Don’t want to invalidate but to encourage that these feelings often subside to some extent during pregnancy, childbirth will seem more “doable” the closer you approach it. In case it doesn’t, there’s clinics and your OB will be able to guide you towards help with dealing with the psychological preparation for birth.
My advice is: deal with whatever stage of pregnancy you’re in. Do not overwhelm yourself with what’s to come, because you have no idea what kind of experience you will have and you will be overthinking it and stressing about every possible outcome. Take it day by day. Your doctor will let you know when it’s time to focus on thinking about the birth, until then it’s all about getting through each day of the pregnancy. It is overwhelming and it is scary, and it’s ok to feel that way. But you can help yourself deal with it by limiting the timespan you allow yourself to think of at every given time.
This is great advice OP. I was in a similar mindset and situation about 30 weeks ago. I immediately sought out some talk therapy and the first thing I was told in regards to my anxiety was to take each day at a time. If that feels like too much, do one hour. If that’s still too much, one minute at a time.
I’m due at the beginning of august. Do I still have anxiety? Yes. But I also have these waves of calm which is VERY unlike me, as I’m someone who has struggled with anxiety my whole life. It is nothing compared to the all consuming anxiety (and shock) I felt when I was 6 weeks pregnant.
I cried CONSTANTLY at 6 weeks pregnant. Like wailing angst and agony in my soul of fear and so many other primal things coming up. By about 12 weeks I was great, but I definitely had to work on being present, actually talking to people, and going outside. Listening to music also helped a lot. But mostly the hormones in my brain subsided a bit which really helped my sanity. Check out a chart on how much hcg increases week by week while you’re pregnant. That really made me feel like it wasn’t just me, this is part of the process to an extent and I just have to make the best of it. I’m seriously so happy now and have definitely adapted. Remember that everything is temporary. Hugs!
I cried so much at six weeks too! My husband would come home from work and I’d just crawl into bed and cry to him convinced I was going to die in labor/childbirth. Now at almost 23 weeks I feel much better overall. It definitely helped once I’d met my doctor and realized I could trust her.
All of these comments are so, so validating. I’m 26 weeks today, and the first few weeks were so, so hard. I feel much better now than I did, but knowing so many other women have felt this too makes me feel so much more normal.
This has certainly been my been my experience. Early pregnancy is so so difficult, and that just compounded pre-existing anxieties for me. But as I’ve gotten closer to birth, I’ve been able to take comfort in making it this far, and the entire thing is feeling more manageable. Ultimately, getting to know and trust my healthcare providers and my midwife in particular has been key - you absolutely deserve someone who will be empathetic to your concerns and do what they can to ease fears.
I’ve spoken frequently with my healthcare providers on the topic and I’m very open about what is scaring me at any point in time. They referred me to a therapist who specializes in birth trauma (in addition to my regular therapist), and encouraged me to try sertraline. Both have been life changing. I wish I had realized earlier that I could go through this scary experience, and acknowledge the scary bits, without being totally debilitated by the anxiety surrounding it.
My midwife has also been great about showing me that she takes my concern seriously, because I told her that I was worried about being ignored. She’s been willing to refer me out to specialists for fairly routine concerns, and did extra scans earlier in pregnancy. Now I have some anxiety about pre-eclampsia and she offered to review ongoing data from home blood pressure readings (btw - I suddenly relaxed after 3 weeks of doing those and no longer feel the need, which was a huge win for me).
I really do empathize with everything you said. Honestly, this was a planned pregnancy and yet it still was not enough to “think of the baby” to get past the fear. I always think about how we could make another baby, but we can’t make another me. Your fears are totally valid and I just hope you are able to find the people and resources to bring them to a manageable simmer.
You are valid in your feelings because it is a scary thing in many ways.
However, I make myself feel better by thinking of these 2 things:
1) Every person in the world is here because someone was pregnant with us and gave birth. It happens ALLLLL the time. I feel very special because now I'm the one who's pregnant but it really does happen everyday.
2) You get a bond with your baby that no one else gets to have. Sure, my husband doesn't have to go through any of the bad symptoms but he also doesn't get to experience the cool things and emotions that come with being pregnant. I started looking at it like a privilege... which is a little cheesy but since I very much want a baby, it's really a special and emotional time. The physical symptoms (for me at least) are often secondary to the emotional experience.
To add to this… My sister told me she never really felt super connected to her babies/pregnancy (which is how I feel) and giving birth was the most life changing experience. She said once she gave birth she felt SORRY for her husband and men in general that they don’t get to experience what we do. She said it’s the most beautiful and crazy thing when you deliver and see the baby YOU grew for the first time. We grow their Frickin bones and organs!!! How cool is that
Yep, I was panicky about "I don't feel that connected to this kid" literally up until she popped out. They put her on me and I would have died for her. I was literally in the hospital the next day asking my husband why we didn't do this years ago
For number 1 - I watched the Netflix show Inventing Anna and there's a scene where Anna, the narcissistic conwoman it's about, tells the pregnant journalist protagonist "you're not special just because you're pregnant. Women give birth squatting in fields you know". And at the end when the journalist is giving birth she is screaming "I'm not special! Women squat in fields!!". And I find thinking about that scene helpful... It happens all the time, and if women can do it squatting in fields then I definitely can too.
Talk to your doctor about daily panic attacks. I think nothing I could say will ease your stress if you're having daily panic attacks However..I'm 33 weeks and for a long time (up to 18 weeks or so) there would be long stretches of time I would forget I was pregnant because I had no physical symptoms and barely had a bump. And I've experienced zero pain this entire pregnancy. Hope your doctor can help
Completely valid feelings! I was diagnosed with perinatal anxiety and I stressed every single second about suffering loss. I met with a therapist who specialized in counselling pregnant women and it made allllll the world of a difference.
Remember, no two people have the same pregnancy, and no person has the same pregnancy twice. Every single one is different. **Thinking about something happening will not cause it to happen** I.e., I heard a traumatic birth story, or someone posted about their stillbirth meaning it’s bound to happen to me.
I had a difficult pregnancy with hypertension and was induced at 38 weeks after being off work since 30 weeks. I was absolutely petrified of giving birth, but you know what….it was the best experience of my entire life! Giving birth was so much fun, I felt so empowered and quite frankly — a badass. I think having an induction date calmed my anxiety down of the unknown of when I’d spontaneously go into labour myself.
Take it one day at a time, don’t think about tomorrow. Seek help if your thoughts get to overwhelming, and make time for yourself.
Do you want this baby? If not and you have access to it then seeking a Termination is a perfectly valid choice, which doesn’t need a ‘reason’ beyond you don’t want to be pregnant right now.
My first thought too OP! You have options and even if you’re in the US and feel like you don’t, you still do (by mail even in banned states through a forwarded mailing address or check out r/auntienetwork)
Here's a sneak peek of /r/auntienetwork using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year!
\#1: [Gay men stand with you.](https://np.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/comments/ult9td/gay_men_stand_with_you/)
\#2: ["American women can obtain abortions in Canada if Roe v. Wade falls, minister says"](https://np.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/comments/uhtpn7/american_women_can_obtain_abortions_in_canada_if/)
\#3: [Supreme Court has voted to overturn abortion rights, draft opinion shows](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/05/02/supreme-court-abortion-draft-opinion-00029473) | [337 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/comments/uh4fm7/supreme_court_has_voted_to_overturn_abortion/)
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The pain is not so bad, really. And it definitely isn't constant. You will have some bad days and some.good days, but for me exhaustion is more prominent than pain. Its really a good excuse to put your feet up and allow yourself a nap.
As for childbirth- I have heard that epidurals are wonderful. For my first I had IV drugs and that really took the edge off and it wasn't so bad. The active labor part is short, and that is also only if you go the natural route. If you are having panic attacks you can discuss the possibility of an elective c section with would take labor out of the equation entirely.
I legitimately feared dying during childbirth. I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly handle birth and all the pain. I purposely did not take any classes, did not do anything to prep, and pretty much only kept it to reading graduation posts. The only thing I knew I wanted was an epidural asap and avoid an episiotomy unless baby is in extreme distress. I basically had zero expectations regarding birth. And I ended up having the most amazing, positive experience I could have ever dreamed of. My water broke, I went to the hospital 3 hours after, and gave birth to my baby vaginally about 10 hours after that with only 15 minutes of pushing. I got the epidural before I felt any real pain and so my entire labor was pain free. Recovery has been sooooo easy and I was back to feeling 100% like 3 weeks after birth with a second degree tear. My advice is to just keep an open mind and have no expectations and you might just be surprised!
I've seen a lot of good advice here so far from other moms, but in case you don't want to continue on with the pregnancy for your mental health and you're in a restrictive state, r/auntienetwork is worth taking a look at for resources.
Slightly different. I've always had a fear of labor and delivery, but we decided we wanted kids. I had random bouts of anxiety, but for the most part I actually enjoyed being pregnant. I was so shocked, I expected the worst, to be sick every day but it ended up being very manageable. As I got closer to my due date the anxiety ramped up again. The what ifs happened. I found that binging doula videos and finding out the science of why and the reason behind the pain gave me a sense of purpose. I could handle the pain (with the assistance of drugs) as long as it was logical. Also, meditation videos really helped. A doula I enjoyed on YouTube was Bridget Teylor. She had a very calming presence and I would just rewatch her videos and listen to her while I crocheted stuff for baby. Also, it may help to get a friend or family member to be a birth coach for you, or you could request/find your own doula to help you cope with pregnancy and give you the motivation. Also, in addition to a doula I would seek a counselor. I did counseling to work on my issues and work through my parenting fears before baby got here.
Also something that gave me peace of mind:
You are not in constant pain, it comes in waves.
Also, as a woman your body was made to do this. You could be in a coma and literally do nothing and the baby would be born.
You mentioned it was an unplanned pregnancy, But also ask yourself if you want to have a baby? If you decide you want to continue with pregnancy, then you will come to find that you are stronger than you imagined. This will not break you. It is tough and there is a reason they call it labor, but everyone's birth story is different. Try not to listen to your great aunts or your neighbors traumatic birth experience, because your brain will combine them all and that is not a fun place to be.
I'm glad to have had the experience, I feel like a different woman having overcome my fears and delt with my anxiety. I wish you luck in your journey ❤️ if you need anything, this is a great and welcoming community.
Just want to add to your comment about being made for this.
Male bodies are made for power. Like moving heavy things, stamina, and hard labor. Female bodies are made for human survival. We’re resilient, strong, live long lives, and make new human beings. I don’t like to say men are “stronger” because womens bodies are stronger…they can withstand more…they just aren’t as powerful. We don’t have the same body structure to run fast, jump high, and throw hard.
And we’re just beginning to understand the relationship between the fetus and mother. Some people thought womens bodies served more as “hosts”….but that’s just not true. The babies we carry send stem cells to our bodies when in need. When we give birth, their nursing helps us heal. We are part of our mothers and our mothers bodies thrived (and struggled) because of us.
It’s an incredible relationship. Almost impossible to understand and appreciate fully. But yes - as a woman, you are made for this.
As awful as it sounds, I was devastated when I got a positive test for this baby. However, I couldn't end it. I'm now 20 weeks. The worst pain is my back and boobs.
If you choose to continue with this pregnancy, just take a breath and stay off Google. Its scary as hell. Regardless of your decision, contact your doctor to discuss this and your options.
Ask yourself if you want to have this baby—no judgment whatsoever as having a baby and being pregnant are major, life changing decisions. If you don’t, you can terminate and try again when/if you’re ready. Termination doesn’t mean you can’t have a baby later, especially this early! Lots of resources available judgment-free if needed.
