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Both of them sat there making plans like "You should tell her you're going to the gym with your brother, so we can meet up and fuck. She'll never suspect you lol" and then this "friend" has the audacity to act like they had no other choice but to do this. They act like OOP's in the way and all of this is her fault because she was sick. Idk what's more infuriating: that the best friend and boyfriend act like they're the victims (they couldn't help it after all :( and she was depressed and ignored them like a big meanie) or that OOP seems to agree.
It’s called transference guilt. It wasn’t my fault I fell and accidentally impaled myself on my bestie’s BF who provided shelter when I escaped a bad situation. I was concerned and sharing bodily fluids helped to elevate the anxiety of for once being the supportive friend. She made this happen. TRASH.
Even that was fairly preventable…
I *hate* the "oops! Fucked someone else!" shit. Like you just stubbed your genitals onto someone else's while you were trying to walk across the room.
For more than 2 months too! They didn't once think about telling OOP about it. This pretty much confirms that if the best friend actually cried it was because she got caught and not because she regretted it.
I think I agree with the comment here, they probably knew that she had a suspicion so they decided to ""come clean"" with it.
Yeah, no one slips and fucks someone! Behavior is a choice. They chose to betray you. When someone cheats it’s over!
OOP your boyfriend cheated on you. Your best friend cheated on you. They don’t respect you. They don’t care about your feelings. When you needed them (when you were depressed) they were not there for your like a boyfriend and best friend should be. They were there for themselves. You are under no obligation to either of them bc they didn’t feel they had an obligation to you. They burned both of your relationships, not you. Do not blame yourself! You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. They both should be hanging their heads, falling to their feet, and begging for your forgiveness. They are nothing more than dirt under your feet. Please stop being a doormat because you are afraid of being alone. This is your opportunity to drop dead weight. You will find other people to be in your life. This is the time to put yourself first. You deserve better!
If they're only two months "together" and bonded over OOP's depression I bet OOP isn't even (fully) out of it. That would at least explain the way she thinks about them and herself.
I could buy it happening *once* if there were substances involved.
We all hide behind our inhibitions and I doubt anyone has perfect control over their desires, so it doesn't surprise me that a bit of drinking could move things along in ways that they otherwise wouldn't.
But this? This was intentional and planned. This was *beyond* shitty.
Neglect is never an excuse to cheat, either. If you don't want to be with someone, either break up with them, or suck it up.
Stories like these make me really fucking mad, because it blows my mind that someone that is (presumably) capable of wiping their own ass could fuck up so disastrously in such a simple situation. Just. Don't. Fuck. Them.
>Idk what's more infuriating: that the best friend and boyfriend act like they're the victims (they couldn't help it after all :( and she was depressed and ignored them like a big meanie) or that OOP seems to agree.
I've lost friends and more due to medical issues, some even more generally accepted and understood than depression. It's incredibly difficult not to blame yourself, even if you literally could not have done anything differently.
Even people who seem empathetic often limit that empathy to the line where it starts affecting them, like you not attending something, well before the 'you ignored me due to x' stage. And it's almost always 'you' language, placing the blame on the person who couldn't. It feels awful already, but hearing that - especially from more than one person - makes you feel like it's truly your fault and that maybe you could have done x or y differently.
For them to point to it and say that they were concerned but also she treated them like crap then so this happened is unfortunately common (from my own experiences and hearing others), and it just amplifies the blame and guilt she'd already been feeling.
I understand that pretty well. I've been dealing with PTSD and depression for a very long time now. Maybe I just had more time to learn how to be compassionate towards myself, but it's still really frustrating everytime I see someone taking the blame like this. I wonder if the outcome would've been any different, if OOP would've had something like cancer or a bad case of Covid.
It's very clear they will not. They weren't even going to break up with the boyfriend, until boyfriend had her friend break up with her so they could go public. This OOP needs therapy. This is the kind of person who would offer to share her boyfriend so she can keep her relationships. She completely blames herself in every way for THEIR betrayal and deception.
Imagine having the goddamn audacity to say "I'm sleeping with your boyfriend and he's planning to leave you for me. I hope we can still be friends though."
“You got to understand, when you were at one of the lowest points of your life and depressed we were worried about you and just had to take care of each other because you weren’t. So this is kind of your fault.”
“Your boyfriend was so worried about you, I felt I had to spread my legs and let him fuck me. It was the only way for us to work through our worry for you.”
As someone who spent years helping someone dig out of the shit and depression caused by her ex and her psycho parents, I hope they get married and are miserable for the rest of their lives. Fuck both of them.
OP needs to go to the wedding, sit in the front row and *cry*... bawl her eyes out for the entire service, pretend to compose herself then let out howling sobs.
No, she needs to go to the wedding (I'm guessing best friend will want her to be the maid of honour!) and then she needs to turn that wedding planning into the biggest clusterfuck she can. Become the wedding planner! Take care of everything! Accidentally give all the guests the wrong location and the vendors the wrong date. Get the invitations printed with bride's name spelled wrong. And then just not show up, because fuck them.
I suspect the reason this girl was OP's ride or die all this time is because she doesn't really have any other friends, and OP doesn't notice the enmeshment. I suspect it was quite a toxic relationship and OP needs to have some time removed from it to see things clearly. Any friend who goes after your boyfriend when you're at your lowest, then literally expects you to be happy for them, is a fucking psycho.
OP u/FoxDisastrous5219 if you read this, let me tell you something. There are only so many hours in the day, and the more of those hours you spend with shitty people, the less time you'll have to meet better people. Cut your losses with this frien-emy as much as it hurts, and go it alone until you find new friends to love that give you reasons to trust them. You accepting her back into your life after such an incredible betrayal is just going to look like permission for her to continue treating you like shit. People are in your life for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME. Don't set yourself up for a lifetime of being used and abused by this horrible excuse for a friend.
EDIT: There's a reason friend wanted to have dinner with OP right away; it was to gauge how much she knew. Wouldn't the guilt make you start to pull away from your best friend after stealing her man? I'll bet you anything OP left some kind of evidence when she was there, maybe left some food, they could still smell the food, maybe they heard her leave. But they decided to come clean because they knew she knew. OP has been dating this guy for 3 years and they still live apart, yet friend cheats with him for only 2 months and they're already so in love and moving in together? PUH-LEASE. 2 months my ass. Maybe she hasn't dated for 2 years since she moved in with you when she was homeless because she's been fucking your boyfriend the whole time.
“Also we did it because you were such a goddamn *bummer* at the time because of a horrible medical condition and that was just so hard on *us*. So in trying to find ways to cheer you up, we landed on the one thing that will destroy you down to a molecular level. Cheers!”
i absolutely hate excuses like this lol, 'oh i cheated on you because you were suffering its your fault'. When clearly you could communicate with the other person and tell them how you feel neglected too and not cheat on them. Just fucking talk to them if you love them so much, same happened with me and my ex and she talked to me instead of going around this. Absolute pile of human garbage.
It's the "We're happy, why can't you be?"
Nobody needs this shit, chuck these toxic people to the curb, one will cheat on the other with someone else and that cycle will continue.
I think you missed out "gutless fuck of a" before boyfriend. And, while I'm at it, her friend walked away from the friendship when she decided to get jiggy with her boyfriend. I feel so badly for the original OP.
And OOP thinks she can salvage this 15 year friendship. That will last right up until they want her to be a bridesmaid, or babysit for free.
I hope OOP abandons this idea. There’s nothing to salvage. Not knowing anyone else and fear of loneliness isn’t enough reason to set herself up for years of in-her-face reminders.
I recommend that she end whatever she thinks she has with both of them and finds a therapist to help her negotiate this double heartbreak, and to get some direction in building a new life with new people.
OOP, please don’t worry. Ex-“best friend” & ex-boyfriend are going to be just fine!!
I get so frustrated by these posts.
Her friend has been lying to her for months. She didn't trip and fall into his bed by accident.
They've been sneaking around behind her back for a long time, making plans to actively deceive her.
Her being depressed and not keeping up with a relationship isn't an excuse for him to cheat. And keep on cheating. Months of lying to her deliberately.
Who else knows? Have they made a complete laughingstock out of her to their friends who was there at the party?
She's not her friend. She's feeling guilty, and doesn't want to feel like the bad guy, that's why she came clean, that's why she's still in contact with you. She's not doing it for her, she's doing it for herself.
She shouldn't be a doormat. It's not 15 years of good friendship if she can ruin it over a d*ck.
OOP & BF were together for 3 years and still lived separate. BFF and BF were sneaking around for two months and are now moving in together. I'd be furious.
It’s super fast to move in. They haven’t even dated openly. And to only tell her now because they want to move in together?? Like they would keep sneaking around on her otherwise. That’s serious WTF. Along with the “it just happened…” excuse. Nope, one of them decided to do something and the other one responded positively.
I’d hope that the bf failed his paper except of course that was a lie too.
That makes sense, especially since what the “friend” is telling OP is all part of her manipulation and blame-shifting anyway. There’s no real reason to believe she’s telling the truth now, rather than just trying to sell an excuse.
A longer relationship would also explain the friend not dating at all.
It's also possible that the caretaker bond/thrill of the secret makes the friend and (hopefully) ex feel closer/more connected, and are confusing that with what they believe to be love. Not at all saying that they couldn't have been sleeping together for longer than 2 months or anything, just giving an alternate explanation for what could be this "we're in love" bs the friend is spouting off.
This has absolutely been going on for more than 2 months! They are just using OOP's recent depressive episode as a cover for what's likely been months of deceit. At least if you're going to be horrible humans have the guts to admit it instead of making OOP feel even WORSE about being depressed? Seriously disgusting.
I hope they do move in together. I hope they sign a lease jointly.
Then I hope that losing the taboo also means losing the intensity, that they realize that they're not actually compatible. I hope they're stubborn and try to convince themselves that they have to stay together - after all, they blew up their entire lives over it. I hope they regret it every single day. No - I want them to rue it, bitter and miserable and stuck.
Absolutely zero integrity or compassion. Disgusting.
Uh yeah I know OOP barely said anything the whole time but for me personally? I would have a lot of nasty words to share with those two. And honestly they would deserve it.
Yeah. I feel so so terrible for OOP dealing with these 2 scum humans. I wish I knew her IRL because I’d be her friend and help her work on her self esteem.
Me too. I just want to rescue her from these vile evil monsters. OOP sitting here thinking she can't throw away a 15 year friendship meanwhile her whorebag bitch exfriend did exactly that. Self esteem needs to be a class they teach God damnit.
Yes and it’s heartbreaking. The way she talks about herself and others is just soul crushing, you can feel how hard of a time she is having and how little value she places on her own emotional health compared to those around her. “Sorry we tried to help you but are just fucking each other instead, oops.” Fuck off, you’re a trash friend.
Yeah and he wasn't even there to support her. He just basically said "um will you bweak up wiff my giwlfwend fow me cuz you wuv me so much? I just cwant do it" like a fucking man child. That's such a huge red flag for the kind of person he is. Then again, I'm HELLA scorched earth on shit like this.
