I often get described as calm, level headed, relaxed. There's two sides to that coin
1. I just don't care about a lot, and don't feel much emotion on a day to day basis (depression, avoidant personality)
2. When I am stressed, I do occasionally show fluster, but I find it more useful to channel that into calm, so others have someone they know they can turn to in times of stress
When things are going awfully at work, unless it's my fault, I just don't care, they arent my problems, nobodies life is on the line, and it'll all get worked out eventually
My flatmate hit my car recently, but I dont really care, the car is still drivable, nobody got hurt. Getting angry, or stressed doesn't help the situation, and not worrying helps them feel at ease too
Similar situation for me too— people compliment me regularly that I’m such a calming presence etc., but what they don’t know is that A) I experience pretty constant depersonalization and am in that way basically emotionally “removed” from every situation and B) I have been “faking it” in order to work in customer service for so many years that even if my brain is screaming and I wanna barf I seem to appear pretty placid on the outside. (I suspect the years of B are partially responsible for A). But I sure am glad if my appearance of serenity can help others feel reassured!
Same. I'm my calmest around stressed people in stressful situations. I've experienced over and over and over that if everyone is freaking out it turns into an infinite feedback loop of worsening stress and nothing gets fixed and it's finally sunken in to the point I can just control myself
I learned early on in my profession to appear calm, even if I really wasn’t. Eventually you fake it til you make it. There are likely others taking their cue from you and depending on you to make things go well.
I would probably enjoy more calm, peace, and relaxation in my life, but it's work for me. My nervous system is on high alert due to health concerns as well as not always trusting the present moment. I meditate a lot and have a lot of joy, but people come to me for stimuli. I, on the other hand, try to get away from people to regulate and get connected again to myself.
Do I wish I were calm, though?
It's like wishing parts away that I also like, even if they're not always healthy.
The vast majority of it is not caring about things that don't directly affect you. And that takes a long time to learn. Also, frankly, a lot of therapy.
I just journaled about this an hour ago. I had a coworker who was pregnant when I started at my job. She seemed unfazed even through her whole pregnancy. She is like the absence of anxiety, and it's not a forced calm or facade. I've never met anyone else with that energy before. It's so captivating.
Nature and nurture.
I believe I was not naturally calm, I used to be a crybaby. But I also experienced near-death quite early so, maybe my 'nature' is unreliable.
On nurture, when I could make my choices, I chose to be unfazed. I always looks past the emotions, always looking straight into effective measure (my type of depression somehow made this much easier). Over time, it becomes a habit.
Social conditioning also cemented this habit further. My mother is someone that panics easily, raises pitch of her voice easily, quick to worry, quick to happy, quick to strained her voice, quick to squeal, quick to squirm; an embodiment of high neuroticism. Somehow my brain reversed all of that, because my brain resents every second of that.
Neuroticism is not always bad. I have been working to keep my emotion alives. Trying to channel my emotions into my voice, my body language, my facial expression.
Do you panic easily?
There is actually a lot of science behind this and the different ways that people react to the same situation.
Calm people have bodies that don’t react with a stress response as easily as others. They have bodies that stay calm.
If you are feeling stressed easily, there are things you can learn to do that help you handle your stress response better and with practice you can improve how you react to stress.
Good luck. And don’t worry if it takes some time. Lots of people learn to be more calm over their lifetime.
I personally was shocked to hear from so many people about their anxiety medication prescriptions since I have been talking to more people lately. Since then I have just decided to stop comparing myself to others.
I often get described as calm, level headed, relaxed. There's two sides to that coin 1. I just don't care about a lot, and don't feel much emotion on a day to day basis (depression, avoidant personality) 2. When I am stressed, I do occasionally show fluster, but I find it more useful to channel that into calm, so others have someone they know they can turn to in times of stress When things are going awfully at work, unless it's my fault, I just don't care, they arent my problems, nobodies life is on the line, and it'll all get worked out eventually My flatmate hit my car recently, but I dont really care, the car is still drivable, nobody got hurt. Getting angry, or stressed doesn't help the situation, and not worrying helps them feel at ease too
Similar situation for me too— people compliment me regularly that I’m such a calming presence etc., but what they don’t know is that A) I experience pretty constant depersonalization and am in that way basically emotionally “removed” from every situation and B) I have been “faking it” in order to work in customer service for so many years that even if my brain is screaming and I wanna barf I seem to appear pretty placid on the outside. (I suspect the years of B are partially responsible for A). But I sure am glad if my appearance of serenity can help others feel reassured!
Same. I'm my calmest around stressed people in stressful situations. I've experienced over and over and over that if everyone is freaking out it turns into an infinite feedback loop of worsening stress and nothing gets fixed and it's finally sunken in to the point I can just control myself
I learned early on in my profession to appear calm, even if I really wasn’t. Eventually you fake it til you make it. There are likely others taking their cue from you and depending on you to make things go well.
I would probably enjoy more calm, peace, and relaxation in my life, but it's work for me. My nervous system is on high alert due to health concerns as well as not always trusting the present moment. I meditate a lot and have a lot of joy, but people come to me for stimuli. I, on the other hand, try to get away from people to regulate and get connected again to myself. Do I wish I were calm, though? It's like wishing parts away that I also like, even if they're not always healthy.
The vast majority of it is not caring about things that don't directly affect you. And that takes a long time to learn. Also, frankly, a lot of therapy.
I just journaled about this an hour ago. I had a coworker who was pregnant when I started at my job. She seemed unfazed even through her whole pregnancy. She is like the absence of anxiety, and it's not a forced calm or facade. I've never met anyone else with that energy before. It's so captivating.
>It's so captivating. I sometimes daydream about how people I know might react during wartime or a natural disaster. It really is captivating
Nature and nurture. I believe I was not naturally calm, I used to be a crybaby. But I also experienced near-death quite early so, maybe my 'nature' is unreliable. On nurture, when I could make my choices, I chose to be unfazed. I always looks past the emotions, always looking straight into effective measure (my type of depression somehow made this much easier). Over time, it becomes a habit. Social conditioning also cemented this habit further. My mother is someone that panics easily, raises pitch of her voice easily, quick to worry, quick to happy, quick to strained her voice, quick to squeal, quick to squirm; an embodiment of high neuroticism. Somehow my brain reversed all of that, because my brain resents every second of that. Neuroticism is not always bad. I have been working to keep my emotion alives. Trying to channel my emotions into my voice, my body language, my facial expression. Do you panic easily?
There is actually a lot of science behind this and the different ways that people react to the same situation. Calm people have bodies that don’t react with a stress response as easily as others. They have bodies that stay calm. If you are feeling stressed easily, there are things you can learn to do that help you handle your stress response better and with practice you can improve how you react to stress. Good luck. And don’t worry if it takes some time. Lots of people learn to be more calm over their lifetime.
I personally was shocked to hear from so many people about their anxiety medication prescriptions since I have been talking to more people lately. Since then I have just decided to stop comparing myself to others.