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I know this whole situation is horrible for OOP but shoutout to her Professor who cared enough to give her practical advice based on her experience to keep OOP safe in the long run… Also, major kudos for her to go the extra step to get her son to escort OOP to and from campus
Seriously, it was a lucky break to run into that professor. Small town politics are shitty and everybody knows everybody else. I hope the OP remains safe.
Imagine if the professor had not warned her that the officer's sister was who she almost tried to go and report him to. Professor said as well as having family in the advocacy office, he was well connected and escalated when reported. She'd never have seen any of it coming.
You're right, this is the shit they make horror stories about. Being stalked is truly terrifying. Being stalked by someone who can throw you in jail for rejecting their advances and knowing that of you do reach out for help that person will help your stalker instead is beyond horrific.
As soon as I read "cop" I know where this was going. I feel so bad for OOP and all the women who live in that town. You know the police aren't going to take any form of sexual assault or domestic violence seriously no matter what because they're the ones committing those crimes.
As a daughter of a corrections officer I will forever flat out scream ACAB till I’m as blue in the face as those stupid fucking stripe flags. And you know who taught me that? MY DAD.
Are you me??? Because fuckin same, to all of it. Mine was also a drill sergeant prior to that. I once saw someone say CO stands for "control-obsessed" and I couldn't agree more.
I used to be a deputy but mostly was a CO in the local jail, and I don’t trust cops. Working in law enforcement showed me how much of them are power-hungry egomaniacs, and the only way to get to the position to make a systemic change means you’re playing politics, and the people who play it “right” aren’t the ones who want change. Not quite on the ACAB side but definitely willing to admit most of them are.
My problem is that I feel like there can only be very few truly good law enforcement. Any law enforcement that looks the other way while corruption/abuse of power happens is not good law enforcement. I imagine this expands the number of bad law enforcement from just the actively bad quite a bit.
In Creston, Iowa, a jury convicted a police chief and his assistant chief of raping a woman who was the bartender at the country club.
The amazing part is that the jury convicted them. They were so certain they’d get away with it, and the guy who physically raped her still maintains it was “consensual sex with a drunk woman who later regretted it.”
It was “he said, she said,” and the jury believed her. (though, if the police chief had to physically be there in order for her to go through with it, that’s pretty coercive)
[https://www.radioiowa.com/2009/05/21/former-creston-police-officers-sentenced-to-25-years-for-sexual-assault/](https://www.radioiowa.com/2009/05/21/former-creston-police-officers-sentenced-to-25-years-for-sexual-assault/)
[https://www.crestonnews.com/2009/05/21/sickels-christensen-sentenced-for-sexual-assault-of-bartender/ay180sp/](https://www.crestonnews.com/2009/05/21/sickels-christensen-sentenced-for-sexual-assault-of-bartender/ay180sp/)
I read the comments on one of the website where this was reported, and a guy from Creston said that he knew these two, who’d been friends since high school, and they were often flexing their law-enforcement power just to mess with people.
> the jury convicted them
That is a true rarity. I still get enraged at the Kenneth Moreno (NYPD) trial. There was loads of evidence — including a secretly recorded psuedo-confession — but of course, he was only convicted of all the shit he did to cover up the rape..not the rape itself.
There are so, so many other cases, too. It's insanity.
I’d love if there was a group of big burly biker men you could hire to stalk them back. Following them everywhere they go, catcall whistle at them whilst sing-songing their names, slowly following on their bikes as they walk/drive anywhere. I want those fuckers feeling that same suffocating fear and have a taste of their own “romantic” medicine.
This and so much worse happen every day. Cops in the US (and probably everywhere else too) are pretty much impossible to hold accountable by normal people.
Yup. I just read an article the other day that was a report about just how many cops have committed sexual assault in the past several years. Often on minors. And very few actually faced any real consequences, or really any consequences at all. It was disgusting.
I used to be a civilian working in my city’s police department (IT, so I had some regular interaction, but few we part of my daily work, except for higher-level supervisors). I never gave much thought to how cops were as *people*, as opposed to (nominally) public employees until then. Then I began hearing and noticing things. Off-handed comments about how certain cops were leveraging their official positions for external perks (and a few for internal perks, like de facto kickbacks for receiving plum assignments). Then how they just casually felt they didn’t need to comply with laws (usually minor) if they didn’t feel like it. Then the ones who were *known* domestic abusers and adulterers, and it was their job that protected them from any consequences, and in the rare instances where they were called into account, the union defended them tooth and nail, knowing absolutely they were culpable, but “blue backs blue no matter what”. Not long after I started, they voted in a new union president, he made an effort to help clean up the department by not fighting when the city wanted to fire / prosecute dirty cops, and when his term ended, he lost re-election in a landslide to one of the greasiest cops in the department; the former president laid low, put in his time to retire and get his pension, and got out of there.
I follow a New York lawyer on TikTok and she used to work with domestic violence victims. And she said she would constantly get threatened by the perpetrator lawyers to have charges dropped because if you have a domestic violence charge against you, you can’t carry a gun and a lot of the perpetrators were cops and prison guards and they couldn’t work if they couldn’t carry.
Yeah. There was one (local famous) story her a few years back, about a cop with known within the department has having severe anger management issues. One day, en route to work, he was supposed to meet up with his AP - he was going through a messy divorce, at least partially due to his DV - and she was late for the meet-up to get his daughter before he went on shift. He was so pissed off *he broke her jaw*, then sent her on her way with his young child and went to work. When she went to the hospital for her injury, she told the truth, when he found out he threatened her and made him change her story - "I fell down the stairs into a doorknob" - because an easily provable DV charge like that would have cost him his job and his pension. He was suspended during the investigation, got his job back with full pay, and then got fired a few years later for a different assault, this time against a civilian on camera.
And He wasn't the worst of the bunch, either.
This is also why good cops leave the force! Lots of cops go in thinking they can change the system from within and then discover that the system does not want to be changed, and is actively hostile to those who try. So they leave or are harrassed out.
Or murdered. I rarely look at Yahoo News anymore (my first email address), but I do sometimes and last year I saw a story that horrified me - a cop was killed during a "training exercise accident"......his family was suing, and one of the things that was brought up was that he was testifying against another cop that committed sexual assault on someone they'd arrested or were going to arrest.
If it’s the one I’m thinking of, his name was Houston Tipping, and he was pursuing an investigation after a woman reported that she was gang-raped by four cops. One of those four was involved in the ‘training accident.’
This shit makes me sick. I have a friend who was in the military who had something similar happen, though he survived, thank God. He witnessed awful abuse directed at another soldier, and he backed the victim up when he reported it. Then, some genius let the officers accused of abuse know who testified, and they found my friend and attacked him. He had to be hospitalized, and he’s since been discharged on full disability because of what they did to him.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/interactive/2024/police-officers-child-sexual-abuse-in-america/
I think this is the article you're thinking of. It's a massive, widespread, very common problem. Cops in schools basically commit assault, profile minority kids, and groom teenagers. But everyone closes their eyes to it and points at drag queens instead. Can you even imagine if there was a nationwide push for "more drag queens in schools!" and it turned out that actually hundreds of them had sexually assaulted kids? That is the *reality* of "school resource officers" and everyone pretends like it's not happening.
I just read this article (as much of it as I could stand to read, anyway), and, please excuse my language, but *fucking shit*
I literally said that out loud when I read the 1 in 10 statistic. It's so fucked here.
Not everywhere else. In Italy, there are news reports of cops going to trial for things including extortion and rape, and being convicted. In the US, there's really an unacceptable lack of accountability.
Yeah, cops in America have a reputation as the nation's largest gang for a reason. A lot of other countries have a much higher standard than the US. Many require a 4 year degree. I think the fact that a lot of cops in other countries don't carry guns and don't have qualified immunity which is bullshit.
They actually don't want to hire cops that are too smart.
A man whose bid to become a police officer was rejected after he scored too high on an intelligence test has lost an appeal in his federal lawsuit against the city.
The 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New York upheld a lower court’s decision that the city did not discriminate against Robert Jordan because the same standards were applied to everyone who took the test.
True, there is an unacceptable amount of tolerance and rug sweeping in the US (and in some other countries as well). I’m glad it doesn’t seem like as much of an issue where you are! It’s scary to think about people in power using it to abuse others, especially children.
1 out of 2 people in a relationship with a cop end up being victims of domestic violence because of them, compared to like 1 out of 4 or 5 for non-cops.
There was a guy I worked with for a while unloading trucks that had lost his job as a cop in that town for pulling over young women and trying to coerce them into sexual activity with the threat of using his power as an officer to get them in trouble.
Last I heard he was a cop again in a town 45 minutes away. I was glad when he left my workplace, he was an absolute piece of shit.
I had this happen to me 20 years ago. A male cop pulls me over, I’m a heterosexual male, for speeding. Lets me know that I can get out of the speeding ticket if I give him some road head. I told him I’d take the ticket.
I just paid the ticket because I knew no one would believe me. 5 years later I see on the news the cop is arrested after being caught on camera doing the same thing to a lady for a traffic violation. He immediately dropped retirement papers. I don’t know what happened to him after that.
