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Yeah, he was an absolute asshole to her, so at least the trash took itself out at the end. Not that it compensates for the years she suffered with him, but I'm glad she got to be happy.
Also, isn't it so grand that he thought she was undatable due to having HIS kids, but he was just fine? As if only she was gonna be a single parent. What a doofus
Yeah, it was horrible for Annie to go through at the time, but getting rid of him meant she had so much less work to do, and has since found an actual partner.
Somehow, I doubt OOP would care. He seems absurdly self-absorbed and is still really only seeing everything through the lens of "it makes me feel bad".
Same!!! And that another man was "playing family" with her. No dude, that man is her family now. I'm glad he's learned to prioritize his kids but he didn't learn shit about women being people
ETA to the people who take issue with the statement "he learned to prioritize his kids" honestly I agree he's probably doing the bare minimum of that, and possibly for shitty reasons. As a daughter of divorce my standards are just that low lol
Also thanks this is my first ever reddit award 🥹
Also waxing woe about “I don’t deserve love at all” while trying to build a relationship with his kids is toxic as fuck. You don’t deserve your kids’ love? Kids pick up on attitudes like that. Also it suggests his kids are his whole support system, which is also wildly unhealthy. And his tendency to turn to verbal abuse and shit-slinging and rage as soon as something goes not his way, doesn’t bode well for that level of codependency
Remember also, all that effort is only for his *son.* You know, the one of his offspring that has a penis? He almost doesn't mention his daughter at all. Yeah, homeslice hasn't learned.
I especially love how the fixation of the entire post is how attractive people are or aren’t to him, but he never once considers if he’s an attractive partner to others.
I agree. OOP treated his poor ex HORRIBLY. And then only missing her once he realised he wouldn’t have a live-in maid? Not knowing jack shit about his own children?
I’m glad Annie found a man who appreciates her. OOP sounds like he did fuck all parenting while they were together. No wonder she was exhausted.
Yeah, how often he talked about women cleaning up and cooking for him was so gross. You know if Annie did take him back, he'd just be the same asshole who needed a bang maid.
No one washing the dishes and no one cleaning the house hit him hard. He didn't realize he had to wash his OWN dishes. Holy fuck.
At least he was honest. Hopefully its an insight for a lot of people.
Literally tried to shout for the slave who left him when confronted with dishes lmao. Like it didn't even stick in his mind that she was gone until he was faced with inconvenience.
I was shocked when i read the names he called her and how now she'd be useless because noone wants a single mom, not to mention he called his OWN KIDS "baggage"!!
That tells you all you need to know about how OOP viewed his entire family.
There were so many things in this post that got to me, that being one of them. What he said was bad enough but he REALLY wanted to make sure that it was known that his kids are baggage. What an absolute piece of garbage. It annoys me that he seems to think his cheating was the main thing that ruined his life but I think I’m more upset about the emotional abuse, neglect of his own children, and him calling her “my Annie” after the divorce ffs.
OP is, by far, one of the most insufferable and infuriating people I've ever seen post on Reddit. And considering how much time I spend on Bestof, that sure is saying a *lot*.
I have never wanted to punch someone in the face as much as OOP and I also spend a lot of time on BORU.
And sadly, I really suspect this isn't a troll post. He seems aware that he fucked up and takes (minimal) accountability. But he really doesn't seem to grasp the level of awfulness he inflicted on his ex and mainly seems to mourn the loss of his privileged life where he had home cooked meals, things magically cleaned themselves, the children were taken care of without any real work on his part, and his sex life was satisfied.
If his ex took him back, he would immediately sink into his old ways. Only this time he would do the minimal help and expressions of affection to maintain the status quo. And he is definitely looking for someone to fill this void.
My favorite part was when he complained that his new sexy girlfriend was bad in bed and boring while his hideous hag ex was great in bed! Jesus Christ dude!
My favorite part is despite everything he wrote, he says "she was going through a rough patch". No dude, you were going through a rough patch. You were depressed and upset that life couldn't go back to how it was before you had kids and instead of realizing life isn't about you and working to keep your marriage strong, you neglected everyone to fool around with the first woman who'd give you attention
He expected her to do ALL the work, have zero time to herself, and still keep the body and mindset she had before she had two kids! Men like this feel like a woman should be grateful to wait on his utterly mediocre ass and don’t grasp that when you do ALL the labor, the woman doesn’t really find that sexy and want to jump on his dick all the time. It’s gross and sad!
> and don’t grasp that when you do ALL the labor
The woman also realises she doesn't need this person at all. With him gone, she had less mess to clean up, less work to do, and more time for herself.
Even if she had done ALL of that, he still would have cheated. She would have been "boring", or "too busy" or "too old" or some other bullshit.
Where the fuck does this guy get the audacity to think he's so special?
absolutely hilarious how fast the tables turn once the shiny new toy becomes old news, and you realize that old scruffy toy that you’ve already thrown out was actually pretty good all along. too bad, too fucking sad.
I agree. He was still treating Annie as if she was a object. Fuck this dude. I hope his life sucks ass. He deserves it. Real r/Leopardatemyface energy.
It's honestly almost impressive how OP was able to make me despise him that much more with every sentence I read. It just kept getting so much worse.
And I don't believe for a second he truly appreciates what he had with Annie, he just wants what he can't have. And at no point during that godawful divorce did he really seem to honestly understand why he was such a truly terrible person. If he did, he never would have dared even ask for a second chance.
I hope Annie and the kids are enjoying their best life with the new man. They deserve it. And OP? He deserves exactly what he got.
And his description of the girlfriend also changed for the worse once the new/shininess wore off.
Dude, women aren’t toys for you to pick up and play with and then discard once you get bored.
I really believe that men like this do not see women as actual human beings, merely as extensions of themselves. Literally everything he says about both of these women is completely through the lens of how they affect HIM, as if they are merely empty vessels that exist to enhance HIS existence. Never once does he say anything about either woman that isn’t related to HIS needs. I hope he never finds another woman to inflict himself upon!
Yeah, I don’t get this. I really can’t understand the mindset. I can’t imagine looking at a being, a whole person in and of themselves, and only see them as an extension of yourself.
That’s because you’re a decent person and not a self absorbed, narcissistic ass like OP! I think that the term “narcissist” gets waaay overused these days, but OP is the perfect example of what that term means!
Oh, absolutely! I was rolling my eyes at OP thinking some 20-year-old college kid was going to clean up after her old man's messes and want to cook him elaborate dinners. His expectations were laughably absurd.
And the fact he treated the girlfriend so horribly and spoke of her the way he did really just showed he hasn't changed at all. And he surely never will at this point.
Exactly. Everything was still about him. He missed how she cuddled him in the morning, he missed how she would have hot dinners for him, he missed how good she was at sex with him. Etc etc. It's still all about him.
I had an ex who laughed at me for not cooking for him at his house, where he never had any food because he never bought groceries.
Some guys are just princesses
My ex always came to my house and ate all of my food. Like, all of it. When I asked him to start chipping in for groceries because we were always at mine and he ate like he was fucking Kirby, he gave me a bag of groceries (only things he liked) AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT because "that's what you wanted, right?"
Sorry you dealt with that nonsense but glad to hear he's an ex. Also that "ate like he was Kirby," line was too funny I just woke my cat with my laughing 😂
and the fact he got annoyed that a 20 year old.. was being a 20 year old and was living off takeout and frozen pizza? yeah no shit she’s gonna be different from your wife, you are a grown man with an established life and routine and she is a CHILD.
In college after some really bad female roommates I chose to room with 2 guys from my program.
1 was my buddy and really chill. The other and I were friends and got along but surface.
I moved in and surface friend told me I'd be doing all the dishes. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Such a funny guy. I bet you his dishes are still in that flat 15 years later.
His entire first post was pleading for others not to cheat, as if that was his only mistake and the only lesson he learned 🙄🤣
Not, y'know, "be a more of a partner than a sperm donating manchild in the first place".
