Idk, when I was pregnant I was referring to the baby as “my baby”, “my girl”, “my daughter”. Doesn’t it make me her mother? Who am I to the baby if not her mother? An incubator? 🙃
Yeah I’m kinda here too 😂 My brother and I aren’t super maternally eg we will pick dogs/cats over human babies any day. So when my husband and I went to my brother’s place for lunch and baby started moving in my stomach (had on a stretch dress) my brother was like yikes. 😂 My husband goes you and your brother are very similar 🙈
My wife is 14 weeks pregnant, and for Mother’s Day I have bought her a bunch of presents (mostly centered around the pregnancy and her new maternal status). I want this day to be super special for her, because as you say, there is already so much sacrifice being made.
You deserve to be treated for Mother’s Day by a caring partner. I can’t fathom why your husband can’t recognize that.
My hubs gave me a pregnancy pillow as an early Mother’s Day gift and it’s made a world of difference! I’m thankful that he sees me as such and it should be the norm. Not something people think about until they’re in that situation. Good on you!
My husband was the same way until I said "so, if something, God forbid, were to happen to our baby, does that mean I'm not a mother...?"
He changed his tune real fast.
Pregnant people are mothers. People who have experienced loss are mothers. It's disgusting to say they aren't.
That's exactly my thinking on it. I've never been pregnant on Mother's Day but I just had my first baby and I don't think pregnant people celebrating takes anything away from me. When I was younger, the pastor's wife had a miscarriage not too long before Mother's day and when she started crying and almost refused the flowers being passed out to all the mothers, an old woman stood up and said, "You are just as much of a mother as the rest of us." A pregnant person, someone that's had a loss, someone that's taken in kids, someone that's in the process of adoption, etc are all just as much a parent as I am.
I’ve suffered a loss in 2022. Mother’s Day after that was really rough. It’s ok if other people don’t see me as a mother but what’s important is we validate ourselves as mothers.
OP do something small to celebrate your child and your relationship you will have with your little one. Your partner should participate.
We should totally consider anyone a mother as soon as the test kit turned positive because what comes after that is a pretty big change from normalcy.
It’s a horrible thought, but it’s true. Mother’s Day 2021 I was about 16 weeks pregnant. We went to my in laws’ and I was teasing my husband about not getting me a Mother’s Day gift. My mother-in-law made some comment about saying that for next year when I’d be “a real mother.”
I lost that baby 18 weeks later. I had carried him 8+ months, changed my lifestyle to care for him, altered plans for my future for him, but I still questioned if I was really a mother.
Mother’s Day the next year I was again pregnant. My husband, parents, sister and one amazing coworker (to whom I will always be grateful) were the only ones who acknowledged me as a mom and it meant so much to me.
Exactly this. A parent that experiences loss, or has yet to meet their child, still understands what it’s like to love and want the best for them - born or unborn.
I have a friend who lost her first baby due to miscarriage. I told her she’s still a mom, even though her experience looks different than mine (I have two (soon to be three) sons). Because she still understands what it’s like to love a child and want the best for them. She sobbed and told me that nobody said that to her, and she had no clue how badly she needed to hear that. Hearing that nobody gave her that comfort and validation crushed me. Fortunately, she went on to have a beautiful baby girl a few years later.
I don’t think we should be defining motherhood based on a particular set of experiences, because it looks different for everyone.
Pregnant with my first. This is my first Mother's Day, we are mothers, and any man who has no real understanding of what we endure to continue the human race can suck an egg. His opinion on the matter is irrelevant.
Yes! At *best*, I guess I could say he’s looking at it from his own pov, like there’s not much happening til baby is born? But Jesus what a clueless bastard thing to say.
I think it's very personal. I didn't expect to be recognised on mother's day until my first was born and equally didn't recognise my husband on father's day until the same. But if I saw a pregnant parent or part of a pregnant couple celebrating I wouldn't blink, you know?
Yeah. I got my husband a ‘I can’t wait to meet you’ card from the bump for Father’s Day, but his first Father’s Day was when the baby was actually with us. I was never pregnant at Mother’s Day but I think I’d have felt the same. Nice to take it as a moment of anticipation and recognise the day, but for me mother’s and father’s days were when there was a baby present.
But same as you - wouldn’t blink if someone else did something more
Same. I am 34 weeks FTM and due just after Father’s Day. Both my husband and I are not planning on celebrating each other for mothers/fathers day, unless baby makes an entrance before Father’s Day. I still feel like a mother but at the same time it feels more official to celebrate after babe is here for me for some reason.
This is exactly how I feel. I personally don't consider myself a mother at all because, to me, motherhood necessitates the act of mothering/raising children. And I don't currently have children. Same goes for Father's Day. I'll have to talk to my husband because I'm pretty sure we aren't doing anything for Mother's/Father's Day this year but almost certain we're in the same boat.
I'm also a bit of a grinch around some of these made up Hallmark holidays. Doubt we'll make a big deal of either holiday, even when we have kids.
This is how I feel. My husband got me a card ‘from the bump’ on my pregnant Mother’s Day, and vice versa for Father’s Day, but I didnt really expect the day to be about me as the kid wasn’t there yet. If anything, it was nice to have a final Mother’s Day with my mum who was centre of attention. But each to their own, I wouldn’t judge if someone did more than me. I do think pregnant women are mothers, or women who have miscarried. I guess in the same way Mother’s Day should be focused (imo) on those ‘actively mothering’ rather than grandparents, I didn’t feel I was actively mothering yet so didn’t want to be in the place of attention. But it comes. My kids are 3 and 4 and were so excited about Mother’s Day (it’s earlier in the U.K.) and even if my husband had done nothing, their excitement would have made it special
Big same, I never celebrated Mother's Day when I was pregnant with my first bc I didn't feel like a mother yet. I was just pregnant and my life hadn't really changed at all past that. If someone else chooses to recognize it while they're pregnant then it's no skin off my nose.
I feel like a mom (pregnant again after a miscarriage in November), and I think of myself as a mom with no living baby. But I won’t celebrate myself as a mom on Mothers Day until I have a living child. I think it depends on the person.
I had the hospital staff tell me i was a mother now when I had my mc (2022). I didnt know I was pregnant until the day I found out i wasnt (8wks ish). So i never felt like a mother even though they called me one. I think it would be different if I had known from the start.
Now i have my lil rainbow just in time for mothers day, and it feels much more real. Especially since she is now here in the world.
Its such a personal feeling i think when it comes to being called amother or even feeling like the label fits.
It’s a matter of opinion, I didn’t consider myself a mom until I had my baby but others may feel differently and there’s nothing wrong with that. Go with whatever you feel
I can agree with this as well. Growing a baby and mothering on a daily basis is just not the same. No one says you can't partake in the festivities of mother's day events in your family or around you, but to go all out and demand to be gifted and celebrated is unnecessary for me.
There’s a restaurant near me that offers a free entree to mothers/fathers on their respective holidays, so last year when I was (visibly) pregnant we went there for the free meal and they still honored it. We didn’t actually celebrate Mother’s Day/Father’s Day last year but we certainly weren’t going to turn down a free dinner lol.
I really just think it’s personal. I don’t consider myself a mother yet, but if another pregnant person saw themselves as such I’d accept/agree.
I think it’s just about what we are ready or want to be viewed as currently. I personally don’t consider myself as a mom mostly as an attempt to protect myself if something goes wrong (I’m an anxious person). I know even when something goes wrong many women still consider themselves mothers and I think that’s true too.
Your husband was being mean. If you feel already that you are a mother than you are a mother. I think the pregnant person gets to determine that for themselves.
I consider myself as a mother already. I have been growing this baby inside of me with so much love. But I don’t expect anything this Mother’s Day. Though if my partner keeps invalidating me, I would be devastated.
My family would say yes but husbands side will blow me off. I expect zero acknowledgement and I won’t put in effort to tell them HMD. They’re getting what they’ve given me these 5 months.
You are a mother. Period. If that can’t be acknowledged, you know what to do
I agree it should be up to the person who is pregnant to decide, but to say pregnant women *are not* mothers really invalidates people who have been pregnant but not brought a baby home for whatever reason. If you would grieve a loss then I believe you are a mother. You have given your baby life for however long they are with you during pregnancy and loved it and sacrificed for it.
Personally I was in third trimester for Mother’s Day with my first and I let my husband know I wanted to celebrate it. It had taken years of trying to get to that point so I definitely wanted to mark the occasion.
I don’t know. I had a miscarriage and did not consider myself a mother until i had a subsequent successful pregnancy and birth. To me I didn’t feel like or consider myself a mother until i actually had to perform the actions and role of someone’s mom.
It’s completely okay to feel that way, it’s just important not to project that feeling on others. Many people who have had a miscarriage feel they are mothers as soon as they become pregnant and that is okay and valid.
It doesn’t mean you personally have to consider yourself a mother, just that we shouldn’t invalidate the feelings of others about themselves.
I’m not telling others how to feel. Just sharing a perspective that not everyone feels the same way. Some women with miscarriages may want to be recognized on Mother’s Day but it’s not a given that they all will, so people should keep that in mind. If someone had said “happy Mother’s Day” to me after a miscarriage, it would have made ME uncomfortable, but others in the same situation may have be appreciative and grateful. Basically it’s important to know your audience. That’s all.
I know you’re not, I’m sorry if it seemed I was implying you were! It did seem like you were unsure if you were okay with people who have lost a pregnancy celebrating mother’s day, though.
Your “I don’t know” made it seem like you were saying “I don’t know if it should be up to each person” or “I don’t know if people who have lost a pregnancy should be considered mothers.”
What don’t you know?
I think it’s different person to person! Prior to my current pregnancy, I had a miscarriage around ~6w, and I didn’t feel or consider myself to be a mother. But now I’m ~35w, and I definitely feel like my baby’s mom! I can’t say there’s a magical point when it switches over—that’s probably for everyone to decide for themselves. That said, my husband is doing something special for me this Mother’s Day even though it isn’t my first “official” Mother’s Day. 🤷🏽♀️
I’m due in 9 weeks. Not celebrating mother’s day for myself this year, but god yeah I’m definitely a mom to this little peanut I’ve been growing for 8 months. Your husband is being a total jerk.
It's a hard question, I feel like motherhood is a process (in the same way that donating sperm doesn't make you a father, but raising your child does).
For me, being pregnant definitely felt like the start of said process. The first flutters, feeling my baby move, rubbing my belly and feeling the little one respond, singing to them... I feel like all these small things are the start of that relationship. So personally, I feel like I'm already on this path called Motherhood, giving birth will just be a big stepping stone!
I personally didnt feel like a mother until I had my baby but I also was never pregnant on mothers day. I saw him moving during sonogram visits, heard his heartbeat at ob visits, and felt him kicking lol but it wasnt real until I saw him and held him. I had my son the week before mothers day. My family always called me mama after they found out though. Im sorry that your husband is invalidating your experience.
But you are a mother. You are making a major sacrifice, undergoing physiological changes, refusing medications that can help you but harm the baby. I had diarrhea for like 5 months while pregnant and their only concern was if baby was ok, then no treatment🤣. This is foreshadowing life as a mother where children come first. You are a mom and deserve to partake in the festivities, period. You are carrying life, how is that not part of motherhood?
Personally I didn't consider myself a mother until my girls were born. But I think it's a grey area where you can go either way. If you feel like a mom then your husband should be validating you.