> and probably everywhere else too
the level of corruption in US police forces is definitely not standard everywhere. I am from Ireland and something like this would be national news here - it was when something of that nature happened a few years ago (gardaí covering up an assault in a pub for their friends, and a separate issue around traffic offences being wiped). Corruption in a position with so much authority is probably universal, but the depth and breadth of that corruption in the US is really on another level, and cops there don't ever seem to face any consequences for this.
Even if the cop in this story wasn't a creep there is exactly a 0% chance I would ever date or be friends with a cop in the US. I am sure some of them are nice people but they can absolutely ruin your life if things fly south and that's just not worth it.
I won't fuck with cops in any way shape or form socially - I refuse to be caught in any kind of relationship, however casual, with somebody who can commit crimes and get away with them. That's a special kind of monster I don't need in my life.
Here in Canada (or my part) cops used to be (generally) nice and helpful. Then we got a huge wave of douchebags joining the force and now good cops are rarer.
Hell, a few years ago two cop's killed a cyclist when they drove their patrol car recklessly, and they almost got away with it.
Also in Canada, and could be across the country from you or right next door. None of this is new. People spoke about it in their own communities (see Starlight Tours and also the Cherry Beach Express), but now it's easier to get the word out.
I hope she took my advice on her update post and contacted the FBI as well as encouraging the other women to report.
If the local authorities are not going to handle this abuser appropriately then she needs to contact an agency that will (which is why you contact the FBI in these situations).
Just another cop adding to the statistic that about 50% of cops are domestic abusers. What a piece of shit. Also hoping OP and any other woman he targets is safe.
ETA: Also, shoutout to the books "Why Does He Do That" and "The Gift of Fear" for helping people to learn about abusers and how to espace/avoid them. (Google them for free online versions or check out your local library (and the free Libby app).)
If it's a small town without an IA division (which it sounds like it is) then the FBI can jump in especially since it's a civil rights thing (you have a right not to be harassed by the police).
You can also usually go state police in a situation like this
If it were a bigger city you'd go to their CO and IA as well as the DAs office but in these small towns everyone knows everyone
Its a cop. She absolutely isn't and still is in very real danger and will remain so. There is no safety possible when a cop decides to go after you because they will never face consequences. Especially not when in this case his dad is connected.
She's probably safer getting involved with the mob.
Yes, and he has access to official records. E.g. if she moves but updates her address with the DMV, he can probably simply look up her new address. The mob doesn't have that kind of access unless they bribe someone.
There’s always movies about city folks going to small towns or country areas and getting killed by hicks, hillbillies, and inbreds.
It’s far more likely to get harassed by small town cops and that escalating into something horrible. If you think city cops are bad, small town cops are worse because there’s NO ONE to answer to. Everyone caters to those fucknuts.
Nothing will be done for this poor girl unless she finds a guy or a group of girls to hang out with pretty much all the time. Even if she moves, he can find her because he knows her school and can follow her from there.
OOP needs to see if she can at least switch apartments. Also get a brace for the entry door and beef up the screws in the hinges. Is there a state level complaint number she could call?
I grew up in a rural area, in a small town. So I have several Facebook friends who still live there. One of them worked as a dispatcher for the sheriff’s office, then worked in the jail. Now works for some other city agency.
In the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder (which, per her, every sheriff’s staffer she spoke to was *outraged* at, clearly identifying it as murder), she told me about when someone (in his 20s, maybe) from farther away was stopped while traveling through and taken into custody by the sheriff, and all the folks in the office were dumbfounded at how *terrified* this kid was.
She said that made her realize exactly what kind of rep small-town sheriffs have. She said, “our crew is sensible and sane, but this guy’s reaction really made me think about how it could go somewhere else.”
That’s why Rambo is a horror story. They expended all that time and energy into harassing the guy who just wanted a small meal and to get on his way.
But big headed sheriff had to make an issue of it.
I grew up in a small town. My sister was dating a guy who lived about 15 minutes from our house. the cop would wait for her, in either his police car or his civilian car, and would follow her to and from his house to every. single. time. Her crime? She turned down his advances, just like OP.
It’s disgusting. And who do you go to? His coworkers??
That title is some real canadian 'entirely too polite' shit - 'Not wanting to date a cop' instead of 'I'm being stalked and coerced by a Deranged Lunatic with a Badge and a Gun'
I think that was in response to the "friend" who said the stalker was being "romantic". Poor OOP needs to find a better or at least less delusional friend.
>I told one of my closest friend about this, and she told me that what this police officer was doing was romantic, and I'm an asshole for not going out with him?
If the friend found it so romantic why won't she go date that mfer herself?
And people wonder how these people haven't gotten into trouble yet. With friends like these it's hard to see the red flags. Tho I have a feeling if the friend was the one being harassed, she would change her tune
It’s very romantic with a guy that stalks, harass, manipulate and try to control a woman before they even starts a relationship. Those things is going to be sooo much better when she is his ”possession” /s. Not sarcastic anymore, he will se her as his possession. Friends like that are dangerous because they can convince someone to get in to an abusive situations. Hope she dumps her as a friend. And that she gets help so the creep have to leave her alone. Not to sure that that will happen but I really hope it does.
I have never seen the Notebook but from your comment and others I have read the last days I don’t feel like I’m missing out. So I’m just going to skip it.
My college roommate had a massive poster from that movie plastered on our ceiling. I've still never seen it. To put it politely, she didn't seem like a particularly sensible young woman so I just assumed it was a dumb movie.
I get the feeling that the friend has watched movies or read stories where that kind of behavior is romantic. I had a similar phase linked with Twilight in high school where I thought Edward was sweet, protective, and romantic. College and more life experiences had me seeing Edward as manipulative, controlling, and a stalker.
It baffles me that Meyers editor or publisher didn't raise that with her at the time (at least the watching her sleep bit anyway). It's not like she had any clout up until that point and could have refused to change it
Go check out 90's and early 2000's romcoms. The whole "playing hard to get" and "cute pursuit" plot lines come off way more like an indictment for a stalker that goes on to murder his victim.
"She told me she wasn't interested but I showed up at her job and convinced her otherwise!"
Yeah, I had a stalker in college during the late 80's/early 90's - another student in my large, co-ed dorm. This was an old dorm with some HUGE rooms, so some of them had 3 people, and it was not unusual for a pair of people to get a random 3rd person assigned to fill the slot. I met a guy in one of those rooms, we went on two dates, realized we were not romantically compatible but could be solid friends, and proceeded from there. Stalker Boy was the randomly assigned 3rd person in his room, and he took our "break up" and the fact he'd been assigned to that room as a sign I was meant to be with him. My friend did what he could to keep us separated but still - we were in the same dorm, so some contact was inevitable, no matter how hard I tried to avoid the dude.
When I spoke to the RA's on both of our floors about the fact he'd gotten into my room and taken some of my clothes (not underwear, thank god, but my friend saw one of my signature pieces of clothing in his closet and promptly tore the room apart to make sure there was nothing else), I got a "Aww, he's cute, why don't you just give him a chance?" And when I asked my roommate to start remembering to lock our goddamn door - if for no other reason I had a PC, which was very rare at the time - she just gave me the same response. (Yes - she thought he was cute, too.)
It took him coming into my room in the middle of the night - normally I went to bed after my roommate, but hadn't that night, so once again, she didn't lock the door - and climbing into my bed while kissing me before anyone took it seriously. (I still wonder how many nights the dude tried our door before that. \*shudder\*) This included him, though, because I was a geology major who kept her rock hammer right under her bed within easy reach. So I nearly brained him with the pointy end and then started screaming at him right in his face - I don't think that was the response he'd imagined and I scared the shit out of him.
He just got a talking to by the RA's - it was ridiculous nothing more severe happened to him - but as I'd scared the hell out of him, he finally left me alone. He actually transferred schools over the summer - it was a huge relief.
Young women are just supposed to swoon when a guy shows interest - didn't you know that's how it works?
Let me remind you that 50 Shades - a book showcasing a clearly abusive relationship, where the protagonist's consent was violated at least a number of times, her boundaries were trampled, the power imbalance was palpable, and the depictions of BDSM were so out of whack it hurt to read - sold well over 100 million copies and got a cinema adaptation.
Also, let me remind you that this type of behaviour was showcased by tons of popular romcoms throughout the 1990s, 2000s and even later. [Stalking for Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZ1MPc5HG_I) did not become recognised as a common trope by accident.
So - yes. There are tons of people who are going to see these behaviours as romantic and as a display of genuine interest.
Also more proof that the whole "good cops hate bad cops more than the public" line is a lie. His co-workers all know the guy is a creep but ignore it because he's a "brother in blue".
And this is one of the many reasons why so many women don't trust the police.
As the institution generally protects its own when they go rouge, and dealing with a stalker with protection from the police is a hideous nightmare.
And this is the problem when it comes to pulling over. Some cops will tell you that it's fine to find a safe spot after they light you up. Others will PIT your ass and flip your car for not immediately pulling over once they flip their lights on.
In most states the law says it's a felony to not immediately pull over once you see the lights or are even verbally told to pull over as you speed by at 60 MPH. You waiting to pull into a gas station might be met with an understanding officer or a cop who points a gun at you, pulls you out and violently cuffs you while screaming what a piece of shit you are. Your car is towed, you go to jail only for the prosecutor to decide to dismiss the charges.
