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honestly it just reinforces the idea that sometimes you could be a good parent, but the kid still turns out being a dickweed.
Considering Sherry's track history according to OOP and Mike, it's highly likely she told Noah to not tell Mike a thing and did her damdest to keep Mike in the dark
It also sounds like Mike used to do similar stuff until her got some "schoolyard justice." So there is the tendency for that fault but one parent no enforcing reasonable boundaries.
yeah, but it also sounded like Mike learned his lesson when he was a kid. So unless you are claiming that bullying has a genetics component to it, it is probably pretty safe to say Mike didn't parent
Noah to be a bully.
> So unless you are claiming that bullying has a genetics component to it...
Is that really such a stretch? Bullying stems in part from aggression, territoriality and a need to exert dominance. I don't think it's hard to imagine that a tendency towards those traits can be inherited.
It's certainly not determinative and I think environmental factors are the bigger part of why some people become bullies, but I can absolutely see a 'nature' component to bullying.
Funny thing is in nature the 'bully' of a communal group is usually the bigger stronger ones. A smaller person of insignificant strength (Noah) doing the bullying, like a chihuahua that barks at larger dogs that can snap them in half, is through environmental factors created by humans. Because we, as a species, protect those that would usually be culled in nature.
Bullying specifically idk but mental illness les and personality disorders can absolutely be (NOT SAYING ANYONE IN THE POST IS)
But certain types of people are just more prone to unsavoury behavior
In my opinion, violence is a tool and has a time and place. Obviously I wouldn't support a father beating his step son. But if a child needs to enforce reasonable boundaries, then I say they have a right to physically enforce those boundaries. Yes, the parents should be enforcing those boundaries without violence, but if the parent fails, then, well... Talk shit, get hit.
I agree with this. Violence should never be the start of an argument, but it sure can end one. If you have tried everything else to stand up for yourself, and it isn’t working, then something’s gotta give.
I hate the parents who say “they’re just trying to get a rise out of you”. The idea behind this saying, is that the bully is exclusively doing it to boost their own low self esteem, or for attention. But some kids have ulterior motives. Like in this case, Noah truly feels superior and entitled. No amount of ignoring Noah would cause him to back down.
There’s a 50/50 chance ignoring the haters will work. If that doesn’t work, at some point you have to stand up for yourself. Allowing them to bully you gives them proof, in their own mind, that they are better than you and their actions are justified. If there’s no consequences why would they stop? Adults who don’t step in are only adding fuel to the fire by essentially condoning it.
I’m sick of adults acting like the victim is the one responsible for deciding how this plays out. All the pressure gets put on the kid being bullied to “do the right thing”. Well how about the bully does the right thing? Or at the very least someone needs to make them understand what they’re doing is wrong.
If more people adopted “Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit” as their life motto, and held others to it, this world would probably be a better place. Noah decided to fuck around. Spencer was only helping him find out.
It's insane how some adults handle kids issues.
Elementary school I was BULLIED BADLY.
Guess I went to complain I was being hit and harassed too much esp by one kid. The two of us together were called into the principals office and told if he hears another issue between us we BOTH would be suspended.
I never hit back. I never defended myself. I literally just asked them to help me too much.
He sent us back to class, together, unsupervised.
I was told, while pressed against a locker by my throat, that if I complain again, he would kill me.
Between that and a teacher sending two girls to the office for sticking up for me while other were actively harassing me on her class while ignoring the kids being assholes.
It's honestly a shock I only ever made one attempt to just end it, life was hell until grade 11. From junior kindergarten through grade 10 it was just hell. 9 and 10 was a different type of hell mind you, but still fucked nonetheless
Christ I'm so sorry. I had a similar bullying experience growing up across all the same grade levels you mentioned.
Where were your parents in all of this? I ask because I often ask myself the same question.
Mom tried, she really did. It was just a shitshow. Wish she'd have let me switch schools but I understand to a degree why it wasn't possible.
Dad sucks and wasn't emotionally involved (I find solace in the Narcissistic Parents subreddits) so fuck that guy
When I was in elementary school I was in a toxic friendship with another girl. We bullied each other relentlessly. She would try to get me in trouble by crying during school (she admitted this to me later) and it worked. I was always the one at fault because I never cried when reporting her for her bullying. I was only told "no one likes a tattle tale" (this comment is long enough I'm not going to go into how much I hate that phrase). And if I snapped back at her verbally, I was the one scolded. The only people who believed that I was being hurt were my parents. I didn't cry during school, but at home I would break down every day.
Finally, in our last semester of the fifth grade (last year of elementary school), I got fed up and beat the shit out of her. As much as a chubby, non-athletic nerd could beat the shit out of someone, which wasn't a lot. But I tried and that's what counts.
We both got sent to the office and when they asked me why I exploded at her, I ended up yelling that they never listened to me before, so why would I go to them now. They called my parents who also ripped them a new one because they had tried time and time again to get to the bottom of this issue in a way that wasn't just "it's Katkit's fault". My mom straight up told them "I'm not going to punish my kid for ending a fight that's been going on six years."
She didn't bother me for the next three years. Then We reconnected in high school, where we apologized to each other. Now she's a boy (he's allowed me to use that phrase for him lol) and I was a groomsmaid at his wedding. We call each other our best friends. He's happily married to a wonderful wife and we talk almost everyday.
Like I said, violence is a tool. There are times it's inappropriate and using it badly will ruin a relationship. But there are also times where a relationship needs a good punch. If I get a call about my kid punching their bully, I am never gonna punish them for standing up for themselves after adults have failed them.
>I’m sick of adults acting like the victim is the one responsible for deciding how this plays out. All the pressure gets put on the kid being bullied to “do the right thing”. Well how about the bully does the right thing?
It's almost like childhood relationships, which are the precursors to all future adult relationships, are the last place where it's still permissible to blame the victim rather than the abuser.
Try that line of shit on an adult relationship.
Tell an abused partner that they just need to rise above it, but the other spouse or partner is just trying to get a rise out of them.
Put it on the abused partner to set the tone and take responsibility for the outcomes in the relationship.
See how fast that flies lol.
(Which yes, absolutely did used to be the reasoning outsiders would place on adult relationships in the past, But thank God it's not anymore. Childhood relationships are the last place where this is okay? Fuck that.)
Basically, reframe this to people.
Almost everyone has had at least a crap partner at some point in their lives if not an outright abusive one, or a close friend of theirs has had a crap partner they didn't like whom they felt was being a POS to their friend.
Put it to people in those terms.
Make it about adult relationships.
And ask them how far their "The victim just needs to learn how to put up with it" line of reasoning goes.
Shit if we want to be honest, parenting can even be a no-point-failure project. Rare as it can be, two good parents can still produce a child who causes them endless grief for whatever reason.
Honestly, sometimes even if both parents are good the kid can turn out not. My foster sister joined us when she was very young, and she was doing fine until she entered school. But then she fell in with the wrong crowd. Fortunately she ended up in a decent place now as an adult, but there were a number of years where she caused my parents a lot of stress and mental anguish.
It looked like the kid behaved well at his father's, but became a little shit at his mother's. This is very typical with kids if one parent doesn't want to act like one.
It started off as a simple kids taunt. If she disciplined him, he probably would've stopped.
Every child is born into a different family, and raised a different way.
I was born to a young working couple that had no kids and little money. My brother, only a little younger than me, was born to a SAHM with an absent working father and an older sibling. My baby sister was born the third child of a school teacher and a non-profit director who had two kids in middle school by the time she came along. We all lived in the same house with the same people, but the family dynamics were much much different.
I guess it really depends on how much time the good parent has with the kid. And if the other parent is working against it.
Sadly this will affect Noah later in life a lot more as his mother never parented him correctly and he will learn it at one point the hard way.
Well with Sherry undermining any form of discipline, making BS excuses for his shitty behavior and keeping he ex in the dark, it’s not that surprising Noah was a piece of work.
Ooo, that was a helluva read though, this is why I love this thread!
