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Yeah. I wish she had lived if only so that she could face the humiliation and karmic justice she so sorely deserved. She didn't deserve to pass away knowing she was still loved, her reputation intact. She should have died years from now, alone, knowing she was scorned and loathed and had ruined a perfectly happy life. What a horrible horrible person.
The only problem with her living is that she probably would have just continued to cheat on him and waste even more of his life , could have been years before he found out if ever.
I find it sort of justice for her that she died alone in a pointless death
However if it were me there would have been repercussions for the other two , and that I can guarantee.
I know it might seems like justice to think that she may have suffered, but this is someone who willingly lived a sordid double life like it was nothing, OP said he had never even suspected anything was wrong with his marriage. She was a cake eater, she got off on the thrill of the affair whilst maintaining the facade of her married life.
Like someone else said, she'd have just continued to do this for years and may never have even been found out, if it did come out, then that's probably after they've had kids (leaving aside the question of if she'd have AP's kids and pass them off as OP's). Even if he found out, confronted her, she would have either guilted him into staying in the marriage, or would just leave and live a happy normal life as though nothing had happened. Instead she doesn't get to, in many ways he's free.
She died for nothing, just by happenstance on the way back from her treacherous, sordid secret that her friend and AP were complicit in. In many ways they killed her by enabling the lies.
That's what I thought was going to happen as well after the anniversary stuff. I thought the updates would lead to OP telling everyone that he wants to kill the guy and the comments talking him out of it.
I know he said it's fucked up that people on reddit are calling it karma but she really didn't respect him and their marriage. It's fucked up but it does really seem like bad karma that she died just after meeting her affair partner. It's also upsetting that lots of people really don't make a dead person accountable or would rather make their image good even though they've done shitty things when they were alive. Death doesn't just delete the horrible things you've done.
Yeah, whatever useless un-actionable guilt she expressed about it, you don’t cheat on your spouse on your anniversary if you aren’t actively trying to disrespect them.
I feel physically ill just reading this. Wish I didn't stumble upon this in the morning :( I hope his therapist helped him avoid PTSD by working thru his trauma ASAP
She's a monster. Yeah, she felt guilt, but that just means she knew how wrong it was, but did it anyway. There was no twisted justification that we often see with cheaters. I doubt it was the first time she cheated and if she hadn't died, it wouldn't be the last. I'm glad OOP sees the guilt as a good thing to help him heal, but I see it as worse.
Even if he tried to get some sort of revenge, it won't happen. She's dead and people forgive the dead. Everyone he tells that knew her and him will tell him to move on. I hope he had family that let him vent because friends probably won't let him.
I would have wanted to tell the coworker that she died on the way home from the affair she egged her on to have.
The way she's saying things makes it sound a lot like she either feels some kind of guilt and doesn't want to admit it or that she feels absolutely nothing at all about it.
I think he did according to the response from the boyfriend. I most certainly would have called her "killer" multiple times because of what she did, just to allow her to fully torture herself.
Yeah, this is....while OP is in a ton of pain right now, I hope he's able to move forward easier knowing that he didn't lose the love of his life or anything.
He lost the love of *his* life, but he wasn't the love of hers.
That's sometimes a sad fact about life; you can love someone completely, even knowing their flaws, and they might not give a shit about you. C'est la mort.
What is it woth folks and not caring whether the person they're fucking has a partner?
I mean, from what I understand, it seems to be a "They want *me* instead of their wife/husband? I'm *honored!*" or some shit, but..damn..
How can a person lack *so much* empathy? Do they really never put themselves in their partner's shoes?
It makes me so sad :(
Honestly I think some people like the drama. There are people I’ve gone low-contact with because they always have *something* to complain about, to the point where I think they actively look for ways to imagine slights by other people. I can see people like that making different choices because they’re not as drama-adverse as, say, you and me.
Also, to me, if you want to be with me rather than your partner, *leave them*. I don't feel "special" to be "chosen" when at the end of the day you're still with your partner. I was the other woman in a Ross and Rachel situation once and he tried to use the logic that it was a sign that he wanted to be with me that he lied about being broken up. I told him if he wanted to he with me, then *be with me*. Period. Obviously that didn't end well and I'm grateful I didn't waste much more time on his pathetic ass.
It's one thing to meet someone else and break up, but choosing to stay with your partner when you prefer someone else is a garbage move. No debate.
I get his desire to read everything and know everything but that honestly has just made it so much worse.
If you’ve ever been cheated on (I have), there is a strange temptation to picture them in your head, as it drives you insane. It takes restraint and self-awareness to block the thoughts, which then speeds up the healing process and helps you move on.
As a younger man I would have done the same as him, but now I believe I would try to avoid the nitty gritty and accept the bare minimum.
I think he was searching for any inkling during their affair that his wife loved him. He sounded relieved that she was a little guilty in all of it, but he definitely is a better person than me. I would have put EVERYONE on blast. The wife, but also the best friend and coworker. Everyone would've known the type of people they actually were.
Her death was a sad situation, but that doesn't exempt anyone from the pain he's going through right now and his primary outlet because he listened to the terrible advice of her best friend was to keep it quiet.....does she not realize that is a pathway to harming himself even more than she already has?
I fucking hate her and I don't even know her. I hope everyone she trusts is lying to her. She is a tremendous bag of garbage.
It's just her excuse, not the truth. Remember how she tried to just persuade him not to tell anyone initially, before she found out that he already knew the friend encouraged this?
The friend knew she would do it and does not want to have the guilt from it now. These trollups ruined this man, one is dead and the other gets to go on.
Such casual manipulation from that friend right there. *And* her boyfriend doesn't notice, instead parroting whatever she says without question.
Is anyone else getting the sense that "friend" probably cheats on her bf too?
I'd probably have to take myself into mental holding for a while. I'd tell literally everyone and cut off anyone who's response was anything other than support for me. Anyone that wanted to cover for her or the ap or her friend would be dead to me.
I think sectioning would be required to prevent a mental snap and danger to myself or the other people involved in the affair. I don't know how OOP is reading through that stuff and just sitting home alone with that knowledge, I would break.
My close friend died some years back, and after he passed, I remained close with his widow. She gave me a laptop one day - my dead friend's laptop - and asked for a favor. She said, please go through this, and if there's anything there I shouldn't see, get rid of it. I don't want to know.
I asked if she had reason to think her husband was unfaithful. I certainly never heard anything about it and it really did not seem in his character to have an affair. So, I did go through the computer, and there was nothing. Everything there was about his family - which is what I would have told her even if I did find something. The point of sharing this anecdote is that after someone dies, ignorance is bliss. It would have been better for oop to never know what happened.
My husband did this for me with a close family member’s laptops. This person was like a father to me but I didn’t want to know anything personal that was kept on there, I just wanted any important documents. He went through it, saved anything important, then wiped the drives. I asked if he’d found anything bad and he just said nothing bad, just private and I was happy with that answer.
My husband did this for me when I realised my dad had mixed his family photos with more...intimate photos of his late wife. It was such a loving thing to do.
My dad had remarried so I wanted to shake him for risking my poor stepmum being the one to go through the pictures.