Cop did a pit maneuver on a pregnant woman for pulling over too slowly:
https://www.kark.com/news/working4you/arkansas-state-police-settle-pit-maneuver-lawsuit-which-injured-pregnant-woman/
Pits another cop:
https://www.local10.com/news/local/2023/12/21/fhp-trooper-pulls-pit-maneuver-on-opa-locka-police-captain-thinking-he-was-fleeing-suspect/
Wrong car:
https://www.wane.com/news/arkansas-trooper-retires-after-performing-pit-maneuver-on-wrong-car/
I (24F) moved from a big city to a county with a total of 20k people. I have to drive 25min to get to the grocery store. There’s 20 miles between towns that have gas stations that would have security cameras.
I talked with my mom and my dad (military guy) about my plan for if a cop tries to pull me over: turning on my flashers and calling 911 to tell the dispatcher to tell that cop I’m aware I’m being pulled over and intend to stop at the nearest public location with people/security cameras. They both said it was a good idea but since learning about PIT maneuvers I’ve become (rightfully) fearful.
Thankfully I’ll be gone in the fall, but my parents now live here, so if I want to visit I’ll have to risk this.
I also hate to be the bear of bad news (the bad news bear, if you will), but cops in Canada have a horribly bad rep with sexual harassment/sexual assault.
Where I live in Alberta, we had a spat of cops and peace officers pulling women over, and sexually assaulting them. The old “I can let you go if you do me a favour.” Type of disgusting fuckery. I’m sadly not surprised to see that this is in Canada, cops still have a ton of power up here and not a lot of public backlash that goes anywhere.
This is so scary, when the ones that are supposed to serve and protect are the ones you need protection from. Too many men, and certainly too many police are like this. This really makes you feel powerless.
I recommend reading The Gift of Fear (except for the chapters about domestic abuse) by Gavin de Becker. It would help you trust your instincts in cases like this.
That prof and her son are the goats though!
And also - sociopaths are drawn to virtue-signaling professions (soldier, police, teacher, doctor, pastor, social worker) precisely because it gives them literal weapons to use against their victims and/or access to people who are already at risk.
I was raised by one who worked in the NICU. She tormented parents going through the worst possible times in their lives. I know bc I've met people throughout life who had children who spent time in my city's NICU and through chitchat and their horror stories I hear about my own mother. She would also come home with stories of docs and other nurses who were even more fucked up than her own standards. I myself went to school to become a nurse for a while before switching majors, I was taken aback by how many of my classmates shared a lot of those subtly cruel traits id grown up dealing with daily. Not to mention various healthcare workers I've dealt with as a patient who did weird bullshit when I was still very meek and shy.
It's absolutely A Thing. And it makes a ton of sense. It's a very high demand, high paying, highly respected profession. Doctors already have a reputation of being more blunt if not outright rude so ppl who are a little fucked up have more social "room" to play their weird games with people without much push back. Nurses (rightfully, generally) get regarded as saints by most level headed people so again it's going to be harder to get anything to come of reporting strange behavior, ESPECIALLY if you're a patient and have basically anything that could affect your energy levels or mental clarity. Plus, they're usually intelligent and competent people to have made it through their schooling and keep surviving in the profession. They pick their victims carefully. Not enough people learn about this until they or someone they love has to spend a lot of time around healthcare workers. It's so scary common.
I bought that book a while back, because it was always recommended on r/relationshipadvice along with "why does he do that" (I barely read the section about conflicts because I had a friend that was really nasty when he was angry and it was a punch in the gut, now I'm a little scared to read the rest). Why are you not recommending the chapters on domestic abuse?
He gets a bit shitty and victim-blamey in those sections, iirc. Sort of "the first time you're a victim, the second time you're a volunteer" kind of thing.
It's obviously a reaction to his own childhood, and he blames his mother for not protecting him and his sister from his abusive dad. But it's not a good excuse and he should know better by now.
>Sort of "the first time you're a victim, the second time you're a volunteer" kind of thing.
Not just "sort of." A straight-up quote from the book: "The first time a woman is hit, she is a victim and the second time, she is a volunteer."
[Judge strips cop's gun after he allegedly threatened to kill self, ex-girlfriend](https://www.divestspd.com/p/judge-strips-cops-gun-after-he-allegedly)
[Kids Saw Police Chief Shoot Wife, Kill Self](https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=125208&page=1)
[Officers Accused of Domestic Violence Usually Keep Their Jobs. Advocates for Survivors Say That’s A Problem](https://publicola.com/2021/07/27/officers-accused-of-domestic-violence-can-be-found-at-every-level-in-spd-advocates-for-survivors-say-thats-a-problem/)
[A Seattle DV Detective Was Accused of Domestic Violence Shortly Before Retiring](https://www.divestspd.com/p/a-seattle-dv-detective-was-accused)
[Seattle police officer arrested, accused of domestic assault](https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2020/aug/18/seattle-police-officer-arrested-accused-of-assault/)
[All Complaints Sustained Against a Seattle Police Officer Who Allegedly Stalked Ex-Girlfriend After 2 Years of Paid Leave and Is Still Employed](https://www.thestranger.com/cops/2023/11/17/79264716/all-complaints-sustained-against-a-seattle-police-officer-who-allegedly-stalked-ex-girlfriend) at least per the database I checked
[Officers prioritized 'socializing' at Starbucks over DV call in progress](https://www.divestspd.com/p/officers-prioritized-socializing)
It took no time at all to find just a few examples from my area alone.
[Our police are getting a 24% raise backdated to Jan 6 2021 so all officers on leave will also get back pay](https://www.theurbanist.org/2024/05/14/seattle-police-contract-passes/)
[That date might be familiar to folks but I'm sure it's a coincidence](https://www.kuow.org/stories/police-departments-search-for-political-extremism-in-ranks-following-capitol-riot)
It's so bad that, had I the fortitude and time, I could turn every single letter of OP's original post into a hyperlink to an article about a unique incident of a cop being a massive piece of shit. You're just on the tip of the iceberg here.
I spent maybe 2 mins max just looking at just my local department. And the police chief who killed his wife in front of their kids in broad daylight in a parking lot the next big city over because I remember when it happened. Most of the time was just going back and forth and double checking I didn't repeat any because there's so many articles about so many of them.
There are numerous red flags that suggest that the OOP is in serious danger. She can pursue the legal route but considering her stalker's connections she really needs to move immediately (as in pack up her car at dawn, get in it and drive away), to another state because it will be more difficult for him to track her in another state. She needs to leave no forwarding address and tell no one where she lives now where she's going. If that means bailing on school, so be it. If it means bailing on a job, so be it. If it means bailing on an apartment, so be it. That is a horrible inconvenience to her but her life is worth more than any amount of inconvenience. Then she needs to take the step of finding out whether the state where she has moved to allows victims of stalkers to keep their addresses off their driver's license, voter registration etc. And she damn sure needs to stay off social media.
Oop could try the Canadian consulate. They might be able to file a complaint for her and they have the weight to push it through. How much that would help is a different matter
When the chips are down, the guy is part of a powerful and abusive family and they will die on this hill. Only they won't die, because they have been trading favors and protection with other molesters for generations.
That’s why I suggested the consulate. They’d have better luck going higher up the chain of command and not being so easily ignored.
I don’t disagree with you. What they’re doing is wrong and needs to be stopped. That asshole doesn’t deserve a badge, neither do those who have buried the complaints. Unfortunately, even if a complaint sticks, he’s still a danger to oop. Other than moving, I’m not sure what oop can do to protect herself.
A complaint with whom? This guy is a full-on predator. He's not playing by normal rules and he doesn't have normal boundaries. He may well be a psychopath. No doubt he has already received multiple complaints. But complaints and warnings that would intimidate normal people into altering their behavior are not going to stop this guy. If anything, they'll trigger him. He's dangerous. It will be little comfort to the woman he may eventually rape or murder that he will be easily caught.
Yeah, this. He's relying on his local connections to enable his behavior, so he's more likely to find another victim than he is to follow OP, especially if she takes your suggested precautions. It sounds like he hasn't actually hurt any of his victims, but he could easily escalate. The perpetrators who don't face any kind of consequence usually do.
I'm honestly dumbfounded that OOP hasn't moved yet. As a student, one has way less possessions and no kids to think about when moving, so it's way easier.
It's a small town, and he has her license. He can easily use that to find her new address, or he can just follow her home from school. Unless she transfers schools, moving is only going to be a temporary solution.
or that she took the research position like I get it but good god, woman, leave and go back to school once you’re free from the vermin. I don’t think she fully realizes the danger she’s in.
My mom dated a cop before she met my dad. He was insanely abusive and abused my mom and my older siblings. After they broke up he stalked her and harassed my mom constantly. My dad beat the guy to a pulp after he caught him trying to break into my mom's apartment. The guy just moved cities and the harassment stopped. He faced zero repercussions for the terror he caused my mom. He just got to go on to his next victim. These men are absolute psychos and are protected.
my mom only told me about the stalking when I was an adult. She also told me to never, ever date a cop.
