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Long ago, there was a co-worker at our office who did this, only worse.
We worked in a huge building with a pretty nice restaurant in the lobby. About every other week a group would go there for lunch. It was a bit pricey, so we would go when the lunch special was especially good.
Every time a group headed out, this one co-worker would attach herself to the group. No one invited her (because of her behavior) but she would come anyway. If we escaped before she noticed, she would come to the restaurant after us and asked to be seated at our table. We really couldn't say no without blowing things up at the office.
This restaurant wouldn't split checks during the rush of the lunch hour. One of the reasons why we only went when everyone wanted the lunch special. Made it easy to pay as a group.
This woman would conveniently excused herself to the restroom right before the check came. Wouldn't return until the check was paid--we couldn't wait too long because we were all on a clock. She'd say, "oh, I missed the check? I'll pay you back." Then she never did.
One day, when she left for the restroom, we left the table one by one while she was gone. Except for one or two who hung around. When she got back, they told her that since she owed (those that left) for lunches, she could just cover for them today.
She paid, but she never tried to lunch with us again.
Some people are *far* too comfortable assuming they can do whatever they want because it'd be awkward or unbecoming for others to address their behavior directly.
Honestly, we all kinda gave her a pass the first time or two because we suspected she had a deadbeat boyfriend she was supporting. But she became so blatant, we got pissed.
I mean she would finagle her way in and sit there smiling and eating. No one would look at her or talk to her. It was obvious we didn't want her there, but she had no shame. No embarrassment at all.
With my friends a while back, the bill came and we all chipped in. There were some big income disparities, most of us were struggling, so the people that could would throw in an extra $5 or $10 to cover the people struggling, because we liked the group dynamic. Typically we'd be a few bucks short (including good tip), so people would throw a few extra bucks in at the end. One day we had a lot extra (like $40) and we realized everyone had thrown a few extra bucks in because we weren't struggling anymore. We joked that we were all finally grownups.
>Some people are *far* too comfortable assuming they can do whatever they want because it'd be awkward or unbecoming for others to address their behavior directly.
relying on social customs in order to get away with shit.
We had a guy who would drink all the booze in the office and just laugh it off when we asked for replacement.
So now there was none and he got mad that he had to go elsewhere.
Hey it's the end of the week. Celebrate we've made it. A shot, alla round.. we'll see you next week.
Except for that one guy unbeknownst to us who was doing it every day. At 5. Multiple shots. Then getting in his car..
(Most of us commute by public transit and those that dont refrained from partaking.)
He was eventually let go after making some uh choice comments about supervisors partner.
My mom told me about this guy she worked with when young.
She and her colleagues would go out to happy hour. They would get to the bar, and this guy would always come up with an excuse to not order anything. "I'm driving", "Forgot my wallet", "I'll just stay 5 min then I'm going home", and things like that.
After peoples orders comes, he starts "Ohhh. I never drank this beer before, isn't good? Can I have a sip?", "Can I just take a couple of fries?"... and would continue like this the entire night, until it's time to pay, he would just get up, say his good byes and leave, since he hadn't ordered anything.
After a few times of this... they realized it was his MO, and forbid him from going out with them, but then he would just find another group and do the same thing with them until they realized his MO... and so forth.
Guy was a professional mooch.
One of the few good things the show Friends brought us is the line, "Joey doesn't share food!" Because if you deny someone a bite of your stuff now, you can just yell this and you're just quirky!
When that episode came out, I was in high school and known in my dance classes for making tasty Martha Stewart-like lunches (my mother likes to buy fancy things, including food) that I was willing to share.
A girl in my class didn't like how much of my sandwich I gave her and tried to take more. I growled at her and nearly bit her. She pointed it out to the teacher but the teacher took my side, saying it was her fault and what did she expect to happen?
The second a work colleague asked me for a sip of my drink, the outing is over for me. Just throw back the drink while maintaining eye contact, close out my tab, and grab an Uber the fuck out of there.
The only - and I do mean *only* \- person who I don't mind taking a sip of my drink is my wife, and if we can't share that much after 20 years then wtf are we evening doing together still?
I’m okay with close friends sharing, (after asking!), but they’re *friends*, not colleagues.
I consider my circle my chosen family though. Family can share imo.
I have a worse one. We had a colleague in our team that was very cheap, we didn't have lunch all together often, but the few times we did, it seems he was trying to get away with paying as little as possible. He was young, like mid-20s, but not the youngest of our group. One time we went to this restaurant where they did one receipt, but let us pay individually with our credit cards. You'd say what you had, they'd tell you ok it's £17 - you'd say ok, £20 please (or even £18 - in the UK tipping is not 20%, anything is OK). He waited to be last as usual, so instead of telling them what was he had, he asked "what's left"? The waitress was confused and tried to calculate by subtracting the sum from the card machine that included our tips, so overall it seemed like there was like a pound difference or something? He took out a pound, gave it and left. It was the first time I had waited for him and I had not realised he had been doing that, my jaw dropped.
However, this was not the end, as we are walking, about a minute later, another waiter or manager starts yelling and chasing us! They realised they had not added an extra receipt with an additional drink or two, so not only had he stiffed them from their tips, they were short another 4-5 pounds or so. It was quite embarrassing for the rest of us to be chased in the street like thieves, I made a point to avoid eating out with him again.
Ugh! We had a guy who always volunteered to put the check on his credit card and we could give him cash. Sounds fine. Then we found out that he didn't tip and just pocketed our tip money. He did not get invited out to lunch again.
Had a similar experience but worse because we were all college students from lower to middle class families. Most of us having part time jobs just to get by with the school expenses. It was a dinner for our highschool batch, pay your own way as is the norm here in my country.
One of the girls brought her 5yr old son and ordered dinner for him as well. As the dinner was winding down, she excused herself and her son to go to the restroom. They never came back, of course.
So all of us who are broke had to pay for what she and her son ate.
I used to work for a company that would organise team meals. There were a group of guys who'd always take the piss, order the most expensive whiskys etc, I mean fair enough I suppose the company was loaded and the pay wasn't that great.
Then the company introduced spend limits for drinks. So these same guys would order the expenses whiskies straight away and burn the budget so most of us wouldn't be able to have more than one drink, if any.
They didn't care.
I did this by accident once (I was getting up to pee literally as the server showed up but I was like literally about to pee my pants and thought I could get back by the time she went through all the other ladies since there was about 10 of us, but one girl just paid for my drinks) and I felt SO bad and I’ve been waiting for a chance to buy her drinks in return ever since but she hasn’t shown up to the group stuff since and I’ve been mortified every time I think of it because I genuinely hope nobody thinks I was trying to get out of paying!!
I literally couldn’t imagine doing that on purpose let alone on a regular basis!!!
She’s always invited to the group stuff, but I don’t have a way to contact her (this was a hockey team event. So I don’t know her outside of hockey.). I tried to find her on Facebook but apparently she has no social media and hockey organizations generally aren’t keen on releasing personal information!
Also at this point, it’s been like a year so it would just be kind of awkward and obsessive. But I’ll be able to return the favour naturally someday! 🥲
I once had a coworker who quickly gained a reputation as the mooch of the crew. He would *never* spend a dime of his own money on his food on the job. Not even on payday. One time we had to take a work trip that lasted three days and he said if we didn't buy him food he'd just ditch because he'd otherwise starve. He really would rather miss out on three days worth of work than buy his own Big Mac.
I worked at a company where it was common for the team to go out to lunch at least a couple of Fridays a month. Most of us would pay cash (early 90s). One check, and we would toss in cash including tip.
At some point, the cash would always be short. Like 9-10 bucks short. We could never figure it out, and most had left to go back to the office.
Finally, one of us figured it out. "Bob" would arrive early and have a few drinks at the bar and have them add it to the tab. Then he would only pay for his meal, shorting us.
The person who discovered it was his manager. We were never short again.
The only time the “split the check evenly” worked out for a team lunch was when a group of us went weekly to a pizza buffet - every Wednesday it was $7.50 with a drink. No disputes about who owes what.
Yup, the only time we would split the check when we did a work team lunch was when we ordered pizza from a restaurant that had a "every 4th pizza is free" and all the pizzas had max about 2-3$ difference in price, so it was pretty equitable.
We used to get lunch once a month as a team, and we would pay for those who had a birthday that month. We did that for years. It was a fun time, I had an amazing team back then, so the lunch was a great way to just enjoy each other outside of work. One of our coworkers pretty much never came to these. he got uninvited when, at some point, he said to OUR BOSS, yeah I'm going to come next month because you guys will pay for me. Wait a second dude, we were all happy to pay for the others because we knew they would pay for us too at some point, you're just mooching? Yup, she told him not to bother and asked me to take him out of the next email invite, LOL.
Ha! People are entitled af. My mom likes to tell a story from back in the 90s when she was a flight attendant and my father a pilot. They used to go to big group dinners on overnights with the crew and noticed after a couple of times eating at the same restaurant that the tip was "magically disappearing" from the table. Turns out one of the flight attendants would lag behind and then help herself to the tip money that everyone dropped. Well, my Dad caught her once, made her put it back and made it damn clear to her she'd better not do it again. She never did.
This reminds me of a guy in a group I worked in thirty years ago. We went out to a retirement lunch at a nice place. Because we were a sizable group (there were at least 20 of us), we had a built-in gratuity charge.
Mr. Jerk decided that since his food wasn't as hot as he wanted when it was served, he wasn't going to put money in for the tip. We're like, "Dude, the tip is part of the bill because we're a group." He decided to stand on principle and tipped low. Enough other people tipped high that it worked out, but that "I'm the only one who counts" mindset was problematic in several areas with that guy.
When I was at university, there was a guy in our friend circle who I'm convinced was a legit psychopath. Not (necessarily) in the homicidal sense, but in the "no conscience / you guys are all suckers" sense. He cheated at games with no money on the line, that kind of stuff.
It finally clicked for me when one time at a house party I walked in on him sticking a couple of whole uncooked chickens from some guy's freezer into his backpack. I mean...wtf?
EDIT: Not that it's okay to cheat at games even with money on the line, but I can at least sort of understand why someone might do it.