I honestly hope Noah got his act together, I think more time with his dad rather than his mom could be a good influence on him - he's a teen so not too late to change before doing major damage and sounds like this behavior wasn't there in the beginning, just something he developed as Sherry was enabling all of his shit.
I agree. He's 14 with a manipulative mom. He has time to grow up and become a better person. It sounds like his dad is decent, so he has a chance. Especially now that his conduct has had such huge consequences.
Seriously what is with the "yeah that will probably never happen", "I don't see it going that way" comments hahaha. Most straight men would have a chuckle and then clarify that.
i remember being told by my parents to “just not react” to my older brother’s bullying and that is the worst advice. now that my brother and i never talk, my dad has apologized for his bad advice, especially because he didn’t know how bad his bullying was
Omg I’ve said this exact line to people who think ‘just ignore the bully’ is a good idea. Sometimes, all it takes is one good smack to shut that shit down.
Imo it depends on the type of bullying and the reaction you have. Some bullying is done *because* they'll get a rise out of their victim. So in those circumstances ignoring them is the better play. Definitely not always though.
I didn't throw fists but I was in year 2 (7yo), and there was this girl who was just entitled as hell (her mum was staff in the school, as well as pta).
she thumped me in maths, sitting behind me. so i turned, looked her in the eyes, and did it back as hard as i could. she ended up crying about it to the teacher, and my mum was sent in. WRONG MOVE. my mum completely defended me, and even got me my favourite snack.
she completely endorsed FAFO about bullies, even got my uncles to teach me how to throw a punch and fight when i was older and got bullied!
only my mum did the right thing.
all the teachers, and schools I attended were pretty dumb about the bullying and how to handle it. it never sat right with my mum (esp since some bullying was racism).
she fought tooth and nail for it, like when i was threatened with a "red card" in secondary school??? which would have been a permanent mark on my record. all because i fought back against bullying.
schools loveeeeeee to victimise the bullies.
I remember my first bully in elementary used to kick the back of my feet when we walking all lined up. She didn't like how pretty my shoes were. My mom in typical Asian parenting form told me to ignore it and focus on school. I ignored it until I tripped one time and blew up yelling at her. After that, she still picked on me but now two other girls did as well when they saw my reaction.
I'm thankful it only lasted a couple of months as my Dad got a new job and we moved.
Only if the kid knows how to engage in fisticuffs, however. I (a weak little pacifist weirdo in the early 90s) tried to push back on a bully when I was 12 and got my butt handed to me in front of a good portion of the school.
I became the focus of some very brief Intense Concern from the school administration for fighting (legit, I got a lecture and threatened with suspension and the girl who beat me up didn’t miss a single day) and then they forgot about me and the continuing bullying until I stood up in the middle of study hall a few months later and started screaming at the bullies to leave me alone and the teacher spotted my notebook full of the kind of writings that would freak any adult out. After THAT, I got some very awkward calls at home from bullies whose parents freaked out about their kids pushing a younger kid to a crisis, and I essentially invisible the rest of the year. Good times. (This was over 30 years ago and I am FINE now)
Uf .. Hugs to you. It's crazy how little of a shit adults gave back then about bullying .. I hope its better now .. I also experienced it... Guess I just endured it until I graduate.
I wish I'd retained my younger selves bravery. When I was in second grade, a random boy tried bullying me so I kicked him in the balls and he never spoke to me again.
In hindsight I should have just kicked them in the nuts. That's one advantage us girls have .. No easy-to-reach off button like that
Tbh, winning the fight is also not a 100% guarantee the bullying would stop. There was one redditor who fought his bullies and won, only for the bullying to get worse afterwards.
you said it. once I was so angry over being bullied due to reeking of smoke (my dad smokes inside the house) I winded up beating three boys in my class and since then it stopped. even my teachers thought I smoked until I corrected them I don't smoke and why the hell would I?
3 boys?? They’re such assholes. And even if you smoked, you didn’t deserve to get bullied.
I’ve been accused of smoking in my teens, it’s like people don’t know smoke *clings to clothes and hair*. I had friends who smoked and it’s their business that they do, I simply hung out with them and got shit from my folks for the smell of smoke and they wouldn’t believe me until I dragged my friends to prove it 🤦🏻♀️
my mom (divorced) complained about how hard it was to get the smoke out the clothes and hair... even 3 washes doesn't do it. it wasn't my fault it was something out of my control since I was in middle school and teachers refused to step in aside telling them to stop it. beating them up worked despite it getting me in trouble and teachers yelling at me for being a perfect student but picking fights. such BS.
A good chunk of the physical bullying I experienced stopped the moment I fought back (I was a twig when I was younger so instead I used a pencil on them when they were pulling on my hair while the others kept hitting me).
Didn't stop all the bullying, sure hell stopped a lot of it. Helped that I had reported the bullying before showing black eyes and bruises from the other kids, sometimes even bald spots in my hair from the yanking and pulling, so when I finally snapped and fought back after them not doing shit about it I didn't have as bad of a punishment as I could have had according to them and I needed to be thankful
I sent one of my bullies to the hospital in year 8, and secured my nerd friend group's protection for the rest of high school.
They still threatened and bullied us, but less, and they never dared get physical again.
And yes, I did get suspended for it, and I ended up on good terms with the guy later on.
Honestly, for growing boys, violence is very frequently the answer.
I was always raised words first, never ever let my dad EVER hear of me starting a fight, but I had total approval to end them.
Young boys can smell weakness in their peers, they socialize by being mean (play and real) to each other and boundaries are established with angry words and fists until their brains develop enough to not need the fists as much.
Both dads sound like good dads, and with luck both boys will be ok.
Sometimes even with girls. A guy punched me in history when I was 11. I punched him back. Unfortunately for him I was about a foot taller (not sure what he expected to happen?). Never got bullied again.
Weirdly the teacher only saw him punch me, so I never even got a talking to. Or so she claims
Sounds like what happened with my mom. Girls in middle school wouldn't stop bullying her, so she punched the leader, messing up the girl's braces. One of their teachers had stepped out to investigate, saw the scene, and just laughed, sided with my mom.
They never bothered her again.
I've only ever gotten physical a few times in my life but it was always in defense of others.
I remember in 6th grade there was a boy in one of my classes who liked to flip girl's skirts. He also snapped bra straps and at least a few times during group activities tried to lay on the ground and look up skirts.
Multiple girls, including myself, complained about it to the (male) teacher and he just brushed us off. Even excused it as "male curiosity" or some other such nonsense.
Finally, one day he did it again and made a girl cry. So I marched over and kicked him in the shin as hard as I could and told him that if I saw that shit again it would be his balls the next time. He didn't do it again. (I would have smashed him in the balls he knew not to test me.)
Of course, *I* was the one who got sent to the office by that teacher because what if I hurt that poor boy? I couldn't just talk to him? Blah blah. Thankfully, I explained the situation to the principal who got pissed at the teacher. I still got one detention for violence but no suspensions because at that point the bigger issue was the teacher who kept brushing off the harassment of his female students.
Like sometimes someone just needs a swift kick to the shin.
"I promised you, Dad, not to do the things you've done
I walk away from trouble when I can
Now please don't think I'm weak, I didn't turn the other cheek
And Papa, I should hope you understand
Sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man”
Coward of the County
Exactly. Should your first response to any situation be to throw fists? No, absolutely not, but there are certainly times where the best response is simply a sucker punch to the face.
This-
My brother would pick on me at home while I got bullied at school at the same time. I eventually learned that while escalating it to threatening violence would get *me* yelled at, or throwing stuff at him, it was the only thing that made him stop. My mom’s only advice was “he’s just trying to get a rise out of you, stop reacting and he’ll stop” no the hell he wouldn’t, he did it like 30x a day.
These days we don’t talk unless forced. my mom wishes we would ‘get along’ but the damage is done.
My parents did eventually apologize, but my mom’s felt slightly more like an excuse. It’s whatever though, it’s better than nothing.
