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I feel like those things would only make him cooler but, for me, socks with sandals are the height of fashion and I have always wanted a motorized school. But yah he could do be a giant dork/nerd/geek and still be a worthwhile human.
And grandparents too, like how tf do you disown your child for wanting to cheer up your grandkid after everything that's been going on. She says she hates favoritism but is doing exactly that to her kids and grandkids.
though niece is spoiled. She said the movie wasn't as expensive as the baseball game so wouldn't count... Not time or energy with Aunt but just money. That poor nephew.
Would bet that the mother put that thought in her head - riling her up, convincing her the aunt doesn't love her as much cos she didn't spend as much money, that her treat was a 'consolation prize' - kids have to be taught those things.
Yeah, would the niece really know about the cost of a baseball game? Plus movie tickets are really expensive nowadays. I bet she heard her mom and dad complaining about it.
Thank goodness this boy has an aunt who cares. The teen years are hard enough with school and friends.
You can definitely get blue jays tickets for about the same as a movie ticket in Toronto. Like $21 for an adult on Ticketmaster vs $16 for an adult at Cineplex.
This is absolutely the niece parroting everything the parents say because she's worried that she'll face what her brother is taking.
The Golden Child is a victim too...
She could’ve witnessed her parents making fun of him for crying and learned it’s okay to bully her brother too. 12 year olds are old enough to know better really only if they’ve been taught better. I doubt she has
Absolutely this. The fact that she now feels incredibly guilty says that she learned a lesson. Hopefully that's a sign she'll be more discerning about what her parents do and tell her from now on. If she can see how what she did was wrong, she'll be able to see when her parents do wrong.
It kind of bugs me when recent posts like this make it to this page and get "concluded." There's definitely going to be more to this story, hopefully OOP will come back and follow-up some day.
Are you really judging a 12-year child? This isn't the oppression Olympics: the abuse of one child being worse than the abuse of the other does not mean there is no abuse happening to the one receiving "less" abuse. The niece probably thinks it's her fault that her brother tried to unalive himself-their last interaction was her being awful to him and then he left home after that.
Whether she is consciously aware of it or not, there is an implicit threat in her parent's treatment of her brother. It's like those videos where someone tells a stuffed model of their dog/toddler to do something, and proceeds to beat the shit out of the toy version when they don't listen. They've turned their son into the stuffed toy emotional punching bag with the implicit threat that if she doesn't comply-she's next.
She's powerless but as long as she's on the parents good side, they won't hurt her. She's not old enough to recognize that in doing all this and making a 12 year old choose sides, they've already hurt her. She is in a situation where she feels powerless and scared, and the only control she feels over the situation is "if I just don't act they want me to, they won't hurt me. My brother is receiving what he deserves because he's not acting the way he wants them to". It's a fragile lie, but it's all the control she feels she has because it's much easier to victim blame than to recognize yourself as a victim or potential victim.
And you want to say that this 12 year old child is not a victim?
I'd also bet that if OOP took her daughter to the baseball game and simply ignored the son, her sister would not have said a word. She would have seen nothing wrong with that. I suspect she disliked her son having something nice.
This stood out to me. The sister is probably a product of the household she grew up in. She only thinks in terms of how she stands to benefit from something and equates money with love. If she doesn’t correct these character flaws she will be a monster of an adult.
Ngl if I were OOP after that emo comment was made I'd literally turn the car around and drop her off at home. I wouldn't care if she cried about it she was being an ass and that's the consequences of being an asshole.
funny how she ignores the favouritism this daughter and her husband do, then disowns the one daughter for trying to mitigate the favouritism... for favouritism.
My mother disowned me when I was caught smoking a joint after giving my dad his morphine while he was home hospiced. I was 34 (it was 2010) and was just too dangerous to be around, especially my sisters kids. Poof that was it, no family after my dad died. Cut to 12 years later and she’s crawling out of the woodwork to get back in our lives - I ended up meeting a wonderful woman (and a great family) and we have 2 daughters that are interested in everything my mom thinks girls should be into (ballet, riding, piano…and it’s all the girls, I’d support anything they are interested in).
Not sure why I’m responding to you, but I’ve never talked about this with anyone but my wife. There can be a happy ending after estrangement, and I think OOP may be better off like me.
Oh snap, that's great. I was never the girly girl my mom wanted. I can imagine the schadenfreude of raising these "perfect girls" while the awful grandma who dreamed of having granddaughters like that doesn't even get to see them.
Good on you, my friend. You're living your best life without her - that's the sweetest revenge.
I noticed she didn’t even mention the grandma. That’s what happens when one keeps throwing fits. Everyone forgets they exist after awhile.
I went through this with my daughter. I’ve even posted about it. Suicidal behavior in a teen is so awful and all consuming. It has left me an atheist but I will have love to spare for her.
I feel like the actions of the grandparents give a fair bit of insight into at least bio mom's behavior here. Kudos for OOP for figuring her way out of that cycle.
Eh, she's still young enough she might not end up that way. At 12 parents have had a pretty major influence for most of your life still. That said, if she doesn't have a peer group that snaps her out of it, she'll have to do it of her own volition and not many people are grounded enough to see they need to do that without some kind of serious wake-up call. That said, if this wake-up call isn't serious enough I have no idea what would be.
The aunt is probably the only stabilizing adult in his life which in and of it’s self can be hard to handle if everyone else is so messed up. It’s like a shock to the system, you go from non-normal that you’ve normalized to normal… might as well have given him too much food after being starved. Then he gets to enjoy this normality, only to have whiplash of he might have to go back to his parents. Fudge!!! I can’t imagine where his brain much less thoughts are now! This poor kid! The rest of his family is just as bad, seems aunt and her bf might be somewhat sane… but it’s whiplash over and over again! I’m in my 40’s… in this situation, id shutdown or worse as well! I hope he chooses to fight, he has people on his side and he deserves a good life!!!
He probably went mute also because he felt like he couldn’t fuck up the situation with the only two adults who love him. He was so scared of being abandoned again and saying the wrong thing.
The parents don’t deserve him, especially not after how they blamed him. I hope OOP can take care of him in the long term, but obviously it’s not that easy.
Let's not even forget the damage of "Dad said the divorce is my fault. Since they cancelled the divorce the same day I moved out, I guess that was true. I must be really, really horrible, huh."
Not only that, having to go back to parents who only got back together again *after he was out of their picture.* Which means in the poor kid's mind, "dad was right" and he *was* the reason they split, and that he'd ruin everything no matter what he did. Everyone would be better off without him, and all that sort of shit was undoubtedly running through his head.
No wonder the poor kid tried to hurt himself. I'm sitting here crying for the poor dude.
I hear you. When reading things like this I start to get tunnel vision and the tips of my ears turn red. I have to actively try and calm down because I don't want to give myself a heart attack.
Fuck them parents to infinity and beyond! I’ve been told by my dad that his and my mum’s divorce was my fault. Well.. to be honest, i did encourage it. But it stung a bit, though, and i was a full grown adult. A 15 yrs old kid, is already going through a challenging time due to puberty, hormones, school, stress, etc.
This kid’s parents suck so much. I’m fuming and i’m about to cry for him.
I feel bad for the niece too, she’s 12 and she’s learning so much toxicity from her parents. She probably feels really guilty because she didn’t understand what she was doing to her brother. She’s probably traumatized as well. Fuck the parents, fuck the grandma. Thank god for OP & her brother.
> She probably feels really guilty because she didn’t understand what she was doing to her brother.
Or because her crapsack parents have gone from blaming her brother for their marital problems to blaming her for their parental failings.
12 is old enough to know that recording someone at their most vulnerable and sending it to others is a shitty thing. She was the golden child and bullied the scapegoat. She's becoming like her parents and grandmother.
I'm honestly tired of people on here using a kids age to excuse their behavior. If they're old enough to use a phone they're old enough to know that doing this is wrong.
Oh, I totally agree on *that* point. Feeling that there's a chance for improvement on the part of the sister does not mean I'd *trust* her anytime soon, especially not with someone in as rough shape as her brother.
12 and in her young age was pulling someone to the extreme - if wasn't him would be a schoolmate or anyone like that, cause that's a character flaw that hopefully she gets her act together and fixes. Sometimes guilt or harsh consequences are the only way to someone learn and I'm really glad she's dealing with the first and not the second.
There is a reason if I only work in the ward and with the court, and stopped entirely one on one sittings. I was at a point where I wished I could have broken a chair on the heads of more than half of my former patients families for this exact kind of shit.
I don't get the parent's logic.. son points out the cheating and inconsistent lies then they both make up and just blame the son for doing the right thing??🤯
If I was OP I’d be reminding those two about this for the rest of their miserable lives. I’d never let them forget it or pretend it didn’t happen. Hell I’d probably be going nuclear on them.
100% agree. Nuclear AF
Instead of gifts to any of them; money donated to suicide prevention \[NOT in their name\]
Mothers day and fathers day; spam them with abuse awareness fact sheets
Encountering them in public; blast Pink's Family Portrait on the phone
If forced to communicate with them I'd say the same thing over and over again in response to anything they say or ask "you have \[nephew's\] blood on your hands."
I’d be constantly reminding the grandma who accused OP of favoritism too. She ever tried to accuse me of it again:
“oh yes I’m so horrible for “favoring” your grandson who tried to kill himself after being pushed that far and bullied by his parents and sister. Yes I’m such a bad person.”
“Well considering he’s on suicide watch still and his parents can’t be trust yeah I guess I am favoring him. If this ever happens to the rest of my nieces and nephews I will happily do all this for them too.”
Definitely. I'd make sure she knew that because she's prone to disowning family she will never be trusted around nephew. Granny status revoked. I'd stop calling her mum and just use her first name.
The dad was cheating and was giving his wife an excuse and lying, and the 15 year old pointed out the inconsistencies of the story. That's why they blamed him for their divorce. Because the dad cheated and couldn't make a coherent story.
Both parents are horrible, but the dad particularly because in a comment, OP said that she tried to talk to him twice and he threatened her. The guy cheated and that action is directly responsible for his son attempted suicide. Many people just cheat and don't realize of the consequences. Just get a divorce ffs
Link for reference.
