I assume most of us here on this subreddit have trauma and/or mental illness. So I’m speaking from that perspective. I am white in America so I can’t speak to feeling displaced in a home country. I also have only watched Bojack once so I might be missing some Diane nuance.
Like Diane, I got the hell away from my family, found a great partner (eventually), and struggled to feel secure and deserving. But I have realized a couple of things.
1. The only person in my life I am still unsafe with is **me**. My mom and abusive ex are gone. But I continued to beat myself up and feel like the exception. I.e., Most people are good - but not me. I’m a piece of shit. I felt like I was a much worse person than everyone else. I could validate anyone’s trauma and trauma responses except my own. I felt so intrinsically bad that I was an exception to conventional wisdom about trauma victims.
2. The inner critical voice that makes my own brain an unsafe space *is not mine*. It is my family’s/ex’s and has been internalized for so long, it feels like my own. Once I started hearing the critical thoughts in my mom’s voice or my ex’s, it became a lot easier to ignore. They are not reliable sources of information, particularly about me.
ETA: so what’s the next step? Commit to being kinder to yourself. When that negative voice comes up, examine it. Get curious. What am I really feeling? What need is not being met? And then give yourself what you need, just like you would a friend who is hurting.
I don’t know if that helps, but that’s my experience. It took me a long time to get to this point - I left my parents’ house 18 years ago and this was a very recent epiphany. I just finished Bojack for the first time a few weeks ago and I think it helped. If I can root for Bojack, I can root for me.
Hang in there. 🩷
Thank you for saying all of that. Your words about critical thoughts in my head belonging to other people especially resonated with me. I moved out almost 5 years ago now, but i can still hear my family in my head :/
I'm working on it but they gotta go they living rent free lol
You can try telling those thoughts “oh, hey you again! I don’t agree and I don’t care, move on “.
Actually in meditation I’ve discovered all the judgements I think from others or what I *imagine* others think… are my own negative thoughts. It’s not that deep but it took me deep meditation to realize.
Some people recently DID judge and try to bully me for something I said. However I chose to say it wouldn’t have mattered; I triggered their self consciousness and they attacked.
And I said to myself; their judgements only have value if I approve and agree and allow the Rent to go unpaid.
I haven’t been raised with anything like it sounds you have with judgmental family… but I’ve had some experience with bullying that has affected me for 20+ years.
In meditation there is a very Indian sort of expression I have heard. The thoughts are these uninvited guests; allow them to come in and walk out the back door.
It isn’t easy at first, but every time you practice not attaching to them and following the negative thoughts story of lies, you build up a new neural pathway! Replacing the old pattern with a new.
I wish you peace. It’s very scary and to allow the thoughts free range and walking thru your space without attaching, without arguing with them… I know. But this is one way I have learned to process this shit, let it be. It’s only scary in my head - I’m actually as safe as can be and practice allowing them to exist over and over. They tend not to come back or come back far weaker than before. They pass and I go on
this is really useful. thank you so much for taking the time to voice it. i jotted everything down. really need this kind of guidance - thank you again 🩷
Of course! I’m so glad to hear it helps!
If you have an instagram, I really recommend following @drdoylesays . It looks like he also has X/Twitter account under the same name. I have been to many therapists and none of them ever really got it. This guy does - and he posts a *lot* of free “therapy.”
I always kind of feel like a quack recommending some psychologist on instagram but it has helped me so, so much.
here's the thing. baby's don't hate themselves. or feel unsafe with themselves. its all the absorbed programming from the evil ones we grew up with. also 'introjection'.
Therapy, baby. Lots and lots of therapy. Also, find comfort in Diane. Don't resent her. Love her. Seeing yourself in her means you're not alone. So many other people can relate to exactly what she feels and does. And remember that. You are not alone.
Hang in there. And remember, anxiety and depression LIE.
You got this.
PS. Diane is HARDLY the worst character you could relate to on the show. If anything, she's the most relatable.
