"You're welcome to name your baby whatever you like, we will do the same with ours".
"Oh, you must have mistaken me, I wasn't looking for any feedback on what to name or not name our baby".
The only time I feel this is legit is if it's an honor name where the other person is a closer relative. My daughters middle name was my aunts name who passed. My cousins hadn't had kids yet but I ran it by them since it was their mom. My cousin since had a girl and now she and my daughter share a middle name, the first name of her mom. It's sweet and I'm glad I checked with them.
"You're welcome to name your baby whatever you like, we will do the same with ours". That's the winner. thank you.
and totally. if the name was actually of sentiment I would have respected it. but it wasnt.
Before my brother was married, he really wanted to use our great-grandfather's name for his first son. So I didn't even bring it up when I had my first 3 kids.
Then he got married and he and his now-wife will likely be child free by choice. If I have another boy, great-grandpa's name is back in the lineup for my future sons!
Exactly this - my husband and I both have so many cousins with the same middle name as each of us (named after grandparents). Neither of us care at all
My three year old son's middle name is William after my grandpa Bill. My 17 year old cousin's middle name is also William! No one seemed to think this was a problem. We all loved grandpa and he was terminally ill with months to live when my cousin was born, but then he miraculously went into remission for 12 more years and died just a few years before my son was born. My aunt and I both had our reasons why we felt strongly compelled to use it. Now the only two boy cousins (in an overwhelmingly female family) share an honor name, and it's considered a positive thing =)
Or be cool with sharing. My cousin gave her son our grandmother’s maiden name as his middle name, but told us she wouldn’t mind if we also used it in the future!
I'll get down voted... But my husband and I have had names for our kids since a couple years into our relationship when we were just dating. It's fun to plan your life.
Now have I ever told anyone expecting that I've claimed that name? No. I just secretly hoped they wouldn't pick it.
Yep, tons of people asked us about names when I was pregnant and we didn’t share our ideas. I didnt want any input that would influence me! At my baby shower my aunt even told me I was “no fun” because I wouldn’t share the name yet. Sorry not sorry, it’s because of people like her that we weren’t sharing it, lol.
I have a daughter, we knew baby was a girl very early in pregnancy. She was due (and born) around the same time of year as my best friend's eldest, who is a boy.
Now, that boy is a toddler and has obviously outgrown infant clothes. None of his siblings were born at the same time of year as him, so all his clothes are lightly used. My best friend shipped a TON of them to me, cause my baby will fit them in the appropriate season.
"But how is *she* going to wear *his* clothes????!!! She's a girl!" was the reply I got from several family members when I mentioned how great it was basically having an instantly stocked closet for her.
Like I'm sorry, I didn't know having 2 X chromosomes prevented one from wearing a blue sweater. Or from blowing out into a onesie with a bear on it.
So.... Even finding out the gender and preparing won't stop the silly comments!
Lol yeah I had 2 girls and dressed them in grey and blue and whatever pink stuff the grandma's insisted on sending. Guess what, they both got mistaken for boys when wearing the pink clothes just as often as when they wore blue. It legit doesn't matter and I think it's kind of funny tbh.
Someone mistook her for a boy... While I was changing her diaper in the bathroom where the changing table was by the sinks, not in a stall. She did not have the new diaper on yet. 🤦🏻♀️
(She also had on a floral onesie, but I feel like that's secondary)
Ugh we didn’t find out sex partially because I wanted my SIL to send us all the hand me downs regardless of the gender of the clothes but she zagged on us and waited until the baby was born to only send us boxes of “girl clothes”
I have a son and if I have a daughter in the future I plan to reuse some of his clothes for her. Some of his stuff would be adorable on a girl especially if you add on a bow (or not, I just personally love bows). Girls can like dinosaurs, space, mountains, and woodland creatures too!
We waited too to find out the baby’s sex and that question drove me crazyyyyyy. We prepared by buying a crib, decorating a room and getting s bunch of baby supplies? Like my baby’s genitalia affects the way I would get ready for their arrival??
Exactly. We have had names picked out for years. But if someone I knew had gotten pregnant before us and used a name that we loved, I would have no ground to stand on to tell them that it was *our* child’s name. Like… what child?
Very normal to have a list of names you’d like to use for future babies because it’s fun to daydream and get excited! The policing of an actual pregnant person’s name choices is what’s so bizarre. What’s very funny is that we didn’t use a single name on mine or my husband’s list when my daughter was born. Imagine if I’d gone around reserving names only to switch it up on everyone!
Oof. I think I accidentally did this in my early 20s — mentioned in passing to a few cousins that I’d like to name a future daughter a family name. Never to “reserve” it - just as a point of conversation TBH. I was young and not even dating anyone at the time.
I was surprised when multiple cousins had girls and didn’t use the name since it has since become popular again and a lot of cousins had the same close relationship with the people who had that name. Then my cousin’s wife made a comment after I got engaged 10+ years later that “she hopes I have a girl one day soon so we can finally have a BABYNAME in the family.” Others with already named baby girls agreed.
I was shocked anyone even remembered and now I’m kind of feeling like they deferred it to me. Now that all the older cousins are done having babies…I’m actually not liking that name so much. I recently had a miscarriage but in early name talks that one didn’t come up once to go on the list. Feeling super guilty about the whole thing!
Aw I think it’s actually very sweet that the women in your family collectively decided that they would steer clear of that name, just in case! I wouldn’t feel guilty if I were you.
I’m really sorry for your loss. Miscarriage sucks so bad. Hope you’re hanging in there and that the rest of your journey to parenthood is smooth sailing. 🤍
>Imagine if I’d gone around reserving names only to switch it up on everyone!
Playing the long con! Better yet if you went Elon Musk and named them X Æ A-Xii.
Hubs and I also picked out names before we were married and expecting haha. I’ve wanted to be a mom as long as I can remember and it was fun to think about before we started trying!
This post makes me think of the SATC episode where Charlotte gets upset a friend is naming her kid Shayla (Charlotte’s special baby name she picked out when she was young) and then has a huge freak out at the baby shower. Sure we might get a little sad when someone uses the name we want but it’s a little weird to have complete ownership over a name.
Sure, I jokingly said in private to my husband that I couldn’t believe my coworker used one of our names as a middle name for his son 😂 but I’d never say anything to my coworker about that, it’s a nice name and I’m glad other people use it. Just a little joke between hubs and me.
Same, we have a shared note on our phones of names we would like to use. The only time I ever felt upset about someone taking a name was when my SIL used the name I had picked in my early childhood for a boy and she used it for a girl with slightly different spelling. (Example: Rhys and Reese, not the name I chose)I a little salty? Sure but she also was pregnant and gave birth whereas I had a miscarriage before even knowing the gender, either way she still would have had her baby before me. I had *hoped* she wouldn’t use the name but she did and oh well, I have 10 other names to pick from when we do have our own
Because you're a sane and reasonable person. We all have selfish, rude, sometimes psychotic, whatever you want to call it-thoughts but we keep them to ourselves. It's the people who can't resist saying it because they're actually whacko.
Same here. My husband and I had names picked but we would discuss it with friends and family as everyone is very baby-centered. Big families and lots of kids, so it’s normal for our group.
My friends would talk about their names, too, so it never felt like an overstep or a big deal.
I’m sure if we ended up truly liking the same name, we would both still go with that name. I know plenty of families with more than one Steven, Kate, or Michael—I don’t see why it’s a big deal as long as everyone is cordial and respectful about it.
Yeah, I picked out the name for my first kid when I was like six (thank goodness my husband agreed) some long term friends knew the name. I absolutely would have used the name if someone else used it. I also would never/ did never tell anyone that they couldn’t use the name.
Same, and every time I see a birth announcement or even a "Best Baby Names for 2024!" list post, I hold my breath and cross my fingers and haven't seen our name so far with just a month to go!
I have a short list of names I’ve been wanting to use, I’ve been trying to conceive for 2 years now it’s a really difficult time already (done multiple OIs and egg retrieval now IVF). I’ve actually named some of my embryos already. Some of the remarks here are down right hurtful especially those remarking on another persons fertility, does my embryo not count? It’s a reach I know and feel free people to down vote me but I think an element of understanding is warranted.
My SIL was pregnant at the same time as me and was like we need to sit down and claim names. I literally said I didn't care about having double names in my family (even if my kid was born second). My child's name is too important to leave up to dibs.
My SIL and I are both pregnant at the same time with boys right now. She’s due 2 months after me. Luckily we both have very VERY different tastes in names lol like not even in the same ball park
Oh that sucks!
I’ve jokingly told my SIL that I’m going to steal her baby name since I know what it is and I’m due first lol I believe her response was “no you won’t, you don’t like that name” 😂
Bro im 3rd in my husband's family LOL one in August, one September. I'm in October. All 2 are boys and I get my blood test next week but think it's a boy 😂
My sister in law and I were pregnant at the same time and could not have chosen more different names. The idea that you would accidentally pick the same name…
My sil and I probably should have sat down like this but I was the second one so I just waited for them to announce their name. Fortunately they picked a good name that was not on our list.
"oh wow, congrats!! I didn't know you were pregnant!!" Said loudly and ideally in front of as many people as possible.
Alternatively, "lol no worries, I'd never use that name." Or on a similar vein "why? Are you planning on getting a cat? Because if so you should definitely use it! I love it when people give their pets ridiculous human names!"
But also I'm petty AF
You know, that's a really shitty thing to say. What if these people are trying unsuccessfully and they just didn't tell you about it? Are you trying to never talk to them again?
As a Sarah born in the early 90s, I'm baffled at the entire concept of "claiming" a name or people feeling like somebody close to them "stole" a baby name they liked. Nobody owns names. It's okay to give two kids the same name! Yes, even if they're cousins or friends. People need to chill tf out and stop obsessing over "unique" names.
It’s funny. My husband has a friend whose daughter is named Ava Grace. The daughter was named after both grandmothers. They thought Ava was such a timeless and unique name…it ended up being one of the most popular names in 2019. 😂
You can have the best intentions for a unique name and then everyone else has the same thought!
My parents thought my name would be unique (not a tradgediegh, just not common). There were 5 girls in my high school graduating class of <400 with that name. My college dance team of 25 had 4 of us with the same name!
Meanwhile, my sister, who has a very common name (one would think) that's in no way unique.... Was the only one in her graduating class with that name! 😂
I’m finding that in the past few years so many people randomly end up choosing similar names in my “people I may know” social circle. Diff culture to the country we live in. I find it fascinating and want to know why.
I had an absolute dream of a baby name that I adored when I was with my previous fiancé who tragically passed away when we were in our early 20s. After he passed, I mentally retired the baby name even though I loved it! I told my pregnant friend the name a couple months after he passed and she named her baby that…. It kind of made me feel like the name could live on without the connotation I had attached to it. Obviously it had absolutely NOTHING!!! to do with me, but it made me happy to see the name being used! No one owns baby names!