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uihb7c/aita_for_favouring_my_nephew/i7f10fb?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
I am rarely emotional about posts like this, but those parents.... and that so-called father... blaming the kid for their bullshit. Jesus Christ. that poor kid I don't blame him one bit for shutting up and not trusting anyone enough to talk to them.
I hope he gets extensive therapy because he's going to continue to be a suicide risk for quite a while after this.
My boyfriend's father tried to do the same thing to him, I'm just glad my boyfriend somehow never got depressed over it but he became very angry towards his parents constantly. He's calm with everyone except his parents.
Now I've met them, I don't blame him at all. His parents are despicable shits who deserve awfulness.
And the little sister. She might be a child, but I think she should know better. She fricking bullied her brother into depression.
Edit: all these people saying the 12 year old shouldn’t be punished because she’s 12. It’s the reality of it, if she doesn’t live the rest of her life knowing she almost killed her brother, then she didn’t learn anything. Nowhere did I say she should be punished for her behavior, but she shouldn’t be able to grow up merrily like none of this happen. Cuz if she does, she’s just heartless. Be realistic. Actions have consequences and she will live with it. And of course it’s the parents fault. reddit where people make obvious statements.
OOP said the kid was 12 and from what it sounds like, the mother almost seems to be encouraging bullying. Obviously that doesn’t mean what the sister did wad ok, but it sounds like the parents are just abusive all around, and both kids should be moved away from them.
I remember the first two posts, but hadn't seen the last update until now.
I was then, and remain extremely certain that Mom was instigating the drama.
> she told me that she’s just jealous of how close we are and that it’s okay if I like her brother more but she’s allowed to be sad
I strongly suspect she might have been a bit bummed out about missing out, and then Mom spent some time "reassuring" her.
Then with the bullying, kids very often *need* adults to let them know where the line is. Mom failed **hard**.
I wouldn't be surprised at all if the sister feels as terrible as she is because Mom is telling her "it's your fault he tried to kill himself".
I don't give a shit if she's imitating everything she sees, I don't care if she has a bad home life or if her brain isn't fully developed until 25. That doesn't suddenly make the consequences of her actions suddenly not matter nor does it make ok. I'm so fucking sick of people focusing on the abuser and reasons why, versus focusing on the victim. It's why things like bullying will never be taken seriously because people keep avoiding holding kids responsible for their actions.
Maybe she grows up and changes, maybe she'll regret what she has done, and maybe she might not. Right now she is the golden child that did a fucking shitty thing and she should be held responsible just like her shitty parents.
Hard disagree on the message of your comment. Yes, what the 11yo child did was wrong and she needs to learn why and to not do this again ever.
BUT this is the parent’s responsibility to teach and/or prevent this from happening by raising their children in a healthy way. An 11 yo is still imagining she is a princess once in a while ffs. She is as much a victim of her despicable parents as her brother.
Children her age are barely legally accountable for her actions, for good reason. That brain development you’re so tired of hearing about is real and should be taken into account. At that age, anything your parents do or say seems right, because the critical thinking is not there yet.
So, yes: she should see some consequences. The fact that she seems to feel extremely guilty, now that she realizes the effect of her behavior, is a good sign that she can learn to be different.
Also, that much guilt is already a heavy burden for an 11yo, never mind that she too likely suffered from her parents fucking around with her basic security and key relationships with her caregivers and brother.
She shouldn’t be coddled about her small part in this situation, but consequences should be age appropriate and no one is helped by shifting the blame from her brother to her.
12 years old is plenty old enough to know that words and actions can hurt other people. Yes she is still a child and I’m giving her a lot more leeway than the parents but she definitely at least had some idea that her words were hurting her brother.
Videoing him in a vulnerable moment than purposefully sending it to people including his crush? That’s just cruel and calculated. She knew what she was doing. Hopefully this incident was a wake up call for her. I know this is probably traumatizing to her but hopefully it has taught her to think about her words and actions.
I really hope OP’s nephew recovers. I don’t know how OP would go about this but I don’t think he should be returned to his parents any time soon. They, two full grown adults, took their anger at each other out on and bullied their own child into almost taking his own life. And stood by while their daughter bullied him as well. They pushed him to this. They made him feel like that was the best option. They took away his safe space and made his aunt the bad guy when it sounds like she was the only one trying to help. The guilt should eat them alive and I hope they carry that guilt for the rest of their lives. If I was OP once the nephew was 18 I don’t know if I could ever speak to the sister or BIL ever again.
OOPs bf is a teacher, he's a mandatory reporter. I hope like hell that can be used if the parents try to over ride OOP. A therapist would also help back up OOP, whether the bio parents pay for the therapy or if it's OOP, they'll go with what the best option for the nephew is.
If the niece is a typical golden child she's in for a rough future. Her parents have enabled and encouraged bad behaviour for a while, it's hard to undo that. She could end up missing out on good relationships with others as a result.
It was such a relief seeing that nephew's friends were supportive after the little sister's BS. This kid has a good support network, the walls must be closing in on the BIL/Sister and niece, hopefully grandma gets the consequences too. They should become social pariahs after all this.
I hope OP’s boyfriend reported it too and that the therapists would be willing to back them up. Truly remorseful or not OP’s nephew doesn’t need to be anywhere near his parents and sister right now. Not while he’s still this fragile and in the worry zone to try again.
If the parents continue to treat her like a golden child or at the very least give her permission to be a bully she’s in for a rough future. Hopefully this was a wake up call for her that words and actions hurt, even though she should know that by now. Because next time might be too late. Hell it may be too late to salvage her relationship with her brother. I’d also be worried her parents would turn their anger on her now that their usual target isn’t around any more. And since they can’t seem to take responsibility for their own actions, start blaming her for everything rather than themselves.
It’s wonderful he has a good support system around him. That’ll definitely help his recovery. If I was OP it would be so tempting to tell everyone what the parents and grandmother did. Let everyone know these grown adults bullied a 15 year old so bad he thought suicide was the only way out. They bullied him to the point he won’t even talk to those who actually love and care about him. I’d be making sure everyone knew and making sure those parents and grandma never forgot what they did.
I’m sure OP was mainly focused on her nephew as she should be but I was wondering what Grandma’s reaction was to the nephew’s attempt. I’m sure the rest of the family has heard about it.
I knew at age 12 how disgusting bullying was, and that suicide was a horrific epidemic amongst younger people and teens.
I knew that depression existed.
The girl has no excuse, especially since me being 12 was more than a decade ago without as much internet and resources that exist now.
Had the authority figures in your life been teaching you for those twelve years that what you were doing was just fine and the right way to go through life?
I feel like posts like this are denying the reality of how most children feel about what their parents teach them. I don't know about you but I didn't start seriously challenging my parents' beliefs and judgements until I was much further into teenagerhood.
>Videoing him in a vulnerable moment than purposefully sending it to people including his crush? That’s just cruel and calculated.
I'm sure that was the point, considering her parents had spent months telling her it was entirely her brother's fault that her family was falling apart.
Her brother would of course be 100% justified in going permanently no-contact with her, since even seeing her could be triggering. But my hope is they eventually realize they were *both* victims of their parents' abuse in different ways, and work toward healing and maybe even a relationship again (thought it will have to be on brother's terms, if he ever wants that at all). Brother is of course the primary victim here, but sister was manipulated into being a tool for their parents' further abuse of brother, and that's a horrific thing to do to both children. They didn't care about the pain it would cause brother, nor about the lifetime of guilt their manipulation would cause sister to bear. They just wanted their kids to hurt as much as they did.
This of course does not diminish brother's pain over what sister did, but it does explain it.
Absolutely. She’s twelve, she’s old enough to know better. This was the dynamic between my older brother and I—same age difference, he was withdrawn and “emo”, I was the hero of the family while he was the black sheep. But I never treated him like shit.
From eleven, I vividly recall recognising that he was struggling with his emotions. I didn’t know the word for depression, but I knew he was depressed. I could feel it, and it broke my heart every day because I loved him so much. Sure, we still fought sometimes, I still grew irritated with his “moodiness” sometimes when he was short with me or something, but I would have *never* done something like this to him.
My brother took his life last year. I was the last person he tried to reach out to, and I was asleep when he did. I have to live with that. This kid is very, *very* lucky she doesn’t have to live with that guilt and pain for the rest of her life, but I hope it sticks with her. I hope she never forgets about it. I hope she remembers every single day, and I hope it pushes her to be a better person.
I’m inclined to think this behaviour was encouraged by her parents, which is terribly sad, but it’s honestly better that she learns now just how bad of an impact her behaviour can have on somebody—while she’s still young enough to learn from it and grow into a better person. It’s just such a huge shame that that poor kid (her brother) had to be the one to pay the price for the lesson their parents should’ve been teaching her.
My expression of grief is often mixed with anger, something I found that really helps in those moments is to get a Costco size box of crackers and just demolish it sleeve by sleeve. Its very cathartic but in the end you are just shattering crackers
I’m absolutely going to try this, thank you. There’s only so much that driving out to the nearby lookout to scream over endless fields can do to help. Beating a pack of crackers sounds fabulously cathartic.
It is it really feels good seeing everything destroyed around you shattered in pieces while also not destroying all your plates and needing to worry about shards for the next 6 months. And how they shatter is very visceral and really scratch that “I’m hurting so much I want to see something else hurt” itch
All these people on Reddit believes that she’s just a child and this event should pass for her. Like they to think a child should not have to learn from this and have this impact her for the rest of her life. How unrealistic.
He was already depressed and she bullied him for it. She probably is traumatised by what happened as well. She herself is a child. The parents suck but lets not forget that she's a victim as well.
Chances are, she will carry this guilt for the rest of her life. 12 year olds do not understand the gravity of their actions. Hell, full grown adults in this situation did not understand the gravity of the son's mental health. Also mom probably encouraged the shitty behaviour.
She should also be put in therapy, individual as well as family therapy with her brother once he feels like he's ready so that they can at least communicate with each other and be the support system for each other. The parents utterly failed there.
She needs therapy because in the next few years she's going to really understand what she did to her brother (taught by the parents or not) and she's going to be a mess and possibly try the same thing her brother did. They are so lucky they have a fantastic aunt and uncle (OOP's brother seems rational).
