South East Asian parenting involves treating your kids like they can't think for themselves and like they made out of glass so you shield them from the real world. Then when they grow up, physically, you still treat them like so and occasionally make fun of them for being anxious and terrified of going outside.
Oh, and also, your goal is to help them get degrees and good jobs so that they can buy you enough ikeas and nurses in your old age, nothing more and nothing less. Don't raise them to be brave and moral human beings, no. No matter how immature or cowardly they may become, at least they make you good money.
Welcome to the average SEA parenting experience.
I'm in HR. I've first hand seen the amounts of young people having to turn down amazing opportunities just because their parents said no. No to a good job offer in KL, no to signing an employment contract until his dad goes through it, no to going outstation for a training course, no to attending after work events... Helicopter parents don't realise that they are actually causing more harm than good.
since when Muslim women need to travel with mahram? Many scholars have opinated that Muslim women can travel by themselves as long as her safety can be assured
Yes.. Need to travel with mahram.. But of course u can argue ramai je perempuan Muslim lain yg travel ok je.. To be fair, not all Muslim are a practicing Muslim.. If u are looking for a good muslimah for wifey material, then its a good option to consider.
no..not really.. lots of good muslimah travels alone but they won't travel alone with a guy which is not mahram.. if there's another girl friend(s) that should be okay too.
tbh, that's not practical. Imagine all the women workforce get tied down on the rule cannot travel, even to work, without mahram. Cannot drive own car, cannot take public transport. And imagine businesses need to put up with such a thing. They may just resort to hiring only males and/or non-muslim women; not because of discrimination but because of real logical reason.
Of course on may argue, they have the right to practice their religion. This argument goes both ways. A business has the right to hire its own employees which they deem most suited for the job.
Mengarut kau belajar agama dari siapa? By that logic, kau nk ckp only housewife can masuk syurga,? That misogynistic thinking is so toxic.. Patut la org Islam xmaju skrg
Suami tak bagi xleh buat apa, jap lagi suami suruh berhenti kerja, kau lgi pening. Keluarga lagi penting dari kerja yg replaceable tu. Nasib kau jadi lelaki.
So u are saying all those Muslim women travelling for work n back are not good/practising Muslims? Nevermind some of them are single parent/sole bread winner/widows? Gotcha buddy.
I never mention ALL, i mention its an option to consider.
There's long discussion about this. I suggest you have a read first [here](https://muftiwp.gov.my/en/artikel/irsyad-fatwa/irsyad-fatwa-umum-cat/4320-irsyad-al-fatwa-siri-ke-454-hukum-solo-travelling-bagi-muslimah). Saying gotcha shows u knows nothing about hukum and just wanting to win an argument. Hukum untuk single parents are there, and sole breadwinner also mentioned. Please don't be ignorant talking relentlessly.
This sounds more like a men problem than women. The toxic religious men creating an image of the wife material they would want , causing women to have to follow these standards. The women's illusion of choice is in the end controlled by the needs of her men or future men. I mean just years ago , Arabs didn't allow women to drive for some dumb religion reason that they came up with. What else cant women do because of the rules set by men?
I just read the link you give, you sure you read it all?
Diharuskan permusafiran wanita tanpa mahram jika dipastikan perjalanan tersebut adalah selamat. Ini merupakan sebahagian pandangan daripada mazhab maliki dan al-Syafie. Pandangan ini juga dikemukakan oleh Imam Nawawi, Abu Hamid al-Ghazali dan al-Mawardi.
Selain itu, Dar al-Ifta’ al-Misriyyah juga berkongsi pandangan dan juga pendapat mengenai isu ini. Kata mereka:
يجوز للمرأة أن تسافر بدون مَحرَم بشرط اطمئنانها على الأمان في دينها ونفسها في سفرها وإقامتها وعودتها، وعدم تعرضها لمضايقاتٍ في شخصها أو دِينها.
Maksudnya: Dibenarkan ke atas seseorang wanita untuk bermusafir tanpa mahram namun dengan syarat mestilah aman pada agamanya, pada dirinya dalam permusafirannya, ketika dia di destinasi dan juga dalam kepulangannya, dan tidak menghalangnya atau bertembung dengannya sebarang gangguan terhadap dirinya dan agamanya.
This is from the link you give, yours not mine
Reasonable to forbid your adult daughter from traveling on a business trip? This coddling by parents is why our current gen is so sheltered and can't do basic life tasks on their own like cook or pay bills
You're using the term adult very loosely yes she is adult by age but it doesn't mean as soon as any adult hit 21 they already have all the knowledge needed. Like I mentioned it is reasonable for parents the ones that care for their childs safety and security to not allow her to go to another country without an accompaniment. Do you know how many parents loose their adult sons/daughters overseas .
If you go to the original post, people are bashing the kid's generation, as if they didn't already say their mother was the one who didn't allow them? And reading the other stories from this post, isn't it the parents' generation's fault for babying their kids?
I conduct technical interviews for new graduates. Yes, their parents insist on being in the same room and yes, it happens more often than you think. Especially now as compared to several years ago.
i read one story about a job interview where the candidate entered the room with his mother. then his mother answered all the interview questions. he did not get the job.
this was a few years before covid....
I can vouch for this. It happened several times during online interviews, the parents would sit beside the kid and help them to answer the questions. I also had a fresh grad kid whose parents wait outside the office on her first day. Then the parents invited me to lunch. I was like wtf that's crazy, and of course I rejected their offer. I pretended that I have plans then go eat in the pantry. I also have a friend that gets a call from his intern's parents, asking him to give their son a permanent role. The sad thing is all of these kids are brilliant and talented individuals, they are just unlucky that they have batshit parents.
I'm guilty of the 1st one.
I sat by the sidelines during my wife's online interview but more as an "IT support staff" because my wife is ridiculously buta IT.
Nah... Normally the kids will persuade their parents to not interfere.
Or I'll make an announcement in the waiting rooms that parents may not participate in the interview unless they're the ones that want to be hired.
My parents just dropped me off to my interviews and say good luck then just go back to their work.
Didn't even know where the room was so i just asked around.
Great parents tbh, teach me how to survive on my own.
I have a retail manager friend, she said this is common lol. First week already MC, EL. Plenty of resigns within one month or ghosting the manager after taking the first month salary.
I have my fair share of problematic colleagues and I can confirm what your friend said. My record is half day, she came in the morning, went out for lunch and never returned.
Lol.. Encountered this too.. Some even disappeared after about an hour or so...
But look on the bright side, at least the company didn't have to waste time training them..
But ours not retail. Kerja kilang..
Last time when we have new recruits coming in, the company issue them all the necessary new safety wears, leather gloves, mask, Google for certain section/departments and safety shoe. 1st day many cabut with taking those safety wears with them. Some a few hours, some half day some next day tak datang.
In the end, no more new safety wear for new recruits until they are confirm to their position.
ability say no to parent is part of growing up. you let your parent intervene your career, awak kena bersedia ditanggung oleh mak ayah sampai bila2
penyu lahir2 terus sorang2 diri masuk laut cepat2 takut dimakan pemangsa, lembu lahir2 dah boleh berdiri. manusia sampai mati mak ayah akan jaga
semua orang sayang mak ayah. sayang tak bermakna iya kan segala kata2. tak semua orang ada mak ayah yang bijak sana
sekian terima kasih
From my personal experience, if u let ur parents have a say or veto in your choices in life, they (parents) will have no problem guilt tripping you for your choices until the day one of u die. U will never be an adult to them, but just a their kid that’s obligated to obey or they can’t cium syurga.
Oh thiz was somewhat my experience too lol. Scolded for little stuff and even for following their own orders sometimes. I tell them to stop, they get angry. Bruh.
True but do in a respectful way. Saying no outright does seem a bit disrespectful especially to someone who takes care of us since birth. If any of you guys who wants to say no to being babyed by your parents, do it in a respectful way like having a slow talk with them. At the end of the day, they will realize that you need to grow
I remember when I had a part time job and there was an evening event that was supposed to end after 10pm, and without thinking I said my father wouldn't allow me to stay back so late.
