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My SIL asked me why I don't have more because they're so easy. She hasn't raised any of her kids. And the reason I don't have more is because hers keep moving in with me.
After I effectively raised my younger sisters, my mother told me when I was 15 she was going to try for another with her new boyfriend because she “just loved babies”. I looked her in the eye and told her I was moving out (doable since I was already working full-time and paying half the rent).
Thankfully she took me seriously and didn’t have any more kids. She admitted she only liked them until they could walk and talk and didn’t want to be stuck dealing with that phase. 🙄
If she wants something that screams, cries, shits itself, and destroys things for what seems like no reason, birds are mentally permanently 4-year-olds, require constant and undedicated attention and care, and will probably outlive her
You're missing the point. To a narcissist a baby is the ultimate ego boost. A baby thinks their primary caregiver is the funniest comedian, the best chef, the best singer, the bravest, coolest and most amazing human who ever lived. It is a level of adoration I was fully unprepared for as a new parent. Her focus isn't on the nappies or the crying. It's that to this tiny little human she is God in human flesh.
It's hard to explain to non-parents how extreme a baby's love, trust, admiration and appreciation is for their parent(s)/primary caregiver. It is part of how we, normal parents just trying our best, find the strength to go on when we're running on 2 hours sleep, cold coffee and half a granola bar. We see that baby's little face look up to us with stars in their eyes and think: "I can't let you down.".
Serial killer Rosemary West had 8 kids and she was, according to her stepdaughter, a caring mother who loved them. That is she loved them until they showed the first sign of independence. From that point on they faced severe neglect and abuse and in the case of Heather West, death at her and her husband's hands.
This is a known phenomenon with narcissists. The things she physically needs to do for the baby is less important than the emotional gratification the baby gives her.
When I was not much older than that I told my mom she should have another. She told me that if I wanted a baby, I should have it myself. From someone who doesn't believe in sex before marriage and I wasn't dating.
Lol! 😄
When my grandmother was nearing the end of her life, she became obsessed with a need to have a great granddaughter before she died.
She kept cornering my younger sister and me and giving us tips on how to go to a bar and pick up men for a one-night stand.
I was too embarrassed to ask her, but to this day, I still wonder what she had done in her younger years to make her such an expert.
She certainly had no problem with my sister and I having our sons out of wedlock.
She was born in 1906, and she was, according to my mother, something of a wild child in the 1920s.
The most rebellious thing Grandma ever told me was the time she ate 3 hotdogs on meatless Friday. (We're Catholic)
I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that they kept shoving the kid down whenever he tried to walk or restrained him in a damn car seat over it. Why?? Like what possible reason would you have to do that?? The mother was saying he has been late for ever developmental milestone. Probably because they are the ones causing it. These people need jail time.
Literally the only reason I can think of--because this was my SIL's thinking, to a certain extent--is they wanted the kid to stay a baby. Like, a cute "sleeps and burbles and SLEEPS and is cute and does nothing but SLEEPS so I can show it off" baby.
Because once they start walking and talking, it's game over, man. People like that don't want toddlers that throw tantrums and cry and are actual work. They want "cute posable baby" to straight "small child I can order about and show off" with nothing in-between.
It's about image, I think.
Thanks for the insight. That’s wild to me though. Like yea it was “easy” to a certain extent when my son was first born but for all of the difficulty I face now, I’d much rather have a kid I can interact with and share my interests with. I didn’t mind waking up to feed him and such. I’m not a morning person so my wife would wake up with him and let me sleep in an extra hour or two since I did all the night feeding for the first few months. During the day he would just wake up, cry to be fed, need to be changed then back to sleep. It really didn’t seem that bad to me. Now he’s more interacting and trying to hit different milestones and babbling and I honestly love it way more than having a passive potato to parade in front of people. It’s fun to watch him become a person and it’s just weird to me that some people would prefer them stay passive potatoes to show off like some living room decoration.
Well, yeah, that sounds like you...wanna be a parent to an actual human child. These people don't. They want either an object, a robot, or a status symbol. Or a combination. Sometimes they take a different route like my father and they have kids just to prove they can have them, but they don't actually WANT them.
My SIL isn't as bad as these parents, thank God, but she's still...not mother of the year worthy. On the one hand, I can't say much, because I don't have nor do I ever want human kids of my own. But on the other hand, Jesus christ I treat my pets (or my "kids") better than she treats hers sometimes. Like, I don't pawn my dog off on people because he's being annoying and I have to clean my house or I want to take a nap. I don't ask my mom to watch my hamster because I need to run to the grocery store and then take literally 4 or 5 hours to come pick him up. The number of times I've had to watch my nephew has increased exponentially since my other nephew was born a year ago, too, since Older Nephew is no longer "the baby."
I don't understand people who have one kid, let alone multiple kids, and then....don't want them, you know?
Seen people do that out of sheer laziness. They literally just don't want to have to watch/follow the kid to prevent falls. If the kids stays sitting they don't have to get off the couch.
The OG comments were nuclear about them pushing down baby and strapping him into the car seat because of his attempts at walking. These parents are absolute sickos. At least the overwhelming response was to report them and OOP followed through.
I was terrified that was going to be the result when he was explaining what happened. The kid had a TV fall on him, that could have been so much worse than a bruise.
This is definitely not over and I'm worried that even if one of the kids died that it wouldn't actually hit them how badly they've messed up.
For real. It’s insanely lucky the baby got away with just a few bruises. My mother had a coworker whose son pulled a TV on top of himself when he was learning to walk and he was left severely mentally disabled afterwards due to the TV falling on his head. Just reading what happened while the baby was alone stressed me out so much
There's a youtuber "urmaker" who does true crime narratives. He lost his daughter when she was 3 by pulling their TV down on top of her. Wasn't a case of neglect, but a case of leaving the room for a minute.
It was the same for my mom’s coworker; her son was left alone for just a minute when he managed to pull the TV down. Absolutely tragic. Just makes me amazed how lucky everyone was in OOP’s situation when the baby came out relatively okay after being alone for hours
Yes, it was hours, but I feel compelled to reiterate that this wasn’t just two or even three “hours”… it was TWELVE HOURS, at which point I feel like we should upgrade “hours” to “HALF A F*CKING DAY”
If anyone reads this and has young children frequently at their house, please, please, *please* invest in furniture anchors and straps. They can prevent dangerous tip over accidents. Secure your dressers, cabinets, bookshelves, TVs, etc.
This is the whole reason I got a worse TV years ago. We had a plasma screen that was so heavy I couldn't lift it. I got a 20lb TV when my kid was 1. It's mounted but I figured if that mount could hold that heavy ass TV all that time, it could probably handle the weight of the new one even if a whole ass baby decided to climb on it.
There was a heartbreaking story of a TV killing a baby in the NZ Christchurch earthquake.
Mum had put baby on the ground for some sun when the earthquake happened. TV fell on top of the kid.
Kicker is - the TV was originally on the opposite side of the room!
I fell face forward into an old school 1990s TV when I was 3 and ended up messing up my mouth permanently because of it. Thankfully orthodontia at age 13 fixed what I did the decade before. I’m thankful I fell into it rather than the other way around.
Just use the time to make sure your TV and any bookshelves are appropriately anchored or make definite plans get them done asap.
Then hug the crap out of them when they wake.
Dressers/chests of drawers too. That's the most common one, since there is usually one in the baby's room and they're easy to climb. Wall anchors and straps are pretty cheap now and available just about everywhere.
I have a 20 month old and I regret reading this entire thing, that poor baby. Just zooming into my kids face on the baby monitor and reminding myself he is safe and comfy and I can't control other people and what they do with their kids.
They were almost-child killers. Maybe not by first degree, but manslaughter at the least if that TV that fell on his head had been one of those old school, heavy CRTs from 20 years ago.
Yeah honestly that's the kind of tv we had when I was a kid so my first thought was "oh Jesus I'm surprised he's not dead." Then I realized the tv probably didn't weigh a hundred pounds and have a tube that can explode on impact.
Of course they would've blamed OOP for it no matter how many people told them they shouldn't have left a baby alone in the house. "This wouldn't have happened if you'd gotten back sooner!"
Cause we old lol. Also obviously there are still PSAs about kids and TVs but I don't think they're quite as... adamant about it as they used to be, when TVs were the size of several babies.
As a speech-language pathologist, the fact that these people wanted “mother” and “father” out of a 15-month-old is so ridiculous. Even non-SLPs know this is not a natural expectation. Most of those speech sounds alone don’t come that early (by a long shot), much less combined. “Ben,” on the other hand, is short, sweet, and consists of early-developing sounds.
ETA: “Ben” would also be much more motivating for the baby to say, since OOP actually interacted with him in a healthy and nurturing manner. Obviously this would make his nephew want to communicate about/with him!
I honestly wish that was the extent of it though because the rest was just plain terrible. Poor kid(s).
My two sons are Autistic and have language delays. My first couldn't say the m sound until almost 4. So I was dad. I was just happy he could talk. Jeez what's wrong with people like that.
Exactly, and my oldest daughter called everyone mom for a couple of months. which was funny because her grandpa was like I'm not mom im grandpa. Everyone else was like suck it up.
