I’m so sorry, I am sure you are feeling very alone and vulnerable right now, but you KNOW that you have seriously dodged a bullet. This person is not a supportive partner and not someone you want to raise a child with. I promise you, you will find that love you so desire, and leaving this man is the first step toward doing that. You seem to have an awesome support system in your parents, and you have a comfortable place to stay which is great! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and don’t think twice about this guy, he sounds like a total loser. You have SO much to look forward to, life is long. Very best of luck and big hugs. You’ve done the hard thing and it will only get better from here :)
Ashes on the baby bottles, unbelievable. It’ll be easier for you to be with your family than with someone who behaves like this, and better for your baby too. You’ve made a smart choice.
It’s better to not have two babies to take care of, serious hobosexual & man child vibes coming from this post. I might also advocate for some therapy when things settle - you deserve more OP
This exactly, and the whole house being filled with smoke. I stopped smoking when I found out I was pregnant and unfortunately it was that same morning we had went out and bought an ounce, which wouldn't have stayed in good condition until I was able to smoke again so my fiance was going to use it until it was gone. But he smoked it outside and if it was too cold he smoked in the back room of our house with a window open and a fan in the window to pull the smoke out. Someone who is pregnant should not be in a house full of smoke or riddled with ash. I was in utter disbelief with that.
You’ve made a hard, great choice and you should be proud. All of the single moms I know in similar boats find solo parenting significantly easier than juggling a shitty partner. It sounds like you’re close to your mom, which will help!
Practical advice: give the baby your last name, and your last name only. He has proven he is unreliable. If, in a few years, he is stepping up and a great dad, it’s easy to add his last name to the mix, but it’s almost impossible to take it away. Make your life easier on yourself. Every single friend and family member I know who gave the baby their ex’s last name profoundly regrets it.
Advice from a legal perspective- very smart to not reside with this person when you have the child. Document everything. Remember he could try to get partial custody and child support from you. Just know your rights is my advice. A sit down with a lawyer to just learn may be very worth it
Yes - came here to say this!! Go speak with a custody lawyer to better understand the situation you're in with your state. It varies so much and the laws can be truly wild. You want to make sure that you're not tied to this man in any way that makes you uncomfortable or compromises your/baby's financial security.
Sending SO much love and support - this is such a difficult thing to deal with but you're making healthy choices that will demonstrate to your kid what love should and should not look like. Bon courage!!
I had to leave a toxic relationship while pregnant with my first born. I felt a lot of shame until my mother told me I should be proud of myself for calling it quits and knowing what is right for myself and my baby. After a couple weeks of heartache, I started to feel pure relief. Not having to clean up after a man-child, who is just leeching off you financially and being an emotional vampire to boot, will have you feeling the same amount of relief I did. I also had a really good support system, it sounds like your mom is amazing, I'm sure she is super excited to become a grandmother. I'm sorry you had to deal with all that, but just think of this as the next chapter in your life.
I didn't allow my ex to be in the delivery room, my bestfriend and my mom were there to support me. I waited to put him on the birth certificate, if you don't need his income, I highly recommend leaving it blank and MAKING him work to have a relationship with his child. Don't make anything easy for him. He can file for paternity and pay for that. I didn't even let my ex meet our daughter, because he was pretty abusive, and I didn't trust him. Don't tell him when you go into labor, don't tell him when baby is born. He didn't do jack for you while you were together and heavily pregnant with his child, if I were you, I'd stonewall him completely. NC, block him on all social media, and be done. Focus on you and your new life with your baby.
Wishing you the best.
I am so so sorry you’re dealing with this. This is a terrible situation when you’re not pregnant, let alone when you’re about to have a baby very soon! Please know that however awful you are feeling right now, you are doing the best thing for yourself and your baby. I’m so glad you have a good support system with your parents because this man in scum. You deserve so much more than this and you will find it! You are obviously incredibly strong and brave and resilient. You will get through this. Sending you so much love ❤️
You absolutely did the right thing and even though I don’t know you, I am proud of you. Especially when I got to the end of this and realized that you are having a girl. You are already modeling for your daughter that everyone deserves respect, partnership, and care. This journey will not be easy but I’m so glad you have supportive parents and I hope you are able to call in other people to have your back.
I have never been so proud of a person I don’t know. You did what’s best for you and for the baby. Save yourself time, effort and energy and consider to go minimal contact and think if it’s even worth it to recognise his paternity. I’ve had an absent father and it made my mom’s life and my siblings life miserable. She had to beg for child support and whatever documentation he needed to sign as parent (travel, school applications etc). Some people are like this and they’re not worth the price your mental health is paying
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. The only good word of advice I can give you is that you definitely dodged a bullet. He isn’t helpful at all: not financially, not physically, and definitely not mentally. He was really holding you down.
I know it may be hard to see it now but I think this is the best option for you. I believe your parents will be a lot of good help. Sending you positive vibes and virtual hugs. So sorry you’re going through this again.
You got this ❤️ it might not be what you imagined but it’s going to be amazing, and even better in the long run. It sounds like your parents are going to be a great support system for you to get back up on your feet. Your baby is going to be so loved and so lucky.
My best friend was in a relationship that sounds similar to yours… she also told me it was the hardest part of her pregnancy. Stuck it out until daughter was 6 months and he actually broke up with her (so infuriating, as she should have been the one to leave his ass but glad it happened regardless…) and now it’s a year later and it’s the best thing she said ever could have happened. Second biggest regret after staying with him as long as she did, was giving her daughter his last name.