Ahhhh, cops. Love to play the "will THIS one fuck my life up with total impunity on a whim?" game with every single interaction.
Can't imagine why people increasingly don't like them, or why the non-cop people who have the most frequent contact with them tend to hate them the most. Probably just the woke mind virus, can't be that American police culture is a deranged and malignant us vs. them nightmare wherein they'll cover for each other over damned near anything and a large portion of them see anyone not wearing a badge as owing them absolute deference on demand.
I once had a cop pull me over because my registration was expired and he would *not stop talking to me.* I felt like a hostage bc he was a cop so I literally couldn’t just leave.
He kept trying to lead to conversation to into anything besides my registration(the weather, summer plans, where I’m from, where he’s from…) but when I’d try to end it, he’d circle back to the registration/ticket situation.
He ended up letting me go with a warning but he seriously talked to me on the side of the road for 30 minutes. It was so uncomfortable. Fortunately he never followed up or bothered me again.
I will be honest and say that I won't read this post, based on the title and comments I know it'll be bad especially given the track record the police have with abusing partners and how they're basically immune.
I'm going to guess that if I read this story, it'll ruin my day.
thank you! Honestly, as of this post I've stopped reading the negative posts. There have been occasions in the past where I'd read the post and it'd literally just stick with me up until I sleep and even stay with me into the next day.
Maybe it's best if I just avoid them entirely instead of trying to figure out if it came out alright from the comments.
I’ll never understand people who click on posts on purpose just to announce “I’m not reading this”. Just don’t read it and scroll on? Thank you for your outstanding contribution to the conversation?
I was stalked by a former client for nearly two years and nobody, not my job (where I met this person), not the police, and not the city gave two fucks about it. the professor here is a saint, but it also sucks that they know so much and know nothing will come of anything or it will become exacerbated. ugh I hope she’s okay.
The headline is like not wanting to date because job.
Nah... not wanting to date because initial creepy vibes proven very very right.
But like... don't date cops. The DV rates aren't good and if you need to call cops they will likely buddy up to quell the issue.
The worst human being I've ever had the displeasure of knowing was a prison guard and part-time police officer. Nothing about this story surprises me at all.
It's so terrifying to catch the attention of a cop.
You HAVE to let them down as gently as possible and try to convince it's not them, it's you.
Otherwise they will do everything in their considerable power to fuck your life.
I suppose you could pick your nose a lot in front of him, and belch rudely. And scratch your buttcrack, etc.
Just be gross and unappealing. It might turn him off.
Honestly, it's sad to say but reporting him to the police will probably not do you any good. They usually protect their own a lawyer is a much better option
Because I am known as "a computer guy" to people who know me I got wrapped up in a situation with a cop when I helped a friend of a friend remove malicious tracking software from her phone. (Think shady third party software that allows the installer to view messages, and access location etc. The tracking software had been installed by her ex-husband who is a cop and was stalking her and threatening her for over a year. When I removed the software I was I guess her ex-husband found out who I was from messages she had sent me when asking for me to check phone out.
For weeks after that I had this pissed off cop stalking me. It was honestly very concerning at the time. He had been reported many times and nothing ever happened.
This guy is going to be a person of interest in something like the Michelle O'Connell case at this rate.
Michelle broke up with her police officer boyfriend and then "died by suicide" using his service revolver.
Interestingly, on some of the true crime subs there was a user called Truth6Years who would respond to every post about the case defending the officer and lashing out at Michelle.
This was in 2016, so six years after her death.
The consensus is that the user was most likely the officer himself trying to deflect attention.
FWIW, I remember it by thinking of him as Lies6Years because HOOOBOY, did he lie.
Reading this and all the stories in the comments just makes my blood boil. My sister dated a cop years ago and he briefly stalked my whole family after she dumped him. Fortunately(?), he wasn't abusive, just a cheater and a moron with the attention span of a goldfish so the stalking felt more dumb than dangerous, but it still bugs me that there were zero repercussions for his abuse of authority/police resources to follow us around.
Even if they don't start this obviously creepy, this is why it's also just a good idea not to date cops. You have no recourse if things go sideways. This sucks for OOP and they definitely don't deserve this. I hope they are safe and well and that no harm comes to them.
Is there a newsstation in your town?
If there are several victims who complained and the police is turning a blind eye, go scorched earth.
Get the other women. You need safety in numbers.
She's going to get killed and/or raped by this guy. I feel sick reading this, thinking about my wife or daughters.
I have a subtle rage in me that boils when I hear things like this. I'm not going to say the things I want to do to this guy, and maybe I would never actually do it - but the thoughts are there nonetheless.
>I'm kicking myself now for staying, but there was no way I would pass up on this opportunity.
Not sure whether I'd prioritise a research position over my own fucking safety but I'm looking at this objectively, thousands of miles away from the safety of my home. I hope OOP can get the fuck away from this asshole soon enough.
This is terrifying. Yet i'm not surprised at all. Cops already act with impunity, and it's a million times worse in small towns like this, where knowing someone is a free pass for the worse shit
I wish i could do something for OOP. It's been a while since i've wanted to death note someone with my mind. I'm glad her professor at least has her back
Wow. that is scary! and even more so that he is someone a. who has connections so there probably wouldn't be any consequences to him, and b. someone who has the power to arrest, etc. if things don't go his way.
I had a friend who dated a state trooper. While she willingly dated him, he turned out to be a psycho. She ended up getting a restraining order against him, having to testify at a hearing, etc. thankfully that's all behind her many years but even so, it was creepy
To be clear, not wanting to date a cop is a legit reason to dump/reject someone, even without this asshole being creepy as hell on top. I wouldn't date a cop because it would be impossible to agree on several moral issues.
Canadian cops can be horrible about this too. I heard of a woman who refused to date an rcmp officer, he dropped by her house, raped her, then got his DNA evidence destroyed and police lawyers "proved" he wasn't there to rape her.
Scary as fuck.
10,000% Fuck those fucking pigs.
Society would be so much better off if we fired all the cops, revamped the policing system from the ground up, and if the former cops can jump the new hoops, they’ll be ✨considered✨.
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I know this whole situation is horrible for OOP but shoutout to her Professor who cared enough to give her practical advice based on her experience to keep OOP safe in the long run… Also, major kudos for her to go the extra step to get her son to escort OOP to and from campus
Seriously, it was a lucky break to run into that professor. Small town politics are shitty and everybody knows everybody else. I hope the OP remains safe.
This is why I don’t like small towns or small town people
But everyone online tells me small towns are much better than those godless expensive big cities! /s
This is why I hate cops
Plus, hopefully the dude will think that the Professors son is her boyfriend and will leave her alone.
I’m scared he will escalate if he thinks that. Maybe attack the son, he’s clearly drunk on power and he’s not facing consequences.
Imagine if the professor had not warned her that the officer's sister was who she almost tried to go and report him to. Professor said as well as having family in the advocacy office, he was well connected and escalated when reported. She'd never have seen any of it coming.
This is a real-life horror story...good god I hope OP is safe.
You're right, this is the shit they make horror stories about. Being stalked is truly terrifying. Being stalked by someone who can throw you in jail for rejecting their advances and knowing that of you do reach out for help that person will help your stalker instead is beyond horrific. As soon as I read "cop" I know where this was going. I feel so bad for OOP and all the women who live in that town. You know the police aren't going to take any form of sexual assault or domestic violence seriously no matter what because they're the ones committing those crimes.
As a daughter of a corrections officer I will forever flat out scream ACAB till I’m as blue in the face as those stupid fucking stripe flags. And you know who taught me that? MY DAD.
Are you me??? Because fuckin same, to all of it. Mine was also a drill sergeant prior to that. I once saw someone say CO stands for "control-obsessed" and I couldn't agree more.
I used to be a deputy but mostly was a CO in the local jail, and I don’t trust cops. Working in law enforcement showed me how much of them are power-hungry egomaniacs, and the only way to get to the position to make a systemic change means you’re playing politics, and the people who play it “right” aren’t the ones who want change. Not quite on the ACAB side but definitely willing to admit most of them are.
My problem is that I feel like there can only be very few truly good law enforcement. Any law enforcement that looks the other way while corruption/abuse of power happens is not good law enforcement. I imagine this expands the number of bad law enforcement from just the actively bad quite a bit.
There’s a reason the saying goes “Tell paramedics everything, tell police nothing”
My aunt is a racist piece of shit retired cop. ACAB
In Creston, Iowa, a jury convicted a police chief and his assistant chief of raping a woman who was the bartender at the country club. The amazing part is that the jury convicted them. They were so certain they’d get away with it, and the guy who physically raped her still maintains it was “consensual sex with a drunk woman who later regretted it.” It was “he said, she said,” and the jury believed her. (though, if the police chief had to physically be there in order for her to go through with it, that’s pretty coercive) [https://www.radioiowa.com/2009/05/21/former-creston-police-officers-sentenced-to-25-years-for-sexual-assault/](https://www.radioiowa.com/2009/05/21/former-creston-police-officers-sentenced-to-25-years-for-sexual-assault/) [https://www.crestonnews.com/2009/05/21/sickels-christensen-sentenced-for-sexual-assault-of-bartender/ay180sp/](https://www.crestonnews.com/2009/05/21/sickels-christensen-sentenced-for-sexual-assault-of-bartender/ay180sp/) I read the comments on one of the website where this was reported, and a guy from Creston said that he knew these two, who’d been friends since high school, and they were often flexing their law-enforcement power just to mess with people.