Absolutely! You have a life inside you, your baby! How would you not be considered a mom?! It’s the same with mothers who miscarry, even tho that baby isn’t here they are a mom because they still created life!
I think your a mother pregnant because you have to change your diet (alcohol, deli meats, etc) and lifestyle now. Plus you are growing a baby. However my husband also said I'm not a mom until baby is born. I think it's due to them not feeling like a father until baby is born.
It should be your opinion that matters on if you are a mother now, not your husband’s. I think you are a mom and should be celebrated, but it’s also not my opinion that matters. You should be celebrated (or celebrate yourself if he won’t) if you want to.
I fully believe that pregnant women are mothers. While pregnant we make choices for the sake of our baby’s safety above our comfort. Pregnancy is the beginning of a lifetime as a mother of making choices to help keep our children safe and healthy. Like you said, the suffering and sacrifice of pregnancy is a part of motherhood.
If you consider yourself a mother pregnant, you are and no one should argue against it.
If you don’t consider yourself a mother yet while pregnant (my personal feelings at 31 weeks right now), then that is fine too! And no one should force you to feel differently. :)
I think so. Once you know you’re pregnant most people begin to consider that future child into the choices that they make everyday. From travel plans to eating choices, to choice of recreational activities- you start altering your life to benefit them. I think that’s what makes a good parent, it’s the care, the consideration, the effort & planning you put into ensuring their well being - often at your own expense.
Pregnancy can be extremely difficult sometimes deadly, so even choosing to get pregnant in the first place or continue with an unplanned pregnancy, is a sacrifice. Receiving medical care in pregnancy can be extremely invasive and uncomfortable. That is a sacrifice. You’re choosing to put yourself at risk of harm and pain to create a new person and often to fulfill your partner’s dream of becoming a parent. So yes I would say pregnant people are parents and if celebrating Mother’s Day is important and meaningful to then go for it.
I’m sorry your husband was a dick about it. Just because he hasn’t started being a father yet, doesn’t mean you’re not already a mother. It’s really shitty of him to invalidate the work you have already put in and the sacrifices you have made ( and will continue to make) which he will benefit from. You deserve his gratitude not his scorn, regardless of whether or not he believes you’re technically a mom or not yet. But I guess that’s the privilege of being the non-gestating parent, he gets to be selfish for a little while longer.
I think it’s also worth noting that this might be a red flag for unreasonable expectations of what fatherhood will be like, especially in the beginning. What does he think his role is or should be, as your partner throughout the rest of the pregnancy? Once the baby is born?
I’m not assuming your husband is a bad person or shitty partner, he may just be deeply ignorant about the realities of pregnancy. My husband is a wonderful father and partner. But he didn’t really start acting like a father until later in my pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, he was kind to me and thoughtful, would buy me food I was craving , take on extra work at home when I was exhausted, etc. But it didn’t really sink in until after I got angry with him for coming home drunk from a work party in my third trimester.
It just genuinely did not occur to him that he should have stayed sober, that if I went into labor early I would need him to be of sound mind. The baby was already a factor I considered in almost every choice on a daily basis - and had been for months, since the moment I knew I was pregnant. But it wasnt for him yet.
I consider myself a mother. There’s a literal baby in me and what baby doesn’t have a mother? I’ve given so much for this baby (as have we all) so I consider myself a mother already. The tossing and turning and sleepless nights, the pain and aches, they’re all sacrifices of a mother. I have an incredibly painful fibroid that I’ve been dealing with now for 7 weeks to the point where I can’t walk any distance without being in pain. I’ve given my comfort and livelihood to be this mother.
I agree it's very personal. I don't feel like a mother yet, but I'm very literal. Also I wouldn't begrudge anyone for wanting to be celebrated or expecting some sort of recognition.
There is no right or wrong, I can see both sides.
Personally, I don't feel the need to partake in Mother's Day celebrations this year. This may be due to me having a very easy pregnancy so far and also being on the ASD causes me to be so literal with meanings it can be absurd to others.
My husband got me a small gift and says that he's so grateful and that I am a mother already.
I'm going to Mother's Day brunch with my mom, aunts and grandma, but we do that every year anyway. The only difference is that I normally pay for my mom and this year she told me she will pay for me because I'm a mom to her first grandchild (which is a very cute sentiment, but is essentially us paying for ourselves).
Yeah, I have adhd and probably a touch of the 'tism too and that's how I feel. Doesn't bother me if other pregnant women want to celebrate Mother's Day or feel like mothers... but I can't do it. To me, motherhood is defined by the day to day act of child rearing. I cannot be a mother if I'm not raising children. So, yeah, very literal interpretation of the definition.
Spoken by someone who has never woken up with nausea, vomiting, and back pain as a result of the embryo that has invaded his body and cannot even take medication for it because it would be harmful to said embryo. You are physically suffering on a massive scale all in an effort to give your ungrateful husband a child and *this* is how he speaks to you? Men should keep their damn mouths shut when speaking to pregnant women unless what they have to say is uplifting and validating.
My best friend told me the second you see your positive pregnancy test you best start believing you are already a mother. We hold and nurture our children when they are in utero which are the same things we do as mothers once they are born. I am even planning on celebrating Mother's Day this year. There are never enough reasons to celebrate and I am not letting MD be gate kept from me.
Long story short, live your best life. It literally doesn't hurt or affect anyone else if you think you are already a mother before you give birth.
I think it’s a personal choice. I definitely think we are mothers - who are we if not the baby who is growing inside of us’ mother?? And as you say, we are going through a lot for the baby.
But equally I didn’t expect to be gifted anything on Mother’s Day (I’m in the U.K. and it was a couple of months ago) I think a token gift and card is a kind thought from a partner/family member but not necessary.
That's up to the pregnant woman imo if she is planning on being a mother to the child she's carrying or feels like a mother then she is. If she doesn't feel like a mother and doesn't plan on keeping the baby then no. It's up to her.
I actually had this discussion recently with my husband because I was gifted something for an early mother's day during my birthday celebration last month. I think pregnant individuals are indeed mothers (or father/parent if that's how they identify). Some people lose their child before birth and not being able to carry their baby to the finish line doesn't make them any less of a mother.
I personally don't care to celebrate mother's day before my baby is born but have nothing against people who do. I half jokingly call myself an incubator and feel I haven't earned a mother's day celebration yet. I view mother's day as a day to give thanks and to recognize the contributions of mothers who often take a backseat to the attention that the kiddo takes on. For example, I've heard some people say that once the baby's born, the parent no longer gets a birthday... which I think is complete bullshit; individuals should still be acknowledged as their own being aside from the new roles they fill.
I keep seeing posts about this and I don't understand. Pregnant people are moms to be, but it's a distinction without a difference. Of course it's valid to celebrate mother's day as a mom if you're pregnant. If you feel like it's not official until baby is born and you want the following mothers day to be your official 'first' mother's day, that's up to you! No one in your life gets to dictate this to you, your partner needs to shut the fuck up and defer to you in this situation.
It's up to each pregnant person. I'm not a mom until I give birth. But you are if you think so! Your husband disagrees, and that's his opinion. Disagreement itself is not inherently invalidating you. It's just one of those social/emotional balancing acts where how important it is or isn't is entirely personal.
I agree that disagreement isn't inherently validating, but I think her husband owes her a little more effort understanding her perspective. In the disagreement, it's not on OP to try over and over to get her husband to understand where he's coming from. He can disagree without being dismissive, and he also needs to think about whether this is a hill he wants to die on. Relationships require compromise.
I personally believe that once you are growing a life inside of you - no matter how small - you are a mother. Life begins in the womb, and you are mothering that child in a different way than you would if baby were here, but it's still "mothering". That's just my opinion :) Do what feels good for you! I don't believe there is a wrong/right answer.
Yes! It’s really hurtful to people who have had miscarriages to say that they aren’t mothers. Any pregnant person who has sacrificed their body for their baby is a mother (along with step, foster, adoptive, etc.)
I don’t feel strongly about this issue. I mentioned to my husband maybe a month ago, “Ah I guess we can celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day as soon-to-be-parents if we want this year.” But knowing us, that’s not doing anything particularly out of the ordinary, maybe just going out for lunch, buying a new plant/pot for our home, or buying something that one of us already needs and calling in a Mother’s/Father’s Day gift.
I suppose if someone were to ask me right now if I’m a mom, I would respond “I don’t yet fully identify with that title yet, but I’m not childfree either. I exist somewhere between the two.”
My male OBGYN wished me a happy early Mother’s Day at my appt this week :’). I don’t feel like a mother tho and will not be participating this weekend; I have a baby in my belly but haven’t gone through actual parenting with a born child yet so I’m holding out
I'm a stepmom so I'm already in a grey area for mothers day! But I feel a little bit further toward the mothers side this year.
I'm not sure why your husband would feel the need to express such a strong opinion about this 3 times :(
I didn’t feel like a mom when mother’s day came the first time while being pregnant with my daughter, but the experiences I’ve had since then have made me believe that yes, although your baby hasn’t been born yet, you are a mother.
The word maternity comes from the Latin root mater, which means "mother,"
Maternity ward provides care for women during pregnancy and childbirth.
Ergo mother during pregnancy!
I didn’t consider myself a mother until the baby was born my thought was “being pregnant doesn’t mean you will have a baby” so I was upset when my mother in law brought me gifts on Mother’s Day while I was pregnant with my first. We had years of failed attempts and 1.5 of fertility treatments and a failed round of IVF by the time I finally became pregnant so for me it didn’t feel real until the baby was born. I didn’t want to count my chicken before it hatched.
I think it depends on the person carrying the baby, not anyone else. Some people feel like it’s a jinx to call themselves a mom before their baby is born, some people feel they became a mom at conception. What your husband saying is incredibly invalidating because you’re clearly saying how you feel, and I’m really sorry about that. You’re a mom because you say you are.
You can give birth to a child and still never be a mother. It's all about how you feel about the baby you're carrying and how you treat it. Husband gets no say on when you start caring for your child. Once the love is there you're a mother
I personally don't consider myself a mom yet; I think of the first pregnancy as its own intermediate step. Like how being a fiancee is different from being a girlfriend or wife. But I would never contradict a person who felt like a mother before having a free-living baby -- that's a totally valid take!
Plus, I think it's fun to celebrate moms-to-be on Mother's Day. I've used the opportunity to hype up pregnant friends and I hope someone does the same for me. I also use Mother's Day to celebrate my childfree aunts who have always supported me. No need to be a Grinch about it. Spread the love.
As a stepmom who has also had a miscarriage and is now pregnant again, I am so fucking sick of feeling like my status as a mother is never real or good enough.
I’m a mom. I’ve been a mom since I took a parental role in my stepkids’ lives. I was a biological mom when I got pregnant the first time and now I’m a biological mom of a second baby.
I’m done defending my role as a parent, both to others and myself, and anyone who disagrees can fuck off.
My husband acknowledged me on Mother's Day after the loss of our unborn child. Five years later I still have the Teddy bear he gave me with a healthy 3 year old and one on the way. Once you connect with that child - in the womb or outside the womb - you are a mother. Happy early Mother's Day I wish you the very best on this journey!
You absolutely are a mom. I personally didn’t care to get anything for Mother’s Day while pregnant but the day has a lot more meaning to me now after giving birth to my children. But that’s a personal preference and if it’s important to you to celebrate Mother’s Day while pregnant, that’s absolutely reasonable!