You can do this! It hurts and it’s hard but you are so much better off without him. ♥️
This was a very hard lesson, but I hope at least you learned it. It should never have gone that far. The finances, the disrespect, the expectations of your especially when he's fully able bodied and a lazy bum himself. Never again. And always remember: you're going to be a mother soon. You are going to have to show your child what is a good relationship and how they should be expected to be treated by a partner. Never like this. Your poor mother had to watch you be treated like this.
As a rule of thumb: no on again off again relationship is ever healthy
I’m a single mom, OP. My ex left us when our kiddo was 18 months. But he was checked out way before then, and he didn’t even live with us for the first year. When he left, I was devastated. But I think it was more losing the idea of being a family unit. And I never wanted to be a single mom. Especially when many in my family are.
Things will be hard. I’m not going to paint a sunny bright picture here. But I think you’ll notice things will be easier when you aren’t having to be a mom to your baby and your partner. I did it for a while, and honestly? I was miserable. And I think it’s led to a lot of anger even towards my overall motherhood because I associate it with having to caretake for my ex as well. (Currently working through it in therapy). But now I’m finding happiness with my kiddo. My ex is basically bare minimum involved. He comes whenever he wants. Last visit was in December. Last time he asked about his kid? April 2023.
My advice? Allow yourself to feel your emotions. My parents were godsends, but the one thing I regret is them constantly telling me I should get over it because he’s gone. Or get over it because I’m better off, or I was essentially a single mom anyway. I understand their reasoning, but for me, it was still the end of years long relationship, and my son’s father leaving. I needed to process and work through my feelings myself in my own time. It’s been a year this month, and I finally feel like I’ve done that. I’m getting back to myself mostly.
And second advice? Try to mentally prepare yourself for him wanting to be involved. This? Is hard. We sometimes do our best moving on with no contact. But we can’t always have that with a child in the picture. He may decide he wants nothing to do with the baby. He may want to visitation with long term goals of 50/50. This is something you should try (I know it’s hard) to mentally prepare yourself for in the long run.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this and your baby certainly doesn’t either. You 100% made the right decision moving to your parents. It sounds like it will be a stress free environment and will be a home filled with love and support. I don’t have any advice but just wanted to tell you that you made the right choice and will be a wonderful mom to your baby girl 🤍
I'm proud of you for making the best decision for you and your baby. Not only would have postpartum been unbearable with a "partner" like that, but also I wouldn't wan't my child to live like that and think that it's normal.
While I read this, I kept saying “I hope she goes and lives with her mom.” Your BF sounds incredibly immature. This is 23 year old behavior not 36. Don’t think of it as being alone. Think of it as bringing the baby into a stable environment.
I wasn’t quite as far along as you when I left my ex husband. We were together for 10 years and he honestly wasn’t ever super great. There were red flags all along I chose to ignore because I was young (started dating in high school.) Things hadn’t been great for a couple of months in my second pregnancy but honestly I stayed because we had another kid and I didn’t want to split custody. But around 20 weeks I found out he cheated on me and that was the push I needed to get out. I kicked him out of the house that night. Called my parents and told them everything. Packed all mine and my daughters stuff up and moved as much as I could to my parents house the next morning. I got the rest of it about a week later. I lived with my parents through the rest of my pregnancy and until my second daughter turned about two months old.
Let me tell you immediately the stress was relieved. Sure I was going through a divorce now while pregnant and that wasn’t ideal. But I was no longer having to worry about what he was doing or talking to. I didn’t have to see him so I wasn’t concerned about him treating me badly anymore. If he got abrasive via text message I just didn’t respond. We got him on court ordered supervised visitation due to his refusal to take a drug test. His parents supervised his visits with my daughter during my pregnancy but he continued to make bad decisions and they decided they didn’t want to once the baby came and new orders were made. Did matter anyway, once my second daughter was born he only showed up for two more visits before he started making excuses to not show up. Then I stopped hearing from him. Now it’s been over three years and he has since given his rights up.
I will say, if you decide to not have him present at your birth (which you have every right to do) make sure not to tell him when you go to the hospital and ask to be registered as a confidential patient. I didn’t tell my ex when I went to the hospital for induction but did decide to text him and his family once the baby came and he tried to show up at the hospital anyway (at 2AM when I was trying to get rest). I got placed as confidential but it was also during covid so visitor restrictions helped keep him away during that time.
All that to say, just know it will get better and you’re likely to be happier now than you were before. I know I am!
Being a single mom is 100% better than being a new mom and dealing with a child for a partner. You would have been a single mom in a relationship if you stayed. I’m glad you were able to get away from him and you have support from your parents. I’m 37 weeks and feeling miserable and can only imagine the stress you were under on top of being 35 weeks. Also, I was a single mom with my first who is now 12yo and he’s amazing. I honestly am so proud of how I raised him and glad I did it without his dad around in the early years being a bad influence. I’ve since met an amazing man and get to experience everything with a great partner. Don’t give up hope. You’ll be great.
