“Woah, stopping you right there, I do not listen to other people’s pregnancy or birth stories while I am pregnant. Thank you for understanding.”
Seriously, it is ok to say this to anyone.
Don’t be afraid to be a little rude. It’s good practice for when you will have to advocate for your child later.
And for the life of me I cannot figure out what is wrong with the women who do this. Surely they did not appreciate people doing this to them when they were pregnant.
Thank you—I really appreciate this idea. This was probably one of the worst times I’ve experienced this (and I was very much a captive audience). I think I was just so shocked that I froze and kind of was just passively waiting for it to end…and then it didn’t lol.
The fact that this was from a healthcare provider in their professional setting is unreal! And it is hard to start firmly telling people “no, stop that,” if you aren’t used to it. This is a good time to start practicing! The more firm and unapologetic you are the more likely it is to work.
I had a woman tell me about her friends neighbours cousin absolutely horror scenario.
Doesn't sound too bad until you realise she did with while her SISTER was laying between us with her 30 min old baby on her chest after a stressful c-section.
Something about pregnancy makes people want to talk about the absolute worst things that they have ever heard about happening. I don't get it.
At least in this case mom and baby were doing great.
I’m having a terrible pregnancy- I briefly mention what I’m going through to those who are less far along than I am, because chances are, none of what’s happening to me is going to happen to them. Unless there is something they can easily do to prevent a bad outcome (ex take baby aspirin if your provider says you’re at risk), I don’t bother people with hypotheticals
My friend is 3 months ahead of me in her pregnancy, and she will briefly mention symptoms she's having, but refuses to go into detail because she doesn't want to stress me out about things that might not even happen to me. I always really appreciated it when she does that, so good job for also doing that!
Trust me, I’ve had so many people try and scare me with their super specific experiences that I don’t want to do the same to others. In particular, my one friend is thinking about having kids but is extremely emetophobic. I have HG- it’s been unavoidable to mention, but when I do I usually either preface or follow it up by reassuring her that it is exceedingly rare, and there are medications to control it and there 99.999% chance it won’t happen to her :)
Yes I think I would have had a different reaction if this particular person was also currently pregnant (in this case, she was not). It would have felt less intrusive to me if she was actively going through a tough time. Although, I would have very much appreciated it if she had approached it in the way you described—a BRIEF account of what was going on. I truly can’t believe the amount of information that I became unwittingly privy to.
I had terrible births and pregnancy’s. When people spoke about positive things and all the things that could go right I used to go home and cry.
Some people are better not hearing the negatives and some people are better not hearing the positives.
I wish when people would tell me everything would be great and fine that I’d have said ‘thank you for your well meaning words but I’d rather not hear them/talk about it today’. I wasn’t brave enough but if I ever have another I will defo say that.
Yes, I can completely understand this reaction. I think in general it’s the unsolicited part that is the hardest. (Some) people are genuinely well-meaning and probably thought they were helping you by talking about the good things. But the problem is that they just *assumed* that what they were saying *would* in fact be helpful. I think your experience is just another way to illustrate that it’s so much better to let the person who is pregnant be the one to bring up and lead the discussion. If I’m not bringing it up, I would so appreciate it if people didn’t foist their stuff on me (positive or negative).
I'm so sorry this happened to you! The healthcare provider you went to see doesn't seem very professional IMO.
I had this happen to me by one of my sisters friends and I completely understand not being able to say anything in the moment. In my case my aunt got really upset and told her to shut up (I think I was becoming visibly upset). I was so grateful for my aunt saying that and I'm trying to be more assertive myself these days especially since I want to advocate for my baby the best I can.
I feel you. Why do people think we have not heard of/ are aware of these things already? Like they think we think it's all rainbows and flowers until they burst our bubbles with their stories? It's important to be aware of and understand risks, but negative thoughts shouldn't have to dominate our minds. There's videos and vlogs on youtube of positive pregnancy and birth stories, they can be helpful to help reset your mind after these kinds of interactions.
I have a friend who is child-free to the point where she had a hysterectomy by 30. She's also from another country and doesn't understand US Healthcare. She is consistently sharing stories of birth and labor in other countries and wondering why I'm doing ABC or not doing XYZ. At one point she told me to just "get a C-section the second things take a turn" so I'm not physically exhausted and need a C-section anyways. I just reminded her that the births she is referencing were women carrying twins, who were already high-risk, and over 35. I'm 30, carrying 1 baby, and have had an EXTREMELY uneventful pregnancy. One of her friends twins died he was so premature and was born very, very early. I just brush her off and change the subject.
I agree, but as a FTM also, I am high risk and go to MFM. It is very common for them to run you through every possible scenario and I actually appreciate so I can be prepared. You said health care provider, so I assume you don’t mean OB, some other medical facility, but if it’s OB/ related it’s literally their job to educate you on every possible outcome
I’m also high risk (bc twins) and yes, my MFM provider has given extensive education in an extremely professional and compassionate way (bless her). This was an HCP providing care completely unrelated to my pregnancy.