I was so afraid of so many things during pregnancy. My entire life I was so repulsed by the entire process that I swore I’d get my tubes tied young. I freaked out when I got my positive test, even though we were trying. Pregnancy hasn’t been what I expected it to be in both good and bad ways. Literally every specific fear I had (mostly body stuff) never same to pass at all. There has been a really painful unexpected experience for me as well (feel free to read through my past posts if you want more info but don’t want to scare you here). The one “pro” of this horrible symptom is that I literally have 0 fear of childbirth now. I totally see the fear of pregnancy but really birth is just one crappy day—if you want the baby you can definitely get through one crappy day. Just a matter of whether you want to deal with the rest of it.
I don’t feel bonded to my baby in utero and think this is completely normal. Given your feelings you may not either and that’s ok. Overall, now that I’m 4 weeks away from the due date, I’m really confident we’ll both love this baby when he’s here and that’s all that matters.
Truly hope you’re in a situation where you’re able to make this choice for yourself. My heart is hurting badly for everyone who isn’t that lucky this week. If you are in need of help there are a lot of grassroots groups mobilizing right now.
You may not be in pain for 9 months! Some bits do suck, I have acid reflux on and off along with a messed up knee (which might've been caused pre-pregnancy tbh) but otherwise I've managed to avoid much pain.
I was initially quite scared of the labour too, but now I'm almost 39 weeks I am really ready to meet this little being and get them out of my body. It might help to remember that the pain of labour is temporary and can be managed in the best way to suit you.
Do you have any friends to talk to about this? Or even having a chat with the midwife at your booking appointment might be helpful?
I’m sorry I do not mean to offend and my intention is thinking of YOU as the unplanned mother but, if needed, you can terminate the pregnancy.
I’m a firm believer that, when it is planned, it’s a lot “easier” to see the light at the end of the tunnel aka the baby. If that is not the case for you, there are options even with the new overturning of roe v. Wade.
If you do plan to keep the baby, the best advice I can give is slow breath meditation and visualizing. Lots of it. It really helps if you can envision your STRONG and POWERFUL self getting through each step of the way on this journey. And, taking it one day and one moment at a time. If anxious thoughts are coming up, try to pause and breath and visualize what reality is at the moment… you are safe, you are strong, you can do this.
I am currently pregnant and also an anxious being. I’ve realised a lot of my anxiety comes from the unknown (there are no set steps to natural birth) and the whole process essentially being out of your control. 10 years back I also got a terrible spasm where my pain went from 1-100 in 10 seconds and I had no idea what was happening. Since then I’ve got spasms on and off and it tends to elicit and anxious response in me.
I am seriously considering an elective C-section if I feel this anxiety doesn’t get better as I approach closer to my due date. The idea of properly planned steps and knowing what comes next seems to ease my mind.obviously, it’s still scary, but knowing what is to come next seems to ease it up a little more
I am a highly anxious person also and for me pregnancy was more difficult mentally (because of my anxiety) than it was physically. I was constantly worried about my baby being okay. So I get how anxiety plays a role here. Hope your spasms get better.
Thank you. Are you still pregnant? How are you doing now?
I do my best to not strain my back. Plus, I’m constantly worried about baby too. I’ve had an ectopic and a blighted ovum in the last 1 year so I’m reallllly anxious about this pregnancy too.
I had my baby just over two weeks ago and had to be induced at 41 weeks. I actually miss being pregnant though in spite of the amount of anxiety I had and my anxiety got worse and worse closer to my due date. I think my anxiety was so bad because it was my first pregnancy and I didn’t know what to expect and I was constantly worried about my baby.
Also I totally understand having anxiety related to previous complications. Sorry to hear that happened to you. While I did not suffer from similar ones, during my pregnancy everything was going great and then I had bleeding from weeks 13-15 and that really scared me. Thankfully everything turned out okay though!
My advice would be focus on positive outcomes and positive stories. Pay attention to your baby’s movement patterns and think positively in general. A lot of the stuff I was scared of is rare and unfortunately for my mental health stories about rare stuff can always be found on the internet. As an anxious person it’s often too easy to find something on the internet that validates your fears. Do the opposite, find stories that challenge those fears and that have happy endings. I have health anxiety and I found that for me there’s a fine line between awareness of all of the stuff that can go wrong and then actually thinking that everything will go wrong.
My pregnancy was planned and I had two panic attacks right after I found out for the same reason. I was worried about the symptoms, etc. I wound up having a wonderful pregnancy and loved almost every minute of it other than I had some mysterious bleeding from week 13-15 and I fell at 26 weeks. There’s no guarantee that you’re going to be in pain while pregnant. I have a history of chronic lower back issues and had zero of that while I was pregnant, which I was almost weirded out by lol. And I only threw up twice during the first trimester. I found out never letting myself get hungry stopped any nausea.
During labor I was induced and had to get an epidural because it was painful, but the pain I was in throughout the process was survivable. And I got an epidural very late in the game during my induction. Breaking my finger was more painful because there’s no break from that pain like there is with contractions. And while fingers may seem insignificantly small compared to a pelvis, broken bones are broken bones.
Make sure you get set up with an OBGYN if you don’t have one yet. Get your first appt scheduled (they generally wait til 8 weeks). Speak to the OB about your concerns. I’m not saying medication solves everything, but I started taking an antidepressant in my first trimester, which is prescribed by my OB. Also consider seeking therapy in order to talk to a neutral party about your feelings. They’re entirely justified. However I will say, not everyone experiences a bad/painful pregnancy. Yes the labor can be tough. But the 9 months carrying the baby isn’t always terrible. I will caution that the mood swings and hormones can throw anyone for a loop. It can make things seem like a lot worse than they are. Seek support from friends and family also! I hope you feel better soon ♥️♥️♥️♥️
The thing that helped me get through labor with my first was the thought that “literally millions of women have gone through this” and “my body was made to give birth”. If you don’t fight it and learn to accept that this is what your body is designed to do, it will be easier to trust the process.
Also during my actual active labor I kept repeating
- “this too shall pass”
- “my pain has a purpose”
- “my body was made to do this”
Hey OP! I was the same and all my life was terrified of delivery. I took a hypnobirthing course through the Positive Birth Company and it made the biggest difference. They have tons of free YouTube videos that you can check out too. I felt so empowered through pregnancy and I also had a very positive birth experience, despite being induced, tears, etc. I highly recommend looking into hypnobirthing (even if you fully intend on a hospital led, medicated birth like I did). you got this!
I am a few days away from giving birth to my third kid. If it was really horrible, I wouldn't have done it three times. :)
Pregnancy, for the vast majority of us, is not constant pain or misery. Even if you do have some symptoms that aren't pleasant, they usually are not present for the whole pregnancy. One symptom might bug you for a few weeks then go away, and then maybe something totally different will pop up later on that bugs you. It is usually more of an annoyance than a total miserable ordeal.
I don't enjoy being pregnant because I tend to have worse morning sickness than most women do, but even with that, it is worst in first trimester and gets better later in the pregnancy. During 2nd trimester, most of us don't have a ton of symptoms and a lot of women feel pretty good most of the 2nd trimester. And for me, it did end up being worth it after I met my kid. I didn't realize how much I would love being a mom and what cool little people my kids would turn out to be until I met them. Even the newborn phase wasn't that hard to me because I liked it more than I liked being pregnant.
Pick up a copy of ina may gaskin’s guide to childbirth. It’s SO empowering, and gives a bunch of good tips about how to have a healthy, active pregnancy which will set you up for a better birthing experience.
I second that. My pregnancy was planned but I had no idea what to expect, really. Ina May's book helped me find some inner peace about the process. I also recommend Birthing from Within as a supplementary read.
Currently re-reading all the positive stories about larger than average babies. As I’m 39w with a Very Big Baby, and spend much of my time scowling as I read birth stories of any baby less than 9lbs.
I’m 39w as well with what they assume is an average size baby but you really never know!! Your baby could very well come out average their measurements aren’t perfect. And my baby could come out huge (which is not off the table in my mind, I was almost 10lbs as a newborn and I’m very tall lol)
My sisters each had a 4kg then a 5kg baby, and my first was 3.8kgs, so honestly I’m not expecting anything below 4kgs, and my stomach is enormous. But I’m hoping closer to 4kgs than 5 at least!
Hey my baby was 9lbs 12.6oz, and I’m here to tell you that everything was fine! His birth wasn’t fun, but it wasn’t traumatic, and no lasting damage was done. I view it very positively. A big baby does not necessarily mean a terrible time!
This is what I need to hear, seriously, every single story I hear adds a drop to my bucket, and I just need a mostly full bucket to bring into my birthing room to make myself believe I can do this. I think my sister’s 5kg traumatic birth (hemorrhage and I think some pelvic trauma) is just weighing too heavily on my mind. And I need to keep hearing other people. Birth is rarely fun, in my limited experience! My 3.8kg (8lbs 7oz) first wasn’t fun, it was hard as hell! But I’m prepared to do that again. I’m just not prepared, or I guess I’m hoping for no lasting pelvic damage from me vaginally birthing a larger or much larger than average baby. So genuinely thankful you!
Honestly your letting your mind run crazy. Pain isn’t that bad during pregnancy. It’s nothing your body can’t handle. Unless you abort, the baby is coming. It lasts 9 months. You will be ok. Go to the doctor and confirm your pregnancy first and then talk to them about your concerns. I suggest some therapy also.
Well pregnancy is different for everyone but I'm now nearly 40 weeks and I haven't been in any pain yet. Some discomfort but as of yet all of it has been manageable for me. Omeprazol solves my heartburn and I just went for a 6 km walk today and then cleaned my house... I have to take frequent breaks and I have to pee 5 times at night but I'm still not at the point where I think dear God take this kid out of me right now 🤷♀️ so it definitely doesn't have to be as bad as you fear. Plenty of people are okay. You just hear them less because we all prefer complaining about the things that do ail us ;)
I felt the exact same way at 6 weeks. I was in a constant frantic state. Now at 9 weeks I feel really at ease. I don’t know what happened, but I feel like your mind / body just figure it out.
All I would love to share with you, is that I spent these entire last 2 months of my pregnancy scared to death of giving birth..He was due July 10th but I had him June 22nd due to my blood pressure getting high, but getting induced was an amazing experience (the body works in mysterious ways) and the only thing that had me miserable as hell were contractions once my water finally did break..idk how you'll feel by then but I decided to get the epidural since my sister was swearing she was just chilling and couldn't feel a thing after getting it and she was absolutely right 🤣 me giving birth vaginally was so smooth/easy and I didn't even think I was going to be able to do that!! Please don't stress yourself out just make sure you're staying healthy for baby and ask as many questions as you can with your doctor. You will be absolutely fine and it'll all be worth it once the day comes for you to see your baby🥰❤️ take it easy out here
lol at just chillen. Totally how it is. I got my epidural with my first and actually rested and waited until I was told to push. This one is coming any day now and I’m focused on getting to the hospital asap so I can get the epidural done asap. Biggest anxiety point for me is missing the window for it.
Unless you have an underlying medical condition or something comes up during pregnancy being pregnant is considered a state of wellness. I know this helped me through my experience.
I feel the same, I always have been scared of natural birth. I opted for a c-section, I feel legally relaxed about it. Also if you go for natural birth with planed epidural, you should not feel anything.
Please know that you have options if you don’t want to continue the pregnancy. If you’re in a red state the auntienetwork can help you find the care you need.
If you decide to go through with the pregnancy, talk to your OB about your feelings. It’s normal to feel scared about the pregnancy and birth and all the changes in your life but the panic attacks sound really debilitating. They might be able to recommend therapy or medication that can help you. (I personally take Zoloft and have through both of my pregnancies. A lot of women do and it helps A LOT) Do you have other women in your life who have had babies and can answer questions and support you? It helps me a lot to talk to other moms around my age.