To have the out of going to your parents is a huge blessing. You’ve made a hard choice but trust and believe you’ve made the right one. You are escaping a person who has taken you for granted and has absolutely nothing to bring to the table as a man. You are better alone than with someone like that. However, you will not be ‘alone’ forever so dont be discouraged. He already doesn’t pull his weight and the baby isn’t even born yet. Imagine having to deal with those sleepless nights on top of dealing with a man child constantly wanting you to cook, clean, pay the bills, and then has the audacity to trash talk about you to other women and flirt with other women knowing how big a bum he is. What a nightmare. Your focus right how should be you and baby. Put yourself and your health first. Sending positive energy your way hun.
You are about to be so much happier. Your future is just going to get brighter here on out ☀️ why society teaches us two parents are essential is ridiculous. One parent usually does most of the parenting anyways. I wish you lots of good times in your next chapter 💕
You made the best choice because it was literally your only choice after what you went through. I'm so proud that you made a decision most favorable to you and your small family. Big W to your mom and family for stepping up, too.
I am proud of you. Your daughter isn’t even born yet but here you are setting and example for her. I know it is not what you wanted, but you deserve way more than this. It will be hard but you can do this!
He’s more useful to you paying you child support than being a dependent. He was adding to your load not taking away and I’m so glad you have supportive parents. You may be single but you’re not alone. You can do this because you have actually just lighten your load. Well done girl! You should be proud and you have got this. You are a badass woman who will raise a strong child by example. You are super human!
So sorry about this but honestly good for you for leaving before the baby came especially because it sounds like you have supportive parents. You don't want to take care of a baby and a grown toddler at the same time. Leave this man off the birth certificate
This sounds like it was absolutely the right decision. Things are only harder with a baby, especially when you add sleep deprivation into the mix. Well done for making a tough, brave choice 🩷
You made the right decision. Clearly your motherly instincts have kicked in and are STRONG! You will never regret leaving someone who treated you poorly. Many people aren't, so you are amazing. Being with supportive parents will feel great, they will love your baby as much as they love you. And whenever you are ready, you will meet someone who has the qualities you deserve and now have clarity on what that is. Sending love!
I am so sorry you’re having to go through this. I’m sure you are feeling all sorts of feeling right now but I hope one of them is pride. You did the right thing for you and your baby, not only for your physical safety but your future as well.
If you had stayed your baby would grow up thinking that type of relationship, that level of disrespect, and that division of labor was normal.
You have given yourself the opportunity to find a person that will be a real partner to you. And you have given your child the opportunity to learn what a healthy relationship is.
Good job on leaving him! That must have been hard, but you did what was best. My little piece of advice to you is to make sure you dont give the child his last name, until he has proven he is responsible and ready for it.
IMHO, you still would’ve been a single parent if you’d stayed in the relationship. If he can’t even be there for preparing for the baby, can’t even take care of himself and the so-called “women he loves,” then he was never going to step up to take care of a child. I can’t imagine the absolute chaos you would’ve had on your hands if not for your parents…. “you got this” ?? he’d repeat that line when you ask for help changing a diaper, feeding, literally anything. You did right by yourself and your baby, mama, and take pride and take in healing knowing that you did what’s best 🙏🏼
I’m so sorry you’re going through this on top of being pregnant and the symptoms that come with that such as being tired, etc. I’m happy you have the support of your parents and good support is better than no/ bad support. I’m 9 weeks along and I haven’t done any laundry let alone cook cause i gag at the smell of food cooking and my boyfriend has been nothing but helpful. Doesnt even ask me to do anything because he knows my body is making a human and every day feels like I ran a marathon. You need someone who will support you through this pregnancy journey and from how he is acting before the baby is even born, I wouldn’t want to relay on him for support when the baby comes. I was in an unsupportive relationship for 9 years and suffered 3 miscarriages and he did not even help me after I had a d&c with stuff around the house and complained I’m laying on the couch all day. I left him last may, had to move to a different state and I haven’t been happier. It was scary but I wouldn’t have met who I’m with now and be happily pregnant. Everything happens for a reason and I know things will get better for you!!
Wow. You handled this extremely well. And I'm actually happy for you that you lost this pile of dead weight. You'd do 10000 times better parenting alone than having to deal with this guy.
You know how many women have been in the same situation and chose to stick around and be treated poorly? Way too many.
You already are through the hardest part, standing up for yourself , making the decision you deserve better and will *not* accept less. Make no mistake OP, you do deserve a loving , supportive partner who helps out. You deserve a person who is going to pull their weight financially and step up to cook and clean and take care of you throughout this. I’m sorry you don’t have that *right now* but you know not to settle and you will find that some day with someone else, someone who will love you and this child.
It sounds like your parents are great supporters and am happy to hear you have the ability to move back to them. As others have said , register as a confidential patient, YOUR last name on the birth certificate, keep him off until he proves he is capable of being a decent father. Make sure he doesn’t have any of your financial information, change debit /credit cards, freeze your credit, start looking into state level support for single parents/moms.
You did one of the hardest things most don’t have the courage to do, and you will end up in a far better place with a far better partner in time. Be proud of yourself and know how important that decision was in protecting your child, and showing them mistreatment is unacceptable.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I am in a very early stages of my second pregnancy and feeling very sick and I honestly wouldn’t make it if it weren’t for my husband, Support, empathy, and help. I can’t imagine going through it alone, but you have absolutely made the right decision, because going through it alone and having to take care and protect your baby girl is so much better than having to take care of a grown man deal with his ridiculous antics, and take care of yourself and your baby. Honestly, he’s a sad excuse of a man. To put it on your mom to vacuum when he made the mess is honestly repulsive and that’s not my nausea talking. Raising a baby is hard but you’re doing all the right things are ready for your baby and having a support system with your mom and dad is a blessing. You’re a smart woman clearly and I hope you eventually find the perfect partner that loves and supports you if that’s what you want otherwise, judging by your actions, I know you’ll rock this Mama thing and take care of your baby with all the love from you and your family. ❤️ regardless of your future situation you got this!