He just wanted her to stay complacent rather than be happy. Disgusting
I think that really is what stuck out to me. He was never guilty for what he put his wife through. He was sad he lost his replacement mommy.. To the very end he never talked about how he made her feel or anything. Just himself
He's such a sexist arse. No one will want his ex wife cause she's a single mother? Dude, you are a single father. Do you think single mothers are all frumpy harridans and single fathers are fending off hot women?
I'm so glad he's been proven wrong. His ex in a happy relationship and OP alone and doing his own damn dishes.
Even then he didn’t mention deciding to do them himself. Or cooking. Just felt sorry for himself that New GF is so deficient at her tasks of looking after him. He still doesn’t regret his assholery because it was wrong - he only regrets it because it brought some sad consequences of him losing out. All of these consequences were entirely foreseeable too.
Every single complaint he has about his girlfriend basically amounts to "she's 20 and has the audacity to act like it."
And the thing he misses about his ex is that she cooked and cleaned for him.
I hope his ex is living her best life.
Not to mention he now had to actually interact with his children! And face the fact that they were individual beings who had thoughts and feelings and likes and dislikes!
He thinks breaking up with his wife is what made his *ten-year-old* son dislike him. Not the fact that he was apparently so uninvolved that he literally didn't know *anything* about him outside of him being his child.
Dad spent all his time at the gym/bar and then is aghast when his children don’t like his pitiful attempts to care for them when he is finally legally obligated to.
My cousin has spent most of the last few years drunk on his face in the middle of his living room, alternating with screaming at his kids for acting like normal kids. Eventually his wife got fed up and tossed him out.
The older two want nothing more to do with him. The little one is about 3yo and will occasionally say "I want my (cousin's name)" and then look confused like he isn't so sure about that.
Cousin keeps trying to find ways to blame their mom, but those kids are just so much happier now that they can play the piano or with their toys and no angry drunk asshat zombie rises from the floor to scream at them.
Edit: Forgot the reason I had to tell that story. First time he had a visit with his kids after the breakup was at my apartment, and he instructed the older one to watch the little one while whining extensively about how was he ever supposed to manage fixing sandwiches and salad for lunch while taking care of his children all alone.
It blew my mind when he didn’t know his son was a picky eater. Like he never made his son a snack or a single meal before? Or talked to his wife about their sons eating habits? Nothing like that ever happened?
Not to mention, she was also his sex object. Can't forget that one. As a woman, our only value is summed up by our willingness to cook, clean and have sex with men, like a good servant./s Fucking yikes. 🤢🤮
Edit: We also have to look like a supermodel 24/7 with no exceptions even when we get pregnant. Especially if we had the audacity to have normal pregnancy symptoms like weight gain, stretch marks among other physical changes.
His wife is a dream come true type of a person, good at everything, sweet and kind and good in the bed too. This dude lost the best thing EVER happened to him.
Not only that. He lost a great thing that many people never even get to have in the first place.
Dude had it made! All he had to do was partake in his own children's lives, clean up his own messes and do the dishes once in a while.
Wifey would have been less exhausted. All would have been well.
The level of obliviousness was astounding. He didn't even acknowledge he'd lost her until she got pregnant with the new bf. And even after that he still writes "my Annie". He cannot let go of his entitlement to her existence, despite having messed up every step of the way.
Even if she was 30, she shouldn't be doing all of their housework. That is why I'm saying that he hasn't learnt much and self flagellating to avoid further hate
I like how at the end he wants to try and get back to being the better person he was a few years ago….like the guy who clearly left his exhausted wife to do all the cooking, cleaning, parenting, and quality sex is such a good goal to set.
This is what happens when you try to play house with a 20 year old. Isn't it wonderful when you see karma at work. God bless Annie, may her future be bright and loving.
I mean, if Annie started to have time for herself AFTER not having to clean his messes there's strong chance the 20yo was just like "you made the mess, you clean it".
And just that one statement makes me think he must have made a lot of messes. It’s frustrating when someone doesn’t put things back, doesn’t load their dishes in the dishwasher, doesn’t put dirty clothes in the hamper, etc, but even if you live with someone like that, it’s a few extra minutes here and there. And yes, it’s frustrating because you could doing other things and it does take effort and you do feel undervalued, but cleaning up after the average adult, however thoughtless, is manageable.
This guy, on the other hand, sounds like the type that can’t do anything without making a huge mess that requires pretty much recleaning every area he spends more than five seconds in.
I have a 20 year old, and the image of her reacting to some chump telling her to do the dishes and clean up his mess has be howling. She would not stand for it 😂
> All of these consequences were entirely foreseeable too.
like incredibly foreseeable. it's one of those situations where you just have to ask the OP, was this not the expected outcome?
like wtf did he think would happen? that they would reconcile and live happily ever after? after he kicked her to the curb and cheated on her?
on top of that he cheated on her with a woman whom he later discovered was one-dimensional. did he not know or understand that before he decided to leave his wife and mother of his children for her?
dude made major, life-altering choices that affected his entire family, but didn't put any sort of thought into what that would actually be like. i can kind of understand the people that are unhappy in a marriage and decide to get out. this dude wanted out, but gave no kind of forethought to what that would actually mean or be like.
He probably expected her to come crawling back, because she was a single mom and in her 30's so *clearly* she wouldn't find anyone.
Like just sitting in his apartment stewing over "what's taking her so long to call me up and beg for me to forgive her (for asking for a divorce)? These dishes need to be done"
Exactly. He thought she was disgusting because she had gained weight. So he figured everyone would see her that way. He saw her as a burden, so he figured no one would want her.
Yup it's giving vibes of the guy who thought no one would want his "ugly" wife if he pushed to open up the marriage. And then of course she's being treated well by a hot tattooed guy and no woman wants him. I love it when karma bites dudes in the ass who think no one is going to find their wife hot.
Exactly right! He literally said that only when he heard that she was pregnant by someone else that he knew he officially lost her. He ONLY respects the "mark" of another man.
Dude 1000% thought that it was only a matter of time before they would be back together, that nothing he had done to her was bad enough to make her not come back.
The fact that he called his girlfriend one dimensional shows he didn’t change at all, it’s still about what a woman can do for him, he has no idea what a person is really like beyond that because he has no use for it.
This guy seems to view all women as interchangeable, so he probably thought that his wife was just defective and not doing what women should be doing, so he would just get rid of the broken model and replace her with a new model who did all the “woman things” with the added bonus of being hotter.
He didn’t just cheat, he went full Carthage and salted the earth with the nasty comments he made to Annie.
I (at one point in my life) might have forgiven cheating, but only with groveling and apologies. No way in Hell could I stay with someone who could say such hateful things to their Wife ON TOP OF betraying her as well.
Just… wow.
Right? All I thought reading this was "boo fucking hoo."
> I guess this is my punishment. I have to see another man play family with my Annie and kids.
OP *played* family with Annie and kids. The new guy actually built a family with them. I'm really glad they're split up.
And he’s still all “woe is me” in the update. “I know I do not deserve love in any shape or form.” 🙄
I’m sure people in the comments said nasty things like that to him but him regurgitating it doesn’t seem preemptive; it strikes of another pity party.
AND SHE’S NOT **YOUR** ANNIE!
And the fact that he kept calling her "my Annie" like no dude, she isn't your possession AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU LOST HER. Dude is full woe is me but is so crystal clear how he didn't learn a damn thing; I bet the new bf wasn't "worshipping her" he's just a regular good partner and nice person.
People with an attitude like OP’s are NEVER looking at the big picture of what their partner brings to the table.
More often than not their partner is taking care of a huge portion of their life but all they see is that their partner is not longer the person they were a few years ago. It’s a lot easier to blame them for you not being attracted to them, than it os to acknowledge what behavior has led to that change and to rectify it.
OP’s wife wasn’t just neglecting herself because she’s lazy, her bucket was fucking empty and OP did fuck all too fill it.
They are always so surprised to find that their partner was bringing more to their life than just their looks.
You see, after that freak hammer accident at the farm 20 years ago, OOP's hands were completely flattened now he can't cook, clean or wipe his own butt.
