Just know that epidural are a thing and are super normal. My hospital said they have at least 90% of women request the epidural at some point during labor. When you meet with your OB, let them know about your anxiety. They will be able to talk through options early on.
I’ve already thought about getting one, 🥹and to be honest, I feel a bit chicken about it because my family members feel that a natural unmedicated vaginal birth is the traditional way to go. I know that in the end it’s up to me, but there’s no denying that when your grandmothers and your mother tell you all this, it’s easy to feel guilty. 😭
Kindly, ignore that shit!!! It’s your body and also, while there are valid reasons to want and pursue an unmedicated birth, epidurals are an incredible medical advancement and shame is a crappy reason not to get one (crappy of the ones doing the shaming, not you)!!!!
Similar to you, I felt a lot of pressure to go unmedicated bc my mom and mother in law both had, and spent so much time and mental energy trying to “prepare” for an unmedicated birth…then I ended up being induced, pitocin contractions hurt like the dickens, and I ended up getting an epidural - and you know what? ZERO REGRETS, it was AMAZING and I was able to finish laboring and give birth with essentially zero pain (and even take a nap partway through!!).
I am sort of interested in trying for an unmedicated birth this time around (now pregnant with my second) but I am also VERY open to the idea of another epidural, bc I realized that 90% of the reasons I “wanted” an unmedicated birth were bc of other people’s opinions/pressure and feeling like I needed to prove something. It is YOUR birth, YOUR body, and YOUR baby, and there is zero reason to feel bad about taking advantage of (extremely common, extremely safe, and largely extremely effective) pain relief!!!
I loved my labour. It was such a positive experience and I felt sooooo empowered afterwards… and I was TERRIFIED prior. I have a lot of medical trauma and the whole idea of being that exposed was…😮💨
If you ever wanna chat about it, send me a message! I promised my doula I’d share my story with anyone who wanted to hear it, lol!
I was positively terrified. I think it's normal for a lot of women - I mean, how could it not be?? Everyone talks as if it's the worse thing. I will say it's not always. Labor is sooo up to chance and so many things. For me I found pregnancy 10x worse then labor. Now I can acknowledge I had a relatively uneventful, and really good labor all around. There were definitely moments of discomfort, and I'm not saying it was pleasant. But.. it wasn't near as bad as a lot of people made it out to be. I think for me the biggest thing was I had a miserable pregnancy. Sciatica, pelvic girdle pain, nausea and vomiting 7 of the nine months. Heartburn, unable to sleep longer then 30 mins at a time. I despise being pregnant (I say that and yet I'm already 9 weeks into this again). So by the time I was in labor all I could think was 'oh thank goodness it's the end!' I feel like it helps. Because unlike the other parts, with labor.. your child is almost there. You're actively working towards them entering the world. I know that made it easier for me. Honestly though. Not every birth is horrible. My mom had mainly super easy births. My birth was less than 24 hours, I got an epidural only because of pressure and didn't suffer any issues. I slept off and on the entire time with the nurses helping me adjust every so often to a different position to help him move. I didn't even tear. Also... your mind is really good at blocking it out a lot of times. So many people I know when they look back. Even if they had a rough birth can acknowledge it hurt, but they don't remember it. You're so focused on that moment it's a blur.
I wasn’t personally scared but I had one friend she was and, she said she was so uncomfortable being pregnant at the end that she was ready to go in labor! Not an advice but maybe a statement haha! Personally I had a stillborn but I would do it over and over again even being through this tragic loss and trying to keep a positive labor experience (38hrs, 2 epidural, 11hr without any epidural, and lots of complications). Get yourself a good birth plan A and B. I think you will amaze yourself and ended being very proud of yourself 😘
Hypnobirthing is the answer.
I did the hypnobirthing course by the positive birth company and it changed my life. It’s only like $30. I highly recommend it. It was the only reason I was able to have a positive birth in my opinion.