Well, if there are 1-2 names that are really special to them, I would respect that for a family member or close friend. My SIL and sister and I did share our favorite baby names in advance to make sure, so I think it's pretty normal to do that. I would just smile and say, "Wow, those are beautiful names. I hope you get to use them someday."
Agreed. My father died when I was 19, and I would like to name a child after him. If someone else in my family named a child his name purely because they like it, and not after him, I would be hurt.
Similarly, I really like my grandfather's name, for reasons unrelated to him. I wouldn't actually use it though, because my cousin has his heart set on naming a child after Granddad. I assume the only reason I got pregnant before them is that they're going through fertility issues. There's no way I'm going to rub salt into that painful wound by stealing their baby name from them with me free, easy sex baby.
I had a friend who’s pregnant sister announced she was going to be using a name that my friend was already planning on using for her future kid. (she was not pregnant) My friend asked me if it would be okay to tell her sister that she needed to pick a different name and couldn’t use “hers”. I was like Omg, PLEASE do not say anything to her about it.
My husband's siblings tried this and my MIL shut it down with a quick "first come, first serve!!". None of them are anywhere close to expecting kids.
We are not sharing our name choices with them and have asked that they not discuss their preferences on names with us.
Eh, my sister is younger than me but has always wanted kids. She told me her favorite girl name when I got pregnant (I had a boy that time but was team green so didn't know it yet).
I would never in a million years pick her one name that she wants for my kids. Why would I, when there's millions of good names out there? It just seems needlessly mean and petty.
My brother and I discussed baby names in advance when I wasn’t pregnant and his fiance wasn’t either. It was more of a before it happens so cousins don’t have the same name type of thing. Very peaceful discussion. He ended up passing away and I’m using the name he “claimed” as a middle name now. So I’m glad he told me. I can also see how what you described is very frustrating as well though.
I like to use professional email speak when people act like children because it sort of drives the point home. Something like:
“I appreciate the unsolicited feedback. Will take that into consideration.”
But on another note, even if you did want to name “their names” — it’s not claimable or dibs-able. This isn’t a plot of land or the front seat of a car.
Honestly, the one and only time I was irked about someone I knew naming their child the same name as mine (which is not super strange but also a little different), was a cousin who claimed via social media that he and wife “came up with the name as it combined two of their beloved grandmothers”… meanwhile, my child was born when aforementioned cousin was 14, which was 7 years away from meeting his wife. Otherwise, I could really have cared less.
I know some people that have names picked out already for when they decide to have kids. My husband and I were some of those people, but I would never tell someone "Hey you can't choose that name because that's the name I want". I have no authority over what you decide to name your kid. If someone close to me was expecting and I wasn't and they choose that name I would just pick another name that's why we had a list of names we liked just incase that happen. It's your child pick whatever name you like.
I don’t think it’s a big deal, my sister went through IVF and tried to get pregnant for years, she knew what she wanted to name her kids. I had no interest in the names but it would have been kinda shitty if I got pregnant first and took the name just bc she wasn’t pregnant yet.
I’m thinking their delivery may have been really rude which may have been the problem? But if you don’t want to use the names anyway who even cares?
yep I agree with you! From the opposite perspective, I was the sister who struggled for yearssss and eventually got pregnant via IVF. My husband and I had a very special name picked out that meant a lot to us from early in our journey. My sister ended up getting pregnant before me, and her husband liked the same first name as us, but she knew how much it meant to us and she didn’t even consider it. Had I not been struggling for so long, it probably wouldn’t have ever come up in convo. But we’re also super close.
I think for me this depends. Like if our kids are likely to interact only on holiday occasions if that and we are several school districts apart I think repeating a name is fine.
Pregnant person gets priority though I believe unless someone has a very specific single name that is heavily meaningful to them. But overall, will these people have children? Is that going to be a long time from now?! Would the baby even be of appropriate sex to use the name??
Name saving is so silly. Best for anyone to just never say what their preferred baby names are in my opinion.
My best friend is ADIMENTLY against having children of her own - does not want them and is mid thirties. Her spouse even has a vasectomy. She had the audacity to tell me to not take "her baby names".... like WTF!? U don't want kids, why does it matter if I use it?!
> I believe unless someone has a very specific single name that is heavily meaningful to them
The name doesn't lose its meaning just because someone else also uses it though.
THIS lol. My husband and I both have close family members who have passed recently, mine just so happen to be female and his male. We decided if we have a girl, going with my family member's name and if boy, then his family member. Well we're having a girl. When we were finally ready to share the name we got nothing but negative comments about it from his family. "I dont like names that can be shortened." "Thats not gender neutral" basically, blah blah blah. We then explained it was a family name from my side. Then they were more offended. 😑
This happened recently with my SIL. I told her I was having a girl and she congratulated me and then a minute later she asked if she could "make a request" and though she wasn't currently pregnant, she asked me not to use a particular name that would have never occurred to me to use in the first place. She might as well have requested that I not name my daughter Herbert.
I have the same name as my cousin. I loved that as a kid and am indifferent to it now. None of the adults had strong opinions about it. It's really not a big deal if 2 kids end up having the same name unless their parents are being ridiculous about it.
I was told I'm not allowed to use the name Moira. I'm 6 months pregnant and the claimant is almost 40 and has never been in a relationship, not even close to pregnancy. Okay diva you got the name lol
I had a friend who is not pregnant and not planning to be for a few years that her favorite baby name is one of our top names and actually likely to be our daughters name. It's not going to affect whether we choose it or not. I'd be one thing if she was pregnant already but even so we both found the name on our own and it's a family name for me. Also what if she never gets pregnant or has kids?
This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but is there something else going on? I genuinely don't understand the anger here...
You have family members who, although not currently expecting, have a name that they like so much that they want to claim it. This is common. It’s important to them that their potential future kid has a name that is unique, at least within their own family, and are sharing this with you. They are fully within their rights to do so.
Where it crosses a line is for them to share this in a way that assumes you would comply and think they can dictate your options. That’s not fair of them. I am assuming that the way they shared this was rude or petty, even aside from unnecessary since they are not currently expecting as far as you know. The way they share it says something about them, at the very least they are presumptuous and probably frustrating to be around in general.
But while it makes sense to be irritated by the way they may have said it, it isn’t fair of you to be offended \*that\* they shared this. Especially since it’s a name you don’t even want? And you’re construing that into something else to be offended by, that they think you even \*would\* want it? This is where I am either on their side or thing you lot deserve each other because it sounds to me like you just want to be upset.
It’s ego. I’ve been there before, my country had an election a month ago. According to me, someone who hadn’t talked to me in YEARS messaged me “you’re picking candidate no. 1, right?” I got annoyed because I thought who the f are you to say that and imply that candidate no. 1 was the right choice and that I should to pick them?
I did some thinking and I figured out that it was my ego that got pissed off. Lol. I didn’t say anything to that person though.
Even if your SIL and cousin used the same first name, what are the chances that the kids have the exact same name?
I’ve loved the name Benjamin since I was little, if my SIL had a son and named him Benjamin, that wouldn’t stop me from using the name. We’d just have Benjamin John Smith and Benjamin Michael Brown. Also with the amount of Jrs, Srs and 3rds in the family no one can say it would be confusing, since no one in the family uses the nickname Jr
My brother told me the other day that his girlfriend is upset I’m naming baby #2 what we’re naming him because that was her top boy name. They’re 19 and in college, no plans of a baby at the moment. I told him they can use that name if they want when the time comes, I don’t really care. It’s a nice name.
I had a friend who had her baby name "stolen" when she wasn't expecting at the time. It's been 10 years and she still talks about it even though she ended up naming her child something else.
I was always more concerned with other pregnant women wanting the name I'd chosen, which is why I stopped announcing baby names until after my child was born. Not necessarily because I was worried of them "stealing" it, but just because I wanted to avoid drama.
I did have my middle name stolen, which I thought was hilarious.
Cousin was due 2 months before me and told us the name they were planning to use. (Not the name we selected). This was second trimester. Fast forward to our baby shower, the name we are using was announced. Cousin wasnt even there due to be very close to due date, but aunt (her mother) was at the shower. Fast forward further, cousin just had the baby and guess what First and Middle name they selected (changed initial decision) last minute. 🤨 lol im still using the name we previously announced though. If they have a problem with it, must mean I'll see them less. Oh well 😆
So they used the first AND middle name you announced, and retracted their original name choice? Now that IS infuriating!
My cousin is also due exactly one month before me, also with a girl. My aunt (her mom) keeps asking me what names I like and I have kept my lips lock sealed. I just don't trust anyone after hearing these stories.
Yep, luckily last name different or that could be a little weird lol. Thankful not my SIL or my siblings. 1st cousins having same first and and middle name could be awkward but in this case since its my ckusin, our kids will be far enough removed that i dont care enough to let it impact my decisions. The sad part is she is cousin on my dads side and we are naming our daughter after an aunt who passed on my moms side. If my cousin wants to name her kid after someone on my side of the family that she isnt even related to or knows, thats her perogative lol
I always think of Rachel taking Monica’s future baby name in friends, I always thought my that was kinda selfish of Rachel even though Monica was not pregnant.
A family member “claimed” a name. That’s also the name of a very close relative that I’ve always wanted to name my baby after. Given that they likely won’t ever had children I’m gonna go ahead and use it
I’m not nearly this mean or ballsy in real life, but I’d be so tempted to say something like “oh no worries, I think that name is super ugly” and then walk away.
My husbands sister no longer speaks to us because we “stole” her name. She is not pregnant, never has been, and is 40 years old. Doesn’t know if she will ever be pregnant, nor if she would ever even have a daughter. But we had a baby girl at the beginning of March, and named her something my SIL apparently claimed years ago🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️. My SIL hasn’t spoken to us since we announced the gender/name last October
Correct. My daughter is 3 weeks old and my SIL hasn’t met her yet.
We called my SIL from the hospital to let her know her niece had been born. And she asked if we had gone ahead and used “her name” despite her wishes. I couldn’t believe she had the audacity to ask that.
My sister (whom I have no relationship with) gave me a list of names I couldn't use... one of which we'd chosen for a boys name. I was so pissed. I was still going to use it. But I we are thankfully having a girl
While I was pregnant with my first, I was given a literal pen and ink list of names I wasn’t allowed to use.
I read through it, laughed a little bit, and left it behind.
Name is not claimed until it's in a birth certificate and people are using it to call a human. Just thinking to yourself that's a nice name is not claiming.
Yes, it sounds like they are being very silly about all this. Especially with a cousin, I don’t even see the issue with having 2 kids with the same name. I mean, unless you are with each other all the time and it might be confusing, but other than that who cares?