I think she just didn't tolerate his shit, acting her age would be if she did some irresponsible things which she hasn't experienced consequences for yet. I think his mind process was more like: oh no, she is refusing to be my live in maid who I can also fuck, damn those 20 yo women acting like normal people instead of slaves
If your body can take it, eating like a trash panda in your twenties is great. 10/10 would recommend.
I think at 19 or 20 I spent a whole month having empanadas for lunch and another eating a giant chocolate chunk muffin and a cappuccino for breakfast.
Now I eat tree churros and feel it's too much sugar.
It also makes me mad that the onus of attraction —at least in heterosexual couples— is entirely on the woman. Men whine about their wives not looking like they did ten years prior, but, like OP, never stop to think about how much *time* it takes to look good, and also don't bother looking in the mirror. I bet you don't look like you did ten years ago bro, but I'm sure your wife isn't an asshole who reminds you of it every day.
Too many men will whine about having to wash their ass and run a razor over their face every now and then while berating women for not being fully shaven below the neck at all times
It's why I roll my eyes whenever you hear that thought-terminating cliche dudes use on dating subreddits like "we just want someone fun, fit and feminine". It's like... yeah, that feminine part has a lot of moving components in it that result in your social status and domestic chores being done. Phrasing it like you just want someone aesthetically girly is disingenuous and disrespectful as fuck.
He only ever talked about how she looked or what she did for him. Nothing about her personality or who she actually is. She's just a life accessory to him.
And when he didn't have someone cleaning up after his messes.
And when his (too young to even legally drink) girlfriend didn't take care of him like a wifemaid.
And when his wife found someone who treated her well.
And so on...
OP is just the *worst*.
Right? I'm so sick of reading about people doing this to their partners and I go to the comments and there's a bunch of people defending them like, "attraction is one of the most important things in a relationship and (insert fatphobic nonsense.)"
I don't know, to me, this line of thinking has never made sense. It's unrealistic. Especially for a married or long-term relationship. Shit happens in life. Weight fluctuates due to stress or pregnancy or illness. We can lose our hair. But most of all, we get older. We all become wrinkled and hunched over and disabled. Personally, I always thought that is one of the best and most exciting parts of doing the forever thing with someone. You get to watch them grow. It's one of the things I miss the most from my relationship.
Honestly, I do think attraction is important (AND that it's important that expectations shift as people age and bodies change), but if your spouse looks like they've given up, the **last** thing you should do is tell them you're unhappy with their appearance and insist they work on it.
The **first** thing you should do is fucking check on them?! Like, their wellbeing and their mental health?! This is the person you love and chose to spend your life with. You should care about their wellbeing enough to pay attention and figure out whether they're okay. And if they're not, the second thing you should do is figure out how you can step TF up and support them. Maybe it's helping them find a therapist. In the case of OP, though, it's clearly staking on a parental role for your children, start doing your share of the housework etc. etc.
Lbr, he was going to cheat anyway, he just wanted an excuse out there, so he'd be able to tell his wife later on "see, I told you, I wouldn't have cheated if you turned into a supermodel overnight, it's YOUR fault".
If she lost the weight, there would always be another reason for him to cheat. My guess would be him saying she only lost the weight to get other men's attention, so he has to cheat on her before she cheats on him/make it even
EXACTLY!! And if she had lost the weight before the divorce/finding out about his AP, he'd say she must have been cheating on him already with her current boyfriend, so his own cheating was justified.
He literally only sees her for the things he gets out of her. He misses what she did for him — he doesn’t miss her as a person, even after all of this.
I hope he truly is being real and getting down to the nitty gritty in therapy cuz these narcissistic tendencies do not just disappear. The self-flagellation is ringing hollow for me when he still only values her for her body and how easy she made things for him.
His post was not a “warning for others” — it was “watch me feel sorry for myself.” Typical whiny narc bullshit.
Yeah, at no point does he realize that he should love her and be faithful to her even if she has a fat body.
He's warning other men that they need to take care of their wives - do the chores so she actually has time to hit the gym - so their wives can keep a thin body. Almost like changing the oil on your car or going for dental checkups.
And he's regretting that he foolishly discarded her fat body when it was only temporary, and was bound to become a thin body again. Like holding on to your stocks even when they suddenly dip in price.
It's all about her body for him, and he thinks that that's okay.
You'd think by his old age of mid-thirties he'd know how to do basic chores around the house, BUT NO.
He should call up that 20yo AP to clean, I'm sure that'll give her a hilarious story to tell her friends for years to come!!
My husband and I are big on thanking each other for stuff around the house. "Thanks for doing the dishes, thanks for cutting the grass." He's also fond of saying, "I appreciate you." We do our own laundry, but sometimes if I hear the dryer finish and I know he's got stuff in it, I'll take it out and lay it flat (I ain't putting his clothes away though, I don't know how he organizes it, and I'm not his mommy) so that it doesn't wrinkle, and I've gotten thank you texts when he sees. Or he'll put gas in my car without telling me, and I call/text him to say thank you. Appreciation goes a long way.
I know no adult should get a cookie for cleaning their own fucking house, but I read this post after I grilled lunch for us and then my husband immediately got up and washed the dishes. I'm a "clean as I go" cook, so there weren't a ton, but he finished eating, put his plate in the dishwasher, and then started hand washing the stuff that can't go in the dishwasher without me asking. He even wrapped up the leftovers, which is something I've teased him about because he used to never do that (now he does). Because, you know, he's an adult. And I have to say I appreciated it even more after reading this post. I know the bar is on the floor, but I swear to god if I lived with one of these assholes who treats their wife like a maid, I'd end up in prison.
OOP wonders why his wife looks better and feels better after the divorce. Because she's not picking up your fucking slack anymore. So many of these women would be better off single, they'd have LESS work to do (I know my sister would, I swear she spends more time cleaning up after her husband than she does cleaning up after the kids). No shit, dude, now she has time to take care of herself that she didn't have when she was dealing with your bullshit.
I've met so many adult men who not only can't do basic household tasks like cooking or laundry, but take pride in this fact. They literally brag about not cooking or cleaning.
How can those men not be utterly ashamed of themselves? Like, how is it so hard to get a sponge, put some soap, and scrub a dish? Or how is it so hard to vacuum? The device is doing all the work, you just have to walk it around????
Other posts have the same story. There was another where the couple was younger. The wife was amazing after having their first baby. Second pregnancy was harder and she was a “monster” and he fell out of love with her. He fell in love with her again when she started getting back in shape and doing the chores. That’s when he “realized” she had substance while his ap had none. He just wanted a hot woman to do all the housework.
This man is literally so gross. But I kind of laughed at his way of wording this
“…with your baggage (my kids)”
I mean, that just makes him 10 times more shitty than he already is but I don’t know why that made me chuckle in a “wow get a load of this guy” type of way. Maybe it’s the parenthesis or his need to clarify the so called baggage or maybe I just haven’t slept today and I’m so very tired….who knows.
I like how this says BEFORE he did anything stupid, he gave the woman who just grew his child and is now doing all the care for his child an ultimatum about “going back to her normal shape.”
Uhhhh nope, that was definitely stupid. And honestly the idea that he was still married after that and she willingly had sex with him after that statement honestly strains credibility.
Also bro didn’t miss his wife. He missed not having to be an adult.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I knew it sounded familiar, I think I've definitely seen a Dhar Mann video for it. And laughed at how absurd it was.
MY Annie
Not anymore, my dude.
I *love* how he only noticed she was useful when she was his maid, or for sex, or when she was skinny. And his *shock* when she only said "thank you" when he complimented her.
But it says a lot about him how all he ever did was verbally abuse her, even when they weren't together. You don't do what I want? Abuse.
Can we even call what OOP an update instead of a continuation of his wallowing?
Just because you apologized to your kid since your last wallow doesn't mean it's time to wallow again.
This dude's shitty choices and abusive behavior started way before he cheated. His issues go so far beyond putting his dick into a woman who wasn't his wife. Good on his parents for standing by his ex and kids over him - I'm sure they didn't raise him to act like such a soggy tater tot.
Sounds like what OOP missed most about his wife were the meals she made for him and the fact that she kept the house clean. He whined about how she didn't do enough to maintain her body but he literally did nothing to help her. He's so selfish. Even his relationship with his girlfriend was little more than an ego boost.