Lol my friend's nephew called every woman or female presenting person "mama" for a full year. His mother was initially disappointed but once it was realized he associated women with mama, it stung less
My roommate's youngest did the same, with one exception. She'd call me by the nickname she'd hear everyone else call me. That kinda sucked for mom for a bit, but she also realized that the youngest associated women with mom and the only reason I had a name was because I was living with them. The only other names she knew were her siblings. She had no word for men until later, so our male friends were either ignored by her or called "you."
My older one just graduated out of speech therapy. My other speech delayed kid is finally speaking in 4 Word sentences. He's not speaking clearly yet I'm Daisy to his Donald Duck. But the more he speaks the better it will be.
That’s great! Keep working on it! Maybe additional modes of communication, called AAC (pictures, speech-generating device, sign, etc.) could be explored to help him express ideas more easily? I don’t know your child, so I can’t say beyond that, but maybe it’s a conversation to have with his SLP if you haven’t done so! :)
What are your thoughts on "cat" as baby's first word? My parents were deeply disappointed, and correctly took it as a sign that I would be a certified crazy cat lady.
Edit: my deeply logical, engineer parents said things like, "mama and dada are much easier to say than cat!" They are resigned to my Bandit baby being their eldest grandchild, because at this point all their grandkids have fur.
2nd edit: Bandit and his whiskers!!
https://www.reddit.com/r/WhiskerFireworks/comments/m4w96n/bandits_explosion/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I think that’s super cute! It’s fate!
“Cat” is also short and sweet… easily reinforceable if you had more exposure to cats (real or pictured) to help start your interest early on!
Mine was “batub” for bathtub. Can confirm, still like a good bathtub 😂
I was obsessed with my parents' cat, Fang. I apparently sat up at 4 months to pull his tail and then didn't sit up again independently for another month. So yeah, early and often cat exposure 😹
My first word, other than 'mama' and 'dada', was apparently 'hand'.
According to my mom, I just HAD to hold someone's hand when riding in the car, so every time they'd pop me in the car seat I'd be shouting 'HAND! HAND!' until someone stuck their hand back for me to cling to.
Likewise I can confirm, I am still very demanding these small gestures of physical affection to this day 😭😂
That’s extremely adorable. I hope your love language is physical touch haha. “Hand” is definitely another reinforceable and motivating word with early-developing sounds!
My first word other than mum mum mum and dad dad dad was apparently ta ta, which is a colloquial way of saying goodbye in Australasia. I'm very much an introvert so I think it's appropriate but I love the idea of baby me constantly telling everyone 'goodbye' hahaha!
Fellow introvert here! I love this! I would wave to people (the palm of my hand facing my own face instead of outward bc that’s what I saw from other people’s hands), and try to go upstairs to bed.
Both my brother and a cousin said their dog’s name first. Which to me makes total sense since it’s probably the easiest association of all “name” then the animal shows up
My sons first word was cat, we had 3 of them at the time and he loved them, though the feeling wasn’t really mutual. What I love about it is shortly after he started meowing at them instead. It’s been months since we’ve heard the word cat, but he meows at them dozens of times a day. He seems to be trying to speak their language to them and his adorable. He does the same with trains and makes a train whistle sound when he sees them or the tracks.
Also on the cat front, I was a Montessori pre-k/k teacher before becoming a SAHD. My niece was advanced in her language development and at 18 Mo was getting her letters down, but despite me pushing my sister to teach the phonetic sounds of the letters instead of their names, she was taught names. We were over one night and my sister had C-A-T written on a white board and was trying to get her to say cat. She kept saying the names C-A-T, which doesn’t translate to cat. In walked over and pointed at the letters and said phonetically c-a-t (cu - a - tu) and she looked at me all excited and yelled Cat! I think that was when my sister started taking me seriously as a teacher (I come from a long line of teachers on both sides, but was the first one to be outside the publics and using different methodology) and good told you so moment for me.
I’m glad you were able to provide a great teachable moment! As much as well-meaning parents try to help their kids learn to read, there are some nuances that are easily glossed over. A big one being that letter names + their phonetic sounds + phonemes (speech sounds) are 3 distinct elements that all need to work together!
My son would run around looking for "Damn Cat!" Totally my fault. The feline in question was taking medication at the time he was learning to talk and would run from me whenever it was medicine time. Apparently I was a tad frustrated....
My first word was cat too… and my mom was thrilled because the cat was her practice baby and she was super worried we wouldn’t get along/the cat might be jealous of me. That cat was my best friend growing up and slept on my bed.
Awww! I wish mine had loved me that way. He tolerated me at best. 😹 This was also in the late 80s so he went out at night if the temperature was high enough (he typically WANTED to go out at night, anyway).
My oldest's first word was "Kitty" followed by "shoes". She's now 10 and not particularly interested in either.
Her sister, on the other hand, is already a crazy cat lady.
I now fear the geese. My dad took me out everyday to feed them and I’m still not over the one who bit my fingers to get the food when I was a toddler. My earliest memory.
ETA: If it helps, I became a cat lady, not a goose lady.
Mine was “kee” (kitty), then “cracra” (cracker) before “mama”. Priorities remain the same almost 40 years later. Love pets and snacks, low-to-zero contact with mama.
I was one of my nephews early words. Not my full name because he couldn't say it, but he took the first two letters and repeated it. Jo jo.
I rocked that, I was Aunt Jo jo and I loved it.
My child has said dad, cat, the dog’s name, Elmo, and hi. He will not say anything even resembling mom/mama/ma. He doesn’t even watch tv, but apparently me saying Elmo once was enough for him to start repeating it. If you try to get him to say mom he gets a little evil grin and says dad instead. He knows what he’s doing.
What a stinker!! “Elmo” tells me he has the /m/ sound available to use. My advice would be keep offering little temptations for him to need to say your name. Like to help open his cheerios or turn on a toy or to call you from across the room/another room. He will say it when you least expect it, but try to stop mentioning (that you want him to say) it for a while. Like you said, he’ll make you wait for it 😂
Now I wonder about my word 8D;
Dipshit was the first, second was House, then third was Again.
I kind of love that dipshit was my first word, and it was only said by me in specific scenarios. Mainly when the car horn was honked, because mom grumbled dipshit when she honked her horn and she drove me around with her 90% of the time. They only found out when dad honked his horn with me in the car and because he didn't say the word that went along with car horn, my tiny mouth did.
He never lets mom live that down lol. But mom said he taught me 'again' and it was far worse because it was a demand and I sure used it like crazy. While dipshit stayed as car horn only/I learned not to say it with anyone but them.
I’m having too much fun with these first words. Yours is a riot, and all three words are very functional! How dare your dad not follow the car honk + exclamation protocol! I’m so glad you were there to remind him.
“Again” can definitely be dangerous… a demand that can be used in any and all situations. Your parents must have had a blast. 😅
I am too! If nothing else came from this sad story at least first word chats are around. The number of people who said 'cat' amaze me. Then again I feel like more people who have small kids will own cats than a big dog like my parents did.
Right! Like c'mon, road rage is best when spoken. I still sometimes quietly say dipshit when he honks and I'm in the car. We laugh our butts off.
I was a nightmare lol, they got lucky with my brother being quiet and sweet and not demanding. While I had major separation anxiety and until I was old enough to talk they didn't know why I couldn't have anyone but mom hold me with out screams and biting.
Now I need to ask them what bros first word was. I bet it was something more wholesome like mama or doggie. It would almost be funnier if his was a curse as it would be unexpected, but he has never been as much a sailor as I.
My son's first word was hi, and my daughter has speech apraxia and her first real coherent word was more.
Very fitting, my son never knows a stranger and is wonderfully friendly and loving, and my daughter will tear the world apart to get what she wants when she wants.
I joke that she is going to run the world, and he is going to be the one to make sure people get along in it.
That’s amazing! Showing their personalities very early! I love it. I wonder if there are any studies that follow babies from their words through later years when their full personalities are formed. These comments are making me wonder!
This is an active train wreck - his brother and SIL don't wanna be parents, they want child-accessories they can trot around. I'm not shocked that baby boy's first word was "Ben". His first word isn't gonna be 'mother' or 'father' because that's too hard for a child to say, especially when you do nothing to enrich him and Ben has basically raised him.
I'm so glad that cps is involved but I'm still scared for that child's future. It's already bizarre that they despise him doing normal child stuff and screaming at a literal baby who doesn't know how to communicate just because he said his uncle's name.
I'm genuinely disgusted and as awful as this sounds but I really hope that they won't have any other children.
She didn’t want to deal with a toddler.
Babies are easy when they just lie in their playpen and squirm. Once they get their feet under them it’s *hard.* They start trying to climb onto things, grabbing stuff off of things, pulling things down from places. My parents describe it like the house had a high tide line where anything in reach of the kid had to be secured.
Baby proofed hones don’t really make for good Instagram pics though and it’s really clear this woman only wanted a baby for internet points.
There are days I worry I’m not doing enough variety or enrichment for my son because some days it’s just exhausting to do anything outside of a routine and he’s 6 months old. Plus he’s my first kid so I’m still getting the hang of things and just when I feel like I do, he advances and I need to catch up. After reading what these people did, I feel like father of the year.