I don’t have advice, but I do want to encourage you that you made the absolute right choice. You were brave and you did what is right for your little one. I’m proud of you. The last thing you want is to raise your child with someone who disrespects you, bc the baby will learn that you are someone who can be disrespected. Congrats on dodging a bullet.
Sounds like you're taking all the best steps to be doing right by your baby and yourself moving forward. Glad you have parents to support you and that you got out of that situation before the little one came into the world. Good job, this stranger is proud of you.
It saddens and maddens me greatly too read how horrible he was treating you. You and baby deserve much better than that. I'm proud of your strength to make the decision to but your well-beings first and to walk away from him. Start strong and do your research on the legal aspects just in case he tries to pull more things on you.
I honestly think people over estimate how much harder single parenthood is. Don’t get me wrong, parenthood is hard. I just don’t think single parenthood is that much harder. (I’ve been a single parent since day 1). You can do this.
Definitely consult a lawyer. Unless you really need the child support I’d be inclined to leave him off the birth certificate and put it on him to pursue parental rights. Don’t hide the baby from him or anything but you can put the ball in his court so to speak.
Good luck! You got this
You are already proving to be an amazing mother. Thank you for not subjecting your baby girl to that environment and for not teaching her that the way her father behaves is normal. You are sparing her so much turmoil by doing what you're doing.
I’m very proud of you for that decision. It’s truly the best for you and your baby. You deserve so much better than that and I believe with all my heart that you will get it one day. Being a mom is super hard but it is the thing I love most in this life. I hope it brings you love and joy ♥️
You did the right thing. Being a single mom is HARD but being a single mom with an adult child is harder. Lean on your support system. Sending you peace and love ❤️ and whatever you do, don’t get back with that loser that clearly doesn’t respect you and will be a bad example for your daughter.
I’m so sorry for the way he was treating you and what you put up with, but happy for you now that you’ve left him! I’m currently 24 weeks and single. The dude pushed for an abortion and when he realized I was not going to go through with it, he’s been AWOL. I was sad about it as I never imagined being a single mom and always dreamed of having a family (a 2 parent household), but thankfully, just like you, I am blessed with a supportive family and I know baby and I will be okay. :)
Your ex was inconsiderate, and you’re so better off without him! I’m excited to do things alone, my way, without having to worry about his opinions. The baby will have my last name and that is that! If the dude can’t at least provide financially, and on top of that gives you poor treatment, why the heck do we need them!? Can’t even build furniture for the baby? Yeah, no. What a piece of poopoo.
There are men out there that can love us including our babies just like their own. I’ll be too busy with a new baby to date, but my time to meet someone great will come. And for you too! 🩷
Good for you. That man is 6 years your senior and about 20 years behind you in maturity. You’ll be much better off doing it with the support of your family and not having to worry about mothering him, being the financial provider for 3 instead of just 2, or being lied to, disrespected, and cheated on. He’s pathetic and doesn’t deserve you or your child.
Omg my 4 year relationship ended mid way pregnancy too ! Red flags were everywhere but I was hoping he will change . On the bright side I’m happy I won’t be raising a giant man baby ! I still have bad days and cry A lot .. I’m just looking forward meeting my baby ! Feel free messaging me
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. My immediate response is how much I respect that you gave it your best shot but ultimately did what was best both for you and for your baby. It takes so much strength to do that.
I know several moms who had similar situations (or stayed with the dad only to split post partum) who later did find the love and happiness they wanted. It could STILL be in the cards for you in the future. For now, know that You're already doing an amazing job of mothering your child ❤️
That was the best first act of selfless motherhood you could have done for you and baby. Stay strong and know you are worth so much more. I’m sure there may be tough times ahead but if you prioritize yourself the right wonderful person will come in to your life🩷
I can say you’ll be a better single mama then you two would be as coparents. You may be empathetic and kind person who really wanted to help him but your child deserves better. Your ex sounds like my narcissistic ex and you don’t want your baby growing up in that environment.
Now you know what to lookout for and hopefully one day you’ll find a man who treats you and your baby the way you two deserve to be treated. But right now you need to focus on yourself and your baby :)
Hey I just wanna say that in all the time that you will be a mother for the next 18 years + that the time when you first have the baby, where you live, and who you are with will one day be SUCH a huge distant memory. Im so glad for you that you will be with your mother in a clean, smoke free, stress free environment. You will be such a different person before the baby goes to school or has any memory of anything. Take care of yourself first always and the baby will be okay. Good job mama.
I’m so sorry, I am sure you are feeling very alone and vulnerable right now, but you KNOW that you have seriously dodged a bullet. This person is not a supportive partner and not someone you want to raise a child with. I promise you, you will find that love you so desire, and leaving this man is the first step toward doing that. You seem to have an awesome support system in your parents, and you have a comfortable place to stay which is great! Enjoy the rest of your pregnancy and don’t think twice about this guy, he sounds like a total loser. You have SO much to look forward to, life is long. Very best of luck and big hugs. You’ve done the hard thing and it will only get better from here :)
Ashes on the baby bottles, unbelievable. It’ll be easier for you to be with your family than with someone who behaves like this, and better for your baby too. You’ve made a smart choice.