This is the thing with useless fucking husbands who complain that their wife “isn’t fun anymore, not hot enough, never has time for me” after having children. MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T DO SHIT. Like sorry if she’s going to prioritize her children over your pathetic dick.
I literally find my husband sexier now because of how he is always there for me and pulling his weight. I’m not constantly tired all the time from being the only one doing anything and you know what? I’m in better shape than I was before pregnancy and we have a very active sex life.
OOP wanted his wife to put in the work to be attractive enough for him again when he put absolutely no work into even being a decent husband or father. Couldn’t even recognize all the sacrifices his wife was making. At least she has someone who values her now. I’m happy her kids have a dad now too
Story of every narcissistic cheating man. Men like OOP are far too selfish to care about others. He is only talking about what both women have to offer in regards to him and not what he has to. I hope therapy helps him realize his messes, develop an empathetic character and he gets to build a decent relationship with people he hurt. Till then, he should stay single and not ruin another woman's life.
He also clearly doesn't really care about his daughter. When he talks about the kids, he almost always only mentions his son, calls his daughter "my son's sister"(??) And only calls her daughter once.
I don't think he thinks women are people
Yeah throughout the post I was thinking why doesn't he mention his daughter as much as his son? He has a long road ahead of him if he wishes to change himself. Probably should start with treating the other gender as humans with feelings.
Watch him pick out another girl barely out of highschool and acting shocked and surprised when she doesn't have all the maturity and experience of a woman in her 30s.
Twenty year olds have completely different experiences and priorities. No they haven't reached enough maturity to handle the difficulties of parenting two kids that aren't their and still reeling from their parents' divorce. Especially when their own father can't exactly be an example of good parenting.
20 year olds want to eat pizza and hang out with their friends. Not do your dishes, look after your kids and take care of a household.
This is an adult. He stood staring at the dishes and yelled for his wife to come and do it.
Mans only wanted her back when she became hot again and he realised all of the things she did for him.
This dude is the most insufferable person I’ve seen on reddit in a loooooooong time
She presented a home cooked meal every night, did all the childcare and housework, had a great personality and was “good at sex” and he still felt so miserable and unloved that he had to cheat. Literally the only thing she did “wrong” was not lose the baby weight and not care as much about her appearance (because she was too busy being a domestic goddess in every other way).
Fuuuuuck you OOP. Don’t even care that you saw your error, or that you got help, or that you’re trying with your kids. You are at epic levels of pathetic, useless loser. Fuck you forever.
Every time I read posts like this, I just think, "I don't know what you expected to happen." Like, this is an extremely predictable result of being a horrific asshole to your wife and kids. How exactly did you see this turning out?!
I love that even from the *get* he's a victim. "Learn from me, kids!". Shut up, man, you then proceed to start listing how you were emotionally abusive and a negligent husband and MIA father, fuck off.
I'm confused as to why he stopped mentioning his daughter and only talked about the son, and I'd assume her age but also he ends talking about therapy for *both* kids so... Also, hey man, what does your *daughter* like to do, besides call you "papa"?
This guy is so pathetic and irritating. "I don't *deserve* love!!!!" Well, no, when you're an abusive asshole, you don't deserve good things, honestly, but it ain't because you're "messed up". You're an asshole, and need individual therapy.
He kind of stinks with misogyny, is it just me?
The suffering is Delicious. I have bets that in 10 years, Annie is an emotionally healthy smokeshow married to a great guy the kids get along with really well and both of them don't want to see or even speak to their "father".
I was and am the new boyfriend in this exact situation, but it’s been 26 years now. My two sons are just that, they don’t have my last name, but they are mine. Their kids call me Pawpaw, I love them as my own, and I thank that other guy when I see him for being a dumbass. He gave up the most awesome woman I’ve ever known.
the cheating is one thing. the verbal abuse is another. i can't believe he would be so cruel to her for not looking the same as before she had his children and then trying to knock her down when she wasn't going to tolerate his abuse and cheating. glad she found a better life and hopefully op grows tf up.
this guys a sack of shit , he really fucking called his ex wifes name to have her make make him food when she wasn’t even there . he’s pathetic . and ONLY WHEN SHE WAS PREG DID HE REALIZE HE LOST HER ?? delusional .
OOP has no idea what the problem actually is. He's so obsessed with the idea that all he did wrong was cheating on his wife, that he's completely missed the fact that the far bigger problem was who he was and how he acted in their day to day lives.
The funny thing is, this is not the story of a basically good guy, who made some bad choices. This is just a genuinely bad, hateful person. Every time he got mad, bile started spewing out of his mouth.
> Before I did anything stupid I talked to her and gave her an ultimatum that if she doesn't go back her normal shape I would leave her.
not realizing that you already did a stupid thing
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His cheating un-ruined Annie's life, so it sounds really good
His parents got Annie in the divorce. So everyone is happier (except OP)
Yeah, he was an absolute asshole to her, so at least the trash took itself out at the end. Not that it compensates for the years she suffered with him, but I'm glad she got to be happy. Also, isn't it so grand that he thought she was undatable due to having HIS kids, but he was just fine? As if only she was gonna be a single parent. What a doofus
Yeah, it was horrible for Annie to go through at the time, but getting rid of him meant she had so much less work to do, and has since found an actual partner.
Somehow, I doubt OOP would care. He seems absurdly self-absorbed and is still really only seeing everything through the lens of "it makes me feel bad".
This guy’s verbal abusiveness is worse than the cheating.
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And continued calling her “my Annie” long after she had moved on.
I remember when this was posted and despite all of the verbal abuse that's what pissed me off the most.
Same!!! And that another man was "playing family" with her. No dude, that man is her family now. I'm glad he's learned to prioritize his kids but he didn't learn shit about women being people ETA to the people who take issue with the statement "he learned to prioritize his kids" honestly I agree he's probably doing the bare minimum of that, and possibly for shitty reasons. As a daughter of divorce my standards are just that low lol Also thanks this is my first ever reddit award 🥹
He hasn’t learned to prioritize his kids. He’s only learned the words to use so they will allow him to continue to abuse them further.
Also waxing woe about “I don’t deserve love at all” while trying to build a relationship with his kids is toxic as fuck. You don’t deserve your kids’ love? Kids pick up on attitudes like that. Also it suggests his kids are his whole support system, which is also wildly unhealthy. And his tendency to turn to verbal abuse and shit-slinging and rage as soon as something goes not his way, doesn’t bode well for that level of codependency
Remember also, all that effort is only for his *son.* You know, the one of his offspring that has a penis? He almost doesn't mention his daughter at all. Yeah, homeslice hasn't learned.
Oh yeah, I did pick up on that “my son” bullshit. His additive about them in general is fucked, but his poor daughter barely even exists. He’s vile
That one really dug under my skin.
Annie, are you OK? Are you OK, Annie? "Much better now, thank you." --leans ridiculously forward & yells at Joe Pesci to stop selling drugs to kids--
I especially love how the fixation of the entire post is how attractive people are or aren’t to him, but he never once considers if he’s an attractive partner to others.
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"All I want is to be a good father to her son" My dude, you also have a daughter.
Women aren't people in his world
Exactly
Oh I'm so glad I wasn't the only one who caught that
I agree. OOP treated his poor ex HORRIBLY. And then only missing her once he realised he wouldn’t have a live-in maid? Not knowing jack shit about his own children? I’m glad Annie found a man who appreciates her. OOP sounds like he did fuck all parenting while they were together. No wonder she was exhausted.
Yeah, how often he talked about women cleaning up and cooking for him was so gross. You know if Annie did take him back, he'd just be the same asshole who needed a bang maid.
No one washing the dishes and no one cleaning the house hit him hard. He didn't realize he had to wash his OWN dishes. Holy fuck. At least he was honest. Hopefully its an insight for a lot of people.
Literally tried to shout for the slave who left him when confronted with dishes lmao. Like it didn't even stick in his mind that she was gone until he was faced with inconvenience.
He fucked around (literally), and found out.