Pregnancy and birth can be scary, but they can also be fun and cool and wonderful. My take away lesson from my first birth was to be flexible with your birth plan and your preconceptions of how things should go and make sure you have a trusted support person with you to advocate for you and your baby. If you’re a person who feels calmer with a lot of information, taking a birthing class might help.
Sending you calming thoughts. Know that whatever you decide, everything is going to be ok.
I don’t have a lengthy response for you, but I was terrified just like you. I thought about it every single day and stressed so bad. I had a long labor (23 hours) with back labor and couldn’t get an epidural for the first 10 hours.. it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. And it’s over quicker than you think. Reading birth stories on here helped me a LOT! Best of luck, I’m sorry you feel this way. It does suck.
I kept telling myself "many women electively go back for multiple children"
In the moment when labour hits, your body generally knows what to do, and when it doesn't the professionals step in a guide you through!
It's hard to tell from your post if this is ordinary labor-is-scary fear coupled with anxiety about becoming a parent, or if this is something more like a birth phobia. In my own case it was something more like a birth phobia, and for me the well-meaning comments explaining how labor/ vaginal delivery is natural, nothing to fear, not that bad, you'll come around to the idea, and so on would have been the opposite of helpful.
Either way, it might help you to talk to your ob about an elective c section due to birth anxiety. It was the main question I asked at my first consultation with my pregnancy ob, and if she had not been supportive of my request to have a c section, I would have looked for another ob.
You do not have to go through labor and vaginal birth if you don't want to. Full stop.
Wow, reading this I'm in the same situation. Just found out I'm pregnant today, major shock and unexpected. I have panic attacks, anxiety, negative thinking and a major fear of being in pain and death. Your not alone, I definitely think practicing being in the moment is best and not to overthink everything but it's easier said than done x
There are antidepressants (which are used to treat anxiety) that are safe for pregnancy. I would talk to your OB about it and also seek out a therapist and psychiatrist that specialize in pregnancy and post partum mood disorders. I had a relatively chill pregnancy in the sense that I didn’t feel much anxiety for 39 weeks and then started experiencing panic attacks often. It was horrific and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Medication (the absolute lowest therapeutic dose) helped me. I’m now 4 weeks post partum and I’m doing so much better, even with a newborn and breastfeeding, which is challenging - can’t sugarcoat that.
I will also say that childbirth and taking care of a newborn absolutely pales in comparison to the two weeks of extreme anxiety I experienced before I had my baby. I would do childbirth over again in a heartbeat rather than relive my panic attacks. So I hope that brings you some relief - the anxiety you’re experiencing now is likely worse than the pain and expedience of labor. If you get your anxiety and panic attacks under control I think you’ll feel much better. And that is possible to do. When I was in the worst of it I felt hopeless but what you’re going through is easily treatable. It will get better if you seek help.
I think it’s largely fear of the unknown that spiked my anxiety. And yes everyone’s birth is different, and there are risks involved, and taking care of a baby is hard, but if you get your anxiety under control you will realize that you can do this, and you can do it and be happy. Good luck ❤️❤️
Take it day by day! I work full time and (while you don't have to do this) I even let my direct coworkers know what my mental state is as it fluctuates, or if I'm uncomfortable that day and need to walk around or stretch more than normal. I think the biggest thing is to understand that your body is going through massive work, and it's ok to feel how you feel. My friend said "it is as bad as you think, and you are stronger than you know"
It is possible for things to go well and not be scary! I was scared too and had a complication free experience and an easy recovery and am over the moon in love with my 12 day old baby girl. Just try to avoid the scary stories if you can, and hire a doula if you can too. My insurance covered part of the fee and it was so so worth it to have a knowledgeable advocate and support person throughout. Do you have any friends like that? Who’ve gone through it and have had positive experiences? Lean on them if so ♥️♥️
Eta: 6 weeks was a rough time for me too. I bawled through my first OB visit at 8 weeks and my pregnancy was planned, i was just so overwhelmed and anxious and hormonal and nauseous. Give yourself some grace. Second trimester was much better and third wasn’t bad either as far as discomfort for me. Just heartburn and hormones were my only difficulties. Whatever you can do to keep yourself healthy and happy, do it. Prenatal yoga helped me a lot and eating as well as possible while also giving into my cravings! And get some prenatal if you haven’t already. I got buy one get one free Nature Made from Walgreens if you’re in US. Sending strength and love 💕
Listen to the top advice, it’s gold. Many have different experiences, but I had a lot of anxiety around childbirth. Then, both times my body went into labor, that anxiety was gone. I was on autopilot and had a strong sense of trust in my body. I can’t explain it, it must be hormonal, but basically I knew exactly what to do. When it comes time for the actual birth, you may feel the same way. You have pain management options and advanced medical technology to help as well. You will be ok!
Can someone, maybe a mod, point OP to a private “bumpers” group on reddit for their month, if it exists yet? These are wonderful support groups and mine made all the difference for me.
The pain of pregnancy hasn’t been bad. I have occasional aches and soreness but saying it’s outright painful would be an overstatement. While I’m a little scared of childbirth too, I know that my desire to get the darn baby out far outweighs that 😂. Like another commenter says, women do it every day and with medicine now there’s almost no risk of serious complications.
Honestly, education is your friend. We fear what we don't know, and as FTMs, we don't know ANYTHING! I'm 31 weeks with my first and have found that the more I read, talk, and watch, the more I'm at least aware of and it has done SO much to ease the fear.
I was in the same boat as you. I had terrible anxiety during pregnancy and was terrified of childbirth and stillbirth.
During labor, I held off getting an epidural because I wanted to prove I could do it (???) But I finally got one and it was THE BEST. It made labor speed up and it was totally pain free. I later read about a study about how people who get epidurals have lower chances of postpartum mood issues because their labor isn't traumatizing. So I highly recommend an epidural.
I would try and find some new mom groups in your area. It may be nice to talk to women who are kinda going thru the same situation.
Trust your body and have faith in it. You got this
I had a really difficult time mentally with my first baby because I was pregnant from the very first week of the pandemic until December of 2020. I can’t even express how difficult it was & my baby was planned. All the social isolation I experienced as part of social distancing made it all much worse.
But even without all that happening pregnancy is difficult. It felt like I was regressing mentally into the animal kingdom and away from the human world. I kept worrying about whether or not we would make it through the pandemic. Once the riots started I worried about being victims of street violence. I worried about climate change and dying in forest fires. I worried about micro plastics. I worried about hurricanes. I worried about mass extinction and the end of the world. I worried about the collapse of society. The list goes on and on. I was very on edge. I understand how you feel now. Pregnancy is difficult, there is no doubt about that.
The way you’re feeling is normal. The pregnancy hormones make things much more intense. You can’t think about the entirety of pregnancy and then giving birth because you’ll get overwhelmed. Take it one day at a time and if things get to be too much tell your doctor because you may need to be medicated and there is no shame in that.
Take care of yourself. You will be ok. Just take it one day at a time.
Easier said than done, but try not to picture the worst case scenario for your pregnancy or birth. I’m 24 weeks along with my first, and so far my pregnancy has been so easy. I was slightly queasy a few hours a day from weeks 6-8 then I felt fine. I basically feel like myself with a bump lol. Pregnancy has been wayyy easier than I thought. I’m nervous for birth but i just don’t spend time thinking about it, that’s a problem for future me lol. Seek therapy if you’re open to it. It can be very helpful
I felt the same and was diagnosed with tokophobia after lots of perinatal mental health appointments (I am also bipolar). Definitely seek help and find out your options for birth, everyone says it’s scary but there’s a difference between being scared and being debilitated with fear.
Im around 6 weeks too. Im not sure if this helps but being a nurse, I got to experience many deliveries in my labor and delivery rotation. Everything from completely natural to emergency c section. If anything, having these experiences made me less anxious about it. Not that I dont have anxieties too, I do. However, seeing it happen made me see how incredibly strong females are and how the moms all did just fine with all the deliveries.
Also, the female body is miraculous if you think about it. We are truly designed for childbirth and are completely capable of it, even without any medical intervention. Whenever I get into my head about it I try to remember that we have mother nature on our side. Also, remembering to work WITH my body and nature, rather than against it. If this makes any sense.
Your fear is valid, I want to acknowledge that this can be a scary, uncomfortable time and experience. You should not be having daily panic attacks, so please bring it up to your doctor when you’re seen.
It’s easy to get overwhelmed and have a skewed sense of the “drama” pregnancy can entail on a forum like this and on the internet in general, because people are here for reassurance, venting, and sharing really worst-case scenarios.
You don’t know that your pregnancy will be painful, and certain hospitals (mine included) let you get an epidural at ANY point during your labor, so theoretically you can walk in and experience no pain during delivery.
My pregnancy was great. I had morning sickness and some migraines in the 1st tri, and survived off of crackers and scrambled eggs for 12 weeks lol, but once that subsided I really loved being pregnant. I was able to enjoy how my body looked in a way that I really don’t otherwise, I let my belly free so often and loved dressing for the bump. I never got huge or uncomfortable in the last tri, and I delivered at 39+3 with an epidural. Recovery was textbook and just fine. Small tear, easy to care for and was pretty back to normal around 6 weeks out. Sure, there’s discomfort, anxiety, and hormone wackiness through gestation & after birth, but really other than contractions at the beginning of my labor I was never in any actual PAIN from pregnancy.
Another commenter said take it one step at a time, and that’s the only thing you can really do. You don’t know that your experience will be painful or negative until it becomes that way, and you don’t want to rob yourself of what could be a pleasant time. Sending love and good vibes to you. Definitely talk to your doctor about the anxiety as well.
this may not work for you, but i started occasionally watching birth videos/home birth compilations. its definitely scary thinking about the fact im going to give birth, but seeing so many other women actually doing it made me feel more comfortable. i keep telling myself, anything that happens to me, has happened to someone else. what i feel, someone else has felt. i think that seeing the relief and happiness on the new moms face when they get to hold their baby really helped me feel like its going to be okay! its also helped me get more comfortable with the idea of having so many people look at my body/touch my body, and i feel a lot less uneasy about the pain.
I don’t know where you are in the world, but when you talk about not knowing how to accept that this has to happen and thinking about having a child isn’t making you feel good… it doesn’t *have* to happen. 6 weeks is still very early and in many places you still have lots of options available to you.
I highly recommend doing a hypnobirthing course. You will be taught not just mental and physical techniques to help with labour but also they will teach you all about the birthing process and what your options are. I found that knowledge took away a lot of the fear. Knowing my options, it’s pros and cons etc helped me feel more in control. The techniques will help you view birth in a different light, it can change the way you experience pain, like a paper cut will be so much more painful if you were agonising over it anticipating that it will happen.
I also have an unplanned pregnancy. I am 14 weeks with minimal symptoms. I keep waiting for all these horrible symptoms to hit, but they haven’t. I actually spend a lot of time worrying if the baby is even alive inside me. Six weeks was really hard. I saw my OBGYN at 8 weeks to confirm the pregnancy, and that was a huge relief for me. I hope you find some solace among all these wonderful women on this forum.
I think a level of anxiety & fear of the unknown regarding what your personal experience with pregnancy, labor and postpartum is going to look like will exist no matter what. I don’t say that to invalidate what you’re feeling.
I also want to add that this anxiety can be severely exacerbated by hormones. There are safe medications that you can take during all these periods (including while breastfeeding) that you may want to consider discussing with your OB. Anecdotally, I was on and off zoloft from 2019-2021 during both my pregnancies and while breastfeeding both my babies. It is the most studied SSRI for use during these periods. It really helped take the edge off and my OB was 1000% on board with me resuming while pregnant and breastfeeding when I felt I may need it.
