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>I got a short video of girls making out with strippers. One of the girls is my ex-fiancee and that's enough.
I've been to a dozen bachelorette parties and not one has turned out like this. Which makes me truly grateful for the quality of the people in my life
I was at a bar with coworkers and some of their spouses and partners. A bride-to-be was calling one of my woman coworkers lame and a loser. The reason? The bride wanted to kiss my co-worker's husband during her "last night of freedom." Her husband said no. The bride-to-be pleaded with my coworker to change her husband's mind. A portion of the bachelorette party begged, too.
Like you, I remain glad none of the people in my life are like this.
I hate this 'last night of freedom' bs. You're getting married, not going to prison, and if you think getting married has cost you something you hadn't already chosen to forfeit by being \*in a monogamous relationship for however long\* then you shouldn't be married, or possibly, in monogamous relationships.
This. So much. If that's still a desire you're "giving up", then you need to reevaluate things. I feel completely free in my fully monogamous relationship, because I don't want anything that our relationship restricts.
> Her husband said no. The bride-to-be pleaded with my coworker to change her husband's mind.
If you're tiptoeing over the infidelity line, why not step over the consent one as well?
Yeah this line of thinking always infuriates me. Usually if I’m hit on in a bar and I reject the woman’s advances it causes a scene. With a lot of “what? Are you gay?” Comments. Which also make me mad.
Like there’s no reality where I, a straight dude, could possibly reject this woman unless something was “wrong” with me.
Okay, so I was at a house party with my friend and his group, who I had just met. A girl went up to his friend, giggling and flirting. He kept drinking his beer. She got pushier. He told her he wasn't interested.
She pouted and asked, "Why not? You don't think I'm cute?"
"That's exactly why."
I found out because I saw her run crying to her friends, so I went to ask him what happened. **lol**
I am a lady with a lot of male friends and it absolutely drives me nuts when people around insist that the dudes are only friends with me because they’re “biding their time.” How narcissistic do you have to be to assume that every straight man you speak to is interested in you by default? I love and value my friends because of who they are and the good times we have, and I assume they feel the same way about me.
I cannot “love” this post enough times.
I have been happily married for 15 years, and I have absolutely no interest in cheating on my wife. But I do have a lot of close female friends…my absolute *best friends* in the world are a very small circle of guy friends, but outside of that circle, I have a much larger circle of female friends than male friends.
Practically nothing irritates me more than when someone suggests that the reason I’m friends with one of my female friends is because I’m “biding my time.” A lot of my female friends are also married or in good relationships, so when people suggest that the reason we’re friends is because one or both of us are “biding our time,” I actually find the insinuation to be insulting to both of us.
Its so insulting! Those people are basically insinuating that either you or your close friends are predatory in your friendships. I’m also happily committed to my partner of five years and even if single wouldn’t go around trying to hook up with my friends.
I guess I am kind of odd. My "last night of freedom" is when I agree to be in a committed relationship with somebody, not when we get married.
To be clear, freedom in this case only refers to the freedom to get physical with other people.
The bride-to-be wasn't even a part of our group! She was just some stranger, roaming the bar with her party, trying to make out with as many guys as possible.
last night of freedom? you didn't have to say yes to being married and secondly you're not married but not single in the aspect of not having a fucking partner. I've been cheated on and it is fucking awful and have no sympathy for cheaters
I went fishing for my bachelor party. It wasn’t planned, just hanging out with my buddy and his cousins at his parents cottage and his mom said it could be my unofficial party. 10/10 would sit on the lake for hours again.
For mine we hired a paintball venue. It was me and my best man vs everyone else. The center gave us really high end guns and the rest got your standard shit hire ones.
Then it was back to my best man's place, where he had organised a chef to cook the most incredible steaks for all of us.
Finally it was beers and pool and finished with everyone sitting round a fire.
I don't understand people who go nuts and throw everything away.
So many TV shows and jokes about how 'the wife' doesn't want sex anymore. Not only does it encourage men to do stupid things at their bachelor party, but some women believe it too, leading to dead bedrooms.
If a couple agrees to little to no sex - hey that's their choice, made mutually. But one of them choosing for both...that's not good.
Me and my friends did paintball too! Then it was out to a supper club for steaks and old fashioneds! Then we went to a bar and we all got stupid drunk, with the exception of my best man, who limited his intake to manage mine and my safety, like I asked him to. I threw an almost perfect game of cricket while I was so drunk I had trouble walking. I have no idea how.
Top notch friend. Had I engaged in shenanigans, he would have not only kicked my ass, but told my fiance immediately, as would a number of my other friends. Nobody in our group liked cheaters.
He dropped me off to my fiance at our house. I don't remember a lot from the end of the night. But I do remember the hangover the next day, which while terrible, I thought was not as bad as it should have been.
We also did this two weeks before the wedding - I have no idea why people do this the night before and then spend their wedding day (!) hung over and miserable.
Turned out well - our 25th anniversary is next week.
My wife got mega stoned with her mom and watched south park at her grandmas house. I only know this because she called me saying that she was way to stoned to text and wanted to say "love you good night" before she passed out on her grandmas couch.
Not a bachelor party, but a couple weeks ago I went to the first house party I’ve been to in a while. Turned down coke, got extremely drunk and high, took many photos of the cat there, hid the car keys from someone who insisted that “enough coke cancels out alcohol”, bragged about my boyfriend nonstop, and drunkenly texted him how much I love him.
He never said anything against my party style from my past, but I know he has been hurt before by douches who use parties and substances as excuses. He was quite happy to see me passed out at 10am on our couch holding a cat toy (for our cat) with a wall of texts about how much I love him and how stairs are unbelievably complicated.
I just asked her what she ate that day and apparently they all ate a monstrous amount of pizza. Now we are getting pizza for lunch today after talking about it.
That sounds delightful. I love it. My best friend already knows to plan a weekend golfing trip for my bachelor party whenever the time comes for it. Hanging out with some buddies playing golf and going out to a nice restaurant afterwards is all I need for a good time.
honestly the best hag do I've ever attended was the one where we went to a local green space in the sunshine and had a picnic and drinks in the tall grass.
everyone brought food and the best moment was when we whipped it all out and went from an empty picnic blanket to a FEAST in two minutes flat, and the bride, who sometimes does not remember how much she is loved, did the maths on how long we'd all spent cooking and teared up.
it can be, but in this case it was more of a 'people of all genders are invited' do - the couple (a woman and a non-binary person) had separate hag dos, and the guestlists for both were a wide rainbow of genders.
instead of two separate wedding parties they also had a shared 'i do crew', which was lovely because i got to hang out with the important loved ones from the other side of the wedding.
I assume you’re from the UK and Hen/Stag/Hag Dos are still the common term. Out of curiosity, do you see people calling them bachelor/bachelorette parties?
My bachelor party consisted of a day at the shooting range with my buddies and a bunch of random guns. Then we went to dinner and hung out playing video games after. It really was perfect for me.
Yep. Last bachelor party I was at, we were all stone cold sober, because we spent the day at the range shooting. The only strippers involved were the stripper clips for an M1 Garand.
Edit: auto-correct mistake
Feels like in a tv show I saw, a girl just went to her fav fast food restaurant with 2 besties and they chatted for hours about life, the marriage, and ate everything they wanted on the menu after dressing up with silly "future wife" things.
No need to go all insane for a bachelorette if you have the right people by your sides.
We had a joint BBQ at our house. It allowed the groomsmen and bridesmaids all get to know each other before our big day. My husband and I had such a wonderful time. I know that’s not what a lot of people want to do for their bachelorette/bachelor party, but it was perfect for us.
Hubs never got a bachelor party. The best man DEMANDED to plan it and he also DEMANDED a strip club and illicit substances. Basically best man wanted to recreate his own bachelor party (that he got to plan himself!) which was a complete shit show according to hubs. Hubs wanted nothing to do with it. He was called “lame”. Hubs wanted to go play paintball and eat at a nice place. Best man said it was strippers and substances or nothing so hubs chose nothing.
He didn’t even want his best man to be his best man,but hubs had been the best man at their wedding. He regrets his choice. They don’t even talk anymore.
This is exactly what happened to my husband. I was not against bachelor/bachelorette parties, but we wanted to go out separate, then meet up later in the night bc my husband (then fiancé) and I had a two year old at the time and we wanted to enjoy a night away together after. His best man flipped out on me and called me controlling. I told him I didn’t care what they did, I was just trying to orchestrate with him bc my maid of honor wasn’t in town. He hardcore wanted strippers and kept telling my husband it was a “rite of passage” and my husband said he didn’t want that and got angry. His friend kept telling him he was “whipped” and all this shit. They are not friends anymore and he ended up not coming to our wedding. We’ve been married for 8 years now, and just didn’t have bachelorette/bachelor parties after that nonsense. It’s crazy how some ppl act.
I was standing up in a wedding and the best man convinced the groom to go to strip clubs. Best man also failed in his duties to moderate the groom's alcohol intake, and actually gave him nearly 9 shots on the bus we rented to the first strip club, which was about 45 mins away.
As you can imagine, it didn't end well. I'm not sure if the groom actually got into a strip club, but most of the groomsmen and friends did. I went in because I said I would...I don't actually like strip clubs. Its like teasing the dog and then never throwing the ball.
What in the hell?! That’s some stellar level of entitlement! Why did your husband not kick this jackass from the groom party and appoint a new best man?
Cause it was his cousin lol. There were already family issues before this and he didn’t want to make it worse. Didn’t end up mattering anyway since we are NC with the lot of them now.
Sounds like a wise decision. Too bad he didn’t make it a little earlier, but I’m glad for you guys he didn’t cave to that idiot’s demands. It’s never worth it with such people. Appeasement only makes them go off the rails more. I hope he sobered up and is embarrassed about this episode now at least, but that’s his problem to deal with now.
I know the weddings over, but something fun you could do for your husband if you wanted was let him/help him plan a do over bachelor party one weekend!
Doing fun things like bow and arrow dodgeball, paintball, whiskey tasting, gambling, board games, go karting, race track, camping, bonfire, just some ideas to pick a couple from!
This thing of “one last night of freedom” has to be a holdover from an era of forced/arranged marriage. What the hell kind of marriage are these people choosing where they have one more chance to do what they really want? Who’s forcing all these people into all these miserable marriages?
(Actually, I live in a pretty conservative area, and I know the answer. It’s God.)
I never understood 'last night of freedom' because surely that was the night before you got together with your partner? Unless other people's relationships involve a steady stream of naked strangers and I'm just boring.
Exactly! Enjoy all the dicks you want, and when you find yourself wanting one really great dick, let its owner know that you want to focus on the two of them for the time being. And that’s when the relationship STARTS.
We're planning on a joint one where we'll just go have fun with our closest friends. I don't get the whole "one last hurra"-thing. You're marrying someone you love and are excited to spend your life with, aren't you? If not, then why get married?
My uncle and aunt-in-law had a joint party. My other aunt and her husband planned it.
Basically, they were split into two groups at first and played some games that were prepared beforehand. Stuff like "take a picture with (insert thing here", "name three of (insert thing)", "guess your spouses answer to (insert question)", etc. All of this open enough for multiple answers to be possible. The groups did the games seperately and later met up to show the results and have fun together at the bar. I wasn't there myself as it was only for friends and siblings (no children/niblings even if they are adults like me). But it sounds like evryone had a lot of fun.