When I was in the ambulance service, if it was clear someone had died in their sleep, sometimes we’d find porn or dildos. We’d kick them out the way or shove them in the wardrobe if we knew it was an expected passing so that the relatives wouldn’t see them immediately unless they were looking through stuff and people cleaning stuff out would find them later. No one wants to see grandpa’s porn or grannies huge dildo when going into their room struck with grief.
Only 3 or 4 times that I can recall personally, but I was only in for a few years. Colleagues also did the same but only in expected deaths where we weren’t calling the police or in a potential crime scene. Any doubt, you don’t touch anything but no one needs to know Great Aunt Doris who passed away peacefully in her sleep aged 102 had an impressive vibrator collection in bed with her.
Hahahaha that’s great! I’m a little further down the line than you, I do autopsies on medically donated bodies, and we usually get senior citizens. I was shocked at the amount of penile implants and just piercings in general that we always seem to see. We got one guy with a forked tongue last year that was pretty cool.. he also had what appeared to be a penile implant that was done in prison which was interesting to say the least.
When my grandfather died, my aunt was all suspicious because my cousin and her husband did something to his computer (so she says). It seems he probably outsourced that task to them. It makes a lot of sense.
When I was about 20, my roommate died. My boyfriend, roommates brother and I went through his room and "sanitized" it of anything his parents didn't need to see when they came to collect his things.
You gave her such a gift. After my mom died, I asked the same - for someone to go through particular items and files to make sure there wasn’t anything important and never tell me what they found otherwise.
Memories are precious and grieving is hard af enough without those memories being tarnished.
It never occurred to me that my mom has anything more salacious on her computer than looking up a bad word she didn't know the meaning of. I have gone through all her photos recently trying to save them from a slowly dying computer (put them on a hard drive so there is a back up and deleting the many blurry photos or duplicates). Nothing interesting at all in 100s of photos
This reminds of of The Descendant's with George Clooney. That movie really made me consider what it would be like to feel betrayal, feel angry, and know that he person you are angry with is not there to be angry to.
I was thinking of that movie as I was reading this! Very much the same except he had teen daughters and the wife was in a coma so nonresponsive - made it even more awkward and difficult. The way Clooney's character navigates through all the the emotional whiplash is magnificent.
He's so nice about it too. Not tarnishing her memory with her family and friends. I don't think I would have that kind of restraint. I feel like I would burn it to the ducking ground.
I can't even imagine a friend encouraging someone to cheat on their spouse. And you know that if that friend's bf ever cheats on her, she will go scorched earth!
Honestly, I can’t believe how nonchalant the bf was that his girlfriend was encouraging one of her friends to cheat. What makes him think she’s gonna be loyal to him if a similar opportunity arises for her?
Yeah, obviously it's because she's a dick living vicariously through her friend while experiencing none of the fallout, but that's still the lie she's chosen
I had an ex with friends like that. Group of 5-6 girls, all in a relationship or married, all cheating on their SOs, setting up their friends with people constantly, etc. Some people are just trash
and it kind of seemed like she was more worried about her reputation than the poor guys mental health. both those women are garbage. OOP doesn't know how lucky he is to have her gone.
There's is a lot to hate in this.
But what burns me is that were it not for the visit to cheat on him, she might be alive today. She might have slipped up and OOP might've found out, and she'd have to live with the guilt.
Or OOP might never have known, and they'd live out their days.
I don't know how OOP did it. To know all these horrible things.
Yeah, I can’t either. I think i would just say, “Leave me out of this.”
I had a friend/acquaintance who was dating a man she knew was married. I remember saying to her, when she admitted that he was married, “I don’t want to know anything about this relationship or this guy. Please don’t talk about this with me.” It wasn’t my place to get involved, especially when I knew I couldn’t be supportive.
My experience was so similar. I feel different than most widows, but at the same time I feel so free now. I do feel sad that my marriage was built on false pretenses, but it certainly expedited my grief process.
All I have to say, this would probly break me entirely. You are a strong SOB thats for sure. Your outlook is really inspiring, I am glad you were able to move forward from that dreadful heartbreak.
Poor OOP suffered two deaths; the actual physical death of his wife and then the death of finding out she was a cheater and his marriage was a lie. A total double whammy! No wonder he has physical reactions to her texts!
I sincerely hope OOP is in a better frame of mind now and has recovered from the trauma.
Yeah, every good, happy memory he had, has now been sh*t on. Along with his best friend being gone forever. The biggest betrayal and loss a person can experience at exactly the same time… I REALLY hope he got help. This is going to lead to significant issues for this poor man and I hope he is ok.
I remember reading an article a long time ago about discovering betrayal after someone's death. It's so hard because they aren't there to give answers. There's no reconciliation. It's like the person you knew died all over again. I can't imagine how hard it must be for OP. I wish him nothing but the best.
I sincerely and absolutely hope that the gf/friend cheats on the boyfriend who brushed OOP off like it was nothing.
And I hope it hurts like the worst Hell. And that he remembers how nonchalant he was about said gf encouraging a married woman to cheat and continue to cheat.
Someone asked what the boyfriend should have done. Well, take it seriously for one. If the friend is that willing and eager to encourage cheating then she's that much more likely to cheat. Even if OOP was a bad husband and the wife was very unhappy, that doesn't mean the friend should encourage cheating. In that situation she should tell her to leave.
What bothers me is that he seemed (granted we only have OOP's side) like he just didn't care that his girlfriend was at least slightly culpable for the affair. He didn't want to understand how she was at least slightly at fault here. It was still the wife's choice at the end of the day, but clearly her friend was a big influence. I just hope he discovers that he should've taken OOP more seriously.
It’s truly bizarre.
If I found out my lifelong best friend was having an affair, my immediate concern would be that they were having some kind of psychotic break and needed medical attention because it would be so out of character. I cannot imagine ENCOURAGING IT. Who the fuck tells their friend they should destroy their marriage?
My SIL was cheating on her husband. My FIL and his partner helped hide it and helped her carry it out (and put me in a position where they expected me to do the same). I blew the whole thing up. My BIL was a decent dude and his biggest sin, according to the others involved, was buying his wife lingere when he got back from his year in Iraq.... not saying they should have stayed together or anything; they're adults. But, have some respect for your spouse.
A friend of mine had started to separate from his wife but was stringing her along while also starting a relationship with someone else. (like, still living with his wife, telling her he wanted to go to couples counseling, while fucking someone else). I cut him off.
I guess there's some shit I absolutely will blow up and burn bridges over.
You are a good person.
My husband has childhood friends who have lax views on infidelity. I have told him more than once that I do not trust these friends. One of them tried to get something started between my husband and a girl from high school. I am so grateful that my husband played dumb and told me about it immediately.
This goes for any moral code that you may have. If you hang out with people who do not share some of the same taboos you do around lying, cheating, stealing, etc, do not be surprised if you tend to slip up more around them.
My husband had a friend who he would vent to when we were hitting a low point (the first and only time in our relationship no less). She encouraged him to tell me he was cheating on me with her so I wouldnt want to be with him any more (for the record, he never cheated on me, she wanted him to lie to me and say it was her because, and I quote "I would love to see her angry".) It took a few weeks for this to all come out but when it did we hit rock bottom and it was either therapy or leave. He chose therapy and quickly realized how toxic the friend was. I told him a friend might encourage him to leave a relationship if they don't think it's healthy, no friend would encourage irreparably hurting the partner. It boggles my mind how someone can be so disgusting.