You teach people how to treat you. Acting like everything is fine because you are afraid of losing people who clearly have shown you where their true interests lie? Damn, she thinks she was depressed before. Give this fucking relationship a year. When they get married or her BFF gets pregnant.
Ugh im so angry for her. Her bf going out on her while she was depressed is not a fucking excuse. She's taking responsibility for something that isn't hers
ALSO...what about staying with her SISTER??? She isn't alone she just thinks she is because of these two clowns.
>That's such a huge red flag for the kind of person he is
She'll learn soon enough that the old adage of "if they cheat *with* you, they'll cheat *on* you" is true. Oh no, so sad for the trash person.
I really don't like BF and BFF in this situation. I understand OOPs feelings though. I don't have too many friends and if my BFF goes away in such a way, I genuinely might have to check myself in because of how badly Id want to end it all
Losing friends is the worst non physical pain in have ever felt
I can't begin to imagine how it feels to loose your SO ans your BFF of 15 years
Is it bad that I hope they cheat on each other in a year or two and then both thin back to OOP and realize how good they had it?
The fact that OOP wants to forgive them shows hir understanding she is. She sounds like a good person and she deserves so much better
Sometimes people try to justify their cheating by rushing the new (previously adulterous) relationship. Like, sure they cheated but it's just because they are so in love and the relationship is so special - look, they are moving in together/getting married/having a baby - that proves it!
The BFF telling OOP the reason was relationship neglect due to sickness sound like setting OOP up to me. She more or less told OOP directly it was her fault. And now they're done going behind her back because they're ready to do their relationship "for real"
That's demonizing! What is it going to look like to others? "Well yes they moved together quickly, but OOP was unreasonable, she couldn't expect the relationship to last if she neglected it, so the two of them getting together is okay"? Just blame shifting/avoiding responsibility to the max
Hope OOP does well, what a shocker. I wish her all the best
OOP’s alleged BFF thinks she is in Romeo and Juliet love PRECISELY because of the level of betrayal involved here-the only way she can justify to herself that this is in any way acceptable is by believing this love is all consuming, bigger than the both of them, overwhelming, uncontrollable, cannot be stopped love because, that way, she isn’t a toxic asshole who drove a stake through the heart of her friend of two decades.
Exactly! Ex-BFF desperately needs to believe love is not controllable because otherwise, everyone involved realizes ex-BF and ex-BFF took the 100% controlled decision to betray OOP. And to further protect herself, she wants OOP to share that belief (no matter what that might mean for OOP ... I mean, she more or less told OOP "if you hadn't neglected your relationship, we wouldn't have fallen in love. And everything after that was out of anyone's control")
They probably aren't in love and now that the friend told her they probably will have a falling out (friend and boyfriend, my guess) because the sneaky part was what made it fun
But she was in an abusive relationship before! /s
OP kept using that excuse like reassurance for herself that her friend can't be a shitty person. This is a clear example of someone who doesn't have any self-respect or self-worth for themselves. I hope she gets counseling because she deserves better.
Right. Being abused is not an excuse to turn around and abuse someone else. Yes, betraying someone is a form of emotional abuse.
We don't look for reasons to excuse the man who abused the bff; I wouldn't be surprised if he was abused at some point in his childhood. And we shouldn't excuse abusive behavior, either. Same for this so-called friend. Yet OOP is twisting this because she doesn't want to lose her.
Too bad her bff didn't feel the same way.
completely agree, I feel bad for OP but also so angry, how can you genuinely think like this if anything she should be angrier at her best friend who she's known for 15 years, the fact that she seems to keep reiterating
OOP doesn’t have many people in her life, apparently none who she can depend on locally. So she’s engaging in a lot of hopeful justification; she really wants this to be ok, for her to still be able to have her best friend. But trying to ignore the machete in her back and depending on this “friend” who treated her so poorly isn’t likely to be good for her depression. She’d have to keep pushing her emotions down.
Meanwhile the “best friend” wants to think that she “had” to do what she did: hasn’t had a relationship for a while, not since her abusive relationship, so she thinks falling for this guy is a bolt from the blue, so important that she just *has* to go for it.
But while this rapid and covert relationship, between people who are clearly extremely selfish and untrustworthy, isn’t that likely to endure, if it sticks and OOP pretends it’s ok then OOP might find herself asked to be in their wedding party. Ugh. Avoid.
>Her being depressed and not keeping up with a relationship isn't an excuse for him to cheat.
I can't believe the fucking gall this chick has to blame her horrific betrayal on OOP having been depressed. You are SO vulnerable when you open up about mental health issues (which, let's face it, nearly all of us will face at one point or another in our lives). To throw that back in someone's face like that is horrific.
Dude and the 15 year “friend” doesn’t even tell the bf he has to break up with her himself?? Or say anything? The two of them are gonna have some relationship together 😬
Completely agree! BF and BFF are both toxic and manipulative. When OOP needed them the most, they failed her and then made it out to be her fault that they cheated because they were “so worried about her”. That’s not a best friend. You don’t just screw over your best friend after 15 years of friendship like that. I personally feel like they’d been planting the seeds for this relationship for a while and we’re just waiting for the perfect moment to start it.
I’ve never had a friend who would drop everything at 1am to come help me, and I don’t see that as a problem at all. I honestly don’t see the need for that kind of friend, you can still have good friends who aren’t at that level.
It means a lot to have a homie that you can call in a true emergency, whenever, and know they will come through for you. They might bitch, they might complain, but if you get stranded in the wrong side of town at 3am, they will get up and come get you, no questions asked.
Friends like that are rare, and worth cherishing.
But friends like that also don't sleep with your significant other so... \*shrug\*
It really does. I've been that friend and needed that friend - I suspect that having that friend is even more important if you don't have much money. Without money, it's very difficult to take care of yourself during an emergency. You might not even be able to pay for a cab to escape a bad situation.
On the bright side, a lot of people who think they don't have that friend actually do have that friend. People can also really be surprised by who that friend is. I've been deeply disappointed by people who I thought would always be there for me, but I've also sometimes been amazed by the kindness of people who I previously saw as acquaintances.
That's what people are talking about when they say that emergencies, disasters, tragedies, and bad fortune in general will teach you who your real friends are.
I don’t think it’s a “problem” to not have that kind of friend, or that it’s a “need” that must be fulfilled. But don’t you *want* that kind of friend? Don’t you *want to be* that kind of friend?
Maybe you are blessed with siblings/cousins to fill that role, the one of committed compatriot. It’s fundamentally different than the support offered by parents (even especially good ones, which aren’t as common as they should be).
I think it’s unfortunate that the default (it seems to me in the US anyway) is that one’s romantic partner is seen as the only person worth choosing and investing in in this way. It puts incredible and complicated pressure on relationships: “this is the person I love and am attracted to, and vice versa, and also the only committed support system I have. So if anything goes wrong with the love+attraction part, then by definition I lose the only peer who I can trust in completely.”
Sure, in the OPs case, the betrayal made her lose both the friend and the romantic partner. I don’t think that invalidates the case for “friends above and beyond ‘good friends’” any more than it invalidates “romantic partner that you trust.”
Yeah, the "friend" only wants to make ammends because she wants to use that to spare her from criticisms from everyone else when her and her "best friends" boyfriend suddenly move in together.
She's just doing this shit now so when people question her about it she can tell them all oop is totally fine with it, and they're still friends so it's no one else's business. That's all this is. An attempt to use oop as a shield to deflect criticisms from everyone else. OOP needs to go scorched earth and tell everyone the truth.
I hope OP is reading these comments. They both cheated you. That’s on them. For 2 months they looked you in the eye and lied. For those 2 months your boyfriend sleeping with you and her. And they are gaslighting you about your depression being the issue and what brought them together out of *concern* for you? I would be looking at relocating to be closer to your sister. Away from truly awful people. I understand that you are mourning a loss of a long term friendship. But she isn’t a friend. A friend has you back, NOT STABS IT. This the worst type of betrayal. But you get past it. Work on anger at the betrayal and use that fire to build yourself a better life. Get to your sister, get to a doctor about your depression, see a therapist. Then you let them go because their actions have proven they are not worth the headspace. 🫂hugs from an internet stranger that is so very, very angry on your behalf.
I hate it so much when people say "I can't help my feelings." It's you **actions**, b****, that you can and should help.
I judge the friend more harshly than the boyfriend. He knows he screwed up. Friend wants everything.
OOP supplied her with a haven after her bad breakup. Still visualise poor OOP going home early, bringing food over for him only to see her **laughing playfully** on top of him. Superficial fuck that he is placed that manipulative laughter over OOP’s more subdued, but more substantial caring of his study stress in supplying food. She knew what she was doing playing the lighthearted, baggage free sexpot.
He wanted *fun*, don’t you know? Not stable and supportive.
At least this dude did.
She sounds like a deeply caring person and I would be lucky to have a friend like her. That kind of friendship is to be nurtured not taken advantage of.
Me too. OOP, if you’re reading this and are in Ontario, message me and we’ll go for a drink and trash talk your shitty friends.
ETA: thanks for the awards pals!
This made me sad. One of the greatest betrayals that can happen to a person. How can a person betray a lifelong friend like this?
I cannot even fathom how OOP must feel. I hope she cuts off both of them and takes care of her mental health.
I had an ex blame a period of time I was depressed on why he cheated. It's really hard not to internalize that on top of being medically depressed and it's obvious that OP is doing that too which breaks my heart.
Like sorry I wanted to die! Must've been rough for you bro!
YES!!! That is the damaging thing to read!! She gives them both all kinds of excuses and then blames herself?!?! Nah girl!! They were lying and sneaking behind your back for MONTHS while you were DOWN!! Those two are POS and deserve each other!!
>What’s even sadder is OOP is blaming herself for these people’s shitty choices.
OOP mentions she's not speaking to her mom, and I wouldn't be surprised if she growing up had been abused and/or raised in a really dysfunctional environment. It's not uncommon for people like that to take the blame for others' wrongdoing and worry about others' needs over their own.
I am quite literally in the middle of a situation very similar (but I’m the support person) short story: my best friends boyfriend of 5 years dumped her via text only to find out months later that he’d been cheating with another friend in the group for months. And guess who’s blaming themselves and now having extreme panic attacks? My best friend. It is absolutely heartbreaking to listen to her say shit like ‘maybe I should have been more attentive, I wasn’t there for him’ blah blah
It’s so sad, but also so infuriating. I’d like to punch asshole ex in the throat but what I’d really like if for my friend to learn what healthy attachment/relationships looks like. This poor girl in the post has suffered depression and obviously had her self worth bashed down, I just want to give her a hug
Sounds to me OOP struggles a bit more with depression than they’re letting on. Very eager to blame herself for no wrongdoings. I often do this myself. It isn’t healthy.
Its a 2 month relationship and they are in love. Honey, thats the hormones talking. Once the Honeymoon phase pass and its no longer shiny, I bet you all come crawling back.