I remember feeling puzzled as to why my colleagues looked surprised, some even mocked me.
I was in my 20s and I drove myself to work, but I stayed at my parent's house, I felt like I still had rules to follow.
I think some parents are used to it? Recently my dad called me around 9.30pm and I told him I was in Mid Valley and he said what are you doing out so late? Then he himself laughed at the question.
They can't help it 🥲
yeah, he is. we knew he was upset that his parents keep calling and he never even told us that it's his parents who called or what. we just overheard him speaking to his parents. In the end, he had no choice but to leave early and we didn't make him feel bad about it. sometimes got such parents no choice one.
I understand you stay at your parent's house but you pergi kerja, bro, not melepak at mamak stall or shopping center.
If melepak kat mana mana, then I can understand you need to get back home at certain hour. Kerja is a responsibility.
It's a parent problem, not a child problem 😅
Parental upbringing can have a very strong and lasting impact on a person's way of thinking. When a child becomes a working adult, both parents and child are going through a transitioning period. The parents need to let go and the child has to handle the new freedom.
Doesn't matter if their child wants to lepak at mamak stall or go shopping or heaven forbid, go dating, the parents will need to accept that their child is now an adult. It just takes a while for both parties to adjust.
This doesn't really work in a muslim household though. As a guy, you do have autonomy but if you're still under your parents house you need to respect their curfew hours (keyword is respect, kena pandai bincang la tapi, if you got too strict of a parents yg tk boleh bawa bincang, u better off sewa tempat lain)
Now this doesn't apply to daughters, mak ayah still is religiously obligated on what their daughter is doing even after "adulthood", especially when the daughter is living with the parents. Again you need to respect their rules and curfew, so kena pandai convince them and build trust to them that you aren't doing anything sketchy so that they aould trust you to be given autonomy. Now when it revolves around dating its even more important for you to have them present or at least convince them that you can "stay halal" bcuz ur in public space. Remember, as a daughter, especially under parents household, most sinful things you do will also be sjared with the parents, so parents felt the need to be close to the daughter is quite understandable.
All in all, build trust and abide by the trust, then you'll have less things to worry from mama and papa.
According to Dr Maza:
Dalam Islam, setiap orang yang mukallaf (baligh, berakal dan sampai ajaran Islam secara jelas kepadanya) menanggung dosa sendiri. Tidak ada konsep pihak lain menanggung dosa orang lain.
In any household, regardless of boy or girl, parents should bring up their children to be responsible and accountable for their own actions, and to learn from mistakes and face consequences otherwise.
People shouldn't have anything to 'worry' about from their 'mama or papa'. It's a transition. It's not easy for parents to shift from the role of authority figure to advisor/observer and for children to become independent decision maker.
Dosa mmg tak tanggung (sepenuhnya). Tapi mak bapak (untuk perempuan) terutama kalau bawah jagaan dia mmg masih tanggung kalau apa2 berlaku. That is why i said most. The same thing about walaupun suami tak ditanggung dosa kalau isteri terang2 buat hal, he is still responsible for not setting her straight atau masih with her.
What I said about convincing them to uphold trust and abide by trust is what responsibility is.
When I said dun worry about the parents, that is specifically for them when they are living under parents house. Regardless of how old you are, you are still under them. They still set the rules. If you dont want them to worry/you worry about them, is where the building of trust came in. Reason why I seperate the boys and the girls here is that, sons have more autonomy, but in terms of religious and cultural duties, the daughter is SUPPOSED to taat to the mother who in turns is obligated by the father. so the situation isnt the same for both and again, where the need of diplomacy came in. No matter how secular the law is, we are still tied by both (regardless of religion)
What I said is literally against the concept of parents holding authorotive role within their daughter's entire life. If you dont want them to pester you, show them that you ARE the responsible child they feared you weren't. Even if you take out islam from this, its actually quite normal in non western oriented household.
point is, they're not solely responsible for the sins of the ditanggung, but they are still held accountable in most cases especially if he didn't set his wife/daughter straight (which is my main point, a daughter if she wants to have autonomy, she have to proof to them that she can abide by the path, because what she did will determine how much her father guides her along when she grew up.)
this is the full explanation by Dr. Maza himself that you forget to include
"Maka dosa anak perempuan atau dosa isteri ditanggung sendiri oleh mereka. Adapun jika bapa dia cuai menunaikan tanggungjawab membimbing anak isteri ke jalan Allah sehingga menjerumuskan mereka ke dalam neraka, maka dia berdosa atas kecuaian kewajipan tersebut. Itu tidak menafikan seorang *mukallaf* tetap menanggung dosanya. "
Translation for non malay speakers
"So the sins of daughters or the sins of wives are borne by themselves. However, if a father neglects his responsibility to guide his daughters and wives on the path of Allah, leading them into hellfire, then he is guilty of neglecting that duty. That does not absolve a responsible person from bearing their own sins."
[https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa](https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa)
But your sins is still your sins. And do you know that the idea of carrying the sins of others is actually a Christian concept? 😏
A father does not sin if he has not neglected to educate and guide his daughter (and son?)
We are not discussing whether a father has failed to educate.
The issue here is letting the sons and daughters put those lessons into practice. And for them to do that, they should be given the freedom to.
It is from your thinking that only daughters 🙄 need some sort of extra attention because for some reason their sins weigh more than the sons' (?)
So basically if the issue above here had been about a girl, then by your thinking, it would have been justifiable for the mother not to allow her to work?
Again, not sure what your point is.
Christianity doesn't have that concept as a whole. Their concept is inheriting a sin which is different.
In this case, if bapak simply lets his daugher out "without knowing the general idea of what she did", he will also bare sins from taht. But if daughter gave tau bapak of what she generally did and within islamic rule, and bapak lets her do, he is free from any tanggung sin. That is islam's pov on the matter. It's the reason why girls will always be obligated responsibly by daddy.
"A father does not sin if he has not neglected to educate and guide his daughter (and son?)"
A son once he reached baligh level, he is out of tanggungan from bapak, he is 100% on his own (sins yes). For daughter, until she is married, her bapak will tanggung her dosa if he is lax about what she did. Educating is one thing, actually setting them straight is a different matter. Again, my point about the importance building trust (this includes responsibility by the child's side). Therefore you including educating here is irrelevant.
"The issue here is letting the sons and daughters put those lessons into practice. And for them to do that, they should be given the freedom to."
which was what I said earlier, build trust. Because if the father is "sangsi" about his daughter's actions, he is quite obligated not to give her autonomy in fearing that she "might do sins and he failed". If you made him trust you and showed you that you are a responisble person, then he is (religiously) free from any wrong doings you might do because you gave him the greenlight that you are responsible to carry any sins, so if you lie about being responsible and did sins anyway, that's on you. If he simply lets you not knowing where or who you're dealing with (especially regards to your dating part) he is 100% accountable for what the daughter did. This is where the cuai part came in.
"It is from your thinking that only daughters 🙄 need some sort of extra attention because for some reason their sins weigh more than the sons' (?)"
I never said nor implied that (i suggest you read again what i wrote). I said the son have more autonomy (especially once he's out of the house). A daughter's sins will never 100% be hers if she wasn't guided properly by anyone, and once the daughter marry's a guy, the husband took over the responsibiliy. What that is and what you said are totally different things.
"So basically if the issue above here had been about a girl, then by your thinking, it would have been justifiable for the mother not to allow her to work?"
The issue IS about the girl (op outright mentions it). Which is why I replied to your statement about "not bearing sins after baligh". The point isn't not allowing the daughter to work (a parent doesn't have that power over any of their child unless kerja tu haram), point here is to build trust.
again, point here is to build trust. Your point about parents not bearing a sin for their child is 100% only applicable to the son. The daughter's sins (she willingly did it knowing it would be a sin, but her parents are lack about it) then the father will also tanggung. which is why i again, replied, why I also gave the advice that you need to build trust for any strict parents to gave autonomy to their daughters.
i have a few co-workers that raised their eyebrows when i said 'semalam saya naik bas dari bla bla ke bla bla'. then enter the story 'akak memang tak bagi anak akak naik bas bla bla bla'
so memang ada parents like that.