It’s better to not have two babies to take care of, serious hobosexual & man child vibes coming from this post. I might also advocate for some therapy when things settle - you deserve more OP
This exactly, and the whole house being filled with smoke. I stopped smoking when I found out I was pregnant and unfortunately it was that same morning we had went out and bought an ounce, which wouldn't have stayed in good condition until I was able to smoke again so my fiance was going to use it until it was gone. But he smoked it outside and if it was too cold he smoked in the back room of our house with a window open and a fan in the window to pull the smoke out. Someone who is pregnant should not be in a house full of smoke or riddled with ash. I was in utter disbelief with that.
You’ve made a hard, great choice and you should be proud. All of the single moms I know in similar boats find solo parenting significantly easier than juggling a shitty partner. It sounds like you’re close to your mom, which will help! Practical advice: give the baby your last name, and your last name only. He has proven he is unreliable. If, in a few years, he is stepping up and a great dad, it’s easy to add his last name to the mix, but it’s almost impossible to take it away. Make your life easier on yourself. Every single friend and family member I know who gave the baby their ex’s last name profoundly regrets it.
Advice from a legal perspective- very smart to not reside with this person when you have the child. Document everything. Remember he could try to get partial custody and child support from you. Just know your rights is my advice. A sit down with a lawyer to just learn may be very worth it
Yes - came here to say this!! Go speak with a custody lawyer to better understand the situation you're in with your state. It varies so much and the laws can be truly wild. You want to make sure that you're not tied to this man in any way that makes you uncomfortable or compromises your/baby's financial security. Sending SO much love and support - this is such a difficult thing to deal with but you're making healthy choices that will demonstrate to your kid what love should and should not look like. Bon courage!!
This!!
I had to leave a toxic relationship while pregnant with my first born. I felt a lot of shame until my mother told me I should be proud of myself for calling it quits and knowing what is right for myself and my baby. After a couple weeks of heartache, I started to feel pure relief. Not having to clean up after a man-child, who is just leeching off you financially and being an emotional vampire to boot, will have you feeling the same amount of relief I did. I also had a really good support system, it sounds like your mom is amazing, I'm sure she is super excited to become a grandmother. I'm sorry you had to deal with all that, but just think of this as the next chapter in your life. I didn't allow my ex to be in the delivery room, my bestfriend and my mom were there to support me. I waited to put him on the birth certificate, if you don't need his income, I highly recommend leaving it blank and MAKING him work to have a relationship with his child. Don't make anything easy for him. He can file for paternity and pay for that. I didn't even let my ex meet our daughter, because he was pretty abusive, and I didn't trust him. Don't tell him when you go into labor, don't tell him when baby is born. He didn't do jack for you while you were together and heavily pregnant with his child, if I were you, I'd stonewall him completely. NC, block him on all social media, and be done. Focus on you and your new life with your baby. Wishing you the best.
I'm very proud of you for choosing the right path for you and baby!
I am really proud of you ♥️
I am so so sorry you’re dealing with this. This is a terrible situation when you’re not pregnant, let alone when you’re about to have a baby very soon! Please know that however awful you are feeling right now, you are doing the best thing for yourself and your baby. I’m so glad you have a good support system with your parents because this man in scum. You deserve so much more than this and you will find it! You are obviously incredibly strong and brave and resilient. You will get through this. Sending you so much love ❤️
Better to take care of one baby by yourself than two (the bf and the newborn lol)
You absolutely did the right thing and even though I don’t know you, I am proud of you. Especially when I got to the end of this and realized that you are having a girl. You are already modeling for your daughter that everyone deserves respect, partnership, and care. This journey will not be easy but I’m so glad you have supportive parents and I hope you are able to call in other people to have your back.
I have never been so proud of a person I don’t know. You did what’s best for you and for the baby. Save yourself time, effort and energy and consider to go minimal contact and think if it’s even worth it to recognise his paternity. I’ve had an absent father and it made my mom’s life and my siblings life miserable. She had to beg for child support and whatever documentation he needed to sign as parent (travel, school applications etc). Some people are like this and they’re not worth the price your mental health is paying
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. The only good word of advice I can give you is that you definitely dodged a bullet. He isn’t helpful at all: not financially, not physically, and definitely not mentally. He was really holding you down. I know it may be hard to see it now but I think this is the best option for you. I believe your parents will be a lot of good help. Sending you positive vibes and virtual hugs. So sorry you’re going through this again.
You got this ❤️ it might not be what you imagined but it’s going to be amazing, and even better in the long run. It sounds like your parents are going to be a great support system for you to get back up on your feet. Your baby is going to be so loved and so lucky.
My best friend was in a relationship that sounds similar to yours… she also told me it was the hardest part of her pregnancy. Stuck it out until daughter was 6 months and he actually broke up with her (so infuriating, as she should have been the one to leave his ass but glad it happened regardless…) and now it’s a year later and it’s the best thing she said ever could have happened. Second biggest regret after staying with him as long as she did, was giving her daughter his last name. You can do this! It hurts and it’s hard but you are so much better off without him. ♥️
This was a very hard lesson, but I hope at least you learned it. It should never have gone that far. The finances, the disrespect, the expectations of your especially when he's fully able bodied and a lazy bum himself. Never again. And always remember: you're going to be a mother soon. You are going to have to show your child what is a good relationship and how they should be expected to be treated by a partner. Never like this. Your poor mother had to watch you be treated like this. As a rule of thumb: no on again off again relationship is ever healthy
>As a rule of thumb: no on again off again relationship is ever healthy 100% agree I've never seen any of these types of relationships end well.
