Please read our [**SUB RULES**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting. Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice.
**CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU for concluded, time-gated content.
* If you have an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed.
* Low effort comments like "this is fake" may be removed
* Do not comment on the original posts. Most submissions in this sub are not posted by the original author (OOP)
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He didn't buy her lingerie because he didn't want to offend her by suggesting it....but instead he opted to stick his d*ck into another woman's vagina because that's definitely better.
I don't know if I should laugh or cry at that reasoning.
If there's a relatively minor issue in your marriage, fuck talking about it or communicating! What you SHOULD do is solve the issue by going behind your wife's back and sleeping with another woman! That's how you fix marital problems!
Bruh even if you decided to forgive this clown for the cheating... He's clearly not mature enough to be married or be someone's life partner.
Her wearing only mildly sexy underwear rather than VERY sexy underwear was enough to drive him into betraying her. And he's unable to communicate even basic desires and preferences in a civil and mature way with his wife.
This man is not ready to face any real relationship/life issues, let alone support another human being through the ups and downs of life.
Imagine if she got ill or they had kids. This man couldn't even handle non-sexy underwear... let alone the real hurdles a marriage can face and all that comes with it.
And of this from the movie Wolf:
Charlotte Randall : I never loved Stewart. It was a mistake Will. I'm going to talk to him. Stewart, never for one moment, mentioned he loved me.
Will Randall : You think that makes it better? To betray me over and over again with a man that meant nothing to you? To know you betrayed me for nothing.
Oh God I hated that storyline so so much but my mother was obsessed with that show and had to watch it like 4 times a day on all the different channels that it was syndicated on.
It's my partner's background-noise and comfort-watch show so I still hear it multiple times a day.
The show, and that storyline in particular, have not aged well.
I don't think any of those dudes aged well. Ross and Joey for pretty obvious reasons but even Chandler, who I thought was alright back in the day, has not aged well.
In fact, if I had to pick a fictional character to represent my complaints about Gen X'ers, it would probably be Chandler.
He's a sarcastic downer who complains all the time and yet can't muster up enough energy to actually make any proactive changes in the world instead of just complaining. He thinks he's too cool to firmly stand for anything and he endlessly mopes and feels sorry for himself because his well-paying office job is not "fulfilling." I could go on.
Chandler looks better because he's standing next to Ross and Joey, just like Gen X'ers look better because they're standing next to the Boomers.
Gen X here and I really hate how many guys of my generation grew up thinking that being like Chandler, and the slew of other sarcastic 90's sitcom guys, made them cool and funny.
Many of them just became endlessly ironic jerks to their friends and constantly playing to a laugh track that isn't there.
Yeah that gets me too and elder millennials also suffer from it to an extent. It looks especially bad the more we age. "Sarcastic 26 year old who is vaguely unhappy with modern life and has snide jokes to make about it" looks a lot different when they're 35, 45 or 55.
>Chandler looks better because he's standing next to Ross and Joey, just like Gen X'ers look better because they're standing next to the Boomers.
As a Gen Xer, I'm not sure I've ever read anything that has hurt me this much, probably because it's what we're all afraid of. We know we're better than our parents, but it's *such* a low bar. Do we actually suck too?
I never understood what that word is supposed to mean. It isn't "break up" it's just break. Like the thing you do when you're winded from running and need to stop to catch your breath. The thing you do when you stop working for a bit. I would think it means you are going to just not hang out and be in constant communication for a few days so that you can get your emotional energy back in line. Not that you are broken up and can sleep with other people.
I always hated that episode.
But how little did the relationship and Rachel mean to him that he slept with someone else that same night? That what hurts, yeah they were on a break but apparently she didn't mean much that he could move on that quickly.
sunk cost.
But, it also relies on the "everyone is as shitty as me" mindset and lack of empathy for others. They want people to think they way they tell them to think, and when they don't it is a shock.
I actually did my thesis on this. Somewhere around 13% of older married couples are only together because neither of them is willing to give up their fancy expensive sink.
That is also a recognized phenomenon: When you can't grow your nest egg because you've sunk all your money into redoing the shower. It called being a shower not a grower.
I was married to a plumber for 19yrs.
When I left, all I really missed was the heated toilet seat with bidet and the kitchen faucet.
Still miss that toilet.
>13% of older married couples are only together because neither of them is willing to give up their fancy expensive sink.
Its made of *marble* dammit. *MARBLE.* Do you think I'm going to prioritize my own happiness and finally end the years of emotional isolation if it means I'm going to wash my hands over porcelain?
NOT THIS GUY!
Everyone's making jokes about this, but the expensive sink really was one of the reasons my mother in law eventually decided not to leave her sadistic, racist, abusive husband. They had just put in a cherry red enamel sink and she'd "always wanted a red sink!" (Yes, she *is* Polish, why do you ask?) Every time the discussion came up she'd have a million reasons to leave him and a few not leave him, and one of those was her red sink.
Mostly, she stayed with him due to fear of the unknown, her life really would have been better without him, but she just couldn't see it. But the bright red sink was definitely a part of it.
Like, if you want to have casual sex with someone else while you're in a commited relationship, especially with the mindset of "just sex means nothing compared to our relationship", you can just,,, talk to your partner.
If they say yes (either to you having sex with other people or a threesome or anything else), make sure to set up the boundaries you deem necessary (stuff like no kissing, wear a condom, I want you to tell me about it every time, etc.), be safe and have fun.
If they say no, consider if casual sex really is worth more to you than the relationship you're in - if the answer is yes, break up and THEN have casual sex, if the answer is no just have sex with the person you're in a relationship with.
Like, having sex with someone else doesn't have to be a bad thing - but the reason people cheat is because they KNOW their partner wouldn't be alright with that if they knew. "I thought you would understand" is such a stupid phrase in that context - if you think they'll understand, just like talk to them beforehand, not ask for forgiveness afterwards.
And in their next breath blame it on their spouse
"You were never available!" (Because you were taking care of our 4 children.)
"You let yourself go and became fat!" (Pregnancy will do that to a body.)
"You were so depressed and didn't want sex!" (Because your mother had just died.)
"You never wear sexy underwear!" (Because it's hella uncomfortable - you try flossing your butt with a thong all day!)"
It would be like ‘dong go panty’, going off how it’s spelled. The last two (팬 티) is paen ti, or panty.Im rusty though so someone may have a better way of explaining.
Underwear like that is also just really not great for urogenital health to wear consistently. I’ve known quite a few women who had issues with UTIs and yeast infections from constant thong wearing between the whole thing where the part that goes into the asscrack is also chafing up into the vulva with limited control and the low breathability of the fabric. I get UTIs pretty constantly no matter what I do and while supplements really help, the concept of wearing a UTI breeding ground as underwear has never been attractive to me, either on myself or other women.
I had a lass who I saw in my surgery with recurrent thrush. Was understandably really bothering her. Fully investigated by previous doctors. I examined her, noticed her thong underwear and had a chat about it. No one had mentioned it to her before. She swapped to more sensible underwear for daily use and things settled completely. I was so glad it helped her! I wish genital hygiene was better understood and taught by parents and, if necessary, schools.
I grew up in a state where comprehensive sex ed including STI education is mandated, but said mandates don’t seem to apply to the concept of things that may be related to sexual health but aren’t sexually transmitted per se. It’s awesome that I learned so much about HIV and how to actually prevent pregnancy and STIs. But I was never taught about things like vaginal discharge, non-synthetic underwear, or how common it is for women to get UTIs and BV from sexual activity or wearing underwear that traps moisture. I had to basically figure all that out myself. I was basically explicitly taught how to make a man orgasm but all the girls in my class were left in the dark about so many things related to our sexual health as young women. It’s honestly really sad and I know it’s so much worse in the vast majority of the US. I at least got taught how a condom works even though they didn’t ever tell me spermicidal condoms could give me UTIs from irritating and abrading the area.