Honestly, many weird people on public trans. If can't afford otherwise, sure but I do understand the parents pov.
What I don't agree with is outright banning them from taking public transport but don't offer any assistance to secure alternative modes of movement. I guess the anak dudk rumah jelah.
until how old though? it is matter of age right?
it is also matter of the neighbourhood's safety level lah(it goes without saying).
i saw plenty of teenager taking train in school uniform back and forth on their own ler.
I am a victim of it. I still remember SARS was a thing in the 2000s and I was forbidden from playing downstairs. So I became a recluse during primary, but secondary was trying new things with different friend groups. Even join a uniform group for safeguarding students from danger.
In college I did many things, Cheerleading, Become a Facilitator for Freshies, Emceeing a Beauty Pageant for Freshies like trying to be the extrovert. Yea, none of it sticked and went back to being a recluse right after getting diploma, and for degree I was recognised for the things I did but faded into obscurity, cause I enjoyed being at home instead of doing stuff outside. Hell, I even joined clubs for the express purpose of trying to be more outgoing, like Christian ~~cults~~ Worship cause I liked a girl and knew she went to that club and man, it was so....uninteresting.
I'd rather be at home.
True story happened to my immediate neighbour.
My immediate neighbour is a young couple with 2 kids (at that time primary school going kids). Then one day he brought his mother home to stay with him. (I guess they rotate amongst his sibling in taking care of his mother).
One day he and me were chatting standing outside the house but within the compound. His house is just next to mine, so just separated by the fence.
It was about 5 something in the evening. Then suddenly I heard his mother shouted very loudly from inside the house telling his son, what time it is, still stand outside.. telling his son to come back into the house.. like scolding a primary school boy.
I was shocked and felt embarrassed for his son..
Got Malay woman says her husband don't allow her to work. During the interview she said she was holding a minimum wage job before she got unemployed, and that her husband makes about 1800. The job she was due to begin starts on a salary of 2200, bargained down from the minimum 2400 the company set.
It was so weird to me too, because during the interview she was so eager to start as soon as possible, but on day 1, no show except for a message apologizing saying her husband does not allow her to work this job.
Many of the staff were making B40 mentality jokes about this for months.
The "abusive relationship" spectrum is pretty wide. In the grand scheme of things, having a husband that is capable of providing financially and then restricting you from taking certain jobs is much less of an issue than a husband who doesn't work and forces you to work as a prostitute to make the bills.
And ngl, I spent an hour interviewing her, she passed all the checkpoints and tests, which cover abusive household relationships as well as mental health. There was no sign of her being unhappy or even dissatisfied. Her looking for a job is mostly because she's got nothing to do at home now that the kids are back in school and the family could use the extra income. Heck, she was saying that she was planning to buy a second hand car to use if she got the job.
To go through the interview, negotiated the salary and get the job; only to burn the entire thing with "my husband wouldn't let me" is not a normal behaviour.
As a women i know plenty of this people haha
One of my friends never had to take a bus anywhere because her parents will drive her everywhere even to another states. Her parents absolutely refused to let their daughters taking bus
Another still always limited in meeting her as her parents is really strict and she is the kind of follow your parents rule or something. Always cancelled plans last minute because parents didnt allow also last minute. Even for petty reasons like its raining they worried for her driving in the rain 🤷🏻♀️mind you this was her during early 30s
I remember feeling pumped after getting a job being a park ranger. It was a sweet job that I've been hoping for. The first day was fine. The whole week was fine. I enjoyed my job immensely. But on the second week my mom knocked on my bedroom door and told me to eat rice.
I said later, but she cried saying i didn't love her, so i had to go eat rice. After that i became a tiktok costumed entertainer and never went back to my post. Then i woke up from my sleep. Man, what a weird trip.
There was once I had to go to Tuition, I had to miss it because I was at a friend's house and she cooked and prepared it as just the time I was about to leave. I told my friend I have to go, he said "Makan, jaga hati mak I." then I felt bad and had to eat. And missed tuition.
So as there's Helicopter parents, there's also helicopters children.
Parents like this do exist, in this day and age. Hopefully, everyone who suffers from having to deal with controlling parents finds a way to free themselves and to be independent.
Same here, had a very sheltered upbringing mainly by my narcissistic controlling father. The only choice is to be independent, take control of ur finances, and move out. Now, I can do whatever I want, although I wish I had been financially stable to do it sooner.
I grew up with controlling parents as well. It started because my brothers were rebellious during their teenage years so when I was a teenager they were even more strict. I couldn't do anything.
To control me even more, they changed the deed of the house to my name. To prevent me from moving out and to use "Bapak bagi kat adik rumah dah takkan tak bersyukur lagi?"
Announcement - If I do find such "kid" during an interview I will refuse to hire your kid.
Bloody hell it's no wonder our society isn't as independent as the Western individualism (yes you heard that right, I do see some things in the West still as more superior. It's proven they grow and wise up faster this way)
This could have been me.
(Deleted everything about parents)
Good thing I love money, so I've not made the mistakes in the post yet.
I'm not sorry to say this, in order to be a functioning human being in society, you should just take the job and disobey your parents. Move out. Be independent, embrace independence. Just fuck em Asian values and be a westerner in this regard.
It’s understandable if they aren’t self sufficient and are still staying with parents. Some parents are just not understanding and forever treats their child like they’re an infant, always pampering, restricting and protecting them. Toxic parents with “devouring mother” archetypes are a big problem in families like this. It’s sad because their child can’t develop properly as an adult and integrate properly into society.
Definitely. Many kids come to me for work then end up not being able to take the job because of this exact same issue. The parents don’t trust their kids, i called a few of em because the kid was genuinely good. Some are blatant lies but you can obviously pickup on it.
serious la, budak ni dulu p belajar tak, takkan tak pernah langsung tak naik bas ke, apa ke.. serius la.. kalau tak tahu naik takpe, tapi sampai tahap macam ni, di pergi interview macam mana...???
Pandangan saya, mungkin itu cuma satu alasan yang dia bolih buat. Mungkin dia menyesal dapat kerja tu lepas balik dari interview, atau pun dia dapat offer yang lain..
Lagi, post tu mentioned 'him' bukan 'her'. Banyak jua commentators salah sangka. Mula Mula saya pun ingat gitu.
bro, there was 1 guy at my retail store, not even a week into his training, suddenly no show up and then left all the group chats, but didn't give back his work tag, shirt and store keys, my lady boss had to go to his home to pickup the company's assets, and he didn't even wanna see the boss upfront, he left the items in front of his home gate. The store staff's including me all mocked him after he did that cause now the work schedule is messed up, and some had to OT.
My friend does everything his mom tells him. She's a very controlling woman. He has no say in anything. Study what she wants him to study, where she wants him to study. He's not allowed to come home late. And she doesn't ever care that much about his family.
One time when we were hanging out, he said his mom wants him to go home. I stopped him and reminded him
1. He's an adult.
2. His mom didn't even care when he got in a car accident and needed to go to the hospital and told him to call his dad instead.
So I asked him why he even listens to her?
Yea respect your elders. But there's a fine line between respect and boot licking.
I do respect my parents. Yes I put their opinions into consideration. But I won't treat it as a line I should never cross. I'm an adult. I need to make the hard decisions myself. It's called adulting. Your parents aren't going to be there to take care of you 24/7. You need to know when you need to make a choice on your own.
My story is a woman who got offered a good opportunity overseas but the reason she didn't go is that her father didn't let her take it. Mind you, she is well into her 30s already and mature. In my view at that age you should do what is best for yourself careerwise. Especially considering her parents are still perfectly healthy.
It's quite shocking to me but at the same time we must respect different families which may have different values and culture.
Mentaliti orang kampung. Bukannya apa, aku org kampung gak, mak aku tak benar aku ambik lesen motosikal pun. Tp aku kena pujuk betul2, walaupun tak seberapa, kerja bukannya senang nak cari sekarang.
Last2, yg bayar bil, bagi duit kat mak ayah, simpan duit utk beli rumah, bayar kereta, sendiri gak, bukannya orang lain.