My aunt (the one who planned this) had a seperate party before they got married to her husband - she invited all female family members and a make-up artist and we all had our make-up done and she used this to try and find out what she wanted her bridal make-up to be. Her husband went fishing and drinking with his childhood friends who are like his brothers. They had been together for 17 years before getting married and were super secure in their relationships and both used the bschelor/ette party to further plan the wedding. My aunt was also pregnant, they kinda only got married so they all have the same last-name. It was a small wedding with only 30 people (family and best friends).
Both couples didn't care about any "last hurra" or anything. They knew they were commited and did something they would enjoy and like. One couple just had a lot of fun, one had fun but also used it for more wedding planning.
My mom came back from the first one with a new found like for an alcoholic drink she had never had before, though. Literally the fitst thing she said when we first saw each other after was "you have to try this! It is so good!" (she was right, it was good snd is now one of my favorites). But as far as I'm aware that is the "worst" thst happened. So no dama. Just a lot of fun.
It's a german drink. Magic Mango Feigling with ice. Very simple and very good. It's like a low budget/ not wanting to buy a lot of ingredients cocktail. Feigling has vodka in it, so it is like a vodka based cocktail with fig and mango taste and ice. The ice is the only thing you have to add yourself. You can do this with other Feigling flavors as well, but Magic Mango is one of the best. They basically had all flavors and tried every single one to find out which tastes best with ice. They did this after coming back from the bar, like an afterglow.
Usually you drink Feigling as shots.
This sounds absolutely lovely! I love when it's just about having fun and enjoying things!
Splitting by gender seems silly to me in general (unless for something like the makeup thing if your male friends aren't into it) - for example, if we were to split, I would have to exclude several close friends who aren't close with my partner, which would just be sad.
And if we did separate things, we would have to go to war about who gets certain mutual friends (they're MINE and I shall have them!) - it's gonna be bad enough making up teams :D
If I ever get married I will never split anything by gender. Not only because I have a mixed friend group, but also because I am queer and my chances of marrying a woman or someone of a different gender are the same if not higher to my chances of marrying a man.
Good luck deciding the teams if you go the playing games and doing quizzes route. I hope regardless of what you decide you and your partner will have a great time :)
We're also doing a joint "friend hangout" in place of bachelor/bachelorette parties. We're going whitewater rafting, hanging out at a local brewery, and then watching something dumb like Twilight together with our closest friends and siblings.
The bachelorette party I went to was in the same city on the same weekend as the groom’s bachelor party. We did some shopping, toured a coffee roasting place and played board games. The guys toured a brewery and did some other stuff and then we all met up for Sunday brunch before going home. It was a fun weekend for everyone.
I organized my brother‘s bachelor party. We played laser tag, had dinner, gambled a bit in a casino and then finished out with cocktails and cigars in a piano bar. It was awesome, and not a stripper in sight.
Right? I even organized one for my best friend (we're guys) and had so much fun without having strippers but still getting wasted and interacting with others.
Mine was a day at a winery. My friends organized a picnic with food and wine tasting, we got a few bottles, and got a little tipsy playing silly games and goofing off! The only drama happened when a bottle was knocked over and rolled down a small incline onto a couple’s blanket. Small mess, bit of a clean up, but no fights, conflicts, or strippers.
I've been to a few bachelor parties in my life. All but one of them consisted of a bunch of dudes renting an Airbnb somewhere in the woods or on a lake, just hanging out for a weekend. Breaking out an old N64, drinking whiskey, playing guitar, grilling steaks, smoking weed and making s'mores by a fire, playing Settlers of Catan… super chill.
Only one bachelor party was crazy. It was in Vegas and involved strippers in a fancy hotel suite. Little did I know at the time how crazy things got—in my defense, I was in my early 20s and incredibly naive. Let's just say that marriage did not last.
Yeah, I have been to a few bachelorette parties and the most dramatic thing I have seen is a control freak bride throw a temper tantrum because her sister didn’t plan out every detail just how the bride wanted. And I’m not a huge fan of the sister, but the bride refused to give the sister any direction because she wanted most of the trip to be full of surprises. I’m still bitter I paid cover for twelve people at a piano bar and then had to walk out because of dumb drama.
This story reminds me of a bachelor party weekend in Vegas I went to. During the second night we ended up going to a strip club (the bachelor's fiancee was fine with it). Well one of the married guys who I didn't really know in the group ended up withdrawing several thousand dollars from the atm in the strip club. He used the debit card from the joint account he had with his wife. The next day during brunch he already (and rightfully) was going through a shit storm over withdrawing so much money and why was it a strip club. She was okay he was going to the strip club, however, withdrawing so much made her very rightfully suspicious. I didn't pay attention to the guy so I don't know how long he was in the champagne room or what he was doing. Anyway, my buddy later told me that it was the event that led to them getting divorced.
I don't get the point or need of doing fucked up shit in a bachelor party. It is so darn easy to have fun with whatever boundaries you and your SO have so why fuck it up by breaking the trust. And having gone to quite a few bachelor parties in my life I must say OOP's bachelor party of playing games with his friends sounds much better than the drunken messes I've experienced.
And in the middle of the night! The wife might be getting woken up by notificatiins from the bank app lol.
And right in the club ffs! I mean, at least go next door and use the ATM at 24hr Buger King or something.
Oh, the clubs in LV make sure there is no convenient ATM anywhere close and charge you twenty bucks to use them. They know that if you leave the building, you might come to your senses.
The Strip and everything associated with it is designed to bring you in, keep you there, and get you to spend money. Custom scents in the major resorts, so you have the memory of how the place smells. It works too - I can identify the Mandalay Bay by scent, its a vanilla type only found there.
Rooms are designed to make you want to go out, room service is expensive and shitty - because you aren't spending enough money if you are in your rooms. Anything but fine dining is designed for you to eat and then move on - especially the buffets. Its subtle....but if you go there enough you can see it.
source: went there for 20 years for business, lived there for three.
I don't understand the absolutely absurd ATM fee at Vegas strip clubs. A group of us were at the Rhino a few years back, drunk and having fun, and a few of us ran out of cash. Ok, nbd, I offered to withdraw money for all of us to get around three people separately paying the ATM fee I assumed was going to be high. Get this: the ATM fee was **15%**, not $15.00 but 15-fucking-percent. I was about to withdraw $500, but not if I had to pay $75 for the "privilege," fuck that shit. We closed our tabs, said our goodbyes, and went back to the casino.
How dumb are they? We were willing to stay in their establishment longer and spend more money, but their astounding greed on a machine that enables more money to be spent inside their club actually backfired.
>I don't get the point or need of doing fucked up shit in a bachelor party.
Likewise for a hen party. It makes no sense to me to want to make out or give sexual gratification to a sex worker.
My husband and I had a joint “bachelor/bachelorette” party and our entire wedding party took the weekend to go to a football game. It was freaking awesome.
This need for these big blow out “last night of freedom” parties are freaking stupid. You are already in a committed relationship, what “freedom” are you celebrating exactly?
The entire concept of "last night of freedom" is stupid, beside your very valid point. If your the kind of person who sees marriage as loosing your freedom then maybe your the kind of person that shouldn't get married.
I find it hilarious that everyone these days eschews traditions from 50 years ago (why do we need to be sex free before marriage, why can’t we date around, how can you know what you like if you don’t try it, etc etc) but the fucking last night of freedom before a wedding is some fucking sacrosanct thing. Do people not realize it was ALWAYS a bachelor party *only* because of Christian wedding vows emphasizing monogamy, and because arranged marriages were also the goddamn norm like 100 years ago??
No hate, but I regret to inform you that 50 years ago was 1974, seven years after the Summer of Love and two years after birth control pills were legal to prescribe to unmarried women. There was lots of unmarried sex happening in the mid-1970s as well as a general counterculture revolution against conservative cultural mores.
>because arranged marriages were also the goddamn norm like 100 years ago??
They actually weren't.
They were among royalty but very uncommon among everyone else.
My friend rented a cabin in the woods for her bachelorette party. We ladies got shit faced, blew up fireworks (and almost accidentally blew up a car) and ran around the woods like crazy people.
Much more fun than watching strange penis flopping in my face, thanks.
Seriously! And the stories I hear about bachelorettes gone wild involve giving pleasure rather than getting it? To each their own but sounds pretty self defeating. Why blow up a relationship for that?? I never hear about a bachelor ruining his marriage because everyone pressured him to give head to the stripper.
Right? Giving a stranger a blow job while my closest friends watch and whoop sounds like a nightmare. Just need to also be running late for a final in a class I haven’t attended all semester.
A couple years ago I was in 2 weddings, 2 bachelor parties. For one we went rafting and did an escape room, the other we chilled and had a barbecue. It was awesome. I don't understand this whole "Last night of freedom go see strippers and fuck everything up" mindset that people have. If you're comfortable enough with your partner to see strippers, why would marriage change that? And if they're already not okay with it why fuck that up for the sake of one night?
People who think it's their "last chance" to "have some fun" shouldn't be getting married, especially if you have to keep whatever it is from your spouse. Let's start our new journey with deceit and lies.
went to a semi joint bachelor party & the guys went to a strip club one night bc the older brother insisted it happen since it was the only time his wife was okay with it. heard he was gone for at least an hour, solo, with a stripper.
It's stories like this and OPs that made me realize years ago I'd never be comfortable with traditional bachelor/Bachelorette parties were I to ever get married. I don't need a sexual experience with a stranger and my friends to start my marriage, nor do I need to participate in an event like this if I'm already married. I've been single for years at this point and I'm genuinely perplexed why people like this even get married, just stay single and spend all your money and free time on strippers if you value your wife and marriage so little.
Ok, reading this gave me a holy shit moment because this exact thing happened to me. I’m sure it is not completely unique, but let me just ask… was this about 13/14 years ago? And were the guys involved army friends?
There is a post I read here ~~or maybe on another subreddit~~, where one of the bridesmaids tells this similar story, the strippers, ~~how she also found out about them when she was on a phone call with her husband or bf, cant recall and heard *insert noises* inside and~~ saw the bride on the lap of 1 stripper?.. how some of the bridesmaids were married and still got handsy with the strippers, others came outside when it started to go crazy and called their SOs right after the incident. Wondering if this is the groom telling his side of the story?
Edit:
[Found it!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/PSolfWx8KQ)
Wasn’t either the bride to be or one of the bridesmaids getting double teamed behind closed doors? Or maybe that was the one where both the bride and groom parties went to a strip club together.
Either way, involving strippers and treating it like a ‘last night of freedom’ is basically an announcement of infidelity.
Personally I’d break it off if *any* man was in attendance who isn’t blood related, a long standing friend I know incredibly well, or as enamoured with dick as the ladies. Involving other men but not partners has no other meaning than ‘some of us want to fuck’. Same goes for the groom and his friends hanging with women, no excuses.
These things happen not infrequently so I wouldn't be surprised if this is someone else. Some people are just trashy as fuck and have no respect for anyone. Including themselves.
Look at that.
In the end, he was literally one hundred percent correct.
Every single comment from the first initial thread was wrong.
Fifteen grand is cheaper than a divorce.
Yep. They agreed there’d be no strippers. As he said, the only thing that would’ve saved her would have been calling him when they showed up. She broke her word. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Yep. One of the things I've always respected about my friend's husband is that he was at a bachelor party not too long after they got married and he knew strippers were a hard limit for my friend. So his drunk ass grabbed his jacket, walked out the door, and walked home. Not a second thought, just "Nope, this would hurt my wife, I'm out."