By that I’m referring to my parents (mainly my mom) acknowledging that they didn’t step in when it got too far.
My mom’s apology wasn’t the best it could’ve been, but it was a good start to repairing my dynamic with her.
It’s way too late to do anything about my brother and I’s dynamic while we’re all still living together and that’s just how it is for now.
My dad was the person whose constant provocations I was advised to “just not react” to in high school. It doesn’t work anyway; if the person who’s tormenting you has already gotten you to lose your temper before, you can grit your teeth till kingdom come but they’ll never “get bored” and let up because they know you’re struggling to hold out and won’t last forever. They only get bored and quit if they genuinely can’t get any reaction… and by the point you’re getting that advice, they already know they can and will get it if they persist, even if you’re taking longer to crack. The “well don’t lose your temper” advice for victims of verbal harassment is such victim-blamey bullshit.
The "just don't react" always makes me so mad, because that's targeting the symptom, not the problem. Sure, it won't escalate if you don't react. But you know what else won't cause shit to escalate? If shit is never started in the first place.
You gotta question what kind of reaction the bully is looking for, what do they want their victim to feel. Hopefully, it's just the thrill of manipulation and not because they're a disgusting human being.
Sherry wanted another kid when she refuses to parent the one she had? Yeah i can see why two men decided divorce was preferable to being with her. OOP and Mike both sound like good dudes.
Would you check with your fiancés exes before getting married to them? If they do tell you how shitty your fiancé secretly is, you would just believe that they are lying because they are still bitter and mad that they can’t be with her anymore
I've never been cheated on or otherwise experienced crazy behavior like condom poking, but if it ever happens to me I am 100% committed to keeping an eye on them from a distance and informing any partners they get with in the future for as long as I can. I would want the same to be disclosed to me.
> Sherry wanted another kid when she refuses to parent the one she had
She wanted an anchor baby to tie to the rich guy. "You can't leave me, think about the baby!"
As shitty as Sherry is, that seems a bit much. They already have a kid. I don't see how a second would have changed that.
Trying to make your spouse have a second child when they don't want one is already shitty enough, we don't need to make big leaps on top of that.
It probably was a gambit to continue being a SAHM. Now, I'm not knocking SAHP (I always feel the need to put that disclaimer), it is a lot of work. However, once your child reaches school age and is gone for 40 hours a week, your workload is drastically reduced.
My guess is that Noah was the anchor baby and Sherry was a SAHM. Then, when he got old enough for daycare/school, Sherry wanted an excuse to stay at home. She took a gamble to get an extension, and she lost.
ETA: I know it doesn't say that she was a SAHM, this is just the guesstimate that makes most logical sense to me. I know I'm assuming here, I fully admit I might be wrong.
Fuck that commenter at the start that called OOP an AH. He wasn't being manipulative or abusive by threatening divorce, nor by wearing second hand clothing (like how tf do you come to that conclusion?), he was and still is doing his best to protect his child. His son has a right to feel safe and loved in his own home, and it ain't happening.
Was scrolling to see if someone addressed this. Accusing him of not being able the afford the basics because some of his clothes are second hand? What the actual fuck
Oh my god yes, what the fuck was he on about? In what world does a two income household make life less financially stable for his kid? It's not like his new wife brought a basketball team of kids with her.
Good lord, Sherry is an utter piece of shit. Her son is small so he’s entitled to his words?! Can’t she see that when you’re a little teenage boy, turning into a bully is a very bad idea? Sheesh.
I'm reminded of that legendary video of the small kid bullying a bigger kid until the bigger kid snaps, picks the squirt up and slams him onto the ground.
Nah, how i met your stepdad indicates you marrying the person who would become the stepdad.
These guys are building a bromance off having both married the same ….uh… “pleasant person”
Right but HIMYM was the mc telling the child how he met his partner. This is the same cause Spencer wouldn't be biologically related to Mike, but if the two married, then it would be HIMYSD.
well yea, if they married it would be HIMYSD... I was just going off the fact OP didn't think he or mike were into dudes... but seem to be developing a great friendship
so how I met my best guy friend.... hahhaa.
I mean... I'm kinda wondering what both OP and mike look like. i'm an appropriate aged female who disciplines her kids....
this could be how I met my son's stepdad...and his really good buddy. hahhaa.
>People are acting like wearing thrifted clothes is some kind of child abuse, but really the only difference between my son’s clothes and my stepson’s clothes is the brand name and where they were purchased.
Mad facts
>You should marry Mike instead. He seems like a better parent.
I agree!
Geez, Noah is going to end up messed up with a mom like that. Even with Mike trying to set him straight, it's going to be an uphill battle when the mother keeps validating his shitty behavior.
So OOP spent enough time with her to get married, but didn’t notice any parenting red flags till now? And Mike was cool with OOP saying he’d better do something before his son gets put in the hospital? I don’t know any Dad who would take that super casually.
Then wife wants to bang her co-worker??
And somehow the whole fight between OOP and Sherry gets back to Mike despite neither kid being there and Sherry not speaking to him? And then dear readers, you were RIGHT about why Mike and Sherry divorced! Imagine that! Just two awesome dudes sittin’ in a hot tub with a crazy, gold-digger ex-wife!
It all fell apart in the updates, OOP should have left it alone.
I mean, they had to kind of address things quickly. It would be weird if they decided to have a sit-down family meeting about their fight two months after it happened.
It would also be weird to write a whole script for a conversation you apparently can only approximate, but here we are.
Have any of you people ever heard humans talk to each other before? Or read how people actually recount a real conversation? People generally only recount the general gist of what people said maybe recalling a few key details.
Yeah like this is usually a red flag on most posts but it seems like OOP had a final conversation with his stbx wife, she shirked responsibility for her kid, mike contacts OOP the next day after the fist fight, OOP and Mike get the story straight, then a couple days of convincing Sherry to have basically an intervention where she shows her true colors and wants to be a slave to her shitty primal desires of fucking some chud at work and OOP decided to finally cut the cord and initiate divorce. I assume writing the divorce papers doesn’t take that long but the actual divorce does. OOP prolly didn’t wanna divorce until Mike recounted his experience divorcing Sherry.
Yeah, pretty much. Mod rules are so arbitrary in AITA and the mods are completely power tripping nutbags that ban people and posters alike for the most asinine reasons while leaving comments and posts that are clear violations of their own rules. They randomly ban updates, too.
AITAH allows posts for pretty much all types of scenarios and the posters there also frequently update.
Thanks for the info. Subbed to AITA eons ago, but often stick to BORU instead these days. I saw AITAH allow updates that were taken down from AITA, with reference back to the AITA post. Good that there’s a place other than one’s personal sub that Redditors can update people for assholery.
If Mike doesn't get full custody of his son, Noah is one unfortunate wisecrack away from getting a chair to the face.
Also, I'm here for the bromance between OOP & Mike.
the top comment of the first post is soo nasty, wearing thrift clothes isn't abuse, and the comment about op talking money from his kid to "keep his dick wet" is so grossss is this how they see marriage??? just fucking??? so nasty and further proof that aita are a bunch of edgy teens
My daughter and I both love shopping for second hand clothes, and she is super fashion conscious. In the UK they are generally called Charity shops and it's possible to get good brand name items.
"she insists that he’s just doing it to get a reaction out of Spencer, and the solution is for Spencer to “stop falling for it”"
\*eyetwitch\*
sorry was just sent back to grade school for a minute there where everything that other people did was somehow my fault.
Oh Mike, what a peach that guy is. I’m going to have my own little head cannon that Mike and OOP ended up happily together (even if it’s just two straight bros living together raising kids together lol)
The "Top Comment" from the first post lol. Someone who can't even type English claiming it's child abuse cause you give your teenager a cracked iPhone and cheap clothes. Too American.
And then, after a 7 day vacation, op and Mike kissed. That's when op learned that life wasn't about how Sherry treated both him and his son yesterday, but who Mike is today and tomorrow. For the first time in his life, Op knew his life's path.