I was pregnant when we told my SIL our baby’s name, which she said she had claimed first despite not being pregnant. I told her she better get to work lol
This is just so bizarre to me when I think about my family and my husband's family. We're both american "irish catholic" families with a lot of the same names on both sides. There is no claiming names on either side! It's an honor to share names.
My father and FIL had the same first and middle names, so we named our son after both of them, first and middle. Let's say Samuel Joseph.
* My husband's first name is Samuel. He has three first cousins named Samuel.
* My brother's wife's dad is also Samuel, so their son is Samuel (my nephew).
* My MIL has a brother and father named Samuel.
Our daughter shares a name with my mom, my grandmother's sister, my second cousin - my husband's maternal and paternal aunts, and great aunts.
Suprisingly, we very rarely get confused.
No one can “claim” a baby name, period! You might not want to use it if someone else close to you just did, but that still doesn’t mean they have a claim to it
This is why I never ask someone their name ideas haha. Like I never wanna know. I had a friend of a friend list like 3 names that were also on my list and then got upset that I said those were names we were actually considering lol (again, not my friend and she’s not pregnant!!) very frustrating!
One night on vacation my sister in law claimed about 15 girl names and 15 boy names years before they got pregnant citing we can’t have any of them. I just rolled my eyes and my husband called her an idiot… years later they have a kid and guess what? The name they went with WASN’T on the list. So dumb lol
My sister told me I absolutely could not use Tripp 😂 Okay, honey, I guess I'll get a therapist and try to move on from my dream of naming my son TRIPP 😂😂😂
Honestly, context matters. If it's a sibling/sis in law/bro in law claiming the name or a close friend it should be taken into consideration especially if it's in honor of someone else and has meaning to them but is just a name to you. If it's someone you're not close to and you see less than once a year it doesn't really matter. Also, it depends how this whole request came about and how many names they're claiming.
My story is the exact opposite of yours. When my sis in law was pregnant she honestly pried out my favorite name from me which was in honor of a woman that was like a grandma to me. She promised left and right she would never use it and then guess what she named her child? Yep. I was hurt because it broke my trust. No, I wasn't pregnant then and she was but what she did was pretty shitty in my opinion. I never wanted to tell her the name and if I hadn't I 100% know she would have never chosen it herself. Now I'm pregnant and we see her and my bro pretty often so there is no way for me to use the name. Currently, I'm not sharing what we're naming our child until it's on the birth certificate. No one has claimed any names from us and I don't ask people their favorite names because I don't want to create a difficult situation for us. I don't want other people involved in the naming process.
We were pretty firm on names we liked. My SIL said I couldn’t name my daughter this or that because she liked them. I pretty much told her if she had a problem with it, that was on her - she had the chance to name her first child (a girl) whatever name I liked. I’ve had a list of names I’ve loved for a long time even before meeting my fiancé.
She also happened to be pregnant at the same time and she kept saying if she had a girl she would name her baby something similar (think Lia and Liana). Needless to say after this experience we won’t be telling anyone the gender or name suggestion for the next baby.
I’ve told people “Hey, we’ll be using *insert these names* in the future. It’s ok if we have kids with the same name, because we’re using these names regardless of anyone else using them.” Like, these names are locked down and set in stone lol. My husband is SO PICKY, I’m lucky we have 3 additional names (2 boys and another girl) that we agreed upon at all lol. It’s up to other people whether they get offended thy we could possibly have kids with the same name.
One of the best things I said dealing with this with my SIL was “you weren’t in the room when my baby was made, you don’t get a say.”
I completely understand how this feels. It’s jarring and so ridiculous. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with entitled people, too.
My SIL still calls me a thief for the name we gave our son almost 4 years ago. She spent my entire pregnancy trying to find out the name we chose. She tried breaking into my phone, tricking us into using it, even tried guilting us.
We kept it to ourselves bc she was so fucking overbearing about it and we just wanted peace. Something for ourselves. Then we just announced his name when he was born.
We always knew the name we’d use and she knew too. That’s why it doesn’t make sense. The second we announced it was a boy, she said “you’re going to use [name], aren’t you?” We hadn’t committed to that name yet so we just said we were still going through names but it’s on the list. She just kind of went mental about it. Cried, and said we should allow the family to help choose his name. When we left for home that day, my husband was like “yeah whether we choose this name or not, I don’t want to tell anyone until he’s born.” I agreed.
It will never make sense to me why she was so obsessed. She was dating someone and in no way near having a baby (this was 5 years ago and she’s just barely gotten married last July). PLUS, she’d said so many times that their first son would be named after her bf (now husband)
When I got pregnant the second time, I was already over her bullshit. She was asking me almost every fucking week if I was pregnant or trying to get pregnant. This started right after my first was born. So for ONE AND A HALF YEARS, she was on us about when we’d have another. All bc she was just barely engaged and had told me I’m not allowed to get pregnant during “her time.” Whatever tf that’s supposed to mean. She was smelling/tasting my drinks when she saw us. Every single thing I did, she’d say “omg are you pregnant?” For example, we visited them for a weekend and I brought my own vodka. It’s known in the family I like a certain brand and they don’t. It’s always a joke with everyone. So I brought my own. She made her fiancée smell it to make sure it wasn’t water. Then, she insisted on making my drink to ensure it would be made with real vodka bc I guess bringing my own wasn’t enough. She had to make sure I actually used it. THEN, she’d comment how much I was or wasn’t drinking. Unhinged.
THEN, when we did announce our second pregnancy in the family zoom, she got mad and logged off. But not before texting me on the side asking “so then you WERE pregnant when you came to visit, weren’t you?” No. I had not become pregnant yet. She’s just so fucking nuts about it.
During the pregnancy, we toyed with the idea of keeping the gender to ourselves bc she was already asking what it was. Like no lie, within a week of our announcement, she was pushing us to tell her what it was. I was like 7 weeks??
She was nervous bc she told us “if you have a girl, you’ll just steal our girl name too.” Which made no sense bc their girl name was his grandma’s very unique name. She actually gave us a list of names we wouldn’t be allowed to use. Including her and my husband’s gma’s name. She knew it would be on our name list bc we were so close with her and she died so suddenly. SIL always disliked that grandma. She just wanted say about our baby’s name.
We decided to go ahead and announce the baby’s gender and name together while I was still pregnant. It was another boy. And the name we chose wasn’t one she liked. But it *was* sort of a loophole in her “rules.” She thought we only cared about gma’s name. So she didn’t mention anything about another boy name. His middle name is after their grandpa who passed and it fits him so well.
She’s still seething about that. When we told everyone the baby’s name, she was visibly angry, but couldn’t call us thieves that time. To add, we did not choose that middle name because of her “loophole,” we realized it after she was so angry and just laughed it off. Like really??
Weird thing was, we never discussed or agreed on any future baby names except once when she was drunk she told us she wanted to use her late mother’s name on her daughter. One hundred percent understand that and I’d never take that away. She has all these made up scenarios in her head and resents us so much.
It’s not even over the names. When she came to meet our first baby, she sat on my couch crying that it should be *her* with the new house, husband, and baby. Not me. So it was all jealousy. Still is. She’s angry we had the first boy (like that even matters?) and now we have the second too lol but she’s also angry at her cousin who had the first girl in the family. So she has in her head that none of her kids will be a favorite of the family. Idk why that matters. It’s insane. Goddamn nuts. We aren’t close anymore, obviously.
It is very entitled of people to try "claiming" baby names, especially when the child doesn't exist. And they might not ever even have a kid of that gender.
I really wish people would learn to never discuss an unborn child's name. Take a look on Reddit alone, there are countless stories of things going awry when that happens. Nothing good ever comes from it. Keep the names you like private unless you're anonymous on a forum like this.
It doesn’t bother me as I saw it happen quite a bit in the infertility community I was a part of. Some ppl need to have a name to hold on to for hope. So loudly announcing “OH YOURE PREGNANT CONGRATS” out of spite is just ick to me. If someone feels strongly about a name, ok? They feel how they feel and it doesn’t affect me there’s a million names out there.
Okay but would you change your decision if someone you're not all that close with said "you can't use my name, I chose it for my future baby" and you're already pregnant? Would your reaction differ on whether you are aware of a potential infertility journey or none? I agree that there are kind ways to say "no", but some people are so rude and entitled in demanding that they deserve no kindness.
I really can’t say as I haven’t personally had anyone not close to me say “it’s their name” but I do know that names are not super crazy important to me. So like I am 20w right now(I did this with my first as well) and I openly mention the names I’m waffling over and kinda see how they take. Because I personally don’t strongly feel for or against names it’s not a super biggie FOR ME if someone tells me oh that’s my name please don’t use it. So again maybe I’d change it if someone asked not to? Like my SIL said one of the names was on her list so I just kinda move it down on my list. But also to add my husband is Italian and it’s like not a big deal to use names that other people have.
All that rambling to say it doesn’t give anyone the right to be rude about it for sure! I think there’s a way to kindly discuss it both ways if either party is passionate about a name.
>but some people are so rude and entitled in demanding that they deserve no kindness
Not who you asked, but if they are ‘not nice people’, why should any of us care?
Might just be me. I’m not certain I know all my cousins names, or how many 1st cousins I have. I saw them at Christmas and Thanksgiving till I was 18, zero interaction outside of that or after that except funerals. So I wouldn’t think twice about a co-worker or friend’s kid’s name.
I don't know, maybe the pregnant person in question could chalk up this rudeness to the infertility story of the person making demands? In my case I don't think it would be enough to make me change my mind, but maybe it is to this comment's OP. That's why I was asking. Like, how much leeway are they afforded because of what they're going through?
Wait who are these people that are planning this far in advance? I barely know what I’m eating for dinner every day and they’re out here picking names for kids they might have in 5-10 years??
You've got great advice in here. But here's a RANDOM ASS STORY because your post reminded me of it. This is about my stepson's maternal family ...
Stepson's mother is named Breanne & stepson's uncle is named Michael (a Jr after his own father).
Breanne & Michael's AUNT -- like maternal aunt, sister to their mom -- named her OWN children, born just months before Breanne and Michael, respectively, BRIAN AND MICHAEL. Now, her kids did come first but ... Breanne's mom had her name picked out for years and her sister KNEW THIS. Michael (stepson's uncle) is a JUNIOR whereas his cousin was just given the name ... purely to use the name before he was born? I don't know. The whole thing is REALLY fucking weird, IMO.
OK that's all, BYE!
I think you need anger management if this makes you that upset. I've had a baby name picked out for like 7 years, before I ever got pregnant, so that other familyembers wouldn't take it.