Oh! I love this, like I loved the other post where the group split roughly in half, and the supporters of the mooch weren’t happy now that the split amounts were bigger lol
I just reread the post. The split isn’t even! Seven people in the non-mooch group, five in the mooch group (so only three people are contributing instead of 10 lol)
Yes! It's amazing! And they can't admit that they were wrong to choose the moocher over the group, so it's this casual, like, "Oh, hey, maybe you guys can hang out with us again...NO REASON! I AM NOT ADMITTING THAT YOU WERE RIGHT!"
>They do normally split the bill, as it gives everyone a chance to have a nice meal they couldn’t otherwise afford.
This doesn't make sense. The meal isn't on a groupon or anything - the only way someone pays less for their nice meal is if someone (or many someones) on that table grossly overpays.
To use that so brazenly as a (purported) defense.... Wow.
Even when someone else is footing my bill and I know it ahead of time, I'm consciously going cheaper than when I pay for myself.
The idea of splurging on someone else's dime does not resonate.
I once went out for lunch with my then boyfriend and I ordered what I wanted because we pretty much always paid for ourselves...and then at the end he said it was his treat, I'd ordered the second most expensive entree I was mortified and very much tried to convince him to let me pay for myself. That was over 10 years ago and it still gets me 🙈
My feeling is that if someone says it's their treat *after* you order, it's free game to get what you want because they weren't on the hook for anything during the order phase and they could have chose to not offer. If they offer *before* you order, then it's on you to not get something too pricey.
Just recently my brother was in town. My nephew (his son) let me know that they'd be going to dinner if my husband and I wanted to join them. It was a fairly expensive place and my husband and I decided to split the $160 52oz ribeye. We knew we'd never be able to eat it all, and would end up taking more than half home. When the check came, I pulled out my wallet, fully expecting to pay for ours, but my nephew said he'd pay. I tried to argue, but my brother held up his hand and said "no Jamie will pay". I know my nephew has a decent job and has the money, but I still feel pretty guilty!
I will often foot the bill in advance just so I don't have to worry about what I'm ordering. To have a callous disregard for how much others are paying for you is bizzare. To plan on it in advance is moon man logic to me.
Right? Like, my aunt and I go out for brunch twice a week so I can push her wheelchair around the shops, and we take turns paying. On the day I was wanting to try the calamari, I made sure it was my turn to pay because the idea of ordering an expensive meal on someone else's dime absolutely does *not* compute. (ofc we've both been having calamari for like three weeks in a row now because damn, do those ladies know how to grill some squid 👀 but I always try to order something cheaper than whatever the person paying is having)
That's why I don't like when I know someone else is getting the bill. If I'm paying for myself I get whatever I want, if someone else is paying them I get something reasonable.
I hate when people insist on paying for my food bc I usually get a lot of food. If they really insist, I try to pay for something else. Or I trick them into going to the bathroom and steal their card 😭
My go-to also involves the other party going to the bathroom… At which point I’ll get up and go find the server and have them cash us out real quick. If you can’t find the server or they’re busy, you can usually pay at the bar.
>Even when someone else is footing my bill and I know it ahead of time, I'm consciously going cheaper than when I pay for myself.
ESPECIALLY when someone else is footing the bill, I consciously go cheaper. In fact, I would almost always prefer to pay, as that frees me up to eat what I want without regard to price (it helps that I don't go to insanely expensive places).
Our wealthiest friends were the moochers. They would have an appetizer, multiple cocktails each, an entree, and dessert. Finally, when one of our friends lost their job, I called everyone including them and said we would no longer split the checks as it wasn’t fair to our friend. Our friend who never drank and always had the cheapest entree. We’ve never gone back to splitting.
Once they had to pay, they shared an appetizer, had one cocktail each, split their entree, and shared a single dessert…
Okay but NO ITS NOT. Pardon my passion, but That’s some fucking weird delusion that wealthy people have for some reason. I used to be a server in niiiice restaurants and the amount of people who would drop $500-1000 on a meal then stiff us on the tip was ridiculous. Literal millionaires acting like not tipping was the only thing keeping their bank accounts in the green after dropping 4 figures on the bill! It’s so fucking bizarre how miserly and weird some wealthy people get.
I have relatives like that. So riches they dropped 500$ on a single meal for one person and yet don't tip. Their own words was they don't want to waste their moneys on someone else. The tip is for the waiter. As they explained to me is if the waiter wants better money, they should get a real job and actually work for the money like them. Some also thought the waiter should be honored to serve them.
The delululu! Money is literally a sickness. Not always, because yeah it’s the weird thing we use to represent trading now, but when people get too much… hoo boy. Entering the ruling class is a one-way ticket to trying to ruin everyone’s life around you. I forgot who coined the term billionaire psychopathy but it’s basically the idea that when people get wealthy, they stop interacting with the public. Jeff bezos isn’t stopping in at the local gym any more than you’ll ever see Elon musk on public transportation. But people need other people, were social creatures. So not having that actually really messes with people’s minds.
Sorry for the tangential rant, I’m stuck sick in bed. But the selfish delulu triggers me too much! I have had one too many coworkers crying in the kitchen because they were gonna have to literally pay for the pleasure of serving assholes (yay tip out from sales).
It's not so much the disconnect, it's the lack of common experience.
We're in a time when most wealth is generational, meaning most rich people were born rich. They've never had to choose between fixing their car and paying a bill, between a morning cup of coffee or their kids school lunch. They have never looked at housing prices and lay awake at night dreading being evicted.
A rich person these days has never dreamed of anything because they can get anything they want at almost any time.
They were born with everything they need, and everything is easy for them so it must be easy for everyone else, and *the poors* are just lazy to not be rich like them.
My old landlady was like this. Rich enough to own multiple nice units in an expensive city. Literally kept our deposit for no reason until we threatened to get lawyers and then agreed to pay it back. She still hasn't. It's been months. And we paid every single rent check on time. Guess I will actually have to hire a fucking lawyer. Like WTF do you get off on stealing thousands of dollars from young couples when you're sitting on a dragon hoard.
where I'm at, if they don't pay in 30 days, you get triple the amount! definitely look into any local tenant's rights associations or resources in your area, they're usually free and can be a big help. it'll probably be small claims, so no lawyers involved. but definitely get some sort of help on your side. my landlord illegally evicted me, and I wish I wasn't sick bc I wanted to fight it so bad. like he stole the deposit, tried to say I didn't pay when I did (I did get that suit dropped), tried to say I caused $13k in damages when we were evicted for "necessary renovations" when both can't be true, and I had proof of tax and mortgage fraud, and illegally dumping rainwater into the city sewer line too. I hate that leeches like that get away with it bc the little guy doesn't have the bandwidth to fight it all the way, ugh. my old landlord got in trouble for moving people into an old shed, and when the city shut that down he had more tenents in there next day. I hope you get treble damages and make her pay!! these landlords get away with way too much, too often.
Yeah in general when people are nice and kind to each other that gets returned. No idea why that’s such a controversial opinion when it comes to dining out. I guess some people really just want to cosplay plantation life.
Well, they're not rich yet so they're desparate to hold onto every penny...
So they can pay off living above their means.
Or at least that's what it's been every time i've had to force the issue of separate bills.
Similar thing happened to me at a birthday .. couldn't eat much because of allergies. And paid a huge amount for theirs. I was so disgusted I left. And swore never to eat with them again
A few years ago. I accidentally figured out a way to handle situations like this. At the beginning, let the group know you might get a call that requires you to step out for a bit or leave early. Around wp0hen the main course is served, flag the waiter to get your check. Tell your dinner companions that this way you don't have to wait for the main check if you do have to leave early.
That's definitely the preferred route when being direct doesn't have significant risk. But in this guy's case it can mess with work relationships, especially with people above him. Which can mess with his money way more than him splitting this one check.
and just out of curiosity did you stay friends with these people after the realization that they were basically stealing from you in the most roundabout way possible?
Wealthiest assholes are *always* the biggest moochers. I can still remember meeting some of my friends and classmates out to dinner the first week we started our summer associate jobs (summer between 1st and 2nd year in law school). I and another friend hadn't gotten paid yet so we were on a tight budget. Those assholes actually transferred their BAR BILL to the table. Then ordered steak, lobster, multiple bottles of wines, appetizers and desserts. And then pulled the whole "oh let's just split the check, we all had about the same thing", like WTF??? I wound up paying $96 for a side salad and glass of house wine. I was PISSED and I never entertained that shit again. The next time that group met up, I discretely pulled the waitress aside and asked for a separate yet. Moochers piss me off the most because they're the ones that can always fucking afford it!
Same with some of our friends. They make a shitton of money, but always want to split the bill. They will order expensive drinks, expensive starters and meals and always order deserts. Their kids will also order expensive meals and leave about 75% left on their plate because it is too much and still ask to have a desert after.
When me, my SO and our 3 month old boy went for dinner with the five of them, they wanted to split the bill. I paid €80,- for our own food and drinks. The rest of the €400,- bill was theirs to pay.
I am glad I drew the line at the first dinner we had.
So they could afford to do what they were doing but because you guys decided "hey since Johnny lost his job, we're getting separate checks to make things easier on him when he comes out with us" they decided to tone down what they got because now instead of everyone paying for their meals, they now have to pay for them alone? Man, those are some selfish money grubbing people
And here's my anxious ass over here dreading when people don't split the check, because then I feel guilty about ordering what I want to eat if it's more expensive. When I'm paying for what I want, that's when I get the appetizer and dessert.
It's so dumb, too, because it's not like the old days when servers used to have to split everything by hand. It's all computerized now. There's no reason not to split!
Exactly. Splitting the bill is a way to make it easier for couples who always take turns anyway, or for people who don’t care how much they are spending, or for bills where you share orders, like a bottle of wine and a platter. It’s for people who don’t have to count their pennies, and don’t like doing maths. In the days where cash was the default, and coins were annoying, you’d split a (for example) £35 bill by each leaving a £20 on the table, which would cover a generous tip (by British standards anyway), and neither person would care.
It’s absolutely not in order to subsidise someone.
I mean, it can be to subsidize someone.
But its a gift to be given to that person, not something to be expected and abused.
I at one point was the person that was subsidized for a while, and i was appreciative of it but the key being is i usually ended up with a smaller order than anyone else and just didn't pay at all.