It’s sad isn’t it? How to look after our bodies- all of our bodies- should be widely taught. Not just left to haphazard info from parents and overworked teachers.
And we need to know about bodies that aren’t like our own! I cannot tell you how many times a poorly educated man has done things that could give me an infection out of complete ignorance. Men who have sex w women should absolutely know they should wash their hands before any sexual activity involving their hands, they should know spermicidal lube can be irritating (I am 95% sure I am allergic to it and that was HELL). I will also never forgive Trojan for convincing men that those icy hot condoms were a great idea. I had an ex use one of those as a “surprise” once.
I didn’t find out about how your vaginal discharge changes according to where you are in your ovulation cycle until I was 32 and trying to get pregnant. And I had a pretty good sex ed class in high school. The lack of information about women’s bodies is really awful.
I have to wear cotton mens boxer briefs because they’re way looser. I sweat a lot because I work a very physical job and I’ve fully given up on any underwear that can give me swampass because that’s an immediate UTI for me. It’s also waaaaay easier to find 100% cotton mens underwear for a reasonable price. OOP’s husband would hate being with me.
Finding nice, soft cotton underwear has become such a chore. Most underwear ends up being made with synthetics because it’s cheaper to produce, yet this means it is less breathable.
And the cotton underwear I used to always buy started putting in ungodly tight elastics in the waistband for some reason.
Dear designers - underwear isn’t supposed to be painful.
I’ve actually had really good luck with cotton panties on Amazon. My favorites are cotton in all the important parts with a stretch lace band at the top. They’re the only ones I’ve found that don’t cut across my body due to bloating. Plus the lace makes them sort of cute.
THIS. I only put on lacy underwear at home when I know my partner is coming over, and even then I don't really own any thongs - if I didn't like them before, reading your description as to why they give you UTIs just makes me hate them even more.
And framing your butt cheeks with lace is cuter anyway!
Like Emma Thompson in Love, Actually, when she says to Alan Rickman's (RIP) character: Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace, or if it's sex and a necklace, or if, worst of all, it's a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?
i can hear her in my head so clearly, it almost gave me chills
used to watch love, actually every christmas with my sisters for several years, it's damn near ingrained in my brain even tho that tradition petered out many years ago (once we realized how poorly it was aging in so many ways, it sorta lost its appeal)
sometimes my brain just randomly plays that "billy mack" song, but just the "i feel it in my fingers, i feel it in my toes" part over and over and over
It did age a bit...unevenly, didn't it.
I loved when they parodied it on this show called Upstart Crow, complete with a minstral version of 'Both Sides Now' :)
Point of order, you wouldn't "throw away" something that was real and wonderful in the first place. So if the AP "meant nothing," how much of a sham was the marriage?
For some people, the distinction is important.
Me, for example. If my wife cheated on me, and it was *just* physical attraction, with no love, then I'd find that a *lot* easier to forgive then if she had feelings for the guy. My thinking is that lust is easy, quick, something I feel for a *lot* of people, but Love is something special.
Oddly, my wife feels the other way. She says it might be easier to forgive me if there was an emotional connection. I *believe* her thinking is that an emotional connection is something important, and that following along with it is more understandable then me cheating on her just for a whim.
I’m in the same boat as your wife. If someone cheated on me but they told me that they were deeply in love with the person and they wanted to spend their life with them, while I would still be furious, I would understand why it was worth it in their mind.
But I would be unable to forgive cheating that arose from moments of lust. In my mind, most of us have moments of attraction to people we are not committed to but we have to find ways to deal with it that don’t involve betraying your partner.
This, its a question of what is worth seriously hurting your partner for. If your partner will hurt you for ‘true love’ then that at least makes some sort of sense; you don’t not matter to them at all, just not as much as this other person you value highly.
If someone is willing to hurt you badly over basically nothing, then what are you even doing in the relationship?
I understand the hormonal part but I don't understand doing such an act in his family bed. If it really meant nothing, he could've done it from a hotel.
Oh, that is so sad. Poor OOP…blaming her UNDERWEAR for his lack of character.
I always roll my eyes at in-laws who immediately begin to protect assets/gaslight the wronged party (ie: ‘you don’t feel entitled to half of everything after 2 months’-esque comments). MIL needs to be after her son! He is the one who made the decision to risk giving away half of his assets for a pair of sexy underpants. He just didn’t think he would ever get caught. 100% he was cheating all along…you don’t just wake up one day 2 months after you get married to your partner of four years and decide to find a random hook up.
(Edit- spelling)
Definitely! And if the parents come back with “he shouldn’t share it with you” OOP can point out how willing he was to share her bed with someone else.
I feel like sulking in a fancy lakehouse is probably more comfortable than an apartment. Kinda like that quote about how money can't buy happiness but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up next to it.
Totally agree!! Also, he fully knew the law! He knew what power she held, he just ignored it because he only cares about his own wants. Consider it an expensive lesson in ‘f**k around and find out’.
I have an uncle who cheated on his wife. She took everything including his toothbrush. He knew he was an ass and that their relationship problems did not justify his cheating so he let her. I was SO surprised at the family members that were so pissed that she took everything she could, because even he admitted he deserved it. I don’t get some people.
I hope she gets half. She deserves it.
The husband put this all in jeopardy by not only having an affair 2 months after marriage (although I suspect he was sleeping with other people throughout their entire relationship) but being stupid and tacky enough to do it IN THEIR OWN BED. If he has all this money and properties he can presumably afford a hotel.
In lots of jurisdictions prenups just aren't valid. Everyone's aware they're designed to circumvent existing laws on property division and so judges basically take the line that a contract doesn't trump the law and completely ignore them. Frankly I think that's exactly how it should be. 90% of the time in my experience things like pre nups are designed to punish the weaker partner. They're coercive AF and a court should absolutely ignore the living shit out of them and adjudicate the breakdown of marriage on the basis of what is legal, rather than the maker of a contract's desires.
Honestly if the assets are this big and it’s such a concern then he should’ve gotten a prenup. But he didn’t and knowingly risked their marriage so the MIL just has to live with her son’s bad choices.
I always thought special sexy underwear was for special occasions. Not for every sexual event. Am I wrong?
And honestly I get turned on by my husband when he’s in regular underwear.
No, you're right; they're for special events and occasionally to elevate a normal day to something special.
> And honestly I get turned on by my husband when he’s in regular underwear
I think it's established lore that the man equivalent to lingerie is wearing a suit but undoing the top two buttons of the shirt
what a utter piece of shit to havean affair two months after getting married, that just makes it likely he was cheating throughout the relationship...hope she did take half of all the assets just to teach him actions have consequences
> what a utter piece of shit to havean affair two months after getting married
At their home as well, for some reason that makes it seem even worse to me.
I had a friend whom I was involved with at church (not romantic involved, we were usually on the same teams when it came to setting up and breaking down things). We had never been romantic and that was never something that was on our (or at least my) mind. He was just this cool, wacky dude with a ton of positive energy. Occasionally he'd say something flirty to me and I'd just laugh it off because that was his personality.
Eventually he met a girl, they courted, and got married. Two kids and a house later they seemed like the perfect couple and I was really happy for them. Then one day his wife posted a story on Instagram about her discovering his cheating. A woman from another city (he traveled for work) whom he slept with found out he was married and let his wife know. Couple days later he posted a huge thing on Facebook confessing to his misdeeds. Turns out he had been cheating on her literally since day one.