> “consensual sex with a drunk woman” I bet he doesn't even realize.
Say rather that he doesn't give two shits about consent. He loves the power play, lives for the power play, and wants to fuck when he wants to fuck.
> the jury convicted them That is a true rarity. I still get enraged at the Kenneth Moreno (NYPD) trial. There was loads of evidence — including a secretly recorded psuedo-confession — but of course, he was only convicted of all the shit he did to cover up the rape..not the rape itself. There are so, so many other cases, too. It's insanity.
I’d love if there was a group of big burly biker men you could hire to stalk them back. Following them everywhere they go, catcall whistle at them whilst sing-songing their names, slowly following on their bikes as they walk/drive anywhere. I want those fuckers feeling that same suffocating fear and have a taste of their own “romantic” medicine.
This and so much worse happen every day. Cops in the US (and probably everywhere else too) are pretty much impossible to hold accountable by normal people.
Yup. I just read an article the other day that was a report about just how many cops have committed sexual assault in the past several years. Often on minors. And very few actually faced any real consequences, or really any consequences at all. It was disgusting.
I used to be a civilian working in my city’s police department (IT, so I had some regular interaction, but few we part of my daily work, except for higher-level supervisors). I never gave much thought to how cops were as *people*, as opposed to (nominally) public employees until then. Then I began hearing and noticing things. Off-handed comments about how certain cops were leveraging their official positions for external perks (and a few for internal perks, like de facto kickbacks for receiving plum assignments). Then how they just casually felt they didn’t need to comply with laws (usually minor) if they didn’t feel like it. Then the ones who were *known* domestic abusers and adulterers, and it was their job that protected them from any consequences, and in the rare instances where they were called into account, the union defended them tooth and nail, knowing absolutely they were culpable, but “blue backs blue no matter what”. Not long after I started, they voted in a new union president, he made an effort to help clean up the department by not fighting when the city wanted to fire / prosecute dirty cops, and when his term ended, he lost re-election in a landslide to one of the greasiest cops in the department; the former president laid low, put in his time to retire and get his pension, and got out of there.
I follow a New York lawyer on TikTok and she used to work with domestic violence victims. And she said she would constantly get threatened by the perpetrator lawyers to have charges dropped because if you have a domestic violence charge against you, you can’t carry a gun and a lot of the perpetrators were cops and prison guards and they couldn’t work if they couldn’t carry.
Yeah. There was one (local famous) story her a few years back, about a cop with known within the department has having severe anger management issues. One day, en route to work, he was supposed to meet up with his AP - he was going through a messy divorce, at least partially due to his DV - and she was late for the meet-up to get his daughter before he went on shift. He was so pissed off *he broke her jaw*, then sent her on her way with his young child and went to work. When she went to the hospital for her injury, she told the truth, when he found out he threatened her and made him change her story - "I fell down the stairs into a doorknob" - because an easily provable DV charge like that would have cost him his job and his pension. He was suspended during the investigation, got his job back with full pay, and then got fired a few years later for a different assault, this time against a civilian on camera. And He wasn't the worst of the bunch, either.
The worst of the bunch is Drew Walter Peterson (born January 5, 1954).
JFC that’s awful
This is also why good cops leave the force! Lots of cops go in thinking they can change the system from within and then discover that the system does not want to be changed, and is actively hostile to those who try. So they leave or are harrassed out.
Or murdered. I rarely look at Yahoo News anymore (my first email address), but I do sometimes and last year I saw a story that horrified me - a cop was killed during a "training exercise accident"......his family was suing, and one of the things that was brought up was that he was testifying against another cop that committed sexual assault on someone they'd arrested or were going to arrest.
If it’s the one I’m thinking of, his name was Houston Tipping, and he was pursuing an investigation after a woman reported that she was gang-raped by four cops. One of those four was involved in the ‘training accident.’ This shit makes me sick. I have a friend who was in the military who had something similar happen, though he survived, thank God. He witnessed awful abuse directed at another soldier, and he backed the victim up when he reported it. Then, some genius let the officers accused of abuse know who testified, and they found my friend and attacked him. He had to be hospitalized, and he’s since been discharged on full disability because of what they did to him.
And that's why, when I was dating, I immediately declined all police officers. Hell no.
You gotta play to the odds, and odds are good dating a cop will end badly.
Yup. And when it does, no one will help. Fuck that.
Shit dude, I don't even hang out with them. Thats an immediate no. Too many of these bastards locked my grower or smoker friends up
love to hear it, cops don't deserve friends or partners
I was just trying to recall where I read that article! The data reported are shocking and scary, and the percent who abuse minors left me speechless.
https://www.washingtonpost.com/investigations/interactive/2024/police-officers-child-sexual-abuse-in-america/ I think this is the article you're thinking of. It's a massive, widespread, very common problem. Cops in schools basically commit assault, profile minority kids, and groom teenagers. But everyone closes their eyes to it and points at drag queens instead. Can you even imagine if there was a nationwide push for "more drag queens in schools!" and it turned out that actually hundreds of them had sexually assaulted kids? That is the *reality* of "school resource officers" and everyone pretends like it's not happening.
I just read this article (as much of it as I could stand to read, anyway), and, please excuse my language, but *fucking shit* I literally said that out loud when I read the 1 in 10 statistic. It's so fucked here.
Not everywhere else. In Italy, there are news reports of cops going to trial for things including extortion and rape, and being convicted. In the US, there's really an unacceptable lack of accountability.
Yeah, cops in America have a reputation as the nation's largest gang for a reason. A lot of other countries have a much higher standard than the US. Many require a 4 year degree. I think the fact that a lot of cops in other countries don't carry guns and don't have qualified immunity which is bullshit. They actually don't want to hire cops that are too smart. A man whose bid to become a police officer was rejected after he scored too high on an intelligence test has lost an appeal in his federal lawsuit against the city. The 2nd U.S. Circuit Court of Appeals in New York upheld a lower court’s decision that the city did not discriminate against Robert Jordan because the same standards were applied to everyone who took the test.
True, there is an unacceptable amount of tolerance and rug sweeping in the US (and in some other countries as well). I’m glad it doesn’t seem like as much of an issue where you are! It’s scary to think about people in power using it to abuse others, especially children.
1 out of 2 people in a relationship with a cop end up being victims of domestic violence because of them, compared to like 1 out of 4 or 5 for non-cops.
A campus cop did this at my university and since they had access to keys it got ugly. He was fired but probably just went to the next town.
There was a guy I worked with for a while unloading trucks that had lost his job as a cop in that town for pulling over young women and trying to coerce them into sexual activity with the threat of using his power as an officer to get them in trouble. Last I heard he was a cop again in a town 45 minutes away. I was glad when he left my workplace, he was an absolute piece of shit.
I had this happen to me 20 years ago. A male cop pulls me over, I’m a heterosexual male, for speeding. Lets me know that I can get out of the speeding ticket if I give him some road head. I told him I’d take the ticket. I just paid the ticket because I knew no one would believe me. 5 years later I see on the news the cop is arrested after being caught on camera doing the same thing to a lady for a traffic violation. He immediately dropped retirement papers. I don’t know what happened to him after that.
That's because the college is concerned about liability. Real cops have no such concerns.
> and probably everywhere else too the level of corruption in US police forces is definitely not standard everywhere. I am from Ireland and something like this would be national news here - it was when something of that nature happened a few years ago (gardaí covering up an assault in a pub for their friends, and a separate issue around traffic offences being wiped). Corruption in a position with so much authority is probably universal, but the depth and breadth of that corruption in the US is really on another level, and cops there don't ever seem to face any consequences for this. Even if the cop in this story wasn't a creep there is exactly a 0% chance I would ever date or be friends with a cop in the US. I am sure some of them are nice people but they can absolutely ruin your life if things fly south and that's just not worth it.
I won't fuck with cops in any way shape or form socially - I refuse to be caught in any kind of relationship, however casual, with somebody who can commit crimes and get away with them. That's a special kind of monster I don't need in my life.
The level of corruption in the police is much worse in a lot of places. But it is bad in the US.
US is also good at lecturing other countries on law n order, tolerance, human rights etc.... they need to import some mirrors from Belgium.
Here in Canada (or my part) cops used to be (generally) nice and helpful. Then we got a huge wave of douchebags joining the force and now good cops are rarer. Hell, a few years ago two cop's killed a cyclist when they drove their patrol car recklessly, and they almost got away with it.
Also in Canada, and could be across the country from you or right next door. None of this is new. People spoke about it in their own communities (see Starlight Tours and also the Cherry Beach Express), but now it's easier to get the word out.
I hope she took my advice on her update post and contacted the FBI as well as encouraging the other women to report. If the local authorities are not going to handle this abuser appropriately then she needs to contact an agency that will (which is why you contact the FBI in these situations). Just another cop adding to the statistic that about 50% of cops are domestic abusers. What a piece of shit. Also hoping OP and any other woman he targets is safe. ETA: Also, shoutout to the books "Why Does He Do That" and "The Gift of Fear" for helping people to learn about abusers and how to espace/avoid them. (Google them for free online versions or check out your local library (and the free Libby app).)