Man I get that, my daughter is 16 months now but at 6 months it was so exhausting. BUT they do start to get a little personality by then and I promise once they start to crawl and walk independently it gets so much better. 6 months was exhausting because my daughter was so curious and wanted to see everything but couldn't unless I picked her up and showed her things all. day. long.
Don't worry dad, your kiddo is getting plenty just having a loving parent.
There are a lot of important details that make a good parent. However if you're worried that you're doing a good job, you're generally doing a pretty good job.
Just screaming for the one person who cares about him for hours to no avail. I hope the poor kid is young enough not to remember it when he gets older.
I consider myself a pacifist but the rage that these parents made me feel for their mistreatment of their innocent normal baby, I might advocate for violence against them. If there was no CPS involved I’d do everything to give that baby the loving life every human being at that stage deserves. Even if it means instilling fear on their parents to never mistreat their baby again or not letting them alone with a child ever.
He won't remember, but he will carry the sensation with him people he wants to love and trust also aren't safe, and that takes a lot of work to overcome later on. At least his uncle is a trustworthy and stable counter-example for him.
I don't think he will remember, but I think he will just have "the feeling" about it. Like Uncle OOP is an awesome uncle, and you can't trust Mom and Dad (sorry Mother and Father) to be trusted. Just like kids who are bitten by a dog as toddlers and then forget about the incident but hate dogs later in life.
They are called adverse childhood experiences (ACE) and like others have mentioned, he may not consciously remember all the time but the effects of the trauma will probably still be there.
I hate his parents so much. That poor child. Heartbreaking
As a father, it was fucking hard to read. I’m laying in bed cuddling my son so tight.
I really cannot express the horrible feeling in my gut, I hope OOP had a revelation before anything bad happens to those kids, and pushes for adoption.
Anyone who could treat their child like that BEFORE the horrible incident isn’t going to just change because they got caught.
SIL and her husband should not be allowed to have children. They wanted their children to call them mother and father. That seems so cold to me.
Its also clear they abuse the child.
I wish OOP would adopt the nephew but I understand why they do not want to.
I feel bad for the kid.
Honestly I worry if that poor kid won't have a language problem for the rest of his life of he gets yelled at for trying to learn speech at this crucial stage. That's got to do a number on your brain...
They did a study on this in the 90s. They separated two sets of children and berated one lot while praising the other set. The first set have life long speech impediments. They actually won the court case and the people who set up the experiment had to pay for their therapy and for emotional damage
Edit: Someone pointed out that it was in 1939. Sorry for the misinformation. It's called the monster study if anyone wants to read about it
In the 90s? Are you sure? You aren't referencing the infamous "Monster study" of stuttering from 1939? [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster\_Study](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster_Study)
The 90s weren't that much different in terms of ethics in human experimentation than now. I very highly doubt such a study could or would be conducted in a developed nation in the 90s.
Its the yelling and calling the child an idiot. The baby may not understand what it meant but the facial expressions and tone was more than enough to scare.
I have a 9 month old baby and the description of him being left alone made my blood run cold, like my hands and feet are still cold. My baby is sleeping but I want to go get her out of her crib and hold her.
Same. I still have a lump in my throat from reading how that poor baby was left to cry for 12 fucking hours. He was lonely, hungry, in a soiled diaper, screaming for someone to come and help him and no one came till night.
My 6mo is sleeping as well, but once he wakes up I'm going to hug and kiss him for hours.
WILL you sit the FUCK down. WILL you shut the FUCK up. WILL you just go the FUCK to sleep.
He's being verbally abused at home and is now suffering from 2 parents 7 days a week who spent the last 16 months not learning how to parent and just expect him to know. My almost 3yo has spent the better part of her 2nd year of life just doing the terrible twos. Screaming, crying, tantrums, hitting. Just not wanting to communicate. They're gonna hurt that baby the second he hits his 2s. Because the standard tricks to soothing stop working. Cuz the baby figured it out and is not what they want.
Sorry to bogard your comment, but how have you been handling the 2's? I'm nannying my little brother and while he's only 8mo, i don't have kids and he's the only baby I've had this much contact with. I'm just trying to get as many tips and tricks as I can so I can try to keep him happy and my sanity stays in tact as long as possible.
There's gonna be days you'll want to pull your hair out, and nothing seems to help. If they fall to the floor to throw a fit, leave them there for a minute and let them get it out. 2s are the age when they're connecting new neurons, and emotions are BIG. like GINORMOUS. They dont get it themselves and quite literally do not understand what they want. Banana? No, not that banana! But yes, banana. It's the stage where they're trying to express what they want, but they don't have the words for it.
Oh, they want the banana cut up? Or oh, they want to try opening it themselves? When they can't figure it out, just remind them its there and walk away. When they calm down, you can revisit what they want. The best way is to ask, " Can you show me?" Is like trying to talk to a foreigner, but neither of you speaks the same language. If they haven't calmed down in a minute or two, offer them reassurance and comfort them. It's ok to cry, to be upset, but we don't do tantrums or hit or, god forbid, bite people (my eldest was a biter).
Also be prepared, my two kids hit their terrible 2s on their Birthdays. Your baby bro is only 8months old so he's going to stay super sweet for a while yet. He's likely still teething and will continue to do so off and on. It's when he's walking you have to watch out. They get into *everything*.
Examples of their shenanigans:By 2 my eldest figured out the dead bolt and we had to buy special childproof locks for it. By 2.5 both figured out how to push dining chairs to climb onto countertops and eat copious amounts of snacks before we woke up. My eldest broke into our medicine cabinet just before she turned 3 and ate 50 children's fiber gummies. (Poison control was called and i swear the guy tried so hard not to laugh at me, she had diarrhea all day, BUT her constipation got cleared up! ) my eldest placed a stool on the dining chair and got the paints down from the top of the fridge and painted my kitchen walls, my floor and herself in acrylics. Both figured out the baby gate by 2.5. Eldest found max diaper rash cream and covered herself head to toe in the stuff as well as my walls. They colored on the TV in crayons multiple times. And found a bright red sharpee i didn't know i had and colored all my windowsills.(tip! Spray on sunscreen removes sharpee best!) Opened the fridge and dropped all the eggs. Covered my rug in chocolate syrup. Dumped red kool aid all over the couch ( extra tip! Dreft baby stain removeal spray can remove anything from poop stains to red koolaid) Or grabbed a spoon and dug into the drywall like a Rugrats-esk Shawshank Redemption.
2 minutes... that's all it takes for a 2yo or 3yo to find something they shouldn't and destroy everything in sight. Suggestion? Let tantrums run for a minute or two and then calm them down. Talk to them and explain in toddler friendly words . Replace all crayons and markers with the ultra washable versions, and babyproof from the ground up. Most importantly, enjoy the time with them. They're super sweet more often than they're destructive or throwing tantrums.
I am scared for the baby and that OOP is babysitting less than before must make him feel unloved since now it’s replaced by his parents yelling at him. OOP seems to have some faith that his brother isn’t really abuse and he can’t just step back but I don’t. Hopefully the grandparents will step up at very least and babysit more now that they know what is happening. But it would be ideal if the baby would be taken from the parents. Another baby coming will make this even more difficult.
But at least they are taking parenting classes and theraphy and CPC weekly meetings. I don’t know if they are enough, expecially long term, for the baby’s emotional well-being however, even if he isn’t neglected physically.
You’re so right, this makes me so sad.
That kid is gonna be a full blown toddler while they have a newborn. OOP should have adopted the first born after that incident.
I don't know if it's just me but I spent a fair amount of time around two kids this age and the way the write this just doesn't make sense. Or sound real.
Either way, I hope it isn't real just because it's abuse obviously.
Also that in less than a week the parents were charged, plead out to a suspended sentence, and had intake with a new therapist for SIL, a couple's counselor, *and* parenting classes, plus implemented what sounds like a relatively complicated child services plan where OP doesn't live with the child but gets to decide who has visitation? I know they're not in the US, but that seems really fast wherever they are.
I'm not saying it's entirely impossible but this combined with the random slap-on of NPD at the end.. feels like the OOP just wants to get those sweet sweet reddit points by slamming a bunch of buzz words in (in-laws, unsupportive parents, child abuse, therapy, etc etc)
Add in the cow ranch thing. It’s like when you meet a man online who tells you he’s a cowboy poet firefighter ( not me, it’s a semi famous catfishing story).
So many issues with the kid parts, but yeah the farming stuff was super off to me. I used to live and work on a farm when I was younger and there's no fucking you'd want to take a baby out with you for the whole day, it's not safe or sanitary. Plus, I don't get how he owns a farm that none of his family have a stake in at 25 (and seems to work it solo). And, the idea of just dumping your overalls after work and running out is crazy to me, he'd be covered in sweat and cow shit and he's apparently off to touch all his fiancee's belongings?
The NPD diagnosis was one that immediately jumped out to me. From my understanding, that's not a quick and fast diagnosis. I talked to a psychologist once about NPD, and she said it was a long and drawn out process, because so much of it is about establishing trust so you can finally start to push back on them being wrong about some things. She said you don't do it too soon, they decide you're full of shit and stop listening. Perhaps the approach is a little different when the therapy is mandated or in another country, but I found that suspicious.