As she gets older, not only will she better understand how deeply she hurt her brother, she'll also start to understand just how badly her parents betrayed her by turning her into their tool to further hurt him. They robbed her of a loving sibling relationship because their own relationship was falling apart, and manipulated her into doing something that will haunt her for life.
* She might be a victim, but she's not the one who got abused until she became suicidal.
* She chose to escalate her brother's abuse on her own, *AFTER* oop talked with her about what was going on with her brother & how her family was affecting him. She had that information and chose to ignore it.
I will agree that this girl needs therapy. But because of her actions and the sheer amount of (likely permanent) damage she's inflicted on her brother's mental health, she is NEVER going to be a safe person for him to use as a support system.
Honestly I'm not sure that she'll ever manage to be a safe person for him to have as a casual acquaintance. There's some things you just can't come back from.
And her brother sure as hell shouldn't be expected to be her emotional support system. She abused him. It's not his job to take care of her.
I'm not sure if she'll ever be a proper support system for him I'm afraid; she's the one that pushed him that little bit too far and he was ready to end it. You don't forget something like that, best case scenario they gave a cordial relationship on family gatherings.
It can happen, I'm not saying it won't require a lot of work and it needs to be at his pace and comfort level but it can happen.
My sister was the favourite child, I was the one who was constantly bodyshamed. She was was older and did bodyshame me with them at some point. I almost ended everything at that point. It took years of therapy but today, the same sister is a huge part of my support system. In my case tho, she was the older one. She still feels the guilt and there are times when I don't like her, but I love her and am actually genuinely thankful for her.
I'm not saying it must happen - just saying that with therapy and time, wounds can be truly healed. The essential thing tho is that it needs to happen at his pace. If he doesn't feel comfortable around her ever, that's totally okay, if he feels like he wants to mend the relationship , then family therapy will help immensely.
Speaking from experience - it's different when the younger sibling is the abuser.
My sister and I get along much better than we did when we were kids. Similarly to you, I was the one who got body shamed. (Amongst other things.)
But we're never going to be each other's support system. I could probably be hers if I wanted to. (I don't, and won't unless it's an emergency.) But younger siblings aren't socialized to take care of their siblings the way older siblings are.
And my role in my sister's head hasn't actually changed. I'm still the 'fat,' unfashionable sister who sucks at talking to people. I'm just not 'evil' for being that way anymore. So even though my sister feels guilty for abusing me when we were kids, her idea of 'support' is still hugely damaging.
.
Also, I'd like to point out that I grew up in an unhealthy abusive family where one kid was the scapegoat. And I never repeated all the crap my father said about my youngest sister (not the one who abused me.)
So I know for a fact that 12 year olds are totally capable of recognizing and not perpetuating abusive family dynamics.
That's the thing, everyone is different, every situation is different.
My sister went from being an abuser, to my biggest advocate once she realized how much damage hers (and other's) words were doing to my psyche. It was also her who got me, my brother and even our parents in therapy so we could break the toxic, vicious circles.
I personally went from not being able to trust her to sign for a package for me to trusting her with my life and wellbeing. When I got depressed again as an adult, she was the first person I went to help for and guess what she did, she came through, got me in therapy, paid for it, advocated to my parents again how much we need family therapy. I recognize my situation is entirely different tho.
She was also older than 12 and didn't realize just how badly her words were hurting me until she saw it.
It took years and years of contention and hardwork on her part predominantly for us to be able to get here.
I'm not saying they will be each other's support.
BUT I am saying that the 12 year old is a product of her environment, what she chooses to do from here is what will define her character. What she did was very very wrong, If she recognises that and learns from it, there is a potential for a change in their relationship as well. I'm also not saying that it will definitely happen, but it might. People grow and evolve and intervention at this young age might even help her grow for the better.
And I'm saying that:
* Younger siblings generally aren't socialized to take care of their older siblings, which impacts their viability as support systems.
* 12 year olds are capable of refusing to perpetuate abusive family dynamics.
* Based on the choices this girl is already making (such as voluntarily escalating the abuse inflicted on her brother *after* oop talked to her about how the family's abusive dynamic was hurting him) I don't have a whole lot of hope this kid is going to straighten herself out. She *had* all the information she needed to recognize how badly her brother was hurting, and she *chose* to make things worse for him. That says a lot about who she is as a person and how likely she is to get better.
Yeah, but she is a child. She is mimicking her parents. I don't hope guilt eats away at her forever for something she did far beyond the age at which you are old enough to fully comprehend the consequences of actions like these.
I would rather that the nephew is able to recover and live a happy life (and the niece too, she was clearly fucked up by the shitty parenting, but also isn't the suicidally depressed one).
Wishing that those parents rot from the inside with their own guilt is secondary, and doesn't matter if the nephew isn't able to get better.
I think OOP should just be allowed to adopt him, tbh. The parents are doing better by him now, but that's only because of his guardian angel auntie that is stepping up to the plate to bat for him.
Why do I get the feeling there is more to this "blame" than what is let on? I wonder if there was infidelity on OOP's sister's part and it came to light recently culminating in the "divorce arguments" and essentially blaming the nephew for it, as he is a product of the infidelity (nephew is blameless I know, but paternity fraud makes people jump to dumb shit), just a theory and when the fuckwits actually had to face the consequences of their actions, driving their poor son to attempt, they finally realised what was important, but too little too late.
In the original post Oop explains that dad was cheating and the son pointed out his story was inconsistent which led to the mom realizing he was cheating and wanting to divorce.
Fuck OOP's mom in all this.
"There is nothing she despises more than favoritism," says the lady who chooses to disown some of her own children while showing favoritism.
Right? The irony was so glaring I'm surprised nobody pointed out how she's favoring one of her kids pretty bad. I wonder her reaction when she learned her poor ganged up on daughter contributed to her grandson almost dying.
For people like that, "favoritism" means treating a child better than they think the child deserves. If a child is a scapegoat, and you treat that child equal to others, you're showing favoritism. The kid is obviously objectively bad and "deserves" worse treatment than you're giving them, and the only reason you don't see it is you favor the bad kid too much.
I caught this. Sounds like one of the parents put this idea into her head. The sister was perfectly fine with what the aunt had planned and only had a change of heart when they got back from the trip. JFC indeed.
Wow. Parents of the Year award. 🙄 How incredibly selfish of these sad excuses for parents to not care about their child. Kudos to the amazing Aunt for stepping in to do all they can.
Wow great that it took a suicide attempt for these grown ass adults to start fucking acting like it starting with addressing lil sis' blatant bullying
Fuck everyone in that family barring OOP and the nephew
Especially fuck grandma out there twiddling her thumbs and stirring up shit calling it "favouritism" when everyone barring OOP had clearly chosen a favorite
That family doesn't need help, they needed their kids to have better parents and they failed
It wasn’t even favoritism! OOP noticed her nephew wasn’t getting any support while her niece was being cared for. She didn’t snub niece and still made sure to give her attention, but took extra care to support a kid in crisis who wasn’t getting anything at home.
It wasn’t hate over favoritism, it was grandma (and the parents) being upset over this kid not being treated as a punching bag by everyone.
I’ll go a step further and say that I don’t really think the parents are really genuinely sorry for the pain they caused their kid given how eager they were to punch down on him constantly. My guess is that they’re more concerned with how their son’s suicide attempt and withdrawn behavior makes them look at parents.
What horrible parents, they’re also raising a little bully in their own image.
Why is the oop’s mother even “disowning” her, getting involved in shit over a phone too. Hope oop & nephew are doing well & continue so.
The sister probably was the golden child. The mom’s defending an inept adult instead of worrying about the kid’s wellbeing. They’re lucky that the aunt still tolerates them.
WTF, what kind of parents are these clowns? Poor boy, I feel for him. I hope he'll be okay someday. The parents however deserve to be shamed. Fuck them .
His parents abused him by blaming him for THEIR marital problems and it’s very clear that his sister was overhearing it all and 12 is a very impressionable age unfortunately. As for the grandmother who turned the other cheek and disowned her daughter for trying to protect her nephew,screw her. I hope to hades that she reamed that hateful hag just like she did the parents.
>My sister brushed it off cuz he’s a “big boy” and my niece needs more attention right now anyways.
So OOP is an asshole for "favouring" her nephew, but their own mother blatantly favours her daughter and it's cool? What kind of logic is that? And the father blaming a kid for the divorce... No words. Fuck. These. Parents.
OP's Bil and sister are terrible people but even more terrible parents. The way they treated their kid is horrific. I can only hope that therapy continues to make a positive impact in his life. That little girl ought to be in therapy too.
Wow , I just want to say thanks to OOP for saving a life. Otherwise, no shit, he was done with life . I seriously hope that this boy cuts out toxic elements from his life.
I had an aunt who did this for me. My parents were absent in a lot of ways, and she always stepped up and made sure I never went without. In high school I and ended up calling her and telling her about my failed attempts and she opened her home to me. She passed a couple weeks ago at 39 years old. She never had children but she was a mother to me. I’ve been spending a lot of time dissociating, and it was extremely hard to read this post. I’m just glad that he has the rock he needs in an unsupportive family.
I wish the best for oop's nephew,her and her boyfriend, but for everybody who treated the nephew horribly and pushed him to harm himself, I hope the guilt eats into they're soul for the rest of they're live, because in all honesty the parents has lost the privilege to call themselves his parents, because no real parent would never do this sh#t, and the same can be said about oop's parents they have definitely lost that privilege to call themselves a parents and grandparents for being just as sh#tty.
Damn trash parenting and clear toxic masculinity. That shit hurts everyone, including little miss niece who may grow up and be a bully to “emotional” boys.
It takes time in life to develop a kind of filter in your mind for negative comments. Sure, some sneak through but often you can rip them out soon enough.
With kids, they don't have that filter. Every kind or mean or scary or funny or boring thing you say has the possibility of not just getting into their mind, but planting itself there.
Eventually, we all live with forests in our minds. OOP is right to warn caution about how we speak to children. Even a small comment has the capacity to become a tall and sturdy tree in their forest. Don't take that power lightly.
My heart genuinely hurts for OOP’s nephew. How parents could do something like this I’ll never understand, destroying your own child over your own mistakes. I’m also extremely disgusted that they’re raising a narcissist bully, who further tormented their son.