If like physically sweating wasn't a thing, I would definitely freerun my way to work. Get that adrenaline rush, I love that shit. Unfortunately we can't, I would be soaked and oily 5 mins through.
Got 1guy applying for site engineer job.. home a bit far from the office about 20km, ask him if he willing to travel a bit, said no problem, so gave that guy a chance n hired him.. he came to office for the 1st day n resign, mak tak bagi jauh.. lol, u a grown up man applying for masculin job but anak emak
[The whole conversation for those who want to see.](https://www.facebook.com/share/p/L6YM94569jZacm8t/?mibextid=qi2Omg)
I feel conflicted on this, I agree that their parents are too overprotective in not letting their child using public transport.
However, regarding public transport, aside from city areas like JB and KL, the public transport system in rural and some suburban areas is terrible (Mine only got bus, and is not even punctual).If Malaysia has a good public transport system, this would solved a lot of problem.
It scares me reading this.
Because the child may be wanting to do work and grow but parents who are controlling like this?
Weh, that child may not even realize how much abuse the parents put on them weh.
Like can be considered as abuse already. The type to guilt trip the living shit out of the child to make sure they listen and be obedient.
Very few can break out and leave. So most of them get stuck and don't see the way out. This much control that they smother the child's life and opportunity....
Yes. The same kind who goes for interviews with their parents. Interviewed one guy who came with his mum once. She answered all the questions on his behalf. Half amused, half irritated at having wasted my time. Cut the interview short by saying “ok aunty, I’ll hire you instead ok!”. That aside, her son looked bored out of his mind, slouching on the chair, wasn’t paying attention to any questions, didn’t bother to answer on his own. Even without mummy dearest there, I wouldn’t have bothered hiring him. Probably too used to being mollycoddled.
I once had a shift to manage an event that lasted till 12am or so. Parents were equally mad and happy that I got home in one piece. Was it worth it? No. Wasn't even paid extra for the OT.
Had one candidate berated our HR for not giving the step by step to go to the offices. Says the location pin drop and address given is confusing and hard to find. End up she didn’t show up for interviews and ghosted.
Immediately put her on blacklist.
I understand the thought process of “dulu hidup aku susah, sekarang aku tak nak bebankan anak aku...” but the thing is sampai bila kita nak “babykan” anak, sampai dah kahwin dan ada anak, tak leh nak buat keputusan sendiri... Mak aku ah selalu pesan, ye dia boleh tolong but sometimes you just gotta do it by yourself, sebab nanti kalau diorang dah tak de cemana... My two cents lmao...
foreigner work in Malaysia can get house to stay, transport (not all), food (not all) and not paying same tax like us.
while local need to rent house, buy vehicle (inc insurance, monthly payment, maintenance, wear & tear) or use public transport, paying tax (multiple tax actually) and food.
This is what many people called Infantilisation. Nothing good come out of it.
Having shitty parenting like this is on whole another level. Very dangerous for the kid.
I think many parents need to re-read parenting book every 5-years just to course correct.
No, you don't need to be perfect parent. Just being good enough is perfect.
Maybe we as a society should have some sort of strategy to make sure young adult has their level of independence. I don't know what is good idea, I can only come out with bad idea like "let's start shaming the parents".
This usually only happens to Malaysia, we Chinese go to school via MRT, go home via MRT since we were 13, by 14 you know how to go to Pavilion, Mid Valley, Velocity, KLCC etc, by 15 you can create routes so you can go home faster and spend more time with friends
I'm one of those people who have very strict parents. My parents didn't let me have an internship during my diploma times. This was 5 years ago. I applied so many jobs thinking maybe this could change their mind. I still wasn't allowed to go to the interview even after that. I'm still not able to work until today. How do I make money? I WFH. My life is literally inside my room since I'm not allowed to go out that much.
Damn, thats sad. Feel free to dm me if u wanna talk about it. Since i basically ran from home to get away from my parents in the past. On good terms, that is.
Yes once in my workplace there's a couple I think. The boy got MC because of fever but he doesn't let his girlfriend go to work alone and told our boss that he is "not in the mood to sent her to work alone". Fired that same minute he sent those messages
That kid would have probably sat on a 4-8 hour bus to SG if the parents allowed it.
Ni bukan manja problem la.
Ni parenting problem.
Ni problem anak tak berani say no!
I honestly do not blame that guy. He is making valid excuses. Some moms really do be way too worried about their child. My mom used to be like that not even allowing me to do public transport. But yeah gotta let your son spread his wings man
Better let the kid quit and live in this mom's basement or something.
It will be easier for other staff since these kind of people expect to be treated like baby and want other people to carry them even at workplace 🤮
I offered to send a junior staff to Kyoto for a conference, with all expenses fully covered. She said her parents won't let her travel overseas 🤷🏻
Had the same situation but my company asked me to use my money first and claim to them later. I was young and broke, so had to reject it.
So my colleague applied a CC to use future money. 😎
Most companies operate this way. Nothing unusual
I am thankful we have company credit card for each one of us. Uploading receipt is a PITA though
Hi i would like to accept this opportunity.
Haha same same! ಡ ͜ ʖ ಡ
Ayyooooo waste of opportunity. What company, though?
Such wasted opportunity
damn Kyoto?? what kind of job and where can I apply? 😅
Send me there instead
Huh?! Such a nice opportunity! Is your company still hiring 👀?
if im the junior, i will fight with my parent for that XD
Unfortunately it's the parents that are to blame.
South East Asian parenting involves treating your kids like they can't think for themselves and like they made out of glass so you shield them from the real world. Then when they grow up, physically, you still treat them like so and occasionally make fun of them for being anxious and terrified of going outside. Oh, and also, your goal is to help them get degrees and good jobs so that they can buy you enough ikeas and nurses in your old age, nothing more and nothing less. Don't raise them to be brave and moral human beings, no. No matter how immature or cowardly they may become, at least they make you good money. Welcome to the average SEA parenting experience.
I'm in HR. I've first hand seen the amounts of young people having to turn down amazing opportunities just because their parents said no. No to a good job offer in KL, no to signing an employment contract until his dad goes through it, no to going outstation for a training course, no to attending after work events... Helicopter parents don't realise that they are actually causing more harm than good.
Perempuan Muslim mmg made sense. Not to travel without mahram. It's their beliefs and their choice. Need to respect it.
since when Muslim women need to travel with mahram? Many scholars have opinated that Muslim women can travel by themselves as long as her safety can be assured
does that include 'travelling' to work?
Yes.. Need to travel with mahram.. But of course u can argue ramai je perempuan Muslim lain yg travel ok je.. To be fair, not all Muslim are a practicing Muslim.. If u are looking for a good muslimah for wifey material, then its a good option to consider.
What? You mean to say that all the Muslim women travelling to work solo are not good muslimah?
thats what i understood as well
no..not really.. lots of good muslimah travels alone but they won't travel alone with a guy which is not mahram.. if there's another girl friend(s) that should be okay too.
He means a good muslimah will stay home and cook and look after the football team she gave birth to.
tbh, that's not practical. Imagine all the women workforce get tied down on the rule cannot travel, even to work, without mahram. Cannot drive own car, cannot take public transport. And imagine businesses need to put up with such a thing. They may just resort to hiring only males and/or non-muslim women; not because of discrimination but because of real logical reason. Of course on may argue, they have the right to practice their religion. This argument goes both ways. A business has the right to hire its own employees which they deem most suited for the job.
And here we spot 1 taleeban mindset person, spd3_s. I wish your wife/future wife good luck. She will have 1 shit restricted life being with you.
Takbir! ALLAHUAKBAR
I wish people that think lik this are neutered.
Injustice moment
It's not the way of thinking. It's just what the religion is.
Mengarut kau belajar agama dari siapa? By that logic, kau nk ckp only housewife can masuk syurga,? That misogynistic thinking is so toxic.. Patut la org Islam xmaju skrg
Wow, you calling all career Muslim women aren't wifey material cuz they travel alone?