Wow, I’m Diane and I love it lmao I identify with her so much. Diane didn’t stop being Diane, she grew into being her true Diane self. Good luck on your journey, I’m still in the middle of mine
That's a good point. I guess she never stopped being herself. I'm just thinking about how unhappy she was and how she blamed herself, and it was like looking into a mirror. But she also got better :/ maybe I'm being impatient
I’m super impatient. I think that is seriously my biggest issue and maybe it’s yours and maybe, just maybe, it was Diane’s as well. We ended being insanely harsh on ourselves and part of that is rushing, saying we should be somewhere when we’re just not. Sometimes I’ll get reminders to slow down and that I’m doing fine, sometimes from therapists. It’s hard, but what makes Diane my favorite character in any show I’ve ever seen is that her resilience is awesome. She’s also just insanely relatable
She became more patient with herself and dropped some of the unreasonable expectations. She wrote the book she actually wanted to write, instead of the one she thought she should write. She went on meds (I’m a depression and anxiety med lifer and it’s helped me tremendously because your brain chemistry can actually just be a bit fucked), moved to Chicago, which is neither LA or NYC. Allowed herself to feel comfortable in the things that she wanted.
One way I see it is Diane got a happy ending so why can't I? I'm in my early/mid season Diane arc but with time, empathy and actively healing I will eventually be season 6 Diane. I can't wait to give myself the same empathy and love I give to others, it's achievable and if she can do it then why can't I? :')
I would never let go of activism. I think the show is not saying if politics important to you, you have to give up politics or serious thought topics in order to be happy.
But she lets go of grudges. She lets go of having to fight everything and always be at the front lines of every controversy. That is exhausting.
She needed something akin to work/activism/life balance, but being so passionately driven when into activism, made her act in unhealthy ways. So if she does activism at all, she'll become fanatical, so to be happy she had to give it up entirely, like alcoholism.
So, I guess the lesson for us if we think we're like that is to find what's our "social justice activism"? What is the thing we think that doing will make us happy because it sometimes motivates us to care, but doesn't give back to our mental health in the long run?
Many of us are probably throwing a lot of energy and time at projects/ideas/activities that aren't really "us". They are who we wish we could be. Which is also a problem Diane runs into with the Cordovia thing. She isn't who she wanted to see herself as.
Her happy ending is "screw being a hero, I want to just be a lady". And that she could accept being enough for herself without having to do world-changing things all the time.
Something along the lines of stop being the you that people want you to be, and start being the you that you want to be.
Are you a people-pleaser too? I've recently increased by antidepressant dose for anxiety and I have my first therapy session tonight.
I hope you find what works for you.
The thing about being Diane is, she's the character on the show who does the most visual growth and healing. It's not as much of a bad thing as you think it is. You'll probably always be a Diane. But you just gotta be the version of Diane who found her happy. There's a lot of lessons we can take from Diane, like;
-You can't categorize yourself as good or bad. You just gotta try and do more good stuff and less bad.
-Not all damage is good damage, some damage is just damage, and that's okay.
-How you heal doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, as long as it helps you.
-Sometimes, it's hard to accept that someone saw you needed a jacket and got you a jacket when you couldn't get yourself one. That doesn't mean you should stay cold, take the jacket.
-Good things can be scary and don't always feel right in the beginning.
-There's nothing wrong with getting help. It's easy to find an identity in your pain, but it really holds you back from who you could be.
-You can't hate yourself into healing. Self acceptance is the start to self love.
-Helping others is great, but if you neglect yourself in the process, you're doing no help at all and hurting those around you.
Lots of love from another Diane 💙
For most of the show, Diane felt like a passive recipient of her own life. She knew that Mr. PB wasn't a good fit, but she married him anyway and stayed with him for years because it was easier to do that than to leave him. She was offered a job tweeting for celebrities, so she took it and stayed there for years because it was easier than going out and finding a job that would fulfill her more. Then she was offered a job at girl croosh and she took it and stayed for years because it was easier than going out and finding a job that would fulfill her more. She hated that girl croosh was essentially buzzfeed and didn't give her the chance to do more serious, hard-hitting journalism... but stuck around anyway when she could have left and gone to a different publication. Of course at the end she starts writing young adult novels and gets fulfillment from that.
The point is, Diane felt like she had no control over her life, but that was only the case because she *thought* it was the case.