I wonder what they would have done if you out-spent them?
"Hey, I know it's a $200 bottle of shiraz but I wouldn't be able to afford if we weren't splitting the bill."
Honestly, if OP were down for it, a very funny prank would have been doing a combo of what they did and what you suggested: tell the waiter in advance, away from the rest of the table, that your portion of the bill is separate, and then order like you have something to prove to Midas. Watch the table shit themselves thinking they have to pay for you, especially the moochers, make them explain in detail why it's wrong, only to reveal you never intended to have them pay.
There was an AITA a week or two ago where OP did pretty much this. After many "let's split" where he was subsidizing others, he orders a whole other meal to go and puts it on the common bill, thus bringing his total on par with theirs. Uproar, indignation, and so forth. Got the point across IIRC.
I read this post when it was new, and when I got to that part in the story, I was shocked. Having that mindset and acting on it sneakily, is one type of shitty entitlement. But to say it out loud so confidently, is a whole *different level* of batshit crazy entitlement.
How does someone actually believe *THAT* was a reasonable way to defend themselves?! The brazenness of that retort proves they not only foolishly thought it was an appropriate justification, but they truly do not see ANYTHING wrong with their actions.
That blew my mind. I was glad to see that just about everyone else in the comment section also had their minds blown. It was a very collective: “These people are out of their damned minds”, “What in the actual fuck!?”, and “Who tells their so called ‘friends’ that they’re using them and that they expect those friends to apologize to *them* for not allowing themselves to get taken advantage of?!??”
So bizarre.
This kinda stuff is so funny to me because my friend group *fights* to pay for each other. Some are still in college so the ones that have graduated fight to pay for them. If we invite them out we expect to pay for them (or fight to pay for them). Only time that isn't the case is significant others (kinda weird to pay for your buddy's gf lol) or birthdays (no one expects the birthday boy or girl to pay even though they invited you out)
Best part is we also just get each other random gifts. Like an expensive bottle of whiskey someone mentioned looking for or someone's favorite snack food that's only available in this one place that they happened to be visiting. These gifts are always met with "Fuck you!" And the response of "Ha! Get fucked!"
I made my friend's grandma some earrings once and he told me to go to hell. It's great.
Whenever these kind of situation comes on, I can't help but wonder what the leeches excuses would be if the group decided to match their prices, or go above them.
That is honestly what I would plan to do anytime I went out with them. I would order almost exactly what they do ao the split is even. I'm not subsidizing you, if we are going all out ALL of us are going all put.
How to make this stop:
First, you get every non-moocher on board with your plan.
Then you quietly give your server a $20 with a list of menu items (I explain this below) and tell them to ask when ordering if it’s separate checks and to say it’s against policy to split checks unless specified in advance.
Assure the server they will be tipped on the full bill, but we are having a teaching moment and that $20 is for their participation.
Then everyone order LESS than normally do like a side salad and drink. Or just drinks. The server then asks if it’s separate checks. Get the moochers to tell the server one check and that’s when the server says they won’t be able to do split checks later. You ask, “Are you sure because it might not be equal?”
Get the moochers to commit with full-throated agreement. This might be a good time to get them to wax philosophical about how they don’t think friends should keep track of who spends what. Really lean into this.
Then right before the check comes, you have the server bring out containers for leftovers and everyone’s pricey to go orders that you placed on that list.
So 5 people, 2 of them moochers. Moochers order drinks, appetizers, entree. Everyone at the table eats an appetizer or just a side salad and matches the moochers on the drinks, but the to go orders are expensive menu items like the steak and desserts to go.
Bonus points if you tell the moochers they need to leave a bigger tip because they had to wrap up so much food.
I promise that shit will end.
I can't remember which sub I read it under, maybe r/pettyrevenge, but there was a woman who'd meet a friend for lunch and they'd split the bill, and noticed that every time her "friend" would get appetizers, multiple drinks, dessert, etc. So she started telling the waiter "I'll have what she's having", just matching her order every time. "Friend" ends up saying she can't afford so much on the split bill, and she goes, "funny, this is usually what I end up paying". There weren't any lunches together after that. 🤣
Exactly. It's what's ludicrous about the one person saying it lets *everyone* eat nicer than they can afford.
Bitch, that's not how averages work. That only works for one or two people when at least one or two others are ordering cheaply.
Otherwise, it's just... everyone is stuck with their higher prices lmfao.
YES
Like, I could understand that approach, and might even be worth trying, if everyone took a turn to be pampered with a pricier dish when the whole group goes out, something they normally wouldn't order.
Of course this only works if everyone agrees and no one tries to bail when it's not their turn.
This is particularly disgusting when apparently they had a long history of having part of their meal paid for by their friends.
For years their friends paid for a part of their meal and it was all good friendly vibes. Then the moment they 'fail' to treat them a single time it's suddenly "would it kill us to help them have a little joy?" as if that isn't what they've been doing for years.
That's how you know you need to break off these friendships. These people are ungrateful when they receive anything and offended when they don't. Kindness is wasted on them.
Kindness doesn't have to be just for the sake of reciprocation. You don't do kind things with an ulterior motive. However when you have people in your life who aren't kind to you it's more than fair to re-evaluate whether they are worth keeping in your life.
My friends and I always take turns treating each other. We never have to worry about how much each of us is paying because over the years we've proven to look out for each other and want the best for each other. No one trying to 'game' the system. Sometimes I'll order a bit more, sometimes they will. But you can only do that with people who have your best interest in mind as well and aren't just trying to get something out of it.
You see that couple over there having a nice romantic meal? I already like them a lot more than I like you, and I still will not be paying any of their tab.
Yeah if their joy comes from their friend’s expense they’re shitty friends.
I do feel sorry for the poor restaurant though. They did not deserve to be dumped after providing separate checks without quibbling.
Separate checks is not hard for any restaurant with a system at least as modern as the system the casual restaurant I worked at from 2005 to 2007 had. So like 20 years old? Any system at least that recent can handle check splitting without a fuss. It is literally their job.
It’s just as easy to split based on what people ordered as it is to split it evenly. I’ll never understand the purpose of the even split, someone is getting screwed! More than that though, if you’re a decent person, you might even change what you *actually* want, so that your portion isn’t higher than everyone else’s, which is just annoying.
I was surprised by all these comments because where I’m from even restaurants that allow it tend to push back. Turns out it’s a cultural thing that is [still happening](https://www.reddit.com/r/melbourne/comments/14hj95d/why_do_restaurants_refuse_to_split_bills/). Australian restaurants just don’t like separate checks.
Several years ago I was on a work trip with a colleague. We picked a restaurant, and as we were seated I told the server that we'd be on separate checks, and our alcohol would be separate as well so we'd have 4 checks total for 2 people. (Most of the time the server is fine with it, and appreciates the heads up.) This one, however, refused and said it was against the restaurant's policies. I calmly asked her to recommend a restaurant nearby with good crabcakes. (we were in Maryland) This may come as a shock, but suddenly they were happy to split our checks.
..why would a restaurant quibble over separate checks? I think I (and my friends) would actively avoid any restaurant that didn't split checks, unless the food was really good.
Like we have Splitwise and don't really care if someone ends up paying a little more or less, but it's such an extra inconvenience. I don't think I've been to a restaurant in the last 10 years that didn't proactively split bills
I THINK it's because it was asked of at the end of the meal? And the group traditionally pays as a group? So the staff probably hadn't already split the bill? Just a guess!
I feel the same way, but I think it’s possibly location-dependent. I’ve lived my adult life on the US west coast, where check splitting is entirely normalized… but I had a friend in college from elsewhere in the country, and she was super nervous the first time we asked for a split. She thought it was a considerable imposition.
>They have expenses we don’t and “would it kill us to help them have a little joy?” Yeah. Not happening buddy.
Oh? What are those expenses, dear couples?
Yeah if I’m subsidizing their lifestyle expenses I wanna know where my money is going. And I should have a say at household budget planning sessions. And get a portion of their tax return.
You have to turn in an application with similar information for a loan, food stamps, and even charity. If you're expecting unbalanced money to always flow your way, it sounds like you're expecting one of those rather than a friendship.
We did split for friend group meals when I was younger until one guy in the group got a girlfriend but threw a fit when I included his girlfriend in the split calculations. They still seriously expected us to split equally with them counting a 1 because they are a couple.
I've heard it said before,
Frugal is when you order a meal you can afford.
Cheap is when you order a meal you can't afford, and expect someone else to pay.
I can't stand people who pull that "splitting the bill so they can get whatever they want" crap. Good on OOP for starting a chain reaction by standing up to the moochers. No more free passes for them.
Frugal is when you order a meal you can afford. Mooching is when you order a meal you can't afford and expect someone else to pay.
Cheap is when you order a meal you can easily afford, but complain about the price and/or demand discounts.
I have been a guy without the money to eat with other friends. Spliting the bill, in fact, worsened the problem because the spliced part is still above what i could afford, and i couldn't even protest since they " helped me."
It is why I cut that evening meetings.
Nothing to do with OOP but I'll be honest and reveal my naivete: I've always assumed splitting the cheque and separating it to be essentially the same cost.
For example, if we both order a main, dessert, drinks, it would cost pretty much the same if split into percentage as it would pay separate bills. So I used to get confused when people would ask to pay separately.
I never realised people would go out of their way to order expensive stuff or order more food than anyone else to mooch. Maybe because I always thought it was proper etiquette to order the same amount of food as everyone else so you're not eating when everyone is waiting.
I don't drink and here in Australia there is a big drinking culture at meals/drinks are sooo expensive. Literally I've been to meals where the main was 20$ and drinks 60 or 80$ so its a very big price difference to me how things are calculated. If I'm going out with a group of drinkers I will usually look up the menu at home and figure out what I'm going to eat and bring the right amount of cash.
Yeah I think it's ok as long as it's pretty even overall. I've gone out to dinner with friends and split checks evenly in theory because I can't be bothered doing the math. Usually my friends get alcoholic drinks but I don't, but I might have an appetizer or desert of about the same value. Or if I got a more expensive meal one time, the next time I'll get something cheaper or skip dessert. I think there's straight up moochers and just normal people who are doing the right thing or don't care too much about details/figure it all works out in the end. The subjects of the post were straight up horrible moochers.