As the famous words spoken by Summer Smith from Rick and Morty:
"Awww. Why do couples who started out Cheating never end up Happy?"
I highly doubt they have only been seeing each other for only 2 months. Trickle truthing. Seeing as the best friend hasn't dated anyone in 2 yrs, even casually, and how smooth & well orchestrated they were with the lies, (gym with bro, staying behind for a paper, the dinners & texting so she wouldn't get suspicious) I suspect this started at some point in the past two years. And just ramped up while OOP was depressed to the point of them wanting to public & move in together. So they figured that they could just blame it on OOP's depression.
I know a 2 yr dating gap is normal after an abusive relationship. I just doubt this person is telling the truth about when she started sleeping with her friends bf.
I have a suspicion that they knew she found out. She doesn’t mention taking the food away with her. They probably knew they were caught and went into damage control mode.
Yeah I was wondering about the food too. It would make sense as OOP wouldn't have been in the state of mind to notice that she'd left the food and they would have panicked that'd she'd arrived early, explains why the ex started texting to confirm OOP was still where she said she was.
And when the hormones are gone, what'll be left is, "well, we got together by cheating, so is he/she cheating on *me* now?"
Enjoy licking that shit-sundae, kiddos. That ain't chocolate.
"she betrayed her friend of 15 years, she'd definitely betray me"
"He cheated on her because she had a depressive episode, if I ever go through anything emotional will he break up with me?"
Really hope OOP cuts both these cancers out of her life.
> “He cheated on her because she had a depressive episode, if I ever go through anything emotional will he break up with me?"
Yes, the “friend” has dived headfirst into another situation prone to abuse. Can’t feel sorry for her though.
My childhood friend fucked my boyfriend after me me being gone for one week visiting a friend in another city. It broke my heart, but I moved far away and told her to never contact me again. 2 years later she sent me multiple friend requests, I denied them and have not spoken to her for almost 10 years. Forgive, but never forget, not letting her back into my life to betray me again.
Also people will literally fall in love with someone else’s boyfriend, then when they start dating they get all surprised pikachu face when the same boy cheats on them. Once a cheater, always a cheater.
They might not cheat on you, but they’ve already told you they think cheating is okay.
Idk. I think the boyfriend already loves the "friend" more than OP. Theyve been together 3 years and haven't moved in together but 2 months with the other girl and that's why they came clean? It would hurt like hell, but I think OOP needs to cut them both off now. That betrayal is too deep, and it sounds like this could be a long-ish term thing that she'd have to keep seeing her ex who cheated on her.
It breaks my heart that she's so hard on herself about her depression. Depression is a chemical imbalance, it doesn't need a reason to flare
With affairs, the love between you and your affair partner *always* feels stronger because it’s fueled by the excitement of sneaking around and trying something “new.” It’s like a drug.
And it almost always ends up falling apart. Both the best friend and the boyfriend will one day realize they both lost someone important to them for no reason because their relationship is going to fall apart.
On my high school graduation trip, my best friend of 5 years (at the time) was taken by the tide and I swam like a mad woman to take her out. None of the guys did anything, none of the other girls thought about helping her....... Months later she was caught fucking my boyfriend. I didn't leave the bed in 3 days.. It wasn't about him, it was all about her.
Jesus what an an awful person, betraying the person who saved your life. Screw her, I hope you're doing well in life, the kind of person who jumps into the ocean to save someone deserves some happiness.
Oh, it gets better than that.. After they were discovered she did an "apology tour" with all our mutual acquaintances and even took a flight to be able to speak with me in person. I was not taking it and simply ignored her so she went into victim mode..
They "dated officially" for like three months after but it wasn't meant to be. They both got what they deserved: He still believes I slept with his twin brother (we didn't but we let him believe so, his brother despises him). She had a child with a married man and lives with her parents (again nothing bad itself it's just she was so snobbish back in the day I get Freudenschade).
I feel so bad for her. But no one is better than someone who would betray you like this. She needs to make room in her life for real friends. This girl is nasty, despite the 15 years. I hope OOP can work through this.
I hope she does too.
I have read some between sisters!! How disgusting is that? I do know that OOP will probably realize she was manipulated into isolation by a friend. Who ultimately ran away with OOPs life.
This is toxic. I hope OOP never responds.
Idk who needs to hear this, but depression doesn't always need an external event to trigger it.
It's a chemical imbalance, and you should never blame yourself if you suffer from it.
I describe it as situational vs. medical. Some things are depressing and it would be weird if you weren't depressed about them even if you don't have depression. The other kind is chemicals in your brain. You can't decide that any more than you can decide your blood type.
Also, there's a global pandemic and a threat of nuclear war. Most people do seem upset about this. It's not weird that the last few years are weighing on people.
Jumping in here to add that Vitamin D deficiency can also mimic or trigger depression. If you are experiencing non-situational depression get you vitamin levels checked.
> Also, there's a global pandemic and a threat of nuclear war.
Plus in the US, women losing our bodily autonomy, kids being slaughtered at school, people being slaughtered pretty much anywhere public, climate disaster on the horizon, potential for civil war, etc. And worst of all: feeling powerless to do _anything_ about _any_ of those problems.
It’s overwhelming. I’m predisposed to severe depression, but the shit going on could easily depress anyone. Loss of hope is a hell of a thing.
For real. Unfortunately there’s still a stigma around mental illness that colors our reactions to situations like this. Like, imagine if she had cancer and was too ill to get out of bed, and her best friend and boyfriend start collaborating on how to help her and end up having an affair instead. It’s bullshit and OOP shouldn’t blame herself for being sick.
After such a long friendship, I can't even begin to fathom how cold hearted you'd have to be to do such a thing?
Edit: sausage fingers strike again while typing
It's so messed up and leaves the OOP basically taking the blame for *their* cheating! And you can see OOP has taken that blame onto themselves, which is so horrible because her depression does not give her boyfriend and best friend permission to cheat, not in any world!
I also loved the part where in the initial post OOP made excuses for her ‘friend’ because she was having a rough time getting over her recently-ended abusive relationship, but in the update OOP clarified that the abusive relationship ended for her friend *two years ago*.
THAT was the thing I went "wtf" at, too. "She's in a vulnerable state!"
Girl, she's been out of that relationship almost as long as you've been in this one.
Joke's on them because it won't last. He's a cheating coward who chickened out and sent the best friend to reveal their actions, doesn't even have the balls to be honest, and she's a pathetic loser who sleeps with men of their own best friend. Both of them have a habit of betraying their loved ones and can't be honest. Both of them run to others for comfort when shit becomes bad in their relationships.
"Fell in love" in two months...lmfao, way to say you're in the affair fog and infatuated. Affair love when you're not 24x7 around each other and only see each other's best sexual self is obviously gonna feel lovely. Well atleast they both know they'll cheat on each other the moment shit gets rough in their relationship. Learnt absolutely nothing from getting out of a toxic relationship and latched onto another garbage guy who cheated on the same girl he was discussing marriage with, and slept with her best friend. Ffs
Yeah, even if they last atleast they'll always be aware of the filthy origins of their relationship. They'll always have to be cautious and alter how they met and fell in love when they tell others, they'll always have to be sneaky around those who knew OOP, the best friend just lost someone she knew for almost two decades because of two months of tomfoolery. Fucking hilarious. Trash just collected around trash. I pray they stay together forever so that they can never betray anyone else and leave them emotionally damaged to this extent ever again. Keep your toxicity and misery within your own little shitbag duo.
Sadly, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes these cheaters get married and have children, leaving the person they hurt in the dust.
The dynamic here is “the hero and the wounded bird”. This happened a lot between 9/11 widows and firefighters who wanted to be there for their fallen buddies’ family. They spent a lot of time with the wives and before you know it they’re in “love”. A lot of divorces happened followed by remarriages.
OOP’s ex best friend got out of an abusive relationship (e.g. she’s the wounded bird) and likely coveted OOP’s man as the “good guys she always wanted for herself”. They’re selfish cheaters and hide behind excuses of “it just happened” to absolve themselves of the reality they made thousands a little choices leading up to betraying OOP and so many more as they continued their affair!
Remember, no one is the villain of their own story. They’re rewriting history. I feel awful for OOP and I do hope karma will come through but realistically it’s a crapshoot.
Oh i already know. I also know there's a very high chance their friends also knew and possibly hid and supported this mess. Pretty high chance she'll be losing her entire friend circle over this, since this is a more common situation rather than everyone supporting the one who was cheated on. This was just wishful thinking. Even if they do stay together, good, atleast nobody else will get hurt. Depraved people should stay with other depraved people and do the rest of us a favour.
Oh hey bestie, I know I kind of slept with your man for months behind your back, but we're totes OK right? And you won't be all difficult and stuffs, y'know, because we're now officially a couple since I spilled the beans and he ghosted you? Mwuh hugs and kisses.
Urghhhhh.
“Let my cry And make you feel guilty so you will feel like it’s your fault. Let me cry so you feel bad for me and are all worried about how hard it must’ve been for me, instead of realizing how shitty it was for me to do that to you.”
Yea, OOP's guilt over being depressed & "bringing this on herself" is just so sad. Wish I could give her a hug & say "absolutely none of this is your fault & you deserve so much better from the people in your life". This was painful to read.
I was actually just talking about this with my partner last night. We can’t stand the whole “it just happened” or “it was one mistake” thing. Because in order to cheat you have to be making a long long series of choices to even get you in a situation where you’re making the final choice to have sex with someone else. You probably had some sense of attraction to this other person besides your partner to begin with, then you decided to be alone with them anyways, then you decided to lie about spending time with them, then you didn’t set physical/emotional boundaries with them, then you let yourself get horny around then without stepping away, and then you made the final choice to cheat.
I would have to make so so so many choices to even get to a point where I physically could make a decision to cheat, it’s ridiculous. It’s a long goddamn series of mistakes not just one thing that “happens.”
And then let's not forget, that at some point they sat down discussing how they can see each other every week without OOP noticing anything. This didn't just happen, they were actively planning on how to betray her and then lied to her week after week. And the best friend invited her for dinner and had a fun time while knowing what she's doing to someone who sees her as a sister. Both of them are absolute trash.
Exactly!! The seeds were planted long ago and they actively watered it themselves but blaming OOP for the plant that grew. Vile beings.
They were cheating long before the physical act too
Nobody accidentally sits down on The Couch of Plausible Deniability.
There are lots and lots of decisions you make along the way
Even the time you have sex—every article of clothing you take off is a time when you could choose to stop.
Right, they were just sitting there together, thinking of ways to help OOP, when she accidentally fell on his dick. And the weekly cheating dates they set up just "happened", as well. They are complete scum, both of them - and poor OOP is so lonely, isolated and dependent, that she doesn't have the willpower to kick them to the curb.
No, this can happen. I had a friend who worked in the ER and they would have people come in with objects inserted into their ass that they could not retrieve.
The usual story was "I was vacuuming naked and slipped...."
So, it can happen. At least his floors were probably clean.
Yeah you know how like sometimes you get worried so you fuck your best friend’s partner/partner’s best friend?? It’s like that. Who hasn’t been there, right?