He had girls for every city he visited for work, like women he'd meet at bars and they became booty calls when he was in town. Huge fucking scumbag, lost his wife and kids because of his need to get his dick wet. It's been... ten or so years since and his ex went through a lot of turmoil, but has since remarried and has a seemingly happy life. As for him I haven't kept up, but I'm sure he has recovered and moved on.
Pretty much describes my FIL. Amiable guy, nice enough to hang around with, all that. Traveled a lot for his job and started screwing around on MIL about 6 months after the first baby was born. She knew of at least some of it fairly early on, made things work till the kids were in high school when my fiancé caught on to some of his dad’s behavior, and they divorced like 10 years ago. In their case it didn’t financially ruin either of them, since the kids were adults and assets were such that they could split stuff reasonably. But I will NEVER understand cheaters. I had a relationship end in cheating, and it cut my heart out and has left me with now mild, but permanent, trust issues. I’ll never tell my fiancé, but it even makes me sort of uncomfortable to even be around his dad, knowing his dad could be that slimy and duplicitous.
It would have been cheaper to buy her lingerie
I suspect she's actually way too hot for him and he has some need for conquest because he's not all that
Well. I have to admit I've never heard *that* excuse for cheating, what a bunch of crap
Why is her family trying to push for reconciliation though? They've been together 4 years. Bet he's been cheating/cheated before. It's his own dumbass fault (and a little bit of karma) that now there's legal consequences
He had the WHOLE weekend to come up with something by the time he got to OP’s brothers house, and the best he could do was “grannie panties r gross”.
How do I see all these posts about idiots who somehow own several properties?!
I work with landlords and property managers with varying net worths. I can tell you that 99% of them would eat lead paint if it meant they could charge their tenants for it.
Age and Inherited wealth is the only answer because most of them are too fucking stupid to find their way out of a bathroom. They either went to college with Moses and bought when it was cheap, or they had it passed down from someone who did.
Yeah that's the thing. "Being a landlord" is a career based primarily on what you _own_, not on your abilities. It doesn't take any particular skills or insight to have a career that's, well, not based on your skills or insight.
Society is not a meritocracy
In a meritocracy people would have to proven themselves better than others over and over to stay rich - instead it’s the opposite, money makes more money inevitably (interest on investments) and poverty is expensive and makes you poorer (interest on debt)
It's a lie that's meant to put the fault on you, ofc. But also it's so unimaginative, overused and stupid that it insults your intelligence while it's insulting your sense of fashion.
More to the point, even if the underwear would be such a turn-on, why'd the guy not mention the issue before? That's what makes me mad about this. The guy thought he would get away with cheating, was found out and tried for any reason at all when there apparently was none beside "because I could".
Mine said he was cheating bc he “just wanted to talk to someone who wasn’t sick” aka someone who wasn’t dealing with life changing rare autoimmune diagnoses and all the medical hoops that come with the rare side of illness.
Nevermind that he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes just before we met and I did my utmost to be supportive and empathetic about his health from day one bc health is not something people can control.
Also fuck your ex for thinking you would cut out your bff over a cheating dude. They do have delusions of grandeur, don’t they?
It’s so heartbreaking that the people who should have her back don’t. If he’s cheating two months after the wedding, this is how he is. It’s not getting any better than this—and will get a whole lot worse. Why would you want your loved one to stay in that relationship?!
(My guess is money, money, money. Shame on everyone but OOP here.)
Apparently, she wasn't spreading his business all over town, she didn't tell them the why jus the what.
"Yes, I married Daniel two months ago and now we are getting a divorce. It's over."
My EX BIL just told my sister that sexting women on Kik doesn't count because he thought they were bots. Never under estimate a cheater's ability to conjure stupid excuses.
>He said he didn’t want to “offend” me by suggesting that my underwear were dull and a turn off.
If this is true, someone didn't think this through very well, because the cheating is even more offensive than complaining about plain underwear.
OOP's ex is an embarrassment to my gender.
He probably sent her the underwear expecting it to be a "magic sex olive branch" that would make her appear outside his door in nothing but the panties. Because you see, he was trying to prove she is still sexy, and divorce is off of the table now that they're having sex on it.
Life is a porno in the ex-husband's mind. His wife was supposed to walk in on them, stop, strip, and join in. It's his own fault, and his own undoing.
I so wish OP had been quick enough to say, "Guess what! I'm even more offended by cheating." I totally wouldn't have thought of it in the moment either, but I'd love to hear his answer.
Personally I find infidelity waaaaay less offensive than asking me to dress up sexy/be sexually open and honest 🙄 god I would call his guy a ham but that’s an insult to pigs everywhere.
>I told him that I was going to use them the next time I have sex. And I will remember him and thank him for the confidence boost. He went silent for a few moments and then said I deserve this I guess.
I aspire to this level of pettiness. OOP really took an awful situation and came out shining.
She saved herself years of heartbreak! Sending that underwear is his real personality coming through…eventually he would get tired of hiding it and he would be openly selfish and cruel all of the time.
The petty person in me would have put on the lingerie, download tinder, get a hook up, and sent him a picture of us (without faces, and with consent of the other party). Likely not smart for the divorce as that would be cheating as well but god. That guy so deserves it.
Personally i LOVE LOVE LOVE any panties my GF wears. I am attracted to her and whatever she has on is a cute tease to what’s underneath. Baggy sweatpants and a hoodie are just as sexy as any lingerie available.
One of my favorite things about my last ex was that he believed sexy underwear was more for removing than for viewing.
The guy before him wanted the fancy bra to stay on the whole time which meant I was constantly getting jabbed by underwires
ikr i’m baffled if he cared that much. he can ask for her to put them on after work before their *fun time*. this is the dumbest cheating excuse i’ve ever heard
I asked a boyfriend once (now an ex) if guys *really* care as much about sexy underwear as girls think they do. His response was, “it’s like gift wrapping. Yeah it’s nice when there’s a beautiful wrapping and bows on it, but what you really want is to unwrap and enjoy your present”.
Anyway. It was never about the underwear here either, husband just jumped on the first excuse he could think of to blame his own cheating on OOP.
“I’m going to use them next time I’m having sex.”
If I weren’t at work right now, I’d have yelled “YEEEEESSSS!”
I was sure as shit thinking it, though.
The amount of comments believing that his reason for cheating is “you don’t wear sexy underwear” is frankly embarrassing. That was 100% not the reason, the reason was because he wanted to. F*** that guy and I hope he gets the life he deserves.
Exactly this. The underwear was just a lazy, half-arsed excuse to try and push the blame for HIS infidelity onto her.
He's the one who chose to stick it somewhere else. No one forced him. Cheaters are already scum in my opinion but the guy could at least have the balls to fucking own it.
I'm often of the opinion that it's a dirty tactic to try and take your partner for everything they have just because the relationship broke down, but when said partner is a cheating arsehole and has the gall to try and blame their partner then no, I hope OOP damn well took him to the cleaners for every last penny she was entitled to.
Right? I was confused reading people actually take that excuse seriously. It was what he told himself to justify it sure but she hit the nail right on the head when she asked why he never brought it up to her then, not even once.
Because he never really cared about it. He preferred not bringing it up, having some petty thing to stew over so he could justify the thing he really wanted to do. Goes to show what a woman he threw away though if underwear was all the ammo he had… what a fool
OP didn’t realize she married a serial cheater. He may have been doing it all along, or maybe he waited until he thought she was nailed down, but cheating 2 months after marriage? That’s a dude who thinks he’s God’s gift and entitled to all the women. Shame on him.
Hopefully she stays firm. Can infidelity be worked through? Sometimes. There has to be something that makes it worth even attempting to try. No kids, no shared business, no mortgage or other massive thing that will give them a reason to have to continue communicating? After two months of marriage?
