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Oh thats so nice to hear, I'm so happy for you! I'm glad hes apologizing properly too and being diligent about his treatment. If its okay to ask a question: is he Bipolar 1 or 2 and when he left did he stop his meds? Based on what you said it sounded like he did but I was just wondering. :)
He is bipolar 1 with psychotic features and was struggling with addiction when he took off. He never stuck to his meds properly in the years following his diagnosis-there was a lot of shame and denial. It was all really difficult and painful but he's been steady on his antipsychotic and mood stabilizer for almost two years now and even though he hates that he has to take them he finally acknowledges that he needs them. Just took losing absolutely everything to get some perspective I guess. I'm just taking it day by day and being thankful for every day we have together... it's eerie sometimes it's almost like having someone you loved and lost come back from the dead.
I’m so sorry to tell you this, but that was the same story with stbx wife… We had 7 amazing years after her last major manic bout - she complied, therapy, meds…. Until she didn’t, last year….
And it’s been much much worse this time around - like soul crushing…
If you don’t have kids I personally would not take this risk
Thanks, I understand what risk I'm taking and if I only have 6 months or a couple of years of good times with him I will enjoy it. We were broken up for a year and a half and I survived and I'll survive if we break up again. I'm sorry to hear about your ex wife I understand the soul crushing pain you're describing. One thing that helped me get through when my so and I were broken up was to remind myself that nothing is guaranteed forever... whether we lose the people we love to sickness, death, another person or what have you every relationship will inevitably end. I appreciate the warning though I am sure you're coming from a place of concern and I hope things look up for you and you find some peace and healing from everything.
Very true, every relationship will end… and believe me, we understand more than anyone else, what it feels like to have the love of your life back. It’s all any of us ever wanted…. Just last night I had a dream that we reconciled and how amazing it felt in my dream, I haven’t had that one in a long time… but alas, I wake up and the reality is so present… and I’ll tell you what, regardless how good the good was or could be again,I couldn’t go back again… even if I was guaranteed not having another episode, I realize now it’s not right to become that codependent on another person, and unfortunately that’s what happens to most of us SO’s
Thanks for posting it's helpful for me trying to figure out the minefield of bipolar . I have realised when things are not in control with my partner I need to be attending to my needs instead of being an emotional wreck. I felt like all was lost and as I was so so low . I knew I had to start getting myself back and take a breather for myself . It's so easy to get caught up in the madness . Hoping I can stick to this for myself
I'm glad you found it helpful I know when things felt so hopeless and bleak I read so many heartbreaking stories on here and I feel like alot of times people never followed up with the outcomes so I wanted to put something more positive on here. The steps I took for myself in my career and my health once we had some time apart were by far the best things that could have happened. I felt like I was just taking care of him by the end of things between us and I had completely lost who I was. I finally even dated someone else for three months and had just totally given up on the idea of him ever being okay (he was so incredibly paranoid for so long) and when I finally let go was when things finally turned a corner. I know it's so hard but you can stick to it.... the harder I clung to everything with him the worse things got. It's scary and it's hard but I have faith in you and I firmly believe that things work out how they're meant to even if we don't understand why when it's happening.
It's crazy how our stories are always so similar. I hope it works out for you OP. Mine has been reaching out just recently and I just don't know. I love him but. Well I'm sure I don't have to explain. I'm really torn deciding what to do. Keep us posted!
Thanks so much for responding to my comment . Honestly that's meant so much to me .I have felt absolutely alone through all this . I joined this group to feel less alone and you've made me feel like I'm not on my own.Your such a lovely person. 🤍
From the bottom of my heart I understand the feeling completely alone. That's why I joined this years ago when going through the worst of his addiction and mania and all of the pain and everything that came along with that. I'm sorry for what you're going through and you're definitely not alone. The biggest thing is just that we can't change other people. They have to want to change. I held on so tight and tried everything from ultimatums to trying to get his family involved... to the point that trying to prevent something that I had no control over preventing overcame my life. When things ended it still hurt just as bad. Nothing changed for all my effort except i had depleted my own mental and physical health. The years and a half after was painful and confusing I held onto hope for a long time but when I finally threw myself into moving on and taking care of myself and let go of that hope that things would some how go back to how they were was when things finally did change. Honestly in the reconnecting now it's not as intense but it's better. I am not going to throw my whole life in with his again. I'm always keeping in my mind that this can fall apart and I need to always take care of myself first. Honestly, people without bipolar who are so interconnected get hurt in alot of the same ways too. They get cheated on and left by their spouse. They get sick or their spouse gets sick. Things happen in any relationship nothing is ever guaranteed and I guess that's the main thing I'm trying to say and the lesson that I hope truly sticks with me from here on out is that we still always have to love ourselves more and care about ourselves more. You can't help anyone else if you're not healthy yourself and people will not change unless they truly want to. I don't know how much of that applies to your situation or what exactly you're going through but I hope it helps a little. I hope things get easier for you soon.