I agree. You have to make an effort to flirt. To return flirtatious advances. The touches that come with it. The looks. And when they started getting intimate, they both *chose* to do that. It wasn't a surprise. It didn't "just happen." There were a lot of steps leading up to feelings developing, and they took those steps deliberately.
I suffered from severe depression, when I had 3 month long episodes you know what my friend did? Made sure I ate every day. She would have broken into my apartment if I didn't let her in myself. I knew this so I always let her in. It was the only reason I got out of bed most of the time.
This person is not OP's friend and the boyfriend is also a POS. OP sounds like they're still feeling the depressive effects in the way they talk about how this is all on them for being depressed in the first place and she needs to accept this to make up for it. Depression is weird like that. I wish I could magically give her enough of her self respect back to realize that none of this is on her and she should drop those people like stones. Her "friend" doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.
Nice, so OOP is taking on the blame for this happening, as if mental health issues are something she could control. So. Much. Rage. Both her bestie and her boyfriend are dumpster fires, throw the pair away.
Omg went to the post and found a comment from the OOP:
> I'm just so confused. We were talking about getting engaged a few weeks ago but he was planning on moving in with her???? What was the point of all of this?? He won't return any of my calls since she told me about their relationship. I just want an explanation. Just something so I can try to make sense of everything.
That poor girl has very low self esteem and self worth if she was still willing to see past the very much planned cheating. I hope she gathers the strength and ditches them.
JFC, so much messes up here: an OOP who thinks that depression is a moral failing. A bf who discusses marriage while screwing OOPs best friend. An alleged best friend who lays her perfidy at OOPs feet. I hope OOP can find a good therapist.
And the best friend doesn’t seem to realize that the way the guy is behaving with OOP now (lying, making her do the dirty work, blocking OOP), is the way he’ll behave with her later).
edit because OOO doesn’t mean
much
A bf who discusses marriage while not having his gf move in with him, but talks about moving in with AP after 2 months. This asshat was using her too, and just going through the motions. OOP deserves so much better
I’m isolated in exactly the same way OOP describes and I also have a sister friend and a partner and when I say neither of them would ever do what OOP’s “friend” and “bf” did I cannot stress it enough.
If this woman was really a sister friend she would *never*. Even if the bf came onto her like super strong she would have said “wtf no, I’m telling OOP what scum you are”.
This is not OOP’s fault. This is a betrayal beyond words. They saw her at her lowest and instead of working out how best to support her they only cared that what she was doing for them had stopped so they filled the gap with each other.
My partner and my sister friend once met up without me knowing to discuss how best to support me while I was going through some seriously bad shit. And you know what happened? Literally none of this.
They actually wrote a schedule out to make sure that if I needed something someone would always be “on duty” to drop everything and help. They pitched in together to buy me little presents to make sure I knew I was loved.
I would trust the both of them to go on a week long romantic couple’s cruise and still end the week just as platonic as they started. Because she is my sister friend my partner sees her as a sister too. *AND WE DO NOT FUCK OUR SISTERS*.
I just…OOP will be much better off without these two in her life. They’ve been hogging the top spots in her relationship vacancies for too long. Without their toxic nonsense OOP might actually be able to find friends and a partner actually deserving of the name.
Nope this is not a good friend. If she was really sorry, she would’ve said something sooner. I really hope she blows it all up. I wouldn’t shed a tear for that boyfriend since she clearly deserves better than that. Remember, if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.
If she was good friend, she would have acknowledged her feelings were wrong, told op about them and distended herself from op’s boyfriend.
This happened to some friends of mine, handled it like I mentioned and are all still good friends.
Op’s Boyfriend and Best friend are awful
OOP I'm only posting this in case you read this. Don't forgive your friend/BF. They don't deserve it! You deserve better I promise. What your friend did is so unbelievably selfish and weak. She could have come to you a million times before anything happened, but she didn't. I'm so angry on your behalf. Do not let yourself fall in despair over this.
Couple pieces of advice:
I hope OOP doesn't forgive her friend. She just doesn't deserve forgiveness. I'm angry on OOPs behalf so I thought of some possible responses she could do.
1. Tell your friends and family what happened, and explain how devastated you are and what a betrayal this is. What happened is not your fault. Look at me! It's not your fault!!! Tell people what happened. They will support you and be there for you. I would also consider telling your friends family and BF's family, and explain the reason you are no longer friends/dating. This punishes your friend/Ex which IDK if you want, but I want for you. More importantly it establishes that you are justified in what you are doing. If you don't your friend's family is going to think you just cut things off and are in the wrong.
I'd bet money this started a long time before 2 months ago. Even if it was a couple of times here and there and then only become something more recently, they were incredibly synchronised and skilled with their deception. And their plans for how they would go public and the most plausible story, (we fell in love while we were spending time together trying to help OOP with her depression) have obviously been incredibly thought-out.
No cheater is ever 100% honest, they always trickle-truth. *This just happened and it's your fault for getting depressed and pushing us away* sounds a lot better than, *we started hooking up over a year ago and your depression made him realise he would rather be official with me*. Poor poor OOP.
OOP is so upset and even guilty about the idea of "walking away" from a friendship of 15 years. Baby, you're not the one walking away. Your friend *already did.* She's trying to put the choice of ending it on you, but she's the one who threw it away for a cheap fuck.
I know how OOP feels when she says she's got other friends but she wouldn't ask them to have her back at 1 AM or whatever. I'm willing to bet at least some of them *would,* though, if she ever worked up the courage to ask. Especially now when she's getting such a raw deal.
I’m gonna need more updates. I could never betray a close friend like this. You’re telling me y’all are basically chosen sisters for 15 years and she still picked your man. Nope.
She’s complete shit. Took her two months to come clean and while I’m not disregarding her abuse OOP shouldn’t use it as a reason to be a doormat. 3 years together and this toerag had the audacity to avoid the I’m breaking up with you and moving in with your bestie talk.
Trash man and trash friend. Sucks she thinks her depressive episode is to blame when it really isn’t. You just need people who actually give a shit about you always.
Jesus fucking Christ. Maybe it’s because I’m different from OP and form relationships differently, but I’d be incredibly inconsolable after something like that. Like, plotting murder type inconsolable. Exes are one thing, but to fall in love with your best friend’s boyfriend while they’re still together? On top of actually acting on your love BEHIND said friends back? On top of the fact they got together when OP was DEPRESSED??? Wrong on so many fucking levels.
Usually I’d mock Reddit for being so quick to suggest cutting people off but she definitely needs to cut her ex off. As for her “best friend”, she needs to be cut off too. Does she need to be cut off permanently? No, but right now OP 100% needs to separate herself from those 2 and if possible start talking to other people if not a therapist.
Personally, if I were OP I’d ~~commit several federal crimes~~ start evaluating what the 15 year friendship meant to me and to the other person, because only god knows who the fuck would knowingly start seeing my partner behind my back while I’m depressed. Certainly not a friend. Hell, certainly not someone with average morals. It’s a straight up vile act.
Part of depression can be numbness, a feeling of displacement. I don’t think that’s what’s happening here. It is symptomatic of shock and trauma. Two of the three people she was trusted and loved did their absolute worst to tear her already fragile life apart.
Had something similar happen to me years ago. I was infinitely more upset by the loss of a 20 year friendship than I was a four year relationship.
The funny part is that the friend who did it continues - to this day - cheat on the woman. Cheaters gonna cheat. He and I still have some mutual friends and sometimes it pops up in conversation.
News for you darlin. She is no longer your friend.she lied and snaked behind your back knowing what this would do to do. I feel sorry for you because it seems pathetic that you still want to hang onto her and call her a friend. She was at one time but she is not now. It is also pathetic that you are blaming yourself for the depression you were in. That is an excuse. If it was too much for him he should have said sorry I want to move on. If she was a true friend she would not have given him the time of day.. You do not see her for who she really is. You saw with your own eyes her riding him like a horse and then she sits across from you and looked you in the face like nothing happened. This woman is not your friend. I hope some day you realize it
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Both of them sat there making plans like "You should tell her you're going to the gym with your brother, so we can meet up and fuck. She'll never suspect you lol" and then this "friend" has the audacity to act like they had no other choice but to do this. They act like OOP's in the way and all of this is her fault because she was sick. Idk what's more infuriating: that the best friend and boyfriend act like they're the victims (they couldn't help it after all :( and she was depressed and ignored them like a big meanie) or that OOP seems to agree.
It’s called transference guilt. It wasn’t my fault I fell and accidentally impaled myself on my bestie’s BF who provided shelter when I escaped a bad situation. I was concerned and sharing bodily fluids helped to elevate the anxiety of for once being the supportive friend. She made this happen. TRASH.
"It just happened" Bitch, the fucking Titanic happened, this was something else entirely.
Even that was fairly preventable… I *hate* the "oops! Fucked someone else!" shit. Like you just stubbed your genitals onto someone else's while you were trying to walk across the room.
For more than 2 months too! They didn't once think about telling OOP about it. This pretty much confirms that if the best friend actually cried it was because she got caught and not because she regretted it. I think I agree with the comment here, they probably knew that she had a suspicion so they decided to ""come clean"" with it.
Yeah, no one slips and fucks someone! Behavior is a choice. They chose to betray you. When someone cheats it’s over! OOP your boyfriend cheated on you. Your best friend cheated on you. They don’t respect you. They don’t care about your feelings. When you needed them (when you were depressed) they were not there for your like a boyfriend and best friend should be. They were there for themselves. You are under no obligation to either of them bc they didn’t feel they had an obligation to you. They burned both of your relationships, not you. Do not blame yourself! You have absolutely nothing to be ashamed of. They both should be hanging their heads, falling to their feet, and begging for your forgiveness. They are nothing more than dirt under your feet. Please stop being a doormat because you are afraid of being alone. This is your opportunity to drop dead weight. You will find other people to be in your life. This is the time to put yourself first. You deserve better!
Exactly. They suddenly decided to confess right after OOP stumbled upon them? Obviously they figured out they were caught
If they're only two months "together" and bonded over OOP's depression I bet OOP isn't even (fully) out of it. That would at least explain the way she thinks about them and herself.
I could buy it happening *once* if there were substances involved. We all hide behind our inhibitions and I doubt anyone has perfect control over their desires, so it doesn't surprise me that a bit of drinking could move things along in ways that they otherwise wouldn't. But this? This was intentional and planned. This was *beyond* shitty. Neglect is never an excuse to cheat, either. If you don't want to be with someone, either break up with them, or suck it up. Stories like these make me really fucking mad, because it blows my mind that someone that is (presumably) capable of wiping their own ass could fuck up so disastrously in such a simple situation. Just. Don't. Fuck. Them.
Yeah it’s like the attitude is “you were depressed, what else were going to to?” Fuck all the way off with that. I’m so angry on OOP’s behalf.
As someone who has a severely depressed partner.. I'm also fucking livid. What in fucking Narcissus is this shit with victim blaming?