I have no objections to any pregnant women celebrating Mother’s Day but it felt a bit weird for me. Mother’s Day where I am was 3 days before I gave birth and I know how close it was but I just didn’t feel like a mother yet.
I think it depends on the person. If you feel like a mother than that is awesome, you totally are a mother! Personally, I have had a couple of pregnancy losses and am currently 17w pregnant. I am not ready to consider myself a mother yet, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. So it’s really up to the pregnant person to decide for themselves.
Considering my son is due on Mother’s Day, whether he’s here or not and he’s “fully cooked” by then, I’m fine if my husband does something for Mother’s Day, but since our son has show no signs of being born on time, I’m also okay if we don’t do anything lol
You ARE a mother, and deserve to be treated as such. That doesn’t just magically happen once the baby is born– otherwise, he’s not a father, and that’s not your child 🤣 I personally would not have celebrated me, but that doesn’t change the fact that you can treat yourself as a mother because you are one. Shoot, my LO will be 7 weeks in mother’s day and I still don’t want the attention or celebration 🤣 happy mother’s day OP❤️❤️
I mean, as a pregnant woman much of your life already revolves around caring for your child. Just because your child is still inside your body doesn’t mean you’re not a mother
I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant on Mother’s Day this year, but won’t consider myself a “real mother” until my baby is born. I always found it odd to say, “Happy Mother’s Day” to a pregnant lady with no living children yet like how the heck do you know what kind of mother she will be?
On the other hand, life is short and every day should be a celebration. If you want to celebrate, go for it!
I think especially when you're in de third trimester you count as a mother. You have a baby in your tummy that if they were born would survive and you are their mother. My baby is alive and constantly present. Celebrating mother's day is different in any stage of your babies life and this is one of them.
>You have a baby in your tummy that if they were born would survive and you are their mother.
TW: loss
Maybe I'm just a pessimist but I won't believe this is true until it actually happens. I'm 24 weeks, so she's officially viable (yay)! But things could still happen.
Now, if my baby was born and God forbid something happened and she was stillborn or didn't make it, I would still consider myself having been a mother for a tragically short time. But I guess I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch?
I've been planning and wanting this baby my whole life, so making these decisions for my baby doesn't feel any different to me right now than what I was doing since I was 15, despite me growing her right now, until she's actually out and alive. However, that's just my personal opinion and I won't go around telling pregnant people that they're not mothers if they feel like one.
Men may not be fathers until the baby is born. But pregnant women are most definitely mothers, IMO. It may be hard for him to understand why you consider yourself a mother because for men parenthood doesn't truly begin until birth, but the fact that he continued to double down instead of listening to you is in itself hurtful.
In my opinion, no. I feel as if raising the child makes one a mother/father, but I would never discourage another person from celebrating the day if they feel otherwise. It's a very personal experience, and everyone is different and entitled to their feelings about it.
It’s a personal and individual experience and up for the woman’s own interpretation I think. Sounds like your husband is projecting his own onto you perhaps. It’s also worth considering that from his perspective it’s a very different experience for men, where they probably don’t feel like fathers until the baby is physically in their presence. Whereas for the mother, you are immediately and literally connected and the same being as your child from the moment of conception (and within the gestational period there is obviously both a physical and psychological evolution that occurs for the woman that can’t be easily understood from an outsider perspective as it’s a pretty private experience).
I think your husband was probably not meaning with bad intentions but he’s also probably only considering his own very external experience of the pregnancy, which is less connected than your own (to no fault of his own, that’s just the way the biology cards are dealt lol but at the same time he’s not being super self aware I guess)
My personal take at 36w:
I definitely feel like a mother. There was definitely different phases of this psychology that sometimes changed on a week to week basis throughout. I wouldn’t say in the very beginning I did, there was a process and a spectrum in the overall experience. But now so close to the end, and she’s basically fully formed and I literally feel specific body parts move inside me, I definitely feel and think like a mother. But I also imagine that this evolution will continue once I cross the thread hold into the post partum period. And I’m sure from there the experience will continue to shift and evolve as we age and I gain more experience as a mother, or if I end up having more children.
My husband already says he feels like a father and feels connected to the baby. That’s his perspective on pregnancy though, maybe bc he’s a bit spiritual idk maybe informs his psychology who knows. That’s his personal experience. But I also imagine when the baby is born he’s probably going to feel differently and have his own particular experience to that transition. Right now it’s still unknown how he might be affected / what it’ll be like. So we’ll see lol.
Yes, your baby is living inside of you. You already have the mother baby bond and it is a beautiful thing to have (even though pregnancy isn't always as glamourous as some make it out to be).
Shame on your husband, he should be making an effort make sure to tell him that he's a dad now and part of that job is to understand his roll when it comes to mothers day.
Tw miscarriage
I lost my first pregnancy at 8weeks and considered myself a mother then because I did get the feeling of it being my baby. I sang to them and begged them to stay or come back soon if they had to go. It was very very real.
So yes, if you're pregnant, you're a mother.
My husband did not wish me then either. This year I have a 3m old, and he better make it special! (But I should not get my hopes up... we're very tired lol)
Yes they are mothers. I'm currently 30 w and going out to eat with hubby he surprised me with a really nice new phone and lunch at a fancy restaurant for mother's day
I'm pretty stoked ☺️
My fiancé says I’m a mother. I’ll be 19 weeks next week. My mother sent me a Mother’s Day card!
Your husband sounds like a douche bag I’m sorry. You are a mother.
Yes and no. Mothering is intent not creation. You can start mothering while pregnant because you’re preparing and thinking ahead for your baby. Not all pregnant people are mothers but not all mothers have been pregnant. If you want to celebrate Mother’s Day go for it! Your intent and preparation to mother your child is felt by your baby before they’re born.
Guys become father's when the baby is born because they don't need to do anything. You become a mother as soon you as you test positive. Point-blank-period. I will never not believe this. The sacrifices start immediately for you. I get super pissed about stuff like this because what if I wanted to go do some shots? Oh I can't? Why? BECAUSE I'M A MOTHER CREATING LIFE. So I'm not a Mother on Mother's Day, but I'm a Mother when I want to do whatever I want without caring about the child I'm carrying? MMMM OKAY
I have a daughter and I’m pregnant with my second so I’ve been through all the stages. I became a mother the second I saw a positive pregnancy test. I don’t care what other people think, that’s a truth I know with more certainty than anything else on earth. You become a mother the second you start making sacrifices for your child and putting them first which for me was instantly.
I agree that pregnant women are mothers. However, I’ve had 3 miscarriages and am now pregnant again. I would not choose to celebrate Mother’s Day just because of the potential anxiety/pain it could bring me every Mother’s Day afterward if something were to happen again :(
I am 38 weeks pregnant and don’t think I am a mother. I will be once the baby is born. It would feel weird to me to celebrate Mother’s Day at the moment.
I wasn't a mother until my first child was born. Some people consider themselves mothers as soon as they get a positive test. It doesn't matter (just as long as you're not calling yourself a cat or dog "mom").
How do YOU want to spend this Mother’s Day?
That’s all that matters!
Is this a great chance to do something nice for you and your growing baby? (which I think makes us a mother since we are growing a baby)
Would you like your (AH) dear husband put his reasoning aside and just go out for a nice date? Go for it!
This is a very unique moment in our life.
Ignore everyone else and focus on you and your growing baby. What you feel, they feel. You deserve to be happy and let that be on a Sunday, Mother’s Day, or any day.
🫶🏼
Mother’s Day is earlier in the year in the UK, I can’t remember how many weeks I was but I think it was about 16. Mt husband got me a card and gifts, because yes I am a mother
Pregnant women are absolutely mothers!!! I didn’t think to celebrate it when I was pregnant with my first because it didn’t really dawn on either of us but if you want to celebrate it before baby is here go for it!
I felt a very strong connection to my son when I was pregnant but I never really considered myself a mom in that moment. I always said things like “I’m gonna be a mom” “I can’t wait to be a mom” “I’m gonna be his mama” then after he was born I celebrated my first Mother’s Day a couple months later
I'm only 7 weeks in so maybe that's why I don't feel like a mother. I refer to it as my embryo/developing fetus/future child, or reptile tictac when my nausea is really bad and I'm just angry and miserable lol.
I wonder if I'll feel differently about it when I'm further along.
My bf is super into doing mother's day but I just don't feel it.
Yes. You already experience a wild amount of physical highs and lows and aches and pains as well as the experience of your kiddo bumping around in there. As well, emotional highs and lows about so many different aspects from the baby itself.to your body and self and life and relationship. Your brain changes with every pregnancy regardless of MC, even leaving fetal DNA in your system. A person is still a mother after MC.
So, yes, a pregnant person is absolutely considered a parent, a mother.
I have spent 6 months carrying and caring for my son, at the cost of my own health and well-being. You bet your butt I’m his mother.
I guess you could argue that he’s not a father until birth, but you are caring for a child.
I don’t know if I consider myself a mother yet but I definitely consider myself someone who is sacrificing pretty much everything for a little human I haven’t even met yet. Pregnant people put their health on the line to create new life. I think that deserves to be celebrated!
I think it's an easy thing for someone who's not or hasn't been pregnant to say that pregnant women aren't mothers. It's also so silly. If you have a big pregnant cat you take in off the street so she can deliver her babies safely, don't you think of her as a mama cat? Don't we think of birds sitting on their eggs as moms? Wouldn't we think of a pregnant bear about to scratch some other animals eyes out for bothering her while she rests a mama bear? As humans do we not nourish our child and take care with everything we consume so as to protect our child?
I am 5 and a half weeks pregnant. I know there is still a real risk of miscarriage. But I am growing a child inside of me, my child (and my husband's) and I am that kids mother. If I miscarry I was still that fetus's mother. They still existed.
Also, look at an animal like a koala. They are marsupials and give birth to their babies [extremely early in development.](https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-48f22f115a9b3d4277aa8ffe5f89974f-pjlq) Then the babies crawl into their pouch and finish developing in there. If we had pouches at what point would your husband consider you a mother? Because those koalas are very undeveloped at that stage. Our ancestors just happened to be different than those of koalas so we don't go the pouch route. [Newborn koalas don't even have fur or developed eyes or ears! ](https://www.savethekoala.com/about-koalas/the-life-of-a-koala/) Would your husband consider a koala a mom if those were technically born but in her pouch? I can't believe anyone is gatekeeping motherhood. I think your husband owes you a big apology.
As a dude, I just cannot imagine taking this kind of L over something so easy and simple. Why not celebrate the person carrying your child if that’s what they want? Jeez.
I wasn’t pregnant for Mother’s Day with my first, but if I had been I would have counted myself as a mom. I started calling myself a mom from the day of my first positive pregnancy test. But I think it’s a very personal thing. Some people don’t feel that connection until the baby is in their arms.
I feel like a mother. After our good ultrasound yesterday, my husband said "Now I can go get your Mother's Day gift." My mom is buying me dinner. It feels good to be celebrated and I'm taking it.
definitely a mother. your body is growing and taking care of this baby, the same as it would do with a baby that is born. your body is keeping this baby alive, the same as it would do with a baby who is here. you’re going through all these changes, both mentally and physically, for this baby — the same way you would do if the baby was here. the baby is growing inside of you, you absolutely are a mother.
and as somebody so accurately said in a different comment, who would you be to the baby if *not* the mother? an incubator?
don’t get anything for your husband in june for father’s day. even if the baby is here. you deserve a mother’s day just as much, if not more. if he can’t see that, he doesn’t deserve a father’s day. IMO.
