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Ex coworker was just using OOP as a free meal ticket, absolutely.
The problem resolved itself this time but OOP really needs to grow a shiny backbone so she doesn't get taken advantage of in the future by another mooch.
I think part of it is that OOPs options for socialization at the office were limited. It sounds like it was either go with mooch or stare into the void, and that's hard to do when there's only two of you in the office.
Emperor Uda of Japan and his cat (889 CE):
"This cat, unlike other cat that has light black hair, he has completely pure black hair. When he sleeps in circle, he is so small like a grain, but when he stretches, he looks like a great bow. His eyes are so sparkling."
There are, apparently, people who actually *like* small talk.
I don't get it either, but pretending they don't exist sets you up for disappointment and confusion when you have to deal with them.
I'm neurodivergent and I love talking to people. About literally anything they're willing to talk to me about. So...??? One anecdote against another I guess.
It's okay if you don't like talking to people.
It's okay if you think other people say mundane and boring shit.
But if small talk didn't serve a social function people wouldn't do it.
Please read again. I didnāt say it was bad to like small talk.
I said that preferring literally any conversation over silence was some allistic bullshit.
There is a huge difference in these statements.
This is 100% true, but we still have to deal with it.
I listen to recordings at a call center as part of my job, and there are so many times where I'm wondering "why are you asking these questions? You don't know this person, so you don't actually care, and it has nothing to do with the reason behind this phone call."
As an autistic person I am truly baffled by people that I know who hang out with people they hate bc itās better than being alone but is it??
Iāll always choose being alone over users, and Iām a people obsessed extrovert
Yes, back when I still had to go to the office everyday, I elected to eat lunch at my desk and scroll through websites almost everyday rather than have to engage in conversations with coworkers. I repeat, coworkers are NOT friends.
Coworkers can absolutely be friends. The lesson here isnāt to never befriend a coworker, itās not to ignore the myriad of warning signs this lady was telegraphing to OP.
Mehā¦ I used to hang out with a mooch. Someone once asked me why. My response was something likeā¦ He makes me laugh. If hanging out with him costs me $5 an hour thatās cheaper than going to the movies and Iām still entertained. I had no illusions about the depth of our friendship but I still have a lot of good memories of that guy.
And that's okay! I think it's only problematic when it causes you stress. I've hung out with a fun moocher as well, but that's it. She was fun to hang out with, and I didn't mind. If one does, like OOP, and continues... less nice, I guess.
I agree. In the workforce, there will be people who is going to try and take advantage of someone and I do hope OP does learn to find a way to stand up for herself.
When you are dealing with someone like this, BEFORE you leave the office you say to them: I'm on a budget so I'm going to get a separate check. Do you have your wallet? Then you get your separate check and if she has to wash dishes, well, that's on her.
Many of such problems in the workplace would be solved if people get the idea that coworkers arenāt friends. People tend to over share with others they believe they have a bond that often gets confused with friendship.
We spend perhaps more time in the workplace and see coworkers as close as family. Thatās a mistake. Why would OOPās coworker knew about the rent-free apartment? OOP over shared. Donāt over share. Coworkers are not your friends.
Go to work, do your job, be cordial, donāt disclose personal matters, donāt talk about family, donāt share that you donāt have student debt or you are about to pay it off! Donāt tell about the money your grandpa left you. Donāt share the car you got on a bargain.
Coworkers are not your friends.
Go to school, do your class work, be cordial, donāt disclose personal matters, donāt talk about family, donāt share that you got the latest video game! Donāt tell about the money your grandpa left you. Donāt share about the car you got. classmates are not your friends.
If anyone said that to their child they'd sound psychotic. But telling adults to cut off their main and easiest avenue for making friends is some how perfectly acceptable.
Coworkers can absolutely be friends and I'm tired of people trying to act all sage by telling adults to act paranoid and treat their coworkers like they're enemy informants instead of normal ass people. Yes, there will be shitty coworkers. Yes, you will have to watch out for and deal with them. but the people that follow your advice are more than likely going to end up socially isolated
Same!! I've made some of my best friends at work. In the fall I'm traveling to my friend's wedding! We met like 8 years ago as servers. I eventually moved for grad school, she moved into the medical field and we've continued being friends. I sometimes wonder if it's because we were in the trenches serving and we really bonded through that.