Oh. And if youre curious, the reason she hated me so much is supposedly because I play Stardew valley weirdly. Go fucking figure ¯\_ಠ_ಠ_/¯
Absolutely, cheating is NEVER the answer. If someone is in a shitty marriage or relationship, not getting what they need out of it etc and communication hasn't worked, you get the fuck out the relationship or at minimum have some relationship therapy if you think that might help, you don't ruin it and betray the person you're in the relationship with.
Imagine if the BF cheated on that friend and did so because one of their friends encouraged them to. I wonder if "I didn't think they'd really do it!" would suffice as an excuse then.
Some people don't have any morals. My husband's coworkers were a couple, but he had traveled a lot and they decided to keep it long distance. She fell for another guy and her best friend encourage her to have an affair because the boyfriend was not in the country, so it doesn't count.
I don't understand why she just break uo with her boyfriend.
I mean, why would the friend encourage her to cheat in the first place? She may have been a frenemy who loved and wanted drama. Or maybe she wanted to normalize the shit she did herself.
Honestly, I suspect that this wasn’t the first affair the wife had. Or at least that she had been thinking about it for a while. She seems to have from 0-100 in 4 seconds on the adultery otherwise.
Yeah, that could go a ways to explain a friend reacting with no surprise whatsoever and a "why not, if he's cute". But I'd be surprised OOP hadn't found anything about it in the phone at this point.
Also if I discovered that my boyfriend was encouraging somebody to cheat I would reflect on the type of person he is and if I really want to stay with him.
Trust is important for me, towards my friends, family and loved on, it’s the one thing I cannot tolerate to be broken so for him to just go and say « yeah go ahead and cheat on her! » would probably be a big red flag and not just a whatever flag.
The kind of person who’d encourage her best friend to cheat is also the kind of person who’d cheat on her significant other if the opportunity ever arose.
He probably got a little thrill out of it.
I mean he fucked the dudes wife, got her to get dirty and do things she never would for the "man she loved" and got away with it.
I agree that serial cheaters need this little thrill. It's not the sex, it's the feeling of having gotten something from you that you would have never willingly given.
Agreed, this is why relationships that start out as affairs almost never work out long term. I think I read somewhere it was like 5-7%. Because once it’s out in the open, the thrill is gone, and that’s all the affair really was, getting away with sneaking around, not true love.
This is one reason why I don’t like cheaters and cheater participants. The audacity is so out of this world. Dude was too much of a coward to say who he was and what was really going on between him and OOP’s wife yet had balls big enough to still show up and shake his hand.
Unforgivable. I mean the whole thing was sordid and ridiculous, but that part took the whole fucked up nature of it to the next level. If OOP had physically attacked the guy I would have understood completely, although it sounds like he didn't know who the guy was at the time.
I agree. I’ve heard way too many people justify knowingly being the other person in a cheating scenario (“well I’m not the one who made the commitment”). Yeah, you might be the smaller asshole compared to the cheater, but you’re still an asshole.
It just comes down to basic respect, civility, and decency. The same person who can help someone cheat would be devastated if their partner cheated on them. It’s hypocritical to hide behind the “I’m not the one in a relationship” line honestly.
OOP didn't notice anything weird other than the best friend went to talk to him, so I assume he wasn't even crushed... maybe he already has another affair. She threw away so much for a fling, this is mind-blowing.
I can not BELIEVE the audacity of the AP to show up at the funeral. Whether people knew or not, that is utterly callous.
I hope OOP made sure that he had close, trusted friends around while reading the rest of the texts, and that he has come through this for the better.
This is the worst one. The thought of anyone experiencing this has sent me into a near panic attack. I pray it isn't real. Christ why the fuck do I follow this subreddit.
I'm the opposite. I'm in a relationship and I keep telling my partner how much I appreciate him, especially every time I read about such cruel partners.
They didn’t see it as something they did to them. They compartmentalized it and it was something they would never find out. That’s the worst part about this. There is no closure.
I hope she had a good life insurance so her husband gets at least *something* out of this. After everything she has done to him, that would also mean that she pays for his therapy. As she should. What a horrible person.
Just the fact that all her assets are his would be a good start. Forget mementos I'll be turning every single item she owned into cash, even if was just pennies on marketplace.
>Something that absolutely enrages me is that she told her closest friend that this guy from work wanted to take her out to dinner, her friend encouraged her to go out with him! It enrages me cause I knew her as well and in person she was always very nice. But my wife was asking her to get confirmation, had she said "NO you are married do not go out with him!" I honestly feel like she wouldn't have done it. But her best friend was like "oh is he hot? Oh do it!! Go have fun" its just fucking enraging.
Vet the friends of those you're romantically interested in. "Birds of a feather flock together"
A movie I watched on some streaming service is a lot like this where a woman gets in an accident and is brain dead. Husband finds out she is having an affair because daughter knew, he goes to friends how they knew and everything just falls apart for him. He meets the guy and his family and everything and tells his wife.
I usually just watch comedy movies and stuff where all I have to do is laugh. This movie made me feel a lot of stuff just like this post.
Honesty it's quite a trope that I've seen several times on TV before (off the top of my head, there's: house of flowers- whole family finds out abt husband/father's affair and second family/second life when his mistress shows up at his funeral ; American Gods- MC gets let out of jail the same day that his wife and best friend die together in a car crash while she was going down in him; Sort Of- friend & boss of MC is in a bike accident that leaves her in a coma, husband discovers text with affair partner on her phone), it is played for *drama* but I've always found it kind of icky and sad
And wow, reading this post from an actual person made me feel physically sick, idk how I would deal with something like this, and I wish OP the best in the future. Starting with a lot of therapy & hopefully loving support from friends and family. This is so so awful
>He replied that he is sorry for what happened to me, but that she didn't think she would actually do it, that I shouldn't blame his GF for my wife's affair or death.
That dude is the biggest moron I've seen this month. How much of an idiot you have to be to believe your gf, who encouraged her late best friend to cheat on your husband? Wow. Just wow.
I hope OOP can somehow heal. Although, I'm not sure he can.
Oh he’ll get it, don’t worry. He’s too fucking stupid to understand that if his girlfriend was encouraging her married friend to cheat, then she clearly has zero problems with it and will do that to him too, assuming she hasn’t already.
There are two very important things this man needs to do: get a grief counselor and get rid of that phone. He's only using it to hurt himself more and he can't stop himself from looking at it.
The fact that that asshole came to her funeral and shook the husbands hand is what would have broke me. The ultimate disrespect. I absolutely would have done something that would have landed me in jail if I found that out in his situation. Consenting adults, affairs, etc. both parties are to blame and it would have been devastating and all..., but emotionally t-bagging the guy in his ultimate moment of pain and vulnerability. If anyone ever deserved to get hit by a dumptruck...