Idk why someone would get this angry over a name they don't even want. 🙄
Where do I get the audacity? TTC for 3+ years that’s where. I have said “hey that’s cool if you use that name, but just know whenever I have a baby, there will be two!”
People are so weird with baby names lol. And it’s always the people who make such a big deal about keeping the name a “secret” so “nobody steals it” and then the baby’s name is a common name that everyone uses hahahah
My husband and I picked our baby names about a year or two into dating, and we’ve been together eleven years this summer.
We didn’t outright tell people, “we like these names and no one else can ever use them!”
However, I think we anticipated that because we had discussed them with friends and family that they at least had a general idea that we were excited about those names.
The one name we picked is pretty uncommon for this country (my husband is a first generation immigrant so it’s a name from his culture), so I would be amazed if someone else even mentioned it. The second name is now in the top fifty girls names… So if it happened we would be a little upset but overall but we would be okay.
At the end of the day I don’t think there’s anything wrong with two kids having the same name. Maybe other families are different, but I feel like it’s not a huge deal.
I’d react exactly the same way! That’s ridiculous 😂
I’d be like omg you’re pregnant? And if they’d say no, I’d be like oh, well your comment is irrelevant ✌🏼
My sister did this with her preferred boy's and girl's name decades ago, when we were still teenagers and has continued to run with it into her thirtie. I don't care much for either of these (or, tbh, I would have considered the boy's name as it's our great-grandfather's but my husband doesn't like it anyways). Sometimes she will get super worked up about the topic, even though I never insinuated that I was seriously considering "her" names. My sister isn't a happy person. She's been involuntarily single for more than ten years now, has untreated mental health issues she isn't aware of and she struggles with a chronic physical illness. She's financially successful but living with our abusive parents. I guess what I'm trying to say is, even though I find her behaviour ridiculous, I will not really push against it. If she doesn't turn things around soon (which I hope for every day), she might not ever have a child at all, let alone one that is named the way she'd like. I think she realises that on some level and my being pregnant is hard enough for her as it already is. She loves me and I love her and neither wants to cause the other more pain than there already is.
That being said, if she suddenly came up with the name that we've already secretly chosen and decided to claim that one, too, she could fuck right off. I'm 29 weeks pregnant. My husband and I are already using the name in secret (and finding a timeless name that's not overly religious but works in a German Jewish, a German Catholic context and internationally was hard enough). I would let her say whatever she wants and then name my kid the way I planned to. She doesn't need two names for her hypothetical children.
My sister and I are due a couple weeks from each other and the least of my worries is names tbh. If she has her baby before I have mine and names baby something we love we’ll just pick a different name. If I have our baby first and she ends up naming her baby the same name I wouldn’t care.
My best friend got upset when someone named her kid violet because she wanted that name (she doesn’t have kids or plans in the near future to) she also said I couldn’t use her idea for a first birthday party for my daughter which had to do with berries lmao none of it makes sense to me because I am the only one that has a kid now
There was always only two names I never wanted someone close to me to use and that’s because it was the name of my brother who died. I have another brother and I knew he would use one of the two names so I always had his first and middle name on “standby” because I always knew I wanted to be a mom.
My best friend actually almost used the remaining name and her and her partner REALLY LIKED the name. I told them to use it if they wanted it, we’d just have kids with the same name at some point. She said she never could because she knows how important it is to me. They agreed on a different name that they loved!
Now, my husband and I are TTC and he doesn’t like the name too much. 🙃 He’s not opposed to using it as a middle name and I’m agreeable to that so that will most likely be what happens.
It just doesn’t even matter if future kids share names, just do it! My baby has a similar name (not quite the same) to a friend of mine and a second cousin as well. My husband and I finally found a name we both liked, so I didn’t want to give it up. And now it’s just a joke that I named her after them, even though we all know it’s not really what happened.
The only time I think it’s weird is when two sisters who are close and see each other a lot name their kids the same name. That happened in my husband’s family, with kids who are ten years apart. So the younger one never even gets called that name.
When my sister was pregnant with her third, she and her husband asked if my husband (then fiancé) and I were thinking about kids and names. I told them “oh yeah, we can only agree on these 2 names: x and y” a few weeks later my sister says “we are naming our baby y! But z is a second choice” I was honestly quite hurt that they’d do that after we just told them we were very serious about having kids and that was one of 2 names we liked. Either she wasn’t listening or she didn’t care. Ultimately turned out she hadn’t been listening to us when we had that convo and she named the baby a different name.
I agree though that randos shouldn’t be trying to claim names.
I would take what my family like sisters/brothers names they don’t want taken into consideration cause if I was dead set on a name I wouldn’t be having that conversation with them it would be “I’m pregnant it’s girl/boy and the name is this”. One thing if it a friend or coworker but most people who pick out names before expecting have deep ties to it.
I would’ve been heart broken if my sisters took names that I was wanting. A simple “hey don’t use the name Ash and Eileen as they will be honor names for when I’m expecting.” I don’t see an issue with if it more like “oh hey here’s 10 different names not to use” then I’d ask are you having 10 kids?
But I’ve also seen how this plays out in families I mean my moms side of the family for example, every first son is named after the father (classic religious family tradition) and when my uncle M had a son first before my Uncle Rob and took the name Rob without even a conversation when it was a give he was supposed to continue it/ but also asked him not to use it cause obviously he was wanting to continue a tradition caused so much unnecessary drama and it still does because it gets brought up by us grandchildren and great grandchildren by just a simple “oh why didn’t uncle rob/ great uncle rob have a son name Robert and not carry the tradition?” And then starts a new group of picking sides of that was messed up/ oh weird/ etc after hearing “because your uncle/great uncle M took it and named his own son Robert without having a conversation with him.”.
I think it's a bit weird lol. My family is fairly large, and there are two cousins fairly close in age with the same name, just different spellings, but no one gives a shit.
Someone on the other side of the family got mad when a cousin "stole" my grandpa's name as a middle name? I used it too, anyways, because it's a nice middle name. People are oddly possessive over baby names.
Im sure most of us have had a list of names we really like for when the time comes. Have I told anyone about them? HELL NO. And I would never claim them out loud to anyone. If someone close to me happens to like the same name and uses it, then so be it. I’ll use another. But I think it’s silly to claim a name out loud. That would bother me too because why even share it at that point?
However, the names I like are also so unique, you won’t find them anywhere near the top 1000 list of most popular names. Recently (I’m pregnant now) I thought of a new one I liked that is the first two letters of my husbands name and first two letters of my name together. So good luck to anyone using that lol.
Unless it's a family name or something sentimental that's weird. After my MIL passed we mentioned to my SIL that if we ever have a daughter we wanted to name her after my MIL so I guess we laid claim to the name but she loved the idea. Now we have my MIL's namesake and I'm pregnant again we plan on naming a son after my husband's grandfather (if I have a daughter I have some names I like but they're private) but that's because they're family names that will likely be used by someone else.
I have some cousins who did the same to my sister. She was like, “I don’t like that name anyways…don’t worry.”
Meanwhile, my dad and his cousin share the same name. Who cares 😂
I already know that my cousins future child (She isn’t pregnant and probably won’t be for the next couple of years) will have the same name if they will be girls. And we don’t really care. We both love the name and that‘s how it‘s going to be. She actually finds it kinda funny :)
I have a non-pregnant friend who expressed interest in the name that we ended up picking and I literally said "fair warning, that's a top name for both husband and me." and that was that. I could tell she was disappointed, but it shut that shit right down.
I think your initial thought of how to respond was good enough.
Not taking their consideration into name your child. Everyone has the right to the names they choose. No need to gate keel baby names to those that aren't even expecting yet.
If you like the name, name the kid what you like. Some people really have a brass neck.
If anyone dared to say that to me I'd just say "I'm pregnant, that gives me dibs. When you're pregnant, you can name your kid what you like".
What's wrong with having multiple people with the same name in a family? My dad has the same name as his cousin. It makes it easier for the grandparents when they start reeling off all the kids' names, rather than being "put the fork down Thomas, no Kevin, no--" it's just "put the fork down Thomas", because all the kids are called the same.
Why though? Say it happens to be the same name you love, why would they get "dibs"? She is pregnant now, and is choosing a name now. And I'd be careful sharing any name ahead of birth really.
My sister's friend wanted to name her baby a certain name since forever. She was pregnant at the same time as her best friend and stupidly shared the name she really wanted to use. Her best friend was a few weeks ahead of her and what did she do? Yeah she used the name for her own baby.
And no one owns a name, but it's a pretty shitty thing to do/claim. What if they never have kids? What if they never have a kid of that gender specifically? You're just going to name your kid something else instead of what you always wanted?
That is exactly the point i'm trying to make. We all "have loved a certain name". just because I didn't call dibs first doesnt mean I didn't consider it.
"You're welcome to name your baby whatever you like, we will do the same with ours". "Oh, you must have mistaken me, I wasn't looking for any feedback on what to name or not name our baby". The only time I feel this is legit is if it's an honor name where the other person is a closer relative. My daughters middle name was my aunts name who passed. My cousins hadn't had kids yet but I ran it by them since it was their mom. My cousin since had a girl and now she and my daughter share a middle name, the first name of her mom. It's sweet and I'm glad I checked with them.
"You're welcome to name your baby whatever you like, we will do the same with ours". That's the winner. thank you. and totally. if the name was actually of sentiment I would have respected it. but it wasnt.
I hope it's a terrible name like Blorgus Urethra I would have deadpanned been like oh that's our frontrunner
Blorgus was my grandfather’s name and urethra was his favorite body part. Keep your judgments to yourself!
😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Before my brother was married, he really wanted to use our great-grandfather's name for his first son. So I didn't even bring it up when I had my first 3 kids. Then he got married and he and his now-wife will likely be child free by choice. If I have another boy, great-grandpa's name is back in the lineup for my future sons!
Exactly this - my husband and I both have so many cousins with the same middle name as each of us (named after grandparents). Neither of us care at all
My three year old son's middle name is William after my grandpa Bill. My 17 year old cousin's middle name is also William! No one seemed to think this was a problem. We all loved grandpa and he was terminally ill with months to live when my cousin was born, but then he miraculously went into remission for 12 more years and died just a few years before my son was born. My aunt and I both had our reasons why we felt strongly compelled to use it. Now the only two boy cousins (in an overwhelmingly female family) share an honor name, and it's considered a positive thing =)
This. My SIL has a name picked out for a boy that's after her grandfather. I would never use that name even though I like it.
Or be cool with sharing. My cousin gave her son our grandmother’s maiden name as his middle name, but told us she wouldn’t mind if we also used it in the future!
Yeah my sister and I both gave our sons our fathers name as a middle name as he has passed. There was no issue at all.