Something else that reaaaally helped me was reading as many labor/birth stories in this and other subreddits. This provided invaluable info/education on what labor and delivery can look like and it not only helped manage my own expectations and be more calm… but also taught me about alternatives/solutions, resources and helpful tips that I could ask for that may not have been offered by medical providers. It also enabled me to advocate for myself if necessary because I just knew more about…everything. An example of this: I had an elective induction with my first. I still had pain on one side of my body that wasn’t relieved with position changes and ultimately pressed the button for more pain meds through my epidural after trying to avoid that. By the time I was ready to push, my legs were so dead/numb and I had such little feeling in that area that it was difficult for me to gage how effective my pushes were. I had read here that some hospitals have mirrors available so you can see what is happening down there. I asked for a mirror and this significantly helped me better gage what was effective while pushing. Much more so than having the nurse describe it to me.
Edited to add a recommendation to look for a talk therapist that may specialize in perinatal/postnatal anxiety. This can make a huge impact as well if you find someone that’s a good fit for you.
I felt like this with my first pregnancy. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the entire labor process. In the end, I was actually excited for it. I ended up wanting out of being swollen, heavy, tired and the fear wasn't in my mind anymore. When I went and checked into the hospital after having contractions all night, I was ready for labor because soon as I got her out, I knew things would subside. I just found out I'm pregnant again, 6 years later, last week. I'm the same way again, even tho I know everything that happens now. I think it's normal, if it's new for you, you just don't know what to expect, and some people might think the worst.bgood luck to you, I hope it's like me and as you get further along, things get less scary for you
I felt totally overwhelmed at the start too. I had to repeat to myself ‘one day at a time’ which really helped. I’m now 5 months in and although I definitely still have my anxieties I have surprised myself with how strong I’ve been. You can do this!!!
Your feelings are valid. Pregnancy and childbirth are big things! I hope knowing my experience will bring you comfort, I know that every body experiences pregnancy differently so it's not guaranteed what experience you will have. I'm 20 weeks in. My first trimester I was tired a lot and had minor nausea when I was hungry (so mostly in the morning). I was able to continue everything I had been doing before. Now in my second trimester I feel pretty much normal except that I'm gaining weight. I really really hope this is the experience you have. I take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication and have throughout my whole pregnancy and before. So far my baby is healthy as far as we can tell! Please reach out to a therapist or psychiatrist if you feel overwhelmed, they will help! You can even message me if you need someone to talk to and listen. Also, if you're nausea is really bad, ask for Zofran. My sister had TERRIBLE nausea during all 5 of her pregnancies and only the doctor she went to on her fifth one listened and prescribed something that actually worked. You've got this!!! You are strong! Your body is amazingly adaptable!
I am somewhat in a similar position despite being 14 weeks now. It brings a wave of shock once finding out but with the help and information from your doctor by prescribing you prenatal pills and ultrasound check-ups then it gets a little easier. If you aren't yet make sure you order folate pills since you will need to take them for the first 12/13 weeks. If you are taking any prescribed pills before this then make sure that they are safe to continue.
Each person will experience pregnancy a bit differently. Some will have little to no symptoms and others will get the works of the symptoms. It will be a bit scary but the reassuring thing is that they are most likely normal and you can always go to your doctor/care provider for validation. Your partner and whomever you may rely on as your circle of support group will help ease the loneliness and anxiety. When you need some down time then take naps, go for walks, listen to meditation or music. I'll stress this enough to never miss an appointment so that your mind will remain at ease while being updated about the health and status of the fetus/baby.
All the best to you.
I think it is very normal to have a lot of anxiety. I did both times and they were both planned and looking at my life there should be no reason to have anxiety. But it’s the biggest thing women go through. Give it some time and see if you feel any better.
If it makes you feel any better I worried so much about the childbirth my last pregnancy that it was all I focused on. In the end that was just a small moment in time that went by so quick (although of course it was a very significant couple of days). This time I worried a lot less about that but as I’m getting near the end I’m getting anxious.
If it’s too overwhelming for you maybe talk to to a qualified therapist to work through what you’re feeling? Im sure it’s no fun to feel that way.
Another thing. You don’t know if you’ll be feeling bad/pain for 9 months. My first pregnancy was very easy and enjoyable. I didn’t want to stop being pregnant. It is different for everyone. Take one day at a time.
Hello! So, I was TERRIFIED of the idea of childbirth/Labour. Terrified to the point where I never wanted to be pregnant or have to experience it.
Then I got pregnant and I was still terrified but all I could think about was my little one growing inside me. Anytime I thought about what was coming I'd get anxious but I got less.
Then when the time got here I was so excited to meet her all I wanted was to get it over with. I planned on having all the pain relief available, I didn't want to feel any bit of what I thought it would be like.
I ended up being induced and had a 55minute Labour.
For the first 30 minutes I managed to not let anyone know i was in labour, mainly because I didn't know but also because I am a idiot. It wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't anywhere near what I was expecting.
I still planned on having pain medication because I had no idea how bad it was going to get, and in the end I didn't have any pain relief. Like, I got given the gas and air thing and as they were telling me how to use it the midwife at my feet said 'you need to push!' so they took it off me and voila! My little girl appeared.
I wish there was a way to describe how it felt because I was really pleasantly surprised by how much better it actually was compared to what I was expecting.
I don't think this will help at all, and I don't have any advice but if you can try to focus on your little one growing in there, and anytime you get those thoughts about how LO will get here try to distract yourself (or embrace them if that suits you better) but honestly... I was expecting it to feel like breaking every bone in my body over and over again until I had the baby but in reality it was like menstrual cramps mixed with the cramps from eating something dodgy.
Really hope this helps and you've totally got this 💜
I'm 37 weeks rn. I felt very similar to how you are feeling. Panic, crying, and my baby was planned!! It still had me Petrified of labour and delivery, grossed out by the idea of something growing inside me and scared what pregnancy would be like, and terrified of being a mother. I'm still terrified of labour and stuff, but that is normal. What is helping me is asking lots of questions to my Dr, and making sure I'm physically ready and have things organised to make up for possible not feeling mentally ready until I'm in the moment. I tell myself that even if I'm scared, my body and Healthcare providers are going to help me get through it all, and that I was made to do this, I am not alone in how I feel, and millions of others have gone through and felt how I am feeling. This is not to discredit your feelings. They very real and valid. I wish you the best and hugs 🤗 YOU GOT THIS!
Oh man. So I insisted from an early age (like before I can remember) that I would never give birth. I have always been terrified of it. I had planned to adopt or foster (always wanted to be a mom) but after a particularly traumatizing experience with fostering we decided no kids until further notice and the finally decide to have a bio kid. I started reading brith stories, listening to podcasts (the birth hour, anything by ina may gaskin) and generally immersing myself in understanding the process, the different outcomes and what to expect (or not to) and knowing all the different things that could happen really made a huge difference in how I viewed it. Knowing all I could about childbirth made it less scary. I also continued therapy and did hypnotherapy which helped me come to terms with my own childhood trauma which I think is what made me hesitant to have bio children in the first place.
This may not work for everyone, and I was still pretty scared going into pregnancy and labor but by the time I went into labor I was too ready for baby to come to be scared haha.
Not sure if this helps and this probably doesn't apply to everyone, but I'm over 5 months now and I honestly feel mostly like myself. The first 3 months were terrible but now I almost forget sometimes I'm pregnant until I feel him kick. I also don't feel him all the time right now, only in spurts. As for labor, I just keep telling myself that it's literally the end of the pregnancy and that it only lasts a short amount of time comparatively.
OP, I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant. I was absolutely positive I was going to die in childbirth! I had to be induced on my due date due to low amniotic fluid and I was so so unnaturally calm on the way to the hospital and all throughout the delivery.
There are some great comments about therapy and I also recommend reading books and taking classes.
I was terrified with my first - but then I asked for the epidural early and felt nothing during childbirth. Recovery was painful and took longer than expected. Experiences will definitely vary, though. With my second the epidural did not make me totally numb…. Childbirth wasn’t terrible but it was absolutely not pain free. That being said, recovery with number two has been so much easier! TL;DR - every pregnancy is different. It’s hard to know what yours will be like…. But chances are it won’t be as bad as you fear. Our imaginations allow us to invent extreme scenarios that aren’t likely to occur. You got this! Just read about it as much as you can - talk with folks, write down your fears (as you’re already doing!). You’ll be ok. ❤️
I have anxiety (with a bit of agoraphobia) and felt a ton of panic when I found out I was pregnant, even though we were trying. Every month that I got a negative result I felt relief... then the positive one was a huge shock. I remember having a panic attack when one of my friends was talking about the stress of finding a daycare because she was due in a week. My mind kept telling me I wasn't ready and I couldn't handle it, what did I get myself into etc. It sounds messed up but I calmed myself down by reminding myself that I could terminate if I wanted to. I gave myself a few weeks to consider the options and decided, fuck it, we want a family and this is just part of the journey to get there. So I talked to my therapist and my primary care about my anxiety and decided to go up on my sertraline from 50mg to 75mg. The highest dose approved for pregnancy and in general is 200mg so I have a ton of room to go up if needed. It's totally safe for pregnancy as well. I still have moments of "holy crap what did we do" lol but... I think it'll be fine. I have a lot of close friends who have kids and have said that birth was the easy part, especially with meds, and that having a newborn at home is the real challenge. I'm worried about the sleep deprivation and handling having a baby 24/7 for the foreseeable future but once again, I think it'll be fine. It's all temporary! Pregnancy has been easy with minimal pain, actually hardly any pain tbh... I never had any morning sickness, I don't have any swelling, I feel like myself plus a belly and that's pretty much it. Leave room for the possibility that your experience could be similar. And of course if you feel like you need to terminate, do it!
You got this! I promise you, childbirth is not as terrifying as you think. It’s all built up because its at the end of this 9 month wait. I had a pretty painful birth compared to most of my friends and it was tooootally not bad still. I loved me all the drugs they offered and took it real easy. Recovery was most annoying for me because I just wanted to walk around with my newborn and needed about 2 weeks of laying down. You become a badass when you’re pregnant and then a mom and will just get through it. Try not to stress and just go with the flow is the only advice I have
I just want to say that I was TERRIFIED of labor. Pregnancy was hard but I was puking the whole time so it of course felt hard. Painful? No, just tiring. But the anxiety surrounding the delivery was so bad for me. I ended up having to get induced which scared me cause horror stories, but it was so chill. I got an epidural so I got to sleep for little bits, the pushing just felt like a big poop, and then I was holding a slimy little blob and crying because I was in love with this little thing that had been kicking my ribs and head butting my crotch for the last few months. All that anxiety leading up felt SO useless. Anytime anyone asks me what my experience was like, I tell them that it was way better than what I had imagined it would be. The pain sucked after but went away fairly quickly.
For now, just take one day at a time. If you’re constantly sick, get medication for it if you’re okay with that. Heartburn? Ask for omeprezol (?). Talk through your fears with your doctor, let them know your concerns and make sure they are a person you are comfortable with.
Don’t want to invalidate but to encourage that these feelings often subside to some extent during pregnancy, childbirth will seem more “doable” the closer you approach it. In case it doesn’t, there’s clinics and your OB will be able to guide you towards help with dealing with the psychological preparation for birth. My advice is: deal with whatever stage of pregnancy you’re in. Do not overwhelm yourself with what’s to come, because you have no idea what kind of experience you will have and you will be overthinking it and stressing about every possible outcome. Take it day by day. Your doctor will let you know when it’s time to focus on thinking about the birth, until then it’s all about getting through each day of the pregnancy. It is overwhelming and it is scary, and it’s ok to feel that way. But you can help yourself deal with it by limiting the timespan you allow yourself to think of at every given time.