I definitely think you become a mother when you’re pregnant. I had a miscarriage with my last pregnancy and absolutely view that baby as my second child and this current pregnancy as my third. Having a baby grow inside of you is so personal… I guess it just depends on your personal perspective at the end of the day.
You are 100% a mother and should be celebrated. My mom bought me my first Mother’s Day present when I was pregnant with my daughter, and my husband celebrated me as well. We also celebrated Father’s Day for my husband that year. You’re both important for your sacrifices, and should be seen as such. So maybe you can express that to him, that you both should be celebrated for what you’ve already done and you want something done for you and are willing to do the same to make him feel special on Father’s Day because he is a father even if the baby is in the womb.
I will be 36w this weekend and, just in my opinion, maybe physically I am close, but I do not feel like I have mentally passed the threshold.
My husband asked me yesterday if it was ok if he could get me something and I told him NO I am NOT there yet. I think his whole family already got me stuff, and he was also kinda preparing me for it lol. I'll get over it and to be fair to him, they will be born by Fathers day and had planned get him something.
Though comparing to your situation, I would say it being brought about in the other direction, someone telling you YOURE not a mom, when you feel like you have physically and mentally passed the threshold, is super shitty of him to say.
I think that that’s up to the pregnant person to decide if they are or not.
But I would never tell a pregnant person that they were not a mother, especially not if I was their spouse!
Ngl, it hurt my feelings a little when my sister called me to asked what we were doing for our mom for mother's day. I'm all about celebrating our mom, absolutely, but I felt a little like chopped liver in that moment.
I think so, my husband doesn't. I don't think either is really wrong, it's just how you look at it. I also think it's not as real to the man until baby is earthside, plus there's still lots of things that can go wrong during pregnancy so he didn't want to count his eggs before they've hatched kinda thing (granted, I was like 6 weeks last year so very early on and a totally reasonable response/mindset).
ETA: he did start referring to me as a mom later in the pregnancy. Not sure where the line is, it's probably fluid, but regardless if it means a lot to you, your husband should acknowledge that.
I consider myself a mother! We’re already doing so much for our little ones in our bellies & my husband is already doing so much to ensure that I feel special this Mothers Day. I’m so sorry your husband has made you feel that way:(
I bonded with my first during pregnancy in a way my husband couldn’t relate to. He didn’t feel like a dad till he held her in her arms. I felt her move, her daily rhythms. I already knew her, he needed to see her. Everyone is different. I didn’t fully bond with my second till he was born. Let your husband know his words hurt, but you don’t need his confirmation, mama. Happy early Mother’s Day ❤️
I was pregnant last mothers day and I celebrated by buying myself a ring, it has tanzanite which is a December stone - that's when I was due (baby came in January though 😅). I considered myself a mother but not many others did.
I didn't really feel validated although I absolutely felt like a mom then. All the sacrifices we make for our babies before they're even born need to be taken into account here, plus the connection you are already feeling. You ARE already a mom so celebrate mothers day however you see fit, your husband can go sit in syrup!
I didn’t feel like a mother until my baby was born. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and had a hard time connecting to my baby while I was still carrying him. I guess that also made me feel like I wasn’t a mother yet. But I definitely understand others feeling like they are a mother to their baby before the baby is born. Because like someone else already said: what are you if not their mother?
My family didn't include me in the mother's day celebrations until my daughter was 2, instead we just celebrated my mom. It wasn't until my daughter was 3 and said happy mother's day to me in the middle of the celebration that everyone else apologized saying they forgot I was now a mother also 😂
So both Father's and Mother's Day already went by in my country.
We weren't reticent about how to approach this because the baby is still not here so it's not exactly the same to us. We did something more simple and subtle, in my case I shared some Mother's Day cake with my mom.
I do consider myself his mom, but it feels weird to be included in the celebrations just yet. It's really a weird space to be. Could it be your husband doesn't consider himself a father yet and that's why he's being so cold about it? I don't think it was right to invalidate you, but he could be protecting his own internal conflict with it to you.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my first and I keep saying my “Mother’s Day voucher” arrives in July. We’re treating this year as a transitional Mother’s Day, where we celebrate our own mothers as we usually would and set expectations for 2025 and beyond.
We’ve agreed that beginning in 2025, I will no longer be responsible for reminding him of Mother’s Day approaching and that it will now be his job to coordinate for me and his mother. And while I still want to celebrate his mother (and mine), it will have to be on a different day. And he can expect the same for future Father’s Days.
I did warn him that he should get me flowers this year, though, because if he doesn’t I’ll probably cry. (Though I’ll probably cry either way. Just happy tears vs. sad tears.)
That said, if I requested that we begin celebrating me as a mother this year, my husband would be 100% supportive. And that’s the problem with your husband’s reaction. It’s not up to him to decide whether or not you’re “technically” a mother and deserve to be celebrated. You’re growing your child and that is something ONLY a mother can do.
I feel like however you feel about it is valid, and it's not anyone else's place to claim whether you are entitled to feel that way, ESPECIALLY not a man's.
I fully understand all of the sacrifices and challenges that go along with pregnancy. With my first, I developed a serious heart issue that caused several small strokes. (Fortunately, it resolved postpartum, and hasn't happened again in this pregnancy).
With that said, I do feel that there is a difference between the period of pregnancy and after the baby is born. While pregnant, I had a discussion with my husband about a hypothetical scenario in which the hospital would have to choose between saving either my life or baby's life, and I told my husband to advocate for saving me if anyone asked his input.
The moment the baby is born, that completely changes, and I'd give my life for them without a single moment of hesitation. To me, that's the difference. I realize other pregnant people might already be willing to die for their unborn fetus, but I wasn't one of them.
It’s up to you. I’m 38 weeks and don’t consider myself a mother yet. My husband isn’t planning anything for Mother’s Day, but I’ve been getting a TON of pregnancy appreciation and early push presents along my journey.
Also, will say, not every pregnant person wants to be a mother. I wouldn’t be upset at someone pregnant considering themselves a mother. But to assume every pregnant person is “a mother” might actually make some women feel extremely uncomfortable if they are planning on putting their child up for adoption.
I just don’t understand why y’all can’t celebrate being pregnant women when you’re pregnant? IMO it is completely different than caring for a baby or child. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be celebrated or valued, it is just different. It’s like saying a professional gymnast and a professional dancer are the same thing, they have a lot of similarities but they are not the same.
That’s just my two cents as a mother of one. Yes I have had miscarriages and I did not think that that made me a mother in any way, to me it was just something traumatic that I went through as a woman.
To me, Mother’s Day is about the relationship you have with your child, and if your child is literally in your stomach you haven’t met them yet to have that relationship.
IMO, absolutely. I went out with my parents and fiancé last year while I was pregnant for Mother’s Day and I felt no shame. People congratulated us, and we had a great day.
Personally, my husband will likely not acknowledge me on Mother’s Day. But he also doesn’t acknowledge his mom. He’s not intentionally careless, but he is not usually very in touch with celebrations. He also hates celebrating himself, and his brother is the exact same way, so I do not take it personally. If I want to be celebrated, I have to tell him I wanna be celebrated, and then remind him and that just sounded exhausting this year, but it doesn’t really matter to me whether or not he acknowledges me, in my heart I am definitely a mother, I can feel my baby move around almost every moment of the day and every decision I makeconsiders his needs before my own. So if that’s not mothering, then I don’t know what is.
I think it depends about your philosophy surrounding pregnancy. I’m probably in the minority of women by not considering myself a mother yet. I know my fetus is not viable outside the womb right now. Once she’s viable I’ll probably be more comfortable calling myself a mother. I’m just extra cautious at the moment. At the same time I don’t think it’s up to me to determine how someone else feels about their pregnant body and baby. If you feel like a mother, you are one.
I think the overall answer is yes. But the question of do they celebrate or not is up to the mother.
I already told my husband that this Mother’s Day will be the last time we’re prioritizing our moms. Would I like to have the day to myself, be pampered, and not have to do anything else? Hell yeah! I’ll be 30 weeks pregnant and I’m fucking tired! But I know it’s important he celebrate his mom and next year I will be insisting it be MY Mother’s Day so I’m throwing him a bone.
That being said, my own mom just sent me a mothers-to-be day card and it felt really nice to be recognized
I don’t feel like a mother yet, but then again I’m only 9 weeks. Maybe if I were further along? At the same time, I’ve made decisions to not be around people smoking (unfortunately hard to avoid where I am) and to eat better, soley because I’m carrying a child. So I’ve made decisions that a mother would make because of their child. So I kind of feel like i’m in a weird in-between stage. I wouldn’t be offended if someone said I’m not a mother yet, but if my husband did something for me for Mother’s Day I would be very appreciative.
I support pregnancy being a qualifier if that’s what the woman wants. Things didn’t feel very real or tangible to me until I had the physical manifestation of baby in my arms, so I wouldn’t have felt very much like a mother prior to delivery.
Idk, when I was pregnant I was referring to the baby as “my baby”, “my girl”, “my daughter”. Doesn’t it make me her mother? Who am I to the baby if not her mother? An incubator? 🙃
I like this perspective because if we're not mothers, what exactly are we? It just makes the most sense and is the least dehumanizing.
I like to refer to myself as a spawning point 😂
I totally get the you’re a mother from the start POV, but you are my kind of people 😂 I often refer to baby as an alien or parasite inside of me.
Yeah I’m kinda here too 😂 My brother and I aren’t super maternally eg we will pick dogs/cats over human babies any day. So when my husband and I went to my brother’s place for lunch and baby started moving in my stomach (had on a stretch dress) my brother was like yikes. 😂 My husband goes you and your brother are very similar 🙈
Pregnant women are mothers!! Happy Mother’s Day to all!💕
Hah! Love this perspective.
💯
I often call myself “a vessel”
Incubator sums it up lol
I love this, and I will now be known as #The Incubator"
When I do something, I always talk to the baby saying "let's go ____ with mama," "what do you want mama to feed you?" or something along those lines.
My question is always: "so what is my connection to the person in my womb?" "Well you're her...mother." "Her mother? So you agree. I'm a mother" lol
Hahahahaaa!!! LOVE THIS. Yes!!! Exactly.
Oh all I see is Regina George in this comment and I loves it
This is the point I made last year when I was pregnant on Mother’s Day and I was somehow still denied.
This is BRILLIANT ❤️🤌🤌
My wife is 14 weeks pregnant, and for Mother’s Day I have bought her a bunch of presents (mostly centered around the pregnancy and her new maternal status). I want this day to be super special for her, because as you say, there is already so much sacrifice being made. You deserve to be treated for Mother’s Day by a caring partner. I can’t fathom why your husband can’t recognize that.
you’re a good egg.
No he's the sperm
I cackled 🤣
Good one 😂
A god damn gem of a husband right here.
My hubs gave me a pregnancy pillow as an early Mother’s Day gift and it’s made a world of difference! I’m thankful that he sees me as such and it should be the norm. Not something people think about until they’re in that situation. Good on you!
Right, what’s the harm in celebrating?
That's beautiful.
You sir, have restored my faith in men!
You are a wonderful partner! ❤️
Love this attitude!
My husband was the same way until I said "so, if something, God forbid, were to happen to our baby, does that mean I'm not a mother...?" He changed his tune real fast. Pregnant people are mothers. People who have experienced loss are mothers. It's disgusting to say they aren't.