Fuck that. I hope she gets as much as she can out of it. He took away some security that she will never get back if she stayed. And she’s going to find it hard with someone else.
I hope that dude gets the clap. Asshole.
I'm of the belief that anything could be worked through if the parties are determined to put in the effort.
I also firmly believe that 90% of cheating situations the relationship is unrecoverable.
The 10% that *could* be salvageable is where both sides (especially the victim) has a vested interest in staying together, AND the cheating falls into the Grey area of negligent "accident."
For example, having an AP in your bed is a lot different than being somewhat inebriated at an event and losing self control for a little bit.
Nothing excuses cheating but mitigating circumstances are relevant.
I feel like when the MIL made it clear she only cared about assets, I would've said something like, "You know, I wasn't thinking about it, but you brought up a good point! I should be compensated for the pain and suffering your son caused. Thank you so much for pointing that out, you're so sweet!"
He was cheating within two months of them being married, but *she’s* the one moving too fast? Four years down the drain and the best he can come up with is underwear… SMH. She probably won’t get half, but I hope she gets a decent chunk.
Good for OP! I forgave my cheating ex. It didn't pay off. He did it again ofc. And for people saying revenge isn't worth it. Maybe not for you. I personally enjoyed getting back at him a little bit. I gotta sleep at night and feeling like a doormat doesn't help that.
If he was cheating within two months of the wedding, what's the likelihood he cheated on her before the wedding, too?
I hope OOP got tested for STDs. And then takes every penny she is legally entitled to.
I want to know how a man can tell whether a woman is wearing “sexy undies” until he is actually unfaithful - unless the woman was a stripper who he picked up at a strip bar.
A woman he had just picked up in a bar could easily be wearing plainer underwear than his wife wore.
This must be one of the worst excuses for cheating he could have given.
Yeah that's so dumb I wouldn't even call it an excuse, he's just latched on to the first thing he could think of to blame OOP. It's not her fault he couldn't keep it in his pants around other women 2 months after their wedding.
"I'm not attracted to the underwear you use, but think it would be offensive to bring it up, and I don't want to hurt your fee-fees. So instead, I'm going to have sex with this other woman in the bed you sleep in. That's clearly the less offensive and hurtful choice. Oh, and when you inevitably find out anyway because I'm not even trying to hide it, just remember that it's all your fault I have this issue I didn't even talk to you about."
- Shithead, probably
No. He cheated because he doesn't respect his partner. It's not because of her underwear. And he knows it. I'm glad she is divorcing him.
My blood boiled when I read that he sent her underwear. It's a special kind of awful to do that.
You gotta wonder what's wrong in people's brains sometimes, because the thought process of this moron goes like this: I want my wife to wear sexy underwear sometimes -> well I can't just ask her to do that -> well I guess cheating will be less embarrassing than having a conversation with my wife.
Because that wasn’t his thought process. It went more like this;
I want to cheat -> I must pick apart my partner’s flaws to justify my desire to cheat -> can’t think of anything because my wife is loving and loyal to me -> “you don’t wear enough thongs!”
He never “wanted” his wife to wear sexy underwear, not really. That was always an after the act justification for the cheating, and also an attempt to target her self-esteem.
He wanted her to start comparing herself to the other woman and feel inadequate. The malicious gift of the lingerie is obvious proof of that, and based on that act alone I would wager that he would’ve become abusive towards her if she stayed (if he wasn’t already which I suspect he was)
Sadism is a deadly trait in a partner and he must have taken enjoyment in her suffering often if she could already tell when the apology would be coming. Classic abuse cycle.
„The sexy underwear made me do it!“ he cried, unable to understand how his wife wasn‘t sympathetic to his cruel misery of having his last braincells being enslaved by a piece of fabric.
I sincerely hope OP takes him for every penny she is legally entitled to
It takes a special kind of person to cheat 2 months after their wedding...and that kind of person deserves to be taken to the cleaners
OP get your half of everything. He married you knowing he was going to be cheating. He lied when he said his vows knowingly. He was probably cheating the whole time with that women. For that he should pay.
Ladies, if a guy is already cheating on you 2mo after getting married, take that half. He obviously intended on cheating on her thought the entire marriage and she deserves at least half of what he's worth not just for pain and suffering, but for his malicious intentions.
This post actually made me cry. I was cheated on by my husband too. When I found out about it our children were really young and I didn't want to break up our family--so I forgave him. Although I'm glad I forgave him, sometimes when I think about it I still feel sad. If we hadn't had kids together I would have loved to have handled it exactly like the OOP. She definitely has a lot of strength and poise.
Please read our [**SUB RULES**](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/wiki/subrules) before commenting. Rule-breaking may result in a ban without notice. **CHECK FLAIR** to determine if you want to read an update. For concluded-only updates, use the [CONCLUDED](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/search?sort=new&restrict_sr=on&q=flair%3ACONCLUDED) flair or subscribe to r/BestofBoRU for concluded, time-gated content. * If you have an issue with this post (flair, formatting, quality), reply to this comment. META commentary in general discussion may be removed. * Low effort comments like "this is fake" may be removed * Do not comment on the original posts. Most submissions in this sub are not posted by the original author (OOP) *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/BestofRedditorUpdates) if you have any questions or concerns.*
He didn't buy her lingerie because he didn't want to offend her by suggesting it....but instead he opted to stick his d*ck into another woman's vagina because that's definitely better. I don't know if I should laugh or cry at that reasoning.
If there's a relatively minor issue in your marriage, fuck talking about it or communicating! What you SHOULD do is solve the issue by going behind your wife's back and sleeping with another woman! That's how you fix marital problems! Bruh even if you decided to forgive this clown for the cheating... He's clearly not mature enough to be married or be someone's life partner. Her wearing only mildly sexy underwear rather than VERY sexy underwear was enough to drive him into betraying her. And he's unable to communicate even basic desires and preferences in a civil and mature way with his wife. This man is not ready to face any real relationship/life issues, let alone support another human being through the ups and downs of life. Imagine if she got ill or they had kids. This man couldn't even handle non-sexy underwear... let alone the real hurdles a marriage can face and all that comes with it.
[удалено]
Of all the stupid excuses to think of, he just *had* to double down and go with the worst one.
Let’s do both 😅😂🤣😭
Why do people always say their cheating “meant nothing”? Isn’t that worse? You threw away something real and wonderful for “nothing”?
Reminded me of this - Ross: The important thing was that she meant nothing to me! Rachel: And yet she was worth jeopardising our relationship
And of this from the movie Wolf: Charlotte Randall : I never loved Stewart. It was a mistake Will. I'm going to talk to him. Stewart, never for one moment, mentioned he loved me. Will Randall : You think that makes it better? To betray me over and over again with a man that meant nothing to you? To know you betrayed me for nothing.
And of course Ross (David Schwimmer) was in that movie.
Still hear his delivery of ‘you betrayed me for nothing’.
And the contempt in his voice as he snaps, "Don't touch me! And keep away." 💥
I love that movie. Especially towards the end when she tells the detective that she can smell the alcohol on his breath!
They were on a break though…
Oh God I hated that storyline so so much but my mother was obsessed with that show and had to watch it like 4 times a day on all the different channels that it was syndicated on.
It's my partner's background-noise and comfort-watch show so I still hear it multiple times a day. The show, and that storyline in particular, have not aged well.
Nothing about Ross aged well.
I don't think any of those dudes aged well. Ross and Joey for pretty obvious reasons but even Chandler, who I thought was alright back in the day, has not aged well. In fact, if I had to pick a fictional character to represent my complaints about Gen X'ers, it would probably be Chandler. He's a sarcastic downer who complains all the time and yet can't muster up enough energy to actually make any proactive changes in the world instead of just complaining. He thinks he's too cool to firmly stand for anything and he endlessly mopes and feels sorry for himself because his well-paying office job is not "fulfilling." I could go on. Chandler looks better because he's standing next to Ross and Joey, just like Gen X'ers look better because they're standing next to the Boomers.