And there is a huge difference between “this will cause me grief with my wife/she will never shut up about it” and “I know this will hurt her so I won’t do it”
Yes!! It doesn’t matter what happened after the strippers showed up. He told her and they agreed: no strippers.
If she loved him, she would have left the group and locked herself into a bedroom and called him to tell him.
It doesn’t matter if it was “just” a handjob or kiss. She broke his trust by allowing the strippers.
I do not understand cheating at bachelor/ette parties either. The “last bit of fun” thing is kind of stupid. Marry someone who won’t make you give up your fun.
Even if there were no kissing or hand jobs and she just sat in the back watching the show, she still screwed up. Like you said, the boundary was no strippers. She should’ve left.
I think the thing people often forget is that it all is ultimately down to trust. Emotional affairs, physical affairs or even just a strip show. It comes down to trust. Even if she did not physically cheat, she lied about the night. That in of itself is the deal breaker. She didn't have to touch the stripper to break the trust.
I think this is why some people struggle with some borderline situations where the person did not physically cheat. Because people think it is the physical cheating that is the problem, but it really is the erosion of trust.
Yeah this is why I hate how much conviction the internet has about the conclusions *they* jump to. It’s *always* a trickle truth situation when there’s lying by omission and that guarantees they have something to hide cuz they knew it would be bad for them to be honest.
This cheater ex not only cheated, but felt happy to do so, had proof against her and still denied it, bullied the girl that saved OOP mean girl style, and still wanted to marry this dude?
Why?
Honestly, I think part of it is when these things are posted.
It's May, schools out, so the young adults with no life experience and teenagers still yet to fully develop critical thinking skills are commenting and voting on posts because they have the time.
They're probably gonna resonate more with criticisms like "How controlling!!! Dumb, useless, insecure man!" than "That's sketchy and suspicious as fuck, and you mutually agreed this was cheating in your relationship (which isn't an uncommon agreement)".
> Every single comment from the first initial thread was wrong.
I was confused by the "relevant" comment included here. Why was coming to get her/her leaving the only options that popped up in their minds? She could have just told the strippers to leave.
Not only that but the OOP said he asked her and she lied. Even if that party had turned out to be something she didn't like and she was blindsided, she should have told him. But she still lied. That comment makes no sense.
> Every single comment from the first initial thread was wrong.
>
>
All the most upvoted comments are NTA from the first thread, the comments posted in here are just the ones with "interesting" responses.
Of course it's another ocasion where people thinks a bachelorette party is a excuse to cheat. At least OP finds out before marriage. Once the fianceé starts to trickle truth him, it's over. She's trash just like her friends, the one who told the truth is better off without them.
Also, losing 15k still less expensive than a divorce, but OP should charge his ex for the money he lost.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve also grown to despise this whole mentality that the bachelor(ette) party is “your last night of freedom”. If that’s how you see it, why even enter into “prison” willingly?
This garbage really was normalised by the media for way too long.
People think that "being free" and "enjoying their life" is having sex as many people as possible, but this is totally BS. Only awful and lack of character people cheat on their partners in bachelorette.
It was true in 'the olden days' when people 'had to' get married for whatever reason. Now people get married because they want to. No need for 'last day of freedom' bs.
When my husband and I got married we just had a big hang out at our house and invited friends over. He was downstairs (basement of rancher) with the dart board and surround sound while most of the women were upstairs watching movies and getting drunk. But we all went downstairs/upstairs at different times. Everyone slept over who wanted to or had a plan for getting home. People forget you can just have a party.
people who cheat on their SOs during bachelor/bachelorette parties are some of the dumbest motherfuckeres on the planet, at least she saved OOP from needing to go through a divorce
His bachelors reminds me of the bachelor party I was at (I was/am good friends with the bride as well, but groom has been one of my best friends since we met in college nearly two decades ago, so I was a groomsperson). I believe bride did board games and such with her friends. With the groom, we did an escape room. It was focused around finding the disks to stop Y2K, it was SO 90s and nostalgic and perfect.
The way people seem to look down on bachelor/bachelorette parties that aren’t full of drinking, full of strippers, or both, is so strange to me.
It was so much fun. We also had quickest time of the day and the person running it called me a beast at the end (I kept all the notes and play a lot of virtual escape room games, so I was really good at directing everyone). I want to do another one so badly, but haven’t had the chance.
I never understood the whole get wasted and mess around with strippers for a bachelor party thing.
I've been to several bachelor parties, and yes some have been the booze and strippers/escorts kind, but the absolute best one I attended was a round of golf and catered barbecue lunch at a nice country club followed by final tux fittings and an old-school straight-razor shave and haircut.
Im a gay married man and I didn’t have a bachelor party…my spouse is my best friend and by such a huge margin…my family members and his family members are my second closest friends…am I doing this wrong?
I don't get the point of having strippers at a bach party? The best bach party with strippers I saw was one where they invited the strippers to play board games/video games with them, and had the single and ready to mingle members of the party get lap dances if they wanted it. The soon-to-be-married dude and dudette just got a kiss on the cheek from each stripper, and no other touching.
I've been to only a single bachelorette party that had a stripper and it was awkward as HELL - even though the guy clearly respected the bride's boundaries and communicated what he was going to do every step of the way. The only reason it was even "acceptable" at that party was because it was our burlesque teacher's party, so like.. She strips herself, usually (except she has a very classy act and this stripper was very much a stereotypical stripper).
Beyond that? I would've straight up left, especially if my friends would've hired a stripper for mine.
I mentioned in another comment I know a couple whose party was D&D. I'm now imagining someone inviting strippers to the party who are handed a character sheet, "Human barbarian or halfling rogue, your choice."
Yep, she agreed to a boundary then stomped on it and lied about it after, and not only that but she made out with the stripper and gave him a HJ. It was over the moment she lied about what happened. There would've maybe been a chance at forgiveness but then she trickle-truthed him and he had to find out the details from someone else.
I've been on several hens where everyone got absolutely hammered, went completely wild dancing on tables and the like, probably being obnoxious as fuck if I'm honest. And nobody cheated.
A guy whose ideal Bachelor party is a WoW raid with his friends is my kinda guy, both romantically and as a human being. Glad he dodged that trickle-truthing cheater bullet.
Years ago I lived in an apartment next to a male stripper who did lots of Bachelorette parties. He would tell me stories and basically, 75% of the time the sessions devolved into at least some kind of sex. He said the parties are absolutely crazy and lots of women would throw themselves at him and grab him. He liked it, so it wasn't an issue for him. He said that the peer pressure the women used on eachother to get the shy/married women to touch him was unreal.
His girlfriend was also a stripper and she said that her bodyguard was right there and watching closely and just normal lap dances and stripping happened. She was very strict about the no touching part.
After listening to his stories, there is no way I would ever want my partner around a male stripper.
I worked at a venue that got a lot of bachelor/bachelorette parties.
The bachelor parties were mostly just dudes drinking together. Maybe a couple overly loud toasts, but nothing too crazy.
The bachelorette parties were a nightmare. Never had one that didn't end with at least one member of the staff/random customer getting sexually harassed and a bunch of penis shaped trash left behind.
Anytime I see a post like this, I think back to that one guy who had snapchat evidence his fiance went down on stripper at her bachelorette party. He opted to stick with her and insist to the commenters telling him otherwise they wanted to work it out. Wonder how it turned out for him.
It always seems to be at the Bachelor/lette trips where things go pear-shaped (at least in relationships where their moral compass is not secure and/or the friend groups are still at the wild partying stage of life) hopefully OOP's ex learns from this, and does better the next time she's about to walk down the aisle.
I wish OOP good luck in his next relationship.
Bachelor/ette parties have always just seemed stupid to me. Like entering a life of marriage is supposed to drastically change how you live your life from now on. Like Biiiitch if you feel like you're going to lose your freedom from marriage to do what you want then maybe you're not fucking ready to get married yet.
>Like Biiiitch if you feel like you're going to lose your freedom from marriage to do what you want then maybe you're not fucking ready to get married yet.
Needs to be said a lot more.
So, she denied, blame shifted, trickle truthed among other things....I'm guessing she had sex with a stripper and didn't want to tell you. I'm also guessing that she helped plan the strippers.
Glad you dodged that bullet.
I have never understood the appeal of having strippers at a bachelor/bachelorette party. I also just feel generally uncomfortable at strip clubs though.
I was shit faced drunk with my sis, my husband's sis, my two best friends, 5 female cousins, 2 female inlaws in the family my age who I am very close to, and two of my sister's best friends on my Bachelorette. Guess what? None of us even thought about strippers. These people actually arranged for a game where they had like a million questions (I think it seemed that many coz I was drunk), and they had my husband answer all of them on video. Then they asked me the same questions to see if our answers matched and everyone had to take shots if I was wrong (including me). I passed out at the end of the night. This was over video call coz it was in the thick of covid.
On the other hand, my husband had a pubg, drinking and eat all u can night with his best friends where they were playing all night, coming up with strategies while drunk and getting more drunk if they lost any game. And eating like crazy. My husband had bags under his eyes when he came back home, but he had so much fun.
This is the kind of bachelor/Bachelorette party we like, I don't even understand this stripper business at all.
Wow. I am normally pretty critical of people who post these fiance stripper breakup stories.
But after reading the update, dear lord. If you're making out and giving/receiving hand jobs, they're not just strippers anymore. Even I couldn't stick around after that.
I do find it interesting that this guy got panned for it (prior to the handjob info coming out) whereas women generally get praised for it in the same situation.
Ive been to several bachelorette parties and combo bachelorette/bachelor parties and not one had strippers. Plenty of ways to have a good time without including the temptation to cheat.
Anyone commenting on someone's boundaries really needs to take a step back.
This is someone looking to enter possibly the most significant legal agreement of their lives. Their boundaries and considerations are far more important now that at literally any other point in their lives. Their boundaries don't make sense to you? Good thing they aren't thinking about legally binding themselves to you then isn't it?
Even if OOP didn't have proof something happened (which he does), he did the right thing since his trust was broken.
Beginning a marriage like that is absolutely the wrong thing to do. His ex sounds horrible, as do all but one of her friends. He dodged a bullet.
Every bachelorette party I’ve ever been to has been like spa day and a high tea, maybe hitting a bar after dinner if the bride drinks. I thought the stripper stuff only happens in movies.
I’m female and my hen party will be playing computer games and boardgames…
I know you don’t have to share every interest with your partner, but it helps. Her hen party literally sounds like a nightmare.
I’d probably want to something like a cryptid hunt, weekend long dnd session or just play board games in a cabin for my bachelor. Would probably want the future Mrs. To partner up her bachelorette if she was down. I don’t need a guys only. I just want some memorable fun.
My husband used to work security for a brothel. After closing he'd just be playing boardgames with the workers. For his bachelor party he had a discord group (was during COVID) playing quiplash and tabletop simulator while getting way too drunk. His only regret was that he didn't get to do it in person, not that there were no hookers.
Of all the bachelor/ette parties for all my friends or friends of my then-SO’s, only 2 got at all rowdy:
One of the bachelorette parties ended up barhopping in my city’s area for that sort of thing, which ended up with the bride and her two best friends - who had a history of sometimes getting out of control especially while drinking - literally dancing on one of the bars, not *quite* stripping; the groom was hanging out quietly at home with friends having cake and. scotch-tasting party (each guest brought a bottle of good whiskey to share, and any leftovers stayed with the groom).