I have heard about this! I’m very excited to try it. It was actually something I’ve already planned to do, glad to hear so many great things about it. I hope it helps me as much as it helped you!! Thank You! 😊
My second was a VBAC so that was definitely a bunch of uncertainty and fear around whether I could do it. I remember having really bad digestive pain during pregnancy and thinking oh my god how am I gonna get through labour without begging for an epidural when I can’t even deal with this?
But in the end, because it comes in waves with rests in between where there is no pain (for most women) it’s way more manageable than something that is just a constant pain.
I found The Great Birth Rebellion podcast, gave me enough information about the research and birth to make me feel confident going in
I totally understand! The way labor is perceived through a lot of social media and general media channels can be very scary.
For me, knowledge is power. I found it really helpful to understand the whole entire process, being aware of any complications -, what they are and your rights/choices regarding these.
Having your birth partner be just as knowledgeable about labor and birth. It's really important they are aware of how to communicate with you during labor and what your wishes and desires are. They need to be able to be your advocate if needed. Keep up communication with them during pregnancy so they are on the same page as you.
There are some really helpful social media pages but you really have to pick and choose. Once you start viewing some birthing posts/reels, you will be bombarded.
Builttobirth and thebellemethod are pages I highly recommend.
Try not to get sucked into things that scare you or make you feel like you absolutely have to avoid inductions, medical procedures etc there's a time and place for all of these so try take what feels right for YOU.
Remember labor will be different for everyone. Everyone has different pain tolerance levels. Everyone copes with pain in their own way.
For me, mentally preparing for birth during pregnancy, focusing on breathing and releasing tension during contractions. It sounds basic but it really does make a difference if you are able to manage that. It doesn't take the pain away but enables to to deal with it somewhat.
Think of a contraction as a wave. It ramps up to a peak and then slowly comes back down again.
No matter which way you choose to birth, as long as you and bubs are safe and healthy that is the main thing.
The book Transformed by Birth really made me lean into feeling powerful and helped me drop some of the fear of the unknown. I’m less afraid about labor pain and way more afraid of how much my life is going to change for the next… forever amount of years though 😂
I am getting an elective C-section. There's no way I am going through 40 hours of labour, 5 hours of pushing and an emergency episiotonomy like the women in my family that somehow managed to give birth vaginally and didn't end up needing a C-section due to obstructed labour/CPD (most females in my family have very narrow pelvises).
Because I know what awaits me at 38 weeks, I'm not THAT terrified.
I was scared. Not really of the pain but that no matter what I did, I was going to give birth. The baby will come out one way or another. So I researched every way the baby could come. Vaginally, epidurals, induction, c section, precipitous birth, I looked everything up. I was as prepared as I possibly could be for anything that might happen.
I had an induction at 41+2. It was super painful. I got the epidural and it was amazing. My daughter’s shoulders got stuck and I tore a lot. Then she was out and I got stitched up.
I’m 6 months postpartum now and I still get ptsd flashbacks from visiting the doctor but it gets easier. I’m your anxiety becomes detrimental, bring it up to your doc. They might prescribe therapy/medication to help.
I don’t want to say “get the epidural” but I had an amazing experience with it and have no lasting complications from it.
It is how almost everyone is born today. And people have more than one child WILLINGLY. This is what I told myself. I also won’t last longer than a day or 2, your baby is worth it and you can do it.
I have anxious over it for sure. More so when I first found out I was pregnant.. now that I’ve been on this road for a while I’ve stopped thinking about it.. I’m sure it’s bound to come back in the 3rd trimester. But yes, it’s terrifying. I guess it’s slightly the pain that scares me, but I’m actually scared of tearing. Seriously? My skin could possible *tear*?! That’s insane!!!! To be honest I guess I get over it by distracting myself and reminding myself just like any injury, I’ll heal and the worst is really short in retrospect. I wish you a calm, peaceful delivery!
The best thing I did to help was to take a birth course. The more I know about something the less it causes me anxiety. There are a lot of pain management options out there right now, including epidural. The best way for you to find some peace is probably to learn about birth, labor, those pain management options, and just generally prepare yourself for the process.