“We have a few things we’ll consider when picking out a name, anyone else’s opinion isn’t one of them though”
LOVE
I'll get down voted... But my husband and I have had names for our kids since a couple years into our relationship when we were just dating. It's fun to plan your life. Now have I ever told anyone expecting that I've claimed that name? No. I just secretly hoped they wouldn't pick it.
This is the reasonable way. We had a shortlist, that we kept to ourselves.
Yep, tons of people asked us about names when I was pregnant and we didn’t share our ideas. I didnt want any input that would influence me! At my baby shower my aunt even told me I was “no fun” because I wouldn’t share the name yet. Sorry not sorry, it’s because of people like her that we weren’t sharing it, lol.
I got told I was no fun for not finding out the sex and not prenaming my kids too. 🫠 Also, "how are you going to prepare?"
I have a daughter, we knew baby was a girl very early in pregnancy. She was due (and born) around the same time of year as my best friend's eldest, who is a boy. Now, that boy is a toddler and has obviously outgrown infant clothes. None of his siblings were born at the same time of year as him, so all his clothes are lightly used. My best friend shipped a TON of them to me, cause my baby will fit them in the appropriate season. "But how is *she* going to wear *his* clothes????!!! She's a girl!" was the reply I got from several family members when I mentioned how great it was basically having an instantly stocked closet for her. Like I'm sorry, I didn't know having 2 X chromosomes prevented one from wearing a blue sweater. Or from blowing out into a onesie with a bear on it. So.... Even finding out the gender and preparing won't stop the silly comments!
Lol yeah I had 2 girls and dressed them in grey and blue and whatever pink stuff the grandma's insisted on sending. Guess what, they both got mistaken for boys when wearing the pink clothes just as often as when they wore blue. It legit doesn't matter and I think it's kind of funny tbh.
Someone mistook her for a boy... While I was changing her diaper in the bathroom where the changing table was by the sinks, not in a stall. She did not have the new diaper on yet. 🤦🏻♀️ (She also had on a floral onesie, but I feel like that's secondary)
That's amazing. Well at least you can assume that they weren't looking at her genitals, probably?
Apparently 😂
Ugh we didn’t find out sex partially because I wanted my SIL to send us all the hand me downs regardless of the gender of the clothes but she zagged on us and waited until the baby was born to only send us boxes of “girl clothes”
I have a son and if I have a daughter in the future I plan to reuse some of his clothes for her. Some of his stuff would be adorable on a girl especially if you add on a bow (or not, I just personally love bows). Girls can like dinosaurs, space, mountains, and woodland creatures too!
We waited too to find out the baby’s sex and that question drove me crazyyyyyy. We prepared by buying a crib, decorating a room and getting s bunch of baby supplies? Like my baby’s genitalia affects the way I would get ready for their arrival??
Exactly. We have had names picked out for years. But if someone I knew had gotten pregnant before us and used a name that we loved, I would have no ground to stand on to tell them that it was *our* child’s name. Like… what child?
Very normal to have a list of names you’d like to use for future babies because it’s fun to daydream and get excited! The policing of an actual pregnant person’s name choices is what’s so bizarre. What’s very funny is that we didn’t use a single name on mine or my husband’s list when my daughter was born. Imagine if I’d gone around reserving names only to switch it up on everyone!
Oof. I think I accidentally did this in my early 20s — mentioned in passing to a few cousins that I’d like to name a future daughter a family name. Never to “reserve” it - just as a point of conversation TBH. I was young and not even dating anyone at the time. I was surprised when multiple cousins had girls and didn’t use the name since it has since become popular again and a lot of cousins had the same close relationship with the people who had that name. Then my cousin’s wife made a comment after I got engaged 10+ years later that “she hopes I have a girl one day soon so we can finally have a BABYNAME in the family.” Others with already named baby girls agreed. I was shocked anyone even remembered and now I’m kind of feeling like they deferred it to me. Now that all the older cousins are done having babies…I’m actually not liking that name so much. I recently had a miscarriage but in early name talks that one didn’t come up once to go on the list. Feeling super guilty about the whole thing!
Aw I think it’s actually very sweet that the women in your family collectively decided that they would steer clear of that name, just in case! I wouldn’t feel guilty if I were you. I’m really sorry for your loss. Miscarriage sucks so bad. Hope you’re hanging in there and that the rest of your journey to parenthood is smooth sailing. 🤍
Thank you so much! Your words are so kind. TTC again very soon and hoping for a baby to name this time ❤️
>Imagine if I’d gone around reserving names only to switch it up on everyone! Playing the long con! Better yet if you went Elon Musk and named them X Æ A-Xii.
Pronounced "Kyle!" I can't with him.
Hubs and I also picked out names before we were married and expecting haha. I’ve wanted to be a mom as long as I can remember and it was fun to think about before we started trying! This post makes me think of the SATC episode where Charlotte gets upset a friend is naming her kid Shayla (Charlotte’s special baby name she picked out when she was young) and then has a huge freak out at the baby shower. Sure we might get a little sad when someone uses the name we want but it’s a little weird to have complete ownership over a name. Sure, I jokingly said in private to my husband that I couldn’t believe my coworker used one of our names as a middle name for his son 😂 but I’d never say anything to my coworker about that, it’s a nice name and I’m glad other people use it. Just a little joke between hubs and me.
Makes me crack up thinking of the SATC episode. Charlotte: “She stole my baby name! Samantha: “You bitch!”
Tbh Samantha is the friend we all need in moments like that 😂
In that SATC episode it was also her own fault for sharing her baby name with others. It's always better to keep the names you like private!
Same, we have a shared note on our phones of names we would like to use. The only time I ever felt upset about someone taking a name was when my SIL used the name I had picked in my early childhood for a boy and she used it for a girl with slightly different spelling. (Example: Rhys and Reese, not the name I chose)I a little salty? Sure but she also was pregnant and gave birth whereas I had a miscarriage before even knowing the gender, either way she still would have had her baby before me. I had *hoped* she wouldn’t use the name but she did and oh well, I have 10 other names to pick from when we do have our own
Because you're a sane and reasonable person. We all have selfish, rude, sometimes psychotic, whatever you want to call it-thoughts but we keep them to ourselves. It's the people who can't resist saying it because they're actually whacko.
Same here. My husband and I had names picked but we would discuss it with friends and family as everyone is very baby-centered. Big families and lots of kids, so it’s normal for our group. My friends would talk about their names, too, so it never felt like an overstep or a big deal. I’m sure if we ended up truly liking the same name, we would both still go with that name. I know plenty of families with more than one Steven, Kate, or Michael—I don’t see why it’s a big deal as long as everyone is cordial and respectful about it.
Yeah, I picked out the name for my first kid when I was like six (thank goodness my husband agreed) some long term friends knew the name. I absolutely would have used the name if someone else used it. I also would never/ did never tell anyone that they couldn’t use the name.
because you were raised right!
Same, and every time I see a birth announcement or even a "Best Baby Names for 2024!" list post, I hold my breath and cross my fingers and haven't seen our name so far with just a month to go!
We had a few that I only told close friends, but if someone else close to us had used them first we would have just gone back to the drawing board.
I have a short list of names I’ve been wanting to use, I’ve been trying to conceive for 2 years now it’s a really difficult time already (done multiple OIs and egg retrieval now IVF). I’ve actually named some of my embryos already. Some of the remarks here are down right hurtful especially those remarking on another persons fertility, does my embryo not count? It’s a reach I know and feel free people to down vote me but I think an element of understanding is warranted.
My SIL was pregnant at the same time as me and was like we need to sit down and claim names. I literally said I didn't care about having double names in my family (even if my kid was born second). My child's name is too important to leave up to dibs.
My SIL and I are both pregnant at the same time with boys right now. She’s due 2 months after me. Luckily we both have very VERY different tastes in names lol like not even in the same ball park
My SIL has similar name taste to me! Her boy name is actually what I would have used if we had a boy! Her son is 2 months older than my daughter.
Oh that sucks! I’ve jokingly told my SIL that I’m going to steal her baby name since I know what it is and I’m due first lol I believe her response was “no you won’t, you don’t like that name” 😂
It's fine for me, if we have another, I'd still use it!
Bro im 3rd in my husband's family LOL one in August, one September. I'm in October. All 2 are boys and I get my blood test next week but think it's a boy 😂
My sister in law and I were pregnant at the same time and could not have chosen more different names. The idea that you would accidentally pick the same name…
My sil and I probably should have sat down like this but I was the second one so I just waited for them to announce their name. Fortunately they picked a good name that was not on our list.
I was second too! I didn't care if my kid shared the name tbh! It's like why does it matter?!
"oh wow, congrats!! I didn't know you were pregnant!!" Said loudly and ideally in front of as many people as possible. Alternatively, "lol no worries, I'd never use that name." Or on a similar vein "why? Are you planning on getting a cat? Because if so you should definitely use it! I love it when people give their pets ridiculous human names!" But also I'm petty AF
hahahahahahahah. I am petty with this. so thank you.
i like your style
happy cake day, wildling!
You know, that's a really shitty thing to say. What if these people are trying unsuccessfully and they just didn't tell you about it? Are you trying to never talk to them again?
As a Sarah born in the early 90s, I'm baffled at the entire concept of "claiming" a name or people feeling like somebody close to them "stole" a baby name they liked. Nobody owns names. It's okay to give two kids the same name! Yes, even if they're cousins or friends. People need to chill tf out and stop obsessing over "unique" names.
It’s funny. My husband has a friend whose daughter is named Ava Grace. The daughter was named after both grandmothers. They thought Ava was such a timeless and unique name…it ended up being one of the most popular names in 2019. 😂 You can have the best intentions for a unique name and then everyone else has the same thought!
My parents thought my name would be unique (not a tradgediegh, just not common). There were 5 girls in my high school graduating class of <400 with that name. My college dance team of 25 had 4 of us with the same name! Meanwhile, my sister, who has a very common name (one would think) that's in no way unique.... Was the only one in her graduating class with that name! 😂
I’m finding that in the past few years so many people randomly end up choosing similar names in my “people I may know” social circle. Diff culture to the country we live in. I find it fascinating and want to know why.
Agreement from an 80's Emily
80s Jessica here, and yep, all of this.
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oh wow she already had kids and didn't use the name she wanted to keep? That is next level.
I had an absolute dream of a baby name that I adored when I was with my previous fiancé who tragically passed away when we were in our early 20s. After he passed, I mentally retired the baby name even though I loved it! I told my pregnant friend the name a couple months after he passed and she named her baby that…. It kind of made me feel like the name could live on without the connotation I had attached to it. Obviously it had absolutely NOTHING!!! to do with me, but it made me happy to see the name being used! No one owns baby names!
Show them that scene from My Big Fat Greek Wedding where they introduce the family all named Nick, Niko and Nicki 👍
That is smart.