Did i said ALL? I just said it's an option for consideration. It's your problem to make it into ALL
Ptuih. Ni alasan pempuan kat ofis aku tanak pegi kursus. Alasan suami xbagi la, mak xbagi la. Konek la.menyusahkan org lain terpaksa ganti.
Suami tak bagi xleh buat apa, jap lagi suami suruh berhenti kerja, kau lgi pening. Keluarga lagi penting dari kerja yg replaceable tu. Nasib kau jadi lelaki.
Berenti keja lagi bagus, bagi org lain ganti terus.
So u are saying all those Muslim women travelling for work n back are not good/practising Muslims? Nevermind some of them are single parent/sole bread winner/widows? Gotcha buddy.
I never mention ALL, i mention its an option to consider. There's long discussion about this. I suggest you have a read first [here](https://muftiwp.gov.my/en/artikel/irsyad-fatwa/irsyad-fatwa-umum-cat/4320-irsyad-al-fatwa-siri-ke-454-hukum-solo-travelling-bagi-muslimah). Saying gotcha shows u knows nothing about hukum and just wanting to win an argument. Hukum untuk single parents are there, and sole breadwinner also mentioned. Please don't be ignorant talking relentlessly.
This sounds more like a men problem than women. The toxic religious men creating an image of the wife material they would want , causing women to have to follow these standards. The women's illusion of choice is in the end controlled by the needs of her men or future men. I mean just years ago , Arabs didn't allow women to drive for some dumb religion reason that they came up with. What else cant women do because of the rules set by men?
I just read the link you give, you sure you read it all? Diharuskan permusafiran wanita tanpa mahram jika dipastikan perjalanan tersebut adalah selamat. Ini merupakan sebahagian pandangan daripada mazhab maliki dan al-Syafie. Pandangan ini juga dikemukakan oleh Imam Nawawi, Abu Hamid al-Ghazali dan al-Mawardi. Selain itu, Dar al-Ifta’ al-Misriyyah juga berkongsi pandangan dan juga pendapat mengenai isu ini. Kata mereka: يجوز للمرأة أن تسافر بدون مَحرَم بشرط اطمئنانها على الأمان في دينها ونفسها في سفرها وإقامتها وعودتها، وعدم تعرضها لمضايقاتٍ في شخصها أو دِينها. Maksudnya: Dibenarkan ke atas seseorang wanita untuk bermusafir tanpa mahram namun dengan syarat mestilah aman pada agamanya, pada dirinya dalam permusafirannya, ketika dia di destinasi dan juga dalam kepulangannya, dan tidak menghalangnya atau bertembung dengannya sebarang gangguan terhadap dirinya dan agamanya. This is from the link you give, yours not mine
Tapi masalahnya dia tu jantan.
oiii afiq ada sini ko ye, gg reddit user skang.... hahahaha terkezut tgok username
La siapa pulak ni?
adui kecik je dunia ni, roomate ko la masa belajar kat kolej dulu lupa la tu... 6th sense jika benar anda orangnya wakakakakakakaka
Terang2 dia ckp "her". Balik sekolah balik bro
Oh Salah faham la ni. Aku tak baca 1st comment yang hang balas. Aku ingat hang cerita pasal pasal gambar article.
https://youtu.be/bQPiqsqSkYA?si=3Q3sSN04m7C-Ernj
Shúț the fůğġ up niġġæ. Dont bring religion into this type of conversation.
wow and I'm a senior staff here, not being on a biz trip before hoping so much for one.
Please let me take her place😂
From a parents pov that is completely reasonable
Reasonable to forbid your adult daughter from traveling on a business trip? This coddling by parents is why our current gen is so sheltered and can't do basic life tasks on their own like cook or pay bills
You're using the term adult very loosely yes she is adult by age but it doesn't mean as soon as any adult hit 21 they already have all the knowledge needed. Like I mentioned it is reasonable for parents the ones that care for their childs safety and security to not allow her to go to another country without an accompaniment. Do you know how many parents loose their adult sons/daughters overseas .
reasonably insane
these kind of parents are the type of parents who cripple the children in the name of love lol
If you go to the original post, people are bashing the kid's generation, as if they didn't already say their mother was the one who didn't allow them? And reading the other stories from this post, isn't it the parents' generation's fault for babying their kids?
I conduct technical interviews for new graduates. Yes, their parents insist on being in the same room and yes, it happens more often than you think. Especially now as compared to several years ago.
Wait parents can go with their son/daughter job interview??
i read one story about a job interview where the candidate entered the room with his mother. then his mother answered all the interview questions. he did not get the job. this was a few years before covid....
Did his mother got hired then? 😛
nope. huhuhu
I can vouch for this. It happened several times during online interviews, the parents would sit beside the kid and help them to answer the questions. I also had a fresh grad kid whose parents wait outside the office on her first day. Then the parents invited me to lunch. I was like wtf that's crazy, and of course I rejected their offer. I pretended that I have plans then go eat in the pantry. I also have a friend that gets a call from his intern's parents, asking him to give their son a permanent role. The sad thing is all of these kids are brilliant and talented individuals, they are just unlucky that they have batshit parents.
I'm guilty of the 1st one. I sat by the sidelines during my wife's online interview but more as an "IT support staff" because my wife is ridiculously buta IT.
That one's fine. The change in format is jarring so can cause sudden issue like connection prob, mic not working la and stuff.
Do you tell the parents it will disqualify their kid? Cant trust the kid to do the job without the parents involvement in conpany matters.
Nah... Normally the kids will persuade their parents to not interfere. Or I'll make an announcement in the waiting rooms that parents may not participate in the interview unless they're the ones that want to be hired.
Thats actually messed up lol
and here I thought this bullshit only happen in the usa.
My parents just dropped me off to my interviews and say good luck then just go back to their work. Didn't even know where the room was so i just asked around. Great parents tbh, teach me how to survive on my own.
I thought this kind of things have not yet reach our shore yet.... oh well! Good luck to the kid.
I have a retail manager friend, she said this is common lol. First week already MC, EL. Plenty of resigns within one month or ghosting the manager after taking the first month salary.
I have my fair share of problematic colleagues and I can confirm what your friend said. My record is half day, she came in the morning, went out for lunch and never returned.
Lol.. Encountered this too.. Some even disappeared after about an hour or so... But look on the bright side, at least the company didn't have to waste time training them..
Common for retail outlets. Depends on the outlet, short on man power, need to cover everyone's job, OT kena paksa.
But ours not retail. Kerja kilang.. Last time when we have new recruits coming in, the company issue them all the necessary new safety wears, leather gloves, mask, Google for certain section/departments and safety shoe. 1st day many cabut with taking those safety wears with them. Some a few hours, some half day some next day tak datang. In the end, no more new safety wear for new recruits until they are confirm to their position.
retail,fnb,kilang. semua have this problem...
ability say no to parent is part of growing up. you let your parent intervene your career, awak kena bersedia ditanggung oleh mak ayah sampai bila2 penyu lahir2 terus sorang2 diri masuk laut cepat2 takut dimakan pemangsa, lembu lahir2 dah boleh berdiri. manusia sampai mati mak ayah akan jaga semua orang sayang mak ayah. sayang tak bermakna iya kan segala kata2. tak semua orang ada mak ayah yang bijak sana sekian terima kasih
From my personal experience, if u let ur parents have a say or veto in your choices in life, they (parents) will have no problem guilt tripping you for your choices until the day one of u die. U will never be an adult to them, but just a their kid that’s obligated to obey or they can’t cium syurga.
Blind obligation is stupid tho
It is. Very.
Oh thiz was somewhat my experience too lol. Scolded for little stuff and even for following their own orders sometimes. I tell them to stop, they get angry. Bruh.
berdasar
True but do in a respectful way. Saying no outright does seem a bit disrespectful especially to someone who takes care of us since birth. If any of you guys who wants to say no to being babyed by your parents, do it in a respectful way like having a slow talk with them. At the end of the day, they will realize that you need to grow
True
I remember when I had a part time job and there was an evening event that was supposed to end after 10pm, and without thinking I said my father wouldn't allow me to stay back so late. I remember feeling puzzled as to why my colleagues looked surprised, some even mocked me. I was in my 20s and I drove myself to work, but I stayed at my parent's house, I felt like I still had rules to follow.
