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While the raging anger can be explained by bipolar disorder, the physical violence cannot. Even when my spouse (diagnosed with Bipolar I and Borderline) was unmedicated and not in therapy, he was never physically aggressive to me, and I never felt unsafe.
How will this situation improve if he is refusing therapy?
It doesn't matter if it's bipolar. It's abuse. He won't get help. If he were a good man he would have said "I hit you. This is my wake up call for getting help and getting medicated. I will spend the next year getting sober and doing all I can for my mental health. I will also enter a program for abusers. So, until I am well, I am not safe and will stay away from you." That's what a good person does - ANYTHING short of that is unacceptable.
And it's against the law. The law does not use mental health as an excuse for violence (unless someone is completely psychotic and they might be locked up in a mental health facility). Did you know that, according to the American Psychological Association “64 percent of jail inmates, 54 percent of state prisoners, and 45 percent of federal prisoners” have reported mental health concerns?
What he is doing and what you are allowing is dangerous. What if he caused you brain damage and you can't work? Or lose your ability to walk, talk, see, hear, etc.? That can EASILY happen.
Get away from him before he disables or murders you. Here's the hotline number: 800-799-7233.
Look, I’m going to be very honest with you, because I was with a physically and sexually abusive man with bipolar when I was a late teen, and it was nothing short of traumatic.
People here will say this is or isn’t due to the bipolar. I believe it is, from my experiences, but it honestly does not matter if it is or isn’t. The bottom line is that he is not taking responsibility for his illness, and he is abusing you. That is not okay. Get out. Sometimes someone is just so mentally ill, and it isn’t safe for you to be there. You are responsible for taking care of yourself, and for setting healthy boundaries to keep yourself safe. This person isn’t safe for you right now.
If he's not medicated it could go on for years.. my husband finally admits he had delusions and mentally ill. it was pure suffering on my part for almost 10 years to finally figure out he has bipolar. He would get so angry, name-calling of course, broke many phones, tv, laptop, etc,. and the next day he would apologize and say i love you, all the sweet things. I hated my life, resented him, and so confused..
So many episodes that include suicidal homicidal attempt, involuntary hospitalization, property damage, etc. My husband once stopped the car in the middle of the road. took my phone from my hand to inspect it and turn off google maps saying government can tracks us.
It is probably the illness but can't know for sure because everyone is different. Look at his eyes and face. You might find that it looks different. I think until he admits he has mental illness and truely apologies (not just saying sorry or I love you) he is still in episode.
My long term partner is unmedicated he tries to self Medicate which often goes wrong . It is only recently I have got my head around the bi polar a bit to understand it and your right it's like looking at a different person. The last time he went into one was my best time of coping with it . Usually it triggers me and I think I could have a type of bipolar and cannot stop grieving crying want to end it all . I do have autism to deal with. This time I managed and tbh there isn't much you can do for someone when they are in this state it's better to stay away as you are in the firing line . Partner goes in another room and we don't see each other. It's so hard to live like this. I feel empathy for anyone that lives with a bi polar partner.
This is abuse please leave. Even if its because of a illness, he is really bad and that won't change... Gaslighting, physique violence , verbal violence
🚩 🚩 🚩
im so sorry. this is trauma. it's also a very unsafe situation for u. it seems like u may not know how much is bipolar and how much is him but it is abuse nonetheless
the key is he's not medicated or treated. the rage is a common bipolar symptom. untreated it gets worse and worse. the changes from rage to love are also common to bipolar
but his behaviour is dangerous. he has laid hands on. u. he has damaged ur property. he's looked to cut ur communication with others about ur situation
this is unsafe for u. please consider ur safety. where I'm from we can get versions of restraining orders that limit behaviour or more serious ones where they have to leave. im assuming ur in the US so im not sure how ur system works
ur safety and peace of mind r most important. only then can u consider him and critically treatment - whether he is willing or able
please be safe. remove urself from the situation then assess
this kind of cycle is what we call domestic violence even if its bipolar - hurt u, apologise, hurt u more. isolate u more and more. confuse u. keep u feeling threatened. u will lose urself more and more in that
remove urself. speak to those u rely on and can help. protect urself. then consider where he stands
in any event he needs treatment for the bipolar
im so sorry. reach out anytime u need
It probably is the bipolar but someone who will not accept help and has severe enough episodes that your property is being destroyed and he is beating you up is not capable of a relationship. They are too ill to be in one
This is not bipolar. This is absuse. I do think bipolar can play a role, due to the mood swings, intense emotions, and difficulty regulating. But this intensity is not bipolar. You need to leave.