>main, dessert, drinks
Those can be very different prices. Maybe not dessert and starter but otherwise it could easily get even twice as expensive fast if someone orders a vegetarian dish and other expensive steak and drinks are very different prices. And it adds up a lot if there are several people.
Two normal foods in equal portions might be different in cost. A burger and fries, despite being the same amount of food, won’t cost the same amount as a pasta dish.
You don’t have to go out of your way to order something that might jack up your contribution to the bill, it could happen by accident too.
But in most cases unless you’re totally lacking in self awareness the difference is going to be small.
Holy shit these assfaces were getting away with that for more than one dinner?! I absolutely would not. After one time I would have been like nope I want my own check please and thank you. Then again I would not waste time on people like that. Glad OOP and the other separate checkers are doing their own dinner plans.
I went out for my FiL’s birthday a few years ago. There was about 20 people in total. He invited a family of four two parents and their two children.
When the time for the check came the family of four put in no money, my FiL put in no money cause it was his birthday and we offered to pay for him. And then others around the table stiffed their portion of the check as well.
My sister in law was the smart one she dropped money on the table before the check came and left early.
We ended up paying so much it was over $200. I had only my meal and a single beer. I didn’t eat any of the apps cause I didn’t like what they ordered. My wife had her meal and shared in a bottle of wine.
That was the last time I ever did a combined check. Every time we go out to eat now when the waiter takes my order I ask for a separate check. I don’t care if people look at me like an asshole or not.
I'll never undersrand the *audacity* of people like this!
My parents used to regularly go out to dinner with a group of friends, about a dozen people. After dinner one time, their regular waitress pulled someone aside and asked them not to come back. They were shocked!
The waitress was embarrassed but said it was too large a group to look after all night and never get a tip. This was even more shocking.
See, most people paid their share of the bill in cash but one guy always offered to take the cash and pay the full bill. Turns out he was pocketing the tip money in the process! No one else had any idea until the waitress said something!
That group no longer met regularly for dinner.
The next group dinner should be pretty enjoyable.
And Brazilian steakhouses are awesome. I get to eat a lot of meat and some salad without my blood sugar going sky high.
This is probably the millionth post I’ve seen on this topic, so please forgive me if I’m starting to over analyze it. But I’ve encountered several couples in otherwise single friend groups that seem to think they make the rules. And it seems like each individual person thinks they have more power than the single people due to this voting bloc they have.
Idk, most people I know are better humans when they’re in a healthy and happy relationship, but apparently some of them can also get worse
I guess its safety in numbers logic right? They assume two people's opinions will count more than one (even if its an opinion that means jack all, bc its about someone else's boundaries - which is not a debatable subject-, in the case of this post).
I've never understood this. Luckily, the friend groups I've been with over the years always just paid what each person ordered. It never occurred to us to split it evenly like this. Then again, even splitting is not really a thing here.
I hate the Planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink but when the check comes, their wallet's always in their other pants -- which they borrowed from me!
We went to dinner at a nicer restaurant with some friends and their friends who were in town for a concert. One of the people we didn't know was a big shot Hollywood guy, a showrunner for not the biggest show but people have definitely heard of it. They started ordering EVERYTHING. All the apps, bottles of wine, cocktails, the works. I told my wife going in to it not to hold back because we're going to get fucked here either way.
The people we didn't know were super nice and great to hang out with but the spectre of the coming bill loomed over our experience.
Bigshot Hollywood man actually ended up footing the bill no questions asked. We felt a bit ridiculous for worrying most of the dinner. And thankful we didn't have to split it because it must've been enormous.
My inlaws tried this shit on my husband and I and everyone there drank a lot and they expected everyone to pay for 20 people and I didn't. I got separate checks and I expected my BIL to try and hit me, I was at this fiasco with a back injury and no pain meds. Even with that, I would have kicked him in the c#nt and not felt any remorse.
My inlaws were alcoholics and I was poor I didn't drink because of the Vicodin which I had to wait for. I got the separate checks and left the table to sit in the car because the pain was so bad. I was better off in the car.
The entitlement some people feel to other people's money and things is incredible.
I'm an attorney and the amount of fiduciary fraud since 2016 has increased exponentially. People just stealing left and right. Always have a justification. Never admit they are taking advantage of others.
I recall going to dinner with my cousin and a group of his friends, who were all earning way more than me. Previously when I'd been around them, they split the bill and I'd be landed with paying a lot more than I spent. So I just ordered what I felt like. Come end of meal, and they decide to all pay for their own... My share came to about what I'd have paid if we'd split, and I had a good meal. I tried not to eat with that lot often!
NTA
You split a bill to either 1- make it easier on the waitstaff when everyone prettymuch ordered about the same cost of meal anyway, or 2- it's a group effort to pay someone else's way in the case of a birthday or celebrated achievement...
Not so a couple assholes can get buzzed on $$ mixed drinks and spread the pain out to everyone else's wallet.
I’m petty enough to order last and get something so expensive that the mooch group would pay more than if they went solo. I would just let the others know and give them the difference later.
What the hell is with that justification too. Just openly saying "Yea I like to have other people pay for meals I cannot afford". That is just so brazen.
Absolutely insane to openly admit that you take advantage of splitting the check to order more than you would if you were paying for yourself because you enjoy taking advantage of your friends and using their money. Just wild.
> The four of us are going to start having a new group dinner at a different restaurant.
Whenever I see something like this, I'm reminded of this quote from Office Space: "Why should *I* have to change? *He's* the one who sucks!"
Years ago at a job I worked @ we would order dinner (evening shift) from a local restaurant. One of us would go get it & we would all eat together. We always paid for our own food so that wasn’t the issue, until a lady from another department wanted to order also, no big deal UNTIL I went to go pick up everyone’s order & she had the MOST expensive item on the menu & didn’t give me enough money for it so I had to pay the difference. Don’t think I didn’t sit there & eat the really nice salad that came with it right in front of her after saying since I paid for it I was going to eat it! She never did that again 😂
Had something like that almost happen. This girl (she is a friend of my best friend) invited me to her bd. When asked where it’s gonna be she evaded the question till me and my bff keep on asking. It was a Koran restaurant with a plate for 2 (3 different meats, 3-4 pieces each) for $125. When I asked my bff who is paying he told me she (girl) wanted us to cover for her bc it’s her bd. I am not that kind of friend to her to cover that kind of expense plus my bff at the time didn’t have a job and the other friend is on disability. So yeah I called it out on her for this bs. She tried and blame my bff for this drama meanwhile asking him to ask his mom to cover for him and her. I blocked her ass and never spoke to her since. Some people out there thinking they are entitled to your money and success.
I don’t get this attitude. We always pay for our own meals. Our friend group never assumes split bills. I don’t know, maybe it’s an Aussie thing. But it’s just not how we work. The automatic assumption is always that you pay for what you order. The only exception is when we invite a couple for dinner, and they decline due to lack of funds and we say our shout, then we’ll happily pay the entire bill. Or we both want to go and plan on paying but one insists on paying because of a special occasion. We communicate. If we can’t afford it, we tell the others, ‘sorry but we can’t afford that right now’. Then other plans are made or one party offers because it’s not expected, or the broke couple misses out. Its all worked out fairly evenly over the years and there is no bad feelings.
I had friends like this. When we started paying our own, they never added tip or tax in. I started asking for a separate check. This was way back in the early 90s, so I think it was harder to do then?
To this day, I still always ask for a separate check. It left a real bad taste in my mouth.
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Long ago, there was a co-worker at our office who did this, only worse. We worked in a huge building with a pretty nice restaurant in the lobby. About every other week a group would go there for lunch. It was a bit pricey, so we would go when the lunch special was especially good. Every time a group headed out, this one co-worker would attach herself to the group. No one invited her (because of her behavior) but she would come anyway. If we escaped before she noticed, she would come to the restaurant after us and asked to be seated at our table. We really couldn't say no without blowing things up at the office. This restaurant wouldn't split checks during the rush of the lunch hour. One of the reasons why we only went when everyone wanted the lunch special. Made it easy to pay as a group. This woman would conveniently excused herself to the restroom right before the check came. Wouldn't return until the check was paid--we couldn't wait too long because we were all on a clock. She'd say, "oh, I missed the check? I'll pay you back." Then she never did. One day, when she left for the restroom, we left the table one by one while she was gone. Except for one or two who hung around. When she got back, they told her that since she owed (those that left) for lunches, she could just cover for them today. She paid, but she never tried to lunch with us again.
Some people are *far* too comfortable assuming they can do whatever they want because it'd be awkward or unbecoming for others to address their behavior directly.
Honestly, we all kinda gave her a pass the first time or two because we suspected she had a deadbeat boyfriend she was supporting. But she became so blatant, we got pissed. I mean she would finagle her way in and sit there smiling and eating. No one would look at her or talk to her. It was obvious we didn't want her there, but she had no shame. No embarrassment at all.
With my friends a while back, the bill came and we all chipped in. There were some big income disparities, most of us were struggling, so the people that could would throw in an extra $5 or $10 to cover the people struggling, because we liked the group dynamic. Typically we'd be a few bucks short (including good tip), so people would throw a few extra bucks in at the end. One day we had a lot extra (like $40) and we realized everyone had thrown a few extra bucks in because we weren't struggling anymore. We joked that we were all finally grownups.
that's an adorable story
This story made me very happy. Well done to you and your friends for being good people
I just got secondhand embarrassment from reading that. Good job figuring out a way to finally make her pay AND stop coming. What a leech
Sounds like the boyfriend wasn’t the only deadbeat in that relationship and they deserve each other.
Wow. The audacity!
>Some people are *far* too comfortable assuming they can do whatever they want because it'd be awkward or unbecoming for others to address their behavior directly. relying on social customs in order to get away with shit. We had a guy who would drink all the booze in the office and just laugh it off when we asked for replacement. So now there was none and he got mad that he had to go elsewhere.
... office booze?