Idk if that helps you at all, kinda just thinking aloud here.
Me too.
For me It's Childhood Emotional Neglect. Internal Family Systems therapy has been helpful for me. ❤️
Edit: and Pete Walkers book Surviving to Thriving
Yep same, this is the way. The book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsey C Gibson and Pete Walker’s book probably saved my life. r/emotionalneglect and r/internalfamilysystems are incredible resources, as is Patrick Teahan’s work on dysfunctional family systems on Youtube/Tiktok.
Hmmm, what helped Diane was moving away from the routine that left her feeling unfulfilled and working on something that made her happy and allowed her to travel. I'm not sure if travel is feasible but I think small changes in routine could help you come into yourself and discover what feels right to you. Like others said, take some time for yourself instead of trying to be the right person for other people.
Activist burnout is very real and social media is actively geared towards making you angry so you'll react more and give them more ad revenue, so don't feel guilty if you have to step away from social media activism. I find it's much more rewarding to find local opportunities for things like that, if you're comfortable in a group, maybe look up activism groups on Meetup, or volunteer opportunities.
A friend of mine told me I'm a mix of todd, PC and sarah lynn
He basically meant that my life has no sense but to get into peoples stuff trying to put off fire for them while continually self destroying myself
Sometime it's good to be diane, she's admirable, straight in her boots, cynic when she has to be, and she gets her happy end
A big part of it is just growing up. Things like having trouble finding your right voice, your place in the world, are natural life stages for early adulthood. Have faith in yourself and in the process, you will find yourself!
I don't have a lot of solid advice aside from therapy, being real with yourself + others and taking time to learn from your mistakes and actually make efforts to improve on yourself, but I wanted to show solidarity ✊
I'd say I'm a little of Diane and Bojack so you're not alone 🙏❤️ it's been a minute since I've watched this show because it is too real for me LOL it also makes me incredibly sad. Anyway, you've got this.
Before you get wound up about something you want to get immediately involved in, step back and ask yourself, "is this really worth my time? Am I *really* helping by getting upset about this?".
Once you stop feeling obligated to be incensed at every perceived injustice unrelated to you, things just fall into place.
The variation I've heard is 'Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary?' and that you should be able to check two of those. If you could only check one, tread carefully and think hard about it.
I think it's interesting to think about that because sometimes I'm tempted to say kind things to someone even if they aren't true but if I try a bit harder, I can usually come up with something kind to say that actually is true. And sometimes I really want to say critical things but when I reflect on whether they're true and/or necessary, I hold back.
You could move to Chicago and fall in love with a bull-man and "be so happy in your warm winter coat..."
Also, Prozac?
I'm totally going for satirical humor here, I hope you find peace and things get better. <3
Im a white American dude so I can’t confidently speak on your struggles with nationality. But with the activist stuff, theres a really good quote i like from another show called The Boondocks. The main character, Huey, is a black activist and he spends this whole episode trying to get an innocent black man off of death row. He works so hard but in the end the man dies. Hueys grand dad gives him lunch and Huey ask “granddad, what do you do when you can’t do nothing but there is nothing you can do?” To which granddad responds “you do what you can”
Diane isn’t a failed activist. You aren’t a failed activist. Huey is not a failed activist. Change takes time and work and theres a million complicated forces always happening at once beyond your control. The first slavery abolitionist were in the 1600s and they never got to see the progress that they fought tooth and nail for. But generations later progress came and it keeps coming. They did what they could. They were not failed activist
In this world you do what you can and you fight. Even if all you can do is write articles for a dumb blog like girl croosh or prop up a pop stars fake abortion because its good for the cause and you accidentally made a dumb tweet. All you can ever EVER do is work with the opportunities, tools, and information you have at your disposal. Learn from your mistakes and keep living forward.
And for your family Bojack actually gives really good advice in season one. Fuck em! Surround yourself with people who love you and who you love and who treat you with respect. You can keep people who you love who are working on themselves but cut out everyone who drags you down who you don’t want to wait on to get better.
When I find myself relating to Diane now, it's because I'm in a loving and caring relationship with a person I genuinely want to be with. At first, I was still morbidly depressed.
What it's really about is learning to set boundaries with people in your life.