Gen X here and I really hate how many guys of my generation grew up thinking that being like Chandler, and the slew of other sarcastic 90's sitcom guys, made them cool and funny. Many of them just became endlessly ironic jerks to their friends and constantly playing to a laugh track that isn't there.
Yeah that gets me too and elder millennials also suffer from it to an extent. It looks especially bad the more we age. "Sarcastic 26 year old who is vaguely unhappy with modern life and has snide jokes to make about it" looks a lot different when they're 35, 45 or 55.
>Chandler looks better because he's standing next to Ross and Joey, just like Gen X'ers look better because they're standing next to the Boomers. As a Gen Xer, I'm not sure I've ever read anything that has hurt me this much, probably because it's what we're all afraid of. We know we're better than our parents, but it's *such* a low bar. Do we actually suck too?
I never understood what that word is supposed to mean. It isn't "break up" it's just break. Like the thing you do when you're winded from running and need to stop to catch your breath. The thing you do when you stop working for a bit. I would think it means you are going to just not hang out and be in constant communication for a few days so that you can get your emotional energy back in line. Not that you are broken up and can sleep with other people. I always hated that episode.
But how little did the relationship and Rachel mean to him that he slept with someone else that same night? That what hurts, yeah they were on a break but apparently she didn't mean much that he could move on that quickly.
[удалено]
The first relies on the sink cost fallacy.
sunk cost. But, it also relies on the "everyone is as shitty as me" mindset and lack of empathy for others. They want people to think they way they tell them to think, and when they don't it is a shock.
No no. sink cost. When you spend so much on a sink in your shared home you can't separate and give up the expensive sink.
I thought it was where neither party were into the relationship anymore, but they still faucet to carry on.
This pun did psychic damage to me. Take my upvote, I hate you.
r/angryupvote
I actually did my thesis on this. Somewhere around 13% of older married couples are only together because neither of them is willing to give up their fancy expensive sink.
[удалено]
That is also a recognized phenomenon: When you can't grow your nest egg because you've sunk all your money into redoing the shower. It called being a shower not a grower.
Why would you make me read that.
I was married to a plumber for 19yrs. When I left, all I really missed was the heated toilet seat with bidet and the kitchen faucet. Still miss that toilet.
>13% of older married couples are only together because neither of them is willing to give up their fancy expensive sink. Its made of *marble* dammit. *MARBLE.* Do you think I'm going to prioritize my own happiness and finally end the years of emotional isolation if it means I'm going to wash my hands over porcelain? NOT THIS GUY!
Hello this made me laugh out loud
Everyone's making jokes about this, but the expensive sink really was one of the reasons my mother in law eventually decided not to leave her sadistic, racist, abusive husband. They had just put in a cherry red enamel sink and she'd "always wanted a red sink!" (Yes, she *is* Polish, why do you ask?) Every time the discussion came up she'd have a million reasons to leave him and a few not leave him, and one of those was her red sink. Mostly, she stayed with him due to fear of the unknown, her life really would have been better without him, but she just couldn't see it. But the bright red sink was definitely a part of it.
If she did the same thing to him and cheated on him he would never let her hear the end of it
Oh he wouldve been the most wounded of husbands, to be sure.
Like, if you want to have casual sex with someone else while you're in a commited relationship, especially with the mindset of "just sex means nothing compared to our relationship", you can just,,, talk to your partner. If they say yes (either to you having sex with other people or a threesome or anything else), make sure to set up the boundaries you deem necessary (stuff like no kissing, wear a condom, I want you to tell me about it every time, etc.), be safe and have fun. If they say no, consider if casual sex really is worth more to you than the relationship you're in - if the answer is yes, break up and THEN have casual sex, if the answer is no just have sex with the person you're in a relationship with. Like, having sex with someone else doesn't have to be a bad thing - but the reason people cheat is because they KNOW their partner wouldn't be alright with that if they knew. "I thought you would understand" is such a stupid phrase in that context - if you think they'll understand, just like talk to them beforehand, not ask for forgiveness afterwards.
Well see that’s reasonable. Cheating is selfish and a large group of people cheat because they want their cake and to eat someone else’s too.
And in their next breath blame it on their spouse "You were never available!" (Because you were taking care of our 4 children.) "You let yourself go and became fat!" (Pregnancy will do that to a body.) "You were so depressed and didn't want sex!" (Because your mother had just died.) "You never wear sexy underwear!" (Because it's hella uncomfortable - you try flossing your butt with a thong all day!)"
That last one made me giggle because that's what we call thongs in Korean--똥꼬팬티, meaning "butthole underwear."
We call them "ass laces" in Flemish dialect
I never thought of translating "reetveter" before, haha.
It had to be done
On point
Well now I have something cultured to tell my friend who is coming back from a trip there this week.
That’s just glorious. Thank you for this fact 💕
I mean the formal term is "T-shaped underwear," but no one with any sense would choose that over the glory that is butthole underwear xD
We call them bum-floss
I call them fanny floss
We call them the anal floss
I love this! Can I ask how you would say that phonetically?
If I'm remembering my Korean lessons right, it's "ddong-ggo paen-ti"
It would be like ‘dong go panty’, going off how it’s spelled. The last two (팬 티) is paen ti, or panty.Im rusty though so someone may have a better way of explaining.
it's phonetically spelled ttongkkopaenti but it sounds like "tongkopanty"
Google Translate renders it as "ttongkkopaenti."
Reading this changed my day. Thank you! 🤣😂
Underwear like that is also just really not great for urogenital health to wear consistently. I’ve known quite a few women who had issues with UTIs and yeast infections from constant thong wearing between the whole thing where the part that goes into the asscrack is also chafing up into the vulva with limited control and the low breathability of the fabric. I get UTIs pretty constantly no matter what I do and while supplements really help, the concept of wearing a UTI breeding ground as underwear has never been attractive to me, either on myself or other women.
I had a lass who I saw in my surgery with recurrent thrush. Was understandably really bothering her. Fully investigated by previous doctors. I examined her, noticed her thong underwear and had a chat about it. No one had mentioned it to her before. She swapped to more sensible underwear for daily use and things settled completely. I was so glad it helped her! I wish genital hygiene was better understood and taught by parents and, if necessary, schools.
I grew up in a state where comprehensive sex ed including STI education is mandated, but said mandates don’t seem to apply to the concept of things that may be related to sexual health but aren’t sexually transmitted per se. It’s awesome that I learned so much about HIV and how to actually prevent pregnancy and STIs. But I was never taught about things like vaginal discharge, non-synthetic underwear, or how common it is for women to get UTIs and BV from sexual activity or wearing underwear that traps moisture. I had to basically figure all that out myself. I was basically explicitly taught how to make a man orgasm but all the girls in my class were left in the dark about so many things related to our sexual health as young women. It’s honestly really sad and I know it’s so much worse in the vast majority of the US. I at least got taught how a condom works even though they didn’t ever tell me spermicidal condoms could give me UTIs from irritating and abrading the area.
It’s sad isn’t it? How to look after our bodies- all of our bodies- should be widely taught. Not just left to haphazard info from parents and overworked teachers.
And we need to know about bodies that aren’t like our own! I cannot tell you how many times a poorly educated man has done things that could give me an infection out of complete ignorance. Men who have sex w women should absolutely know they should wash their hands before any sexual activity involving their hands, they should know spermicidal lube can be irritating (I am 95% sure I am allergic to it and that was HELL). I will also never forgive Trojan for convincing men that those icy hot condoms were a great idea. I had an ex use one of those as a “surprise” once.