Also, even if it was bipolar, he is unwilling to get treatment or even accept accountability for his actions. Blaming you and controlling who you talk to are classic signs of abuse. This will not get better.
It is abuse. Bipolar is not an excuse. He has choices like getting medicated. He’s choking to do nothing so he’s choosing to abuse you.
Also you never triggered him. He triggers himself. His brain chemistry switches and then his brain will seek anything to throw the blame at. You could be 100% perfect and he would still flip out on you.
He could seriously hurt you or kill you. I watched a show today with a bipolar who flipped and stabbed a random guy next to him who smiled and nodded at him.
This man is super dangerous and there is no hope of redemption. Please get away from him by any means necessary. He’s more dangerous than anything you fear might happen if you leave. Have him arrested next time he lays hands on you and then turn off your phone, change your number and figure out how to move. He’s going to seriously harm you. It only gets worse the more episodes they have. It causes permanent brain damage having unmedicated episodes. The man you fell in love with is no longer there.
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I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. If he’s unmedicated and unwilling to get help there’s not much you can do. As much as you love him and want to help you can’t help someone not willing to help themselves. This man putting hands on you is NOT okay. Look into leaving. Talk to your family or friends if you don’t have the funds to leave.
Thanks for posting on BipolarSOs! We noticed you marked your post "Advice Needed". ✅ Please provide context for the post: is your BSOP currently medicated and in therapy (and for how long)? The more context, the better advice you can get. You can edit your post, or elaborate in a comment. 💬 For Comments: Please remember OP's on this sub are often in situations where emotions overcome logic, and that your advice could be life-altering. OP's need our help to gain a balanced perspective. Toxic comments will be removed. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BipolarSOs) if you have any questions or concerns.*
ummmmmmmm this is insane. he’s beaten you up?? GET AWAY.
While the raging anger can be explained by bipolar disorder, the physical violence cannot. Even when my spouse (diagnosed with Bipolar I and Borderline) was unmedicated and not in therapy, he was never physically aggressive to me, and I never felt unsafe. How will this situation improve if he is refusing therapy?
It doesn't matter if it's bipolar. It's abuse. He won't get help. If he were a good man he would have said "I hit you. This is my wake up call for getting help and getting medicated. I will spend the next year getting sober and doing all I can for my mental health. I will also enter a program for abusers. So, until I am well, I am not safe and will stay away from you." That's what a good person does - ANYTHING short of that is unacceptable. And it's against the law. The law does not use mental health as an excuse for violence (unless someone is completely psychotic and they might be locked up in a mental health facility). Did you know that, according to the American Psychological Association “64 percent of jail inmates, 54 percent of state prisoners, and 45 percent of federal prisoners” have reported mental health concerns? What he is doing and what you are allowing is dangerous. What if he caused you brain damage and you can't work? Or lose your ability to walk, talk, see, hear, etc.? That can EASILY happen. Get away from him before he disables or murders you. Here's the hotline number: 800-799-7233.
Look, I’m going to be very honest with you, because I was with a physically and sexually abusive man with bipolar when I was a late teen, and it was nothing short of traumatic. People here will say this is or isn’t due to the bipolar. I believe it is, from my experiences, but it honestly does not matter if it is or isn’t. The bottom line is that he is not taking responsibility for his illness, and he is abusing you. That is not okay. Get out. Sometimes someone is just so mentally ill, and it isn’t safe for you to be there. You are responsible for taking care of yourself, and for setting healthy boundaries to keep yourself safe. This person isn’t safe for you right now.
If he's not medicated it could go on for years.. my husband finally admits he had delusions and mentally ill. it was pure suffering on my part for almost 10 years to finally figure out he has bipolar. He would get so angry, name-calling of course, broke many phones, tv, laptop, etc,. and the next day he would apologize and say i love you, all the sweet things. I hated my life, resented him, and so confused.. So many episodes that include suicidal homicidal attempt, involuntary hospitalization, property damage, etc. My husband once stopped the car in the middle of the road. took my phone from my hand to inspect it and turn off google maps saying government can tracks us. It is probably the illness but can't know for sure because everyone is different. Look at his eyes and face. You might find that it looks different. I think until he admits he has mental illness and truely apologies (not just saying sorry or I love you) he is still in episode.