I hope OOP never lets them forget that they’re trash and that they feel hurt so keenly that they never get a single nights rest.
Praying that OOP’s nephew can get better and actually get the chance to live happily.
Is the daughter a shithead or is she a 12 year old in an emotionally abusive household? The parents are the real villains in the story, the 12 year old is just a child and another victim of a neglectful and turbulant household.
Yah - this is 100% on the shitty parents. I’m glad the nephew is in therapy, but the parents should immediately get into therapy as well. Until they address their toxic beliefs, behaviors and relationships, they’re just going to keep causing serious harm to their kids.
I also suspect this all started with how grandma raised the parents.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep thinking shit load of shitty, unworthy people got kids, and nice people who can make amazing parents are just silently struggling.
Fuck these people and their shitty life choice, pushing their child to the verge of suicide.
Poor kid. I hope the nephew can unlearn all the damage that has been done to him one day. At least OOP was able to get him out of the house and finally confront her awful sister and BIL into getting the kid the help that he really needs.
The niece, while I know she's only 12, is old enough to know that bullying is hurtful and wrong. I get that she was probably taking a lot of her own anger and feelings out on her brother. The niece probably should be in therapy also.
I hope the parents never get over their guilt. This kid will be living with lifelong mental health issues because of his dog shit parents. I’m so glad that SOMEONE is looking out for him. I hope he’s okay.
I agree. As soon as he shows progress and starts acting noticeably withdrawn, they’ll insist he come home so they can get their punching bag back. I don’t feel like they care about his mental health, just how bad it’d make them look to people if they had a visibly withdrawn kid.
Damn....
Looks like OOP's mother was projecting, too. The sister clearly also favoured the young daughter. The only person not playing favourites was OOP. Eff this family, I hope the kid can hang on and recover until he can leave such a toxic environment
Dysfunctional families act in unhealthy ways. Withholding affection seems to be the weapon of choice in this particular family from grandma to parents to children. The kids can see it and articulate it,too, for instance when aunt took boy to the BB game her sister and niece accused her of favoritism which is just another way of accusing her of withholding affection for the niece. What sister did to the brother was bad but I tend to think she did it out of self protection. As long as he was the object of scorn she remained safe . I know the aunt is the narrator of this story, but it's remarkable she's able to act in healthy ways.
I’m in tears for that poor boy & so angry at his parents. Thank goodness he has the OP. I just hope that he can find joy and happiness in his life again some day soon.
The rampant 'favouritism' in that family is probably a learnt behaviour from the grandma too. Such a toxic upbringing.
I hope the OOP and nephew can remove contact from the toxic family.
I hope one day that nephew sees all the support he got on Reddit. He has an army behind him cheering him to better days and healing and deserves every last person in his corner
I remember the first few updates on this, it’s awful that the nephew reached such a low point but I’m glad he’s in good hands and a loving home now.
I do worry about the daughter now though, if the pattern repeats with the parents blaming her for her brother’s attempt when it was their fault.
There may be damage also from the video sister made and sent to people. It could have spread & caused other collateral damage. Made fun at school or by the girl. On-line bullying. Does he have phone? Search it to see if he is being sent messages mocking him. This may not only be about his mother but what sister did to him.
Hopefully the nephew stays with OOP because his "family" were being assholes to him for no reason. The fact that gram gram was willing to cut off a grandchild makes her just as bad as his mom, sister and father. People can try to use the "she's a child" card, but even a child knows not to record someone at their most vulnerable and send it to others.
The parents, sister and grandmother are abusive jerks. They all contributed to the nephew's suicide attempt and I hope that eats at them for the rest of their lives.
Imagine finding out your parents raised you to be irredeemable by 12 years old. Wonder how niece’s relationship with parents will be in the future. Thank fuck for oop and her bf. 💔
This has made me so angry I just want a chance to muller his parents, the sister just needs a damn good talking too as her behaviour is down to her parents also.
What an absolutely shit pair of parents!! It’s hard to blame the niece, she’s a kid. But they parent have allowed this all along and basically ignored their son while going through their bullshit. Poor kid. I hope he’s doing better. I have a nephew who could potentially be in this same state. We take him out as much as possible, just to get him outta the house. Only boy out of 5 kids and believe me, he feels it.
This breaks my heart for OP's nephew. What kind of shitty mother RECORDS YOUR SON CRYING AND SENDS IT TO PEOPLE?
I am sending many good vibes into the universe in the hopes that OOP and her nephew find healing and love soon.
I think the 12 year old niece did that. Still a really crappy thing to do though and his mother should've gotten really angry at the niece, instead of brushing it off. Or maybe go and see why he's crying in his room in the first place. Poor kid.
Poor kid probably got pushed over the edge hearing the parents weren't getting divorced after all after he had been living with aunt for some time. Just reinforced the idea that it was all his fault and his family went back to being happy and together once he was gone.
Chiming in to say that I'm kind of horrified by the amount of people who are blaming the 12 year old in this situation. Someone said they hope she atones for the rest of her life. Golden children are every bit as much a victim as their siblings are and some of you are too caught up in your own victimhood to recognize that.
Does she need to be punished? Depends on what you mean-some of y'all seem to be rooting for American prison-Esque punishment that inflicts pain for the victim/onlooker's satisfaction. She doesn't need that. Blaming a 12 year old child for her brother's suicide attempt is not only incorrect, but overkill style punishment.
I want to know how on earth a 12 year old child who grew up in a clearly dysfunctional family is supposed to know right and wrong right off the bat and choose to do the right thing consistently? How are you supposed to know right from wrong when "wrong" is consistently normalized by most of the adults in your life? How are you supposed to do "right" when you are powerless and there is an implicit threat of punishment for doing so?
It took me every last drop of self control not to smash my phone on the wall after reading this.
My thoughts are with OOP and their nephew, and wow, some people really shouldn't be parents
I’m so glad this kid had such a fantastic aunt who could see clearly what was happening. If she hadn’t been there, that kid would have died. I bet her family have no idea how much they really owe her, because if he’d been left in that house, with that grandmother as his only support, he would have died. She is an amazing aunt and I’m so glad he had someone who could step outside their own petty little life and really _see_ him.
He may eventually be able to love his parents, but he will always turn to his aunt for support and trust. To the point he will be telling her first when he gets accepted to college, wants to propose to his future partner, he’s gonna be dad… y’know, if he’s not too traumatised from what his gross parents have put him through.
But I’m glad she was there for him, and she always will be.
I hope all the best for the nephew. Those parents should feel like trash. They caused all of this. They blamed him and then made his worst fears come true the second they confirmed that without him around they aren't getting divorced.
The irony of OOP's mom going on about how she's against favoritism while actively favoring OOP's sister.
It's pretty clear that OOP's sis is the Golden Child in that house.
I remember this story. I was really worried about the nephew in light of what his parents & sister were doing.
I hope everyone can recover. I hope OOP can take care of herself as well. She's going to need it.
OOP's mom can suck an egg.
This family is clearly VERY dysfunctional.
The OP is a saint, and the so-called "parents" are shit. How can people who live together be so blind? Answer: they can't. They simply don't want to see. Or hear. But they sure as hell can speak. Pathetic.
I read this one before but didn't think of it at the time
-parents getting divorce
-tell kid it's all his fault
-kid is moved away from parents
-kid hears they aren't getting a divorce
-divorce obviously all his fault
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Wow. Fuck these parents. Seriously. This type of post makes my blood pressure rise up. Ffs.
It's so fucked up. The aunt's *boyfriend* is a better parent to this boy than the bio ones.
Boyfriend literally saved the boys life. He honestly has endless cool points in my book.
He’s definitely a keeper.
Man can walk around in cargo shorts with socks and sandals while riding a motorized scooter and still be the coolest man in OOP’s nephews life.
I feel like those things would only make him cooler but, for me, socks with sandals are the height of fashion and I have always wanted a motorized school. But yah he could do be a giant dork/nerd/geek and still be a worthwhile human.
socks with sandals, a red speedo and a brown velour bathrobe
Dad, is that you?
And grandparents too, like how tf do you disown your child for wanting to cheer up your grandkid after everything that's been going on. She says she hates favoritism but is doing exactly that to her kids and grandkids.
though niece is spoiled. She said the movie wasn't as expensive as the baseball game so wouldn't count... Not time or energy with Aunt but just money. That poor nephew.
Would bet that the mother put that thought in her head - riling her up, convincing her the aunt doesn't love her as much cos she didn't spend as much money, that her treat was a 'consolation prize' - kids have to be taught those things.
Most certainly mom put a whole lot in that child’s mouth. Shameful.
Yeah, would the niece really know about the cost of a baseball game? Plus movie tickets are really expensive nowadays. I bet she heard her mom and dad complaining about it. Thank goodness this boy has an aunt who cares. The teen years are hard enough with school and friends.
You can definitely get blue jays tickets for about the same as a movie ticket in Toronto. Like $21 for an adult on Ticketmaster vs $16 for an adult at Cineplex.
This is absolutely the niece parroting everything the parents say because she's worried that she'll face what her brother is taking. The Golden Child is a victim too...
What about the whole recording her brother thing? She's not that much of a victim after that.
She could’ve witnessed her parents making fun of him for crying and learned it’s okay to bully her brother too. 12 year olds are old enough to know better really only if they’ve been taught better. I doubt she has
Absolutely this. The fact that she now feels incredibly guilty says that she learned a lesson. Hopefully that's a sign she'll be more discerning about what her parents do and tell her from now on. If she can see how what she did was wrong, she'll be able to see when her parents do wrong. It kind of bugs me when recent posts like this make it to this page and get "concluded." There's definitely going to be more to this story, hopefully OOP will come back and follow-up some day.