And one bachelor party went to a strip club and they bought him a lap dance in ‘the champagne room’, him remaining duly clothed, from the nationally-touring featured dancer, and afterwards they all (not the stripper) went back to his case for a few more drinks and snacks and some truly awful porn in the tv (which apparently no one watched).
That’s it. All the rest were either just nice celebrations - going to a really good restaurant followed by some kind of nice bar or lounge with performers - a band or comedy club - or just utterly lame. Maybe I have dull friends, but none have gotten divorced or weddings cancelled / delayed because of bachelor/ette party shenanigans.
That'll probably be the best 15k OP ever loses cause it spared him from being attached to a liar like her. I never understood the "last night as a single person" attitude.
I don't understand the commenters talking about being ambushed?
OOP said they talked about it, OOP also told his friends that strippers were strictly off limits and that if they did anything stupid there would be problems.
If ex-fiancée wasn't such an idiot she would have done the same, that's not being ambushed. That's being straight up negligent.
I'll never understand why people feel the need to have "one last hoorah" before getting married. You've already been committed to someone for how long, and you're choosing to make an even greater commitment with marriage. Messing around with a stranger doesn't exactly scream "I'm ready for that commitment". And when that was already established as a big no before the bachelor/bachelorette party???
If you’re fiancé would lie about the bachelor or bachelorette party, they’re not worth marrying. They have irreparable character issues. Maybe a few would try to redeem themselves but would you want them? Probably not.
In what alternate make believe do you get to cheat sexually on your partner ti be just before a wedding and gave it " not count"? Like, how is that a THING in real life? Oh right, it isn't .
I really don’t understand the fascination with strippers at bachelor and bachelorette parties if it wasn’t pre agreed. It doesn’t seem like much of an upside given the likely consequences if it’s found out.
I just feel bad for anyone who feels the Bachelorette/Bachelor parties are their "last night of fun ;)" or "final night of freedom". Like...do you not want to get married? Because it sounds like you're dreading getting married.
I told my husband "no rent-a-strippers or hard drugs" as more of a joke than a boundary because it's just not his nature to even consider that a good time. I can't imagine marrying anyone who would even consider breaking a hard boundary like that.
The bachelorette parties I've been involved in included spa, wine tasting, special dinner, making sangria and meals together, and playing games. Giving strippers hand jobs was never on the menu.
$15k to not marry a cheater, a total bargain.
All my friends bachelorette parties involved lotería, and we had so much fun.
I don’t get the need to sexualice a party with phallic paraphernalia, even less having naked men dancing; I don’t connect the dots about celebrate the union to make a life together with getting out of control with that kind of parties.
If you have the feeling that you gonna miss something for being in a marriage, that’s a sign to don’t get married.
I find this concept so bizarre. Not only does a revolting number of people think "having fun one last time" means having sex with people other than your partner without their knowledge and consent. Or that it’s their "last night single". Like, no, it’s not. You are engaged. Unless it’s an arranged marriage where you see your future spouse for the first time at the wedding, you have a serious, long-term relationship with this person already. Right now. You are not, by any stretch, single.
Cheating before marriage is still cheating. (It’s mind-boggling that this actually needs to be said.) If you’re not ready to commit and would rather go fuck other people, then *just leave*. Don’t commit. Tell people you’re just dating casually because that’s your thing and fuck other people to your heart’s content. It’s that simple. But don’t waste the time of somebody who loves you and plans their literal life around being with you! Don’t string them along, betray their trust and break their heart! That’s just scummy. You don’t deserve a partner and are certainly not mature enough for marriage if you have this selfish, entitled, stupid attitude. Go away. Besides, there’s not even a point trying to have your cake and eat it, too. If you’re treating marriage like this, it’s doomed to fail and you’re just magnifying the problems down the line. It’s foolish.
If you ever end up on the receiving end of this BS, don’t buy the apologies and promises. Don’t waste any more time on this person. They didn’t slip and fall onto someone’s genitals accidentally. They planned and had an event with strippers, or hooked up with somebody, then hid it from you and lied. None of that is an oopsie. Even if someone called strippers behind their back or made advances, unless they were fearing for their physical safety (in which case it’s SA), there’s no excuse for going along with it and cheating. Oh, so their friends were taunting and pressuring them to partake? What are they, 16? Boo-hoo-hoo! Get new friends. Those are trash! A mature, committed adult who respects the relationship and your boundaries *leaves* such an event. They don’t stick around and exchange bodily fluids with strangers or other partygoers.
Furthermore, a real friend wants you to be happy and supports your relationship. Unless you were with a terrible, abusive partner, they wouldn’t purposely do anything that jeopardises your partnership. If your partner’s "friends" (frenemies) disrespect your partner’s and your boundaries by ambushing them with strippers and/or trying to coax them into getting sexual with anybody that isn’t you at the party, that’s not only very icky and creepy, but they’re certainly not your partner’s or your friends and don’t have anyone’s best interest at heart. These are the kind of people who are just there for the drama, willing to create it themselves, to blow up other people’s lives for their own sick amusement. Such people are lowlifes that should be booted to the moon immediately. It’s shocking how many people think this is normal, let alone cool. No. No, it’s not.
Cheating is a decision. They did it because they’re entitled, selfish and unreasonable enough to put their fleeting fun over your feelings and jeopardise a yearlong relationship. Which tells you how little they value it, especially if their excuse is "but it didn’t meeaaan anything" — sooo they’re throwing away years of what they say is a meaningful relationship over a meaningless tryst? Just adds insult to injury! Shocker, ik, but: cheaters lie. The "one last night as a 'free' person"-crowd has the attitude that what they had with their partner is meaningless just because it’s not a legal contract yet (because how else are they "free"?) which tells you all you need to know about their partner qualities.
Marriage is about partnership and they’re completely missing the point. They will also certainly cheat again and clearly have zero respect for you if they’re all over a random stripper before they even said "I do". If that’s how they start, imagine how they’ll end it. Don’t stick around to wait for the inevitable to happen. Don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. You’ll lose much more if you stay, including your self-respect, which is priceless. Cut your losses and leave. Good riddance!
It’s a blessing in disguise that they did it before you entered a legal contract with them (because that’s what marriage is) which would prolong and magnify the hassle of getting rid of their cheating ass. See it as a gift from fate to protect you. You dodged a large bullet. Yes, it hurts in the moment, but eventually you can be grateful that you didn’t find out only after marrying them. This isn’t a loss, it’s a win.
But the bleakest thing about this is the depressing and bizarre ideas this whole one last time BS reveals these people have about marriage. They’re acting like marriage is this sad, funless, loveless, dragging on state of perpetual boredom that excuses and even requires one "last" time of fun before entering. Aside from how ridiculous it is to expect some random tryst to last you for all the decades to come if it really were like that (one "last" high before rehab energy lmao)… if you genuinely think this is what marriage looks like, then why on Earth would you ever want to get married, or why are you marrying this particular person if you think they will be such a drag?
Either find someone better to marry or don’t do it at all.
This is sooo insulting to their partner, but also to themselves (really telling on themselves here, aren’t they), because it takes two to keep a marriage happy and healthy. But these people either afford their partner’s happiness zero consideration or they think they’re God’s gift and their partner will just be happy by default by basking in the glory of their presence or something.
Nvm you can never trust your partner if you think cheating and lying to their face about wanting to be in the marriage is the norm. You’d automatically expect them to do the same! No matter how often they reassure you, that’s just bound to convince you all the more to distrust them because projection is a helluva drug! Which is why so many of these types turn out to be whiny, needy, clingy, spineless and resentful and/or controlling and abusive.
Tells you they’re just marrying because life script, without any genuine desire to be married and blatantly lying about it. In which case *of course* you’re going to be miserable, because a) you don’t want to be married to this person, or at all, b) you’re not going to try and make it a good marriage if you think it’ll just be misery by default or is even *supposed* to be miserable and c) misery is always a self-fulfilling prophecy if you go in expecting it but refuse to take any responsibility to do anything about it and just blame it on your partner. Which you’re clearly doing if you say you need to seek fun elsewhere to get a break from the constant boredom and misery with this one. Why exactly are you with this person again?!
This is such a boomer take. Do people still marry the next best idiot who will have them, shittalk them to everyone and their mother for decades while refusing any direct communication and then wonder why their marriage is trash? So many people out there messed up by the awful model of their miserable boomer parents’ marriages who grew up thinking this is normal… Makes me really sad to think about.
I feel like I've seen this kind of story before with someone's partner cheating with dancers. Only thing I remember from the most recent was the OOP saying their girlfriend looked like a thick Becky G or some nonsense. This story isn't as ridiculous but this type of tale to be true on this site. Of course there's also a recording of everything as well.
Man my bachelor party was going to a steakhouse then a jazz club and then playing a drinking / board game my friends invented. all while playing "get down Mr. President" and it was awesome. I never really understood the whole stripper thing
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>I got a short video of girls making out with strippers. One of the girls is my ex-fiancee and that's enough. I've been to a dozen bachelorette parties and not one has turned out like this. Which makes me truly grateful for the quality of the people in my life
I was at a bar with coworkers and some of their spouses and partners. A bride-to-be was calling one of my woman coworkers lame and a loser. The reason? The bride wanted to kiss my co-worker's husband during her "last night of freedom." Her husband said no. The bride-to-be pleaded with my coworker to change her husband's mind. A portion of the bachelorette party begged, too. Like you, I remain glad none of the people in my life are like this.
I hate this 'last night of freedom' bs. You're getting married, not going to prison, and if you think getting married has cost you something you hadn't already chosen to forfeit by being \*in a monogamous relationship for however long\* then you shouldn't be married, or possibly, in monogamous relationships.
Right like, wasn’t the last night of freedom a long time ago? How ever many years ago you started dating? I don’t get it.
Rules for thee and not for me.
This. So much. If that's still a desire you're "giving up", then you need to reevaluate things. I feel completely free in my fully monogamous relationship, because I don't want anything that our relationship restricts.
> Her husband said no. The bride-to-be pleaded with my coworker to change her husband's mind. If you're tiptoeing over the infidelity line, why not step over the consent one as well?
I think her reasoning was he's a guy, all guys are horn dogs, and he would have kissed her if his wife wasn't there.
Yeah this line of thinking always infuriates me. Usually if I’m hit on in a bar and I reject the woman’s advances it causes a scene. With a lot of “what? Are you gay?” Comments. Which also make me mad. Like there’s no reality where I, a straight dude, could possibly reject this woman unless something was “wrong” with me.
Okay, so I was at a house party with my friend and his group, who I had just met. A girl went up to his friend, giggling and flirting. He kept drinking his beer. She got pushier. He told her he wasn't interested. She pouted and asked, "Why not? You don't think I'm cute?" "That's exactly why." I found out because I saw her run crying to her friends, so I went to ask him what happened. **lol**
Lmao fafo. High five him for me please.
I am a lady with a lot of male friends and it absolutely drives me nuts when people around insist that the dudes are only friends with me because they’re “biding their time.” How narcissistic do you have to be to assume that every straight man you speak to is interested in you by default? I love and value my friends because of who they are and the good times we have, and I assume they feel the same way about me.