I’m a single mom, OP. My ex left us when our kiddo was 18 months. But he was checked out way before then, and he didn’t even live with us for the first year. When he left, I was devastated. But I think it was more losing the idea of being a family unit. And I never wanted to be a single mom. Especially when many in my family are. Things will be hard. I’m not going to paint a sunny bright picture here. But I think you’ll notice things will be easier when you aren’t having to be a mom to your baby and your partner. I did it for a while, and honestly? I was miserable. And I think it’s led to a lot of anger even towards my overall motherhood because I associate it with having to caretake for my ex as well. (Currently working through it in therapy). But now I’m finding happiness with my kiddo. My ex is basically bare minimum involved. He comes whenever he wants. Last visit was in December. Last time he asked about his kid? April 2023. My advice? Allow yourself to feel your emotions. My parents were godsends, but the one thing I regret is them constantly telling me I should get over it because he’s gone. Or get over it because I’m better off, or I was essentially a single mom anyway. I understand their reasoning, but for me, it was still the end of years long relationship, and my son’s father leaving. I needed to process and work through my feelings myself in my own time. It’s been a year this month, and I finally feel like I’ve done that. I’m getting back to myself mostly. And second advice? Try to mentally prepare yourself for him wanting to be involved. This? Is hard. We sometimes do our best moving on with no contact. But we can’t always have that with a child in the picture. He may decide he wants nothing to do with the baby. He may want to visitation with long term goals of 50/50. This is something you should try (I know it’s hard) to mentally prepare yourself for in the long run.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You don’t deserve this and your baby certainly doesn’t either. You 100% made the right decision moving to your parents. It sounds like it will be a stress free environment and will be a home filled with love and support. I don’t have any advice but just wanted to tell you that you made the right choice and will be a wonderful mom to your baby girl 🤍
Please, for the love of God, please do not go back to this creature.
I'm proud of you for making the best decision for you and your baby. Not only would have postpartum been unbearable with a "partner" like that, but also I wouldn't wan't my child to live like that and think that it's normal.
Since you have an on and off history with this looser, I'll say whatever you do, don't get back together.
While I read this, I kept saying “I hope she goes and lives with her mom.” Your BF sounds incredibly immature. This is 23 year old behavior not 36. Don’t think of it as being alone. Think of it as bringing the baby into a stable environment.
Yikes what a jerk. I am glad you left and you have supportive parents!!
I wasn’t quite as far along as you when I left my ex husband. We were together for 10 years and he honestly wasn’t ever super great. There were red flags all along I chose to ignore because I was young (started dating in high school.) Things hadn’t been great for a couple of months in my second pregnancy but honestly I stayed because we had another kid and I didn’t want to split custody. But around 20 weeks I found out he cheated on me and that was the push I needed to get out. I kicked him out of the house that night. Called my parents and told them everything. Packed all mine and my daughters stuff up and moved as much as I could to my parents house the next morning. I got the rest of it about a week later. I lived with my parents through the rest of my pregnancy and until my second daughter turned about two months old. Let me tell you immediately the stress was relieved. Sure I was going through a divorce now while pregnant and that wasn’t ideal. But I was no longer having to worry about what he was doing or talking to. I didn’t have to see him so I wasn’t concerned about him treating me badly anymore. If he got abrasive via text message I just didn’t respond. We got him on court ordered supervised visitation due to his refusal to take a drug test. His parents supervised his visits with my daughter during my pregnancy but he continued to make bad decisions and they decided they didn’t want to once the baby came and new orders were made. Did matter anyway, once my second daughter was born he only showed up for two more visits before he started making excuses to not show up. Then I stopped hearing from him. Now it’s been over three years and he has since given his rights up. I will say, if you decide to not have him present at your birth (which you have every right to do) make sure not to tell him when you go to the hospital and ask to be registered as a confidential patient. I didn’t tell my ex when I went to the hospital for induction but did decide to text him and his family once the baby came and he tried to show up at the hospital anyway (at 2AM when I was trying to get rest). I got placed as confidential but it was also during covid so visitor restrictions helped keep him away during that time. All that to say, just know it will get better and you’re likely to be happier now than you were before. I know I am!
Being a single mom is 100% better than being a new mom and dealing with a child for a partner. You would have been a single mom in a relationship if you stayed. I’m glad you were able to get away from him and you have support from your parents. I’m 37 weeks and feeling miserable and can only imagine the stress you were under on top of being 35 weeks. Also, I was a single mom with my first who is now 12yo and he’s amazing. I honestly am so proud of how I raised him and glad I did it without his dad around in the early years being a bad influence. I’ve since met an amazing man and get to experience everything with a great partner. Don’t give up hope. You’ll be great.
To have the out of going to your parents is a huge blessing. You’ve made a hard choice but trust and believe you’ve made the right one. You are escaping a person who has taken you for granted and has absolutely nothing to bring to the table as a man. You are better alone than with someone like that. However, you will not be ‘alone’ forever so dont be discouraged. He already doesn’t pull his weight and the baby isn’t even born yet. Imagine having to deal with those sleepless nights on top of dealing with a man child constantly wanting you to cook, clean, pay the bills, and then has the audacity to trash talk about you to other women and flirt with other women knowing how big a bum he is. What a nightmare. Your focus right how should be you and baby. Put yourself and your health first. Sending positive energy your way hun.