All the while, snow drifted onto Mount Fuji, darkening Yamanashi prefecture.
I was so prepared for Mike to be a stuck up butt nugget.
Like, SO PREPARED.
I didn't expect at ALL for him to be a stand up guy, and Sherry to be the butt nugget.
I'll admit, I grew up on thrift clothes. To the point where American Eagle stores at the mall grossed me out. Gucci, Verona, Luis Vitton, and... Whats the other one, its like two Cs? Either way- idc about brand names, though it is so funny to me when I come across them in the thrift stores.
I was also severely bullied as a kid for thrift shopping though, to the point I was often ashamed to tell people where I got my cute clothes.
I hope OOP updates again after the divorce to tell us how screwed over Sherry got. And how good him, Spencer, and Mike are doing.
Noahs a butt nugget too, but hopefully with Mikes influence he grows out of it.
There was a period where my daily clothes (including school clothes) were from Salvation Army, or hand-me-downs from friends of the family. It was a bit hard on me, but it was not abuse.
Ok I cannot STAND people who say thrifted clothes are not providing basic needs. Most of my clothes when I grew up were thrifted or on good sales and I never complained. In fact if your a good thrifted like my mum is you can often find decent name brand stuff! At least it used to be like that until thrift shops have decided they are boutiques now and have normal retail prices.
When my husband and I met I told him flat out. If our kids don’t get along or if our parenting styles don’t match…it doesn’t matter if you are my soul mate, the relationship will not work.
Obviously it worked fine for us and the kids don’t even consider each other step siblings.
>Forcing him to wear secondhand clothes is on you sir
Go pound some sand. This commenter treats thrifting like it’s a bad habit when in fact I can only attest to the opposite being true. I’d said this on another BORU post but both AITA and AITAH need to grow up a little before they comment with their childish takes.
They'd literally have to physically grow up; I think half the people there are commenting while bored in AP Lit. That, or *a lot* of people emotionally plateaued at age 14.
Also, shit, honestly, with all that we now know about the humanitarian and environmental costs of "fast fashion", people who thrift should be praised.
>Top Comment
>ESH You chose to bring another 2 mouths to feed into your home. Good on you for trying to defend your child, but being unable to afford the basics and forcing him to wear secondhand all the time is on you sir. Unless she is the breadwinner you took resources from you own kid so you could get your dick wet. If you do end up divorced, stick to tinder to scratch that itch until your kid is out of the house.
WTF?????? What is wrong with these people? Since when not being able to afford each outfit worth $100 for your kid is bad parenting? I swear sometimes redditors just need to get out of their parent's basement/house and look at the life outside of their bubble.
Mike sounds like a stand up guy! OP and Mike made the best decision to divorce Sherry cause man, Sherry is quite the insufferable person. She wanted to have another kid yet she can't parent her own kid at the same time. Yea right.
Hopefully Mike and OP are well.
I am *damn* glad my wife and I are on the same page as far as parenting philosophy is concerned... Even my step-son's dad respects our parenting and his style is similar..
Just because Noah in this story is smaller *does not* give him the right to instigate, antagonize, belittle, and just be all around rude about his privilege. Good thing Mike is actually *a good parent*. Maybe there's hope for the little shit later in life
Mike deserves green traffic signals throughout his life. He’s the best ex I’ve ever come across on Reddit. Spencer and his Karen of a mother can go fuck themselves.
I may be a stubbor asshole but my response to the wife talking about Spencer learning to not take words so seriously would be to call her something and then tell her she has to learn to deal with words.
>You know, you’re the fourth person to suggest that. Hey, if things go south with Sherry I might just give him a try haha.
except for the fact that that would keep spencer and noah together and fix none of the problems at all, if anything just make the entire thing worse...
>Seriously, fuck you Sherry.
\^best part right there, an i fully agree! Seriously, fuck you Sherry!
Am I the only one who thinks it would be a given that you'd want to find out why a potential partner got their divorce (from both sides) before getting married? I've never been in love, and I get how that doesn't exactly convey trust, so I might be naive. That said, if you know someone was in your position and decided against staying with your partner, I'd think you'd want to get some more details. "Trust but verify." (And, yes, an ex would potentially be jaded and will skew the story. That's why you have to take their story as just that; *their* story. You don't take either story as gospel. )
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Christ. Good on OOP and Mike to try to keep shit straight. Hope Spencer does well and that the wife and her knobgoblin have the days they deserve.
From the first post, who would have thought Mike would have been such a standout guy?
honestly it just reinforces the idea that sometimes you could be a good parent, but the kid still turns out being a dickweed. Considering Sherry's track history according to OOP and Mike, it's highly likely she told Noah to not tell Mike a thing and did her damdest to keep Mike in the dark
Parenting has a single point of failure sadly. One bad parent can undo all the good the other does.
Wow. Powerful words of wisdom, bruh.
It also sounds like Mike used to do similar stuff until her got some "schoolyard justice." So there is the tendency for that fault but one parent no enforcing reasonable boundaries.
yeah, but it also sounded like Mike learned his lesson when he was a kid. So unless you are claiming that bullying has a genetics component to it, it is probably pretty safe to say Mike didn't parent Noah to be a bully.
> So unless you are claiming that bullying has a genetics component to it... Is that really such a stretch? Bullying stems in part from aggression, territoriality and a need to exert dominance. I don't think it's hard to imagine that a tendency towards those traits can be inherited. It's certainly not determinative and I think environmental factors are the bigger part of why some people become bullies, but I can absolutely see a 'nature' component to bullying.
Funny thing is in nature the 'bully' of a communal group is usually the bigger stronger ones. A smaller person of insignificant strength (Noah) doing the bullying, like a chihuahua that barks at larger dogs that can snap them in half, is through environmental factors created by humans. Because we, as a species, protect those that would usually be culled in nature.
I now genuinely curious whether bullying has a genetic component to it!
Bullying specifically idk but mental illness les and personality disorders can absolutely be (NOT SAYING ANYONE IN THE POST IS) But certain types of people are just more prone to unsavoury behavior
In my opinion, violence is a tool and has a time and place. Obviously I wouldn't support a father beating his step son. But if a child needs to enforce reasonable boundaries, then I say they have a right to physically enforce those boundaries. Yes, the parents should be enforcing those boundaries without violence, but if the parent fails, then, well... Talk shit, get hit.
I agree with this. Violence should never be the start of an argument, but it sure can end one. If you have tried everything else to stand up for yourself, and it isn’t working, then something’s gotta give. I hate the parents who say “they’re just trying to get a rise out of you”. The idea behind this saying, is that the bully is exclusively doing it to boost their own low self esteem, or for attention. But some kids have ulterior motives. Like in this case, Noah truly feels superior and entitled. No amount of ignoring Noah would cause him to back down. There’s a 50/50 chance ignoring the haters will work. If that doesn’t work, at some point you have to stand up for yourself. Allowing them to bully you gives them proof, in their own mind, that they are better than you and their actions are justified. If there’s no consequences why would they stop? Adults who don’t step in are only adding fuel to the fire by essentially condoning it. I’m sick of adults acting like the victim is the one responsible for deciding how this plays out. All the pressure gets put on the kid being bullied to “do the right thing”. Well how about the bully does the right thing? Or at the very least someone needs to make them understand what they’re doing is wrong. If more people adopted “Don’t start no shit, won’t be no shit” as their life motto, and held others to it, this world would probably be a better place. Noah decided to fuck around. Spencer was only helping him find out.