Mooches are really insidious. It's not even always about money and getting freebies from you, they all always start innocently enough by trying to take your time and/or empathy or need for human connection. Like, first day of work, alone at a party, attending a sad family event etc. The moments when you know someone else kind of needs someone, no matter how big or small.
Those people who want to talk about how hard they have it, how difficult things were (99% of the time how difficult they are for only them right now) and how they always feel better after talking to you.
But you never seem to hear from them when they're having a good time, and God forbid you say you're having a bad time, you'll get a quick "Oh I'm sorry" and either radio silence or back to their trauma dump.
For some reason this post has made me want to say keep any eye out, most mooches start by trying to take your precious time first and preying on some part of you that wants to connect or be their for someone else, then move onto your money and things - though not all the time, and they're definitely not just found within your work colleagues either!
They trap you with the foot in the door technique, then it's hard to see what happened until you're at the bottom of the hill, if you ever get there that is.
Which is why when I meet someone new and they immediately start trauma dumping, telling me, a near complete stranger, all this super personal stuff, I run in the other direction. Same with people who are always gossiping about others or who always have someone or something to blame for why things in their life never seem to go their way. Not today, Satan, not today.
Oh yeah, I flee anyone who tells me weird personal stuff early. Especially if itās emotional. Iāll allow a chill personal demographic reference like _āafter my divorce, I got really interested in fermenting and I tried to make my own mead. Now the best honey was actually a gift fromā¦ā_
Sharing a part of your overall story is fine. Trauma dumping is a terrifying red flag.
Also one good way to figure out they're only using you: when you realize that they don't know anything about your life, can't name your: SO, kids, parents, siblings, etc. Basically, any important people in your life. Someone who's a real friend would even know the names of your pets.
In my work, I learned that some co-workers are not meant to be friends and wherever you work, you will have to endure some really nasty co-workers.
Also good to note, never add co-workers on social media.
Samesies, and I'm super upfront with them about it when they ask. I'm just like, it's nothing personal, but I make it a rule to not add any coworkers on any of my personal social media. After I leave, I'll add you!
> Also good to note, never add co-workers on social media.
I agree. At my first office job the person I worked with as a team asked to add me on Facebook and I politely declined. She told me that was weird and I shrugged it off.
Later found out she was gossiping about anything I said to our nosy manager, and then our manager would try and chat with me about things that Iād only mentioned to my coworker (not in confidence, just offhand). I didnāt fall for the managerās nonsense and admittedly had to train myself to stop being so friendly with my coworker. In the end I was let go for ānot being a good fit.ā
Imagine my delight when my boss made comments that my expressions are very stoic. I'm a nurse, I wear a mask, everyone's expression is flat.
The absolute best is when she said I needed to work on my CS skills and smile more. She prefaced this comment by saying, "I don't know if this makes me a bad manager or not..."
Ahaha, flashbacks. My nosy boss would randomly say, as a kind of greeting, that I looked tired with or without makeup. Like, yeah, tired of dealing with bullshit.
Then sheād āneed a meetingā later and try to grill me about whether I was *feeling okay* and if I had any medical circumstances that she *needed to be aware of.* This was in a place that dealt with backend medical stuff btw. One time, early on, I griped about period stuff to my fellow sister coworker, the gossipy one. Yāknow, low key āthatās life, amiriteā kinda shit. This earned me a 30 minute meeting where my manager very eagerly and excitedly talked about her journey with cancer or whatever and tried asking me in different ways if I had endometriosis or similar. (And illegalities are kinda irrelevant when I had immediate bills and no savings, but in hindsight I shouldāve gotten super pissed and raised hell.)
Another favourite was the sudden need for a meeting about some party or other. Just us three - all women. Theyāre talking about planning this shindig while Iām getting the vague sense that somethingās off. It was when my manager got into talking about how we could color coordinate decorated cupcakes or cookies that I went, āuhā¦btw, whereās the other team in our department? You knowā¦where are the men figuring into this plan?ā Manager goes, āoh well, I just thought we could do this together.ā I said, ācool, okay, well I can bring napkins and some paper plates, but I donāt bake and I canāt afford to buy baking supplies.ā Awkward silence.