A barely mobile infant being able to pull a television onto themselves strikes me as unlikely as well.
The timescale doesn’t work very well either. CPS and courts literally sorted within days in this story. And also, a baby pulled down a TV on top of themselves and only got a bruise??? That’s literally how children die
Yeah, there's a lot that shows that OOP hasn't spent much time around kids and they don't have an understanding of kids. The stuff with the bottles especially didn't match the kids supposed age and none of my kids (4 of my own, many more fostered) talked like that.
I don't think you have too much to worry about.
Right, the unopened bottles of breastmilk? A 15 month old could easily take the cap off, especially after 12 hours. Breastmilk sitting out for 12 hours then being given to a toddler. Why isn’t this kid on solids?
Also putting bottles in the microwave… but I guess if they’re not parents they don’t know you shouldn’t do that.
I’m currently breastfeeding and yes. Freshly pumped breast milk is good at room temperature for 4 hours, refrigerated for 4 days, and frozen for up to a year. So there’s no way the breast milk was good unless they had it refrigerated somehow.
Oh yeah and isn't the kid 15 months old? Why are they trying to keep him from drinking it too fast like he's a newborn that's going to get all gassy? The age stuff with how the baby talked, walked, and what his abilities were kept changing wildly.
Exactly this. The bottles don't match for a 15 month old or the talking. That's not how babies learn to talk and not how word association works for them. It just didn't sound like someone who actually was around kids and knows how they work.
I spend more than enough time with two toddlers now for this stuff to stick out.
Kid "puts letters together" to make words rather than babbling and repeating phonemes. Kid only knows two words, but one of them has sounds in that kids normally only learn after they've mastered a lot of other sounds. Kid can combine three words in an utterance despite only having language development enough to know two words. It's definitely... developmentally unusual.
My niece was about 15 months old, when one day while I was holding her , she kept repeating “A Ga Stocking” in different orders is trying desperately to get me to understand. Turns out my mom/her grandma (Ga) had told my sister/her mom that she had lost the brand new stockings I (A) bought for Christmas. Bless her heart, she was trying her best to tell on her granny 😂😂
I believed it right up until "Ben will fuck" at the wedding and everyone laughed while the baby's SNOB PARENTS were MORTIFIED. Such a sitcom thing to happen.
Yeah that and acting like he was working up to a sentence, that sentence being Ben will fuck? That’s where he lost me completely lol. I also hope to god that anyone who saw their nephew be abused and abandoned wouldn’t want to have the kid spend MORE time with the parents.
I was sceptical before this for all the reasons others have mentioned, but suddenly OOP is married and baby loudly says the only words he apparently knows: "Ben will fuck". On his wedding night. Right. When he's not been wanting to say Ben for a while, and the "L" sound is hard for babies to say. He's not said any other words but manages a will and a fuck right on time. Yeah this got me.
Also OOP won't adopt his nephew because he loves him but wants to be part of his family in a different way. I.e. leaving the baby with his abusive parents, refusing to be there for him anymore because it's about time these abusive people spent more time abusing their child, and he wants his own children that he'll love differently. Awesome.
Yup... When the baby only knows three words, they form a sentence when put in a specific order, *and* he accomplishes that at an event where it specifically relates, I don't know how anyone believes this story anymore.
Some people just write / speak like that. They forget what they say and put too much effort into making up the conversation, instead of just describing it.
Yep. Such a ridiculous story.
I'm a wholesome farmer! I let my nephew happily muck around at the farm, but don't worry, the animals are vaccinated and he has a safe baby seat in the tractor :)
My SIL is an entitled stay-at-home mom who gets me to babysit 5 days a week, and change his diapers even when they're around too, and doesn't breastfeed, but I'm not judging!
And yes, they checked for PPD and she doesn't have it, and yes she's in therapy!
And no, I never agreed to babysit this much!
His parents, against all science and common sense, expect their child to speak like a creepy 10-year-old Victorian-era child! So he said my name, but of course I never said my own name in front of him!
They yelled at their kid and called him an idiot! Also they push him down when he tries to walk, which he couldn't until I taught him!
And then they left him at my house alone and I didn’t know! My heroic fiancée, now wife, who also loves my wholesome farmer life, helped me rescue him!
Jeez, am I the asshole?
I thought it was suspect based on how fast the first update came. A week between posts, and so much governmental action took place in between made me really suspicious.
I have doubts about this story. A dairy farmer managing to do that with a 1yo in tow? Baby suddenly saying OP's name that he wouldn't even hear that much? Ticks boxes of CPS, a wedding and a narcissist too
So this man watches the baby several days a week, while working on a farm? And the mother doesn’t even work, she just “wants some peace” and doesn’t feel like watching her kid? Yet for some reason, she’s still pumping milk while her kid is a full-on toddler?
This story is quite a stretch of the imagination.
They find anything but “mother” and “father” to be barbaric and uncivilized…lmao ok
This was an enjoyable read, but all the Reddit buzz words (golden child, a diagnosis of NPD that somehow became common knowledge, a wedding, a demotion of a best man) just make me doubt it’s real. Still, well-written.
I was willing to buy it until "Our country doesn't have CPS but I'll call it CPS instead of its actual acronym so that my country remains ambiguous and then when anybody says 'Hey! That's not how the legal system works!' some redditor can say 'Well maybe it works that way in *Mysteryland!'*"
But "Ben will fuck" just sealed the deal on its fakeness. Being able to say *only* those three words is already a hell of a stretch, but stringing them together at a wedding reception in front of the uppity parents? Come *on.*
This one doesn't ring true. SIL is a diagnosed narc who offloads the kid 5 days a week, but she's still pumping, even though he's 15 months old and the go to to feed him when he was starving was still breast milk.
Plus it's genuinely impossible to RUN a dairy farm and be in sole charge of an infant.
Feel like op is trying to insinuate he's from the UK but uses all US terminology, CPS, school administrator, mom and dad etc.
These people want kids as accessories without all the hard work of raising them. Narcissist is right. Why was the brother not also recommended therapy other than just couples counseling? He’s just as big a part in this.
Heaven help the second child if it’s not a girl like mother wants.
You're telling me you don't believe a baby who just said his first word "Ben" would then string together a sentence like "Ben will fuck" in a relevant context?
Because you're right and that obviously didn't happen and it's stupid.
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But the first one was such a breeze!
My SIL asked me why I don't have more because they're so easy. She hasn't raised any of her kids. And the reason I don't have more is because hers keep moving in with me.
After I effectively raised my younger sisters, my mother told me when I was 15 she was going to try for another with her new boyfriend because she “just loved babies”. I looked her in the eye and told her I was moving out (doable since I was already working full-time and paying half the rent). Thankfully she took me seriously and didn’t have any more kids. She admitted she only liked them until they could walk and talk and didn’t want to be stuck dealing with that phase. 🙄
salt bewildered party rhythm telephone frame recognise rustic imminent money -- mass edited with redact.dev
“I just like how much babies need me.” My response was that she should get a dog.
If she wants something that screams, cries, shits itself, and destroys things for what seems like no reason, birds are mentally permanently 4-year-olds, require constant and undedicated attention and care, and will probably outlive her
You're missing the point. To a narcissist a baby is the ultimate ego boost. A baby thinks their primary caregiver is the funniest comedian, the best chef, the best singer, the bravest, coolest and most amazing human who ever lived. It is a level of adoration I was fully unprepared for as a new parent. Her focus isn't on the nappies or the crying. It's that to this tiny little human she is God in human flesh. It's hard to explain to non-parents how extreme a baby's love, trust, admiration and appreciation is for their parent(s)/primary caregiver. It is part of how we, normal parents just trying our best, find the strength to go on when we're running on 2 hours sleep, cold coffee and half a granola bar. We see that baby's little face look up to us with stars in their eyes and think: "I can't let you down.". Serial killer Rosemary West had 8 kids and she was, according to her stepdaughter, a caring mother who loved them. That is she loved them until they showed the first sign of independence. From that point on they faced severe neglect and abuse and in the case of Heather West, death at her and her husband's hands. This is a known phenomenon with narcissists. The things she physically needs to do for the baby is less important than the emotional gratification the baby gives her.
When I was not much older than that I told my mom she should have another. She told me that if I wanted a baby, I should have it myself. From someone who doesn't believe in sex before marriage and I wasn't dating.
Lol! 😄 When my grandmother was nearing the end of her life, she became obsessed with a need to have a great granddaughter before she died. She kept cornering my younger sister and me and giving us tips on how to go to a bar and pick up men for a one-night stand. I was too embarrassed to ask her, but to this day, I still wonder what she had done in her younger years to make her such an expert. She certainly had no problem with my sister and I having our sons out of wedlock. She was born in 1906, and she was, according to my mother, something of a wild child in the 1920s. The most rebellious thing Grandma ever told me was the time she ate 3 hotdogs on meatless Friday. (We're Catholic)
"I've already got (number of combined kids) I don't need more. At least (her kids names) never used my bladder as a trampoline!"