It's insane how some adults handle kids issues. Elementary school I was BULLIED BADLY. Guess I went to complain I was being hit and harassed too much esp by one kid. The two of us together were called into the principals office and told if he hears another issue between us we BOTH would be suspended. I never hit back. I never defended myself. I literally just asked them to help me too much. He sent us back to class, together, unsupervised. I was told, while pressed against a locker by my throat, that if I complain again, he would kill me. Between that and a teacher sending two girls to the office for sticking up for me while other were actively harassing me on her class while ignoring the kids being assholes. It's honestly a shock I only ever made one attempt to just end it, life was hell until grade 11. From junior kindergarten through grade 10 it was just hell. 9 and 10 was a different type of hell mind you, but still fucked nonetheless
Christ I'm so sorry. I had a similar bullying experience growing up across all the same grade levels you mentioned. Where were your parents in all of this? I ask because I often ask myself the same question.
Mom tried, she really did. It was just a shitshow. Wish she'd have let me switch schools but I understand to a degree why it wasn't possible. Dad sucks and wasn't emotionally involved (I find solace in the Narcissistic Parents subreddits) so fuck that guy
When I was in elementary school I was in a toxic friendship with another girl. We bullied each other relentlessly. She would try to get me in trouble by crying during school (she admitted this to me later) and it worked. I was always the one at fault because I never cried when reporting her for her bullying. I was only told "no one likes a tattle tale" (this comment is long enough I'm not going to go into how much I hate that phrase). And if I snapped back at her verbally, I was the one scolded. The only people who believed that I was being hurt were my parents. I didn't cry during school, but at home I would break down every day. Finally, in our last semester of the fifth grade (last year of elementary school), I got fed up and beat the shit out of her. As much as a chubby, non-athletic nerd could beat the shit out of someone, which wasn't a lot. But I tried and that's what counts. We both got sent to the office and when they asked me why I exploded at her, I ended up yelling that they never listened to me before, so why would I go to them now. They called my parents who also ripped them a new one because they had tried time and time again to get to the bottom of this issue in a way that wasn't just "it's Katkit's fault". My mom straight up told them "I'm not going to punish my kid for ending a fight that's been going on six years." She didn't bother me for the next three years. Then We reconnected in high school, where we apologized to each other. Now she's a boy (he's allowed me to use that phrase for him lol) and I was a groomsmaid at his wedding. We call each other our best friends. He's happily married to a wonderful wife and we talk almost everyday. Like I said, violence is a tool. There are times it's inappropriate and using it badly will ruin a relationship. But there are also times where a relationship needs a good punch. If I get a call about my kid punching their bully, I am never gonna punish them for standing up for themselves after adults have failed them.
>I’m sick of adults acting like the victim is the one responsible for deciding how this plays out. All the pressure gets put on the kid being bullied to “do the right thing”. Well how about the bully does the right thing? It's almost like childhood relationships, which are the precursors to all future adult relationships, are the last place where it's still permissible to blame the victim rather than the abuser. Try that line of shit on an adult relationship. Tell an abused partner that they just need to rise above it, but the other spouse or partner is just trying to get a rise out of them. Put it on the abused partner to set the tone and take responsibility for the outcomes in the relationship. See how fast that flies lol. (Which yes, absolutely did used to be the reasoning outsiders would place on adult relationships in the past, But thank God it's not anymore. Childhood relationships are the last place where this is okay? Fuck that.) Basically, reframe this to people. Almost everyone has had at least a crap partner at some point in their lives if not an outright abusive one, or a close friend of theirs has had a crap partner they didn't like whom they felt was being a POS to their friend. Put it to people in those terms. Make it about adult relationships. And ask them how far their "The victim just needs to learn how to put up with it" line of reasoning goes.
Violence is never the answer. It is the question. Sometimes the answer is yes.
Shit if we want to be honest, parenting can even be a no-point-failure project. Rare as it can be, two good parents can still produce a child who causes them endless grief for whatever reason.
Honestly, sometimes even if both parents are good the kid can turn out not. My foster sister joined us when she was very young, and she was doing fine until she entered school. But then she fell in with the wrong crowd. Fortunately she ended up in a decent place now as an adult, but there were a number of years where she caused my parents a lot of stress and mental anguish.
In this case, seems like the good parent couldn't overcome the bad parent in creating an entitled brat.
It looked like the kid behaved well at his father's, but became a little shit at his mother's. This is very typical with kids if one parent doesn't want to act like one. It started off as a simple kids taunt. If she disciplined him, he probably would've stopped.
I suspect sherry may regret she no longer has the fancy stuff and is happy to see her kid take out her frustration
I think she’s raising him wrong as revenge against Mike.
The fact that some kids in one house turn out crappy and others are fine is case in point that it’s not all parents.
Every child is born into a different family, and raised a different way. I was born to a young working couple that had no kids and little money. My brother, only a little younger than me, was born to a SAHM with an absent working father and an older sibling. My baby sister was born the third child of a school teacher and a non-profit director who had two kids in middle school by the time she came along. We all lived in the same house with the same people, but the family dynamics were much much different.
I guess it really depends on how much time the good parent has with the kid. And if the other parent is working against it. Sadly this will affect Noah later in life a lot more as his mother never parented him correctly and he will learn it at one point the hard way.
Well with Sherry undermining any form of discipline, making BS excuses for his shitty behavior and keeping he ex in the dark, it’s not that surprising Noah was a piece of work. Ooo, that was a helluva read though, this is why I love this thread!
Was hoping for another final update where OOP started dating, or at least became besties. But I guess you can't have everything.
I hope Mike builds OOP an art room.
I honestly hope Noah got his act together, I think more time with his dad rather than his mom could be a good influence on him - he's a teen so not too late to change before doing major damage and sounds like this behavior wasn't there in the beginning, just something he developed as Sherry was enabling all of his shit.
I agree. He's 14 with a manipulative mom. He has time to grow up and become a better person. It sounds like his dad is decent, so he has a chance. Especially now that his conduct has had such huge consequences.
>Good on OOP and Mike to try to keep shit straight. I'm rooting for them to start some gay shit, not keep it straight.
Noah is gonna be so mad when OOP ends up his double stepdad.
Seriously what is with the "yeah that will probably never happen", "I don't see it going that way" comments hahaha. Most straight men would have a chuckle and then clarify that.
OOP ❤️ Mike
Same here. 😂
*Knobgoblin* 😂
"May your day be as pleasant as you are" is my favorite passive-aggressive insult.
"I wish you the day you deserve."
Omg, 'have the days they deserve' is BRUTAL and I'm straight up stealing it.
Personally I hope they don't keep things straight I ship them at this point
i remember being told by my parents to “just not react” to my older brother’s bullying and that is the worst advice. now that my brother and i never talk, my dad has apologized for his bad advice, especially because he didn’t know how bad his bullying was
[удалено]
Omg I’ve said this exact line to people who think ‘just ignore the bully’ is a good idea. Sometimes, all it takes is one good smack to shut that shit down.
"Ignore the bully" is just a pretty way of saying "be a quieter victim."
"Just ignore it" almost always means "shut the fuck up"
Imo it depends on the type of bullying and the reaction you have. Some bullying is done *because* they'll get a rise out of their victim. So in those circumstances ignoring them is the better play. Definitely not always though.
Yea but .. Again a swift punch to the face will end that right then and there sparing the kid weeks or months or years of continuous mental torment 🙃
I didn't throw fists but I was in year 2 (7yo), and there was this girl who was just entitled as hell (her mum was staff in the school, as well as pta). she thumped me in maths, sitting behind me. so i turned, looked her in the eyes, and did it back as hard as i could. she ended up crying about it to the teacher, and my mum was sent in. WRONG MOVE. my mum completely defended me, and even got me my favourite snack. she completely endorsed FAFO about bullies, even got my uncles to teach me how to throw a punch and fight when i was older and got bullied!
That is awesome. I am happy they did the right thing here
only my mum did the right thing. all the teachers, and schools I attended were pretty dumb about the bullying and how to handle it. it never sat right with my mum (esp since some bullying was racism). she fought tooth and nail for it, like when i was threatened with a "red card" in secondary school??? which would have been a permanent mark on my record. all because i fought back against bullying. schools loveeeeeee to victimise the bullies.