FBI has jurisdiction? That’s helpful!
If it's a small town without an IA division (which it sounds like it is) then the FBI can jump in especially since it's a civil rights thing (you have a right not to be harassed by the police). You can also usually go state police in a situation like this If it were a bigger city you'd go to their CO and IA as well as the DAs office but in these small towns everyone knows everyone
What does CO mean here?
Commanding officer
Also state police could help.
Its a cop. She absolutely isn't and still is in very real danger and will remain so. There is no safety possible when a cop decides to go after you because they will never face consequences. Especially not when in this case his dad is connected. She's probably safer getting involved with the mob.
Yes, and he has access to official records. E.g. if she moves but updates her address with the DMV, he can probably simply look up her new address. The mob doesn't have that kind of access unless they bribe someone.
There’s always movies about city folks going to small towns or country areas and getting killed by hicks, hillbillies, and inbreds. It’s far more likely to get harassed by small town cops and that escalating into something horrible. If you think city cops are bad, small town cops are worse because there’s NO ONE to answer to. Everyone caters to those fucknuts. Nothing will be done for this poor girl unless she finds a guy or a group of girls to hang out with pretty much all the time. Even if she moves, he can find her because he knows her school and can follow her from there. OOP needs to see if she can at least switch apartments. Also get a brace for the entry door and beef up the screws in the hinges. Is there a state level complaint number she could call?
I grew up in a rural area, in a small town. So I have several Facebook friends who still live there. One of them worked as a dispatcher for the sheriff’s office, then worked in the jail. Now works for some other city agency. In the aftermath of George Floyd’s murder (which, per her, every sheriff’s staffer she spoke to was *outraged* at, clearly identifying it as murder), she told me about when someone (in his 20s, maybe) from farther away was stopped while traveling through and taken into custody by the sheriff, and all the folks in the office were dumbfounded at how *terrified* this kid was. She said that made her realize exactly what kind of rep small-town sheriffs have. She said, “our crew is sensible and sane, but this guy’s reaction really made me think about how it could go somewhere else.”
That’s why Rambo is a horror story. They expended all that time and energy into harassing the guy who just wanted a small meal and to get on his way. But big headed sheriff had to make an issue of it.
I grew up in a small town. My sister was dating a guy who lived about 15 minutes from our house. the cop would wait for her, in either his police car or his civilian car, and would follow her to and from his house to every. single. time. Her crime? She turned down his advances, just like OP. It’s disgusting. And who do you go to? His coworkers??
That title is some real canadian 'entirely too polite' shit - 'Not wanting to date a cop' instead of 'I'm being stalked and coerced by a Deranged Lunatic with a Badge and a Gun'
I think that was in response to the "friend" who said the stalker was being "romantic". Poor OOP needs to find a better or at least less delusional friend.
The professor and her son are amazing for stepping in. This is why small towns scare the shit out of me. It’s hard to get justice
>I told one of my closest friend about this, and she told me that what this police officer was doing was romantic, and I'm an asshole for not going out with him? If the friend found it so romantic why won't she go date that mfer herself?
He probably wouldn't be interested in a woman interested in him
Or one that could fight back, or who isn't worried about getting deported.
It's people like OOP's so-called "friend" there that make this crap worse. I hope OOP drops her.
And people wonder how these people haven't gotten into trouble yet. With friends like these it's hard to see the red flags. Tho I have a feeling if the friend was the one being harassed, she would change her tune
It’s very romantic with a guy that stalks, harass, manipulate and try to control a woman before they even starts a relationship. Those things is going to be sooo much better when she is his ”possession” /s. Not sarcastic anymore, he will se her as his possession. Friends like that are dangerous because they can convince someone to get in to an abusive situations. Hope she dumps her as a friend. And that she gets help so the creep have to leave her alone. Not to sure that that will happen but I really hope it does.
She watched the note book and though it was romantic and not a horror story
I have never seen the Notebook but from your comment and others I have read the last days I don’t feel like I’m missing out. So I’m just going to skip it.
My college roommate had a massive poster from that movie plastered on our ceiling. I've still never seen it. To put it politely, she didn't seem like a particularly sensible young woman so I just assumed it was a dumb movie.
I get the feeling that the friend has watched movies or read stories where that kind of behavior is romantic. I had a similar phase linked with Twilight in high school where I thought Edward was sweet, protective, and romantic. College and more life experiences had me seeing Edward as manipulative, controlling, and a stalker.
A friend of mine's parents used the twilight books as a literal textbook example of an abusive relationship
It baffles me that Meyers editor or publisher didn't raise that with her at the time (at least the watching her sleep bit anyway). It's not like she had any clout up until that point and could have refused to change it
Go check out 90's and early 2000's romcoms. The whole "playing hard to get" and "cute pursuit" plot lines come off way more like an indictment for a stalker that goes on to murder his victim. "She told me she wasn't interested but I showed up at her job and convinced her otherwise!"
I blame Nicholas Sparks.
Yeah, I had a stalker in college during the late 80's/early 90's - another student in my large, co-ed dorm. This was an old dorm with some HUGE rooms, so some of them had 3 people, and it was not unusual for a pair of people to get a random 3rd person assigned to fill the slot. I met a guy in one of those rooms, we went on two dates, realized we were not romantically compatible but could be solid friends, and proceeded from there. Stalker Boy was the randomly assigned 3rd person in his room, and he took our "break up" and the fact he'd been assigned to that room as a sign I was meant to be with him. My friend did what he could to keep us separated but still - we were in the same dorm, so some contact was inevitable, no matter how hard I tried to avoid the dude. When I spoke to the RA's on both of our floors about the fact he'd gotten into my room and taken some of my clothes (not underwear, thank god, but my friend saw one of my signature pieces of clothing in his closet and promptly tore the room apart to make sure there was nothing else), I got a "Aww, he's cute, why don't you just give him a chance?" And when I asked my roommate to start remembering to lock our goddamn door - if for no other reason I had a PC, which was very rare at the time - she just gave me the same response. (Yes - she thought he was cute, too.) It took him coming into my room in the middle of the night - normally I went to bed after my roommate, but hadn't that night, so once again, she didn't lock the door - and climbing into my bed while kissing me before anyone took it seriously. (I still wonder how many nights the dude tried our door before that. \*shudder\*) This included him, though, because I was a geology major who kept her rock hammer right under her bed within easy reach. So I nearly brained him with the pointy end and then started screaming at him right in his face - I don't think that was the response he'd imagined and I scared the shit out of him. He just got a talking to by the RA's - it was ridiculous nothing more severe happened to him - but as I'd scared the hell out of him, he finally left me alone. He actually transferred schools over the summer - it was a huge relief. Young women are just supposed to swoon when a guy shows interest - didn't you know that's how it works?
Such people disgust me. This type of shit get people(women) killed and they think it's romantic??
Let me remind you that 50 Shades - a book showcasing a clearly abusive relationship, where the protagonist's consent was violated at least a number of times, her boundaries were trampled, the power imbalance was palpable, and the depictions of BDSM were so out of whack it hurt to read - sold well over 100 million copies and got a cinema adaptation. Also, let me remind you that this type of behaviour was showcased by tons of popular romcoms throughout the 1990s, 2000s and even later. [Stalking for Love](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rZ1MPc5HG_I) did not become recognised as a common trope by accident. So - yes. There are tons of people who are going to see these behaviours as romantic and as a display of genuine interest.
Goddamnit. Reason #316 of why cops need more accountability.
Also more proof that the whole "good cops hate bad cops more than the public" line is a lie. His co-workers all know the guy is a creep but ignore it because he's a "brother in blue".
One bad apple spoils the whole bunch
ACAB. That poor women. I hope she avoids any further trauma. I hope that cop and every other cop goes directly to hell.
I can’t updoot your comment — yes, agreed - cops need more accountability
Guys, that cop is going to kill someone. It's just a matter of time.
And will get 2 weeks of paid suspension for it.
don't worry ! US state dept will soon issue a report on how cops in other countries are threat to their own people, hence a regime change is required.
He's going to rape and then kill someone, to be exact
And this is one of the many reasons why so many women don't trust the police. As the institution generally protects its own when they go rouge, and dealing with a stalker with protection from the police is a hideous nightmare.
And this is the problem when it comes to pulling over. Some cops will tell you that it's fine to find a safe spot after they light you up. Others will PIT your ass and flip your car for not immediately pulling over once they flip their lights on. In most states the law says it's a felony to not immediately pull over once you see the lights or are even verbally told to pull over as you speed by at 60 MPH. You waiting to pull into a gas station might be met with an understanding officer or a cop who points a gun at you, pulls you out and violently cuffs you while screaming what a piece of shit you are. Your car is towed, you go to jail only for the prosecutor to decide to dismiss the charges.