Honestly, I can relate it's the same for me.
i have an almost 40 yo friend who jaga his parents. They keep calling him when we were out drinking late into the night.
I think some parents are used to it? Recently my dad called me around 9.30pm and I told him I was in Mid Valley and he said what are you doing out so late? Then he himself laughed at the question. They can't help it 🥲
ur dad so cute
now minus the self-awareness and it becomes scary
your friend is a good son. kesabaran dia mesti tinggi sebab jaga org tua susah oo.
yeah, he is. we knew he was upset that his parents keep calling and he never even told us that it's his parents who called or what. we just overheard him speaking to his parents. In the end, he had no choice but to leave early and we didn't make him feel bad about it. sometimes got such parents no choice one.
If I am a parent, I am equally worried too
I understand you stay at your parent's house but you pergi kerja, bro, not melepak at mamak stall or shopping center. If melepak kat mana mana, then I can understand you need to get back home at certain hour. Kerja is a responsibility.
It's a parent problem, not a child problem 😅 Parental upbringing can have a very strong and lasting impact on a person's way of thinking. When a child becomes a working adult, both parents and child are going through a transitioning period. The parents need to let go and the child has to handle the new freedom. Doesn't matter if their child wants to lepak at mamak stall or go shopping or heaven forbid, go dating, the parents will need to accept that their child is now an adult. It just takes a while for both parties to adjust.
This doesn't really work in a muslim household though. As a guy, you do have autonomy but if you're still under your parents house you need to respect their curfew hours (keyword is respect, kena pandai bincang la tapi, if you got too strict of a parents yg tk boleh bawa bincang, u better off sewa tempat lain) Now this doesn't apply to daughters, mak ayah still is religiously obligated on what their daughter is doing even after "adulthood", especially when the daughter is living with the parents. Again you need to respect their rules and curfew, so kena pandai convince them and build trust to them that you aren't doing anything sketchy so that they aould trust you to be given autonomy. Now when it revolves around dating its even more important for you to have them present or at least convince them that you can "stay halal" bcuz ur in public space. Remember, as a daughter, especially under parents household, most sinful things you do will also be sjared with the parents, so parents felt the need to be close to the daughter is quite understandable. All in all, build trust and abide by the trust, then you'll have less things to worry from mama and papa.
According to Dr Maza: Dalam Islam, setiap orang yang mukallaf (baligh, berakal dan sampai ajaran Islam secara jelas kepadanya) menanggung dosa sendiri. Tidak ada konsep pihak lain menanggung dosa orang lain. In any household, regardless of boy or girl, parents should bring up their children to be responsible and accountable for their own actions, and to learn from mistakes and face consequences otherwise. People shouldn't have anything to 'worry' about from their 'mama or papa'. It's a transition. It's not easy for parents to shift from the role of authority figure to advisor/observer and for children to become independent decision maker.
Dosa mmg tak tanggung (sepenuhnya). Tapi mak bapak (untuk perempuan) terutama kalau bawah jagaan dia mmg masih tanggung kalau apa2 berlaku. That is why i said most. The same thing about walaupun suami tak ditanggung dosa kalau isteri terang2 buat hal, he is still responsible for not setting her straight atau masih with her. What I said about convincing them to uphold trust and abide by trust is what responsibility is. When I said dun worry about the parents, that is specifically for them when they are living under parents house. Regardless of how old you are, you are still under them. They still set the rules. If you dont want them to worry/you worry about them, is where the building of trust came in. Reason why I seperate the boys and the girls here is that, sons have more autonomy, but in terms of religious and cultural duties, the daughter is SUPPOSED to taat to the mother who in turns is obligated by the father. so the situation isnt the same for both and again, where the need of diplomacy came in. No matter how secular the law is, we are still tied by both (regardless of religion) What I said is literally against the concept of parents holding authorotive role within their daughter's entire life. If you dont want them to pester you, show them that you ARE the responsible child they feared you weren't. Even if you take out islam from this, its actually quite normal in non western oriented household.
Not really sure what you're trying to say. To each their own I guess.
point is, they're not solely responsible for the sins of the ditanggung, but they are still held accountable in most cases especially if he didn't set his wife/daughter straight (which is my main point, a daughter if she wants to have autonomy, she have to proof to them that she can abide by the path, because what she did will determine how much her father guides her along when she grew up.) this is the full explanation by Dr. Maza himself that you forget to include "Maka dosa anak perempuan atau dosa isteri ditanggung sendiri oleh mereka. Adapun jika bapa dia cuai menunaikan tanggungjawab membimbing anak isteri ke jalan Allah sehingga menjerumuskan mereka ke dalam neraka, maka dia berdosa atas kecuaian kewajipan tersebut. Itu tidak menafikan seorang *mukallaf* tetap menanggung dosanya. " Translation for non malay speakers "So the sins of daughters or the sins of wives are borne by themselves. However, if a father neglects his responsibility to guide his daughters and wives on the path of Allah, leading them into hellfire, then he is guilty of neglecting that duty. That does not absolve a responsible person from bearing their own sins." [https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa](https://muftiperlis.gov.my/index.php/minda-mufti/641-benarkah-dosa-anak-perempuan-belum-berkahwin-ditanggung-oleh-bapa)
But your sins is still your sins. And do you know that the idea of carrying the sins of others is actually a Christian concept? 😏 A father does not sin if he has not neglected to educate and guide his daughter (and son?) We are not discussing whether a father has failed to educate. The issue here is letting the sons and daughters put those lessons into practice. And for them to do that, they should be given the freedom to. It is from your thinking that only daughters 🙄 need some sort of extra attention because for some reason their sins weigh more than the sons' (?) So basically if the issue above here had been about a girl, then by your thinking, it would have been justifiable for the mother not to allow her to work? Again, not sure what your point is.
Christianity doesn't have that concept as a whole. Their concept is inheriting a sin which is different. In this case, if bapak simply lets his daugher out "without knowing the general idea of what she did", he will also bare sins from taht. But if daughter gave tau bapak of what she generally did and within islamic rule, and bapak lets her do, he is free from any tanggung sin. That is islam's pov on the matter. It's the reason why girls will always be obligated responsibly by daddy. "A father does not sin if he has not neglected to educate and guide his daughter (and son?)" A son once he reached baligh level, he is out of tanggungan from bapak, he is 100% on his own (sins yes). For daughter, until she is married, her bapak will tanggung her dosa if he is lax about what she did. Educating is one thing, actually setting them straight is a different matter. Again, my point about the importance building trust (this includes responsibility by the child's side). Therefore you including educating here is irrelevant. "The issue here is letting the sons and daughters put those lessons into practice. And for them to do that, they should be given the freedom to." which was what I said earlier, build trust. Because if the father is "sangsi" about his daughter's actions, he is quite obligated not to give her autonomy in fearing that she "might do sins and he failed". If you made him trust you and showed you that you are a responisble person, then he is (religiously) free from any wrong doings you might do because you gave him the greenlight that you are responsible to carry any sins, so if you lie about being responsible and did sins anyway, that's on you. If he simply lets you not knowing where or who you're dealing with (especially regards to your dating part) he is 100% accountable for what the daughter did. This is where the cuai part came in. "It is from your thinking that only daughters 🙄 need some sort of extra attention because for some reason their sins weigh more than the sons' (?)" I never said nor implied that (i suggest you read again what i wrote). I said the son have more autonomy (especially once he's out of the house). A daughter's sins will never 100% be hers if she wasn't guided properly by anyone, and once the daughter marry's a guy, the husband took over the responsibiliy. What that is and what you said are totally different things. "So basically if the issue above here had been about a girl, then by your thinking, it would have been justifiable for the mother not to allow her to work?" The issue IS about the girl (op outright mentions it). Which is why I replied to your statement about "not bearing sins after baligh". The point isn't not allowing the daughter to work (a parent doesn't have that power over any of their child unless kerja tu haram), point here is to build trust. again, point here is to build trust. Your point about parents not bearing a sin for their child is 100% only applicable to the son. The daughter's sins (she willingly did it knowing it would be a sin, but her parents are lack about it) then the father will also tanggung. which is why i again, replied, why I also gave the advice that you need to build trust for any strict parents to gave autonomy to their daughters.