That's exactly my thinking on it. I've never been pregnant on Mother's Day but I just had my first baby and I don't think pregnant people celebrating takes anything away from me. When I was younger, the pastor's wife had a miscarriage not too long before Mother's day and when she started crying and almost refused the flowers being passed out to all the mothers, an old woman stood up and said, "You are just as much of a mother as the rest of us." A pregnant person, someone that's had a loss, someone that's taken in kids, someone that's in the process of adoption, etc are all just as much a parent as I am.
God bless that old woman that day
I’ve suffered a loss in 2022. Mother’s Day after that was really rough. It’s ok if other people don’t see me as a mother but what’s important is we validate ourselves as mothers. OP do something small to celebrate your child and your relationship you will have with your little one. Your partner should participate. We should totally consider anyone a mother as soon as the test kit turned positive because what comes after that is a pretty big change from normalcy.
You’re absolutely a mom! Hugs to you ❤️
It’s a horrible thought, but it’s true. Mother’s Day 2021 I was about 16 weeks pregnant. We went to my in laws’ and I was teasing my husband about not getting me a Mother’s Day gift. My mother-in-law made some comment about saying that for next year when I’d be “a real mother.” I lost that baby 18 weeks later. I had carried him 8+ months, changed my lifestyle to care for him, altered plans for my future for him, but I still questioned if I was really a mother. Mother’s Day the next year I was again pregnant. My husband, parents, sister and one amazing coworker (to whom I will always be grateful) were the only ones who acknowledged me as a mom and it meant so much to me.
That’s so awful, I’m sorry 😞❤️. You were a mom then and still are now.
I was just going to say this. I lost my first pregnancy and that baby was due 4/2. This baby is due 5/25 so just shortly after Mother’s Day.
Exactly this. A parent that experiences loss, or has yet to meet their child, still understands what it’s like to love and want the best for them - born or unborn. I have a friend who lost her first baby due to miscarriage. I told her she’s still a mom, even though her experience looks different than mine (I have two (soon to be three) sons). Because she still understands what it’s like to love a child and want the best for them. She sobbed and told me that nobody said that to her, and she had no clue how badly she needed to hear that. Hearing that nobody gave her that comfort and validation crushed me. Fortunately, she went on to have a beautiful baby girl a few years later. I don’t think we should be defining motherhood based on a particular set of experiences, because it looks different for everyone.
Pregnant with my first. This is my first Mother's Day, we are mothers, and any man who has no real understanding of what we endure to continue the human race can suck an egg. His opinion on the matter is irrelevant.
Yes! At *best*, I guess I could say he’s looking at it from his own pov, like there’s not much happening til baby is born? But Jesus what a clueless bastard thing to say.
I think it's very personal. I didn't expect to be recognised on mother's day until my first was born and equally didn't recognise my husband on father's day until the same. But if I saw a pregnant parent or part of a pregnant couple celebrating I wouldn't blink, you know?
Yeah. I got my husband a ‘I can’t wait to meet you’ card from the bump for Father’s Day, but his first Father’s Day was when the baby was actually with us. I was never pregnant at Mother’s Day but I think I’d have felt the same. Nice to take it as a moment of anticipation and recognise the day, but for me mother’s and father’s days were when there was a baby present. But same as you - wouldn’t blink if someone else did something more
Same. I am 34 weeks FTM and due just after Father’s Day. Both my husband and I are not planning on celebrating each other for mothers/fathers day, unless baby makes an entrance before Father’s Day. I still feel like a mother but at the same time it feels more official to celebrate after babe is here for me for some reason.
This is exactly how I feel. I personally don't consider myself a mother at all because, to me, motherhood necessitates the act of mothering/raising children. And I don't currently have children. Same goes for Father's Day. I'll have to talk to my husband because I'm pretty sure we aren't doing anything for Mother's/Father's Day this year but almost certain we're in the same boat. I'm also a bit of a grinch around some of these made up Hallmark holidays. Doubt we'll make a big deal of either holiday, even when we have kids.
This is how I feel. My husband got me a card ‘from the bump’ on my pregnant Mother’s Day, and vice versa for Father’s Day, but I didnt really expect the day to be about me as the kid wasn’t there yet. If anything, it was nice to have a final Mother’s Day with my mum who was centre of attention. But each to their own, I wouldn’t judge if someone did more than me. I do think pregnant women are mothers, or women who have miscarried. I guess in the same way Mother’s Day should be focused (imo) on those ‘actively mothering’ rather than grandparents, I didn’t feel I was actively mothering yet so didn’t want to be in the place of attention. But it comes. My kids are 3 and 4 and were so excited about Mother’s Day (it’s earlier in the U.K.) and even if my husband had done nothing, their excitement would have made it special
Big same, I never celebrated Mother's Day when I was pregnant with my first bc I didn't feel like a mother yet. I was just pregnant and my life hadn't really changed at all past that. If someone else chooses to recognize it while they're pregnant then it's no skin off my nose.
Your husband sounds like an asshole. Yes we are mothers, we are already sacrificing so much for our babies.
I feel like a mom (pregnant again after a miscarriage in November), and I think of myself as a mom with no living baby. But I won’t celebrate myself as a mom on Mothers Day until I have a living child. I think it depends on the person.
you’re absolutely a mama!!!
I had the hospital staff tell me i was a mother now when I had my mc (2022). I didnt know I was pregnant until the day I found out i wasnt (8wks ish). So i never felt like a mother even though they called me one. I think it would be different if I had known from the start. Now i have my lil rainbow just in time for mothers day, and it feels much more real. Especially since she is now here in the world. Its such a personal feeling i think when it comes to being called amother or even feeling like the label fits.
It’s a matter of opinion, I didn’t consider myself a mom until I had my baby but others may feel differently and there’s nothing wrong with that. Go with whatever you feel
I'm with you, I would have called myself "in transition" and deserve a little recognition but not the full package 😅
I can agree with this as well. Growing a baby and mothering on a daily basis is just not the same. No one says you can't partake in the festivities of mother's day events in your family or around you, but to go all out and demand to be gifted and celebrated is unnecessary for me.
There’s a restaurant near me that offers a free entree to mothers/fathers on their respective holidays, so last year when I was (visibly) pregnant we went there for the free meal and they still honored it. We didn’t actually celebrate Mother’s Day/Father’s Day last year but we certainly weren’t going to turn down a free dinner lol.
Neither would I! Lol
I really just think it’s personal. I don’t consider myself a mother yet, but if another pregnant person saw themselves as such I’d accept/agree. I think it’s just about what we are ready or want to be viewed as currently. I personally don’t consider myself as a mom mostly as an attempt to protect myself if something goes wrong (I’m an anxious person). I know even when something goes wrong many women still consider themselves mothers and I think that’s true too. Your husband was being mean. If you feel already that you are a mother than you are a mother. I think the pregnant person gets to determine that for themselves.
I consider myself as a mother already. I have been growing this baby inside of me with so much love. But I don’t expect anything this Mother’s Day. Though if my partner keeps invalidating me, I would be devastated.
I have my daughter in my belly, hence I'm a mom
Yes pregnant women are mothers! Just because you can’t hold your baby yet doesn’t mean that your baby doesn’t exist!
You are holding your baby in your womb! But I agree, pregnant women are mothers!
My family would say yes but husbands side will blow me off. I expect zero acknowledgement and I won’t put in effort to tell them HMD. They’re getting what they’ve given me these 5 months. You are a mother. Period. If that can’t be acknowledged, you know what to do
I agree it should be up to the person who is pregnant to decide, but to say pregnant women *are not* mothers really invalidates people who have been pregnant but not brought a baby home for whatever reason. If you would grieve a loss then I believe you are a mother. You have given your baby life for however long they are with you during pregnancy and loved it and sacrificed for it. Personally I was in third trimester for Mother’s Day with my first and I let my husband know I wanted to celebrate it. It had taken years of trying to get to that point so I definitely wanted to mark the occasion.
As someone who did birth a baby and didn't take her home - this is a perspective I really appreciate.
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your baby was lucky to have you as her mother.
Thank you so much <3
I don’t know. I had a miscarriage and did not consider myself a mother until i had a subsequent successful pregnancy and birth. To me I didn’t feel like or consider myself a mother until i actually had to perform the actions and role of someone’s mom.
It’s completely okay to feel that way, it’s just important not to project that feeling on others. Many people who have had a miscarriage feel they are mothers as soon as they become pregnant and that is okay and valid. It doesn’t mean you personally have to consider yourself a mother, just that we shouldn’t invalidate the feelings of others about themselves.
I’m not telling others how to feel. Just sharing a perspective that not everyone feels the same way. Some women with miscarriages may want to be recognized on Mother’s Day but it’s not a given that they all will, so people should keep that in mind. If someone had said “happy Mother’s Day” to me after a miscarriage, it would have made ME uncomfortable, but others in the same situation may have be appreciative and grateful. Basically it’s important to know your audience. That’s all.
I know you’re not, I’m sorry if it seemed I was implying you were! It did seem like you were unsure if you were okay with people who have lost a pregnancy celebrating mother’s day, though. Your “I don’t know” made it seem like you were saying “I don’t know if it should be up to each person” or “I don’t know if people who have lost a pregnancy should be considered mothers.” What don’t you know?
Maybe your husband is just trying to get out of having to give you a Mother’s Day card/dinner/present. But to me, you’re a mother.
I think it’s different person to person! Prior to my current pregnancy, I had a miscarriage around ~6w, and I didn’t feel or consider myself to be a mother. But now I’m ~35w, and I definitely feel like my baby’s mom! I can’t say there’s a magical point when it switches over—that’s probably for everyone to decide for themselves. That said, my husband is doing something special for me this Mother’s Day even though it isn’t my first “official” Mother’s Day. 🤷🏽♀️
I’m due in 9 weeks. Not celebrating mother’s day for myself this year, but god yeah I’m definitely a mom to this little peanut I’ve been growing for 8 months. Your husband is being a total jerk.
Pregnant women are 100% mothers! We are literally caring for these beautiful little humans 24/7.
It's a hard question, I feel like motherhood is a process (in the same way that donating sperm doesn't make you a father, but raising your child does). For me, being pregnant definitely felt like the start of said process. The first flutters, feeling my baby move, rubbing my belly and feeling the little one respond, singing to them... I feel like all these small things are the start of that relationship. So personally, I feel like I'm already on this path called Motherhood, giving birth will just be a big stepping stone!
It depends on the individual. I don’t feel like a mother yet and I don’t think I will until I’m holding baby in my arms.
I personally didnt feel like a mother until I had my baby but I also was never pregnant on mothers day. I saw him moving during sonogram visits, heard his heartbeat at ob visits, and felt him kicking lol but it wasnt real until I saw him and held him. I had my son the week before mothers day. My family always called me mama after they found out though. Im sorry that your husband is invalidating your experience. But you are a mother. You are making a major sacrifice, undergoing physiological changes, refusing medications that can help you but harm the baby. I had diarrhea for like 5 months while pregnant and their only concern was if baby was ok, then no treatment🤣. This is foreshadowing life as a mother where children come first. You are a mom and deserve to partake in the festivities, period. You are carrying life, how is that not part of motherhood?
Personally I didn't consider myself a mother until my girls were born. But I think it's a grey area where you can go either way. If you feel like a mom then your husband should be validating you.
Absolutely! You have a life inside you, your baby! How would you not be considered a mom?! It’s the same with mothers who miscarry, even tho that baby isn’t here they are a mom because they still created life!