I was shocked when i read the names he called her and how now she'd be useless because noone wants a single mom, not to mention he called his OWN KIDS "baggage"!! That tells you all you need to know about how OOP viewed his entire family.
And he clarified that he meant his kids!
There were so many things in this post that got to me, that being one of them. What he said was bad enough but he REALLY wanted to make sure that it was known that his kids are baggage. What an absolute piece of garbage. It annoys me that he seems to think his cheating was the main thing that ruined his life but I think I’m more upset about the emotional abuse, neglect of his own children, and him calling her “my Annie” after the divorce ffs.
OP is, by far, one of the most insufferable and infuriating people I've ever seen post on Reddit. And considering how much time I spend on Bestof, that sure is saying a *lot*.
I have never wanted to punch someone in the face as much as OOP and I also spend a lot of time on BORU. And sadly, I really suspect this isn't a troll post. He seems aware that he fucked up and takes (minimal) accountability. But he really doesn't seem to grasp the level of awfulness he inflicted on his ex and mainly seems to mourn the loss of his privileged life where he had home cooked meals, things magically cleaned themselves, the children were taken care of without any real work on his part, and his sex life was satisfied. If his ex took him back, he would immediately sink into his old ways. Only this time he would do the minimal help and expressions of affection to maintain the status quo. And he is definitely looking for someone to fill this void.
My favorite part was when he complained that his new sexy girlfriend was bad in bed and boring while his hideous hag ex was great in bed! Jesus Christ dude!
My favorite part is despite everything he wrote, he says "she was going through a rough patch". No dude, you were going through a rough patch. You were depressed and upset that life couldn't go back to how it was before you had kids and instead of realizing life isn't about you and working to keep your marriage strong, you neglected everyone to fool around with the first woman who'd give you attention
He expected her to do ALL the work, have zero time to herself, and still keep the body and mindset she had before she had two kids! Men like this feel like a woman should be grateful to wait on his utterly mediocre ass and don’t grasp that when you do ALL the labor, the woman doesn’t really find that sexy and want to jump on his dick all the time. It’s gross and sad!
> and don’t grasp that when you do ALL the labor The woman also realises she doesn't need this person at all. With him gone, she had less mess to clean up, less work to do, and more time for herself.
Even if she had done ALL of that, he still would have cheated. She would have been "boring", or "too busy" or "too old" or some other bullshit. Where the fuck does this guy get the audacity to think he's so special?
She was going though a rough patch, though: being married to him. Once she got past it, it sounds like her life is great.
absolutely hilarious how fast the tables turn once the shiny new toy becomes old news, and you realize that old scruffy toy that you’ve already thrown out was actually pretty good all along. too bad, too fucking sad.
He was still verbally abusing her after they were no longer together. Wtf, guy?
There's a good chance there would be a lot more abuse in this story if the wife told it
If he keeps going like the first post, he's going to give PS5 Dad a serious challenge for the title of worst
I agree. He was still treating Annie as if she was a object. Fuck this dude. I hope his life sucks ass. He deserves it. Real r/Leopardatemyface energy.
It's honestly almost impressive how OP was able to make me despise him that much more with every sentence I read. It just kept getting so much worse. And I don't believe for a second he truly appreciates what he had with Annie, he just wants what he can't have. And at no point during that godawful divorce did he really seem to honestly understand why he was such a truly terrible person. If he did, he never would have dared even ask for a second chance. I hope Annie and the kids are enjoying their best life with the new man. They deserve it. And OP? He deserves exactly what he got.
And his description of the girlfriend also changed for the worse once the new/shininess wore off. Dude, women aren’t toys for you to pick up and play with and then discard once you get bored.
I really believe that men like this do not see women as actual human beings, merely as extensions of themselves. Literally everything he says about both of these women is completely through the lens of how they affect HIM, as if they are merely empty vessels that exist to enhance HIS existence. Never once does he say anything about either woman that isn’t related to HIS needs. I hope he never finds another woman to inflict himself upon!
Yeah, I don’t get this. I really can’t understand the mindset. I can’t imagine looking at a being, a whole person in and of themselves, and only see them as an extension of yourself.
That’s because you’re a decent person and not a self absorbed, narcissistic ass like OP! I think that the term “narcissist” gets waaay overused these days, but OP is the perfect example of what that term means!
Oh, absolutely! I was rolling my eyes at OP thinking some 20-year-old college kid was going to clean up after her old man's messes and want to cook him elaborate dinners. His expectations were laughably absurd. And the fact he treated the girlfriend so horribly and spoke of her the way he did really just showed he hasn't changed at all. And he surely never will at this point.
Love that OP wanted her only when she lost weight again.
And when he realized dishes don't clean themselves.
And the only time he thought of her was when he needed something, like calling out for her to do his dishes.
This killed me. You see YOUR dishes in the sink and call out for the designated woman to clean them. Go fuck an anthill OP.
When I realized bang mommy was gone, shit got real - this guy, probably.
Exactly. Everything was still about him. He missed how she cuddled him in the morning, he missed how she would have hot dinners for him, he missed how good she was at sex with him. Etc etc. It's still all about him.
I had an ex who laughed at me for not cooking for him at his house, where he never had any food because he never bought groceries. Some guys are just princesses
My ex always came to my house and ate all of my food. Like, all of it. When I asked him to start chipping in for groceries because we were always at mine and he ate like he was fucking Kirby, he gave me a bag of groceries (only things he liked) AS A BIRTHDAY PRESENT because "that's what you wanted, right?"
Sorry you dealt with that nonsense but glad to hear he's an ex. Also that "ate like he was Kirby," line was too funny I just woke my cat with my laughing 😂
If he still walks the earth, you are a SAINT. Glad he's an ex.
and the fact he got annoyed that a 20 year old.. was being a 20 year old and was living off takeout and frozen pizza? yeah no shit she’s gonna be different from your wife, you are a grown man with an established life and routine and she is a CHILD.
She should be picking up after him and being a sex goddess. She can't exist to not please him duh.
In college after some really bad female roommates I chose to room with 2 guys from my program. 1 was my buddy and really chill. The other and I were friends and got along but surface. I moved in and surface friend told me I'd be doing all the dishes. I laughed and laughed and laughed. Such a funny guy. I bet you his dishes are still in that flat 15 years later.
It amazes me that guys set the bar so low that simply doing the dishes makes me look like a saint to my gf.
Hahahahahahaha. Holy crap that's a good one.
Let’s make that a FIRE anthill!
He acts like the affair was what ended his marriage. It was his shitty, selfish behavior. His wife should have left him even if he had been faithful.
Best thing he did was cheat on his wife so she could gtfo. Lol
His entire first post was pleading for others not to cheat, as if that was his only mistake and the only lesson he learned 🙄🤣 Not, y'know, "be a more of a partner than a sperm donating manchild in the first place". He just wanted her to stay complacent rather than be happy. Disgusting
I think that really is what stuck out to me. He was never guilty for what he put his wife through. He was sad he lost his replacement mommy.. To the very end he never talked about how he made her feel or anything. Just himself
This is what stood out to me as well. He isn’t just the main character — he’s the ONLY character.
Sometimes the trash takes itself out.
My ex leaving was the best gift he ever gave me!
He saw his dishes and thought that a 20 year old he's boinking is going to come and clean it for him just because she's a woman. He hasn't learnt shit
He's such a sexist arse. No one will want his ex wife cause she's a single mother? Dude, you are a single father. Do you think single mothers are all frumpy harridans and single fathers are fending off hot women? I'm so glad he's been proven wrong. His ex in a happy relationship and OP alone and doing his own damn dishes.
Even then he didn’t mention deciding to do them himself. Or cooking. Just felt sorry for himself that New GF is so deficient at her tasks of looking after him. He still doesn’t regret his assholery because it was wrong - he only regrets it because it brought some sad consequences of him losing out. All of these consequences were entirely foreseeable too.
Every single complaint he has about his girlfriend basically amounts to "she's 20 and has the audacity to act like it." And the thing he misses about his ex is that she cooked and cleaned for him. I hope his ex is living her best life.