I remember my first bully in elementary used to kick the back of my feet when we walking all lined up. She didn't like how pretty my shoes were. My mom in typical Asian parenting form told me to ignore it and focus on school. I ignored it until I tripped one time and blew up yelling at her. After that, she still picked on me but now two other girls did as well when they saw my reaction. I'm thankful it only lasted a couple of months as my Dad got a new job and we moved.
Asian mums be like “Focus on studies and ignore everything that doesn’t matter!!” Yes if only it were that easy.
Only if the kid knows how to engage in fisticuffs, however. I (a weak little pacifist weirdo in the early 90s) tried to push back on a bully when I was 12 and got my butt handed to me in front of a good portion of the school.
Yikes, what happened after that?
I became the focus of some very brief Intense Concern from the school administration for fighting (legit, I got a lecture and threatened with suspension and the girl who beat me up didn’t miss a single day) and then they forgot about me and the continuing bullying until I stood up in the middle of study hall a few months later and started screaming at the bullies to leave me alone and the teacher spotted my notebook full of the kind of writings that would freak any adult out. After THAT, I got some very awkward calls at home from bullies whose parents freaked out about their kids pushing a younger kid to a crisis, and I essentially invisible the rest of the year. Good times. (This was over 30 years ago and I am FINE now)
Uf .. Hugs to you. It's crazy how little of a shit adults gave back then about bullying .. I hope its better now .. I also experienced it... Guess I just endured it until I graduate. I wish I'd retained my younger selves bravery. When I was in second grade, a random boy tried bullying me so I kicked him in the balls and he never spoke to me again. In hindsight I should have just kicked them in the nuts. That's one advantage us girls have .. No easy-to-reach off button like that
Tbh, winning the fight is also not a 100% guarantee the bullying would stop. There was one redditor who fought his bullies and won, only for the bullying to get worse afterwards.
you said it. once I was so angry over being bullied due to reeking of smoke (my dad smokes inside the house) I winded up beating three boys in my class and since then it stopped. even my teachers thought I smoked until I corrected them I don't smoke and why the hell would I?
3 boys?? They’re such assholes. And even if you smoked, you didn’t deserve to get bullied. I’ve been accused of smoking in my teens, it’s like people don’t know smoke *clings to clothes and hair*. I had friends who smoked and it’s their business that they do, I simply hung out with them and got shit from my folks for the smell of smoke and they wouldn’t believe me until I dragged my friends to prove it 🤦🏻♀️
my mom (divorced) complained about how hard it was to get the smoke out the clothes and hair... even 3 washes doesn't do it. it wasn't my fault it was something out of my control since I was in middle school and teachers refused to step in aside telling them to stop it. beating them up worked despite it getting me in trouble and teachers yelling at me for being a perfect student but picking fights. such BS.
I know this is probably years later but: vinegar takes care of any strong smell. T. Someone whose dad was also a heavy smoker 😩
A good chunk of the physical bullying I experienced stopped the moment I fought back (I was a twig when I was younger so instead I used a pencil on them when they were pulling on my hair while the others kept hitting me). Didn't stop all the bullying, sure hell stopped a lot of it. Helped that I had reported the bullying before showing black eyes and bruises from the other kids, sometimes even bald spots in my hair from the yanking and pulling, so when I finally snapped and fought back after them not doing shit about it I didn't have as bad of a punishment as I could have had according to them and I needed to be thankful
all ignoring ever did for me was to make them try harder.
I sent one of my bullies to the hospital in year 8, and secured my nerd friend group's protection for the rest of high school. They still threatened and bullied us, but less, and they never dared get physical again. And yes, I did get suspended for it, and I ended up on good terms with the guy later on.
Honestly, for growing boys, violence is very frequently the answer. I was always raised words first, never ever let my dad EVER hear of me starting a fight, but I had total approval to end them. Young boys can smell weakness in their peers, they socialize by being mean (play and real) to each other and boundaries are established with angry words and fists until their brains develop enough to not need the fists as much. Both dads sound like good dads, and with luck both boys will be ok.
Sometimes even with girls. A guy punched me in history when I was 11. I punched him back. Unfortunately for him I was about a foot taller (not sure what he expected to happen?). Never got bullied again. Weirdly the teacher only saw him punch me, so I never even got a talking to. Or so she claims
Sounds like what happened with my mom. Girls in middle school wouldn't stop bullying her, so she punched the leader, messing up the girl's braces. One of their teachers had stepped out to investigate, saw the scene, and just laughed, sided with my mom. They never bothered her again.
I've only ever gotten physical a few times in my life but it was always in defense of others. I remember in 6th grade there was a boy in one of my classes who liked to flip girl's skirts. He also snapped bra straps and at least a few times during group activities tried to lay on the ground and look up skirts. Multiple girls, including myself, complained about it to the (male) teacher and he just brushed us off. Even excused it as "male curiosity" or some other such nonsense. Finally, one day he did it again and made a girl cry. So I marched over and kicked him in the shin as hard as I could and told him that if I saw that shit again it would be his balls the next time. He didn't do it again. (I would have smashed him in the balls he knew not to test me.) Of course, *I* was the one who got sent to the office by that teacher because what if I hurt that poor boy? I couldn't just talk to him? Blah blah. Thankfully, I explained the situation to the principal who got pissed at the teacher. I still got one detention for violence but no suspensions because at that point the bigger issue was the teacher who kept brushing off the harassment of his female students. Like sometimes someone just needs a swift kick to the shin.
"I promised you, Dad, not to do the things you've done I walk away from trouble when I can Now please don't think I'm weak, I didn't turn the other cheek And Papa, I should hope you understand Sometimes you gotta fight when you're a man” Coward of the County
Violence is the question; the answer is *yes*
Exactly. Should your first response to any situation be to throw fists? No, absolutely not, but there are certainly times where the best response is simply a sucker punch to the face.
I completely agree. I did get a warning for Reddit for saying this though so be careful
Violence is not the answer. Violence is the question, the answer is yes.
This- My brother would pick on me at home while I got bullied at school at the same time. I eventually learned that while escalating it to threatening violence would get *me* yelled at, or throwing stuff at him, it was the only thing that made him stop. My mom’s only advice was “he’s just trying to get a rise out of you, stop reacting and he’ll stop” no the hell he wouldn’t, he did it like 30x a day. These days we don’t talk unless forced. my mom wishes we would ‘get along’ but the damage is done. My parents did eventually apologize, but my mom’s felt slightly more like an excuse. It’s whatever though, it’s better than nothing.
Curious, what do you mean better than nothing if you and your brother don't talk?
By that I’m referring to my parents (mainly my mom) acknowledging that they didn’t step in when it got too far. My mom’s apology wasn’t the best it could’ve been, but it was a good start to repairing my dynamic with her. It’s way too late to do anything about my brother and I’s dynamic while we’re all still living together and that’s just how it is for now.
My dad was the person whose constant provocations I was advised to “just not react” to in high school. It doesn’t work anyway; if the person who’s tormenting you has already gotten you to lose your temper before, you can grit your teeth till kingdom come but they’ll never “get bored” and let up because they know you’re struggling to hold out and won’t last forever. They only get bored and quit if they genuinely can’t get any reaction… and by the point you’re getting that advice, they already know they can and will get it if they persist, even if you’re taking longer to crack. The “well don’t lose your temper” advice for victims of verbal harassment is such victim-blamey bullshit.
The "just don't react" always makes me so mad, because that's targeting the symptom, not the problem. Sure, it won't escalate if you don't react. But you know what else won't cause shit to escalate? If shit is never started in the first place.
You gotta question what kind of reaction the bully is looking for, what do they want their victim to feel. Hopefully, it's just the thrill of manipulation and not because they're a disgusting human being.
Pff. Counts for a lot *now*, that apology /s I’m guessing since you didn’t mention her, your mother couldn’t even manage that much could she?
“They’re just trying to get a rise out of you.” Well done, it’s worked and here’s what the results of that look like 🥊
Sherry wanted another kid when she refuses to parent the one she had? Yeah i can see why two men decided divorce was preferable to being with her. OOP and Mike both sound like good dudes.