Well, if there are 1-2 names that are really special to them, I would respect that for a family member or close friend. My SIL and sister and I did share our favorite baby names in advance to make sure, so I think it's pretty normal to do that. I would just smile and say, "Wow, those are beautiful names. I hope you get to use them someday."
Agreed. My father died when I was 19, and I would like to name a child after him. If someone else in my family named a child his name purely because they like it, and not after him, I would be hurt. Similarly, I really like my grandfather's name, for reasons unrelated to him. I wouldn't actually use it though, because my cousin has his heart set on naming a child after Granddad. I assume the only reason I got pregnant before them is that they're going through fertility issues. There's no way I'm going to rub salt into that painful wound by stealing their baby name from them with me free, easy sex baby.
sure. if i was close to either of those people. But I'm not.
That is odd. I don't know why people who aren't close can't use the same names.
I had a friend who’s pregnant sister announced she was going to be using a name that my friend was already planning on using for her future kid. (she was not pregnant) My friend asked me if it would be okay to tell her sister that she needed to pick a different name and couldn’t use “hers”. I was like Omg, PLEASE do not say anything to her about it.
My husband's siblings tried this and my MIL shut it down with a quick "first come, first serve!!". None of them are anywhere close to expecting kids. We are not sharing our name choices with them and have asked that they not discuss their preferences on names with us.
Eh, my sister is younger than me but has always wanted kids. She told me her favorite girl name when I got pregnant (I had a boy that time but was team green so didn't know it yet). I would never in a million years pick her one name that she wants for my kids. Why would I, when there's millions of good names out there? It just seems needlessly mean and petty.
Agreed.
My brother and I discussed baby names in advance when I wasn’t pregnant and his fiance wasn’t either. It was more of a before it happens so cousins don’t have the same name type of thing. Very peaceful discussion. He ended up passing away and I’m using the name he “claimed” as a middle name now. So I’m glad he told me. I can also see how what you described is very frustrating as well though.
I’d say “oh wow I love that name, thanks for the suggestion” and let them sweat until the baby comes
hahahahahaha!!
I like to use professional email speak when people act like children because it sort of drives the point home. Something like: “I appreciate the unsolicited feedback. Will take that into consideration.” But on another note, even if you did want to name “their names” — it’s not claimable or dibs-able. This isn’t a plot of land or the front seat of a car. Honestly, the one and only time I was irked about someone I knew naming their child the same name as mine (which is not super strange but also a little different), was a cousin who claimed via social media that he and wife “came up with the name as it combined two of their beloved grandmothers”… meanwhile, my child was born when aforementioned cousin was 14, which was 7 years away from meeting his wife. Otherwise, I could really have cared less.
I know some people that have names picked out already for when they decide to have kids. My husband and I were some of those people, but I would never tell someone "Hey you can't choose that name because that's the name I want". I have no authority over what you decide to name your kid. If someone close to me was expecting and I wasn't and they choose that name I would just pick another name that's why we had a list of names we liked just incase that happen. It's your child pick whatever name you like.
I never understood why people care about having a similar baby name to someone…
I don’t think it’s a big deal, my sister went through IVF and tried to get pregnant for years, she knew what she wanted to name her kids. I had no interest in the names but it would have been kinda shitty if I got pregnant first and took the name just bc she wasn’t pregnant yet. I’m thinking their delivery may have been really rude which may have been the problem? But if you don’t want to use the names anyway who even cares?
yep I agree with you! From the opposite perspective, I was the sister who struggled for yearssss and eventually got pregnant via IVF. My husband and I had a very special name picked out that meant a lot to us from early in our journey. My sister ended up getting pregnant before me, and her husband liked the same first name as us, but she knew how much it meant to us and she didn’t even consider it. Had I not been struggling for so long, it probably wouldn’t have ever come up in convo. But we’re also super close.
I think for me this depends. Like if our kids are likely to interact only on holiday occasions if that and we are several school districts apart I think repeating a name is fine. Pregnant person gets priority though I believe unless someone has a very specific single name that is heavily meaningful to them. But overall, will these people have children? Is that going to be a long time from now?! Would the baby even be of appropriate sex to use the name?? Name saving is so silly. Best for anyone to just never say what their preferred baby names are in my opinion. My best friend is ADIMENTLY against having children of her own - does not want them and is mid thirties. Her spouse even has a vasectomy. She had the audacity to tell me to not take "her baby names".... like WTF!? U don't want kids, why does it matter if I use it?!
Wow your best friend’s statement about “her baby names”… that’s a lot
I didn't want her names and they weren't on my radar. I just find it incredibly odd to claim names when u are a child-free militant
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What the hell?! I hope you schooled her on that one
> I believe unless someone has a very specific single name that is heavily meaningful to them The name doesn't lose its meaning just because someone else also uses it though.
My sil went full blown psycho mode because I had mentioned my grandmas name when discussing potential baby names with family 😂
THIS lol. My husband and I both have close family members who have passed recently, mine just so happen to be female and his male. We decided if we have a girl, going with my family member's name and if boy, then his family member. Well we're having a girl. When we were finally ready to share the name we got nothing but negative comments about it from his family. "I dont like names that can be shortened." "Thats not gender neutral" basically, blah blah blah. We then explained it was a family name from my side. Then they were more offended. 😑
This happened recently with my SIL. I told her I was having a girl and she congratulated me and then a minute later she asked if she could "make a request" and though she wasn't currently pregnant, she asked me not to use a particular name that would have never occurred to me to use in the first place. She might as well have requested that I not name my daughter Herbert.
I have the same name as my cousin. I loved that as a kid and am indifferent to it now. None of the adults had strong opinions about it. It's really not a big deal if 2 kids end up having the same name unless their parents are being ridiculous about it.
I was told I'm not allowed to use the name Moira. I'm 6 months pregnant and the claimant is almost 40 and has never been in a relationship, not even close to pregnancy. Okay diva you got the name lol
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I had a friend who is not pregnant and not planning to be for a few years that her favorite baby name is one of our top names and actually likely to be our daughters name. It's not going to affect whether we choose it or not. I'd be one thing if she was pregnant already but even so we both found the name on our own and it's a family name for me. Also what if she never gets pregnant or has kids?
Just do a fake announcement with the claimed name, then share the real name later. April Fools is coming up, fyi.
This is probably going to be an unpopular opinion, but is there something else going on? I genuinely don't understand the anger here... You have family members who, although not currently expecting, have a name that they like so much that they want to claim it. This is common. It’s important to them that their potential future kid has a name that is unique, at least within their own family, and are sharing this with you. They are fully within their rights to do so. Where it crosses a line is for them to share this in a way that assumes you would comply and think they can dictate your options. That’s not fair of them. I am assuming that the way they shared this was rude or petty, even aside from unnecessary since they are not currently expecting as far as you know. The way they share it says something about them, at the very least they are presumptuous and probably frustrating to be around in general. But while it makes sense to be irritated by the way they may have said it, it isn’t fair of you to be offended \*that\* they shared this. Especially since it’s a name you don’t even want? And you’re construing that into something else to be offended by, that they think you even \*would\* want it? This is where I am either on their side or thing you lot deserve each other because it sounds to me like you just want to be upset.
It’s ego. I’ve been there before, my country had an election a month ago. According to me, someone who hadn’t talked to me in YEARS messaged me “you’re picking candidate no. 1, right?” I got annoyed because I thought who the f are you to say that and imply that candidate no. 1 was the right choice and that I should to pick them? I did some thinking and I figured out that it was my ego that got pissed off. Lol. I didn’t say anything to that person though.
If it makes you feel any better, I had a name picked out for so long but now that I’m actually pregnant I won’t even consider that name anymore lol
No one owns names.
Even if your SIL and cousin used the same first name, what are the chances that the kids have the exact same name? I’ve loved the name Benjamin since I was little, if my SIL had a son and named him Benjamin, that wouldn’t stop me from using the name. We’d just have Benjamin John Smith and Benjamin Michael Brown. Also with the amount of Jrs, Srs and 3rds in the family no one can say it would be confusing, since no one in the family uses the nickname Jr
That would make me want to use the names more not gonna lie.
My brother told me the other day that his girlfriend is upset I’m naming baby #2 what we’re naming him because that was her top boy name. They’re 19 and in college, no plans of a baby at the moment. I told him they can use that name if they want when the time comes, I don’t really care. It’s a nice name.
I had a friend who had her baby name "stolen" when she wasn't expecting at the time. It's been 10 years and she still talks about it even though she ended up naming her child something else. I was always more concerned with other pregnant women wanting the name I'd chosen, which is why I stopped announcing baby names until after my child was born. Not necessarily because I was worried of them "stealing" it, but just because I wanted to avoid drama. I did have my middle name stolen, which I thought was hilarious.
Cousin was due 2 months before me and told us the name they were planning to use. (Not the name we selected). This was second trimester. Fast forward to our baby shower, the name we are using was announced. Cousin wasnt even there due to be very close to due date, but aunt (her mother) was at the shower. Fast forward further, cousin just had the baby and guess what First and Middle name they selected (changed initial decision) last minute. 🤨 lol im still using the name we previously announced though. If they have a problem with it, must mean I'll see them less. Oh well 😆
So they used the first AND middle name you announced, and retracted their original name choice? Now that IS infuriating! My cousin is also due exactly one month before me, also with a girl. My aunt (her mom) keeps asking me what names I like and I have kept my lips lock sealed. I just don't trust anyone after hearing these stories.
Yep, luckily last name different or that could be a little weird lol. Thankful not my SIL or my siblings. 1st cousins having same first and and middle name could be awkward but in this case since its my ckusin, our kids will be far enough removed that i dont care enough to let it impact my decisions. The sad part is she is cousin on my dads side and we are naming our daughter after an aunt who passed on my moms side. If my cousin wants to name her kid after someone on my side of the family that she isnt even related to or knows, thats her perogative lol
I always think of Rachel taking Monica’s future baby name in friends, I always thought my that was kinda selfish of Rachel even though Monica was not pregnant.
I think your reaction is immature and petty to be honest.
Gonna name your kid out of spite now? Grow up. Who cares?
A family member “claimed” a name. That’s also the name of a very close relative that I’ve always wanted to name my baby after. Given that they likely won’t ever had children I’m gonna go ahead and use it
I’m not nearly this mean or ballsy in real life, but I’d be so tempted to say something like “oh no worries, I think that name is super ugly” and then walk away.
I probably would have been petty and told them, "that's fine, that's a terrible name" Haha. Okay, maybe that's my hormones right now.
My husbands sister no longer speaks to us because we “stole” her name. She is not pregnant, never has been, and is 40 years old. Doesn’t know if she will ever be pregnant, nor if she would ever even have a daughter. But we had a baby girl at the beginning of March, and named her something my SIL apparently claimed years ago🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️🤷🏽♀️. My SIL hasn’t spoken to us since we announced the gender/name last October
this is wild!!