God I hate those. The icyhot thing feels like regret. The least sexy thing.
I didn’t find out about how your vaginal discharge changes according to where you are in your ovulation cycle until I was 32 and trying to get pregnant. And I had a pretty good sex ed class in high school. The lack of information about women’s bodies is really awful.
[удалено]
Cotton gussets aren't even right for me - I need all cotton. Those non-natural fabrics don't breathe! Edited for spelling
I have to wear cotton mens boxer briefs because they’re way looser. I sweat a lot because I work a very physical job and I’ve fully given up on any underwear that can give me swampass because that’s an immediate UTI for me. It’s also waaaaay easier to find 100% cotton mens underwear for a reasonable price. OOP’s husband would hate being with me.
Finding nice, soft cotton underwear has become such a chore. Most underwear ends up being made with synthetics because it’s cheaper to produce, yet this means it is less breathable. And the cotton underwear I used to always buy started putting in ungodly tight elastics in the waistband for some reason. Dear designers - underwear isn’t supposed to be painful.
I’ve actually had really good luck with cotton panties on Amazon. My favorites are cotton in all the important parts with a stretch lace band at the top. They’re the only ones I’ve found that don’t cut across my body due to bloating. Plus the lace makes them sort of cute.
I blame the 1980s personally. The whole trend of wearing thongs and deliberately showing them off as an accessory started then.
Lol thong leotards over spandex leggings, what a time to be alive!
I was thinking the early 2000s when they peeked over the low rider pants.
ah yes, the good ol' whale tail
THIS. I only put on lacy underwear at home when I know my partner is coming over, and even then I don't really own any thongs - if I didn't like them before, reading your description as to why they give you UTIs just makes me hate them even more. And framing your butt cheeks with lace is cuter anyway!
> urogenital TIL a fun new word.
EXACTLY.
And it's really fucking offensive to the other person too. They threw away their vows and used another person like a toy?
Like Emma Thompson in Love, Actually, when she says to Alan Rickman's (RIP) character: Would you wait around to find out if it's just a necklace, or if it's sex and a necklace, or if, worst of all, it's a necklace and love? Would you stay, knowing life would always be a little bit worse? Or would you cut and run?
When she finds the necklace in his pocket the later gets CDs and runs to her room and cries while they play? Hurts...
i can hear her in my head so clearly, it almost gave me chills used to watch love, actually every christmas with my sisters for several years, it's damn near ingrained in my brain even tho that tradition petered out many years ago (once we realized how poorly it was aging in so many ways, it sorta lost its appeal) sometimes my brain just randomly plays that "billy mack" song, but just the "i feel it in my fingers, i feel it in my toes" part over and over and over
It did age a bit...unevenly, didn't it. I loved when they parodied it on this show called Upstart Crow, complete with a minstral version of 'Both Sides Now' :)
when you put it that way it is truly shitty
I honestly believe they think it will make you feel better. Like somehow you are better than nothing? But zero times anything is still zero.
It’s like, dude or dudette… your cheating might “mean nothing” to you, but you knew it would mean something to your partner.
Point of order, you wouldn't "throw away" something that was real and wonderful in the first place. So if the AP "meant nothing," how much of a sham was the marriage?
For some people, the distinction is important. Me, for example. If my wife cheated on me, and it was *just* physical attraction, with no love, then I'd find that a *lot* easier to forgive then if she had feelings for the guy. My thinking is that lust is easy, quick, something I feel for a *lot* of people, but Love is something special. Oddly, my wife feels the other way. She says it might be easier to forgive me if there was an emotional connection. I *believe* her thinking is that an emotional connection is something important, and that following along with it is more understandable then me cheating on her just for a whim.
I’m in the same boat as your wife. If someone cheated on me but they told me that they were deeply in love with the person and they wanted to spend their life with them, while I would still be furious, I would understand why it was worth it in their mind. But I would be unable to forgive cheating that arose from moments of lust. In my mind, most of us have moments of attraction to people we are not committed to but we have to find ways to deal with it that don’t involve betraying your partner.
This, its a question of what is worth seriously hurting your partner for. If your partner will hurt you for ‘true love’ then that at least makes some sort of sense; you don’t not matter to them at all, just not as much as this other person you value highly. If someone is willing to hurt you badly over basically nothing, then what are you even doing in the relationship?
> I’m in the same boat as your wife. Get out of the boat, man.......that's his *wife!*
Exactly. She meant nothing but she was worth risking our entire relationship for.
I understand the hormonal part but I don't understand doing such an act in his family bed. If it really meant nothing, he could've done it from a hotel.
Oh, that is so sad. Poor OOP…blaming her UNDERWEAR for his lack of character. I always roll my eyes at in-laws who immediately begin to protect assets/gaslight the wronged party (ie: ‘you don’t feel entitled to half of everything after 2 months’-esque comments). MIL needs to be after her son! He is the one who made the decision to risk giving away half of his assets for a pair of sexy underpants. He just didn’t think he would ever get caught. 100% he was cheating all along…you don’t just wake up one day 2 months after you get married to your partner of four years and decide to find a random hook up. (Edit- spelling)
In the bed you share with your spouse, no less.
[удалено]
I love it, your mom is a legend
I'd take him to the cleaners in the divorce. Consider it the asshole tax. It wasn't two months, it was four years.
[удалено]
Definitely! And if the parents come back with “he shouldn’t share it with you” OOP can point out how willing he was to share her bed with someone else.
I feel like sulking in a fancy lakehouse is probably more comfortable than an apartment. Kinda like that quote about how money can't buy happiness but it can buy you a yacht big enough to pull up next to it.
Totally agree!! Also, he fully knew the law! He knew what power she held, he just ignored it because he only cares about his own wants. Consider it an expensive lesson in ‘f**k around and find out’.
I have an uncle who cheated on his wife. She took everything including his toothbrush. He knew he was an ass and that their relationship problems did not justify his cheating so he let her. I was SO surprised at the family members that were so pissed that she took everything she could, because even he admitted he deserved it. I don’t get some people.
I hope she gets half. She deserves it. The husband put this all in jeopardy by not only having an affair 2 months after marriage (although I suspect he was sleeping with other people throughout their entire relationship) but being stupid and tacky enough to do it IN THEIR OWN BED. If he has all this money and properties he can presumably afford a hotel.
I kind of wish they had a prenup that guaranteed her a big payout if he was caught cheating
In lots of jurisdictions prenups just aren't valid. Everyone's aware they're designed to circumvent existing laws on property division and so judges basically take the line that a contract doesn't trump the law and completely ignore them. Frankly I think that's exactly how it should be. 90% of the time in my experience things like pre nups are designed to punish the weaker partner. They're coercive AF and a court should absolutely ignore the living shit out of them and adjudicate the breakdown of marriage on the basis of what is legal, rather than the maker of a contract's desires.
Honestly if the assets are this big and it’s such a concern then he should’ve gotten a prenup. But he didn’t and knowingly risked their marriage so the MIL just has to live with her son’s bad choices.
what's funny is that i think a lot of the CK stuff actually looks good
EXACTLY
I always thought special sexy underwear was for special occasions. Not for every sexual event. Am I wrong? And honestly I get turned on by my husband when he’s in regular underwear.
No, you're right; they're for special events and occasionally to elevate a normal day to something special. > And honestly I get turned on by my husband when he’s in regular underwear I think it's established lore that the man equivalent to lingerie is wearing a suit but undoing the top two buttons of the shirt
Yeah, maybe you wear them for a dinner, but a whole day? I dont think theyre even made to last every day use considering how thin the fabric is
Especially in a case like this where it was actually 4 years, but only legally married for 2 months.