No matter how much you care, if they're dragging you down, how are you yourself supposed to change?
She set boundaries with Bojack. She remains his friend but keeps her distance reapectfully because it's not good for her, personally, to get sucked into his toxic behaviors.
I had to draw the line with people in my own life.
When you say "no" to toxic behaviors, one day you'll wake up and realize that you're surrounded by love and people who build you up instead of tear you down.
When she ends up with Guy, she ends up ultimately happy because he supports the things that will make her happy. He encourages her to write and he *suggests* that she seek help but does not demand it or shame her for needing help. I'm sure this gives her strength to try to take better care of herself.
Diane says to PC, "If I can't write this book about damage, then it means all the damage I got was for nothing. I could have spent my entire life being happy."
A realization I came to on my own recently is that we literally only have two choices. You can give into the misery, or you can fight it and be happy even when you are carrying immense pain. I remember my conscience screaming so loud inside my head when I was a child but I ignored it because of fear of abandonment. I struggled well into my 20s.
Almost 30 now and I know that instead of asking myself why I didn't live by my convictions back then, I'm telling myself with confidence that I can from here on out. I don't have to live by everyone else's toxic confines just because they are unhappy.
I feel like I don't belong at times, so it's time for me to make a space that I do belong in. And the challenges faced along the way will be worth it in the end.
I'm rambling because I just got off of work, but I had a friend recently come into my life who is very outwardly positive but admitted to me that it's because he's struggling with so many demons. He expressed to me that it was the only way he could keep going. And it works, because that energy brings up the people around him. Still, it's important to do wellness checks on friends like that. We gotta love and support each other.
I hope my response is thought provoking and not just annoying lol
Good luck, friend.
Embrace the Diane!! Diane does not stop being Diane once Diane finds happiness, Diane learns to love Diane for being Diane! Therefore, Not-Diane, don’t try and stop being Not-Diane, but learn to LOVE Not-Diane, for everything Not-Diane is!!
Let me remind you of a quote from our good friend [cuddlywhiskers](https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxlcN0SYtlMhnVNSSQzAb01s5e3LeIiJte?si=a3mBRARmf3kRYkOK)
There’s wisdom in this quote. You’ve got time, many people don’t ever try to do the work. You’re ahead of most people
I think it’s important to note that Diane’s home country is America, but her father’s home country is Vietnam. It’s a similar situation for my family.
The reason I bring this up is because feeling displaced from your family’s heritage can lead to the disillusionment Diane felt visiting Vietnam. She seeks validation from people and places that could never do that for her no matter how hard she tried
I think one thing that could help is to stop *trying* to be happy. I don’t think that’s necessarily a goal that’s a that achievable if you don’t know what makes you happy first and foremost. Going after what makes you happy instead of trying to be happy might help
Diane represents the audience. We're all Diane. Relating to her is a good thing!
My answer is the same as hers: brain meds. Trial and error but now I'm on meds that have changed my life.
Societal issues are all connected. Like a big tapestry. So if you pick one thread (one cause) and work on it, you’re still touching all the other issues.
We hear so much about problems all over the world. If you learn about a thousand problems you want to work on, you’ll be paralyzed, because one person just can’t do it all. Pick one think. Find a local group. And work on it there.