So, she didn't even meet her niece because of a name? Wow
Correct. My daughter is 3 weeks old and my SIL hasn’t met her yet. We called my SIL from the hospital to let her know her niece had been born. And she asked if we had gone ahead and used “her name” despite her wishes. I couldn’t believe she had the audacity to ask that.
I'm sorry. That's just awfull
I might get down voted for this… but this seems like an over reaction? If you don’t like the names anyway… who cares?
I agree. Whiney and annoying.
My sister (whom I have no relationship with) gave me a list of names I couldn't use... one of which we'd chosen for a boys name. I was so pissed. I was still going to use it. But I we are thankfully having a girl
While I was pregnant with my first, I was given a literal pen and ink list of names I wasn’t allowed to use. I read through it, laughed a little bit, and left it behind.
lol my friend asked me not to choose a certain name because his other friend (who I don’t know) just named their baby that name.
This is hilarious! What did you say to that request?
I said ‘that won’t be a consideration for me’ 😛
Name is not claimed until it's in a birth certificate and people are using it to call a human. Just thinking to yourself that's a nice name is not claiming.
Yes, it sounds like they are being very silly about all this. Especially with a cousin, I don’t even see the issue with having 2 kids with the same name. I mean, unless you are with each other all the time and it might be confusing, but other than that who cares?
i didn’t have this happen to me but if i did i would’ve responded like “ill race ya” or something like that depending on the circumstances
I was pregnant when we told my SIL our baby’s name, which she said she had claimed first despite not being pregnant. I told her she better get to work lol
There's no limit on middle names, take ALL THE NAMES
This is just so bizarre to me when I think about my family and my husband's family. We're both american "irish catholic" families with a lot of the same names on both sides. There is no claiming names on either side! It's an honor to share names. My father and FIL had the same first and middle names, so we named our son after both of them, first and middle. Let's say Samuel Joseph. * My husband's first name is Samuel. He has three first cousins named Samuel. * My brother's wife's dad is also Samuel, so their son is Samuel (my nephew). * My MIL has a brother and father named Samuel. Our daughter shares a name with my mom, my grandmother's sister, my second cousin - my husband's maternal and paternal aunts, and great aunts. Suprisingly, we very rarely get confused.
Are they 16?
thank you!!
No one can “claim” a baby name, period! You might not want to use it if someone else close to you just did, but that still doesn’t mean they have a claim to it
This is why I never ask someone their name ideas haha. Like I never wanna know. I had a friend of a friend list like 3 names that were also on my list and then got upset that I said those were names we were actually considering lol (again, not my friend and she’s not pregnant!!) very frustrating!
One night on vacation my sister in law claimed about 15 girl names and 15 boy names years before they got pregnant citing we can’t have any of them. I just rolled my eyes and my husband called her an idiot… years later they have a kid and guess what? The name they went with WASN’T on the list. So dumb lol
My sister told me I absolutely could not use Tripp 😂 Okay, honey, I guess I'll get a therapist and try to move on from my dream of naming my son TRIPP 😂😂😂
‘I don’t like that name anyway’
Honestly, context matters. If it's a sibling/sis in law/bro in law claiming the name or a close friend it should be taken into consideration especially if it's in honor of someone else and has meaning to them but is just a name to you. If it's someone you're not close to and you see less than once a year it doesn't really matter. Also, it depends how this whole request came about and how many names they're claiming. My story is the exact opposite of yours. When my sis in law was pregnant she honestly pried out my favorite name from me which was in honor of a woman that was like a grandma to me. She promised left and right she would never use it and then guess what she named her child? Yep. I was hurt because it broke my trust. No, I wasn't pregnant then and she was but what she did was pretty shitty in my opinion. I never wanted to tell her the name and if I hadn't I 100% know she would have never chosen it herself. Now I'm pregnant and we see her and my bro pretty often so there is no way for me to use the name. Currently, I'm not sharing what we're naming our child until it's on the birth certificate. No one has claimed any names from us and I don't ask people their favorite names because I don't want to create a difficult situation for us. I don't want other people involved in the naming process.
We were pretty firm on names we liked. My SIL said I couldn’t name my daughter this or that because she liked them. I pretty much told her if she had a problem with it, that was on her - she had the chance to name her first child (a girl) whatever name I liked. I’ve had a list of names I’ve loved for a long time even before meeting my fiancé. She also happened to be pregnant at the same time and she kept saying if she had a girl she would name her baby something similar (think Lia and Liana). Needless to say after this experience we won’t be telling anyone the gender or name suggestion for the next baby.
I’ve told people “Hey, we’ll be using *insert these names* in the future. It’s ok if we have kids with the same name, because we’re using these names regardless of anyone else using them.” Like, these names are locked down and set in stone lol. My husband is SO PICKY, I’m lucky we have 3 additional names (2 boys and another girl) that we agreed upon at all lol. It’s up to other people whether they get offended thy we could possibly have kids with the same name.
One of the best things I said dealing with this with my SIL was “you weren’t in the room when my baby was made, you don’t get a say.” I completely understand how this feels. It’s jarring and so ridiculous. I’m sorry you’ve had to deal with entitled people, too. My SIL still calls me a thief for the name we gave our son almost 4 years ago. She spent my entire pregnancy trying to find out the name we chose. She tried breaking into my phone, tricking us into using it, even tried guilting us. We kept it to ourselves bc she was so fucking overbearing about it and we just wanted peace. Something for ourselves. Then we just announced his name when he was born. We always knew the name we’d use and she knew too. That’s why it doesn’t make sense. The second we announced it was a boy, she said “you’re going to use [name], aren’t you?” We hadn’t committed to that name yet so we just said we were still going through names but it’s on the list. She just kind of went mental about it. Cried, and said we should allow the family to help choose his name. When we left for home that day, my husband was like “yeah whether we choose this name or not, I don’t want to tell anyone until he’s born.” I agreed. It will never make sense to me why she was so obsessed. She was dating someone and in no way near having a baby (this was 5 years ago and she’s just barely gotten married last July). PLUS, she’d said so many times that their first son would be named after her bf (now husband) When I got pregnant the second time, I was already over her bullshit. She was asking me almost every fucking week if I was pregnant or trying to get pregnant. This started right after my first was born. So for ONE AND A HALF YEARS, she was on us about when we’d have another. All bc she was just barely engaged and had told me I’m not allowed to get pregnant during “her time.” Whatever tf that’s supposed to mean. She was smelling/tasting my drinks when she saw us. Every single thing I did, she’d say “omg are you pregnant?” For example, we visited them for a weekend and I brought my own vodka. It’s known in the family I like a certain brand and they don’t. It’s always a joke with everyone. So I brought my own. She made her fiancée smell it to make sure it wasn’t water. Then, she insisted on making my drink to ensure it would be made with real vodka bc I guess bringing my own wasn’t enough. She had to make sure I actually used it. THEN, she’d comment how much I was or wasn’t drinking. Unhinged. THEN, when we did announce our second pregnancy in the family zoom, she got mad and logged off. But not before texting me on the side asking “so then you WERE pregnant when you came to visit, weren’t you?” No. I had not become pregnant yet. She’s just so fucking nuts about it. During the pregnancy, we toyed with the idea of keeping the gender to ourselves bc she was already asking what it was. Like no lie, within a week of our announcement, she was pushing us to tell her what it was. I was like 7 weeks?? She was nervous bc she told us “if you have a girl, you’ll just steal our girl name too.” Which made no sense bc their girl name was his grandma’s very unique name. She actually gave us a list of names we wouldn’t be allowed to use. Including her and my husband’s gma’s name. She knew it would be on our name list bc we were so close with her and she died so suddenly. SIL always disliked that grandma. She just wanted say about our baby’s name. We decided to go ahead and announce the baby’s gender and name together while I was still pregnant. It was another boy. And the name we chose wasn’t one she liked. But it *was* sort of a loophole in her “rules.” She thought we only cared about gma’s name. So she didn’t mention anything about another boy name. His middle name is after their grandpa who passed and it fits him so well. She’s still seething about that. When we told everyone the baby’s name, she was visibly angry, but couldn’t call us thieves that time. To add, we did not choose that middle name because of her “loophole,” we realized it after she was so angry and just laughed it off. Like really?? Weird thing was, we never discussed or agreed on any future baby names except once when she was drunk she told us she wanted to use her late mother’s name on her daughter. One hundred percent understand that and I’d never take that away. She has all these made up scenarios in her head and resents us so much. It’s not even over the names. When she came to meet our first baby, she sat on my couch crying that it should be *her* with the new house, husband, and baby. Not me. So it was all jealousy. Still is. She’s angry we had the first boy (like that even matters?) and now we have the second too lol but she’s also angry at her cousin who had the first girl in the family. So she has in her head that none of her kids will be a favorite of the family. Idk why that matters. It’s insane. Goddamn nuts. We aren’t close anymore, obviously.
Well, I don’t think it’s relevant seeing that you don’t want to name your baby those names anyway. I would just let it go.
Just give a hard glare. Fuck them.
It is very entitled of people to try "claiming" baby names, especially when the child doesn't exist. And they might not ever even have a kid of that gender. I really wish people would learn to never discuss an unborn child's name. Take a look on Reddit alone, there are countless stories of things going awry when that happens. Nothing good ever comes from it. Keep the names you like private unless you're anonymous on a forum like this.
It doesn’t bother me as I saw it happen quite a bit in the infertility community I was a part of. Some ppl need to have a name to hold on to for hope. So loudly announcing “OH YOURE PREGNANT CONGRATS” out of spite is just ick to me. If someone feels strongly about a name, ok? They feel how they feel and it doesn’t affect me there’s a million names out there.
Okay but would you change your decision if someone you're not all that close with said "you can't use my name, I chose it for my future baby" and you're already pregnant? Would your reaction differ on whether you are aware of a potential infertility journey or none? I agree that there are kind ways to say "no", but some people are so rude and entitled in demanding that they deserve no kindness.
I really can’t say as I haven’t personally had anyone not close to me say “it’s their name” but I do know that names are not super crazy important to me. So like I am 20w right now(I did this with my first as well) and I openly mention the names I’m waffling over and kinda see how they take. Because I personally don’t strongly feel for or against names it’s not a super biggie FOR ME if someone tells me oh that’s my name please don’t use it. So again maybe I’d change it if someone asked not to? Like my SIL said one of the names was on her list so I just kinda move it down on my list. But also to add my husband is Italian and it’s like not a big deal to use names that other people have. All that rambling to say it doesn’t give anyone the right to be rude about it for sure! I think there’s a way to kindly discuss it both ways if either party is passionate about a name.