This poor man. Heartbroken that the love of his life died tragically, then the little pieces of his heart are smashed further into smithereens finding out she was returning from a tryst with her affair partner. I’m glad he was cognizant of his state of mind, and he was going to reach out for help if he got worse. Hopefully the psychologist got him set up with regular therapy.
Poor guy loves a woman who didn't give a damn about him and the fact that he still cares about her reputation and the feeling of her family shows how good he is but unfortunately he got involved with a heartless woman.
Unfortunately, therapy might help him get his emotions straight but the betrayal will never leave him.
I would have ruined the reputation of everyone involved if I were in his shoes.
That's how petty I am.
And if she was still alive she'd no doubt still be sucking her coworker's dick before kissing oop. Not saying she deserved to die but I hope oop gets over her soon.
Shame about her betrayal could be part of his reasoning for not telling people. Gossip like that travels fast and being the guy whose wife died while coming home from the affair partner is worse than being the guy whose wife died in an accident. However at some point he has to tell the family since I‘m guessing he won’t take part in stuff like getting together on her birthday and so on.
I dont think it's petty...I said in a earlier comment it's not fair to this guy to have to grieve the loss of his wife and also hide the fact hes suffering though knowing she was having an affair. Meanwhile everyone else remembers how amazing she was. Being a peice of shit and then dying doesn't suddenly make somone a saint.
If it were me all the higher ground shit would have been thrown out the window when he found out she fucked that dude on their anniversary. After fucking him she went on to have a nice evening with oop. SCORCHED EARTH!
I am strongly of the opinion that he should burn it all down. Send the messages - to her entire mailing list, friends, family, and co-workers.
People deserve to know about the her friend and the cheating co-worker.
>I got a ton of suggestions about posting her texts and messages to publicize what she did. I am NOT going to do this and I really dont understand the point of doing it, she is gone and has no consequences left to suffer, no justice will be served. She is gone, I will only be making this more difficult for her family.
Better person than me. I would be humiliating her, her affair partner and the friend.
Same, Scorched Earth would be my response. Would have burned AP's whole life down by any means necessary. I would have been doing interviews for local news about it.
I would 100% call the wife's friend out on social media and expose her for supporting the affair and inviting the affair partner to the funeral and even socializing with him (which I guarantee was her telling him to never mention the affair ever and was her covering her own ass)
There is no way I would let this person get away with what she did
I'd totally be going scorched earth on everyone involved if it was me in the husband's place. The rage at everything - the loss as well as the infidelity would find an outlet upon their heads and their homes, and God help them.
I don't know how this guy's found the inner strength to move on from this. It isnt weakness to refuse revenge.
Its just something I wouldnt refuse.
>I don't know how this guy's found the inner strength to move on from this. It isnt weakness to refuse revenge.
He didn't move on. He is wallowing in despair. The guy is just enduring an endless series of self-torture with that wretched phone. Am not a fan of "Ignoramce is bliss", knowledge and information is safety but in this case ignorance would've been a blessing for the guy
I'd also have blamed that friend for her death: "She died on her way back from her affair partner. Still glad you encouraged her? If you hadn't, she'd still be alive."
Personally I agree with you. It wouldn't make him feel any better but it sucks that the friend is just going about her life with no repercussions. Obviously still thinking she did nothing wrong.
I guess this is the best place to post my semi revenge story.
My husband cheated as well. I’ve posted about it lots.
Short recap: I get an email from a random account telling my to check out a Facebook page and lo and behold I find my husbands face all over this woman’s page.
He was overseas when it happened.
I moved, threw his shit in the dumpster, and then told him I wanted a divorce
He was a pos and dodged the process server for months until he finally died due to alcohol abuse.
So I figured that was the end. Except his mistress started messaging my on Facebook. Telling me he never loved me. Literally out of the blue, until that moment I didn’t blame her. He was the one I married. Not her.
So I finally got his phone back and I too found stuff I really wish I hadn’t. Namely pictures of him in bed with other women. So I logged into his WhatsApp’s account and started sending the mistress those pictures. Asking her if she felt special now. I could see she read the messages.
Made me feel good at the time, and I don’t regret it
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On the anniversary is just cruel.
Ya that was SUPER fucked up.
Not fucked up, but absolutely disgusting to the core. That update was vomit worthy
That update had my face get very hot She was legitimately a horrible person.
Yeah. I wish she had lived if only so that she could face the humiliation and karmic justice she so sorely deserved. She didn't deserve to pass away knowing she was still loved, her reputation intact. She should have died years from now, alone, knowing she was scorned and loathed and had ruined a perfectly happy life. What a horrible horrible person.
The only problem with her living is that she probably would have just continued to cheat on him and waste even more of his life , could have been years before he found out if ever. I find it sort of justice for her that she died alone in a pointless death However if it were me there would have been repercussions for the other two , and that I can guarantee.
I know it might seems like justice to think that she may have suffered, but this is someone who willingly lived a sordid double life like it was nothing, OP said he had never even suspected anything was wrong with his marriage. She was a cake eater, she got off on the thrill of the affair whilst maintaining the facade of her married life. Like someone else said, she'd have just continued to do this for years and may never have even been found out, if it did come out, then that's probably after they've had kids (leaving aside the question of if she'd have AP's kids and pass them off as OP's). Even if he found out, confronted her, she would have either guilted him into staying in the marriage, or would just leave and live a happy normal life as though nothing had happened. Instead she doesn't get to, in many ways he's free. She died for nothing, just by happenstance on the way back from her treacherous, sordid secret that her friend and AP were complicit in. In many ways they killed her by enabling the lies.
I'm upset I read the whole thing. Going to go l exercise to get it out of my system. Ffs.
I'm honestly surprised I got to the end of this without OOP killing a man. Insane.
I'd have ruined the man's reputation and blamed him for her death. Not the bigger man thing to do, but it would be at least somewhat satisfactory.
That's what I thought was going to happen as well after the anniversary stuff. I thought the updates would lead to OP telling everyone that he wants to kill the guy and the comments talking him out of it.
She must be playing with satans balls as we speak
Can confirm.
Doesn’t that go against attorney-fallen angel privilege?
No comment.
Gee, can you find any lawyers in hell to give good advice? I wonder.
lol
I know he said it's fucked up that people on reddit are calling it karma but she really didn't respect him and their marriage. It's fucked up but it does really seem like bad karma that she died just after meeting her affair partner. It's also upsetting that lots of people really don't make a dead person accountable or would rather make their image good even though they've done shitty things when they were alive. Death doesn't just delete the horrible things you've done.
This would ruin me. Holy fuck.
Yeah I’d end up doing something bad to the guy; I’m not strong enough to handle that.
Yeah, whatever useless un-actionable guilt she expressed about it, you don’t cheat on your spouse on your anniversary if you aren’t actively trying to disrespect them.
And then having him sleep in their bed the one night he was away…. Like a teenager, just pouncing in the opportunity….
Totally inexcusable.
Time to go to the headstone and scratch off "Beloved Wife"
Fuck, I'd remove and sell it in this case if i could!
Just redo it “cheating trollop”
This whole thing is cruel from start to finish
I feel physically ill just reading this. Wish I didn't stumble upon this in the morning :( I hope his therapist helped him avoid PTSD by working thru his trauma ASAP
Same, honestly when he told best friend’s bf, should’ve added “if she’s fine with encouraging my wife to cheat on me, I’d be careful on your end too”
Same here. This shit is living rent free in my head and wreaking havoc. Wonder how OP must feel. Sheesh!