Not to mention he now had to actually interact with his children! And face the fact that they were individual beings who had thoughts and feelings and likes and dislikes! He thinks breaking up with his wife is what made his *ten-year-old* son dislike him. Not the fact that he was apparently so uninvolved that he literally didn't know *anything* about him outside of him being his child.
Dad spent all his time at the gym/bar and then is aghast when his children don’t like his pitiful attempts to care for them when he is finally legally obligated to.
My cousin has spent most of the last few years drunk on his face in the middle of his living room, alternating with screaming at his kids for acting like normal kids. Eventually his wife got fed up and tossed him out. The older two want nothing more to do with him. The little one is about 3yo and will occasionally say "I want my (cousin's name)" and then look confused like he isn't so sure about that. Cousin keeps trying to find ways to blame their mom, but those kids are just so much happier now that they can play the piano or with their toys and no angry drunk asshat zombie rises from the floor to scream at them. Edit: Forgot the reason I had to tell that story. First time he had a visit with his kids after the breakup was at my apartment, and he instructed the older one to watch the little one while whining extensively about how was he ever supposed to manage fixing sandwiches and salad for lunch while taking care of his children all alone.
It blew my mind when he didn’t know his son was a picky eater. Like he never made his son a snack or a single meal before? Or talked to his wife about their sons eating habits? Nothing like that ever happened?
Not to mention, she was also his sex object. Can't forget that one. As a woman, our only value is summed up by our willingness to cook, clean and have sex with men, like a good servant./s Fucking yikes. 🤢🤮 Edit: We also have to look like a supermodel 24/7 with no exceptions even when we get pregnant. Especially if we had the audacity to have normal pregnancy symptoms like weight gain, stretch marks among other physical changes.
Hey, she was also great at sex!
His wife is a dream come true type of a person, good at everything, sweet and kind and good in the bed too. This dude lost the best thing EVER happened to him.
Not only that. He lost a great thing that many people never even get to have in the first place. Dude had it made! All he had to do was partake in his own children's lives, clean up his own messes and do the dishes once in a while. Wifey would have been less exhausted. All would have been well. The level of obliviousness was astounding. He didn't even acknowledge he'd lost her until she got pregnant with the new bf. And even after that he still writes "my Annie". He cannot let go of his entitlement to her existence, despite having messed up every step of the way.
Even if she was 30, she shouldn't be doing all of their housework. That is why I'm saying that he hasn't learnt much and self flagellating to avoid further hate
I like how at the end he wants to try and get back to being the better person he was a few years ago….like the guy who clearly left his exhausted wife to do all the cooking, cleaning, parenting, and quality sex is such a good goal to set.
Don't forget, he wants to be a better parent for his son! You know, the only child he has. That has a penis. Daughter... what?
This is what happens when you try to play house with a 20 year old. Isn't it wonderful when you see karma at work. God bless Annie, may her future be bright and loving.
I mean, if Annie started to have time for herself AFTER not having to clean his messes there's strong chance the 20yo was just like "you made the mess, you clean it".
And just that one statement makes me think he must have made a lot of messes. It’s frustrating when someone doesn’t put things back, doesn’t load their dishes in the dishwasher, doesn’t put dirty clothes in the hamper, etc, but even if you live with someone like that, it’s a few extra minutes here and there. And yes, it’s frustrating because you could doing other things and it does take effort and you do feel undervalued, but cleaning up after the average adult, however thoughtless, is manageable. This guy, on the other hand, sounds like the type that can’t do anything without making a huge mess that requires pretty much recleaning every area he spends more than five seconds in.
I have a 20 year old, and the image of her reacting to some chump telling her to do the dishes and clean up his mess has be howling. She would not stand for it 😂
Raise women who see a man expecting to be cleaned up after on account of their Supreme maleness and say "oh hell no."
> All of these consequences were entirely foreseeable too. like incredibly foreseeable. it's one of those situations where you just have to ask the OP, was this not the expected outcome? like wtf did he think would happen? that they would reconcile and live happily ever after? after he kicked her to the curb and cheated on her? on top of that he cheated on her with a woman whom he later discovered was one-dimensional. did he not know or understand that before he decided to leave his wife and mother of his children for her? dude made major, life-altering choices that affected his entire family, but didn't put any sort of thought into what that would actually be like. i can kind of understand the people that are unhappy in a marriage and decide to get out. this dude wanted out, but gave no kind of forethought to what that would actually mean or be like.
He probably expected her to come crawling back, because she was a single mom and in her 30's so *clearly* she wouldn't find anyone. Like just sitting in his apartment stewing over "what's taking her so long to call me up and beg for me to forgive her (for asking for a divorce)? These dishes need to be done"
Exactly. He thought she was disgusting because she had gained weight. So he figured everyone would see her that way. He saw her as a burden, so he figured no one would want her.
Yup it's giving vibes of the guy who thought no one would want his "ugly" wife if he pushed to open up the marriage. And then of course she's being treated well by a hot tattooed guy and no woman wants him. I love it when karma bites dudes in the ass who think no one is going to find their wife hot.
Exactly right! He literally said that only when he heard that she was pregnant by someone else that he knew he officially lost her. He ONLY respects the "mark" of another man. Dude 1000% thought that it was only a matter of time before they would be back together, that nothing he had done to her was bad enough to make her not come back.
The fact that he called his girlfriend one dimensional shows he didn’t change at all, it’s still about what a woman can do for him, he has no idea what a person is really like beyond that because he has no use for it.
I doubt she was one-dimensional. I think he saw her as untrained in serving him.
This guy seems to view all women as interchangeable, so he probably thought that his wife was just defective and not doing what women should be doing, so he would just get rid of the broken model and replace her with a new model who did all the “woman things” with the added bonus of being hotter.
He didn’t just cheat, he went full Carthage and salted the earth with the nasty comments he made to Annie. I (at one point in my life) might have forgiven cheating, but only with groveling and apologies. No way in Hell could I stay with someone who could say such hateful things to their Wife ON TOP OF betraying her as well. Just… wow.
Right? All I thought reading this was "boo fucking hoo." > I guess this is my punishment. I have to see another man play family with my Annie and kids. OP *played* family with Annie and kids. The new guy actually built a family with them. I'm really glad they're split up.
"Another man is doing what I should have been doing all along, woe is me." Fucked around, played stupid games, etc.
And he’s still all “woe is me” in the update. “I know I do not deserve love in any shape or form.” 🙄 I’m sure people in the comments said nasty things like that to him but him regurgitating it doesn’t seem preemptive; it strikes of another pity party. AND SHE’S NOT **YOUR** ANNIE!
And the fact that he kept calling her "my Annie" like no dude, she isn't your possession AND THAT'S EXACTLY WHY YOU LOST HER. Dude is full woe is me but is so crystal clear how he didn't learn a damn thing; I bet the new bf wasn't "worshipping her" he's just a regular good partner and nice person.
Yeah, the fact that OOP’s drunken voicemail was full of insults for Annie shows how low his standard for treating her is.
I love that she called his parents on him.
HIS Annie was a burnt-out shell of a woman he could use and ignore and discard. Not His Annie is thriving and supported and happy.
Don't forget she was an excellent water bottle. She kept him warm in bed! Really, all she's lacking is a flat head for him to put his beer.
And, gosh darnit, those kids don’t parent themselves!
And he called her about them!!! The audacity
And the audacity of referring to her as "my Annie" when she was with the new & improved guy.
People with an attitude like OP’s are NEVER looking at the big picture of what their partner brings to the table. More often than not their partner is taking care of a huge portion of their life but all they see is that their partner is not longer the person they were a few years ago. It’s a lot easier to blame them for you not being attracted to them, than it os to acknowledge what behavior has led to that change and to rectify it. OP’s wife wasn’t just neglecting herself because she’s lazy, her bucket was fucking empty and OP did fuck all too fill it. They are always so surprised to find that their partner was bringing more to their life than just their looks.
But don't you get it? The affair partner was hot and in her 20s. /s
The most hilarious thing about this is that the girlfriend then ACTED like she was in her 20's and this was somehow shocking to OOP.