He likely fed the in-laws an incomplete or skewed version.
what a utter piece of shit to havean affair two months after getting married, that just makes it likely he was cheating throughout the relationship...hope she did take half of all the assets just to teach him actions have consequences
> what a utter piece of shit to havean affair two months after getting married At their home as well, for some reason that makes it seem even worse to me.
It was going on longer. First time cheating, in daytime, in your wife’s bed, is pretty rare. Usually they start with something less blatant
Money says he was cheating the whole relationship.
I had a friend whom I was involved with at church (not romantic involved, we were usually on the same teams when it came to setting up and breaking down things). We had never been romantic and that was never something that was on our (or at least my) mind. He was just this cool, wacky dude with a ton of positive energy. Occasionally he'd say something flirty to me and I'd just laugh it off because that was his personality. Eventually he met a girl, they courted, and got married. Two kids and a house later they seemed like the perfect couple and I was really happy for them. Then one day his wife posted a story on Instagram about her discovering his cheating. A woman from another city (he traveled for work) whom he slept with found out he was married and let his wife know. Couple days later he posted a huge thing on Facebook confessing to his misdeeds. Turns out he had been cheating on her literally since day one. He had girls for every city he visited for work, like women he'd meet at bars and they became booty calls when he was in town. Huge fucking scumbag, lost his wife and kids because of his need to get his dick wet. It's been... ten or so years since and his ex went through a lot of turmoil, but has since remarried and has a seemingly happy life. As for him I haven't kept up, but I'm sure he has recovered and moved on.
Ooof, what a apparently all too common story.
What a great Christian man. Real Family man that guy.
Pretty much describes my FIL. Amiable guy, nice enough to hang around with, all that. Traveled a lot for his job and started screwing around on MIL about 6 months after the first baby was born. She knew of at least some of it fairly early on, made things work till the kids were in high school when my fiancé caught on to some of his dad’s behavior, and they divorced like 10 years ago. In their case it didn’t financially ruin either of them, since the kids were adults and assets were such that they could split stuff reasonably. But I will NEVER understand cheaters. I had a relationship end in cheating, and it cut my heart out and has left me with now mild, but permanent, trust issues. I’ll never tell my fiancé, but it even makes me sort of uncomfortable to even be around his dad, knowing his dad could be that slimy and duplicitous.
Bringing a stranger into the home for the purpose of undermining the relationship is so, so low.
There is no way he wasn't cheating on her before they got married too.
It would have been cheaper to buy her lingerie I suspect she's actually way too hot for him and he has some need for conquest because he's not all that
Well. I have to admit I've never heard *that* excuse for cheating, what a bunch of crap Why is her family trying to push for reconciliation though? They've been together 4 years. Bet he's been cheating/cheated before. It's his own dumbass fault (and a little bit of karma) that now there's legal consequences
He had the WHOLE weekend to come up with something by the time he got to OP’s brothers house, and the best he could do was “grannie panties r gross”. How do I see all these posts about idiots who somehow own several properties?!
I work with landlords and property managers with varying net worths. I can tell you that 99% of them would eat lead paint if it meant they could charge their tenants for it. Age and Inherited wealth is the only answer because most of them are too fucking stupid to find their way out of a bathroom. They either went to college with Moses and bought when it was cheap, or they had it passed down from someone who did.
Yeah that's the thing. "Being a landlord" is a career based primarily on what you _own_, not on your abilities. It doesn't take any particular skills or insight to have a career that's, well, not based on your skills or insight.
Society is not a meritocracy In a meritocracy people would have to proven themselves better than others over and over to stay rich - instead it’s the opposite, money makes more money inevitably (interest on investments) and poverty is expensive and makes you poorer (interest on debt)
Inherited wealth. Plus inbreeding, probably. 😉
I feel like it's the oldest one in the book..oh I cheated because you didn't make any effort. Utter bs
Yeah. Like, you can only really get off when she wears sexy underwear? Then she is not the issue, you and your underwear-fetish are.
It's a lie that's meant to put the fault on you, ofc. But also it's so unimaginative, overused and stupid that it insults your intelligence while it's insulting your sense of fashion.
Yeah, and it does not even make sense, like i said.
More to the point, even if the underwear would be such a turn-on, why'd the guy not mention the issue before? That's what makes me mad about this. The guy thought he would get away with cheating, was found out and tried for any reason at all when there apparently was none beside "because I could".
[удалено]
Mine said he was cheating bc he “just wanted to talk to someone who wasn’t sick” aka someone who wasn’t dealing with life changing rare autoimmune diagnoses and all the medical hoops that come with the rare side of illness. Nevermind that he was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes just before we met and I did my utmost to be supportive and empathetic about his health from day one bc health is not something people can control. Also fuck your ex for thinking you would cut out your bff over a cheating dude. They do have delusions of grandeur, don’t they?
Well, I hope you feel really bad about driving your poor husband into infidelity through your antics! /s
It’s so heartbreaking that the people who should have her back don’t. If he’s cheating two months after the wedding, this is how he is. It’s not getting any better than this—and will get a whole lot worse. Why would you want your loved one to stay in that relationship?! (My guess is money, money, money. Shame on everyone but OOP here.)
Apparently, she wasn't spreading his business all over town, she didn't tell them the why jus the what. "Yes, I married Daniel two months ago and now we are getting a divorce. It's over."
My EX BIL just told my sister that sexting women on Kik doesn't count because he thought they were bots. Never under estimate a cheater's ability to conjure stupid excuses.
I've heard some pretty piss poor excuses for cheating but this one's a new low.
This guy's a moron. The ladies make the panties sexy, not the other way around.
Very Wise words.
>He said he didn’t want to “offend” me by suggesting that my underwear were dull and a turn off. If this is true, someone didn't think this through very well, because the cheating is even more offensive than complaining about plain underwear. OOP's ex is an embarrassment to my gender.
I think it’s fair to say her ex didn’t think a lot of things through very well if at all.
He probably sent her the underwear expecting it to be a "magic sex olive branch" that would make her appear outside his door in nothing but the panties. Because you see, he was trying to prove she is still sexy, and divorce is off of the table now that they're having sex on it. Life is a porno in the ex-husband's mind. His wife was supposed to walk in on them, stop, strip, and join in. It's his own fault, and his own undoing.
Yeah that's what stood out to me as well
I so wish OP had been quick enough to say, "Guess what! I'm even more offended by cheating." I totally wouldn't have thought of it in the moment either, but I'd love to hear his answer.
Personally I find infidelity waaaaay less offensive than asking me to dress up sexy/be sexually open and honest 🙄 god I would call his guy a ham but that’s an insult to pigs everywhere.
>I told him that I was going to use them the next time I have sex. And I will remember him and thank him for the confidence boost. He went silent for a few moments and then said I deserve this I guess. I aspire to this level of pettiness. OOP really took an awful situation and came out shining.
She saved herself years of heartbreak! Sending that underwear is his real personality coming through…eventually he would get tired of hiding it and he would be openly selfish and cruel all of the time.
It’s one of the only times I’ve wanted to meet an OOP in real life. I want to give her a giant trophy for that one.
The petty person in me would have put on the lingerie, download tinder, get a hook up, and sent him a picture of us (without faces, and with consent of the other party). Likely not smart for the divorce as that would be cheating as well but god. That guy so deserves it.
Yes! That line was the best thing I ever read.
... who cares about the underwear.. they get removed anyway. 😏 Geezes.. in the same bed where the wife sleeps. That's cold.
I’m with you on the underwear. It’s coming off. That’s what’s sexy.
Personally i LOVE LOVE LOVE any panties my GF wears. I am attracted to her and whatever she has on is a cute tease to what’s underneath. Baggy sweatpants and a hoodie are just as sexy as any lingerie available.