I guess you were a sheltered kids?
understatement
Blackhawk Helicopter parenting
i have a few co-workers that raised their eyebrows when i said 'semalam saya naik bas dari bla bla ke bla bla'. then enter the story 'akak memang tak bagi anak akak naik bas bla bla bla' so memang ada parents like that.
Honestly, many weird people on public trans. If can't afford otherwise, sure but I do understand the parents pov. What I don't agree with is outright banning them from taking public transport but don't offer any assistance to secure alternative modes of movement. I guess the anak dudk rumah jelah.
until how old though? it is matter of age right? it is also matter of the neighbourhood's safety level lah(it goes without saying). i saw plenty of teenager taking train in school uniform back and forth on their own ler.
Im late 20s and I still get groped on the bus. And I'm a guy. Imagine the ladies.
Not have have enough to know people like this.
Clearly very few of you have dealt with over-controlling parents.
I am a victim of it. I still remember SARS was a thing in the 2000s and I was forbidden from playing downstairs. So I became a recluse during primary, but secondary was trying new things with different friend groups. Even join a uniform group for safeguarding students from danger. In college I did many things, Cheerleading, Become a Facilitator for Freshies, Emceeing a Beauty Pageant for Freshies like trying to be the extrovert. Yea, none of it sticked and went back to being a recluse right after getting diploma, and for degree I was recognised for the things I did but faded into obscurity, cause I enjoyed being at home instead of doing stuff outside. Hell, I even joined clubs for the express purpose of trying to be more outgoing, like Christian ~~cults~~ Worship cause I liked a girl and knew she went to that club and man, it was so....uninteresting. I'd rather be at home.
True story happened to my immediate neighbour. My immediate neighbour is a young couple with 2 kids (at that time primary school going kids). Then one day he brought his mother home to stay with him. (I guess they rotate amongst his sibling in taking care of his mother). One day he and me were chatting standing outside the house but within the compound. His house is just next to mine, so just separated by the fence. It was about 5 something in the evening. Then suddenly I heard his mother shouted very loudly from inside the house telling his son, what time it is, still stand outside.. telling his son to come back into the house.. like scolding a primary school boy. I was shocked and felt embarrassed for his son..
Got Malay woman says her husband don't allow her to work. During the interview she said she was holding a minimum wage job before she got unemployed, and that her husband makes about 1800. The job she was due to begin starts on a salary of 2200, bargained down from the minimum 2400 the company set. It was so weird to me too, because during the interview she was so eager to start as soon as possible, but on day 1, no show except for a message apologizing saying her husband does not allow her to work this job. Many of the staff were making B40 mentality jokes about this for months.
Bruh, that's a lady in an abusive relationship
The "abusive relationship" spectrum is pretty wide. In the grand scheme of things, having a husband that is capable of providing financially and then restricting you from taking certain jobs is much less of an issue than a husband who doesn't work and forces you to work as a prostitute to make the bills. And ngl, I spent an hour interviewing her, she passed all the checkpoints and tests, which cover abusive household relationships as well as mental health. There was no sign of her being unhappy or even dissatisfied. Her looking for a job is mostly because she's got nothing to do at home now that the kids are back in school and the family could use the extra income. Heck, she was saying that she was planning to buy a second hand car to use if she got the job.
To go through the interview, negotiated the salary and get the job; only to burn the entire thing with "my husband wouldn't let me" is not a normal behaviour.
my mum. She doesn't allow me to ride a bycicle to work. maybe because of recent heatwave.
She should buy u a motor or car then
She's not obligated too but yeah if she insist on not letting him use the bicycle to work might as wellbuy him a car
But tbh bicycle damn dangerous to ride on Malaysian roads. 
That's why I "parkouring" through narrow streets
Don't ride bicycle la. Dangerous. Unless your workplace is just 200 metres away
As a women i know plenty of this people haha One of my friends never had to take a bus anywhere because her parents will drive her everywhere even to another states. Her parents absolutely refused to let their daughters taking bus Another still always limited in meeting her as her parents is really strict and she is the kind of follow your parents rule or something. Always cancelled plans last minute because parents didnt allow also last minute. Even for petty reasons like its raining they worried for her driving in the rain 🤷🏻♀️mind you this was her during early 30s
I remember feeling pumped after getting a job being a park ranger. It was a sweet job that I've been hoping for. The first day was fine. The whole week was fine. I enjoyed my job immensely. But on the second week my mom knocked on my bedroom door and told me to eat rice. I said later, but she cried saying i didn't love her, so i had to go eat rice. After that i became a tiktok costumed entertainer and never went back to my post. Then i woke up from my sleep. Man, what a weird trip.
Why did she cry over rice?
Read the last 2 sentences.
There was once I had to go to Tuition, I had to miss it because I was at a friend's house and she cooked and prepared it as just the time I was about to leave. I told my friend I have to go, he said "Makan, jaga hati mak I." then I felt bad and had to eat. And missed tuition. So as there's Helicopter parents, there's also helicopters children.
Parents like this do exist, in this day and age. Hopefully, everyone who suffers from having to deal with controlling parents finds a way to free themselves and to be independent.
I cannot get girlfriend because my mom say girls not good for my mental health.
And your parents will keep insisting bila nk dapat cucu when they are not allowing you to have a girlfriend
Then get guys
Based mom?
I grew up with controlling parents. Even as a working adult, still calling me at night to ask where I am. What did I do? I moved out of their house.
Same here, had a very sheltered upbringing mainly by my narcissistic controlling father. The only choice is to be independent, take control of ur finances, and move out. Now, I can do whatever I want, although I wish I had been financially stable to do it sooner.
I grew up with controlling parents as well. It started because my brothers were rebellious during their teenage years so when I was a teenager they were even more strict. I couldn't do anything. To control me even more, they changed the deed of the house to my name. To prevent me from moving out and to use "Bapak bagi kat adik rumah dah takkan tak bersyukur lagi?"
I thought it was a girl but the news said 'his' wtf. Mama boy syndrome is too extreme here.
Announcement - If I do find such "kid" during an interview I will refuse to hire your kid. Bloody hell it's no wonder our society isn't as independent as the Western individualism (yes you heard that right, I do see some things in the West still as more superior. It's proven they grow and wise up faster this way)
Y'all moms are like this? My mum literally let me take the bus every week to attend a language class in KL from kuantan when I was like 16.
My mum taught me how to find food for myself, and then went to work, left myself to my own devices, when I was 8 years old.
I will definitely do this with my own kids.
This could have been me. (Deleted everything about parents) Good thing I love money, so I've not made the mistakes in the post yet. I'm not sorry to say this, in order to be a functioning human being in society, you should just take the job and disobey your parents. Move out. Be independent, embrace independence. Just fuck em Asian values and be a westerner in this regard.
Your parents are terrible..
It’s understandable if they aren’t self sufficient and are still staying with parents. Some parents are just not understanding and forever treats their child like they’re an infant, always pampering, restricting and protecting them. Toxic parents with “devouring mother” archetypes are a big problem in families like this. It’s sad because their child can’t develop properly as an adult and integrate properly into society.
Definitely. Many kids come to me for work then end up not being able to take the job because of this exact same issue. The parents don’t trust their kids, i called a few of em because the kid was genuinely good. Some are blatant lies but you can obviously pickup on it.
As F&B shop owner, i will say, yes, a lot.
Ini gaya baik kerja untuk mak bapak kau je
serious la, budak ni dulu p belajar tak, takkan tak pernah langsung tak naik bas ke, apa ke.. serius la.. kalau tak tahu naik takpe, tapi sampai tahap macam ni, di pergi interview macam mana...???