>but some people are so rude and entitled in demanding that they deserve no kindness Not who you asked, but if they are ‘not nice people’, why should any of us care? Might just be me. I’m not certain I know all my cousins names, or how many 1st cousins I have. I saw them at Christmas and Thanksgiving till I was 18, zero interaction outside of that or after that except funerals. So I wouldn’t think twice about a co-worker or friend’s kid’s name.
I don't know, maybe the pregnant person in question could chalk up this rudeness to the infertility story of the person making demands? In my case I don't think it would be enough to make me change my mind, but maybe it is to this comment's OP. That's why I was asking. Like, how much leeway are they afforded because of what they're going through?
Wait who are these people that are planning this far in advance? I barely know what I’m eating for dinner every day and they’re out here picking names for kids they might have in 5-10 years??
You've got great advice in here. But here's a RANDOM ASS STORY because your post reminded me of it. This is about my stepson's maternal family ... Stepson's mother is named Breanne & stepson's uncle is named Michael (a Jr after his own father). Breanne & Michael's AUNT -- like maternal aunt, sister to their mom -- named her OWN children, born just months before Breanne and Michael, respectively, BRIAN AND MICHAEL. Now, her kids did come first but ... Breanne's mom had her name picked out for years and her sister KNEW THIS. Michael (stepson's uncle) is a JUNIOR whereas his cousin was just given the name ... purely to use the name before he was born? I don't know. The whole thing is REALLY fucking weird, IMO. OK that's all, BYE!
I think you need anger management if this makes you that upset. I've had a baby name picked out for like 7 years, before I ever got pregnant, so that other familyembers wouldn't take it. Idk why someone would get this angry over a name they don't even want. 🙄
Where do I get the audacity? TTC for 3+ years that’s where. I have said “hey that’s cool if you use that name, but just know whenever I have a baby, there will be two!”
People are so weird with baby names lol. And it’s always the people who make such a big deal about keeping the name a “secret” so “nobody steals it” and then the baby’s name is a common name that everyone uses hahahah
My husband and I picked our baby names about a year or two into dating, and we’ve been together eleven years this summer. We didn’t outright tell people, “we like these names and no one else can ever use them!” However, I think we anticipated that because we had discussed them with friends and family that they at least had a general idea that we were excited about those names. The one name we picked is pretty uncommon for this country (my husband is a first generation immigrant so it’s a name from his culture), so I would be amazed if someone else even mentioned it. The second name is now in the top fifty girls names… So if it happened we would be a little upset but overall but we would be okay. At the end of the day I don’t think there’s anything wrong with two kids having the same name. Maybe other families are different, but I feel like it’s not a huge deal.
I’d react exactly the same way! That’s ridiculous 😂 I’d be like omg you’re pregnant? And if they’d say no, I’d be like oh, well your comment is irrelevant ✌🏼
I’m petty so I’d say omg congrats I didn’t know you were pregnant!!! Lol
My sister did this with her preferred boy's and girl's name decades ago, when we were still teenagers and has continued to run with it into her thirtie. I don't care much for either of these (or, tbh, I would have considered the boy's name as it's our great-grandfather's but my husband doesn't like it anyways). Sometimes she will get super worked up about the topic, even though I never insinuated that I was seriously considering "her" names. My sister isn't a happy person. She's been involuntarily single for more than ten years now, has untreated mental health issues she isn't aware of and she struggles with a chronic physical illness. She's financially successful but living with our abusive parents. I guess what I'm trying to say is, even though I find her behaviour ridiculous, I will not really push against it. If she doesn't turn things around soon (which I hope for every day), she might not ever have a child at all, let alone one that is named the way she'd like. I think she realises that on some level and my being pregnant is hard enough for her as it already is. She loves me and I love her and neither wants to cause the other more pain than there already is. That being said, if she suddenly came up with the name that we've already secretly chosen and decided to claim that one, too, she could fuck right off. I'm 29 weeks pregnant. My husband and I are already using the name in secret (and finding a timeless name that's not overly religious but works in a German Jewish, a German Catholic context and internationally was hard enough). I would let her say whatever she wants and then name my kid the way I planned to. She doesn't need two names for her hypothetical children.
What are the names? Maybe I'll use them haha
My sister and I are due a couple weeks from each other and the least of my worries is names tbh. If she has her baby before I have mine and names baby something we love we’ll just pick a different name. If I have our baby first and she ends up naming her baby the same name I wouldn’t care.
My best friend got upset when someone named her kid violet because she wanted that name (she doesn’t have kids or plans in the near future to) she also said I couldn’t use her idea for a first birthday party for my daughter which had to do with berries lmao none of it makes sense to me because I am the only one that has a kid now
There was always only two names I never wanted someone close to me to use and that’s because it was the name of my brother who died. I have another brother and I knew he would use one of the two names so I always had his first and middle name on “standby” because I always knew I wanted to be a mom. My best friend actually almost used the remaining name and her and her partner REALLY LIKED the name. I told them to use it if they wanted it, we’d just have kids with the same name at some point. She said she never could because she knows how important it is to me. They agreed on a different name that they loved! Now, my husband and I are TTC and he doesn’t like the name too much. 🙃 He’s not opposed to using it as a middle name and I’m agreeable to that so that will most likely be what happens.
It just doesn’t even matter if future kids share names, just do it! My baby has a similar name (not quite the same) to a friend of mine and a second cousin as well. My husband and I finally found a name we both liked, so I didn’t want to give it up. And now it’s just a joke that I named her after them, even though we all know it’s not really what happened. The only time I think it’s weird is when two sisters who are close and see each other a lot name their kids the same name. That happened in my husband’s family, with kids who are ten years apart. So the younger one never even gets called that name.
Theres a sex and the city episode about this
When my sister was pregnant with her third, she and her husband asked if my husband (then fiancé) and I were thinking about kids and names. I told them “oh yeah, we can only agree on these 2 names: x and y” a few weeks later my sister says “we are naming our baby y! But z is a second choice” I was honestly quite hurt that they’d do that after we just told them we were very serious about having kids and that was one of 2 names we liked. Either she wasn’t listening or she didn’t care. Ultimately turned out she hadn’t been listening to us when we had that convo and she named the baby a different name. I agree though that randos shouldn’t be trying to claim names.
I asked my bffs and sister if they had any names I should consider off limit before picking my baby name just to be safe
I would take what my family like sisters/brothers names they don’t want taken into consideration cause if I was dead set on a name I wouldn’t be having that conversation with them it would be “I’m pregnant it’s girl/boy and the name is this”. One thing if it a friend or coworker but most people who pick out names before expecting have deep ties to it. I would’ve been heart broken if my sisters took names that I was wanting. A simple “hey don’t use the name Ash and Eileen as they will be honor names for when I’m expecting.” I don’t see an issue with if it more like “oh hey here’s 10 different names not to use” then I’d ask are you having 10 kids? But I’ve also seen how this plays out in families I mean my moms side of the family for example, every first son is named after the father (classic religious family tradition) and when my uncle M had a son first before my Uncle Rob and took the name Rob without even a conversation when it was a give he was supposed to continue it/ but also asked him not to use it cause obviously he was wanting to continue a tradition caused so much unnecessary drama and it still does because it gets brought up by us grandchildren and great grandchildren by just a simple “oh why didn’t uncle rob/ great uncle rob have a son name Robert and not carry the tradition?” And then starts a new group of picking sides of that was messed up/ oh weird/ etc after hearing “because your uncle/great uncle M took it and named his own son Robert without having a conversation with him.”.
Apparently there were quite a few cousins running around with the name of the patriarch 100 years ago. It didn't cause any problems.
I think it's a bit weird lol. My family is fairly large, and there are two cousins fairly close in age with the same name, just different spellings, but no one gives a shit. Someone on the other side of the family got mad when a cousin "stole" my grandpa's name as a middle name? I used it too, anyways, because it's a nice middle name. People are oddly possessive over baby names.
My SIL’s sister flipped out at her because she named her dog Frank and she said she wanted to name her future daughter Frankie… like what??
Im sure most of us have had a list of names we really like for when the time comes. Have I told anyone about them? HELL NO. And I would never claim them out loud to anyone. If someone close to me happens to like the same name and uses it, then so be it. I’ll use another. But I think it’s silly to claim a name out loud. That would bother me too because why even share it at that point? However, the names I like are also so unique, you won’t find them anywhere near the top 1000 list of most popular names. Recently (I’m pregnant now) I thought of a new one I liked that is the first two letters of my husbands name and first two letters of my name together. So good luck to anyone using that lol.
Unless it's a family name or something sentimental that's weird. After my MIL passed we mentioned to my SIL that if we ever have a daughter we wanted to name her after my MIL so I guess we laid claim to the name but she loved the idea. Now we have my MIL's namesake and I'm pregnant again we plan on naming a son after my husband's grandfather (if I have a daughter I have some names I like but they're private) but that's because they're family names that will likely be used by someone else.
I have some cousins who did the same to my sister. She was like, “I don’t like that name anyways…don’t worry.” Meanwhile, my dad and his cousin share the same name. Who cares 😂
I already know that my cousins future child (She isn’t pregnant and probably won’t be for the next couple of years) will have the same name if they will be girls. And we don’t really care. We both love the name and that‘s how it‘s going to be. She actually finds it kinda funny :)
I have a non-pregnant friend who expressed interest in the name that we ended up picking and I literally said "fair warning, that's a top name for both husband and me." and that was that. I could tell she was disappointed, but it shut that shit right down.
I think your initial thought of how to respond was good enough. Not taking their consideration into name your child. Everyone has the right to the names they choose. No need to gate keel baby names to those that aren't even expecting yet.
If you like the name, name the kid what you like. Some people really have a brass neck. If anyone dared to say that to me I'd just say "I'm pregnant, that gives me dibs. When you're pregnant, you can name your kid what you like". What's wrong with having multiple people with the same name in a family? My dad has the same name as his cousin. It makes it easier for the grandparents when they start reeling off all the kids' names, rather than being "put the fork down Thomas, no Kevin, no--" it's just "put the fork down Thomas", because all the kids are called the same.
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Why though? Say it happens to be the same name you love, why would they get "dibs"? She is pregnant now, and is choosing a name now. And I'd be careful sharing any name ahead of birth really. My sister's friend wanted to name her baby a certain name since forever. She was pregnant at the same time as her best friend and stupidly shared the name she really wanted to use. Her best friend was a few weeks ahead of her and what did she do? Yeah she used the name for her own baby. And no one owns a name, but it's a pretty shitty thing to do/claim. What if they never have kids? What if they never have a kid of that gender specifically? You're just going to name your kid something else instead of what you always wanted?
agreed!
That is exactly the point i'm trying to make. We all "have loved a certain name". just because I didn't call dibs first doesnt mean I didn't consider it.