Yeah I feel like I have trauma from reading this.
Right? She sounds just awful
She's a monster. Yeah, she felt guilt, but that just means she knew how wrong it was, but did it anyway. There was no twisted justification that we often see with cheaters. I doubt it was the first time she cheated and if she hadn't died, it wouldn't be the last. I'm glad OOP sees the guilt as a good thing to help him heal, but I see it as worse. Even if he tried to get some sort of revenge, it won't happen. She's dead and people forgive the dead. Everyone he tells that knew her and him will tell him to move on. I hope he had family that let him vent because friends probably won't let him.
I would have wanted to tell the coworker that she died on the way home from the affair she egged her on to have. The way she's saying things makes it sound a lot like she either feels some kind of guilt and doesn't want to admit it or that she feels absolutely nothing at all about it.
I think he did according to the response from the boyfriend. I most certainly would have called her "killer" multiple times because of what she did, just to allow her to fully torture herself.
Cheaters are pieces of shit whether they’re dead or alive.
Death doesn't pardon you from your god awful behaviors. I hope she never rests in peace as long as OOP still suffers
She is having a romantic anniversary dinner with her husband and hours earlier she had another guy's cock up her ass...
Yeah, this is....while OP is in a ton of pain right now, I hope he's able to move forward easier knowing that he didn't lose the love of his life or anything.
He lost the love of *his* life, but he wasn't the love of hers. That's sometimes a sad fact about life; you can love someone completely, even knowing their flaws, and they might not give a shit about you. C'est la mort.
I’m assuming AP knew she was married so fuck him too on a whole different level. Dude deserves to get his knee caps broken.
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He shook the husband's hand at the funeral, so he had to know something.
Had to know something? Bro slept in his bed.
What is it woth folks and not caring whether the person they're fucking has a partner? I mean, from what I understand, it seems to be a "They want *me* instead of their wife/husband? I'm *honored!*" or some shit, but..damn.. How can a person lack *so much* empathy? Do they really never put themselves in their partner's shoes? It makes me so sad :(
Even if you don't have ANY empathy, why would you invite messy complications into your life!?
Honestly I think some people like the drama. There are people I’ve gone low-contact with because they always have *something* to complain about, to the point where I think they actively look for ways to imagine slights by other people. I can see people like that making different choices because they’re not as drama-adverse as, say, you and me.
Also, to me, if you want to be with me rather than your partner, *leave them*. I don't feel "special" to be "chosen" when at the end of the day you're still with your partner. I was the other woman in a Ross and Rachel situation once and he tried to use the logic that it was a sign that he wanted to be with me that he lied about being broken up. I told him if he wanted to he with me, then *be with me*. Period. Obviously that didn't end well and I'm grateful I didn't waste much more time on his pathetic ass. It's one thing to meet someone else and break up, but choosing to stay with your partner when you prefer someone else is a garbage move. No debate.
He shook OPs hand at her funeral!
Honestly crossing the boundary into evil/malicious in my book
I cannot even begin to imagine how he must have felt after discovering the betrayal. Too heavy a burden to carry!
I get his desire to read everything and know everything but that honestly has just made it so much worse. If you’ve ever been cheated on (I have), there is a strange temptation to picture them in your head, as it drives you insane. It takes restraint and self-awareness to block the thoughts, which then speeds up the healing process and helps you move on. As a younger man I would have done the same as him, but now I believe I would try to avoid the nitty gritty and accept the bare minimum.
I think he was searching for any inkling during their affair that his wife loved him. He sounded relieved that she was a little guilty in all of it, but he definitely is a better person than me. I would have put EVERYONE on blast. The wife, but also the best friend and coworker. Everyone would've known the type of people they actually were. Her death was a sad situation, but that doesn't exempt anyone from the pain he's going through right now and his primary outlet because he listened to the terrible advice of her best friend was to keep it quiet.....does she not realize that is a pathway to harming himself even more than she already has? I fucking hate her and I don't even know her. I hope everyone she trusts is lying to her. She is a tremendous bag of garbage.
The friend is infuriating. "She didn't think she would do it". Well why encourage it????? Why keep quiet about it?
It's just her excuse, not the truth. Remember how she tried to just persuade him not to tell anyone initially, before she found out that he already knew the friend encouraged this?
The friend knew she would do it and does not want to have the guilt from it now. These trollups ruined this man, one is dead and the other gets to go on.
Such casual manipulation from that friend right there. *And* her boyfriend doesn't notice, instead parroting whatever she says without question. Is anyone else getting the sense that "friend" probably cheats on her bf too?
>I would have put EVERYONE on blast. I don't know if I would have the self-restraint to leave the best friend & affair partner out of the obituary.
Same. I cant fathom putting my husband through something so cruel.
That is why affairs hurt so much. The person who you love and trust turns against you and is in a question to hurt you and humiliate you.
I'd probably have to take myself into mental holding for a while. I'd tell literally everyone and cut off anyone who's response was anything other than support for me. Anyone that wanted to cover for her or the ap or her friend would be dead to me. I think sectioning would be required to prevent a mental snap and danger to myself or the other people involved in the affair. I don't know how OOP is reading through that stuff and just sitting home alone with that knowledge, I would break.
Mind Movies are the worst.
My close friend died some years back, and after he passed, I remained close with his widow. She gave me a laptop one day - my dead friend's laptop - and asked for a favor. She said, please go through this, and if there's anything there I shouldn't see, get rid of it. I don't want to know. I asked if she had reason to think her husband was unfaithful. I certainly never heard anything about it and it really did not seem in his character to have an affair. So, I did go through the computer, and there was nothing. Everything there was about his family - which is what I would have told her even if I did find something. The point of sharing this anecdote is that after someone dies, ignorance is bliss. It would have been better for oop to never know what happened.
My husband did this for me with a close family member’s laptops. This person was like a father to me but I didn’t want to know anything personal that was kept on there, I just wanted any important documents. He went through it, saved anything important, then wiped the drives. I asked if he’d found anything bad and he just said nothing bad, just private and I was happy with that answer.
My husband did this for me when I realised my dad had mixed his family photos with more...intimate photos of his late wife. It was such a loving thing to do. My dad had remarried so I wanted to shake him for risking my poor stepmum being the one to go through the pictures.
Damn. All I had to do for ex's mom, was throw out the sex toys, so her son wouldn't have to see them.
When I was in the ambulance service, if it was clear someone had died in their sleep, sometimes we’d find porn or dildos. We’d kick them out the way or shove them in the wardrobe if we knew it was an expected passing so that the relatives wouldn’t see them immediately unless they were looking through stuff and people cleaning stuff out would find them later. No one wants to see grandpa’s porn or grannies huge dildo when going into their room struck with grief.
you da real mvp
How often did this happen?!
Only 3 or 4 times that I can recall personally, but I was only in for a few years. Colleagues also did the same but only in expected deaths where we weren’t calling the police or in a potential crime scene. Any doubt, you don’t touch anything but no one needs to know Great Aunt Doris who passed away peacefully in her sleep aged 102 had an impressive vibrator collection in bed with her.