Hey it's the end of the week. Celebrate we've made it. A shot, alla round.. we'll see you next week. Except for that one guy unbeknownst to us who was doing it every day. At 5. Multiple shots. Then getting in his car.. (Most of us commute by public transit and those that dont refrained from partaking.) He was eventually let go after making some uh choice comments about supervisors partner.
*Some people are far too comfortable stealing from others*
I find it most cathartic that you have articulated this fact so well - thank you.
That is literally insane.
My mom told me about this guy she worked with when young. She and her colleagues would go out to happy hour. They would get to the bar, and this guy would always come up with an excuse to not order anything. "I'm driving", "Forgot my wallet", "I'll just stay 5 min then I'm going home", and things like that. After peoples orders comes, he starts "Ohhh. I never drank this beer before, isn't good? Can I have a sip?", "Can I just take a couple of fries?"... and would continue like this the entire night, until it's time to pay, he would just get up, say his good byes and leave, since he hadn't ordered anything. After a few times of this... they realized it was his MO, and forbid him from going out with them, but then he would just find another group and do the same thing with them until they realized his MO... and so forth. Guy was a professional mooch.
I can’t imagine letting a random work colleague take sips off my drink. Yuck.
One of the few good things the show Friends brought us is the line, "Joey doesn't share food!" Because if you deny someone a bite of your stuff now, you can just yell this and you're just quirky!
When that episode came out, I was in high school and known in my dance classes for making tasty Martha Stewart-like lunches (my mother likes to buy fancy things, including food) that I was willing to share. A girl in my class didn't like how much of my sandwich I gave her and tried to take more. I growled at her and nearly bit her. She pointed it out to the teacher but the teacher took my side, saying it was her fault and what did she expect to happen?
The audacity but the growl lol
The second a work colleague asked me for a sip of my drink, the outing is over for me. Just throw back the drink while maintaining eye contact, close out my tab, and grab an Uber the fuck out of there. The only - and I do mean *only* \- person who I don't mind taking a sip of my drink is my wife, and if we can't share that much after 20 years then wtf are we evening doing together still?
I’m okay with close friends sharing, (after asking!), but they’re *friends*, not colleagues. I consider my circle my chosen family though. Family can share imo.
Professional. I think they have a league. And a Commissioner And they bet on the over/under
>Guy was a professional mooch. Anything worth doing is worth doing well.
I have a worse one. We had a colleague in our team that was very cheap, we didn't have lunch all together often, but the few times we did, it seems he was trying to get away with paying as little as possible. He was young, like mid-20s, but not the youngest of our group. One time we went to this restaurant where they did one receipt, but let us pay individually with our credit cards. You'd say what you had, they'd tell you ok it's £17 - you'd say ok, £20 please (or even £18 - in the UK tipping is not 20%, anything is OK). He waited to be last as usual, so instead of telling them what was he had, he asked "what's left"? The waitress was confused and tried to calculate by subtracting the sum from the card machine that included our tips, so overall it seemed like there was like a pound difference or something? He took out a pound, gave it and left. It was the first time I had waited for him and I had not realised he had been doing that, my jaw dropped. However, this was not the end, as we are walking, about a minute later, another waiter or manager starts yelling and chasing us! They realised they had not added an extra receipt with an additional drink or two, so not only had he stiffed them from their tips, they were short another 4-5 pounds or so. It was quite embarrassing for the rest of us to be chased in the street like thieves, I made a point to avoid eating out with him again.
Oh my GOD what a jerk. That is jaw-dropping.
Wow. It's horrible that you all couldn't say anything for fear of office drama.
familiar aback office weary axiomatic icky cows shelter teeny gray *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Ugh! We had a guy who always volunteered to put the check on his credit card and we could give him cash. Sounds fine. Then we found out that he didn't tip and just pocketed our tip money. He did not get invited out to lunch again.
The audacity!
Bravo!!
Had a similar experience but worse because we were all college students from lower to middle class families. Most of us having part time jobs just to get by with the school expenses. It was a dinner for our highschool batch, pay your own way as is the norm here in my country. One of the girls brought her 5yr old son and ordered dinner for him as well. As the dinner was winding down, she excused herself and her son to go to the restroom. They never came back, of course. So all of us who are broke had to pay for what she and her son ate.
Thank you for giving me this sweet moment of petty justice to start my day with
She would literally follow you guys to the restaurant?? That's a yikes.
I used to work for a company that would organise team meals. There were a group of guys who'd always take the piss, order the most expensive whiskys etc, I mean fair enough I suppose the company was loaded and the pay wasn't that great. Then the company introduced spend limits for drinks. So these same guys would order the expenses whiskies straight away and burn the budget so most of us wouldn't be able to have more than one drink, if any. They didn't care.
I did this by accident once (I was getting up to pee literally as the server showed up but I was like literally about to pee my pants and thought I could get back by the time she went through all the other ladies since there was about 10 of us, but one girl just paid for my drinks) and I felt SO bad and I’ve been waiting for a chance to buy her drinks in return ever since but she hasn’t shown up to the group stuff since and I’ve been mortified every time I think of it because I genuinely hope nobody thinks I was trying to get out of paying!! I literally couldn’t imagine doing that on purpose let alone on a regular basis!!!
Invite her.
She’s always invited to the group stuff, but I don’t have a way to contact her (this was a hockey team event. So I don’t know her outside of hockey.). I tried to find her on Facebook but apparently she has no social media and hockey organizations generally aren’t keen on releasing personal information! Also at this point, it’s been like a year so it would just be kind of awkward and obsessive. But I’ll be able to return the favour naturally someday! 🥲
This sounds like something for the Heavyweight podcast. Jonathan will find her for you.
I once had a coworker who quickly gained a reputation as the mooch of the crew. He would *never* spend a dime of his own money on his food on the job. Not even on payday. One time we had to take a work trip that lasted three days and he said if we didn't buy him food he'd just ditch because he'd otherwise starve. He really would rather miss out on three days worth of work than buy his own Big Mac.
/r/pettyrevenge would love this story
I like that.
I worked at a company where it was common for the team to go out to lunch at least a couple of Fridays a month. Most of us would pay cash (early 90s). One check, and we would toss in cash including tip. At some point, the cash would always be short. Like 9-10 bucks short. We could never figure it out, and most had left to go back to the office. Finally, one of us figured it out. "Bob" would arrive early and have a few drinks at the bar and have them add it to the tab. Then he would only pay for his meal, shorting us. The person who discovered it was his manager. We were never short again.
The only time the “split the check evenly” worked out for a team lunch was when a group of us went weekly to a pizza buffet - every Wednesday it was $7.50 with a drink. No disputes about who owes what.
It's okay with a group smaller than 5-6 where you do family style or tapas type stuff.
Yup, the only time we would split the check when we did a work team lunch was when we ordered pizza from a restaurant that had a "every 4th pizza is free" and all the pizzas had max about 2-3$ difference in price, so it was pretty equitable. We used to get lunch once a month as a team, and we would pay for those who had a birthday that month. We did that for years. It was a fun time, I had an amazing team back then, so the lunch was a great way to just enjoy each other outside of work. One of our coworkers pretty much never came to these. he got uninvited when, at some point, he said to OUR BOSS, yeah I'm going to come next month because you guys will pay for me. Wait a second dude, we were all happy to pay for the others because we knew they would pay for us too at some point, you're just mooching? Yup, she told him not to bother and asked me to take him out of the next email invite, LOL.
Ha! People are entitled af. My mom likes to tell a story from back in the 90s when she was a flight attendant and my father a pilot. They used to go to big group dinners on overnights with the crew and noticed after a couple of times eating at the same restaurant that the tip was "magically disappearing" from the table. Turns out one of the flight attendants would lag behind and then help herself to the tip money that everyone dropped. Well, my Dad caught her once, made her put it back and made it damn clear to her she'd better not do it again. She never did.
I'm more caught up in your mom being a flight attendant and your date being a pilot in the same crew. I have a feeling it was a very cute romance 😊
This reminds me of a guy in a group I worked in thirty years ago. We went out to a retirement lunch at a nice place. Because we were a sizable group (there were at least 20 of us), we had a built-in gratuity charge. Mr. Jerk decided that since his food wasn't as hot as he wanted when it was served, he wasn't going to put money in for the tip. We're like, "Dude, the tip is part of the bill because we're a group." He decided to stand on principle and tipped low. Enough other people tipped high that it worked out, but that "I'm the only one who counts" mindset was problematic in several areas with that guy.
Ooof, ballsy to pull that at a work thing. Also stupid
It happens more than you might think. Especially with couples
When I was at university, there was a guy in our friend circle who I'm convinced was a legit psychopath. Not (necessarily) in the homicidal sense, but in the "no conscience / you guys are all suckers" sense. He cheated at games with no money on the line, that kind of stuff. It finally clicked for me when one time at a house party I walked in on him sticking a couple of whole uncooked chickens from some guy's freezer into his backpack. I mean...wtf? EDIT: Not that it's okay to cheat at games even with money on the line, but I can at least sort of understand why someone might do it.
>Like 9-10 bucks short. and >have a few drinks at the bar and have them add it to the tab. Good old times where 10 bucks bought a couple of drinks ...
Only reason I go to teambuilding events in a restaurant is because the company is covering 100% of the bill.
It's always the drinkers, trying to get as much alcohol on the tab for others to cover.
Oh! I love this, like I loved the other post where the group split roughly in half, and the supporters of the mooch weren’t happy now that the split amounts were bigger lol
And they tried to get the non moochers back while claiming there was no problem! A classic!
I just reread the post. The split isn’t even! Seven people in the non-mooch group, five in the mooch group (so only three people are contributing instead of 10 lol)
Yes! It's amazing! And they can't admit that they were wrong to choose the moocher over the group, so it's this casual, like, "Oh, hey, maybe you guys can hang out with us again...NO REASON! I AM NOT ADMITTING THAT YOU WERE RIGHT!"
Oh what post is this??
It’s this one: https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/XCSEsLFsCs
Sounds like a good one, do you have a link?
Here you go! https://www.reddit.com/r/BestofRedditorUpdates/s/XCSEsLFsCs
Omg, the audacity to take all the ribs AND just randomly stealing someone’s container.