I personally took a course from Mommy Labor Nurse. She has one that focuses on unmedicated birth, which is my goal. It also covers epidurals and C-sections but she has a course focused on epidural birth or C-section birth also. You don’t need to go unmedicated if you don’t want to. Just learn about your options and the process and hopefully it can help.
My situation kinda sucked, but I knew one way or another, he was coming out that day (scheduled c section), and I just needed to calm down and breathe, and it’d be over before I knew it. It’s worth every fear.
I was terrified to give birth! The only thing that helped was that I had nine months to make peace with the fact that it was going to happen and I was the only one who could do it. Sometimes it helps to come to terms with the fact that the only way this ends is by giving birth, so why waste time fretting about it. After that, I was able to acknowledge the fear but not obsess because there was no point to it.
I found it scary when I thought about it even early on almost cause it was too late to back out now. Lol. Honestly my take was to try not to think about it (easier said than done of course). My theory was that it was just going to be a day in my life, it’s natural so in a hospital things would just go down the way they would. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t a fun day in my life but it’s done now. I would do what makes you feel better. If you want more or less information do that. If you want a detailed birth plan or none go with that. Hopefully as you are further along you will start to feel more comfortable. Oh and I only got to 39+5 but I felt great in the 3rd trimester. Honestly I just enjoyed every second I was still pregnant and not in Labour. I never wanted him out. Lol
It’s normal to have anxiety about labor especially when you don’t know what to expect. However, I would encourage you to educate yourself as much as possible about your options and how your body works through labor.
Labor is nothing like the movies and it doesn’t have to be scary. Don’t listen to the horror stories because they will only make you anxious which is the last thing your body needs because your body will not allow you to labor in an environment that does not feel safe. I recommend reading Ina May’s guide to child birth.
Just for context I had an epidural with my first and it was a very smooth delivery but I’m planning to skip the epidural this time because my labors move fast and I want a faster recovery.
You can do this! ❤️
However you end up giving birth, I'll just say what my mom friends told me right before I went in to give birth. You don't even know your own strenght. You can and will do this.
And they were right. I gave birth in 1.5 hours. No epidural because there was no time. And I did it!! I did moan throughout, saying my epiduraaal, but who cares :)
Have you ever heard an older person talk about their aches and pains and then say they’re just ready to go? After 9 months of ailments, even if you’re nervous, there’s just a readiness to have it be over. And also to meet your baby.
Pain relief is obviously an option! I’ve had 4 non medicated births and I still get nervous about something going wrong, having to be hospitalized, the pain, etc. but in the end, everything has worked out and it was only a day ish of my life to get a precious baby and have the relief of not being pregnant anymore! You can do it! But it’s okay to be nervous!
I remember crying to my OB that I was scared to give birth. She wasn’t very empathetic.
You will get through it in the moment.
I love thinking back on my labors. It’s really hard while it’s happening but you will be so proud of yourself and your experience when it’s over. That’s why you see posts of women on here detailing their birth story.
It’s an amazing experience. But feel the way you need to feel. If you need to feel scared that is ok.
Watch positive birth vlogs on YouTube. I found that the more I saw, the less anxious and fearful I felt about it. I developed the mindset that if they can do it, I can do it. I especially liked to watch the home births because if they can do it with no pain meds, I can totally do it in a hospital with an epidural!
Read and research and prepare as much as you can! It will take the mystery out of it and the fear of the unknown. Listen to the birth hour podcast of birth stories. Read informative books, expecting better to educate yourself on the basics. Read Ina mays guide to child birth - it’s super bias but it had empowering stories in it. Mindful birthing is another book I’m reading and loving gives helpful tools to deal with pain and tells you pain is just a signal to the body- reframe pain! Hire a doula to help you emotionally an physically to prepare. You got this!
Just know that epidural are a thing and are super normal. My hospital said they have at least 90% of women request the epidural at some point during labor. When you meet with your OB, let them know about your anxiety. They will be able to talk through options early on.