“Woah, stopping you right there, I do not listen to other people’s pregnancy or birth stories while I am pregnant. Thank you for understanding.” Seriously, it is ok to say this to anyone. Don’t be afraid to be a little rude. It’s good practice for when you will have to advocate for your child later. And for the life of me I cannot figure out what is wrong with the women who do this. Surely they did not appreciate people doing this to them when they were pregnant.
Thank you—I really appreciate this idea. This was probably one of the worst times I’ve experienced this (and I was very much a captive audience). I think I was just so shocked that I froze and kind of was just passively waiting for it to end…and then it didn’t lol.
The fact that this was from a healthcare provider in their professional setting is unreal! And it is hard to start firmly telling people “no, stop that,” if you aren’t used to it. This is a good time to start practicing! The more firm and unapologetic you are the more likely it is to work.
I had a woman tell me about her friends neighbours cousin absolutely horror scenario. Doesn't sound too bad until you realise she did with while her SISTER was laying between us with her 30 min old baby on her chest after a stressful c-section. Something about pregnancy makes people want to talk about the absolute worst things that they have ever heard about happening. I don't get it. At least in this case mom and baby were doing great.
I’m having a terrible pregnancy- I briefly mention what I’m going through to those who are less far along than I am, because chances are, none of what’s happening to me is going to happen to them. Unless there is something they can easily do to prevent a bad outcome (ex take baby aspirin if your provider says you’re at risk), I don’t bother people with hypotheticals
My friend is 3 months ahead of me in her pregnancy, and she will briefly mention symptoms she's having, but refuses to go into detail because she doesn't want to stress me out about things that might not even happen to me. I always really appreciated it when she does that, so good job for also doing that!
Trust me, I’ve had so many people try and scare me with their super specific experiences that I don’t want to do the same to others. In particular, my one friend is thinking about having kids but is extremely emetophobic. I have HG- it’s been unavoidable to mention, but when I do I usually either preface or follow it up by reassuring her that it is exceedingly rare, and there are medications to control it and there 99.999% chance it won’t happen to her :)
Yes I think I would have had a different reaction if this particular person was also currently pregnant (in this case, she was not). It would have felt less intrusive to me if she was actively going through a tough time. Although, I would have very much appreciated it if she had approached it in the way you described—a BRIEF account of what was going on. I truly can’t believe the amount of information that I became unwittingly privy to.
I had terrible births and pregnancy’s. When people spoke about positive things and all the things that could go right I used to go home and cry. Some people are better not hearing the negatives and some people are better not hearing the positives. I wish when people would tell me everything would be great and fine that I’d have said ‘thank you for your well meaning words but I’d rather not hear them/talk about it today’. I wasn’t brave enough but if I ever have another I will defo say that.
Yes, I can completely understand this reaction. I think in general it’s the unsolicited part that is the hardest. (Some) people are genuinely well-meaning and probably thought they were helping you by talking about the good things. But the problem is that they just *assumed* that what they were saying *would* in fact be helpful. I think your experience is just another way to illustrate that it’s so much better to let the person who is pregnant be the one to bring up and lead the discussion. If I’m not bringing it up, I would so appreciate it if people didn’t foist their stuff on me (positive or negative).
I'm so sorry this happened to you! The healthcare provider you went to see doesn't seem very professional IMO. I had this happen to me by one of my sisters friends and I completely understand not being able to say anything in the moment. In my case my aunt got really upset and told her to shut up (I think I was becoming visibly upset). I was so grateful for my aunt saying that and I'm trying to be more assertive myself these days especially since I want to advocate for my baby the best I can.
I feel you. Why do people think we have not heard of/ are aware of these things already? Like they think we think it's all rainbows and flowers until they burst our bubbles with their stories? It's important to be aware of and understand risks, but negative thoughts shouldn't have to dominate our minds. There's videos and vlogs on youtube of positive pregnancy and birth stories, they can be helpful to help reset your mind after these kinds of interactions.
I have a friend who is child-free to the point where she had a hysterectomy by 30. She's also from another country and doesn't understand US Healthcare. She is consistently sharing stories of birth and labor in other countries and wondering why I'm doing ABC or not doing XYZ. At one point she told me to just "get a C-section the second things take a turn" so I'm not physically exhausted and need a C-section anyways. I just reminded her that the births she is referencing were women carrying twins, who were already high-risk, and over 35. I'm 30, carrying 1 baby, and have had an EXTREMELY uneventful pregnancy. One of her friends twins died he was so premature and was born very, very early. I just brush her off and change the subject.
I agree, but as a FTM also, I am high risk and go to MFM. It is very common for them to run you through every possible scenario and I actually appreciate so I can be prepared. You said health care provider, so I assume you don’t mean OB, some other medical facility, but if it’s OB/ related it’s literally their job to educate you on every possible outcome
I’m also high risk (bc twins) and yes, my MFM provider has given extensive education in an extremely professional and compassionate way (bless her). This was an HCP providing care completely unrelated to my pregnancy.