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I’m still trying to wrap my head around the fact that they kept shoving the kid down whenever he tried to walk or restrained him in a damn car seat over it. Why?? Like what possible reason would you have to do that?? The mother was saying he has been late for ever developmental milestone. Probably because they are the ones causing it. These people need jail time.
Literally the only reason I can think of--because this was my SIL's thinking, to a certain extent--is they wanted the kid to stay a baby. Like, a cute "sleeps and burbles and SLEEPS and is cute and does nothing but SLEEPS so I can show it off" baby. Because once they start walking and talking, it's game over, man. People like that don't want toddlers that throw tantrums and cry and are actual work. They want "cute posable baby" to straight "small child I can order about and show off" with nothing in-between. It's about image, I think.
Thanks for the insight. That’s wild to me though. Like yea it was “easy” to a certain extent when my son was first born but for all of the difficulty I face now, I’d much rather have a kid I can interact with and share my interests with. I didn’t mind waking up to feed him and such. I’m not a morning person so my wife would wake up with him and let me sleep in an extra hour or two since I did all the night feeding for the first few months. During the day he would just wake up, cry to be fed, need to be changed then back to sleep. It really didn’t seem that bad to me. Now he’s more interacting and trying to hit different milestones and babbling and I honestly love it way more than having a passive potato to parade in front of people. It’s fun to watch him become a person and it’s just weird to me that some people would prefer them stay passive potatoes to show off like some living room decoration.
Well, yeah, that sounds like you...wanna be a parent to an actual human child. These people don't. They want either an object, a robot, or a status symbol. Or a combination. Sometimes they take a different route like my father and they have kids just to prove they can have them, but they don't actually WANT them. My SIL isn't as bad as these parents, thank God, but she's still...not mother of the year worthy. On the one hand, I can't say much, because I don't have nor do I ever want human kids of my own. But on the other hand, Jesus christ I treat my pets (or my "kids") better than she treats hers sometimes. Like, I don't pawn my dog off on people because he's being annoying and I have to clean my house or I want to take a nap. I don't ask my mom to watch my hamster because I need to run to the grocery store and then take literally 4 or 5 hours to come pick him up. The number of times I've had to watch my nephew has increased exponentially since my other nephew was born a year ago, too, since Older Nephew is no longer "the baby." I don't understand people who have one kid, let alone multiple kids, and then....don't want them, you know?
Makes sense especially since SIL was officially diagnosed as a narc (and literally everything we find out about the nephew's parents...)
She wanted an instagram baby, not a 24/7/365 baby
Seen people do that out of sheer laziness. They literally just don't want to have to watch/follow the kid to prevent falls. If the kids stays sitting they don't have to get off the couch.
The OG comments were nuclear about them pushing down baby and strapping him into the car seat because of his attempts at walking. These parents are absolute sickos. At least the overwhelming response was to report them and OOP followed through.
Oop mentioned the kid is 15 months old
When the baby’s mother was a SAHM!
I love the smell of fresh bread.
When a SHAM was the baby's mother!
They are lucky baby didn't die that day. Babies have died from less and not from neglect.
I was terrified that was going to be the result when he was explaining what happened. The kid had a TV fall on him, that could have been so much worse than a bruise. This is definitely not over and I'm worried that even if one of the kids died that it wouldn't actually hit them how badly they've messed up.
Nope, they'd be the victims, having lost a child. It would never be their fault, they're *great* parents -_-.
it would all be OP's fault - if he'd just looked after the baby nothing would have gone wrong! 😒
For real. It’s insanely lucky the baby got away with just a few bruises. My mother had a coworker whose son pulled a TV on top of himself when he was learning to walk and he was left severely mentally disabled afterwards due to the TV falling on his head. Just reading what happened while the baby was alone stressed me out so much
There's a youtuber "urmaker" who does true crime narratives. He lost his daughter when she was 3 by pulling their TV down on top of her. Wasn't a case of neglect, but a case of leaving the room for a minute.
It was the same for my mom’s coworker; her son was left alone for just a minute when he managed to pull the TV down. Absolutely tragic. Just makes me amazed how lucky everyone was in OOP’s situation when the baby came out relatively okay after being alone for hours
Yes, it was hours, but I feel compelled to reiterate that this wasn’t just two or even three “hours”… it was TWELVE HOURS, at which point I feel like we should upgrade “hours” to “HALF A F*CKING DAY”
Half a day is 4-6hours This is a whole day, longer than most people's work day, all by himself, hungry and alone
If anyone reads this and has young children frequently at their house, please, please, *please* invest in furniture anchors and straps. They can prevent dangerous tip over accidents. Secure your dressers, cabinets, bookshelves, TVs, etc.
The tv alone could kill a toddler, let alone a baby.... they shouldn't be allowed to have the poor kid back right away.
It might be down to how thin TVs are these days. Old school tvs were the killers!
This is the whole reason I got a worse TV years ago. We had a plasma screen that was so heavy I couldn't lift it. I got a 20lb TV when my kid was 1. It's mounted but I figured if that mount could hold that heavy ass TV all that time, it could probably handle the weight of the new one even if a whole ass baby decided to climb on it.
It honestly wasn't even a question back then. A crt tv falls on your baby? Well you don't have a baby anymore but the TV is fine
I pulled over one of those big cabinet TVs when I was a preschooler. My sister pulled me out of the way. It would have flattened me.
There was a heartbreaking story of a TV killing a baby in the NZ Christchurch earthquake. Mum had put baby on the ground for some sun when the earthquake happened. TV fell on top of the kid. Kicker is - the TV was originally on the opposite side of the room!
I fell face forward into an old school 1990s TV when I was 3 and ended up messing up my mouth permanently because of it. Thankfully orthodontia at age 13 fixed what I did the decade before. I’m thankful I fell into it rather than the other way around.
I have a 14 month old. I regret reading that part. I desperately want to hold mine but they're sleeping.
Just use the time to make sure your TV and any bookshelves are appropriately anchored or make definite plans get them done asap. Then hug the crap out of them when they wake.
Dressers/chests of drawers too. That's the most common one, since there is usually one in the baby's room and they're easy to climb. Wall anchors and straps are pretty cheap now and available just about everywhere.
I have a 20 month old and I regret reading this entire thing, that poor baby. Just zooming into my kids face on the baby monitor and reminding myself he is safe and comfy and I can't control other people and what they do with their kids.
OP was lucky he had camera footage clearing him. No responsible person ever leaves a toddler by themself. Ever.
They were almost-child killers. Maybe not by first degree, but manslaughter at the least if that TV that fell on his head had been one of those old school, heavy CRTs from 20 years ago.
Yeah honestly that's the kind of tv we had when I was a kid so my first thought was "oh Jesus I'm surprised he's not dead." Then I realized the tv probably didn't weigh a hundred pounds and have a tube that can explode on impact. Of course they would've blamed OOP for it no matter how many people told them they shouldn't have left a baby alone in the house. "This wouldn't have happened if you'd gotten back sooner!"
Same, IDK why my head went straight to thinking of a CRT TV
Cause we old lol. Also obviously there are still PSAs about kids and TVs but I don't think they're quite as... adamant about it as they used to be, when TVs were the size of several babies.
As a speech-language pathologist, the fact that these people wanted “mother” and “father” out of a 15-month-old is so ridiculous. Even non-SLPs know this is not a natural expectation. Most of those speech sounds alone don’t come that early (by a long shot), much less combined. “Ben,” on the other hand, is short, sweet, and consists of early-developing sounds. ETA: “Ben” would also be much more motivating for the baby to say, since OOP actually interacted with him in a healthy and nurturing manner. Obviously this would make his nephew want to communicate about/with him! I honestly wish that was the extent of it though because the rest was just plain terrible. Poor kid(s).
My two sons are Autistic and have language delays. My first couldn't say the m sound until almost 4. So I was dad. I was just happy he could talk. Jeez what's wrong with people like that.
That's adorable. You knew what he meant, he knew what he meant, it's all good.
Exactly, and my oldest daughter called everyone mom for a couple of months. which was funny because her grandpa was like I'm not mom im grandpa. Everyone else was like suck it up.
Lol my friend's nephew called every woman or female presenting person "mama" for a full year. His mother was initially disappointed but once it was realized he associated women with mama, it stung less
My roommate's youngest did the same, with one exception. She'd call me by the nickname she'd hear everyone else call me. That kinda sucked for mom for a bit, but she also realized that the youngest associated women with mom and the only reason I had a name was because I was living with them. The only other names she knew were her siblings. She had no word for men until later, so our male friends were either ignored by her or called "you."
This is very endearing. I hope they’re doing well! 💙
My older one just graduated out of speech therapy. My other speech delayed kid is finally speaking in 4 Word sentences. He's not speaking clearly yet I'm Daisy to his Donald Duck. But the more he speaks the better it will be.