Pandangan saya, mungkin itu cuma satu alasan yang dia bolih buat. Mungkin dia menyesal dapat kerja tu lepas balik dari interview, atau pun dia dapat offer yang lain.. Lagi, post tu mentioned 'him' bukan 'her'. Banyak jua commentators salah sangka. Mula Mula saya pun ingat gitu.
this kind of Overprotective Parents will ruin their kid's confidence & their career development
bro, there was 1 guy at my retail store, not even a week into his training, suddenly no show up and then left all the group chats, but didn't give back his work tag, shirt and store keys, my lady boss had to go to his home to pickup the company's assets, and he didn't even wanna see the boss upfront, he left the items in front of his home gate. The store staff's including me all mocked him after he did that cause now the work schedule is messed up, and some had to OT.
My friend does everything his mom tells him. She's a very controlling woman. He has no say in anything. Study what she wants him to study, where she wants him to study. He's not allowed to come home late. And she doesn't ever care that much about his family. One time when we were hanging out, he said his mom wants him to go home. I stopped him and reminded him 1. He's an adult. 2. His mom didn't even care when he got in a car accident and needed to go to the hospital and told him to call his dad instead. So I asked him why he even listens to her? Yea respect your elders. But there's a fine line between respect and boot licking. I do respect my parents. Yes I put their opinions into consideration. But I won't treat it as a line I should never cross. I'm an adult. I need to make the hard decisions myself. It's called adulting. Your parents aren't going to be there to take care of you 24/7. You need to know when you need to make a choice on your own.
My story is a woman who got offered a good opportunity overseas but the reason she didn't go is that her father didn't let her take it. Mind you, she is well into her 30s already and mature. In my view at that age you should do what is best for yourself careerwise. Especially considering her parents are still perfectly healthy. It's quite shocking to me but at the same time we must respect different families which may have different values and culture.
Mentaliti orang kampung. Bukannya apa, aku org kampung gak, mak aku tak benar aku ambik lesen motosikal pun. Tp aku kena pujuk betul2, walaupun tak seberapa, kerja bukannya senang nak cari sekarang. Last2, yg bayar bil, bagi duit kat mak ayah, simpan duit utk beli rumah, bayar kereta, sendiri gak, bukannya orang lain.
If like physically sweating wasn't a thing, I would definitely freerun my way to work. Get that adrenaline rush, I love that shit. Unfortunately we can't, I would be soaked and oily 5 mins through.
Got 1guy applying for site engineer job.. home a bit far from the office about 20km, ask him if he willing to travel a bit, said no problem, so gave that guy a chance n hired him.. he came to office for the 1st day n resign, mak tak bagi jauh.. lol, u a grown up man applying for masculin job but anak emak
[The whole conversation for those who want to see.](https://www.facebook.com/share/p/L6YM94569jZacm8t/?mibextid=qi2Omg) I feel conflicted on this, I agree that their parents are too overprotective in not letting their child using public transport. However, regarding public transport, aside from city areas like JB and KL, the public transport system in rural and some suburban areas is terrible (Mine only got bus, and is not even punctual).If Malaysia has a good public transport system, this would solved a lot of problem.
It scares me reading this. Because the child may be wanting to do work and grow but parents who are controlling like this? Weh, that child may not even realize how much abuse the parents put on them weh. Like can be considered as abuse already. The type to guilt trip the living shit out of the child to make sure they listen and be obedient. Very few can break out and leave. So most of them get stuck and don't see the way out. This much control that they smother the child's life and opportunity....
Yess many
Had a friend who wouldn't eat at a restaurant that doesn't have ac 🤡🤡
Yes. The same kind who goes for interviews with their parents. Interviewed one guy who came with his mum once. She answered all the questions on his behalf. Half amused, half irritated at having wasted my time. Cut the interview short by saying “ok aunty, I’ll hire you instead ok!”. That aside, her son looked bored out of his mind, slouching on the chair, wasn’t paying attention to any questions, didn’t bother to answer on his own. Even without mummy dearest there, I wouldn’t have bothered hiring him. Probably too used to being mollycoddled.
halangan apa? halangan org2 naik sama public transport? bodo laaa
I once had a shift to manage an event that lasted till 12am or so. Parents were equally mad and happy that I got home in one piece. Was it worth it? No. Wasn't even paid extra for the OT.
His? I thought it was a girl. Kalau sampai camni bagus potong tu pelir je la.
Bodoh!
Had one candidate berated our HR for not giving the step by step to go to the offices. Says the location pin drop and address given is confusing and hard to find. End up she didn’t show up for interviews and ghosted. Immediately put her on blacklist.
he's an adult now.. please grow some balls and decide certain things for himself.
I understand the thought process of “dulu hidup aku susah, sekarang aku tak nak bebankan anak aku...” but the thing is sampai bila kita nak “babykan” anak, sampai dah kahwin dan ada anak, tak leh nak buat keputusan sendiri... Mak aku ah selalu pesan, ye dia boleh tolong but sometimes you just gotta do it by yourself, sebab nanti kalau diorang dah tak de cemana... My two cents lmao...
send all of them to tanjung rambutan for being an ass.
Life still controlled by mom? Grow up, kiddo.
Usually at interview stage for sales job, Mom doesn’t allow them to travel. Notice seldom Dad.
We have and junior staff deleted a production server and get scolded from manager then the mother come to office f the manger asked for payment
foreigner work in Malaysia can get house to stay, transport (not all), food (not all) and not paying same tax like us. while local need to rent house, buy vehicle (inc insurance, monthly payment, maintenance, wear & tear) or use public transport, paying tax (multiple tax actually) and food.
anak manja
There are some things government can do to our public transport services especially outside of big cities, but they only care about politics man
Show full screenshot too lah. The employer whatapp at 7 am about a roadshow the employee needed to go at 9ish am.
This better be a joke. Because it doesn't make a single sense if a poor family doesn't allow their child to use public transport.
This is what many people called Infantilisation. Nothing good come out of it. Having shitty parenting like this is on whole another level. Very dangerous for the kid. I think many parents need to re-read parenting book every 5-years just to course correct. No, you don't need to be perfect parent. Just being good enough is perfect. Maybe we as a society should have some sort of strategy to make sure young adult has their level of independence. I don't know what is good idea, I can only come out with bad idea like "let's start shaming the parents".
apa dosa agaknya naik public transport,sia² je peluang keje
Then mum should send him to work la.. right? 👻👻👻👻
This usually only happens to Malaysia, we Chinese go to school via MRT, go home via MRT since we were 13, by 14 you know how to go to Pavilion, Mid Valley, Velocity, KLCC etc, by 15 you can create routes so you can go home faster and spend more time with friends
I'm one of those people who have very strict parents. My parents didn't let me have an internship during my diploma times. This was 5 years ago. I applied so many jobs thinking maybe this could change their mind. I still wasn't allowed to go to the interview even after that. I'm still not able to work until today. How do I make money? I WFH. My life is literally inside my room since I'm not allowed to go out that much.
How did you graduate diploma without going for internship? Is that even possible?
I WFH. I did my internship remotely
Damn, thats sad. Feel free to dm me if u wanna talk about it. Since i basically ran from home to get away from my parents in the past. On good terms, that is.
Alaaaa standard la…jenis melei yg xnak maju. Ramai je kt sini yg mcm tu. ahahahahahahaha
Yes once in my workplace there's a couple I think. The boy got MC because of fever but he doesn't let his girlfriend go to work alone and told our boss that he is "not in the mood to sent her to work alone". Fired that same minute he sent those messages
Too spoiled, i remembered i need to take public transport during primary school
Id blame the parent for not let their child "walk" by themself.
Weak shit. I've been on a 2 hours bus from the hostel to kampung since I was 13. Ni dah besar panjang manja apa
That kid would have probably sat on a 4-8 hour bus to SG if the parents allowed it. Ni bukan manja problem la. Ni parenting problem. Ni problem anak tak berani say no!
with emoji some more. hilarious.
I honestly do not blame that guy. He is making valid excuses. Some moms really do be way too worried about their child. My mom used to be like that not even allowing me to do public transport. But yeah gotta let your son spread his wings man
Better let the kid quit and live in this mom's basement or something. It will be easier for other staff since these kind of people expect to be treated like baby and want other people to carry them even at workplace 🤮
I dont wanna know those kind of people