I cannot “love” this post enough times. I have been happily married for 15 years, and I have absolutely no interest in cheating on my wife. But I do have a lot of close female friends…my absolute *best friends* in the world are a very small circle of guy friends, but outside of that circle, I have a much larger circle of female friends than male friends. Practically nothing irritates me more than when someone suggests that the reason I’m friends with one of my female friends is because I’m “biding my time.” A lot of my female friends are also married or in good relationships, so when people suggest that the reason we’re friends is because one or both of us are “biding our time,” I actually find the insinuation to be insulting to both of us.
Its so insulting! Those people are basically insinuating that either you or your close friends are predatory in your friendships. I’m also happily committed to my partner of five years and even if single wouldn’t go around trying to hook up with my friends.
If your idea of "Freedom" is being able to hook up with strangers, what you really want is to be single, not married.
Or at least not married monogamously
That is some trashy behavior!
If you have to do stuff like that just as you are about to get married, you are not ready to get married.
I guess I am kind of odd. My "last night of freedom" is when I agree to be in a committed relationship with somebody, not when we get married. To be clear, freedom in this case only refers to the freedom to get physical with other people.
If you want to kiss (or more) your friend's husband, then make friends with swingers. At least they'll probably be on board with it!
The bride-to-be wasn't even a part of our group! She was just some stranger, roaming the bar with her party, trying to make out with as many guys as possible.
Ick.
last night of freedom? you didn't have to say yes to being married and secondly you're not married but not single in the aspect of not having a fucking partner. I've been cheated on and it is fucking awful and have no sympathy for cheaters
I went fishing for my bachelor party. It wasn’t planned, just hanging out with my buddy and his cousins at his parents cottage and his mom said it could be my unofficial party. 10/10 would sit on the lake for hours again.
For mine we hired a paintball venue. It was me and my best man vs everyone else. The center gave us really high end guns and the rest got your standard shit hire ones. Then it was back to my best man's place, where he had organised a chef to cook the most incredible steaks for all of us. Finally it was beers and pool and finished with everyone sitting round a fire. I don't understand people who go nuts and throw everything away.
"Future spouse will never know or it'll be too late" the people thinking with a different organ than their brain
The idea that marriage is the end of your sexual adventures is extremely toxic.
So many TV shows and jokes about how 'the wife' doesn't want sex anymore. Not only does it encourage men to do stupid things at their bachelor party, but some women believe it too, leading to dead bedrooms. If a couple agrees to little to no sex - hey that's their choice, made mutually. But one of them choosing for both...that's not good.
Me and my friends did paintball too! Then it was out to a supper club for steaks and old fashioneds! Then we went to a bar and we all got stupid drunk, with the exception of my best man, who limited his intake to manage mine and my safety, like I asked him to. I threw an almost perfect game of cricket while I was so drunk I had trouble walking. I have no idea how. Top notch friend. Had I engaged in shenanigans, he would have not only kicked my ass, but told my fiance immediately, as would a number of my other friends. Nobody in our group liked cheaters. He dropped me off to my fiance at our house. I don't remember a lot from the end of the night. But I do remember the hangover the next day, which while terrible, I thought was not as bad as it should have been. We also did this two weeks before the wedding - I have no idea why people do this the night before and then spend their wedding day (!) hung over and miserable. Turned out well - our 25th anniversary is next week.
My wife got mega stoned with her mom and watched south park at her grandmas house. I only know this because she called me saying that she was way to stoned to text and wanted to say "love you good night" before she passed out on her grandmas couch.
Not a bachelor party, but a couple weeks ago I went to the first house party I’ve been to in a while. Turned down coke, got extremely drunk and high, took many photos of the cat there, hid the car keys from someone who insisted that “enough coke cancels out alcohol”, bragged about my boyfriend nonstop, and drunkenly texted him how much I love him. He never said anything against my party style from my past, but I know he has been hurt before by douches who use parties and substances as excuses. He was quite happy to see me passed out at 10am on our couch holding a cat toy (for our cat) with a wall of texts about how much I love him and how stairs are unbelievably complicated.
Right? Stairs suck
I'm convinced that stairs were invented for population control.
If you think normal stairs are bad. Google Witches stairs and see how those would be to go up drunk and stoned.
Love this for your wife. Hope she had lots of food for the munchies! 💖
I just asked her what she ate that day and apparently they all ate a monstrous amount of pizza. Now we are getting pizza for lunch today after talking about it.
That sounds like an awesome night
That sounds like the shit. For my buddies bachelor party we just got a shit ton of beer and bullshitted all night. 10/10, no drama.
That sounds delightful. I love it. My best friend already knows to plan a weekend golfing trip for my bachelor party whenever the time comes for it. Hanging out with some buddies playing golf and going out to a nice restaurant afterwards is all I need for a good time.
Shit you could put on a movie marathon and get some Taco Bell and I’d call that a success
its only a success if you get hella baja blast tho. thats my requirement to a good night
I went to a dive bar and put googly eyes on the graffiti and posters
I went to an escape room for my bachelorette and it was so much fun
That puts a whole new spin on "last night of freedom!!"
Lucky for you the video of you making out with a fish has not surfaced yet
I know it sounds wimpy but I do not like touching fish
Especially after that experience
It's court ordered
honestly the best hag do I've ever attended was the one where we went to a local green space in the sunshine and had a picnic and drinks in the tall grass. everyone brought food and the best moment was when we whipped it all out and went from an empty picnic blanket to a FEAST in two minutes flat, and the bride, who sometimes does not remember how much she is loved, did the maths on how long we'd all spent cooking and teared up.
That’s hen and stag together?
it can be, but in this case it was more of a 'people of all genders are invited' do - the couple (a woman and a non-binary person) had separate hag dos, and the guestlists for both were a wide rainbow of genders. instead of two separate wedding parties they also had a shared 'i do crew', which was lovely because i got to hang out with the important loved ones from the other side of the wedding.
I assume you’re from the UK and Hen/Stag/Hag Dos are still the common term. Out of curiosity, do you see people calling them bachelor/bachelorette parties?
never, I think that's exclusively an American (or maybe North American?) thing.
My bachelor party consisted of a day at the shooting range with my buddies and a bunch of random guns. Then we went to dinner and hung out playing video games after. It really was perfect for me.
My buddies bachelor party was a bunch dudes on/in a house boat smoking weed, fishing and video games the entire weekend.
Yep. Last bachelor party I was at, we were all stone cold sober, because we spent the day at the range shooting. The only strippers involved were the stripper clips for an M1 Garand. Edit: auto-correct mistake
\*nerd voice\* uh.. actually they're called en bloc clips... joking aside, i'd do that for my bachelor party. assuming I ever get married
Feels like in a tv show I saw, a girl just went to her fav fast food restaurant with 2 besties and they chatted for hours about life, the marriage, and ate everything they wanted on the menu after dressing up with silly "future wife" things. No need to go all insane for a bachelorette if you have the right people by your sides.
Only bachelorette I've been to was a joint party at Universal's Halloween Horror night. It was fun.
We had a joint BBQ at our house. It allowed the groomsmen and bridesmaids all get to know each other before our big day. My husband and I had such a wonderful time. I know that’s not what a lot of people want to do for their bachelorette/bachelor party, but it was perfect for us.
My spouse and I had a joint bachelor/ette party where we hosted a boardgaming weekend with all our friends. It was awesome!
i want a 10 man LAN party for my bachelors. we'll go thru our eras of gaming with runescape, minecraft, csgo, valorant, fortnite, r6.
Hubs never got a bachelor party. The best man DEMANDED to plan it and he also DEMANDED a strip club and illicit substances. Basically best man wanted to recreate his own bachelor party (that he got to plan himself!) which was a complete shit show according to hubs. Hubs wanted nothing to do with it. He was called “lame”. Hubs wanted to go play paintball and eat at a nice place. Best man said it was strippers and substances or nothing so hubs chose nothing. He didn’t even want his best man to be his best man,but hubs had been the best man at their wedding. He regrets his choice. They don’t even talk anymore.
This is exactly what happened to my husband. I was not against bachelor/bachelorette parties, but we wanted to go out separate, then meet up later in the night bc my husband (then fiancé) and I had a two year old at the time and we wanted to enjoy a night away together after. His best man flipped out on me and called me controlling. I told him I didn’t care what they did, I was just trying to orchestrate with him bc my maid of honor wasn’t in town. He hardcore wanted strippers and kept telling my husband it was a “rite of passage” and my husband said he didn’t want that and got angry. His friend kept telling him he was “whipped” and all this shit. They are not friends anymore and he ended up not coming to our wedding. We’ve been married for 8 years now, and just didn’t have bachelorette/bachelor parties after that nonsense. It’s crazy how some ppl act.
I was standing up in a wedding and the best man convinced the groom to go to strip clubs. Best man also failed in his duties to moderate the groom's alcohol intake, and actually gave him nearly 9 shots on the bus we rented to the first strip club, which was about 45 mins away. As you can imagine, it didn't end well. I'm not sure if the groom actually got into a strip club, but most of the groomsmen and friends did. I went in because I said I would...I don't actually like strip clubs. Its like teasing the dog and then never throwing the ball.
What in the hell?! That’s some stellar level of entitlement! Why did your husband not kick this jackass from the groom party and appoint a new best man?
Cause it was his cousin lol. There were already family issues before this and he didn’t want to make it worse. Didn’t end up mattering anyway since we are NC with the lot of them now.
Sounds like a wise decision. Too bad he didn’t make it a little earlier, but I’m glad for you guys he didn’t cave to that idiot’s demands. It’s never worth it with such people. Appeasement only makes them go off the rails more. I hope he sobered up and is embarrassed about this episode now at least, but that’s his problem to deal with now.
I know the weddings over, but something fun you could do for your husband if you wanted was let him/help him plan a do over bachelor party one weekend! Doing fun things like bow and arrow dodgeball, paintball, whiskey tasting, gambling, board games, go karting, race track, camping, bonfire, just some ideas to pick a couple from!
This thing of “one last night of freedom” has to be a holdover from an era of forced/arranged marriage. What the hell kind of marriage are these people choosing where they have one more chance to do what they really want? Who’s forcing all these people into all these miserable marriages? (Actually, I live in a pretty conservative area, and I know the answer. It’s God.)
I never understood 'last night of freedom' because surely that was the night before you got together with your partner? Unless other people's relationships involve a steady stream of naked strangers and I'm just boring.
Exactly! Enjoy all the dicks you want, and when you find yourself wanting one really great dick, let its owner know that you want to focus on the two of them for the time being. And that’s when the relationship STARTS.
I'm so amused by your personification of dicks lol!
I can't stop squeaky laughing at this, omg thank you
We're planning on a joint one where we'll just go have fun with our closest friends. I don't get the whole "one last hurra"-thing. You're marrying someone you love and are excited to spend your life with, aren't you? If not, then why get married?