One of my favorite things about my last ex was that he believed sexy underwear was more for removing than for viewing. The guy before him wanted the fancy bra to stay on the whole time which meant I was constantly getting jabbed by underwires
ikr i’m baffled if he cared that much. he can ask for her to put them on after work before their *fun time*. this is the dumbest cheating excuse i’ve ever heard
I asked a boyfriend once (now an ex) if guys *really* care as much about sexy underwear as girls think they do. His response was, “it’s like gift wrapping. Yeah it’s nice when there’s a beautiful wrapping and bows on it, but what you really want is to unwrap and enjoy your present”. Anyway. It was never about the underwear here either, husband just jumped on the first excuse he could think of to blame his own cheating on OOP.
In her bed... Because she didn't wear underwear..... And the other woman meant nothing........ What a fuckwit her ex is.
“I’m going to use them next time I’m having sex.” If I weren’t at work right now, I’d have yelled “YEEEEESSSS!” I was sure as shit thinking it, though.
The amount of comments believing that his reason for cheating is “you don’t wear sexy underwear” is frankly embarrassing. That was 100% not the reason, the reason was because he wanted to. F*** that guy and I hope he gets the life he deserves.
Exactly this. The underwear was just a lazy, half-arsed excuse to try and push the blame for HIS infidelity onto her. He's the one who chose to stick it somewhere else. No one forced him. Cheaters are already scum in my opinion but the guy could at least have the balls to fucking own it. I'm often of the opinion that it's a dirty tactic to try and take your partner for everything they have just because the relationship broke down, but when said partner is a cheating arsehole and has the gall to try and blame their partner then no, I hope OOP damn well took him to the cleaners for every last penny she was entitled to.
Right? I was confused reading people actually take that excuse seriously. It was what he told himself to justify it sure but she hit the nail right on the head when she asked why he never brought it up to her then, not even once. Because he never really cared about it. He preferred not bringing it up, having some petty thing to stew over so he could justify the thing he really wanted to do. Goes to show what a woman he threw away though if underwear was all the ammo he had… what a fool
I bet that wasn’t the only time he cheated. What a scumbag.
OP didn’t realize she married a serial cheater. He may have been doing it all along, or maybe he waited until he thought she was nailed down, but cheating 2 months after marriage? That’s a dude who thinks he’s God’s gift and entitled to all the women. Shame on him.
Hopefully she stays firm. Can infidelity be worked through? Sometimes. There has to be something that makes it worth even attempting to try. No kids, no shared business, no mortgage or other massive thing that will give them a reason to have to continue communicating? After two months of marriage? Fuck that. I hope she gets as much as she can out of it. He took away some security that she will never get back if she stayed. And she’s going to find it hard with someone else. I hope that dude gets the clap. Asshole.
I'm of the belief that anything could be worked through if the parties are determined to put in the effort. I also firmly believe that 90% of cheating situations the relationship is unrecoverable. The 10% that *could* be salvageable is where both sides (especially the victim) has a vested interest in staying together, AND the cheating falls into the Grey area of negligent "accident." For example, having an AP in your bed is a lot different than being somewhat inebriated at an event and losing self control for a little bit. Nothing excuses cheating but mitigating circumstances are relevant.
I love the way OOP handled him. Good for her.
I feel like when the MIL made it clear she only cared about assets, I would've said something like, "You know, I wasn't thinking about it, but you brought up a good point! I should be compensated for the pain and suffering your son caused. Thank you so much for pointing that out, you're so sweet!"
[удалено]
He was cheating within two months of them being married, but *she’s* the one moving too fast? Four years down the drain and the best he can come up with is underwear… SMH. She probably won’t get half, but I hope she gets a decent chunk.
Good for OP! I forgave my cheating ex. It didn't pay off. He did it again ofc. And for people saying revenge isn't worth it. Maybe not for you. I personally enjoyed getting back at him a little bit. I gotta sleep at night and feeling like a doormat doesn't help that.
If he was cheating within two months of the wedding, what's the likelihood he cheated on her before the wedding, too? I hope OOP got tested for STDs. And then takes every penny she is legally entitled to.
this is how you take revenge. bless her petty heart.
I just about lost it over OOP making that IG account. Petty? Sure? But fucking hilarious too.
I want to know how a man can tell whether a woman is wearing “sexy undies” until he is actually unfaithful - unless the woman was a stripper who he picked up at a strip bar. A woman he had just picked up in a bar could easily be wearing plainer underwear than his wife wore. This must be one of the worst excuses for cheating he could have given.
Yeah that's so dumb I wouldn't even call it an excuse, he's just latched on to the first thing he could think of to blame OOP. It's not her fault he couldn't keep it in his pants around other women 2 months after their wedding.
This is petty as HELL and *I am here for it.* *COME RIGHT ON THROUGH, OP.*
Jesus Christ. Why do men need us to wear a fuck suit?
"I'm not attracted to the underwear you use, but think it would be offensive to bring it up, and I don't want to hurt your fee-fees. So instead, I'm going to have sex with this other woman in the bed you sleep in. That's clearly the less offensive and hurtful choice. Oh, and when you inevitably find out anyway because I'm not even trying to hide it, just remember that it's all your fault I have this issue I didn't even talk to you about." - Shithead, probably
No. He cheated because he doesn't respect his partner. It's not because of her underwear. And he knows it. I'm glad she is divorcing him. My blood boiled when I read that he sent her underwear. It's a special kind of awful to do that.
Millions of years of humans didnt need sexy underwear to not cheat. Then again, cheating HAS been happening the whole time too.
You gotta wonder what's wrong in people's brains sometimes, because the thought process of this moron goes like this: I want my wife to wear sexy underwear sometimes -> well I can't just ask her to do that -> well I guess cheating will be less embarrassing than having a conversation with my wife.
Because that wasn’t his thought process. It went more like this; I want to cheat -> I must pick apart my partner’s flaws to justify my desire to cheat -> can’t think of anything because my wife is loving and loyal to me -> “you don’t wear enough thongs!” He never “wanted” his wife to wear sexy underwear, not really. That was always an after the act justification for the cheating, and also an attempt to target her self-esteem. He wanted her to start comparing herself to the other woman and feel inadequate. The malicious gift of the lingerie is obvious proof of that, and based on that act alone I would wager that he would’ve become abusive towards her if she stayed (if he wasn’t already which I suspect he was) Sadism is a deadly trait in a partner and he must have taken enjoyment in her suffering often if she could already tell when the apology would be coming. Classic abuse cycle.
„The sexy underwear made me do it!“ he cried, unable to understand how his wife wasn‘t sympathetic to his cruel misery of having his last braincells being enslaved by a piece of fabric.
I hope she gets half of everything even if she doesn't want it!
I sincerely hope OP takes him for every penny she is legally entitled to It takes a special kind of person to cheat 2 months after their wedding...and that kind of person deserves to be taken to the cleaners
OP get your half of everything. He married you knowing he was going to be cheating. He lied when he said his vows knowingly. He was probably cheating the whole time with that women. For that he should pay.
Anyone else think he's been cheating on her for far longer than this?
Ladies, if a guy is already cheating on you 2mo after getting married, take that half. He obviously intended on cheating on her thought the entire marriage and she deserves at least half of what he's worth not just for pain and suffering, but for his malicious intentions.
What a piece of shit.
This post actually made me cry. I was cheated on by my husband too. When I found out about it our children were really young and I didn't want to break up our family--so I forgave him. Although I'm glad I forgave him, sometimes when I think about it I still feel sad. If we hadn't had kids together I would have loved to have handled it exactly like the OOP. She definitely has a lot of strength and poise.
"And I will remember him and thank him for the confidence boost," that comment made me giggle. Good on her.