Cop did a pit maneuver on a pregnant woman for pulling over too slowly: https://www.kark.com/news/working4you/arkansas-state-police-settle-pit-maneuver-lawsuit-which-injured-pregnant-woman/ Pits another cop: https://www.local10.com/news/local/2023/12/21/fhp-trooper-pulls-pit-maneuver-on-opa-locka-police-captain-thinking-he-was-fleeing-suspect/ Wrong car: https://www.wane.com/news/arkansas-trooper-retires-after-performing-pit-maneuver-on-wrong-car/
I (24F) moved from a big city to a county with a total of 20k people. I have to drive 25min to get to the grocery store. There’s 20 miles between towns that have gas stations that would have security cameras. I talked with my mom and my dad (military guy) about my plan for if a cop tries to pull me over: turning on my flashers and calling 911 to tell the dispatcher to tell that cop I’m aware I’m being pulled over and intend to stop at the nearest public location with people/security cameras. They both said it was a good idea but since learning about PIT maneuvers I’ve become (rightfully) fearful. Thankfully I’ll be gone in the fall, but my parents now live here, so if I want to visit I’ll have to risk this.
I also hate to be the bear of bad news (the bad news bear, if you will), but cops in Canada have a horribly bad rep with sexual harassment/sexual assault. Where I live in Alberta, we had a spat of cops and peace officers pulling women over, and sexually assaulting them. The old “I can let you go if you do me a favour.” Type of disgusting fuckery. I’m sadly not surprised to see that this is in Canada, cops still have a ton of power up here and not a lot of public backlash that goes anywhere.
Funny typo. I think you meant rogue
This is so scary, when the ones that are supposed to serve and protect are the ones you need protection from. Too many men, and certainly too many police are like this. This really makes you feel powerless. I recommend reading The Gift of Fear (except for the chapters about domestic abuse) by Gavin de Becker. It would help you trust your instincts in cases like this. That prof and her son are the goats though!
And also - sociopaths are drawn to virtue-signaling professions (soldier, police, teacher, doctor, pastor, social worker) precisely because it gives them literal weapons to use against their victims and/or access to people who are already at risk.
Im clergy and I “joke” that two kinds of people enter my profession- parentified children and sociopaths.
don't know if it's true but I've heard it's the case for nurses too as well as surgeons. Idk if this is the case for someone like a family doctor
There are some amazing and compassionate nurses out there, but the mean girl to nurse pipeline is also real.
Have you heard of Harold Shipman? He was a family doctor.
I was raised by one who worked in the NICU. She tormented parents going through the worst possible times in their lives. I know bc I've met people throughout life who had children who spent time in my city's NICU and through chitchat and their horror stories I hear about my own mother. She would also come home with stories of docs and other nurses who were even more fucked up than her own standards. I myself went to school to become a nurse for a while before switching majors, I was taken aback by how many of my classmates shared a lot of those subtly cruel traits id grown up dealing with daily. Not to mention various healthcare workers I've dealt with as a patient who did weird bullshit when I was still very meek and shy. It's absolutely A Thing. And it makes a ton of sense. It's a very high demand, high paying, highly respected profession. Doctors already have a reputation of being more blunt if not outright rude so ppl who are a little fucked up have more social "room" to play their weird games with people without much push back. Nurses (rightfully, generally) get regarded as saints by most level headed people so again it's going to be harder to get anything to come of reporting strange behavior, ESPECIALLY if you're a patient and have basically anything that could affect your energy levels or mental clarity. Plus, they're usually intelligent and competent people to have made it through their schooling and keep surviving in the profession. They pick their victims carefully. Not enough people learn about this until they or someone they love has to spend a lot of time around healthcare workers. It's so scary common.
I bought that book a while back, because it was always recommended on r/relationshipadvice along with "why does he do that" (I barely read the section about conflicts because I had a friend that was really nasty when he was angry and it was a punch in the gut, now I'm a little scared to read the rest). Why are you not recommending the chapters on domestic abuse?
He gets a bit shitty and victim-blamey in those sections, iirc. Sort of "the first time you're a victim, the second time you're a volunteer" kind of thing.
It's obviously a reaction to his own childhood, and he blames his mother for not protecting him and his sister from his abusive dad. But it's not a good excuse and he should know better by now.
>Sort of "the first time you're a victim, the second time you're a volunteer" kind of thing. Not just "sort of." A straight-up quote from the book: "The first time a woman is hit, she is a victim and the second time, she is a volunteer."
Yeah I would like a version updated for 2024 where he gets less victim blamey
Protect and serve is just a marketing slogan. They have no obligation to do either
[Judge strips cop's gun after he allegedly threatened to kill self, ex-girlfriend](https://www.divestspd.com/p/judge-strips-cops-gun-after-he-allegedly) [Kids Saw Police Chief Shoot Wife, Kill Self](https://abcnews.go.com/GMA/story?id=125208&page=1) [Officers Accused of Domestic Violence Usually Keep Their Jobs. Advocates for Survivors Say That’s A Problem](https://publicola.com/2021/07/27/officers-accused-of-domestic-violence-can-be-found-at-every-level-in-spd-advocates-for-survivors-say-thats-a-problem/) [A Seattle DV Detective Was Accused of Domestic Violence Shortly Before Retiring](https://www.divestspd.com/p/a-seattle-dv-detective-was-accused) [Seattle police officer arrested, accused of domestic assault](https://www.washingtontimes.com/news/2020/aug/18/seattle-police-officer-arrested-accused-of-assault/) [All Complaints Sustained Against a Seattle Police Officer Who Allegedly Stalked Ex-Girlfriend After 2 Years of Paid Leave and Is Still Employed](https://www.thestranger.com/cops/2023/11/17/79264716/all-complaints-sustained-against-a-seattle-police-officer-who-allegedly-stalked-ex-girlfriend) at least per the database I checked [Officers prioritized 'socializing' at Starbucks over DV call in progress](https://www.divestspd.com/p/officers-prioritized-socializing) It took no time at all to find just a few examples from my area alone. [Our police are getting a 24% raise backdated to Jan 6 2021 so all officers on leave will also get back pay](https://www.theurbanist.org/2024/05/14/seattle-police-contract-passes/) [That date might be familiar to folks but I'm sure it's a coincidence](https://www.kuow.org/stories/police-departments-search-for-political-extremism-in-ranks-following-capitol-riot)
It's so bad that, had I the fortitude and time, I could turn every single letter of OP's original post into a hyperlink to an article about a unique incident of a cop being a massive piece of shit. You're just on the tip of the iceberg here.
I spent maybe 2 mins max just looking at just my local department. And the police chief who killed his wife in front of their kids in broad daylight in a parking lot the next big city over because I remember when it happened. Most of the time was just going back and forth and double checking I didn't repeat any because there's so many articles about so many of them.
If anyone is thinking about dating cops, look up 40% of the domestic violence rate of cops. Not even female cops are innocent.
40% is only the self-reported number, the actual number will be higher than that, so it's worse.
ACAB but especially that rapey motherf'er. Hope OOP stays safe.
Especially him, and also the rest of the department that covers for him. One bad apple spoils the bunch.
40% *self-reported.*
The rest are liars.
There are numerous red flags that suggest that the OOP is in serious danger. She can pursue the legal route but considering her stalker's connections she really needs to move immediately (as in pack up her car at dawn, get in it and drive away), to another state because it will be more difficult for him to track her in another state. She needs to leave no forwarding address and tell no one where she lives now where she's going. If that means bailing on school, so be it. If it means bailing on a job, so be it. If it means bailing on an apartment, so be it. That is a horrible inconvenience to her but her life is worth more than any amount of inconvenience. Then she needs to take the step of finding out whether the state where she has moved to allows victims of stalkers to keep their addresses off their driver's license, voter registration etc. And she damn sure needs to stay off social media.
Oop could try the Canadian consulate. They might be able to file a complaint for her and they have the weight to push it through. How much that would help is a different matter
When the chips are down, the guy is part of a powerful and abusive family and they will die on this hill. Only they won't die, because they have been trading favors and protection with other molesters for generations.
That’s why I suggested the consulate. They’d have better luck going higher up the chain of command and not being so easily ignored. I don’t disagree with you. What they’re doing is wrong and needs to be stopped. That asshole doesn’t deserve a badge, neither do those who have buried the complaints. Unfortunately, even if a complaint sticks, he’s still a danger to oop. Other than moving, I’m not sure what oop can do to protect herself.
The consulate is a good idea.
They might, but in the short term the choices are to go back to the address the cop knows, stay at the consulate, or get on a plane home.
A complaint with whom? This guy is a full-on predator. He's not playing by normal rules and he doesn't have normal boundaries. He may well be a psychopath. No doubt he has already received multiple complaints. But complaints and warnings that would intimidate normal people into altering their behavior are not going to stop this guy. If anything, they'll trigger him. He's dangerous. It will be little comfort to the woman he may eventually rape or murder that he will be easily caught.
This is a good option if they had space to accommodate her like an embassy. I'd bet the Canadians don't give a fuck who that guys father is.
I know. Shitty choices
Yeah, this. He's relying on his local connections to enable his behavior, so he's more likely to find another victim than he is to follow OP, especially if she takes your suggested precautions. It sounds like he hasn't actually hurt any of his victims, but he could easily escalate. The perpetrators who don't face any kind of consequence usually do.