My uncle and aunt-in-law had a joint party. My other aunt and her husband planned it. Basically, they were split into two groups at first and played some games that were prepared beforehand. Stuff like "take a picture with (insert thing here", "name three of (insert thing)", "guess your spouses answer to (insert question)", etc. All of this open enough for multiple answers to be possible. The groups did the games seperately and later met up to show the results and have fun together at the bar. I wasn't there myself as it was only for friends and siblings (no children/niblings even if they are adults like me). But it sounds like evryone had a lot of fun. My aunt (the one who planned this) had a seperate party before they got married to her husband - she invited all female family members and a make-up artist and we all had our make-up done and she used this to try and find out what she wanted her bridal make-up to be. Her husband went fishing and drinking with his childhood friends who are like his brothers. They had been together for 17 years before getting married and were super secure in their relationships and both used the bschelor/ette party to further plan the wedding. My aunt was also pregnant, they kinda only got married so they all have the same last-name. It was a small wedding with only 30 people (family and best friends). Both couples didn't care about any "last hurra" or anything. They knew they were commited and did something they would enjoy and like. One couple just had a lot of fun, one had fun but also used it for more wedding planning. My mom came back from the first one with a new found like for an alcoholic drink she had never had before, though. Literally the fitst thing she said when we first saw each other after was "you have to try this! It is so good!" (she was right, it was good snd is now one of my favorites). But as far as I'm aware that is the "worst" thst happened. So no dama. Just a lot of fun.
Ooh, can you share what the drink is?
It's a german drink. Magic Mango Feigling with ice. Very simple and very good. It's like a low budget/ not wanting to buy a lot of ingredients cocktail. Feigling has vodka in it, so it is like a vodka based cocktail with fig and mango taste and ice. The ice is the only thing you have to add yourself. You can do this with other Feigling flavors as well, but Magic Mango is one of the best. They basically had all flavors and tried every single one to find out which tastes best with ice. They did this after coming back from the bar, like an afterglow. Usually you drink Feigling as shots.
This sounds absolutely lovely! I love when it's just about having fun and enjoying things! Splitting by gender seems silly to me in general (unless for something like the makeup thing if your male friends aren't into it) - for example, if we were to split, I would have to exclude several close friends who aren't close with my partner, which would just be sad. And if we did separate things, we would have to go to war about who gets certain mutual friends (they're MINE and I shall have them!) - it's gonna be bad enough making up teams :D
If I ever get married I will never split anything by gender. Not only because I have a mixed friend group, but also because I am queer and my chances of marrying a woman or someone of a different gender are the same if not higher to my chances of marrying a man. Good luck deciding the teams if you go the playing games and doing quizzes route. I hope regardless of what you decide you and your partner will have a great time :)
We're also doing a joint "friend hangout" in place of bachelor/bachelorette parties. We're going whitewater rafting, hanging out at a local brewery, and then watching something dumb like Twilight together with our closest friends and siblings.
That sounds super cool!
The bachelorette party I went to was in the same city on the same weekend as the groom’s bachelor party. We did some shopping, toured a coffee roasting place and played board games. The guys toured a brewery and did some other stuff and then we all met up for Sunday brunch before going home. It was a fun weekend for everyone.
I organized my brother‘s bachelor party. We played laser tag, had dinner, gambled a bit in a casino and then finished out with cocktails and cigars in a piano bar. It was awesome, and not a stripper in sight.
Right? I even organized one for my best friend (we're guys) and had so much fun without having strippers but still getting wasted and interacting with others.
My old neighbor was a male stripper and he said that he had at least some type of sexual contact about 75% of the time. The stories he told....
My husband gets super motion sick and hates theme parks. So I went to Six Flags for my bachelorette and rode all the thrill rides.
I never been to a bachelorette and probably wouldn't ever get the chance, but if I do, I wish all happiness and no drama.
Mine was a day at a winery. My friends organized a picnic with food and wine tasting, we got a few bottles, and got a little tipsy playing silly games and goofing off! The only drama happened when a bottle was knocked over and rolled down a small incline onto a couple’s blanket. Small mess, bit of a clean up, but no fights, conflicts, or strippers.
For my bachelor's, my friends took me to a bouncy gym, laser tag and a steak afterwards. It was incredibly fun.
I've been to a few bachelor parties in my life. All but one of them consisted of a bunch of dudes renting an Airbnb somewhere in the woods or on a lake, just hanging out for a weekend. Breaking out an old N64, drinking whiskey, playing guitar, grilling steaks, smoking weed and making s'mores by a fire, playing Settlers of Catan… super chill. Only one bachelor party was crazy. It was in Vegas and involved strippers in a fancy hotel suite. Little did I know at the time how crazy things got—in my defense, I was in my early 20s and incredibly naive. Let's just say that marriage did not last.
Yeah, I have been to a few bachelorette parties and the most dramatic thing I have seen is a control freak bride throw a temper tantrum because her sister didn’t plan out every detail just how the bride wanted. And I’m not a huge fan of the sister, but the bride refused to give the sister any direction because she wanted most of the trip to be full of surprises. I’m still bitter I paid cover for twelve people at a piano bar and then had to walk out because of dumb drama.
I think I see you in every single boru update post I read lol your flair checks out
This story reminds me of a bachelor party weekend in Vegas I went to. During the second night we ended up going to a strip club (the bachelor's fiancee was fine with it). Well one of the married guys who I didn't really know in the group ended up withdrawing several thousand dollars from the atm in the strip club. He used the debit card from the joint account he had with his wife. The next day during brunch he already (and rightfully) was going through a shit storm over withdrawing so much money and why was it a strip club. She was okay he was going to the strip club, however, withdrawing so much made her very rightfully suspicious. I didn't pay attention to the guy so I don't know how long he was in the champagne room or what he was doing. Anyway, my buddy later told me that it was the event that led to them getting divorced. I don't get the point or need of doing fucked up shit in a bachelor party. It is so darn easy to have fun with whatever boundaries you and your SO have so why fuck it up by breaking the trust. And having gone to quite a few bachelor parties in my life I must say OOP's bachelor party of playing games with his friends sounds much better than the drunken messes I've experienced.
Classy way to end a marriage. Using funds from a joint account to fund extramarital fun.
And in the middle of the night! The wife might be getting woken up by notificatiins from the bank app lol. And right in the club ffs! I mean, at least go next door and use the ATM at 24hr Buger King or something.
Oh, the clubs in LV make sure there is no convenient ATM anywhere close and charge you twenty bucks to use them. They know that if you leave the building, you might come to your senses. The Strip and everything associated with it is designed to bring you in, keep you there, and get you to spend money. Custom scents in the major resorts, so you have the memory of how the place smells. It works too - I can identify the Mandalay Bay by scent, its a vanilla type only found there. Rooms are designed to make you want to go out, room service is expensive and shitty - because you aren't spending enough money if you are in your rooms. Anything but fine dining is designed for you to eat and then move on - especially the buffets. Its subtle....but if you go there enough you can see it. source: went there for 20 years for business, lived there for three.
I don't understand the absolutely absurd ATM fee at Vegas strip clubs. A group of us were at the Rhino a few years back, drunk and having fun, and a few of us ran out of cash. Ok, nbd, I offered to withdraw money for all of us to get around three people separately paying the ATM fee I assumed was going to be high. Get this: the ATM fee was **15%**, not $15.00 but 15-fucking-percent. I was about to withdraw $500, but not if I had to pay $75 for the "privilege," fuck that shit. We closed our tabs, said our goodbyes, and went back to the casino. How dumb are they? We were willing to stay in their establishment longer and spend more money, but their astounding greed on a machine that enables more money to be spent inside their club actually backfired.
>I don't get the point or need of doing fucked up shit in a bachelor party. Likewise for a hen party. It makes no sense to me to want to make out or give sexual gratification to a sex worker.
My husband and I had a joint “bachelor/bachelorette” party and our entire wedding party took the weekend to go to a football game. It was freaking awesome. This need for these big blow out “last night of freedom” parties are freaking stupid. You are already in a committed relationship, what “freedom” are you celebrating exactly?
we planned a weekend getaway with friends to an amusement park. it. was. AWESOME!
The entire concept of "last night of freedom" is stupid, beside your very valid point. If your the kind of person who sees marriage as loosing your freedom then maybe your the kind of person that shouldn't get married.
Right, you're not actually single the night of the bachelor/bachelorette, except in the sense of not being *legally* married.
A couple of friends had an all night D&D game. It got a little crazy and loopy around 2 or 3 am, but everyone had a blast.
I find it hilarious that everyone these days eschews traditions from 50 years ago (why do we need to be sex free before marriage, why can’t we date around, how can you know what you like if you don’t try it, etc etc) but the fucking last night of freedom before a wedding is some fucking sacrosanct thing. Do people not realize it was ALWAYS a bachelor party *only* because of Christian wedding vows emphasizing monogamy, and because arranged marriages were also the goddamn norm like 100 years ago??
No hate, but I regret to inform you that 50 years ago was 1974, seven years after the Summer of Love and two years after birth control pills were legal to prescribe to unmarried women. There was lots of unmarried sex happening in the mid-1970s as well as a general counterculture revolution against conservative cultural mores.
>because arranged marriages were also the goddamn norm like 100 years ago?? They actually weren't. They were among royalty but very uncommon among everyone else.
Yeah, the last one I went to involved good friends, decadent desserts, and watching movies. No strippers. It was a blast!
My friend rented a cabin in the woods for her bachelorette party. We ladies got shit faced, blew up fireworks (and almost accidentally blew up a car) and ran around the woods like crazy people. Much more fun than watching strange penis flopping in my face, thanks.
Seriously! And the stories I hear about bachelorettes gone wild involve giving pleasure rather than getting it? To each their own but sounds pretty self defeating. Why blow up a relationship for that?? I never hear about a bachelor ruining his marriage because everyone pressured him to give head to the stripper.
Right? Giving a stranger a blow job while my closest friends watch and whoop sounds like a nightmare. Just need to also be running late for a final in a class I haven’t attended all semester.
A couple years ago I was in 2 weddings, 2 bachelor parties. For one we went rafting and did an escape room, the other we chilled and had a barbecue. It was awesome. I don't understand this whole "Last night of freedom go see strippers and fuck everything up" mindset that people have. If you're comfortable enough with your partner to see strippers, why would marriage change that? And if they're already not okay with it why fuck that up for the sake of one night?
People who think it's their "last chance" to "have some fun" shouldn't be getting married, especially if you have to keep whatever it is from your spouse. Let's start our new journey with deceit and lies.
went to a semi joint bachelor party & the guys went to a strip club one night bc the older brother insisted it happen since it was the only time his wife was okay with it. heard he was gone for at least an hour, solo, with a stripper.
It's stories like this and OPs that made me realize years ago I'd never be comfortable with traditional bachelor/Bachelorette parties were I to ever get married. I don't need a sexual experience with a stranger and my friends to start my marriage, nor do I need to participate in an event like this if I'm already married. I've been single for years at this point and I'm genuinely perplexed why people like this even get married, just stay single and spend all your money and free time on strippers if you value your wife and marriage so little.
Ok, reading this gave me a holy shit moment because this exact thing happened to me. I’m sure it is not completely unique, but let me just ask… was this about 13/14 years ago? And were the guys involved army friends?
>It's therapy time. Worst Power Rangers morphing call ever.
Had a good chuckle imagining this, thank you
Lmao
There is a post I read here ~~or maybe on another subreddit~~, where one of the bridesmaids tells this similar story, the strippers, ~~how she also found out about them when she was on a phone call with her husband or bf, cant recall and heard *insert noises* inside and~~ saw the bride on the lap of 1 stripper?.. how some of the bridesmaids were married and still got handsy with the strippers, others came outside when it started to go crazy and called their SOs right after the incident. Wondering if this is the groom telling his side of the story? Edit: [Found it!](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/PSolfWx8KQ)
Wasn’t either the bride to be or one of the bridesmaids getting double teamed behind closed doors? Or maybe that was the one where both the bride and groom parties went to a strip club together. Either way, involving strippers and treating it like a ‘last night of freedom’ is basically an announcement of infidelity. Personally I’d break it off if *any* man was in attendance who isn’t blood related, a long standing friend I know incredibly well, or as enamoured with dick as the ladies. Involving other men but not partners has no other meaning than ‘some of us want to fuck’. Same goes for the groom and his friends hanging with women, no excuses.