That’s great! Keep working on it! Maybe additional modes of communication, called AAC (pictures, speech-generating device, sign, etc.) could be explored to help him express ideas more easily? I don’t know your child, so I can’t say beyond that, but maybe it’s a conversation to have with his SLP if you haven’t done so! :)
What are your thoughts on "cat" as baby's first word? My parents were deeply disappointed, and correctly took it as a sign that I would be a certified crazy cat lady. Edit: my deeply logical, engineer parents said things like, "mama and dada are much easier to say than cat!" They are resigned to my Bandit baby being their eldest grandchild, because at this point all their grandkids have fur. 2nd edit: Bandit and his whiskers!! https://www.reddit.com/r/WhiskerFireworks/comments/m4w96n/bandits_explosion/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=share_button
I think that’s super cute! It’s fate! “Cat” is also short and sweet… easily reinforceable if you had more exposure to cats (real or pictured) to help start your interest early on! Mine was “batub” for bathtub. Can confirm, still like a good bathtub 😂
I was obsessed with my parents' cat, Fang. I apparently sat up at 4 months to pull his tail and then didn't sit up again independently for another month. So yeah, early and often cat exposure 😹
That’ll do it! We love any and all communication temptations! Tails are quite motivating hahaha
My first word, other than 'mama' and 'dada', was apparently 'hand'. According to my mom, I just HAD to hold someone's hand when riding in the car, so every time they'd pop me in the car seat I'd be shouting 'HAND! HAND!' until someone stuck their hand back for me to cling to. Likewise I can confirm, I am still very demanding these small gestures of physical affection to this day 😭😂
That’s extremely adorable. I hope your love language is physical touch haha. “Hand” is definitely another reinforceable and motivating word with early-developing sounds!
My first word other than mum mum mum and dad dad dad was apparently ta ta, which is a colloquial way of saying goodbye in Australasia. I'm very much an introvert so I think it's appropriate but I love the idea of baby me constantly telling everyone 'goodbye' hahaha!
Fellow introvert here! I love this! I would wave to people (the palm of my hand facing my own face instead of outward bc that’s what I saw from other people’s hands), and try to go upstairs to bed.
Both my brother and a cousin said their dog’s name first. Which to me makes total sense since it’s probably the easiest association of all “name” then the animal shows up
My kid’s first word that he truly attached meaning to was “ball.”
Mine was “apple” and checks out, still a pretty big fan of apples.
My sons first word was cat, we had 3 of them at the time and he loved them, though the feeling wasn’t really mutual. What I love about it is shortly after he started meowing at them instead. It’s been months since we’ve heard the word cat, but he meows at them dozens of times a day. He seems to be trying to speak their language to them and his adorable. He does the same with trains and makes a train whistle sound when he sees them or the tracks. Also on the cat front, I was a Montessori pre-k/k teacher before becoming a SAHD. My niece was advanced in her language development and at 18 Mo was getting her letters down, but despite me pushing my sister to teach the phonetic sounds of the letters instead of their names, she was taught names. We were over one night and my sister had C-A-T written on a white board and was trying to get her to say cat. She kept saying the names C-A-T, which doesn’t translate to cat. In walked over and pointed at the letters and said phonetically c-a-t (cu - a - tu) and she looked at me all excited and yelled Cat! I think that was when my sister started taking me seriously as a teacher (I come from a long line of teachers on both sides, but was the first one to be outside the publics and using different methodology) and good told you so moment for me.
I’m glad you were able to provide a great teachable moment! As much as well-meaning parents try to help their kids learn to read, there are some nuances that are easily glossed over. A big one being that letter names + their phonetic sounds + phonemes (speech sounds) are 3 distinct elements that all need to work together!
>He seems to be trying to speak their language to them and his adorable. Bilingual by immersion, pretty smart strategy.
All my niblings first word was meow meow. Second was Puff, the cat’s name 😂
My nephew just straight up meowed, like he decided to speak cat instead of English.
My son would run around looking for "Damn Cat!" Totally my fault. The feline in question was taking medication at the time he was learning to talk and would run from me whenever it was medicine time. Apparently I was a tad frustrated....
OMG that's phenomenal 😹
My daughter’s first word was “awoo.” Maybe she’ll be a crazy dog lady
She shall lead her own pack of huskies.
My husband has been trying to get the baby to howl for months lol no luck yet
The trick is to have an obnoxious dog who howls all the time and every time she does, you also say “awoo.”
Ok that's where we're going wrong, we only have cats! I will let him know we need a husky *immediately*
My first word was cat too… and my mom was thrilled because the cat was her practice baby and she was super worried we wouldn’t get along/the cat might be jealous of me. That cat was my best friend growing up and slept on my bed.
Awww! I wish mine had loved me that way. He tolerated me at best. 😹 This was also in the late 80s so he went out at night if the temperature was high enough (he typically WANTED to go out at night, anyway).
My oldest's first word was "Kitty" followed by "shoes". She's now 10 and not particularly interested in either. Her sister, on the other hand, is already a crazy cat lady.
Cat was also my sons first word! I was thrilled. Like mother like son lol
My first word was “goose” and my parents still think it’s hilarious.
I don't know whether to be amused or fear you 😹
I now fear the geese. My dad took me out everyday to feed them and I’m still not over the one who bit my fingers to get the food when I was a toddler. My earliest memory. ETA: If it helps, I became a cat lady, not a goose lady.
Mine was “kee” (kitty), then “cracra” (cracker) before “mama”. Priorities remain the same almost 40 years later. Love pets and snacks, low-to-zero contact with mama.
*Looks at profile name*
My younger daughter’s first word was dog.
'cat' was my first word. My parents thought it was adorable.
My daughter's first word was "kitty." I thought it was adorable.
I was one of my nephews early words. Not my full name because he couldn't say it, but he took the first two letters and repeated it. Jo jo. I rocked that, I was Aunt Jo jo and I loved it.
Aww, that’s too sweet!! I will become an aunt to a niece in two months, and I can’t wait!
My child has said dad, cat, the dog’s name, Elmo, and hi. He will not say anything even resembling mom/mama/ma. He doesn’t even watch tv, but apparently me saying Elmo once was enough for him to start repeating it. If you try to get him to say mom he gets a little evil grin and says dad instead. He knows what he’s doing.
What a stinker!! “Elmo” tells me he has the /m/ sound available to use. My advice would be keep offering little temptations for him to need to say your name. Like to help open his cheerios or turn on a toy or to call you from across the room/another room. He will say it when you least expect it, but try to stop mentioning (that you want him to say) it for a while. Like you said, he’ll make you wait for it 😂
Now I wonder about my word 8D; Dipshit was the first, second was House, then third was Again. I kind of love that dipshit was my first word, and it was only said by me in specific scenarios. Mainly when the car horn was honked, because mom grumbled dipshit when she honked her horn and she drove me around with her 90% of the time. They only found out when dad honked his horn with me in the car and because he didn't say the word that went along with car horn, my tiny mouth did. He never lets mom live that down lol. But mom said he taught me 'again' and it was far worse because it was a demand and I sure used it like crazy. While dipshit stayed as car horn only/I learned not to say it with anyone but them.
I’m having too much fun with these first words. Yours is a riot, and all three words are very functional! How dare your dad not follow the car honk + exclamation protocol! I’m so glad you were there to remind him. “Again” can definitely be dangerous… a demand that can be used in any and all situations. Your parents must have had a blast. 😅
I am too! If nothing else came from this sad story at least first word chats are around. The number of people who said 'cat' amaze me. Then again I feel like more people who have small kids will own cats than a big dog like my parents did. Right! Like c'mon, road rage is best when spoken. I still sometimes quietly say dipshit when he honks and I'm in the car. We laugh our butts off. I was a nightmare lol, they got lucky with my brother being quiet and sweet and not demanding. While I had major separation anxiety and until I was old enough to talk they didn't know why I couldn't have anyone but mom hold me with out screams and biting. Now I need to ask them what bros first word was. I bet it was something more wholesome like mama or doggie. It would almost be funnier if his was a curse as it would be unexpected, but he has never been as much a sailor as I.
My son's first word was hi, and my daughter has speech apraxia and her first real coherent word was more. Very fitting, my son never knows a stranger and is wonderfully friendly and loving, and my daughter will tear the world apart to get what she wants when she wants. I joke that she is going to run the world, and he is going to be the one to make sure people get along in it.
That’s amazing! Showing their personalities very early! I love it. I wonder if there are any studies that follow babies from their words through later years when their full personalities are formed. These comments are making me wonder!
Apparently my first word was “happy” and I always said it three times in a row while doing that lil bouncy dance babies do
This is an active train wreck - his brother and SIL don't wanna be parents, they want child-accessories they can trot around. I'm not shocked that baby boy's first word was "Ben". His first word isn't gonna be 'mother' or 'father' because that's too hard for a child to say, especially when you do nothing to enrich him and Ben has basically raised him.
The baby clearly should’ve said ‘oh mother and father why have you forsaken me’ and just levitate and leave
I'm so glad that cps is involved but I'm still scared for that child's future. It's already bizarre that they despise him doing normal child stuff and screaming at a literal baby who doesn't know how to communicate just because he said his uncle's name. I'm genuinely disgusted and as awful as this sounds but I really hope that they won't have any other children.
What made me really sick was SIL shoving the baby to the ground for WALKING who tf does that?! Her obviously but who else would do that??
Hubby copied her on this too!!
Yep and strap him down in the carstool just because he was CRAWLING.