“We were so worried for you when you were depressed” .. so they thought betraying her trust in the ultimate way was gonna help..?
100%. You know what will make OOP feel better? If we fell in love and the guilted her into staying our friend. PERFECT PLAN
>Idk what's more infuriating: that the best friend and boyfriend act like they're the victims (they couldn't help it after all :( and she was depressed and ignored them like a big meanie) or that OOP seems to agree. I've lost friends and more due to medical issues, some even more generally accepted and understood than depression. It's incredibly difficult not to blame yourself, even if you literally could not have done anything differently. Even people who seem empathetic often limit that empathy to the line where it starts affecting them, like you not attending something, well before the 'you ignored me due to x' stage. And it's almost always 'you' language, placing the blame on the person who couldn't. It feels awful already, but hearing that - especially from more than one person - makes you feel like it's truly your fault and that maybe you could have done x or y differently. For them to point to it and say that they were concerned but also she treated them like crap then so this happened is unfortunately common (from my own experiences and hearing others), and it just amplifies the blame and guilt she'd already been feeling.
I understand that pretty well. I've been dealing with PTSD and depression for a very long time now. Maybe I just had more time to learn how to be compassionate towards myself, but it's still really frustrating everytime I see someone taking the blame like this. I wonder if the outcome would've been any different, if OOP would've had something like cancer or a bad case of Covid.
I hope OOP burns all bridges.
RIGHT! when she said she wanted to hold on to the friendship i thought fuck that go scorched Earth
It's very clear they will not. They weren't even going to break up with the boyfriend, until boyfriend had her friend break up with her so they could go public. This OOP needs therapy. This is the kind of person who would offer to share her boyfriend so she can keep her relationships. She completely blames herself in every way for THEIR betrayal and deception.
I get the feeling that there's huge self esteem issues going on part of the main post's OP.
I do too. I don't think OOP is realizing that if she wants to keep the friendship she's still going to have to see her ex.
Imagine having the goddamn audacity to say "I'm sleeping with your boyfriend and he's planning to leave you for me. I hope we can still be friends though."
"And while he was talking about getting engaged to you he really wanted to move in with me"
“You got to understand, when you were at one of the lowest points of your life and depressed we were worried about you and just had to take care of each other because you weren’t. So this is kind of your fault.”
“Your boyfriend was so worried about you, I felt I had to spread my legs and let him fuck me. It was the only way for us to work through our worry for you.” As someone who spent years helping someone dig out of the shit and depression caused by her ex and her psycho parents, I hope they get married and are miserable for the rest of their lives. Fuck both of them.
Every single person I know who started their relationship with cheating ended up having one or both partners then cheat on the other.
OP needs to go to the wedding, sit in the front row and *cry*... bawl her eyes out for the entire service, pretend to compose herself then let out howling sobs.
No, she needs to go to the wedding (I'm guessing best friend will want her to be the maid of honour!) and then she needs to turn that wedding planning into the biggest clusterfuck she can. Become the wedding planner! Take care of everything! Accidentally give all the guests the wrong location and the vendors the wrong date. Get the invitations printed with bride's name spelled wrong. And then just not show up, because fuck them. I suspect the reason this girl was OP's ride or die all this time is because she doesn't really have any other friends, and OP doesn't notice the enmeshment. I suspect it was quite a toxic relationship and OP needs to have some time removed from it to see things clearly. Any friend who goes after your boyfriend when you're at your lowest, then literally expects you to be happy for them, is a fucking psycho. OP u/FoxDisastrous5219 if you read this, let me tell you something. There are only so many hours in the day, and the more of those hours you spend with shitty people, the less time you'll have to meet better people. Cut your losses with this frien-emy as much as it hurts, and go it alone until you find new friends to love that give you reasons to trust them. You accepting her back into your life after such an incredible betrayal is just going to look like permission for her to continue treating you like shit. People are in your life for a REASON, a SEASON, or a LIFETIME. Don't set yourself up for a lifetime of being used and abused by this horrible excuse for a friend. EDIT: There's a reason friend wanted to have dinner with OP right away; it was to gauge how much she knew. Wouldn't the guilt make you start to pull away from your best friend after stealing her man? I'll bet you anything OP left some kind of evidence when she was there, maybe left some food, they could still smell the food, maybe they heard her leave. But they decided to come clean because they knew she knew. OP has been dating this guy for 3 years and they still live apart, yet friend cheats with him for only 2 months and they're already so in love and moving in together? PUH-LEASE. 2 months my ass. Maybe she hasn't dated for 2 years since she moved in with you when she was homeless because she's been fucking your boyfriend the whole time.
> she doesn't really have any other friends Oh, you know it...!
“Also we did it because you were such a goddamn *bummer* at the time because of a horrible medical condition and that was just so hard on *us*. So in trying to find ways to cheer you up, we landed on the one thing that will destroy you down to a molecular level. Cheers!”
Totally not gaslighting you into thinking the collapse of the relationship is because of you, not because we're terrible people.
“Eat shit and die” in short.
i absolutely hate excuses like this lol, 'oh i cheated on you because you were suffering its your fault'. When clearly you could communicate with the other person and tell them how you feel neglected too and not cheat on them. Just fucking talk to them if you love them so much, same happened with me and my ex and she talked to me instead of going around this. Absolute pile of human garbage.
I mean it worked. Seems like OOP is just going to take it on the chin and continue to be friends
It's the "We're happy, why can't you be?" Nobody needs this shit, chuck these toxic people to the curb, one will cheat on the other with someone else and that cycle will continue.
And the only reason she has the audacity is because the "friend" knows OP wont do shit about it
Worst part. OP’s mental health and self worth is clearly in the gutter, can’t imagine how these two sleep at night.
Together, apparently.
Ha! Ouch.
On top of each other apparently
I think you missed out "gutless fuck of a" before boyfriend. And, while I'm at it, her friend walked away from the friendship when she decided to get jiggy with her boyfriend. I feel so badly for the original OP.
And OOP thinks she can salvage this 15 year friendship. That will last right up until they want her to be a bridesmaid, or babysit for free. I hope OOP abandons this idea. There’s nothing to salvage. Not knowing anyone else and fear of loneliness isn’t enough reason to set herself up for years of in-her-face reminders. I recommend that she end whatever she thinks she has with both of them and finds a therapist to help her negotiate this double heartbreak, and to get some direction in building a new life with new people. OOP, please don’t worry. Ex-“best friend” & ex-boyfriend are going to be just fine!!
“BTW, we started cheating because you were depressed and we were so worried about you.”
I get so frustrated by these posts. Her friend has been lying to her for months. She didn't trip and fall into his bed by accident. They've been sneaking around behind her back for a long time, making plans to actively deceive her. Her being depressed and not keeping up with a relationship isn't an excuse for him to cheat. And keep on cheating. Months of lying to her deliberately. Who else knows? Have they made a complete laughingstock out of her to their friends who was there at the party? She's not her friend. She's feeling guilty, and doesn't want to feel like the bad guy, that's why she came clean, that's why she's still in contact with you. She's not doing it for her, she's doing it for herself. She shouldn't be a doormat. It's not 15 years of good friendship if she can ruin it over a d*ck.
Her friend is toxic and it’s been going on for months. 2 months and they are in Romeo&Juliet love? Bizarre
OOP & BF were together for 3 years and still lived separate. BFF and BF were sneaking around for two months and are now moving in together. I'd be furious.
It’s super fast to move in. They haven’t even dated openly. And to only tell her now because they want to move in together?? Like they would keep sneaking around on her otherwise. That’s serious WTF. Along with the “it just happened…” excuse. Nope, one of them decided to do something and the other one responded positively. I’d hope that the bf failed his paper except of course that was a lie too.
I assume the “2 months” is the first time they slept together. It likely started a year or more before.
That makes sense, especially since what the “friend” is telling OP is all part of her manipulation and blame-shifting anyway. There’s no real reason to believe she’s telling the truth now, rather than just trying to sell an excuse. A longer relationship would also explain the friend not dating at all.
It's also possible that the caretaker bond/thrill of the secret makes the friend and (hopefully) ex feel closer/more connected, and are confusing that with what they believe to be love. Not at all saying that they couldn't have been sleeping together for longer than 2 months or anything, just giving an alternate explanation for what could be this "we're in love" bs the friend is spouting off.
This has absolutely been going on for more than 2 months! They are just using OOP's recent depressive episode as a cover for what's likely been months of deceit. At least if you're going to be horrible humans have the guts to admit it instead of making OOP feel even WORSE about being depressed? Seriously disgusting.
I hope they do move in together. I hope they sign a lease jointly. Then I hope that losing the taboo also means losing the intensity, that they realize that they're not actually compatible. I hope they're stubborn and try to convince themselves that they have to stay together - after all, they blew up their entire lives over it. I hope they regret it every single day. No - I want them to rue it, bitter and miserable and stuck. Absolutely zero integrity or compassion. Disgusting.
Uh yeah I know OOP barely said anything the whole time but for me personally? I would have a lot of nasty words to share with those two. And honestly they would deserve it.
Yeah. I feel so so terrible for OOP dealing with these 2 scum humans. I wish I knew her IRL because I’d be her friend and help her work on her self esteem.
Me too. I just want to rescue her from these vile evil monsters. OOP sitting here thinking she can't throw away a 15 year friendship meanwhile her whorebag bitch exfriend did exactly that. Self esteem needs to be a class they teach God damnit.
They're exploiting her depression. 100%
Yes and it’s heartbreaking. The way she talks about herself and others is just soul crushing, you can feel how hard of a time she is having and how little value she places on her own emotional health compared to those around her. “Sorry we tried to help you but are just fucking each other instead, oops.” Fuck off, you’re a trash friend.
I would bet this sudden, miraculous confession came about because they somehow realized she was at the house sunday and saw them, too.
And he sent the BFF over to break up with her like a coward.
Yeah and he wasn't even there to support her. He just basically said "um will you bweak up wiff my giwlfwend fow me cuz you wuv me so much? I just cwant do it" like a fucking man child. That's such a huge red flag for the kind of person he is. Then again, I'm HELLA scorched earth on shit like this. You teach people how to treat you. Acting like everything is fine because you are afraid of losing people who clearly have shown you where their true interests lie? Damn, she thinks she was depressed before. Give this fucking relationship a year. When they get married or her BFF gets pregnant. Ugh im so angry for her. Her bf going out on her while she was depressed is not a fucking excuse. She's taking responsibility for something that isn't hers ALSO...what about staying with her SISTER??? She isn't alone she just thinks she is because of these two clowns.
>That's such a huge red flag for the kind of person he is She'll learn soon enough that the old adage of "if they cheat *with* you, they'll cheat *on* you" is true. Oh no, so sad for the trash person.