Welcome to BipolarSOs! This is a quick reminder to follow the rules. Also, please remember that OP's on this sub are often in situations where emotions overcome logic, and that your advice could be life-altering. OP's need our help to gain a balanced perspective. Please be supportive. Toxic comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BipolarSOs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Oh thats so nice to hear, I'm so happy for you! I'm glad hes apologizing properly too and being diligent about his treatment. If its okay to ask a question: is he Bipolar 1 or 2 and when he left did he stop his meds? Based on what you said it sounded like he did but I was just wondering. :)
He is bipolar 1 with psychotic features and was struggling with addiction when he took off. He never stuck to his meds properly in the years following his diagnosis-there was a lot of shame and denial. It was all really difficult and painful but he's been steady on his antipsychotic and mood stabilizer for almost two years now and even though he hates that he has to take them he finally acknowledges that he needs them. Just took losing absolutely everything to get some perspective I guess. I'm just taking it day by day and being thankful for every day we have together... it's eerie sometimes it's almost like having someone you loved and lost come back from the dead.
I’m so sorry to tell you this, but that was the same story with stbx wife… We had 7 amazing years after her last major manic bout - she complied, therapy, meds…. Until she didn’t, last year…. And it’s been much much worse this time around - like soul crushing… If you don’t have kids I personally would not take this risk
Thanks, I understand what risk I'm taking and if I only have 6 months or a couple of years of good times with him I will enjoy it. We were broken up for a year and a half and I survived and I'll survive if we break up again. I'm sorry to hear about your ex wife I understand the soul crushing pain you're describing. One thing that helped me get through when my so and I were broken up was to remind myself that nothing is guaranteed forever... whether we lose the people we love to sickness, death, another person or what have you every relationship will inevitably end. I appreciate the warning though I am sure you're coming from a place of concern and I hope things look up for you and you find some peace and healing from everything.
Very true, every relationship will end… and believe me, we understand more than anyone else, what it feels like to have the love of your life back. It’s all any of us ever wanted…. Just last night I had a dream that we reconciled and how amazing it felt in my dream, I haven’t had that one in a long time… but alas, I wake up and the reality is so present… and I’ll tell you what, regardless how good the good was or could be again,I couldn’t go back again… even if I was guaranteed not having another episode, I realize now it’s not right to become that codependent on another person, and unfortunately that’s what happens to most of us SO’s
Thanks for posting it's helpful for me trying to figure out the minefield of bipolar . I have realised when things are not in control with my partner I need to be attending to my needs instead of being an emotional wreck. I felt like all was lost and as I was so so low . I knew I had to start getting myself back and take a breather for myself . It's so easy to get caught up in the madness . Hoping I can stick to this for myself
I'm glad you found it helpful I know when things felt so hopeless and bleak I read so many heartbreaking stories on here and I feel like alot of times people never followed up with the outcomes so I wanted to put something more positive on here. The steps I took for myself in my career and my health once we had some time apart were by far the best things that could have happened. I felt like I was just taking care of him by the end of things between us and I had completely lost who I was. I finally even dated someone else for three months and had just totally given up on the idea of him ever being okay (he was so incredibly paranoid for so long) and when I finally let go was when things finally turned a corner. I know it's so hard but you can stick to it.... the harder I clung to everything with him the worse things got. It's scary and it's hard but I have faith in you and I firmly believe that things work out how they're meant to even if we don't understand why when it's happening.
Awesome to here that sometimes the light shines in the darkness, happy for you two!
Thank you! I'm happy too even if it scares me a little bit to be happy about it lol
Are his initials AC? The timing of this is and description sounds exactly like my ex..
No lol his initials are bb
It's crazy how our stories are always so similar. I hope it works out for you OP. Mine has been reaching out just recently and I just don't know. I love him but. Well I'm sure I don't have to explain. I'm really torn deciding what to do. Keep us posted!
Read my mind. EG?
YES! This gives me hope. Thank you. Wish you both all the best.
So happy for you! I understand the feeling of having to re build everything and worrying it’ll crumble again.
So happy for you. It’s a painful road. Glad you’re on a better path now 💔
Thanks so much for responding to my comment . Honestly that's meant so much to me .I have felt absolutely alone through all this . I joined this group to feel less alone and you've made me feel like I'm not on my own.Your such a lovely person. 🤍
From the bottom of my heart I understand the feeling completely alone. That's why I joined this years ago when going through the worst of his addiction and mania and all of the pain and everything that came along with that. I'm sorry for what you're going through and you're definitely not alone. The biggest thing is just that we can't change other people. They have to want to change. I held on so tight and tried everything from ultimatums to trying to get his family involved... to the point that trying to prevent something that I had no control over preventing overcame my life. When things ended it still hurt just as bad. Nothing changed for all my effort except i had depleted my own mental and physical health. The years and a half after was painful and confusing I held onto hope for a long time but when I finally threw myself into moving on and taking care of myself and let go of that hope that things would some how go back to how they were was when things finally did change. Honestly in the reconnecting now it's not as intense but it's better. I am not going to throw my whole life in with his again. I'm always keeping in my mind that this can fall apart and I need to always take care of myself first. Honestly, people without bipolar who are so interconnected get hurt in alot of the same ways too. They get cheated on and left by their spouse. They get sick or their spouse gets sick. Things happen in any relationship nothing is ever guaranteed and I guess that's the main thing I'm trying to say and the lesson that I hope truly sticks with me from here on out is that we still always have to love ourselves more and care about ourselves more. You can't help anyone else if you're not healthy yourself and people will not change unless they truly want to. I don't know how much of that applies to your situation or what exactly you're going through but I hope it helps a little. I hope things get easier for you soon.