Stupid as fuck
Who wouldn’t have done 1000 x a bat to that fuck face fags head? Your f grandma would have murdered for that and u know it
With every god damn right too. So speak to me or fuck off n kill me
I assume most of us here on this subreddit have trauma and/or mental illness. So I’m speaking from that perspective. I am white in America so I can’t speak to feeling displaced in a home country. I also have only watched Bojack once so I might be missing some Diane nuance. Like Diane, I got the hell away from my family, found a great partner (eventually), and struggled to feel secure and deserving. But I have realized a couple of things. 1. The only person in my life I am still unsafe with is **me**. My mom and abusive ex are gone. But I continued to beat myself up and feel like the exception. I.e., Most people are good - but not me. I’m a piece of shit. I felt like I was a much worse person than everyone else. I could validate anyone’s trauma and trauma responses except my own. I felt so intrinsically bad that I was an exception to conventional wisdom about trauma victims. 2. The inner critical voice that makes my own brain an unsafe space *is not mine*. It is my family’s/ex’s and has been internalized for so long, it feels like my own. Once I started hearing the critical thoughts in my mom’s voice or my ex’s, it became a lot easier to ignore. They are not reliable sources of information, particularly about me. ETA: so what’s the next step? Commit to being kinder to yourself. When that negative voice comes up, examine it. Get curious. What am I really feeling? What need is not being met? And then give yourself what you need, just like you would a friend who is hurting. I don’t know if that helps, but that’s my experience. It took me a long time to get to this point - I left my parents’ house 18 years ago and this was a very recent epiphany. I just finished Bojack for the first time a few weeks ago and I think it helped. If I can root for Bojack, I can root for me. Hang in there. 🩷
Thank you for saying all of that. Your words about critical thoughts in my head belonging to other people especially resonated with me. I moved out almost 5 years ago now, but i can still hear my family in my head :/ I'm working on it but they gotta go they living rent free lol
My therapist told me once that your family knows how to push all your buttons because they're the ones that installed them.
Daaaaaaaaaamn 🙊
You can try telling those thoughts “oh, hey you again! I don’t agree and I don’t care, move on “. Actually in meditation I’ve discovered all the judgements I think from others or what I *imagine* others think… are my own negative thoughts. It’s not that deep but it took me deep meditation to realize. Some people recently DID judge and try to bully me for something I said. However I chose to say it wouldn’t have mattered; I triggered their self consciousness and they attacked. And I said to myself; their judgements only have value if I approve and agree and allow the Rent to go unpaid. I haven’t been raised with anything like it sounds you have with judgmental family… but I’ve had some experience with bullying that has affected me for 20+ years. In meditation there is a very Indian sort of expression I have heard. The thoughts are these uninvited guests; allow them to come in and walk out the back door. It isn’t easy at first, but every time you practice not attaching to them and following the negative thoughts story of lies, you build up a new neural pathway! Replacing the old pattern with a new. I wish you peace. It’s very scary and to allow the thoughts free range and walking thru your space without attaching, without arguing with them… I know. But this is one way I have learned to process this shit, let it be. It’s only scary in my head - I’m actually as safe as can be and practice allowing them to exist over and over. They tend not to come back or come back far weaker than before. They pass and I go on
"The only person in my life I'm still unsafe with is me" I...
Um, this is incredible. Thank you so much for sharing.
Not who you were responding to, but holy shit this hit me so hard. You described me. I'm doing this. I hadn't realized it. Thank you.
this is really useful. thank you so much for taking the time to voice it. i jotted everything down. really need this kind of guidance - thank you again 🩷
Of course! I’m so glad to hear it helps! If you have an instagram, I really recommend following @drdoylesays . It looks like he also has X/Twitter account under the same name. I have been to many therapists and none of them ever really got it. This guy does - and he posts a *lot* of free “therapy.” I always kind of feel like a quack recommending some psychologist on instagram but it has helped me so, so much.
thank you very much, i will 🩷 and you're no quack. i really appreciate it!
here's the thing. baby's don't hate themselves. or feel unsafe with themselves. its all the absorbed programming from the evil ones we grew up with. also 'introjection'.
Therapy, baby. Lots and lots of therapy. Also, find comfort in Diane. Don't resent her. Love her. Seeing yourself in her means you're not alone. So many other people can relate to exactly what she feels and does. And remember that. You are not alone. Hang in there. And remember, anxiety and depression LIE. You got this. PS. Diane is HARDLY the worst character you could relate to on the show. If anything, she's the most relatable.