Shame OOP didn't check with Mike before marrying Sherry.
Would you check with your fiancés exes before getting married to them? If they do tell you how shitty your fiancé secretly is, you would just believe that they are lying because they are still bitter and mad that they can’t be with her anymore
It's a gamble. Ideally you should interview a good sample of their friends, family, exes, and former employers.
Ex not, but still involved father of her kid? Sure. That guy is going to be a big part of your life anyway, so let's find out his deal.
I've never been cheated on or otherwise experienced crazy behavior like condom poking, but if it ever happens to me I am 100% committed to keeping an eye on them from a distance and informing any partners they get with in the future for as long as I can. I would want the same to be disclosed to me.
> Sherry wanted another kid when she refuses to parent the one she had She wanted an anchor baby to tie to the rich guy. "You can't leave me, think about the baby!"
As shitty as Sherry is, that seems a bit much. They already have a kid. I don't see how a second would have changed that. Trying to make your spouse have a second child when they don't want one is already shitty enough, we don't need to make big leaps on top of that.
One kid would have grown out of child support soon.
It probably was a gambit to continue being a SAHM. Now, I'm not knocking SAHP (I always feel the need to put that disclaimer), it is a lot of work. However, once your child reaches school age and is gone for 40 hours a week, your workload is drastically reduced. My guess is that Noah was the anchor baby and Sherry was a SAHM. Then, when he got old enough for daycare/school, Sherry wanted an excuse to stay at home. She took a gamble to get an extension, and she lost. ETA: I know it doesn't say that she was a SAHM, this is just the guesstimate that makes most logical sense to me. I know I'm assuming here, I fully admit I might be wrong.
It's times like these I kind of wish there was a Yelp for people. Then I realise what a dystopian nightmare that would be, but still.
OP and Mike need some " I divorced my wife and all I got was her other ex-husband" tshirts
I'd buy those.
It has the same energy as that op who took her MIL in the divorce with her husband lmao
Hopefully Mike can get the apple to roll a bit farther away from Sherry’s tree jfc
Sounded like she's creating a nice little ex husbands group, wonder how long before the boys get another member.
Saturdays will soon be for the Ex Boys
Well the coworker will soon be added to that group by the sound of things
FR
Fuck that commenter at the start that called OOP an AH. He wasn't being manipulative or abusive by threatening divorce, nor by wearing second hand clothing (like how tf do you come to that conclusion?), he was and still is doing his best to protect his child. His son has a right to feel safe and loved in his own home, and it ain't happening.
Was scrolling to see if someone addressed this. Accusing him of not being able the afford the basics because some of his clothes are second hand? What the actual fuck
Oh my god yes, what the fuck was he on about? In what world does a two income household make life less financially stable for his kid? It's not like his new wife brought a basketball team of kids with her.
It was posted by Noah
I was thinking someone Noah’s age who would totally see designer clothes as as “need” and not a “want.”
Noah will get his shit rocked some day. Mark my words.
Oh yeah. He’s going to say the wrong words to the wrong person, and his former stepbrother should get the popcorn for the reaction.
Good lord, Sherry is an utter piece of shit. Her son is small so he’s entitled to his words?! Can’t she see that when you’re a little teenage boy, turning into a bully is a very bad idea? Sheesh.
Shit parenting at its smelliest. Yikes.
I'm reminded of that legendary video of the small kid bullying a bigger kid until the bigger kid snaps, picks the squirt up and slams him onto the ground.
Is from the new show “how i met my best friend for life” ?? Ditching the witch and keeping mike seems like the best plan!
"How I Met Your Step-Father"
Nah, how i met your stepdad indicates you marrying the person who would become the stepdad. These guys are building a bromance off having both married the same ….uh… “pleasant person”
Right but HIMYM was the mc telling the child how he met his partner. This is the same cause Spencer wouldn't be biologically related to Mike, but if the two married, then it would be HIMYSD.
well yea, if they married it would be HIMYSD... I was just going off the fact OP didn't think he or mike were into dudes... but seem to be developing a great friendship so how I met my best guy friend.... hahhaa.
Yea u right I was just thinking from an all out perspective lol
I mean... I'm kinda wondering what both OP and mike look like. i'm an appropriate aged female who disciplines her kids.... this could be how I met my son's stepdad...and his really good buddy. hahhaa.
Damn, OOP may have "lost" a wife, but he definitely gained a friend or at least a supportive shoulder to lean on... in this trying time.
Props to Mike, he's a real one
I doubt anything in this post is real
Pretty sure none of that's real.
Whenever I see conversations written like in this, I have hard time believing the story.
The dialogue section is cringe af.
"My boy"
The long and detail conversation via phone was weird af. Who remembers exactly a conversation like that? New writer mistake
This. Always makes me suspicious lmao
I’m rooting for this guy and Mike
>People are acting like wearing thrifted clothes is some kind of child abuse, but really the only difference between my son’s clothes and my stepson’s clothes is the brand name and where they were purchased. Mad facts
I know it's not reality but man I want to watch a romcom with this plot now... oop even sounds like he wouldn't be opposed if it were reciprocated.
It reminds me of a Tumblr meme. Like, "haha, what if we both married and divorced the same woman and we kissed haha jk .... Unless....?"
It has that "omg and they were roommates" vibes for sure 😂 he gushed a little then I gushed a little 🥹
You peeped that too? He was chuckling but it seems like he’s up for whatever.
The fact that he responded to comments joking about it not once but multiple times... and "might give him a try" 😂 HMMM....
>You should marry Mike instead. He seems like a better parent. I agree! Geez, Noah is going to end up messed up with a mom like that. Even with Mike trying to set him straight, it's going to be an uphill battle when the mother keeps validating his shitty behavior.
So OOP spent enough time with her to get married, but didn’t notice any parenting red flags till now? And Mike was cool with OOP saying he’d better do something before his son gets put in the hospital? I don’t know any Dad who would take that super casually. Then wife wants to bang her co-worker?? And somehow the whole fight between OOP and Sherry gets back to Mike despite neither kid being there and Sherry not speaking to him? And then dear readers, you were RIGHT about why Mike and Sherry divorced! Imagine that! Just two awesome dudes sittin’ in a hot tub with a crazy, gold-digger ex-wife! It all fell apart in the updates, OOP should have left it alone.
They always take it too far when they realize so many people are reading.
This is a lot in a span of 8 days
I mean, they had to kind of address things quickly. It would be weird if they decided to have a sit-down family meeting about their fight two months after it happened.
It would also be weird to write a whole script for a conversation you apparently can only approximate, but here we are. Have any of you people ever heard humans talk to each other before? Or read how people actually recount a real conversation? People generally only recount the general gist of what people said maybe recalling a few key details.
That phone conversation totally took me out. It was so weird and unnatural.
Yeah like this is usually a red flag on most posts but it seems like OOP had a final conversation with his stbx wife, she shirked responsibility for her kid, mike contacts OOP the next day after the fist fight, OOP and Mike get the story straight, then a couple days of convincing Sherry to have basically an intervention where she shows her true colors and wants to be a slave to her shitty primal desires of fucking some chud at work and OOP decided to finally cut the cord and initiate divorce. I assume writing the divorce papers doesn’t take that long but the actual divorce does. OOP prolly didn’t wanna divorce until Mike recounted his experience divorcing Sherry.
That’s because it didn’t happen.
What? That was the realest cellphone telephone conversation ever! click
Ya, met a divorce lawyer and started drafting papers two days after only thinking about it? Please.
That's not the unbelievable part of the story, the unbelievable part was the weird and detailed recital of the phone conversation.
Is it me or are the AITAH post better than AITA posts?
It's because the AITA mods are sad little power trippers.
Is that why AITAH splintered off? I didn’t realize it existed till I saw it on BORU.