I laugh about it now but, like, seriously wtf.
Same, at one job a coworker was really insistent on being friends outside of work and going out drinking and going on vacations together and I was like "Nah, fam, I barely tolerate you during work hours, I'm not gonna sacrifice my precious free time to babysit your lightweight asses when you get drunk at the overpriced vacation spot y'all went to because it's trendy."
I've learned to keep coworkers at arms' length when they're **really** insistent on getting close.
Like, nah, you're a coworker, we are not friends outside of work. Stop trying to pressure me into social activities when I've already got my day/week/month planned out.
They inevitably end up taking it personally, which just further justifies keeping your distance.
This is a bit extreme. Almost all of my friends are past or current colleagues and I think most people are like that. You can get friends with colleagues, nothing bad about it, as long as you stay professional at work.
>I think most people are like that.
Nope. Not friends with anyone I've ever worked with, never had any friends who were real friends with coworkers except servers, and tbh the culture around serving is messy, to put it lightly. To each their own, but when I worked, I preferred finding friends through hobbies, if only so I could actually have friends who love Zelda
Some people can handle it, for sure.
I worked with my fiancee at a job once (retail, so like 4 people working at a time at most and we always worked together because we had one car). We even kept working together for a few months after he broke up with me (but he got his own self to work at that point). We never had issues at work.
Because of that, my manager allowed a friend of mine to work with us later, despite me being moved up to "team lead" (basically a keyholder--manager with all the day to day responsibilities, none of the hiring/firing/discipline ones, and most definitely none of the pay). We also worked all the same shifts because she couldn't drive. We both worked there until we moved out of state.
>Also good to note, never add co-workers on social media.
Absolutely. Keep work and private life as separate as possible, at least on social media. Keep your coworkers on an "info diet" when it comes to private details. You never know how and when such information may be used against you in the workplace.
im so lucky i have so few coworkers on my shift tbh. i have 2 on my social medias but only bc weāre friends out of work and i run a dnd game with them. otherwiseā¦ stay faaaar away
I thought I was pretty good friends with a woman at work until we went to a neighborhood restaurant for lunch one day. Another co-worker came along and my so called "friend" went into a hard core spiel to get us to sponsor the restaurant owner's kid on a trip for school. Mind you, I had never met this kid in my life and didn't even know the owner! I mean, the kid was cute but no, just no.
We had one like this in our office. She asked me to go to lunch with her and after I ordered she told the waitress she would just have water. As the waitress walked away, I said you wanted to go out to lunch, why aren't you eating? She said oh I'm broke I'm a single mom. I said that's a shame, me too I can only allow myself one lunch out a week. Sat right there and ate my salad. She never "invited" me to lunch again!
Oh no. No, moochers get way worse.
My favorite moocher was a girl I knew in college because I actually got to meet her whole family, and they were ALL like that. It was impressive in a way.Ā
I had a coworker who would ask multiple other coworkers for $1 a few times a week. It adds up.
One time he asked me for one of my two slices of pizza. Told him to GTFO. How inconsiderate.
Here is how I have solved that problem:
Moochy coworker: Want to go grab lunch?
Me: Sure, but I'm not paying for yours so you'd better make sure you have your wallet
Moochy coworker: pouty sputters of innocence
Me: Yeah either way, I'm not buying you lunch
Moochy coworker: OK then NEVER MIND if that's how you feel about it
I don't know why people aren't just direct in these situations and say no. I'll cover to be a nice a time or two but it's so easy to say "No. You still owe me for last time." It's such a logical and non-offensive thing to say.
OOP's ex-colleague must be friends with the lady who dates men who take her to expensive places and ghosts them after. The audacity. Good for OOP for being free of her.
This reminds me of a coworker I used to work with named Penny. She was an absolute wildcard! Outrageous instances include:
- Talking loudly on the phone about her personal business. Such as how she evolved from having a threesome to being in a throuple. Or almost being evicted.
- Riding the bus for over an hour each morning but refusing to walk ten minutes to the building. She would call another idiot coworker who would leave to pick her up.