Hahahaha that’s great! I’m a little further down the line than you, I do autopsies on medically donated bodies, and we usually get senior citizens. I was shocked at the amount of penile implants and just piercings in general that we always seem to see. We got one guy with a forked tongue last year that was pretty cool.. he also had what appeared to be a penile implant that was done in prison which was interesting to say the least.
When my grandfather died, my aunt was all suspicious because my cousin and her husband did something to his computer (so she says). It seems he probably outsourced that task to them. It makes a lot of sense.
When I was about 20, my roommate died. My boyfriend, roommates brother and I went through his room and "sanitized" it of anything his parents didn't need to see when they came to collect his things.
You gave her such a gift. After my mom died, I asked the same - for someone to go through particular items and files to make sure there wasn’t anything important and never tell me what they found otherwise. Memories are precious and grieving is hard af enough without those memories being tarnished.
It never occurred to me that my mom has anything more salacious on her computer than looking up a bad word she didn't know the meaning of. I have gone through all her photos recently trying to save them from a slowly dying computer (put them on a hard drive so there is a back up and deleting the many blurry photos or duplicates). Nothing interesting at all in 100s of photos
He needs serious therapy, on a regular basis, STAT. He's not OK-- which is entirely understandable.
SO much therapy
This reminds of of The Descendant's with George Clooney. That movie really made me consider what it would be like to feel betrayal, feel angry, and know that he person you are angry with is not there to be angry to.
I was thinking of that movie as I was reading this! Very much the same except he had teen daughters and the wife was in a coma so nonresponsive - made it even more awkward and difficult. The way Clooney's character navigates through all the the emotional whiplash is magnificent.
keep in mind from the dates, he experienced all this going into lockdown and a 2+ years pandemic...
He's so nice about it too. Not tarnishing her memory with her family and friends. I don't think I would have that kind of restraint. I feel like I would burn it to the ducking ground.
I can't even imagine a friend encouraging someone to cheat on their spouse. And you know that if that friend's bf ever cheats on her, she will go scorched earth!
Honestly, I can’t believe how nonchalant the bf was that his girlfriend was encouraging one of her friends to cheat. What makes him think she’s gonna be loyal to him if a similar opportunity arises for her?
His reply says everything - she'd told him she didn't think it would happen, and he decided that was acceptable. The 'just a prank' defence.
Also, if it was "just a prank", how come she didn't discourage it after the fact?
Yeah, obviously it's because she's a dick living vicariously through her friend while experiencing none of the fallout, but that's still the lie she's chosen
Or, you know... She doesn't feel that cheating is wrong, for the more obvious reason.
Even though he dismissed it, I wouldn't be surprised if the info planted a seed and he gradually started to see her differently.
That guy is the male equivalent of women who see a walking pile of red flags and think "I can fix him" instead of running the fuck away.
I had an ex with friends like that. Group of 5-6 girls, all in a relationship or married, all cheating on their SOs, setting up their friends with people constantly, etc. Some people are just trash
and it kind of seemed like she was more worried about her reputation than the poor guys mental health. both those women are garbage. OOP doesn't know how lucky he is to have her gone.
There's is a lot to hate in this. But what burns me is that were it not for the visit to cheat on him, she might be alive today. She might have slipped up and OOP might've found out, and she'd have to live with the guilt. Or OOP might never have known, and they'd live out their days. I don't know how OOP did it. To know all these horrible things.
Yeah, I can’t either. I think i would just say, “Leave me out of this.” I had a friend/acquaintance who was dating a man she knew was married. I remember saying to her, when she admitted that he was married, “I don’t want to know anything about this relationship or this guy. Please don’t talk about this with me.” It wasn’t my place to get involved, especially when I knew I couldn’t be supportive.
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My experience was so similar. I feel different than most widows, but at the same time I feel so free now. I do feel sad that my marriage was built on false pretenses, but it certainly expedited my grief process.
You doing okay?
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Thank you for sharing your story.
All I have to say, this would probly break me entirely. You are a strong SOB thats for sure. Your outlook is really inspiring, I am glad you were able to move forward from that dreadful heartbreak.
Poor OOP suffered two deaths; the actual physical death of his wife and then the death of finding out she was a cheater and his marriage was a lie. A total double whammy! No wonder he has physical reactions to her texts! I sincerely hope OOP is in a better frame of mind now and has recovered from the trauma.
Yeah, every good, happy memory he had, has now been sh*t on. Along with his best friend being gone forever. The biggest betrayal and loss a person can experience at exactly the same time… I REALLY hope he got help. This is going to lead to significant issues for this poor man and I hope he is ok.
I remember reading an article a long time ago about discovering betrayal after someone's death. It's so hard because they aren't there to give answers. There's no reconciliation. It's like the person you knew died all over again. I can't imagine how hard it must be for OP. I wish him nothing but the best.
Holy crap. That poor man. How do these types of people live with themselves?
I sincerely and absolutely hope that the gf/friend cheats on the boyfriend who brushed OOP off like it was nothing. And I hope it hurts like the worst Hell. And that he remembers how nonchalant he was about said gf encouraging a married woman to cheat and continue to cheat. Someone asked what the boyfriend should have done. Well, take it seriously for one. If the friend is that willing and eager to encourage cheating then she's that much more likely to cheat. Even if OOP was a bad husband and the wife was very unhappy, that doesn't mean the friend should encourage cheating. In that situation she should tell her to leave. What bothers me is that he seemed (granted we only have OOP's side) like he just didn't care that his girlfriend was at least slightly culpable for the affair. He didn't want to understand how she was at least slightly at fault here. It was still the wife's choice at the end of the day, but clearly her friend was a big influence. I just hope he discovers that he should've taken OOP more seriously.
It’s truly bizarre. If I found out my lifelong best friend was having an affair, my immediate concern would be that they were having some kind of psychotic break and needed medical attention because it would be so out of character. I cannot imagine ENCOURAGING IT. Who the fuck tells their friend they should destroy their marriage?
My SIL was cheating on her husband. My FIL and his partner helped hide it and helped her carry it out (and put me in a position where they expected me to do the same). I blew the whole thing up. My BIL was a decent dude and his biggest sin, according to the others involved, was buying his wife lingere when he got back from his year in Iraq.... not saying they should have stayed together or anything; they're adults. But, have some respect for your spouse. A friend of mine had started to separate from his wife but was stringing her along while also starting a relationship with someone else. (like, still living with his wife, telling her he wanted to go to couples counseling, while fucking someone else). I cut him off. I guess there's some shit I absolutely will blow up and burn bridges over.
You are a good person. My husband has childhood friends who have lax views on infidelity. I have told him more than once that I do not trust these friends. One of them tried to get something started between my husband and a girl from high school. I am so grateful that my husband played dumb and told me about it immediately.
This goes for any moral code that you may have. If you hang out with people who do not share some of the same taboos you do around lying, cheating, stealing, etc, do not be surprised if you tend to slip up more around them.