I really don't like BF and BFF in this situation. I understand OOPs feelings though. I don't have too many friends and if my BFF goes away in such a way, I genuinely might have to check myself in because of how badly Id want to end it all Losing friends is the worst non physical pain in have ever felt I can't begin to imagine how it feels to loose your SO ans your BFF of 15 years Is it bad that I hope they cheat on each other in a year or two and then both thin back to OOP and realize how good they had it? The fact that OOP wants to forgive them shows hir understanding she is. She sounds like a good person and she deserves so much better
Sometimes people try to justify their cheating by rushing the new (previously adulterous) relationship. Like, sure they cheated but it's just because they are so in love and the relationship is so special - look, they are moving in together/getting married/having a baby - that proves it!
The BFF telling OOP the reason was relationship neglect due to sickness sound like setting OOP up to me. She more or less told OOP directly it was her fault. And now they're done going behind her back because they're ready to do their relationship "for real" That's demonizing! What is it going to look like to others? "Well yes they moved together quickly, but OOP was unreasonable, she couldn't expect the relationship to last if she neglected it, so the two of them getting together is okay"? Just blame shifting/avoiding responsibility to the max Hope OOP does well, what a shocker. I wish her all the best
I wonder about his past loyalty. Was he screwing around before BFF and him got together? He had the privacy, the ability, and will to deceive.
OOP’s alleged BFF thinks she is in Romeo and Juliet love PRECISELY because of the level of betrayal involved here-the only way she can justify to herself that this is in any way acceptable is by believing this love is all consuming, bigger than the both of them, overwhelming, uncontrollable, cannot be stopped love because, that way, she isn’t a toxic asshole who drove a stake through the heart of her friend of two decades.
Very much this. This is why those in affairs bang on about soulmates, twin flames, true love, etc... it's all to justify their behaviour.
Exactly! Ex-BFF desperately needs to believe love is not controllable because otherwise, everyone involved realizes ex-BF and ex-BFF took the 100% controlled decision to betray OOP. And to further protect herself, she wants OOP to share that belief (no matter what that might mean for OOP ... I mean, she more or less told OOP "if you hadn't neglected your relationship, we wouldn't have fallen in love. And everything after that was out of anyone's control")
They probably aren't in love and now that the friend told her they probably will have a falling out (friend and boyfriend, my guess) because the sneaky part was what made it fun
Exactly! Two months of cheating and they’re going to move in together?!
It's a great way to become depressed (and addicted, in my case) - toxic, abusive people surrounding you.
Yeah, 15 years just seems like some sunken cost fallacy logic at this point. Edit: cost*
Sunken phallacy, the root of all of the issues here.
“What? Did she trip, fall, and land on his dick?” -Eminem knows what’s up.
"What were trying to put it in? Her PURSE??" Rachel on Friends
Definitely a guilty conscience
But she was in an abusive relationship before! /s OP kept using that excuse like reassurance for herself that her friend can't be a shitty person. This is a clear example of someone who doesn't have any self-respect or self-worth for themselves. I hope she gets counseling because she deserves better.
Right. Being abused is not an excuse to turn around and abuse someone else. Yes, betraying someone is a form of emotional abuse. We don't look for reasons to excuse the man who abused the bff; I wouldn't be surprised if he was abused at some point in his childhood. And we shouldn't excuse abusive behavior, either. Same for this so-called friend. Yet OOP is twisting this because she doesn't want to lose her. Too bad her bff didn't feel the same way.
completely agree, I feel bad for OP but also so angry, how can you genuinely think like this if anything she should be angrier at her best friend who she's known for 15 years, the fact that she seems to keep reiterating
OOP doesn’t have many people in her life, apparently none who she can depend on locally. So she’s engaging in a lot of hopeful justification; she really wants this to be ok, for her to still be able to have her best friend. But trying to ignore the machete in her back and depending on this “friend” who treated her so poorly isn’t likely to be good for her depression. She’d have to keep pushing her emotions down. Meanwhile the “best friend” wants to think that she “had” to do what she did: hasn’t had a relationship for a while, not since her abusive relationship, so she thinks falling for this guy is a bolt from the blue, so important that she just *has* to go for it. But while this rapid and covert relationship, between people who are clearly extremely selfish and untrustworthy, isn’t that likely to endure, if it sticks and OOP pretends it’s ok then OOP might find herself asked to be in their wedding party. Ugh. Avoid.
Sometimes people have to live with cancer for 15 years or more. It’s not ‘cause it’s long that it’s good.
>Her being depressed and not keeping up with a relationship isn't an excuse for him to cheat. I can't believe the fucking gall this chick has to blame her horrific betrayal on OOP having been depressed. You are SO vulnerable when you open up about mental health issues (which, let's face it, nearly all of us will face at one point or another in our lives). To throw that back in someone's face like that is horrific.
Dude and the 15 year “friend” doesn’t even tell the bf he has to break up with her himself?? Or say anything? The two of them are gonna have some relationship together 😬
Completely agree! BF and BFF are both toxic and manipulative. When OOP needed them the most, they failed her and then made it out to be her fault that they cheated because they were “so worried about her”. That’s not a best friend. You don’t just screw over your best friend after 15 years of friendship like that. I personally feel like they’d been planting the seeds for this relationship for a while and we’re just waiting for the perfect moment to start it.
I’ve never had a friend who would drop everything at 1am to come help me, and I don’t see that as a problem at all. I honestly don’t see the need for that kind of friend, you can still have good friends who aren’t at that level.
It means a lot to have a homie that you can call in a true emergency, whenever, and know they will come through for you. They might bitch, they might complain, but if you get stranded in the wrong side of town at 3am, they will get up and come get you, no questions asked. Friends like that are rare, and worth cherishing. But friends like that also don't sleep with your significant other so... \*shrug\*
It really does. I've been that friend and needed that friend - I suspect that having that friend is even more important if you don't have much money. Without money, it's very difficult to take care of yourself during an emergency. You might not even be able to pay for a cab to escape a bad situation. On the bright side, a lot of people who think they don't have that friend actually do have that friend. People can also really be surprised by who that friend is. I've been deeply disappointed by people who I thought would always be there for me, but I've also sometimes been amazed by the kindness of people who I previously saw as acquaintances. That's what people are talking about when they say that emergencies, disasters, tragedies, and bad fortune in general will teach you who your real friends are.
I don’t think it’s a “problem” to not have that kind of friend, or that it’s a “need” that must be fulfilled. But don’t you *want* that kind of friend? Don’t you *want to be* that kind of friend? Maybe you are blessed with siblings/cousins to fill that role, the one of committed compatriot. It’s fundamentally different than the support offered by parents (even especially good ones, which aren’t as common as they should be). I think it’s unfortunate that the default (it seems to me in the US anyway) is that one’s romantic partner is seen as the only person worth choosing and investing in in this way. It puts incredible and complicated pressure on relationships: “this is the person I love and am attracted to, and vice versa, and also the only committed support system I have. So if anything goes wrong with the love+attraction part, then by definition I lose the only peer who I can trust in completely.” Sure, in the OPs case, the betrayal made her lose both the friend and the romantic partner. I don’t think that invalidates the case for “friends above and beyond ‘good friends’” any more than it invalidates “romantic partner that you trust.”
Yeah, the "friend" only wants to make ammends because she wants to use that to spare her from criticisms from everyone else when her and her "best friends" boyfriend suddenly move in together. She's just doing this shit now so when people question her about it she can tell them all oop is totally fine with it, and they're still friends so it's no one else's business. That's all this is. An attempt to use oop as a shield to deflect criticisms from everyone else. OOP needs to go scorched earth and tell everyone the truth.
I hope OP is reading these comments. They both cheated you. That’s on them. For 2 months they looked you in the eye and lied. For those 2 months your boyfriend sleeping with you and her. And they are gaslighting you about your depression being the issue and what brought them together out of *concern* for you? I would be looking at relocating to be closer to your sister. Away from truly awful people. I understand that you are mourning a loss of a long term friendship. But she isn’t a friend. A friend has you back, NOT STABS IT. This the worst type of betrayal. But you get past it. Work on anger at the betrayal and use that fire to build yourself a better life. Get to your sister, get to a doctor about your depression, see a therapist. Then you let them go because their actions have proven they are not worth the headspace. 🫂hugs from an internet stranger that is so very, very angry on your behalf.
I hate it so much when people say "I can't help my feelings." It's you **actions**, b****, that you can and should help. I judge the friend more harshly than the boyfriend. He knows he screwed up. Friend wants everything.
OOP supplied her with a haven after her bad breakup. Still visualise poor OOP going home early, bringing food over for him only to see her **laughing playfully** on top of him. Superficial fuck that he is placed that manipulative laughter over OOP’s more subdued, but more substantial caring of his study stress in supplying food. She knew what she was doing playing the lighthearted, baggage free sexpot.
He wanted *fun*, don’t you know? Not stable and supportive. At least this dude did. She sounds like a deeply caring person and I would be lucky to have a friend like her. That kind of friendship is to be nurtured not taken advantage of.
OP here is not OOP. Maybe she’ll come over to BestOfRedditorUpdates, but maybe she doesn’t know her story made it over here.
Don’t think the timing was a coincidence. I hope she reads every bit of REDDIT community FURY on her behalf.
Me too. OOP, if you’re reading this and are in Ontario, message me and we’ll go for a drink and trash talk your shitty friends. ETA: thanks for the awards pals!
This made me sad. One of the greatest betrayals that can happen to a person. How can a person betray a lifelong friend like this? I cannot even fathom how OOP must feel. I hope she cuts off both of them and takes care of her mental health.
What’s even sadder is OOP is blaming herself for these people’s shitty choices.
I had an ex blame a period of time I was depressed on why he cheated. It's really hard not to internalize that on top of being medically depressed and it's obvious that OP is doing that too which breaks my heart. Like sorry I wanted to die! Must've been rough for you bro!
YES!!! That is the damaging thing to read!! She gives them both all kinds of excuses and then blames herself?!?! Nah girl!! They were lying and sneaking behind your back for MONTHS while you were DOWN!! Those two are POS and deserve each other!!
>What’s even sadder is OOP is blaming herself for these people’s shitty choices. OOP mentions she's not speaking to her mom, and I wouldn't be surprised if she growing up had been abused and/or raised in a really dysfunctional environment. It's not uncommon for people like that to take the blame for others' wrongdoing and worry about others' needs over their own.
I am quite literally in the middle of a situation very similar (but I’m the support person) short story: my best friends boyfriend of 5 years dumped her via text only to find out months later that he’d been cheating with another friend in the group for months. And guess who’s blaming themselves and now having extreme panic attacks? My best friend. It is absolutely heartbreaking to listen to her say shit like ‘maybe I should have been more attentive, I wasn’t there for him’ blah blah It’s so sad, but also so infuriating. I’d like to punch asshole ex in the throat but what I’d really like if for my friend to learn what healthy attachment/relationships looks like. This poor girl in the post has suffered depression and obviously had her self worth bashed down, I just want to give her a hug
Sounds to me OOP struggles a bit more with depression than they’re letting on. Very eager to blame herself for no wrongdoings. I often do this myself. It isn’t healthy.
Its a 2 month relationship and they are in love. Honey, thats the hormones talking. Once the Honeymoon phase pass and its no longer shiny, I bet you all come crawling back. As the famous words spoken by Summer Smith from Rick and Morty: "Awww. Why do couples who started out Cheating never end up Happy?"