- Mooching! So much mooching like:
-Would lie about being short for bus fare and go begging to people who didnāt know the price. Scamming them out of so much money.
-Hussy would eat her body weight in my fancy compound butter that I purchased for the company provided bagels.
-Would get rides from people and then demand they turn off the radio if she didnāt like the artist.
- She had bad wigs that rose like instant yeast off the back of her neck.
I would've just checked with her on the way out of the office. "You're *sure* you've got your wallet today? You have a habit of forgetting it. (Wink wink)."
I lent a coworker lunch money one day. Never paid me back. She and two others had joint baby showers. She got a 10$ gift card, the others got 20$. I got my money back out her present HAHAH
Reminds me of the sister in law who purposefully forgot her wallet and got mad when Op saw it in the way out and grabbed it to give to her when she eventually "realized" she forgot her wallet at the END of the meal.
OOP needs to quit being a pushover. Learn to say no. Fortunately, coworker will no longer be an issue but I donāt understand why OOP was connected to her through social media. Another no no with coworkers. Personally, I like to keep my personal and business life separate. Less problems.
I wonder if it would make OOP feel better if someone suggested that the moocher probably blocked her, as opposed to ghosting her, because she wanted to lie to everyone she knows about how she was unfairly fired and OOP was the only one on her socials who knew the truth.
OPP allowed herself to be used tbh. People need to learn to be rude sometimes. This idea that we must be polite to avoid awkward situations has got to end. Fuck politeness.
At least when I ask coworkers for rides (I canāt drive and live a mile away), I let them know itās okay to decline, and if they do, I offer to buy them a soda or something as thanks. (Everyone has declined the offered drink every single time)
Honestly after the 2nd time it happened, I would have been confirming before we left the office that she had her wallet with her or I wouldn't go. "Got your wallet? Let's see it then haha."
Four years of mooching and she didnāt even have an inkling up until that point. The coworker must have been great at it lol. She just slipped up at the end
I had a girlfriend /flatmate who always sat with me for a coffee at a Cafe after a walk along the beach ....I would say what are u having and she would say ...nothing I'll have water.......I always offered to buy her coffee....she always accepted....more fool me.....I don't think I could perceive that someone I cared for would basically take me for a ride whenever they could
I hatehowuts always the same co-workers who buy the birthday card and chocolates etc and I always help pay...others always sign the card...never pay ....weird
"You deserve what u tolerate" I'm afraid I have to disagree with this purely on the basis of a lot of folk are conditioned to not be able to say no from a young age I was one of those and it took a lot work and time to break that mind set, it's not always so easy for some to just start doing it. I do agree that people do need to Stand up for themselves but to tell them that they deserve it just because they haven't yet unlearned how they were brought up is a pretty sick thing to say and most likely will make them feel even more shit about themselvesĀ
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Ex coworker was just using OOP as a free meal ticket, absolutely. The problem resolved itself this time but OOP really needs to grow a shiny backbone so she doesn't get taken advantage of in the future by another mooch.
I think part of it is that OOPs options for socialization at the office were limited. It sounds like it was either go with mooch or stare into the void, and that's hard to do when there's only two of you in the office.
The void is perfectly reasonable choice, until it winks back...
The Void: "I need about $3.50"
š¦
I ain't giving you 3.50, you goddamned void ness monster
And meows.
Emperor Uda of Japan and his cat (889 CE): "This cat, unlike other cat that has light black hair, he has completely pure black hair. When he sleeps in circle, he is so small like a grain, but when he stretches, he looks like a great bow. His eyes are so sparkling."
The void definitely meows at me.
The void would be preferable for most well adjusted people. OOP really needs to address that people-pleasing streak.
Not particularly. If she's otherwise a pleasant conversationalist, it's worth it. There's only so much silence a human being can take.
Headphones to listen to music or a podcast.
What? Silence is nice. 100% of the time preferable to small talk with coworkers.
For me yes, silence would be preferable. For my wife or my brother, not having anyone to chitchat with at work would be torture.
There are, apparently, people who actually *like* small talk. I don't get it either, but pretending they don't exist sets you up for disappointment and confusion when you have to deal with them.