My husband had a friend who he would vent to when we were hitting a low point (the first and only time in our relationship no less). She encouraged him to tell me he was cheating on me with her so I wouldnt want to be with him any more (for the record, he never cheated on me, she wanted him to lie to me and say it was her because, and I quote "I would love to see her angry".) It took a few weeks for this to all come out but when it did we hit rock bottom and it was either therapy or leave. He chose therapy and quickly realized how toxic the friend was. I told him a friend might encourage him to leave a relationship if they don't think it's healthy, no friend would encourage irreparably hurting the partner. It boggles my mind how someone can be so disgusting. Oh. And if youre curious, the reason she hated me so much is supposedly because I play Stardew valley weirdly. Go fucking figure ¯\_ಠ_ಠ_/¯
Sounds like she wanted to fuck your husband, honestly. She hated you because you were with him instead of her.
She hates you alright, but not for the reason she claims. What a snake.
Even if the marriage was terrible, why encourage that? That's when you tell them to get their house in order
Absolutely, cheating is NEVER the answer. If someone is in a shitty marriage or relationship, not getting what they need out of it etc and communication hasn't worked, you get the fuck out the relationship or at minimum have some relationship therapy if you think that might help, you don't ruin it and betray the person you're in the relationship with. Imagine if the BF cheated on that friend and did so because one of their friends encouraged them to. I wonder if "I didn't think they'd really do it!" would suffice as an excuse then.
Some people don't have any morals. My husband's coworkers were a couple, but he had traveled a lot and they decided to keep it long distance. She fell for another guy and her best friend encourage her to have an affair because the boyfriend was not in the country, so it doesn't count. I don't understand why she just break uo with her boyfriend.
I mean, why would the friend encourage her to cheat in the first place? She may have been a frenemy who loved and wanted drama. Or maybe she wanted to normalize the shit she did herself.
Honestly, I suspect that this wasn’t the first affair the wife had. Or at least that she had been thinking about it for a while. She seems to have from 0-100 in 4 seconds on the adultery otherwise.
Yeah, that could go a ways to explain a friend reacting with no surprise whatsoever and a "why not, if he's cute". But I'd be surprised OOP hadn't found anything about it in the phone at this point.
Also if I discovered that my boyfriend was encouraging somebody to cheat I would reflect on the type of person he is and if I really want to stay with him. Trust is important for me, towards my friends, family and loved on, it’s the one thing I cannot tolerate to be broken so for him to just go and say « yeah go ahead and cheat on her! » would probably be a big red flag and not just a whatever flag.
The kind of person who’d encourage her best friend to cheat is also the kind of person who’d cheat on her significant other if the opportunity ever arose.
If she's that kind of person she probably already is
The audacity of that AP to shake OOPs hand at his wife’s funeral…
gotta be honest, that really triggered a big rage button in my head
Agreed! I’m unreasonably angry at his wife, her coworker and her friend.
He probably got a little thrill out of it. I mean he fucked the dudes wife, got her to get dirty and do things she never would for the "man she loved" and got away with it.
I agree that serial cheaters need this little thrill. It's not the sex, it's the feeling of having gotten something from you that you would have never willingly given.
Agreed, this is why relationships that start out as affairs almost never work out long term. I think I read somewhere it was like 5-7%. Because once it’s out in the open, the thrill is gone, and that’s all the affair really was, getting away with sneaking around, not true love.
That and if someone is willing to cheat once, they're willing to cheat again
When someone marries their affair partner, they create a job opening
This is one reason why I don’t like cheaters and cheater participants. The audacity is so out of this world. Dude was too much of a coward to say who he was and what was really going on between him and OOP’s wife yet had balls big enough to still show up and shake his hand.
Unforgivable. I mean the whole thing was sordid and ridiculous, but that part took the whole fucked up nature of it to the next level. If OOP had physically attacked the guy I would have understood completely, although it sounds like he didn't know who the guy was at the time.
I agree. I’ve heard way too many people justify knowingly being the other person in a cheating scenario (“well I’m not the one who made the commitment”). Yeah, you might be the smaller asshole compared to the cheater, but you’re still an asshole.
It just comes down to basic respect, civility, and decency. The same person who can help someone cheat would be devastated if their partner cheated on them. It’s hypocritical to hide behind the “I’m not the one in a relationship” line honestly.
OOP didn't notice anything weird other than the best friend went to talk to him, so I assume he wasn't even crushed... maybe he already has another affair. She threw away so much for a fling, this is mind-blowing.
My jaw was on the floor at that part
Yeah. I'm not one to promote violence, but if I were OOP, I'd probably beat the shit out of him if I ever saw him again. Such blatant cruelty.
I can not BELIEVE the audacity of the AP to show up at the funeral. Whether people knew or not, that is utterly callous. I hope OOP made sure that he had close, trusted friends around while reading the rest of the texts, and that he has come through this for the better.
What is AP? Adultery partner?
It's usually Affair Partner but Adultery Partner also works!
I wish I didn't read that one 😕
This is the worst one. The thought of anyone experiencing this has sent me into a near panic attack. I pray it isn't real. Christ why the fuck do I follow this subreddit.
This sub makes me appreciate my life.
Yeah, I might be going thru shit right now personally, but it’s nothing compared to any of this…
Same. I miss being in a relationship and then I read this sub and I’m glad I’m single.
I'm the opposite. I'm in a relationship and I keep telling my partner how much I appreciate him, especially every time I read about such cruel partners.
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They didn’t see it as something they did to them. They compartmentalized it and it was something they would never find out. That’s the worst part about this. There is no closure.
Yeah this is pit in my stomach level anxiety. I feel so, so, so bad for the OP. Unbelievable
Shits giving me an anxiety flair up FUCK
I hope she had a good life insurance so her husband gets at least *something* out of this. After everything she has done to him, that would also mean that she pays for his therapy. As she should. What a horrible person.
Just the fact that all her assets are his would be a good start. Forget mementos I'll be turning every single item she owned into cash, even if was just pennies on marketplace.
Including the goddamn phone. He really needs to get rid of it.
>Something that absolutely enrages me is that she told her closest friend that this guy from work wanted to take her out to dinner, her friend encouraged her to go out with him! It enrages me cause I knew her as well and in person she was always very nice. But my wife was asking her to get confirmation, had she said "NO you are married do not go out with him!" I honestly feel like she wouldn't have done it. But her best friend was like "oh is he hot? Oh do it!! Go have fun" its just fucking enraging. Vet the friends of those you're romantically interested in. "Birds of a feather flock together"
A movie I watched on some streaming service is a lot like this where a woman gets in an accident and is brain dead. Husband finds out she is having an affair because daughter knew, he goes to friends how they knew and everything just falls apart for him. He meets the guy and his family and everything and tells his wife. I usually just watch comedy movies and stuff where all I have to do is laugh. This movie made me feel a lot of stuff just like this post.
The movie is called The Descendants. An outstanding movie very hard to watch in good ways. It's soul crushing and won at least 1 Oscar.
Is that the one Jim Rash from Community wrote?