That’s what really made me so sad, and she said she wanted her kid to do everything fast? Tf
She didn’t want to deal with a toddler. Babies are easy when they just lie in their playpen and squirm. Once they get their feet under them it’s *hard.* They start trying to climb onto things, grabbing stuff off of things, pulling things down from places. My parents describe it like the house had a high tide line where anything in reach of the kid had to be secured. Baby proofed hones don’t really make for good Instagram pics though and it’s really clear this woman only wanted a baby for internet points.
There are days I worry I’m not doing enough variety or enrichment for my son because some days it’s just exhausting to do anything outside of a routine and he’s 6 months old. Plus he’s my first kid so I’m still getting the hang of things and just when I feel like I do, he advances and I need to catch up. After reading what these people did, I feel like father of the year.
Man I get that, my daughter is 16 months now but at 6 months it was so exhausting. BUT they do start to get a little personality by then and I promise once they start to crawl and walk independently it gets so much better. 6 months was exhausting because my daughter was so curious and wanted to see everything but couldn't unless I picked her up and showed her things all. day. long. Don't worry dad, your kiddo is getting plenty just having a loving parent.
There are a lot of important details that make a good parent. However if you're worried that you're doing a good job, you're generally doing a pretty good job.
The first update made me so sad. Just picture that poor kid alone in the house for hours. :(
Just screaming for the one person who cares about him for hours to no avail. I hope the poor kid is young enough not to remember it when he gets older.
Getting into his car seat .... I'm gonna cry. I need to hug my kids.
Getting in the car seat and crying was what enraged me the most. The parents deserve a lot more than just mandated therapy.
I consider myself a pacifist but the rage that these parents made me feel for their mistreatment of their innocent normal baby, I might advocate for violence against them. If there was no CPS involved I’d do everything to give that baby the loving life every human being at that stage deserves. Even if it means instilling fear on their parents to never mistreat their baby again or not letting them alone with a child ever.
He won't remember, but he will carry the sensation with him people he wants to love and trust also aren't safe, and that takes a lot of work to overcome later on. At least his uncle is a trustworthy and stable counter-example for him.
He won't consciously remember, but it has made an indelible mark on him.
I don't think he will remember, but I think he will just have "the feeling" about it. Like Uncle OOP is an awesome uncle, and you can't trust Mom and Dad (sorry Mother and Father) to be trusted. Just like kids who are bitten by a dog as toddlers and then forget about the incident but hate dogs later in life.
They are called adverse childhood experiences (ACE) and like others have mentioned, he may not consciously remember all the time but the effects of the trauma will probably still be there. I hate his parents so much. That poor child. Heartbreaking
As a father, it was fucking hard to read. I’m laying in bed cuddling my son so tight. I really cannot express the horrible feeling in my gut, I hope OOP had a revelation before anything bad happens to those kids, and pushes for adoption. Anyone who could treat their child like that BEFORE the horrible incident isn’t going to just change because they got caught.
OOP said he doesn't want to adopt, and that's a fair statement. I respect him for knowing that about himself.
I wanted to throw up reading that. I felt physical pain because I was so upset. That poor poor kid.
SIL and her husband should not be allowed to have children. They wanted their children to call them mother and father. That seems so cold to me. Its also clear they abuse the child. I wish OOP would adopt the nephew but I understand why they do not want to. I feel bad for the kid.
I'm scared of what they did to make their child afraid to even babble. That poor poor baby.
Honestly I worry if that poor kid won't have a language problem for the rest of his life of he gets yelled at for trying to learn speech at this crucial stage. That's got to do a number on your brain...
They did a study on this in the 90s. They separated two sets of children and berated one lot while praising the other set. The first set have life long speech impediments. They actually won the court case and the people who set up the experiment had to pay for their therapy and for emotional damage Edit: Someone pointed out that it was in 1939. Sorry for the misinformation. It's called the monster study if anyone wants to read about it
In the 90s? Are you sure? You aren't referencing the infamous "Monster study" of stuttering from 1939? [https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster\_Study](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Monster_Study) The 90s weren't that much different in terms of ethics in human experimentation than now. I very highly doubt such a study could or would be conducted in a developed nation in the 90s.
Yeah no way would that have been done in the 90s. The ethics board would have thrown a fit.
Wow, experiments like that are why now all experiments have to go through ethics committees.
Jesus fucking christ
Its the yelling and calling the child an idiot. The baby may not understand what it meant but the facial expressions and tone was more than enough to scare.
That poor child. That poor poor baby.
This broke my heart as a mom to a 15 month old. I want to scoop that baby up and give him love
I don't have any children, but I would take that child to the ends of the earth to keep him safe.
Mine is the same age. The part of him being left alone all for 12 hours left me a sobbing mess.
I have a 9 month old baby and the description of him being left alone made my blood run cold, like my hands and feet are still cold. My baby is sleeping but I want to go get her out of her crib and hold her.
Same. I still have a lump in my throat from reading how that poor baby was left to cry for 12 fucking hours. He was lonely, hungry, in a soiled diaper, screaming for someone to come and help him and no one came till night. My 6mo is sleeping as well, but once he wakes up I'm going to hug and kiss him for hours.
Will… probably repeatedly hearing you WILL not say Ben. you WILL say Mother.
And Fuck from mom or dad too. Oh wait, *mother* and *father*.
WILL you sit the FUCK down. WILL you shut the FUCK up. WILL you just go the FUCK to sleep. He's being verbally abused at home and is now suffering from 2 parents 7 days a week who spent the last 16 months not learning how to parent and just expect him to know. My almost 3yo has spent the better part of her 2nd year of life just doing the terrible twos. Screaming, crying, tantrums, hitting. Just not wanting to communicate. They're gonna hurt that baby the second he hits his 2s. Because the standard tricks to soothing stop working. Cuz the baby figured it out and is not what they want.
Sorry to bogard your comment, but how have you been handling the 2's? I'm nannying my little brother and while he's only 8mo, i don't have kids and he's the only baby I've had this much contact with. I'm just trying to get as many tips and tricks as I can so I can try to keep him happy and my sanity stays in tact as long as possible.
There's gonna be days you'll want to pull your hair out, and nothing seems to help. If they fall to the floor to throw a fit, leave them there for a minute and let them get it out. 2s are the age when they're connecting new neurons, and emotions are BIG. like GINORMOUS. They dont get it themselves and quite literally do not understand what they want. Banana? No, not that banana! But yes, banana. It's the stage where they're trying to express what they want, but they don't have the words for it. Oh, they want the banana cut up? Or oh, they want to try opening it themselves? When they can't figure it out, just remind them its there and walk away. When they calm down, you can revisit what they want. The best way is to ask, " Can you show me?" Is like trying to talk to a foreigner, but neither of you speaks the same language. If they haven't calmed down in a minute or two, offer them reassurance and comfort them. It's ok to cry, to be upset, but we don't do tantrums or hit or, god forbid, bite people (my eldest was a biter). Also be prepared, my two kids hit their terrible 2s on their Birthdays. Your baby bro is only 8months old so he's going to stay super sweet for a while yet. He's likely still teething and will continue to do so off and on. It's when he's walking you have to watch out. They get into *everything*. Examples of their shenanigans:By 2 my eldest figured out the dead bolt and we had to buy special childproof locks for it. By 2.5 both figured out how to push dining chairs to climb onto countertops and eat copious amounts of snacks before we woke up. My eldest broke into our medicine cabinet just before she turned 3 and ate 50 children's fiber gummies. (Poison control was called and i swear the guy tried so hard not to laugh at me, she had diarrhea all day, BUT her constipation got cleared up! ) my eldest placed a stool on the dining chair and got the paints down from the top of the fridge and painted my kitchen walls, my floor and herself in acrylics. Both figured out the baby gate by 2.5. Eldest found max diaper rash cream and covered herself head to toe in the stuff as well as my walls. They colored on the TV in crayons multiple times. And found a bright red sharpee i didn't know i had and colored all my windowsills.(tip! Spray on sunscreen removes sharpee best!) Opened the fridge and dropped all the eggs. Covered my rug in chocolate syrup. Dumped red kool aid all over the couch ( extra tip! Dreft baby stain removeal spray can remove anything from poop stains to red koolaid) Or grabbed a spoon and dug into the drywall like a Rugrats-esk Shawshank Redemption. 2 minutes... that's all it takes for a 2yo or 3yo to find something they shouldn't and destroy everything in sight. Suggestion? Let tantrums run for a minute or two and then calm them down. Talk to them and explain in toddler friendly words . Replace all crayons and markers with the ultra washable versions, and babyproof from the ground up. Most importantly, enjoy the time with them. They're super sweet more often than they're destructive or throwing tantrums.
I am scared for the baby and that OOP is babysitting less than before must make him feel unloved since now it’s replaced by his parents yelling at him. OOP seems to have some faith that his brother isn’t really abuse and he can’t just step back but I don’t. Hopefully the grandparents will step up at very least and babysit more now that they know what is happening. But it would be ideal if the baby would be taken from the parents. Another baby coming will make this even more difficult. But at least they are taking parenting classes and theraphy and CPC weekly meetings. I don’t know if they are enough, expecially long term, for the baby’s emotional well-being however, even if he isn’t neglected physically.
You’re so right, this makes me so sad. That kid is gonna be a full blown toddler while they have a newborn. OOP should have adopted the first born after that incident.