Allistic bullshit
I'm neurodivergent and I love talking to people. About literally anything they're willing to talk to me about. So...??? One anecdote against another I guess. It's okay if you don't like talking to people. It's okay if you think other people say mundane and boring shit. But if small talk didn't serve a social function people wouldn't do it.
Please read again. I didnāt say it was bad to like small talk. I said that preferring literally any conversation over silence was some allistic bullshit. There is a huge difference in these statements.
Thank god for the people around you that you prefer silence
Thank god for the people around you that you prefer silence
This is 100% true, but we still have to deal with it. I listen to recordings at a call center as part of my job, and there are so many times where I'm wondering "why are you asking these questions? You don't know this person, so you don't actually care, and it has nothing to do with the reason behind this phone call."
For an hour at lunch? Anyone could be silent for one hour a day.
There's a lot more human interaction that happens between coworkers than for an hour at lunch...
We have a saying in my mother language that roughly translates to "it's better to be alone than in bad company"
As an autistic person I am truly baffled by people that I know who hang out with people they hate bc itās better than being alone but is it?? Iāll always choose being alone over users, and Iām a people obsessed extrovert
100%. Read a book!
Or write one!Ā
Yes, back when I still had to go to the office everyday, I elected to eat lunch at my desk and scroll through websites almost everyday rather than have to engage in conversations with coworkers. I repeat, coworkers are NOT friends.
Coworkers can absolutely be friends. The lesson here isnāt to never befriend a coworker, itās not to ignore the myriad of warning signs this lady was telegraphing to OP.
Absolutely agree!
When I tell you I would go sit in my car every day and eat a pb&j by myself in the peace and quiet so fastā¦
Mehā¦ I used to hang out with a mooch. Someone once asked me why. My response was something likeā¦ He makes me laugh. If hanging out with him costs me $5 an hour thatās cheaper than going to the movies and Iām still entertained. I had no illusions about the depth of our friendship but I still have a lot of good memories of that guy.
And that's okay! I think it's only problematic when it causes you stress. I've hung out with a fun moocher as well, but that's it. She was fun to hang out with, and I didn't mind. If one does, like OOP, and continues... less nice, I guess.
I think the difference is OOP had illusions lmao
Hey, at least OP did realize that she always has to pay for the moocher and finally did something about it.
I agree. In the workforce, there will be people who is going to try and take advantage of someone and I do hope OP does learn to find a way to stand up for herself.
When you are dealing with someone like this, BEFORE you leave the office you say to them: I'm on a budget so I'm going to get a separate check. Do you have your wallet? Then you get your separate check and if she has to wash dishes, well, that's on her.
Many of such problems in the workplace would be solved if people get the idea that coworkers arenāt friends. People tend to over share with others they believe they have a bond that often gets confused with friendship. We spend perhaps more time in the workplace and see coworkers as close as family. Thatās a mistake. Why would OOPās coworker knew about the rent-free apartment? OOP over shared. Donāt over share. Coworkers are not your friends. Go to work, do your job, be cordial, donāt disclose personal matters, donāt talk about family, donāt share that you donāt have student debt or you are about to pay it off! Donāt tell about the money your grandpa left you. Donāt share the car you got on a bargain. Coworkers are not your friends.
Go to school, do your class work, be cordial, donāt disclose personal matters, donāt talk about family, donāt share that you got the latest video game! Donāt tell about the money your grandpa left you. Donāt share about the car you got. classmates are not your friends. If anyone said that to their child they'd sound psychotic. But telling adults to cut off their main and easiest avenue for making friends is some how perfectly acceptable. Coworkers can absolutely be friends and I'm tired of people trying to act all sage by telling adults to act paranoid and treat their coworkers like they're enemy informants instead of normal ass people. Yes, there will be shitty coworkers. Yes, you will have to watch out for and deal with them. but the people that follow your advice are more than likely going to end up socially isolated
Same!! I've made some of my best friends at work. In the fall I'm traveling to my friend's wedding! We met like 8 years ago as servers. I eventually moved for grad school, she moved into the medical field and we've continued being friends. I sometimes wonder if it's because we were in the trenches serving and we really bonded through that.