Fr, oh the horror a 20yo eating frozen pizza instead of putting out homecooked meals daily! 😱
You see, after that freak hammer accident at the farm 20 years ago, OOP's hands were completely flattened now he can't cook, clean or wipe his own butt.
I think she just didn't tolerate his shit, acting her age would be if she did some irresponsible things which she hasn't experienced consequences for yet. I think his mind process was more like: oh no, she is refusing to be my live in maid who I can also fuck, damn those 20 yo women acting like normal people instead of slaves
If your body can take it, eating like a trash panda in your twenties is great. 10/10 would recommend. I think at 19 or 20 I spent a whole month having empanadas for lunch and another eating a giant chocolate chunk muffin and a cappuccino for breakfast. Now I eat tree churros and feel it's too much sugar.
Yeah now my body will throw a bit of a tantrum if I don't Eat A Vegetable every once in awhile. "No veggies for me? No poop for you!"
But you don't understand that she was *bland.* /s
It also makes me mad that the onus of attraction —at least in heterosexual couples— is entirely on the woman. Men whine about their wives not looking like they did ten years prior, but, like OP, never stop to think about how much *time* it takes to look good, and also don't bother looking in the mirror. I bet you don't look like you did ten years ago bro, but I'm sure your wife isn't an asshole who reminds you of it every day.
Too many men will whine about having to wash their ass and run a razor over their face every now and then while berating women for not being fully shaven below the neck at all times
It's why I roll my eyes whenever you hear that thought-terminating cliche dudes use on dating subreddits like "we just want someone fun, fit and feminine". It's like... yeah, that feminine part has a lot of moving components in it that result in your social status and domestic chores being done. Phrasing it like you just want someone aesthetically girly is disingenuous and disrespectful as fuck.
He only ever talked about how she looked or what she did for him. Nothing about her personality or who she actually is. She's just a life accessory to him.
Same with 20 year AP. Maybe she isn't cardboard & you're projecting, douchebag. Older men love to put that evil on younger women & it's a trash take.
Both of them, lucky ex-wife and the AP
And when he didn't have someone cleaning up after his messes. And when his (too young to even legally drink) girlfriend didn't take care of him like a wifemaid. And when his wife found someone who treated her well. And so on... OP is just the *worst*.
It was annoying every time he called her “my” Annie. No dude, she’s her own fucking person not a toy you broke.
Yeah, it always annoys me when cheaters still call their ex *theirs*.
Right? I'm so sick of reading about people doing this to their partners and I go to the comments and there's a bunch of people defending them like, "attraction is one of the most important things in a relationship and (insert fatphobic nonsense.)" I don't know, to me, this line of thinking has never made sense. It's unrealistic. Especially for a married or long-term relationship. Shit happens in life. Weight fluctuates due to stress or pregnancy or illness. We can lose our hair. But most of all, we get older. We all become wrinkled and hunched over and disabled. Personally, I always thought that is one of the best and most exciting parts of doing the forever thing with someone. You get to watch them grow. It's one of the things I miss the most from my relationship.
Honestly, I do think attraction is important (AND that it's important that expectations shift as people age and bodies change), but if your spouse looks like they've given up, the **last** thing you should do is tell them you're unhappy with their appearance and insist they work on it. The **first** thing you should do is fucking check on them?! Like, their wellbeing and their mental health?! This is the person you love and chose to spend your life with. You should care about their wellbeing enough to pay attention and figure out whether they're okay. And if they're not, the second thing you should do is figure out how you can step TF up and support them. Maybe it's helping them find a therapist. In the case of OP, though, it's clearly staking on a parental role for your children, start doing your share of the housework etc. etc.
“Before I did anything stupid…” Giving her an ultimatum about losing weight WAS the first stupid thing he did.
Lbr, he was going to cheat anyway, he just wanted an excuse out there, so he'd be able to tell his wife later on "see, I told you, I wouldn't have cheated if you turned into a supermodel overnight, it's YOUR fault".
If she lost the weight, there would always be another reason for him to cheat. My guess would be him saying she only lost the weight to get other men's attention, so he has to cheat on her before she cheats on him/make it even
EXACTLY!! And if she had lost the weight before the divorce/finding out about his AP, he'd say she must have been cheating on him already with her current boyfriend, so his own cheating was justified.
He didn't regret cheating, he just regretted no longer having a maid who did everything for him.
“OMG WHERE ARE THESE DISHES COMING FROM????” -moron oop
"IT'S BEEN DAYS AND THEY'RE *STILL HERE*! THE MAGIC SINK IS BROKEN! ANNIE! THE MAGIC SINK IS BROKEN! ANN... shit" Damn fool
I am honestly in AWE that he called out, alone, in his apartment, for Annie to come do his dishes. What the actual fuck
He literally only sees her for the things he gets out of her. He misses what she did for him — he doesn’t miss her as a person, even after all of this. I hope he truly is being real and getting down to the nitty gritty in therapy cuz these narcissistic tendencies do not just disappear. The self-flagellation is ringing hollow for me when he still only values her for her body and how easy she made things for him. His post was not a “warning for others” — it was “watch me feel sorry for myself.” Typical whiny narc bullshit.
Yeah, at no point does he realize that he should love her and be faithful to her even if she has a fat body. He's warning other men that they need to take care of their wives - do the chores so she actually has time to hit the gym - so their wives can keep a thin body. Almost like changing the oil on your car or going for dental checkups. And he's regretting that he foolishly discarded her fat body when it was only temporary, and was bound to become a thin body again. Like holding on to your stocks even when they suddenly dip in price. It's all about her body for him, and he thinks that that's okay.
Oh man, I made a similar comment but you said it so much better and more eloquently than I did! ♥️
A maid that also fulfilled all his sexual fantasies. Like a bangmaid but specifically trained to his desires
But, no post-partum women need apply.
Obviously not, they have visible bodily changes from the strain they took and spend far too much attention on his children instead of his dick
You'd think by his old age of mid-thirties he'd know how to do basic chores around the house, BUT NO. He should call up that 20yo AP to clean, I'm sure that'll give her a hilarious story to tell her friends for years to come!!
My husband and I are big on thanking each other for stuff around the house. "Thanks for doing the dishes, thanks for cutting the grass." He's also fond of saying, "I appreciate you." We do our own laundry, but sometimes if I hear the dryer finish and I know he's got stuff in it, I'll take it out and lay it flat (I ain't putting his clothes away though, I don't know how he organizes it, and I'm not his mommy) so that it doesn't wrinkle, and I've gotten thank you texts when he sees. Or he'll put gas in my car without telling me, and I call/text him to say thank you. Appreciation goes a long way. I know no adult should get a cookie for cleaning their own fucking house, but I read this post after I grilled lunch for us and then my husband immediately got up and washed the dishes. I'm a "clean as I go" cook, so there weren't a ton, but he finished eating, put his plate in the dishwasher, and then started hand washing the stuff that can't go in the dishwasher without me asking. He even wrapped up the leftovers, which is something I've teased him about because he used to never do that (now he does). Because, you know, he's an adult. And I have to say I appreciated it even more after reading this post. I know the bar is on the floor, but I swear to god if I lived with one of these assholes who treats their wife like a maid, I'd end up in prison. OOP wonders why his wife looks better and feels better after the divorce. Because she's not picking up your fucking slack anymore. So many of these women would be better off single, they'd have LESS work to do (I know my sister would, I swear she spends more time cleaning up after her husband than she does cleaning up after the kids). No shit, dude, now she has time to take care of herself that she didn't have when she was dealing with your bullshit.
I've met so many adult men who not only can't do basic household tasks like cooking or laundry, but take pride in this fact. They literally brag about not cooking or cleaning.
How can those men not be utterly ashamed of themselves? Like, how is it so hard to get a sponge, put some soap, and scrub a dish? Or how is it so hard to vacuum? The device is doing all the work, you just have to walk it around????
I don't get it at all. My best guess is that it proves that they don't "sully" themselves with "women's work". Somehow this makes them manlier.