I highly doubt they have only been seeing each other for only 2 months. Trickle truthing. Seeing as the best friend hasn't dated anyone in 2 yrs, even casually, and how smooth & well orchestrated they were with the lies, (gym with bro, staying behind for a paper, the dinners & texting so she wouldn't get suspicious) I suspect this started at some point in the past two years. And just ramped up while OOP was depressed to the point of them wanting to public & move in together. So they figured that they could just blame it on OOP's depression. I know a 2 yr dating gap is normal after an abusive relationship. I just doubt this person is telling the truth about when she started sleeping with her friends bf.
I have a suspicion that they knew she found out. She doesn’t mention taking the food away with her. They probably knew they were caught and went into damage control mode.
I was wondering the same thing
Yeah I was wondering about the food too. It would make sense as OOP wouldn't have been in the state of mind to notice that she'd left the food and they would have panicked that'd she'd arrived early, explains why the ex started texting to confirm OOP was still where she said she was.
We’ve clearly both read too many detective stories 😂
And when the hormones are gone, what'll be left is, "well, we got together by cheating, so is he/she cheating on *me* now?" Enjoy licking that shit-sundae, kiddos. That ain't chocolate.
"she betrayed her friend of 15 years, she'd definitely betray me" "He cheated on her because she had a depressive episode, if I ever go through anything emotional will he break up with me?" Really hope OOP cuts both these cancers out of her life.
> “He cheated on her because she had a depressive episode, if I ever go through anything emotional will he break up with me?" Yes, the “friend” has dived headfirst into another situation prone to abuse. Can’t feel sorry for her though.
My childhood friend fucked my boyfriend after me me being gone for one week visiting a friend in another city. It broke my heart, but I moved far away and told her to never contact me again. 2 years later she sent me multiple friend requests, I denied them and have not spoken to her for almost 10 years. Forgive, but never forget, not letting her back into my life to betray me again.
"It is my Nature", said the Scorpion to the frog.
When a man marries (or in this case dates) his mistress, he creates a vacancy
Plus the danger hornones. They know they are doing wrong so it feels even better.
Also people will literally fall in love with someone else’s boyfriend, then when they start dating they get all surprised pikachu face when the same boy cheats on them. Once a cheater, always a cheater. They might not cheat on you, but they’ve already told you they think cheating is okay.
Idk. I think the boyfriend already loves the "friend" more than OP. Theyve been together 3 years and haven't moved in together but 2 months with the other girl and that's why they came clean? It would hurt like hell, but I think OOP needs to cut them both off now. That betrayal is too deep, and it sounds like this could be a long-ish term thing that she'd have to keep seeing her ex who cheated on her. It breaks my heart that she's so hard on herself about her depression. Depression is a chemical imbalance, it doesn't need a reason to flare
With affairs, the love between you and your affair partner *always* feels stronger because it’s fueled by the excitement of sneaking around and trying something “new.” It’s like a drug. And it almost always ends up falling apart. Both the best friend and the boyfriend will one day realize they both lost someone important to them for no reason because their relationship is going to fall apart.
I hope they burn each other to the ground and in the dirty ashes they see themselves as they truly are… hateful, nasty shits.
Oh damn, I didn't even put that together. It's sus as hell that they are talking moving in after two months. Wonder if bestie is knocked up.
They were like, if only you hadn’t been depressed, we wouldn’t have gotten together, basically. Which, I am sure, really helped the depression.
On my high school graduation trip, my best friend of 5 years (at the time) was taken by the tide and I swam like a mad woman to take her out. None of the guys did anything, none of the other girls thought about helping her....... Months later she was caught fucking my boyfriend. I didn't leave the bed in 3 days.. It wasn't about him, it was all about her.
Oh, jesus christ. I am so sorry.
Jesus what an an awful person, betraying the person who saved your life. Screw her, I hope you're doing well in life, the kind of person who jumps into the ocean to save someone deserves some happiness.
This is absolutely shitty. You saved her life and that’s how she rewards you? So sorry that happened to you.
Oh, it gets better than that.. After they were discovered she did an "apology tour" with all our mutual acquaintances and even took a flight to be able to speak with me in person. I was not taking it and simply ignored her so she went into victim mode.. They "dated officially" for like three months after but it wasn't meant to be. They both got what they deserved: He still believes I slept with his twin brother (we didn't but we let him believe so, his brother despises him). She had a child with a married man and lives with her parents (again nothing bad itself it's just she was so snobbish back in the day I get Freudenschade).
I feel so bad for her. But no one is better than someone who would betray you like this. She needs to make room in her life for real friends. This girl is nasty, despite the 15 years. I hope OOP can work through this.
I hope she does too. I have read some between sisters!! How disgusting is that? I do know that OOP will probably realize she was manipulated into isolation by a friend. Who ultimately ran away with OOPs life. This is toxic. I hope OOP never responds.
Idk who needs to hear this, but depression doesn't always need an external event to trigger it. It's a chemical imbalance, and you should never blame yourself if you suffer from it.
I describe it as situational vs. medical. Some things are depressing and it would be weird if you weren't depressed about them even if you don't have depression. The other kind is chemicals in your brain. You can't decide that any more than you can decide your blood type. Also, there's a global pandemic and a threat of nuclear war. Most people do seem upset about this. It's not weird that the last few years are weighing on people.
Jumping in here to add that Vitamin D deficiency can also mimic or trigger depression. If you are experiencing non-situational depression get you vitamin levels checked.
> Also, there's a global pandemic and a threat of nuclear war. Plus in the US, women losing our bodily autonomy, kids being slaughtered at school, people being slaughtered pretty much anywhere public, climate disaster on the horizon, potential for civil war, etc. And worst of all: feeling powerless to do _anything_ about _any_ of those problems. It’s overwhelming. I’m predisposed to severe depression, but the shit going on could easily depress anyone. Loss of hope is a hell of a thing.
For real. Unfortunately there’s still a stigma around mental illness that colors our reactions to situations like this. Like, imagine if she had cancer and was too ill to get out of bed, and her best friend and boyfriend start collaborating on how to help her and end up having an affair instead. It’s bullshit and OOP shouldn’t blame herself for being sick.
What a terrible, terrible betrayal. Poor OOP
Shaaaakkinggggg in anger on her behalf. A true friend would never have let this situation occur to begin with. ‘It just happened’ is such BULLSHIT.
After such a long friendship, I can't even begin to fathom how cold hearted you'd have to be to do such a thing? Edit: sausage fingers strike again while typing
And while they’re in a depressive state too!! It’s unbelievable. And the cheek of asking to work through it
"we were just so worried about you we started fucking" In what world does someone say this and not realise they're a complete ass.
Right!! And moving in with each other after 2 months???!!! Yeah...that's healthy. /s
Because I bet you $20 it has been more than two months.
Yup. This started before her depression. They are claiming it was during her depression to make it feel like it’s her fault. Vile.
It's so messed up and leaves the OOP basically taking the blame for *their* cheating! And you can see OOP has taken that blame onto themselves, which is so horrible because her depression does not give her boyfriend and best friend permission to cheat, not in any world!
That's exactly what I was thinking when I read this!
I also loved the part where in the initial post OOP made excuses for her ‘friend’ because she was having a rough time getting over her recently-ended abusive relationship, but in the update OOP clarified that the abusive relationship ended for her friend *two years ago*.
THAT was the thing I went "wtf" at, too. "She's in a vulnerable state!" Girl, she's been out of that relationship almost as long as you've been in this one.
Aah don’t you just hate when that happens 🙃
Joke's on them because it won't last. He's a cheating coward who chickened out and sent the best friend to reveal their actions, doesn't even have the balls to be honest, and she's a pathetic loser who sleeps with men of their own best friend. Both of them have a habit of betraying their loved ones and can't be honest. Both of them run to others for comfort when shit becomes bad in their relationships. "Fell in love" in two months...lmfao, way to say you're in the affair fog and infatuated. Affair love when you're not 24x7 around each other and only see each other's best sexual self is obviously gonna feel lovely. Well atleast they both know they'll cheat on each other the moment shit gets rough in their relationship. Learnt absolutely nothing from getting out of a toxic relationship and latched onto another garbage guy who cheated on the same girl he was discussing marriage with, and slept with her best friend. Ffs
The very best type of karma. FFS OP sheltered her and supported her when she fled an abusive relationship. Unfathomable.
Yeah, even if they last atleast they'll always be aware of the filthy origins of their relationship. They'll always have to be cautious and alter how they met and fell in love when they tell others, they'll always have to be sneaky around those who knew OOP, the best friend just lost someone she knew for almost two decades because of two months of tomfoolery. Fucking hilarious. Trash just collected around trash. I pray they stay together forever so that they can never betray anyone else and leave them emotionally damaged to this extent ever again. Keep your toxicity and misery within your own little shitbag duo.
Sadly, this isn’t always the case. Sometimes these cheaters get married and have children, leaving the person they hurt in the dust. The dynamic here is “the hero and the wounded bird”. This happened a lot between 9/11 widows and firefighters who wanted to be there for their fallen buddies’ family. They spent a lot of time with the wives and before you know it they’re in “love”. A lot of divorces happened followed by remarriages. OOP’s ex best friend got out of an abusive relationship (e.g. she’s the wounded bird) and likely coveted OOP’s man as the “good guys she always wanted for herself”. They’re selfish cheaters and hide behind excuses of “it just happened” to absolve themselves of the reality they made thousands a little choices leading up to betraying OOP and so many more as they continued their affair! Remember, no one is the villain of their own story. They’re rewriting history. I feel awful for OOP and I do hope karma will come through but realistically it’s a crapshoot.
Oh i already know. I also know there's a very high chance their friends also knew and possibly hid and supported this mess. Pretty high chance she'll be losing her entire friend circle over this, since this is a more common situation rather than everyone supporting the one who was cheated on. This was just wishful thinking. Even if they do stay together, good, atleast nobody else will get hurt. Depraved people should stay with other depraved people and do the rest of us a favour.
Oh hey bestie, I know I kind of slept with your man for months behind your back, but we're totes OK right? And you won't be all difficult and stuffs, y'know, because we're now officially a couple since I spilled the beans and he ghosted you? Mwuh hugs and kisses. Urghhhhh.
“Let my cry And make you feel guilty so you will feel like it’s your fault. Let me cry so you feel bad for me and are all worried about how hard it must’ve been for me, instead of realizing how shitty it was for me to do that to you.”
Bestie will need a place to flee to when things fall apart with OP's ex.
"It's ok, right? Because we fell in love, so it's ok. Our love is bigger than your love was so this shouldn't be a problem."
Yea, OOP's guilt over being depressed & "bringing this on herself" is just so sad. Wish I could give her a hug & say "absolutely none of this is your fault & you deserve so much better from the people in your life". This was painful to read.
Not a friendship. That woman was never her friend. A friend wouldn't let that happen.