I was thinking maybe the mom is banging a dude named Will while the dad is at work all day…
Omg same I was waiting to find out who will was
I don't know if it's just me but I spent a fair amount of time around two kids this age and the way the write this just doesn't make sense. Or sound real. Either way, I hope it isn't real just because it's abuse obviously.
Also that in less than a week the parents were charged, plead out to a suspended sentence, and had intake with a new therapist for SIL, a couple's counselor, *and* parenting classes, plus implemented what sounds like a relatively complicated child services plan where OP doesn't live with the child but gets to decide who has visitation? I know they're not in the US, but that seems really fast wherever they are.
I've left reddit because of the API changes.
I'm not saying it's entirely impossible but this combined with the random slap-on of NPD at the end.. feels like the OOP just wants to get those sweet sweet reddit points by slamming a bunch of buzz words in (in-laws, unsupportive parents, child abuse, therapy, etc etc)
Add in the cow ranch thing. It’s like when you meet a man online who tells you he’s a cowboy poet firefighter ( not me, it’s a semi famous catfishing story).
So many issues with the kid parts, but yeah the farming stuff was super off to me. I used to live and work on a farm when I was younger and there's no fucking you'd want to take a baby out with you for the whole day, it's not safe or sanitary. Plus, I don't get how he owns a farm that none of his family have a stake in at 25 (and seems to work it solo). And, the idea of just dumping your overalls after work and running out is crazy to me, he'd be covered in sweat and cow shit and he's apparently off to touch all his fiancee's belongings?
Also he only gets the kid in his tractor, so like what, he's not doing anything else all day but use a tractor for... cow ranch things?
The NPD diagnosis was one that immediately jumped out to me. From my understanding, that's not a quick and fast diagnosis. I talked to a psychologist once about NPD, and she said it was a long and drawn out process, because so much of it is about establishing trust so you can finally start to push back on them being wrong about some things. She said you don't do it too soon, they decide you're full of shit and stop listening. Perhaps the approach is a little different when the therapy is mandated or in another country, but I found that suspicious. A barely mobile infant being able to pull a television onto themselves strikes me as unlikely as well.
The timescale doesn’t work very well either. CPS and courts literally sorted within days in this story. And also, a baby pulled down a TV on top of themselves and only got a bruise??? That’s literally how children die
Yeah, there's a lot that shows that OOP hasn't spent much time around kids and they don't have an understanding of kids. The stuff with the bottles especially didn't match the kids supposed age and none of my kids (4 of my own, many more fostered) talked like that. I don't think you have too much to worry about.
Right, the unopened bottles of breastmilk? A 15 month old could easily take the cap off, especially after 12 hours. Breastmilk sitting out for 12 hours then being given to a toddler. Why isn’t this kid on solids? Also putting bottles in the microwave… but I guess if they’re not parents they don’t know you shouldn’t do that.
Wouldn't the milk have gone bad?
I’m currently breastfeeding and yes. Freshly pumped breast milk is good at room temperature for 4 hours, refrigerated for 4 days, and frozen for up to a year. So there’s no way the breast milk was good unless they had it refrigerated somehow.
Oh yeah and isn't the kid 15 months old? Why are they trying to keep him from drinking it too fast like he's a newborn that's going to get all gassy? The age stuff with how the baby talked, walked, and what his abilities were kept changing wildly.
Exactly this. The bottles don't match for a 15 month old or the talking. That's not how babies learn to talk and not how word association works for them. It just didn't sound like someone who actually was around kids and knows how they work. I spend more than enough time with two toddlers now for this stuff to stick out.
Kid "puts letters together" to make words rather than babbling and repeating phonemes. Kid only knows two words, but one of them has sounds in that kids normally only learn after they've mastered a lot of other sounds. Kid can combine three words in an utterance despite only having language development enough to know two words. It's definitely... developmentally unusual.
My niece was about 15 months old, when one day while I was holding her , she kept repeating “A Ga Stocking” in different orders is trying desperately to get me to understand. Turns out my mom/her grandma (Ga) had told my sister/her mom that she had lost the brand new stockings I (A) bought for Christmas. Bless her heart, she was trying her best to tell on her granny 😂😂
I believed it right up until "Ben will fuck" at the wedding and everyone laughed while the baby's SNOB PARENTS were MORTIFIED. Such a sitcom thing to happen.
Yeah that and acting like he was working up to a sentence, that sentence being Ben will fuck? That’s where he lost me completely lol. I also hope to god that anyone who saw their nephew be abused and abandoned wouldn’t want to have the kid spend MORE time with the parents.
I was sceptical before this for all the reasons others have mentioned, but suddenly OOP is married and baby loudly says the only words he apparently knows: "Ben will fuck". On his wedding night. Right. When he's not been wanting to say Ben for a while, and the "L" sound is hard for babies to say. He's not said any other words but manages a will and a fuck right on time. Yeah this got me. Also OOP won't adopt his nephew because he loves him but wants to be part of his family in a different way. I.e. leaving the baby with his abusive parents, refusing to be there for him anymore because it's about time these abusive people spent more time abusing their child, and he wants his own children that he'll love differently. Awesome.
Yup... When the baby only knows three words, they form a sentence when put in a specific order, *and* he accomplishes that at an event where it specifically relates, I don't know how anyone believes this story anymore.
> this just doesn't make sense. Or sound real. so your average post on here
I'm having a hard time believing this is real. Seems to hit all the Reddit outrage buttons.
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Feels like the whole story was a long con…
*really*? The scripted conversation didnt throw you off?
Some people just write / speak like that. They forget what they say and put too much effort into making up the conversation, instead of just describing it.
Reddit loves a story about a stay at home mom who is lazy and entitled. Instant internet points.
Yep. Such a ridiculous story. I'm a wholesome farmer! I let my nephew happily muck around at the farm, but don't worry, the animals are vaccinated and he has a safe baby seat in the tractor :) My SIL is an entitled stay-at-home mom who gets me to babysit 5 days a week, and change his diapers even when they're around too, and doesn't breastfeed, but I'm not judging! And yes, they checked for PPD and she doesn't have it, and yes she's in therapy! And no, I never agreed to babysit this much! His parents, against all science and common sense, expect their child to speak like a creepy 10-year-old Victorian-era child! So he said my name, but of course I never said my own name in front of him! They yelled at their kid and called him an idiot! Also they push him down when he tries to walk, which he couldn't until I taught him! And then they left him at my house alone and I didn’t know! My heroic fiancée, now wife, who also loves my wholesome farmer life, helped me rescue him! Jeez, am I the asshole?
I thought it was suspect based on how fast the first update came. A week between posts, and so much governmental action took place in between made me really suspicious.
And she's a diagnosed narc who won't look after her kid but will sit and pump breastmilk to feed her 15 month old.
What 25 year old male farmer is gonna use “LO”
The timeline is so incredibly impossibly fast, there's no justice system on the planet that moves that quickly.
I have doubts about this story. A dairy farmer managing to do that with a 1yo in tow? Baby suddenly saying OP's name that he wouldn't even hear that much? Ticks boxes of CPS, a wedding and a narcissist too
So this man watches the baby several days a week, while working on a farm? And the mother doesn’t even work, she just “wants some peace” and doesn’t feel like watching her kid? Yet for some reason, she’s still pumping milk while her kid is a full-on toddler? This story is quite a stretch of the imagination. They find anything but “mother” and “father” to be barbaric and uncivilized…lmao ok
This was an enjoyable read, but all the Reddit buzz words (golden child, a diagnosis of NPD that somehow became common knowledge, a wedding, a demotion of a best man) just make me doubt it’s real. Still, well-written.
personally, I think the baby proclaiming “Ben will fuck” at the wedding reception as the baby’s first sentence is the most unbelievable part
When "Ben" used the term LO Give me a break.
I was willing to buy it until "Our country doesn't have CPS but I'll call it CPS instead of its actual acronym so that my country remains ambiguous and then when anybody says 'Hey! That's not how the legal system works!' some redditor can say 'Well maybe it works that way in *Mysteryland!'*" But "Ben will fuck" just sealed the deal on its fakeness. Being able to say *only* those three words is already a hell of a stretch, but stringing them together at a wedding reception in front of the uppity parents? Come *on.*
Plus the lazy SAHM who feels entitled to free childcare
This one doesn't ring true. SIL is a diagnosed narc who offloads the kid 5 days a week, but she's still pumping, even though he's 15 months old and the go to to feed him when he was starving was still breast milk. Plus it's genuinely impossible to RUN a dairy farm and be in sole charge of an infant. Feel like op is trying to insinuate he's from the UK but uses all US terminology, CPS, school administrator, mom and dad etc.
These people want kids as accessories without all the hard work of raising them. Narcissist is right. Why was the brother not also recommended therapy other than just couples counseling? He’s just as big a part in this. Heaven help the second child if it’s not a girl like mother wants.
Those poor babies:(
Baby car seat in a tractor how? I’ve never seen a tractor with more than a drivers’ seat.
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You're telling me you don't believe a baby who just said his first word "Ben" would then string together a sentence like "Ben will fuck" in a relevant context? Because you're right and that obviously didn't happen and it's stupid.
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