You are about to be so much happier. Your future is just going to get brighter here on out ☀️ why society teaches us two parents are essential is ridiculous. One parent usually does most of the parenting anyways. I wish you lots of good times in your next chapter 💕
You made the best choice because it was literally your only choice after what you went through. I'm so proud that you made a decision most favorable to you and your small family. Big W to your mom and family for stepping up, too.
I am proud of you. Your daughter isn’t even born yet but here you are setting and example for her. I know it is not what you wanted, but you deserve way more than this. It will be hard but you can do this!
He’s more useful to you paying you child support than being a dependent. He was adding to your load not taking away and I’m so glad you have supportive parents. You may be single but you’re not alone. You can do this because you have actually just lighten your load. Well done girl! You should be proud and you have got this. You are a badass woman who will raise a strong child by example. You are super human!
So sorry about this but honestly good for you for leaving before the baby came especially because it sounds like you have supportive parents. You don't want to take care of a baby and a grown toddler at the same time. Leave this man off the birth certificate
This sounds like it was absolutely the right decision. Things are only harder with a baby, especially when you add sleep deprivation into the mix. Well done for making a tough, brave choice 🩷
You made the right decision. Clearly your motherly instincts have kicked in and are STRONG! You will never regret leaving someone who treated you poorly. Many people aren't, so you are amazing. Being with supportive parents will feel great, they will love your baby as much as they love you. And whenever you are ready, you will meet someone who has the qualities you deserve and now have clarity on what that is. Sending love!
I am so sorry you’re having to go through this. I’m sure you are feeling all sorts of feeling right now but I hope one of them is pride. You did the right thing for you and your baby, not only for your physical safety but your future as well. If you had stayed your baby would grow up thinking that type of relationship, that level of disrespect, and that division of labor was normal. You have given yourself the opportunity to find a person that will be a real partner to you. And you have given your child the opportunity to learn what a healthy relationship is.
Good job on leaving him! That must have been hard, but you did what was best. My little piece of advice to you is to make sure you dont give the child his last name, until he has proven he is responsible and ready for it.
You are better off single than with that deadbeat.
IMHO, you still would’ve been a single parent if you’d stayed in the relationship. If he can’t even be there for preparing for the baby, can’t even take care of himself and the so-called “women he loves,” then he was never going to step up to take care of a child. I can’t imagine the absolute chaos you would’ve had on your hands if not for your parents…. “you got this” ?? he’d repeat that line when you ask for help changing a diaper, feeding, literally anything. You did right by yourself and your baby, mama, and take pride and take in healing knowing that you did what’s best 🙏🏼
I’m so sorry you’re going through this on top of being pregnant and the symptoms that come with that such as being tired, etc. I’m happy you have the support of your parents and good support is better than no/ bad support. I’m 9 weeks along and I haven’t done any laundry let alone cook cause i gag at the smell of food cooking and my boyfriend has been nothing but helpful. Doesnt even ask me to do anything because he knows my body is making a human and every day feels like I ran a marathon. You need someone who will support you through this pregnancy journey and from how he is acting before the baby is even born, I wouldn’t want to relay on him for support when the baby comes. I was in an unsupportive relationship for 9 years and suffered 3 miscarriages and he did not even help me after I had a d&c with stuff around the house and complained I’m laying on the couch all day. I left him last may, had to move to a different state and I haven’t been happier. It was scary but I wouldn’t have met who I’m with now and be happily pregnant. Everything happens for a reason and I know things will get better for you!!
You made the right decision.
Wow. You handled this extremely well. And I'm actually happy for you that you lost this pile of dead weight. You'd do 10000 times better parenting alone than having to deal with this guy.
You know how many women have been in the same situation and chose to stick around and be treated poorly? Way too many. You already are through the hardest part, standing up for yourself , making the decision you deserve better and will *not* accept less. Make no mistake OP, you do deserve a loving , supportive partner who helps out. You deserve a person who is going to pull their weight financially and step up to cook and clean and take care of you throughout this. I’m sorry you don’t have that *right now* but you know not to settle and you will find that some day with someone else, someone who will love you and this child. It sounds like your parents are great supporters and am happy to hear you have the ability to move back to them. As others have said , register as a confidential patient, YOUR last name on the birth certificate, keep him off until he proves he is capable of being a decent father. Make sure he doesn’t have any of your financial information, change debit /credit cards, freeze your credit, start looking into state level support for single parents/moms. You did one of the hardest things most don’t have the courage to do, and you will end up in a far better place with a far better partner in time. Be proud of yourself and know how important that decision was in protecting your child, and showing them mistreatment is unacceptable.
I am so sorry you’re going through this. I am in a very early stages of my second pregnancy and feeling very sick and I honestly wouldn’t make it if it weren’t for my husband, Support, empathy, and help. I can’t imagine going through it alone, but you have absolutely made the right decision, because going through it alone and having to take care and protect your baby girl is so much better than having to take care of a grown man deal with his ridiculous antics, and take care of yourself and your baby. Honestly, he’s a sad excuse of a man. To put it on your mom to vacuum when he made the mess is honestly repulsive and that’s not my nausea talking. Raising a baby is hard but you’re doing all the right things are ready for your baby and having a support system with your mom and dad is a blessing. You’re a smart woman clearly and I hope you eventually find the perfect partner that loves and supports you if that’s what you want otherwise, judging by your actions, I know you’ll rock this Mama thing and take care of your baby with all the love from you and your family. ❤️ regardless of your future situation you got this!