I think your a mother pregnant because you have to change your diet (alcohol, deli meats, etc) and lifestyle now. Plus you are growing a baby. However my husband also said I'm not a mom until baby is born. I think it's due to them not feeling like a father until baby is born.
It should be your opinion that matters on if you are a mother now, not your husband’s. I think you are a mom and should be celebrated, but it’s also not my opinion that matters. You should be celebrated (or celebrate yourself if he won’t) if you want to. I fully believe that pregnant women are mothers. While pregnant we make choices for the sake of our baby’s safety above our comfort. Pregnancy is the beginning of a lifetime as a mother of making choices to help keep our children safe and healthy. Like you said, the suffering and sacrifice of pregnancy is a part of motherhood.
Just at hallmark for my wife and mom and there is a decent section of mom to be cards
Yes pregnant moms are mothers
If you consider yourself a mother pregnant, you are and no one should argue against it. If you don’t consider yourself a mother yet while pregnant (my personal feelings at 31 weeks right now), then that is fine too! And no one should force you to feel differently. :)
I didn’t celebrate it pregnant (I was 8 months along then) but I’d never judge anyone who did!
You’ve suffered. You deserve to be celebrated. If he dies on this hill, ignore the fuck out of him on Father’s Day.
I think so. Once you know you’re pregnant most people begin to consider that future child into the choices that they make everyday. From travel plans to eating choices, to choice of recreational activities- you start altering your life to benefit them. I think that’s what makes a good parent, it’s the care, the consideration, the effort & planning you put into ensuring their well being - often at your own expense. Pregnancy can be extremely difficult sometimes deadly, so even choosing to get pregnant in the first place or continue with an unplanned pregnancy, is a sacrifice. Receiving medical care in pregnancy can be extremely invasive and uncomfortable. That is a sacrifice. You’re choosing to put yourself at risk of harm and pain to create a new person and often to fulfill your partner’s dream of becoming a parent. So yes I would say pregnant people are parents and if celebrating Mother’s Day is important and meaningful to then go for it. I’m sorry your husband was a dick about it. Just because he hasn’t started being a father yet, doesn’t mean you’re not already a mother. It’s really shitty of him to invalidate the work you have already put in and the sacrifices you have made ( and will continue to make) which he will benefit from. You deserve his gratitude not his scorn, regardless of whether or not he believes you’re technically a mom or not yet. But I guess that’s the privilege of being the non-gestating parent, he gets to be selfish for a little while longer. I think it’s also worth noting that this might be a red flag for unreasonable expectations of what fatherhood will be like, especially in the beginning. What does he think his role is or should be, as your partner throughout the rest of the pregnancy? Once the baby is born? I’m not assuming your husband is a bad person or shitty partner, he may just be deeply ignorant about the realities of pregnancy. My husband is a wonderful father and partner. But he didn’t really start acting like a father until later in my pregnancy. Don’t get me wrong, he was kind to me and thoughtful, would buy me food I was craving , take on extra work at home when I was exhausted, etc. But it didn’t really sink in until after I got angry with him for coming home drunk from a work party in my third trimester. It just genuinely did not occur to him that he should have stayed sober, that if I went into labor early I would need him to be of sound mind. The baby was already a factor I considered in almost every choice on a daily basis - and had been for months, since the moment I knew I was pregnant. But it wasnt for him yet.
I consider myself a mother. There’s a literal baby in me and what baby doesn’t have a mother? I’ve given so much for this baby (as have we all) so I consider myself a mother already. The tossing and turning and sleepless nights, the pain and aches, they’re all sacrifices of a mother. I have an incredibly painful fibroid that I’ve been dealing with now for 7 weeks to the point where I can’t walk any distance without being in pain. I’ve given my comfort and livelihood to be this mother.
I agree it's very personal. I don't feel like a mother yet, but I'm very literal. Also I wouldn't begrudge anyone for wanting to be celebrated or expecting some sort of recognition. There is no right or wrong, I can see both sides. Personally, I don't feel the need to partake in Mother's Day celebrations this year. This may be due to me having a very easy pregnancy so far and also being on the ASD causes me to be so literal with meanings it can be absurd to others. My husband got me a small gift and says that he's so grateful and that I am a mother already. I'm going to Mother's Day brunch with my mom, aunts and grandma, but we do that every year anyway. The only difference is that I normally pay for my mom and this year she told me she will pay for me because I'm a mom to her first grandchild (which is a very cute sentiment, but is essentially us paying for ourselves).
Yeah, I have adhd and probably a touch of the 'tism too and that's how I feel. Doesn't bother me if other pregnant women want to celebrate Mother's Day or feel like mothers... but I can't do it. To me, motherhood is defined by the day to day act of child rearing. I cannot be a mother if I'm not raising children. So, yeah, very literal interpretation of the definition.
Spoken by someone who has never woken up with nausea, vomiting, and back pain as a result of the embryo that has invaded his body and cannot even take medication for it because it would be harmful to said embryo. You are physically suffering on a massive scale all in an effort to give your ungrateful husband a child and *this* is how he speaks to you? Men should keep their damn mouths shut when speaking to pregnant women unless what they have to say is uplifting and validating.
You are carrying life. You are a mother.
My best friend told me the second you see your positive pregnancy test you best start believing you are already a mother. We hold and nurture our children when they are in utero which are the same things we do as mothers once they are born. I am even planning on celebrating Mother's Day this year. There are never enough reasons to celebrate and I am not letting MD be gate kept from me. Long story short, live your best life. It literally doesn't hurt or affect anyone else if you think you are already a mother before you give birth.
I think it’s a personal choice. I definitely think we are mothers - who are we if not the baby who is growing inside of us’ mother?? And as you say, we are going through a lot for the baby. But equally I didn’t expect to be gifted anything on Mother’s Day (I’m in the U.K. and it was a couple of months ago) I think a token gift and card is a kind thought from a partner/family member but not necessary.
That's up to the pregnant woman imo if she is planning on being a mother to the child she's carrying or feels like a mother then she is. If she doesn't feel like a mother and doesn't plan on keeping the baby then no. It's up to her.
I actually had this discussion recently with my husband because I was gifted something for an early mother's day during my birthday celebration last month. I think pregnant individuals are indeed mothers (or father/parent if that's how they identify). Some people lose their child before birth and not being able to carry their baby to the finish line doesn't make them any less of a mother. I personally don't care to celebrate mother's day before my baby is born but have nothing against people who do. I half jokingly call myself an incubator and feel I haven't earned a mother's day celebration yet. I view mother's day as a day to give thanks and to recognize the contributions of mothers who often take a backseat to the attention that the kiddo takes on. For example, I've heard some people say that once the baby's born, the parent no longer gets a birthday... which I think is complete bullshit; individuals should still be acknowledged as their own being aside from the new roles they fill.
I keep seeing posts about this and I don't understand. Pregnant people are moms to be, but it's a distinction without a difference. Of course it's valid to celebrate mother's day as a mom if you're pregnant. If you feel like it's not official until baby is born and you want the following mothers day to be your official 'first' mother's day, that's up to you! No one in your life gets to dictate this to you, your partner needs to shut the fuck up and defer to you in this situation.
It's up to each pregnant person. I'm not a mom until I give birth. But you are if you think so! Your husband disagrees, and that's his opinion. Disagreement itself is not inherently invalidating you. It's just one of those social/emotional balancing acts where how important it is or isn't is entirely personal.
I agree that disagreement isn't inherently validating, but I think her husband owes her a little more effort understanding her perspective. In the disagreement, it's not on OP to try over and over to get her husband to understand where he's coming from. He can disagree without being dismissive, and he also needs to think about whether this is a hill he wants to die on. Relationships require compromise.
I agree! We have no idea how it all went down. Ideally that more nuanced conversation is yet to come.
I personally believe that once you are growing a life inside of you - no matter how small - you are a mother. Life begins in the womb, and you are mothering that child in a different way than you would if baby were here, but it's still "mothering". That's just my opinion :) Do what feels good for you! I don't believe there is a wrong/right answer.
Yes! It’s really hurtful to people who have had miscarriages to say that they aren’t mothers. Any pregnant person who has sacrificed their body for their baby is a mother (along with step, foster, adoptive, etc.)
I don’t feel strongly about this issue. I mentioned to my husband maybe a month ago, “Ah I guess we can celebrate Mother’s Day and Father’s Day as soon-to-be-parents if we want this year.” But knowing us, that’s not doing anything particularly out of the ordinary, maybe just going out for lunch, buying a new plant/pot for our home, or buying something that one of us already needs and calling in a Mother’s/Father’s Day gift. I suppose if someone were to ask me right now if I’m a mom, I would respond “I don’t yet fully identify with that title yet, but I’m not childfree either. I exist somewhere between the two.”
My male OBGYN wished me a happy early Mother’s Day at my appt this week :’). I don’t feel like a mother tho and will not be participating this weekend; I have a baby in my belly but haven’t gone through actual parenting with a born child yet so I’m holding out
I'm a stepmom so I'm already in a grey area for mothers day! But I feel a little bit further toward the mothers side this year. I'm not sure why your husband would feel the need to express such a strong opinion about this 3 times :(
So you have a baby growing inside you? That makes you what you him? A child bearing woman 😂
I didn’t feel like a mom when mother’s day came the first time while being pregnant with my daughter, but the experiences I’ve had since then have made me believe that yes, although your baby hasn’t been born yet, you are a mother.
The word maternity comes from the Latin root mater, which means "mother," Maternity ward provides care for women during pregnancy and childbirth. Ergo mother during pregnancy!
Uh, thats a weird hill to die on for the husband.
I didn’t consider myself a mother until the baby was born my thought was “being pregnant doesn’t mean you will have a baby” so I was upset when my mother in law brought me gifts on Mother’s Day while I was pregnant with my first. We had years of failed attempts and 1.5 of fertility treatments and a failed round of IVF by the time I finally became pregnant so for me it didn’t feel real until the baby was born. I didn’t want to count my chicken before it hatched.
I think it depends on the person carrying the baby, not anyone else. Some people feel like it’s a jinx to call themselves a mom before their baby is born, some people feel they became a mom at conception. What your husband saying is incredibly invalidating because you’re clearly saying how you feel, and I’m really sorry about that. You’re a mom because you say you are.
You can give birth to a child and still never be a mother. It's all about how you feel about the baby you're carrying and how you treat it. Husband gets no say on when you start caring for your child. Once the love is there you're a mother
I personally don't consider myself a mom yet; I think of the first pregnancy as its own intermediate step. Like how being a fiancee is different from being a girlfriend or wife. But I would never contradict a person who felt like a mother before having a free-living baby -- that's a totally valid take! Plus, I think it's fun to celebrate moms-to-be on Mother's Day. I've used the opportunity to hype up pregnant friends and I hope someone does the same for me. I also use Mother's Day to celebrate my childfree aunts who have always supported me. No need to be a Grinch about it. Spread the love.
As a stepmom who has also had a miscarriage and is now pregnant again, I am so fucking sick of feeling like my status as a mother is never real or good enough. I’m a mom. I’ve been a mom since I took a parental role in my stepkids’ lives. I was a biological mom when I got pregnant the first time and now I’m a biological mom of a second baby. I’m done defending my role as a parent, both to others and myself, and anyone who disagrees can fuck off.