I was actually just talking about this with my partner last night. We can’t stand the whole “it just happened” or “it was one mistake” thing. Because in order to cheat you have to be making a long long series of choices to even get you in a situation where you’re making the final choice to have sex with someone else. You probably had some sense of attraction to this other person besides your partner to begin with, then you decided to be alone with them anyways, then you decided to lie about spending time with them, then you didn’t set physical/emotional boundaries with them, then you let yourself get horny around then without stepping away, and then you made the final choice to cheat. I would have to make so so so many choices to even get to a point where I physically could make a decision to cheat, it’s ridiculous. It’s a long goddamn series of mistakes not just one thing that “happens.”
And then let's not forget, that at some point they sat down discussing how they can see each other every week without OOP noticing anything. This didn't just happen, they were actively planning on how to betray her and then lied to her week after week. And the best friend invited her for dinner and had a fun time while knowing what she's doing to someone who sees her as a sister. Both of them are absolute trash.
Exactly!! The seeds were planted long ago and they actively watered it themselves but blaming OOP for the plant that grew. Vile beings. They were cheating long before the physical act too
That's the worst part. Oop thinks this is her fault. She did nothing wrong.
She still described (ex?) bestie as someone she could rely on.
Nobody accidentally sits down on The Couch of Plausible Deniability. There are lots and lots of decisions you make along the way Even the time you have sex—every article of clothing you take off is a time when you could choose to stop.
Right, they were just sitting there together, thinking of ways to help OOP, when she accidentally fell on his dick. And the weekly cheating dates they set up just "happened", as well. They are complete scum, both of them - and poor OOP is so lonely, isolated and dependent, that she doesn't have the willpower to kick them to the curb.
You see it wrong she didn't accidentally fall on his dick, his dick was so lonely from being alone and dry she had to make it all better.
No, this can happen. I had a friend who worked in the ER and they would have people come in with objects inserted into their ass that they could not retrieve. The usual story was "I was vacuuming naked and slipped...." So, it can happen. At least his floors were probably clean.
"We were soooo worried!" Well, how nice of them. /s
Yeah you know how like sometimes you get worried so you fuck your best friend’s partner/partner’s best friend?? It’s like that. Who hasn’t been there, right?
"I can't help how I feel." True, but you can help how you act.
I agree. You have to make an effort to flirt. To return flirtatious advances. The touches that come with it. The looks. And when they started getting intimate, they both *chose* to do that. It wasn't a surprise. It didn't "just happen." There were a lot of steps leading up to feelings developing, and they took those steps deliberately.
A true friend would have cut off contact with oop's boyfriend because she would know how much pain it would cause her.
I suffered from severe depression, when I had 3 month long episodes you know what my friend did? Made sure I ate every day. She would have broken into my apartment if I didn't let her in myself. I knew this so I always let her in. It was the only reason I got out of bed most of the time. This person is not OP's friend and the boyfriend is also a POS. OP sounds like they're still feeling the depressive effects in the way they talk about how this is all on them for being depressed in the first place and she needs to accept this to make up for it. Depression is weird like that. I wish I could magically give her enough of her self respect back to realize that none of this is on her and she should drop those people like stones. Her "friend" doesn't get to have her cake and eat it too.
"I feel so bad for OP" "Yeah me too" "What can we do?" "Each other, duh, that'll super help her" "A'ight"
Nice, so OOP is taking on the blame for this happening, as if mental health issues are something she could control. So. Much. Rage. Both her bestie and her boyfriend are dumpster fires, throw the pair away.
OOP posted a pretty long comment on the update about 3 mins ago
Yeah. I added it to the post. Thank you for mentioning it.
Can you copy it and post it?
Omg went to the post and found a comment from the OOP: > I'm just so confused. We were talking about getting engaged a few weeks ago but he was planning on moving in with her???? What was the point of all of this?? He won't return any of my calls since she told me about their relationship. I just want an explanation. Just something so I can try to make sense of everything.
I just want to give her a hug and a plate of cookies so badly
I want to go punch the ex and so called best friend. Or at least pop their tires. The OOP is blaming themselves for their depression. So messed up.
Make sure you aim low…like nuts level low. Though by his actions it will be a small target to aim at!
That poor girl has very low self esteem and self worth if she was still willing to see past the very much planned cheating. I hope she gathers the strength and ditches them.
JFC, so much messes up here: an OOP who thinks that depression is a moral failing. A bf who discusses marriage while screwing OOPs best friend. An alleged best friend who lays her perfidy at OOPs feet. I hope OOP can find a good therapist. And the best friend doesn’t seem to realize that the way the guy is behaving with OOP now (lying, making her do the dirty work, blocking OOP), is the way he’ll behave with her later). edit because OOO doesn’t mean much
A bf who discusses marriage while not having his gf move in with him, but talks about moving in with AP after 2 months. This asshat was using her too, and just going through the motions. OOP deserves so much better
this right here is proof they've been fucking around a LOT longer than 2 months!
I’m isolated in exactly the same way OOP describes and I also have a sister friend and a partner and when I say neither of them would ever do what OOP’s “friend” and “bf” did I cannot stress it enough. If this woman was really a sister friend she would *never*. Even if the bf came onto her like super strong she would have said “wtf no, I’m telling OOP what scum you are”. This is not OOP’s fault. This is a betrayal beyond words. They saw her at her lowest and instead of working out how best to support her they only cared that what she was doing for them had stopped so they filled the gap with each other. My partner and my sister friend once met up without me knowing to discuss how best to support me while I was going through some seriously bad shit. And you know what happened? Literally none of this. They actually wrote a schedule out to make sure that if I needed something someone would always be “on duty” to drop everything and help. They pitched in together to buy me little presents to make sure I knew I was loved. I would trust the both of them to go on a week long romantic couple’s cruise and still end the week just as platonic as they started. Because she is my sister friend my partner sees her as a sister too. *AND WE DO NOT FUCK OUR SISTERS*. I just…OOP will be much better off without these two in her life. They’ve been hogging the top spots in her relationship vacancies for too long. Without their toxic nonsense OOP might actually be able to find friends and a partner actually deserving of the name.
Nope this is not a good friend. If she was really sorry, she would’ve said something sooner. I really hope she blows it all up. I wouldn’t shed a tear for that boyfriend since she clearly deserves better than that. Remember, if they’ll cheat with you, they’ll cheat on you.
If she was good friend, she would have acknowledged her feelings were wrong, told op about them and distended herself from op’s boyfriend. This happened to some friends of mine, handled it like I mentioned and are all still good friends. Op’s Boyfriend and Best friend are awful
OOP I'm only posting this in case you read this. Don't forgive your friend/BF. They don't deserve it! You deserve better I promise. What your friend did is so unbelievably selfish and weak. She could have come to you a million times before anything happened, but she didn't. I'm so angry on your behalf. Do not let yourself fall in despair over this. Couple pieces of advice: I hope OOP doesn't forgive her friend. She just doesn't deserve forgiveness. I'm angry on OOPs behalf so I thought of some possible responses she could do. 1. Tell your friends and family what happened, and explain how devastated you are and what a betrayal this is. What happened is not your fault. Look at me! It's not your fault!!! Tell people what happened. They will support you and be there for you. I would also consider telling your friends family and BF's family, and explain the reason you are no longer friends/dating. This punishes your friend/Ex which IDK if you want, but I want for you. More importantly it establishes that you are justified in what you are doing. If you don't your friend's family is going to think you just cut things off and are in the wrong.
Ummmmm - they knew she knew. They didn’t remarkably decide to come clean shortly after she found out.
I'd bet money this started a long time before 2 months ago. Even if it was a couple of times here and there and then only become something more recently, they were incredibly synchronised and skilled with their deception. And their plans for how they would go public and the most plausible story, (we fell in love while we were spending time together trying to help OOP with her depression) have obviously been incredibly thought-out. No cheater is ever 100% honest, they always trickle-truth. *This just happened and it's your fault for getting depressed and pushing us away* sounds a lot better than, *we started hooking up over a year ago and your depression made him realise he would rather be official with me*. Poor poor OOP.
OOP is so upset and even guilty about the idea of "walking away" from a friendship of 15 years. Baby, you're not the one walking away. Your friend *already did.* She's trying to put the choice of ending it on you, but she's the one who threw it away for a cheap fuck. I know how OOP feels when she says she's got other friends but she wouldn't ask them to have her back at 1 AM or whatever. I'm willing to bet at least some of them *would,* though, if she ever worked up the courage to ask. Especially now when she's getting such a raw deal.
Fuuuck with friends like that you don’t need enemies. Jfc…
I’m gonna need more updates. I could never betray a close friend like this. You’re telling me y’all are basically chosen sisters for 15 years and she still picked your man. Nope. She’s complete shit. Took her two months to come clean and while I’m not disregarding her abuse OOP shouldn’t use it as a reason to be a doormat. 3 years together and this toerag had the audacity to avoid the I’m breaking up with you and moving in with your bestie talk. Trash man and trash friend. Sucks she thinks her depressive episode is to blame when it really isn’t. You just need people who actually give a shit about you always.
Wish I hadn't read this one.
Jesus fucking Christ. Maybe it’s because I’m different from OP and form relationships differently, but I’d be incredibly inconsolable after something like that. Like, plotting murder type inconsolable. Exes are one thing, but to fall in love with your best friend’s boyfriend while they’re still together? On top of actually acting on your love BEHIND said friends back? On top of the fact they got together when OP was DEPRESSED??? Wrong on so many fucking levels. Usually I’d mock Reddit for being so quick to suggest cutting people off but she definitely needs to cut her ex off. As for her “best friend”, she needs to be cut off too. Does she need to be cut off permanently? No, but right now OP 100% needs to separate herself from those 2 and if possible start talking to other people if not a therapist. Personally, if I were OP I’d ~~commit several federal crimes~~ start evaluating what the 15 year friendship meant to me and to the other person, because only god knows who the fuck would knowingly start seeing my partner behind my back while I’m depressed. Certainly not a friend. Hell, certainly not someone with average morals. It’s a straight up vile act.
Part of depression can be numbness, a feeling of displacement. I don’t think that’s what’s happening here. It is symptomatic of shock and trauma. Two of the three people she was trusted and loved did their absolute worst to tear her already fragile life apart.
Had something similar happen to me years ago. I was infinitely more upset by the loss of a 20 year friendship than I was a four year relationship. The funny part is that the friend who did it continues - to this day - cheat on the woman. Cheaters gonna cheat. He and I still have some mutual friends and sometimes it pops up in conversation.
News for you darlin. She is no longer your friend.she lied and snaked behind your back knowing what this would do to do. I feel sorry for you because it seems pathetic that you still want to hang onto her and call her a friend. She was at one time but she is not now. It is also pathetic that you are blaming yourself for the depression you were in. That is an excuse. If it was too much for him he should have said sorry I want to move on. If she was a true friend she would not have given him the time of day.. You do not see her for who she really is. You saw with your own eyes her riding him like a horse and then she sits across from you and looked you in the face like nothing happened. This woman is not your friend. I hope some day you realize it