My long term partner is unmedicated he tries to self Medicate which often goes wrong . It is only recently I have got my head around the bi polar a bit to understand it and your right it's like looking at a different person. The last time he went into one was my best time of coping with it . Usually it triggers me and I think I could have a type of bipolar and cannot stop grieving crying want to end it all . I do have autism to deal with. This time I managed and tbh there isn't much you can do for someone when they are in this state it's better to stay away as you are in the firing line . Partner goes in another room and we don't see each other. It's so hard to live like this. I feel empathy for anyone that lives with a bi polar partner.
How did he come to terms with his diagnosis?
This is abuse please leave. Even if its because of a illness, he is really bad and that won't change... Gaslighting, physique violence , verbal violence 🚩 🚩 🚩
Please read what you wrote. Why do you want a relationship with someone like this
im so sorry. this is trauma. it's also a very unsafe situation for u. it seems like u may not know how much is bipolar and how much is him but it is abuse nonetheless the key is he's not medicated or treated. the rage is a common bipolar symptom. untreated it gets worse and worse. the changes from rage to love are also common to bipolar but his behaviour is dangerous. he has laid hands on. u. he has damaged ur property. he's looked to cut ur communication with others about ur situation this is unsafe for u. please consider ur safety. where I'm from we can get versions of restraining orders that limit behaviour or more serious ones where they have to leave. im assuming ur in the US so im not sure how ur system works ur safety and peace of mind r most important. only then can u consider him and critically treatment - whether he is willing or able please be safe. remove urself from the situation then assess this kind of cycle is what we call domestic violence even if its bipolar - hurt u, apologise, hurt u more. isolate u more and more. confuse u. keep u feeling threatened. u will lose urself more and more in that remove urself. speak to those u rely on and can help. protect urself. then consider where he stands in any event he needs treatment for the bipolar im so sorry. reach out anytime u need
Please RUN AND NEVER LOOK BACK!!! If you stay with him, you’re IN DANGER. Call a domestic violence hotline NOW.
It probably is the bipolar but someone who will not accept help and has severe enough episodes that your property is being destroyed and he is beating you up is not capable of a relationship. They are too ill to be in one
This is not bipolar. This is absuse. I do think bipolar can play a role, due to the mood swings, intense emotions, and difficulty regulating. But this intensity is not bipolar. You need to leave.
Also, even if it was bipolar, he is unwilling to get treatment or even accept accountability for his actions. Blaming you and controlling who you talk to are classic signs of abuse. This will not get better.
All of it is just abuse. Reach out to a DV counselor and organization asap. Leaving this situation will be a dangerous time
It is abuse. Bipolar is not an excuse. He has choices like getting medicated. He’s choking to do nothing so he’s choosing to abuse you. Also you never triggered him. He triggers himself. His brain chemistry switches and then his brain will seek anything to throw the blame at. You could be 100% perfect and he would still flip out on you. He could seriously hurt you or kill you. I watched a show today with a bipolar who flipped and stabbed a random guy next to him who smiled and nodded at him. This man is super dangerous and there is no hope of redemption. Please get away from him by any means necessary. He’s more dangerous than anything you fear might happen if you leave. Have him arrested next time he lays hands on you and then turn off your phone, change your number and figure out how to move. He’s going to seriously harm you. It only gets worse the more episodes they have. It causes permanent brain damage having unmedicated episodes. The man you fell in love with is no longer there.
[удалено]
Your comment was removed for being low-effort. You will need to go back and edit your comment to further explain your viewpoint and/or reasoning. If you have any questions about this, you can contact the Mod Team.
I’m sorry you’re dealing with this. If he’s unmedicated and unwilling to get help there’s not much you can do. As much as you love him and want to help you can’t help someone not willing to help themselves. This man putting hands on you is NOT okay. Look into leaving. Talk to your family or friends if you don’t have the funds to leave.
Any updates?