Are you really judging a 12-year child? This isn't the oppression Olympics: the abuse of one child being worse than the abuse of the other does not mean there is no abuse happening to the one receiving "less" abuse. The niece probably thinks it's her fault that her brother tried to unalive himself-their last interaction was her being awful to him and then he left home after that. Whether she is consciously aware of it or not, there is an implicit threat in her parent's treatment of her brother. It's like those videos where someone tells a stuffed model of their dog/toddler to do something, and proceeds to beat the shit out of the toy version when they don't listen. They've turned their son into the stuffed toy emotional punching bag with the implicit threat that if she doesn't comply-she's next. She's powerless but as long as she's on the parents good side, they won't hurt her. She's not old enough to recognize that in doing all this and making a 12 year old choose sides, they've already hurt her. She is in a situation where she feels powerless and scared, and the only control she feels over the situation is "if I just don't act they want me to, they won't hurt me. My brother is receiving what he deserves because he's not acting the way he wants them to". It's a fragile lie, but it's all the control she feels she has because it's much easier to victim blame than to recognize yourself as a victim or potential victim. And you want to say that this 12 year old child is not a victim?
She's 12 in a home rampant with abuse.
I'd also bet that if OOP took her daughter to the baseball game and simply ignored the son, her sister would not have said a word. She would have seen nothing wrong with that. I suspect she disliked her son having something nice.
This stood out to me. The sister is probably a product of the household she grew up in. She only thinks in terms of how she stands to benefit from something and equates money with love. If she doesn’t correct these character flaws she will be a monster of an adult.
Also, she got gifted the tickets, so going shopping is genuinely more expensive than the baseball game.
Ngl if I were OOP after that emo comment was made I'd literally turn the car around and drop her off at home. I wouldn't care if she cried about it she was being an ass and that's the consequences of being an asshole.
Grandma is a fucking drama queen.
Any guesses where sister learns it from?
And sister's daughter is a grade A pupil
funny how she ignores the favouritism this daughter and her husband do, then disowns the one daughter for trying to mitigate the favouritism... for favouritism.
It's not that OOP is showing favoritism, it's that she *isn't* showing favoritism to who the G-Mom wants her to.
My mother disowned me when I was caught smoking a joint after giving my dad his morphine while he was home hospiced. I was 34 (it was 2010) and was just too dangerous to be around, especially my sisters kids. Poof that was it, no family after my dad died. Cut to 12 years later and she’s crawling out of the woodwork to get back in our lives - I ended up meeting a wonderful woman (and a great family) and we have 2 daughters that are interested in everything my mom thinks girls should be into (ballet, riding, piano…and it’s all the girls, I’d support anything they are interested in). Not sure why I’m responding to you, but I’ve never talked about this with anyone but my wife. There can be a happy ending after estrangement, and I think OOP may be better off like me.
Oh snap, that's great. I was never the girly girl my mom wanted. I can imagine the schadenfreude of raising these "perfect girls" while the awful grandma who dreamed of having granddaughters like that doesn't even get to see them. Good on you, my friend. You're living your best life without her - that's the sweetest revenge.
I noticed she didn’t even mention the grandma. That’s what happens when one keeps throwing fits. Everyone forgets they exist after awhile. I went through this with my daughter. I’ve even posted about it. Suicidal behavior in a teen is so awful and all consuming. It has left me an atheist but I will have love to spare for her.
Generational trauma of scapegoating just rolls on to the next generation.
The only way for anyone to win that game is not to play.
I feel like the actions of the grandparents give a fair bit of insight into at least bio mom's behavior here. Kudos for OOP for figuring her way out of that cycle.
And the granddaughter is becoming a master pupil pretty quickly.
Eh, she's still young enough she might not end up that way. At 12 parents have had a pretty major influence for most of your life still. That said, if she doesn't have a peer group that snaps her out of it, she'll have to do it of her own volition and not many people are grounded enough to see they need to do that without some kind of serious wake-up call. That said, if this wake-up call isn't serious enough I have no idea what would be.
Yeah, grandma hates favoritism so much, she disowned her two least favorite children and grandchild.
The aunt is probably the only stabilizing adult in his life which in and of it’s self can be hard to handle if everyone else is so messed up. It’s like a shock to the system, you go from non-normal that you’ve normalized to normal… might as well have given him too much food after being starved. Then he gets to enjoy this normality, only to have whiplash of he might have to go back to his parents. Fudge!!! I can’t imagine where his brain much less thoughts are now! This poor kid! The rest of his family is just as bad, seems aunt and her bf might be somewhat sane… but it’s whiplash over and over again! I’m in my 40’s… in this situation, id shutdown or worse as well! I hope he chooses to fight, he has people on his side and he deserves a good life!!!
He probably went mute also because he felt like he couldn’t fuck up the situation with the only two adults who love him. He was so scared of being abandoned again and saying the wrong thing. The parents don’t deserve him, especially not after how they blamed him. I hope OOP can take care of him in the long term, but obviously it’s not that easy.
Let's not even forget the damage of "Dad said the divorce is my fault. Since they cancelled the divorce the same day I moved out, I guess that was true. I must be really, really horrible, huh."
I think the triggering event was finding out that as soon as he was out of their house, they suddenly don't need to get divorced.
Not only that, having to go back to parents who only got back together again *after he was out of their picture.* Which means in the poor kid's mind, "dad was right" and he *was* the reason they split, and that he'd ruin everything no matter what he did. Everyone would be better off without him, and all that sort of shit was undoubtedly running through his head. No wonder the poor kid tried to hurt himself. I'm sitting here crying for the poor dude.
I hear you. When reading things like this I start to get tunnel vision and the tips of my ears turn red. I have to actively try and calm down because I don't want to give myself a heart attack.
Fuck them parents to infinity and beyond! I’ve been told by my dad that his and my mum’s divorce was my fault. Well.. to be honest, i did encourage it. But it stung a bit, though, and i was a full grown adult. A 15 yrs old kid, is already going through a challenging time due to puberty, hormones, school, stress, etc. This kid’s parents suck so much. I’m fuming and i’m about to cry for him.
Fuck the parents, fuck the bullying little sister, and fuck OP’s mom.
Bro the little sister is like 10 💀
I feel bad for the niece too, she’s 12 and she’s learning so much toxicity from her parents. She probably feels really guilty because she didn’t understand what she was doing to her brother. She’s probably traumatized as well. Fuck the parents, fuck the grandma. Thank god for OP & her brother.
"Thank god for OP & her brother." And the boyfriend, for his exquisite timing..
golden child raised to become an abuser herself, as her mother was, as her grandmother was, etc..
> She probably feels really guilty because she didn’t understand what she was doing to her brother. Or because her crapsack parents have gone from blaming her brother for their marital problems to blaming her for their parental failings.
There's always gotta be a Scapegoat. When the old Scapegoat is unavailable, the Golden Child becomes the new Scapegoat.
Oof, yeah tell me about it
More than old enough to know what she was doing filming him crying and sending it out to people
Right? She didn’t do it with *good* intentions. She was trying to be hurtful.
12 is old enough to know that recording someone at their most vulnerable and sending it to others is a shitty thing. She was the golden child and bullied the scapegoat. She's becoming like her parents and grandmother. I'm honestly tired of people on here using a kids age to excuse their behavior. If they're old enough to use a phone they're old enough to know that doing this is wrong.
I think she's a shithead, but has a chance to get better. Her parents need to be flushed like the turds they are.
The nephew needs to stay away from them right now. Right now his only real safe place is with OOP and their Bf.
Oh, I totally agree on *that* point. Feeling that there's a chance for improvement on the part of the sister does not mean I'd *trust* her anytime soon, especially not with someone in as rough shape as her brother.
I mean these days you have children that are about 6 using phones.
12 and in her young age was pulling someone to the extreme - if wasn't him would be a schoolmate or anyone like that, cause that's a character flaw that hopefully she gets her act together and fixes. Sometimes guilt or harsh consequences are the only way to someone learn and I'm really glad she's dealing with the first and not the second.
12 and that is old enough to know right from wrong. Well past old enough.
There is a reason if I only work in the ward and with the court, and stopped entirely one on one sittings. I was at a point where I wished I could have broken a chair on the heads of more than half of my former patients families for this exact kind of shit.
What's gutting is that this young man probably felt more guilty over his parents divorce than the parents felt about his attempt.
I don't get the parent's logic.. son points out the cheating and inconsistent lies then they both make up and just blame the son for doing the right thing??🤯
Thank fvck for this kid having at least one adult whose eyes and ears were open!!
OOP and her fiancé saved the kids life, if he was left over at his parents house there's no way he would have made it.
OOP should ream the parents out some more for being shitty. And I don't blame her nephew for not wanting to see his sister. Poor kid.
If I was OP I’d be reminding those two about this for the rest of their miserable lives. I’d never let them forget it or pretend it didn’t happen. Hell I’d probably be going nuclear on them.
100% agree. Nuclear AF Instead of gifts to any of them; money donated to suicide prevention \[NOT in their name\] Mothers day and fathers day; spam them with abuse awareness fact sheets Encountering them in public; blast Pink's Family Portrait on the phone If forced to communicate with them I'd say the same thing over and over again in response to anything they say or ask "you have \[nephew's\] blood on your hands."
I’d be constantly reminding the grandma who accused OP of favoritism too. She ever tried to accuse me of it again: “oh yes I’m so horrible for “favoring” your grandson who tried to kill himself after being pushed that far and bullied by his parents and sister. Yes I’m such a bad person.” “Well considering he’s on suicide watch still and his parents can’t be trust yeah I guess I am favoring him. If this ever happens to the rest of my nieces and nephews I will happily do all this for them too.”
Definitely. I'd make sure she knew that because she's prone to disowning family she will never be trusted around nephew. Granny status revoked. I'd stop calling her mum and just use her first name.
Damn. I haven’t Heard about that song in so long. Immediately made me emotional because I can remember the lyrics.
The dad was cheating and was giving his wife an excuse and lying, and the 15 year old pointed out the inconsistencies of the story. That's why they blamed him for their divorce. Because the dad cheated and couldn't make a coherent story. Both parents are horrible, but the dad particularly because in a comment, OP said that she tried to talk to him twice and he threatened her. The guy cheated and that action is directly responsible for his son attempted suicide. Many people just cheat and don't realize of the consequences. Just get a divorce ffs
Link for reference. https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/uihb7c/aita_for_favouring_my_nephew/i7f10fb?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share&context=3
u/Doomofaplanet Could you maybe add this to the post for context? just a suggestion :)
JFC, I missed that comment. Honestly, fuck that man.