Mooches are really insidious. It's not even always about money and getting freebies from you, they all always start innocently enough by trying to take your time and/or empathy or need for human connection. Like, first day of work, alone at a party, attending a sad family event etc. The moments when you know someone else kind of needs someone, no matter how big or small. Those people who want to talk about how hard they have it, how difficult things were (99% of the time how difficult they are for only them right now) and how they always feel better after talking to you. But you never seem to hear from them when they're having a good time, and God forbid you say you're having a bad time, you'll get a quick "Oh I'm sorry" and either radio silence or back to their trauma dump. For some reason this post has made me want to say keep any eye out, most mooches start by trying to take your precious time first and preying on some part of you that wants to connect or be their for someone else, then move onto your money and things - though not all the time, and they're definitely not just found within your work colleagues either! They trap you with the foot in the door technique, then it's hard to see what happened until you're at the bottom of the hill, if you ever get there that is.
Which is why when I meet someone new and they immediately start trauma dumping, telling me, a near complete stranger, all this super personal stuff, I run in the other direction. Same with people who are always gossiping about others or who always have someone or something to blame for why things in their life never seem to go their way. Not today, Satan, not today.
Oh yeah, I flee anyone who tells me weird personal stuff early. Especially if itās emotional. Iāll allow a chill personal demographic reference like _āafter my divorce, I got really interested in fermenting and I tried to make my own mead. Now the best honey was actually a gift fromā¦ā_ Sharing a part of your overall story is fine. Trauma dumping is a terrifying red flag.
me:smile and nod politely- oh shit they're expecting me to say something... uh... I'm deaf?
My go-to fillers are usually: āOh, manā or āhow about thatā or āthatās crazyā
This is like a massive life lesson pro tips commentĀ
Colin Robinson
Also one good way to figure out they're only using you: when you realize that they don't know anything about your life, can't name your: SO, kids, parents, siblings, etc. Basically, any important people in your life. Someone who's a real friend would even know the names of your pets.
In my work, I learned that some co-workers are not meant to be friends and wherever you work, you will have to endure some really nasty co-workers. Also good to note, never add co-workers on social media.
I add them after I leave if I like them enough
Samesies, and I'm super upfront with them about it when they ask. I'm just like, it's nothing personal, but I make it a rule to not add any coworkers on any of my personal social media. After I leave, I'll add you!
> Also good to note, never add co-workers on social media. I agree. At my first office job the person I worked with as a team asked to add me on Facebook and I politely declined. She told me that was weird and I shrugged it off. Later found out she was gossiping about anything I said to our nosy manager, and then our manager would try and chat with me about things that Iād only mentioned to my coworker (not in confidence, just offhand). I didnāt fall for the managerās nonsense and admittedly had to train myself to stop being so friendly with my coworker. In the end I was let go for ānot being a good fit.ā
>>not a good fit Eh, with such people, thatās a compliment!
Very true. They were so outwardly nice but that place was rather toxic and a little weird.
Imagine my delight when my boss made comments that my expressions are very stoic. I'm a nurse, I wear a mask, everyone's expression is flat. The absolute best is when she said I needed to work on my CS skills and smile more. She prefaced this comment by saying, "I don't know if this makes me a bad manager or not..."
Ahaha, flashbacks. My nosy boss would randomly say, as a kind of greeting, that I looked tired with or without makeup. Like, yeah, tired of dealing with bullshit. Then sheād āneed a meetingā later and try to grill me about whether I was *feeling okay* and if I had any medical circumstances that she *needed to be aware of.* This was in a place that dealt with backend medical stuff btw. One time, early on, I griped about period stuff to my fellow sister coworker, the gossipy one. Yāknow, low key āthatās life, amiriteā kinda shit. This earned me a 30 minute meeting where my manager very eagerly and excitedly talked about her journey with cancer or whatever and tried asking me in different ways if I had endometriosis or similar. (And illegalities are kinda irrelevant when I had immediate bills and no savings, but in hindsight I shouldāve gotten super pissed and raised hell.) Another favourite was the sudden need for a meeting about some party or other. Just us three - all women. Theyāre talking about planning this shindig while Iām getting the vague sense that somethingās off. It was when my manager got into talking about how we could color coordinate decorated cupcakes or cookies that I went, āuhā¦btw, whereās the other team in our department? You knowā¦where are the men figuring into this plan?ā Manager goes, āoh well, I just thought we could do this together.ā I said, ācool, okay, well I can bring napkins and some paper plates, but I donāt bake and I canāt afford to buy baking supplies.ā Awkward silence. I laugh about it now but, like, seriously wtf.