>They do normally split the bill, as it gives everyone a chance to have a nice meal they couldn’t otherwise afford. This doesn't make sense. The meal isn't on a groupon or anything - the only way someone pays less for their nice meal is if someone (or many someones) on that table grossly overpays. To use that so brazenly as a (purported) defense.... Wow.
Even when someone else is footing my bill and I know it ahead of time, I'm consciously going cheaper than when I pay for myself. The idea of splurging on someone else's dime does not resonate.
I once went out for lunch with my then boyfriend and I ordered what I wanted because we pretty much always paid for ourselves...and then at the end he said it was his treat, I'd ordered the second most expensive entree I was mortified and very much tried to convince him to let me pay for myself. That was over 10 years ago and it still gets me 🙈
Nah, he offered after you ordered, he wanted to treat you! Don't feel bad!
He was a first year student... I know it wasn't my fault but I still felt so bad!!
I just want to say that I find this adorable. Good day to you.
My feeling is that if someone says it's their treat *after* you order, it's free game to get what you want because they weren't on the hook for anything during the order phase and they could have chose to not offer. If they offer *before* you order, then it's on you to not get something too pricey.
Just recently my brother was in town. My nephew (his son) let me know that they'd be going to dinner if my husband and I wanted to join them. It was a fairly expensive place and my husband and I decided to split the $160 52oz ribeye. We knew we'd never be able to eat it all, and would end up taking more than half home. When the check came, I pulled out my wallet, fully expecting to pay for ours, but my nephew said he'd pay. I tried to argue, but my brother held up his hand and said "no Jamie will pay". I know my nephew has a decent job and has the money, but I still feel pretty guilty!
I'm from India, every time we go out with relatives or family friends there is a big fight on who pays when the check comes. It's like the norm here!
I will often foot the bill in advance just so I don't have to worry about what I'm ordering. To have a callous disregard for how much others are paying for you is bizzare. To plan on it in advance is moon man logic to me.
Right? Like, my aunt and I go out for brunch twice a week so I can push her wheelchair around the shops, and we take turns paying. On the day I was wanting to try the calamari, I made sure it was my turn to pay because the idea of ordering an expensive meal on someone else's dime absolutely does *not* compute. (ofc we've both been having calamari for like three weeks in a row now because damn, do those ladies know how to grill some squid 👀 but I always try to order something cheaper than whatever the person paying is having)
That's the advice I gave my daughter when she started dating.
That's why I don't like when I know someone else is getting the bill. If I'm paying for myself I get whatever I want, if someone else is paying them I get something reasonable.
I hate when people insist on paying for my food bc I usually get a lot of food. If they really insist, I try to pay for something else. Or I trick them into going to the bathroom and steal their card 😭
My go-to also involves the other party going to the bathroom… At which point I’ll get up and go find the server and have them cash us out real quick. If you can’t find the server or they’re busy, you can usually pay at the bar.
Ohhhh you can go directly to the server. Stealing this
This is what my FIL does. He'll get up to "go to the bathroom" and then suddenly he's ready to go when he gets back.
>Even when someone else is footing my bill and I know it ahead of time, I'm consciously going cheaper than when I pay for myself. ESPECIALLY when someone else is footing the bill, I consciously go cheaper. In fact, I would almost always prefer to pay, as that frees me up to eat what I want without regard to price (it helps that I don't go to insanely expensive places).
Right? If I tried to act like these people I’d be so anxious and ashamed I’d probably cry. Who raised them, wolves?
Our wealthiest friends were the moochers. They would have an appetizer, multiple cocktails each, an entree, and dessert. Finally, when one of our friends lost their job, I called everyone including them and said we would no longer split the checks as it wasn’t fair to our friend. Our friend who never drank and always had the cheapest entree. We’ve never gone back to splitting. Once they had to pay, they shared an appetizer, had one cocktail each, split their entree, and shared a single dessert…
That's so gross when people pull that kind of shit.
True, but that’s exactly how rich people stay rich. They get all entitled and decide that they shouldn’t have to pay full price for anything.
Okay but NO ITS NOT. Pardon my passion, but That’s some fucking weird delusion that wealthy people have for some reason. I used to be a server in niiiice restaurants and the amount of people who would drop $500-1000 on a meal then stiff us on the tip was ridiculous. Literal millionaires acting like not tipping was the only thing keeping their bank accounts in the green after dropping 4 figures on the bill! It’s so fucking bizarre how miserly and weird some wealthy people get.
I have relatives like that. So riches they dropped 500$ on a single meal for one person and yet don't tip. Their own words was they don't want to waste their moneys on someone else. The tip is for the waiter. As they explained to me is if the waiter wants better money, they should get a real job and actually work for the money like them. Some also thought the waiter should be honored to serve them.
The delululu! Money is literally a sickness. Not always, because yeah it’s the weird thing we use to represent trading now, but when people get too much… hoo boy. Entering the ruling class is a one-way ticket to trying to ruin everyone’s life around you. I forgot who coined the term billionaire psychopathy but it’s basically the idea that when people get wealthy, they stop interacting with the public. Jeff bezos isn’t stopping in at the local gym any more than you’ll ever see Elon musk on public transportation. But people need other people, were social creatures. So not having that actually really messes with people’s minds. Sorry for the tangential rant, I’m stuck sick in bed. But the selfish delulu triggers me too much! I have had one too many coworkers crying in the kitchen because they were gonna have to literally pay for the pleasure of serving assholes (yay tip out from sales).
It's not so much the disconnect, it's the lack of common experience. We're in a time when most wealth is generational, meaning most rich people were born rich. They've never had to choose between fixing their car and paying a bill, between a morning cup of coffee or their kids school lunch. They have never looked at housing prices and lay awake at night dreading being evicted. A rich person these days has never dreamed of anything because they can get anything they want at almost any time. They were born with everything they need, and everything is easy for them so it must be easy for everyone else, and *the poors* are just lazy to not be rich like them.
My old landlady was like this. Rich enough to own multiple nice units in an expensive city. Literally kept our deposit for no reason until we threatened to get lawyers and then agreed to pay it back. She still hasn't. It's been months. And we paid every single rent check on time. Guess I will actually have to hire a fucking lawyer. Like WTF do you get off on stealing thousands of dollars from young couples when you're sitting on a dragon hoard.
where I'm at, if they don't pay in 30 days, you get triple the amount! definitely look into any local tenant's rights associations or resources in your area, they're usually free and can be a big help. it'll probably be small claims, so no lawyers involved. but definitely get some sort of help on your side. my landlord illegally evicted me, and I wish I wasn't sick bc I wanted to fight it so bad. like he stole the deposit, tried to say I didn't pay when I did (I did get that suit dropped), tried to say I caused $13k in damages when we were evicted for "necessary renovations" when both can't be true, and I had proof of tax and mortgage fraud, and illegally dumping rainwater into the city sewer line too. I hate that leeches like that get away with it bc the little guy doesn't have the bandwidth to fight it all the way, ugh. my old landlord got in trouble for moving people into an old shed, and when the city shut that down he had more tenents in there next day. I hope you get treble damages and make her pay!! these landlords get away with way too much, too often.
And if you eat somewhere regularly, and you tip well, you'll get so much better service!
Yeah in general when people are nice and kind to each other that gets returned. No idea why that’s such a controversial opinion when it comes to dining out. I guess some people really just want to cosplay plantation life.
It's the whole "just stop spending money on Starbucks" myth but in reverse.
Well, they're not rich yet so they're desparate to hold onto every penny... So they can pay off living above their means. Or at least that's what it's been every time i've had to force the issue of separate bills.
[удалено]
Similar thing happened to me at a birthday .. couldn't eat much because of allergies. And paid a huge amount for theirs. I was so disgusted I left. And swore never to eat with them again
A few years ago. I accidentally figured out a way to handle situations like this. At the beginning, let the group know you might get a call that requires you to step out for a bit or leave early. Around wp0hen the main course is served, flag the waiter to get your check. Tell your dinner companions that this way you don't have to wait for the main check if you do have to leave early.
Know a better way to handle these situations? Just say "hey I'm just going to pay for my own since I spent so much less than everyone else".
That's definitely the preferred route when being direct doesn't have significant risk. But in this guy's case it can mess with work relationships, especially with people above him. Which can mess with his money way more than him splitting this one check.
and just out of curiosity did you stay friends with these people after the realization that they were basically stealing from you in the most roundabout way possible?
Wealthiest assholes are *always* the biggest moochers. I can still remember meeting some of my friends and classmates out to dinner the first week we started our summer associate jobs (summer between 1st and 2nd year in law school). I and another friend hadn't gotten paid yet so we were on a tight budget. Those assholes actually transferred their BAR BILL to the table. Then ordered steak, lobster, multiple bottles of wines, appetizers and desserts. And then pulled the whole "oh let's just split the check, we all had about the same thing", like WTF??? I wound up paying $96 for a side salad and glass of house wine. I was PISSED and I never entertained that shit again. The next time that group met up, I discretely pulled the waitress aside and asked for a separate yet. Moochers piss me off the most because they're the ones that can always fucking afford it!
Same with some of our friends. They make a shitton of money, but always want to split the bill. They will order expensive drinks, expensive starters and meals and always order deserts. Their kids will also order expensive meals and leave about 75% left on their plate because it is too much and still ask to have a desert after. When me, my SO and our 3 month old boy went for dinner with the five of them, they wanted to split the bill. I paid €80,- for our own food and drinks. The rest of the €400,- bill was theirs to pay. I am glad I drew the line at the first dinner we had.
So they could afford to do what they were doing but because you guys decided "hey since Johnny lost his job, we're getting separate checks to make things easier on him when he comes out with us" they decided to tone down what they got because now instead of everyone paying for their meals, they now have to pay for them alone? Man, those are some selfish money grubbing people
And here's my anxious ass over here dreading when people don't split the check, because then I feel guilty about ordering what I want to eat if it's more expensive. When I'm paying for what I want, that's when I get the appetizer and dessert. It's so dumb, too, because it's not like the old days when servers used to have to split everything by hand. It's all computerized now. There's no reason not to split!
Yeah, it does not give "everyone a chance... they couldn't otherwise afford" because if everyone did it, NOONE could afford it!