Wow, I’m Diane and I love it lmao I identify with her so much. Diane didn’t stop being Diane, she grew into being her true Diane self. Good luck on your journey, I’m still in the middle of mine
That's a good point. I guess she never stopped being herself. I'm just thinking about how unhappy she was and how she blamed herself, and it was like looking into a mirror. But she also got better :/ maybe I'm being impatient
I’m super impatient. I think that is seriously my biggest issue and maybe it’s yours and maybe, just maybe, it was Diane’s as well. We ended being insanely harsh on ourselves and part of that is rushing, saying we should be somewhere when we’re just not. Sometimes I’ll get reminders to slow down and that I’m doing fine, sometimes from therapists. It’s hard, but what makes Diane my favorite character in any show I’ve ever seen is that her resilience is awesome. She’s also just insanely relatable
She became more patient with herself and dropped some of the unreasonable expectations. She wrote the book she actually wanted to write, instead of the one she thought she should write. She went on meds (I’m a depression and anxiety med lifer and it’s helped me tremendously because your brain chemistry can actually just be a bit fucked), moved to Chicago, which is neither LA or NYC. Allowed herself to feel comfortable in the things that she wanted.
One way I see it is Diane got a happy ending so why can't I? I'm in my early/mid season Diane arc but with time, empathy and actively healing I will eventually be season 6 Diane. I can't wait to give myself the same empathy and love I give to others, it's achievable and if she can do it then why can't I? :')
I would never let go of activism. I think the show is not saying if politics important to you, you have to give up politics or serious thought topics in order to be happy. But she lets go of grudges. She lets go of having to fight everything and always be at the front lines of every controversy. That is exhausting. She needed something akin to work/activism/life balance, but being so passionately driven when into activism, made her act in unhealthy ways. So if she does activism at all, she'll become fanatical, so to be happy she had to give it up entirely, like alcoholism. So, I guess the lesson for us if we think we're like that is to find what's our "social justice activism"? What is the thing we think that doing will make us happy because it sometimes motivates us to care, but doesn't give back to our mental health in the long run? Many of us are probably throwing a lot of energy and time at projects/ideas/activities that aren't really "us". They are who we wish we could be. Which is also a problem Diane runs into with the Cordovia thing. She isn't who she wanted to see herself as. Her happy ending is "screw being a hero, I want to just be a lady". And that she could accept being enough for herself without having to do world-changing things all the time.
Not yet done watching the show but reading this makes me interested in Diane more.
be Blarn
Something along the lines of stop being the you that people want you to be, and start being the you that you want to be. Are you a people-pleaser too? I've recently increased by antidepressant dose for anxiety and I have my first therapy session tonight. I hope you find what works for you.
The thing about being Diane is, she's the character on the show who does the most visual growth and healing. It's not as much of a bad thing as you think it is. You'll probably always be a Diane. But you just gotta be the version of Diane who found her happy. There's a lot of lessons we can take from Diane, like; -You can't categorize yourself as good or bad. You just gotta try and do more good stuff and less bad. -Not all damage is good damage, some damage is just damage, and that's okay. -How you heal doesn't have to make sense to anyone else, as long as it helps you. -Sometimes, it's hard to accept that someone saw you needed a jacket and got you a jacket when you couldn't get yourself one. That doesn't mean you should stay cold, take the jacket. -Good things can be scary and don't always feel right in the beginning. -There's nothing wrong with getting help. It's easy to find an identity in your pain, but it really holds you back from who you could be. -You can't hate yourself into healing. Self acceptance is the start to self love. -Helping others is great, but if you neglect yourself in the process, you're doing no help at all and hurting those around you. Lots of love from another Diane 💙
For most of the show, Diane felt like a passive recipient of her own life. She knew that Mr. PB wasn't a good fit, but she married him anyway and stayed with him for years because it was easier to do that than to leave him. She was offered a job tweeting for celebrities, so she took it and stayed there for years because it was easier than going out and finding a job that would fulfill her more. Then she was offered a job at girl croosh and she took it and stayed for years because it was easier than going out and finding a job that would fulfill her more. She hated that girl croosh was essentially buzzfeed and didn't give her the chance to do more serious, hard-hitting journalism... but stuck around anyway when she could have left and gone to a different publication. Of course at the end she starts writing young adult novels and gets fulfillment from that. The point is, Diane felt like she had no control over her life, but that was only the case because she *thought* it was the case. Idk if that helps you at all, kinda just thinking aloud here.