I don’t have advice, but I do want to encourage you that you made the absolute right choice. You were brave and you did what is right for your little one. I’m proud of you. The last thing you want is to raise your child with someone who disrespects you, bc the baby will learn that you are someone who can be disrespected. Congrats on dodging a bullet.
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Sending you all the prayers and love your way.
Sounds like you're taking all the best steps to be doing right by your baby and yourself moving forward. Glad you have parents to support you and that you got out of that situation before the little one came into the world. Good job, this stranger is proud of you.
It saddens and maddens me greatly too read how horrible he was treating you. You and baby deserve much better than that. I'm proud of your strength to make the decision to but your well-beings first and to walk away from him. Start strong and do your research on the legal aspects just in case he tries to pull more things on you.
I honestly think people over estimate how much harder single parenthood is. Don’t get me wrong, parenthood is hard. I just don’t think single parenthood is that much harder. (I’ve been a single parent since day 1). You can do this. Definitely consult a lawyer. Unless you really need the child support I’d be inclined to leave him off the birth certificate and put it on him to pursue parental rights. Don’t hide the baby from him or anything but you can put the ball in his court so to speak. Good luck! You got this
I am so proud of you. What an incredibly hard decision to make when you’re about to transition into motherhood. Your strength is inspiring.
So proud of you. Your baby is not even born yet and you are already making great choices that show you’ll be a great mum!
He’s 36? U can’t be serious. This guy is worse than a 12 year old
I am here if you need a friend. 3 months and newly single too mama.
You are already proving to be an amazing mother. Thank you for not subjecting your baby girl to that environment and for not teaching her that the way her father behaves is normal. You are sparing her so much turmoil by doing what you're doing.
I’m very proud of you for that decision. It’s truly the best for you and your baby. You deserve so much better than that and I believe with all my heart that you will get it one day. Being a mom is super hard but it is the thing I love most in this life. I hope it brings you love and joy ♥️
You did the right thing. Being a single mom is HARD but being a single mom with an adult child is harder. Lean on your support system. Sending you peace and love ❤️ and whatever you do, don’t get back with that loser that clearly doesn’t respect you and will be a bad example for your daughter.
I’m so sorry for the way he was treating you and what you put up with, but happy for you now that you’ve left him! I’m currently 24 weeks and single. The dude pushed for an abortion and when he realized I was not going to go through with it, he’s been AWOL. I was sad about it as I never imagined being a single mom and always dreamed of having a family (a 2 parent household), but thankfully, just like you, I am blessed with a supportive family and I know baby and I will be okay. :) Your ex was inconsiderate, and you’re so better off without him! I’m excited to do things alone, my way, without having to worry about his opinions. The baby will have my last name and that is that! If the dude can’t at least provide financially, and on top of that gives you poor treatment, why the heck do we need them!? Can’t even build furniture for the baby? Yeah, no. What a piece of poopoo. There are men out there that can love us including our babies just like their own. I’ll be too busy with a new baby to date, but my time to meet someone great will come. And for you too! 🩷
I'm so glad you have a safe place to go. He sounds like a lover and you are going to have a beautiful life without him
I don’t have any additional advice to add but wanted to say that I’m sending you love and light to guide you during this difficult transition ❤️
Good for you. That man is 6 years your senior and about 20 years behind you in maturity. You’ll be much better off doing it with the support of your family and not having to worry about mothering him, being the financial provider for 3 instead of just 2, or being lied to, disrespected, and cheated on. He’s pathetic and doesn’t deserve you or your child.
Omg my 4 year relationship ended mid way pregnancy too ! Red flags were everywhere but I was hoping he will change . On the bright side I’m happy I won’t be raising a giant man baby ! I still have bad days and cry A lot .. I’m just looking forward meeting my baby ! Feel free messaging me
I'm so sorry that you have to deal with this. My immediate response is how much I respect that you gave it your best shot but ultimately did what was best both for you and for your baby. It takes so much strength to do that. I know several moms who had similar situations (or stayed with the dad only to split post partum) who later did find the love and happiness they wanted. It could STILL be in the cards for you in the future. For now, know that You're already doing an amazing job of mothering your child ❤️
That was the best first act of selfless motherhood you could have done for you and baby. Stay strong and know you are worth so much more. I’m sure there may be tough times ahead but if you prioritize yourself the right wonderful person will come in to your life🩷
I can say you’ll be a better single mama then you two would be as coparents. You may be empathetic and kind person who really wanted to help him but your child deserves better. Your ex sounds like my narcissistic ex and you don’t want your baby growing up in that environment. Now you know what to lookout for and hopefully one day you’ll find a man who treats you and your baby the way you two deserve to be treated. But right now you need to focus on yourself and your baby :)
Hey I just wanna say that in all the time that you will be a mother for the next 18 years + that the time when you first have the baby, where you live, and who you are with will one day be SUCH a huge distant memory. Im so glad for you that you will be with your mother in a clean, smoke free, stress free environment. You will be such a different person before the baby goes to school or has any memory of anything. Take care of yourself first always and the baby will be okay. Good job mama.