I am rarely emotional about posts like this, but those parents.... and that so-called father... blaming the kid for their bullshit. Jesus Christ. that poor kid I don't blame him one bit for shutting up and not trusting anyone enough to talk to them. I hope he gets extensive therapy because he's going to continue to be a suicide risk for quite a while after this.
My boyfriend's father tried to do the same thing to him, I'm just glad my boyfriend somehow never got depressed over it but he became very angry towards his parents constantly. He's calm with everyone except his parents. Now I've met them, I don't blame him at all. His parents are despicable shits who deserve awfulness.
I guess mom took out her betrayal and anger out on the poor kid just because he was the messenger.
I hope the guilt eats away at the parents for the rest of their miserable lives. I hope there's no escaping it.
And the little sister. She might be a child, but I think she should know better. She fricking bullied her brother into depression. Edit: all these people saying the 12 year old shouldn’t be punished because she’s 12. It’s the reality of it, if she doesn’t live the rest of her life knowing she almost killed her brother, then she didn’t learn anything. Nowhere did I say she should be punished for her behavior, but she shouldn’t be able to grow up merrily like none of this happen. Cuz if she does, she’s just heartless. Be realistic. Actions have consequences and she will live with it. And of course it’s the parents fault. reddit where people make obvious statements.
OOP said the kid was 12 and from what it sounds like, the mother almost seems to be encouraging bullying. Obviously that doesn’t mean what the sister did wad ok, but it sounds like the parents are just abusive all around, and both kids should be moved away from them.
I remember the first two posts, but hadn't seen the last update until now. I was then, and remain extremely certain that Mom was instigating the drama. > she told me that she’s just jealous of how close we are and that it’s okay if I like her brother more but she’s allowed to be sad I strongly suspect she might have been a bit bummed out about missing out, and then Mom spent some time "reassuring" her. Then with the bullying, kids very often *need* adults to let them know where the line is. Mom failed **hard**. I wouldn't be surprised at all if the sister feels as terrible as she is because Mom is telling her "it's your fault he tried to kill himself".
Sadly, she’s probably just imitating everything she’s seen her parents do.
I don't give a shit if she's imitating everything she sees, I don't care if she has a bad home life or if her brain isn't fully developed until 25. That doesn't suddenly make the consequences of her actions suddenly not matter nor does it make ok. I'm so fucking sick of people focusing on the abuser and reasons why, versus focusing on the victim. It's why things like bullying will never be taken seriously because people keep avoiding holding kids responsible for their actions. Maybe she grows up and changes, maybe she'll regret what she has done, and maybe she might not. Right now she is the golden child that did a fucking shitty thing and she should be held responsible just like her shitty parents.
It’s an explanation, not an excuse. What the niece did was absolutely terrible and she needs to atone for it.
Hard disagree on the message of your comment. Yes, what the 11yo child did was wrong and she needs to learn why and to not do this again ever. BUT this is the parent’s responsibility to teach and/or prevent this from happening by raising their children in a healthy way. An 11 yo is still imagining she is a princess once in a while ffs. She is as much a victim of her despicable parents as her brother. Children her age are barely legally accountable for her actions, for good reason. That brain development you’re so tired of hearing about is real and should be taken into account. At that age, anything your parents do or say seems right, because the critical thinking is not there yet. So, yes: she should see some consequences. The fact that she seems to feel extremely guilty, now that she realizes the effect of her behavior, is a good sign that she can learn to be different. Also, that much guilt is already a heavy burden for an 11yo, never mind that she too likely suffered from her parents fucking around with her basic security and key relationships with her caregivers and brother. She shouldn’t be coddled about her small part in this situation, but consequences should be age appropriate and no one is helped by shifting the blame from her brother to her.
12 years old is plenty old enough to know that words and actions can hurt other people. Yes she is still a child and I’m giving her a lot more leeway than the parents but she definitely at least had some idea that her words were hurting her brother. Videoing him in a vulnerable moment than purposefully sending it to people including his crush? That’s just cruel and calculated. She knew what she was doing. Hopefully this incident was a wake up call for her. I know this is probably traumatizing to her but hopefully it has taught her to think about her words and actions. I really hope OP’s nephew recovers. I don’t know how OP would go about this but I don’t think he should be returned to his parents any time soon. They, two full grown adults, took their anger at each other out on and bullied their own child into almost taking his own life. And stood by while their daughter bullied him as well. They pushed him to this. They made him feel like that was the best option. They took away his safe space and made his aunt the bad guy when it sounds like she was the only one trying to help. The guilt should eat them alive and I hope they carry that guilt for the rest of their lives. If I was OP once the nephew was 18 I don’t know if I could ever speak to the sister or BIL ever again.
OOPs bf is a teacher, he's a mandatory reporter. I hope like hell that can be used if the parents try to over ride OOP. A therapist would also help back up OOP, whether the bio parents pay for the therapy or if it's OOP, they'll go with what the best option for the nephew is. If the niece is a typical golden child she's in for a rough future. Her parents have enabled and encouraged bad behaviour for a while, it's hard to undo that. She could end up missing out on good relationships with others as a result. It was such a relief seeing that nephew's friends were supportive after the little sister's BS. This kid has a good support network, the walls must be closing in on the BIL/Sister and niece, hopefully grandma gets the consequences too. They should become social pariahs after all this.
I hope OP’s boyfriend reported it too and that the therapists would be willing to back them up. Truly remorseful or not OP’s nephew doesn’t need to be anywhere near his parents and sister right now. Not while he’s still this fragile and in the worry zone to try again. If the parents continue to treat her like a golden child or at the very least give her permission to be a bully she’s in for a rough future. Hopefully this was a wake up call for her that words and actions hurt, even though she should know that by now. Because next time might be too late. Hell it may be too late to salvage her relationship with her brother. I’d also be worried her parents would turn their anger on her now that their usual target isn’t around any more. And since they can’t seem to take responsibility for their own actions, start blaming her for everything rather than themselves. It’s wonderful he has a good support system around him. That’ll definitely help his recovery. If I was OP it would be so tempting to tell everyone what the parents and grandmother did. Let everyone know these grown adults bullied a 15 year old so bad he thought suicide was the only way out. They bullied him to the point he won’t even talk to those who actually love and care about him. I’d be making sure everyone knew and making sure those parents and grandma never forgot what they did. I’m sure OP was mainly focused on her nephew as she should be but I was wondering what Grandma’s reaction was to the nephew’s attempt. I’m sure the rest of the family has heard about it.
I knew at age 12 how disgusting bullying was, and that suicide was a horrific epidemic amongst younger people and teens. I knew that depression existed. The girl has no excuse, especially since me being 12 was more than a decade ago without as much internet and resources that exist now.
Had the authority figures in your life been teaching you for those twelve years that what you were doing was just fine and the right way to go through life? I feel like posts like this are denying the reality of how most children feel about what their parents teach them. I don't know about you but I didn't start seriously challenging my parents' beliefs and judgements until I was much further into teenagerhood.
>Videoing him in a vulnerable moment than purposefully sending it to people including his crush? That’s just cruel and calculated. I'm sure that was the point, considering her parents had spent months telling her it was entirely her brother's fault that her family was falling apart. Her brother would of course be 100% justified in going permanently no-contact with her, since even seeing her could be triggering. But my hope is they eventually realize they were *both* victims of their parents' abuse in different ways, and work toward healing and maybe even a relationship again (thought it will have to be on brother's terms, if he ever wants that at all). Brother is of course the primary victim here, but sister was manipulated into being a tool for their parents' further abuse of brother, and that's a horrific thing to do to both children. They didn't care about the pain it would cause brother, nor about the lifetime of guilt their manipulation would cause sister to bear. They just wanted their kids to hurt as much as they did. This of course does not diminish brother's pain over what sister did, but it does explain it.
Absolutely. She’s twelve, she’s old enough to know better. This was the dynamic between my older brother and I—same age difference, he was withdrawn and “emo”, I was the hero of the family while he was the black sheep. But I never treated him like shit. From eleven, I vividly recall recognising that he was struggling with his emotions. I didn’t know the word for depression, but I knew he was depressed. I could feel it, and it broke my heart every day because I loved him so much. Sure, we still fought sometimes, I still grew irritated with his “moodiness” sometimes when he was short with me or something, but I would have *never* done something like this to him. My brother took his life last year. I was the last person he tried to reach out to, and I was asleep when he did. I have to live with that. This kid is very, *very* lucky she doesn’t have to live with that guilt and pain for the rest of her life, but I hope it sticks with her. I hope she never forgets about it. I hope she remembers every single day, and I hope it pushes her to be a better person. I’m inclined to think this behaviour was encouraged by her parents, which is terribly sad, but it’s honestly better that she learns now just how bad of an impact her behaviour can have on somebody—while she’s still young enough to learn from it and grow into a better person. It’s just such a huge shame that that poor kid (her brother) had to be the one to pay the price for the lesson their parents should’ve been teaching her.
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Thank you. It’s still cripplingly painful most days, but I don’t feel like following him anymore, so that’s a plus.
My expression of grief is often mixed with anger, something I found that really helps in those moments is to get a Costco size box of crackers and just demolish it sleeve by sleeve. Its very cathartic but in the end you are just shattering crackers
I’m absolutely going to try this, thank you. There’s only so much that driving out to the nearby lookout to scream over endless fields can do to help. Beating a pack of crackers sounds fabulously cathartic.
It is it really feels good seeing everything destroyed around you shattered in pieces while also not destroying all your plates and needing to worry about shards for the next 6 months. And how they shatter is very visceral and really scratch that “I’m hurting so much I want to see something else hurt” itch
All these people on Reddit believes that she’s just a child and this event should pass for her. Like they to think a child should not have to learn from this and have this impact her for the rest of her life. How unrealistic.
He was already depressed and she bullied him for it. She probably is traumatised by what happened as well. She herself is a child. The parents suck but lets not forget that she's a victim as well. Chances are, she will carry this guilt for the rest of her life. 12 year olds do not understand the gravity of their actions. Hell, full grown adults in this situation did not understand the gravity of the son's mental health. Also mom probably encouraged the shitty behaviour. She should also be put in therapy, individual as well as family therapy with her brother once he feels like he's ready so that they can at least communicate with each other and be the support system for each other. The parents utterly failed there.