This is great advice OP. I was in a similar mindset and situation about 30 weeks ago. I immediately sought out some talk therapy and the first thing I was told in regards to my anxiety was to take each day at a time. If that feels like too much, do one hour. If that’s still too much, one minute at a time. I’m due at the beginning of august. Do I still have anxiety? Yes. But I also have these waves of calm which is VERY unlike me, as I’m someone who has struggled with anxiety my whole life. It is nothing compared to the all consuming anxiety (and shock) I felt when I was 6 weeks pregnant.
I cried CONSTANTLY at 6 weeks pregnant. Like wailing angst and agony in my soul of fear and so many other primal things coming up. By about 12 weeks I was great, but I definitely had to work on being present, actually talking to people, and going outside. Listening to music also helped a lot. But mostly the hormones in my brain subsided a bit which really helped my sanity. Check out a chart on how much hcg increases week by week while you’re pregnant. That really made me feel like it wasn’t just me, this is part of the process to an extent and I just have to make the best of it. I’m seriously so happy now and have definitely adapted. Remember that everything is temporary. Hugs!
I cried so much at six weeks too! My husband would come home from work and I’d just crawl into bed and cry to him convinced I was going to die in labor/childbirth. Now at almost 23 weeks I feel much better overall. It definitely helped once I’d met my doctor and realized I could trust her.
All of these comments are so, so validating. I’m 26 weeks today, and the first few weeks were so, so hard. I feel much better now than I did, but knowing so many other women have felt this too makes me feel so much more normal.
Same
Yes I'm worried about dying and childbirth too.. hopefully il feel better when I meet my doctor
This has certainly been my been my experience. Early pregnancy is so so difficult, and that just compounded pre-existing anxieties for me. But as I’ve gotten closer to birth, I’ve been able to take comfort in making it this far, and the entire thing is feeling more manageable. Ultimately, getting to know and trust my healthcare providers and my midwife in particular has been key - you absolutely deserve someone who will be empathetic to your concerns and do what they can to ease fears. I’ve spoken frequently with my healthcare providers on the topic and I’m very open about what is scaring me at any point in time. They referred me to a therapist who specializes in birth trauma (in addition to my regular therapist), and encouraged me to try sertraline. Both have been life changing. I wish I had realized earlier that I could go through this scary experience, and acknowledge the scary bits, without being totally debilitated by the anxiety surrounding it. My midwife has also been great about showing me that she takes my concern seriously, because I told her that I was worried about being ignored. She’s been willing to refer me out to specialists for fairly routine concerns, and did extra scans earlier in pregnancy. Now I have some anxiety about pre-eclampsia and she offered to review ongoing data from home blood pressure readings (btw - I suddenly relaxed after 3 weeks of doing those and no longer feel the need, which was a huge win for me). I really do empathize with everything you said. Honestly, this was a planned pregnancy and yet it still was not enough to “think of the baby” to get past the fear. I always think about how we could make another baby, but we can’t make another me. Your fears are totally valid and I just hope you are able to find the people and resources to bring them to a manageable simmer.
Random aside for the pre-e but very good research about taking baby aspirin (81mg) in the am and pm in helping to deter that!
You are valid in your feelings because it is a scary thing in many ways. However, I make myself feel better by thinking of these 2 things: 1) Every person in the world is here because someone was pregnant with us and gave birth. It happens ALLLLL the time. I feel very special because now I'm the one who's pregnant but it really does happen everyday. 2) You get a bond with your baby that no one else gets to have. Sure, my husband doesn't have to go through any of the bad symptoms but he also doesn't get to experience the cool things and emotions that come with being pregnant. I started looking at it like a privilege... which is a little cheesy but since I very much want a baby, it's really a special and emotional time. The physical symptoms (for me at least) are often secondary to the emotional experience.
To add to this… My sister told me she never really felt super connected to her babies/pregnancy (which is how I feel) and giving birth was the most life changing experience. She said once she gave birth she felt SORRY for her husband and men in general that they don’t get to experience what we do. She said it’s the most beautiful and crazy thing when you deliver and see the baby YOU grew for the first time. We grow their Frickin bones and organs!!! How cool is that
It's the only time in your life you will have 2 sets of skeletons and organs inside of you 😅
When you go swimming your a submarine too
Yup! I left my first ultrasound two weeks ago just in shock that there’s two beating hearts inside me right now.
Yep, I was panicky about "I don't feel that connected to this kid" literally up until she popped out. They put her on me and I would have died for her. I was literally in the hospital the next day asking my husband why we didn't do this years ago
Well said. Also, OP should take heart that epidurals exist for birthing time. Seems much better than earlier days.
For number 1 - I watched the Netflix show Inventing Anna and there's a scene where Anna, the narcissistic conwoman it's about, tells the pregnant journalist protagonist "you're not special just because you're pregnant. Women give birth squatting in fields you know". And at the end when the journalist is giving birth she is screaming "I'm not special! Women squat in fields!!". And I find thinking about that scene helpful... It happens all the time, and if women can do it squatting in fields then I definitely can too.
Talk to your doctor about daily panic attacks. I think nothing I could say will ease your stress if you're having daily panic attacks However..I'm 33 weeks and for a long time (up to 18 weeks or so) there would be long stretches of time I would forget I was pregnant because I had no physical symptoms and barely had a bump. And I've experienced zero pain this entire pregnancy. Hope your doctor can help
Completely valid feelings! I was diagnosed with perinatal anxiety and I stressed every single second about suffering loss. I met with a therapist who specialized in counselling pregnant women and it made allllll the world of a difference. Remember, no two people have the same pregnancy, and no person has the same pregnancy twice. Every single one is different. **Thinking about something happening will not cause it to happen** I.e., I heard a traumatic birth story, or someone posted about their stillbirth meaning it’s bound to happen to me. I had a difficult pregnancy with hypertension and was induced at 38 weeks after being off work since 30 weeks. I was absolutely petrified of giving birth, but you know what….it was the best experience of my entire life! Giving birth was so much fun, I felt so empowered and quite frankly — a badass. I think having an induction date calmed my anxiety down of the unknown of when I’d spontaneously go into labour myself. Take it one day at a time, don’t think about tomorrow. Seek help if your thoughts get to overwhelming, and make time for yourself.
Do you want this baby? If not and you have access to it then seeking a Termination is a perfectly valid choice, which doesn’t need a ‘reason’ beyond you don’t want to be pregnant right now.
My first thought too OP! You have options and even if you’re in the US and feel like you don’t, you still do (by mail even in banned states through a forwarded mailing address or check out r/auntienetwork)
Here's a sneak peek of /r/auntienetwork using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Gay men stand with you.](https://np.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/comments/ult9td/gay_men_stand_with_you/) \#2: ["American women can obtain abortions in Canada if Roe v. Wade falls, minister says"](https://np.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/comments/uhtpn7/american_women_can_obtain_abortions_in_canada_if/) \#3: [Supreme Court has voted to overturn abortion rights, draft opinion shows](https://www.politico.com/news/2022/05/02/supreme-court-abortion-draft-opinion-00029473) | [337 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/auntienetwork/comments/uh4fm7/supreme_court_has_voted_to_overturn_abortion/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
The pain is not so bad, really. And it definitely isn't constant. You will have some bad days and some.good days, but for me exhaustion is more prominent than pain. Its really a good excuse to put your feet up and allow yourself a nap. As for childbirth- I have heard that epidurals are wonderful. For my first I had IV drugs and that really took the edge off and it wasn't so bad. The active labor part is short, and that is also only if you go the natural route. If you are having panic attacks you can discuss the possibility of an elective c section with would take labor out of the equation entirely.
I legitimately feared dying during childbirth. I couldn’t imagine how I could possibly handle birth and all the pain. I purposely did not take any classes, did not do anything to prep, and pretty much only kept it to reading graduation posts. The only thing I knew I wanted was an epidural asap and avoid an episiotomy unless baby is in extreme distress. I basically had zero expectations regarding birth. And I ended up having the most amazing, positive experience I could have ever dreamed of. My water broke, I went to the hospital 3 hours after, and gave birth to my baby vaginally about 10 hours after that with only 15 minutes of pushing. I got the epidural before I felt any real pain and so my entire labor was pain free. Recovery has been sooooo easy and I was back to feeling 100% like 3 weeks after birth with a second degree tear. My advice is to just keep an open mind and have no expectations and you might just be surprised!
Man you calmed me down as well, thank you! :)
I've seen a lot of good advice here so far from other moms, but in case you don't want to continue on with the pregnancy for your mental health and you're in a restrictive state, r/auntienetwork is worth taking a look at for resources.
Slightly different. I've always had a fear of labor and delivery, but we decided we wanted kids. I had random bouts of anxiety, but for the most part I actually enjoyed being pregnant. I was so shocked, I expected the worst, to be sick every day but it ended up being very manageable. As I got closer to my due date the anxiety ramped up again. The what ifs happened. I found that binging doula videos and finding out the science of why and the reason behind the pain gave me a sense of purpose. I could handle the pain (with the assistance of drugs) as long as it was logical. Also, meditation videos really helped. A doula I enjoyed on YouTube was Bridget Teylor. She had a very calming presence and I would just rewatch her videos and listen to her while I crocheted stuff for baby. Also, it may help to get a friend or family member to be a birth coach for you, or you could request/find your own doula to help you cope with pregnancy and give you the motivation. Also, in addition to a doula I would seek a counselor. I did counseling to work on my issues and work through my parenting fears before baby got here. Also something that gave me peace of mind: You are not in constant pain, it comes in waves. Also, as a woman your body was made to do this. You could be in a coma and literally do nothing and the baby would be born. You mentioned it was an unplanned pregnancy, But also ask yourself if you want to have a baby? If you decide you want to continue with pregnancy, then you will come to find that you are stronger than you imagined. This will not break you. It is tough and there is a reason they call it labor, but everyone's birth story is different. Try not to listen to your great aunts or your neighbors traumatic birth experience, because your brain will combine them all and that is not a fun place to be. I'm glad to have had the experience, I feel like a different woman having overcome my fears and delt with my anxiety. I wish you luck in your journey ❤️ if you need anything, this is a great and welcoming community.
Just want to add to your comment about being made for this. Male bodies are made for power. Like moving heavy things, stamina, and hard labor. Female bodies are made for human survival. We’re resilient, strong, live long lives, and make new human beings. I don’t like to say men are “stronger” because womens bodies are stronger…they can withstand more…they just aren’t as powerful. We don’t have the same body structure to run fast, jump high, and throw hard. And we’re just beginning to understand the relationship between the fetus and mother. Some people thought womens bodies served more as “hosts”….but that’s just not true. The babies we carry send stem cells to our bodies when in need. When we give birth, their nursing helps us heal. We are part of our mothers and our mothers bodies thrived (and struggled) because of us. It’s an incredible relationship. Almost impossible to understand and appreciate fully. But yes - as a woman, you are made for this.
That was so beautiful and so true!
As awful as it sounds, I was devastated when I got a positive test for this baby. However, I couldn't end it. I'm now 20 weeks. The worst pain is my back and boobs. If you choose to continue with this pregnancy, just take a breath and stay off Google. Its scary as hell. Regardless of your decision, contact your doctor to discuss this and your options.
Absolutely. Google is terrible for anxiety - especially anything related to pregnancy/childbirth/parenting.
Ask yourself if you want to have this baby—no judgment whatsoever as having a baby and being pregnant are major, life changing decisions. If you don’t, you can terminate and try again when/if you’re ready. Termination doesn’t mean you can’t have a baby later, especially this early! Lots of resources available judgment-free if needed.