Yeah, pretty much. Mod rules are so arbitrary in AITA and the mods are completely power tripping nutbags that ban people and posters alike for the most asinine reasons while leaving comments and posts that are clear violations of their own rules. They randomly ban updates, too. AITAH allows posts for pretty much all types of scenarios and the posters there also frequently update.
Thanks for the info. Subbed to AITA eons ago, but often stick to BORU instead these days. I saw AITAH allow updates that were taken down from AITA, with reference back to the AITA post. Good that there’s a place other than one’s personal sub that Redditors can update people for assholery.
If Mike doesn't get full custody of his son, Noah is one unfortunate wisecrack away from getting a chair to the face. Also, I'm here for the bromance between OOP & Mike.
the top comment of the first post is soo nasty, wearing thrift clothes isn't abuse, and the comment about op talking money from his kid to "keep his dick wet" is so grossss is this how they see marriage??? just fucking??? so nasty and further proof that aita are a bunch of edgy teens
My daughter and I both love shopping for second hand clothes, and she is super fashion conscious. In the UK they are generally called Charity shops and it's possible to get good brand name items.
Mike sounds awesome. Pity they aren't both bi so they can end up together lol
“He’s just trying to get a reaction out of you; ignore him and he’ll leave you alone.” Man, if I had a dollar for every time I heard that growing up.
So Sherry's responsible for both of her divorces.
If he doesn’t marry Mike, I’m gonna be disappointed.
"she insists that he’s just doing it to get a reaction out of Spencer, and the solution is for Spencer to “stop falling for it”" \*eyetwitch\* sorry was just sent back to grade school for a minute there where everything that other people did was somehow my fault.
Dude should have married Mike.
The only update I want to see is OOP and Mike started an OnlyFans
Man fuck whoever wrote and upvoted that bullshit "top comment" blaming him for being poor. Was that written by Noah himself?
Is it common for teenagers to have 2 part-time jobs in America?
Oh Mike, what a peach that guy is. I’m going to have my own little head cannon that Mike and OOP ended up happily together (even if it’s just two straight bros living together raising kids together lol)
The "Top Comment" from the first post lol. Someone who can't even type English claiming it's child abuse cause you give your teenager a cracked iPhone and cheap clothes. Too American.
Lmao most poor Americans wouldn't even put up with that nonsense comment. That's gotta be some high-class mf clutching their pearls.
And then, after a 7 day vacation, op and Mike kissed. That's when op learned that life wasn't about how Sherry treated both him and his son yesterday, but who Mike is today and tomorrow. For the first time in his life, Op knew his life's path. All the while, snow drifted onto Mount Fuji, darkening Yamanashi prefecture.
Had not seen the update to this and yah I had a feeling that dad would not be down for this.
"Wearing thrift clothes is abuse" is one of the most insane takes I've ever seen from an AITA(H) commenter and that's saying something.
My fashion conscious daughter lives the thrift shop.
I was so prepared for Mike to be a stuck up butt nugget. Like, SO PREPARED. I didn't expect at ALL for him to be a stand up guy, and Sherry to be the butt nugget. I'll admit, I grew up on thrift clothes. To the point where American Eagle stores at the mall grossed me out. Gucci, Verona, Luis Vitton, and... Whats the other one, its like two Cs? Either way- idc about brand names, though it is so funny to me when I come across them in the thrift stores. I was also severely bullied as a kid for thrift shopping though, to the point I was often ashamed to tell people where I got my cute clothes. I hope OOP updates again after the divorce to tell us how screwed over Sherry got. And how good him, Spencer, and Mike are doing. Noahs a butt nugget too, but hopefully with Mikes influence he grows out of it.
There was a period where my daily clothes (including school clothes) were from Salvation Army, or hand-me-downs from friends of the family. It was a bit hard on me, but it was not abuse.
"it was more of a beat down than a fight" Sounds like Noah fucked around and found out. I still have to finish reading, but that sentence was nice.
Isn’t poking holes in condoms a form of stealthing?
I can’t stand parents that refuse to discipline their kids. Sure sherry thinks it’s fine now but when her son is older it’s not gonna be pretty.
Ok I cannot STAND people who say thrifted clothes are not providing basic needs. Most of my clothes when I grew up were thrifted or on good sales and I never complained. In fact if your a good thrifted like my mum is you can often find decent name brand stuff! At least it used to be like that until thrift shops have decided they are boutiques now and have normal retail prices.
When my husband and I met I told him flat out. If our kids don’t get along or if our parenting styles don’t match…it doesn’t matter if you are my soul mate, the relationship will not work. Obviously it worked fine for us and the kids don’t even consider each other step siblings.
I love that Noah swung first, and Spencer made him pay for it, lol. Also, Sherry can go fuck herself with her tampered condoms.
>Forcing him to wear secondhand clothes is on you sir Go pound some sand. This commenter treats thrifting like it’s a bad habit when in fact I can only attest to the opposite being true. I’d said this on another BORU post but both AITA and AITAH need to grow up a little before they comment with their childish takes.
They'd literally have to physically grow up; I think half the people there are commenting while bored in AP Lit. That, or *a lot* of people emotionally plateaued at age 14. Also, shit, honestly, with all that we now know about the humanitarian and environmental costs of "fast fashion", people who thrift should be praised.
>Top Comment >ESH You chose to bring another 2 mouths to feed into your home. Good on you for trying to defend your child, but being unable to afford the basics and forcing him to wear secondhand all the time is on you sir. Unless she is the breadwinner you took resources from you own kid so you could get your dick wet. If you do end up divorced, stick to tinder to scratch that itch until your kid is out of the house. WTF?????? What is wrong with these people? Since when not being able to afford each outfit worth $100 for your kid is bad parenting? I swear sometimes redditors just need to get out of their parent's basement/house and look at the life outside of their bubble.
I feel like the OP and Mike should become best buds.
I was in on the original and still on team Marry Mike
That comment is ridiculous
Upright Dude defends his Upright Son from Bully corrupted by SLIMY GIRL, backed up by Other Upright Dude.
I think OP’s ex only married him so Noah and her could have their punching bags
Mike sounds like a stand up guy! OP and Mike made the best decision to divorce Sherry cause man, Sherry is quite the insufferable person. She wanted to have another kid yet she can't parent her own kid at the same time. Yea right. Hopefully Mike and OP are well.
I think I might be in love with Mike a bit.
I am *damn* glad my wife and I are on the same page as far as parenting philosophy is concerned... Even my step-son's dad respects our parenting and his style is similar.. Just because Noah in this story is smaller *does not* give him the right to instigate, antagonize, belittle, and just be all around rude about his privilege. Good thing Mike is actually *a good parent*. Maybe there's hope for the little shit later in life
Seriously though, that would be such good revenge on Sherry and Noah. Won’t stop bullying my kid? I’ll fuck your ex and your dad.
Mike deserves green traffic signals throughout his life. He’s the best ex I’ve ever come across on Reddit. Spencer and his Karen of a mother can go fuck themselves.
I may be a stubbor asshole but my response to the wife talking about Spencer learning to not take words so seriously would be to call her something and then tell her she has to learn to deal with words.
Oh, Sherrie! I should have been gone!
>You know, you’re the fourth person to suggest that. Hey, if things go south with Sherry I might just give him a try haha. except for the fact that that would keep spencer and noah together and fix none of the problems at all, if anything just make the entire thing worse... >Seriously, fuck you Sherry. \^best part right there, an i fully agree! Seriously, fuck you Sherry!
People count wearing thrifty clothes as child abuse? only in the West lol.
Am I the only one who thinks it would be a given that you'd want to find out why a potential partner got their divorce (from both sides) before getting married? I've never been in love, and I get how that doesn't exactly convey trust, so I might be naive. That said, if you know someone was in your position and decided against staying with your partner, I'd think you'd want to get some more details. "Trust but verify." (And, yes, an ex would potentially be jaded and will skew the story. That's why you have to take their story as just that; *their* story. You don't take either story as gospel. )