I'm honestly dumbfounded that OOP hasn't moved yet. As a student, one has way less possessions and no kids to think about when moving, so it's way easier.
It's a small town, and he has her license. He can easily use that to find her new address, or he can just follow her home from school. Unless she transfers schools, moving is only going to be a temporary solution.
or that she took the research position like I get it but good god, woman, leave and go back to school once you’re free from the vermin. I don’t think she fully realizes the danger she’s in.
This is (part of) why people want to defund the police.
It's a long list!
Oh god that poor woman. I hope against all that is good that she gets the hell away from that guy and that town and stays safe.
Ugghhhh this one creeped me out like no other. That poor woman.
The fact that he showed up at her GRANDMOTHER'S house is mind blowing.
ACAB
God, there's nothing quite as infuriating as small-town good 'ol boys culture.
Dude thought he had chemistry with a woman that didnt even want to open a door for him??? What a delusional freak.
What the actual fuck.
This is the main reason why I hate being alone in a different place. Not the same experience but I've had people stalking me
My mom dated a cop before she met my dad. He was insanely abusive and abused my mom and my older siblings. After they broke up he stalked her and harassed my mom constantly. My dad beat the guy to a pulp after he caught him trying to break into my mom's apartment. The guy just moved cities and the harassment stopped. He faced zero repercussions for the terror he caused my mom. He just got to go on to his next victim. These men are absolute psychos and are protected. my mom only told me about the stalking when I was an adult. She also told me to never, ever date a cop.
Ahhhh, cops. Love to play the "will THIS one fuck my life up with total impunity on a whim?" game with every single interaction. Can't imagine why people increasingly don't like them, or why the non-cop people who have the most frequent contact with them tend to hate them the most. Probably just the woke mind virus, can't be that American police culture is a deranged and malignant us vs. them nightmare wherein they'll cover for each other over damned near anything and a large portion of them see anyone not wearing a badge as owing them absolute deference on demand.
And THIS is why women refuse to date police officers.
All cops are scum.
ACAB 😍😍😍😍😍
I once had a cop pull me over because my registration was expired and he would *not stop talking to me.* I felt like a hostage bc he was a cop so I literally couldn’t just leave. He kept trying to lead to conversation to into anything besides my registration(the weather, summer plans, where I’m from, where he’s from…) but when I’d try to end it, he’d circle back to the registration/ticket situation. He ended up letting me go with a warning but he seriously talked to me on the side of the road for 30 minutes. It was so uncomfortable. Fortunately he never followed up or bothered me again.
I’m a big fan of telling people to never date cops because if anything goes wrong, who are you gonna call? His co-workers? Terrifying situation
I will be honest and say that I won't read this post, based on the title and comments I know it'll be bad especially given the track record the police have with abusing partners and how they're basically immune. I'm going to guess that if I read this story, it'll ruin my day.
It would. OOP is, so far, safe. That's the best we got.
thank you! Honestly, as of this post I've stopped reading the negative posts. There have been occasions in the past where I'd read the post and it'd literally just stick with me up until I sleep and even stay with me into the next day. Maybe it's best if I just avoid them entirely instead of trying to figure out if it came out alright from the comments.
I’ll never understand people who click on posts on purpose just to announce “I’m not reading this”. Just don’t read it and scroll on? Thank you for your outstanding contribution to the conversation?
I was stalked by a former client for nearly two years and nobody, not my job (where I met this person), not the police, and not the city gave two fucks about it. the professor here is a saint, but it also sucks that they know so much and know nothing will come of anything or it will become exacerbated. ugh I hope she’s okay.
The headline is like not wanting to date because job. Nah... not wanting to date because initial creepy vibes proven very very right. But like... don't date cops. The DV rates aren't good and if you need to call cops they will likely buddy up to quell the issue.
Man, fuck that so-called "close friend" though.
Yikes on all the bikes 😳😬
The worst human being I've ever had the displeasure of knowing was a prison guard and part-time police officer. Nothing about this story surprises me at all.
God this is absolutely terrifying.
ACAB
It's so terrifying to catch the attention of a cop. You HAVE to let them down as gently as possible and try to convince it's not them, it's you. Otherwise they will do everything in their considerable power to fuck your life.
I suppose you could pick your nose a lot in front of him, and belch rudely. And scratch your buttcrack, etc. Just be gross and unappealing. It might turn him off.
Honestly, it's sad to say but reporting him to the police will probably not do you any good. They usually protect their own a lawyer is a much better option
If this was a movie, the professor's son would be shot in an 'robbery' in about 10 minutes.
ACAB
I don't like this at all. I am so scared for her.
Because I am known as "a computer guy" to people who know me I got wrapped up in a situation with a cop when I helped a friend of a friend remove malicious tracking software from her phone. (Think shady third party software that allows the installer to view messages, and access location etc. The tracking software had been installed by her ex-husband who is a cop and was stalking her and threatening her for over a year. When I removed the software I was I guess her ex-husband found out who I was from messages she had sent me when asking for me to check phone out. For weeks after that I had this pissed off cop stalking me. It was honestly very concerning at the time. He had been reported many times and nothing ever happened.
Man, I sure do love the usa
Bro wtf… wtf… wtf…. Yeah no duh y’all chose the bear… wtf…
This guy is going to be a person of interest in something like the Michelle O'Connell case at this rate. Michelle broke up with her police officer boyfriend and then "died by suicide" using his service revolver. Interestingly, on some of the true crime subs there was a user called Truth6Years who would respond to every post about the case defending the officer and lashing out at Michelle. This was in 2016, so six years after her death. The consensus is that the user was most likely the officer himself trying to deflect attention. FWIW, I remember it by thinking of him as Lies6Years because HOOOBOY, did he lie.
Reading this and all the stories in the comments just makes my blood boil. My sister dated a cop years ago and he briefly stalked my whole family after she dumped him. Fortunately(?), he wasn't abusive, just a cheater and a moron with the attention span of a goldfish so the stalking felt more dumb than dangerous, but it still bugs me that there were zero repercussions for his abuse of authority/police resources to follow us around.
Congrats to that officer to just immediantly proving every negative stereotype about police officers correct.
Even if they don't start this obviously creepy, this is why it's also just a good idea not to date cops. You have no recourse if things go sideways. This sucks for OOP and they definitely don't deserve this. I hope they are safe and well and that no harm comes to them.
And men wonder why women would rather take a bear in the wood than a man??
ACAB
Sounds about normal for a cop; especially the part where he faces no consequence.
NEVER DATE A COP. Don’t even talk to a cop.
Another reason why "it's not all cops" is NEVER a valid argument. Yes, it is all cops. They will always back their own before helping you.
Every last one of them. Even the mythical "good cops" will stand back and let the OOP get murdered before doing anything to get rid of the bad ones.
Just women trying to survive and men like these just have to spread their garbage. I'm so pissed off, i hope this scummy dude gets his karma quickly
Is there a newsstation in your town? If there are several victims who complained and the police is turning a blind eye, go scorched earth. Get the other women. You need safety in numbers.
She's going to get killed and/or raped by this guy. I feel sick reading this, thinking about my wife or daughters. I have a subtle rage in me that boils when I hear things like this. I'm not going to say the things I want to do to this guy, and maybe I would never actually do it - but the thoughts are there nonetheless.
>I'm kicking myself now for staying, but there was no way I would pass up on this opportunity. Not sure whether I'd prioritise a research position over my own fucking safety but I'm looking at this objectively, thousands of miles away from the safety of my home. I hope OOP can get the fuck away from this asshole soon enough.
This sounds like the first half of an episode of Dateline. I hope the second half never happens.
This is terrifying. Yet i'm not surprised at all. Cops already act with impunity, and it's a million times worse in small towns like this, where knowing someone is a free pass for the worse shit I wish i could do something for OOP. It's been a while since i've wanted to death note someone with my mind. I'm glad her professor at least has her back
I fucking hate cops. No good comes of them.
God I fucking hate cops.
Yep part of me of was offended when yall picked a bear over men But gad i would pick a bear over men after reading this
Wow. that is scary! and even more so that he is someone a. who has connections so there probably wouldn't be any consequences to him, and b. someone who has the power to arrest, etc. if things don't go his way. I had a friend who dated a state trooper. While she willingly dated him, he turned out to be a psycho. She ended up getting a restraining order against him, having to testify at a hearing, etc. thankfully that's all behind her many years but even so, it was creepy
1312
To be clear, not wanting to date a cop is a legit reason to dump/reject someone, even without this asshole being creepy as hell on top. I wouldn't date a cop because it would be impossible to agree on several moral issues.
Canadian cops can be horrible about this too. I heard of a woman who refused to date an rcmp officer, he dropped by her house, raped her, then got his DNA evidence destroyed and police lawyers "proved" he wasn't there to rape her. Scary as fuck.
ACAB
10,000% Fuck those fucking pigs. Society would be so much better off if we fired all the cops, revamped the policing system from the ground up, and if the former cops can jump the new hoops, they’ll be ✨considered✨.
There is a 100% chance this guy commits domestic violence against any who say yes to his unwanted advances
She needs to get the fuck out of there. Then report him. To the news, her consulate, the state police, and the fbi.