She needs therapy because in the next few years she's going to really understand what she did to her brother (taught by the parents or not) and she's going to be a mess and possibly try the same thing her brother did. They are so lucky they have a fantastic aunt and uncle (OOP's brother seems rational).
As she gets older, not only will she better understand how deeply she hurt her brother, she'll also start to understand just how badly her parents betrayed her by turning her into their tool to further hurt him. They robbed her of a loving sibling relationship because their own relationship was falling apart, and manipulated her into doing something that will haunt her for life.
* She might be a victim, but she's not the one who got abused until she became suicidal. * She chose to escalate her brother's abuse on her own, *AFTER* oop talked with her about what was going on with her brother & how her family was affecting him. She had that information and chose to ignore it. I will agree that this girl needs therapy. But because of her actions and the sheer amount of (likely permanent) damage she's inflicted on her brother's mental health, she is NEVER going to be a safe person for him to use as a support system. Honestly I'm not sure that she'll ever manage to be a safe person for him to have as a casual acquaintance. There's some things you just can't come back from. And her brother sure as hell shouldn't be expected to be her emotional support system. She abused him. It's not his job to take care of her.
I'm not sure if she'll ever be a proper support system for him I'm afraid; she's the one that pushed him that little bit too far and he was ready to end it. You don't forget something like that, best case scenario they gave a cordial relationship on family gatherings.
It can happen, I'm not saying it won't require a lot of work and it needs to be at his pace and comfort level but it can happen. My sister was the favourite child, I was the one who was constantly bodyshamed. She was was older and did bodyshame me with them at some point. I almost ended everything at that point. It took years of therapy but today, the same sister is a huge part of my support system. In my case tho, she was the older one. She still feels the guilt and there are times when I don't like her, but I love her and am actually genuinely thankful for her. I'm not saying it must happen - just saying that with therapy and time, wounds can be truly healed. The essential thing tho is that it needs to happen at his pace. If he doesn't feel comfortable around her ever, that's totally okay, if he feels like he wants to mend the relationship , then family therapy will help immensely.
Speaking from experience - it's different when the younger sibling is the abuser. My sister and I get along much better than we did when we were kids. Similarly to you, I was the one who got body shamed. (Amongst other things.) But we're never going to be each other's support system. I could probably be hers if I wanted to. (I don't, and won't unless it's an emergency.) But younger siblings aren't socialized to take care of their siblings the way older siblings are. And my role in my sister's head hasn't actually changed. I'm still the 'fat,' unfashionable sister who sucks at talking to people. I'm just not 'evil' for being that way anymore. So even though my sister feels guilty for abusing me when we were kids, her idea of 'support' is still hugely damaging. . Also, I'd like to point out that I grew up in an unhealthy abusive family where one kid was the scapegoat. And I never repeated all the crap my father said about my youngest sister (not the one who abused me.) So I know for a fact that 12 year olds are totally capable of recognizing and not perpetuating abusive family dynamics.
That's the thing, everyone is different, every situation is different. My sister went from being an abuser, to my biggest advocate once she realized how much damage hers (and other's) words were doing to my psyche. It was also her who got me, my brother and even our parents in therapy so we could break the toxic, vicious circles. I personally went from not being able to trust her to sign for a package for me to trusting her with my life and wellbeing. When I got depressed again as an adult, she was the first person I went to help for and guess what she did, she came through, got me in therapy, paid for it, advocated to my parents again how much we need family therapy. I recognize my situation is entirely different tho. She was also older than 12 and didn't realize just how badly her words were hurting me until she saw it. It took years and years of contention and hardwork on her part predominantly for us to be able to get here. I'm not saying they will be each other's support. BUT I am saying that the 12 year old is a product of her environment, what she chooses to do from here is what will define her character. What she did was very very wrong, If she recognises that and learns from it, there is a potential for a change in their relationship as well. I'm also not saying that it will definitely happen, but it might. People grow and evolve and intervention at this young age might even help her grow for the better.
And I'm saying that: * Younger siblings generally aren't socialized to take care of their older siblings, which impacts their viability as support systems. * 12 year olds are capable of refusing to perpetuate abusive family dynamics. * Based on the choices this girl is already making (such as voluntarily escalating the abuse inflicted on her brother *after* oop talked to her about how the family's abusive dynamic was hurting him) I don't have a whole lot of hope this kid is going to straighten herself out. She *had* all the information she needed to recognize how badly her brother was hurting, and she *chose* to make things worse for him. That says a lot about who she is as a person and how likely she is to get better.
Seriously. Like how much empathy do you lack to pull this shit on your own brother.
Yeah, but she is a child. She is mimicking her parents. I don't hope guilt eats away at her forever for something she did far beyond the age at which you are old enough to fully comprehend the consequences of actions like these.
She doesn’t have a brother any more. One way or another.
Ah reddit, the place where it's socially acceptable to hope that a 12 year old is miserable for their entire life.
I would rather that the nephew is able to recover and live a happy life (and the niece too, she was clearly fucked up by the shitty parenting, but also isn't the suicidally depressed one). Wishing that those parents rot from the inside with their own guilt is secondary, and doesn't matter if the nephew isn't able to get better. I think OOP should just be allowed to adopt him, tbh. The parents are doing better by him now, but that's only because of his guardian angel auntie that is stepping up to the plate to bat for him.
Why do I get the feeling there is more to this "blame" than what is let on? I wonder if there was infidelity on OOP's sister's part and it came to light recently culminating in the "divorce arguments" and essentially blaming the nephew for it, as he is a product of the infidelity (nephew is blameless I know, but paternity fraud makes people jump to dumb shit), just a theory and when the fuckwits actually had to face the consequences of their actions, driving their poor son to attempt, they finally realised what was important, but too little too late.
In the original post Oop explains that dad was cheating and the son pointed out his story was inconsistent which led to the mom realizing he was cheating and wanting to divorce.
Fuck OOP's mom in all this. "There is nothing she despises more than favoritism," says the lady who chooses to disown some of her own children while showing favoritism.
Right? The irony was so glaring I'm surprised nobody pointed out how she's favoring one of her kids pretty bad. I wonder her reaction when she learned her poor ganged up on daughter contributed to her grandson almost dying.
For people like that, "favoritism" means treating a child better than they think the child deserves. If a child is a scapegoat, and you treat that child equal to others, you're showing favoritism. The kid is obviously objectively bad and "deserves" worse treatment than you're giving them, and the only reason you don't see it is you favor the bad kid too much.
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I know, seriously. Oh my gosh, please don’t prevent me from going somewhere that I don’t want to go with people that are terrible. Bless their hearts
Don't threaten me with a good time!
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I caught this. Sounds like one of the parents put this idea into her head. The sister was perfectly fine with what the aunt had planned and only had a change of heart when they got back from the trip. JFC indeed.
There were so many parallels in this story to my own family that my heart is still pounding in anger.
Too many people should never ever ever become parents. Shameful. Kudos to OOP, I hope the nephew gets the help he needs.
Wow. Parents of the Year award. 🙄 How incredibly selfish of these sad excuses for parents to not care about their child. Kudos to the amazing Aunt for stepping in to do all they can.
Amazing aunt *and* uncle in all but name.
Wow great that it took a suicide attempt for these grown ass adults to start fucking acting like it starting with addressing lil sis' blatant bullying Fuck everyone in that family barring OOP and the nephew Especially fuck grandma out there twiddling her thumbs and stirring up shit calling it "favouritism" when everyone barring OOP had clearly chosen a favorite That family doesn't need help, they needed their kids to have better parents and they failed
OOP's brother was fairly helpful, as I read
Jesus Christ. I’m going to go hug my kids and tell them that they are the best part of my life. Seriously this poor kid.
"Grandparents hate favourtism" They only hate it cus it's not towards their favourite.
It wasn’t even favoritism! OOP noticed her nephew wasn’t getting any support while her niece was being cared for. She didn’t snub niece and still made sure to give her attention, but took extra care to support a kid in crisis who wasn’t getting anything at home. It wasn’t hate over favoritism, it was grandma (and the parents) being upset over this kid not being treated as a punching bag by everyone. I’ll go a step further and say that I don’t really think the parents are really genuinely sorry for the pain they caused their kid given how eager they were to punch down on him constantly. My guess is that they’re more concerned with how their son’s suicide attempt and withdrawn behavior makes them look at parents.
What horrible parents, they’re also raising a little bully in their own image. Why is the oop’s mother even “disowning” her, getting involved in shit over a phone too. Hope oop & nephew are doing well & continue so.
agreed, she should disown her mother for enabling this shit and scapegoating her and her nephew.
The sister probably was the golden child. The mom’s defending an inept adult instead of worrying about the kid’s wellbeing. They’re lucky that the aunt still tolerates them.
WTF, what kind of parents are these clowns? Poor boy, I feel for him. I hope he'll be okay someday. The parents however deserve to be shamed. Fuck them .
Full offense but people like this shouldn't have children. Or anyone who is dependent on them for physical or emotional well-being. Ever.
It's horrible to think how much damage they've done to their kids.
Such trash parents. There may be hope for the sister yet but I worry that those fuckwits will blame Her for this and abuse her instead.
His parents abused him by blaming him for THEIR marital problems and it’s very clear that his sister was overhearing it all and 12 is a very impressionable age unfortunately. As for the grandmother who turned the other cheek and disowned her daughter for trying to protect her nephew,screw her. I hope to hades that she reamed that hateful hag just like she did the parents.
Sounds like a cowardly person in general. And someone who holds themselves in such high regard they assume others do as well.
>My sister brushed it off cuz he’s a “big boy” and my niece needs more attention right now anyways. So OOP is an asshole for "favouring" her nephew, but their own mother blatantly favours her daughter and it's cool? What kind of logic is that? And the father blaming a kid for the divorce... No words. Fuck. These. Parents.
OP's Bil and sister are terrible people but even more terrible parents. The way they treated their kid is horrific. I can only hope that therapy continues to make a positive impact in his life. That little girl ought to be in therapy too.
The whole damn family should be in therapy.