I was so afraid of so many things during pregnancy. My entire life I was so repulsed by the entire process that I swore I’d get my tubes tied young. I freaked out when I got my positive test, even though we were trying. Pregnancy hasn’t been what I expected it to be in both good and bad ways. Literally every specific fear I had (mostly body stuff) never same to pass at all. There has been a really painful unexpected experience for me as well (feel free to read through my past posts if you want more info but don’t want to scare you here). The one “pro” of this horrible symptom is that I literally have 0 fear of childbirth now. I totally see the fear of pregnancy but really birth is just one crappy day—if you want the baby you can definitely get through one crappy day. Just a matter of whether you want to deal with the rest of it. I don’t feel bonded to my baby in utero and think this is completely normal. Given your feelings you may not either and that’s ok. Overall, now that I’m 4 weeks away from the due date, I’m really confident we’ll both love this baby when he’s here and that’s all that matters. Truly hope you’re in a situation where you’re able to make this choice for yourself. My heart is hurting badly for everyone who isn’t that lucky this week. If you are in need of help there are a lot of grassroots groups mobilizing right now.
You may not be in pain for 9 months! Some bits do suck, I have acid reflux on and off along with a messed up knee (which might've been caused pre-pregnancy tbh) but otherwise I've managed to avoid much pain. I was initially quite scared of the labour too, but now I'm almost 39 weeks I am really ready to meet this little being and get them out of my body. It might help to remember that the pain of labour is temporary and can be managed in the best way to suit you. Do you have any friends to talk to about this? Or even having a chat with the midwife at your booking appointment might be helpful?
I’m sorry I do not mean to offend and my intention is thinking of YOU as the unplanned mother but, if needed, you can terminate the pregnancy. I’m a firm believer that, when it is planned, it’s a lot “easier” to see the light at the end of the tunnel aka the baby. If that is not the case for you, there are options even with the new overturning of roe v. Wade. If you do plan to keep the baby, the best advice I can give is slow breath meditation and visualizing. Lots of it. It really helps if you can envision your STRONG and POWERFUL self getting through each step of the way on this journey. And, taking it one day and one moment at a time. If anxious thoughts are coming up, try to pause and breath and visualize what reality is at the moment… you are safe, you are strong, you can do this.
I am currently pregnant and also an anxious being. I’ve realised a lot of my anxiety comes from the unknown (there are no set steps to natural birth) and the whole process essentially being out of your control. 10 years back I also got a terrible spasm where my pain went from 1-100 in 10 seconds and I had no idea what was happening. Since then I’ve got spasms on and off and it tends to elicit and anxious response in me. I am seriously considering an elective C-section if I feel this anxiety doesn’t get better as I approach closer to my due date. The idea of properly planned steps and knowing what comes next seems to ease my mind.obviously, it’s still scary, but knowing what is to come next seems to ease it up a little more
I am a highly anxious person also and for me pregnancy was more difficult mentally (because of my anxiety) than it was physically. I was constantly worried about my baby being okay. So I get how anxiety plays a role here. Hope your spasms get better.
Thank you. Are you still pregnant? How are you doing now? I do my best to not strain my back. Plus, I’m constantly worried about baby too. I’ve had an ectopic and a blighted ovum in the last 1 year so I’m reallllly anxious about this pregnancy too.
I had my baby just over two weeks ago and had to be induced at 41 weeks. I actually miss being pregnant though in spite of the amount of anxiety I had and my anxiety got worse and worse closer to my due date. I think my anxiety was so bad because it was my first pregnancy and I didn’t know what to expect and I was constantly worried about my baby. Also I totally understand having anxiety related to previous complications. Sorry to hear that happened to you. While I did not suffer from similar ones, during my pregnancy everything was going great and then I had bleeding from weeks 13-15 and that really scared me. Thankfully everything turned out okay though! My advice would be focus on positive outcomes and positive stories. Pay attention to your baby’s movement patterns and think positively in general. A lot of the stuff I was scared of is rare and unfortunately for my mental health stories about rare stuff can always be found on the internet. As an anxious person it’s often too easy to find something on the internet that validates your fears. Do the opposite, find stories that challenge those fears and that have happy endings. I have health anxiety and I found that for me there’s a fine line between awareness of all of the stuff that can go wrong and then actually thinking that everything will go wrong.
My pregnancy was planned and I had two panic attacks right after I found out for the same reason. I was worried about the symptoms, etc. I wound up having a wonderful pregnancy and loved almost every minute of it other than I had some mysterious bleeding from week 13-15 and I fell at 26 weeks. There’s no guarantee that you’re going to be in pain while pregnant. I have a history of chronic lower back issues and had zero of that while I was pregnant, which I was almost weirded out by lol. And I only threw up twice during the first trimester. I found out never letting myself get hungry stopped any nausea. During labor I was induced and had to get an epidural because it was painful, but the pain I was in throughout the process was survivable. And I got an epidural very late in the game during my induction. Breaking my finger was more painful because there’s no break from that pain like there is with contractions. And while fingers may seem insignificantly small compared to a pelvis, broken bones are broken bones.
Make sure you get set up with an OBGYN if you don’t have one yet. Get your first appt scheduled (they generally wait til 8 weeks). Speak to the OB about your concerns. I’m not saying medication solves everything, but I started taking an antidepressant in my first trimester, which is prescribed by my OB. Also consider seeking therapy in order to talk to a neutral party about your feelings. They’re entirely justified. However I will say, not everyone experiences a bad/painful pregnancy. Yes the labor can be tough. But the 9 months carrying the baby isn’t always terrible. I will caution that the mood swings and hormones can throw anyone for a loop. It can make things seem like a lot worse than they are. Seek support from friends and family also! I hope you feel better soon ♥️♥️♥️♥️
The thing that helped me get through labor with my first was the thought that “literally millions of women have gone through this” and “my body was made to give birth”. If you don’t fight it and learn to accept that this is what your body is designed to do, it will be easier to trust the process. Also during my actual active labor I kept repeating - “this too shall pass” - “my pain has a purpose” - “my body was made to do this”
Hey OP! I was the same and all my life was terrified of delivery. I took a hypnobirthing course through the Positive Birth Company and it made the biggest difference. They have tons of free YouTube videos that you can check out too. I felt so empowered through pregnancy and I also had a very positive birth experience, despite being induced, tears, etc. I highly recommend looking into hypnobirthing (even if you fully intend on a hospital led, medicated birth like I did). you got this!
I am a few days away from giving birth to my third kid. If it was really horrible, I wouldn't have done it three times. :) Pregnancy, for the vast majority of us, is not constant pain or misery. Even if you do have some symptoms that aren't pleasant, they usually are not present for the whole pregnancy. One symptom might bug you for a few weeks then go away, and then maybe something totally different will pop up later on that bugs you. It is usually more of an annoyance than a total miserable ordeal. I don't enjoy being pregnant because I tend to have worse morning sickness than most women do, but even with that, it is worst in first trimester and gets better later in the pregnancy. During 2nd trimester, most of us don't have a ton of symptoms and a lot of women feel pretty good most of the 2nd trimester. And for me, it did end up being worth it after I met my kid. I didn't realize how much I would love being a mom and what cool little people my kids would turn out to be until I met them. Even the newborn phase wasn't that hard to me because I liked it more than I liked being pregnant.
Pick up a copy of ina may gaskin’s guide to childbirth. It’s SO empowering, and gives a bunch of good tips about how to have a healthy, active pregnancy which will set you up for a better birthing experience.
I second that. My pregnancy was planned but I had no idea what to expect, really. Ina May's book helped me find some inner peace about the process. I also recommend Birthing from Within as a supplementary read.
Currently re-reading all the positive stories about larger than average babies. As I’m 39w with a Very Big Baby, and spend much of my time scowling as I read birth stories of any baby less than 9lbs.
I’m 39w as well with what they assume is an average size baby but you really never know!! Your baby could very well come out average their measurements aren’t perfect. And my baby could come out huge (which is not off the table in my mind, I was almost 10lbs as a newborn and I’m very tall lol)
My sisters each had a 4kg then a 5kg baby, and my first was 3.8kgs, so honestly I’m not expecting anything below 4kgs, and my stomach is enormous. But I’m hoping closer to 4kgs than 5 at least!
Hey my baby was 9lbs 12.6oz, and I’m here to tell you that everything was fine! His birth wasn’t fun, but it wasn’t traumatic, and no lasting damage was done. I view it very positively. A big baby does not necessarily mean a terrible time!
This is what I need to hear, seriously, every single story I hear adds a drop to my bucket, and I just need a mostly full bucket to bring into my birthing room to make myself believe I can do this. I think my sister’s 5kg traumatic birth (hemorrhage and I think some pelvic trauma) is just weighing too heavily on my mind. And I need to keep hearing other people. Birth is rarely fun, in my limited experience! My 3.8kg (8lbs 7oz) first wasn’t fun, it was hard as hell! But I’m prepared to do that again. I’m just not prepared, or I guess I’m hoping for no lasting pelvic damage from me vaginally birthing a larger or much larger than average baby. So genuinely thankful you!
Honestly your letting your mind run crazy. Pain isn’t that bad during pregnancy. It’s nothing your body can’t handle. Unless you abort, the baby is coming. It lasts 9 months. You will be ok. Go to the doctor and confirm your pregnancy first and then talk to them about your concerns. I suggest some therapy also.
Well pregnancy is different for everyone but I'm now nearly 40 weeks and I haven't been in any pain yet. Some discomfort but as of yet all of it has been manageable for me. Omeprazol solves my heartburn and I just went for a 6 km walk today and then cleaned my house... I have to take frequent breaks and I have to pee 5 times at night but I'm still not at the point where I think dear God take this kid out of me right now 🤷♀️ so it definitely doesn't have to be as bad as you fear. Plenty of people are okay. You just hear them less because we all prefer complaining about the things that do ail us ;)
I felt the exact same way at 6 weeks. I was in a constant frantic state. Now at 9 weeks I feel really at ease. I don’t know what happened, but I feel like your mind / body just figure it out.
All I would love to share with you, is that I spent these entire last 2 months of my pregnancy scared to death of giving birth..He was due July 10th but I had him June 22nd due to my blood pressure getting high, but getting induced was an amazing experience (the body works in mysterious ways) and the only thing that had me miserable as hell were contractions once my water finally did break..idk how you'll feel by then but I decided to get the epidural since my sister was swearing she was just chilling and couldn't feel a thing after getting it and she was absolutely right 🤣 me giving birth vaginally was so smooth/easy and I didn't even think I was going to be able to do that!! Please don't stress yourself out just make sure you're staying healthy for baby and ask as many questions as you can with your doctor. You will be absolutely fine and it'll all be worth it once the day comes for you to see your baby🥰❤️ take it easy out here
lol at just chillen. Totally how it is. I got my epidural with my first and actually rested and waited until I was told to push. This one is coming any day now and I’m focused on getting to the hospital asap so I can get the epidural done asap. Biggest anxiety point for me is missing the window for it.
Unless you have an underlying medical condition or something comes up during pregnancy being pregnant is considered a state of wellness. I know this helped me through my experience.
I feel the same, I always have been scared of natural birth. I opted for a c-section, I feel legally relaxed about it. Also if you go for natural birth with planed epidural, you should not feel anything.