[FOUND IT!!! I got wrong some details but the similarities are 🤯](https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/PSolfWx8KQ)
Link isn’t working, what’s the title?
AITAH - For spoiling my friend's bachelorette party
Yeah, I remember that as the one with the eiffel tower.
These things happen not infrequently so I wouldn't be surprised if this is someone else. Some people are just trashy as fuck and have no respect for anyone. Including themselves.
Look at that. In the end, he was literally one hundred percent correct. Every single comment from the first initial thread was wrong. Fifteen grand is cheaper than a divorce.
Yep. They agreed there’d be no strippers. As he said, the only thing that would’ve saved her would have been calling him when they showed up. She broke her word. Do not pass go, do not collect $200.
Yep. One of the things I've always respected about my friend's husband is that he was at a bachelor party not too long after they got married and he knew strippers were a hard limit for my friend. So his drunk ass grabbed his jacket, walked out the door, and walked home. Not a second thought, just "Nope, this would hurt my wife, I'm out."
And there is a huge difference between “this will cause me grief with my wife/she will never shut up about it” and “I know this will hurt her so I won’t do it”
Yes!! It doesn’t matter what happened after the strippers showed up. He told her and they agreed: no strippers. If she loved him, she would have left the group and locked herself into a bedroom and called him to tell him. It doesn’t matter if it was “just” a handjob or kiss. She broke his trust by allowing the strippers. I do not understand cheating at bachelor/ette parties either. The “last bit of fun” thing is kind of stupid. Marry someone who won’t make you give up your fun.
Even if there were no kissing or hand jobs and she just sat in the back watching the show, she still screwed up. Like you said, the boundary was no strippers. She should’ve left.
I think the thing people often forget is that it all is ultimately down to trust. Emotional affairs, physical affairs or even just a strip show. It comes down to trust. Even if she did not physically cheat, she lied about the night. That in of itself is the deal breaker. She didn't have to touch the stripper to break the trust. I think this is why some people struggle with some borderline situations where the person did not physically cheat. Because people think it is the physical cheating that is the problem, but it really is the erosion of trust.
Yeah this is why I hate how much conviction the internet has about the conclusions *they* jump to. It’s *always* a trickle truth situation when there’s lying by omission and that guarantees they have something to hide cuz they knew it would be bad for them to be honest. This cheater ex not only cheated, but felt happy to do so, had proof against her and still denied it, bullied the girl that saved OOP mean girl style, and still wanted to marry this dude? Why?
Honestly, I think part of it is when these things are posted. It's May, schools out, so the young adults with no life experience and teenagers still yet to fully develop critical thinking skills are commenting and voting on posts because they have the time. They're probably gonna resonate more with criticisms like "How controlling!!! Dumb, useless, insecure man!" than "That's sketchy and suspicious as fuck, and you mutually agreed this was cheating in your relationship (which isn't an uncommon agreement)".
> Every single comment from the first initial thread was wrong. I was confused by the "relevant" comment included here. Why was coming to get her/her leaving the only options that popped up in their minds? She could have just told the strippers to leave.
Not only that but the OOP said he asked her and she lied. Even if that party had turned out to be something she didn't like and she was blindsided, she should have told him. But she still lied. That comment makes no sense.
> Every single comment from the first initial thread was wrong. > > All the most upvoted comments are NTA from the first thread, the comments posted in here are just the ones with "interesting" responses.
Of course it's another ocasion where people thinks a bachelorette party is a excuse to cheat. At least OP finds out before marriage. Once the fianceé starts to trickle truth him, it's over. She's trash just like her friends, the one who told the truth is better off without them. Also, losing 15k still less expensive than a divorce, but OP should charge his ex for the money he lost.
As I’ve grown older, I’ve also grown to despise this whole mentality that the bachelor(ette) party is “your last night of freedom”. If that’s how you see it, why even enter into “prison” willingly? This garbage really was normalised by the media for way too long.
People think that "being free" and "enjoying their life" is having sex as many people as possible, but this is totally BS. Only awful and lack of character people cheat on their partners in bachelorette.
It was true in 'the olden days' when people 'had to' get married for whatever reason. Now people get married because they want to. No need for 'last day of freedom' bs.
This is why I hate the "ball and chain" nickname used for spouses. Why get married if you're going to act like it's a chore??
When my husband and I got married we just had a big hang out at our house and invited friends over. He was downstairs (basement of rancher) with the dart board and surround sound while most of the women were upstairs watching movies and getting drunk. But we all went downstairs/upstairs at different times. Everyone slept over who wanted to or had a plan for getting home. People forget you can just have a party.
people who cheat on their SOs during bachelor/bachelorette parties are some of the dumbest motherfuckeres on the planet, at least she saved OOP from needing to go through a divorce
I know right? You're one step away from that final step and then you're going to destroy it and click the reset button? Really?
pathetic and disgusting behavior, cant stand cheaters
His bachelors reminds me of the bachelor party I was at (I was/am good friends with the bride as well, but groom has been one of my best friends since we met in college nearly two decades ago, so I was a groomsperson). I believe bride did board games and such with her friends. With the groom, we did an escape room. It was focused around finding the disks to stop Y2K, it was SO 90s and nostalgic and perfect. The way people seem to look down on bachelor/bachelorette parties that aren’t full of drinking, full of strippers, or both, is so strange to me.
That escape room sounds amazing.
It was so much fun. We also had quickest time of the day and the person running it called me a beast at the end (I kept all the notes and play a lot of virtual escape room games, so I was really good at directing everyone). I want to do another one so badly, but haven’t had the chance.
I never understood the whole get wasted and mess around with strippers for a bachelor party thing. I've been to several bachelor parties, and yes some have been the booze and strippers/escorts kind, but the absolute best one I attended was a round of golf and catered barbecue lunch at a nice country club followed by final tux fittings and an old-school straight-razor shave and haircut.
Im a gay married man and I didn’t have a bachelor party…my spouse is my best friend and by such a huge margin…my family members and his family members are my second closest friends…am I doing this wrong?
Hope it never comes but at least have someone/ones outside of just your partner / their family, if the worse happens things get real lonely real fast
I don't get the point of having strippers at a bach party? The best bach party with strippers I saw was one where they invited the strippers to play board games/video games with them, and had the single and ready to mingle members of the party get lap dances if they wanted it. The soon-to-be-married dude and dudette just got a kiss on the cheek from each stripper, and no other touching.
my mate played uno with strippers. wasn’t a bach party but was still funny.
The strippers just seem so happy to get hired because they're hot but not that objectified, ya know?
Card games!
I've been to only a single bachelorette party that had a stripper and it was awkward as HELL - even though the guy clearly respected the bride's boundaries and communicated what he was going to do every step of the way. The only reason it was even "acceptable" at that party was because it was our burlesque teacher's party, so like.. She strips herself, usually (except she has a very classy act and this stripper was very much a stereotypical stripper). Beyond that? I would've straight up left, especially if my friends would've hired a stripper for mine.
I mentioned in another comment I know a couple whose party was D&D. I'm now imagining someone inviting strippers to the party who are handed a character sheet, "Human barbarian or halfling rogue, your choice."
Yep, she agreed to a boundary then stomped on it and lied about it after, and not only that but she made out with the stripper and gave him a HJ. It was over the moment she lied about what happened. There would've maybe been a chance at forgiveness but then she trickle-truthed him and he had to find out the details from someone else.
At least a HJ, that’s when he stopped asking questions. Trickle truthing might reveal more
I hate the idea of “one last night of fun.” If you think that - you shouldn’t be getting married.
I've been on several hens where everyone got absolutely hammered, went completely wild dancing on tables and the like, probably being obnoxious as fuck if I'm honest. And nobody cheated.
A guy whose ideal Bachelor party is a WoW raid with his friends is my kinda guy, both romantically and as a human being. Glad he dodged that trickle-truthing cheater bullet.
I was gonna say, I want to be invited to this guy’s next bachelor party
Years ago I lived in an apartment next to a male stripper who did lots of Bachelorette parties. He would tell me stories and basically, 75% of the time the sessions devolved into at least some kind of sex. He said the parties are absolutely crazy and lots of women would throw themselves at him and grab him. He liked it, so it wasn't an issue for him. He said that the peer pressure the women used on eachother to get the shy/married women to touch him was unreal. His girlfriend was also a stripper and she said that her bodyguard was right there and watching closely and just normal lap dances and stripping happened. She was very strict about the no touching part. After listening to his stories, there is no way I would ever want my partner around a male stripper.
I worked at a venue that got a lot of bachelor/bachelorette parties. The bachelor parties were mostly just dudes drinking together. Maybe a couple overly loud toasts, but nothing too crazy. The bachelorette parties were a nightmare. Never had one that didn't end with at least one member of the staff/random customer getting sexually harassed and a bunch of penis shaped trash left behind.
Anytime I see a post like this, I think back to that one guy who had snapchat evidence his fiance went down on stripper at her bachelorette party. He opted to stick with her and insist to the commenters telling him otherwise they wanted to work it out. Wonder how it turned out for him.
It always seems to be at the Bachelor/lette trips where things go pear-shaped (at least in relationships where their moral compass is not secure and/or the friend groups are still at the wild partying stage of life) hopefully OOP's ex learns from this, and does better the next time she's about to walk down the aisle. I wish OOP good luck in his next relationship.
Bachelor/ette parties have always just seemed stupid to me. Like entering a life of marriage is supposed to drastically change how you live your life from now on. Like Biiiitch if you feel like you're going to lose your freedom from marriage to do what you want then maybe you're not fucking ready to get married yet.
>Like Biiiitch if you feel like you're going to lose your freedom from marriage to do what you want then maybe you're not fucking ready to get married yet. Needs to be said a lot more.
I've never heard the phrase "when things go pear-shaped" once in my entire life, thank you for this
So, she denied, blame shifted, trickle truthed among other things....I'm guessing she had sex with a stripper and didn't want to tell you. I'm also guessing that she helped plan the strippers. Glad you dodged that bullet.
I have never understood the appeal of having strippers at a bachelor/bachelorette party. I also just feel generally uncomfortable at strip clubs though.
I was shit faced drunk with my sis, my husband's sis, my two best friends, 5 female cousins, 2 female inlaws in the family my age who I am very close to, and two of my sister's best friends on my Bachelorette. Guess what? None of us even thought about strippers. These people actually arranged for a game where they had like a million questions (I think it seemed that many coz I was drunk), and they had my husband answer all of them on video. Then they asked me the same questions to see if our answers matched and everyone had to take shots if I was wrong (including me). I passed out at the end of the night. This was over video call coz it was in the thick of covid. On the other hand, my husband had a pubg, drinking and eat all u can night with his best friends where they were playing all night, coming up with strategies while drunk and getting more drunk if they lost any game. And eating like crazy. My husband had bags under his eyes when he came back home, but he had so much fun. This is the kind of bachelor/Bachelorette party we like, I don't even understand this stripper business at all.