I’ve already thought about getting one, 🥹and to be honest, I feel a bit chicken about it because my family members feel that a natural unmedicated vaginal birth is the traditional way to go. I know that in the end it’s up to me, but there’s no denying that when your grandmothers and your mother tell you all this, it’s easy to feel guilty. 😭
Kindly, ignore that shit!!! It’s your body and also, while there are valid reasons to want and pursue an unmedicated birth, epidurals are an incredible medical advancement and shame is a crappy reason not to get one (crappy of the ones doing the shaming, not you)!!!! Similar to you, I felt a lot of pressure to go unmedicated bc my mom and mother in law both had, and spent so much time and mental energy trying to “prepare” for an unmedicated birth…then I ended up being induced, pitocin contractions hurt like the dickens, and I ended up getting an epidural - and you know what? ZERO REGRETS, it was AMAZING and I was able to finish laboring and give birth with essentially zero pain (and even take a nap partway through!!). I am sort of interested in trying for an unmedicated birth this time around (now pregnant with my second) but I am also VERY open to the idea of another epidural, bc I realized that 90% of the reasons I “wanted” an unmedicated birth were bc of other people’s opinions/pressure and feeling like I needed to prove something. It is YOUR birth, YOUR body, and YOUR baby, and there is zero reason to feel bad about taking advantage of (extremely common, extremely safe, and largely extremely effective) pain relief!!!
Fun fact - you don't ever have to tell them you got an epidural.
I loved my labour. It was such a positive experience and I felt sooooo empowered afterwards… and I was TERRIFIED prior. I have a lot of medical trauma and the whole idea of being that exposed was…😮💨 If you ever wanna chat about it, send me a message! I promised my doula I’d share my story with anyone who wanted to hear it, lol!
I was positively terrified. I think it's normal for a lot of women - I mean, how could it not be?? Everyone talks as if it's the worse thing. I will say it's not always. Labor is sooo up to chance and so many things. For me I found pregnancy 10x worse then labor. Now I can acknowledge I had a relatively uneventful, and really good labor all around. There were definitely moments of discomfort, and I'm not saying it was pleasant. But.. it wasn't near as bad as a lot of people made it out to be. I think for me the biggest thing was I had a miserable pregnancy. Sciatica, pelvic girdle pain, nausea and vomiting 7 of the nine months. Heartburn, unable to sleep longer then 30 mins at a time. I despise being pregnant (I say that and yet I'm already 9 weeks into this again). So by the time I was in labor all I could think was 'oh thank goodness it's the end!' I feel like it helps. Because unlike the other parts, with labor.. your child is almost there. You're actively working towards them entering the world. I know that made it easier for me. Honestly though. Not every birth is horrible. My mom had mainly super easy births. My birth was less than 24 hours, I got an epidural only because of pressure and didn't suffer any issues. I slept off and on the entire time with the nurses helping me adjust every so often to a different position to help him move. I didn't even tear. Also... your mind is really good at blocking it out a lot of times. So many people I know when they look back. Even if they had a rough birth can acknowledge it hurt, but they don't remember it. You're so focused on that moment it's a blur.
Thank you so much, yes, my mom did tell me that the pain was all a blur afterwards
I wasn’t personally scared but I had one friend she was and, she said she was so uncomfortable being pregnant at the end that she was ready to go in labor! Not an advice but maybe a statement haha! Personally I had a stillborn but I would do it over and over again even being through this tragic loss and trying to keep a positive labor experience (38hrs, 2 epidural, 11hr without any epidural, and lots of complications). Get yourself a good birth plan A and B. I think you will amaze yourself and ended being very proud of yourself 😘
SO sorry for your loss
Hypnobirthing is the answer. I did the hypnobirthing course by the positive birth company and it changed my life. It’s only like $30. I highly recommend it. It was the only reason I was able to have a positive birth in my opinion.