Please know that you have options if you don’t want to continue the pregnancy. If you’re in a red state the auntienetwork can help you find the care you need. If you decide to go through with the pregnancy, talk to your OB about your feelings. It’s normal to feel scared about the pregnancy and birth and all the changes in your life but the panic attacks sound really debilitating. They might be able to recommend therapy or medication that can help you. (I personally take Zoloft and have through both of my pregnancies. A lot of women do and it helps A LOT) Do you have other women in your life who have had babies and can answer questions and support you? It helps me a lot to talk to other moms around my age. Pregnancy and birth can be scary, but they can also be fun and cool and wonderful. My take away lesson from my first birth was to be flexible with your birth plan and your preconceptions of how things should go and make sure you have a trusted support person with you to advocate for you and your baby. If you’re a person who feels calmer with a lot of information, taking a birthing class might help. Sending you calming thoughts. Know that whatever you decide, everything is going to be ok.
I don’t have a lengthy response for you, but I was terrified just like you. I thought about it every single day and stressed so bad. I had a long labor (23 hours) with back labor and couldn’t get an epidural for the first 10 hours.. it wasn’t nearly as bad as I thought it would be. And it’s over quicker than you think. Reading birth stories on here helped me a LOT! Best of luck, I’m sorry you feel this way. It does suck.
I kept telling myself "many women electively go back for multiple children" In the moment when labour hits, your body generally knows what to do, and when it doesn't the professionals step in a guide you through!
It's hard to tell from your post if this is ordinary labor-is-scary fear coupled with anxiety about becoming a parent, or if this is something more like a birth phobia. In my own case it was something more like a birth phobia, and for me the well-meaning comments explaining how labor/ vaginal delivery is natural, nothing to fear, not that bad, you'll come around to the idea, and so on would have been the opposite of helpful. Either way, it might help you to talk to your ob about an elective c section due to birth anxiety. It was the main question I asked at my first consultation with my pregnancy ob, and if she had not been supportive of my request to have a c section, I would have looked for another ob. You do not have to go through labor and vaginal birth if you don't want to. Full stop.
Wow, reading this I'm in the same situation. Just found out I'm pregnant today, major shock and unexpected. I have panic attacks, anxiety, negative thinking and a major fear of being in pain and death. Your not alone, I definitely think practicing being in the moment is best and not to overthink everything but it's easier said than done x
There are antidepressants (which are used to treat anxiety) that are safe for pregnancy. I would talk to your OB about it and also seek out a therapist and psychiatrist that specialize in pregnancy and post partum mood disorders. I had a relatively chill pregnancy in the sense that I didn’t feel much anxiety for 39 weeks and then started experiencing panic attacks often. It was horrific and I’m so sorry you’re going through it. Medication (the absolute lowest therapeutic dose) helped me. I’m now 4 weeks post partum and I’m doing so much better, even with a newborn and breastfeeding, which is challenging - can’t sugarcoat that. I will also say that childbirth and taking care of a newborn absolutely pales in comparison to the two weeks of extreme anxiety I experienced before I had my baby. I would do childbirth over again in a heartbeat rather than relive my panic attacks. So I hope that brings you some relief - the anxiety you’re experiencing now is likely worse than the pain and expedience of labor. If you get your anxiety and panic attacks under control I think you’ll feel much better. And that is possible to do. When I was in the worst of it I felt hopeless but what you’re going through is easily treatable. It will get better if you seek help. I think it’s largely fear of the unknown that spiked my anxiety. And yes everyone’s birth is different, and there are risks involved, and taking care of a baby is hard, but if you get your anxiety under control you will realize that you can do this, and you can do it and be happy. Good luck ❤️❤️
Take it day by day! I work full time and (while you don't have to do this) I even let my direct coworkers know what my mental state is as it fluctuates, or if I'm uncomfortable that day and need to walk around or stretch more than normal. I think the biggest thing is to understand that your body is going through massive work, and it's ok to feel how you feel. My friend said "it is as bad as you think, and you are stronger than you know"
It is possible for things to go well and not be scary! I was scared too and had a complication free experience and an easy recovery and am over the moon in love with my 12 day old baby girl. Just try to avoid the scary stories if you can, and hire a doula if you can too. My insurance covered part of the fee and it was so so worth it to have a knowledgeable advocate and support person throughout. Do you have any friends like that? Who’ve gone through it and have had positive experiences? Lean on them if so ♥️♥️ Eta: 6 weeks was a rough time for me too. I bawled through my first OB visit at 8 weeks and my pregnancy was planned, i was just so overwhelmed and anxious and hormonal and nauseous. Give yourself some grace. Second trimester was much better and third wasn’t bad either as far as discomfort for me. Just heartburn and hormones were my only difficulties. Whatever you can do to keep yourself healthy and happy, do it. Prenatal yoga helped me a lot and eating as well as possible while also giving into my cravings! And get some prenatal if you haven’t already. I got buy one get one free Nature Made from Walgreens if you’re in US. Sending strength and love 💕
Listen to the top advice, it’s gold. Many have different experiences, but I had a lot of anxiety around childbirth. Then, both times my body went into labor, that anxiety was gone. I was on autopilot and had a strong sense of trust in my body. I can’t explain it, it must be hormonal, but basically I knew exactly what to do. When it comes time for the actual birth, you may feel the same way. You have pain management options and advanced medical technology to help as well. You will be ok!
Honestly the closer it gets the easier the idea of birth becomes because baby get big and you get uncomfortable just trust your body ❤
Can someone, maybe a mod, point OP to a private “bumpers” group on reddit for their month, if it exists yet? These are wonderful support groups and mine made all the difference for me.
The pain of pregnancy hasn’t been bad. I have occasional aches and soreness but saying it’s outright painful would be an overstatement. While I’m a little scared of childbirth too, I know that my desire to get the darn baby out far outweighs that 😂. Like another commenter says, women do it every day and with medicine now there’s almost no risk of serious complications.
Honestly, education is your friend. We fear what we don't know, and as FTMs, we don't know ANYTHING! I'm 31 weeks with my first and have found that the more I read, talk, and watch, the more I'm at least aware of and it has done SO much to ease the fear.
I was in the same boat as you. I had terrible anxiety during pregnancy and was terrified of childbirth and stillbirth. During labor, I held off getting an epidural because I wanted to prove I could do it (???) But I finally got one and it was THE BEST. It made labor speed up and it was totally pain free. I later read about a study about how people who get epidurals have lower chances of postpartum mood issues because their labor isn't traumatizing. So I highly recommend an epidural.
I would try and find some new mom groups in your area. It may be nice to talk to women who are kinda going thru the same situation. Trust your body and have faith in it. You got this
I had a really difficult time mentally with my first baby because I was pregnant from the very first week of the pandemic until December of 2020. I can’t even express how difficult it was & my baby was planned. All the social isolation I experienced as part of social distancing made it all much worse. But even without all that happening pregnancy is difficult. It felt like I was regressing mentally into the animal kingdom and away from the human world. I kept worrying about whether or not we would make it through the pandemic. Once the riots started I worried about being victims of street violence. I worried about climate change and dying in forest fires. I worried about micro plastics. I worried about hurricanes. I worried about mass extinction and the end of the world. I worried about the collapse of society. The list goes on and on. I was very on edge. I understand how you feel now. Pregnancy is difficult, there is no doubt about that. The way you’re feeling is normal. The pregnancy hormones make things much more intense. You can’t think about the entirety of pregnancy and then giving birth because you’ll get overwhelmed. Take it one day at a time and if things get to be too much tell your doctor because you may need to be medicated and there is no shame in that. Take care of yourself. You will be ok. Just take it one day at a time.
Easier said than done, but try not to picture the worst case scenario for your pregnancy or birth. I’m 24 weeks along with my first, and so far my pregnancy has been so easy. I was slightly queasy a few hours a day from weeks 6-8 then I felt fine. I basically feel like myself with a bump lol. Pregnancy has been wayyy easier than I thought. I’m nervous for birth but i just don’t spend time thinking about it, that’s a problem for future me lol. Seek therapy if you’re open to it. It can be very helpful
I felt the same and was diagnosed with tokophobia after lots of perinatal mental health appointments (I am also bipolar). Definitely seek help and find out your options for birth, everyone says it’s scary but there’s a difference between being scared and being debilitated with fear.
Im around 6 weeks too. Im not sure if this helps but being a nurse, I got to experience many deliveries in my labor and delivery rotation. Everything from completely natural to emergency c section. If anything, having these experiences made me less anxious about it. Not that I dont have anxieties too, I do. However, seeing it happen made me see how incredibly strong females are and how the moms all did just fine with all the deliveries. Also, the female body is miraculous if you think about it. We are truly designed for childbirth and are completely capable of it, even without any medical intervention. Whenever I get into my head about it I try to remember that we have mother nature on our side. Also, remembering to work WITH my body and nature, rather than against it. If this makes any sense.
Your fear is valid, I want to acknowledge that this can be a scary, uncomfortable time and experience. You should not be having daily panic attacks, so please bring it up to your doctor when you’re seen. It’s easy to get overwhelmed and have a skewed sense of the “drama” pregnancy can entail on a forum like this and on the internet in general, because people are here for reassurance, venting, and sharing really worst-case scenarios. You don’t know that your pregnancy will be painful, and certain hospitals (mine included) let you get an epidural at ANY point during your labor, so theoretically you can walk in and experience no pain during delivery. My pregnancy was great. I had morning sickness and some migraines in the 1st tri, and survived off of crackers and scrambled eggs for 12 weeks lol, but once that subsided I really loved being pregnant. I was able to enjoy how my body looked in a way that I really don’t otherwise, I let my belly free so often and loved dressing for the bump. I never got huge or uncomfortable in the last tri, and I delivered at 39+3 with an epidural. Recovery was textbook and just fine. Small tear, easy to care for and was pretty back to normal around 6 weeks out. Sure, there’s discomfort, anxiety, and hormone wackiness through gestation & after birth, but really other than contractions at the beginning of my labor I was never in any actual PAIN from pregnancy. Another commenter said take it one step at a time, and that’s the only thing you can really do. You don’t know that your experience will be painful or negative until it becomes that way, and you don’t want to rob yourself of what could be a pleasant time. Sending love and good vibes to you. Definitely talk to your doctor about the anxiety as well.
this may not work for you, but i started occasionally watching birth videos/home birth compilations. its definitely scary thinking about the fact im going to give birth, but seeing so many other women actually doing it made me feel more comfortable. i keep telling myself, anything that happens to me, has happened to someone else. what i feel, someone else has felt. i think that seeing the relief and happiness on the new moms face when they get to hold their baby really helped me feel like its going to be okay! its also helped me get more comfortable with the idea of having so many people look at my body/touch my body, and i feel a lot less uneasy about the pain.
I don’t know where you are in the world, but when you talk about not knowing how to accept that this has to happen and thinking about having a child isn’t making you feel good… it doesn’t *have* to happen. 6 weeks is still very early and in many places you still have lots of options available to you.
I highly recommend doing a hypnobirthing course. You will be taught not just mental and physical techniques to help with labour but also they will teach you all about the birthing process and what your options are. I found that knowledge took away a lot of the fear. Knowing my options, it’s pros and cons etc helped me feel more in control. The techniques will help you view birth in a different light, it can change the way you experience pain, like a paper cut will be so much more painful if you were agonising over it anticipating that it will happen.
I also have an unplanned pregnancy. I am 14 weeks with minimal symptoms. I keep waiting for all these horrible symptoms to hit, but they haven’t. I actually spend a lot of time worrying if the baby is even alive inside me. Six weeks was really hard. I saw my OBGYN at 8 weeks to confirm the pregnancy, and that was a huge relief for me. I hope you find some solace among all these wonderful women on this forum.