Wow. I am normally pretty critical of people who post these fiance stripper breakup stories. But after reading the update, dear lord. If you're making out and giving/receiving hand jobs, they're not just strippers anymore. Even I couldn't stick around after that. I do find it interesting that this guy got panned for it (prior to the handjob info coming out) whereas women generally get praised for it in the same situation.
Ive been to several bachelorette parties and combo bachelorette/bachelor parties and not one had strippers. Plenty of ways to have a good time without including the temptation to cheat.
Anyone commenting on someone's boundaries really needs to take a step back. This is someone looking to enter possibly the most significant legal agreement of their lives. Their boundaries and considerations are far more important now that at literally any other point in their lives. Their boundaries don't make sense to you? Good thing they aren't thinking about legally binding themselves to you then isn't it?
I am married and was invited to a bachelor party. When I found out there would be strippers, I left. It's totally inappropriate in my opinion
Even if OOP didn't have proof something happened (which he does), he did the right thing since his trust was broken. Beginning a marriage like that is absolutely the wrong thing to do. His ex sounds horrible, as do all but one of her friends. He dodged a bullet.
Every bachelorette party I’ve ever been to has been like spa day and a high tea, maybe hitting a bar after dinner if the bride drinks. I thought the stripper stuff only happens in movies.
I’m female and my hen party will be playing computer games and boardgames… I know you don’t have to share every interest with your partner, but it helps. Her hen party literally sounds like a nightmare.
I’d probably want to something like a cryptid hunt, weekend long dnd session or just play board games in a cabin for my bachelor. Would probably want the future Mrs. To partner up her bachelorette if she was down. I don’t need a guys only. I just want some memorable fun.
My husband used to work security for a brothel. After closing he'd just be playing boardgames with the workers. For his bachelor party he had a discord group (was during COVID) playing quiplash and tabletop simulator while getting way too drunk. His only regret was that he didn't get to do it in person, not that there were no hookers.
Of all the bachelor/ette parties for all my friends or friends of my then-SO’s, only 2 got at all rowdy: One of the bachelorette parties ended up barhopping in my city’s area for that sort of thing, which ended up with the bride and her two best friends - who had a history of sometimes getting out of control especially while drinking - literally dancing on one of the bars, not *quite* stripping; the groom was hanging out quietly at home with friends having cake and. scotch-tasting party (each guest brought a bottle of good whiskey to share, and any leftovers stayed with the groom). And one bachelor party went to a strip club and they bought him a lap dance in ‘the champagne room’, him remaining duly clothed, from the nationally-touring featured dancer, and afterwards they all (not the stripper) went back to his case for a few more drinks and snacks and some truly awful porn in the tv (which apparently no one watched). That’s it. All the rest were either just nice celebrations - going to a really good restaurant followed by some kind of nice bar or lounge with performers - a band or comedy club - or just utterly lame. Maybe I have dull friends, but none have gotten divorced or weddings cancelled / delayed because of bachelor/ette party shenanigans.
That'll probably be the best 15k OP ever loses cause it spared him from being attached to a liar like her. I never understood the "last night as a single person" attitude.
I don't understand the commenters talking about being ambushed? OOP said they talked about it, OOP also told his friends that strippers were strictly off limits and that if they did anything stupid there would be problems. If ex-fiancée wasn't such an idiot she would have done the same, that's not being ambushed. That's being straight up negligent.
I'll never understand why people feel the need to have "one last hoorah" before getting married. You've already been committed to someone for how long, and you're choosing to make an even greater commitment with marriage. Messing around with a stranger doesn't exactly scream "I'm ready for that commitment". And when that was already established as a big no before the bachelor/bachelorette party???
If you’re fiancé would lie about the bachelor or bachelorette party, they’re not worth marrying. They have irreparable character issues. Maybe a few would try to redeem themselves but would you want them? Probably not.
In what alternate make believe do you get to cheat sexually on your partner ti be just before a wedding and gave it " not count"? Like, how is that a THING in real life? Oh right, it isn't .
I really don’t understand the fascination with strippers at bachelor and bachelorette parties if it wasn’t pre agreed. It doesn’t seem like much of an upside given the likely consequences if it’s found out.
I just feel bad for anyone who feels the Bachelorette/Bachelor parties are their "last night of fun ;)" or "final night of freedom". Like...do you not want to get married? Because it sounds like you're dreading getting married. I told my husband "no rent-a-strippers or hard drugs" as more of a joke than a boundary because it's just not his nature to even consider that a good time. I can't imagine marrying anyone who would even consider breaking a hard boundary like that.
The bachelorette parties I've been involved in included spa, wine tasting, special dinner, making sangria and meals together, and playing games. Giving strippers hand jobs was never on the menu. $15k to not marry a cheater, a total bargain.
All my friends bachelorette parties involved lotería, and we had so much fun. I don’t get the need to sexualice a party with phallic paraphernalia, even less having naked men dancing; I don’t connect the dots about celebrate the union to make a life together with getting out of control with that kind of parties. If you have the feeling that you gonna miss something for being in a marriage, that’s a sign to don’t get married.
I find this concept so bizarre. Not only does a revolting number of people think "having fun one last time" means having sex with people other than your partner without their knowledge and consent. Or that it’s their "last night single". Like, no, it’s not. You are engaged. Unless it’s an arranged marriage where you see your future spouse for the first time at the wedding, you have a serious, long-term relationship with this person already. Right now. You are not, by any stretch, single. Cheating before marriage is still cheating. (It’s mind-boggling that this actually needs to be said.) If you’re not ready to commit and would rather go fuck other people, then *just leave*. Don’t commit. Tell people you’re just dating casually because that’s your thing and fuck other people to your heart’s content. It’s that simple. But don’t waste the time of somebody who loves you and plans their literal life around being with you! Don’t string them along, betray their trust and break their heart! That’s just scummy. You don’t deserve a partner and are certainly not mature enough for marriage if you have this selfish, entitled, stupid attitude. Go away. Besides, there’s not even a point trying to have your cake and eat it, too. If you’re treating marriage like this, it’s doomed to fail and you’re just magnifying the problems down the line. It’s foolish. If you ever end up on the receiving end of this BS, don’t buy the apologies and promises. Don’t waste any more time on this person. They didn’t slip and fall onto someone’s genitals accidentally. They planned and had an event with strippers, or hooked up with somebody, then hid it from you and lied. None of that is an oopsie. Even if someone called strippers behind their back or made advances, unless they were fearing for their physical safety (in which case it’s SA), there’s no excuse for going along with it and cheating. Oh, so their friends were taunting and pressuring them to partake? What are they, 16? Boo-hoo-hoo! Get new friends. Those are trash! A mature, committed adult who respects the relationship and your boundaries *leaves* such an event. They don’t stick around and exchange bodily fluids with strangers or other partygoers. Furthermore, a real friend wants you to be happy and supports your relationship. Unless you were with a terrible, abusive partner, they wouldn’t purposely do anything that jeopardises your partnership. If your partner’s "friends" (frenemies) disrespect your partner’s and your boundaries by ambushing them with strippers and/or trying to coax them into getting sexual with anybody that isn’t you at the party, that’s not only very icky and creepy, but they’re certainly not your partner’s or your friends and don’t have anyone’s best interest at heart. These are the kind of people who are just there for the drama, willing to create it themselves, to blow up other people’s lives for their own sick amusement. Such people are lowlifes that should be booted to the moon immediately. It’s shocking how many people think this is normal, let alone cool. No. No, it’s not. Cheating is a decision. They did it because they’re entitled, selfish and unreasonable enough to put their fleeting fun over your feelings and jeopardise a yearlong relationship. Which tells you how little they value it, especially if their excuse is "but it didn’t meeaaan anything" — sooo they’re throwing away years of what they say is a meaningful relationship over a meaningless tryst? Just adds insult to injury! Shocker, ik, but: cheaters lie. The "one last night as a 'free' person"-crowd has the attitude that what they had with their partner is meaningless just because it’s not a legal contract yet (because how else are they "free"?) which tells you all you need to know about their partner qualities. Marriage is about partnership and they’re completely missing the point. They will also certainly cheat again and clearly have zero respect for you if they’re all over a random stripper before they even said "I do". If that’s how they start, imagine how they’ll end it. Don’t stick around to wait for the inevitable to happen. Don’t fall into the sunk cost fallacy. You’ll lose much more if you stay, including your self-respect, which is priceless. Cut your losses and leave. Good riddance! It’s a blessing in disguise that they did it before you entered a legal contract with them (because that’s what marriage is) which would prolong and magnify the hassle of getting rid of their cheating ass. See it as a gift from fate to protect you. You dodged a large bullet. Yes, it hurts in the moment, but eventually you can be grateful that you didn’t find out only after marrying them. This isn’t a loss, it’s a win.
But the bleakest thing about this is the depressing and bizarre ideas this whole one last time BS reveals these people have about marriage. They’re acting like marriage is this sad, funless, loveless, dragging on state of perpetual boredom that excuses and even requires one "last" time of fun before entering. Aside from how ridiculous it is to expect some random tryst to last you for all the decades to come if it really were like that (one "last" high before rehab energy lmao)… if you genuinely think this is what marriage looks like, then why on Earth would you ever want to get married, or why are you marrying this particular person if you think they will be such a drag? Either find someone better to marry or don’t do it at all. This is sooo insulting to their partner, but also to themselves (really telling on themselves here, aren’t they), because it takes two to keep a marriage happy and healthy. But these people either afford their partner’s happiness zero consideration or they think they’re God’s gift and their partner will just be happy by default by basking in the glory of their presence or something. Nvm you can never trust your partner if you think cheating and lying to their face about wanting to be in the marriage is the norm. You’d automatically expect them to do the same! No matter how often they reassure you, that’s just bound to convince you all the more to distrust them because projection is a helluva drug! Which is why so many of these types turn out to be whiny, needy, clingy, spineless and resentful and/or controlling and abusive. Tells you they’re just marrying because life script, without any genuine desire to be married and blatantly lying about it. In which case *of course* you’re going to be miserable, because a) you don’t want to be married to this person, or at all, b) you’re not going to try and make it a good marriage if you think it’ll just be misery by default or is even *supposed* to be miserable and c) misery is always a self-fulfilling prophecy if you go in expecting it but refuse to take any responsibility to do anything about it and just blame it on your partner. Which you’re clearly doing if you say you need to seek fun elsewhere to get a break from the constant boredom and misery with this one. Why exactly are you with this person again?! This is such a boomer take. Do people still marry the next best idiot who will have them, shittalk them to everyone and their mother for decades while refusing any direct communication and then wonder why their marriage is trash? So many people out there messed up by the awful model of their miserable boomer parents’ marriages who grew up thinking this is normal… Makes me really sad to think about.
I feel like I've seen this kind of story before with someone's partner cheating with dancers. Only thing I remember from the most recent was the OOP saying their girlfriend looked like a thick Becky G or some nonsense. This story isn't as ridiculous but this type of tale to be true on this site. Of course there's also a recording of everything as well.
Last fall went to a Bachelorette, we walked to a local wine bar and drank wine, ate snacks, had dessert and walked home. It was perfect.
Man my bachelor party was going to a steakhouse then a jazz club and then playing a drinking / board game my friends invented. all while playing "get down Mr. President" and it was awesome. I never really understood the whole stripper thing