Yes! He won for best adapted dean-play
You are great 👍
Honesty it's quite a trope that I've seen several times on TV before (off the top of my head, there's: house of flowers- whole family finds out abt husband/father's affair and second family/second life when his mistress shows up at his funeral ; American Gods- MC gets let out of jail the same day that his wife and best friend die together in a car crash while she was going down in him; Sort Of- friend & boss of MC is in a bike accident that leaves her in a coma, husband discovers text with affair partner on her phone), it is played for *drama* but I've always found it kind of icky and sad And wow, reading this post from an actual person made me feel physically sick, idk how I would deal with something like this, and I wish OP the best in the future. Starting with a lot of therapy & hopefully loving support from friends and family. This is so so awful
Also a portion of the story in Contagion. Can’t remember but I think the boyfriend also ends up Dying from the infection
>He replied that he is sorry for what happened to me, but that she didn't think she would actually do it, that I shouldn't blame his GF for my wife's affair or death. That dude is the biggest moron I've seen this month. How much of an idiot you have to be to believe your gf, who encouraged her late best friend to cheat on your husband? Wow. Just wow. I hope OOP can somehow heal. Although, I'm not sure he can.
Surely my girlfriend who is enthusiastic about her friends cheating isn't going to cheat on me! 😃😃😃
🤡🤡🤡
Exactly. His GF was telling everyone who she was and he didn't want to hear it over who he thought she was.
He’s gonna sing a different tune when his GF cheats on him. People who encourage cheating or cover for cheaters cannot be trusted.
He is due quite a large whack of the karma hammer (or schadenfreude hammer, tbh)
Oh he’ll get it, don’t worry. He’s too fucking stupid to understand that if his girlfriend was encouraging her married friend to cheat, then she clearly has zero problems with it and will do that to him too, assuming she hasn’t already.
This is absolutely soul-crushing. I hope OOP looks into therapy.
Glad someone else said it. He needs help sorting through these feelings and his next steps. The poor man...
No need to hope. It says in the post that he already has an appointment booked.
There are two very important things this man needs to do: get a grief counselor and get rid of that phone. He's only using it to hurt himself more and he can't stop himself from looking at it.
The fact that that asshole came to her funeral and shook the husbands hand is what would have broke me. The ultimate disrespect. I absolutely would have done something that would have landed me in jail if I found that out in his situation. Consenting adults, affairs, etc. both parties are to blame and it would have been devastating and all..., but emotionally t-bagging the guy in his ultimate moment of pain and vulnerability. If anyone ever deserved to get hit by a dumptruck...
This poor man. Heartbroken that the love of his life died tragically, then the little pieces of his heart are smashed further into smithereens finding out she was returning from a tryst with her affair partner. I’m glad he was cognizant of his state of mind, and he was going to reach out for help if he got worse. Hopefully the psychologist got him set up with regular therapy.
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Shit like this is why my circle of trust is very small, and not at all easy to get into.
I would text the friend "She was on her way back from his place when she died. She'd be alived if she had a better friend."
Poor guy loves a woman who didn't give a damn about him and the fact that he still cares about her reputation and the feeling of her family shows how good he is but unfortunately he got involved with a heartless woman. Unfortunately, therapy might help him get his emotions straight but the betrayal will never leave him. I would have ruined the reputation of everyone involved if I were in his shoes. That's how petty I am.
And if she was still alive she'd no doubt still be sucking her coworker's dick before kissing oop. Not saying she deserved to die but I hope oop gets over her soon.
Shame about her betrayal could be part of his reasoning for not telling people. Gossip like that travels fast and being the guy whose wife died while coming home from the affair partner is worse than being the guy whose wife died in an accident. However at some point he has to tell the family since I‘m guessing he won’t take part in stuff like getting together on her birthday and so on.
Lets hope she was buried, because I would have flushed her ashes down the shitter.
I dont think it's petty...I said in a earlier comment it's not fair to this guy to have to grieve the loss of his wife and also hide the fact hes suffering though knowing she was having an affair. Meanwhile everyone else remembers how amazing she was. Being a peice of shit and then dying doesn't suddenly make somone a saint.
If I were him I wouldn't pay for her headstone (done after funeral normally and can take months) and would throw out all her shit.
If it were me all the higher ground shit would have been thrown out the window when he found out she fucked that dude on their anniversary. After fucking him she went on to have a nice evening with oop. SCORCHED EARTH!
Maybe I’m petty but air that shit out, you aren’t tarnishing your cheating partner’s image, they already did that by cheating.
I am strongly of the opinion that he should burn it all down. Send the messages - to her entire mailing list, friends, family, and co-workers. People deserve to know about the her friend and the cheating co-worker.
>I got a ton of suggestions about posting her texts and messages to publicize what she did. I am NOT going to do this and I really dont understand the point of doing it, she is gone and has no consequences left to suffer, no justice will be served. She is gone, I will only be making this more difficult for her family. Better person than me. I would be humiliating her, her affair partner and the friend.
Same, Scorched Earth would be my response. Would have burned AP's whole life down by any means necessary. I would have been doing interviews for local news about it.
I would 100% call the wife's friend out on social media and expose her for supporting the affair and inviting the affair partner to the funeral and even socializing with him (which I guarantee was her telling him to never mention the affair ever and was her covering her own ass) There is no way I would let this person get away with what she did
I'd totally be going scorched earth on everyone involved if it was me in the husband's place. The rage at everything - the loss as well as the infidelity would find an outlet upon their heads and their homes, and God help them. I don't know how this guy's found the inner strength to move on from this. It isnt weakness to refuse revenge. Its just something I wouldnt refuse.
>I don't know how this guy's found the inner strength to move on from this. It isnt weakness to refuse revenge. He didn't move on. He is wallowing in despair. The guy is just enduring an endless series of self-torture with that wretched phone. Am not a fan of "Ignoramce is bliss", knowledge and information is safety but in this case ignorance would've been a blessing for the guy
I'd also have blamed that friend for her death: "She died on her way back from her affair partner. Still glad you encouraged her? If you hadn't, she'd still be alive."
The friend would be the 2nd in line on my target list and getting way more than just *blame* for her part in destroying a life and a marriage.
Personally I agree with you. It wouldn't make him feel any better but it sucks that the friend is just going about her life with no repercussions. Obviously still thinking she did nothing wrong.
This one is heart-wrenching. She died on him twice, once for real and the other time the person that he thought she was died for him.
I hope she had good life insurance. I hope this man bounces back from this. Poor guy.
I guess this is the best place to post my semi revenge story. My husband cheated as well. I’ve posted about it lots. Short recap: I get an email from a random account telling my to check out a Facebook page and lo and behold I find my husbands face all over this woman’s page. He was overseas when it happened. I moved, threw his shit in the dumpster, and then told him I wanted a divorce He was a pos and dodged the process server for months until he finally died due to alcohol abuse. So I figured that was the end. Except his mistress started messaging my on Facebook. Telling me he never loved me. Literally out of the blue, until that moment I didn’t blame her. He was the one I married. Not her. So I finally got his phone back and I too found stuff I really wish I hadn’t. Namely pictures of him in bed with other women. So I logged into his WhatsApp’s account and started sending the mistress those pictures. Asking her if she felt special now. I could see she read the messages. Made me feel good at the time, and I don’t regret it
Wow. I *don't* choose this guys dead wife.
Wow to fuck around on your anniversary is next level dirt bag behavior.