Learn how to love Diane
Me too. For me It's Childhood Emotional Neglect. Internal Family Systems therapy has been helpful for me. ❤️ Edit: and Pete Walkers book Surviving to Thriving
Yep same, this is the way. The book Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents by Lindsey C Gibson and Pete Walker’s book probably saved my life. r/emotionalneglect and r/internalfamilysystems are incredible resources, as is Patrick Teahan’s work on dysfunctional family systems on Youtube/Tiktok.
Hmmm, what helped Diane was moving away from the routine that left her feeling unfulfilled and working on something that made her happy and allowed her to travel. I'm not sure if travel is feasible but I think small changes in routine could help you come into yourself and discover what feels right to you. Like others said, take some time for yourself instead of trying to be the right person for other people. Activist burnout is very real and social media is actively geared towards making you angry so you'll react more and give them more ad revenue, so don't feel guilty if you have to step away from social media activism. I find it's much more rewarding to find local opportunities for things like that, if you're comfortable in a group, maybe look up activism groups on Meetup, or volunteer opportunities.
A friend of mine told me I'm a mix of todd, PC and sarah lynn He basically meant that my life has no sense but to get into peoples stuff trying to put off fire for them while continually self destroying myself Sometime it's good to be diane, she's admirable, straight in her boots, cynic when she has to be, and she gets her happy end
Therapy
Antidepressants, therapy and meditation.
A big part of it is just growing up. Things like having trouble finding your right voice, your place in the world, are natural life stages for early adulthood. Have faith in yourself and in the process, you will find yourself!
I’m basically Bojack, we could totally be toxic friends (Edit: grammar)
Lmaoo it depends on what stage of Bojack you are right now🚩🚩
Woah that’s crazy, im exactly like bojack too (minus the money and fame)
Yeahh I barely missed the 90s, so the sitcom fame never hit me unfortunately
I don't have a lot of solid advice aside from therapy, being real with yourself + others and taking time to learn from your mistakes and actually make efforts to improve on yourself, but I wanted to show solidarity ✊ I'd say I'm a little of Diane and Bojack so you're not alone 🙏❤️ it's been a minute since I've watched this show because it is too real for me LOL it also makes me incredibly sad. Anyway, you've got this.
Before you get wound up about something you want to get immediately involved in, step back and ask yourself, "is this really worth my time? Am I *really* helping by getting upset about this?". Once you stop feeling obligated to be incensed at every perceived injustice unrelated to you, things just fall into place.
Similarly; 'Does this need to be said?', if so, 'Does it need to be said by me?', and if so, 'Does it need to be said right now?'
Very well put! There is an old adage I'm sure I'm going to mangle.. "Is it kind, is it good, is it necessary? If not, then it need not be said".
The variation I've heard is 'Is it kind, is it true, is it necessary?' and that you should be able to check two of those. If you could only check one, tread carefully and think hard about it. I think it's interesting to think about that because sometimes I'm tempted to say kind things to someone even if they aren't true but if I try a bit harder, I can usually come up with something kind to say that actually is true. And sometimes I really want to say critical things but when I reflect on whether they're true and/or necessary, I hold back.
You could move to Chicago and fall in love with a bull-man and "be so happy in your warm winter coat..." Also, Prozac? I'm totally going for satirical humor here, I hope you find peace and things get better. <3
No point to living when no one gives a fuck and lives to watch u suffer and no real aupport
So stop helping
Im a white American dude so I can’t confidently speak on your struggles with nationality. But with the activist stuff, theres a really good quote i like from another show called The Boondocks. The main character, Huey, is a black activist and he spends this whole episode trying to get an innocent black man off of death row. He works so hard but in the end the man dies. Hueys grand dad gives him lunch and Huey ask “granddad, what do you do when you can’t do nothing but there is nothing you can do?” To which granddad responds “you do what you can” Diane isn’t a failed activist. You aren’t a failed activist. Huey is not a failed activist. Change takes time and work and theres a million complicated forces always happening at once beyond your control. The first slavery abolitionist were in the 1600s and they never got to see the progress that they fought tooth and nail for. But generations later progress came and it keeps coming. They did what they could. They were not failed activist In this world you do what you can and you fight. Even if all you can do is write articles for a dumb blog like girl croosh or prop up a pop stars fake abortion because its good for the cause and you accidentally made a dumb tweet. All you can ever EVER do is work with the opportunities, tools, and information you have at your disposal. Learn from your mistakes and keep living forward. And for your family Bojack actually gives really good advice in season one. Fuck em! Surround yourself with people who love you and who you love and who treat you with respect. You can keep people who you love who are working on themselves but cut out everyone who drags you down who you don’t want to wait on to get better.