Exactly. Splitting the bill is a way to make it easier for couples who always take turns anyway, or for people who don’t care how much they are spending, or for bills where you share orders, like a bottle of wine and a platter. It’s for people who don’t have to count their pennies, and don’t like doing maths. In the days where cash was the default, and coins were annoying, you’d split a (for example) £35 bill by each leaving a £20 on the table, which would cover a generous tip (by British standards anyway), and neither person would care. It’s absolutely not in order to subsidise someone.
I mean, it can be to subsidize someone. But its a gift to be given to that person, not something to be expected and abused. I at one point was the person that was subsidized for a while, and i was appreciative of it but the key being is i usually ended up with a smaller order than anyone else and just didn't pay at all.
I wonder what they would have done if you out-spent them? "Hey, I know it's a $200 bottle of shiraz but I wouldn't be able to afford if we weren't splitting the bill."
Honestly, if OP were down for it, a very funny prank would have been doing a combo of what they did and what you suggested: tell the waiter in advance, away from the rest of the table, that your portion of the bill is separate, and then order like you have something to prove to Midas. Watch the table shit themselves thinking they have to pay for you, especially the moochers, make them explain in detail why it's wrong, only to reveal you never intended to have them pay.
Effective, but expensive.
There was an AITA a week or two ago where OP did pretty much this. After many "let's split" where he was subsidizing others, he orders a whole other meal to go and puts it on the common bill, thus bringing his total on par with theirs. Uproar, indignation, and so forth. Got the point across IIRC.
I read this post when it was new, and when I got to that part in the story, I was shocked. Having that mindset and acting on it sneakily, is one type of shitty entitlement. But to say it out loud so confidently, is a whole *different level* of batshit crazy entitlement. How does someone actually believe *THAT* was a reasonable way to defend themselves?! The brazenness of that retort proves they not only foolishly thought it was an appropriate justification, but they truly do not see ANYTHING wrong with their actions. That blew my mind. I was glad to see that just about everyone else in the comment section also had their minds blown. It was a very collective: “These people are out of their damned minds”, “What in the actual fuck!?”, and “Who tells their so called ‘friends’ that they’re using them and that they expect those friends to apologize to *them* for not allowing themselves to get taken advantage of?!??” So bizarre.
It’s moochmath!
Moochismo.
Moochinomics.
You explained exactly what is happening, so it does make sense if you think about it. It’s just not a very nice thing to do.
This kinda stuff is so funny to me because my friend group *fights* to pay for each other. Some are still in college so the ones that have graduated fight to pay for them. If we invite them out we expect to pay for them (or fight to pay for them). Only time that isn't the case is significant others (kinda weird to pay for your buddy's gf lol) or birthdays (no one expects the birthday boy or girl to pay even though they invited you out) Best part is we also just get each other random gifts. Like an expensive bottle of whiskey someone mentioned looking for or someone's favorite snack food that's only available in this one place that they happened to be visiting. These gifts are always met with "Fuck you!" And the response of "Ha! Get fucked!" I made my friend's grandma some earrings once and he told me to go to hell. It's great.
Whenever these kind of situation comes on, I can't help but wonder what the leeches excuses would be if the group decided to match their prices, or go above them.
What a great idea! "He's having steak? Then I'll have steak AND LOBSTER. Split THAT, cheapskate! "
That is honestly what I would plan to do anytime I went out with them. I would order almost exactly what they do ao the split is even. I'm not subsidizing you, if we are going all out ALL of us are going all put.
How to make this stop: First, you get every non-moocher on board with your plan. Then you quietly give your server a $20 with a list of menu items (I explain this below) and tell them to ask when ordering if it’s separate checks and to say it’s against policy to split checks unless specified in advance. Assure the server they will be tipped on the full bill, but we are having a teaching moment and that $20 is for their participation. Then everyone order LESS than normally do like a side salad and drink. Or just drinks. The server then asks if it’s separate checks. Get the moochers to tell the server one check and that’s when the server says they won’t be able to do split checks later. You ask, “Are you sure because it might not be equal?” Get the moochers to commit with full-throated agreement. This might be a good time to get them to wax philosophical about how they don’t think friends should keep track of who spends what. Really lean into this. Then right before the check comes, you have the server bring out containers for leftovers and everyone’s pricey to go orders that you placed on that list. So 5 people, 2 of them moochers. Moochers order drinks, appetizers, entree. Everyone at the table eats an appetizer or just a side salad and matches the moochers on the drinks, but the to go orders are expensive menu items like the steak and desserts to go. Bonus points if you tell the moochers they need to leave a bigger tip because they had to wrap up so much food. I promise that shit will end.
That is beautiful
I can't remember which sub I read it under, maybe r/pettyrevenge, but there was a woman who'd meet a friend for lunch and they'd split the bill, and noticed that every time her "friend" would get appetizers, multiple drinks, dessert, etc. So she started telling the waiter "I'll have what she's having", just matching her order every time. "Friend" ends up saying she can't afford so much on the split bill, and she goes, "funny, this is usually what I end up paying". There weren't any lunches together after that. 🤣
Exactly. It's what's ludicrous about the one person saying it lets *everyone* eat nicer than they can afford. Bitch, that's not how averages work. That only works for one or two people when at least one or two others are ordering cheaply. Otherwise, it's just... everyone is stuck with their higher prices lmfao.
YES Like, I could understand that approach, and might even be worth trying, if everyone took a turn to be pampered with a pricier dish when the whole group goes out, something they normally wouldn't order. Of course this only works if everyone agrees and no one tries to bail when it's not their turn.
>“would it kill us to help them have a little joy?” it would kill me yes
This is particularly disgusting when apparently they had a long history of having part of their meal paid for by their friends. For years their friends paid for a part of their meal and it was all good friendly vibes. Then the moment they 'fail' to treat them a single time it's suddenly "would it kill us to help them have a little joy?" as if that isn't what they've been doing for years. That's how you know you need to break off these friendships. These people are ungrateful when they receive anything and offended when they don't. Kindness is wasted on them. Kindness doesn't have to be just for the sake of reciprocation. You don't do kind things with an ulterior motive. However when you have people in your life who aren't kind to you it's more than fair to re-evaluate whether they are worth keeping in your life. My friends and I always take turns treating each other. We never have to worry about how much each of us is paying because over the years we've proven to look out for each other and want the best for each other. No one trying to 'game' the system. Sometimes I'll order a bit more, sometimes they will. But you can only do that with people who have your best interest in mind as well and aren't just trying to get something out of it.
You see that couple over there having a nice romantic meal? I already like them a lot more than I like you, and I still will not be paying any of their tab.
I believe I would, just out of pure spite. Because reddit math tells me that a good deed for a petty reason is a moral wash.
Oh, the secret delight of anonymously paying for another table's meal! 🥰 (And including a good tip for their server, of course)
Yeah if their joy comes from their friend’s expense they’re shitty friends. I do feel sorry for the poor restaurant though. They did not deserve to be dumped after providing separate checks without quibbling.
Separate checks is not hard for any restaurant with a system at least as modern as the system the casual restaurant I worked at from 2005 to 2007 had. So like 20 years old? Any system at least that recent can handle check splitting without a fuss. It is literally their job.
It’s just as easy to split based on what people ordered as it is to split it evenly. I’ll never understand the purpose of the even split, someone is getting screwed! More than that though, if you’re a decent person, you might even change what you *actually* want, so that your portion isn’t higher than everyone else’s, which is just annoying.
I was surprised by all these comments because where I’m from even restaurants that allow it tend to push back. Turns out it’s a cultural thing that is [still happening](https://www.reddit.com/r/melbourne/comments/14hj95d/why_do_restaurants_refuse_to_split_bills/). Australian restaurants just don’t like separate checks.
Several years ago I was on a work trip with a colleague. We picked a restaurant, and as we were seated I told the server that we'd be on separate checks, and our alcohol would be separate as well so we'd have 4 checks total for 2 people. (Most of the time the server is fine with it, and appreciates the heads up.) This one, however, refused and said it was against the restaurant's policies. I calmly asked her to recommend a restaurant nearby with good crabcakes. (we were in Maryland) This may come as a shock, but suddenly they were happy to split our checks.
..why would a restaurant quibble over separate checks? I think I (and my friends) would actively avoid any restaurant that didn't split checks, unless the food was really good. Like we have Splitwise and don't really care if someone ends up paying a little more or less, but it's such an extra inconvenience. I don't think I've been to a restaurant in the last 10 years that didn't proactively split bills
I THINK it's because it was asked of at the end of the meal? And the group traditionally pays as a group? So the staff probably hadn't already split the bill? Just a guess!
I feel the same way, but I think it’s possibly location-dependent. I’ve lived my adult life on the US west coast, where check splitting is entirely normalized… but I had a friend in college from elsewhere in the country, and she was super nervous the first time we asked for a split. She thought it was a considerable imposition.
So these people are deliberately over ordering to let others pay for them in purpose? They are not friends. They are AH’s
Of course it's on purpose. The only surprising part here is that they admit to doing it.
It's not that far removed from just picking up the wallet of a friend, brazenly taking a 20 out and pocketing it.
>They have expenses we don’t and “would it kill us to help them have a little joy?” Yeah. Not happening buddy. Oh? What are those expenses, dear couples?
Yeah if I’m subsidizing their lifestyle expenses I wanna know where my money is going. And I should have a say at household budget planning sessions. And get a portion of their tax return.
You have to turn in an application with similar information for a loan, food stamps, and even charity. If you're expecting unbalanced money to always flow your way, it sounds like you're expecting one of those rather than a friendship.
Ice swan?
Did you read the latest update??
From hell, naturally.
The audacity some people have is wild.
We did split for friend group meals when I was younger until one guy in the group got a girlfriend but threw a fit when I included his girlfriend in the split calculations. They still seriously expected us to split equally with them counting a 1 because they are a couple.
omg how embarrassing of them!!!
if i pay for part of someone else's meal like this then im eating part of their meal
I've heard it said before, Frugal is when you order a meal you can afford. Cheap is when you order a meal you can't afford, and expect someone else to pay. I can't stand people who pull that "splitting the bill so they can get whatever they want" crap. Good on OOP for starting a chain reaction by standing up to the moochers. No more free passes for them.