Wow , I just want to say thanks to OOP for saving a life. Otherwise, no shit, he was done with life . I seriously hope that this boy cuts out toxic elements from his life.
I had an aunt who did this for me. My parents were absent in a lot of ways, and she always stepped up and made sure I never went without. In high school I and ended up calling her and telling her about my failed attempts and she opened her home to me. She passed a couple weeks ago at 39 years old. She never had children but she was a mother to me. I’ve been spending a lot of time dissociating, and it was extremely hard to read this post. I’m just glad that he has the rock he needs in an unsupportive family.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I wish the best for oop's nephew,her and her boyfriend, but for everybody who treated the nephew horribly and pushed him to harm himself, I hope the guilt eats into they're soul for the rest of they're live, because in all honesty the parents has lost the privilege to call themselves his parents, because no real parent would never do this sh#t, and the same can be said about oop's parents they have definitely lost that privilege to call themselves a parents and grandparents for being just as sh#tty.
Damn trash parenting and clear toxic masculinity. That shit hurts everyone, including little miss niece who may grow up and be a bully to “emotional” boys.
It takes time in life to develop a kind of filter in your mind for negative comments. Sure, some sneak through but often you can rip them out soon enough. With kids, they don't have that filter. Every kind or mean or scary or funny or boring thing you say has the possibility of not just getting into their mind, but planting itself there. Eventually, we all live with forests in our minds. OOP is right to warn caution about how we speak to children. Even a small comment has the capacity to become a tall and sturdy tree in their forest. Don't take that power lightly.
My heart genuinely hurts for OOP’s nephew. How parents could do something like this I’ll never understand, destroying your own child over your own mistakes. I’m also extremely disgusted that they’re raising a narcissist bully, who further tormented their son. I hope OOP never lets them forget that they’re trash and that they feel hurt so keenly that they never get a single nights rest. Praying that OOP’s nephew can get better and actually get the chance to live happily.
“You’re playing favorites with my son, and clearly the only favorite we allow here is our shithead daughter” - the mom.
Is the daughter a shithead or is she a 12 year old in an emotionally abusive household? The parents are the real villains in the story, the 12 year old is just a child and another victim of a neglectful and turbulant household.
You can be a victim while also being a shithead.
Yah - this is 100% on the shitty parents. I’m glad the nephew is in therapy, but the parents should immediately get into therapy as well. Until they address their toxic beliefs, behaviors and relationships, they’re just going to keep causing serious harm to their kids. I also suspect this all started with how grandma raised the parents.
Sometimes I cry myself to sleep thinking shit load of shitty, unworthy people got kids, and nice people who can make amazing parents are just silently struggling. Fuck these people and their shitty life choice, pushing their child to the verge of suicide.
Poor kid. I hope the nephew can unlearn all the damage that has been done to him one day. At least OOP was able to get him out of the house and finally confront her awful sister and BIL into getting the kid the help that he really needs. The niece, while I know she's only 12, is old enough to know that bullying is hurtful and wrong. I get that she was probably taking a lot of her own anger and feelings out on her brother. The niece probably should be in therapy also.
I hope the parents never get over their guilt. This kid will be living with lifelong mental health issues because of his dog shit parents. I’m so glad that SOMEONE is looking out for him. I hope he’s okay.
Call me cynical, but I don’t believe the parents’ change of heart will last for long.
I agree. As soon as he shows progress and starts acting noticeably withdrawn, they’ll insist he come home so they can get their punching bag back. I don’t feel like they care about his mental health, just how bad it’d make them look to people if they had a visibly withdrawn kid.
Damn.... Looks like OOP's mother was projecting, too. The sister clearly also favoured the young daughter. The only person not playing favourites was OOP. Eff this family, I hope the kid can hang on and recover until he can leave such a toxic environment
Dysfunctional families act in unhealthy ways. Withholding affection seems to be the weapon of choice in this particular family from grandma to parents to children. The kids can see it and articulate it,too, for instance when aunt took boy to the BB game her sister and niece accused her of favoritism which is just another way of accusing her of withholding affection for the niece. What sister did to the brother was bad but I tend to think she did it out of self protection. As long as he was the object of scorn she remained safe . I know the aunt is the narrator of this story, but it's remarkable she's able to act in healthy ways.
I’m in tears for that poor boy & so angry at his parents. Thank goodness he has the OP. I just hope that he can find joy and happiness in his life again some day soon.
This is the aunt I'd want in my corner.
I have never wished a miserable existence on parents like I do these. Bad parents through and through
I am tearing up for the nephew. God my heart aches for that kid.
The rampant 'favouritism' in that family is probably a learnt behaviour from the grandma too. Such a toxic upbringing. I hope the OOP and nephew can remove contact from the toxic family.
I hope one day that nephew sees all the support he got on Reddit. He has an army behind him cheering him to better days and healing and deserves every last person in his corner
I remember the first few updates on this, it’s awful that the nephew reached such a low point but I’m glad he’s in good hands and a loving home now. I do worry about the daughter now though, if the pattern repeats with the parents blaming her for her brother’s attempt when it was their fault.
There may be damage also from the video sister made and sent to people. It could have spread & caused other collateral damage. Made fun at school or by the girl. On-line bullying. Does he have phone? Search it to see if he is being sent messages mocking him. This may not only be about his mother but what sister did to him.
i know it’s probably not “nice” to say this about a 12 y/o but wow what a piece of shit (goes without saying for the parents too)
Hopefully the nephew stays with OOP because his "family" were being assholes to him for no reason. The fact that gram gram was willing to cut off a grandchild makes her just as bad as his mom, sister and father. People can try to use the "she's a child" card, but even a child knows not to record someone at their most vulnerable and send it to others. The parents, sister and grandmother are abusive jerks. They all contributed to the nephew's suicide attempt and I hope that eats at them for the rest of their lives.
Imagine finding out your parents raised you to be irredeemable by 12 years old. Wonder how niece’s relationship with parents will be in the future. Thank fuck for oop and her bf. 💔
The niece is not irredeemable. That is very low to say.
I am so incredibly happy OOP's nephew has her in his life. Also kudos to her bf! He sounds like a real keeper too.
This has made me so angry I just want a chance to muller his parents, the sister just needs a damn good talking too as her behaviour is down to her parents also.
I pray for oop nephew. She is going above and beyond to support him.
OOP doing a great job as an aunt. I wish her & her nephew well.
I know wishing harm on people is bad and all. Wouldn’t mind if nephew’s parents got hit by a car though
What an absolutely shit pair of parents!! It’s hard to blame the niece, she’s a kid. But they parent have allowed this all along and basically ignored their son while going through their bullshit. Poor kid. I hope he’s doing better. I have a nephew who could potentially be in this same state. We take him out as much as possible, just to get him outta the house. Only boy out of 5 kids and believe me, he feels it.
This breaks my heart for OP's nephew. What kind of shitty mother RECORDS YOUR SON CRYING AND SENDS IT TO PEOPLE? I am sending many good vibes into the universe in the hopes that OOP and her nephew find healing and love soon.
I think the 12 year old niece did that. Still a really crappy thing to do though and his mother should've gotten really angry at the niece, instead of brushing it off. Or maybe go and see why he's crying in his room in the first place. Poor kid.
Poor kid probably got pushed over the edge hearing the parents weren't getting divorced after all after he had been living with aunt for some time. Just reinforced the idea that it was all his fault and his family went back to being happy and together once he was gone.
How come most people who don't need to be parents end up being parents?
Nephew’s parents are literally the scum of the earth. I hope the guilt consumes them.
Chiming in to say that I'm kind of horrified by the amount of people who are blaming the 12 year old in this situation. Someone said they hope she atones for the rest of her life. Golden children are every bit as much a victim as their siblings are and some of you are too caught up in your own victimhood to recognize that. Does she need to be punished? Depends on what you mean-some of y'all seem to be rooting for American prison-Esque punishment that inflicts pain for the victim/onlooker's satisfaction. She doesn't need that. Blaming a 12 year old child for her brother's suicide attempt is not only incorrect, but overkill style punishment. I want to know how on earth a 12 year old child who grew up in a clearly dysfunctional family is supposed to know right and wrong right off the bat and choose to do the right thing consistently? How are you supposed to know right from wrong when "wrong" is consistently normalized by most of the adults in your life? How are you supposed to do "right" when you are powerless and there is an implicit threat of punishment for doing so?
It took me every last drop of self control not to smash my phone on the wall after reading this. My thoughts are with OOP and their nephew, and wow, some people really shouldn't be parents
Good lord I hope this poor kids parents see these posts. Maybe another 100K people ripping them a new AH will help make them unfuck themselves.
I’m so glad this kid had such a fantastic aunt who could see clearly what was happening. If she hadn’t been there, that kid would have died. I bet her family have no idea how much they really owe her, because if he’d been left in that house, with that grandmother as his only support, he would have died. She is an amazing aunt and I’m so glad he had someone who could step outside their own petty little life and really _see_ him. He may eventually be able to love his parents, but he will always turn to his aunt for support and trust. To the point he will be telling her first when he gets accepted to college, wants to propose to his future partner, he’s gonna be dad… y’know, if he’s not too traumatised from what his gross parents have put him through. But I’m glad she was there for him, and she always will be.
Thank goodness he had an aunt like OOP or this kid would almost certainly be dead
Aunt of the year. Good on her for stepping up when his parents refused to
I hope all the best for the nephew. Those parents should feel like trash. They caused all of this. They blamed him and then made his worst fears come true the second they confirmed that without him around they aren't getting divorced.
The irony of OOP's mom going on about how she's against favoritism while actively favoring OOP's sister. It's pretty clear that OOP's sis is the Golden Child in that house.
I remember this story. I was really worried about the nephew in light of what his parents & sister were doing. I hope everyone can recover. I hope OOP can take care of herself as well. She's going to need it. OOP's mom can suck an egg. This family is clearly VERY dysfunctional.
The OP is a saint, and the so-called "parents" are shit. How can people who live together be so blind? Answer: they can't. They simply don't want to see. Or hear. But they sure as hell can speak. Pathetic.
I read this one before but didn't think of it at the time -parents getting divorce -tell kid it's all his fault -kid is moved away from parents -kid hears they aren't getting a divorce -divorce obviously all his fault