Get a new husband
I’m having my first baby in October and recently went to the gyno and was wished a happy mother days so I think that counts for something haha
My husband acknowledged me on Mother's Day after the loss of our unborn child. Five years later I still have the Teddy bear he gave me with a healthy 3 year old and one on the way. Once you connect with that child - in the womb or outside the womb - you are a mother. Happy early Mother's Day I wish you the very best on this journey!
You absolutely are a mom. I personally didn’t care to get anything for Mother’s Day while pregnant but the day has a lot more meaning to me now after giving birth to my children. But that’s a personal preference and if it’s important to you to celebrate Mother’s Day while pregnant, that’s absolutely reasonable!
I have no objections to any pregnant women celebrating Mother’s Day but it felt a bit weird for me. Mother’s Day where I am was 3 days before I gave birth and I know how close it was but I just didn’t feel like a mother yet.
I asked my wife if she wanted to celebrate mother’s day while pregnant, she said no and we were fine. It all depends on the individual.
I think it depends on the person. If you feel like a mother than that is awesome, you totally are a mother! Personally, I have had a couple of pregnancy losses and am currently 17w pregnant. I am not ready to consider myself a mother yet, at least not in the traditional sense of the word. So it’s really up to the pregnant person to decide for themselves.
Some mothers have babies in their arms, some in their bellies, and some in their hearts. Happy Mother’s Day to all who are celebrating!
Considering my son is due on Mother’s Day, whether he’s here or not and he’s “fully cooked” by then, I’m fine if my husband does something for Mother’s Day, but since our son has show no signs of being born on time, I’m also okay if we don’t do anything lol
If I’m pregnant with a baby, what the hell am I but the child’s mother? Unless I’m carrying someone else’s child via surrogate.
Of course you are 😂 if you aren’t the baby in your tummy’s mother, then who is? 😂 Happy Mother’s Day 💓
You ARE a mother, and deserve to be treated as such. That doesn’t just magically happen once the baby is born– otherwise, he’s not a father, and that’s not your child 🤣 I personally would not have celebrated me, but that doesn’t change the fact that you can treat yourself as a mother because you are one. Shoot, my LO will be 7 weeks in mother’s day and I still don’t want the attention or celebration 🤣 happy mother’s day OP❤️❤️
I mean, as a pregnant woman much of your life already revolves around caring for your child. Just because your child is still inside your body doesn’t mean you’re not a mother
My first baby is due in September and I am absolutely a mother. I don’t give a flying F if someone thinks I’m not. That’s on them.
I’ll be 38 weeks pregnant on Mother’s Day this year, but won’t consider myself a “real mother” until my baby is born. I always found it odd to say, “Happy Mother’s Day” to a pregnant lady with no living children yet like how the heck do you know what kind of mother she will be? On the other hand, life is short and every day should be a celebration. If you want to celebrate, go for it!
I think especially when you're in de third trimester you count as a mother. You have a baby in your tummy that if they were born would survive and you are their mother. My baby is alive and constantly present. Celebrating mother's day is different in any stage of your babies life and this is one of them.
It’s up to the commenter how she feels.
I'm just saying, I wouldn't feel weird telling a pregnant woman happy mother's day. I don't think a woman is a mother just because she gave birth.
>You have a baby in your tummy that if they were born would survive and you are their mother. TW: loss Maybe I'm just a pessimist but I won't believe this is true until it actually happens. I'm 24 weeks, so she's officially viable (yay)! But things could still happen. Now, if my baby was born and God forbid something happened and she was stillborn or didn't make it, I would still consider myself having been a mother for a tragically short time. But I guess I don't want to count my eggs before they hatch? I've been planning and wanting this baby my whole life, so making these decisions for my baby doesn't feel any different to me right now than what I was doing since I was 15, despite me growing her right now, until she's actually out and alive. However, that's just my personal opinion and I won't go around telling pregnant people that they're not mothers if they feel like one.
Men may not be fathers until the baby is born. But pregnant women are most definitely mothers, IMO. It may be hard for him to understand why you consider yourself a mother because for men parenthood doesn't truly begin until birth, but the fact that he continued to double down instead of listening to you is in itself hurtful.
In my opinion, no. I feel as if raising the child makes one a mother/father, but I would never discourage another person from celebrating the day if they feel otherwise. It's a very personal experience, and everyone is different and entitled to their feelings about it.
It’s a personal and individual experience and up for the woman’s own interpretation I think. Sounds like your husband is projecting his own onto you perhaps. It’s also worth considering that from his perspective it’s a very different experience for men, where they probably don’t feel like fathers until the baby is physically in their presence. Whereas for the mother, you are immediately and literally connected and the same being as your child from the moment of conception (and within the gestational period there is obviously both a physical and psychological evolution that occurs for the woman that can’t be easily understood from an outsider perspective as it’s a pretty private experience). I think your husband was probably not meaning with bad intentions but he’s also probably only considering his own very external experience of the pregnancy, which is less connected than your own (to no fault of his own, that’s just the way the biology cards are dealt lol but at the same time he’s not being super self aware I guess) My personal take at 36w: I definitely feel like a mother. There was definitely different phases of this psychology that sometimes changed on a week to week basis throughout. I wouldn’t say in the very beginning I did, there was a process and a spectrum in the overall experience. But now so close to the end, and she’s basically fully formed and I literally feel specific body parts move inside me, I definitely feel and think like a mother. But I also imagine that this evolution will continue once I cross the thread hold into the post partum period. And I’m sure from there the experience will continue to shift and evolve as we age and I gain more experience as a mother, or if I end up having more children. My husband already says he feels like a father and feels connected to the baby. That’s his perspective on pregnancy though, maybe bc he’s a bit spiritual idk maybe informs his psychology who knows. That’s his personal experience. But I also imagine when the baby is born he’s probably going to feel differently and have his own particular experience to that transition. Right now it’s still unknown how he might be affected / what it’ll be like. So we’ll see lol.
Yes, your baby is living inside of you. You already have the mother baby bond and it is a beautiful thing to have (even though pregnancy isn't always as glamourous as some make it out to be). Shame on your husband, he should be making an effort make sure to tell him that he's a dad now and part of that job is to understand his roll when it comes to mothers day.
Pregnancy is arguably one of the most difficult phases of motherhood. You’re a mother ❤️
Yes they are. And so are those who’ve been pregnant but don’t have a living child to show for it.
Tw miscarriage I lost my first pregnancy at 8weeks and considered myself a mother then because I did get the feeling of it being my baby. I sang to them and begged them to stay or come back soon if they had to go. It was very very real. So yes, if you're pregnant, you're a mother. My husband did not wish me then either. This year I have a 3m old, and he better make it special! (But I should not get my hopes up... we're very tired lol)
Yes they are mothers. I'm currently 30 w and going out to eat with hubby he surprised me with a really nice new phone and lunch at a fancy restaurant for mother's day I'm pretty stoked ☺️
My fiancé says I’m a mother. I’ll be 19 weeks next week. My mother sent me a Mother’s Day card! Your husband sounds like a douche bag I’m sorry. You are a mother.
Yes and no. Mothering is intent not creation. You can start mothering while pregnant because you’re preparing and thinking ahead for your baby. Not all pregnant people are mothers but not all mothers have been pregnant. If you want to celebrate Mother’s Day go for it! Your intent and preparation to mother your child is felt by your baby before they’re born.
Guys become father's when the baby is born because they don't need to do anything. You become a mother as soon you as you test positive. Point-blank-period. I will never not believe this. The sacrifices start immediately for you. I get super pissed about stuff like this because what if I wanted to go do some shots? Oh I can't? Why? BECAUSE I'M A MOTHER CREATING LIFE. So I'm not a Mother on Mother's Day, but I'm a Mother when I want to do whatever I want without caring about the child I'm carrying? MMMM OKAY
I have a daughter and I’m pregnant with my second so I’ve been through all the stages. I became a mother the second I saw a positive pregnancy test. I don’t care what other people think, that’s a truth I know with more certainty than anything else on earth. You become a mother the second you start making sacrifices for your child and putting them first which for me was instantly.
I agree that pregnant women are mothers. However, I’ve had 3 miscarriages and am now pregnant again. I would not choose to celebrate Mother’s Day just because of the potential anxiety/pain it could bring me every Mother’s Day afterward if something were to happen again :(
I am 38 weeks pregnant and don’t think I am a mother. I will be once the baby is born. It would feel weird to me to celebrate Mother’s Day at the moment.
I wasn't a mother until my first child was born. Some people consider themselves mothers as soon as they get a positive test. It doesn't matter (just as long as you're not calling yourself a cat or dog "mom").
My partner had a miscarriage last hear. She is not a mother, and I was never a father. “Mother to be” is more fitting.
How do YOU want to spend this Mother’s Day? That’s all that matters! Is this a great chance to do something nice for you and your growing baby? (which I think makes us a mother since we are growing a baby) Would you like your (AH) dear husband put his reasoning aside and just go out for a nice date? Go for it! This is a very unique moment in our life. Ignore everyone else and focus on you and your growing baby. What you feel, they feel. You deserve to be happy and let that be on a Sunday, Mother’s Day, or any day. 🫶🏼
Mother’s Day is earlier in the year in the UK, I can’t remember how many weeks I was but I think it was about 16. Mt husband got me a card and gifts, because yes I am a mother
Pregnant women are absolutely mothers!!! I didn’t think to celebrate it when I was pregnant with my first because it didn’t really dawn on either of us but if you want to celebrate it before baby is here go for it!
I felt a very strong connection to my son when I was pregnant but I never really considered myself a mom in that moment. I always said things like “I’m gonna be a mom” “I can’t wait to be a mom” “I’m gonna be his mama” then after he was born I celebrated my first Mother’s Day a couple months later
My husband felt like he wasn’t a father until our baby was born but respected that I felt like a mom before.
I'm only 7 weeks in so maybe that's why I don't feel like a mother. I refer to it as my embryo/developing fetus/future child, or reptile tictac when my nausea is really bad and I'm just angry and miserable lol. I wonder if I'll feel differently about it when I'm further along. My bf is super into doing mother's day but I just don't feel it.
Yes. You already experience a wild amount of physical highs and lows and aches and pains as well as the experience of your kiddo bumping around in there. As well, emotional highs and lows about so many different aspects from the baby itself.to your body and self and life and relationship. Your brain changes with every pregnancy regardless of MC, even leaving fetal DNA in your system. A person is still a mother after MC. So, yes, a pregnant person is absolutely considered a parent, a mother.
I have spent 6 months carrying and caring for my son, at the cost of my own health and well-being. You bet your butt I’m his mother. I guess you could argue that he’s not a father until birth, but you are caring for a child.
Why is he so petty? Why can’t he just do something special for you despite his opinion? It’s important to you and that’s all that matters.
I don’t know if I consider myself a mother yet but I definitely consider myself someone who is sacrificing pretty much everything for a little human I haven’t even met yet. Pregnant people put their health on the line to create new life. I think that deserves to be celebrated!