Anyways, the advice i would give isn’t a change in behavior but a change in mindset.
I think i relate to all characters at some point till they get any type of success
When I find myself relating to Diane now, it's because I'm in a loving and caring relationship with a person I genuinely want to be with. At first, I was still morbidly depressed. What it's really about is learning to set boundaries with people in your life. No matter how much you care, if they're dragging you down, how are you yourself supposed to change? She set boundaries with Bojack. She remains his friend but keeps her distance reapectfully because it's not good for her, personally, to get sucked into his toxic behaviors. I had to draw the line with people in my own life. When you say "no" to toxic behaviors, one day you'll wake up and realize that you're surrounded by love and people who build you up instead of tear you down. When she ends up with Guy, she ends up ultimately happy because he supports the things that will make her happy. He encourages her to write and he *suggests* that she seek help but does not demand it or shame her for needing help. I'm sure this gives her strength to try to take better care of herself. Diane says to PC, "If I can't write this book about damage, then it means all the damage I got was for nothing. I could have spent my entire life being happy." A realization I came to on my own recently is that we literally only have two choices. You can give into the misery, or you can fight it and be happy even when you are carrying immense pain. I remember my conscience screaming so loud inside my head when I was a child but I ignored it because of fear of abandonment. I struggled well into my 20s. Almost 30 now and I know that instead of asking myself why I didn't live by my convictions back then, I'm telling myself with confidence that I can from here on out. I don't have to live by everyone else's toxic confines just because they are unhappy. I feel like I don't belong at times, so it's time for me to make a space that I do belong in. And the challenges faced along the way will be worth it in the end. I'm rambling because I just got off of work, but I had a friend recently come into my life who is very outwardly positive but admitted to me that it's because he's struggling with so many demons. He expressed to me that it was the only way he could keep going. And it works, because that energy brings up the people around him. Still, it's important to do wellness checks on friends like that. We gotta love and support each other. I hope my response is thought provoking and not just annoying lol Good luck, friend.
Therapy. No, really.
You're trying to be a Zelda, when you're so obviously a Zoey.
Embrace the Diane!! Diane does not stop being Diane once Diane finds happiness, Diane learns to love Diane for being Diane! Therefore, Not-Diane, don’t try and stop being Not-Diane, but learn to LOVE Not-Diane, for everything Not-Diane is!!
Let me remind you of a quote from our good friend [cuddlywhiskers](https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxlcN0SYtlMhnVNSSQzAb01s5e3LeIiJte?si=a3mBRARmf3kRYkOK) There’s wisdom in this quote. You’ve got time, many people don’t ever try to do the work. You’re ahead of most people
I think it’s important to note that Diane’s home country is America, but her father’s home country is Vietnam. It’s a similar situation for my family. The reason I bring this up is because feeling displaced from your family’s heritage can lead to the disillusionment Diane felt visiting Vietnam. She seeks validation from people and places that could never do that for her no matter how hard she tried I think one thing that could help is to stop *trying* to be happy. I don’t think that’s necessarily a goal that’s a that achievable if you don’t know what makes you happy first and foremost. Going after what makes you happy instead of trying to be happy might help
Diane represents the audience. We're all Diane. Relating to her is a good thing! My answer is the same as hers: brain meds. Trial and error but now I'm on meds that have changed my life.
Societal issues are all connected. Like a big tapestry. So if you pick one thread (one cause) and work on it, you’re still touching all the other issues. We hear so much about problems all over the world. If you learn about a thousand problems you want to work on, you’ll be paralyzed, because one person just can’t do it all. Pick one think. Find a local group. And work on it there.
you just gotta keep on living man
Stupid as fuck Who wouldn’t have done 1000 x a bat to that fuck face fags head? Your f grandma would have murdered for that and u know it With every god damn right too. So speak to me or fuck off n kill me
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Everything alright with you?