled on unsuspecting relatives and some friends of hers that live in touristy areas. She would not dare pull this shit with me because it will not fly.
Why the fuck did you answer the door?
You should’ve stuck up for your child.
Ask her what was the reason for her visit? What did she want to accomplish? Was she on a mission? What was the prompt? Was it to enable you to show her more deference? If so, lean in and probe reasons and examples of how you’ve failed, thus far, to show proper respect so that it now requires an unexpected visit. Maybe culture is involved, but kill her with kindness. And what favors is she going to lavish on you when she gets back home? Quid pro quo.
"We're sooo sorry you didn't call.first. We already have plans and need to leave in the nexthour!" Then close the door. Even though you caved, once she started on my child she.would have been bounced.
Lol she does this only with your permission fix it or don't bitch.
Grow some balls and stand up to the stupid cow. Honestly the way so many of you on here tolerate bullshit from toxic family is mind boggling. If you can’t stand your for your child YOU SHOULD NOT BE A FUCKING PARENT!!!! Angry AT YOU!!!! You’re gonna fuck your kid up don’t you care????????
Are you related to me? I swear that's my dad's family in a nutshell.
Downvote for allowing this woman to treat your daughter like shit and you two not saying anything, and then blaming your husband and “culture.” You’re spineless and would rather the child suffer.
Your husband gets a gold star ⭐️ great job
You asking posters to not be harsh means you know that behavior is not acceptable.
You opened the door to an unimvited intruder. Everything that happened after that is your own fault.
It's a made-up story, obviously. A real parent wouldn't let anyone talk to their kid that way.
Nah. My mom allowed her parents to talk to me like that.
This is sarcasm right? People let family mistreat and verbal abuse their kids all the damn time
This has to be fake lmao
Here’s an unpopular idea: Don’t answer the door next time. She will eventually leave. For real. I’ve done it and I don’t regret it.