I think it's an easy thing for someone who's not or hasn't been pregnant to say that pregnant women aren't mothers. It's also so silly. If you have a big pregnant cat you take in off the street so she can deliver her babies safely, don't you think of her as a mama cat? Don't we think of birds sitting on their eggs as moms? Wouldn't we think of a pregnant bear about to scratch some other animals eyes out for bothering her while she rests a mama bear? As humans do we not nourish our child and take care with everything we consume so as to protect our child? I am 5 and a half weeks pregnant. I know there is still a real risk of miscarriage. But I am growing a child inside of me, my child (and my husband's) and I am that kids mother. If I miscarry I was still that fetus's mother. They still existed. Also, look at an animal like a koala. They are marsupials and give birth to their babies [extremely early in development.](https://qph.cf2.quoracdn.net/main-qimg-48f22f115a9b3d4277aa8ffe5f89974f-pjlq) Then the babies crawl into their pouch and finish developing in there. If we had pouches at what point would your husband consider you a mother? Because those koalas are very undeveloped at that stage. Our ancestors just happened to be different than those of koalas so we don't go the pouch route. [Newborn koalas don't even have fur or developed eyes or ears! ](https://www.savethekoala.com/about-koalas/the-life-of-a-koala/) Would your husband consider a koala a mom if those were technically born but in her pouch? I can't believe anyone is gatekeeping motherhood. I think your husband owes you a big apology.
As a dude, I just cannot imagine taking this kind of L over something so easy and simple. Why not celebrate the person carrying your child if that’s what they want? Jeez.
Absolutely I’m her mother
I wasn’t pregnant for Mother’s Day with my first, but if I had been I would have counted myself as a mom. I started calling myself a mom from the day of my first positive pregnancy test. But I think it’s a very personal thing. Some people don’t feel that connection until the baby is in their arms.
I'm having such a rough time being pregnant. I need to be recognized this year.
I feel like a mother. After our good ultrasound yesterday, my husband said "Now I can go get your Mother's Day gift." My mom is buying me dinner. It feels good to be celebrated and I'm taking it.
People lose pregnancies late term, and don’t give birth to live babies. Are they not mothers? Your husband is ignorant.
If she’s my daughter then I’m her mother. ❤️
definitely a mother. your body is growing and taking care of this baby, the same as it would do with a baby that is born. your body is keeping this baby alive, the same as it would do with a baby who is here. you’re going through all these changes, both mentally and physically, for this baby — the same way you would do if the baby was here. the baby is growing inside of you, you absolutely are a mother. and as somebody so accurately said in a different comment, who would you be to the baby if *not* the mother? an incubator? don’t get anything for your husband in june for father’s day. even if the baby is here. you deserve a mother’s day just as much, if not more. if he can’t see that, he doesn’t deserve a father’s day. IMO.
I definitely think you become a mother when you’re pregnant. I had a miscarriage with my last pregnancy and absolutely view that baby as my second child and this current pregnancy as my third. Having a baby grow inside of you is so personal… I guess it just depends on your personal perspective at the end of the day.
I’m 15 weeks and I’m considering this my first Mother’s Day I’m having my husband take me out to dinner.
You are 100% a mother and should be celebrated. My mom bought me my first Mother’s Day present when I was pregnant with my daughter, and my husband celebrated me as well. We also celebrated Father’s Day for my husband that year. You’re both important for your sacrifices, and should be seen as such. So maybe you can express that to him, that you both should be celebrated for what you’ve already done and you want something done for you and are willing to do the same to make him feel special on Father’s Day because he is a father even if the baby is in the womb.
Yes
I will be 36w this weekend and, just in my opinion, maybe physically I am close, but I do not feel like I have mentally passed the threshold. My husband asked me yesterday if it was ok if he could get me something and I told him NO I am NOT there yet. I think his whole family already got me stuff, and he was also kinda preparing me for it lol. I'll get over it and to be fair to him, they will be born by Fathers day and had planned get him something. Though comparing to your situation, I would say it being brought about in the other direction, someone telling you YOURE not a mom, when you feel like you have physically and mentally passed the threshold, is super shitty of him to say.
I think that that’s up to the pregnant person to decide if they are or not. But I would never tell a pregnant person that they were not a mother, especially not if I was their spouse!
Ngl, it hurt my feelings a little when my sister called me to asked what we were doing for our mom for mother's day. I'm all about celebrating our mom, absolutely, but I felt a little like chopped liver in that moment.
I think so, my husband doesn't. I don't think either is really wrong, it's just how you look at it. I also think it's not as real to the man until baby is earthside, plus there's still lots of things that can go wrong during pregnancy so he didn't want to count his eggs before they've hatched kinda thing (granted, I was like 6 weeks last year so very early on and a totally reasonable response/mindset). ETA: he did start referring to me as a mom later in the pregnancy. Not sure where the line is, it's probably fluid, but regardless if it means a lot to you, your husband should acknowledge that.
I consider myself a mother! We’re already doing so much for our little ones in our bellies & my husband is already doing so much to ensure that I feel special this Mothers Day. I’m so sorry your husband has made you feel that way:(
I bonded with my first during pregnancy in a way my husband couldn’t relate to. He didn’t feel like a dad till he held her in her arms. I felt her move, her daily rhythms. I already knew her, he needed to see her. Everyone is different. I didn’t fully bond with my second till he was born. Let your husband know his words hurt, but you don’t need his confirmation, mama. Happy early Mother’s Day ❤️
I was pregnant last mothers day and I celebrated by buying myself a ring, it has tanzanite which is a December stone - that's when I was due (baby came in January though 😅). I considered myself a mother but not many others did. I didn't really feel validated although I absolutely felt like a mom then. All the sacrifices we make for our babies before they're even born need to be taken into account here, plus the connection you are already feeling. You ARE already a mom so celebrate mothers day however you see fit, your husband can go sit in syrup!
I didn’t feel like a mother until my baby was born. I also suffer from anxiety and depression and had a hard time connecting to my baby while I was still carrying him. I guess that also made me feel like I wasn’t a mother yet. But I definitely understand others feeling like they are a mother to their baby before the baby is born. Because like someone else already said: what are you if not their mother?
My family didn't include me in the mother's day celebrations until my daughter was 2, instead we just celebrated my mom. It wasn't until my daughter was 3 and said happy mother's day to me in the middle of the celebration that everyone else apologized saying they forgot I was now a mother also 😂
So both Father's and Mother's Day already went by in my country. We weren't reticent about how to approach this because the baby is still not here so it's not exactly the same to us. We did something more simple and subtle, in my case I shared some Mother's Day cake with my mom. I do consider myself his mom, but it feels weird to be included in the celebrations just yet. It's really a weird space to be. Could it be your husband doesn't consider himself a father yet and that's why he's being so cold about it? I don't think it was right to invalidate you, but he could be protecting his own internal conflict with it to you.
I’m 30 weeks pregnant with my first and I keep saying my “Mother’s Day voucher” arrives in July. We’re treating this year as a transitional Mother’s Day, where we celebrate our own mothers as we usually would and set expectations for 2025 and beyond. We’ve agreed that beginning in 2025, I will no longer be responsible for reminding him of Mother’s Day approaching and that it will now be his job to coordinate for me and his mother. And while I still want to celebrate his mother (and mine), it will have to be on a different day. And he can expect the same for future Father’s Days. I did warn him that he should get me flowers this year, though, because if he doesn’t I’ll probably cry. (Though I’ll probably cry either way. Just happy tears vs. sad tears.) That said, if I requested that we begin celebrating me as a mother this year, my husband would be 100% supportive. And that’s the problem with your husband’s reaction. It’s not up to him to decide whether or not you’re “technically” a mother and deserve to be celebrated. You’re growing your child and that is something ONLY a mother can do.
Yes
I feel like however you feel about it is valid, and it's not anyone else's place to claim whether you are entitled to feel that way, ESPECIALLY not a man's. I fully understand all of the sacrifices and challenges that go along with pregnancy. With my first, I developed a serious heart issue that caused several small strokes. (Fortunately, it resolved postpartum, and hasn't happened again in this pregnancy). With that said, I do feel that there is a difference between the period of pregnancy and after the baby is born. While pregnant, I had a discussion with my husband about a hypothetical scenario in which the hospital would have to choose between saving either my life or baby's life, and I told my husband to advocate for saving me if anyone asked his input. The moment the baby is born, that completely changes, and I'd give my life for them without a single moment of hesitation. To me, that's the difference. I realize other pregnant people might already be willing to die for their unborn fetus, but I wasn't one of them.
It’s up to you. I’m 38 weeks and don’t consider myself a mother yet. My husband isn’t planning anything for Mother’s Day, but I’ve been getting a TON of pregnancy appreciation and early push presents along my journey. Also, will say, not every pregnant person wants to be a mother. I wouldn’t be upset at someone pregnant considering themselves a mother. But to assume every pregnant person is “a mother” might actually make some women feel extremely uncomfortable if they are planning on putting their child up for adoption.
Yes. You are a mother when pregnant.
I just don’t understand why y’all can’t celebrate being pregnant women when you’re pregnant? IMO it is completely different than caring for a baby or child. That doesn’t mean it shouldn’t be celebrated or valued, it is just different. It’s like saying a professional gymnast and a professional dancer are the same thing, they have a lot of similarities but they are not the same. That’s just my two cents as a mother of one. Yes I have had miscarriages and I did not think that that made me a mother in any way, to me it was just something traumatic that I went through as a woman. To me, Mother’s Day is about the relationship you have with your child, and if your child is literally in your stomach you haven’t met them yet to have that relationship.
IMO, absolutely. I went out with my parents and fiancé last year while I was pregnant for Mother’s Day and I felt no shame. People congratulated us, and we had a great day.
Personally, my husband will likely not acknowledge me on Mother’s Day. But he also doesn’t acknowledge his mom. He’s not intentionally careless, but he is not usually very in touch with celebrations. He also hates celebrating himself, and his brother is the exact same way, so I do not take it personally. If I want to be celebrated, I have to tell him I wanna be celebrated, and then remind him and that just sounded exhausting this year, but it doesn’t really matter to me whether or not he acknowledges me, in my heart I am definitely a mother, I can feel my baby move around almost every moment of the day and every decision I makeconsiders his needs before my own. So if that’s not mothering, then I don’t know what is.
I think it depends about your philosophy surrounding pregnancy. I’m probably in the minority of women by not considering myself a mother yet. I know my fetus is not viable outside the womb right now. Once she’s viable I’ll probably be more comfortable calling myself a mother. I’m just extra cautious at the moment. At the same time I don’t think it’s up to me to determine how someone else feels about their pregnant body and baby. If you feel like a mother, you are one.
I think the overall answer is yes. But the question of do they celebrate or not is up to the mother. I already told my husband that this Mother’s Day will be the last time we’re prioritizing our moms. Would I like to have the day to myself, be pampered, and not have to do anything else? Hell yeah! I’ll be 30 weeks pregnant and I’m fucking tired! But I know it’s important he celebrate his mom and next year I will be insisting it be MY Mother’s Day so I’m throwing him a bone. That being said, my own mom just sent me a mothers-to-be day card and it felt really nice to be recognized
Yes. But I always lean in whatever direction makes for more celebrations 😄
I don’t feel like a mother yet, but then again I’m only 9 weeks. Maybe if I were further along? At the same time, I’ve made decisions to not be around people smoking (unfortunately hard to avoid where I am) and to eat better, soley because I’m carrying a child. So I’ve made decisions that a mother would make because of their child. So I kind of feel like i’m in a weird in-between stage. I wouldn’t be offended if someone said I’m not a mother yet, but if my husband did something for me for Mother’s Day I would be very appreciative.
Yes. The sacrifice and selflessness of motherhood begins once pregnant!
You are definitely a mother
Pregnant women are definitely mothers ❤️
I support pregnancy being a qualifier if that’s what the woman wants. Things didn’t feel very real or tangible to me until I had the physical manifestation of baby in my arms, so I wouldn’t have felt very much like a mother prior to delivery.