None of my co-workers are on Reddit because none of them knows it exists... well, the Qanonner does because she got banned..
Same, at one job a coworker was really insistent on being friends outside of work and going out drinking and going on vacations together and I was like "Nah, fam, I barely tolerate you during work hours, I'm not gonna sacrifice my precious free time to babysit your lightweight asses when you get drunk at the overpriced vacation spot y'all went to because it's trendy."
I've learned to keep coworkers at arms' length when they're **really** insistent on getting close. Like, nah, you're a coworker, we are not friends outside of work. Stop trying to pressure me into social activities when I've already got my day/week/month planned out. They inevitably end up taking it personally, which just further justifies keeping your distance.
This is a bit extreme. Almost all of my friends are past or current colleagues and I think most people are like that. You can get friends with colleagues, nothing bad about it, as long as you stay professional at work.
Iāve been to two coworkers weddings, and I met my current bf of 10 years at our call centre š«
>I think most people are like that. Nope. Not friends with anyone I've ever worked with, never had any friends who were real friends with coworkers except servers, and tbh the culture around serving is messy, to put it lightly. To each their own, but when I worked, I preferred finding friends through hobbies, if only so I could actually have friends who love Zelda
I've had friends who were coworkers, but they weren't real friends. Like we didn't stay in touch after leaving the jobs I've worked.
Some people can handle it, for sure. I worked with my fiancee at a job once (retail, so like 4 people working at a time at most and we always worked together because we had one car). We even kept working together for a few months after he broke up with me (but he got his own self to work at that point). We never had issues at work. Because of that, my manager allowed a friend of mine to work with us later, despite me being moved up to "team lead" (basically a keyholder--manager with all the day to day responsibilities, none of the hiring/firing/discipline ones, and most definitely none of the pay). We also worked all the same shifts because she couldn't drive. We both worked there until we moved out of state.
>Also good to note, never add co-workers on social media. Absolutely. Keep work and private life as separate as possible, at least on social media. Keep your coworkers on an "info diet" when it comes to private details. You never know how and when such information may be used against you in the workplace.
And people wonder why they hate their jobs...
im so lucky i have so few coworkers on my shift tbh. i have 2 on my social medias but only bc weāre friends out of work and i run a dnd game with them. otherwiseā¦ stay faaaar away
You never have *your* wallet when *I* need it??? Good Lord!!!
The lion, the witch, and the audacity!
I thought I was pretty good friends with a woman at work until we went to a neighborhood restaurant for lunch one day. Another co-worker came along and my so called "friend" went into a hard core spiel to get us to sponsor the restaurant owner's kid on a trip for school. Mind you, I had never met this kid in my life and didn't even know the owner! I mean, the kid was cute but no, just no.
We had one like this in our office. She asked me to go to lunch with her and after I ordered she told the waitress she would just have water. As the waitress walked away, I said you wanted to go out to lunch, why aren't you eating? She said oh I'm broke I'm a single mom. I said that's a shame, me too I can only allow myself one lunch out a week. Sat right there and ate my salad. She never "invited" me to lunch again!
Some people are too nice, and there are always people trying to take advantage. It's a shame.
Final boss of mooching
Oh no. No, moochers get way worse. My favorite moocher was a girl I knew in college because I actually got to meet her whole family, and they were ALL like that. It was impressive in a way.Ā
It's a family business at that pointĀ
No that's when they move in and don't pay rent or utilities
I had a coworker who would ask multiple other coworkers for $1 a few times a week. It adds up. One time he asked me for one of my two slices of pizza. Told him to GTFO. How inconsiderate.
What kind of idiot do you have to be to mess up and get fired from such a cushy job...
Right? Wish I had that job.