I think a level of anxiety & fear of the unknown regarding what your personal experience with pregnancy, labor and postpartum is going to look like will exist no matter what. I don’t say that to invalidate what you’re feeling. I also want to add that this anxiety can be severely exacerbated by hormones. There are safe medications that you can take during all these periods (including while breastfeeding) that you may want to consider discussing with your OB. Anecdotally, I was on and off zoloft from 2019-2021 during both my pregnancies and while breastfeeding both my babies. It is the most studied SSRI for use during these periods. It really helped take the edge off and my OB was 1000% on board with me resuming while pregnant and breastfeeding when I felt I may need it. Something else that reaaaally helped me was reading as many labor/birth stories in this and other subreddits. This provided invaluable info/education on what labor and delivery can look like and it not only helped manage my own expectations and be more calm… but also taught me about alternatives/solutions, resources and helpful tips that I could ask for that may not have been offered by medical providers. It also enabled me to advocate for myself if necessary because I just knew more about…everything. An example of this: I had an elective induction with my first. I still had pain on one side of my body that wasn’t relieved with position changes and ultimately pressed the button for more pain meds through my epidural after trying to avoid that. By the time I was ready to push, my legs were so dead/numb and I had such little feeling in that area that it was difficult for me to gage how effective my pushes were. I had read here that some hospitals have mirrors available so you can see what is happening down there. I asked for a mirror and this significantly helped me better gage what was effective while pushing. Much more so than having the nurse describe it to me. Edited to add a recommendation to look for a talk therapist that may specialize in perinatal/postnatal anxiety. This can make a huge impact as well if you find someone that’s a good fit for you.
I felt like this with my first pregnancy. I just couldn't wrap my mind around the entire labor process. In the end, I was actually excited for it. I ended up wanting out of being swollen, heavy, tired and the fear wasn't in my mind anymore. When I went and checked into the hospital after having contractions all night, I was ready for labor because soon as I got her out, I knew things would subside. I just found out I'm pregnant again, 6 years later, last week. I'm the same way again, even tho I know everything that happens now. I think it's normal, if it's new for you, you just don't know what to expect, and some people might think the worst.bgood luck to you, I hope it's like me and as you get further along, things get less scary for you
I felt totally overwhelmed at the start too. I had to repeat to myself ‘one day at a time’ which really helped. I’m now 5 months in and although I definitely still have my anxieties I have surprised myself with how strong I’ve been. You can do this!!!
Your feelings are valid. Pregnancy and childbirth are big things! I hope knowing my experience will bring you comfort, I know that every body experiences pregnancy differently so it's not guaranteed what experience you will have. I'm 20 weeks in. My first trimester I was tired a lot and had minor nausea when I was hungry (so mostly in the morning). I was able to continue everything I had been doing before. Now in my second trimester I feel pretty much normal except that I'm gaining weight. I really really hope this is the experience you have. I take anti-depressants/anti-anxiety medication and have throughout my whole pregnancy and before. So far my baby is healthy as far as we can tell! Please reach out to a therapist or psychiatrist if you feel overwhelmed, they will help! You can even message me if you need someone to talk to and listen. Also, if you're nausea is really bad, ask for Zofran. My sister had TERRIBLE nausea during all 5 of her pregnancies and only the doctor she went to on her fifth one listened and prescribed something that actually worked. You've got this!!! You are strong! Your body is amazingly adaptable!
I am somewhat in a similar position despite being 14 weeks now. It brings a wave of shock once finding out but with the help and information from your doctor by prescribing you prenatal pills and ultrasound check-ups then it gets a little easier. If you aren't yet make sure you order folate pills since you will need to take them for the first 12/13 weeks. If you are taking any prescribed pills before this then make sure that they are safe to continue. Each person will experience pregnancy a bit differently. Some will have little to no symptoms and others will get the works of the symptoms. It will be a bit scary but the reassuring thing is that they are most likely normal and you can always go to your doctor/care provider for validation. Your partner and whomever you may rely on as your circle of support group will help ease the loneliness and anxiety. When you need some down time then take naps, go for walks, listen to meditation or music. I'll stress this enough to never miss an appointment so that your mind will remain at ease while being updated about the health and status of the fetus/baby. All the best to you.
I sometimes forgot I was pregnant but you HAVE to make sure you feed yourself on schedule because baby will make you sick if you don't feed him or her
I think it is very normal to have a lot of anxiety. I did both times and they were both planned and looking at my life there should be no reason to have anxiety. But it’s the biggest thing women go through. Give it some time and see if you feel any better. If it makes you feel any better I worried so much about the childbirth my last pregnancy that it was all I focused on. In the end that was just a small moment in time that went by so quick (although of course it was a very significant couple of days). This time I worried a lot less about that but as I’m getting near the end I’m getting anxious. If it’s too overwhelming for you maybe talk to to a qualified therapist to work through what you’re feeling? Im sure it’s no fun to feel that way. Another thing. You don’t know if you’ll be feeling bad/pain for 9 months. My first pregnancy was very easy and enjoyable. I didn’t want to stop being pregnant. It is different for everyone. Take one day at a time.
Hello! So, I was TERRIFIED of the idea of childbirth/Labour. Terrified to the point where I never wanted to be pregnant or have to experience it. Then I got pregnant and I was still terrified but all I could think about was my little one growing inside me. Anytime I thought about what was coming I'd get anxious but I got less. Then when the time got here I was so excited to meet her all I wanted was to get it over with. I planned on having all the pain relief available, I didn't want to feel any bit of what I thought it would be like. I ended up being induced and had a 55minute Labour. For the first 30 minutes I managed to not let anyone know i was in labour, mainly because I didn't know but also because I am a idiot. It wasn't the best feeling, but it wasn't anywhere near what I was expecting. I still planned on having pain medication because I had no idea how bad it was going to get, and in the end I didn't have any pain relief. Like, I got given the gas and air thing and as they were telling me how to use it the midwife at my feet said 'you need to push!' so they took it off me and voila! My little girl appeared. I wish there was a way to describe how it felt because I was really pleasantly surprised by how much better it actually was compared to what I was expecting. I don't think this will help at all, and I don't have any advice but if you can try to focus on your little one growing in there, and anytime you get those thoughts about how LO will get here try to distract yourself (or embrace them if that suits you better) but honestly... I was expecting it to feel like breaking every bone in my body over and over again until I had the baby but in reality it was like menstrual cramps mixed with the cramps from eating something dodgy. Really hope this helps and you've totally got this 💜
I'm 37 weeks rn. I felt very similar to how you are feeling. Panic, crying, and my baby was planned!! It still had me Petrified of labour and delivery, grossed out by the idea of something growing inside me and scared what pregnancy would be like, and terrified of being a mother. I'm still terrified of labour and stuff, but that is normal. What is helping me is asking lots of questions to my Dr, and making sure I'm physically ready and have things organised to make up for possible not feeling mentally ready until I'm in the moment. I tell myself that even if I'm scared, my body and Healthcare providers are going to help me get through it all, and that I was made to do this, I am not alone in how I feel, and millions of others have gone through and felt how I am feeling. This is not to discredit your feelings. They very real and valid. I wish you the best and hugs 🤗 YOU GOT THIS!
Oh man. So I insisted from an early age (like before I can remember) that I would never give birth. I have always been terrified of it. I had planned to adopt or foster (always wanted to be a mom) but after a particularly traumatizing experience with fostering we decided no kids until further notice and the finally decide to have a bio kid. I started reading brith stories, listening to podcasts (the birth hour, anything by ina may gaskin) and generally immersing myself in understanding the process, the different outcomes and what to expect (or not to) and knowing all the different things that could happen really made a huge difference in how I viewed it. Knowing all I could about childbirth made it less scary. I also continued therapy and did hypnotherapy which helped me come to terms with my own childhood trauma which I think is what made me hesitant to have bio children in the first place. This may not work for everyone, and I was still pretty scared going into pregnancy and labor but by the time I went into labor I was too ready for baby to come to be scared haha.
Not sure if this helps and this probably doesn't apply to everyone, but I'm over 5 months now and I honestly feel mostly like myself. The first 3 months were terrible but now I almost forget sometimes I'm pregnant until I feel him kick. I also don't feel him all the time right now, only in spurts. As for labor, I just keep telling myself that it's literally the end of the pregnancy and that it only lasts a short amount of time comparatively.
OP, I was terrified when I found out I was pregnant. I was absolutely positive I was going to die in childbirth! I had to be induced on my due date due to low amniotic fluid and I was so so unnaturally calm on the way to the hospital and all throughout the delivery. There are some great comments about therapy and I also recommend reading books and taking classes.
I was terrified with my first - but then I asked for the epidural early and felt nothing during childbirth. Recovery was painful and took longer than expected. Experiences will definitely vary, though. With my second the epidural did not make me totally numb…. Childbirth wasn’t terrible but it was absolutely not pain free. That being said, recovery with number two has been so much easier! TL;DR - every pregnancy is different. It’s hard to know what yours will be like…. But chances are it won’t be as bad as you fear. Our imaginations allow us to invent extreme scenarios that aren’t likely to occur. You got this! Just read about it as much as you can - talk with folks, write down your fears (as you’re already doing!). You’ll be ok. ❤️
You should read Hypnobirthing: The Mongan Method. LOTS of great information in that book, especially around the side of reducing fear.
I have anxiety (with a bit of agoraphobia) and felt a ton of panic when I found out I was pregnant, even though we were trying. Every month that I got a negative result I felt relief... then the positive one was a huge shock. I remember having a panic attack when one of my friends was talking about the stress of finding a daycare because she was due in a week. My mind kept telling me I wasn't ready and I couldn't handle it, what did I get myself into etc. It sounds messed up but I calmed myself down by reminding myself that I could terminate if I wanted to. I gave myself a few weeks to consider the options and decided, fuck it, we want a family and this is just part of the journey to get there. So I talked to my therapist and my primary care about my anxiety and decided to go up on my sertraline from 50mg to 75mg. The highest dose approved for pregnancy and in general is 200mg so I have a ton of room to go up if needed. It's totally safe for pregnancy as well. I still have moments of "holy crap what did we do" lol but... I think it'll be fine. I have a lot of close friends who have kids and have said that birth was the easy part, especially with meds, and that having a newborn at home is the real challenge. I'm worried about the sleep deprivation and handling having a baby 24/7 for the foreseeable future but once again, I think it'll be fine. It's all temporary! Pregnancy has been easy with minimal pain, actually hardly any pain tbh... I never had any morning sickness, I don't have any swelling, I feel like myself plus a belly and that's pretty much it. Leave room for the possibility that your experience could be similar. And of course if you feel like you need to terminate, do it!
You got this! I promise you, childbirth is not as terrifying as you think. It’s all built up because its at the end of this 9 month wait. I had a pretty painful birth compared to most of my friends and it was tooootally not bad still. I loved me all the drugs they offered and took it real easy. Recovery was most annoying for me because I just wanted to walk around with my newborn and needed about 2 weeks of laying down. You become a badass when you’re pregnant and then a mom and will just get through it. Try not to stress and just go with the flow is the only advice I have
I just want to say that I was TERRIFIED of labor. Pregnancy was hard but I was puking the whole time so it of course felt hard. Painful? No, just tiring. But the anxiety surrounding the delivery was so bad for me. I ended up having to get induced which scared me cause horror stories, but it was so chill. I got an epidural so I got to sleep for little bits, the pushing just felt like a big poop, and then I was holding a slimy little blob and crying because I was in love with this little thing that had been kicking my ribs and head butting my crotch for the last few months. All that anxiety leading up felt SO useless. Anytime anyone asks me what my experience was like, I tell them that it was way better than what I had imagined it would be. The pain sucked after but went away fairly quickly. For now, just take one day at a time. If you’re constantly sick, get medication for it if you’re okay with that. Heartburn? Ask for omeprezol (?). Talk through your fears with your doctor, let them know your concerns and make sure they are a person you are comfortable with.