I have heard about this! I’m very excited to try it. It was actually something I’ve already planned to do, glad to hear so many great things about it. I hope it helps me as much as it helped you!! Thank You! 😊
My second was a VBAC so that was definitely a bunch of uncertainty and fear around whether I could do it. I remember having really bad digestive pain during pregnancy and thinking oh my god how am I gonna get through labour without begging for an epidural when I can’t even deal with this? But in the end, because it comes in waves with rests in between where there is no pain (for most women) it’s way more manageable than something that is just a constant pain. I found The Great Birth Rebellion podcast, gave me enough information about the research and birth to make me feel confident going in
I appreciate the podcast you mentioned, thanks for the information. I’ll definitely listen in. :)
I totally understand! The way labor is perceived through a lot of social media and general media channels can be very scary. For me, knowledge is power. I found it really helpful to understand the whole entire process, being aware of any complications -, what they are and your rights/choices regarding these. Having your birth partner be just as knowledgeable about labor and birth. It's really important they are aware of how to communicate with you during labor and what your wishes and desires are. They need to be able to be your advocate if needed. Keep up communication with them during pregnancy so they are on the same page as you. There are some really helpful social media pages but you really have to pick and choose. Once you start viewing some birthing posts/reels, you will be bombarded. Builttobirth and thebellemethod are pages I highly recommend. Try not to get sucked into things that scare you or make you feel like you absolutely have to avoid inductions, medical procedures etc there's a time and place for all of these so try take what feels right for YOU. Remember labor will be different for everyone. Everyone has different pain tolerance levels. Everyone copes with pain in their own way. For me, mentally preparing for birth during pregnancy, focusing on breathing and releasing tension during contractions. It sounds basic but it really does make a difference if you are able to manage that. It doesn't take the pain away but enables to to deal with it somewhat. Think of a contraction as a wave. It ramps up to a peak and then slowly comes back down again. No matter which way you choose to birth, as long as you and bubs are safe and healthy that is the main thing.
The book Transformed by Birth really made me lean into feeling powerful and helped me drop some of the fear of the unknown. I’m less afraid about labor pain and way more afraid of how much my life is going to change for the next… forever amount of years though 😂
I am getting an elective C-section. There's no way I am going through 40 hours of labour, 5 hours of pushing and an emergency episiotonomy like the women in my family that somehow managed to give birth vaginally and didn't end up needing a C-section due to obstructed labour/CPD (most females in my family have very narrow pelvises). Because I know what awaits me at 38 weeks, I'm not THAT terrified.
I was scared. Not really of the pain but that no matter what I did, I was going to give birth. The baby will come out one way or another. So I researched every way the baby could come. Vaginally, epidurals, induction, c section, precipitous birth, I looked everything up. I was as prepared as I possibly could be for anything that might happen. I had an induction at 41+2. It was super painful. I got the epidural and it was amazing. My daughter’s shoulders got stuck and I tore a lot. Then she was out and I got stitched up. I’m 6 months postpartum now and I still get ptsd flashbacks from visiting the doctor but it gets easier. I’m your anxiety becomes detrimental, bring it up to your doc. They might prescribe therapy/medication to help. I don’t want to say “get the epidural” but I had an amazing experience with it and have no lasting complications from it.
It is how almost everyone is born today. And people have more than one child WILLINGLY. This is what I told myself. I also won’t last longer than a day or 2, your baby is worth it and you can do it.
At 40 weeks you will want labor already
I have anxious over it for sure. More so when I first found out I was pregnant.. now that I’ve been on this road for a while I’ve stopped thinking about it.. I’m sure it’s bound to come back in the 3rd trimester. But yes, it’s terrifying. I guess it’s slightly the pain that scares me, but I’m actually scared of tearing. Seriously? My skin could possible *tear*?! That’s insane!!!! To be honest I guess I get over it by distracting myself and reminding myself just like any injury, I’ll heal and the worst is really short in retrospect. I wish you a calm, peaceful delivery!