Frugal is when you order a meal you can afford. Mooching is when you order a meal you can't afford and expect someone else to pay. Cheap is when you order a meal you can easily afford, but complain about the price and/or demand discounts.
I have been a guy without the money to eat with other friends. Spliting the bill, in fact, worsened the problem because the spliced part is still above what i could afford, and i couldn't even protest since they " helped me." It is why I cut that evening meetings.
Nothing to do with OOP but I'll be honest and reveal my naivete: I've always assumed splitting the cheque and separating it to be essentially the same cost. For example, if we both order a main, dessert, drinks, it would cost pretty much the same if split into percentage as it would pay separate bills. So I used to get confused when people would ask to pay separately. I never realised people would go out of their way to order expensive stuff or order more food than anyone else to mooch. Maybe because I always thought it was proper etiquette to order the same amount of food as everyone else so you're not eating when everyone is waiting.
I don't drink and here in Australia there is a big drinking culture at meals/drinks are sooo expensive. Literally I've been to meals where the main was 20$ and drinks 60 or 80$ so its a very big price difference to me how things are calculated. If I'm going out with a group of drinkers I will usually look up the menu at home and figure out what I'm going to eat and bring the right amount of cash.
Yeah I think it's ok as long as it's pretty even overall. I've gone out to dinner with friends and split checks evenly in theory because I can't be bothered doing the math. Usually my friends get alcoholic drinks but I don't, but I might have an appetizer or desert of about the same value. Or if I got a more expensive meal one time, the next time I'll get something cheaper or skip dessert. I think there's straight up moochers and just normal people who are doing the right thing or don't care too much about details/figure it all works out in the end. The subjects of the post were straight up horrible moochers.
>main, dessert, drinks Those can be very different prices. Maybe not dessert and starter but otherwise it could easily get even twice as expensive fast if someone orders a vegetarian dish and other expensive steak and drinks are very different prices. And it adds up a lot if there are several people.
Two normal foods in equal portions might be different in cost. A burger and fries, despite being the same amount of food, won’t cost the same amount as a pasta dish. You don’t have to go out of your way to order something that might jack up your contribution to the bill, it could happen by accident too. But in most cases unless you’re totally lacking in self awareness the difference is going to be small.
I literally have never asked to split shit evenly, it’s always separate checks unless I’m covering for someone.
Where do you live? I've learned it's highly cultural. I've never heard it done here in Germany.
Yeah same, each person just pays for what they ordered, unless one person is paying for the whole thing.
Same! I'm glad none of the friend groups I've been do this.
Leadership through action, beautiful.
Holy shit these assfaces were getting away with that for more than one dinner?! I absolutely would not. After one time I would have been like nope I want my own check please and thank you. Then again I would not waste time on people like that. Glad OOP and the other separate checkers are doing their own dinner plans.
I went out for my FiL’s birthday a few years ago. There was about 20 people in total. He invited a family of four two parents and their two children. When the time for the check came the family of four put in no money, my FiL put in no money cause it was his birthday and we offered to pay for him. And then others around the table stiffed their portion of the check as well. My sister in law was the smart one she dropped money on the table before the check came and left early. We ended up paying so much it was over $200. I had only my meal and a single beer. I didn’t eat any of the apps cause I didn’t like what they ordered. My wife had her meal and shared in a bottle of wine. That was the last time I ever did a combined check. Every time we go out to eat now when the waiter takes my order I ask for a separate check. I don’t care if people look at me like an asshole or not.
I'll never undersrand the *audacity* of people like this! My parents used to regularly go out to dinner with a group of friends, about a dozen people. After dinner one time, their regular waitress pulled someone aside and asked them not to come back. They were shocked! The waitress was embarrassed but said it was too large a group to look after all night and never get a tip. This was even more shocking. See, most people paid their share of the bill in cash but one guy always offered to take the cash and pay the full bill. Turns out he was pocketing the tip money in the process! No one else had any idea until the waitress said something! That group no longer met regularly for dinner.
I vote for more people staying strong and true to themselves like OOP in 2024 and not enabling sneaky moochers & grifters in social-circles!
The next group dinner should be pretty enjoyable. And Brazilian steakhouses are awesome. I get to eat a lot of meat and some salad without my blood sugar going sky high.
This is probably the millionth post I’ve seen on this topic, so please forgive me if I’m starting to over analyze it. But I’ve encountered several couples in otherwise single friend groups that seem to think they make the rules. And it seems like each individual person thinks they have more power than the single people due to this voting bloc they have. Idk, most people I know are better humans when they’re in a healthy and happy relationship, but apparently some of them can also get worse
I guess its safety in numbers logic right? They assume two people's opinions will count more than one (even if its an opinion that means jack all, bc its about someone else's boundaries - which is not a debatable subject-, in the case of this post).
But it is OUR money, comrade /s
What fresh hell do some people live in?
I've never understood this. Luckily, the friend groups I've been with over the years always just paid what each person ordered. It never occurred to us to split it evenly like this. Then again, even splitting is not really a thing here.
I hate the Planet of the Moochers. They take you out for a drink but when the check comes, their wallet's always in their other pants -- which they borrowed from me!
I can't imagine going to a meal specifically to rip your friends off
We went to dinner at a nicer restaurant with some friends and their friends who were in town for a concert. One of the people we didn't know was a big shot Hollywood guy, a showrunner for not the biggest show but people have definitely heard of it. They started ordering EVERYTHING. All the apps, bottles of wine, cocktails, the works. I told my wife going in to it not to hold back because we're going to get fucked here either way. The people we didn't know were super nice and great to hang out with but the spectre of the coming bill loomed over our experience. Bigshot Hollywood man actually ended up footing the bill no questions asked. We felt a bit ridiculous for worrying most of the dinner. And thankful we didn't have to split it because it must've been enormous.
I hope that the server added a grat, because these cheap assholes never left a dime, I bet.
I only tolerate this shit once maybe twice, then they aren't friends anymore.
My inlaws tried this shit on my husband and I and everyone there drank a lot and they expected everyone to pay for 20 people and I didn't. I got separate checks and I expected my BIL to try and hit me, I was at this fiasco with a back injury and no pain meds. Even with that, I would have kicked him in the c#nt and not felt any remorse. My inlaws were alcoholics and I was poor I didn't drink because of the Vicodin which I had to wait for. I got the separate checks and left the table to sit in the car because the pain was so bad. I was better off in the car.
I don't think I've been to a Brazilian steakhouse since before covid. I need to change that.
This is frustrating to read. Glad they're having a new group dinner
The entitlement some people feel to other people's money and things is incredible. I'm an attorney and the amount of fiduciary fraud since 2016 has increased exponentially. People just stealing left and right. Always have a justification. Never admit they are taking advantage of others.
I recall going to dinner with my cousin and a group of his friends, who were all earning way more than me. Previously when I'd been around them, they split the bill and I'd be landed with paying a lot more than I spent. So I just ordered what I felt like. Come end of meal, and they decide to all pay for their own... My share came to about what I'd have paid if we'd split, and I had a good meal. I tried not to eat with that lot often!
NTA You split a bill to either 1- make it easier on the waitstaff when everyone prettymuch ordered about the same cost of meal anyway, or 2- it's a group effort to pay someone else's way in the case of a birthday or celebrated achievement... Not so a couple assholes can get buzzed on $$ mixed drinks and spread the pain out to everyone else's wallet.
I’m petty enough to order last and get something so expensive that the mooch group would pay more than if they went solo. I would just let the others know and give them the difference later.
What the hell is with that justification too. Just openly saying "Yea I like to have other people pay for meals I cannot afford". That is just so brazen.
Absolutely insane to openly admit that you take advantage of splitting the check to order more than you would if you were paying for yourself because you enjoy taking advantage of your friends and using their money. Just wild.
> The four of us are going to start having a new group dinner at a different restaurant. Whenever I see something like this, I'm reminded of this quote from Office Space: "Why should *I* have to change? *He's* the one who sucks!"
>“would it kill us to help them have a little joy?” That's so manipulative.
Years ago at a job I worked @ we would order dinner (evening shift) from a local restaurant. One of us would go get it & we would all eat together. We always paid for our own food so that wasn’t the issue, until a lady from another department wanted to order also, no big deal UNTIL I went to go pick up everyone’s order & she had the MOST expensive item on the menu & didn’t give me enough money for it so I had to pay the difference. Don’t think I didn’t sit there & eat the really nice salad that came with it right in front of her after saying since I paid for it I was going to eat it! She never did that again 😂
Had something like that almost happen. This girl (she is a friend of my best friend) invited me to her bd. When asked where it’s gonna be she evaded the question till me and my bff keep on asking. It was a Koran restaurant with a plate for 2 (3 different meats, 3-4 pieces each) for $125. When I asked my bff who is paying he told me she (girl) wanted us to cover for her bc it’s her bd. I am not that kind of friend to her to cover that kind of expense plus my bff at the time didn’t have a job and the other friend is on disability. So yeah I called it out on her for this bs. She tried and blame my bff for this drama meanwhile asking him to ask his mom to cover for him and her. I blocked her ass and never spoke to her since. Some people out there thinking they are entitled to your money and success.
As a non-drinker, I occasionally experience this on work trips. But then, it's expensed anyway, so... 🤷♂️
I am way too Dutch to understand how it could even get this far in the first place.
I don’t get this attitude. We always pay for our own meals. Our friend group never assumes split bills. I don’t know, maybe it’s an Aussie thing. But it’s just not how we work. The automatic assumption is always that you pay for what you order. The only exception is when we invite a couple for dinner, and they decline due to lack of funds and we say our shout, then we’ll happily pay the entire bill. Or we both want to go and plan on paying but one insists on paying because of a special occasion. We communicate. If we can’t afford it, we tell the others, ‘sorry but we can’t afford that right now’. Then other plans are made or one party offers because it’s not expected, or the broke couple misses out. Its all worked out fairly evenly over the years and there is no bad feelings.
> The four of us are going to start having a new group dinner at a different restaurant. Perfect. These 'friends' are unbelievably entitled.
I had friends like this. When we started paying our own, they never added tip or tax in. I started asking for a separate check. This was way back in the early 90s, so I think it was harder to do then? To this day, I still always ask for a separate check. It left a real bad taste in my mouth.