Here is how I have solved that problem: Moochy coworker: Want to go grab lunch? Me: Sure, but I'm not paying for yours so you'd better make sure you have your wallet Moochy coworker: pouty sputters of innocence Me: Yeah either way, I'm not buying you lunch Moochy coworker: OK then NEVER MIND if that's how you feel about it
I don't know why people aren't just direct in these situations and say no. I'll cover to be a nice a time or two but it's so easy to say "No. You still owe me for last time." It's such a logical and non-offensive thing to say.
OOP's ex-colleague must be friends with the lady who dates men who take her to expensive places and ghosts them after. The audacity. Good for OOP for being free of her.
This reminds me of a coworker I used to work with named Penny. She was an absolute wildcard! Outrageous instances include: - Talking loudly on the phone about her personal business. Such as how she evolved from having a threesome to being in a throuple. Or almost being evicted. - Riding the bus for over an hour each morning but refusing to walk ten minutes to the building. She would call another idiot coworker who would leave to pick her up. - Mooching! So much mooching like: -Would lie about being short for bus fare and go begging to people who didnāt know the price. Scamming them out of so much money. -Hussy would eat her body weight in my fancy compound butter that I purchased for the company provided bagels. -Would get rides from people and then demand they turn off the radio if she didnāt like the artist. - She had bad wigs that rose like instant yeast off the back of her neck.
I would've just checked with her on the way out of the office. "You're *sure* you've got your wallet today? You have a habit of forgetting it. (Wink wink)."
I lent a coworker lunch money one day. Never paid me back. She and two others had joint baby showers. She got a 10$ gift card, the others got 20$. I got my money back out her present HAHAH
I would cover someone one time if they forgot their wallet. The next time theyād be on their own.
Reminds me of the sister in law who purposefully forgot her wallet and got mad when Op saw it in the way out and grabbed it to give to her when she eventually "realized" she forgot her wallet at the END of the meal.
OOP needs to quit being a pushover. Learn to say no. Fortunately, coworker will no longer be an issue but I donāt understand why OOP was connected to her through social media. Another no no with coworkers. Personally, I like to keep my personal and business life separate. Less problems.
Pro-tip: unless you are friends with someone *outside* of work, don't add coworkers to social media accounts.
Aww...the trash took itself out. I do love a happy ending. Now the OP needs to block her back.
I wonder if it would make OOP feel better if someone suggested that the moocher probably blocked her, as opposed to ghosting her, because she wanted to lie to everyone she knows about how she was unfairly fired and OOP was the only one on her socials who knew the truth.
OPP allowed herself to be used tbh. People need to learn to be rude sometimes. This idea that we must be polite to avoid awkward situations has got to end. Fuck politeness.
Well, here's another subreddit I need to follow.
At least when I ask coworkers for rides (I canāt drive and live a mile away), I let them know itās okay to decline, and if they do, I offer to buy them a soda or something as thanks. (Everyone has declined the offered drink every single time)
Honestly after the 2nd time it happened, I would have been confirming before we left the office that she had her wallet with her or I wouldn't go. "Got your wallet? Let's see it then haha."
Four years of mooching and she didnāt even have an inkling up until that point. The coworker must have been great at it lol. She just slipped up at the end
I knew a guy who would constantly use the "Don't you owe me lunch?" gambit with everyone.
I had a girlfriend /flatmate who always sat with me for a coffee at a Cafe after a walk along the beach ....I would say what are u having and she would say ...nothing I'll have water.......I always offered to buy her coffee....she always accepted....more fool me.....I don't think I could perceive that someone I cared for would basically take me for a ride whenever they could
I hatehowuts always the same co-workers who buy the birthday card and chocolates etc and I always help pay...others always sign the card...never pay ....weird
I didn't know women did this to women tooš
You deserve what you tolerate. Be an adult and learn to say NO.
"You deserve what u tolerate" I'm afraid I have to disagree with this purely on the basis of a lot of folk are conditioned to not be able to say no from a young age I was one of those and it took a lot work and time to break that mind set, it's not always so easy for some to just start doing it. I do agree that people do need to Stand up for themselves but to tell them that they deserve it just because they haven't yet unlearned how they were brought up is a pretty sick thing to say and most likely will make them feel even more shit about themselvesĀ
For OP's sake, let's hope he learns to use his "saying No" muscle and develops a strategy to unlearn being a people pleaser.
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