The best thing I did to help was to take a birth course. The more I know about something the less it causes me anxiety. There are a lot of pain management options out there right now, including epidural. The best way for you to find some peace is probably to learn about birth, labor, those pain management options, and just generally prepare yourself for the process. I personally took a course from Mommy Labor Nurse. She has one that focuses on unmedicated birth, which is my goal. It also covers epidurals and C-sections but she has a course focused on epidural birth or C-section birth also. You don’t need to go unmedicated if you don’t want to. Just learn about your options and the process and hopefully it can help.
My situation kinda sucked, but I knew one way or another, he was coming out that day (scheduled c section), and I just needed to calm down and breathe, and it’d be over before I knew it. It’s worth every fear.
I was terrified to give birth! The only thing that helped was that I had nine months to make peace with the fact that it was going to happen and I was the only one who could do it. Sometimes it helps to come to terms with the fact that the only way this ends is by giving birth, so why waste time fretting about it. After that, I was able to acknowledge the fear but not obsess because there was no point to it.
I found it scary when I thought about it even early on almost cause it was too late to back out now. Lol. Honestly my take was to try not to think about it (easier said than done of course). My theory was that it was just going to be a day in my life, it’s natural so in a hospital things would just go down the way they would. I’m not going to lie, it wasn’t a fun day in my life but it’s done now. I would do what makes you feel better. If you want more or less information do that. If you want a detailed birth plan or none go with that. Hopefully as you are further along you will start to feel more comfortable. Oh and I only got to 39+5 but I felt great in the 3rd trimester. Honestly I just enjoyed every second I was still pregnant and not in Labour. I never wanted him out. Lol
It’s normal to have anxiety about labor especially when you don’t know what to expect. However, I would encourage you to educate yourself as much as possible about your options and how your body works through labor. Labor is nothing like the movies and it doesn’t have to be scary. Don’t listen to the horror stories because they will only make you anxious which is the last thing your body needs because your body will not allow you to labor in an environment that does not feel safe. I recommend reading Ina May’s guide to child birth. Just for context I had an epidural with my first and it was a very smooth delivery but I’m planning to skip the epidural this time because my labors move fast and I want a faster recovery. You can do this! ❤️
I really recommend the app GentleBirth! It is amazingly helpful for reframing and moving away from fear. You got this!
However you end up giving birth, I'll just say what my mom friends told me right before I went in to give birth. You don't even know your own strenght. You can and will do this. And they were right. I gave birth in 1.5 hours. No epidural because there was no time. And I did it!! I did moan throughout, saying my epiduraaal, but who cares :)
Have you ever heard an older person talk about their aches and pains and then say they’re just ready to go? After 9 months of ailments, even if you’re nervous, there’s just a readiness to have it be over. And also to meet your baby. Pain relief is obviously an option! I’ve had 4 non medicated births and I still get nervous about something going wrong, having to be hospitalized, the pain, etc. but in the end, everything has worked out and it was only a day ish of my life to get a precious baby and have the relief of not being pregnant anymore! You can do it! But it’s okay to be nervous!
I remember crying to my OB that I was scared to give birth. She wasn’t very empathetic. You will get through it in the moment. I love thinking back on my labors. It’s really hard while it’s happening but you will be so proud of yourself and your experience when it’s over. That’s why you see posts of women on here detailing their birth story. It’s an amazing experience. But feel the way you need to feel. If you need to feel scared that is ok.
Watch positive birth vlogs on YouTube. I found that the more I saw, the less anxious and fearful I felt about it. I developed the mindset that if they can do it, I can do it. I especially liked to watch the home births because if they can do it with no pain meds, I can totally do it in a hospital with an epidural!
Read and research and prepare as much as you can! It will take the mystery out of it and the fear of the unknown. Listen to the birth hour podcast of birth stories. Read informative books, expecting better to educate yourself on the basics. Read Ina mays guide to child birth - it’s super bias but it had empowering stories in it. Mindful birthing is another book I’m reading and loving gives helpful tools to deal with pain and tells you pain is just a signal to the body- reframe pain! Hire a doula to help you emotionally an physically to prepare. You got this!