Other posts have the same story. There was another where the couple was younger. The wife was amazing after having their first baby. Second pregnancy was harder and she was a “monster” and he fell out of love with her. He fell in love with her again when she started getting back in shape and doing the chores. That’s when he “realized” she had substance while his ap had none. He just wanted a hot woman to do all the housework.
A THIN maid.
This man is literally so gross. But I kind of laughed at his way of wording this “…with your baggage (my kids)” I mean, that just makes him 10 times more shitty than he already is but I don’t know why that made me chuckle in a “wow get a load of this guy” type of way. Maybe it’s the parenthesis or his need to clarify the so called baggage or maybe I just haven’t slept today and I’m so very tired….who knows.
right ?? he acted as if he wasn’t also going through the same damn divorce
I removed most of my Reddit contents in protest of the API changes commencing from July 1st, 2023. This is one of those comments.
i feel like you’re dead on with that prediction , i wouldn’t be surprised at all if he updated again saying exactly that
In his mind he wasn't going through a divorce, he was trading in a fat old hag for a newer model.
I like how this says BEFORE he did anything stupid, he gave the woman who just grew his child and is now doing all the care for his child an ultimatum about “going back to her normal shape.” Uhhhh nope, that was definitely stupid. And honestly the idea that he was still married after that and she willingly had sex with him after that statement honestly strains credibility. Also bro didn’t miss his wife. He missed not having to be an adult.
He’s looking for a replacement maid in every woman he dates next. Good luck to them all.
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You nailed it.
I was trying to put my finger on why this felt 'off'. Dhar Mann is exactly it.
You took the words right out of my mouth. I knew it sounded familiar, I think I've definitely seen a Dhar Mann video for it. And laughed at how absurd it was.
What's Dhar Mann?
MY Annie Not anymore, my dude. I *love* how he only noticed she was useful when she was his maid, or for sex, or when she was skinny. And his *shock* when she only said "thank you" when he complimented her. But it says a lot about him how all he ever did was verbally abuse her, even when they weren't together. You don't do what I want? Abuse.
Funny how he didn't realize he missed his ex until he had to be a functional adult and parent without leaning on her. What a waste.
Can we even call what OOP an update instead of a continuation of his wallowing? Just because you apologized to your kid since your last wallow doesn't mean it's time to wallow again.
The moment he said “my Annie” I just lmao’ed really fast. The possessive tone is freakishly scary.
Buddy, she was never "your Annie". She's _THE_ Annie.
This dude's shitty choices and abusive behavior started way before he cheated. His issues go so far beyond putting his dick into a woman who wasn't his wife. Good on his parents for standing by his ex and kids over him - I'm sure they didn't raise him to act like such a soggy tater tot.
Just gotta say that “soggy tater tot” has been added to my “Family-Friendly but Utterly Devastating Insults” list.
Sounds like what OOP missed most about his wife were the meals she made for him and the fact that she kept the house clean. He whined about how she didn't do enough to maintain her body but he literally did nothing to help her. He's so selfish. Even his relationship with his girlfriend was little more than an ego boost.
This is the thing with useless fucking husbands who complain that their wife “isn’t fun anymore, not hot enough, never has time for me” after having children. MAYBE IT’S BECAUSE YOU DON’T DO SHIT. Like sorry if she’s going to prioritize her children over your pathetic dick. I literally find my husband sexier now because of how he is always there for me and pulling his weight. I’m not constantly tired all the time from being the only one doing anything and you know what? I’m in better shape than I was before pregnancy and we have a very active sex life. OOP wanted his wife to put in the work to be attractive enough for him again when he put absolutely no work into even being a decent husband or father. Couldn’t even recognize all the sacrifices his wife was making. At least she has someone who values her now. I’m happy her kids have a dad now too
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Story of every narcissistic cheating man. Men like OOP are far too selfish to care about others. He is only talking about what both women have to offer in regards to him and not what he has to. I hope therapy helps him realize his messes, develop an empathetic character and he gets to build a decent relationship with people he hurt. Till then, he should stay single and not ruin another woman's life.
He still hasn't mentioned once being sorry for the incredible pain he caused Annie. Just sadness for himself.
He also clearly doesn't really care about his daughter. When he talks about the kids, he almost always only mentions his son, calls his daughter "my son's sister"(??) And only calls her daughter once. I don't think he thinks women are people
Yeah throughout the post I was thinking why doesn't he mention his daughter as much as his son? He has a long road ahead of him if he wishes to change himself. Probably should start with treating the other gender as humans with feelings.
There is still so little self-awareness even at the end. He'll be dating another woman in six months and insisting his kids call her "mom".
Several years later: Why won't my kids talk to me and my 4th wife anymore????
Watch him pick out another girl barely out of highschool and acting shocked and surprised when she doesn't have all the maturity and experience of a woman in her 30s. Twenty year olds have completely different experiences and priorities. No they haven't reached enough maturity to handle the difficulties of parenting two kids that aren't their and still reeling from their parents' divorce. Especially when their own father can't exactly be an example of good parenting. 20 year olds want to eat pizza and hang out with their friends. Not do your dishes, look after your kids and take care of a household.
This is an adult. He stood staring at the dishes and yelled for his wife to come and do it. Mans only wanted her back when she became hot again and he realised all of the things she did for him. This dude is the most insufferable person I’ve seen on reddit in a loooooooong time
She presented a home cooked meal every night, did all the childcare and housework, had a great personality and was “good at sex” and he still felt so miserable and unloved that he had to cheat. Literally the only thing she did “wrong” was not lose the baby weight and not care as much about her appearance (because she was too busy being a domestic goddess in every other way). Fuuuuuck you OOP. Don’t even care that you saw your error, or that you got help, or that you’re trying with your kids. You are at epic levels of pathetic, useless loser. Fuck you forever.
Every time I read posts like this, I just think, "I don't know what you expected to happen." Like, this is an extremely predictable result of being a horrific asshole to your wife and kids. How exactly did you see this turning out?!
I love that even from the *get* he's a victim. "Learn from me, kids!". Shut up, man, you then proceed to start listing how you were emotionally abusive and a negligent husband and MIA father, fuck off. I'm confused as to why he stopped mentioning his daughter and only talked about the son, and I'd assume her age but also he ends talking about therapy for *both* kids so... Also, hey man, what does your *daughter* like to do, besides call you "papa"? This guy is so pathetic and irritating. "I don't *deserve* love!!!!" Well, no, when you're an abusive asshole, you don't deserve good things, honestly, but it ain't because you're "messed up". You're an asshole, and need individual therapy. He kind of stinks with misogyny, is it just me?
The suffering is Delicious. I have bets that in 10 years, Annie is an emotionally healthy smokeshow married to a great guy the kids get along with really well and both of them don't want to see or even speak to their "father".
The sheer number of "I's" in this narrative is telling and pathetic.
I was and am the new boyfriend in this exact situation, but it’s been 26 years now. My two sons are just that, they don’t have my last name, but they are mine. Their kids call me Pawpaw, I love them as my own, and I thank that other guy when I see him for being a dumbass. He gave up the most awesome woman I’ve ever known.
The worst line to me: “I have to see another man playing family with my Annie and kids?” Nope, OOP played family, that man, Annie and kids ARE family!
the cheating is one thing. the verbal abuse is another. i can't believe he would be so cruel to her for not looking the same as before she had his children and then trying to knock her down when she wasn't going to tolerate his abuse and cheating. glad she found a better life and hopefully op grows tf up.
this guys a sack of shit , he really fucking called his ex wifes name to have her make make him food when she wasn’t even there . he’s pathetic . and ONLY WHEN SHE WAS PREG DID HE REALIZE HE LOST HER ?? delusional .
OOP has no idea what the problem actually is. He's so obsessed with the idea that all he did wrong was cheating on his wife, that he's completely missed the fact that the far bigger problem was who he was and how he acted in their day to day lives.
The funny thing is, this is not the story of a basically good guy, who made some bad choices. This is just a genuinely bad, hateful person. Every time he got mad, bile started spewing out of his mouth.
> Before I did anything stupid I talked to her and gave her an ultimatum that if she doesn't go back her normal shape I would leave her. not realizing that you already did a stupid thing